Mig og mafiaen (1973) - full transcript

Look mama, a man
going to a carnival.

You must not say that.
The man is a holy man.

He comes from the Pope in Rome.

May Lena and Jacob
greet the nice man?

Yes...

(in Italian) Where
can you rent a pedalo?

(in Italian) Spitting on
the ground is forbidden.

- Amen.
- Thank you very, very much.

They really are a man with
the heart in the right place.

THE KING CASTLE TOUR.

(the lady scolds)



Hello, there is trouble
in the second room.

NO ACCESS FOR UNAUTHORIZED.

Take care of the lady, Johansson.

Book a taxi.

- Has His Majesty told you...
- No, sir...

Heck too, he's
probably still...

- But if Mr Jonsson...
- The name is Soderstrand.

Ah yes, sorry. The court is
expecting two significant people.

They are accompanied by the Chief of Protocol
from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Hr. Soderstrand surely understands
that it is impossible to tell, -

- why these people
come this way.

After all, Mr
Soderstrand will soon -

- show them through the door there.

That room is always locked, sir...



Exactly, except when I
give the order to open it.

I understand.
And who will they ask for?

Chamberlain,
Baron of Silverstolpe.

But otherwise:
Discretion, Mr Soderstrand.

Discretion.

I'm expected. Count Gosta of
Lejonsvans from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

The chamberlain is waiting for you.
This way.

(knocks on the door)

Yaah...

May I present: Signor Vittorio
Ferruchi and his daughter, Marcelina.

Good day, signorina.
Good day, signor.

And it's Lejonsvans...
Here you are, do sit down.

- I guess you prefer to speak English?
- Yes, we both speak English.

Marcelina has started
practicing Swedish, right?

Yes... I'm sorry you were taken in
through the back door.

But this is a matter of
extreme delacacy, you understand -

- so we could hardly have
used the front door.

Please, we understand...

So it is the young
lady who is to marry...

... our king.

May I congratulate the Ferruchi
family on the great honor.

We are overwhelmed
over our good fortune.

Signor, the Ministry of
Foreign Affairs shares your joy.

Italy... the land of culture
and beautiful women.

Yes, that's right, old boy.

Between us, we Scandinavians
want fresh blood in our royal families.

We are too mixed up with too many
Greeks and Frenchmen.

My Marcelina will fill the castle -

- with Italian bambinos
and bambinas.

This brings us to the
question of the transfer fee.

- The dowry.
- Aah yes... yes, yes!

It's embarrassing to talk
about money in a love affair.

But the cost of a royal
wedding is colossal.

And the king must bribe the
church with several millions.

Otherwise, the archbishops
will do a hell of a lot, -

- when our royal family
converts to Catholicism.

I'm delighted to make a
contribution to your king's happiness.

And for that money, the Ferruchi
empire gets a lot of publicity.

Yes. Yes.
And you have brought...

... of 10 million Swedish crowns?

Yes, in large bills.

They must be impatient to meet
the young gentleman... One moment.

-Dad!
- Marcelina! She is only a child.

Hello... Majesty?

Yes... thank you very much, Your Majesty.

Yes, they have arrived.

Yes! If you wish.

I would say about 50-70 kilos.

Size? I'm guessing a little 46.

Yes... and a sweet little black mustache.

Yes, you can say... so much...

Yes sir, the Majesty
will arrive in 5 minutes.

What do you say?

Okay, okay. Goodbye, Majesty.

Since this is a family affair, -

- the king suggests that
mr. Lionsvans and I retire.

May this meeting be unforgettable
for you and the signorina.

What shall I say to the king?

Just let him look at you for a long time.
Then he says what to say.

-Ciao.
-Ciao... thanks.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Cab!

Listen to this...

Can't keep your fingers
to yourself for 5 minutes?

A large part of this
is to be used for that.

You are a bad representative of our country.
Shame on you! Come on! Hurry up!

Come on! Give me the folder!

My couain ia foinf the main train station
and me, Arlanda.

