Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers (2004) - full transcript

WOMAN: Set dresser to the stage.

MAN: Check lights.

Hey, where's that turtle
with my narrator?

Singing, singing, singing
singing all day long

When I'm singing, there is
nothing that is wrong

Musketeers, hey!

La, la, la, la, la, la, la

WOMAN: Talent to the set, please.

MAN: We're live in 60 seconds.

60 seconds!

WOMAN: Where's the narrator?



Monsieur narrator. Monsieur narrator!

Monsieur! Monsieur, it is time!

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

But today is the day, right, monsieur?

Because you promised
I can sing my songs

about the Musketeers, right?

(CLEARS THROAT)

All for one...

Hey! Huh?

(GRUNTS)

(RATTLES)

But, monsieur, you promised.



(GASPS) Oh, no, no.

No, no, no. Monsieur. Monsieur.
Monsieur, wait! Wait!

- The stage is...
- (SCREAMS)

...this way.

MAN: Let's have some quiet, people.

Five seconds to air.

Cue music.

And action!

WOMAN: What's that turtle doing?

MAN: Where's the narrator?

- Shh! We're live.
- Just go with it.

Hey, you.
Don't just sit there like a turtle.

Do something!

You're on camera!

For crying out loud, say something!

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

MAN-. Tell the story.

Ah...

(CLEARS THROAT)

Today, I will tell you the story of...

Da da da!

The Three Musketeers!

This is my favorite version,
the one with pictures.

And, of course, my songs.

(LAUGHS)

Our story begins...

In the gutter,

where poor young street
urchins Mickey, Donald, and Goofy

struggled to survive.

Zut alors! Bad guys.

Will anyone defend
these innocent children?

Anyone! Anyone! Anyone!

Well, anyone?

(LAUGHS)

The Royal Musketeers!

- (FIGHTING NOISES)
- Yes!

And after the dust settles,

a kindly Musketeer gives Mickey a gift.

(CHUCKLES)

Don't worry, Mickey. You'll grow into it.

From that day on,
Mickey, Donald, and Goofy

dreamed of being great Musketeers.

(SIGHS) But as the years passed,

their dream was still
as far away as ever.

You see, before
their dream can come true,

our three heroes must learn
the real meaning

of the Musketeer creed,
"All for one and one for all!"

And I just happen
to have a song about this!

(HORSES NEIGHING)

MUSKETEERS: All for one, hey!

All for one and one for all

Musketeers sing

All for one and one for all

If you dare to

Cross our path, prepare to fall

'Cause we'll fight you
All for one and one for all

And all for one and one for all

And all for one and all

So, if you think you'd care to

Kick some derriere, you

Know that as a Musketeer
you'd be so fearsome

If you believe you're manly

Come and join our family

Soon we'll make sure
you're a Musketeer

Aw, look at them, fellas.

That's gonna be us out there someday.

I just know it.

I can't wait.

Yeah. Me, too.

All for one
All men of honor, hear my call

Musketeers sing
All for one and one for all

All for one, hey!

All for one and one for all

All for one

And all for one and one for all

And all for one and one for all

And all for one and all

All for one and one for all!

Yes, sir.
Janitors today, Musketeers tomorrow.

(PLUTO BARKING)

Hey, my lucky Musketeer hat.
Aw, thanks, boy.

(RUFF RUFF)

Remember when the Musketeers
gave me this hat, Pluto?

They even autographed it. See?

- (RUFF RUFF)
- Oh, I can't wait to be a great big hero.

Ow! Careful, Goofy.

GOOFY: Sorry, Mickey.

I can't wait to be a Musketeer neither,

'cause I got plenty of good ideas.

The Musketeers can use
a clever fella like me.

(GASPS)

Yipe!

Hey, Donald, how about you?

Are you kidding?

Musketeers need guys like me
that are brave!

Yeah, and they need
guys that are brave, too.

That's what I said, brave.

(RUMBLING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(CRASHES)

(LAUGHS)

(SINGING)

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sirree.

I've been looking forward
to this all month.

Maybe I can sand it out.

(GASPS)

Huh?

Almost...

(SQUEAKING)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Whoa! Whoa!

A, I'm adorable, B, I'm so beautiful

What?

