Merry Ex-Mas (2014) - full transcript
During a blizzard at christmas, a man becomes snowbound with ex-wife, her wealthy suitor, his former mother in law, and his daughter.
(uplifting music)
(joyful music)
(record scratches)
- Welcome back to "The Dish"
with me, Michael Scott.
Now, Discrete was not
so discreet last night.
She was caught in a
Hollywood hotel room,
a pretty swanky one at that,
with her head of security,
Mr. Jessie Rogers.
Get a room, guys.
(blender whirring)
- Jessie, listen.
Discrete's manager is trying
to skip out on our payments.
- Nothing happened,
you know that.
- But they still
blame us for the leak.
- It's a grenade,
Mike, jump on it.
- [Mike] You need
to tell Noelle.
- I tried to call her,
she's not answering.
I will tell her
when she gets home.
- [Mike] You're doing it again.
- What?
- Putting off what you know
you shouldn't be putting off.
- It was a mistake.
She will understand.
- Not with the way things
have been going
with you two lately.
- You're more concerned than...
- Jessie?
Jessie, can you hear me?
- I'll call you back.
(Noelle grunts)
What's going on?
(Noelle grunts)
- You need to leave!
- Honey!
- [Noelle] I can't believe you!
You're a cheat like my father!
You're not staying here.
You're, no way.
Where's that stuff?
- Honey, this isn't
what it looks like!
I didn't do anything, trust me!
I did not do any of this!
- Take your stuff and go.
Fore!
- Are you kidding me?
Stop it!
- You humiliated me!
And embarrassed us!
- Trust me, nothing happened!
It's not what it looks like!
- What are you...
Oh, you're here?
- This is my house!
- Honey, I'm gonna
get the shotgun.
We'll get-cha.
- You better leave
before she gets back.
You know what?
- Honey, not my clubs!
- Yard sale!
- Nothing happened!
- Anyway, we caught up with
Discrete outside Studio B,
where she was recording her
new album, "Heat is Hot."
- [Reporter] Discrete, Discrete,
we've got some questions.
Discrete, hey, did you sleep
with your body
guard Jessie Rogers?
- A good girl never
kisses and tells,
but let's just say when
I'm alone with him,
I'm safe and secure, and
I have been for months.
- [Reporter] Oh, come on,
that's not a real answer.
We wanna know, yes or no?
- A picture's worth
1,000 words, isn't it?
- [Reporter] Oh, oh, come on!
Hey, hey!
- Kidding me?
She's just lying!
- They cropped this photo.
- Oh, come on!
- No, no, no, they
doctored this photo!
Look, I was standing right here.
This photo is faked.
Why they always
cutting out a brother?
- Call Tillman,
our lawyer, okay?
They can't just fake
a photo like that.
That has to be illegal.
Find the real photo.
- You got it.
(phone ringing)
- [Reporter] So Vicky,
if you had the chance,
would you sleep
with Jessie Rogers?
- Noelle, honey?
- Months!
- No, no, honey, she is lying.
She is lying through her teeth!
- Messing around?
Exactly what does that entail?
- Honey, absolutely
nothing, I promise you!
- You know what?
I realize, I know that it's
been a little rough between us.
I get that.
But this, I mean this
has humiliated me!
Carrie's teacher came
out to see if I was okay
and then her
classmates asked her
if she knew Discrete and if
she could get them tickets!
- Will you just give me a few
minutes to figure this out?
- No, I'm not gonna let you
just push this off, Jessie.
I'm filing for divorce tomorrow.
I saw my dad do this to my mom,
and they tried to work it
out, but it doesn't work!
- Noelle?
- I'd go see her.
- No, no, if she doesn't
trust me, why should I?
- Because she's
worth fighting for.
- Find that picture.
(lighthearted music)
(people chattering)
- [Noelle] You know what I mean?
- Who invites 400 guests?
- Oh, it's a walk in the park,
but we should have charged more.
Okay, there's only two hours
left, so let's move it, people!
- She locked the door.
- Oh, another runaway bride.
Sandy, I understand Mindy
has a case of the cold feet.
- I told you this would happen.
- I know, Jack,
you're always right.
- It should be fine.
She's marrying a
really great guy.
- You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna break down that door,
and I'm gonna drag
her to the alter.
- Jack!
- If you do,
she'll never come out.
Just give me a minute.
- Are you gonna
give her the speech?
- The key?
(Mindy sobbing)
- This is my second box.
Tell me I'll be happy, that
Michael will take care of me
and I'll never be lonely.
Does he really love me?
- You know, every day
you spend with Michael,
good and bad, and every
night you sleep in his arms
and every time you work
through a seemingly
impossible obstacle.
It's those times where
your love will blossom.
Love is like a good wine, it
only gets better with time.
If you climb out that
window right now,
you are never gonna know how
perfect Michael is for you.
- [Man] My man.
(phone ringing)
- Hello.
- Yo, Jessie!
- Hey, what's up, man?
- Listen, just finished end
of year, made a little profit.
You don't usually miss that.
- Yeah, well, Noelle and Carrie
are coming up to the cabin.
I just wanna make sure
everything's ready for them.
- [Mike] You've been
gone two months.
- There's a lot to do.
- Tillman still advises
that you give up your
lawsuit against TVT,
and the unknown photographer.
He's trying to stop you
from losing more money.
- Yeah.
- It's been two years since the
divorce, everything is done.
Maybe it's time you moved
on with your life, bro.
- Thanks for your advice, Mike.
I'll talk to you later.
- Take care of yourself.
- Using the best photographers
and videographer,
we don't just
capture the wedding,
we preserve it for
generations to come.
- And it's not out of
place, her condition?
- Honestly, it happened
to me nearly 15 years ago.
Uh, listen, I'd like
you to sit with Hannah
and go over some locations.
The Howard Hotel ballroom is
to die for, start there, okay?
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Okay, so here's the
paperwork from Keller
defining the conditions
of the cabin.
You just need to get
Jessie to sign it.
- Oh, that'll take
a small miracle.
- Noelle, the IRS called again.
- Did you direct them to Keller?
- I did, but Keller
still needs to be paid
and so does Hannah, and so do I.
We are three days
late on payroll.
The list of people we
owe money to is just...
Oh, Robbie quit.
- He quit?
- He wanted to find,
quote, "a real job."
- Mm-hm.
- We need to deal with this.
- Um, before they leave,
get a down payment.
- Right, oh, and Noelle...
- Oh, ah, Flynn!
- Noelle.
- [Noelle] Oh.
Hey.
- Ah!
For you.
They're from a crop of my
roses that are engineered
to smell like a
popular fragrance.
I'm always enchanted
when we're together.
- Mm enchanting.
- Well, that's what I said.
Oh, would you like
some champagne?
- Um, actually, can you
put those on water, please?
- Ah, soda water with a
penny, they'll last longer.
- I thought that you had to
be in Hong Kong or something.
- Oh, I, I finished early
and wanted to catch
you before Christmas.
- Oh, why's that?
- It's on the wrong finger.
Our engagement ring.
- Oh, um, oh, mm-hm.
I'm just not ready to
make the announcement yet.
- Well, why not?
I mean, don't you
remember Paris, hm?
The magic?
- Yeah, um, I was
soul-searching.
- And I am your soul mate.
Noelle.
- Mm-hm.
- I can take care of you,
and if we get married now,
we can vacation before
our busy seasons.
I mean, the spring is
horrible for both of us.
I mean, you've got your
weddings, and my roses--
- Mom!
- Oh, Carrie.
- I've been invited to a
Christmas party tomorrow.
- By the Watson's girl,
and you remember the
last time that she went.
A boy tried to kiss her.
- Well, you make it sound
like it was my fault.
- You let her go.
- Emma's dad will
be on guard all day,
and Emma said the girls can
sleep over after the party!
- Oh, a Christmas
party, how fun.
- [Carrie] A white elephant.
- A white what?
- [Claudell] Oh, in my day,
they called it a Yankee Swap.
- Listen, honey,
your father is expecting
us tomorrow morning.
- I already called him.
He said okay, if you're okay.
- Really?
- I wouldn't have wasted
my time on that phone call.
- Mother.
- Don't be mad at Grandma
just 'cause Dad left us.
- What are you
filling her head with?
- What?
She watched him leave.
- You are egging this on!
- You should have
listened to me.
- Oh, I hear it now.
- No, hearing and listening
are two different things.
- Can I please, Mom?
- I can never please Mom.
- If you'll just excuse me, um,
I think I may have a solution.
Why don't I take Claudell
and Carrie to Mammoth
in my G5 on Christmas Eve?
- Private jet, how elegant.
- And that way, Carrie can
go to her party and Noelle,
you and Jessie can discuss
whatever you need to discuss
with no distractions.
- That's a marvelous idea.
Cheers.
- It's been one of
the driest years
in the history of Mammoth.
The resort is making snow for
the first time in 10 years.
However, that may
all change tomorrow,
when a low-pressure system
is expected to move in.
(phone line beeping)
(phone ringing)
- [Carrie] You've reached
Carrie, I might call you back.
- Hi, Carrie, it's your dad.
Hey, I'm really looking
forward to seeing you, okay?
Um, give me a call.
Love you, bye.
(phone beeps)
(soft music)
Mike, yeah, it's Jessie.
Call Tillman, tell
him to drop the case.
- What?
Honey, I don't
want a turkey neck.
(phone buzzing)
- [Jessie] Hi, you
got Jessie Rogers.
Please leave a message.
(birds chirping)
(light relaxing music)
- Whoo, good
morning, sleepyhead.
- Tasha?
- The ride up tied me in knots.
- Um, what are you doing here?
- Oh, a friend of mine
from Vegas came up to ski,
so I thought it'd be a
nice Christmas surprise.
Surprise!
- Well, I, I'm surprised.
Is that incense?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm allergic.
- You're so serious.
- [Jessie] Oh, okay.
- Oh, that's gonna
make it worse.
- [Jessie] There we go.
- Aren't you excited to see me?
- Yeah, yeah,
it's just that Noelle
and Carrie are coming up,
so--
- I get to meet Carrie?
Oh, I'm so excited I came up.
- Oh, okay!
- It's been way too long.
(car horn honks)
Oh, who's that?
- Uh, hold on one second.
- Hey, hey!
Where's Carrie?
- Carrie will be up tomorrow
afternoon with my mother...
What is that smell?
- Uh, incense.
- You hate incense.
- No, he's allergic.
- Who's that?
- I'm Tasha.
- That's Tasha.
- Oh, this is your idea
of a vacation with Carrie?
- No, no, that's a surprise.
- Surprise!
- Well, according
to the agreement,
the cabin is mine
starting today.
- Yeah, well, I didn't
sign that agreement
and I'm not gonna sign that
agreement until I have Carrie.
- Yeah, well, she
played a trick, Jessie.
- And that's my fault?
- Well, if the shoe fits.
- Seeing Carrie is like
all Jessie talked about
for like three weeks.
- Ta, Tanya?
- It's Tasha.
- Who are you?
- Uh, we met at a
conference in Vegas.
- I'm a gymnast!
- Oh, is that code for stripper?
- I was alternate number three
on the Olympic gymnastics team.
- Oh, alternate number three.
Get a room.
- They're all booked up, it's
Christmastime. you know that.
- It's not my problem.
- Well, you know what,
my problem is that
I don't have Carrie
and if I don't have
Carrie, I'm staying here!
- Namaste!
- Hey, my stuff is in there!
- She's totally pretty.
- [Noelle] Momma-stay!
- She likes to throw stuff.
(upbeat music)
- Your weird shaking foot
is making me uncomfortable.
- I'm in a hurry.
- This is gonna take some time.
- Look, in order to close this
deal I need to assure Jurgen
that I can ship into the
United States legally.
- It's not possible
at this moment.
- Then he is gonna
go with Nicholson.
- I know.
- So find me a solution.
- Solution numero uno,
hand your company
over to an American.
- Never gonna happen.
- If there's another
way, I'll find it,
but it's gonna take time.
- At $250 every quarter--
- $300, I'm worth it.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
- Hi, babe.
- I'm in a meeting.
- Sorry, I'm at the market.
I'm just wondering what
I should make for dinner.
(child screams)
Kyle, don't hit your brother.
- I want it!
- It's mine!
Now give it back.
- [Gabe] You haven't taken
a shower for 10 years!