-Pappa, non capisco.
- Speak English or Swedish. You must practice.

For two hours we have been waiting for the king.

Bambina mia, be patient.

Maybe he has a surprise for us.

Maybe your father will be a count.
Count Ferruchi of Calabria.

Marcelina, you must say
no to your future husband,

- who will make you
Queen of Sweden.

- Rikard, just one more time.
- Write to me soon.

(plug jumps)

I have not received tap water
since Valde's break in Gentofte.

This one is paid for in
Swedish crowns. Cheers!

I don't like it before Rikard's here.
As long as he has not been seduced.

If he's met Liza Minnelli,
he's coming because of them.

I assure you, Marcelina,
bambina mia...

I swear by your mother's life
that I will find the two thieves.

There he is! Rikard!

Then come with that hat!

You most beautiful among maidens.

- I'm feeling hot.
- I have clean shirts for you and packed for you.

Why is it always him?

I get completely mad
when I see him like that.

All the girls.
They have been lucky.

Where else do you find such a chest.

It looks like the wall in a public
restroom... Hurry up, Rikard or we miss it.

I have to apologize for that.

(speaks softly to her)

George, look at that dog.
lsn't he the most darling thing you ever seen?

Does he not remind you of all the
happy Danish faces we have met?

-Wouldn't the kids at home just love him?
- Maybe.

I would like to give...
100 dollars for auch a dog, maybe 2? Yours?

I've always wanted one like that.
What is his name?

- Tom... Box.
- Tom Box? How interesting.

- Tom and I are getting divorced.
- Why?

Because I got a job in
the United Nations... no...

-No dogs.
-Oh, poor darling.

But the kennel has
promised to take him back.

What about selling
him to me? To me?

Oh, George, I
must have that dog.

George! George...!

-How much?
- It's a family member...

-How about 100 dollars?
- What about 200?

George...

Well, bye-bye Tom.
Do not forget old Denmark.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
Come on, Tom.

Last call route 421
to Zurich exit 17.

Final call Swiss Air...

(excited voices)

This is my dog ​​...

There he is!

The length of the sentence is due to the fact
that you have damaged Denmark's reputation -

- by fraudulent conduct
towards foreign guests.

And you have hurt the feelings
of all animal-friendly Danes.

Quiet, mom's best friend.
Now mom is done soon.

Did you understand?
Six months.

Listen here,
Don Luigi, godfather!

It's not about the money, but
about the honor of the family!

- Look, is he not nice?
- Si, si...

Da-da-da...

Beautiful as his grandfather.

When we find the two
scammers, what then?

I'll leave that to you, Godfather.

Aah, excuse me!

So, so, do not cry.
Give Grandpa a kiss.

(baby cries)

Should they be stabbed,
shot or drowned?

- Preferably no details.
- Well, we'll keep you posted.

Thank you very much, Don Luigi.
See you later. Ciao.

Get hold of the head of
the family in Scandinavia.

- He must find the two men soon.
- And liquidate them?

No, first we find the 10
million. Swedish crowns, -

- and then we kill them.

So we stand up, Viktor Hansen!

40 smokes, roulade, 2
plates flooded with nuts.

Fine. Just put it there.

Should I put it in your account?

Have you thought about
it with the crew of that boat?

We can hardly get out to the island
with Morgan's treasure without a crew.

Nah, that! Do not
speculate about details, old boy.

Think... 40 mio in
gold and precious stones.

Maybe a little more,
maybe a little less.

At least enough for you and me.
Holy hell!

- Do you need to yell like that?
- One can anticipate, right?

- I could imagine chicken.
- With sauce and potatoes.

And cucumber salad.

Are you sure that
the treasure map is correct?

At the Danish Technological Institute,
it has passed the carbon 14 test.

The test said year 1665, give and take.
The ink was 40% oak bile.

The parchment was made from the
skin of the capretto goat. I knew that.

There's no one who can run around
with corners with you. Your lawyer is here.

