Micro Mini Kids (2001) - full transcript

(MultiCom Jingle)

(surf rock music)

(alarm clock ringing)

- [Voiceover] Josh, you
had better get out of bed.

You are going to
be late for school.

- I'm up, mom.

Gotta get a smaller bed.

Come on, come on.

Tomorrow I'll try
it with my shoes on.

- And how are we this morning?

- Late for science class.



- See man, I give you
perfectly good cheer

and all you can give
me in return is,

"I'm late for science class."

What's wrong?

- I measured myself
this morning.

- And?

- I'm five foot three
and a third inches.

- You measured your
hair again, didn't you?

- Hair counts!

Look, I'm never gonna be tall.

I'm 5'3", and do you
know what that means?

It means third grade girls
are taller than I am.

I sit around on Friday nights

and I build my
stupid inventions.



That's it, that's my
life in a nutshell.

- Well, maybe you can
invent a girlfriend.

- I'm being serious, Rudy.

- Josh, you've gotta
lighten up a little.

I mean, there's lots of

undersized guys who achieved
greatness and stuff.

- Like who?

- Napoleon.

- Well, that's great, if
I want to conquer Europe.

- Spud Webb.

- He's an athlete,
so it evens out.

Girls don't care if you're short

if you're good at
sports, and I'm not.

- Okay, how about those midget
guys from The Wizard of Oz?

I mean, they seemed to do
pretty good by themselves.

They got to be in a movie,

they got to wear
those cool shoes.

- Rudy, if you're trying to
cheer me up, just forget it.

I'm just gonna have
to live with people

calling me "half
pint" and "shorty" for
the rest of my life.

That's all.

And Courtney Wilson's
never gonna like me.

- Whoa!

Courtney Wilson?

The hottest senior
at our school?

- No, Courtney Wilson
the U.S. senator.

Of course Courtney Wilson
who goes to our school.

It doesn't matter anyways.

She's never gonna notice me.

Girls just don't
like short guys.

- Says who?

- They just don't, okay!?

They like big, hulking
guys with muscles.

- Well then, if you
really think that way,

maybe you should
aim a little lower.

- Like who?

- Well, there's crazy
Bertha, the lunch lady.

(laughing)

Wait!

Wait, I haven't
even got to the gals

at the old folks'
home yet (laughs).

(school bell rings)

Do it.

- [Josh] There it is, first
prize at the science fair.

- Dude, if that was a chick,
I'd marry her on the spot.

- Don't get too excited.

We still have to make a
few adjustments to it.

Props aren't working
at full capacity

and I want to make sure
the oxygen mix is dead on.

- Oxygen mix?

What does a model sub
need an oxygen mix for?

It's not like
somebody's really gonna

ride around in it, right?

- Well, the whole
point is to make

an absolute scale replica
of a submersible, Rudy.

I mean, it's gotta be
just like the real thing.

Real pressurization, real
controls, and a real engine.

The whole works.

If it's not like the real thing,

well then we might
as well have made it

out of a soda bottle
and some rubber bands.

- Hey, what's wrong with soda
bottles and rubber bands?

- Nothing,

if you dig getting a
D in science class.

- Hey look, guys.

It's the Midget Express.

(make motor sound with mouth)

(classmates laughing)

What's your stupid science
project about this year?

How a five year old
got into high school?

- Oh, give it back, Blake.

- Sure, you got it, Stretch.

Just reach up and grab it.

(laughing)

Here, I'll help you out.

Nope, seems like you're
still a little short.

- Okay, that's great.

You had your laugh for the day.

You made me look
like a genetic freak

and everybody thinks
you're wonderful.

Now just give me back my model
sub and we'll call it a day.

- Sure, you got it.

Just do one thing for me.

- What's that?

- Say "Give me back me
Lucky Charms" (laughs).

But seriously Josh, how's
the weather down there?

- Not bad, Blake.

How's the weather up there?

Partly to mostly stupid with
a chance of steroids later on?

- Bad move, Tiny.

You wouldn't like it so
much if I crammed this

dorky crackerjack little toy
down your throat, would ya?

(school bell rings)

Oops.

(shattering)

I'll get back to
you later, runt.

- Very impressive.

- Thanks, Courtney.

- Let me guess, the
Nautilus, right?

From Twenty Thousand
Leagues Under the Sea?

It's amazing, Josh.

- Yeah, that's right.

It's a replica of the Nautilus.

But how did you know?

- How'd I know it
was the Nautilus?

- Yeah, that.

- Jules Verne is
my favorite author,

and Twenty Thousand
Leagues Under the Sea

is my all time favorite book.

- Really?

- I do read
occasionally, you know.

- Sorry.

It's just...

See, most cheerleaders are
too busy lookin' over the top

of my head at all the tall
jocks on the other side.

Do you know what I mean?

- Maybe you just haven't been

meeting the right
cheerleaders then.

- Maybe not.

- I'll tell you what,
my parents are going

out of town this weekend,
and I was kind of planning

on having a party
tonight at the Water Den.

You know, the new under 21 club.

Do you think maybe
you'd wanna come out?

'Cause I'd love
to see you there.

- Really?

Well, what about your
boyfriend Blake over there?

I mean, he'd stomp
me into hamster mulch

if I showed up at your party.

- You're my guest, okay?

And Rudy too if
he wants to come.

Blake won't give
you any problems.

He's invited all his
friends, so I should be able

to invite the people I like
hanging out with too, right?

- I don't think it's
such a good idea.

