Merry Mavericks (1951) - full transcript
Set in the old west, the stooges are mistaken for lawmen and manage to capture a gang of crooks. The boys then get the job of guarding some money in an old house reputed to be haunted by the ghost of an Indian Chief. The crooks escape and go after the money disguised as ghosts, but Shemp, disguised as the Indian Chief, manages to knock them out.
[♪]
How do you like that?
Wanted for vagrancy.
What's vagrancy?
Boy, are you stupid.
You take a flower,
and it smells real nice,
that's vagrancy.
Ha, ha.
We can beat that rap.
You chowderhead.
Vagrancy is when you're
a hobo or a tramp.
Uh-oh. We can't beat
that one.
There's only one thing
left to do.
Yes.
We've gotta pull up stakes.
Yes.
Get out of town.
Yes.
And go to work.
No.
Oh, you said a nasty word.
[CRUNCHES]
Ooh! Ah! Ah!
Ooh.
Now, listen, you nitwits.
There's a lot of rocks
in this county,
and the sheriff
just loves to have
guys like us
make itty-bitty ones
out of great big ones.
We gotta hit the trail.
Where will we go?
We're heading west.
There's a beautiful little town
about 40 miles from here
called Peaceful Gulch,
where you can
lounge in the lazy sun,
the breeze blows
over the open range,
the birds sing,
the bees hum.
[HUMMING]
[HUMMING]
Bee-bee-bee-bee.
[SNORING]
Get up, you guys.
What happened?
The bees hit me
or something.
Wait a minute,
we gotta get going.
Here, we're heading west.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GUNFIRE]
[GUNFIRE]
[BULLET RICOCHETS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GUNFIRE]
Ah.
[BULLET RICOCHETS]
That's Red Morgan
and his gang.
Last night they robbed
the express office.
Did they get
the mine payroll?
No, I've got that in my bag,
but they'll be after it next.
We've got to find somebody to
run these hoodlums out of town.
Well, there must be
someone that--
I got it. Look.
We've got to print
this picture in the paper and--
And say that they're
three famous marshals
coming to clean up
the town.
It might work,
and give me time
to get rid of the payroll.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
[GUNFIRE]
Ooh!
"Law officers on the way.
"Famous marshal and deputies
expected soon to clean up
the town."
Hey, boss, we'd better
call off that bank job.
No, we'll knock that job
over before they get here.
[BOOTS CLATTER]
[CHAIRS CLATTER]
I wish you'd get
a new face.
You scare people.
Boys, watch your chance
to gun 'em down.
But remember,
they're killers.
Glad you got here so soon.
Welcome, pardners.
Howdy, pard.
Nice knowing you, stranger.
Glad to meet
you gents.
My name's Cassidy.
Cassidy?
Do you suppose?
Uh, what might
your front name be?
Aw, shucks. Clarence.
Clarence Cassidy?
Don't sound
quite right nohow,
somehow.
Mr. Higgins will be
mighty glad
to know
you're here.
I'm gonna go
tell him right now.
I'm ridin'.
That's ridin'?
Never hurt none.
Hey, what's all this talk
about Mr. Higgins?
Oh, he must be batty.
Say, this is
a dirty-lookin' place.
Maybe we could
promote a job here.
Wait a minute.
They could use some good
cleaner-uppers.
Come on.
Who's the boss
of this place?
I am. Why?
Well, mister, we aim to do a
little cleaning up around here.
Uh, now, wait a minute. Let's--
Let's talk this thing over.
Uh, how about a drink first,
huh?
Well, we don't mind
if we do.
Come on.
Set 'em up, boys.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
[PIANO PLAYING]
Hello, handsome.
Did somebody come in?
Come on, big boy,
let's dance.
Oh, I don't--
Oh, sure you do.
[PIANO PLAYING "OH! SUSANNA"]
Your partner's
doing all right.
Bom-be-de-bomp,
left and right.
Come back
with all your might.
Swing, swing.
Excuse me while I cut in
on the light fantastic.
That's dancing.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, have a drink.
It's on the house,
pardner.
Thanks, I reckon
I'll have a bottle.
Cuttin' in.
Oh, pleasure.
You dance divinely.
Oh, thank you.