Please sit down, Viffer-Hansen.
Thank you, Superintendent.

Yes, Viffer-Hansen, I've
talked to your mother...

You are the biggest
idiot in the world when we could had it made.

Get in the slammer
for a dog over a measley $200.

Can I help it I like my job.
Just like you's dusting off ladies.

I keep ladies and
business sharply separated.

Because you have 10 million,
you do not stop working, sis Onassis stop?

I could have let you sit here
and even nibbled the pennies.

No, you would never do that,
because you are my friend, Rikard.

Hear the name of the
bank and the account number.

I do not want to hear a sound.

- Why not?
- Because I'm talking in my sleep.

Tomorrow, everyone
here will know that number.

There will be charter flights
from the prison to Zurich.

It's too dangerous if I am the only who knows.
What if I have an accident?

Go home and stay in
your bed until I get out.

In 5 weeks.

Time is up.

The smokes from this morning,
1/2 chicken, a butter wreath, -

- 2 beers, 1 red wine
= 57.60, only for today.

I cannot keep laying out.

You rave about a
couple of lousy pocket change, -

when you want to get your hands
on a treasure in a couple of months, -

- so you can buy your own penitentiary.

I have taken my wife's
household money. She lost 10 kg.

Okay, okay. Jump off. Spring!

I would like to talk to
the director of the prison.

He looks like someone who's up for a
chance. He also wears bigger shoes.

That's probably why
he's become a director.

Here is the plumber
to look at your sink.

-Buona sera, signor.
-Buona sera.

There's a hole in the sink, si?

The plumber's dog has
a black mustache.

Rikard, damn it!

Good morning...

Your Majesty, you
must marry a chicken...

(the sound of water dripping)

(the sound of water dripping)

That was it, Viktor.

So we met Kalvebod Brygge
on Tuesday, 14 days...

- The ship's name is Queen Marcelina.
- Yes.

A shame we had to bring more aboard.

Yes, but raising
the treasure is not free.

Here is 300 cr.
from the prison priest.

We cannot keep him out.
He has 5 children.

So Tuesday 14 days,
then it goes loose. So long.

- What was your name?
- Andersen.

Goodbye, Andersen.

Psst! Psst!

You must not psst of me,
your community parasite.

Viktor, it's me, Rikard.

You are high. I am ashamed.
Get away from me!

- Where is the cart?
- It was too risky.

I have atoned for my brother.
Do I have anything to fear?

- No, but I have.
- Can't you slow down a bit when I am used to only walking meters?

Do you remember you
said I should stay in bed?

I followed your advice.
Just not my own bed.

But the lady was engaged
to a certain Mr. Moeller.

Your ladies should not
introduce you to the whole family.

- Moeller?
- Moeller.

- The clump?
- The clump.

You may well pray
for your Father. Come!

- That's not all.
- Can it get worse?

- There are others after us too.
- Not the police, what?

No, someone has ransacked
the apartment 3 times.

Arthur, you know what to do.

So someone knows about Stockholm.
They will know where we have placed it.

- We have not written it down.
- I have, Viktor, for your sake.

If now something should happen...

You have not written down the
account number and name of the bank?

I've put it in a place where
no one can guess. Only you.

I've put it on the back...
Let's go over there.

You have to memorize the number,
then we will meet in Switzerland.

- And share the money.
- I'm in.

But imagine if the clump has a
surprise... at an altitude of 3000 m.

(bulldozer noise)

Listen now and remember!

First, I say the name of the bank.

- And then the account number.
- Wait a minute. Not in that spectacle.

- Say it then!
- First I say the name of the bank!

Rikard, say it again!
I did not get it.

Rik...

I thought I had explained, -

- so even a few sheep's
heads understand.

But no. But I explain again.

The two guys have grabbed
10 million corone svedese.

And we wish them, si?

But only the two know where money is.
So we wait until they pick them up.

Easy work, right?

No, not easy. Why not easy?

Because do not make sure
one of the two guys is not killed.

And the chance of finding money
now is only half, understand?

