Mes meilleurs copains (1989) - full transcript

When you have the same attitudes
all the time,

it's a real problem.

Because it's fundamental.

You were traumatized by this adventure.
And you can't escape it.

It blocked you romantically.
You've always recognized that.

Now you're trying to minimize it,
but you're not fooling anyone.

After Richard's call last night,
you couldn't sleep. You were fidgeting.

What's more, the first time we met,

she was the only one
who counted. "Bernadette..."

The others were just convenient.

Well, until me.



All your romantic disappointments
from then,

not to mention your failure
with your wife, which destroyed you...

If we dig deeper,
where does this path lead?

To Bernadette.

Even I was sick of this false ideal image

of the woman that doesn't exist.

Even without being involved,
and I wasn't early on,

it was honestly boring.

Moreover, when you decided

to start analysis again, I was relieved.

What an amazing opportunity. Grab it!

What are you getting at, my love?

- Jean-
- Michel, you aren't 12 years old. Don't regress!

You can finally leave your past
in the past. Do it!



I'm taking a risk in saying this,

but we've no choice. You must screw her.

Once and for all.

It may be paradoxical on my part.

You're ridiculous.
This jealousy is grotesque!

I'm going to see an old friend
with friends. That's it.

Why would I want to sleep with her?

And why would it be necessary?

Let's be clear.

We all thought you had dealt with
this problem, but we were wrong.

Your reaction last night proved it.

You should've slept with her 18 years ago.

It didn't happen. Oh well.

So I assume the risk,

but if you still want her now,

I beg you, don't fight it. Jump her!

After that, she'll be just like
every other woman

with her problems.

Stop yelling about these sexual details.
It's embarrassing.

We're talking quietly.

- And people don't care.
- No.

The stakes are more important.

Okay, I'll fuck her like a dog
all weekend.

Last night she made me hard.

I can accept anything between us
but not vulgarity.

Have a good weekend.

She left without her decaf?

You must wonder what pushed my wife...

Actually, my fiancée...
The woman I've lived with for two years

to abandon me
in this unpleasant situation.

To understand,
return to yesterday afternoon.

I was descaling the teeth
of my best client, Mrs. Alvarez,

still unsatisfied with
the color of her crowns,

when my secretary, Miss Baron,

brought me my tuxedo.

Mr. Éric was finally able
to get invitations for this evening.

He'll be here in five minutes.

Wonderful.

Excuse me.

It would have been much easier
to meet directly at the Olympia.

But I knew my best friend, Éric Guidolini,

was dying to show me
his new car, a 16-valve Golf GTI.

- Your new car is great!
- Stop. I'm getting the Golf on Monday.

- The company was nice to lend me this.
- I'm joking.

They'll take us for deliverymen.

Of course.

We had to pick up
our best friend, Antoine Jobert,

who was rehearsing Romeo and Juliet
at the Odéon. But he had forgotten.

He isn't the handsome guy kissing Juliet,

but the one giving orders.

The annoyed authoritarian guy.
The director.

Cyril, you're hopeless!
It's as if this is your first kiss.

Hold her with emotion! My God!

Does she disgust you or what?
Suffocate her!

Hi. How are you?

And you, Virginie, sweetheart.
You're so cold.

There's no sensuality coming forth.

Antoine's job is a strange one,

pushing his fiancée to kiss Romeo better.

My friends. I'm very sorry.

It's 20 days from dress rehearsal.
I can't fart around.

Not even for Bernadette.

Virginie's having a hard time.

She needs us to work like dogs.

You're chic dressed up like dudes.

Yeah.

"Dudes." He had a gift
for annoying expressions.

Like "fart around."

How to tell Bernadette
he didn't consider her only recital

in Paris important enough
to skip a common rehearsal?

What are you doing?
We'll miss the beginning!

Calm down.

- Invites?
- Obviously.

The frantic one with flowers
is my best friend, Richard.

He can also be charming.

The other one who thought it was good
to stay in jeans for this gala evening

is Dany. Daniel Peccoud, my best friend.

You must be wondering why
I have so many best friends?

Simply because
they're really my best friends.

These seats suck. We're not in orchestra.

It's easy to criticize.
You should've handled it, then.

- The sound's better up high.
- "The sound's better up high."

Since when?

I was worried
because we could never go out

without jokes galore
and a stupid ironic tone.

I didn't want the evening to be ruined.

Stop, guys.

Don't do this when we're with Bernadette.

Don't worry, lover boy.
You'll see your fiancée.

After 20 years,
you might not recognize her.

A bit of humor never hurt anyone.

Damn!

And there she was.

The famous, extraordinary Bernadette.
I'll explain.

To us, she was always much more
than the singer of the hits

"Freeway" and "Love Like Love."

She was the big love of our twenties.

She profoundly influenced our lives.

I'll intervene
- because our best friend, Jean-
- Michel,

always complicates everything
and gets far too enthusiastic.

Because Bernadette is just
an old friend from 20 years ago. Period.

She's gotten fat.

Worst of all, her music is really cheesy.

It's really sappy.

But our seats are so bad
we can't hear anything.

The drummer drums like he's deaf.
He left his emotions in the dressing room.

Can we listen?

Sorry.

My darlings! Wow!

Come in!

- Amazing! Jean-
- Michel!

I'm so moved!

- What did you think of the show?
- Fantastic.

You electrified us!

It was very moving. Sincerely.

- Thank you.
- Yeah. It wasn't bad.

"Wasn't bad"? It was great!

- Your band is overwhelming.
- Yeah?

Antoine isn't here?

Bernadette. A reporter from Libé
wants an interview.

Later. I'm with friends.

- Hi, Lou.
- Good evening, gentlemen.

We're doing business,
so come and don't argue!

Stop! You're hurting me!

- Come!
- You piss me off!

- I'm waiting.
- Don't move.

I'll be back.

That gets on my nerves!

She's divine in this photo.

Divine or not,
we've been waiting for 45 minutes.

She doesn't care.

That's obvious.

- Everyone's gone.
- Not a single person here.

Think she forgot about us?

She said she'd be back. She'll be back.

What are you doing here?

- We're waiting for Miss Legranbois.
- Legranbois?

She left ages ago.
You can't stay here. I'm closing.

She had an emergency. That's not like her.

We sat through two hours of sappy music

to be stood up. That's harsh.

Forget it. She's become pretentious.
That's a star for you.

- Les Bains?
- My train's in less than six hours.

I'm picking up Carole and the kids.

You can nap on the train.
Let's have a drink.

Anne laughed
when I told her about our evening.

She quoted Freud
and mentioned Freudian slips.

I was finally sleeping restlessly when...

- Hello?
- -Jean-
- Mi, it's Richard!

What time is it?

Who cares?
Listen, you're gonna be shocked.

This is the evening of the year.

- What?
- -
- We found Bernadette!

Yes, sir. At Les Bains.
We're having a night out.

She stood us up
because she fought with Lou.

He slapped her
and she threw a pot in his face.

- A pot? What kind of pot?
- A flower pot!

- -
- A mini cactus.
- Why did he slap her?

She's married to the big jerk.
They're having a domestic dispute.

She married her manager.

She's doesn't want to see him,
so we're taking her to the country.

- You're not going to Arcachon?
- It's pure hysteria here.

She and Richard danced like crazy.
She's in top shape.

Are you coming?

- Hello? Jean-
- Michel, why aren't you here?

- Bernadette?
- -
- You don't party with your friends?

You go to bed early? I hear
you're a bougie dentist now.

"Bougie"? I'm in the public system.
And a novelist in my spare time.

Listen, my dear!

I would've loved to have seen you!

I had no idea.
I had a meeting with Anne, my fiancée.

Great! Still in love, huh?

I'll pass you to Richard.

See you in 20 years, sweetheart!

Listen, since you're too old
to party with your friends

and you sleep fast,

drive 35 kilometers tomorrow
and meet us at the house.

Take care. Say hi to Anne.

Why would I be upset?
On the contrary, I insist.

It's important that you see her again.
I told you.

You can leave now if you want.

We said we'd eat breakfast together.
Those idiots can wait.

Let's eat by my place.
I have a patient at 3:00.

I'll take my manuscript
to read where it's quiet.

Good idea. If you have time.

That's all I'll have to do.

Going for a month or three days?

- What?
- Sorry. You're right.

The weather keeps changing.
You don't know how to dress.

This is bothering you.
You don't want me to go.

Not at all. First, we're not married.

You know what happens next.

She left without her decaf?

Because of my past,
I was putting my present at risk.

I felt very strange
ever since the concert.

Overwhelmed by too many mixed-up memories.

That's Richard Chappoteaux
at Carnot High School in 1964.

And that's me.

I was trying in vain
to exchange a shooter for his marbles.

The little guy coming over
is Éric Guidolini.

We had just met him.

Wanna see the science teacher
screw Lipton tea?