Wait a minute,
you earthworm.
Oh.
Get out of here.
I thought those hombres
looked familiar.
Vagrants, huh?
Show this to the boys.
Tell 'em to start shooti''
when I do.
Vagrant.
Try to fool me, will you?
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
[BODY THUDS]
Stick 'em up.
Get over there,
you ornery sidewinder.
Now, I'm gonna let you have it.
No, no, wait.
Think of my family.
They'll never see me again.
They'll be heartbroken,
all of them.
Yes, they will.
There's my ma and pa
and grandpa and grandma
and all the kids.
I got a little golden-haired
sister looks just like you.
[STOOGES SOB]
She's this high.
And a baby brother
this high.
And a great, big brother
that's this high.
All right, don't move
a muscle, you guys.
I knew there'd be
a ruckus,
so I come back
to take care of things.
I reckon I'd have
wiped 'em out.
I reckon.
Well, let's get 'em along
to jail where they belong.
All right, sister, get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
Hey, is that a way
to talk to a lady?
All right, sister, get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
That's better.
Go on.
All right,
come on up out of there.
Come on,
get a move on here.
Go on,
into the hoosegow.
Go on.
Come on.
Come on, or I'll
let you have it.
[GROUP MUTTERING]
Oh, no, you don't.
In here.
Hey, bud,
you got a calendar?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's the big idea?
Come on,
get going here.
Boys, Mr. Higgins
wants to see you.
He's moved the money
to the old Horton place.
Wants you to guard it.
Right.
A job's a job.
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[YAWNS]
[GROANS]
Hi, Al. What kept you?
Higgins stashed the money
at the old Horton place.
And they're guarding it.
Well...
[BAGS THUMP]
there you are.
You won't be bothered here none,
I reckon.
Folks don't come
around here much.
No, why not?
Oh, some foolishness
about an old spook
supposed to hang out
around here. Heh, heh.
[STOOGES CHUCKLE]
Spook, eh?
Yep. Old Indian chief.
Years ago, Jeff Horton
blew the chief's head off
with a shotgun. Heh.
They say the old boy comes back
here looking for his head.
Heh, heh.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
Hey, Moe,
I don't like this.
Yeah, suppose that old chief
comes back looking for his head.
Cut it out. That spook stuff
is all a lot of foolishness.
What's the matter, you scared?
No, just apprehensive.
Oh.
That's a mighty fancy word. What
does that "apprehensive" mean?
It means you're scared
with a college education.
Oh, you're pretty smart.
Oh, yeah.
What's that?
That's a hand.
Good, what's that?
That's a fist.
Ooh.
What was that?
A punch in the eye.
Right.
Now, cut out this nonsense
and listen to me.
Larry, you take the couch
and get some sleep. Go ahead.
Shemp, we'll take turns
standing guard.
Come on, follow me. Get going.
All right.
All right.
[PUFFS]
Oh!
Go on, sit down,
and keep your eyes open.
Gosh, I hope
nothing happens.
You give me a pain.
What could happen?
Come on, answer me that.
What could possibly happen?
N-Nothing, I guess.
MOE:
Well, then, shut up.
We're as safe as a babe
in its mother's arms,
I tell you.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Who is it?
Moe? Shemp? Is that you?
If it ain't, don't answer me.
Mmm.
Aah.
Yikes. Ah!
LARRY:
Hey, Moe, Shemp.
Help, fellas.
He came back.
I saw him.
The Indian chief.
The chief?
Yeah.
What kind of nonsense
is this?
I saw his head.
Where it wasn't.
He was gonna go--
Oh, fine.
You dreamed it,
you birdbrain.
You go on
and get some shuteye.
This fraidy-cat
will stay here with me.
But, Moe,
I'm a fraidy-cat too.
Come on, get going.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Moe, it was awful.
He was 8 feet tall,
9 feet wide.
Oh, shut up.
You make me tired.
[PANTING]
Why don't you
get yourself a book
and read it,
improve your mind?
Oh, skip it.
Come on,
you're blocking my light.
[YELLS]
[YELLS]
Whoa.
Whoa.
[BOTH YELL]
Follow me.
[BOTH YELL]
Wait.
[GRUNTS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GRUNTING]
I'm sorry, I need this--
[MUTTERS]
Ah!