Buono, and now you hear properly:

Man who is left must be kept
alive until we have money in hand!

After this moment you
have only one duty:

To see that nothing happens
with Viktor Viffer-Hansen.

And believe me, Carlo...
And believe me, Dino...

Otherwise you so dead.
Understand?

Understand? Good!

- Did you find anything, Viktor?
- not so much as a goldfish.

Dear Rikard.

Dear Rikard.
If only you were here now.

But where Rikard is now, he
does not need money... I have.

The last thing Rikard said was, -

that he had written
down the bank number,

- and I was the only one
who could guess where.

He said: "I put
it on the back..."

Hereuka! It's Greek.
That's what Socrates said,

- when he invented
the square of the circle.

Lily, I have it!

He has tattooed it on his back!

He has tattooed it on his back!

(rings)

(sounds soothing music)

So, little lady.
Time heals all wounds.

And our company
is on your side...

May I express my
deepest sympathy with...

My little Rikard, my dearest, only I had.

There is nothing
like a mother's grief.

- I want to see him again.
- You'll come too.

We must all meet
on the Great Day.

- I cannot wait that long.
- Now try to control yourself.

If you leave your son to our
company, we will do everything -

- to equip him... beautifully
for his last journey.

It makes me unspeakably happy.
So you took good care of him?

They've had him
since last Monday.

They said that at the
Forensic Medicine Institute.

Is the one we're talking about,
the little overpainted hippie, -

- which the public
has burdened us with for ten days?

Then you can pay storage fee.

This is not an office
for forgotten cases.

I was on my annual
vacation in Acapulco.

We were gathered at
Hotel Eden Roc, -

- when the sad message came.
Otherwise a wonderful season.

We were all there:
Sinatra, Dean Martin, -

- Madame Pompidou,
Kissinger, Victor Borge.

- And Jackie.
- Well, dear lady...

- Margarita de la Bona Fide.
- Mrs de la Bona Fide.

The first night, Jackie
Onassis sat with me.

But if you've had any trouble
in the meantime, then...

Dear Madam, We must do
everything in our power...

We want Rikard to rest in
the family grave on the estate.

It has been in the family's
possession for generations.

Little Rikard has
played like a cop.

He loved the forests
and the large fields.

So we must bring him back
to the land of his ancestors.

I understand that so well, madam.

Where do you want him delivered?

I was wondering if
I could get him now.

The family is waiting for him.
- I'll call right away.

Can he sit in the front?

- Is he downstairs?
- No, he's there.

God no!
What do you want to do then?

You have to ask about that.

'Whatever has been on Rikard's
back, it's gone up in smoke.

Poor Rikard, to end that way.

And yet!

Now you have to sit still.
You want to look cute, right?

- Yes, come in and sit down.
- Hey, you little toddler.

God, it's you, Viktor.

Buses, you have no idea
how I've been thinking of you.

You have not changed your mind, have you?
Are you letting me in anyway?

That's not my style.

What about the hunting motif
with the fox going in the cave? Won't say where.

Otherwise, thank you,
I've known one tattoo fool, you know.

Yes, poor Rikard.
I heard about it on the bus.

I had to go straight
home and go to bed.

A lovely boy.

- And a good customer?
- Good? He was the best.

You've seen his torso yourself, honey.
A monument to my work.

A shame you did not make
his upper body fireproof!

Now you must sit still with
the little arm, sweet darling or it will be ruined.

I was thinking... if Rikard
has been here lately?

Sweet friend, he ran in and out of here.
Four times a month.

- The same nonsense every time?
- Girl names, hearts, phone numbers.

- On the back?
- Nah, on his arm.

Yes, it should
definitely be on his arm.

I honestly think he fell
somewhat out of style.

The last 4 times he
had "larvae" with him.

I was going to tattoo
hearts on them too.

- What should it say?
- Don't remember, numbers, letters...

- Can t you remember any of it?
- No...

- Not even the girls' names?
- You know, that's not me.

No, it's not you. To hell!

Aarh no, now I spelled
mom with "d."

Never mind, we're making a butterfly.

Imagine tattooing the name of the bank
and the account number on the 4 broads.

- It proves one thing.
- Where the money is?

That he could charm
the panties of anyone.

That he could charm
the panties of anyone.

Even the prioress at a convent.

No, do not ash on Rikard.

- Are you afraid he's gaining weight?
- Let me have the memories.

Now it's about
finding the 4 bitches.

See the chest! There are as many
women as the cobblestones in Vesterbro.

Talking about memories.
His robe, may I have it?

I have to pick it up in person.

Ugh, ugh, ugh...!

Away, away! A magnifying glass!

Connie, 42 11 19.

Majbritt, 28 66 45.

Merete, 51 66 12.
What does it say?

22 88 40, Janne.

"I put it in the back," he said.

On the back of the toilet door!
That was what he meant.

Majbritt, Connie, Merete, Janne.

4 phone numbers for 4 gals with
tatooes. Will you note it?

Could I talk to Ms. Connie...

- They're talking to Connie Soerensen.
- They're talking to lawyer Gravesen.

The company Gravesen,
Gravlund & Gravballe.

- I would like to talk to you.
- About what?

It's about...
something quite personal.

Then came my work on
the main railway station.

The express train to Helsingoer,
Gothenburg and Oslo -

departs from platform 2.

The train to Kalundborg departs
in 4 minutes from platform 3.

- Miss Connie Soerensen?
- God, startled me. Yes, it is me.

My name is lawyer Gravesen,
Gravesen, Gravlund & Gravballe.

- It was me who called you.
- �What do you want? This is for employees only.

My business is of an
extremely pleasant nature.

- For them.
- Oh...

The high-speed train from Aalborg
15.15 is delayed by 20 minutes.

What is it about?

Do you see, I'm representing
our deceased client -

- director Rikard Abelsteen.

Richard? Aah, he was so adorable.

Everything about him was so beautiful.
He had the biggest...

... the greatest understanding
I have encountered in a man.

I actually died myself when
I heard about the accident.

Hello? Yeah, okay.

We regret that the S-train traffic
has been temporarily stopped -

- due to power failure.

- You hear, they feel with us.
- Yes.

- They must not be upset.
- I loved him so much.

- I think it was reciprocated.
- Why do you think that?

Because in his will he has
considered you with a considerable sum.

Has Rikard?
That can't be true, wosies.

Hello? Okay.

A little boy, Brian, has been
brought into the stationmaster's office.

How much?

First of all, as executor, I must
make sure you're a Connie, -

- as my deceased client mentions.

They can see my health insurance certificate.

I think there must
be a safer way -

- to identify you on what?

- Who told you that?
- Yes, who...

We had received a few items.
Otherwise I would never!

The high-speed train to Gothenburg
and Oslo departs from platform 2.

There is no dining
car with the train.

If I am not wrong, this is probably
a tattooed mark which a quick peek can do it.

They do not want me
to show my bare ass?!

- Oh no!
Well, that's where it's sitting.

- Then you may understand better...
- Your embarrassment honors you.

- But for DKK 150,000?
- DKK 150,000!

No, I do not belong
to that kind of girls.

Why don't we go
and get a few drinks?

- Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Bodil.

I think I have the
solution to the problem.

They just need to take
a picture of the tattoo.

Up on the stool, down on
the knees, and then... right?

- You cannot do that.
- For DKK 150,000?

There is obviously
no way around it.

As executor, I will have
the estate bear this expense.

When I stand like that on the chair, I
cannot get the money in the machine.

Put yourself in the right
position, and I'll put the coins in.

- Now I am ready!
- Fine.

- Can I come out now?
- Wait a minute.

I would like to see
the pictures first to assure you didn't move.

God save me.

That's my wife.
She is going to Backindia.

The clump...!

Then get out!

- What do you want to do with me?
- Support DSB.

You will be part of the concrete
foundation for the bridge over there.

- I see...
- May I invite you on a little trip?

Come with me, Moeller.
You cannot stand to see blood.

How is your boss a
charming human being.

Continue.

The other side, you idiot.

Come on, Viktor.

Stop!

Arthur, could you imagine half
of 10 million Swedish crowns?

Turn around in 5
seconds, then it's yours.

- Where do you want to get them from?
- Yes, you understand...

Rikard and I ran into an
Italian and his daughter.

We lured them into
the castle in Stockholm.

There we arranged
for her to get married -

- with the Royal Majesty.

- Do you not believe me?
- I admire you.

Even at the moment of death,
you are trying on a scam number.

Give me... just one more minute.

I need to exchange a
few words with my Creator, prepare him.

Aah, off, off, off...!

Where the hell is he?

We go out and look for him.

Arthur...!

Arthur...!

Arthur...!

- It was beautifully done.
- Now we only need one thing.

To get at Viktor Viffer-Hansen!

What the hell is
wrong with my mailbox?

(cat meows)

Oh... Kitty, kitty, come here.

Kitty, kitty, go away!

Mentally retarded cat, in 5 minutes...

Now I have given him the
dairy treatment, Mr Moeller. In a moment he will...

(there is a big bang)

Lawyer Gravesen, I'm
sorry for poor Rikard.

- They were close to him?
- Yes.

But I'm getting married tomorrow
and traveling to South America.

- Honeymoon?
- No, I have to live there.

- Always?
- Yes, counting on it... I have to run.

Goodbye.

Dammit!

- Watch and Hear.
- Picture Gazaette.

The Barber Gazette!

Congratulations! Congratulations!
- Thanks.

Can I? Well...

Well, I do not really know...

Should it have
went in under the table?

If you step back a little,
the press can get a picture.

Not now. Wait!

That's fine... Thank you.

We better go around a bit.

Here you go, the next lady!

That you could do it!
On her wedding day!

It was my 10 million.
against her 2.

- QUE 628...
- That does not mean anything to me either.

Not until I've seen
the last 2 butts.

Merete Kroell Knudsen,
daughter of the shipowner.

- He calls the cops.
- He scratched off 1/2 year ago.

The mother is a von Baumbille.

A von Baumbille
always lacks servants.

- Go ahead, take a seat.
- Thanks.

After all, their references are neat.

15 years with Baroness
Lejonsvans in Blekinge.

- Reportedly an adorable human being.
- Right to the last.

Then 8 years with Chancellor
Adenauer in Bonn. And since?

After the death of the Chancellor,
I had to take a sabbatical.

Then I nursed my mother,
but now she's gone too.

- I am sorry.
- That is the way we all go.

-Aah, I'll die if I don't get some tea.
-Our new waiter-drivers Offenburg.

God knows how long you will last.

lh... av... av...

Mr. Van Cleef,
how nice to see you.

This is Merete, my daughter.

They can speak Danish,
my mother is Danish.

How funny. Come on in.
Offenburg takes the luggage.

Lovely little place here.

Mr. Vanderbilt shows
up on my father's yacht -

- and we're already invited
Henry Kissinger, Liz Taylor...

What did your poor mother do?

- A little persuasive, madam?
- No thanks, Offenburg.

My dad went ashore
and bought a bigger yacht.

Offenburg, I would
like a little salmon.

One should never disappoint one's
friends for a lousy 1/2 million dollars.

Merete, Arnold's father was
a good friend of your father.

- It is said.
- A little flood-horseradish.

My dad said: Make the
trip around Denmark -

- and greet the shipowner
Kroell Knudsen's family.

Thank you, Offenburg... Arnold,
it was beautiful of you to come.

Merete and I see
too few people, right?

Yes, otherwise nothing will ever
happen here. ... Thanks, no horseradish.

Is this your first
visit to Denmark?

I come mostly to the Middle East
to look after our oil.

A little more wine, Offenburg...

I do not remember my
husband talking about your father.

Otherwise, they may think they had
something in common. They were buddies.

Papa cried when he was
told that the shipowner had left.

Going away... How moving.
Did your father take it so near?

And all the big plans they're
going to make together.

Your husband must have told you
about Captain Morgan's treasure?

Offenburg!

Sorry, ma'am...
It's been given 1/2 hour too little.

Captain Morgan's treasure...
My husband did not believe it.

Not in the beginning.
But he was convinced, -

- when he saw the map
showing where the treasure is.

How did you know
the map was genuine?

Papa carried it to The
National Physical Laboratory.

There they gave the carbon 14 test.
It said the year 1665.

How interesting.

The ink was 40% oak bile.

The parchment was made
from the skin of the capretto goat.

But you should not take
chances with 8 million dollars.

Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.
But every thing must be examined carefully.

- Could the lord imagine a little one?
- Very kind, Offenburg.

- Is this Picasso real?
- Everything in this house is genuine.

With one or two exceptions.

- lce?
-Thanks.

- Soda?
- A few drops.

That's how I like it too.

What are you doing?

- Aah yeah. Cheers, you old man!
- Who do you think you are?

I know who I am,
but who are you?

Arnold Van Cleef, son of Jeremiah
Van Cleef, Houston, Texas.

The closest you've been to Texas
was when you saw Bonanza on TV.

- What do you think you are doing?
- aHa-ha-ha.

The one with Captain Morgan
and the treasure... It's not working.

Captain Morgan and the
Treasure... it's a story I've invented.

- Viktor Hansen.
- Then not... Viffer-Hansen?

- Cheers.
- Damn!

.If I knew it was your area,
I would not have shown up.

- What did you expect from this?
- Approx. 50,000.

100,000 if you do me a favor.
Can you take photos?

- Want something special?
- Merete's left buttocks.

- Are you in the porn industry?
- Uh, I'll leave that to the Clump.

Come on, Arnie boy.
Was that strip poker you said?

- What about your mother?
- She is stiff from acid.

Whiskey in the vermouth, vodka in the soup,
cognac in the sauce, and rum in the cheese.

(clock strikes)

- 4 kings.
- 4 ace's!

Get rid of the pillow, Arnold.

- Anything the lords want?
- Yes, a real partner.

- Can you play strip poker?
- Yes.

I have to straighten up
and stretch my legs a bit.

Sit down and give cards.
The collar is still missing.

Ms. Merete, are you
not going to bed soon?

Uha, what was that?
The necklace...

We could also play about who
should pick up the next bottle.

Now you're going too far.
That's your job, Offenburg.

Cheers, Offenburg.

Merete...

Aah...!

Ow ow ow...

- He's on his way now.
- Okay...

We're waiting by the wagon.

ldiot!

QUE 384, DEC 426.

OMO 9... No, I have to see
Janne's tattoo. I do not understand it.

- Hey... did you get it?
- I made the stamps.

Here is the letter from
the Ministry of Defense.

And here is your identification.

The Ministry of Defense has
announced my arrival, hasn't it?

Yes, the letter came this morning.
It went quickly for once.

- My motto is, ma'am...?
- Sergeant Bentsen. I'm in charge temporarely.

"Do not set up for tomorrow
what you can do today."

That is as true as it has
been said, Colonel Mollerup.

They're having a good time here, huh?

Yes... as far as I understand, the
Ministry of Defense has granted -

an amount for the
renovation of the premises.

Yes, I was asked to
follow the training for 1 day.

That with the training
becomes difficult.

It is forbidden to have men
in the area during training.

To older lotteries
can also participate.

Older lotteries...

- Joking aside.
- Yes, why not. Let's tour it.

Right...! We have a visit from Colonel
Mollerup from the Ministry of Defense.

He must inspect the rooms,
which must be put in order -

- in accordance with the
rules of order. Dismissed!

We can visit the bedrooms now.

I've already caused
you too much trouble.

I'll probably have to
take care of this myself.

Yes sir! The rooms are the same.
There is the same thing in everyone.

Dismissed!

That's something you think.

- (knocks)
- Come in!

Colonel Mollerup,
Defense Command.

- I have to inspect.
- Yes sir. Private Frederiksen.

Well, You sleep 4 in here.

We should see to it that it is converted
into single rooms with a shower.

And what are the names
of the 3 other girls?

Here I lie, and Andersen,
and here Holm and Sjoett.

I have a greeting from my
daughter to someone named Janne.

- Sjoett is called Janne.
- It was not Sjoett.

Then there is Janne Larsen further
down the hall. And Marianne Holeby.

Now I have made my observations.
Are you busy?

I have to write a letter
before I go to bed.

- When are you going there?
- At 10.

Will you show me where
the other Janners live?

- Of course.
- Excellent!

I dare not come home without
having conveyed that greeting.

I think Private Larsen
... Janne, is lying there.

Here is Larsen and there Holeby.
First they lay in the upper one.

But it became dangerous.
She weighs 87 kilos.

- Thanks.
- It was so little, Colonel.

In all the kingdoms and
countries to which I in the world go

I fainted "with an open
forehead for what I really think...

The colonel said we would
have our own room with a bath.

He had a greeting to a Janne.

- Sjoett, do you know a Mollerup?
- No.

Is that you, Holm?

Why can you not pee
before going to bed?

Is there anybody?

Run, run, run...

Everyone held!
Ready to heat up... now!

And held it.

Ready to jump over horse.

First jumper, go ahead.

Fine.

Powerful.

lh... aah... aah...

Then we move on to the
next exercise: the ropes.

The 6 first ready!

No, now I have to
show how simple it is.

You grab the rope with your right foot,
then to the left, and then to the air.

This is done in cooperation
between hands and feet.

Let me then see who
comes up to me first.

031 BAN... 031 BAN...

Afterwards, it looks easy.

Now I have packed.
Also your red socks.

What would I do without you?

What's wrong?
What have I done now?

- Now it's all over.
- No, I'll be back.

Viktor... Moeller, him the Clump,
does he not have a gray sports car?

- Why do you ask about that?
- There is one opposite.

It does not look good.
Just hand me the binoculars.

Whoa... it's him.

God knows how I
come alive from here?

(taxi honks)

- Is it the train over Basel?
- Yes.

Could you show me the
compartment with mothers of toddlers?

- Right there, madam.
- Thank you.

lnterzug vor Zurich.
The train leaves immediately.

Hello, it's not working.
They must not come in here.

It is only for mothers
with young children.

I have a small child who
needs to be breastfed.

Hello, Viktor. I give breast now. You
seemed to need a travel party.

Moeller! You can't do me any harm -

- in the company of a
nice German lady, right?

- What kind of a German lady?
- Hey, Viktor.

Hello... Goodbye.

Do not worry, Viktor.
It is quickly over.

In a little while we come
to a long, black tunnel.

Moeller, I think we
should have a little one.

- We do not need to have a small one.
- Should I short-circuit the current now?

It's your fault that 2 of my
boys are in their graves.

- I don't know what you mean...
- Poor Viktor.

Moeller, on my honor.
Let me fall dead about.

It should not last long.

Now comes the tunnel.

Do come in.
There is a lot of space here.

Are you a nun?

Arhhh!

(trying to speak French)

God, it was just a joke.

- Don Luigi, just one last word?
- Dino, let the gentleman speak.

Thanks.

Try to see here.

We could sell Venice.
It's sinking anyway.

With the palace, the
pigeons, the gondolas and all.

- To whom?
- I have a customer.

Awesome...! This will
outcompete Disney Land.

Venice in Texas will be the
most amazing sight in America.

They are absolutely right.

But we must have
the pope's approval.

Congratulations.

The Pope has given his blessing.

Thank you. Thank you!

And...
They have brought the 750...

... million dollars?

Lucy, give t he padre the money.

Thanks.

Subtitles by Essery.