Midnight Delight (2016) - full transcript
Set of characters in a smoking lounge reflect over daily existence, societal curiosities conversing about various topics with people they have never met before.
Hmm?
[sniffs]
[exhales]
[bong bubbling]
What's up with you, King?
Hmm?
Oh, hey...
what's up?Just you?
[laughs]Bitch.
Why are you doing this, King?
What? Chillin'?
'Cause I'm cool,that's why, you fool.
Oh, no, early in the mornin'?
Oh, oh, yeah,oh, what about it?
What about it?
You are the king of theentire fuckin' jungle.
Don't I look it?
Sure, you look it, butyou've got to be the king, too.
Be, get around,check on the others.
Fuck a lioness,eat a human, kill a gazelle.
Just show up hereand deal, ya know?
Man, my throat is dry,I'm fuckin' thirsty.
[Lion] Mm, me too.
[snorts]
Ah, God damn it.
[coughs]Such a good hit.
That's a realgood example, Giant.
[coughs]
Why are youdressed in pink, man?
What the fuck?
Yeah, pretty fuckin'clean, huh, man?
[chuckles]
[sighs]Whatever, look at you.
You are da fucking king.
Hey, hey,I thought I was the king.
What?
He is the king elephant.
You, man, you are thegrand king elephant,
in your prime.
There is a lot that youcould be doing right now.
If I were you, I would bemaking some serious moves, sir.
Some serious moves.
* I hit that ganja
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good
* When I hit that ganja
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* Smoke one to this
* Ridin' to the store
* On the way to get a dutch
* Early in the morning but I don't give a fuck *
* Go park somewhere and I start to roll it up *
* Take the leaf off the dutch and start to break it up *
* Crack it down the middle then throw away the guts *
* Break up the weed and lick to close it up... *
[bong bubbling]
* [music continuesindistinctly] *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
[air blows]
[coughs]
[exhales]
[pipe whistles]
* I hope blind hope
[exhales]
[moans]
[Floyd] How you doin', bro?
-Hey.-Nice to meet ya.
-How are ya?-Great.
Good.
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
Great club, huh?
Yeah, it's not bad, not bad.
You been here a lot,this is my first time.
Once a month.
Once a month?This is my first time here.
Yeah.
Yeah, a friend of mine,you might know him.
A Irish guy, Shawn Sullivan.
Has a jazz quartet.
Sometimes he plays in theroom over next to the bar.
Okay.
I don't know him.
Should I know him?Here, you need a light?
Thanks, brother.
Yeah, we care, we share.
[lighter clicks]
I've never seenanything like this before.
Yeah.
-Hey, bro.-Thank you.
Not a problem, thank you.
It's a wonderful experience.
I think I have theright attire here.
You ever been to Amsterdam?
[coughs]
Never.
Is it...Is it like this?
It's critical to getover there and enjoy it.
For three or four days.
Any more than that is too much?
-That's what I've been told.-Yeah.
How many times you been?
-Two.-Twice.
How many days?
Four days a piece.
Four days a piece?Do you remember any of 'em?
Yes.
-Good times?-Riding a bicycle.
That sounds awesome.
That sounds fantastic.
Yeah, my nephew'skindergarten teacher
told me about this place.
Yeah?
Doesn't say much for her, but...
What school does he go to?
[coughs]
I don't know,kindergartens have names?
Wow.
Like, he's very small.
He don't know much.Sleep, take up a lot of money.
-You have kids?-Two.
[coughs]How old?
Twenty-one...
and 17.
[exhales]
You're not supposedto eat that stuff.
-My name's Mike.-Mike? Floyd.
-Floyd?-Vavino.
Floyd.
Like Pink Floyd, huh?
Yeah.
Were you in that band,Pink Floyd?
[Floyd] Mm-mmm.
No?
I don't know,I don't remember the '70s.
I wasn't born until the '80s--
I cut my hairshort in those days.
Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.
You still keep itpretty short now?
I try and, uh,keep well-groomed.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.
I have 11 fingers.
Do you think I couldsee one of your hands?
Can I see both of your hands?
Do you have a tattoo...
somewhere?
Yeah.
You have 11 fingers.
[woman] I do?
Yeah.
You do.
I do, too.
Everybody does.
Who thought it was 10?
My stupid teacher.
'Cause zero's a number.
Zero to 10.
One o'clock.
One.
Eleven.
What about infinity?Isn't infinity a number?
Totally a number.
It's the biggest one.
What equation wouldyou answer with infinity?
[woman 2] All right,I gotta question for you.
How badly do youwanna go to the moon?
Infinity and back.
Infinity and back is zero.
I could get a tattooof just the moon,
'cause the moon is zero.
Moon is not zero.
The distance betweenthe earth and the moon
can be actuallycalculated in light years,
Infinity doesn't exist, becauseyou can measure everything.
-I can measure...-No.
from here to moon...
-You cannot measure...-to back.
everything.
So, there is no infinity.[speaking foreign language]
Emotion.
We can't measure emotion.
Emotion, you can measure,because emotion is energy.
And energy is
equal to...
MC squared.
So you can measure emotion.
I am, like,such an emotional person.
If a mother loves the child...
and the childloves the mother...
But, see, it is different so...
love is different.
Depending on who you love.
[scoffs]Amen to that.
It's like lightning.
When it hits a person...
-it's bad.-I am a mess.
But then it goes in the sky,it's beautiful.
Do you just feel likeyou're a mess sometimes?
Oh, yeah.
[sighs]
This ceiling.
You know, this ceiling issomebody else's floor?
What if we arebackwards right now?
But we don't know thatwe're backwards like that.
That means there's no gravity.
You just said so many things...
-We're walking...-that are...
-on the moon.-blowing my mind.
Moon walking...
is my favorite dance.[laughs]
I miss Michael Jacksonlike I knew him.
Skin is made upof the same tissue...
on women and on men,but it's different.
You cannot use thesame moisturizer
that you use for women, for men.
I used to date this guy,
I hated his moisturizer,because it smelled like a guy.
So I could never use it.
Do you know when theytapped you on your skin?
How does it stay on your skin?
I've been trying tofigure it out, yeah,
because your skin,you know, it grows, right?
And it-- And the top layergoes off, all the time.
But the tattoo stays.
Your skin grows off?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How many layers do you have?
Like this.
Like this.Like this.
But this is two?
It's 11 of them.
Can you imagine ifyour name was Zorro?
Ceiling is the floor,
skin is the skin.
A green chili pepper is alsomade from chlorophyll pigment.
And a mango is made ofchlorophyll pigment.
Like...
My favorite bodywash is mango.
Favorite, scented.
Everything is fucking same...[laughs]
You know, infinity isconnected, it-- You-- You--
Can you tell where itstarts and where it ends?
-[woman 2] No.-If you-- You...
It's so fluid.
But where do you draw it?
In the air.
See?You started from the center.
But what if you did notstart it from the center?
Because everybody thinkscenter is the starting point,
but what if center wasnot the starting point?
What if the centerwas not even the end?
Like, what ifcenter didn't exist?
[snaps fingers]
What if-- What's that guy,Zorro you said?
[laughs]
What if Zorro is blooming,and we're just in his wheel,
and we're not real.What if we're not at the center?
You're not in there.
Somewhere in somebody'srandom thoughts.
What if none of this exists?
Fuck, man.
I exist.
What if you don't?
Remember when youwere doing this?
See, infinity hastwo zeros in it, right?
So, if infinity's two zeros,then infinity is two.
You need this.
That's fucking cool,I figured it out, dude.
I should have met Shakuntala.
[crunching]
They have a weird crunch.
[exhales][moans]
[whispers]Shit, this is good.
Do you ever noticethat these pipes...
look like little glasspenises with designs on them?
And...
when we light them, right...
we're, like,sucking the cock of our high.
[laughing]
You know what I just realized?
You're black.
[laughs]
Holy shit, I'm black.
It's true, you know?
I read once...
eight point five people,
every year,get raped by dolphins.
Of all the pieces ofinformation to share...
you chose that?
Tell me how this helpsme in my daily life.
Next time you're in the ocean...
you'll remember it.
When you hear that[imitates dolphin]
you will swim towards shore.
[sighs]
Isn't it weird though,
a dolphin can understandanother dolphin?
Just from, like, high-pitched...[shrieks]
Like, what do youthink they're saying?
You really wanna knowwhat I think they're saying?
Yeah.
This is just my opinion.
Okay.
I think that dolphinshave developed a highly
pitch-sensitivelanguage that basically
covers something of thesame complexity of Sanskrit,
or ancient hieroglyphs, somekind of deciphered language
that only they can understand,
in which theycommunicate the nuances
and the secret innermost...treasures of the universe.
I believe that dolphinscould very well be,
the beings responsible
for the inceptionof the entire world.
Or its destruction.
Shit.
I thought they werejust sayin' hi.
[laughing]
Why do we even talk, man?Like...
what is the point?
What has anything we'vesaid tonight mattered?
The point of all communication
is to confirm that we'renot alone in the universe.
But we say nothing.
We never say anything.
The entire complexityof human communication
is wrought withcomplete and utter
idiosyncrasies thateliminate any kind of
viable information to bedisplayed or transferred
between two cognizanthuman beings.
How do we know...
what we're even saying, though?
How do you know
that I say,"Hey, man, what's up?"
That I might say,"Dude, I wanna kill you."
What makes whatwe're saying matter?
[exhales]
Fuck this deep stuff, man.
Hit that.
Fuck the police.
You should sue them.
Fuck the police,fuck the police?
Fuck the police.
What is your problemwith the police?
You should have the problem.
Why do I havea problem with the police?
[sighs]Fuckin' racial profiling.
You got racially profiled?
Who the fuck raciallyprofiled you?
-[laughs]-What are you smokin'?
I don't know.
That shit must be great.
I found it.
You know where I can get some?
You can have some.
Yeah, I don't know what's in it.
I'll take a...
Pass that shit.
[exhales]
I wonder if weed makes you fat.
It makes you healthier.
I think it does something,your, like, body chemistry
that re-energizes youand gives you energy.
What the fuck do models eat?
They smoke.
They smoke!
They weigh, like, six pounds
-soakin' wet.-They smoke!
And they all walk around withthat fucking sucked in face.
[imitates model]Oh, my God,
like, over there, over there?
And, like, I can'teat any carbs,
because if I do, I'm gonna,like, fucking explode.
And, like, if I doeat carbs, like...
What is the deal with nose jobs?
Every fucking time I seesome actress come out,
they chop her Goddamn nose off,
and she looks like a completelydifferent fuckin' person.
When you said nose job,
I thought you wereinto some kinky shit.
[laughs]
I think there's fat in water.
They want us to be fat.
They wanna sell us the dietpills and the gym memberships.
I mean, I've lostsome weight, I'm--
You look good, man.
I mean, I used to be 450.
You look good.
Now, I'm what, like,107 pounds and shit.
I picked somethin'up the other day.
And I lifted up my arm, andI was like, "Fuck yeah."
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
You're really attractive.
I gotta get to the gym.
I gotta work out harder.
You and me.
We're goin' to the gym.
[inhaling]
Fuck yeah.
Oh, shit, [chuckles]I got dizzy.
Shh, yeah,it's you and me, baby.
It's you and me.
Oh, shit.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool.
Do you wanna know something?
Do you know that you canbe raped by a dolphin?
[chuckles]
It's true.I'm tellin' you...
you're sittin' there,you go in the water, you think,
"Oh, I'm just swimmin',sun, catchin' some sun."
Then you see a dolphin come by.
Holy fuck!
There's a dolphin.
It gets closer,they're beautiful, majestic.
And then it swims around,next thing you know,
it's on top of you.
And then it's pushin'you under water.
And you don't knowwhat's goin' on.
You can't breathe and you're...[gags]
And then next thing you realize,
you're gettingfucked by a dolphin!
You're-- The dolphin ispushing on ya, pushing,
ramming you under water.
Dear God...
what is he doing?
How is this happening?
Is this dolphin fucking high?
And it's pushingyou and pushing you,
and you can't breathe.
Next thing you know,the dolphin gets off.
I don't know how they dothat, but they get off.
[laughs]
Can you imagine an oceanfull of dolphins all high?