(WHIRRING)

Uh-oh! Whoa!

Almost got it.

Whoa!

I got it!

(GRUNTS)

BOTH: Whoa!

Goofy, look out!

(CRASHES)

Whoa!

Huh? What? Uh-oh.

Whoa! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Oh...

Oh, Captain Pete.

(FANFARE PLAYS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(GRUNTING)

Now listen, you yardsticks.
I am sick and tired of your screw-ups.

You guys are hopeless.
I leave you for five minutes,

and I come back to a disaster!

We were practicing our teamwork

so we can be good Musketeers.

Musketeers?

(LAUGHING)

Whoo hoo hoo!

(COUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

Oh...

Mmm! That's priceless.

But we could work really hard
and prove ourselves, Captain Pete,

and then would you
let us be Musketeers?

Well, there's three things
wrong with that.

One.

(CLUCKS)

You're a coward.

Two...

(TELEPHONE BUSY SIGNAL)

WOMAN: We're sorry.

The number you've reached
has been disconnected.

Oh, you're a doofus.

And, as for you, well...

You're just too small.

Why, I wouldn't have
you yahoos as Musketeers

even if you were the last recruits

in all of my beloved France!

(HONKS)

(POPS)

So, you won't need this, will you?

Yeah.

Here, kid. Have a ball.

(LAUGHS)

Have a ball!

Ooh, that's a good one!

I'm going to send
that one in to the digest.

(LAUGHING)

(DOOR SLAMS)

(FAN FARE PLAYING)

He loves me.

(SIGHS)

He loves me a lot.

(BLOWS)

He loves me.

(BLOWS)

He loves me even more.

(BLOWS)

He loves me.

Pardon me, Your Highness...

(BLOWS)

You're kind of mangling that flower.

Who's the, uh, lucky guy?

My one true love.

(SIGHS)

I'll find him someday.

He's out there. I just know it.

This fantasy man,
do you happen to know if he's royalty?

Does it matter?

Well, as you know,
someone of your royal stature

must be courted
by a gentleman of royal blood.

What a royal pain.

Your Highness, you're gonna have
to pick someone sooner or later.

I mean, tick-tock, huh?

Daisy, I can't pick someone
I'm not in love with.

You want love? Buy a dog.

Besides, the perfect guy
isn't gonna just walk through the door,

and even if he does,
how are you gonna know he's the one?

(GIGGLES) Oh, I'll know.

Just imagine. He'll stride into the room.

A light will glow from him.

I'll hear music. He'll bring me flowers.

He'll sweep me off my feet.

And I'll know he's the one
when he makes me laugh.

(GIGGLES)

Your Majesty,

forgive me for saying so, but that sounds

just lovely.

Trust me, Daisy.
I'll know him when I see him.

(PLAYING LUTE)

Why bonjour.

(PLAYING LUTE)

(SIGHS)

A romantic princess
deserves a romantic song, no?

Just around the corner, seeking you

Puppy love is tripping lightly into view

Hiding in the hedgerows

Sneaking up on tiptoes

Love's first kiss is blissfully

About to capture you

Just around the corner, wafting close

Love is creeping nearer
than you might suppose

So sit still and wait now

Let love choose your fate now

Take a pause, don't run because

It's right behind you
Let love find you

Young love

It's love, love, love, love, love

Love so lovely

What can you say to love

But love?

Maybe on the rooftops, climbing high

Somewhere just above you
Love is hovering by

Love is in a rush to

Smear you, smash you, smush you

Love will crush you into mush

When you're the bull's-eye
you'll get hit by

Young love

Your first, your only love

Love so...

DAISY: Excuse me. Your grace.

How can you stand it so...

- (SCREAMS)
- Your Highness!

(GRUNTS)

Who's gonna tell
the bloomin' boss the bad news?

Don't look at me. I ain't saying nothing.

You tell him.

Me? I told him last time, you silly twit.
And I don't believe in doing it twice.

(GRUNTS)

Oy, here's an idea.

Shorty, you tell him.

Tell him what?

That we, you know, botched the job.

(GULPS) He's not going to like that.

(DOOR CREAKS)

Hello there.

It don't look good
when only one shows up.

Does it, small fry?

(DOOR CREAKS)

Hmm...

Blimey. I can't hear nothing
but step, clop, step, clop.

(MURMURING)

Have a gander at monstro's better side.

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

TOGETHER: He has something
to tell you, boss.

It better be good news.

We did exactly what you said to do
and dropped a safe on the princess.

You what?

I didn't say, "Drop a safe," you dolt.

I said, "Keep her safe."

Well, that's good,
because we missed her.

Now listen, you mutts. I got a plan.

And it ain't to kill the princess.

It's to kidnap her.

TOGETHER: Huh?

The opera, it's tomorrow night.

(OPERA SINGING)

The princess has got to be gone by then,

or I can't become king.

TOGETHER: Oh...

I don't get it.

Lieutenant Clarabelle!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

You bellowed?

Throw these clowns into the pit!

Oui, oui! La pit!

No! Not that!

Anything but la pit!

Bon voyage, losers.

(DINGING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh. Not so bad.

(RINGS)

Bonjour. Pete's secret lair.
Clarabelle speaking.

(INDISTINCT VOICE)

The princess!

(ALARM BLARING)

MUSKETEERS: All for one

All men of honor, hear the call

Musketeers sing
All for one and one for all

PETE: Your Highness.

So glad you could grace us
with your royal omnipresences.

- I want bodyguards!
- Huh?

Musketeer bodyguards.

Villains, bad guys run in fear

When they see the Musketeers

Savin' Minnie is our duty

Mess with her, we'll kick your...

(GRUNTS)

Ouch.

Bodyguards.

Absolutely.

Let me check my schedule here.

Oh! Uh...

How about next Thursday?

How about 10 minutes?

At the palace!

Get me bodyguards, Captain Pete!

Ooh.

(GOOFY SINGING)

GOOFY: Pancakes, cornflakes,
scrambled eggs

Buttered toast and apple jam

Tonight it's meat, I hope it's Spam

Goofy! Slow down!

(SHOUTING)

Ya-hoo-hoo-wee!

Oh, Princess, you're in luck.

Have I got the men for you.

Well, I hope so.

Thanks to your incompetence,

this whole thing has
been a pain in the neck!

(GROWLS) I'll show you
a pain in the neck.

(GROANING)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

MICKEY: Oh, boy.

(PLUTO WHINES)

Hey, Donald.

Don't worry about
what Captain Pete said.

Cheer up. I'm sure there's some way
we can become Musketeers.

We can?

Hey, Goof, you know
we can prove Pete's wrong about us

if we just work hard and stick together.

You really think so?

Hey, have I ever let you down?

Huh? Have I? Have I? Have I?

(LAUGHING) No.

Just imagine, guys.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but someday Captain Pete's

gonna march in here and say...

PETE: Congratulations, boys!

Huh?

You passed the test.

I've been watching you three,
and I'll tell you what.

You guys have got what it takes
to be Musketeers!

Really? You mean it?

Cross my heart.

Oh, Boy! Hey, fellas!

We're gonna be Musketeers!

Musketeers!

Musketeers!

(FAN FARE PLAYING)

I knew we had what it takes.

'Cause we're clever.

And brave.

And together we are gonna be
great big heroes.

What do you say, men?

All for one...

And two for tea!

(QUACKS)

Yeesh.

Well, uh... We'll work on it.

(FAN FARE PLAYING)

(PETE COUNTING IN FRENCH)

Company, halt!

Stay here whilst I go schmooze
princess what's-her-name.

(SLAMS)

Wow. This is it, guys.

This is what we've been waiting for
all our lives.

Now, when these doors open,

we've got to make
a great first impression.

(SLURPS)

MICKEY: Okay.

Remember, fellas, we're on duty,

and this place could be
crawling with bad guys.

Bad guys?

So stay alert!

You heard him. Stay alert.

Aye, aye, sir.

Bad guy! No!

(SCREAMS)

- Goofy!
- (CRASHING)

Gosh. He pulled an ax on me.

PETE: Your Royal Highness,
I have never ever

had a more highly skilled
group of gentlemen

than the individuals
which I present to you today.

Seems like this is gonna take a while.

I'll go get you a little snack.

It took my highly trained eye
to see their true potential.

Yes. Well, France thanks you
and your eye very much.

Well, then it is without further ado

that I present, for your complete safety

and protection...
(CHUCKLES)

Your Musketeers!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

MINNIE'S VOICE: Just imagine.

He'll stride into the room.

Light will glow from him.

I'll hear music.

He'll bring me flowers.

And he'll sweep me off my feet.

And I'll know he's the one
when he makes me laugh.

DAISY: Your Majesty,

it's time to cut the cheese.

Huh? What?

Here we are. Roquefort, anyone?

- Knife!
- Bad guy!

Grab her!

Oh, no.

(SCREAMS) Help!

Unhand her! Release her! Stop it!

Drop her!

She is my lady-in-waiting!

(STIFLING LAUGHTER)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Um... Uh, you'll have to
forgive them, Your Highness.

They're like a well-oiled machine

that's wound just a little too tight.

MICKEY: We're sorry, your grace.

We thought she was a villain.

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES) I don't think so.

Oh! I see. Well, then...

I feel safer already.

(SINGING)

Oh, no.

When the bad guy is that happy,
it always, always means...

Bad-guy song!

(INHALES)

(PLAYING NOTES)

I was born to cheat and lie

I'm a mean, rotten guy

When you ask me why I'm nasty

Here's my reason why

At that stork delivery mommy screamed

"Woe is me, such a dork

"Hey, Mr. Stork, behold my misery

"Pete is ghastly, Pete's a blob

"Pete's a nasty, naughty slob"

Can it, sister, I'm the mister
who will get the job

So I'm nasty, I'm no good
I'll be king, knock on wood

I'll impress ya, though
I'm just a common lowly hood

If you can't be loved, be feared
Don't get shoved, sheep get sheared

Be the king, pull the strings
Or else you might get smeared

I'm so happy I could dance
Seize my chance, I'll advance

Come and cheer me, love and fear me
Petey's King of France

Evening, trusted lieutenant.

Watch out for the bricks.

What?

(CRASHES)

Come and cheer me, love and fear me
Petey's King of France

Why'd the music stop?

PETE: Hello, boys.

(GULPS)

(HONKS)

Think you might have some spare time
to go and snatch the princess?

Yeah, I think.

Well, quit thinking and do it!

The opera's tomorrow night!

(OPERA SINGING)

The job's got to be done by then!
Remember?

How can we help?

I want you to grab her,
find a remote tower somewhere,

and lock her away forever,
so as no one can ever find her again!

You got me, dingbats?

TOGETHER: Sure thing, boss.

(SIGHS) Isn't this Musketeering
stuff great?

You bet!

Isn't it romantic, Daisy,

being protected
by three dashing Musketeers?

And the little one is so handsome.

Yeah, he's kind of cute and all,
but you're forgetting something.

They're Musketeers,
commoners, non-college-bound.

You know what that means.

Our love is forbidden?

(SLURPS)

Bingo.

A forbidden love.

How romantic.

(GASPS) Bad guys!

Bad guys!

- Bad guys?
- (NEIGHS)

Yikes!

(CLUCKS)

(SCREAMS)

- Okay, you. En garde.
- En garde?

French words make me mad!

(GIGGLES)

Get out there and fight, you coward!

You fellas seen
any bad guys around here?

Ooh. How about this bad guy?

(POP GOES THE WEASEL PLAYING)

- Whoa!
- Goofy!

Hit the road, tiny.

DONALD: Mickey!

- Boo!
- (SCREAMS)

Princess!

(BEAGLE BOY LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Now how are we going
to protect the princess?

Protect the princess? Are you kidding?

It's hopeless. We failed.

Hopeless?

Failed?

(SOBBING)

Aw... There, there, pal.

Here. Blow.

(HONKS)

Well, I don't think we're hopeless.

Listen, Captain Pete has faith in us.

He does?

I mean, he does!

Pete made us Musketeers, remember?

Yeah! We're Musketeers!

That's right, just like we dreamed

when we were kids.

So, what do you say? Are we a team?

Count me in, Mickey!

Me, too! Me, too!

We're off to save the princess!

No obstacle too big!

Yeah!

No danger too great!

You said it!

Together, we'll save
the princess or die trying!

Die?

Die?

Hey, Goof, this door won't budge!

Let me give it a go!

Hey, Goof, wait. I got it...

(GASPS)

What the heck was that?

Ya-'noo-'noo-hoe:!

(MOOS)

Ooh! Eee! Ooh! Aye!

Ow! Ooh! Aye! Ow! Ooh! Eee!

Ooh! Ow!

Oh...

The door's open.

Oy, what we do about them Musketeers?

We's 87 floors up.
It'll be hours before they's on us.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(PANTING)

Hold it right there.

(PANTING)

You fiends!

Sling them birds in their cage.

Oh!

(SCREAMING)

Your Highness!

Let's have a bit of fun
with these blighters, aye?

Let's get 'em!

Oy!

DONALD: Stop.

Let the girls go.

Aha!

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

You feel lucky, ducky?

(LAUGHING)

(CLUCKING)

(SWORDS CLANGING)

Hang about. Is that Halley's Comet?

Halley's Comet! Where?

(GRUNTS)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Let me go! Let me go!
I'll slice you to ribbons!

- What the...
- My sword!

(LAUGHING)

Goofy, we got to do something quick,
or the princess is done for.

It's all over.

(LAUGHS)

Looks like you blokes
got in over your heads...

(ECHOING)

(DINGS)

What are you planning, Goof?

I got an idea. You with me?

You bet.

GOOFY: Hot soup, coming through!

(SCREAMING)

That was a bit of a barney, wasn't it?

GOOFY: Whoo!

Ya-'noo-'noo-hoe:!

(MOOS)

(SCREAMING)

Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

(ALL SHOUTING)

(RATTLES)

Did we do it?

Yeah! We did it!

The three of us did it!

TOGETHER: All for one and...
Wait. Where's Donald?

We did it? All right!

Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ooh!

Hurray! We did it!

- Yippee!
- Yahoo!

(DAISY CLEARS THROAT)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Let me just, uh...

Kind of tight.

Whoa!

Oops.

(LAUGHING)

TROUBADOUR: Ah, Mickey made
her laugh, so she knew he was the one.

But will their love bloom
on the way back to Paris?

Perhaps... If I sing them a song.

Afloat on the breeze

On wings of love

Like birds and like bees

Sweet wings of love

The first day we met

On wings of love

We watched the sun set

Sweet wings of love

And if by some chance

Some twist of fate

We're chasing romance

It's not too late

It's heaven's design

You'll be mine

Hands entwined on wings of love

Of love

A real-life fairy tale

Fairy tale

Down the streams of life we sail

Life we sail

And our world in twilight gleams

Twilight gleams

Like the light in your eyes

Inside my dreams

Your whisper lightly tickling my ear

It's Paris, in the spring

Spring, spring, spring, Spring

I feel so giddy, one thing is clear

You stir my heart to sing

Don't take your hand from mine

Hand from mine

Just hold tight until you find

You're the light I'm dreaming of

- Dreaming of
- (KISSES)

And I'm waiting for you on wings of love

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Waiting for you on wings...

Lovely little wings

Of love

On wings of love

Ah, young love.

I got a problem!

Those three chowderheads have
proven tougher than I thought.

Yeah? So?

So quit hanging around.

We've got a change of plans, see.

Now we're gonna have to
pull the switcheroo tomorrow night

at the opera.

(OPERA SINGING)

That little ditty is starting to grow on me.

Now listen. To get to the princess,

we're gonna have to pick
those guys off one by one.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

Ooh, look, Daisy.
Mickey and I have the same last name.

(SIGHS)

Well, it must be destiny.

Good thing destiny
doesn't control my love life.

What do you mean?

Look at me.
If it did, I'd get stuck with mister...

(IMITATING DONALD)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Two, three, uh...

Four.

Hyuh.

Two, three, uh...

Four. Hyuh.

(CREAKS)

(GASPS) Bad guys.

Attention, Musketeer Goofy.

Mickey, is that you?

(GIGGLES) Yes, Musketeer Goofy.

I am in need of your assistance.

You sure are talking funny.

I was eating escargot and peanut butter.

- (LAUGHS)
- Hey, save some for me!

(SWORD CLATTERS)

(LAUGHING) Over here.

(SCREECHES)

Follow me, Goofy.

Moo!

GOOFY: Mickey!

You're almost there.

Mickey!

Doggone! Where'd he go?

Mickey! Mickey!

Uh-oh.

Quack, two, three, four.

Quack, two, three...

Quack!

(LAUGHS)

Hello, handsome.

(FOOTSTEPS)

What the...

Booga booga! Booga booga!

Booga booga booga booga booga! Oh.

Aw, beat it, you guys.

I told you twits these Pete masks
wouldn't work.

Let's go to plan "B."

Hey, you're the bad guys!

Don't move!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(FOOTSTEPS)

(MEN LAUGHING)

DONALD: Uh-oh.

Ah! Ah!

Ow! Ow!

Ooh!

(CRASHES)

(SCREAMS)

Ah!

(STRUGGLING)

What's going on?

Uh-oh.

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHING)

Captain Pete!

I'm in such a good mood.

Ah!

Come back here, you little bird beak!

(CHOPS)

(SOBBING)

(PLUTO BARKING)

Pluto. Pluto, slow down, boy. What is it?

(PLUTO BARKING)

Hey, where's Goofy?

(WHINES)

Donald!

Something strange is going on here.

VOICE: Psst! Psst!

Who's there?

You better come out of there,
or I'm coming in after you!

(SQUEAKS)

Donald!

What's the big idea?
Come down from there!

Why aren't you at your post?

We got to get Goofy and get out of here!

Goofy? Where is he?
He's not at his post either.

Oh, no! He's already got Goofy!

Wait! Who's got Goofy? Donald, stop!

Donald, are you nuts? What's going on?

Pete is gonna kidnap Princess Minnie
so he can become king

because he's really a bad guy,

and he has a secret lair,
and it's really dark and scary!

So the point is,
he's gonna kill us if we get in his way!

So we should run now
as far away as we can!

Donald, I can't understand
a word you say.

No!

Oh! Put me down!

We can't leave our posts like this!
What would Captain Pete say?

Captain Pete is the bad guy!

Captain Pete is the bad guy?

- Huh? What?
- (SCREECHES)

Pete's trying to kidnap the princess?

Exactly!

But he... He made us Musketeers.

It was all a lie.

A lie? Well, lie or no lie,
Musketeers don't run from danger,

and as long as we wear these uniforms,
neither do we.

You said it!

It's every duck for himself.

Donald, wait!

Together, we can stop Captain Pete.

Remember how we
rescued the princess?

Uh... Um...

I was hiding.

Hiding? Well...

Tonight, you came back to warn us,
and that took courage, Donald.

Come on. I'll be right beside you,
because we're friends.

I just can't. I'm sorry.

Donald!

Donald.

(PLUTO WHINING)

Thanks, boy.

(SNIFFLES)

(SNIFFING)

(GROWLING)

What is it? What is it, boy?

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Well, well, well,

if it ain't the one Musketeer.

Captain Pete, by the power
vested in me as a Musketeer,

I arrest you, mister!

(LAUGHS) That's a good one!

Well, how about this?

By the power invested in my fist,
I clobber you!

(GASPS)

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!

You're as welcome as can be

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(SINGING)

(SQUEAKS)

Oopsie.

- (CRASHES)
- I am such a butterfingers.

(LAUGHS)

Ah! Hey! Put me down!

Don't make me have to whoop you!

Okay, okay, fine. Just hold still, you runt.

MICKEY: Ah!

Well, Mickey, it looks like
this is the end of the line.

(LAUGHS)

Think so?
My pals will be right behind us.

Oh, sure. Uh-huh.

The duck dumped you.

Remember?

Well, Goofy then!

The goof? He's getting fitted for a halo.

No, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes!

Face it, Mickey, it's all for one,
and you are on your own!

(GRUNTS)

Enjoy your brief stay here
at the Mont Saint-Michel.

You know, they say the tide comes in
faster than horses!

(SIZZLES)

So long, runt!

I got me tickets to the opera.
A little something called,

"I just can't wait to be king."

(LAUGHS)

(DOOR SLAMS)

(LAUGHING)

This is it, handsome.

Get ready for the big sleep,

the river of no return,

the long day's journey into night.

Moo! Hoo!

(LAUGHING)

(BOINGS)

Gosh.
Your sweet voice is music to my ears.

- (COWBELL RINGS)
- Huh?

Your chains of love now hold me tight

Your bovine beauty
makes my heart take flight

You will not change
my mind one smidge

I'm going to drop you
screaming off this bridge

(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES)

Clarabelle, you drive me nuts!

His love's so sweet, his love's so blind

Poor Goof...

You have to kill him

Poor grunge

Farewell

Take the plunge

My milkmaid miss

You charm my soul

You leave me udderly beyond control

Call me a goof, but one thing's clear

Your melodious moo
is music to my ears

CHORUS: He's no Don Juan

CLARABELLE: He's not real smart

And yet he's touched
my little cowhide heart

He loves my moo, my cow-like gaze

His numskull charm

Has set my heart

(SHATTERS)

Ablaze

CHORUS: Ah-ah...

(CRACKING)

Ya-'noo-'noo-hoe:!

Wa-hoo-hoo-hooey!

Whoa!

(THUDS)

Hurry, my love.
You don't have much time.

Your friend Mickey is in dire peril.

No, he's not. He's in the Musketeers.

I mean he's in danger.

(CRACKING)

BOTH: Whoa!

(MUTTERING)

I'll be a Musketeer
when cows fall from the sky.

What? Uh-oh.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

We're coming, Mickey!

Put me down! Put me down!

(BARKING)

(SCREECHING)

Goofy!

Pete's gonna kill us!

Pete or no Pete, Mickey's our pal,
and we got to save him.

All for one and one for all. Remember?

I know it's the most hideous
house of torture in all of France,

but we're going in there!

(THUNDER CLAPS)

Gosh, Pluto.

Could this be the end
of the three Musketeers?

TROUBADOUR: This is the end

This is the end

That Donald Duck has left
poor Mickey Mouse to drown

And Goofy trusted him
but Donald let him down

We all berate him because we hate him

He is a traitor, vacillator

He's a lousy second-rater

- Mangy mallard
- CHORUS: He's a coward

Donald's destiny has soured

It's the end

(QUACKING ANGRILY)

I'll show you, dirty tortoise!

That way, tiger.

Wait for me!

(SCREECHES)

Thanks for the song.

Donald!

(SLURPS)

Come on! We've got to save Mickey!

(PROPELLOR REVVING)

GOOFY: Whoa!

(STRUGGLING)

(GASPING AND COUGHING)

GOOFY: We're coming, Mickey!

GOOFY: Mickey.

DONALD: Mickey?

- Mickey, come back to us, pal.
- (MICKEY COUGHING)

I think he's coming out of it.

(COUGHING)

Oh...

Donald? Goofy?

Pete told me you were a goner.

Aw, shucks. I ain't

going nowhere without you, Mick.

DONALD: Hey!

Aw, pal.

You came back.

Aw...

Of course I did.

We wouldn't let you down, Mick.
We're your friends.

Yeah. Come on.

(BOINGS)

We've got to save the princess.

Don't you remember?

All for one...

GOOFY: Yeah.

Aw, fellas,
we're not even real Musketeers.

Not real Musketeers? Who says so?

Listen, Donald might be a big chicken...

Hey!

...and you're just a little guy,

and I ain't no genius,
but I know one thing.

When the three of us stick together...

We can do anything.

And not Pete...

Or nobody else can stop us!

Musketeers, we've got
a princess to rescue.

(HORSE NEIGHS)

Come on, Goof!

Come on, Donald!

I'm right behind you!

Princess Minnie.

Your grace.

Captain Pete?

Bonjourney, princess.

Where are my bodyguards?

(LAUGHING)

I'll be your bodyguard tonight,
sweet cheeks.

This is an outrage!

No. It's my nefarious plan
to steal the throne.

Uh, does this crown
make my ears look big?

(SCREAMS)

(MUFFLED SCREAMS)

You know what to do.

TOGETHER: Righty-o, boss.

(MUFFLED SCREAM)

GOOFY: Look! There it is!

Okay, shortstop, do your stuff.

(BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(HONKS)

Attention, my loyal subjects.

Due to the stress of princessing,

my duties have become
too overwhelming

for a delicate flower such as myself.

(GIGGLES)

Therefore, I now present
your new ruler, King Pete!

(GASPS)

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

Ha ha! I did it, Mommy!

I'm King of all France!

I feel like eating a snail.

Now, on with the show.

(APPLAUSE)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)

Come, friends who plow the sea

Truce to navigation

Take another station...

(SCREECHES)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(BOINGS)

- (BARKING)
- That-a boy, Pluto. Find the princess!

With cat-like tread
upon our prey we steal

In silence dread
our cautious way we feel

No sound at all
We never speak a word

(GROWLING AND BARKING)

Did you find the princess, boy?

Good work, Pluto.

Our brave Musketeers
have come to rescue us.

Don't worry, Your Highness.
We'll save you.

All right, you two, drop the princess!

With pleasure.

PRINCESS: Ah! Ooh!

(RATTLING)

(SINGING)

Poor wandering ones

(GASPS)

...can help you find true peace of mind...

(CHORUS SCREAMING)

(SNORING)

Huh? What?

Wha... What?

What the Sam hill?

The princess!

Uh... Do something!

Sir. Yes, sir.

Scaling rough and rugged passes

Climb the hearty little lasses

Till the bright sea-shore they gain

MICKEY: How dare you try
and kidnap the princess!

Nobody walks away with the princess

while Mickey, Donald,
and Goofy are on the job!

Hey! Someone's walking away
with the princess.

- MICKEY: Let's get 'em!
- Huh?

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM)

Oh!

(DONALD QUACKING)

I am the very model
of a modern major-general

I've information
vegetable, animal... Historical

From Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too

With matters mathematical

I understand equations, both
the simple and quadratical

About binomial theorem

I am teeming with a lot of news

With many cheerful facts
about the square of the hypotenuse

CHORUS: With many cheerful facts
about the square of the hypotenuse

- Whoa!
- (DONALD GRUNTS)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

She's getting away!

I am the very model
of a modern major-general

(SCREECHES)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

Princess!

Such affairs as sorties and
surprises I'm more wary at

and when I know precisely
what is meant by commissariat

when I know more of tactics
than a novice in a nunnery...

MICKEY: Ouch.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(SINGING CONTINUES)

Two down, and one to go.

I almost got it.

Oh, no! Look out!

What?

This is it, squeaky. Mano y mouse-o.

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(SILENCE FALLS)

- (ORCHESTRA PLAYING)
- Ha ha!

Hoo hoo!

Ha ha!

- Ha ha!
- Ho ho!

Uh-oh.

AUDIENCE: Oh...

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(GASPS)

It's all over, Mickey, and you're all alone.

And now with you finally out of the way,

getting rid of the princess
will be easy as pie.

(DINGS)

Huh. Want to bet?

That's a sucker bet.

Yeah, and you're the sucker!

MICKEY: Ready, Musketeers?

TOGETHER: All for one and one for all.

Uh-oh!

How's this for a coward?

Ow!

How's this for a doofus?

And I may be small, Pete,

but I've got friends
that make me 10 feet tall.

Aw, nuts.

Timber!

I hate happy endings.

(CRASHES)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(AUDIENCE SIGHS)

(THUDS)

(CHUCKLES) Hyuh.

(KISSING)

Daisy.

PRINCESS: Are you kissing
a commoner?

(GIGGLES)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(KISSES)

Oh...

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(KISSES)

(CHORUS SINGING)

(GRUNTS)

(FAN FARE PLAYING)

Please kneel.

In gratitude for saving France,

I hereby dub thee,
Mickey, Donald, and Goofy,

all Royal Musketeers!

(CHEERING)

What do you say, everybody?

All for one...

TOGETHER: And one for all!

(CHEERING)

Bravo, my friends!

Ah, our three heroes have finally
made their dream come true.

I think this calls for

one more song!

All for one, hey!

All for one and one for all

Musketeers sing
all for one and one for all

And all for one and one for all

And all for one and all

(CAN-CAN PLAYING)

(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)

(BEETHOVEN'S
FIFTH SYMPHONY PLAYING)