- [Ryan] Guys, that's
it, full lockdown.
No TV tonight.
(kids groaning)
Give me those!
- Am I paying for that?
- Meter's running.
(upbeat music)
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
- Whoo!
- You know what, you have
no toilet paper, as usual.
I'm hitting the mountain.
- Can we go skiing, too?
- Hmm, one minute.
* Nobody understands
(girls giggling)
- So, I gave Justin my number,
and he texted me back
like two hours later.
- No way.
- Those celebrity
parties are so dumb.
- Are not.
- You pay like $500 for a pic.
- Yeah, he probably pays
someone to text you.
- Like his mom.
- Oh.
- It was him.
(upbeat music)
- Turn it up, I love
Discrete's new song.
* What to do
- Hey, Carrie, is your dad
still Discrete's boyfriend?
- They broke up, she's
still calling him.
- Did you meet her?
- Sure, lots of times.
(phone ringing)
* Nobody understands
- Carrie, your
dad's calling you.
- Ask him if he
could get us tickets
to the Discrete show next week.
- Hello?
- Hey, Carrie,
how are you, sweetheart,
it's your Dad.
- You haven't
called me in a week.
- I call you every day,
you just don't pick up.
- I have school.
- Not at nine o'clock at night.
- I didn't want
to miss the party
and Mom said it was
okay for me to go.
Grandma and Flynn and I
will be there tomorrow.
You can ground me then.
- Flynn, who's Flynn?
- Flynn McGhee,
something like that.
He's mom's friend.
- Burgers are ready.
- Look, I gotta go,
I'll see you tomorrow.
- I, I love you.
- Hey, Jessie, I'm
ready to go skiing!
- Jessie.
- Mike, hey, it's Jessie.
Listen, I need you to
run a background check
on somebody named Flynn McGhee.
- [Mike] Flynn McGhee?
Sounds like a cartel.
You sure that's his real name?
- Yeah, that's his real name.
(lighthearted music)
- Ah, namaste.
- Ha!
- Oh, ho-ho, it's
the third alternate.
- Ah, a snowboard,
aren't you a little
old to be snowboarding?
- Whoo!
- Aren't you a little old to
be alternate number three?
- Well, this is a
six-minute lift.
This is gonna be fun.
- Do you hate me?
- Hate you?
I don't even know you.
- I'm not stupid.
- Really?
Yeah, how long you been dating?
- We're not dating, we're
more friends with benefits.
- What?
- Um--
- You know, Jessie
would be a great catch,
if the time was right.
Drove all the way from L.A. to
Vegas just to bring me soup.
I was sick.
- He brought you cold soup?
- Oh, no, it was canned.
- Yeah, what kind?
- It was yellow pea.
- I don't know what to say.
(Jessie laughs nervously)
- You know, I read a book once--
- Oh, goody for you.
- Yeah, it stated nothing
was a coincidence.
Like when I was given third
alternate in the Olympics
because I wasn't ready.
My flexibility wasn't 100%.
But now, I can wrap my
ankles behind my head.
- She can, it's
kind of impressive.
- I'm so happy for you.
- I thought you would be.
- It took work.
- Um, exactly what other kind
of work do you do in Vegas?
- Mm.
- 40 more seconds,
it looks like.
- Oh, yeah?
What is this, a prison sentence?
- I don't wanna fight, okay?
- There's not gonna be a fight.
This big, tough soldier
doesn't know what's
worth fighting for.
- [Tasha] Whoo!
- Watch out for the ice, guys!
(Noelle screams)
- [Noelle] Oh!
- Hey, you all right?
- No!
- I'm fine.
- You okay?
- Oh!
- What you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- You, are you sure?
- I'm fine.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Hey Tasha, I got you.
(playful music)
- [Attendant] This
is for you, sir.
- Oh, thank you.
Flynn McGhee.
- Flynn.
I just got a phone call
from a lovely sounding
immigration officer
named Diane Rivera.
- Is your meter running?
- Always.
- Then get to it.
- Oh, okay, you're
being deported.
- What?
When?
- The day after Christmas,
it's when your visa expires.
- I thought we got an extension.
- Oh, yeah, that got denied.
- Solutions.
- Flynn, I--
- Solutions.
- Okay, uh, off the top
of my head, solutions.
Spit balling here.
- Yes?
- There are none, because
when they revoke your visa,
you have to leave the country.
- Get married?
- Not to me.
- Noelle.
- Oh, okay, well,
so what's the hold-up?
- She's hesitant about when.
I mean, she plans weddings.
It's a big deal.
- And she has a company that's
three years behind in taxes.
- How do you know that?
- I looked into her.
- Why?
- You pay me to watch your back.
I was watching your back.
Ryan!
Ryan!
- I just farted for
like a whole minute.
- That's disgusting.
Santa doesn't bring
presents to bad boys.
Don't come crying to me
when there's nothing
under the tree, okay?
Ryan!
Flynn.
- Yeah.
- If you leave the country,
you're gonna lose out on
a $6 million contract.
- Ah, eight million.
- Not after my cut.
- Yeah, baby.
- All right.
I'll tell her the truth.
- As your lawyer, I
advise you to lie.
Marry her.
I'll draft a pre-nup, it'll
all work itself out in the end.
But just do it quickly, okay,
because you have three days.
Okay, okay, bye.
Ryan.
- Uh-huh.
- When did Gabe lose his teeth?
- Yeah, about four days ago.
Anything else?
- No.
- Okay, good.
See your Gabe is back here,
he farted for like a
minute, it was hilarious.
- It's still disgusting.
- Thanks so much.
Um, oh, could you
throw me my trunks?
(lighthearted music)
(wind whooshing)
- Storm's getting worse.
- [Noelle] You still don't shop.
- It's easier eating out.
- Oh, but not as healthy.
- You think Carrie's gonna
have trouble getting in?
- No, Flynn's resourceful,
they'll be fine.
- Who's Flynn?
- He's my friend.
Where's your friend?
- She went ice skating.
- Oh, look at that.
One thing I can always count on,
is you having a
good bottle of wine.
- Wine is like a good love.
- I'm gonna go out for dinner.
- I can't believe Maureen
took the snifter set
and left me with
the bag of diapers.
- Well, that's how
a Yankee Swap works.
- Yeah, right,
but you know what,
she uses them because she
didn't shop any further
than her bathroom cupboard.
- Oh, Claudell, come on.
- Right.
- Miss Claudell?
- Who wants to know?
- I have a ride to your home.
(upbeat music)
- A new man friend?
- Uh, yeah.
He was supposed to come tonight,
but a Yankee Swap
isn't his thing.
So, goodnight.
- Well, I was in the
neighborhood and, uh,
I thought I'd drop in.
- How sweet, and you're lying.
- There was a
couple of questions
that I'd like to ask
you about Noelle.
- Should I say no?
- Ah.
You know, I was hoping
that, with your help,
maybe increase my chances.
- Are you suggesting what
I think you're suggesting?
- Marriage.
- Oh.
That's good.
- That it is.
(glasses clinking)
(joyful music)
- Are you ready to order?
- Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna
have the Hawaiian pizza.
- Sure thing, honey.
- And you should see, when I
lift my leg like this, wow!
Right?
Oh, hey, Jessie.
- Hey, hey.
Told you she was flexible.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Whoo!
- [Noelle] What
are you doing here?
- Tasha called and wanted to
get something to eat, huh?
- Hm.
- What are the odds?
- Well, it's the
only place in town.
- [Jessie] Mm-hm.
- I have a Hawaiian
pizza on the way.
- Can I get y'all a drink?
- Ah, two glasses of Merlot.
- [Jessie] Is that
the cabin paperwork?
- I sent it in an email.
- I was on vacation.
- Oh, yeah, right, with the
third alternate to the Olympics.
- Okay, that, I didn't
expect for her to,
it was a surprise.
- Yeah, well,
her skills as a peppermint twist
are not good influence
on our daughter.
She's half your age.
- Since when do you care?
- Who says I do?
- You do.
- Do what?
- You care.
- Who says I do?
- You do.
- I just think you need
something more sophisticated.
- Like you?
- Just keep it simple.
- I want simple.
- You want escape.
- Escape from what?
- Do you want a list?
- Well, put your name
at the tippy-top.
- How about I put a
six-letter word up there?
A-F-F-A-I-R.
- Never happened.
- Be honest.
- I am.
- Liar.
- You just can't admit it.
- What?
- That I did not have an affair.
You can't admit that!
- I don't have to,
because you did.
- A picture is not proof.
- Mm-hm.
- You just can't be wrong.
- Oh, 'cause I'm always right.
- Why do I even let you do this?
- [Noelle] What,
get into your head?
- Yes, give me the
cabin paperwork,
I'll sign it right now.
- No, Jessie, no.
- Hey, these are your bills.
- Here.
- Jeez.
- [Noelle] Here, Jessie.
- Are you doing all right?
- Look, you'll see here
on the third line--
- Noelle, hey.
- Huh?
- You doing all right?
- Yeah.
You'll see here
on the third line,
that it stipulates
odds and evens.
I get the cabin at
Christmas in the even years,
you get the odd.
Hello?
- Hello.
- Are you getting this?
- Ah, yes, I am.
Are you doing okay?
- I'm fine.
- Well, I'm not so sure.
'Cause I looked at your
bills, and it looks like--
- Oh, no, um...
- What happened?
- Uh, it's Pastor Ed, uh,
you know how he gets when we--
- Noelle, is that you?
Hah-ho, my Lord, it is you.
You know, I was just saying
to Jessie the other day,
how great it would
be to see you around.
Lord, the first couple
I married on the hill.
You know, I have
married 366 couples
and they all still together.
- Is that possible?
- You all need to reconcile,
give me back my perfect streak.
Lord said divorce is no good.
- He said that?
- Oh, there's a lot he said.
He just forgot to write it down.
- Oh.
- I'll have the same as
the lovely lady, please.
Yo, there's this, this
place in Edinburgh,
has the most exquisite red wine.
- Robert loved wine, he
was a fanatic about it.
- Have you been without
your husband long?
- Long enough.
You know, when you lose
someone that you've spent more
than half your life with
it's really hard to
pick up and move on.
- Were you well taken care of?
- Yeah, he was a good man...
Until the affair.
You know, he died
of natural causes.
He did.
It just hasn't been so easy
moving on and handling things.
- Well, I would like to change
that for you and Noelle.
- I've been around long
enough to know a man in need.
And a man of your stature,
I cannot imagine what you need
from either myself or Noelle.
She's a handful, man.
She's got more problems
than the "Daily News."
- Claudell, you're
a clever woman.
And I assure you, I will not
pull the wool over your eyes.
But I have needs.
And Noelle and I
have been engaged for
well over two months,
I just, I think it's
time we get married.
- I'm all for that, baby.
Pay her bills.
(glasses clinking)
- [Tasha] Totally.
- His foot was broke, in a
cast, and he was on crutches.
But that wasn't
gonna stop Jessie
from racing Mike Donnell
in the downhill, no, sir.
So, he comes through that door,
and tells Fran to pour
him a shot of whiskey.
He drinks the whiskey,
then proceeds to cut off
his cast with a hacksaw.
- Oh, my God, you could
have hurt yourself.
- I, I was fine.
- Now, he could only reach
halfway down the cast,
but nobody was gonna help him,
so we just watched him squirm
and try to reach the last
few inches of that cast
around his toes.
- Well, how did he get it off?
- Uh, that's when we first met.
I was here on a ski
trip with some friends.
- Did you get it off?
- Oh...
- Not only did they get it off,
but the next morning Jessie
won that downhill race
on a half a bottle of
whiskey and a broken foot.
- Now, you're making it
sound much worse than it was.
'Cause that cast was due to
come off in a week anyway.
- Oh, really?
I had to drive you back to L.A.
just to get a new one put on.
- When was this?
- 14 years ago.
- Yeah, things
were simpler then.
- Well, I best be going.
- And I have to pee, so.
- I want my perfect record back.
- Do you remember that
cafe we stopped at
on our way back to L.A.?
- We had cherry
pie, your favorite.
- Yeah, only to find
out you hate cherries.
- I dislike them.
- Hate.
- Come on.
- Well, then explain to me
why you ate an entire
piece of cherry pie.
- I guess I wasn't ready
for the trip to end.