[imitates dolphin]
They got their own nightclub.
Like, maybe they're attheir own club right now,
just all getting stoned.
[chuckles]
Aren't you gonnacompliment me on my dress?
No, 'cause that'swhat you'd expect.
Hey.
Hey.
[chuckles]
For me?
How'd you know I smoke?
[man] Took a guess.
Is this your first time hereor you been here before?
I've been hereall the time... and never.
All the time and never.
I only come here when I smoke...
but I don't really smoke.
Oh, so this isyour first time?
Nope, I've beenhere for a while.
You're a tease,that's what you are.
Come on.
Aren't you gonnacompliment me on my dress?
No, 'cause that'swhat you'd expect.
Shit, what wouldn't I expect?
Let's play a game.
All right, what do you propose?
For this game,
you're gonna have togive up all your trust.
All my trust in you?
Yeah, you're just have to--You're just gonna
have to give up everything,everything that's goin' on here,
you have to give upall your trust into me.
You assume that Itrust anybody here.
No, I assumethat you trust me.
What if I trust no one?
When you trust someone,it's everything or nothin'.
And what do you do?
Well, I'm the host.
I ask questions, andyou have to answer them.
You have to answer them.
All right, I'm down.
-[man] All right.-Let's play the game.
Okay.
So, imagine yourself
in this crazy, open landscape,okay, like a desert.
You see it?
-I'm in a desert.-You're in a desert.
The Sahara Desert.
-Yes.-Or another desert.
-Just any desert you want.-'Cause it could be,
'cause it could bean arctic desert.
It could be, it could be.
'Cause there arethose, there are--
Yeah, there are those.
Would you wear, like, a redjacket to that, you think?
Yeah, I probably would.
Yeah, knowing you, seeI know you so well already.
-Yeah, yeah.-See how the game works?
All right, so you see a cube.
A cube.
Tell me what thatcube looks like.
What if it's like asphere, though, like,
-what if it's like...-Oh,
-it's a sphere.-the Death Star?
So, I come to desert,and I see a Death Star.
Okay, interesting,I can work with that.
Okay, so it's a sphere.
-What color is it?-A red sphere.
Okay, a red sphere, huh?
Similar to your dress...
-I'd imagine.-Similar to my dress.
-It suits you.-Thank you.
I'm more of like adark blue kinda guy.
-[woman] Yeah.-You know,
-not black, dark blue.-[woman] Mm-hmm.
Now, near it you see a ladder.
Okay.
[man] Is it close byor is it far away?
-I see two ladders.-You see two ladders?
You know,they're actually more like
one ladder that'sin like a V shape.
-Ah.-What's this called?
-Triangle.-Mm, like a mountain.
Okay, now you see flowers.
Are they growing, like,on a vine on the ladder or--
You tell me.
There's no flowers,there's no flowers.
You're bad at this game.
And now you see a storm.
It's all around.Lightning.
Tornadoes.
Okay, now I'm gonna tell youeverything I know about you.
When you saw a sphere.
-Mm-hmm.-A red sphere.
That red sphere represents you.
You are the girl whostands out in a crowd.
You're the girl thatdoesn't just want attention,
you command it.
When I asked you whereyou saw your ladder,
you said you saw two ladderspointing up this way.
That means you're a girllooking for success.
That's all you want.
And then when you said,"Where's the storm?"
You said, "It's all around."
That means that younever, ever let up.
You're always on, just in case
you ever need to beon top of your game.
Is there anythingwrong with that?
-Absolutely not.-[woman] Did not think so.
Notice you'rewearing a lot of blue.
You know what sucksis that it's all literally...
Now, I'm all red, look at that.We're like opposites.
Do you... Do you careabout the little things?
Yeah, the...
[Woman] Little things, like--
-The details, the details.-Yeah, details, like,
for example, spelling.
Nobody appreciates spellingnowadays, you know.
But I should breakup with this guy,
because he kept texting me,"Hi, sweetie," like sweaty.
-"Hi, sweaty."-Sweaty?
-Oh, my God.-[woman] And I was so tired
of being calledsweaty all the time,
I just had to break up with him,
-because of the little things,-Oh, my God,
-ya know?-He said, "Hi, sweaty?"
He called me a grammar Nazi.
[chuckles]
But that's 'cause thelittle things matter to me.
Right, right.
Does he at least apologize?He doesn't do the,
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie"afterwards?
This other guy,he was a vegan...
and I love meat...
so we just couldn't work.
He was a strict vegan?
I think if peoplewere forced to sign
confidentiality agreements,before they committed to a diet,
there'd be no vegans,'cause they'd be like,
"Oh, I can't talk aboutmy diet to everybody,
I'm out of this."
So, you're sayingvegans are only vegans
because they wanna talkabout being vegans?
Exactly.
It's like peoplewho run marathons
only run marathons sothey can tell everybody
they're running marathons,and nobody really
cares that you'rerunning a marathon.
[laughs]
That's hilarious,
-okay?-Yeah.
-That is just genius hilarious.-That's just honest.
[laughs]
Oh, my God, I haven't laughedthat hard in a long time.
That was awesome.
You should smoke more.
You'd laugh more.
I have this theory and...
I need your opinion on it.
All right.
Why is it that girls cannever exist in a group of three?
They always have to existin a group of two or less.
So you gotta girlwho has one friend,
or it's just her.
I don't know whatyou're talking about.
Okay,
do you see why girls in agroup of three never work out?
No, I don't.
One has to be on the lookout,
while the other one hasto be carrying the weapon,
while the third one's gottabe picking up the guys.
So that's thesystem we all have.
Exactly, okay, okay, this iswhat I'm talking about, okay.
So, the girl with the weapons,what if she gets left out
when the other two girlsget approached by two guys?
Plot twist.
Now what happens?
How come guys,in group of fours,
when they come upand hit on a girl?
We only have--
Wait, like, four guysjust approaching in unison?
One approaches,
the other threehover in the corner
like cowards with Bluetooth.
-[laughs] Yeah.-They go full CIA.
They do make a lot of eyecontact back and forth, right?
Also think that we'rebeing inconspicuous, so,
you go out for--You for a guys' night out,
or girls' night out, and--
Why can't I goon guys' night out?
Okay, you can't go onguys' night out because,
why would you wanna do that?
You would not--Would you enjoy it?
-Maybe.-Guys just talkin'
'bout stuff that youwould have no interest in.
Maybe if you didn't havepreconceived, sexist notions
-about what goes on...-Oh, my God,
-all right, all right, wow.-in a woman's brain--
Wow, that's a verystrong accusation, okay?
I'm just a guy--
-What if I...-At Midnight Delight.
like to talk about football?
What if I like to spit in a can,talk about my nine millimeter.
Men-- Men don't spit ina can anymore, all right?
I don't know wheremen do that anymore.
-[laughs]-I don't.
I don't know if thatmakes me a woman,
but I don't spit in a can.
If this is the competition,you know what, I quit.
Thank you.Thank you, God.
You've given me goodweed for a while.
Leonardo DiCapriospat in Titanic.
And women love him.
All right, well, he was acting.He was acting.
So, you should act likeyou like spitting in cans.
Ah.
[chuckles]
Guys fearing and caringabout the friend zone, ya know.
As if the idea of beingfriends with a woman,
being friends with meis so bad, ya know,
that it's like a punishment.
Okay.
-I see what you're saying.-[woman] Why do you
have to be like that, you--Your whole gender?
Look, you think thatthe guy doesn't wanna be
in the friend zonebecause the guy...
has to date her, right?
But the real reason is,even though the guy knows
that he could date her afterbeing friends with her,
then the breakup isalways 10 times worse.
That's why.
That's why we avoidthe friend zone.
It's not about you, it's about
how much sufferingwe can deal with.
So that's actuallyvery selfish.
Yep, we are selfish.
-[woman] You are very selfish.-Men are selfish.
Men are selfish.
We don't spit... [laughs]We don't spit in cans, but
we are still men.
[chuckles]
Forget all that now,let's just...
embrace unity.
-Embrace unity?-[woman] Yeah.
-[man] Well, that's, uh---Even with your enemies in red.
Is that, like,symbolism right now?
-Are you my enemy?-You are wearing blue.
[chuckles]Damn.
You know what the firsttime was when I smoked weed?
Tell me.
It was, like,sophomore in college.
Yeah well, you look like thispreppy Upper East-Side brat,
-to be quite frank.-Wow.
Wow.
-You need a cardigan?-First of all...
-Your grand cardigan-this is called style,
-all right?-Okay.
It doesn't have a term.
-Mm-hmm.-It's just undefined.
Mm-hmm.
If I were to ask you,what is the secret...
What is, like, the secret fora guy to get a girl?
Like, what does he haveto do when he meets her,
to go out with her?
Let me tell you a story.
I was working outrecently at the gym.
Hear this guy say tohis trainer,
"Which machine shouldI really use, you know,
to impress the ladies?"
And I'm there thinking, "Buddy,like, the ATM." Ya know?
[man] Right.
So, think on that.
So, money.
You know, evenmachines ask for money.
You know, like,vending machines.
So, am I to believe that--
Are you calling mea vending machine?
I mean, just saying you said--
If the can fits, what?
Look, I actuallydidn't say much.
You know, I think you kindacame to your own conclusions,
and, you know, I wasjust smoking this joint.
The more I smoke, though...
the more I realize thatreally just doesn't matter.
What doesn't matter?
ATM machines, credit cards,
gifts, all of that.
What does matter?
If you're gonna die tomorrow...
who would you spendyour last spliff with?
Who would you wannaspend that time with?
That's what matters.
[Mike] I like your hat, Floyd.
-Is that an actual---I put this hat into style.
Before people startedwearin' 'em like this.
That is an awesome hat.
My head doesn't workfor hats like that.
I see.
I think you mean,I have a nice head as well.
This is my smoking hat.
Hats are good.
They protect youfrom the sun, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I gotta little bit morepigment than you, but
you might wanna protectit from the sun.
I tan, I tan a little bit.
And your skin?
You gotta moisturize your skin.
Especially if you'rein the sun a lot.
Do you moisturizethe top of your head?
I moisturize my entire...
All my skin.
You look like a Jergens man.
-Thank you.-No problem.
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
How, uh...[clears throat]
How'd you find outabout this place, Floyd?
Oh, a couple friends, whoused to play here in the band.
Oh.
Do they moisturize too?
You gotta shareme your regiment.
I find my back getting dry.
A lot.
I'm getting more hair on my back
than what's under this cap,right here.
But I hear that's whathappens as you get older.
There's a lot of greatproducts out there to
burn the hair off your back.
[exhales]
Yeah.
Do you even name your hat?
It looks like it has a name.
You should name it Rufus.
'Cause it covers theroof of us, ya know?
No?
You gotta better name for it?
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
You have really good posture.
[laughs]
Sorry, I'm a posteriorchain specialist,
and I just noticed havereally good posture.
-Yeah, I'm a trainer.-No.
[laughing]
I'm probably thefirst person that
that sentence evermade sense to.
Can I steal that?
[bong bubbles]
Would you like some?
No, thank you, I have my own.
I love this place.
It's peaceful.
Nobody bothers you.
Yeah, sorry,I did just come over
and kind of take over.
-No, I enjoy it.-[woman] What seemed like
a very mellow
-moment for you.-I enjoyed it, it was nice.
You broke me out of mylittle sativa shell.
[chuckles]
What do you specialize in?
[chuckles]Core integration.
Zumba.
Fuck you!
That's awesome.
[woman] I'm mostly independent.
[man] A good thing aboutdealing independent, though,
you deal with clientsthat are, like, dead serious.
Mostly, not completely, no.
I have clientsin the gym that,
just like regularmembers of the gym,
they just pay a fee,they show up,
-for the rest of the week,-[woman] They do their three.
And they're doin' their ownthing, you know what I mean?
The three initial sessions,
and then you neversee 'em again?
Oh, I see 'em, it'sjust the constant,
"So, how was your diet?""Well, I ate yesterday.
At some point.
And today, I had like,a piece of fruit,
so I'm losing weight, I think."
[woman coughs]
I think every trainerI know smokes pot.
[coughs]
I am pretty sureit's the least
amount of calories you cantake in for a good time.
Cheers to that.
You ever had any celebrities?
I get a few.
I met a few,I just try not to, like,
seem too gung-ho aboutmeeting a celebrity.
Like, I try to, like, pound up.
And then get behind closeddoors, it's like, "Yeah!"
I don't actually haveany idea what the sentence
that you just said was.
[laughs]Oh, yeah?
When I meet a celebrity,like, I'll pal it up,
like, "What's up,man, how's it goin'?"
Oh, then you're"Oh, yeah-ing" behind the wall.
And then ask for a getaway.
Gotcha.Sorry, I had to catch up there.
You been here before?
First time.
I've gotta say, they'vegot quite a selection.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
It's pretty wonderful.
How'd you hearabout this place?
A friend of mine who comesby every once in a while.
A friend of mine, I mean me.
It's fun though.
How did you find outabout it in the first place?
A client.
I forbade him from coming here,
because they were eatin'way too many calories.
Nice.
So I finish upwith a protein shake.
It's a good plan.
I'm not too bad on the munchies.
I gotta say, I love gettinghigh and going and working out.
I did my last triathlon stoned.
[man] Do you wanna goafter a jog after this?
I'll probably just go fora protein shake afterward.
Protein shakefor munchies, huh?
Well--
That is quite--That is quite the healthy move.
It's that or a hard-boiled egg,with, like, three or four.
I love eggs.
I do a seven egg whiteand one egg yolk omelet
in the morning.
That's a lot of egg.
Fuck around.
See, why notjust eat two eggs?
Half the protein, all ofthe vitamins and minerals
are in the yolk of the egg.
You might as well just eattwo or three real eggs.
I mean, I might have two yolks.
But a bunch more caloriesand protein and whatnot.
I'm just sayin'.
So am I.
Oh, well, God bless.You look good.
Thank you.
[chuckles]
So do you.
I dabble.
A bit.
I don't think that'sa good opening line.
Hi, I dabble, you're attractive.
It works.
I can't tell you howmany obese clients I have
that will not make eggs,just make eggs.
Everyone freaks outabout the yolks and
I just don't understand why.
What do you mean, like--
Well half yourprotein's in the yolk.
No, only two grams ofprotein are in the yolk.
No, it's like four.
Five grams are in the white.
No, it's like the opposite.
[man] Really?
I will bet you therest of your joint.
I'll bet you your number.
Touché.
[laughs]
But...
You gotta control themunchies, you know what I mean?
Not too bad on themunchies, I gotta say.
If you use a sativa,rather than an endica,
your munchies aremuch, much less.
I just... Yeah.
If I'm gonna sithere and smoke endica,
I'm just gonna be out andI'm gonna be on the couch
and totally antisocial.
Like me, till you walked over.
I'm surprisedyou're a bong girl.
Cleans it out.
You strike me as a--
So much better for the lungs.
You strike me as aone-hitter kinda girl.
Vaporizer's actually my wee--My method of choice.
Volcano.
You actually get 90 percent ofthe THC when you vaporize it,
and only 20 percentwhen you smoke it.
-Really?-Yeah.
There's ash when I smoke it
which means there'snothing left.
Because THC comes outof the pot at a much lower
temperature than it burns,that if you heat it there,
you get all theTHC without getting
-any of the smoke.-That's what people say
about makin' brownies, butI always fuck that up, too.
What kind of a split do you do?
One chest back, one arm,shoulders, legs,
and then I do two tothree cardio days.
Do a six day split?
Three days of upper,three days of lower,
and varying degreesof intensity.
And then, I actually takesalsa instructions once a week.
-[woman] You do not salsa---I am a hell of a salsa.
Aficionado
I got a little...I got the right turn goin',
with, like, the spin.
I can do a cross-buddy.
I don't even care if you'refull of shit right now,
it's a good story.
[laughs]
That took a lot.
Not that it isn't fun,I'm just sayin'--
Spartans learned how to dance
by the time theywere eight, man.
You gotta learn how to moveyour body, it's badass.
-I am-- I am sorry.-I told my son that.
I was like,"You have a decision to make.
MMA or salsa dancing."
And he was like,"Daddy, salsa dancing?"
I was like,"Spartans learn how to dance.
You show respect."
He was like,"All right, Daddy, salsa."
The problem is I try to salsato all kinds of music now.
* You say you a gangsta but you never got... *
No, you can't really salsato that kind of stuff.
It's a good image,you salsa dancing to 50 Cent.
Should I throw up gang signs?
Or wear the '80s tank topway to do it, it's all right.
[laughs]
How many of your clientsdo you think smoke weed?
At least, like...
90 percent maybe,maybe, I don't know.
Ninety percent, dude,we should get an
exchange programgoing with this place.
Encourage our clients tosmoke instead of drink.
That's... brilliant.
[laughs]
I was gonna say awful,but then...
-No, what if---I thought about it,
and then it's like, it'sso much less calories.
You know, used to say Vodka'cause it's less calories...
pot's fat-free.
See?
You want some of this?
What if you setup a gym in here?
You could come here,get super, super baked,
and then we can have agym connected to the club.
I would bring all myclients here. [laughs]
I have enough problem
-remembering what...-You gotta have
-focus.-rep we're on.
All right, so thetrainers couldn't be high.
Could you trainsomeone right now?
-No.-There's no way.
-So---What am I training, though?
You know how, theyset up some of those
-fitness classes-Lie down.
Where you get, like,
-cocktails and shit afterward,-Relaxation pose.
Which totally defeats thewhole purpose of the class.
This is actually--There's nothing to work off.
It's win-win, youhave an awesome time.
If even-- Even a
-before or after.-Just think,
the bong juicetaste in your mouth.
And then walk rightinto high fitness.
Right there.
That's what I wannacall it, High Fitness.
-High Fitness?-High Fitness.
We have a higher level of--
-We have high standards.-Standards.
And we are high as can be.
We are high,but our high standards.
I would hire you there.
I would do it.
Why are you hiring me?
I'm just sayin'.
Why can't I hire you?
[bong bubbles]
I'll definitely be theone doing the hiring.
That is pretty adequatefor the front desk manager.
[laughing]
You know what's really crazy?
When people areactually coherent,
they're always just talkin'.
When I'm, like, totallycoherent, I just talk all day
about stuff that really doesn'teven matter all that much,
but it's when you'rebaked, and it's like,
the real stuff comesout, like, the real stuff
that you have to talk about.
'Cause there's nota time for all that.
It's just like...[snaps fingers]
things are justcomin' at you quick
and it's like, you just respond.
It's just real-er, more real.
What's, ha!
It's one of those.
No, yeah, that...
I mean, that makessense, I guess.
Um...
So where do you--Do you live near here?
I do, I live walking distance.
I actually live like,three blocks away.
Where do you live?
I'm, like, six blocks that way.
That's what I meant,three blocks that way,
so, I mean, if Iwalked you home,
it wouldn't really bethat far to come back.
I mean, I canwalk myself home.
That's true, I couldjust stay at your place,
that would probablybe a lot easier.
Oh, yeah?
I mean, if that's what you--
I won't be doing egg whitesin the morning, though.
I'll be doing real eggs.
Well, I mean, that's fine,if you're into the fatty stuff.
I'm just saying, I try to go--
That's a really good way totry to go home with someone.
I like to put it this way.You're a very pretty girl,
you probably get a lot ofcompliments, God bless.
So, I try to put youdown a little bit
'cause you don't hear thatvery often and that might make
you come back a littlebit, you know what I mean?
It's nice to have that, thatbring back down to earth
for a goddess such asyourself, you know?
You're an assholeand it works!
That's what I always say.
It's so true.
[laughs]
It does work though, soanyway, about that six blocks.
Is it six blocks the hypotenuseor can we kinda cut around
and get like five blocks?
You can--
I try to be selectivelyindustrial when I walk around
and all that shit.
I try to put it all outthere in the workout.
Right--
I'll take theelevator up one floor.
I know where I live,it's gonna be six blocks.
Don't you thinkif I lived there,
I would know ifthere was a shortcut?
I guess we're cabin' it.
Just saying, taxi cabconfession status.
So that means, thatyou're gonna be coming
in that direction then?
Damn right.
Oh, you mean like going thatway home, yes, absolutely.
And you're just assumingthat I'm letting you
stay at my apartment.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm just...
I thought you would thinkit'd be a good idea.
[exhales]
What do you got there, Floyd?
Oh, just a small pieceof merchandise from the...
Ah, which one, which one,see, mine, mine's called,
I got the Pineapple,Pineapple Express in here.
What'd you order?
This tasted likea lemon ginger tea.
I've never heardof that one before.
Women wash their hair in that.
-Do they?-It's terrific.
I gotta try it, how's it--How's it feel?
Cause I gotta tell--
Terrific, as long asyou use the right amount,
condition often...
take good care of your hair,take good care of you.
I like your hat,it's covering up the hair,
but I like the hat.
What kinda hat is that?
Let me check.
"Made in China."
You do know you have no hair?
I mean, it's there,it's just very small
and few and far between.
Floyd, you're aninteresting type of guy.
Embrace your follicly-challengedskull, it's okay because
there's more with you, you know?
Do we need these hats?
I mean, I wear this hatbecause my head gets cold
when I smoke but...
do we really need to hidebehind these symbols of...
You know what I mean?
Makes a great sunblock.
Embrace the bald.
Just do it, take offthat awesome fucking hat,
can I borrow it at some point?
You have a very small headand it's kinda sweaty,
so I'm gonna leave thisright here until it dries.
But embrace it, Floyd.
You do look like youmoisturize that too.
Go ahead, let it in,let it in slow.
[coughs]
How did you hearabout this place?
I hear ya.
I hear ya.
Toast, you're not a man of manywords but I like you, Floyd.
[Floyd] Cheers.
Absolutely, to this place.
So, a moisturizer.
Are you a righty or lefty?
I hear ya.
I hear ya.
Your lips to hisears, buddy, I swear.
I like this place so much.[chuckles]
Oh, yeah.
Floyd, you're a cool cat.
* Come on take my hand
I don't know if they havemembership cards,
but I want one.
[Jolene] Hi, I'm sorry,I don't mean to interrupt,
do you mind if I sit here,there aren't other chairs.
I mean, I don't haveto, I could just stand.
I think this shitjust kicked in.
Excuse me?
[coughs]
Excuse me?
I'm sorry,I don't mean to be rude,
but I don't thinkwe know each other.
What'd you do with Floyd?
Who's Floyd?
I'm sorry, do youknow what time it is?
[snickers]
My watch,Eastern Standard Time.
Water resistant.
Sorry, you don't...[chuckles]
Can't really tellwhich side is up.
I suppose that one's,
This side is up.
Okay.
Holy shit!
What?
You're fucking real.
[chuckles]
What's your name?Are you lost?
My name is Jolene,how do you do?
You look more likea Jacqueline,
like a Jackie Kennedy.
Oh, really?
-Yeah.-[Jolene] Thank you.
I heard she was a bitch.
Actually my full nameis Jolene Mary Monro.
Like Marilyn Monroebut without the E,
I don't have an E onthe end of my name.
Where you from?
I am from North Carolina,Charlotte.
Charlotte Town, Charlotte.
Of all the Carolina's, Ilike the north side the best.
You've been there?
No, but I saw it in a book.
I got one of those, a book...
with words.
-Right, of course.-Okay?
Did you make a wrong turn?
This is a good, good place.I mean, look around.
This place is amazing.
Are you saying Idon't belong here?
I didn't think youwere real at first
and I didn't wanna piss you off.
You wouldn'thave pissed me off.
Because if you weren'treal, what you could do to me,
I can't fight back,I bruise easy.
I got sensitive skin.
Oh.
Yeah, me too.
Got soft skin though.
[chuckles]Yeah.
It's nice.
Do you moisturize?
It feels likeyou been moisturizing
the motherfuckin' shitout of that back arm there.
Excuse the language, I'm sorry.
-Yeah.-It's the cigar talking.
[chuckles]
It feels very soft,I only felt a little bit.
Not in a creepy way.
I felt that girl overthere in a creepy way,
but she had it coming.
We settled it, but it's okay.
Wrong bathroom,it's a whole big story,
I talked to themanagement, we're okay.
But do you know where this is?
Well, the gentleman Iwas supposed to meet here,
he said that we could--
Is it like a blind date?
[Jolene] No, no, no,
-not at all.-Are you on a blind date?
No, no, the gentleman thatI met and he's a talent agent.
-A talent agent?-Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he said that I should
-meet him---What team?
What, sorry?
-[Mike] What team?-No, no, no, he's like a--
A football agent?
-An acting---Like a baseball?
And singing and dancing.
Oh.
You know, I sing a little bit.
-[Jolene] You do?-Not very well.
Well, do you--
But, no,you don't wanna hear it.
Okay.
You should smoke someand then I sound better.
You know he said that...
He said that hecould make me a star.
Yeah, he's...[inaudible]
* [piano music plays]
[Jolene] He saidthat he liked my look.
Oh, you're talking to me?
Yeah, he wanted to...
To-- To-- To see--To see what I got.
There's a lot ofthat going around.
A lot of talentagents scouting?
To see what you got.
Yeah, so, I mean--
To see what you got.
-Exactly.-Exactly.
So, I did my hair andI wore my best dress
and I was gonna sing.
-That's your best dress?-Yeah.
Okay.
You don't thinkI look all right?
I love your dress,it looks very nice.
You don't think it--
No, no, it's nice, itsyellow, the yellow dances.
It dances?
Right now, it's doin'...
Well, in a good way?
Yeah, a little bit.
Not so much towards the top,but, yeah, on the big part,
don't worry about it,
-don't worry about it.-Okay.
Don't worry about it,don't worry about it.
-Okay.-Don't worry about it.
-Okay.-So, he's late?
Yeah, I think so.
Do you mind if I--
Make yourself comfortable,
-please.-Thank you.
Please.
Get myself comfortable too.
You look comfortable.
My hat matches yourdress a little bit.
That's true, itsyellow, and yellow.
It is.
This hat, this hatis like a starter hat
and there was this fuckingdime-of-a-guy, Floyd,
he was sittin' in your seat.
A Floyd.
His name's notA Floyd, his name's Floyd
but he's like aFloyd, like, you know?
Not like a guy,but he's a Floyd.
-No.-No, okay.
What is in that?
I'm gonna pray for you.
I'll pray for you too.
I know you will,I know you will.
-I worry about you.-Do you believe?
I feel like a lot ofpeople here don't really
and not that I haveanything against that,
I'm openhearted, I don'tbelieve that people
who don't believe aregoing to hell or anything.
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, but I suppose theyare, but it's not their fault,
you know, they justgrew up that way.
They got the devil in 'em.
No, they justhaven't found Jesus.
He's a tricky guy to find,
He is, it's true.
Like Carmen, San Diego.
I never thoughtabout it that way.
Yeah.
What I want you to do is,you become more of a believer
when you inhale deeply,let's try this together.
[inhales]
[exhales]
Then you let it go.
It smells a little bit likeincense and a little bit like--
Not incense.
It doesn't smell like thecigars that my pa used to smoke.
Maybe, the ones hesmoked at nighttime?
No, not like those.
No, it smells nice though.
It does, smells betterwhen you suck it really fast.
That didn't come out fast.
I feel like everythingthat I'm doing right now..
is something I'm onlygonna realize I'm doing
in, like, three seconds.
Wait.
See and I realize thatI was doing that now,
but I'm only going to realizethat I'm doing this...
now.
Oh, my God, it's like...[imitating explosions]
You know?
Yeah.
-I'm sorry.-It's okay.
Can I just take a moment?
Do you wanna hit?
Not like a actual hit,it's not one of those clubs.
[Jolene] Okay.
Okay, just like alittle hit of this.
I hit... you?
You may wanna try,
this is calledSmack Me, I'm Your Bitch.
Not that you haveto say the title.
That's real bad.
But it's good.
-Smack me, I'm...-Your Bitch.
This is a trick isn't it,your trying to get me to say
that phrase and then you'regonna do it, is that what--
No.
You think that I'm thatstupid, I'm not stupid.
-Just because---You seem very smart.
[Jolene] Okay, thank you.
Like, vocabularyand everything.
But dumb enough to fall...
That's true.
You've got a littlebit of a point there,
but you can get past it.
Oh, I'm hungry.
[snickers]Yeah, that happens.
I didn't eat all day'cause I wanted to, like...
-I wanted to fit into my pants.-Actresses, we have to...
Exactly, I had tofit into this dress
and I wanted to look svelte and
I'm not sure whatthat last word meant.
Like a real actress.
Yes.
But, do you hear that?
You're not pregnant, are you?
-No.-Okay, just checking.
No.
'Cause it's probablynot good for the fetus.
But you're not,you're not, right?
What?
You have very kind eyes.
This is gonnalook really strange.
Don't take your eye out,I didn't mean it.
No, it's not...
I feel like my...
Don't take it out, 'causeit's gonna creep me out.
It feels like it'sstuck to my eyeball
and it's never gonna come off.
What's coming off?
I wear contact lenses.
Oh.
Have you lost contact?
No, thank goodness,they're still in there.
Oh, my goodness,my ma would kill me.
I won't tell.
Thank you.
[sighs]
So, you said you've been intown for just a short while?
Did I?
Yeah, I've been in townfor a month, mm-hmm.
I...
I'm sorry, I feel like I'mmaking sounds when I'm talking,
apart from the sounds thatI make when I'm talking,
I feel like I'mmaking other sounds.
You know, I hear that,it's like a chipmunk.
Do I look like a chipmunk?
Really, okay, yeah I was...
moved here a month ago and...
I moved to a place calledBedford-Stuyvesant.
Know Biggie?
-Biggie?-Biggie.
-B-I-G...-Yes.
-P-O-P-P-A.-I do.
-Notorious, Notorious.-That's right.
-B-I-G.-Exactly.
-Yes, I do.-Got a favorite song?
No.
Okay, that's cool too.
But he's fromBedford-Stuyvesant.
Yeah?
Yeah, Bed-Sty, Brooklyn.
-Mm-hmm.-All day.
I can't believethis guy stood me up.
He really saidhe thought I was beautiful.
Which he was right.
Thank you, and he saidthat he thought he could see...
-I could see.-the talent.
The talent, the talent oozing.
Glowing, he said glowing.
He said he could seethe talent glowing.
Glowing, that too.
He said that...
-I see.-he was gonna make me a star.
I see a star.
I was gonna sing forhim and I was gonna...
[sighs]
You know?I do, I hear, I can.
I am... I don't know if youcan tell but I've always wanted
to be a star, like Marilyn.
Yes.
My last name is kinda likehers, it's really close,
it's just the lastletter is different,
but she's amazing.
Yeah, so now are youa triple threat though?
Marilyn, triple threat.
Uh...
I try, I'm gonna take actinglessons and dancing lessons
and I'm gonna takesinging lessons but...
So, let's hear alittle something?
Can I hear a little something?
Don't worry about thismusic, just sing over it.
[coughs] I don't knowhow the smoke will effect
-my voice.-Just breathe deep.
-Okay.-You'll be fine.
[exhales]You ready?
I am almost there.
Don't judge me.
* I wanna be loved by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
* I wanna be loved by you alone *
* Boop-boop-a-doop ooh
Can you do thatone part again?
* I wanna kissed by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
You too.
* I wanna be kissed by you alone *
* I couldn't aspire
* To anything higher
-* Than to fill the desire -Keep going.
* To make you my own
* Ba-doomp a doomp a-doop-I-dah boo *
* I wanna be loved by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
Okay.
* I wanna be loved by you alone *
How's that.
[Mike] That was nice.
You wanna run it backto the boop-boop-I-doo?
I can't believehe didn't show up.
[exhales]
This is awesome.
Really, you liked it?
Yeah, yeah.
I was gonna sing thatfor him, but I guess
he just does notgive a good God-damn
-about me and---I do.
What?
Can't remember your namefully but I give those damns
that you weretalking about before.
I'm sorry.
[laughs]I shouldn't have said it.
My name is Jolene.
Right, I'm gonnawrite that down.
[Jolene] Okay.
I hear when you writethings down, you remember.
[sighs]
Yo, remind me...
-Marilyn?-Yes, this dream I had
years ago, years and years.
Of Marilyn?
You dream of Marilyn too?
Probably not thesame reasons you do,
but you look like that--
Is my hair all messed up?
No, it's pretty good.
You sure, I feellike I'm all mussed.
Can you--
Just in case he actuallycomes, help me, please.
Okay, sure, sure.
Just don't keep poking me,
just help me withthe flower thing.
I wasn't poking.
I poked you twice.
Okay, maybe three times.
I won't poke, no more pokes.
Promise?
Pinky swear.
-Okay, now you have to.-Okay.
It's got a little clip.
A little sticky thing there.
Okay, I got this.
[laughs] It lookskinda like a crocodile.
-Can you help me with---Shh.
-It just happened again.-Want me to help you with
-your shirt?-No, what?
[Mike] I mean, your top half.
I mean, of your head.
Yes.
Just that.
Please.
Okay, I got you, don'tworry, hand it over,
fork it over, we're good.
-Okay.-This is pretty.
Thank you.
Who got you this?
-I bought it for myself.-Ah.
You know,no one's ever given me...
-Right here?-a flower-- No here, here.
Won't it look it better,a little bit closer.
-Here?-Yeah, to your heart.
-Exactly.-Okay.
Yeah, don't worry,I'll take care of this.
-There you go.-Just be careful.
-That's nice.-Sure.
And then, when I look at it,
'cause it makes mewanna look at it.
It's very nice.
The flower!
Sure the flower's nice.
Sure it smells amazing.
[coughing]
See, I cough, you cough.
I know your games.
You're not real.
It's a mean trick.
You look real.
It's been real nicetalking to you, Mike.
[coughs]
You're not leaving, right?
You just got here.
Waitin' for your guy?
I don't think he's coming.
You're probably right.
-Just stop it!-It was very nice--
[coughs]
I think she liked me.
[coughs]
[woman] That seat free?
Do you mind?
Can I take a hit of that?
[coughs]
This place is awesome.
Sure, sure.
[woman] Thanks.
You look so familiar.
I love this place.
I like you betterthan the last one.
What last one?
You know, the onethat looks like you.
She was really uptight though.
You...
down-loose.
-Don't worry---You're an asshole.
Fucking love this place.
[groans]
Yeah, Midnight Delight.
* I get high
* So high
* feelin real good when I
[bong bubbles]
[exhaling]
[bong bubbles]
[exhaling]
[Mouse] What?
Oh.
Fuck off!
* When I hit that ganja and blow that smoke in the sky *
* Gettin real blowed I wouldn't change it for nothin' *
* I do this everyday smoke that weed boy no frontin' *
* Ain't nobody else got me feelin real good *
* She makes me feel right and makes me eat a lot of food *
* Put me on the mood Mary-Jane makes me happy *
* I smoke a lot of weed that's why my hair's a 'lil nappy *
* It's not a day without beloved Mary-Jane *
* If there's no marijuana I'll probably go insane *
* She eases all the pain massages my brain *
* Take away the negative stuff and flush it down the drain *
* I love every single moment that I spend with you *
* Every time I take a hit feels like dreams do come true *
* I spend a 'lil somethin' to get ahold of you *
* Cost me a couple of dollars just for me to smoke you *
* The love I got for you is realer than romantic *
* 'Cause every time I see you
* I can smell you through your plastic *
* I get high
* So high
* Bob Marley Bone Thugs Harmony Snoop Dog Carmelo Anthony *
* Bill Clinton George Bush all the way to John F. Kennedy *
* Montel Williams all the way to Brad Pitt *
* Even William Shakespeare that man used to always get lit *
* Michael Bloomberg all the way to Kareem Abdul Jabar *
* Comedian Jack Black got the herb by the jar *
* There's a lot of people in this world *
* Who smokes marijuana
* From my cousins to my uncles to my father and my mother *
* Yeah my people used to smoke but now they all quit *
* They stopped smokin' weed way before they got legit *
* I used to slang that marijuana make money off marijuana *
* I got caught by police went to jail for marijuana *
* Every time I smoke it I feel so free *
* I smoke so much weed that my lungs hate me *
* Don't ever leave me Jane I need you in my life *
* You're everything I got I'm a treat you like my wife *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
[sniffs]
[exhales]
[bong bubbling]
What's up with you, King?
Hmm?
Oh, hey...
what's up?Just you?
[laughs]Bitch.
Why are you doing this, King?
What? Chillin'?
'Cause I'm cool,that's why, you fool.
Oh, no, early in the mornin'?
Oh, oh, yeah,oh, what about it?
What about it?
You are the king of theentire fuckin' jungle.
Don't I look it?
Sure, you look it, butyou've got to be the king, too.
Be, get around,check on the others.
Fuck a lioness,eat a human, kill a gazelle.
Just show up hereand deal, ya know?
Man, my throat is dry,I'm fuckin' thirsty.
[Lion] Mm, me too.
[snorts]
Ah, God damn it.
[coughs]Such a good hit.
That's a realgood example, Giant.
[coughs]
Why are youdressed in pink, man?
What the fuck?
Yeah, pretty fuckin'clean, huh, man?
[chuckles]
[sighs]Whatever, look at you.
You are da fucking king.
Hey, hey,I thought I was the king.
What?
He is the king elephant.
You, man, you are thegrand king elephant,
in your prime.
There is a lot that youcould be doing right now.
If I were you, I would bemaking some serious moves, sir.
Some serious moves.
* I hit that ganja
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good
* When I hit that ganja
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* Smoke one to this
* Ridin' to the store
* On the way to get a dutch
* Early in the morning but I don't give a fuck *
* Go park somewhere and I start to roll it up *
* Take the leaf off the dutch and start to break it up *
* Crack it down the middle then throw away the guts *
* Break up the weed and lick to close it up... *
[bong bubbling]
* [music continuesindistinctly] *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
[air blows]
[coughs]
[exhales]
[pipe whistles]
* I hope blind hope
[exhales]
[moans]
[Floyd] How you doin', bro?
-Hey.-Nice to meet ya.
-How are ya?-Great.
Good.
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
Great club, huh?
Yeah, it's not bad, not bad.
You been here a lot,this is my first time.
Once a month.
Once a month?This is my first time here.
Yeah.
Yeah, a friend of mine,you might know him.
A Irish guy, Shawn Sullivan.
Has a jazz quartet.
Sometimes he plays in theroom over next to the bar.
Okay.
I don't know him.
Should I know him?Here, you need a light?
Thanks, brother.
Yeah, we care, we share.
[lighter clicks]
I've never seenanything like this before.
Yeah.
-Hey, bro.-Thank you.
Not a problem, thank you.
It's a wonderful experience.
I think I have theright attire here.
You ever been to Amsterdam?
[coughs]
Never.
Is it...Is it like this?
It's critical to getover there and enjoy it.
For three or four days.
Any more than that is too much?
-That's what I've been told.-Yeah.
How many times you been?
-Two.-Twice.
How many days?
Four days a piece.
Four days a piece?Do you remember any of 'em?
Yes.
-Good times?-Riding a bicycle.
That sounds awesome.
That sounds fantastic.
Yeah, my nephew'skindergarten teacher
told me about this place.
Yeah?
Doesn't say much for her, but...
What school does he go to?
[coughs]
I don't know,kindergartens have names?
Wow.
Like, he's very small.
He don't know much.Sleep, take up a lot of money.
-You have kids?-Two.
[coughs]How old?
Twenty-one...
and 17.
[exhales]
You're not supposedto eat that stuff.
-My name's Mike.-Mike? Floyd.
-Floyd?-Vavino.
Floyd.
Like Pink Floyd, huh?
Yeah.
Were you in that band,Pink Floyd?
[Floyd] Mm-mmm.
No?
I don't know,I don't remember the '70s.
I wasn't born until the '80s--
I cut my hairshort in those days.
Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.
You still keep itpretty short now?
I try and, uh,keep well-groomed.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.
I have 11 fingers.
Do you think I couldsee one of your hands?
Can I see both of your hands?
Do you have a tattoo...
somewhere?
Yeah.
You have 11 fingers.
[woman] I do?
Yeah.
You do.
I do, too.
Everybody does.
Who thought it was 10?
My stupid teacher.
'Cause zero's a number.
Zero to 10.
One o'clock.
One.
Eleven.
What about infinity?Isn't infinity a number?
Totally a number.
It's the biggest one.
What equation wouldyou answer with infinity?
[woman 2] All right,I gotta question for you.
How badly do youwanna go to the moon?
Infinity and back.
Infinity and back is zero.
I could get a tattooof just the moon,
'cause the moon is zero.
Moon is not zero.
The distance betweenthe earth and the moon
can be actuallycalculated in light years,
Infinity doesn't exist, becauseyou can measure everything.
-I can measure...-No.
from here to moon...
-You cannot measure...-to back.
everything.
So, there is no infinity.[speaking foreign language]
Emotion.
We can't measure emotion.
Emotion, you can measure,because emotion is energy.
And energy is
equal to...
MC squared.
So you can measure emotion.
I am, like,such an emotional person.
If a mother loves the child...
and the childloves the mother...
But, see, it is different so...
love is different.
Depending on who you love.
[scoffs]Amen to that.
It's like lightning.
When it hits a person...
-it's bad.-I am a mess.
But then it goes in the sky,it's beautiful.
Do you just feel likeyou're a mess sometimes?
Oh, yeah.
[sighs]
This ceiling.
You know, this ceiling issomebody else's floor?
What if we arebackwards right now?
But we don't know thatwe're backwards like that.
That means there's no gravity.
You just said so many things...
-We're walking...-that are...
-on the moon.-blowing my mind.
Moon walking...
is my favorite dance.[laughs]
I miss Michael Jacksonlike I knew him.
Skin is made upof the same tissue...
on women and on men,but it's different.
You cannot use thesame moisturizer
that you use for women, for men.
I used to date this guy,
I hated his moisturizer,because it smelled like a guy.
So I could never use it.
Do you know when theytapped you on your skin?
How does it stay on your skin?
I've been trying tofigure it out, yeah,
because your skin,you know, it grows, right?
And it-- And the top layergoes off, all the time.
But the tattoo stays.
Your skin grows off?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How many layers do you have?
Like this.
Like this.Like this.
But this is two?
It's 11 of them.
Can you imagine ifyour name was Zorro?
Ceiling is the floor,
skin is the skin.
A green chili pepper is alsomade from chlorophyll pigment.
And a mango is made ofchlorophyll pigment.
Like...
My favorite bodywash is mango.
Favorite, scented.
Everything is fucking same...[laughs]
You know, infinity isconnected, it-- You-- You--
Can you tell where itstarts and where it ends?
-[woman 2] No.-If you-- You...
It's so fluid.
But where do you draw it?
In the air.
See?You started from the center.
But what if you did notstart it from the center?
Because everybody thinkscenter is the starting point,
but what if center wasnot the starting point?
What if the centerwas not even the end?
Like, what ifcenter didn't exist?
[snaps fingers]
What if-- What's that guy,Zorro you said?
[laughs]
What if Zorro is blooming,and we're just in his wheel,
and we're not real.What if we're not at the center?
You're not in there.
Somewhere in somebody'srandom thoughts.
What if none of this exists?
Fuck, man.
I exist.
What if you don't?
Remember when youwere doing this?
See, infinity hastwo zeros in it, right?
So, if infinity's two zeros,then infinity is two.
You need this.
That's fucking cool,I figured it out, dude.
I should have met Shakuntala.
[crunching]
They have a weird crunch.
[exhales][moans]
[whispers]Shit, this is good.
Do you ever noticethat these pipes...
look like little glasspenises with designs on them?
And...
when we light them, right...
we're, like,sucking the cock of our high.
[laughing]
You know what I just realized?
You're black.
[laughs]
Holy shit, I'm black.
It's true, you know?
I read once...
eight point five people,
every year,get raped by dolphins.
Of all the pieces ofinformation to share...
you chose that?
Tell me how this helpsme in my daily life.
Next time you're in the ocean...
you'll remember it.
When you hear that[imitates dolphin]
you will swim towards shore.
[sighs]
Isn't it weird though,
a dolphin can understandanother dolphin?
Just from, like, high-pitched...[shrieks]
Like, what do youthink they're saying?
You really wanna knowwhat I think they're saying?
Yeah.
This is just my opinion.
Okay.
I think that dolphinshave developed a highly
pitch-sensitivelanguage that basically
covers something of thesame complexity of Sanskrit,
or ancient hieroglyphs, somekind of deciphered language
that only they can understand,
in which theycommunicate the nuances
and the secret innermost...treasures of the universe.
I believe that dolphinscould very well be,
the beings responsible
for the inceptionof the entire world.
Or its destruction.
Shit.
I thought they werejust sayin' hi.
[laughing]
Why do we even talk, man?Like...
what is the point?
What has anything we'vesaid tonight mattered?
The point of all communication
is to confirm that we'renot alone in the universe.
But we say nothing.
We never say anything.
The entire complexityof human communication
is wrought withcomplete and utter
idiosyncrasies thateliminate any kind of
viable information to bedisplayed or transferred
between two cognizanthuman beings.
How do we know...
what we're even saying, though?
How do you know
that I say,"Hey, man, what's up?"
That I might say,"Dude, I wanna kill you."
What makes whatwe're saying matter?
[exhales]
Fuck this deep stuff, man.
Hit that.
Fuck the police.
You should sue them.
Fuck the police,fuck the police?
Fuck the police.
What is your problemwith the police?
You should have the problem.
Why do I havea problem with the police?
[sighs]Fuckin' racial profiling.
You got racially profiled?
Who the fuck raciallyprofiled you?
-[laughs]-What are you smokin'?
I don't know.
That shit must be great.
I found it.
You know where I can get some?
You can have some.
Yeah, I don't know what's in it.
I'll take a...
Pass that shit.
[exhales]
I wonder if weed makes you fat.
It makes you healthier.
I think it does something,your, like, body chemistry
that re-energizes youand gives you energy.
What the fuck do models eat?
They smoke.
They smoke!
They weigh, like, six pounds
-soakin' wet.-They smoke!
And they all walk around withthat fucking sucked in face.
[imitates model]Oh, my God,
like, over there, over there?
And, like, I can'teat any carbs,
because if I do, I'm gonna,like, fucking explode.
And, like, if I doeat carbs, like...
What is the deal with nose jobs?
Every fucking time I seesome actress come out,
they chop her Goddamn nose off,
and she looks like a completelydifferent fuckin' person.
When you said nose job,
I thought you wereinto some kinky shit.
[laughs]
I think there's fat in water.
They want us to be fat.
They wanna sell us the dietpills and the gym memberships.
I mean, I've lostsome weight, I'm--
You look good, man.
I mean, I used to be 450.
You look good.
Now, I'm what, like,107 pounds and shit.
I picked somethin'up the other day.
And I lifted up my arm, andI was like, "Fuck yeah."
Fuck yeah.
Fuck yeah.
You're really attractive.
I gotta get to the gym.
I gotta work out harder.
You and me.
We're goin' to the gym.
[inhaling]
Fuck yeah.
Oh, shit, [chuckles]I got dizzy.
Shh, yeah,it's you and me, baby.
It's you and me.
Oh, shit.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool.
Do you wanna know something?
Do you know that you canbe raped by a dolphin?
[chuckles]
It's true.I'm tellin' you...
you're sittin' there,you go in the water, you think,
"Oh, I'm just swimmin',sun, catchin' some sun."
Then you see a dolphin come by.
Holy fuck!
There's a dolphin.
It gets closer,they're beautiful, majestic.
And then it swims around,next thing you know,
it's on top of you.
And then it's pushin'you under water.
And you don't knowwhat's goin' on.
You can't breathe and you're...[gags]
And then next thing you realize,
you're gettingfucked by a dolphin!
You're-- The dolphin ispushing on ya, pushing,
ramming you under water.
Dear God...
what is he doing?
How is this happening?
Is this dolphin fucking high?
And it's pushingyou and pushing you,
and you can't breathe.
Next thing you know,the dolphin gets off.
I don't know how they dothat, but they get off.
[laughs]
Can you imagine an oceanfull of dolphins all high?
[imitates dolphin]
They got their own nightclub.
Like, maybe they're attheir own club right now,
just all getting stoned.
[chuckles]
Aren't you gonnacompliment me on my dress?
No, 'cause that'swhat you'd expect.
Hey.
Hey.
[chuckles]
For me?
How'd you know I smoke?
[man] Took a guess.
Is this your first time hereor you been here before?
I've been hereall the time... and never.
All the time and never.
I only come here when I smoke...
but I don't really smoke.
Oh, so this isyour first time?
Nope, I've beenhere for a while.
You're a tease,that's what you are.
Come on.
Aren't you gonnacompliment me on my dress?
No, 'cause that'swhat you'd expect.
Shit, what wouldn't I expect?
Let's play a game.
All right, what do you propose?
For this game,
you're gonna have togive up all your trust.
All my trust in you?
Yeah, you're just have to--You're just gonna
have to give up everything,everything that's goin' on here,
you have to give upall your trust into me.
You assume that Itrust anybody here.
No, I assumethat you trust me.
What if I trust no one?
When you trust someone,it's everything or nothin'.
And what do you do?
Well, I'm the host.
I ask questions, andyou have to answer them.
You have to answer them.
All right, I'm down.
-[man] All right.-Let's play the game.
Okay.
So, imagine yourself
in this crazy, open landscape,okay, like a desert.
You see it?
-I'm in a desert.-You're in a desert.
The Sahara Desert.
-Yes.-Or another desert.
-Just any desert you want.-'Cause it could be,
'cause it could bean arctic desert.
It could be, it could be.
'Cause there arethose, there are--
Yeah, there are those.
Would you wear, like, a redjacket to that, you think?
Yeah, I probably would.
Yeah, knowing you, seeI know you so well already.
-Yeah, yeah.-See how the game works?
All right, so you see a cube.
A cube.
Tell me what thatcube looks like.
What if it's like asphere, though, like,
-what if it's like...-Oh,
-it's a sphere.-the Death Star?
So, I come to desert,and I see a Death Star.
Okay, interesting,I can work with that.
Okay, so it's a sphere.
-What color is it?-A red sphere.
Okay, a red sphere, huh?
Similar to your dress...
-I'd imagine.-Similar to my dress.
-It suits you.-Thank you.
I'm more of like adark blue kinda guy.
-[woman] Yeah.-You know,
-not black, dark blue.-[woman] Mm-hmm.
Now, near it you see a ladder.
Okay.
[man] Is it close byor is it far away?
-I see two ladders.-You see two ladders?
You know,they're actually more like
one ladder that'sin like a V shape.
-Ah.-What's this called?
-Triangle.-Mm, like a mountain.
Okay, now you see flowers.
Are they growing, like,on a vine on the ladder or--
You tell me.
There's no flowers,there's no flowers.
You're bad at this game.
And now you see a storm.
It's all around.Lightning.
Tornadoes.
Okay, now I'm gonna tell youeverything I know about you.
When you saw a sphere.
-Mm-hmm.-A red sphere.
That red sphere represents you.
You are the girl whostands out in a crowd.
You're the girl thatdoesn't just want attention,
you command it.
When I asked you whereyou saw your ladder,
you said you saw two ladderspointing up this way.
That means you're a girllooking for success.
That's all you want.
And then when you said,"Where's the storm?"
You said, "It's all around."
That means that younever, ever let up.
You're always on, just in case
you ever need to beon top of your game.
Is there anythingwrong with that?
-Absolutely not.-[woman] Did not think so.
Notice you'rewearing a lot of blue.
You know what sucksis that it's all literally...
Now, I'm all red, look at that.We're like opposites.
Do you... Do you careabout the little things?
Yeah, the...
[Woman] Little things, like--
-The details, the details.-Yeah, details, like,
for example, spelling.
Nobody appreciates spellingnowadays, you know.
But I should breakup with this guy,
because he kept texting me,"Hi, sweetie," like sweaty.
-"Hi, sweaty."-Sweaty?
-Oh, my God.-[woman] And I was so tired
of being calledsweaty all the time,
I just had to break up with him,
-because of the little things,-Oh, my God,
-ya know?-He said, "Hi, sweaty?"
He called me a grammar Nazi.
[chuckles]
But that's 'cause thelittle things matter to me.
Right, right.
Does he at least apologize?He doesn't do the,
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie"afterwards?
This other guy,he was a vegan...
and I love meat...
so we just couldn't work.
He was a strict vegan?
I think if peoplewere forced to sign
confidentiality agreements,before they committed to a diet,
there'd be no vegans,'cause they'd be like,
"Oh, I can't talk aboutmy diet to everybody,
I'm out of this."
So, you're sayingvegans are only vegans
because they wanna talkabout being vegans?
Exactly.
It's like peoplewho run marathons
only run marathons sothey can tell everybody
they're running marathons,and nobody really
cares that you'rerunning a marathon.
[laughs]
That's hilarious,
-okay?-Yeah.
-That is just genius hilarious.-That's just honest.
[laughs]
Oh, my God, I haven't laughedthat hard in a long time.
That was awesome.
You should smoke more.
You'd laugh more.
I have this theory and...
I need your opinion on it.
All right.
Why is it that girls cannever exist in a group of three?
They always have to existin a group of two or less.
So you gotta girlwho has one friend,
or it's just her.
I don't know whatyou're talking about.
Okay,
do you see why girls in agroup of three never work out?
No, I don't.
One has to be on the lookout,
while the other one hasto be carrying the weapon,
while the third one's gottabe picking up the guys.
So that's thesystem we all have.
Exactly, okay, okay, this iswhat I'm talking about, okay.
So, the girl with the weapons,what if she gets left out
when the other two girlsget approached by two guys?
Plot twist.
Now what happens?
How come guys,in group of fours,
when they come upand hit on a girl?
We only have--
Wait, like, four guysjust approaching in unison?
One approaches,
the other threehover in the corner
like cowards with Bluetooth.
-[laughs] Yeah.-They go full CIA.
They do make a lot of eyecontact back and forth, right?
Also think that we'rebeing inconspicuous, so,
you go out for--You for a guys' night out,
or girls' night out, and--
Why can't I goon guys' night out?
Okay, you can't go onguys' night out because,
why would you wanna do that?
You would not--Would you enjoy it?
-Maybe.-Guys just talkin'
'bout stuff that youwould have no interest in.
Maybe if you didn't havepreconceived, sexist notions
-about what goes on...-Oh, my God,
-all right, all right, wow.-in a woman's brain--
Wow, that's a verystrong accusation, okay?
I'm just a guy--
-What if I...-At Midnight Delight.
like to talk about football?
What if I like to spit in a can,talk about my nine millimeter.
Men-- Men don't spit ina can anymore, all right?
I don't know wheremen do that anymore.
-[laughs]-I don't.
I don't know if thatmakes me a woman,
but I don't spit in a can.
If this is the competition,you know what, I quit.
Thank you.Thank you, God.
You've given me goodweed for a while.
Leonardo DiCapriospat in Titanic.
And women love him.
All right, well, he was acting.He was acting.
So, you should act likeyou like spitting in cans.
Ah.
[chuckles]
Guys fearing and caringabout the friend zone, ya know.
As if the idea of beingfriends with a woman,
being friends with meis so bad, ya know,
that it's like a punishment.
Okay.
-I see what you're saying.-[woman] Why do you
have to be like that, you--Your whole gender?
Look, you think thatthe guy doesn't wanna be
in the friend zonebecause the guy...
has to date her, right?
But the real reason is,even though the guy knows
that he could date her afterbeing friends with her,
then the breakup isalways 10 times worse.
That's why.
That's why we avoidthe friend zone.
It's not about you, it's about
how much sufferingwe can deal with.
So that's actuallyvery selfish.
Yep, we are selfish.
-[woman] You are very selfish.-Men are selfish.
Men are selfish.
We don't spit... [laughs]We don't spit in cans, but
we are still men.
[chuckles]
Forget all that now,let's just...
embrace unity.
-Embrace unity?-[woman] Yeah.
-[man] Well, that's, uh---Even with your enemies in red.
Is that, like,symbolism right now?
-Are you my enemy?-You are wearing blue.
[chuckles]Damn.
You know what the firsttime was when I smoked weed?
Tell me.
It was, like,sophomore in college.
Yeah well, you look like thispreppy Upper East-Side brat,
-to be quite frank.-Wow.
Wow.
-You need a cardigan?-First of all...
-Your grand cardigan-this is called style,
-all right?-Okay.
It doesn't have a term.
-Mm-hmm.-It's just undefined.
Mm-hmm.
If I were to ask you,what is the secret...
What is, like, the secret fora guy to get a girl?
Like, what does he haveto do when he meets her,
to go out with her?
Let me tell you a story.
I was working outrecently at the gym.
Hear this guy say tohis trainer,
"Which machine shouldI really use, you know,
to impress the ladies?"
And I'm there thinking, "Buddy,like, the ATM." Ya know?
[man] Right.
So, think on that.
So, money.
You know, evenmachines ask for money.
You know, like,vending machines.
So, am I to believe that--
Are you calling mea vending machine?
I mean, just saying you said--
If the can fits, what?
Look, I actuallydidn't say much.
You know, I think you kindacame to your own conclusions,
and, you know, I wasjust smoking this joint.
The more I smoke, though...
the more I realize thatreally just doesn't matter.
What doesn't matter?
ATM machines, credit cards,
gifts, all of that.
What does matter?
If you're gonna die tomorrow...
who would you spendyour last spliff with?
Who would you wannaspend that time with?
That's what matters.
[Mike] I like your hat, Floyd.
-Is that an actual---I put this hat into style.
Before people startedwearin' 'em like this.
That is an awesome hat.
My head doesn't workfor hats like that.
I see.
I think you mean,I have a nice head as well.
This is my smoking hat.
Hats are good.
They protect youfrom the sun, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I gotta little bit morepigment than you, but
you might wanna protectit from the sun.
I tan, I tan a little bit.
And your skin?
You gotta moisturize your skin.
Especially if you'rein the sun a lot.
Do you moisturizethe top of your head?
I moisturize my entire...
All my skin.
You look like a Jergens man.
-Thank you.-No problem.
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
How, uh...[clears throat]
How'd you find outabout this place, Floyd?
Oh, a couple friends, whoused to play here in the band.
Oh.
Do they moisturize too?
You gotta shareme your regiment.
I find my back getting dry.
A lot.
I'm getting more hair on my back
than what's under this cap,right here.
But I hear that's whathappens as you get older.
There's a lot of greatproducts out there to
burn the hair off your back.
[exhales]
Yeah.
Do you even name your hat?
It looks like it has a name.
You should name it Rufus.
'Cause it covers theroof of us, ya know?
No?
You gotta better name for it?
[pipe whistles]
[exhales]
You have really good posture.
[laughs]
Sorry, I'm a posteriorchain specialist,
and I just noticed havereally good posture.
-Yeah, I'm a trainer.-No.
[laughing]
I'm probably thefirst person that
that sentence evermade sense to.
Can I steal that?
[bong bubbles]
Would you like some?
No, thank you, I have my own.
I love this place.
It's peaceful.
Nobody bothers you.
Yeah, sorry,I did just come over
and kind of take over.
-No, I enjoy it.-[woman] What seemed like
a very mellow
-moment for you.-I enjoyed it, it was nice.
You broke me out of mylittle sativa shell.
[chuckles]
What do you specialize in?
[chuckles]Core integration.
Zumba.
Fuck you!
That's awesome.
[woman] I'm mostly independent.
[man] A good thing aboutdealing independent, though,
you deal with clientsthat are, like, dead serious.
Mostly, not completely, no.
I have clientsin the gym that,
just like regularmembers of the gym,
they just pay a fee,they show up,
-for the rest of the week,-[woman] They do their three.
And they're doin' their ownthing, you know what I mean?
The three initial sessions,
and then you neversee 'em again?
Oh, I see 'em, it'sjust the constant,
"So, how was your diet?""Well, I ate yesterday.
At some point.
And today, I had like,a piece of fruit,
so I'm losing weight, I think."
[woman coughs]
I think every trainerI know smokes pot.
[coughs]
I am pretty sureit's the least
amount of calories you cantake in for a good time.
Cheers to that.
You ever had any celebrities?
I get a few.
I met a few,I just try not to, like,
seem too gung-ho aboutmeeting a celebrity.
Like, I try to, like, pound up.
And then get behind closeddoors, it's like, "Yeah!"
I don't actually haveany idea what the sentence
that you just said was.
[laughs]Oh, yeah?
When I meet a celebrity,like, I'll pal it up,
like, "What's up,man, how's it goin'?"
Oh, then you're"Oh, yeah-ing" behind the wall.
And then ask for a getaway.
Gotcha.Sorry, I had to catch up there.
You been here before?
First time.
I've gotta say, they'vegot quite a selection.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
It's pretty wonderful.
How'd you hearabout this place?
A friend of mine who comesby every once in a while.
A friend of mine, I mean me.
It's fun though.
How did you find outabout it in the first place?
A client.
I forbade him from coming here,
because they were eatin'way too many calories.
Nice.
So I finish upwith a protein shake.
It's a good plan.
I'm not too bad on the munchies.
I gotta say, I love gettinghigh and going and working out.
I did my last triathlon stoned.
[man] Do you wanna goafter a jog after this?
I'll probably just go fora protein shake afterward.
Protein shakefor munchies, huh?
Well--
That is quite--That is quite the healthy move.
It's that or a hard-boiled egg,with, like, three or four.
I love eggs.
I do a seven egg whiteand one egg yolk omelet
in the morning.
That's a lot of egg.
Fuck around.
See, why notjust eat two eggs?
Half the protein, all ofthe vitamins and minerals
are in the yolk of the egg.
You might as well just eattwo or three real eggs.
I mean, I might have two yolks.
But a bunch more caloriesand protein and whatnot.
I'm just sayin'.
So am I.
Oh, well, God bless.You look good.
Thank you.
[chuckles]
So do you.
I dabble.
A bit.
I don't think that'sa good opening line.
Hi, I dabble, you're attractive.
It works.
I can't tell you howmany obese clients I have
that will not make eggs,just make eggs.
Everyone freaks outabout the yolks and
I just don't understand why.
What do you mean, like--
Well half yourprotein's in the yolk.
No, only two grams ofprotein are in the yolk.
No, it's like four.
Five grams are in the white.
No, it's like the opposite.
[man] Really?
I will bet you therest of your joint.
I'll bet you your number.
Touché.
[laughs]
But...
You gotta control themunchies, you know what I mean?
Not too bad on themunchies, I gotta say.
If you use a sativa,rather than an endica,
your munchies aremuch, much less.
I just... Yeah.
If I'm gonna sithere and smoke endica,
I'm just gonna be out andI'm gonna be on the couch
and totally antisocial.
Like me, till you walked over.
I'm surprisedyou're a bong girl.
Cleans it out.
You strike me as a--
So much better for the lungs.
You strike me as aone-hitter kinda girl.
Vaporizer's actually my wee--My method of choice.
Volcano.
You actually get 90 percent ofthe THC when you vaporize it,
and only 20 percentwhen you smoke it.
-Really?-Yeah.
There's ash when I smoke it
which means there'snothing left.
Because THC comes outof the pot at a much lower
temperature than it burns,that if you heat it there,
you get all theTHC without getting
-any of the smoke.-That's what people say
about makin' brownies, butI always fuck that up, too.
What kind of a split do you do?
One chest back, one arm,shoulders, legs,
and then I do two tothree cardio days.
Do a six day split?
Three days of upper,three days of lower,
and varying degreesof intensity.
And then, I actually takesalsa instructions once a week.
-[woman] You do not salsa---I am a hell of a salsa.
Aficionado
I got a little...I got the right turn goin',
with, like, the spin.
I can do a cross-buddy.
I don't even care if you'refull of shit right now,
it's a good story.
[laughs]
That took a lot.
Not that it isn't fun,I'm just sayin'--
Spartans learned how to dance
by the time theywere eight, man.
You gotta learn how to moveyour body, it's badass.
-I am-- I am sorry.-I told my son that.
I was like,"You have a decision to make.
MMA or salsa dancing."
And he was like,"Daddy, salsa dancing?"
I was like,"Spartans learn how to dance.
You show respect."
He was like,"All right, Daddy, salsa."
The problem is I try to salsato all kinds of music now.
* You say you a gangsta but you never got... *
No, you can't really salsato that kind of stuff.
It's a good image,you salsa dancing to 50 Cent.
Should I throw up gang signs?
Or wear the '80s tank topway to do it, it's all right.
[laughs]
How many of your clientsdo you think smoke weed?
At least, like...
90 percent maybe,maybe, I don't know.
Ninety percent, dude,we should get an
exchange programgoing with this place.
Encourage our clients tosmoke instead of drink.
That's... brilliant.
[laughs]
I was gonna say awful,but then...
-No, what if---I thought about it,
and then it's like, it'sso much less calories.
You know, used to say Vodka'cause it's less calories...
pot's fat-free.
See?
You want some of this?
What if you setup a gym in here?
You could come here,get super, super baked,
and then we can have agym connected to the club.
I would bring all myclients here. [laughs]
I have enough problem
-remembering what...-You gotta have
-focus.-rep we're on.
All right, so thetrainers couldn't be high.
Could you trainsomeone right now?
-No.-There's no way.
-So---What am I training, though?
You know how, theyset up some of those
-fitness classes-Lie down.
Where you get, like,
-cocktails and shit afterward,-Relaxation pose.
Which totally defeats thewhole purpose of the class.
This is actually--There's nothing to work off.
It's win-win, youhave an awesome time.
If even-- Even a
-before or after.-Just think,
the bong juicetaste in your mouth.
And then walk rightinto high fitness.
Right there.
That's what I wannacall it, High Fitness.
-High Fitness?-High Fitness.
We have a higher level of--
-We have high standards.-Standards.
And we are high as can be.
We are high,but our high standards.
I would hire you there.
I would do it.
Why are you hiring me?
I'm just sayin'.
Why can't I hire you?
[bong bubbles]
I'll definitely be theone doing the hiring.
That is pretty adequatefor the front desk manager.
[laughing]
You know what's really crazy?
When people areactually coherent,
they're always just talkin'.
When I'm, like, totallycoherent, I just talk all day
about stuff that really doesn'teven matter all that much,
but it's when you'rebaked, and it's like,
the real stuff comesout, like, the real stuff
that you have to talk about.
'Cause there's nota time for all that.
It's just like...[snaps fingers]
things are justcomin' at you quick
and it's like, you just respond.
It's just real-er, more real.
What's, ha!
It's one of those.
No, yeah, that...
I mean, that makessense, I guess.
Um...
So where do you--Do you live near here?
I do, I live walking distance.
I actually live like,three blocks away.
Where do you live?
I'm, like, six blocks that way.
That's what I meant,three blocks that way,
so, I mean, if Iwalked you home,
it wouldn't really bethat far to come back.
I mean, I canwalk myself home.
That's true, I couldjust stay at your place,
that would probablybe a lot easier.
Oh, yeah?
I mean, if that's what you--
I won't be doing egg whitesin the morning, though.
I'll be doing real eggs.
Well, I mean, that's fine,if you're into the fatty stuff.
I'm just saying, I try to go--
That's a really good way totry to go home with someone.
I like to put it this way.You're a very pretty girl,
you probably get a lot ofcompliments, God bless.
So, I try to put youdown a little bit
'cause you don't hear thatvery often and that might make
you come back a littlebit, you know what I mean?
It's nice to have that, thatbring back down to earth
for a goddess such asyourself, you know?
You're an assholeand it works!
That's what I always say.
It's so true.
[laughs]
It does work though, soanyway, about that six blocks.
Is it six blocks the hypotenuseor can we kinda cut around
and get like five blocks?
You can--
I try to be selectivelyindustrial when I walk around
and all that shit.
I try to put it all outthere in the workout.
Right--
I'll take theelevator up one floor.
I know where I live,it's gonna be six blocks.
Don't you thinkif I lived there,
I would know ifthere was a shortcut?
I guess we're cabin' it.
Just saying, taxi cabconfession status.
So that means, thatyou're gonna be coming
in that direction then?
Damn right.
Oh, you mean like going thatway home, yes, absolutely.
And you're just assumingthat I'm letting you
stay at my apartment.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm just...
I thought you would thinkit'd be a good idea.
[exhales]
What do you got there, Floyd?
Oh, just a small pieceof merchandise from the...
Ah, which one, which one,see, mine, mine's called,
I got the Pineapple,Pineapple Express in here.
What'd you order?
This tasted likea lemon ginger tea.
I've never heardof that one before.
Women wash their hair in that.
-Do they?-It's terrific.
I gotta try it, how's it--How's it feel?
Cause I gotta tell--
Terrific, as long asyou use the right amount,
condition often...
take good care of your hair,take good care of you.
I like your hat,it's covering up the hair,
but I like the hat.
What kinda hat is that?
Let me check.
"Made in China."
You do know you have no hair?
I mean, it's there,it's just very small
and few and far between.
Floyd, you're aninteresting type of guy.
Embrace your follicly-challengedskull, it's okay because
there's more with you, you know?
Do we need these hats?
I mean, I wear this hatbecause my head gets cold
when I smoke but...
do we really need to hidebehind these symbols of...
You know what I mean?
Makes a great sunblock.
Embrace the bald.
Just do it, take offthat awesome fucking hat,
can I borrow it at some point?
You have a very small headand it's kinda sweaty,
so I'm gonna leave thisright here until it dries.
But embrace it, Floyd.
You do look like youmoisturize that too.
Go ahead, let it in,let it in slow.
[coughs]
How did you hearabout this place?
I hear ya.
I hear ya.
Toast, you're not a man of manywords but I like you, Floyd.
[Floyd] Cheers.
Absolutely, to this place.
So, a moisturizer.
Are you a righty or lefty?
I hear ya.
I hear ya.
Your lips to hisears, buddy, I swear.
I like this place so much.[chuckles]
Oh, yeah.
Floyd, you're a cool cat.
* Come on take my hand
I don't know if they havemembership cards,
but I want one.
[Jolene] Hi, I'm sorry,I don't mean to interrupt,
do you mind if I sit here,there aren't other chairs.
I mean, I don't haveto, I could just stand.
I think this shitjust kicked in.
Excuse me?
[coughs]
Excuse me?
I'm sorry,I don't mean to be rude,
but I don't thinkwe know each other.
What'd you do with Floyd?
Who's Floyd?
I'm sorry, do youknow what time it is?
[snickers]
My watch,Eastern Standard Time.
Water resistant.
Sorry, you don't...[chuckles]
Can't really tellwhich side is up.
I suppose that one's,
This side is up.
Okay.
Holy shit!
What?
You're fucking real.
[chuckles]
What's your name?Are you lost?
My name is Jolene,how do you do?
You look more likea Jacqueline,
like a Jackie Kennedy.
Oh, really?
-Yeah.-[Jolene] Thank you.
I heard she was a bitch.
Actually my full nameis Jolene Mary Monro.
Like Marilyn Monroebut without the E,
I don't have an E onthe end of my name.
Where you from?
I am from North Carolina,Charlotte.
Charlotte Town, Charlotte.
Of all the Carolina's, Ilike the north side the best.
You've been there?
No, but I saw it in a book.
I got one of those, a book...
with words.
-Right, of course.-Okay?
Did you make a wrong turn?
This is a good, good place.I mean, look around.
This place is amazing.
Are you saying Idon't belong here?
I didn't think youwere real at first
and I didn't wanna piss you off.
You wouldn'thave pissed me off.
Because if you weren'treal, what you could do to me,
I can't fight back,I bruise easy.
I got sensitive skin.
Oh.
Yeah, me too.
Got soft skin though.
[chuckles]Yeah.
It's nice.
Do you moisturize?
It feels likeyou been moisturizing
the motherfuckin' shitout of that back arm there.
Excuse the language, I'm sorry.
-Yeah.-It's the cigar talking.
[chuckles]
It feels very soft,I only felt a little bit.
Not in a creepy way.
I felt that girl overthere in a creepy way,
but she had it coming.
We settled it, but it's okay.
Wrong bathroom,it's a whole big story,
I talked to themanagement, we're okay.
But do you know where this is?
Well, the gentleman Iwas supposed to meet here,
he said that we could--
Is it like a blind date?
[Jolene] No, no, no,
-not at all.-Are you on a blind date?
No, no, the gentleman thatI met and he's a talent agent.
-A talent agent?-Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he said that I should
-meet him---What team?
What, sorry?
-[Mike] What team?-No, no, no, he's like a--
A football agent?
-An acting---Like a baseball?
And singing and dancing.
Oh.
You know, I sing a little bit.
-[Jolene] You do?-Not very well.
Well, do you--
But, no,you don't wanna hear it.
Okay.
You should smoke someand then I sound better.
You know he said that...
He said that hecould make me a star.
Yeah, he's...[inaudible]
* [piano music plays]
[Jolene] He saidthat he liked my look.
Oh, you're talking to me?
Yeah, he wanted to...
To-- To-- To see--To see what I got.
There's a lot ofthat going around.
A lot of talentagents scouting?
To see what you got.
Yeah, so, I mean--
To see what you got.
-Exactly.-Exactly.
So, I did my hair andI wore my best dress
and I was gonna sing.
-That's your best dress?-Yeah.
Okay.
You don't thinkI look all right?
I love your dress,it looks very nice.
You don't think it--
No, no, it's nice, itsyellow, the yellow dances.
It dances?
Right now, it's doin'...
Well, in a good way?
Yeah, a little bit.
Not so much towards the top,but, yeah, on the big part,
don't worry about it,
-don't worry about it.-Okay.
Don't worry about it,don't worry about it.
-Okay.-Don't worry about it.
-Okay.-So, he's late?
Yeah, I think so.
Do you mind if I--
Make yourself comfortable,
-please.-Thank you.
Please.
Get myself comfortable too.
You look comfortable.
My hat matches yourdress a little bit.
That's true, itsyellow, and yellow.
It is.
This hat, this hatis like a starter hat
and there was this fuckingdime-of-a-guy, Floyd,
he was sittin' in your seat.
A Floyd.
His name's notA Floyd, his name's Floyd
but he's like aFloyd, like, you know?
Not like a guy,but he's a Floyd.
-No.-No, okay.
What is in that?
I'm gonna pray for you.
I'll pray for you too.
I know you will,I know you will.
-I worry about you.-Do you believe?
I feel like a lot ofpeople here don't really
and not that I haveanything against that,
I'm openhearted, I don'tbelieve that people
who don't believe aregoing to hell or anything.
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, but I suppose theyare, but it's not their fault,
you know, they justgrew up that way.
They got the devil in 'em.
No, they justhaven't found Jesus.
He's a tricky guy to find,
He is, it's true.
Like Carmen, San Diego.
I never thoughtabout it that way.
Yeah.
What I want you to do is,you become more of a believer
when you inhale deeply,let's try this together.
[inhales]
[exhales]
Then you let it go.
It smells a little bit likeincense and a little bit like--
Not incense.
It doesn't smell like thecigars that my pa used to smoke.
Maybe, the ones hesmoked at nighttime?
No, not like those.
No, it smells nice though.
It does, smells betterwhen you suck it really fast.
That didn't come out fast.
I feel like everythingthat I'm doing right now..
is something I'm onlygonna realize I'm doing
in, like, three seconds.
Wait.
See and I realize thatI was doing that now,
but I'm only going to realizethat I'm doing this...
now.
Oh, my God, it's like...[imitating explosions]
You know?
Yeah.
-I'm sorry.-It's okay.
Can I just take a moment?
Do you wanna hit?
Not like a actual hit,it's not one of those clubs.
[Jolene] Okay.
Okay, just like alittle hit of this.
I hit... you?
You may wanna try,
this is calledSmack Me, I'm Your Bitch.
Not that you haveto say the title.
That's real bad.
But it's good.
-Smack me, I'm...-Your Bitch.
This is a trick isn't it,your trying to get me to say
that phrase and then you'regonna do it, is that what--
No.
You think that I'm thatstupid, I'm not stupid.
-Just because---You seem very smart.
[Jolene] Okay, thank you.
Like, vocabularyand everything.
But dumb enough to fall...
That's true.
You've got a littlebit of a point there,
but you can get past it.
Oh, I'm hungry.
[snickers]Yeah, that happens.
I didn't eat all day'cause I wanted to, like...
-I wanted to fit into my pants.-Actresses, we have to...
Exactly, I had tofit into this dress
and I wanted to look svelte and
I'm not sure whatthat last word meant.
Like a real actress.
Yes.
But, do you hear that?
You're not pregnant, are you?
-No.-Okay, just checking.
No.
'Cause it's probablynot good for the fetus.
But you're not,you're not, right?
What?
You have very kind eyes.
This is gonnalook really strange.
Don't take your eye out,I didn't mean it.
No, it's not...
I feel like my...
Don't take it out, 'causeit's gonna creep me out.
It feels like it'sstuck to my eyeball
and it's never gonna come off.
What's coming off?
I wear contact lenses.
Oh.
Have you lost contact?
No, thank goodness,they're still in there.
Oh, my goodness,my ma would kill me.
I won't tell.
Thank you.
[sighs]
So, you said you've been intown for just a short while?
Did I?
Yeah, I've been in townfor a month, mm-hmm.
I...
I'm sorry, I feel like I'mmaking sounds when I'm talking,
apart from the sounds thatI make when I'm talking,
I feel like I'mmaking other sounds.
You know, I hear that,it's like a chipmunk.
Do I look like a chipmunk?
Really, okay, yeah I was...
moved here a month ago and...
I moved to a place calledBedford-Stuyvesant.
Know Biggie?
-Biggie?-Biggie.
-B-I-G...-Yes.
-P-O-P-P-A.-I do.
-Notorious, Notorious.-That's right.
-B-I-G.-Exactly.
-Yes, I do.-Got a favorite song?
No.
Okay, that's cool too.
But he's fromBedford-Stuyvesant.
Yeah?
Yeah, Bed-Sty, Brooklyn.
-Mm-hmm.-All day.
I can't believethis guy stood me up.
He really saidhe thought I was beautiful.
Which he was right.
Thank you, and he saidthat he thought he could see...
-I could see.-the talent.
The talent, the talent oozing.
Glowing, he said glowing.
He said he could seethe talent glowing.
Glowing, that too.
He said that...
-I see.-he was gonna make me a star.
I see a star.
I was gonna sing forhim and I was gonna...
[sighs]
You know?I do, I hear, I can.
I am... I don't know if youcan tell but I've always wanted
to be a star, like Marilyn.
Yes.
My last name is kinda likehers, it's really close,
it's just the lastletter is different,
but she's amazing.
Yeah, so now are youa triple threat though?
Marilyn, triple threat.
Uh...
I try, I'm gonna take actinglessons and dancing lessons
and I'm gonna takesinging lessons but...
So, let's hear alittle something?
Can I hear a little something?
Don't worry about thismusic, just sing over it.
[coughs] I don't knowhow the smoke will effect
-my voice.-Just breathe deep.
-Okay.-You'll be fine.
[exhales]You ready?
I am almost there.
Don't judge me.
* I wanna be loved by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
* I wanna be loved by you alone *
* Boop-boop-a-doop ooh
Can you do thatone part again?
* I wanna kissed by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
You too.
* I wanna be kissed by you alone *
* I couldn't aspire
* To anything higher
-* Than to fill the desire -Keep going.
* To make you my own
* Ba-doomp a doomp a-doop-I-dah boo *
* I wanna be loved by you
* Just you and nobody else but you *
Okay.
* I wanna be loved by you alone *
How's that.
[Mike] That was nice.
You wanna run it backto the boop-boop-I-doo?
I can't believehe didn't show up.
[exhales]
This is awesome.
Really, you liked it?
Yeah, yeah.
I was gonna sing thatfor him, but I guess
he just does notgive a good God-damn
-about me and---I do.
What?
Can't remember your namefully but I give those damns
that you weretalking about before.
I'm sorry.
[laughs]I shouldn't have said it.
My name is Jolene.
Right, I'm gonnawrite that down.
[Jolene] Okay.
I hear when you writethings down, you remember.
[sighs]
Yo, remind me...
-Marilyn?-Yes, this dream I had
years ago, years and years.
Of Marilyn?
You dream of Marilyn too?
Probably not thesame reasons you do,
but you look like that--
Is my hair all messed up?
No, it's pretty good.
You sure, I feellike I'm all mussed.
Can you--
Just in case he actuallycomes, help me, please.
Okay, sure, sure.
Just don't keep poking me,
just help me withthe flower thing.
I wasn't poking.
I poked you twice.
Okay, maybe three times.
I won't poke, no more pokes.
Promise?
Pinky swear.
-Okay, now you have to.-Okay.
It's got a little clip.
A little sticky thing there.
Okay, I got this.
[laughs] It lookskinda like a crocodile.
-Can you help me with---Shh.
-It just happened again.-Want me to help you with
-your shirt?-No, what?
[Mike] I mean, your top half.
I mean, of your head.
Yes.
Just that.
Please.
Okay, I got you, don'tworry, hand it over,
fork it over, we're good.
-Okay.-This is pretty.
Thank you.
Who got you this?
-I bought it for myself.-Ah.
You know,no one's ever given me...
-Right here?-a flower-- No here, here.
Won't it look it better,a little bit closer.
-Here?-Yeah, to your heart.
-Exactly.-Okay.
Yeah, don't worry,I'll take care of this.
-There you go.-Just be careful.
-That's nice.-Sure.
And then, when I look at it,
'cause it makes mewanna look at it.
It's very nice.
The flower!
Sure the flower's nice.
Sure it smells amazing.
[coughing]
See, I cough, you cough.
I know your games.
You're not real.
It's a mean trick.
You look real.
It's been real nicetalking to you, Mike.
[coughs]
You're not leaving, right?
You just got here.
Waitin' for your guy?
I don't think he's coming.
You're probably right.
-Just stop it!-It was very nice--
[coughs]
I think she liked me.
[coughs]
[woman] That seat free?
Do you mind?
Can I take a hit of that?
[coughs]
This place is awesome.
Sure, sure.
[woman] Thanks.
You look so familiar.
I love this place.
I like you betterthan the last one.
What last one?
You know, the onethat looks like you.
She was really uptight though.
You...
down-loose.
-Don't worry---You're an asshole.
Fucking love this place.
[groans]
Yeah, Midnight Delight.
* I get high
* So high
* feelin real good when I
[bong bubbles]
[exhaling]
[bong bubbles]
[exhaling]
[Mouse] What?
Oh.
Fuck off!
* When I hit that ganja and blow that smoke in the sky *
* Gettin real blowed I wouldn't change it for nothin' *
* I do this everyday smoke that weed boy no frontin' *
* Ain't nobody else got me feelin real good *
* She makes me feel right and makes me eat a lot of food *
* Put me on the mood Mary-Jane makes me happy *
* I smoke a lot of weed that's why my hair's a 'lil nappy *
* It's not a day without beloved Mary-Jane *
* If there's no marijuana I'll probably go insane *
* She eases all the pain massages my brain *
* Take away the negative stuff and flush it down the drain *
* I love every single moment that I spend with you *
* Every time I take a hit feels like dreams do come true *
* I spend a 'lil somethin' to get ahold of you *
* Cost me a couple of dollars just for me to smoke you *
* The love I got for you is realer than romantic *
* 'Cause every time I see you
* I can smell you through your plastic *
* I get high
* So high
* Bob Marley Bone Thugs Harmony Snoop Dog Carmelo Anthony *
* Bill Clinton George Bush all the way to John F. Kennedy *
* Montel Williams all the way to Brad Pitt *
* Even William Shakespeare that man used to always get lit *
* Michael Bloomberg all the way to Kareem Abdul Jabar *
* Comedian Jack Black got the herb by the jar *
* There's a lot of people in this world *
* Who smokes marijuana
* From my cousins to my uncles to my father and my mother *
* Yeah my people used to smoke but now they all quit *
* They stopped smokin' weed way before they got legit *
* I used to slang that marijuana make money off marijuana *
* I got caught by police went to jail for marijuana *
* Every time I smoke it I feel so free *
* I smoke so much weed that my lungs hate me *
* Don't ever leave me Jane I need you in my life *
* You're everything I got I'm a treat you like my wife *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *
* I get high
* So high
* Feelin' real good when I hit that ganja *
* And blow that smoke in the sky *