- The English teacher?
- In five minutes. And it's ten francs.

Nice legs, huh?

I see I've got experts here.

- Shit!
- Let's go.

We were caught.

The six-month detention

helped us get to know each other more
and made us inseparable.

No. Not the ears!

Four years later,

conscious of the revolutionary role
of the Rolling Stones, ABBA,

Pink Floyd, and Janis Joplin,

we created a destabilizing rock group

called the Shattered Gallics.

Guido sang with energy.
It compensated for his falsetto voice.

Richard drummed like crazy.

And I literally gave it my all on my bass

and wrote songs
that were symbolic, erotic, and poetic.

We successfully performed every weekend

at Richard's, Guido's, or my place.
This was at my place.

What are you doing? We're playing.

Okay. Let me breathe!

We're taking a break, okay?

Go ahead.

- He's with my sister.
- It's creepy.

Put on some less trippy music.

That's when my father chose

to come home early
from his dental surgery conference.

Anyone home?

Excuse me, sir.

What followed was the first major clash
I had with my dad.

You have nothing better to do than this?

Three months from graduation!
You must love failure.

I don't care! I'm making rock!

Of course. Spare me your stupid thoughts.

Do you want me to play maracas
with your group

to make the Tuilier name
even more ridiculous?

Very funny. Nice.

I'd like you to stop looking at
your mother and me

like hopeless old fools.

If you keep it up,
you'll end up a strung-out bum.

Not wanting to extract teeth
doesn't mean I'll end up a bum.

Remember that the extractor
of teeth supports you!

Who's in my office?

When he found Richard and my sister,
that was the end.

Our parents reacted severely.

Richard was hired by his parents
as an apprentice plumber.

Guido was sent to his uncle's house
in Rome to study art.

Disgusted by the almost fascist attitude
of my father,

I decided to leave home.

Unfortunately,
I'd never see him alive again.

The following summer, he died
of a heart attack after playing squash.

CHAPPOTEAUX COMPANY

Mr. Lagache, is Mr. Chappoteaux
running errands?

Oh, Chappoteaux...

Thanks a lot, Mr. Lagache.

No problem.

Excuse me.

- It's Jean-
- Michel.

Sorry. Are you with your patient?

Yes. Call me back.

The house is empty. What do I do?

Call me back.

I'm not hanging around here.
What are they doing?

I'm in a session. I'm with a patient.

I wanted to apologize so you didn't think...

- We're what's important.
- -
- Yes, of course.

- Another headcase like me?
- Obviously not.

I'll call you in an hour.

Richard, it's Carole.

I didn't get the message
you left the kids.

Except that
you're not picking us up. Nice.

Your Bernadette didn't need you
for 20 years.

She could've waited another weekend.
Or there's something else going on.

Bernadette.

Her unexpected return
devastated our lives.

The first time I saw her was in 1970.

She worked in a leftist bookstore,

The Joy of Reading, in the Latin quarter.

She convinced me to read
a fundamental work of the 20th century,

The Right to be Lazy.

Fascinating.

She sold me 14 copies
for my friends and myself.

Intrigued by my sudden appetite
for philosophy,

Richard loved the book too.

But Bernadette wasn't alone.

She lived with
a remarkable guy, Antoine Jobert,

a third-year theater student in Vincennes.

He had big ideas for shows,

mostly based on shaking up society.

He planned to put on
a political show at Easter

to see whether or not

it was possible to create street theater
in the suburbs.

He was looking for companions
for this adventure.

We leaped at the chance.

Free Angela Davis!

Free Sacco and Vanzetti!

Free Ho Chi Minh!

The show had a promising start.

We were able to hypnotize the workers

thanks to our non-conformist way
of treating hot topics.

Free all political prisoners!

Free all political prisoners!

Free all political prisoners!

Free yourselves!

Each slut, each pimp,
each flower is a political prisoner!

Free Billy the Kid!

- Each Black is a political prisoner.
- Each gay person too.

They seemed to appreciate

our work and visually devoured Nanette

who transcended her message
with an artistic plus.

Free yourselves!

But Antoine, to symbolize
the death of private property,

filled the supervisor's helmet
with mayonnaise

and the show was cut short.

We concluded that
things would change one day

but that it would take a very long time.

DIFFERENT THEATER

Shit!

Unfortunately, there was a fly
in the ointment.

Despite my sincere friendship with Antoine
and my admiration for his talent,

I'd fallen in love with his fiancée.

Don't move or I'll poke your eye.

The word "hell" was too tame
for my torment.

Who's doing my makeup?

Take this. I'll take care of him.

I was very disappointed by
the Flins' union reaction last night.

They were manipulated.
But we were too aggressive.

We should do the mayonnaise thing
more skillfully.

Otherwise, they'll think
we want to ruin their clothes.

They don't understand
the symbolism of mayonnaise.

We were living together
in a loft Richard's father lent us

in his warehouse.

She's bathing.

If you want her, I don't see the problem.

Just tell her.

And Antoine? I just push him off a cliff?

Talk to him. He's a very cool guy.

- Give him good advice.
- What?

He can't ruin everything
we've worked for for a bit of sex!

Huh?

You piss me off!

What's going on? Things aren't cool today!

Tell him.

It would be great for everyone.

Bernadette, I have to tell you...

I think I'm crazy in love with you.

I can't take it. There.

That's what you mean? You want to screw?

Yeah.

You're freaking out
about something natural. It's no big deal.

Squeeze my breasts.

Unfortunately for me,

Antoine had just read an insulting paper

and returned drunk with joy.

Nanette! Le Figaro insulted us!
It's wonderful!

Everyone makes mistakes.

Bernadette isn't my private property.

You can sleep with her.

But not behind my back, little bourgeois.

Sorry. It wasn't planned.

It's just words, Antoine.
Desire can't be controlled.

He held back for a long time.

If you want to sleep together,
do it, but tell me so I can leave.

I'll see a movie with Richard.

We'll go see a Mizoguchi film,
right Richard?

Don't worry.
I won't leave you in this situation.

Okay. What do we do about this evening?

Who sleeps with whom?

What could he be saying?
They've talked for two hours!

It's not an easy situation.

They turned the light off!
He'll pay for this!

Poor Antoine lost it

and tried to smother me.

Richard intervened

and hit him in the head hard.

I preferred to remove myself
from this fratricidal competition.

My desire for Bernadette went unfulfilled.

Sorry. Did I scare you?

Help us carry her. She's loaded.

Huh?

I was asleep there for a bit.

Shit.

- -Jean-
- Mi, is Dany back?
- He's not with you?

Hi, Bernadette.

I sent him to deliver a bathroom set

with my new Mercedes truck.

You're ruthless with your friends.

It's a week late.
The clients paid a month ago.

We drove 700 kilometers.

- We were in Saint-
- Malo. She wanted crepes.

You could have called.

Wasn't Deauville easier?

- She said Saint-
- Malo.

Pull back the comforter.

In your room?

Yes. Pull it back.

I'll sleep in Martin's room.

I'll take a cold shower. She wrecked me.

The star is exhausted.

Carole left a message.
She's angry you're not coming.

You should park your car
closer to the gate. It's dangerous.

- Yes.
- My "crocrodile!"

- What does she want?
- My "crocrodile!"

What crocodile?

Here's your "crocrodile."

Vodka.

In the fridge.

We'll wake you for lunch. Try to sleep.

She's in a state!

You're bad to have put her in that state.

I argue with Anne
to spend two days with Nanette

and she's wrecked.

You don't abandon a friend
who yells "SOS."

She fought with her husband.

She's depressed.

She's holding onto us, far from home.

- Why did they fight?
- I'm talking to Carole!

- Jean-
- Michel asked me a question.

I do care!

I know you hate driving.
I'll come as soon as I can.

What are you doing? Are you on foot?

Yeah. I came by bus.

I had problems with the truck.

- New Mercedes?
- Yeah, going to Le Mans.

I wanted to pick up some hitchhikers

so I wouldn't fall asleep.

Two Blacks who wanted to windsurf
at Sables-d'Olonne.

They looked completely lost.

Nobody picked them up since they're Black.

I wanted to get a snack.

I even offered to buy them a coffee.

They said no.
They said they were too tired.

And you got out
and left the keys in the truck?

I couldn't know they were two freaks.

They started it right up.

With the load too?

What? I wasn't about to unload
just to go drink a coffee.

- Back already?
- Yeah, I was quick.

I had a little problem.

- Serious?
- "Serious"? No.

- Annoying.
- You can explain later.

I'll shower and go to bed.

What's serious to you?

What? Nobody died.

If you didn't know Dany, he seemed slow.

But for him, bad didn't exist.

He was a real poet.

The first time we met,
he was playing a guitar solo in Bondy.

That sound!

He's good.

See how he uses his pedal?

You can't go wrong with a guy like that.

He was an exceptional guitarist.

He learned to play the sitar
in an ashram in Pondicherry.

He had an eastern serenity
inconsistent with our society.

What'll you have?

I don't know...

Whatever you want, man.

- Excuse me?
- Whatever you feel like serving.

That's fine for me.

I've no time to joke. I'm working.

- What are you drinking?
- Don't get upset.

Be cool, man.

Stop calling me "man," idiot!

Cool. You'll give yourself an ulcer
with your aggression.

You're as yellow as a quince.

- Man.
- Jacky, get the blackjack! We got thugs!

No aggression, friend.

This is the guy with the coolest karma
you'll ever meet.

- What do you want, faggot?
- Excuse me.

And there. After strangling him,

Richard gave him
one of his famous headbutts.

WE LOVED BARBARA SO MUCH
A NOVEL BY JEAN MICHEL THUILLET

Your book is very well regarded.

The fight in the café is told well.

You like it?

So her marriage to Lou
is a complete wreck?

Right on time.

Nice, huh? It cost two million.

A four-day shoot for 30 seconds.

Is her marriage a fiasco?

She says so, but she doesn't care.
She's thinking of her career,

critics who don't understand her,
especially André Marie Bongrain.

Says she's done.

I don't know if it interests people,

but since you're talking about us,
it makes me laugh.

It isn't you. The café is in Brooklyn.

You're changing reality a bit,
of course, but it's obvious.

Barbara is Bernadette.

Of course not. It's a novel, pure fiction.

Barbara is a New Yorker
and an opera singer.

No connection to Bernadette.

I wouldn't have taken two years
to talk about you.

Of course it's pure fiction.

You changed the setting
and think we won't recognize anyone.

You're annoying.

Your Barbara is sober
compared to the real one.

Well, to Bernadette.

In addition to the vodka,
they smoked a ton of dope last night.

I had my head out the window for 300 km.

At our age, I don't see the point
in ruining your health.

What a hypocrite.

As for joints, he's the one
who taught us how to smoke.

We can do it all.

Pull.

That's not good.

Don't swallow the smoke. That's bogus.

Look. Give me the pillow.

The conical joint... Guido discovered it

in Rome on the Piazza di Spagna

where hippies blasted the Moody Blues
on their stereos.

Éric!

- Who's that clown?
- Our former singer!

He was dressed like a pop star

and living with
a big-breasted Italian woman

who was living with a Sicilian,

Fétuchino, who was also
beautifully dressed.

In short, it was a threesome.

Joints considerably increased
my artistic vision.

I'm in a cosmic perspective.

Man only uses 10% of his brain.

It's fundamental to open
the door to the 90% that's left.

What you said makes so much sense.

I'm hot.

You love talking about art
but what have you done?

- Besides dressing like a chick?
- Listen!

That was typical of Antoine's attitude.

Too intellectual and not poetic enough.

But Guido wasn't having it.

He showed us one
of his best films from his Roman period.

There. I've got it.

It was a film entitled
Apollonius' Despair.

In double exposure. Honestly mixed up.

Sometimes overexposed, blurred.

On location but very striking

and very epic.

I'm playing the virgin Hermione.

It's a shame that it's blurry.

- It's "superbissimo."
- I'm going to take a shower.

Damn, I love it when you speak Italian.

It's a super-sexy language.

Thanks, sweetie.

What you're doing with Fétuchino
is ambiguous.

- Wake up, Richard.
- What?

There's a bone.

Why are you waking me up? I'm sick.

Guido poisoned me with his thing.

Listen to me.

His threesome is a load of crap.
She doesn't fuck. It's an alibi!

My ass. I jumped her last night.

- Excuse me?
- During your corporal expression.

It wasn't great either.

Sorry. They showed a very heavy film,

a "cultural alibi" style
to make hard porn.

I won't say more
but they're vomit-inducing.

What?

They jerk each other off!
And Manuela films them!

It's for fun. It's film.

Guido gay? Me too, while you're at it.

Let me sleep. I'm sick.

Damn it, Guido...

Richard.

- Richard!
- What are you doing here?

Beat it!

- You're repressed.
- You'll see what I'll do to you!

This fairy's coming on to me!

I'll cut his throat!

He's lying!

- He wanted to undress me!
- That's a lie!

- Fucking fag!
- What did he do to you, Richard.

Richard!

Stop! Richard!

Stop fighting!

We're not in Vietnam.

Stop. It's proven.
Even hash has side effects.

It kills neurons and softens the brain.

Not to be mean but Bernadette
has cotton in her head.

I'm the last one to defend soft drugs,

I didn't go to a simpleton's concert
last night.

- Yes.
- Artichokes.

Vinaigrette with nut oil or lemon?

As you wish.

Bernadette sings well, but hello bags.

Have the years been kind to you?

I don't know
if it's due to extreme sports,

but I feel better as I mature.

We age, you mature. Nice formula.

I mature like a nice apple.

There's Antoine. I'm sure he'll bitch.

Do you know how much
it cost me to come? 102 francs.

Bravo free market prices.
I didn't give him a tip.

Virginie's in Paris?

She's learning her lines
and I have to work on staging.

When we're together, we can't help it.

You hid that sex addict side.

Stop. I have a lot of work.

I'm stressed out.
The dress rehearsal is coming.

So hold off on the jibes. Be nice.

I'm living a first-rate adventure,
both sexual and romantic.

She has very exciting
little pear-shaped breasts.

Don't look like that.
You can see them through her shirt.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, it's a bit more than that.

- Should we spill the surprise?
- Nanette's upstairs.

- Nanette who?
- Bernadette!

Bernadette?

- She's spending the weekend.
- You're fucking with me!

I came to work, not have fun.

Richard promised
it would be quiet all weekend.

Have a glass of wine.
It'll make you more likable.

No thanks. I don't drink.
I have to make a call.

It's crazy to be upset
about seeing an old friend.

Hello? How are you, love?
I'll be right there.

No, everyone's here.

And these morons invited
Bernadette Legranbois.

Please! I was with her 100 years ago.

It's even more absurd, me and memories...

I hate that veteran side.

I don't live in the past
- like Jean-
- Mi, Dany, and Richard.

You're here?

Is Bernadette awake?

I don't know. Can you leave me alone?

You could say hello.

Hello, Richard. Can you leave me?

Hurry. I have to call Carole back.

I was insensitive before.
I'm sick and tired.

Sorry, baby. Richard is having problems
with his wife again. Okay.

Say, Richard, we opened the wine

so Bernadette looks back fondly on France.

- Yes. Got any Schoum?
- That red is good.

It goes down like beer.

That's nice for the beer.
A Saint-Émilion '71.

If you prefer beer, open the fridge.

What do you mean
you're rehearsing with Cyril? What for?

That's ridiculous.

Is he hanging around you?

I prefer to be there to guide you.

Otherwise you'll pick up bad habits.

It's like tennis.

Without a referee, how can you judge?

Don't be annoyed, Virginie.

I'm thinking of your performance
above all.

- We arrived in Saint-
- Malo at low tide

just as the sun was rising.

We all ended up naked in the cold water.

It wasn't that cold.

Bernadette is still screwed.
You should've come.

You're mean.

Are there any pickles? I'm making
a sandwich and isolating myself.

You're not eating
with Nanette? That blows.

What? We're not lighting
a candle because she's back.

What's your problem?
You're very aggressive.

Enough with your
"teenagers in love" weekend.

Your "the past is sublime" plan
is pathetic.

A pain in the ass. Terrible.

- Being a philosopher, dear?
- That's enough.

You know Bernadette like I do.

She's incredibly selfish.

She wants to be the center
of the universe. Preferably a male one.

And you're all here waiting for her like

starving idiots

because she plays hard to get
like all nymphos.

Well! That's a very profound explanation.

- A fine analysis.
- My "nympho" is blocking you?

However, you benefited a bit, right?

If this is a settling of accounts
at the OK Corral,

we should cancel the weekend.

Stop the hypocrisy.

She's always wanted to seduce.

That's why she lives with several men.

I'll replace "nympho" with "slut."

She's irresistible.
But she's the queen of the sluts.

- Hello, Antoine.
- Oh, Nanette.

- You're not sleeping?
- You've still got a big mouth.

You've always loved sluts.
That's what you prefer.

Only they make you hard.

I couldn't go to the concert yesterday.
I had rehearsal.

They told me Romeo and Juliet.
That's a nice job.

It's a nice show.
There's still a lot of work to do.

I guess you're sleeping with
the lead actress?

We've been living together
for three months.

- How did you know?
- I know you, Antoine.

It has to work in bed
to work in your head.

Maybe.

Quickly said but maybe.

Look.

Bernadette. Did you have this one?

If you've never seen five idiots

trying to brag to an old fiancée,

this evening was for you.

Antoine forgot Virginie
who had called seven times.

He tried to make Bernadette believe
theater was essential

to French culture

and how he was essential to theater.

My Misanthrope attracted attention.

He had to fight against
the hypocrisy of ministers,

put up with actors' neuroses,

and shake up the sad conformism
of most technicians.

I saw that with the one who played Cyrano.

Cyrano was very good.

The Cyrano I did in Berlin.

You've understood.
He was the only genius in the story.

You've never thought of the theater?
A real show?

Because rock isn't a real show?

Of course it is.

I think it's major.

Guido took a jab at Antoine's speech.

A real feat.

He hysterically described

the jobs on his CV
after separating from the group.

An ostrich feather!

1975: a season as a choreographer
at Les Folies Bergère.

I danced with five Danish girls
who were just as crazy.

I did the splits without any effort.
Just like that!

'76: musical comeback as a songwriter

for a young pretty-boy, Sébastien Adrien,

who didn't live up to the hopes
he had for him.

'79: giving up on shows, he created
a very snobbish Italian restaurant

with a Lebanese associate.

We had the idea
of pasta named after stars.

Carbonara Matthieu, macaroni Stallone...

Super. But the pasta didn't follow.

In short, it didn't work.

1982: Guido got into advertising.

He climbed the ranks of Contrex.

He was director of marketing
in this mineral water empire.

Are you still as big a flirt these days?

- What do you mean?
- As a homosexual, with AIDS.

How do you deal with it?

No problem. I have a solution.

- Excuse me?
- I haven't screwed since 1983.

Since October 1983.

If one bottle of wine out of 12
is filled with arsenic,

I stop liking wine immediately.

It was hard at first.
But I feel more balanced.

Balanced? You?

You're as sour as an old keg.
I'm the balanced one.

I claim the word.

A married guy...

"Family," the defining word
in Richard's life.

After having lived successively
with Suzanne,

Françoise, Eva,
Gudrun, Concepción, and Heimata,

he had finally found happiness
and serenity with Carole.

Then my daughter, Delphine, was born.

I was so happy
I thought my head would explode.

I have a daughter!

A father is crazy in love
with his daughter.

I have a son. Martin. He's eight.

I have a boy!

The funniest thing, and it'll surprise you

and it makes them laugh,

but now I feel no desire
to cheat on my wife.

Being that hypocritical
has mind-blowing virtues.

In his long and pretentious description
of the perfect couple,

Richard didn't mention
his adventures after getting married.

I mean Géraldine, Antoinette,
- Maryse, Marie-
- Ange, and others I forget.

I don't cheat anymore
because I'm happy here.

I'm going to call Virginie.
She's back from Cyril's, right?

I don't know. I don't live with her.

It's very cool here.
There's everything you need.

The only one
who didn't really lie was Daniel.

He wasn't successful at music.
Richard supported him

and his son Sébastien. He accepted.

Richard took them in
after the death of his wife, Manuela,

Guido's ex, found dead with a syringe
in her arm in Ibiza.

I was on the beach with the kid.

Dany's life had never been very fun.

But he never lost hope.

We're not spending the evening
talking about sad memories.

I should've kept my mouth shut.

Richard, you should take out

a bottle of that red wine

that goes down like beer.

I'll roll a joint, okay?

As for me, I tried to objectively tell
Bernadette about

the years following her departure:

my catastrophic marriage to Micheline,

my monstrous guilt
over the death of my father,

which brought me to practice
and write a book,

The Scarlet Marquis, a story of betrayal.

And the ray of hope,
the day I started analysis with Anne.

I was in love almost immediately.

I've taught you nothing.
Sleeping with your analyst is bad.

So we screwed
and she found me another analyst.

A bearded guy, the remarkable Dr. Mendjik.

Dany, pass me the joint.

Mendjik, poor exiled Romanian...

Thanks to the bearded guy,

I now had a comfortable life
with lots of exciting adventures.

A tooth is fascinating.

I don't think taste should be discussed.

Guido said you wrote a novel about me.

It was fiction.

The relations between Barbara
and the hero are more melodramatic

and twisted than ours,

which, without being simple,
stayed friendly.

I want to tell you something.
Don't take it badly. It's normal.

I think we've all gotten old.

We're still fuckable.

Shut up! Look at me.
I look like an old teenager.

My current fans are
the children of my first fans.

Come on!

She's right. You have to accept aging.

I watched Richard dancing
at Les Bains the other night.

It was grotesque.

We're getting old.

I don't know about you...

This'll make you laugh.
When I saw you shimmying, I thought,

"Another old aunt who wants to be young."

Then I remembered that you're the gay one!

At least I have the decency
to not dance anymore.

Right in my age.

I mixed you up even though
I slept with you, not Guido.

That you can take this big jerk

for a homosexual is very funny,

but forgetting that you slept with me
is surreal.

Antoine, I'm not senile.
I didn't forget a thing.

You were my boyfriend,
but he was my lover.

Listen, we can't forget that.

What? What did you say?

I made a faux-pas, didn't I?

Don't move or I'll poke your eye out.

Who's doing my makeup?

Take this. I'll take care of him.

You're crazy! Not here.

I was really disappointed by
the Flins' union reaction.

They were manipulated
but we were too aggressive.

We should do the mayonnaise thing
more skillfully.

Or they'll think
we want to ruin their clothes.

- That's not the goal.
- True.

They don't understand
the symbolism of mayonnaise.

Richard never said anything to you?

What a hypocrite. I'm devastated.

I have to say that's vile.

Don't exaggerate.
We did it two or three times!

It's not a big deal.

I didn't say anything
to preserve our friendship.

- I think I was right.
- It's our fault.

I'm sorry for the awkwardness.

We're old friends.
We can't lie to each other.

You're completely right.

It was 15 years ago. It's time to move on.

- What's important is that we're alive.
- That's it.

I'm going to bed. Bye.

Me too.

- Are you mad at me, guys?
- We're just tired.

"Tired."

It's ridiculous to take it like that.

Take my bedroom.

I'll sleep in my son's.

Okay.

Some memories ruin the ambiance.

I'll tell you the problem, Antoine.

We're dealing with a sex addict.

He could never resist screwing.
He talks about Carole and his loyalty.

He cheats on her. He needs them all.

- All who?
- All women.

They must have stopped him
from sucking his thumb.

He's a real maniac.

It's too bad because he's our friend.

What you say worries me.

The story with Bernadette is the past.

Who cares? But Virginie...

What about Virginie?

I insisted she come this weekend.

It would've been good for her
to decompress from her role.

In the end, she finally told me the truth.

It's because she doesn't like Richard.
I asked her why.

- He makes eyes at her.
- No!

That's big. Sorry I'm laughing.

It's huge but I think it's true.

With this generation of young girls,

like, don't like... It's instinctive.

But they don't lie.

Hard to be mad. He can't control himself.

Bernadette. Excuse me.
I'm just taking a robe.

My son's room is freezing.

Good thing I'm sleeping there.

I realized there's no weather stripping
on his window.

A current blows right at his head.

That causes ear infections in the winter.

He was congested when he went to Arcachon.

Speaking of which,
I forgot to call them tonight.

But she could've called me
if she wanted to.

This is comfortable.

I didn't show you this.

Look. These are my kids,
Martin and Delphine.

And Dany's son, Sébastien.
They look alike.

- That's true. They do.
- Yeah, it's crazy.

And that's Carole,
the mother of my children.

An amazing girl.

Very good with children.

- She's pretty, isn't she?
- Yes.

It's funny for us to be all together, huh?

Yeah, it's nice.

But I made a faux-pas
mentioning our affair.

Ruining your friendship
over unimportant memories...

"Unimportant"?

It was very strong, especially physically.

- Yes, you were ardent.
- Yeah, that...

We had no complexes.

We screwed whenever his back was turned.

We had nerve.

Richard. Move your hand. Be nice.

It's tempting, but we each have our lives.

If we do something stupid,
we'll regret it.

It'd be stupid
to ruin your perfect couple.

You're right.

We've made enough mistakes.

Yeah.

Thank you. Sleep well.

Good night.

Sleep well.

Hello, Virginie? You're not there yet?

This damned answering machine again.

Okay, listen good.

There's no need
to tell me stories. I get it.

It's not my style to take second place,

so forget all my messages.

It's better if we separate! Okay?

What's wrong with Antoine?
Relationship problems?

He called Virginie every 15 minutes.
I didn't sleep at all.

And Dany's shit hurt my head.

I'm making juice with this great fruit.

Stop that noise immediately!

Cyril, it's Antoine.

You're still not there.

So I'll speak to the answering machine.

I'm very disappointed in your attitude.

It won't affect our work.

I'll put things in perspective.

But as a person,

I must tell you that you're an asshole.
End of message.

If you have the courage to talk to me,

you can call me back at the number
I've already given you.

I'll repeat. It's 34 89 02 19.

How long has he been tying up the line?

I was supposed to call Carole.

Don't pump him up. He thinks that Virginie

is screwing Romeo.

- Romeo?
- The actor.

The guy in his play. Virgile.

Cyril.

He's not a bad actor.

Is Virginie screwing someone?

You seem very interested.

Not at all. I'm interested in the problem.

Especially if it's 18 with big boobs.

Sorry to be normal.

I don't see the connection with "normal."

I'm returning to Paris.
Virginie's doing something stupid.

"Something stupid"?

I chose an irresistible Romeo
because he has to be irresistible.

I think Virginie couldn't resist.

Hello? Lou Baker. From his wife.

I'm dreaming. Someone hangs up
and someone picks up.

It's incessant.

It's unbearable
to always get a busy signal.

Shut up!

If you start yelling, I'll hang up!

There's work and there's us so...

Don't worry about work. I'll do it.

But I have to think about us.

Think about it?
She doesn't trust him anymore.

I'm abandoning nothing!

I canceled a show because I'm exhausted!

I need a break.

She needs to recharge
with what she gives onstage.

It's mostly that he pisses her off

and she has fun with us. He's an idiot.

That's typical showbiz.

You take a lemon and squeeze it
until there's nothing left.

I'm an artist, not a detergent saleswoman!

People want to hear me sing!

Not jabbering about politics or whatever!

Who cares about
a singer's opinion of politics?

I like knowing stars' opinions.

You're completely paranoid.
I'm not sleeping with anyone!

And if I wanted to, you couldn't stop me!

The turbo doesn't change.

- Hey, guys!
- Hello.

I'd like some tea.

- What's wrong?
- It's Loulou.

He's lost it. He wants to come here
and break everything.

Let him come and break my house.

I'm exhausted with the tour.

He forces me to work like a pimp.

Relax.

"A pimp." That's the impression

he gave us with his cigar and old car.

The year was September 1972.

Antoine, always in line with
the evolution of society,

thought that pop music
would move the masses

more than theater.

We were called "Plastic Gangrene."

We were ready to oust Led Zeppelin,
Zappa, and more.

Lou Bill Baker,

artistic director, Strawberry Records,

discovered us on the street
and, like a vulture,

focused on Bernadette Legranbois.

For us, it was our first brush
with show business.

What are you doing?
The nerve. We're training.

We're stagnating.

Let's get the machine going.

You'll have trouble following us after.

I should have left at 6:00 a.m.

She'll be on the road for 15 hours
with all the returns.

She'll be exhausted.

Maybe she'll have a picnic.

No. The cleaning woman said
the bungalows are empty.

We can't do anything.

We have to use a helicopter.

And you don't have a helicopter.

I don't know how
we'll make it up the coast.

Really?

No, Anne, nothing happened.

I have nothing to say other than memories,
some funny, others not.

Especially when you learn
your friend betrayed you like a bastard.

The usual ridiculousness.
Antoine is jealous.

He demanded Dany take him to Paris
to surprise Virginie and her Romeo.

Richard is worried about Carole
who's lost.

And me... Not at all!
You're not bothering me.

I was going biking.

I promise. I don't want anything else.

But you could have come.

Huh? Hey!

There are prowlers. I'll call you back.

- Mr. Chappoteaux.
- What is it?

- Excuse me.
- Is Mr. Chappoteaux in?

No.

We found his stolen Mercedes truck
at a supermarket in Meulan.

- Really?
- I have to lug myself over there.

What cowardice to not have told me.

So irresponsible. I can't believe it.

Excuse me. It's not about you.

I was knocked out by a blow to the head.

You don't only smoke Gitanes here.

I'm not here for this.

- Mr. Triaud.
- No.

Empty out your ashtrays.

Otherwise, we'll return.

Excuse us. It's exceptional.

Here, empty this.

- I'll stay here. I'll explain to Carole.
- Say nothing.

Tell her I'll call her back.

Bernadette, are you still in the bath?

- Yes.
- Want a drink?

- You're in good shape!
- I'm fine. I wanted a drink.

I want to go to town
to find some health food.

The food was too rich last night.

- I don't want to poison myself.
- As you wish. Not sure you'll find any.

We're in the country.

Women's desires aren't always simple.

For example,
when I was married to Micheline,

she was obsessed with something.

She wanted to try swinging
with lawyer friends,

- Herman and Marie-
- Cécile.

Back then, I was very repressed.

She bored me, and I ended up agreeing.

We did it one evening,
and it went very badly.

She had a bad time. Herman hurt her

while I was having a great time
- with Marie-
- Cécile.

It made her furious.

She accused me of loving her
and threw an ashtray at me.

Then we divorced.

What a pitiful love life.

Fortunately, it got better with Anne.

To be honest, with Loulou,

God knows he's made me suffer,

but he's the one who showed me
I'm more clitoris than vaginal.

Hello.

We're browsing.
Do you have a health food aisle?

Yes, right after the pet food.

Thank you.

If I can say it without being ridiculous,
he's amazing at cunnilingus.

Of course.

Without being pretentious, I...

I mean, I don't pretend
to be amazing at anything,

but if there were a contest,
I might not lose.

In fact, I can tell you that I love it.

That's a direct proposition.
You've changed!

- Good thing. I was repressed.
- Your offer is tempting.

But I'm married
and my head is all over the place.

That wouldn't help me take stock of things

It's your call.

What if I make a little can of Pal?

- It's settled, Jean-
- Michel. My time of jumping every guy is over.

- Thankfully, I've evolved.
- Yes. I was joking.

Shit, she's a nympho!

Open, Antoine.

Don't be depressed.
It's useless. You have to react.

Why is he yelling?

I took him to his apartment.
Virginie packed her bags.

She took all her clothes.

Just a cold note on the carpet.

- It totally affected him.
- What did the note say?

- Slut!
- Here, you can read it.

It's wrinkled because he was angry.

"I was at the movies

with Cyril." "Your message hurt me."

"I'm leaving you if that's what you want."

"It's just work between us from now on."

She's ungrateful.

What is it? Come to console the poor guy?

I don't need pity.

I'll deal with it alone thanks to work.

As I did when you left, Bernadette.

My play, only my play.

Help us, kids.
That's all we could save from the load.

And the truck?

They broke the fan belt on the side.

That was the limit!

Good thing my friend Monique,

a gifted writer at Publipub,

with an adorable house in the area,

was nice enough to bring us back.

- This is Monique Jussieu.
- Good evening.

Nice to meet you.

Her sister-in-law, Sabine.

- Nice to meet you.
- -Jean-
- Michel, Dany.

And Bernadette who needs no introduction.

Nice to meet you.

I've been a fan since my twenties.

I can't return the compliment.

Enough small talk,
there's work to be done.

Can I help?

Carole called.

I told her
Nanette slept in the other room.

I told you not to say anything.
Why did you make it up?

I don't know. It seemed better.

- Where did she call from?
- Bordeaux. She's in traffic.

Say, Richard,
did you find my lighter in the truck?

It's a Zippo, and I really like it.

I don't care about your lighter.
We're going to have a chat.

Excuse me.

Put that in the kitchen.
It's ceramic and it's fragile.

I can see it now.

It'll be a sectarian argument and more.

It will be my fault as always.

Repeat what you said.

It's my fault you gave a new truck
to two hitchhikers?

You're right, Richard.

Of course. All Black men
are assholes and thieves.

Are you stupid?
What does that have to do with it?

I told you no hitchhikers!

Regardless of their color!
Hitchhikers are bad!

It's better I stop driving then.

I can't practice anti-youth racism.

Stop, Dany. Don't act irresponsible.

It's a shame you do it with your son,

but it won't work with me!

You two have lived here
for five years and I've asked nothing

other than the occasional delivery.

And if you can't even do that,
you're gonna have a real problem!

Sorry to bother you
in the middle of your terrible argument.

I can't support boss-worker relations
between friends.

"Relations..." It's obvious
it wasn't your truck that he destroyed!

I haven't driven in a long time.
It prevents this kind of issue.

When you're finished,
tell us where to put the tub.

These taps are heavy.

I see. You're all against me.

Put them wherever you want.
I don't care. Okay?

Put everything there.
I'll put it away later.

Let's have a little drink to relax.

- "Novel, Jean-
- Michel Tuiliet."

What is this nonsense?

I'd like a glass of white wine
after all that yelling.

Try Dany's cocktail.

It's punch with vodka

and a bit of curaçao for color.

It's delicious and stunning.

Watch out. It's very strong.

No. It's not bad.

You have to drink a lot
for it to affect you.

We're inviting ourselves for supper

but the vibe is nice.

True. We're having a nice weekend.

The house is so warm.

It reminds me of the vibe of a community
in the Lubéron in 1970.

Really?

The first few months.
It ended in pitchfork blows.

Do you live here full-time
or just the weekend?

For the weekend
but we're thinking full-time.

Nevertheless,

you gotta be nuts to use pitchforks.

I'm too Parisian. I'll stay Parisian.

I couldn't live in the country.

Sorry. I said something stupid.
It must be the punch.

And it's intimidating being with a star.

You're right. We're the stupid ones.

We've played veterans for two days.

- Absolutely.
- Does something smell strange?

It smells like garbage.

The garbage cans are outside.

No, it's that.

Sorry. Excuse me.

It's tofu. Plant protein
with a seaweed base.

It's very healthy. I'm vegetarian
and have to compensate for protein.

Did you write this manuscript?
It's very funny.

Is it autobiographical?
I saw Guido, Richard...

And Bernadette. It's almost too much.

It's fiction.
Any resemblance is pure coincidence.

You're a bit late, but you'll see.

He took good care of you.

Really? I can't wait.

Friends, I got annoyed earlier. I'm sorry.

It was excessive.
I publicly retract what I said to Dany.

And to not leave a bad impression,
I'll open a nice bottle of wine.

Richard, we're a bit ahead of you.

At 18, I was ten times crazier
than most of the people here.

That's hard to believe today.

Listen, I had red hair dyed with henna,

in braids.

And I was nude under a sari.

All I ate was yogurt and manioc.

Isn't that crazy, Sabine?

No need for generalizations.

That's not crazy.
I often eat manioc and tofu.

I'm not just talking about food.

My 16-year-old daughter
wants to study law.

At her age,
I'd already run away from home.

I hitchhiked to
the Isle of Wight concert with Sabine.

Remember? We were picked up
by a Volkswagen bus.

There were eight Germans inside.
I won't tell you the fun we had!

Today, a kid wouldn't think it was cool

to be fondled by Germans
on a camping trip.

Possibly.

If my daughter ran away

with Germans, I'd call the cops.

I'm not sure the cops are the best way

to solve family issues.

Kids today are mutants to me.

We're from a different generation.

They ask metaphysical questions.

"Why do I do this?" "Why are we alive?"

"BMW or Porsche?"

And the Isle of Wight, honestly,
there's nothing uncool about that.

There were a million of us
listening to Dylan and the Doors.

It was thrilling.

That's obvious.

There weren't those crappy synthesizers

that kill the feeling.

What are you saying? And progress?

Isle of Wight, what a memory!

I met two Spanish guys from Seville.

Spare us the details.

I just mean that Monique is right.

We weren't as repressed.

We created the sexual revolution!

Tell me about it! Men

couldn't accept
that women are their equals

so a generation was powerless.

How are we powerless?

Don't feel targeted.

She means those who don't accept
the image their wife reflects.

I don't feel targeted.

I've always considered my wife my equal.

That doesn't stop me--

We know. You fuck admirably.

Some sluts like powerless men.

You're unlucky. I've never met any.

Forget it. He's not the first.

Are you trying to say your daughter
is less reckless than you?

Thankfully. Life is more cruel
than before. It's a bad cycle.

A shitty cycle. We're withdrawn,

in our corners, blocked by fear.

- I'm afraid.
- It's a world of crazies.

I get it, Éric.
Fear is the big problem between people.

- Obviously.
- I accepted that through analysis.

Does it kill viruses?

Don't be ridiculous.
You're playing with words.

Excuse me
but you're causing unclear problems.

Intelligent people really feel badly.

It's bla-bla.
I make love to my wife no problem.

I love my kids, my house, my job.

Maybe it's banal, but I feel as good as
I did when I was in my twenties.

You've gone to the right
since having money.

Money? Everyone profits from it.

Five minutes of listening
and I have to intervene.

What is this macho conversation
about your dick of steel?

How you make all women come?
It's almost fascism.

"Fascism"? And you?
You get billions in grants

for your boring shows!

- Boring?
- Yes, with your ministry friends.

While the big macho idiot pays his taxes.
What is that?

- What is that like?
- Pain!

There's no doubt
that Antoine squanders taxpayers' money.

But his shows aren't boring.

Richard wants us to think
he's not complicated.

For 20 years,
he's preferred other men's women.

That!

Stop being aggressive! These discussions

that go nowhere create a bad ambiance.

Everyone has their own karma.

"Karma"! You're teasing, Dany.

Everyone has their own trip.

Don't mix up "karma" and "Karl Marx."

- Can I ask you a personal question?
- Yes. If you want.

What did you think of me
when we first met?

Honestly? Nothing.

- Does that bother you?
- It disheartens me. I'm used to it.

Being vexed.

Who is it?

- It must be David.
- Who's David?

My makeup artist. He's bringing papers
so I can call my lawyer in Montreal.

I don't know if I'll change husbands
but I will change managers.

Hello.

Are you just her makeup artist or...

Turn the music down, Dany.
I can't hear a thing!

So I'm completely tied to him?

It's unbelievable that your own husband
can screw you like that!

Why didn't you tell me when I signed?

Why didn't you stop me?

So I'm the one acting in bad faith?

Still on the phone.
It's been half an hour with Montreal.

Don't be an idiot. It's rude!

They're discussing the contract.

They're at article 132.
There are only 60 left.

American contracts can be
as thick as a phone book.

I'll hang up if it continues.
It's not my problem.

I can't do anything!

He's getting stingy.

Good for me, huh?

Damn, everyone is stressed out
because of business.

Afterwards, you end up with an ulcer.

You won't get one.

- We'll be leaving now.
- Why?

It's sad that she has problems,
but it doesn't concern you.

- We're happy to have you.
- You are?

- Of course.
- It's much nicer.

For two days, we've just been the guys.

Don't walk there. It's full of glass.

I'll go to her place
and break her glasses.

You're not okay.

John Lennon's song is too much, huh?

The words are so true.

No doubt. I've lost my English.
I get the gist of it but...

He says that if you want to succeed,

you have to learn to smile
while you kill them.

Very strong.

He must have thought of all the Lous.

Certainly.

Early on, Lou could be fantastic.

But afterwards...

Really?

To be tricked by your own husband
is disgusting.

It makes me want to vomit.

It may be the combination
of ice cream, coffee, and joint.

I always have the same problems
with women.

- Do I have a technical flaw?
- Maybe anatomical?

Showbiz is like Jaws.

Original is disturbing.

Don't make that face. It's for fun.

- It's just for fun.
- Thanks.

Guys like Lou Baker
are there to put you in a mold,

nice and neat.

That's a cliché.

Guys like that are necessary.
They're managers.

She fills his pockets,
he makes her a star.

Everyone has their role.
You gotta be objective.

I just learned something about Lou.
He's a bastard.

When we stopped the group,
we thought it was Antoine

who made Nanette leave.

What? I made Bernadette leave Paris?

We all thought so. You agree?

Yes.

I don't agree. You all have amnesia.

She told me why.
She was tired of living with you.

All together.
The group was suffocating her.

- It's the same thing.
- Let me finish.

That jerk Lou forced her to leave.

You remember our program?

- Not very in line.
- If you heard it before...

Okay, let's stop for a minute.

Lou Bill, there's too much
background voice.

Very good. Just a word for Nanette.

Lou, I can't hear myself.

I'm not one for flattery,
but you have a real voice.

A real talent. I'm ready to sign
a five-year contract.

We'll go to Quebec,
and I'll make you a star.

I mean, number one.

I'm glad you like the group.
We were nervous.

You don't get it.
I mean you, not the group.

I know sentimentally it's awful,

but your singer is a big wuss.

- She's being aggressive.
- Why are they talking alone?

We make decisions together.

Gotta talk to the singer.

He's the group leader in principle.

Yeah, he should talk to me.

He's chewing her out.

- He's gonna get screwed.
- Very fast.

It's weird to isolate her.

You're paranoid.

What? Why is she giving him shit, then?

Stop. He's a real pro.

I know how you feel.

But you're doing them a favor.
You can't do a job you aren't good at.

The singer needs to do something else.
It's better for the others.

The electric flute is also at the top.

He needs to stop playing it or swallow.

There you go.

If Lou can judge who plays the flute well,

I'll become coach of France's soccer team.

I still feel like vomiting.

The worst is for Daniel.

The only one I want to take with you
is the one with his head in the clouds.

The guitar soloist. He has a real sound.

If he works.

Bastard. I'm taking them all or none.

Maybe he was right.
Maybe we weren't cut out for this.

Are you totally stupid or what?

He just said that Dany was cut out for it!

Lou would've gotten rid of him
in Montreal.

How can you take his word for it?

That's obvious.

I'm gonna make some punch.

Want some?

- That was Loulou.
- Did you call him?

He said screw the contract.
He's giving me my freedom.

Great! That's what you wanted.
Ice cream? Blackberry-pistachio?

He's a real gentlemen.

You admire him now?

He brought me back to earth.
I need him, especially now.

I'm not selling records. I haven't had
a hit in three years. I'm a has-been.

Stop. You're upset.

The tour is in Europe to rebound

but it started badly.

The Olympia was full.

We filled it with invitations.

That's why he's worried. Me too.

I need some whiskey.

- You won't throw it on the floor?
- Of course not.

It's carpeted and it's not my place.

- She break anything?
- She's not selling.

It's been three years. She's a has-been.

Shall we go, Monique?

Monique!

- Jean-
- Mi, be honest. It's important.

Yes?

You've seen all my shows for ten years.

- Yes.
- -
- Brecht was a success.

But my other plays...

Were they too pompous, too academic?

What? No. Your staging is great.

Everyone says so. And I know nothing.

Thanks.

You're depressed too?
Have some scotch or something.

Thanks a lot.

Damn. We can never talk.

Richard. I need your opinion.

- Do you know California?
- Yes.

Los Angeles, Beverly Hills... I love it.

It's a great place.

I'd never live there, though.
I'm too French.

Excuse me. I'll let you concentrate.

May I?

You have a life line. It's impressive.

But your love line is jagged.

Forget it. I'm not gay.

And? I don't see the connection.

Hands reveal one's personality.

If that's a problem for you, too bad.

That guy's an idiot.

- Who?
- Who does he think he is?

Because he flatters stars,
he thinks he's superior.

Can you help me clean up?

If Carole sees this, I'll have problems.

I'm the only one cleaning up.

Yeah, later.

- Don't forget, okay?
- Okay.

- Jean-
- Mi's thing starts off well but it gets heavy.

I don't care. I'm tidying up.

Thanks to Loulou,

I've become more reasonable, more adult.

I'm almost happy.

But at the same time,
I sing about banalities.

Ridiculous love songs.

It will sound crazy to you,
but sometimes I think I should

put myself a bit more in danger

to find my taste for real ballads
all over again.

If you have to cut off your ear
like Van Gogh

to have talent, that's annoying.

Lou's too macho.

He can't deal with my personality.
I have a crazy job.

I need a strong entourage.

Men don't deal well
having a star for a wife.

Their dream is to have
a little woman at home.

Rock 'n' roll makes them jealous.

I don't follow you.
Are you tired of Lou Bill or not?

My God. It's more complicated than that.

I love him, but I can't stand him.

I need another man.

That seems obvious.

You seem sad, disoriented.

Why even be in a couple?

It lasts a year at most.

The time to experience sexual madness.

Then routine sets in, you separate.

How many days do you think
the sexual madness lasts?

I'm not going to keep track.

I don't know.
Six to eight months. No more.

Six months is a bit short.

That's how long it takes me
to really get into the sexual madness.

It's awful.

- It won't work.
- You make fun of me.

Let's make love.

It'll get rid of the migraine I have.

Now? Are you serious?

I'm sorry. I'm so selfish.

I give orders without asking for opinions.

- I'm sorry. Forget it.
- No! Out of the question!

You sure you want to stay here?
You'll be better in bed.

I'm good. Don't move.

I'm cold.

You smoked too much.

I see colors! It's amazing!

Daniel will take me home.

- Daniel who?
- The gentle guy who speaks slowly.

Shall we go?
I took some cassettes for the road.

I'll let my friends know.

I'm taking Sabine home,
if you know what I mean.

No need to wait for me
for breakfast tomorrow.

There you go.

- A spring.
- Excuse me?

- Do you have pure water?
- A glass of water?

Yes, water.

Want me to call Sabine?

No!

The curaçao-joint mix...

- A drink!
- Let me go.

- A drink.
- Let me go.

A drink.

I'm going. Be quiet.

Thank you.

It's cashmere. That's going too far.

I'll give her all this.

Here. This will do.

You didn't put aspirin in it.

- No, you wanted pure water.
- No!

- I want aspirin.
- I have some.

- I'll go get some.
- I'm going to vomit.

Not in the living room.

What did Dany make her smoke?
She's sick in the living room.

I have a doubt.

Lower the sound of that stupidity
so we can talk.

We can exchange ideas
as human beings, can't we?

This weekend nobody's looking at anyone.

This place is a mess!

As a human being, I'm listening to you.

But I'm exhausted.

Sometimes I wonder
if it wouldn't be easier

if I were homosexual.

That's something else.

Yeah.

You seem much more adult
relationship-wise.

That's the impression you give me.

I've never seen you tortured
by a relationship problem.

Anyway, if you get dumped,

you don't care. It doesn't bother you.

You should be less stupid and selfish.

What?

I haven't screwed since 1983. Get it?

Thanks to a willpower of steel.

So your stories of failed couples...

Please!

...because of your insane selfishness!
Thanks a lot!

What's with you? Why take it out on me?

I can't even talk to you anymore.
This is crazy!

Girls dump you

because your paternalistic professor side
pisses them off.

Thanks a lot!

- -Jean-
- Michel?
- Yes, sweetheart?

Don't you have your condom?

- Sorry?
- Your prophylactic. Your rubber.

Rubber, yes, of course.

We're adults.

To make sure we have nothing but pleasure.

Nothing but pleasure.

The problem is I hadn't planned ahead.

Ask Richard.
He must have some in the house.

Really?

I'm not so sure.

- Go check.
- Yes.

Hurry up.

It's terribly sad!

You asked for this song.
Should I change it?

No.

That's why it's so beautiful.

Yes, it's Chopin after all.

This is what we'll do. I'll turn it down.

And when it's over, you'll sleep. Okay?

- Yes.
- There you go.

- Thank you.
- It's normal.

Thank you for this warmth.

That's enough. Go to sleep now.

This moonlit night is magnificent.

That's it, it's extra.

Are there any condoms here?

In your book, my character's a real idiot.

It's unbelievable
that there are no condoms here.

- Answer me, Jean-
- Michel.

This character is dreadful.

He has no charm, no humor. He's a bore.

Thanks a lot.

- Thanks for what?
- Look at page 126.

You wrote, "He only laughs
when he burns himself."

Nice judgment from a friend.

It's not you. It's a novel.

You're wearing me out with this.
It isn't you. The guy's a redhead.

Of course, but he's a director.

You're not the only director in the world.

What?

Excuse me. Do you have any condoms?

Pardon me?

One hundred francs.

- I'll find some.
- Thanks.

When you don't have any,
it's not very fun.

- Exactly.
- Here.

- There are only two missing.
- Thanks.

Is it a gangbang?

How many? Do you have a room?

So we meet again.

I came in here. Is this your room?

- Are you going to bed?
- No, everything's fine.

- I just wanted to read.
- Okay.

That's it. Listen to your Walkman.

It'll get your brain going.

Bruce Springsteen.

"Bruce Springsteen." Do I give a shit?

Damn, you're cute.

You're an idiot, but you're cute.
That's undeniable.

I'd kiss your neck.

I'd nibble your earring.

Stupid guys don't really excite me.

If you weren't so foolish,

we could've let go of our frustrations
together for an hour.

Right?

Let's be honest. You're her slave.

And I'm a washed-up singer

who pretends to rave over plastic bottles.

You missed out on an hour of ecstasy.

What are you saying?

Nothing. Just thinking out loud.

Well, I'll let you get some sleep.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Antoine?

- Where you going?
- To exercise.

- Now?
- Why not?

Monique.

Wake up. I need to talk to someone.

Monique.

Forget it. Sorry.

What are you doing here?

They're all here.
They're following me. Protect me.

I'm cold. Very cold.

- I'll get you a blanket.
- I'm gonna vomit!

Stop. You're hurting me.

You're scratching me.

Don't leave.

I'm being pulled into a spiral.
Hold me tightly.

Hold me.

I'm falling into a well!

No, you're in a child's bedroom.

It's my son's bedroom.
Nothing bad can happen.

- You don't know what I'm risking!
- You're risking nothing.

I'll stay. I won't leave you.

Look at the little panda. It's cute.

You think I'm stupid.

I don't want to die.

Me neither. Nobody does.

No.

I'm sick of this.

The light, shit!

- Who is it?
- Sorry.

- I'm just passing through.
- For the importance it has...

Is Richard already in bed?

Yes. With Monique.

I see the evening really degenerated.

If it makes you happy.

I don't regret a thing,

because Sabine is super cute.

I think I hooked her good.

Sleeping here?

Leave me alone, dammit! I'm thinking.

Sorry.

- Dany.
- What?

Do you think I'm cute?

Me? Guys...

I'm more interested in the ladies.

You should ask Guido. He's a better judge.

Thanks.

Where is that fool?

Monique.

What are you doing? Come inside.

No, I feel good.

I'm getting some fresh air.

It's very hot in your room.

This moonlight is impressive.

- You'd think we're in the Pampas.
- Stop. Give me your hand.

If you fall,
you'll be squashed on the tiles.

Your friends were right after all.

- What?
- You lean right.

I don't see the connection.

Come on, Monique. Grab the belt.

And be reasonable.

You're a damn selfish,
bourgeois conservative

who only thinks of his house
and his pitiful family.

Grab this or you'll fall
and be flattened like a pancake!

Hello, Virginie? You're finally home.

I couldn't believe it. Where were you?

I got your message. It destroyed me.

What do you mean
because of my message? No.

I was angry.

I don't like to be led on.

Can you repeat that, honey?

What do you mean
"the number of my messages"?

But...

It's normal that I was worried.

What do you want me
to call Cyril from now on?

What do you mean "crazy jealous"?

Do you think I'm naive or what?

No! I like things to be clear. That's all.

I want the truth.

I prefer that you tell me
you're sleeping with Cyril.

I can't stand lies.

There.

I can understand you having
a little fling, but tell me.

Do you understand, honey?

Okay, I'm listening.

- Give me your car keys.
- Why the long face?

That slut's been screwing
Cyril since the beginning.

They'll pay for this.

Antoine, you've lost it.

You're not going to kill someone over sex.

She wants to live with him!
Give me your keys, dammit!

One step closer
and I'll kill you like a dog.

Wait.

This is crazy. All I'm asking for
is the keys to the car.

It's not the end of the world.
One step closer and I'll kill you.

One more step. Come on.

You're disappointed, huh?
We just made love.

It's banal.

Not at all. "Banal"?

On the contrary.
It was adorable and charming.

You've dreamed of making love
to Bernadette for 20 years

and you just made love to me.

That's your deception.

You shouldn't always try
to live out your fantasies.

- No, but--
- I can't help it, and I adore you.

And I'm thrilled that--

What was that?

There's no injury.

The pool cue cut the scalp,
hence the blood.

Richard, take the X-rays.

Thank you, Doctor.

- Come back in eight days.
- Of course.

David is sorry.
He didn't mean to hit so hard.

Yes.

There are unbelievable fog patches.

I've always been betrayed.

The henpecked one of the gang.
A real idiot.

- I'm sick of this.
- Here we go.

Don't start flipping out again.
It's scary.

All your friends are with you.

I ruined everything.
Nobody can do anything.

Nonsense. Aside from Bernadette,

you're the star.
You're the most successful.

That's true. Think of your show.

That's more important. It'll be huge.

I don't give a shit. It's not enough.

The stage manager can do just as well.

And he can screw Virginie too. That slut.

You're torturing yourself.

Forget about it!

People use me then dump me.

Maybe it's just a fling.

It bothers you that she dumped me.

You all wanted to screw her.

Stop being paranoid. You're too much.

Let him talk. He needs to get it out.

Okay, vent.

- It'll help. Go.
- Richard, shut up.

I get it. They dump me because I'm ugly.

I'm as ugly as a toad.

A big nose on a cow's head.

Who wants to live with that?

You're exaggerating.
You've got a nice face.

I'm not talking to you.
You're off the charts.

If you're looking for a guy
with a pretty body...

When we were together 20 years ago,
you pleased me physically too.

Liar! You cheated on me with that fop.

- Who are you talking about?
- You.

It never ends.
There's always a Richard or a Cyril

chasing after my woman.

Never just for me.

Get it? It ruins my life.

You're all right physically.
You're aging well.

Things have changed now.
Looks aren't the only thing that counts.

Look at Prince. 1.02 meters tall
and he screws whoever he wants.

Come on. Antoine is much taller than that.

How tall are you? 1 meter 80 cm?

You guys are idiots. You're real idiots.

But I like you a lot.

You're finally making sense. Thank you.

Are you okay?

What's going on now?

It's Guido. He hit the ping-pong table.

What a night, kids.

- I did Élancourt-
- Chartres.

- Chartres-
- Dreux.

On your bike?

Yeah. I slept while pedaling.

I almost got run over by a truck.

I lied down under a bus shelter
in Houdan to rest for five minutes.

I slept two hours in a row.

It perked me up.

If anyone wants to play tennis
at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow, I'm here.

They say the craziest people
work in show business.

I wonder if it's true.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

You're crazy, Martin.

Mom, there's a Cadillac.

You can't just get out like that.

- But there's a Cadillac.
- Get to bed now.

What a pigsty.
Did they have an orgy or what?

- Watch your language.
- How many are they?

That's enough. Come. Let's make your bed.

Mom. Dany's in my bedroom with a lady.

Carole, you're already here?

Yes, too early, apparently.

Sorry. We had a crazy party.

- We don't know where we are.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- She's Richard's friend.

I found Dad. He's completely hammered.

- What is it?
- You're not very tanned.

Hi, Dad. How's it going?

Monique, this is Sébastien, my son.

How are you, sweetie?

Richard.

Carole.

What's going on here?

Carole, you're already home?

Richard, what happened?

I'll explain. I'm glad to see you.
I had a stressful weekend.

Why don't you tell me
all about it over coffee?

- Didn't you sleep on the way?
- No.

How did you arrive so early?

Mom wanted to meet your Belgian singer.

So we drove super fast.

It was more of a big cuddle
than a real night of sex.

You still slept with her.

He doesn't look it, but he's good
at getting his ducks in a row.

You can't say a thing.
You screwed Nanette on the sly.

Really?

You must have exploded.

It was nice but a bit hygienic,
without going into detail.

That's it?

So it wasn't worth thinking about
for 15 years.

No. I'm glad I did it.

I'm too complicated.

I always told you.

Marry Anne and have kids.

A couple and kids is all that's real.

I'm thinking about it. Anne's complicated.

It's fine with me.
Our kids will be a headache.

Think about it.
Kids balance things really well.

I'm happy to see everyone alive and happy.

Carole, not to give you a compliment,
but Richard seems radiant.

All he talks about is his wife and kids.

You've stabilized him.

When I knew him, he was unstable
and a confirmed flirt.

He is balanced,

but I'm not so sure
he's no longer a flirt.

Speaking of a flirt, I don't know
what came over me with your friend,

the rocker.

He's nice,
but I wasn't in my normal state.

It's not my style
to sleep with just anyone.

And he's not my type.

- Nanette?
- Yes?

Lou Bill said you've got the car.
It's not practical for him to pick you up.

What a load! He can take the train.

It's always complicated with him.

- What do I tell him?
- To come by train.

- Really?
- Men!

When Romeo dies,

should I add a little stunt?

Like falling down the staircase

backwards and head first.

- Good idea. Not bad.
- Audiences love stunts.

That's why we do it.

Until further notice.

Is it okay with you
if I sleep over this week?

- My empty apartment depresses me.
- No problem.

Whenever you want.
We can work out in the morning.

It'll get you in shape.

- Dinner is served!
- Didn't Mom give you pocket money?

We spent it in Arcachon.

- How much do you need?
- It's for ping-pong balls.

- How much are they?
- Sixty francs.

- Sixty francs?
- Yes.

Here's 50 each. Deal with it.

- Thanks, Richard.
- It's nothing.

- Thanks, Dad.
- No problem.

Even so, she didn't miss you.

That's for sure.
Those Japanese gardens seem like nothing.

The little pots?

- Yes.
- It's small but compact.

That's what she threw at me.
One centimeter higher,

it would've pierced my retina.

And I'd have lost my eye.

Those cacti are awful.

They prick something awful.

So I want you all in Quebec next summer.

With the kids.
Everyone can stay at our house.

- Absolutely.
- Goodbye.

- Bye.
- It's hard to leave you.

- Bye.
- -
- Ciao.

A little kiss for you too.

- Bye.
- See you next time.

- Don't be silly.
- It was a pleasure to see her.

For her too, I think.

- Bye.
- -
- Ciao.

Bye, Lou Bill.

Good luck with your play.

My God!

As distracted as ever.

Bye, everyone!

I love you! Bye!

Left, left, right.

She's stayed simple for such a star.

Super simple.

Super cool.

Nice, cool, simple.
Sometimes simplistic even.

No regrets. Maybe that's how
she left us so easily 18 years ago.

Don't bring that up again.

Music wasn't our thing.

You were an awful singer. Accept it.

I'm not talking about me but about him.

He might've been
one of the best singers in LA

instead of delivering Jacuzzis.

Why Los Angeles?

That idiot Lou Bill
offered him a contract.

She refused.

It's because of her that he failed.

- What? You think I'm a failure?
- Of course not.

Not at all.

I just said you failed this...

Because for me,
show business à la Lou Bill Baker

makes me vomit.

I wouldn't have signed
his contract anyway.

Don't worry, guys.

I wouldn't have left without you.

Okay, I'm going to make myself
some great coffee.

Shall we make some great coffee?

Let's go.

Sorry, little bit.

Dany, come help us.

Be nice, shit!

Leave him alone!

Pass it!

Volleyball.

Yeah!

Dany!

Come and play with us, Dany.

In two seconds. I still have to help.