[STOOGES YELL]
Whoa.
Oh!
MOE & SHEMP:
Ah!
Whoa.
Oh.
[MOE & SHEMP YELL]
[MOE & SHEMP YELL]
[YELLS]
Hey, let me go,
I'm running away. Ah.
[LARRY GRUNTING]
[GASPING]
Oh.
Guess I'll be safe in here.
Whew.
[COUGHS]
Hey, wait a minute. I--
Whoa.
Moe! Larry!
Help! Moe! Larry!
Let go of me!
[GAGGING]
[PANTING]
[SIGHS]
Hey, wait a minute.
Let me go.
Let me go, I tell ya.
Let me go.
Let me go, I tell ya.
Let me go.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, it's only you.
I--
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
Ah, nice work, Pete.
Where's the other one?
I don't know.
Maybe Shotgun's got him.
That's all right.
These boys will tell us
what we want to know.
Won't you, boys?
Why should we?
Because we'll fill you
full of lead if you don't.
Now, where's the money?
I don't know.
Wait a minute--
We don't know.
But, Moe--
Shut up.
These tinhorn outlaws
haven't got the nerve to shoot.
If they did kill us,
they'd all hang.
That would
make things even.
Don't sound
very even to me.
All right,
you guys asked for it.
Now you're gonna get it.
[BODY THUMPING]
Oh, hello, Shotgun.
Did you find the other one?
Ungawa.
Now, you've got five--
Hey, Shotgun,
what are you doing?
Not a false move,
either one of you.
It's me.
It's me, Shemp.
Help him.
Oh, Shemp.
Stand where you are,
you.
Now I know how
a frankfurter feels.
Take it off, will you?
I got it.
Good work, Shemp, old boy.
Thanks.
I got her covered.
You have.
Get an axe,
will you?
Well.
See you got 'em.
Good thing for them
I wasn't here.
I'd have blasted 'em.
I'd have
filled them full of holes.
I'd have--
Eh...
What's the matter,
Cassidy?
Ooh.
Blood.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
What's the West
coming to?
Moe, what do we do
with the girl?
Ah, throw her to the dogs.
[LARRY & SHEMP BARKING]
[HOWLS]
[♪]
How do you like that?
Wanted for vagrancy.
What's vagrancy?
Boy, are you stupid.
You take a flower,
and it smells real nice,
that's vagrancy.
Ha, ha.
We can beat that rap.
You chowderhead.
Vagrancy is when you're
a hobo or a tramp.
Uh-oh. We can't beat
that one.
There's only one thing
left to do.
Yes.
We've gotta pull up stakes.
Yes.
Get out of town.
Yes.
And go to work.
No.
Oh, you said a nasty word.
[CRUNCHES]
Ooh! Ah! Ah!
Ooh.
Now, listen, you nitwits.
There's a lot of rocks
in this county,
and the sheriff
just loves to have
guys like us
make itty-bitty ones
out of great big ones.
We gotta hit the trail.
Where will we go?
We're heading west.
There's a beautiful little town
about 40 miles from here
called Peaceful Gulch,
where you can
lounge in the lazy sun,
the breeze blows
over the open range,
the birds sing,
the bees hum.
[HUMMING]
[HUMMING]
Bee-bee-bee-bee.
[SNORING]
Get up, you guys.
What happened?
The bees hit me
or something.
Wait a minute,
we gotta get going.
Here, we're heading west.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GUNFIRE]
[GUNFIRE]
[BULLET RICOCHETS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GUNFIRE]
Ah.
[BULLET RICOCHETS]
That's Red Morgan
and his gang.
Last night they robbed
the express office.
Did they get
the mine payroll?
No, I've got that in my bag,
but they'll be after it next.
We've got to find somebody to
run these hoodlums out of town.
Well, there must be
someone that--
I got it. Look.
We've got to print
this picture in the paper and--
And say that they're
three famous marshals
coming to clean up
the town.
It might work,
and give me time
to get rid of the payroll.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
[GUNFIRE]
Ooh!
"Law officers on the way.
"Famous marshal and deputies
expected soon to clean up
the town."
Hey, boss, we'd better
call off that bank job.
No, we'll knock that job
over before they get here.
[BOOTS CLATTER]
[CHAIRS CLATTER]
I wish you'd get
a new face.
You scare people.
Boys, watch your chance
to gun 'em down.
But remember,
they're killers.
Glad you got here so soon.
Welcome, pardners.
Howdy, pard.
Nice knowing you, stranger.
Glad to meet
you gents.
My name's Cassidy.
Cassidy?
Do you suppose?
Uh, what might
your front name be?
Aw, shucks. Clarence.
Clarence Cassidy?
Don't sound
quite right nohow,
somehow.
Mr. Higgins will be
mighty glad
to know
you're here.
I'm gonna go
tell him right now.
I'm ridin'.
That's ridin'?
Never hurt none.
Hey, what's all this talk
about Mr. Higgins?
Oh, he must be batty.
Say, this is
a dirty-lookin' place.
Maybe we could
promote a job here.
Wait a minute.
They could use some good
cleaner-uppers.
Come on.
Who's the boss
of this place?
I am. Why?
Well, mister, we aim to do a
little cleaning up around here.
Uh, now, wait a minute. Let's--
Let's talk this thing over.
Uh, how about a drink first,
huh?
Well, we don't mind
if we do.
Come on.
Set 'em up, boys.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
[PIANO PLAYING]
Hello, handsome.
Did somebody come in?
Come on, big boy,
let's dance.
Oh, I don't--
Oh, sure you do.
[PIANO PLAYING "OH! SUSANNA"]
Your partner's
doing all right.
Bom-be-de-bomp,
left and right.
Come back
with all your might.
Swing, swing.
Excuse me while I cut in
on the light fantastic.
That's dancing.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, have a drink.
It's on the house,
pardner.
Thanks, I reckon
I'll have a bottle.
Cuttin' in.
Oh, pleasure.
You dance divinely.
Oh, thank you.
Wait a minute,
you earthworm.
Oh.
Get out of here.
I thought those hombres
looked familiar.
Vagrants, huh?
Show this to the boys.
Tell 'em to start shooti''
when I do.
Vagrant.
Try to fool me, will you?
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
[BODY THUDS]
Stick 'em up.
Get over there,
you ornery sidewinder.
Now, I'm gonna let you have it.
No, no, wait.
Think of my family.
They'll never see me again.
They'll be heartbroken,
all of them.
Yes, they will.
There's my ma and pa
and grandpa and grandma
and all the kids.
I got a little golden-haired
sister looks just like you.
[STOOGES SOB]
She's this high.
And a baby brother
this high.
And a great, big brother
that's this high.
All right, don't move
a muscle, you guys.
I knew there'd be
a ruckus,
so I come back
to take care of things.
I reckon I'd have
wiped 'em out.
I reckon.
Well, let's get 'em along
to jail where they belong.
All right, sister, get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
Hey, is that a way
to talk to a lady?
All right, sister, get going,
or I'll knock your brains out.
That's better.
Go on.
All right,
come on up out of there.
Come on,
get a move on here.
Go on,
into the hoosegow.
Go on.
Come on.
Come on, or I'll
let you have it.
[GROUP MUTTERING]
Oh, no, you don't.
In here.
Hey, bud,
you got a calendar?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's the big idea?
Come on,
get going here.
Boys, Mr. Higgins
wants to see you.
He's moved the money
to the old Horton place.
Wants you to guard it.
Right.
A job's a job.
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[YAWNS]
[GROANS]
Hi, Al. What kept you?
Higgins stashed the money
at the old Horton place.
And they're guarding it.
Well...
[BAGS THUMP]
there you are.
You won't be bothered here none,
I reckon.
Folks don't come
around here much.
No, why not?
Oh, some foolishness
about an old spook
supposed to hang out
around here. Heh, heh.
[STOOGES CHUCKLE]
Spook, eh?
Yep. Old Indian chief.
Years ago, Jeff Horton
blew the chief's head off
with a shotgun. Heh.
They say the old boy comes back
here looking for his head.
Heh, heh.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
Hey, Moe,
I don't like this.
Yeah, suppose that old chief
comes back looking for his head.
Cut it out. That spook stuff
is all a lot of foolishness.
What's the matter, you scared?
No, just apprehensive.
Oh.
That's a mighty fancy word. What
does that "apprehensive" mean?
It means you're scared
with a college education.
Oh, you're pretty smart.
Oh, yeah.
What's that?
That's a hand.
Good, what's that?
That's a fist.
Ooh.
What was that?
A punch in the eye.
Right.
Now, cut out this nonsense
and listen to me.
Larry, you take the couch
and get some sleep. Go ahead.
Shemp, we'll take turns
standing guard.
Come on, follow me. Get going.
All right.
All right.
[PUFFS]
Oh!
Go on, sit down,
and keep your eyes open.
Gosh, I hope
nothing happens.
You give me a pain.
What could happen?
Come on, answer me that.
What could possibly happen?
N-Nothing, I guess.
MOE:
Well, then, shut up.
We're as safe as a babe
in its mother's arms,
I tell you.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Who is it?
Moe? Shemp? Is that you?
If it ain't, don't answer me.
Mmm.
Aah.
Yikes. Ah!
LARRY:
Hey, Moe, Shemp.
Help, fellas.
He came back.
I saw him.
The Indian chief.
The chief?
Yeah.
What kind of nonsense
is this?
I saw his head.
Where it wasn't.
He was gonna go--
Oh, fine.
You dreamed it,
you birdbrain.
You go on
and get some shuteye.
This fraidy-cat
will stay here with me.
But, Moe,
I'm a fraidy-cat too.
Come on, get going.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Moe, it was awful.
He was 8 feet tall,
9 feet wide.
Oh, shut up.
You make me tired.
[PANTING]
Why don't you
get yourself a book
and read it,
improve your mind?
Oh, skip it.
Come on,
you're blocking my light.
[YELLS]
[YELLS]
Whoa.
Whoa.
[BOTH YELL]
Follow me.
[BOTH YELL]
Wait.
[GRUNTS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GRUNTING]
I'm sorry, I need this--
[MUTTERS]
Ah!
[STOOGES YELL]
Whoa.
Oh!
MOE & SHEMP:
Ah!
Whoa.
Oh.
[MOE & SHEMP YELL]
[MOE & SHEMP YELL]
[YELLS]
Hey, let me go,
I'm running away. Ah.
[LARRY GRUNTING]
[GASPING]
Oh.
Guess I'll be safe in here.
Whew.
[COUGHS]
Hey, wait a minute. I--
Whoa.
Moe! Larry!
Help! Moe! Larry!
Let go of me!
[GAGGING]
[PANTING]
[SIGHS]
Hey, wait a minute.
Let me go.
Let me go, I tell ya.
Let me go.
Let me go, I tell ya.
Let me go.
[GRUNTS]
Oh, it's only you.
I--
[GASPS]
[GRUNTING]
Ah, nice work, Pete.
Where's the other one?
I don't know.
Maybe Shotgun's got him.
That's all right.
These boys will tell us
what we want to know.
Won't you, boys?
Why should we?
Because we'll fill you
full of lead if you don't.
Now, where's the money?
I don't know.
Wait a minute--
We don't know.
But, Moe--
Shut up.
These tinhorn outlaws
haven't got the nerve to shoot.
If they did kill us,
they'd all hang.
That would
make things even.
Don't sound
very even to me.
All right,
you guys asked for it.
Now you're gonna get it.
[BODY THUMPING]
Oh, hello, Shotgun.
Did you find the other one?
Ungawa.
Now, you've got five--
Hey, Shotgun,
what are you doing?
Not a false move,
either one of you.
It's me.
It's me, Shemp.
Help him.
Oh, Shemp.
Stand where you are,
you.
Now I know how
a frankfurter feels.
Take it off, will you?
I got it.
Good work, Shemp, old boy.
Thanks.
I got her covered.
You have.
Get an axe,
will you?
Well.
See you got 'em.
Good thing for them
I wasn't here.
I'd have blasted 'em.
I'd have
filled them full of holes.
I'd have--
Eh...
What's the matter,
Cassidy?
Ooh.
Blood.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
What's the West
coming to?
Moe, what do we do
with the girl?
Ah, throw her to the dogs.
[LARRY & SHEMP BARKING]
[HOWLS]
[♪]