Can I read these
before I sign them?
- Of course.
(knocking on door)
- I am sorry, Officer,
about the noise.
We asked the girls to keep
it down, but they're 13.
- I'm here to pick
up Carrie Rogers.
- Carrie!
- Hey, Carrie, is your
dad back with Discrete?
There's a limo outside.
- Uh, yeah, we're gonna go
spend Christmas with her.
See to my things.
- You guys are her friend?
Really?
Bag taken care of.
(wind whooshing)
(dramatic music)
- The airport and all
roads going in and out
are closed for
the next 24 hours.
And to make matters worse,
the fuel trucks were unable
to make it up to Mammoth
causing a gas shortage.
- Hey, is your
cellphone working?
- Cell service is down.
- You slept on the couch?
- Tasha has the guestroom.
- I don't know when Carrie's
flight is coming in.
- She's not gonna
make it in tonight.
- That's right, the folks
at Mammoth are snowed in.
Enjoy the skiing.
- Jurgen, please,
there is no problem,
the roses will be delivered
to your customers on time.
Yeah, I know that's
next week, I...
I'm so sorry, I've been waiting
for this call all morning.
- Oh, it's okay, don't mind us.
- Jurgen, no, that
is not the truth.
I know, but everything
will be legal and final.
- Carrie...
- You have no worries.
- What time did you go to bed?
- You don't sleep at sleepovers.
- Oh, I stand corrected.
- Jurgen, listen, you
need to hear me, okay?
Jurgen, just hear what
I'm saying, please?
Just hold on, Jurgen,
just hold on a sec.
- Carrie, close it.
- Now I can't hear you!
Jurgen.
- Carrie, roll the window up.
- It's nice outside,
not so stuffy.
- Wait a second, Jurgen.
Could you please
roll the window up?
Jurgen, I...
No, I, listen.
Jurgen, I can't, I
can't hear you, hold on.
I've asked you nicely,
just please, roll it up?
- Carrie.
- Okay, listen to me, I'll...
Hello?
Hello...
Well, that's great, just great,
and that was an
international call.
So what school did
you say you went to?
- St. Carolina's Girls Prep.
- Very fine school,
I sent Noelle there.
- Oh, so it's a boarding
school, I presume.
- No, no, the
girls live at home,
which is why I moved
in with Noelle.
So I can better take
care of my Carrie.
- Ah, hello, Noelle.
- Flynn?
- It's your mother.
Yeah.
- [Noelle] The cell
service is spotty.
- Well, is everything okay?
- [Noelle] The Mammoth
Airport, it's closed.
- What?
- There's a blizzard!
- Noelle, no, honey--
- I'm not sure what--
- Noelle, can you...
I hate cellphones.
- What, is she okay?
- The Mammoth Airport is
closed because of snow.
- We're stuck in
L.A. for Christmas?
- Oh, I hope not.
- We better not be, Mom took
all the presents with her.
- Oh, Carrie, I think we
have bigger issues than that.
- Than presents?
- Okay, ladies, look.
I told you I'd
get you to Mammoth
and I'll get you to Mammoth.
Driver.
- What can I do
for you, boss man?
- Can you get us as close
to Mammoth as you can?
- Sure, we gotta
make a store run.
I'll need a bottle of
bear repellent, honey,
and some sour Skittles.
(wind whooshing)
- Storm keeps getting worse.
- I'm so worried about Carrie,
I should have never let
her go to that party.
- Well, if you had called me.
- Oh, come on, Jessie,
it's not like you've
been around lately.
- You haven't
exactly made it easy.
- What do you mean?
I've given you holidays
and school break.
- Oh, yeah, but she chose camp.
- [Noelle] Oh, did she?
- Yes, and the things
that you've given me,
do you take into account
the times where I showed up
and suddenly plans change, like
Christmas and Thanksgiving?
- Oh, my mother was
the root of all that.
- Well, you allowed
it to happen.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- Oh, my God, would you stop?
I mean, it takes two to Tango,
and she was just as embarrassed
as I was when all
of those photos
were plastered all
over the supermarket.
All the kids teased
her for weeks.
- I need air.
- Fine!
I'll just find my own way
off this mountain to Carrie.
- [Jessie] Go
ahead, that's great.
- Hey, Mom, do you want to hear
some Country
Western song titles?
- Uh-huh.
- I ain't never gone to
bed with an ugly women
but I woke up with a few.
It's hard to kiss the lips
that chew off my
butt all day long.
She's looking better
with every beer.
Never took her to a dogfight
'cause I'm afraid she'd win.
- Wow.
- [Carrie] That bag
had my cellphone,
clothes and other things.
- [Claudell] Carrie,
you shouldn't have
left it at the party.
- [Devon] Anything I can
do for you, Miss Carrie?
- [Carrie] No.
- Thank God and
Greyhound you're gone.
- Okay.
(phone ringing)
It's Christmas, Flynn.
It's Christmas.
- [Flynn] Technically,
it's the day before.
- What did the snail say
when he jumped on
the turtle's back?
- Ryan!
- Whee!
- Ryan!
- [Flynn] Agh, that hurt my ear.
- [Ashley] What do you want?
- [Flynn] I need your help.
Everything at
Mammoth is shut down.
- [Ashley] Your problem.
- [Flynn] Our problem,
where's the pre-nup?
- [Ashley] I'll finish it today,
but we need to go through
it before she signs.
- [Flynn] Did you miss the
part about the blizzard?
I don't have phone service.
Jurgen's about to
drop our contract.
I need this pre-nup tonight.
I'm coming to pick you up.
(Gabe farts)
- [Kyle] Ow, Gabe,
my face is melting.
- [Ryan] Do you need
to change your shorts?
- Maybe.
- Ryan!
- Hun, what's up, I got a
full-on attack going on.
What's going on?
Butt explosions,
everything going.
Don't, no!
Leave that player alone.
Go ahead, hun, what?
- I'm going to work.
- Okay.
- I may or may not
be back on Christmas.
- Okay, copy that.
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Not you, Ron.
Ron, shut up.
- Pick me up.
(wind whooshing)
(upbeat music)
(bell dings)
(bell dinging)
- Is there any way
down this mountain?
- I'm sorry.
There's nothing with enough fuel
to get you down the mountain.
Our snowmobiles are all empty.
- I'll buy more gas.
- Look, lady, even if you
had the gas, which you don't,
I had a friend try to go down
the mountain in a blizzard.
- And?
- Notice how I
said had a friend?
(record scratches)
- All right, come on,
there's got to be a
way down this hill.
- So, Flynn, how come you
never told us you had a sister?
- Uh, well...
She's adopted.
Yeah, my parents,
they saved her from a life of
drugs and walking the streets.
- Yes.
- Her mother was a
circus performer.
And her dad, oh, a
horrible accident.
He got his leg blown
off by a grenade.
They called him Stumpy.
- Well, it's very nice
to meet you, Maggie.
(chips crunching)
- Oh, likewise.
I've heard such wonderful things
about you and your daughter.
- I'm sure they were
all fabrications.
You know, lies.
- I know what fabrication means.
- Could you do me a favor
and just close your
mouth when you chew?
- Teach her that one, and
you've won Father of the Year.
- He's not my father.
- Carrie, be careful what you
say, because you never know--
- Uh, you know I, uh,
I got you a little
something here from store
when we, when we stopped.
It's a crossword book.
You know, when I was your age,
I was really into the puzzles.
Yeah, I became quite a--
- Cruciverbalist.
Cruciverbalist.
- Cruciverbalist.
Anyhow, um, you can consider
it an early Christmas gift.
- Don't limos have TV?
- Well, I preferred refine
myself when I'm in the car.
- Since when?
- Claudell, can I please
borrow your phone?
- Sure, honey.
- All right, come on,
there's got to be a
way down this hill.
(phone ringing)
- Is that your cellphone?
- No, it can't be, I
don't have service.
- Nobody has service,
unless they got the
towers working again.
Hey, everyone, the
network is back up!
- Mom?
- It's Carrie.
- Is that your mother?
- I've been waiting
for this call all day.
Mom, where are you?
- It's gonna be like that, huh?
- Where am I?
Carrie, where are you?
- We're in the limo with
Flynn and his sister Maggie.
- Sister?
- Uh, can I talk to her?
- Yeah, so the party
was really fun.
- That's, that's great, honey.
- Yeah, Emi's dad grilled us
food and we sat in the spa.
Tommy and Haley
are going out now.
- I thought you liked Tommy.
- No, I like Russ.
- You like no one.
You're too young,
and I've been telling your
mother that for years!
- Agh!
- Did you see Dad yet?
- Oh, Carrie, fuel to the fire.
- Yes, I did, and
we are very upset
with that little
game you pulled.
- What game?
- The one with the voicemail
and the phone call.
- I didn't actually leave
a message, either, so.
- Where are you?
- Oh, we're just, you know--
(phone beeping)
- What?
- I want delivery.
- Are you with Flynn?
- Yeah, he's right here.
- Carrie.
- Five cheese pizzas.
- Carrie, hold on.
- Mom!
- Yes, yes, I'll hold.
- Flynn!
- Hello, my dear.
I just wanted to let you know
that you have no need to fret.
- No need at all.
- Flynn, where are you?
- I'm in the limo
on my way to Mammoth.
We're on the road.
- Okay, Flynn, hold on.
Carrie?
- Mom, I wasn't
done talking to you.
- Clever girl.
- Look, Mom, I really
need you to be here.
- Wait, Carrie.
- Hello, Mom?
- Carrie, I'm losing you.
- Mom, I can't hear you.
Mom?
- Hello?
Hello?
Pizza Palace?
- Wait.
- We're doomed.
- I lost her.
- Well, at least she
knows we're coming.
- Flynn?
- Yes.
- Darling, how do you
intend to get us to Mammoth?
- Ah, Claudell, I'm
an importer of goods
to many different countries.
This storm is but a
wee challenge to me.
We will be arriving
tonight, with bells on,
I'll tell you that.
(chips crunching)
- [Claudell] Oh, Carrie.
- Oh.
Oh.
Hi.
- Hi.
I was getting a wax and saw you.
- Uh, huh?
- Look, I won't be in your way.
- Excuse me?
- With Jessie, I
mean, it's obvious.
- Uh, you have lost me.
- He still loves you.
- Oh, is that what you think?
- That's what I know.
- What?
- Oh, come on, you don't see it?
- No, no, no, no.
You've got, you've mistaken love
for something else entirely.
- Or maybe you're just not
capable of seeing it anymore.
- Well, I'm a wedding
planner for a living.
I know all about love.
- Look, you might be
smarter and older than me,
but at least I can see when
someone has a broken heart,
and the reason why.
(upbeat music)
- [Carrie] We only stopped
like 20 minutes ago.
- [Claudell] Carrie,
the older you get,
the more stops you have to make.
- I know there's a storm coming.
I need to get on
that mountain today.
- I've got Taite on it, but
so far he's had no luck.
- Call him again.
- Fine.
- She's driving me crazy.
(wind whooshing)
- [Ashley] Thank you,
Taite, that'll work fine.
- Ah!
- Taite found a way
up the mountain.
- And?
- Dog sleds.
- Interesting.
What about the pre-nup?
- I want three million
on the Oregon deal.
- No.
- Yes.
- Why?
- You demanded I
come here, I'm here.
And besides, we're family.
- You gotta work on your accent.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, okay, okay, agh, okay, okay!
No, no, don't sting me.
Come on, move, move, move!
Hate bees.
Swarm came after me.
- You all right?
- We gotta get out of here, man!
Get in the car!
- [Flynn] Really?
In December?
Is everyone losing it?
(dogs barking)
- [Handler] Okay, let me show
you how to drive this thing.
- [Flynn] That sounds good.
- To make 'em go, it's hike!
(girls laughing)
You're supposed to hold on!
- Ugh, I figured
that much, thank you.
- Jessie?
Jessie, help me!
- Where'd you get a tree?
- Ugh, I stole it.
- What?
- Well, they're
not gonna miss it.
- What, you stole
a Christmas tree?
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, right there.
- Okay, wait, hold on.
- Okay, all right.
- I cannot believe you
stole a Christmas tree.
- Well, it was by
a mailbox outside.
I thought it was garbage.
- Yeah, that's--
- I just don't want Carrie
to think that her dad
forgot about Christmas.
- I didn't forget.
- Hold on a second.
- I'm not, I can't--
- Oh!
- Careful, careful.
- Okay, all right, sorry.
All right.
Wait, there.
Ah, now that's a tree.
- Have you been drinking?
- Huh?
Oh, poquito.
There's more outside.
- More?
(dogs barking)
- Hike, hike!
- [Handler] Ho, mush, mush!
Let's go, mush, mush, mush!
- The Millers didn't
make it up here,
so I borrowed a few things.
- Why?
- [Noelle] For
Carrie, of course.
- He can stay outside.
- Are you sure?
It's cold.
- Noelle.
- Ugh, do not Noelle me.
You always Noelle me
and I don't like it.
I'm going to make this cabin
a winter wonderland for Carrie
and you're standing
in my way, so move.
- I made a mistake.
- Which one?
- I should have come
to you right away
about that photo, but--
- Guilt got your tongue?
- No, I, I just thought
it would be best
to let things cool down.
You threw all my stuff
in the front yard.
- Oh, well, I was
aiming for you.
- [Handler] Hike, hike!
Hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
- You're making a mess!
- No.
- Can I help you?
- My time
in the cabin, remember?
- Can I help you, please?
- No, I don't need your help.
- [Handler] Hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
Be left, hoo-wah!
- [Ashley] I can't
get any service!
- [Flynn] Keep trying!
- [Ashley] Nothing!
- [Handler] Lean right.
Hee-yaw, hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
- Watch out for that branch!
Chapstick?
- No, I'm good!
- Oh, okay!
- [Handler] Lean left!
- Perfect, it's
gonna be perfect!
Okay, now!
Did you remember to
get her some presents?
- I was wrapping them right now.
- Well, at least, you
didn't forget that.
- No, I didn't,
this is ridiculous.
- There is nothing ridiculous
about Santa, come on.
She's gonna love
it, hold on to it.
Just hold on.
Keep holding it.
I can't wait, you do it.
- Noelle?
- Oh, my lips are frozen.
Carrie, my lips are frozen.
- It's amazing!
- Oh, my lips!
My lips!
My lips!
- Noelle, hold on.
- You know what?
Why'd you forget Christmas?
- I didn't forget Christmas.
- Uh-huh.
Well, you always left
the decorating up to me.
- You told me to stay out of it.
- Well, you didn't do it right.
- Oh!
- [Handler] Ho, this
is as far as we can go.
- What, we have to walk?
- [Handler] It's illegal to
take the dog sleds into town.
- Come on, we'll hitch a
ride the rest of the way!
(Ashley laughing)
What's so funny?
- You're gonna have to
pay me so much money!
- Oh, put this here.
Oh...
- Oh, let me help you, come on.
- No, it's mistletoe.
- I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it.
I know what it is.
There.
- You smell good.
- I never wanted to lose you.
- You cheated.
- I did not.
- Liar.
- I promise.
- On everything that's holy?
- On my life.
- Well, then I better move
before God strikes you.
- I would have to be lying.
- You are.
- I'm not.
(car horn honking)
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
Hey, hey!
- Mom, Mom!
- Hey!
- Oh!
- [Carrie] Mom,
it was the worst.
Devon lost my phone, the
car smelled like old socks.
Sorry, Dad.
- Oh, I miss you so much!
- [Claudell] Oh, could you
hold your grandmother up?
- Noelle.
- I can't believe you got here.
- Ha, you have no idea what
we went through to get here,
but here we are.
Oh, how rude of me.
Um, this is my adopted
sister, Maggie McGhee.
- The pleasure's all mine.
- Ah, Flynn, I don't
know what to say.
- Well, how about...
I do?
- What?
- We've been engaged
for over two months
and it would be my
honor if you'd allow me
to become the husband
you never had.
I want you to marry me tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- Your mother and your
daughter have already approved.
- I did not.
- And what could be more fitting
than a woman named Noelle
getting married
on Christmas Day?
- I...
I...
I...
- I do.
(soft music)
- Dad?
- Yeah, honey.
- Why is Santa in here?
- He's cold.
- It's, uh,
it's just not the...
The wedding I envision.
- Well, small wedding,
big honeymoon.
You pick the place.
We'll go for one, two,
three weeks, if you like.
And then we can
have a big reception
in the Valley when we get back.
- But I'm, I just...
- Look, it's the slow
season for both of us
and it's just gonna get
crazy in the spring.
And we talked about this.
- It's gonna be a slow year.
- I know about your back
taxes and your debt.
- Who told you?
- Your mother.
- Oh, jeez.
She got to you, too.
- She told me that this
wedding company is your dream
and if you had to close your
doors, it would destroy you.
- She's right.
- Noelle, your mother
loves you very much.
She just wants to see you happy.
I, I just want to see you happy.
I love you very much.
Don't let this slip away.
- Jessie, there's a big
problem with my room.
There's girls undies in it.
- Hey, Jessie, I invited
over some friends.
Oh, hi, you must be
Jessie's grandma.
- Hi, I'm nothing of the sort.
- And you must be Carrie!
- Hi, Dad, can I use your phone?
- Who are you?
- Oh, Tasha, Jessie's friend.
- Friend?
- Yeah.
- Jessie.
- Dad, your phone.
- Jessie.
- Dad!
- What?
Oh, uh, I'm sorry, honey.
My phone is in the kitchen.
- Well, it's, it's official.
I am pleased to announce
that we'll be getting
married tomorrow.
- [Tasha] Oh, that's wonderful!
- Carrie, excuse me.
- I think that calls
for a celebration.
It might be a little
rough at first,
but I think it's exactly
what my daughter needs.
- Well, thank you, Claudell.
Uh, I'm sorry, I haven't
officially introduced myself.
My name's Flynn McGhee.
- I'm Carrie's father.
- Yeah, yeah, I know, and uh,
seeing as how you're
practically family,
I'd like to invite you
to the occasion tomorrow.
- Follow me.
- If I'm not back in
five minutes, call 911.
You know the number?
- Jessie, come in,
the water's perfect.
- Oh, you got a spa?
How wonderful.
- What is your game?
- I'm not sure I know--
- Your game, okay?
You swoop in here with
your limos and your G5s
and you sweep
Noelle off her feet.
And she doesn't like to sweep.
Okay, believe me, I know
her better than anybody.
- Is that right?
Then why did you get a divorce?
- That's our
business, not yours.
- Well, that is true.
But I don't think you
have to worry about me
making the same mistake.
I found that exhilarating.
I had movement even.
He's a very strapping man.
- In some states,
stepdads can spank kids
and get away with it.
- That's not gonna happen.
- It might!
(car door shuts)
(engine starts)
Mom, seriously?
- I won't marry 'em
if you tell me not to.
- Who am I to
stand in their way?
- Her husband.
- Ex.
- You think a piece of
paper and some black ink
make all the years of
loving just go away?
- She changed.
- I've known you
both for a long time.
And you're still the
same stubborn people.
You're just angry.
- [Flynn] Would you like to
watch some TV, maybe a movie?
- Hey, honey, you
have any lotion?
My hands are so dry.
Oh, thank you.
So, she's down there
watching a movie with Flynn.
He's trying so hard
to be her friend.
- She's mad.
- She'll get over it.
- And what if she doesn't?
- She will, I talked to her.
- Why do you do that?
- What?
- Undermine me.
- Well, I didn't think
I was doing that.
- Yes, you did.
Damn it!
- Hey!
Noelle.
Noelle?
Honey, what's wrong?
- I'm just...
Not ready to get married.
- Why did you say yes?
- 'Cause he's handsome,
he's perfect, he's rich.
He wants to take care of me.
Why'd you tell him
about the taxes?
- I didn't.
- I'm out of tape.
- Boys, let me tell you why
children really got coal...
- Do you like horror?
Uh, you can pick if you like.
- Whatever.
- You like "Freddy vs. Jason"?
That's a hell of a movie.
- Oh, I gotta hit the head.
- Jessie.
- Hey.
- It's over.
- What's over?
- Us, you still love your wife.
Stick it.
- What?
- Stick it, like in gymnastics,
to win over the judges,
you have to stick it.
Look, it's not a coincidence
that she came alone.
She came for you.
(soft music)
(phone ringing)
- [Flynn] Who's that?
- None-ya.
- None-ya who?
- None ya business.
- That was a good one.
None ya business, I like it.
- Hello?
- You found my phone.
- It was in the kitchen.
- [Jessie] Everything okay?
- Sort of, where'd you go?
- Look, um, I'm gonna
swing by in the morning
and pick you up,
and then we're gonna
head up to Tahoe, okay?
- I can't.
- What do you mean?
- Mom asked me to
be a bridesmaid.
- I haven't seen
you in two months.
- Sorry, Dad, but I
need to be here for Mom.
- I had the whole
trip planned, honey.
- Maybe next year.
- Hi.
- Look, I gotta go.
- Carrie.
- Hey, how's the movie?
- Ed.
- Yeah?
- I never cheated on my wife.
- I know.
- Well, then how did I lose her?
- I ever tell you why
I became a pastor?
I lost my wife from
a car accident.
She loved Christmas.
Her favorite song
was "Silent Night."
I miss her voice.
But you didn't lose
your wife, Jessie.
She's just waiting for you
to fight for her, that's all.
Tomorrow is Christmas.
If you want your wife back,
you give her the gift
that she deserves.
* Holy infant so
tender and mild *
- Merry Christmas.
* Sleep in heavenly peace
- Merry Christmas.
* Sleep in heavenly peace
* Silent night
* Holy night
- Flynn didn't know
that you and Jessie
got married on Christmas.
- Oh, you didn't tell
him that, either, huh?
- Oh, oh.
Oh, would you look
at your father?
He was so handsome, the cheater.
- I love weddings.
- You married your dolls
when you were five.
- I always had this image
of what a couple
was like, you know?
Perfect on top of their cake,
no problems, no pop stars.
- Hm, was Jessie
part of that image?
- Oh, come on, Mom, you
never gave him a chance.
- Oh, come on, Noelle, you
could have done better.
- No one was ever
good enough for you.
- What's the matter with that?
I didn't settle, you
shouldn't settle.
- I never felt like
I was settling.
- That's your problem.
- You know what, Mom?
I want the negative talk
about Jessie to stop.
- Excuse me?
- He is Carrie's dad.
When you say those things
about him, it doesn't hurt him.
It hurts your own granddaughter.
- I don't believe that, and
I don't understand why you--
- You know what?
I didn't expect
you to understand.
I just...
I just want you to
stop hurting everybody.
It's, it's like you
just make things worse.
I want you to move
out, when we get back.
- You're throwing me out?
- I need the space, my
husband's moving in.
(birds chirping)
(phone ringing)
- Thank you, Jurgen.
We appreciate your business.
- So?
- The money will
be wired on Monday.
- Whoo!
I can't believe we did it.
And I'm getting married, too.
I do!
Morning.
- Flynn!
God!
- What?
- Bathing suit, get one!
God, my eyes are burning!
- Who's that?
- Hm?
Oh, um, Michelle.
The phones are working
and the roads are clear.
- That's great!
I'll have Devon pull up the
limo with my luggage and my tux.
- Michelle's coming up, too.
- Well, that's wonderful.
We have a lot to do.
I mean, you might want
to procure yourself
some sort of formal
wear, don't you think?
- Flynn, um...
Don't you think we might be
rushing into things a little?
- Honey, look, I don't think
we're rushing into it at all.
I mean, when you're in love,
the pieces just seem
to fall into place.
(bright piano music)
This is so exciting!
- Perhaps you're right.
Uh, Michelle, I'm
gonna need my jewelry.
- Hey, Russ.
- For the bride.
- Oh, thank you.
Uh, excuse me, is there a
wedding photographer in town?
- The only one we have is Tiny.
- Okay, thank you.
Michelle, okay, listen,
I need you to call Sue.
Yeah, I know she's in Canada,
but I just need you to
break into her warehouse
and find me my favorite dress.
Okay?
Right.
- Oh, I can't wait,
these'll be great, right?
- You think so, huh?
- Well...
- I don't know
where it is, though.
I don't see it,
it's not in the bag.
- Okay, um, listen,
I want 'em over there
and I want 'em over there.
And I want you to make
sure they're straight.
Look, three hours, people!
(phone ringing)
I do this for a living.
Michelle.
Yeah, are you there?
Okay, listen...
- Is Mom okay?
- No, she's getting
married, honey.
Come on.
- Mm, mm-mm.
- Michelle!
Michelle!
Oh, the phones are down again!
- Honey, you need to
calm down and sit down.
- I can't, Mom,
I'm gonna explode.
- Mom, my necklace.
- Oh, come here,
honey, I'll help you.
Let me get that.
You know what?
I'm gonna be married
in two hours again.
And you know what I
said after Jessie.
Never again.
I just wanted something simple,
and you know, I just
don't know what I want.
- Mom, you're pulling my hair.
- I'm sorry.
You know what I used
to say to my clients?
You should never elope, because
then you're gonna miss out
on one of the most
memorable times of your life
with your family
and your friends.
- Ow, Mom...
- Honey, you have your
friends and your family here.
- I wanna stand up front.
- What?
- Yeah, I want him to
walk down the aisle to me.
- Uh.
- Ow!
- There, I got it, honey.
- Yeah, and you pulled
out half my hair!
- No, just a couple strands.
Where's my phone?
- Pre-nup's finished.
- Good.
- You should probably
have her sign it now.
- Ah, excuse me.
Could we have more champagne
for the bride, please?
- A lot of champagne,
it's a good pre-nup.
- Uh, Noelle, been
looking for you.
This is the photographer.
- Oh, it's about time.
Uh, listen, this is a
non-traditional wedding,
so I don't want you taking
pictures of empty pews.
I don't want anybody thinking
that nobody came to my wedding.
- Noelle.
- Hm?
- This man's name
is Tiny Williams.
He's the photographer
who took the photograph
of Jessie and Discrete.
- That was you?
- Noelle.
- Take it easy.
Look, I quit TVT right
after that photo.
What they did was wrong.
- You ruined our lives.
- Look, I know, but they
had me on a gag order.
The photo was a cheat.
- What do you mean, a cheat?
- The photo editor cropped
it, taking out Mike,
making it look like
they were alone.
- What?
- I'm so sorry.
When Discrete saw
me, she flipped out,
jumped all over him,
like she planned it.
Nothing really happened
between her and Jessie.
He left with Mike after
I took the photos.
You can see Mike.
I moved up here about six months
ago to get away from it all
and just take
pictures of weddings.
When I saw Jessie at
the bar last night,
I told Pastor Ed
and thought that maybe
I should do something.
- Noelle.
- Flynn's here and he's invited
a few people from the lodge.
And he brought a pre-nup.
- A pre-nup?
What, is he setting
us up to fail?
- No, it protects you, as well.
- Jessie never cheated.
- What?
- He never had an affair.
Look for yourself.
- Oh, my, Jessie was
telling the truth.
- Oh, finally a voice of reason.
- I didn't know.
- I just didn't wanna be wrong.
He humiliated Carrie and I.
I mean, he may not
have slept with her,
but still, you know--
- Uh, uh, Noelle.
- What?
- I'm gonna say something and
I want you to listen to me.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
And as much as it
pains me to say this,
we were wrong about Jessie.
But if you let
him slip away now,
simply because
you're embarrassed,
then I failed as a mother.
- Excuse me?
- I taught you better than that.
If Jessie walked out
of that hotel room
with his virtues intact, then
you need to stand by him.
- You'll have to leave the
country for a couple weeks
while I process your visa,
but they can't turn you down.
- Honeymoon, ha-ha!
How you doing, Father?
Good to see you.
Ah, Noelle, where's your dress?
- I won't need one.
- I'm sorry, what?
- I made a mistake.
- Ah, well, that's
okay, we can, you know,
we can wait for your dress.
- It's not about the dress.
- Uh, if this is about
the pre-nup, you know,
we can work it out.
- I'm in love.
- Well, that's perfect, then.
- It's not with you.
I never took you
for a runaway bride.
- I never had a reason to run.
- Noelle, I know you think
that I forgot about Christmas,
but that is the last day
I will ever forget about.
I'm not ready for our
life together to be over.
Happy anniversary.
- Happy anniversary.
- Oh, anniversary, come on!
Noelle, he cheated on
you with a pop star.
- He did not.
- No, he didn't.
Jessie, I'm so sorry I
didn't stand up for you
when I should have.
I wanted you to be perfect,
and it hurt me when I
thought you weren't.
But what hurts even more is
that I didn't trust you
when you were
telling me the truth.
- I'm sorry I didn't
fight for you.
- Do something.
- Okay, this isn't right!
I paid for this wedding!
Okay, I walked through a
damn blizzard to get here!
And I'm getting married today.
- This doesn't have to
do with your green card?
- Psst.
- I'm not sure what you're
talking about, young lady.
- The Lord said, "Don't lie."
- [Mike] She's right!
- Mike, what are you doing here?
- Had to come in and
make everything right.
And this guy, he's just getting
married to extend his visa.
Isn't that right, Ashley?
- I have no idea what
you're talking about.
- Okay, Flynn, the
cat's out of the bag.
- Mother, you knew?
- I'm sorry, honey.
He was gonna pay
off all your debts
and I thought it was really
in your best interest.
- This isn't right, it's, it's--
- Who's Ashley?
- His lawyer.
- His sister?
- He's an only child.
- Noelle, come on, marriage
is your business, right?
I help you, you help me.
- No, Flynn, it's
not about business.
It's about love.
And love is like a
good bottle of wine,
it only gets better with time.
Jessie,
will you remarry me?
- There's nothing in this
world that I would rather do
than be your husband again.
- Oh!
- This is so awesome!
- Michelle, 30 minutes.
- Well played, Jessie.
- It's not a game, Flynn.
- Well, actually you're
wrong there and you won.
- Flynn, if marriage
is a business,
then I have a proposal for you.
- [Noelle] Mother.
- He has a problem, and I'm
willing to lend him a hand.
- And just what
would that pertain?
- You marry me,
and you get your work permit.
- You know what?
Before this goes any further,
Flynn, I'd like to have a
little talk with you, okay?
First of all, I'll
never call you Dad.
- Fair enough.
- And secondly, we're not big
on cheating in this family,
so if you ever cheat--
- I get $2 million.
Okay?
- Deal.
- Ashley, or whatever your
name is, let's make a deal.
- [Mike] Ha-ha, all right.
- Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
on this very special day to
join this beautiful couple
and the business venture
in holy matrimony.
And thank you, Jesus, for giving
me back my perfect streak.
You know, Jesus said Christmas
is his favorite holiday.
(upbeat music)
(Gabe farts)
* Jingle bells, jingle bells
* Jingle all the way
* Oh, what fun it is to ride
* In a one-horse open sleigh
(glasses clinking)
(everyone cheering)
- I love you.
- I love you.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* They say that music
soothes the savage beast *
* Lord, it puts the
shuffle in my feet *
* Something happens
when I feel the groove *
* The beat is banging
and I need to move *
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* Lights are flashing
and I'm in the flow *
* Ignites the passion
flowing in my soul *
* Every time I hear
the snare drum roll *
* I hit the dance floor
and I lose control *
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
(upbeat music)
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
* But nothing that they're
saying is getting through *
* 'Cause I've got
a mind of my own *
* My heart is in control
* It's my life
* It's my love
* And it's you that
I've been thinking of *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* No one else can tell
me the way I feel *
* I can tell the difference
between fake and real *
* And when I close my eyes
* It's you that I
see in my mind *
* It's my life
* It's my love
* And it's you that
I've been thinking of *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young
(joyful music)
(record scratches)
- Welcome back to "The Dish"
with me, Michael Scott.
Now, Discrete was not
so discreet last night.
She was caught in a
Hollywood hotel room,
a pretty swanky one at that,
with her head of security,
Mr. Jessie Rogers.
Get a room, guys.
(blender whirring)
- Jessie, listen.
Discrete's manager is trying
to skip out on our payments.
- Nothing happened,
you know that.
- But they still
blame us for the leak.
- It's a grenade,
Mike, jump on it.
- [Mike] You need
to tell Noelle.
- I tried to call her,
she's not answering.
I will tell her
when she gets home.
- [Mike] You're doing it again.
- What?
- Putting off what you know
you shouldn't be putting off.
- It was a mistake.
She will understand.
- Not with the way things
have been going
with you two lately.
- You're more concerned than...
- Jessie?
Jessie, can you hear me?
- I'll call you back.
(Noelle grunts)
What's going on?
(Noelle grunts)
- You need to leave!
- Honey!
- [Noelle] I can't believe you!
You're a cheat like my father!
You're not staying here.
You're, no way.
Where's that stuff?
- Honey, this isn't
what it looks like!
I didn't do anything, trust me!
I did not do any of this!
- Take your stuff and go.
Fore!
- Are you kidding me?
Stop it!
- You humiliated me!
And embarrassed us!
- Trust me, nothing happened!
It's not what it looks like!
- What are you...
Oh, you're here?
- This is my house!
- Honey, I'm gonna
get the shotgun.
We'll get-cha.
- You better leave
before she gets back.
You know what?
- Honey, not my clubs!
- Yard sale!
- Nothing happened!
- Anyway, we caught up with
Discrete outside Studio B,
where she was recording her
new album, "Heat is Hot."
- [Reporter] Discrete, Discrete,
we've got some questions.
Discrete, hey, did you sleep
with your body
guard Jessie Rogers?
- A good girl never
kisses and tells,
but let's just say when
I'm alone with him,
I'm safe and secure, and
I have been for months.
- [Reporter] Oh, come on,
that's not a real answer.
We wanna know, yes or no?
- A picture's worth
1,000 words, isn't it?
- [Reporter] Oh, oh, come on!
Hey, hey!
- Kidding me?
She's just lying!
- They cropped this photo.
- Oh, come on!
- No, no, no, they
doctored this photo!
Look, I was standing right here.
This photo is faked.
Why they always
cutting out a brother?
- Call Tillman,
our lawyer, okay?
They can't just fake
a photo like that.
That has to be illegal.
Find the real photo.
- You got it.
(phone ringing)
- [Reporter] So Vicky,
if you had the chance,
would you sleep
with Jessie Rogers?
- Noelle, honey?
- Months!
- No, no, honey, she is lying.
She is lying through her teeth!
- Messing around?
Exactly what does that entail?
- Honey, absolutely
nothing, I promise you!
- You know what?
I realize, I know that it's
been a little rough between us.
I get that.
But this, I mean this
has humiliated me!
Carrie's teacher came
out to see if I was okay
and then her
classmates asked her
if she knew Discrete and if
she could get them tickets!
- Will you just give me a few
minutes to figure this out?
- No, I'm not gonna let you
just push this off, Jessie.
I'm filing for divorce tomorrow.
I saw my dad do this to my mom,
and they tried to work it
out, but it doesn't work!
- Noelle?
- I'd go see her.
- No, no, if she doesn't
trust me, why should I?
- Because she's
worth fighting for.
- Find that picture.
(lighthearted music)
(people chattering)
- [Noelle] You know what I mean?
- Who invites 400 guests?
- Oh, it's a walk in the park,
but we should have charged more.
Okay, there's only two hours
left, so let's move it, people!
- She locked the door.
- Oh, another runaway bride.
Sandy, I understand Mindy
has a case of the cold feet.
- I told you this would happen.
- I know, Jack,
you're always right.
- It should be fine.
She's marrying a
really great guy.
- You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna break down that door,
and I'm gonna drag
her to the alter.
- Jack!
- If you do,
she'll never come out.
Just give me a minute.
- Are you gonna
give her the speech?
- The key?
(Mindy sobbing)
- This is my second box.
Tell me I'll be happy, that
Michael will take care of me
and I'll never be lonely.
Does he really love me?
- You know, every day
you spend with Michael,
good and bad, and every
night you sleep in his arms
and every time you work
through a seemingly
impossible obstacle.
It's those times where
your love will blossom.
Love is like a good wine, it
only gets better with time.
If you climb out that
window right now,
you are never gonna know how
perfect Michael is for you.
- [Man] My man.
(phone ringing)
- Hello.
- Yo, Jessie!
- Hey, what's up, man?
- Listen, just finished end
of year, made a little profit.
You don't usually miss that.
- Yeah, well, Noelle and Carrie
are coming up to the cabin.
I just wanna make sure
everything's ready for them.
- [Mike] You've been
gone two months.
- There's a lot to do.
- Tillman still advises
that you give up your
lawsuit against TVT,
and the unknown photographer.
He's trying to stop you
from losing more money.
- Yeah.
- It's been two years since the
divorce, everything is done.
Maybe it's time you moved
on with your life, bro.
- Thanks for your advice, Mike.
I'll talk to you later.
- Take care of yourself.
- Using the best photographers
and videographer,
we don't just
capture the wedding,
we preserve it for
generations to come.
- And it's not out of
place, her condition?
- Honestly, it happened
to me nearly 15 years ago.
Uh, listen, I'd like
you to sit with Hannah
and go over some locations.
The Howard Hotel ballroom is
to die for, start there, okay?
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Okay, so here's the
paperwork from Keller
defining the conditions
of the cabin.
You just need to get
Jessie to sign it.
- Oh, that'll take
a small miracle.
- Noelle, the IRS called again.
- Did you direct them to Keller?
- I did, but Keller
still needs to be paid
and so does Hannah, and so do I.
We are three days
late on payroll.
The list of people we
owe money to is just...
Oh, Robbie quit.
- He quit?
- He wanted to find,
quote, "a real job."
- Mm-hm.
- We need to deal with this.
- Um, before they leave,
get a down payment.
- Right, oh, and Noelle...
- Oh, ah, Flynn!
- Noelle.
- [Noelle] Oh.
Hey.
- Ah!
For you.
They're from a crop of my
roses that are engineered
to smell like a
popular fragrance.
I'm always enchanted
when we're together.
- Mm enchanting.
- Well, that's what I said.
Oh, would you like
some champagne?
- Um, actually, can you
put those on water, please?
- Ah, soda water with a
penny, they'll last longer.
- I thought that you had to
be in Hong Kong or something.
- Oh, I, I finished early
and wanted to catch
you before Christmas.
- Oh, why's that?
- It's on the wrong finger.
Our engagement ring.
- Oh, um, oh, mm-hm.
I'm just not ready to
make the announcement yet.
- Well, why not?
I mean, don't you
remember Paris, hm?
The magic?
- Yeah, um, I was
soul-searching.
- And I am your soul mate.
Noelle.
- Mm-hm.
- I can take care of you,
and if we get married now,
we can vacation before
our busy seasons.
I mean, the spring is
horrible for both of us.
I mean, you've got your
weddings, and my roses--
- Mom!
- Oh, Carrie.
- I've been invited to a
Christmas party tomorrow.
- By the Watson's girl,
and you remember the
last time that she went.
A boy tried to kiss her.
- Well, you make it sound
like it was my fault.
- You let her go.
- Emma's dad will
be on guard all day,
and Emma said the girls can
sleep over after the party!
- Oh, a Christmas
party, how fun.
- [Carrie] A white elephant.
- A white what?
- [Claudell] Oh, in my day,
they called it a Yankee Swap.
- Listen, honey,
your father is expecting
us tomorrow morning.
- I already called him.
He said okay, if you're okay.
- Really?
- I wouldn't have wasted
my time on that phone call.
- Mother.
- Don't be mad at Grandma
just 'cause Dad left us.
- What are you
filling her head with?
- What?
She watched him leave.
- You are egging this on!
- You should have
listened to me.
- Oh, I hear it now.
- No, hearing and listening
are two different things.
- Can I please, Mom?
- I can never please Mom.
- If you'll just excuse me, um,
I think I may have a solution.
Why don't I take Claudell
and Carrie to Mammoth
in my G5 on Christmas Eve?
- Private jet, how elegant.
- And that way, Carrie can
go to her party and Noelle,
you and Jessie can discuss
whatever you need to discuss
with no distractions.
- That's a marvelous idea.
Cheers.
- It's been one of
the driest years
in the history of Mammoth.
The resort is making snow for
the first time in 10 years.
However, that may
all change tomorrow,
when a low-pressure system
is expected to move in.
(phone line beeping)
(phone ringing)
- [Carrie] You've reached
Carrie, I might call you back.
- Hi, Carrie, it's your dad.
Hey, I'm really looking
forward to seeing you, okay?
Um, give me a call.
Love you, bye.
(phone beeps)
(soft music)
Mike, yeah, it's Jessie.
Call Tillman, tell
him to drop the case.
- What?
Honey, I don't
want a turkey neck.
(phone buzzing)
- [Jessie] Hi, you
got Jessie Rogers.
Please leave a message.
(birds chirping)
(light relaxing music)
- Whoo, good
morning, sleepyhead.
- Tasha?
- The ride up tied me in knots.
- Um, what are you doing here?
- Oh, a friend of mine
from Vegas came up to ski,
so I thought it'd be a
nice Christmas surprise.
Surprise!
- Well, I, I'm surprised.
Is that incense?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm allergic.
- You're so serious.
- [Jessie] Oh, okay.
- Oh, that's gonna
make it worse.
- [Jessie] There we go.
- Aren't you excited to see me?
- Yeah, yeah,
it's just that Noelle
and Carrie are coming up,
so--
- I get to meet Carrie?
Oh, I'm so excited I came up.
- Oh, okay!
- It's been way too long.
(car horn honks)
Oh, who's that?
- Uh, hold on one second.
- Hey, hey!
Where's Carrie?
- Carrie will be up tomorrow
afternoon with my mother...
What is that smell?
- Uh, incense.
- You hate incense.
- No, he's allergic.
- Who's that?
- I'm Tasha.
- That's Tasha.
- Oh, this is your idea
of a vacation with Carrie?
- No, no, that's a surprise.
- Surprise!
- Well, according
to the agreement,
the cabin is mine
starting today.
- Yeah, well, I didn't
sign that agreement
and I'm not gonna sign that
agreement until I have Carrie.
- Yeah, well, she
played a trick, Jessie.
- And that's my fault?
- Well, if the shoe fits.
- Seeing Carrie is like
all Jessie talked about
for like three weeks.
- Ta, Tanya?
- It's Tasha.
- Who are you?
- Uh, we met at a
conference in Vegas.
- I'm a gymnast!
- Oh, is that code for stripper?
- I was alternate number three
on the Olympic gymnastics team.
- Oh, alternate number three.
Get a room.
- They're all booked up, it's
Christmastime. you know that.
- It's not my problem.
- Well, you know what,
my problem is that
I don't have Carrie
and if I don't have
Carrie, I'm staying here!
- Namaste!
- Hey, my stuff is in there!
- She's totally pretty.
- [Noelle] Momma-stay!
- She likes to throw stuff.
(upbeat music)
- Your weird shaking foot
is making me uncomfortable.
- I'm in a hurry.
- This is gonna take some time.
- Look, in order to close this
deal I need to assure Jurgen
that I can ship into the
United States legally.
- It's not possible
at this moment.
- Then he is gonna
go with Nicholson.
- I know.
- So find me a solution.
- Solution numero uno,
hand your company
over to an American.
- Never gonna happen.
- If there's another
way, I'll find it,
but it's gonna take time.
- At $250 every quarter--
- $300, I'm worth it.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
- Hi, babe.
- I'm in a meeting.
- Sorry, I'm at the market.
I'm just wondering what
I should make for dinner.
(child screams)
Kyle, don't hit your brother.
- I want it!
- It's mine!
Now give it back.
- [Gabe] You haven't taken
a shower for 10 years!
- [Ryan] Guys, that's
it, full lockdown.
No TV tonight.
(kids groaning)
Give me those!
- Am I paying for that?
- Meter's running.
(upbeat music)
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
- Whoo!
- You know what, you have
no toilet paper, as usual.
I'm hitting the mountain.
- Can we go skiing, too?
- Hmm, one minute.
* Nobody understands
(girls giggling)
- So, I gave Justin my number,
and he texted me back
like two hours later.
- No way.
- Those celebrity
parties are so dumb.
- Are not.
- You pay like $500 for a pic.
- Yeah, he probably pays
someone to text you.
- Like his mom.
- Oh.
- It was him.
(upbeat music)
- Turn it up, I love
Discrete's new song.
* What to do
- Hey, Carrie, is your dad
still Discrete's boyfriend?
- They broke up, she's
still calling him.
- Did you meet her?
- Sure, lots of times.
(phone ringing)
* Nobody understands
- Carrie, your
dad's calling you.
- Ask him if he
could get us tickets
to the Discrete show next week.
- Hello?
- Hey, Carrie,
how are you, sweetheart,
it's your Dad.
- You haven't
called me in a week.
- I call you every day,
you just don't pick up.
- I have school.
- Not at nine o'clock at night.
- I didn't want
to miss the party
and Mom said it was
okay for me to go.
Grandma and Flynn and I
will be there tomorrow.
You can ground me then.
- Flynn, who's Flynn?
- Flynn McGhee,
something like that.
He's mom's friend.
- Burgers are ready.
- Look, I gotta go,
I'll see you tomorrow.
- I, I love you.
- Hey, Jessie, I'm
ready to go skiing!
- Jessie.
- Mike, hey, it's Jessie.
Listen, I need you to
run a background check
on somebody named Flynn McGhee.
- [Mike] Flynn McGhee?
Sounds like a cartel.
You sure that's his real name?
- Yeah, that's his real name.
(lighthearted music)
- Ah, namaste.
- Ha!
- Oh, ho-ho, it's
the third alternate.
- Ah, a snowboard,
aren't you a little
old to be snowboarding?
- Whoo!
- Aren't you a little old to
be alternate number three?
- Well, this is a
six-minute lift.
This is gonna be fun.
- Do you hate me?
- Hate you?
I don't even know you.
- I'm not stupid.
- Really?
Yeah, how long you been dating?
- We're not dating, we're
more friends with benefits.
- What?
- Um--
- You know, Jessie
would be a great catch,
if the time was right.
Drove all the way from L.A. to
Vegas just to bring me soup.
I was sick.
- He brought you cold soup?
- Oh, no, it was canned.
- Yeah, what kind?
- It was yellow pea.
- I don't know what to say.
(Jessie laughs nervously)
- You know, I read a book once--
- Oh, goody for you.
- Yeah, it stated nothing
was a coincidence.
Like when I was given third
alternate in the Olympics
because I wasn't ready.
My flexibility wasn't 100%.
But now, I can wrap my
ankles behind my head.
- She can, it's
kind of impressive.
- I'm so happy for you.
- I thought you would be.
- It took work.
- Um, exactly what other kind
of work do you do in Vegas?
- Mm.
- 40 more seconds,
it looks like.
- Oh, yeah?
What is this, a prison sentence?
- I don't wanna fight, okay?
- There's not gonna be a fight.
This big, tough soldier
doesn't know what's
worth fighting for.
- [Tasha] Whoo!
- Watch out for the ice, guys!
(Noelle screams)
- [Noelle] Oh!
- Hey, you all right?
- No!
- I'm fine.
- You okay?
- Oh!
- What you okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- You, are you sure?
- I'm fine.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Hey Tasha, I got you.
(playful music)
- [Attendant] This
is for you, sir.
- Oh, thank you.
Flynn McGhee.
- Flynn.
I just got a phone call
from a lovely sounding
immigration officer
named Diane Rivera.
- Is your meter running?
- Always.
- Then get to it.
- Oh, okay, you're
being deported.
- What?
When?
- The day after Christmas,
it's when your visa expires.
- I thought we got an extension.
- Oh, yeah, that got denied.
- Solutions.
- Flynn, I--
- Solutions.
- Okay, uh, off the top
of my head, solutions.
Spit balling here.
- Yes?
- There are none, because
when they revoke your visa,
you have to leave the country.
- Get married?
- Not to me.
- Noelle.
- Oh, okay, well,
so what's the hold-up?
- She's hesitant about when.
I mean, she plans weddings.
It's a big deal.
- And she has a company that's
three years behind in taxes.
- How do you know that?
- I looked into her.
- Why?
- You pay me to watch your back.
I was watching your back.
Ryan!
Ryan!
- I just farted for
like a whole minute.
- That's disgusting.
Santa doesn't bring
presents to bad boys.
Don't come crying to me
when there's nothing
under the tree, okay?
Ryan!
Flynn.
- Yeah.
- If you leave the country,
you're gonna lose out on
a $6 million contract.
- Ah, eight million.
- Not after my cut.
- Yeah, baby.
- All right.
I'll tell her the truth.
- As your lawyer, I
advise you to lie.
Marry her.
I'll draft a pre-nup, it'll
all work itself out in the end.
But just do it quickly, okay,
because you have three days.
Okay, okay, bye.
Ryan.
- Uh-huh.
- When did Gabe lose his teeth?
- Yeah, about four days ago.
Anything else?
- No.
- Okay, good.
See your Gabe is back here,
he farted for like a
minute, it was hilarious.
- It's still disgusting.
- Thanks so much.
Um, oh, could you
throw me my trunks?
(lighthearted music)
(wind whooshing)
- Storm's getting worse.
- [Noelle] You still don't shop.
- It's easier eating out.
- Oh, but not as healthy.
- You think Carrie's gonna
have trouble getting in?
- No, Flynn's resourceful,
they'll be fine.
- Who's Flynn?
- He's my friend.
Where's your friend?
- She went ice skating.
- Oh, look at that.
One thing I can always count on,
is you having a
good bottle of wine.
- Wine is like a good love.
- I'm gonna go out for dinner.
- I can't believe Maureen
took the snifter set
and left me with
the bag of diapers.
- Well, that's how
a Yankee Swap works.
- Yeah, right,
but you know what,
she uses them because she
didn't shop any further
than her bathroom cupboard.
- Oh, Claudell, come on.
- Right.
- Miss Claudell?
- Who wants to know?
- I have a ride to your home.
(upbeat music)
- A new man friend?
- Uh, yeah.
He was supposed to come tonight,
but a Yankee Swap
isn't his thing.
So, goodnight.
- Well, I was in the
neighborhood and, uh,
I thought I'd drop in.
- How sweet, and you're lying.
- There was a
couple of questions
that I'd like to ask
you about Noelle.
- Should I say no?
- Ah.
You know, I was hoping
that, with your help,
maybe increase my chances.
- Are you suggesting what
I think you're suggesting?
- Marriage.
- Oh.
That's good.
- That it is.
(glasses clinking)
(joyful music)
- Are you ready to order?
- Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna
have the Hawaiian pizza.
- Sure thing, honey.
- And you should see, when I
lift my leg like this, wow!
Right?
Oh, hey, Jessie.
- Hey, hey.
Told you she was flexible.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Whoo!
- [Noelle] What
are you doing here?
- Tasha called and wanted to
get something to eat, huh?
- Hm.
- What are the odds?
- Well, it's the
only place in town.
- [Jessie] Mm-hm.
- I have a Hawaiian
pizza on the way.
- Can I get y'all a drink?
- Ah, two glasses of Merlot.
- [Jessie] Is that
the cabin paperwork?
- I sent it in an email.
- I was on vacation.
- Oh, yeah, right, with the
third alternate to the Olympics.
- Okay, that, I didn't
expect for her to,
it was a surprise.
- Yeah, well,
her skills as a peppermint twist
are not good influence
on our daughter.
She's half your age.
- Since when do you care?
- Who says I do?
- You do.
- Do what?
- You care.
- Who says I do?
- You do.
- I just think you need
something more sophisticated.
- Like you?
- Just keep it simple.
- I want simple.
- You want escape.
- Escape from what?
- Do you want a list?
- Well, put your name
at the tippy-top.
- How about I put a
six-letter word up there?
A-F-F-A-I-R.
- Never happened.
- Be honest.
- I am.
- Liar.
- You just can't admit it.
- What?
- That I did not have an affair.
You can't admit that!
- I don't have to,
because you did.
- A picture is not proof.
- Mm-hm.
- You just can't be wrong.
- Oh, 'cause I'm always right.
- Why do I even let you do this?
- [Noelle] What,
get into your head?
- Yes, give me the
cabin paperwork,
I'll sign it right now.
- No, Jessie, no.
- Hey, these are your bills.
- Here.
- Jeez.
- [Noelle] Here, Jessie.
- Are you doing all right?
- Look, you'll see here
on the third line--
- Noelle, hey.
- Huh?
- You doing all right?
- Yeah.
You'll see here
on the third line,
that it stipulates
odds and evens.
I get the cabin at
Christmas in the even years,
you get the odd.
Hello?
- Hello.
- Are you getting this?
- Ah, yes, I am.
Are you doing okay?
- I'm fine.
- Well, I'm not so sure.
'Cause I looked at your
bills, and it looks like--
- Oh, no, um...
- What happened?
- Uh, it's Pastor Ed, uh,
you know how he gets when we--
- Noelle, is that you?
Hah-ho, my Lord, it is you.
You know, I was just saying
to Jessie the other day,
how great it would
be to see you around.
Lord, the first couple
I married on the hill.
You know, I have
married 366 couples
and they all still together.
- Is that possible?
- You all need to reconcile,
give me back my perfect streak.
Lord said divorce is no good.
- He said that?
- Oh, there's a lot he said.
He just forgot to write it down.
- Oh.
- I'll have the same as
the lovely lady, please.
Yo, there's this, this
place in Edinburgh,
has the most exquisite red wine.
- Robert loved wine, he
was a fanatic about it.
- Have you been without
your husband long?
- Long enough.
You know, when you lose
someone that you've spent more
than half your life with
it's really hard to
pick up and move on.
- Were you well taken care of?
- Yeah, he was a good man...
Until the affair.
You know, he died
of natural causes.
He did.
It just hasn't been so easy
moving on and handling things.
- Well, I would like to change
that for you and Noelle.
- I've been around long
enough to know a man in need.
And a man of your stature,
I cannot imagine what you need
from either myself or Noelle.
She's a handful, man.
She's got more problems
than the "Daily News."
- Claudell, you're
a clever woman.
And I assure you, I will not
pull the wool over your eyes.
But I have needs.
And Noelle and I
have been engaged for
well over two months,
I just, I think it's
time we get married.
- I'm all for that, baby.
Pay her bills.
(glasses clinking)
- [Tasha] Totally.
- His foot was broke, in a
cast, and he was on crutches.
But that wasn't
gonna stop Jessie
from racing Mike Donnell
in the downhill, no, sir.
So, he comes through that door,
and tells Fran to pour
him a shot of whiskey.
He drinks the whiskey,
then proceeds to cut off
his cast with a hacksaw.
- Oh, my God, you could
have hurt yourself.
- I, I was fine.
- Now, he could only reach
halfway down the cast,
but nobody was gonna help him,
so we just watched him squirm
and try to reach the last
few inches of that cast
around his toes.
- Well, how did he get it off?
- Uh, that's when we first met.
I was here on a ski
trip with some friends.
- Did you get it off?
- Oh...
- Not only did they get it off,
but the next morning Jessie
won that downhill race
on a half a bottle of
whiskey and a broken foot.
- Now, you're making it
sound much worse than it was.
'Cause that cast was due to
come off in a week anyway.
- Oh, really?
I had to drive you back to L.A.
just to get a new one put on.
- When was this?
- 14 years ago.
- Yeah, things
were simpler then.
- Well, I best be going.
- And I have to pee, so.
- I want my perfect record back.
- Do you remember that
cafe we stopped at
on our way back to L.A.?
- We had cherry
pie, your favorite.
- Yeah, only to find
out you hate cherries.
- I dislike them.
- Hate.
- Come on.
- Well, then explain to me
why you ate an entire
piece of cherry pie.
- I guess I wasn't ready
for the trip to end.
Can I read these
before I sign them?
- Of course.
(knocking on door)
- I am sorry, Officer,
about the noise.
We asked the girls to keep
it down, but they're 13.
- I'm here to pick
up Carrie Rogers.
- Carrie!
- Hey, Carrie, is your
dad back with Discrete?
There's a limo outside.
- Uh, yeah, we're gonna go
spend Christmas with her.
See to my things.
- You guys are her friend?
Really?
Bag taken care of.
(wind whooshing)
(dramatic music)
- The airport and all
roads going in and out
are closed for
the next 24 hours.
And to make matters worse,
the fuel trucks were unable
to make it up to Mammoth
causing a gas shortage.
- Hey, is your
cellphone working?
- Cell service is down.
- You slept on the couch?
- Tasha has the guestroom.
- I don't know when Carrie's
flight is coming in.
- She's not gonna
make it in tonight.
- That's right, the folks
at Mammoth are snowed in.
Enjoy the skiing.
- Jurgen, please,
there is no problem,
the roses will be delivered
to your customers on time.
Yeah, I know that's
next week, I...
I'm so sorry, I've been waiting
for this call all morning.
- Oh, it's okay, don't mind us.
- Jurgen, no, that
is not the truth.
I know, but everything
will be legal and final.
- Carrie...
- You have no worries.
- What time did you go to bed?
- You don't sleep at sleepovers.
- Oh, I stand corrected.
- Jurgen, listen, you
need to hear me, okay?
Jurgen, just hear what
I'm saying, please?
Just hold on, Jurgen,
just hold on a sec.
- Carrie, close it.
- Now I can't hear you!
Jurgen.
- Carrie, roll the window up.
- It's nice outside,
not so stuffy.
- Wait a second, Jurgen.
Could you please
roll the window up?
Jurgen, I...
No, I, listen.
Jurgen, I can't, I
can't hear you, hold on.
I've asked you nicely,
just please, roll it up?
- Carrie.
- Okay, listen to me, I'll...
Hello?
Hello...
Well, that's great, just great,
and that was an
international call.
So what school did
you say you went to?
- St. Carolina's Girls Prep.
- Very fine school,
I sent Noelle there.
- Oh, so it's a boarding
school, I presume.
- No, no, the
girls live at home,
which is why I moved
in with Noelle.
So I can better take
care of my Carrie.
- Ah, hello, Noelle.
- Flynn?
- It's your mother.
Yeah.
- [Noelle] The cell
service is spotty.
- Well, is everything okay?
- [Noelle] The Mammoth
Airport, it's closed.
- What?
- There's a blizzard!
- Noelle, no, honey--
- I'm not sure what--
- Noelle, can you...
I hate cellphones.
- What, is she okay?
- The Mammoth Airport is
closed because of snow.
- We're stuck in
L.A. for Christmas?
- Oh, I hope not.
- We better not be, Mom took
all the presents with her.
- Oh, Carrie, I think we
have bigger issues than that.
- Than presents?
- Okay, ladies, look.
I told you I'd
get you to Mammoth
and I'll get you to Mammoth.
Driver.
- What can I do
for you, boss man?
- Can you get us as close
to Mammoth as you can?
- Sure, we gotta
make a store run.
I'll need a bottle of
bear repellent, honey,
and some sour Skittles.
(wind whooshing)
- Storm keeps getting worse.
- I'm so worried about Carrie,
I should have never let
her go to that party.
- Well, if you had called me.
- Oh, come on, Jessie,
it's not like you've
been around lately.
- You haven't
exactly made it easy.
- What do you mean?
I've given you holidays
and school break.
- Oh, yeah, but she chose camp.
- [Noelle] Oh, did she?
- Yes, and the things
that you've given me,
do you take into account
the times where I showed up
and suddenly plans change, like
Christmas and Thanksgiving?
- Oh, my mother was
the root of all that.
- Well, you allowed
it to happen.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- Oh, my God, would you stop?
I mean, it takes two to Tango,
and she was just as embarrassed
as I was when all
of those photos
were plastered all
over the supermarket.
All the kids teased
her for weeks.
- I need air.
- Fine!
I'll just find my own way
off this mountain to Carrie.
- [Jessie] Go
ahead, that's great.
- Hey, Mom, do you want to hear
some Country
Western song titles?
- Uh-huh.
- I ain't never gone to
bed with an ugly women
but I woke up with a few.
It's hard to kiss the lips
that chew off my
butt all day long.
She's looking better
with every beer.
Never took her to a dogfight
'cause I'm afraid she'd win.
- Wow.
- [Carrie] That bag
had my cellphone,
clothes and other things.
- [Claudell] Carrie,
you shouldn't have
left it at the party.
- [Devon] Anything I can
do for you, Miss Carrie?
- [Carrie] No.
- Thank God and
Greyhound you're gone.
- Okay.
(phone ringing)
It's Christmas, Flynn.
It's Christmas.
- [Flynn] Technically,
it's the day before.
- What did the snail say
when he jumped on
the turtle's back?
- Ryan!
- Whee!
- Ryan!
- [Flynn] Agh, that hurt my ear.
- [Ashley] What do you want?
- [Flynn] I need your help.
Everything at
Mammoth is shut down.
- [Ashley] Your problem.
- [Flynn] Our problem,
where's the pre-nup?
- [Ashley] I'll finish it today,
but we need to go through
it before she signs.
- [Flynn] Did you miss the
part about the blizzard?
I don't have phone service.
Jurgen's about to
drop our contract.
I need this pre-nup tonight.
I'm coming to pick you up.
(Gabe farts)
- [Kyle] Ow, Gabe,
my face is melting.
- [Ryan] Do you need
to change your shorts?
- Maybe.
- Ryan!
- Hun, what's up, I got a
full-on attack going on.
What's going on?
Butt explosions,
everything going.
Don't, no!
Leave that player alone.
Go ahead, hun, what?
- I'm going to work.
- Okay.
- I may or may not
be back on Christmas.
- Okay, copy that.
- I love you.
- Love you, too.
Not you, Ron.
Ron, shut up.
- Pick me up.
(wind whooshing)
(upbeat music)
(bell dings)
(bell dinging)
- Is there any way
down this mountain?
- I'm sorry.
There's nothing with enough fuel
to get you down the mountain.
Our snowmobiles are all empty.
- I'll buy more gas.
- Look, lady, even if you
had the gas, which you don't,
I had a friend try to go down
the mountain in a blizzard.
- And?
- Notice how I
said had a friend?
(record scratches)
- All right, come on,
there's got to be a
way down this hill.
- So, Flynn, how come you
never told us you had a sister?
- Uh, well...
She's adopted.
Yeah, my parents,
they saved her from a life of
drugs and walking the streets.
- Yes.
- Her mother was a
circus performer.
And her dad, oh, a
horrible accident.
He got his leg blown
off by a grenade.
They called him Stumpy.
- Well, it's very nice
to meet you, Maggie.
(chips crunching)
- Oh, likewise.
I've heard such wonderful things
about you and your daughter.
- I'm sure they were
all fabrications.
You know, lies.
- I know what fabrication means.
- Could you do me a favor
and just close your
mouth when you chew?
- Teach her that one, and
you've won Father of the Year.
- He's not my father.
- Carrie, be careful what you
say, because you never know--
- Uh, you know I, uh,
I got you a little
something here from store
when we, when we stopped.
It's a crossword book.
You know, when I was your age,
I was really into the puzzles.
Yeah, I became quite a--
- Cruciverbalist.
Cruciverbalist.
- Cruciverbalist.
Anyhow, um, you can consider
it an early Christmas gift.
- Don't limos have TV?
- Well, I preferred refine
myself when I'm in the car.
- Since when?
- Claudell, can I please
borrow your phone?
- Sure, honey.
- All right, come on,
there's got to be a
way down this hill.
(phone ringing)
- Is that your cellphone?
- No, it can't be, I
don't have service.
- Nobody has service,
unless they got the
towers working again.
Hey, everyone, the
network is back up!
- Mom?
- It's Carrie.
- Is that your mother?
- I've been waiting
for this call all day.
Mom, where are you?
- It's gonna be like that, huh?
- Where am I?
Carrie, where are you?
- We're in the limo with
Flynn and his sister Maggie.
- Sister?
- Uh, can I talk to her?
- Yeah, so the party
was really fun.
- That's, that's great, honey.
- Yeah, Emi's dad grilled us
food and we sat in the spa.
Tommy and Haley
are going out now.
- I thought you liked Tommy.
- No, I like Russ.
- You like no one.
You're too young,
and I've been telling your
mother that for years!
- Agh!
- Did you see Dad yet?
- Oh, Carrie, fuel to the fire.
- Yes, I did, and
we are very upset
with that little
game you pulled.
- What game?
- The one with the voicemail
and the phone call.
- I didn't actually leave
a message, either, so.
- Where are you?
- Oh, we're just, you know--
(phone beeping)
- What?
- I want delivery.
- Are you with Flynn?
- Yeah, he's right here.
- Carrie.
- Five cheese pizzas.
- Carrie, hold on.
- Mom!
- Yes, yes, I'll hold.
- Flynn!
- Hello, my dear.
I just wanted to let you know
that you have no need to fret.
- No need at all.
- Flynn, where are you?
- I'm in the limo
on my way to Mammoth.
We're on the road.
- Okay, Flynn, hold on.
Carrie?
- Mom, I wasn't
done talking to you.
- Clever girl.
- Look, Mom, I really
need you to be here.
- Wait, Carrie.
- Hello, Mom?
- Carrie, I'm losing you.
- Mom, I can't hear you.
Mom?
- Hello?
Hello?
Pizza Palace?
- Wait.
- We're doomed.
- I lost her.
- Well, at least she
knows we're coming.
- Flynn?
- Yes.
- Darling, how do you
intend to get us to Mammoth?
- Ah, Claudell, I'm
an importer of goods
to many different countries.
This storm is but a
wee challenge to me.
We will be arriving
tonight, with bells on,
I'll tell you that.
(chips crunching)
- [Claudell] Oh, Carrie.
- Oh.
Oh.
Hi.
- Hi.
I was getting a wax and saw you.
- Uh, huh?
- Look, I won't be in your way.
- Excuse me?
- With Jessie, I
mean, it's obvious.
- Uh, you have lost me.
- He still loves you.
- Oh, is that what you think?
- That's what I know.
- What?
- Oh, come on, you don't see it?
- No, no, no, no.
You've got, you've mistaken love
for something else entirely.
- Or maybe you're just not
capable of seeing it anymore.
- Well, I'm a wedding
planner for a living.
I know all about love.
- Look, you might be
smarter and older than me,
but at least I can see when
someone has a broken heart,
and the reason why.
(upbeat music)
- [Carrie] We only stopped
like 20 minutes ago.
- [Claudell] Carrie,
the older you get,
the more stops you have to make.
- I know there's a storm coming.
I need to get on
that mountain today.
- I've got Taite on it, but
so far he's had no luck.
- Call him again.
- Fine.
- She's driving me crazy.
(wind whooshing)
- [Ashley] Thank you,
Taite, that'll work fine.
- Ah!
- Taite found a way
up the mountain.
- And?
- Dog sleds.
- Interesting.
What about the pre-nup?
- I want three million
on the Oregon deal.
- No.
- Yes.
- Why?
- You demanded I
come here, I'm here.
And besides, we're family.
- You gotta work on your accent.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, okay, okay, agh, okay, okay!
No, no, don't sting me.
Come on, move, move, move!
Hate bees.
Swarm came after me.
- You all right?
- We gotta get out of here, man!
Get in the car!
- [Flynn] Really?
In December?
Is everyone losing it?
(dogs barking)
- [Handler] Okay, let me show
you how to drive this thing.
- [Flynn] That sounds good.
- To make 'em go, it's hike!
(girls laughing)
You're supposed to hold on!
- Ugh, I figured
that much, thank you.
- Jessie?
Jessie, help me!
- Where'd you get a tree?
- Ugh, I stole it.
- What?
- Well, they're
not gonna miss it.
- What, you stole
a Christmas tree?
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, right there.
- Okay, wait, hold on.
- Okay, all right.
- I cannot believe you
stole a Christmas tree.
- Well, it was by
a mailbox outside.
I thought it was garbage.
- Yeah, that's--
- I just don't want Carrie
to think that her dad
forgot about Christmas.
- I didn't forget.
- Hold on a second.
- I'm not, I can't--
- Oh!
- Careful, careful.
- Okay, all right, sorry.
All right.
Wait, there.
Ah, now that's a tree.
- Have you been drinking?
- Huh?
Oh, poquito.
There's more outside.
- More?
(dogs barking)
- Hike, hike!
- [Handler] Ho, mush, mush!
Let's go, mush, mush, mush!
- The Millers didn't
make it up here,
so I borrowed a few things.
- Why?
- [Noelle] For
Carrie, of course.
- He can stay outside.
- Are you sure?
It's cold.
- Noelle.
- Ugh, do not Noelle me.
You always Noelle me
and I don't like it.
I'm going to make this cabin
a winter wonderland for Carrie
and you're standing
in my way, so move.
- I made a mistake.
- Which one?
- I should have come
to you right away
about that photo, but--
- Guilt got your tongue?
- No, I, I just thought
it would be best
to let things cool down.
You threw all my stuff
in the front yard.
- Oh, well, I was
aiming for you.
- [Handler] Hike, hike!
Hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
- You're making a mess!
- No.
- Can I help you?
- My time
in the cabin, remember?
- Can I help you, please?
- No, I don't need your help.
- [Handler] Hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
Be left, hoo-wah!
- [Ashley] I can't
get any service!
- [Flynn] Keep trying!
- [Ashley] Nothing!
- [Handler] Lean right.
Hee-yaw, hee-yaw, hee-yaw!
- Watch out for that branch!
Chapstick?
- No, I'm good!
- Oh, okay!
- [Handler] Lean left!
- Perfect, it's
gonna be perfect!
Okay, now!
Did you remember to
get her some presents?
- I was wrapping them right now.
- Well, at least, you
didn't forget that.
- No, I didn't,
this is ridiculous.
- There is nothing ridiculous
about Santa, come on.
She's gonna love
it, hold on to it.
Just hold on.
Keep holding it.
I can't wait, you do it.
- Noelle?
- Oh, my lips are frozen.
Carrie, my lips are frozen.
- It's amazing!
- Oh, my lips!
My lips!
My lips!
- Noelle, hold on.
- You know what?
Why'd you forget Christmas?
- I didn't forget Christmas.
- Uh-huh.
Well, you always left
the decorating up to me.
- You told me to stay out of it.
- Well, you didn't do it right.
- Oh!
- [Handler] Ho, this
is as far as we can go.
- What, we have to walk?
- [Handler] It's illegal to
take the dog sleds into town.
- Come on, we'll hitch a
ride the rest of the way!
(Ashley laughing)
What's so funny?
- You're gonna have to
pay me so much money!
- Oh, put this here.
Oh...
- Oh, let me help you, come on.
- No, it's mistletoe.
- I got it, I got it,
I got it, I got it.
I know what it is.
There.
- You smell good.
- I never wanted to lose you.
- You cheated.
- I did not.
- Liar.
- I promise.
- On everything that's holy?
- On my life.
- Well, then I better move
before God strikes you.
- I would have to be lying.
- You are.
- I'm not.
(car horn honking)
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
Hey, hey!
- Mom, Mom!
- Hey!
- Oh!
- [Carrie] Mom,
it was the worst.
Devon lost my phone, the
car smelled like old socks.
Sorry, Dad.
- Oh, I miss you so much!
- [Claudell] Oh, could you
hold your grandmother up?
- Noelle.
- I can't believe you got here.
- Ha, you have no idea what
we went through to get here,
but here we are.
Oh, how rude of me.
Um, this is my adopted
sister, Maggie McGhee.
- The pleasure's all mine.
- Ah, Flynn, I don't
know what to say.
- Well, how about...
I do?
- What?
- We've been engaged
for over two months
and it would be my
honor if you'd allow me
to become the husband
you never had.
I want you to marry me tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- Your mother and your
daughter have already approved.
- I did not.
- And what could be more fitting
than a woman named Noelle
getting married
on Christmas Day?
- I...
I...
I...
- I do.
(soft music)
- Dad?
- Yeah, honey.
- Why is Santa in here?
- He's cold.
- It's, uh,
it's just not the...
The wedding I envision.
- Well, small wedding,
big honeymoon.
You pick the place.
We'll go for one, two,
three weeks, if you like.
And then we can
have a big reception
in the Valley when we get back.
- But I'm, I just...
- Look, it's the slow
season for both of us
and it's just gonna get
crazy in the spring.
And we talked about this.
- It's gonna be a slow year.
- I know about your back
taxes and your debt.
- Who told you?
- Your mother.
- Oh, jeez.
She got to you, too.
- She told me that this
wedding company is your dream
and if you had to close your
doors, it would destroy you.
- She's right.
- Noelle, your mother
loves you very much.
She just wants to see you happy.
I, I just want to see you happy.
I love you very much.
Don't let this slip away.
- Jessie, there's a big
problem with my room.
There's girls undies in it.
- Hey, Jessie, I invited
over some friends.
Oh, hi, you must be
Jessie's grandma.
- Hi, I'm nothing of the sort.
- And you must be Carrie!
- Hi, Dad, can I use your phone?
- