Mifune (1999) - full transcript
Kresten has moved from his parents farm on a small Danish island to Copenhagen in order to pursue his working career. When his father dies he has to move back to the farm, where nothing much has happened since he left. He places an ad in the local newspaper to get help running the farm and taking care of his mentally disabled brother. A prostitute named Liva, who is running away from annoying telephone calls, answers it. But running away from your past isn't easy.
MIFUNE'S LAST SONG
Thank you ... thank you.
Thank you.
... Did we really do it?
... Yes!
Always check out
your future mum-in-law.
Mine is so beautiful!
It'll last, Marianne.
Congratulations ... !
Dear Kresten ... a couple of years
ago you stormed into the firm -
- and into our hearts.
Alone in the world, -
- with no family and no past,
but with enormous drive.
I am relying on you, Kresten,
and I expect a lot of you.
So I am happy
to give Claire into your arms.
Will you get my veil?
No, kiss me first.
Come on ...
Yes?
Mikkelsen?
Gerner Mikkelsen?
What the fuck do you want?
Oh?
It's a really bad moment.
Is he there?
Yes ...
Of course I'm coming.
What's going on?
- I've got to go.
To Lolland.
Lolland?
My dad's died.
Your dad?
You haven't got a dad.
No ... but I had one after all.
Why lie?
You could just have said so.
Said what? We fell out.
I hadn't seen them for 10 years.
Them? Are there others?
- Yes, I've got a brother.
This is too much.
Oh, stop it.
- Why didn't you tell me?
Because he is an idiot.
What does he do?
- He has a big accountancy practice.
In Nakskov or Saxkøbing.
Is it happy?
Mellow out,
it'll only be a day or two.
It's not my fault he's just died.
- What's his place like?
A big farm.
- A farm?
You red neck!
Shall I come?
- No, I'd have to explain things.
I'll make it as quick as I can.
It is happy.
Two days, all right?
... Kresten here.
Hi, Baby.
You did drive fast!
Liar! ... No, I've been
reading telegrams.
By the way,
I think you should phone daddy.
He thinks it's a bit ... odd ...
Kresten? Is something the matter?
No, everything's fine.
It's just a bit weird being back.
No, it's just the cows.
Honey, I'll have to go.
Kisses, baby, too.
'Bye.
What about your brother?
I have to be back in Copenhagen
the day after tomorrow.
You'll have to take him along.
- What do you normally do?
There must be a home or something.
If there are relatives
we don't normally do very much.
It could take months.
This is the country, Kresten.
... Thanks for phoning.
Some families make
private arrangements.
Get a domestic.
You can afford it.
I'll phone you if I need you.
- I'm sure you will.
Are you still sulking
because I stole your bird?
Vivi ...
She sang like a nightingale
when she had it up her.
You never heard her sing, did you?
Bugger off, Gerner.
Rud ...
Rud ...
Hi.
Come along, Rud.
... Eh? Come along.
Do you hear that? See,
I haven't forgotten your favourite.
I haven't forgotten that, either.
Ouch ... you've got hard fingers.
Your fingers are hard now.
We must give dad a fine funeral.
Has your car got a sun roof?
- Yes.
Automatic.
Dad's car.
It can play ...
Is it your car?
- Yes.
Shall we go for a ride?
Have a shave and
get changed, all right?
Hi, Jørgen, it's Kresten.
Yes, it's a mess.
I'll explain when I get home.
No, we haven't had
much to do with each other.
There is also some money in it.
... Yes?
Why the hell didn't he?
Put me through to him, then.
Yes, see you later, Jørgen.
- Kresten?
Kresten! Kresten!
Hi, Lasse ... Kresten speaking.
What the hell's going on?
I'm away a day and
everything goes to pot.
See to it! It's 400 shipments!
Take him out to dinner
or buy him a hooker, I don't care.
Find those figures for me.
That's where you kissed Ingrid.
Did you see that?
- You kissed Ingrid with your tongue.
Yes? What?
No signal? ... What?
What are we going to do, Rud?
We must remember to feed the hens.
Uh? First we'll make sure dad
gets a decent funeral, right?
That's where we sailed
on the tractor inner tube.
And afterwards ...
... we'll find a really
good home for you.
I have a home.
I have a home.
I have a home.
You can come and see me.
I have a home.
- Rud, listen ...
I have a home.
- We'll go to the fair.
Relax, Rud.
- I have a home.
I have a home ... I have a home ...
There are loads of
effects to be sold.
Antiques and stuff.
Yes. Very lovely.
... Listen to the birds.
Could you hear?
Rud is handling it.
Yes, my brother.
Rud ... yes, that's his name.
R - u - d.
No, he's not as much of
an idiot as I'd thought.
Rud, come on in.
Get up.
OK, stay here.
But you'll get no cake afterwards.
We 're starting.
- Thanks.
To the very end he cared lovingly
for the son still living at home.
Life was never easy
for Karlo Jensen.
He had many difficult times.
The loss of his beloved wife -
- was a severe blow.
But the Lord lets His light shine -
- upon those who have
looked the devil in the face.
Thank you, a fine sermon.
- Fly up into the light!
Has your brother ever
heard the scriptures?
People can be cretinous,
yet still be religious.
Can Rud Jensen read?
Two girls do it with you
on the phone.
"Do it hard, and do it quickly!"
"Listen to me fingering my cunt" .
- Thank you.
He never paid dad
when he bought pork.
Is it time for the cake now?
I hadn't seen your dad for ten years.
He went a bit funny.
Burned all your mum's furniture.
Have you nowt to sit in, then?
Then the livestock died.
You know they took him to court?
No ...
- Well, they did.
You were wise to escape
from that dung hole.
I married Lennart.
- Lennart?
A nutter, but a lovely fellow.
We bought a house in Løgtofte.
I expect we'll bump into each other.
- Yes. Take care, now, Britta.
He'll be in a wheat field
chasing space ships ...
We must sing, Kresten.
The way we usually do.
Don't you like it?
- Where is my money, Rud?
Rud ...
Rud ...
- I haven't got any money.
The paper shop was closed.
What have you bought?
- I haven't any money.
The scratch cards are in your pants?
- No.
That's enough, Rud.
Fuck off into your room.
Go on!
- Housekeeper wanted -
For family in beautiful country
property, to start immediately
Bruce Springsteen.
- He's not an actor.
He's a great singer
and I love that lower jaw.
Next ...
Big house with sea view.
No kids, just Søren Pilmark.
He's a real looker, has a sly smile,
he is witty, intelligent ...
Bali ...
Candidasi.
I'm taking Richard Gere.
His guru is
Swamina Arnanda.
OK. 6 to 8 children
by Jean-Claude Van Damme.
A gorgeous arse
and dreamy brown eyes.
And a good actor.
- Next!
Bruce Willis, 'cause my tits
are bigger than his wife's .
Liva ...
- No, I don't want to.
Go on ...
All right, I'll take Boris Yeltsin.
Because he doesn't drink.
Let's queue for the balloons.
Is it that psychopath again?
Fuck him.
Come on.
Liva ... I'm watching you, Liva.
All the time.
Always.
I am right nearby.
My beloved little pink whore ...
I'm looking at you right now.
At last, Liva ... Liva ...
Yes. Of course. I am Liva Psilander.
Bjarke's elder sister.
Can I talk to Bjarke?
Thanks.
Bjarke,
what the fuck is going on?
What are you doing
in the headmaster's study?
Listen, I've told you
you can't stay with me.
In deep shit?
I'll tell you about deep shit.
Bjarke ...?
Yes.
Yes, OK.
No spilling on the Persian carpet.
My grandfather brought it home.
You are so strong ...
I'd hate to be punished by you.
Though corporal punishment
is a vital part of life -
- even in childhood.
Isn't it rather old-fashioned?
- No, not at all.
I'm still on the disciplinary
committee at my old school.
We maintain
the tradition of a firm hand.
What do you mean?
- I've just caned one young lout.
A pupil there?
- Yes ... Psilander.
Bjarke Psilander.
Damn it!
Yes? Just a moment, please.
Yes, hello?
Horsted-Petersen speaking.
No, not at all.
... We've got a lien on the property.
We 're over-insured.
It ...
... is a perfectly ...
... ordinary case of water damage.
May I call you back?
No, keep the planning
officer out of it!
I'm keeping an eye on you,
you pink little whore.
Next time I'll fuck
your pink little quim.
It's how he gets his kicks,
that's all.
Nothing'll happen to you.
- He's just a chance psychopath ...
I don't give a toss.
I just want to get away.
Get a job as a tour guide.
Lanzarote and lovely little Italians.
There are no Italians in Lanzarote.
- But what about Bjarke?
Any of your tricks been pervs?
All my tricks are pervs.
We should catch him
and poke his eyes out.
Or get an unlisted number.
- I've had three.
He must know somebody.
Two days, and he's found me again.
I told the police.
They couldn't give a damn.
The police are bastards.
Right.
It's a pharmaceuticals company.
The boss is an old alcoholic
or he takes too many of his pills.
But he digs big tits,
so Pernille, that's you.
Right ... for the rest of you
there's a slimy grey suit -
- who'll show you
whose spectacles to take off, OK?
A word ...
Don't touch me.
He's great customer, right?
With an arse full of money.
So it wasn't too bright,
pissing all over his Persian carpet.
Are you crazy?
You're getting way out of line.
I know you are listening.
Oh, Liva, take it now ...
My little pink whore ...
Who is that?
What are you at, you pervert?
You psychopath!
What do you want?
Come along,
we've got work to do.
We can sing it another day, right?
Don't !
- You can't stink of shit.
Not in company.
- I don't want company.
You just behave, right?
She's going to work for us.
And remember what we said?
Telling lies is wrong.
Dad said so.
We've always lived here, right?
Why do I have to be washed?
Because you do.
Stop it, Rud ...
- The lights are landing.
Rud! ... Rud!
The rings will take Rud.
The rings will take Rud ...
Mifune ... do you remember Mifune?
Do you remember Mifune?
Remember Mifune?
Mifune?
Shall we go and find Mifune?
Shall we see if Mifune's in?
Remember ...
maybe we'll see Mifune.
Remember he's down there?
Mifune! Toshiro Mifune!
I think he's there.
Mifune ... Argh!
Rud, he is there!
Mifune ... Mifune,
you cross old seventh Samurai!
Where are you?
Mifune, come on out!
Rud, he is here.
Stay there.
Mifune, come here.
Run, Rud!
Run, Rud!
Run!
Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
- Hi.
Liva Psilander.
Hi.
I brought my references.
- Oh, yes.
Hello. Kresten Jensen.
Yes ... It's a game I play
with my brother, where I ...
He was here a moment ago.
So you are ...
But you don't look like ...
... a housekeeper.
What do you mean?
- I just ...
I was just expecting
a 15 stone 60-year-old.
Well, you don't look like a ...
maybe I'd expected ...
No.
Linda!
Why the Sunday best? She's just
a lady who's going to work for us.
Rud, just say hello nicely.
And remember what we said.
- Yes.
Linda.
Hello.
They'll land out there in the marsh
... The lights.
The lights?
- Yes.
Valentin ...
The lights may land in the marsh.
Yes. I'll pass it on.
Oh, shit!
It's got no suck at all, has it?
Our dad just died, and
we 're trying to figure things out.
You can empty it round the back.
We've got work to do.
Let her settle down
and find her rhythm.
I have to go to Copenhagen,
and you must help her.
Cut the alien crap,
you'll scare her away.
Get a grip.
Herning's hens don't taste good.
Why not?
- They're White Leghorns.
Who is Henning?
- I don't know.
But Herning is one of my friends.
Can you cook anything else?
What do you like?
Meatballs and sausage and
spaghetti, fried fish, pork ...
Yes, OK.
That's what you'll get.
We'll sort everything out
tomorrow, OK?
Kresten has never
been fond of chicken.
... two nutty brothers.
One of them calls me Linda.
... Crazy.
- Any neighbours?
It's 20 minutes by taxi
to the mail box.
You'd better keep a cosh under
your bed ... those red necks ...
Kick them in the balls.
Not till they do anything to me.
- They will.
Those rubes have been living
with the chickens for 30 years!
Thanks a bunch ...
one of them is coming.
Thanks.
Did you hear that?
It was Rud the Nut.
He brought me ... a UFO.
Goodnight, Kresten.
- Hey, are you ill?
Are you going to bed so early?
- Linda has gone to bed, too.
Liva. Her name is Liva.
Stop that Linda stuff, right?
Her name is Liva. You wouldn't
like it if people called you ...
... Ruddi.
Would you?
They can if they want.
- But her name is Liva. Right?
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Ruddi.
No, Darling, that's a lousy idea.
The house has been
stripped of furniture.
Can't we just meet halfway?
The Mogenstrup Inn at 8 o'clock?
Come off it,
why should we meet at an inn?
I want to see
the home where you grew up.
I can come at once. I need to get
back tonight, though, to see Torben.
Oh? You've got a date? I see.
Yeah, and I've got a couple
of ex-girlfriends, too.
Stop it, Darling.
I was only joking.
Of course I haven't .
OK?
Kisses, baby, too.
'Bye.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
It's breakfast.
Yes.
Have you no animals at all?
Yes, we've got hens.
And we have a cat.
But it isn't called anything.
It must be called something.
- No.
You could think of a name for it.
- It used to be called something.
It used to be called Freja.
But it doesn't come when called.
And so my dad said
it shouldn't be called anything.
So now it isn't called anything.
- No.
And we had pigs
in the old cow shed.
But that didn't work out, either.
Because they didn't need milking.
- No.
They disappeared.
And we've got
corn and sugar beet.
But they're not animals.
We've leased the land
to another farmer.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
We'll go now.
'Bye, Rud.
I've got to go to Copenhagen
for a day or two.
When?
In the morning.
You deserve a treat.
Do you like wine?
Yes.
Rud doesn't drink.
- I think this'll do.
You're the flower type.
The freezer's in the utility room.
Well, then, Gerner! Any news?
Who's she?
- Just a lady who works for us.
I see! Where did you hire her?
None of your business.
- Is she staying long?
Until you find somewhere for Rud.
- There'll be a place at Otterup.
That's a lunatic asylum.
Rud's not going there.
I don't know who you think you are.
Round here
that's where we put weirdoes.
We burn down farms like this.
Have you heard her sing?
Goodbye, Gerner.
- You couldn't manage her, eh?
'Bye.
How come it doesn't make a noise?
- So you won't hear it land.
Oh ... Does your brother
believe in this UFO stuff, too?
No, no, he isn't like us.
He doesn't believe -
- in rings in the corn.
We've an early start, so goodnight.
Goodnight, Rud.
He's really cute
... has he always been like that?
Yes.
Is your room OK?
- Yes, it's fine.
How do you make a living here?
- I've business in the city.
Are you a businessman or a farmer?
- What do I get for the right answer?
Whoops, we nearly talked
the nice atmosphere to death.
Goodnight.
Have you got a spare bulb?
- Er ... yes.
Is there a rag somewhere?
- The one you're wearing.
Don't mock a farmer's wardrobe.
Here, let me.
Aren't you tall!
And clever with it.
There.
Thanks.
Would you like a whisky
while it cools down?
Excuse me ...
I am looking for
Kresten Hostrup-Jensen.
This is the place.
Hi.
Well ... goodnight.
What kind of place is this?
What's going on, Kresten?
Who is she?
Claire, listen ...
- No ...
Don't touch me.
What is this?
Claire, for fuck's sake!
Claire!
Give me the keys to my car.
Bastard! Give them to me!
They're in the ignition.
- Thank you.
Listen!
Claire!
Claire, let me explain ... Claire!
Why does it have to be like this?
Let me explain.
There is nothing to explain.
That won't work.
Stop it.
- Not any more.
You've got a screw loose.
- Listen, Darling ...
Claire, listen!
Listen to me!
Chill out ...
- I'm completely chilled out.
Come here, Baby.
- Leave me alone!
I hate you.
I hate you.
You're horrid.
You're a liar
and you stink of cow shit.
Chill out, for fuck's sake.
Hell, you're my wife!
Claire, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Claire.
I want a divorce.
I want a divorce.
You psychopath!
Psychopath!
Did she hit you, too, Kresten?
Did she hit you, too?
She hit Kresten, too!
Did she hit you hard?
What the hell is going on?
Was that your wife?
No, an ex-girlfriend
who keeps stalking me.
A funny way of stalking people.
- Yes.
Wouldn't it be
better if I left?
I mean, you're going
back to Copenhagen.
And I'm not going
to babysit for Rud on my own.
Specially not if crazy women
come here and beat him up.
Look around you ...
this isn't what your ad said.
I don't want to get
mixed up in anything.
Yes, I'm sorry.
Two seconds ...
Here ... a pay rise.
Will you stay now?
Are you sure I'm what you need?
- Of course. Hence the pay rise.
We can't manage anything.
We can't wash up.
We can't clean up.
We can't even make a cup
of fucking coffee, man.
We can't do a fucking thing.
We can't manage without you.
Has she come back?
No.
She took the car, Kresten.
Yes.
Hello ...
Yes, hi.
Where are you?
How's his carpet?
It still smells of pee.
Your pee.
He's sleeping like a log; I beat him
with the vacuum hose for 2 hours.
So I reckon Bjarke owes me
an outing to the fair.
That's why I'm phoning.
Bjarke has been
expelled from school.
It's a real bummer.
Can't we talk to them?
No; he has to be
picked up on Friday.
You don't want to know.
A fire extinguisher
in the headmaster's study.
Rud!
Rud! Where is Liva?
- With the bees.
Yes ...
He won't talk to me?
Give over, he's my father-in-law!
Rud says your brother's in trouble.
He's welcome to stay here
a week or two.
I have to go to Copenhagen
and Rud's a problem.
Why do you live here all alone?
Dad used to look after him.
- What about your mum?
What about her?
She hanged herself from one
of the oldest oaks in Denmark.
She was interested in history.
In the woods.
I cut her down.
Why did she do it?
- Oh, I don't know.
My father refused to talk about it.
She didn't even write a suicide note.
Rud still potters about
out there now and then.
Please say you'll stay.
We'll have to pick up Bjarke.
Sure ... after all,
we've just got a new car.
Rud, take that thing off.
... You'll scare the lad.
Go on!
Fucking hell, what a place, man!
I'm not sodding well staying here.
Your room's next to mine.
Try and talk to him.
He's called Bjarke ...
Talk about a shit hole!
It'll give you salmonella.
And you ... you're a fucking pansy.
Faggot ... moron ...
Wanker ... arsehole.
Stop that.
Be nice to Rud.
He reminds me of my form master.
- Cut it out.
Chill out, man,
and tell him what you really do.
She flies with Valentin.
- Yeah, come fly with Valentin!
Cut it out.
No, Bjarke, damn it!
Rud, stop it!
Get a grip ...
Fucking peasants.
Why did you drag me here?
- You should've behaved at school.
What do you think will happen when
they discover you're shafting them?
I won't be here that long.
Be nice to Rud.
We'll be away for an hour.
Get me two packets of fags, OK?
"Linda!"
What brand?
- Minigolf ...
What the fuck are you at, man?
Give it back!
Hey!
Where's my book?
Jeeze ...
I'll smash you,
you fucking spastic ...
The prettiest arse in Lolland.
Kresten and I have
always had the same taste.
You think so?
The difference is that
I have a sense for the details.
Very neat ...
Was he bothering you?
- No, not at all.
Ever been to Africa?
Come with me.
Wait there.
It's a he. We like drawing
attention to ourselves.
What about the hens?
The hens -
- are honest,
diligent and abstemious.
What is it?
Haven't you got a man?
A man!
... None of your business.
Out here in the country
we have no secrets.
Out here in the country
you have no inhibitions.
Inhibitions?
Actually there's a town down here
called Inhibition ... it's true!
It is! Really!
It's famous for its pizzles.
- Its what?
Pizzles.
Its what?
- Pizzles.
You are such nutters.
No ...
It's the sugar beet.
Yes?
Hi, Darling.
Yes? I'd love to.
Of course I would.
The harbour? Farther out?
... The end of the mole?
They're in the farmyard.
Bjarke looks
like a Japanese tourist.
Kresten is a Samurai.
... Hey!
Are you there?
Do you fancy the Samurai
or am I just stupid?
I don't know.
You'll find it hard to convince
anyone that you're a red neck.
Take care, now.
Come straight home, right?
Who are you trying to impress?
Hey!
What the hell are you at?
Oh, Rud, now I'll have to
splash you, too.
You could lend a hand.
Rud, you've fallen
into bad company.
Haven't you any other friends?
It says Herning.
The chicken guy?
Right then.
Rud ... where are the rest?
In the water?
- Yes.
There are no stone
axe heads out there.
Like hell there are.
OK. Find another one.
Go on, tough guy.
I knew it.
You're a wimp.
And I bet
you've never had any pussy.
Wimp!
Jerk ...
Fucking spastic ...
Rud, take it easy ...
Shit! This is wild! Yes!
- Listen! -
Hi, Kresten,
lovely of you to come.
With all your lies and surprises,
I thought it was my turn.
I'm afraid I've only got two.
This is one of them.
The other is that you're not
to show up at dad's firm again.
So fill in the divorce papers
and have a good life.
By the way, Torben has helped me.
You bet he makes it happy.
Kisses, baby.
Why not give the loonies
some booze?
They'd be a real laugh
if they were pissed.
Well now ... a cigar?
Linda must smoke, too.
- Too true.
Yuck!
Yes,
happiness is a good cigar.
Happiness is when Mifune
... comes out of the cellar.
Who the heck is Mifune?
He is strong.
He never gives up.
The seventh Samovar ...
It ... is Kresten.
Samurai.
- Is Kresten a Samovar?
Stop mussing my hair.
- I'll give you a kiss.
Stop it, it's revolting.
Stop it ... now give Rud one.
Well then, Herning ...
are you going to play to us?
What about
"Incy wincy spider?"
Stop it, Bjarke.
Goodnight.
Mifune, my arse.
Piss. Shit.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Ouch, bloody hell, man!
You idiot!
Got our period, have we?
Do you mind?
Don't your tricks
all smoke afterwards?
The trick you had last night did.
- Run along and have a shower.
You stink to high heaven.
- I couldn't care.
I could.
Run along.
Being told off leaves me cold.
Specially by a whore like you.
Don't you call me that.
I do it for your sake.
" All the time, Liva.
Always."
"I will always be near
my beloved pink whore."
What did you say?
Say it again.
Say it again.
" All the time, Liva."
" Always."
"I will always be near
my beloved pink little cunt."
Was it you?
Kresten?
What are you doing?
Have you gone crazy?
- It's none of your business.
You work here, so answer nicely.
- Piss off.
Or we'll go by your contract
and you can whitewash the place.
Right Rud, let's sing.
Isn't this what you dream of?
Sing, Rud, damn it!
Come on! It's what you dreamed of.
A little family ... He misses
his mummy. Is that it?
Now we are proper little family that
can sing and rot away down here.
Come on, Rud.
Sing!
It's cold and I'm far from home ...
Sing, damn you.
Call your fucking space ship, man.
They can help you sing.
Linda, Linda, Linda ...
- Rud, calm down.
Rud, she'll come back.
- The rings'll take Rud ...
Rud, calm down, she'll be back.
- Linda and Rud ...
What is going on?
Please go and find her, Kresten.
We three are
a right bunch of loonies.
Not Rud.
Hello?
I'm just phoning to say I'm OK.
They're bastards.
How dare they treat me like that?
Like what?
Bjarke, the little turd,
ruined everything.
They're jerks, all of them.
Was it that Kresten bloke?
... What did he do? Did he hit you?
He's a prick, a filthy prick.
A bastard.
Crazy.
- Calm down. We'll help you.
It's too late.
- Calm down, Liva, you're drunk.
I sure bloody am.
Sure you are.
We'll come and get you.
Stay the fuck away.
I'll say if I want to leave.
See you.
Oh?
Slumming?
Where is she?
- Who?
Kresten, for fuck's sake ...
My housekeeper.
Can't keep your staff, eh?
You are a peasant.
A peasant.
And you always have been.
How about you, Gerner?
Things going well for you?
Having fun?
The King of Nakskov, are you?
Having fun out here
amidst the sugar beet?
Kresten ...
Kresten, I've got my eye on you.
I'll get you, wise guy.
Beat it.
- Sure.
Beat it, I said.
- I'm on my way.
Piss off.
Beat it.
My turn.
Come on ...
Come on! Open the door!
Did you have fun?
- Shut up, Kresten.
What the hell was the idea?
I hate it.
Only psychopaths do stuff like that.
I must be a psychopath.
- Of course you're not. I know you.
You don't .
Bjarke, I'm not buying that.
The neglected little boy
who needs attention ... Know what?
Everyone does.
But they have to behave themselves
all the same.
Life is one long turd -
- that you have to take a huge bite
of every day; get used to it.
But never feel so sorry for yourself
that you piss on other people.
At any rate,
not the ones who love you.
Don't you see? You're all I've got,
I'm all you've got.
We have to take care of each other.
It's over. We'll say goodbye politely
and go back to Copenhagen.
Why?
- You'll tell them about me.
No.
- You will.
No ... they're nice.
Rud and Kresten.
And we'd be together.
- We leave tomorrow.
You brat ...
Need any help?
You're the man in charge.
Just go by our contract.
Yep.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
Just paint.
Can't we just ...
- Paint!
You know what you are?
White.
That, too.
Hello?
I'd like to book a taxi for 1 a.m.
From Katrinebæk
on Kastbæk Road.
Two people, to Copenhagen.
Is it there?
- Brilliant.
Steady as a rock. Well done!
- What's happening?
Bjarke Psilander
passes to Rud Jensen.
Rud Jensen passes to Donald Duck.
Rud Jensen heads the ball.
But the hung-over woman goalie
parries it; how incredible!
Goal! 2-2 to Lolland!
2-2 to Lolland ...
2-2 to Lolland!
- 2-2 to Lolland!
Ebbe Sand, Ebbe Sand, Ebbe Sand ...
Ebbe Sand from Lolland!
Yes!
Mmmm ...
- Uh-uh.
Where have you hidden the cook?
- Go and get Rud and Bjarke.
Oh, how sweet!
Thanks for the invitation.
We picked them
where we go out to piss.
Are you sure
we have to go?
Yes.
I'll wake you
at the den at 12.45.
Come on.
The time has come for
me to say a word or two.
But ...
Well, I don't know what to say.
Cheers, then.
Bottoms up.
What a pig!
I'll clear up in the morning.
Come on.
Goodnight, Mifune.
Let go of me!
If you can fuck
Fat Flemming and his mates ...
... We want some too.
- Get off me, you bastard.
Don't worry, we'll pay for it.
Come on, you little whore ...
Let go of her.
- Let go of me.
That'll do.
I'm sorry, Kresten, I'm sorry.
It wasn't your fault.
The woman who came here was
my wife. You know that. Claire.
Why didn't I just tell them
that my brother was a cretin -
- and my dad was rotting away
in a dump in Lolland?
And then I go and fall in love
with my housekeeper.
That's what people are like
here; totally trite and total liars.
I know.
- You do?
I can't , I can't ...
Well?
- I knocked, but there's no answer.
I think we should go in.
- OK.
Shit, he's raped her.
He's fucking well raped her.
Shit, man, he's got a knife.
- Call the police.
He's killed her.
- Let's get him ...
Bastard!
- Move those bloody flowers.
Stay still.
Stay still.
Have some whisky.
Hold him steady.
Hold him tight.
You ought to have
your balls cut off, you bastard.
No!
Rud ...
Rud!
I believe
I'm standing right here, Kresten.
What happened?
You were asleep, and then bump ...
- What are you on about?
She ... they ... they ...
They found me in Nakskov.
- Nakskov?
Come here.
Have you told him, Rud?
He's a real Scrooge McDuck.
He found all this cash
in a green plastic bag.
Yes ... Scrooge McChicken ...
It's just like with Ingrid.
How fucking naff, man.
We 're out of here.
Before it gets pornographic.
Some people say what they're doing
beats anything else.
But it's no fucking fun
to watch, is it?
No, but we'll be
staying here now, right?
Are you crazy?
We 're all staying. For 5000 years.
The orchestra too?
- Sure.
Nobody else'll
listen to that crap.
Thank you ... thank you.
Thank you.
... Did we really do it?
... Yes!
Always check out
your future mum-in-law.
Mine is so beautiful!
It'll last, Marianne.
Congratulations ... !
Dear Kresten ... a couple of years
ago you stormed into the firm -
- and into our hearts.
Alone in the world, -
- with no family and no past,
but with enormous drive.
I am relying on you, Kresten,
and I expect a lot of you.
So I am happy
to give Claire into your arms.
Will you get my veil?
No, kiss me first.
Come on ...
Yes?
Mikkelsen?
Gerner Mikkelsen?
What the fuck do you want?
Oh?
It's a really bad moment.
Is he there?
Yes ...
Of course I'm coming.
What's going on?
- I've got to go.
To Lolland.
Lolland?
My dad's died.
Your dad?
You haven't got a dad.
No ... but I had one after all.
Why lie?
You could just have said so.
Said what? We fell out.
I hadn't seen them for 10 years.
Them? Are there others?
- Yes, I've got a brother.
This is too much.
Oh, stop it.
- Why didn't you tell me?
Because he is an idiot.
What does he do?
- He has a big accountancy practice.
In Nakskov or Saxkøbing.
Is it happy?
Mellow out,
it'll only be a day or two.
It's not my fault he's just died.
- What's his place like?
A big farm.
- A farm?
You red neck!
Shall I come?
- No, I'd have to explain things.
I'll make it as quick as I can.
It is happy.
Two days, all right?
... Kresten here.
Hi, Baby.
You did drive fast!
Liar! ... No, I've been
reading telegrams.
By the way,
I think you should phone daddy.
He thinks it's a bit ... odd ...
Kresten? Is something the matter?
No, everything's fine.
It's just a bit weird being back.
No, it's just the cows.
Honey, I'll have to go.
Kisses, baby, too.
'Bye.
What about your brother?
I have to be back in Copenhagen
the day after tomorrow.
You'll have to take him along.
- What do you normally do?
There must be a home or something.
If there are relatives
we don't normally do very much.
It could take months.
This is the country, Kresten.
... Thanks for phoning.
Some families make
private arrangements.
Get a domestic.
You can afford it.
I'll phone you if I need you.
- I'm sure you will.
Are you still sulking
because I stole your bird?
Vivi ...
She sang like a nightingale
when she had it up her.
You never heard her sing, did you?
Bugger off, Gerner.
Rud ...
Rud ...
Hi.
Come along, Rud.
... Eh? Come along.
Do you hear that? See,
I haven't forgotten your favourite.
I haven't forgotten that, either.
Ouch ... you've got hard fingers.
Your fingers are hard now.
We must give dad a fine funeral.
Has your car got a sun roof?
- Yes.
Automatic.
Dad's car.
It can play ...
Is it your car?
- Yes.
Shall we go for a ride?
Have a shave and
get changed, all right?
Hi, Jørgen, it's Kresten.
Yes, it's a mess.
I'll explain when I get home.
No, we haven't had
much to do with each other.
There is also some money in it.
... Yes?
Why the hell didn't he?
Put me through to him, then.
Yes, see you later, Jørgen.
- Kresten?
Kresten! Kresten!
Hi, Lasse ... Kresten speaking.
What the hell's going on?
I'm away a day and
everything goes to pot.
See to it! It's 400 shipments!
Take him out to dinner
or buy him a hooker, I don't care.
Find those figures for me.
That's where you kissed Ingrid.
Did you see that?
- You kissed Ingrid with your tongue.
Yes? What?
No signal? ... What?
What are we going to do, Rud?
We must remember to feed the hens.
Uh? First we'll make sure dad
gets a decent funeral, right?
That's where we sailed
on the tractor inner tube.
And afterwards ...
... we'll find a really
good home for you.
I have a home.
I have a home.
I have a home.
You can come and see me.
I have a home.
- Rud, listen ...
I have a home.
- We'll go to the fair.
Relax, Rud.
- I have a home.
I have a home ... I have a home ...
There are loads of
effects to be sold.
Antiques and stuff.
Yes. Very lovely.
... Listen to the birds.
Could you hear?
Rud is handling it.
Yes, my brother.
Rud ... yes, that's his name.
R - u - d.
No, he's not as much of
an idiot as I'd thought.
Rud, come on in.
Get up.
OK, stay here.
But you'll get no cake afterwards.
We 're starting.
- Thanks.
To the very end he cared lovingly
for the son still living at home.
Life was never easy
for Karlo Jensen.
He had many difficult times.
The loss of his beloved wife -
- was a severe blow.
But the Lord lets His light shine -
- upon those who have
looked the devil in the face.
Thank you, a fine sermon.
- Fly up into the light!
Has your brother ever
heard the scriptures?
People can be cretinous,
yet still be religious.
Can Rud Jensen read?
Two girls do it with you
on the phone.
"Do it hard, and do it quickly!"
"Listen to me fingering my cunt" .
- Thank you.
He never paid dad
when he bought pork.
Is it time for the cake now?
I hadn't seen your dad for ten years.
He went a bit funny.
Burned all your mum's furniture.
Have you nowt to sit in, then?
Then the livestock died.
You know they took him to court?
No ...
- Well, they did.
You were wise to escape
from that dung hole.
I married Lennart.
- Lennart?
A nutter, but a lovely fellow.
We bought a house in Løgtofte.
I expect we'll bump into each other.
- Yes. Take care, now, Britta.
He'll be in a wheat field
chasing space ships ...
We must sing, Kresten.
The way we usually do.
Don't you like it?
- Where is my money, Rud?
Rud ...
Rud ...
- I haven't got any money.
The paper shop was closed.
What have you bought?
- I haven't any money.
The scratch cards are in your pants?
- No.
That's enough, Rud.
Fuck off into your room.
Go on!
- Housekeeper wanted -
For family in beautiful country
property, to start immediately
Bruce Springsteen.
- He's not an actor.
He's a great singer
and I love that lower jaw.
Next ...
Big house with sea view.
No kids, just Søren Pilmark.
He's a real looker, has a sly smile,
he is witty, intelligent ...
Bali ...
Candidasi.
I'm taking Richard Gere.
His guru is
Swamina Arnanda.
OK. 6 to 8 children
by Jean-Claude Van Damme.
A gorgeous arse
and dreamy brown eyes.
And a good actor.
- Next!
Bruce Willis, 'cause my tits
are bigger than his wife's .
Liva ...
- No, I don't want to.
Go on ...
All right, I'll take Boris Yeltsin.
Because he doesn't drink.
Let's queue for the balloons.
Is it that psychopath again?
Fuck him.
Come on.
Liva ... I'm watching you, Liva.
All the time.
Always.
I am right nearby.
My beloved little pink whore ...
I'm looking at you right now.
At last, Liva ... Liva ...
Yes. Of course. I am Liva Psilander.
Bjarke's elder sister.
Can I talk to Bjarke?
Thanks.
Bjarke,
what the fuck is going on?
What are you doing
in the headmaster's study?
Listen, I've told you
you can't stay with me.
In deep shit?
I'll tell you about deep shit.
Bjarke ...?
Yes.
Yes, OK.
No spilling on the Persian carpet.
My grandfather brought it home.
You are so strong ...
I'd hate to be punished by you.
Though corporal punishment
is a vital part of life -
- even in childhood.
Isn't it rather old-fashioned?
- No, not at all.
I'm still on the disciplinary
committee at my old school.
We maintain
the tradition of a firm hand.
What do you mean?
- I've just caned one young lout.
A pupil there?
- Yes ... Psilander.
Bjarke Psilander.
Damn it!
Yes? Just a moment, please.
Yes, hello?
Horsted-Petersen speaking.
No, not at all.
... We've got a lien on the property.
We 're over-insured.
It ...
... is a perfectly ...
... ordinary case of water damage.
May I call you back?
No, keep the planning
officer out of it!
I'm keeping an eye on you,
you pink little whore.
Next time I'll fuck
your pink little quim.
It's how he gets his kicks,
that's all.
Nothing'll happen to you.
- He's just a chance psychopath ...
I don't give a toss.
I just want to get away.
Get a job as a tour guide.
Lanzarote and lovely little Italians.
There are no Italians in Lanzarote.
- But what about Bjarke?
Any of your tricks been pervs?
All my tricks are pervs.
We should catch him
and poke his eyes out.
Or get an unlisted number.
- I've had three.
He must know somebody.
Two days, and he's found me again.
I told the police.
They couldn't give a damn.
The police are bastards.
Right.
It's a pharmaceuticals company.
The boss is an old alcoholic
or he takes too many of his pills.
But he digs big tits,
so Pernille, that's you.
Right ... for the rest of you
there's a slimy grey suit -
- who'll show you
whose spectacles to take off, OK?
A word ...
Don't touch me.
He's great customer, right?
With an arse full of money.
So it wasn't too bright,
pissing all over his Persian carpet.
Are you crazy?
You're getting way out of line.
I know you are listening.
Oh, Liva, take it now ...
My little pink whore ...
Who is that?
What are you at, you pervert?
You psychopath!
What do you want?
Come along,
we've got work to do.
We can sing it another day, right?
Don't !
- You can't stink of shit.
Not in company.
- I don't want company.
You just behave, right?
She's going to work for us.
And remember what we said?
Telling lies is wrong.
Dad said so.
We've always lived here, right?
Why do I have to be washed?
Because you do.
Stop it, Rud ...
- The lights are landing.
Rud! ... Rud!
The rings will take Rud.
The rings will take Rud ...
Mifune ... do you remember Mifune?
Do you remember Mifune?
Remember Mifune?
Mifune?
Shall we go and find Mifune?
Shall we see if Mifune's in?
Remember ...
maybe we'll see Mifune.
Remember he's down there?
Mifune! Toshiro Mifune!
I think he's there.
Mifune ... Argh!
Rud, he is there!
Mifune ... Mifune,
you cross old seventh Samurai!
Where are you?
Mifune, come on out!
Rud, he is here.
Stay there.
Mifune, come here.
Run, Rud!
Run, Rud!
Run!
Hello?
Hello?
Hi.
- Hi.
Liva Psilander.
Hi.
I brought my references.
- Oh, yes.
Hello. Kresten Jensen.
Yes ... It's a game I play
with my brother, where I ...
He was here a moment ago.
So you are ...
But you don't look like ...
... a housekeeper.
What do you mean?
- I just ...
I was just expecting
a 15 stone 60-year-old.
Well, you don't look like a ...
maybe I'd expected ...
No.
Linda!
Why the Sunday best? She's just
a lady who's going to work for us.
Rud, just say hello nicely.
And remember what we said.
- Yes.
Linda.
Hello.
They'll land out there in the marsh
... The lights.
The lights?
- Yes.
Valentin ...
The lights may land in the marsh.
Yes. I'll pass it on.
Oh, shit!
It's got no suck at all, has it?
Our dad just died, and
we 're trying to figure things out.
You can empty it round the back.
We've got work to do.
Let her settle down
and find her rhythm.
I have to go to Copenhagen,
and you must help her.
Cut the alien crap,
you'll scare her away.
Get a grip.
Herning's hens don't taste good.
Why not?
- They're White Leghorns.
Who is Henning?
- I don't know.
But Herning is one of my friends.
Can you cook anything else?
What do you like?
Meatballs and sausage and
spaghetti, fried fish, pork ...
Yes, OK.
That's what you'll get.
We'll sort everything out
tomorrow, OK?
Kresten has never
been fond of chicken.
... two nutty brothers.
One of them calls me Linda.
... Crazy.
- Any neighbours?
It's 20 minutes by taxi
to the mail box.
You'd better keep a cosh under
your bed ... those red necks ...
Kick them in the balls.
Not till they do anything to me.
- They will.
Those rubes have been living
with the chickens for 30 years!
Thanks a bunch ...
one of them is coming.
Thanks.
Did you hear that?
It was Rud the Nut.
He brought me ... a UFO.
Goodnight, Kresten.
- Hey, are you ill?
Are you going to bed so early?
- Linda has gone to bed, too.
Liva. Her name is Liva.
Stop that Linda stuff, right?
Her name is Liva. You wouldn't
like it if people called you ...
... Ruddi.
Would you?
They can if they want.
- But her name is Liva. Right?
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Ruddi.
No, Darling, that's a lousy idea.
The house has been
stripped of furniture.
Can't we just meet halfway?
The Mogenstrup Inn at 8 o'clock?
Come off it,
why should we meet at an inn?
I want to see
the home where you grew up.
I can come at once. I need to get
back tonight, though, to see Torben.
Oh? You've got a date? I see.
Yeah, and I've got a couple
of ex-girlfriends, too.
Stop it, Darling.
I was only joking.
Of course I haven't .
OK?
Kisses, baby, too.
'Bye.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
It's breakfast.
Yes.
Have you no animals at all?
Yes, we've got hens.
And we have a cat.
But it isn't called anything.
It must be called something.
- No.
You could think of a name for it.
- It used to be called something.
It used to be called Freja.
But it doesn't come when called.
And so my dad said
it shouldn't be called anything.
So now it isn't called anything.
- No.
And we had pigs
in the old cow shed.
But that didn't work out, either.
Because they didn't need milking.
- No.
They disappeared.
And we've got
corn and sugar beet.
But they're not animals.
We've leased the land
to another farmer.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
We'll go now.
'Bye, Rud.
I've got to go to Copenhagen
for a day or two.
When?
In the morning.
You deserve a treat.
Do you like wine?
Yes.
Rud doesn't drink.
- I think this'll do.
You're the flower type.
The freezer's in the utility room.
Well, then, Gerner! Any news?
Who's she?
- Just a lady who works for us.
I see! Where did you hire her?
None of your business.
- Is she staying long?
Until you find somewhere for Rud.
- There'll be a place at Otterup.
That's a lunatic asylum.
Rud's not going there.
I don't know who you think you are.
Round here
that's where we put weirdoes.
We burn down farms like this.
Have you heard her sing?
Goodbye, Gerner.
- You couldn't manage her, eh?
'Bye.
How come it doesn't make a noise?
- So you won't hear it land.
Oh ... Does your brother
believe in this UFO stuff, too?
No, no, he isn't like us.
He doesn't believe -
- in rings in the corn.
We've an early start, so goodnight.
Goodnight, Rud.
He's really cute
... has he always been like that?
Yes.
Is your room OK?
- Yes, it's fine.
How do you make a living here?
- I've business in the city.
Are you a businessman or a farmer?
- What do I get for the right answer?
Whoops, we nearly talked
the nice atmosphere to death.
Goodnight.
Have you got a spare bulb?
- Er ... yes.
Is there a rag somewhere?
- The one you're wearing.
Don't mock a farmer's wardrobe.
Here, let me.
Aren't you tall!
And clever with it.
There.
Thanks.
Would you like a whisky
while it cools down?
Excuse me ...
I am looking for
Kresten Hostrup-Jensen.
This is the place.
Hi.
Well ... goodnight.
What kind of place is this?
What's going on, Kresten?
Who is she?
Claire, listen ...
- No ...
Don't touch me.
What is this?
Claire, for fuck's sake!
Claire!
Give me the keys to my car.
Bastard! Give them to me!
They're in the ignition.
- Thank you.
Listen!
Claire!
Claire, let me explain ... Claire!
Why does it have to be like this?
Let me explain.
There is nothing to explain.
That won't work.
Stop it.
- Not any more.
You've got a screw loose.
- Listen, Darling ...
Claire, listen!
Listen to me!
Chill out ...
- I'm completely chilled out.
Come here, Baby.
- Leave me alone!
I hate you.
I hate you.
You're horrid.
You're a liar
and you stink of cow shit.
Chill out, for fuck's sake.
Hell, you're my wife!
Claire, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Claire.
I want a divorce.
I want a divorce.
You psychopath!
Psychopath!
Did she hit you, too, Kresten?
Did she hit you, too?
She hit Kresten, too!
Did she hit you hard?
What the hell is going on?
Was that your wife?
No, an ex-girlfriend
who keeps stalking me.
A funny way of stalking people.
- Yes.
Wouldn't it be
better if I left?
I mean, you're going
back to Copenhagen.
And I'm not going
to babysit for Rud on my own.
Specially not if crazy women
come here and beat him up.
Look around you ...
this isn't what your ad said.
I don't want to get
mixed up in anything.
Yes, I'm sorry.
Two seconds ...
Here ... a pay rise.
Will you stay now?
Are you sure I'm what you need?
- Of course. Hence the pay rise.
We can't manage anything.
We can't wash up.
We can't clean up.
We can't even make a cup
of fucking coffee, man.
We can't do a fucking thing.
We can't manage without you.
Has she come back?
No.
She took the car, Kresten.
Yes.
Hello ...
Yes, hi.
Where are you?
How's his carpet?
It still smells of pee.
Your pee.
He's sleeping like a log; I beat him
with the vacuum hose for 2 hours.
So I reckon Bjarke owes me
an outing to the fair.
That's why I'm phoning.
Bjarke has been
expelled from school.
It's a real bummer.
Can't we talk to them?
No; he has to be
picked up on Friday.
You don't want to know.
A fire extinguisher
in the headmaster's study.
Rud!
Rud! Where is Liva?
- With the bees.
Yes ...
He won't talk to me?
Give over, he's my father-in-law!
Rud says your brother's in trouble.
He's welcome to stay here
a week or two.
I have to go to Copenhagen
and Rud's a problem.
Why do you live here all alone?
Dad used to look after him.
- What about your mum?
What about her?
She hanged herself from one
of the oldest oaks in Denmark.
She was interested in history.
In the woods.
I cut her down.
Why did she do it?
- Oh, I don't know.
My father refused to talk about it.
She didn't even write a suicide note.
Rud still potters about
out there now and then.
Please say you'll stay.
We'll have to pick up Bjarke.
Sure ... after all,
we've just got a new car.
Rud, take that thing off.
... You'll scare the lad.
Go on!
Fucking hell, what a place, man!
I'm not sodding well staying here.
Your room's next to mine.
Try and talk to him.
He's called Bjarke ...
Talk about a shit hole!
It'll give you salmonella.
And you ... you're a fucking pansy.
Faggot ... moron ...
Wanker ... arsehole.
Stop that.
Be nice to Rud.
He reminds me of my form master.
- Cut it out.
Chill out, man,
and tell him what you really do.
She flies with Valentin.
- Yeah, come fly with Valentin!
Cut it out.
No, Bjarke, damn it!
Rud, stop it!
Get a grip ...
Fucking peasants.
Why did you drag me here?
- You should've behaved at school.
What do you think will happen when
they discover you're shafting them?
I won't be here that long.
Be nice to Rud.
We'll be away for an hour.
Get me two packets of fags, OK?
"Linda!"
What brand?
- Minigolf ...
What the fuck are you at, man?
Give it back!
Hey!
Where's my book?
Jeeze ...
I'll smash you,
you fucking spastic ...
The prettiest arse in Lolland.
Kresten and I have
always had the same taste.
You think so?
The difference is that
I have a sense for the details.
Very neat ...
Was he bothering you?
- No, not at all.
Ever been to Africa?
Come with me.
Wait there.
It's a he. We like drawing
attention to ourselves.
What about the hens?
The hens -
- are honest,
diligent and abstemious.
What is it?
Haven't you got a man?
A man!
... None of your business.
Out here in the country
we have no secrets.
Out here in the country
you have no inhibitions.
Inhibitions?
Actually there's a town down here
called Inhibition ... it's true!
It is! Really!
It's famous for its pizzles.
- Its what?
Pizzles.
Its what?
- Pizzles.
You are such nutters.
No ...
It's the sugar beet.
Yes?
Hi, Darling.
Yes? I'd love to.
Of course I would.
The harbour? Farther out?
... The end of the mole?
They're in the farmyard.
Bjarke looks
like a Japanese tourist.
Kresten is a Samurai.
... Hey!
Are you there?
Do you fancy the Samurai
or am I just stupid?
I don't know.
You'll find it hard to convince
anyone that you're a red neck.
Take care, now.
Come straight home, right?
Who are you trying to impress?
Hey!
What the hell are you at?
Oh, Rud, now I'll have to
splash you, too.
You could lend a hand.
Rud, you've fallen
into bad company.
Haven't you any other friends?
It says Herning.
The chicken guy?
Right then.
Rud ... where are the rest?
In the water?
- Yes.
There are no stone
axe heads out there.
Like hell there are.
OK. Find another one.
Go on, tough guy.
I knew it.
You're a wimp.
And I bet
you've never had any pussy.
Wimp!
Jerk ...
Fucking spastic ...
Rud, take it easy ...
Shit! This is wild! Yes!
- Listen! -
Hi, Kresten,
lovely of you to come.
With all your lies and surprises,
I thought it was my turn.
I'm afraid I've only got two.
This is one of them.
The other is that you're not
to show up at dad's firm again.
So fill in the divorce papers
and have a good life.
By the way, Torben has helped me.
You bet he makes it happy.
Kisses, baby.
Why not give the loonies
some booze?
They'd be a real laugh
if they were pissed.
Well now ... a cigar?
Linda must smoke, too.
- Too true.
Yuck!
Yes,
happiness is a good cigar.
Happiness is when Mifune
... comes out of the cellar.
Who the heck is Mifune?
He is strong.
He never gives up.
The seventh Samovar ...
It ... is Kresten.
Samurai.
- Is Kresten a Samovar?
Stop mussing my hair.
- I'll give you a kiss.
Stop it, it's revolting.
Stop it ... now give Rud one.
Well then, Herning ...
are you going to play to us?
What about
"Incy wincy spider?"
Stop it, Bjarke.
Goodnight.
Mifune, my arse.
Piss. Shit.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
Ouch, bloody hell, man!
You idiot!
Got our period, have we?
Do you mind?
Don't your tricks
all smoke afterwards?
The trick you had last night did.
- Run along and have a shower.
You stink to high heaven.
- I couldn't care.
I could.
Run along.
Being told off leaves me cold.
Specially by a whore like you.
Don't you call me that.
I do it for your sake.
" All the time, Liva.
Always."
"I will always be near
my beloved pink whore."
What did you say?
Say it again.
Say it again.
" All the time, Liva."
" Always."
"I will always be near
my beloved pink little cunt."
Was it you?
Kresten?
What are you doing?
Have you gone crazy?
- It's none of your business.
You work here, so answer nicely.
- Piss off.
Or we'll go by your contract
and you can whitewash the place.
Right Rud, let's sing.
Isn't this what you dream of?
Sing, Rud, damn it!
Come on! It's what you dreamed of.
A little family ... He misses
his mummy. Is that it?
Now we are proper little family that
can sing and rot away down here.
Come on, Rud.
Sing!
It's cold and I'm far from home ...
Sing, damn you.
Call your fucking space ship, man.
They can help you sing.
Linda, Linda, Linda ...
- Rud, calm down.
Rud, she'll come back.
- The rings'll take Rud ...
Rud, calm down, she'll be back.
- Linda and Rud ...
What is going on?
Please go and find her, Kresten.
We three are
a right bunch of loonies.
Not Rud.
Hello?
I'm just phoning to say I'm OK.
They're bastards.
How dare they treat me like that?
Like what?
Bjarke, the little turd,
ruined everything.
They're jerks, all of them.
Was it that Kresten bloke?
... What did he do? Did he hit you?
He's a prick, a filthy prick.
A bastard.
Crazy.
- Calm down. We'll help you.
It's too late.
- Calm down, Liva, you're drunk.
I sure bloody am.
Sure you are.
We'll come and get you.
Stay the fuck away.
I'll say if I want to leave.
See you.
Oh?
Slumming?
Where is she?
- Who?
Kresten, for fuck's sake ...
My housekeeper.
Can't keep your staff, eh?
You are a peasant.
A peasant.
And you always have been.
How about you, Gerner?
Things going well for you?
Having fun?
The King of Nakskov, are you?
Having fun out here
amidst the sugar beet?
Kresten ...
Kresten, I've got my eye on you.
I'll get you, wise guy.
Beat it.
- Sure.
Beat it, I said.
- I'm on my way.
Piss off.
Beat it.
My turn.
Come on ...
Come on! Open the door!
Did you have fun?
- Shut up, Kresten.
What the hell was the idea?
I hate it.
Only psychopaths do stuff like that.
I must be a psychopath.
- Of course you're not. I know you.
You don't .
Bjarke, I'm not buying that.
The neglected little boy
who needs attention ... Know what?
Everyone does.
But they have to behave themselves
all the same.
Life is one long turd -
- that you have to take a huge bite
of every day; get used to it.
But never feel so sorry for yourself
that you piss on other people.
At any rate,
not the ones who love you.
Don't you see? You're all I've got,
I'm all you've got.
We have to take care of each other.
It's over. We'll say goodbye politely
and go back to Copenhagen.
Why?
- You'll tell them about me.
No.
- You will.
No ... they're nice.
Rud and Kresten.
And we'd be together.
- We leave tomorrow.
You brat ...
Need any help?
You're the man in charge.
Just go by our contract.
Yep.
I'm sorry about yesterday.
Just paint.
Can't we just ...
- Paint!
You know what you are?
White.
That, too.
Hello?
I'd like to book a taxi for 1 a.m.
From Katrinebæk
on Kastbæk Road.
Two people, to Copenhagen.
Is it there?
- Brilliant.
Steady as a rock. Well done!
- What's happening?
Bjarke Psilander
passes to Rud Jensen.
Rud Jensen passes to Donald Duck.
Rud Jensen heads the ball.
But the hung-over woman goalie
parries it; how incredible!
Goal! 2-2 to Lolland!
2-2 to Lolland ...
2-2 to Lolland!
- 2-2 to Lolland!
Ebbe Sand, Ebbe Sand, Ebbe Sand ...
Ebbe Sand from Lolland!
Yes!
Mmmm ...
- Uh-uh.
Where have you hidden the cook?
- Go and get Rud and Bjarke.
Oh, how sweet!
Thanks for the invitation.
We picked them
where we go out to piss.
Are you sure
we have to go?
Yes.
I'll wake you
at the den at 12.45.
Come on.
The time has come for
me to say a word or two.
But ...
Well, I don't know what to say.
Cheers, then.
Bottoms up.
What a pig!
I'll clear up in the morning.
Come on.
Goodnight, Mifune.
Let go of me!
If you can fuck
Fat Flemming and his mates ...
... We want some too.
- Get off me, you bastard.
Don't worry, we'll pay for it.
Come on, you little whore ...
Let go of her.
- Let go of me.
That'll do.
I'm sorry, Kresten, I'm sorry.
It wasn't your fault.
The woman who came here was
my wife. You know that. Claire.
Why didn't I just tell them
that my brother was a cretin -
- and my dad was rotting away
in a dump in Lolland?
And then I go and fall in love
with my housekeeper.
That's what people are like
here; totally trite and total liars.
I know.
- You do?
I can't , I can't ...
Well?
- I knocked, but there's no answer.
I think we should go in.
- OK.
Shit, he's raped her.
He's fucking well raped her.
Shit, man, he's got a knife.
- Call the police.
He's killed her.
- Let's get him ...
Bastard!
- Move those bloody flowers.
Stay still.
Stay still.
Have some whisky.
Hold him steady.
Hold him tight.
You ought to have
your balls cut off, you bastard.
No!
Rud ...
Rud!
I believe
I'm standing right here, Kresten.
What happened?
You were asleep, and then bump ...
- What are you on about?
She ... they ... they ...
They found me in Nakskov.
- Nakskov?
Come here.
Have you told him, Rud?
He's a real Scrooge McDuck.
He found all this cash
in a green plastic bag.
Yes ... Scrooge McChicken ...
It's just like with Ingrid.
How fucking naff, man.
We 're out of here.
Before it gets pornographic.
Some people say what they're doing
beats anything else.
But it's no fucking fun
to watch, is it?
No, but we'll be
staying here now, right?
Are you crazy?
We 're all staying. For 5000 years.
The orchestra too?
- Sure.
Nobody else'll
listen to that crap.