- Well, the two of you are
invited if you'd like to come.

- Hey Courtney,
you comin' or what?

- I gotta go.

Be at the party around nine.

- Well?

- Well, it doesn't
look like Blake

broke too much on the sub.

- Not that, man.

I mean the stuff over
there with Courtney.

What happened?

- I think she invited us to
a party at the Water Den.

- That's great!

And you thought she
wouldn't even notice you.

- Well, on the one hand,
maybe she likes me.

And then on the other hand,

maybe she just feels
really sorry for me.

- Hey, don't worry, man.

How do you think I
get most of my dates?

- Good morning, class.

- [Students] Good
morning, Mr. Duncan.

- Thank you.

Now, as you all know,
we will continue

our extensive preparation
for Monday's science fair.

As I gaze out on
this vast cornucopia

of high school scientific
achievement laid out before me,

I am confident that this
year's first prize winner

will be someone in this class.

Who will it be?

So, let us proceed into the
mysterious realm of the unknown,

in the name of science.

- [Student] Okay,
whatever, Mr. Duncan.

- Hey honey, is the
project done yet?

- Well, we still have
to write the report

that goes along
with the experiment.

I mean, I could use
some help, you know?

- Yeah but sugar, I'm really
bad at writing reports.

You're so good at it, you know?

I mean, with football practice
and trying to get everybody

together for the party tonight,
I just don't have the time.

I'm doing this all for you.

You know that,
don't you Courtney?

- Really?

- Absolutely.

Nothing but the
best for my girl.

- Okay, I guess I
can take care of it.

- Hello.

Ooh, well, very
impressive, Mr. Campbell.

You know, in all my
years of teaching,

I have never seen
such a well-made

or elaborately constructed
science project.

Just between you and me,
my man: You are a shoe-in

to win this year's
science award.

- Thanks, Mr. Duncan.

- You know, it kind of
reminds me, when I was

a young high school science
student like yourself,

I built my very own time machine

in the first annual
science fair.

- Wow, a time machine?

- Yeah.

- Did it work?

- No.

But it took out about half
a block of power lines

when I turned it on.

Gone, man.

See ya.

- What are you so nervous about?

I mean, Courtney invited
you to the party, big guy.

The hard part's over with.

- First of all, all
my clothes look bad.

- Your clothes look fine, dude.

Your face, on the other
hand, might be a problem.

- Oh, ha ha.

We have an hour till
this thing starts

and I look like
my mom dressed me.

- It's totally
psychological, Josh.

I mean, nothing in your closet
is gonna seem good enough

for Courtney as far
as your brain goes.

You just need to lighten
up and be yourself.

And anyway, I might
have a solution

that might impress the ladies.

- Yeah?

- Cell phones, dude.

They had a sale on 'em
down at the Circuit Hut.

I picked up a couple.

We each get one, and they
are state of the art.

- A cell phone's gonna
make us look cool?

- Yes, Bob, I think we should
set up a morning appointment

with the board members and
put this deal together.

Hey, can you hold on a sec?

Why hello there, ladies.

Let me finish up this very
important business call.

Then I can properly
introduce myself to you.

- Rudy, we're 17 years old.

I seriously doubt
anybody's gonna think

we're a couple of
Wall Street tycoons.

- Dude, you're gonna
have to take it from me.

I mean, I get results.

And besides, I mean,
like, if nothing else,

we can occasionally
buzz each other

and make like the
dude on the other end

is the record company CEO.

- Well, there's just
one other thing.

- What's that?

- Five feet three
and a third inches.

- Isn't it technically just
five feet and three inches?

I mean, you measured
your hair and everything.

- That's not
important right now.

The important thing is
that Courtney dates Blake.

Blake's a tall guy.

Meanwhile, I get all
the Simon Birch chicks.

- So let me get this straight.

You think if you were
tall, then Courtney

would dump Blake
and go after you?

- Exactly.

- That's a real great
plan, pal of mine,

except for one small hitch.

- What's that?

- It's the whole pesky "human
beings don't grow taller

"in an hour" bit
that has me worried.

- Stranger things have happened.

- Get a grip, Josh.

It can't be done.

I mean, the best
thing I can do for you

is take you down to the mall

and we'll pick up
some elevator loafers.

- I'm trying to impress
Courtney, not scare her off.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't
such a great idea.

Maybe I am letting this
thing go to my head a little.

- All I'm saying is Courtney
asked you to the party.

It turns out she's great lookin'

and she's a halfway
decent human being.

I'm gonna assume she wouldn't
have asked you to the party

if she didn't really like you,
so close your eyes and jump.

I mean, have a little
faith in yourself.

- That's easy for you to say.

I mean, look at you.

You're normal sized.

All I want is just
one time where

I don't have my
size thrown at me

or have it be another reason why

I can't be like everybody else.

That's all.

- Well, I mean, you're
this great inventor guy.

I mean, why don't you use
that to help yourself out?

- Like how, Rudy?

I work with gears
and circuit boards,

not, you know, genetics or
biology or anything like that.

- Maybe there's a
way out of this.

I mean, if you
really want to do it.

- What way?

- I don't know, I mean,
it's kind of drastic.

- Well don't tell me.

- Molly Ethersol.

- Molly Ethersol?

- If there's anything
you need, she can get it.

- The Molly Ethersol?

Crazy Molly, the hacker?

Didn't they kick her
out of school last year

for changing everybody's
midterm grade to like a Z minus?

- That's the one.

- Oh boy.

- She's not gonna do it for
free, but I hooked her up

with my cousin Freddy last year

when she needed a date to
the Babylon 5 convention.

So, I'd probably get us a deal.

- I don't know about this.

- Hey, desperate times call
for desperate measures.

Do you want to do this or not?

- Sure.

Alright.

What do we do now?

- You knock on the
garage door three times.

(loud knock)

Three times, man!

(loud knocking)

- I don't think she's home.

- What do you want?

- Hold on there, rocket ranger.

We come in peace.

You remember me.

Rudy.

I did you a solid about a
year ago when you needed

an escort to the
Babylon 5 convention.

- Yes, my sensors
detected your presence

the moment you stepped
into my driveway.

However, I'm not
familiar with him,

the short one in the
little boys' clothes.

- Hey!

- Yeah, that's Josh.

He's a little sensitive
about the whole size thing.

- Whatever.

Why have you come to The Matrix?

- The Matrix?

- This is The Matrix, my domain.

And you two infidels
are wasting my time.

- Look Molly, we need some help.

Josh here needs to
grow about three inches

in the next 45 minutes,
and I figured that maybe

you could tap into the net.

Crack a few government codes,
find some restricted info

on how we might go
about doing this.

- Are you for real?

- Well, I mean, I
know it sounds silly.

- Everybody knows that
only the Borg possesses

the growth stimulation
technology.

- Right, that's what I was just
telling my buddy over here,

but I figured that
maybe we could sit down

at your computer there
and check into it anyway,

just for a hoot.

- I swore never to use my
computer infiltration skills

for my own personal gain.

- There's 50 bones
in it for you.

- You got a deal, babe.

- Wow, so you
actually have sensors

that can detect people
in the driveway?

- No.

- So, we're on the net now?

- Yes, we have
entered cyberspace.

- What's happenin' now?

- I'm accessing the
usual search engines.

We'll search for the
proper net address

via the topic
"genetic alteration."

- Genetic alteration?

That doesn't sound very safe.

- Would you rather it be called
"happy grow" or something?

- You never told me why
your undersized friend here

needs to grow in 45 minutes.

- Hey, my name's Josh, okay?

And I'm not that undersized.

- Well, see, Josh got invited

to this party by
Courtney Wilson,

and he thinks the only way

she'll go out with
him is if he's tall.

- How sad.

Have you tried stilts?

- Hey, I am not gonna
wear stilts, okay?

- Okay, gentlemen.

It appears I have found a place

that might cater to your needs.

It's a little out
of the way site

for a company called Miss
Thang Pharmaceuticals.

They specialize in DNA
recoding, mutation,

cough syrup, snack
foods, the usual.

- Mutation?

- It might be a little
tricky getting in.

- Wait, no one ever said
anything about mutation, okay?

I think it would kind of defeat
the purpose if I showed up

to this party with like
three arms or something.

- Why not?

I think a man with three
arms is quite attractive.

(beeping)

Uh oh.

- Uh oh?

What does "uh oh" mean?

- This is a restricted site.

Looks like I might have to cut

some of this ICE to get inside.

- ICE?

- ICE.

It's hacker slang for a computer
system's defensive program.

Didn't you ever read
any William Gibson?

Neuromancer, Account Zero?

- I read Dr. Seuss once.

- You guys are so unhip.

It's a wonder your
pants stay on.

- Hey, what's that?

- It's a codebreaker program.

I made it myself.

I drop this on their defenses
and it's goodbye ICE.

Wow, this company must be
buying their security soft

from the back of some guy's van.

It didn't even put up a fight.

- So we're in?

- We are totally in.

Looks like we're in some
kind of gray ops network,

stuff on the fringe of
being legal and I'm guessing

none of this stuff has
been approved by the FDA.

There it is, Growth
Alteration Formula.

- Umm, maybe now is not a
good time to bring this up

but are we kind of
like breaking the law?

- Only if you get caught, and
I have never gotten caught.

(laughing)

- What's so funny?

- Except that time you
got kicked out of school.

- I was in a different
place back then.

- You mean like Earth?

- Do you nonbelievers want to--

- Okay, okay, let's do it!

Okay, let's do it,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- That's it, that's the formula.

- You're sure?

- Well, it says "Growth
Alteration," doesn't it?

I'm pretty sure
somebody wouldn't make

a secret formula to
grow shorter, right?

- Why not?

- Look, do you want
the formula or not?

This isn't exactly
a deal where you can

shop around for a better
deal, know what I mean?

- Well, like, how do you get
half of this stuff anyways?

I mean, where do you get
anionic surfactant number five?

- It's in lipstick, see?

The chemical list
includes a corollary

found in household products.

That's the great part.

You can mix this stuff
up in your own kitchen.

It's not even toxic.

Well, I can print this out
for you or I can hit "delete"

and make like this
never happened.

- Go ahead, print it.

- Hold on a sec, space princess.

What if this stuff
winds up turning Josh

into a puddle of
goo or something?

- What do you want, a
money back guarantee?

Look, whatever happens when
you two middle class drones

leave my garage is totally
your problem, not mine.

I just work here.

- Are you sure you
want to do this?

- I'll do it.

(menacing organ music)

- [Dr. Krackle] Speak.

- Sorry to disturb you, Doctor,

but the computer technicians
have just detected

an intruder on the mainframe.

Someone has broken the
security counter system.

They just finished
downloading your data.

- [Dr. Krackle] What data, Olaf?

- The formula for the
growth alteration secret.

- [Dr. Krackle] No!

No one must interfere with my
plans for world domination!

If one miserable miscreant
were to use the formula

and do so in the public
eye, it would destroy

everything I have built.

- Sorry, Dr. Krackle.

- [Dr. Krackle] And
what has been done

to remedy this situation?

- The intruder left
too quickly for us

to be able to wipe
out their system.

However, we were able to trace

the incoming connection
to its source.

- [Dr. Krackle] Excellent.

Olaf, prepare my van.

We must leave at once.

And as for you, Mr. Bionic.

- Yes, Doctor?

- [Dr. Krackle] I
want you to make sure

there are no
survivors this time.

Anyone who knows about the
growth alteration formula

and my plans to take over
the world must be eliminated.

(sinister laughing)

(menacing organ music)

- Umm, where did that
lightning come from?

- I don't know, man.

But it kind of fits,
don't you think?

- Yeah, sure.

- Let's go!

Chop chop, time's a wastin'.

- Well, either we're
gonna end up making

a top secret growth formula--

- Or a tasty side dish.

("Funky Fu Manchu"
by The Big Bad Johns)

* My funky Fu Manchu

* Baby that's what I brew

* Goin' down my jaw, down my jaw

* Funky Fu Manchu and
what it makes me do

* Let's go and break
the law, break the law

* I'm gonna leave my dark
sunglasses under my nose

* And if I touch people
laughin', that's how it goes

* So don't even
think about askin' me

* To cut my funky Fu Manchu

* My funky Fu Manchu

* Baby that's what I brew

* Goin' down my jaw, down my jaw

* Funky Fu Manchu and
what it makes me do

* Let's go and break
the law, break the law

* Yeah

(zapping)
(rumbling)

- It's an earthquake?!

- No, it's coming
from the microwave.

- Well, pull the plug!

- Nuh uh, forget it.

It's gonna blow!

- Hey, Evel Knievel,

be careful, okay?

(sniffing)

- It doesn't smell or anything.

- Is it supposed to?

- It almost looks like water.

- Water?

- Yeah.

Maybe it went
through so much stuff

and there were so many
ingredients involved,

we wound up makin' water.

Wouldn't that be funny?

- If we just went through
all that rigmarole,

not to mention my $50 of
hard-earned allowance money,

to make freakin' water,
you can pretty much bet

the last thing I'm feelin'
right now is funny.

Why don't you taste it?

I mean, if it tastes like
water, we'll go back to Molly's

and we'll set her
phaser to law suit.

- You're not supposed
to put it in your mouth.

The instructions say that
you have to spray it on.

- Hmm.

Spray it on.

Josh, you ready yet?

Dude, I'm not even gonna ask.

- I didn't wanna bust
out of my old clothes

when the formula took effect,

so I borrowed some
of my dad's stuff.

- Well, I hope for
your sake you do grow

because that just looks stupid.

And what's with the sub?

- I was gonna give
it to Courtney.

- Your gonna give
her our model sub?

- Well, it means a lot
to me, and she liked it.

So I figured, you know,
she'd appreciate it,

sort of like a present.

- What happened to
some candy and roses?

- This is better
than candy and roses.

- Yeah but that happens to be

our senior science
project, Josh.

You remember the grade thing?

The A plus we're gonna need
to get into a decent college?

- Well, it's my model
sub, I built it.

- Yeah, but have you thought
of what we're gonna do

instead of the model sub
for a science project?

- Will you just back
me up on this, please?

I'll cross that bridge
when I come to it.

Hey, I'd help you
out if it was you

that was trying to
get a girlfriend

with a top secret growth formula
and an HO scale model sub.

- I'll settle if you
let me borrow the car.

Okay, fine, give her the sub.

Let's just get this goop and
spray it on you , alright?

Are you sure you don't want to

try this out on something first

like a dog or a small
squirrel or somethin'?

- We don't have any time, Rudy.

The party starts in 10 minutes.

- Well?

Am I taller?

- Do you feel any taller?

- Actually, it feels
just sort of damp.

- You wanna know why, Josh?

You wanna know why you
just feel sort of damp?

It's water, Josh.

We just stumbled over the
secret formula for water.

We're idiots, we've
been ripped off,

and I'm gonna wring crazy
Molly Ethersol's little neck!

- Well, maybe it takes a
few minutes to kick in.

- And maybe I'm
the Easter Bunny!

Wake up and smell the
gullibility, would ya?

This is all crazy
Molly settin' us up!

We'd probably have
a better chance

of flying my Chevy Nova to Mars

than mixing up a batch
of this secret formula!

Now, let's go to the party, man.

I gotta get out of
here before I lose

the rest of my dignity.

- Wait up!

Well, am I taller?

- Nope.

Still look like a
plain old moron.

- Hey!

- Face it, Josh, the
formula didn't work.

You may have to go in there
and be yourself to get by.

Heck, you may have
to even use your wit

and personality to
win over old Courtney.

I know that's a
kooky concept, but...

- Well, I still
think it might work.

- Are you absolutely
sure you want to do this?

- I'm not gonna back out.

And anyways, I have
faith in you, Rudy.

I mean, I know
you're a real friend,

and that you wouldn't
have helped me out

unless you thought that
it might've really worked.

- Thanks, man.

So could you at least roll
up your sleeves or somethin'?

- Hey.

- Five bucks a head, dorkus.

Cough it up.

- Why do we have to pay?

I thought Courtney Wilson
was having a party here.

- Yeah?

Well, Blake decided to charge.

Pay, or you don't get to play.

- Well well, look what
the cat forgot to bury.

- Biff, Spike.

Can it, buttmunch.

What do you two little nobodies

think you're doin' here anyway?

- Courtney invited us.

- Courtney isn't in charge of
the party guests, Blake is.

- Ain't that shame.

Besides, this party's
for seniors, Campbell,

not for midgets.

- Come on, guys.

I mean, we're paying
money to get in here,

you're making money off of us.

I mean, our money is as green
as anybody else's, isn't it?

- Alright, I'll let you
two little nose miners in.

20 bucks.

- 20 bucks!?

- Each.

- And I'm charging 30 for Josh

because of the
high chair rental.

- (laughs) High chair rental?

- Time to go home.

- Wait, come on, Rudy.

We gotta do this.

- You owe me.

I mean it.

Let's go.

- Have a great time, Stumpy.

(energetic pop punk music)

- You know, with the hundred
bucks I blew on you tonight,

you better at least
ask her to marry you.

At least.

- I should go for it, huh?

- Rock & roll, young man.

- Hi Josh.

- Hi.

- I'm really glad you
could make it to the party.

- Yeah, it sure is big.

- I need it.

- What?

- Look, I know this isn't gonna
make a whole lot of sense,

but did you ever set something

into motion that
you couldn't stop?

I mean, something really big,

something you thought was
a good idea at the time

only it just turned
out to be rotten.

- Does this have anything
to do with Blake?

- Look around, this whole
thing has to do with Blake.

He just turned my tiny little
get-together into Studio 54.

- You didn't want the party?

- Being popular isn't as easy
as it looks, you know, Josh.

Sometimes I like
to just hang out

with a couple friends and talk.

- Me too.

- What are you
hiding back there?

- Umm...

It's a surprise.

- For me?

- Yeah, I was
thinking, you know,

maybe we could go for a walk.
(shattering)

- Hold that thought, Josh.

Because I do want
to talk to you.

Right now, I have to
go make sure some idiot

doesn't make me lose the
deposit I paid for the club.

- What's up?

- There's Blake.

- Yeah, and it doesn't
look like Courtney

he's smoochin' on either.

Josh!

- Looks like somebody
woke up the baby.

- I don't care what you
say about me, jockstrap,

because I'm used to it.

But you don't deserve her.

- Who? Courtney?

- Yeah.

- What?

You got a thing for my girl?

If you were only two feet
taller, I'd almost be concerned.

Here's the 411, pewee: A chick
like Courtney's never gonna

go out with a freaky
little GoBot like you.

You know it's true,
I know it's true.

Face it, dwarf, you're nothing
but a short, little nothing.

Here's a little something
to cool you off.

- I'm gonna kill him, Rudy.

- Calm down.

I think the fighting's
all done with for tonight.

Get washed up and
then we'll split.

- But...

- I said we'll split.

The end.

Do you got me?

- No!

I'll never rule the
universe with you.

Stupid game.

(loud bang)

Two more times.

(loud bang)

One more.

(loud bang)

(menacing organ music)

- Hello there, little girl.

- What do you ER rejects want?

- Do all of these wonderful
toys belong to you?

- They're not toys, okay?

- We would like to have a
talk with you, little girl.

If you'd like, we can
discuss flowers or bumblebees

or perhaps your favorite
young person's musical group,

or even the restricted
internet site

you've broken into with
your infernal computer!

- Who, who are you?

- My manners, forgive me.

I am the one they
call Dr. Krackle.

(evil laughing)

- Oh boy.

- And now the time for
pleasantries is over.

I have a great many
things to ask you

and you will answer, oh yes.

Mr. Bionic, please introduce
our young friend here

to the wonderful world of
interrogation (laughs).

(molly screams)

- Why couldn't you
just grow, huh?

It's working.

It's working, it's working.

- Josh, what's
goin' on in there!?

- It's working.

- [Rudy] Josh!

- How long is that
guy gonna be in there?

I really have to go.

- What the...

The growth formula must've
made the sub grow but

where am I?

(screams)

This is way too bizarre.

There's gotta be some sort
of scientific explanation.

Let's see, the formula
worked on the sub,

and while the ant was
probably on the sub,

so it works on living organisms.

But why didn't it work on me?

Wait a minute.

The ant was nowhere
near the sub.

Oh, don't tell me.

I shrunk.

- Josh!

What'd you do, crawl
out a window or what?

(cell phone ringing)

Hello.

- [Josh] Rudy? It's me.

- Josh?

- [Josh] Yeah, Josh.

You're not even gonna
believe this one.

- I can't hear you.

You gotta speak up, man.

You sound like you're
a million miles away.

- Yeah, I might as well be.

- [Rudy] Well, you
pulled a real nice

disappearing act in here.

Where are you and
what's happened, man?

(screams)

Geez, what was that, Josh?

- Just don't move, okay?

Stand perfectly still.

Don't even breathe
if you don't have to.

- Alright man, I'm
standing perfectly still,

but you gotta tell me
what's happening here.

- You're standing
right next to me.

- Where right next to you?

I can't see anything.

What are you, like
invisible now or something?

- Well, let's just say that

the growth alteration
formula finally kicked in.

- [Rudy] Are you serious?

- Yeah, but it
worked in reverse.

I'm smaller than I was before.

- Oh man.

How small, like
little bug small?

- Like dust mite small.

And the sub, it must've
gotten some of the formula

sprayed on it too because
I'm sitting in it right now.

- Boy, this is way too much.

- You're tellin' me.

What are we gonna do, Rudy?

- Well, we need to get
you out of this party

and take you to somebody
who can help you out.

- But how?

- I've got a contact lens case.

I'll just scoop you up in this,

and then we'll split the party.

Hey Josh, could you
wave or something?

- I don't think you could
see me without a microscope,

so I'm gonna have to
talk you through it.

Okay, try looking to your left.

Ugh!

- What's wrong?

- Well, the good part is
you're lookin' right at me,

but your face...

- There's nothin'
wrong with my face.

- Trust me, it's pretty
scary from where I'm sitting.

- Well, I still can't see you.

- Just scoop directly
where you're looking

and you should catch the sub.

That's it.

Easy.

Whoa!

- Josh?

Did I get ya?

- Yeah, it looks like it.

Rudy, I'm not diggin' this.

- Just hold tight, man.

I'm gonna get you out of here

and I'm gonna get
away from the party.

- [Josh] Good, because
this is like humiliating.

- Don't worry, man.

We're gonna get you
back to normal size.

Just you wait and see.

It's my pet fly,
he's losing weight.

- Remove the hood.

Did you enjoy your quiet
time in the darkness?

- It sure beat having
to look at you.

- I admire your
spirit, little girl,

but I think now it's time
to break that spirit.

- What are you gonna
do to me, Dr. Spackle?

- That's "Krackle" with a K!

- I don't care!

- You will care, little girl.

You will tell me
who has my formula

and where they are
located or I will have to

resort to more drastic measures.

- Go ahead and torture
me, you twisted freak!

I'm still not gonna tell
you what you want to know.

I like pain.

- I have ways of
making people talk

that'll make you wish I
had tortured you instead.

- Take your best
shot, Dr. Kracker.

- That's Krackle!!

And if you insist,
it just so happens

that I have recently videotaped

a six hour One Day
at a Time marathon

and I've brought along
a tape so that you and I

may enjoy all six
hours of it together.

- One Day at a Time!?

- I can see you're a big fan

of that spunky redhead
Bonnie Franklin.

And that Schneider,
what a cut up (laughs).

- You wouldn't dare!

- And if that doesn't
loosen your tongue,

then perhaps afterwards we
can enjoy hours and hours

of my favorite
episodes of Blossom!

- No!

- Then you will tell
me everything you know?

- Okay, okay!

This guy Rudy paid
me 50 bucks to find

a super growth formula for
a kid named Josh Campbell!

- Growth formula, but--

- He's short, okay?

He wanted to go to
this party at Water Den

and impress Courtney
Wilson by being

normal sized or whatever, so
I cracked into your system

and downloaded
your stupid stuff.

- Are you getting
the sound, Olaf?

- Yeah, I'm running short here.

- Nevermind that, just
write it down you idiot!

So this schoolmate of
yours, Josh Campbell,

he made the formula
and used it on himself

thinking he would
make himself taller?

- Yeah, I didn't even
think it would work.

(laughing)

- Well, never fear.

Soon enough, everyone
in the world will know

how well my growth
alteration formula works

when I make every
man, woman, and child

the size of a cold
germ (laughs).

The whole world will
bow down before me!

- You wouldn't dare!

- Wouldn't I?

Right now you will give me
the address of this Water Den.

- I already told you enough!

- No? Hmm.

Then I know a certain
young lady that will enjoy

hours and hours of old
reruns of B.J. and the Bear.

- No! No!

- [Josh] Are we out
of the club yet?

- Not yet, man.

We're right on the dancefloor.

- You think you
could hold it steady?

I'm starting to get sea sick.

- I'm doing the best I can
with the tools I got, okay?

- [Josh] Just don't drop me.

- Hi Rudy.

Is that a cell phone?

- Oohh, I like a man who makes

important phone calls
on his cell phone.

- Maybe he's talking
to a record producer.

(laughing)

- Wow, the cell phone
actually worked.

- Huh?

They both work.

How do you think we're
having this conversation?

What's going on, Rudy?

- Something came
up, Mr. Campbell.

I'm gonna have to
get back to you

on those recording contracts.

- Hello, remember me?

Your best friend, the guy
with some serious size issues.

- Dude, they're girls.

I mean, you know, girls.

- Yeah, I know.

Rudy!

Rudy, what's the deal out there?

I think I just spiked the punch.

- What if Courtney sees us talk?

- Well, when I'm finished
countin' up the profits

from this shindig,
Courtney's gonna be history.

- Rudy?

- Do you like football?

- Eww!

- What is this garbage?

- Oh, sorry about that, man.

- Go on back to your little
munchkin buddy, dork.

- No problem, Blake.

- Now where am I?

No way.

Teeth?

- Josh, are you
still there, man?

I have some severe
bad news for you.

- I suppose your gonna tell
me I'm in somebody's mouth.

- You are inside
somebody's mouth.

- [Josh] Who is it?

Is it somebody I know?

- Does it matter?

- [Josh] Yeah, I want
to know whose tongue

I'm rubbing up against.

- [Rudy] It's Blake.

- Oh that's...

That's disgusting.

- Well, maybe you
could fly or something

when he opens his mouth.

- In a sub?

I think that's a
major improbability.

- Hey, don't yell at me, man.

This is my first time dealing
with this miniature stuff.

Did you ever see that
movie, The Fantastic Voyage,

where those guys
shrink down real small

and they get injected
into some bozo?

How'd they get out of that
at the end of the picture?

- They went out
through the tear duct,

but I have no idea on how
to get there from here.

With my luck, I'd end up
in his small intestine.

- Maybe make him
cough or sneeze.

Then he'll cough you right out

and I can just go wherever
he coughs or sneezes onto.

- Well, that's a
well-engineered plan.

- [Rudy] You got a better one?

- Let me see what I can do.

I think I'm in his sinus cavity.

There's some stringy stuff

but other than that
there's not much here.

Maybe it's his brain.

- Try and make him sneeze.

- [Josh] How do I do that?

- Well, bump into something.

- Bump into something.

- You know what your
problem is, Blake honey?

You're way too good looking
for that mess Courtney.

- What?

Now I can treat you a
whole lot better, handsome.

What's wrong?

Oh my God, your face.

- Well, let's see what's
behind door number two.

- What's happening to me?

- Oh my God, it's like
elephantitis or something.

- Whatever you're doin', man,
it's not makin' him cough.

- Well, what is
happening out there?

Am I doing anything?

- You can say that.

- This is some funky stuff.

(mumbles)

- It's tight.

(mumbles)

- Come on, champ, we'll
get you to the restroom.

- I have elephantitis.

- I know, man.

It's a bummer.

- Oh man, I'm dying
of elephantitis.

Somebody call 911!

- [Rudy] Josh, are you okay?

Josh.

- Yeah I'm here.

- [Rudy] Well, the bad
news keeps on coming.

Guess where Blake wound
up coughing you into?

- The aquarium?

Rudy, how am I gonna
get out of here?

- I haven't figured
that out yet.

I'm gonna try and call Molly
and see if she can find

an antidote for this
stuff on the internet.

- Well, we have to try, okay?

Just sit tight
and don't get into

any trouble until
I call you back.

- [Josh] I hope she
has a fast browser.

(screams)

- Man, looks like we
have a fortune in this.

- We're rich.

(beeping)

- [Biff] What do
those guys want?

- Hey, what are you two
clowns supposed to be?

- We're the cable repair guys.

- Yeah, right.

- What's wrong, don't we
look like cable repair guys?

- Five bucks a piece, dudes.

Or you can go back to whatever

costume party you
crawled out of.

- Hey, I'm uhh, just gonna go
pick up my friend (mumbles).

(upbeat latin music)

- We have to find any trace

of the growth
alteration formula's

unique radiation signature.

(beeping)

(phone ringing)

- Uhh, hello.

- Molly, I'm glad I caught you.

We've got some major
league problems.

- Ya think?

- Yeah, that stuff you
found on the internet

shrunk Josh down to
microscopic size,

and now he's stuck
in an aquarium.

- Well, it gets worse for you.

The guys that own the formula
traced the download to me.

They just stopped by and made
me watch Joanie Loves Chachi

until I told them
where you two were.

I mean, these guys are bad news.

They're gonna use this stuff
to take over the world.

- What do they look like?

- Black vinyl
jumpsuits, black gloves.

They look like the cast
of Horror Hospital.

- That's what I thought.

Well, they just showed
up at Courtney's party

and they just found Josh.

I've gotta stop them.

- Hold on, Rudy, you're
gonna need some back up.

I'm on my way, as soon as I
get untied from the chair.

- Uhh, I won't even
ask about that.

- Just stay put
until I get there.

- Doctor, we found
the miniature boy.

He's in a fish tank.

- Excellent.

Come and get me.

I'll go and retrieve him
myself in the deadpod (laughs).

- Yes, Doctor.

- Who are you?

You weren't invited
to this party.

- We're the cable repair guys.

- No, see, what you are is
a couple of trespassers.

This is an under 21 club.

If you guys don't leave,
I'm gonna call the cops.

My party's already too
out of control as it is.

- Your party, you say?

You are Courtney Wilson?

- Yes, I am.

- Then you must come with us.

The doctor would like
to see you very much.

- Doctor?

- Yes, the doctor.

Pleas step this way.

- Oh boy.

- Hello there, little girl.

You must be this Courtney
Wilson I've heard so much about.

Well, you must be quite a person

for your friend Josh
Campbell to have gone

through so much trouble.

- I don't understand.

What do you guys want?

What does this have
to do with Josh?

- Silence!

The time for talking is over.

I must retrieve Josh
Campbell, and you,

my new little friend,
will be the bait.

Into the deadpod!

(evil laughing)

- Where are you taking
me in this thing?

- Come on, guys, I promise I'll
never eat fishsticks again.

Come on.

Come on.

That was beyond close.

- I hope you like
germs, little girl,

because you're about to become
the size of one (laughs).

Activating pod cover.

(phone ringing)

- Rudy?

- How are, Josh?

Are you hanging in there?

- I just barely got away

from a school of
man-eating goldfish.

Now I'm in some kind of pipe.

- But other than
that, you're okay?

- [Josh] I'm okay.

- Listen, I'm waiting
for Molly to show up.

We got all kinds of problems.

There's a bunch of
bad characters here,

and they're the ones
who own the formula.

They have Courtney.

- What?

- Just hold tight
until Molly gets here.

We're gonna figure a way
to get you back to normal

and save Courtney before
things get any worse.

- No, things have
gotten way out of hand.

You better call the police.

- That's fine, but they
might not come here

if I mention the part
about how my best bud

got shrunk down to
the size of a plankton

and how you're tooling
around in your toy sub.

- Could you just try?

Oh no.

- What now?

A giant crab?

- My oxygen gauge.

It says I only have
10 minutes left.

If you guys have a plan, you
better get working on it.

I'm gonna try and get
back to the surface.

- Administer the growth
alteration formula now!

(laughs)

(laughing)

- What are you guys doing?

- Pay no attention to us.

- We're the cable repair guys.

- Dudes, I hate to
break this to ya,

but I think you two
just screwed up.

This doesn't look like
a TV set to me at all.

- Courtney.

- Josh, no, no, Josh!

(lasers firing)

- Oh man, this is not happening.

(evil laughing)

- Leave him alone.

He didn't even do
anything to you,

Dr. Whatever Your Name Is.

- It's Krackle, young lady,
and there's nothing you can do

to save your friend
now (laughs).

- Looks like I won't have to.

He's getting away.

- He won't stray too
far, now that he's caught

a glimpse of my little co-pilot.

- Go Josh!

- We must prepare the antidote

for when the doctor
retrieves the miniature boy.

- Yes.

- There is an antidote.

- Smooth move, exlax.

You want to get us caught?

- Where were you?!

- I told you I was
tied to a chair

and had to use tai
chi to get my way out.

Anyway, I thought I
also just told you

to stay put until I showed up.

- Well, that was
a real swell plan

except Josh only has
10 minutes of air left

in his model sub,
and now there's

some doctor lady after him.

And they were just talking
about some antidote.

- Well, step one, we have to
get rid of those two losers.

- Uhh, gee, I seem to have left

my black belt at home tonight.

- I'm serious, Rudy!

Despite your fifth grade
sarcasm, there's a very easy way

we can take them
out of the program.

That guy with the
metal arm, he's bionic.

- Bionic?

- Yeah, bionic.

Anyway, yeah, there are
such things as bionic arms

and legs and toes and stuff too.

We just think
they're make believe

because the FDA
never approved them.

You can't like buy
them or anything.

- Uh huh, I'll bet.

So is that like Vulcan
technology or Earth technology?

- I'm serious, Rudy!

The reason the FDA
never approved them

is because they
have one fatal flaw.

A universal TV remote
messes them up real bad.

Watch.

It's like Rock 'em
Sock 'em Robots.

- I can't control it!

- Almost done.

- I'm okay.

I'm okay.

I'm not gonna die.

Okay.

Okay.

What's goin' on?

Ahhh, not again!

(lasers firing)

- Looks like this scrub
will be out for a while.

So will his buddy.

Where is it?

Rudy.

I found the scanner.

Where is it?

- I found it!

- How do you know?

Very convenient.

(lasers firing)

- Go Josh!

- Ahhh?

- Did I get hit?

A filter.

That thing will
tear me to pieces.

- Excellent.

Incapacitated at last.

The filter will shred
this little boy to pieces

and I won't even have
to lift a finger.

But then what fun
would that be, hmm?

- Stop it, you freak!

- Don't upset the
doctor, little girl.

- I don't have enough power.

I need a boost.

If I can get to the intake
valve, I can reverse the flow.

If I put pressure on
the exterior (mumbles),

I'll launch myself
right out of here.

You'd have to be pretty small

to fit through one
of those things.

In fact, you'd have to
be a regular munchkin.

(phone ringing)

Rudy?

- Josh, we found the antidote.

- You won't make it in time.

I'm about to get sucked into
the tank's recycling system.

And there's this evil chick
after me in a killer sub.

She's got Courtney.

- We're on our way right
now to re-enlarge you guys.

- Look, there's no time.

There's only one way for
me to get out of this jam.

I'm gonna swing by and pick
up Courtney on my way out.

- [Rudy] How are
you gonna do that?

- Just go inside
and watch the tank.

- What does he think he's doing?

- Hang on, Courtney.

(screams)

- Nobody move!

(beeping)

- There they are.

- Well, here goes nothin'.

- Oh man, this is the best
dance party of my life.

- It's working!

- You may have saved your friend
for the moment, little boy,

but I will still take over the
world and no one can stop me!

(laughing)

- You know, I was getting
real sick of all that

"I'm gonna take over
the world" jazz.

It's like, shut up already.

- I'm gonna go
out on a limb here

and assume we're
back to normal size.

- Yeah, except for your clothes.

So, why did you take
that formula anyway?

- Well, because I know
you only like tall guys,

and I was hoping that the
formula would make me taller.

- What?

I love short guys.

- Huh?

How could you possibly
like short guys?

- Because, silly, then
I don't have to stand

on my tippy toes to do this.

- Well, I think our
work here is done.

- I guess I should call
the cops, get these jerks

and their bad wardrobe
out of here, huh?

- We should.

Hey Josh, the sub's wrecked.

What are we gonna do
for a science project?

- Boys, I am proud to inform you

you have won the
science fair hands down.

The judges were so
impressed, they were already

callin' up the local media.

What's that I'm hearing?

MIT?

You two gotta tell
me how you did this.

This is a scientific
miracle, man.

- Oh, I think we're
gonna keep that one

a secret for now, Mr. Duncan.

- Let me out of here.

Campbell, you better
let me out of here.

You're messin' with
the wrong dude.

- Should we tell him
about the antidote?

- Nah, let's give
him a few days.

Besides, I think he's
gonna like the fact

that he's finally gonna get an A

in science class
without having to cheat.

- Aww, come on, what
did I ever do to you?

Hey, don't kiss him!

What about our relationship?

We're still goin'
out, aren't we?

Courtney!

("I Think Too Much" by The
Andrew Sherman Vehicle)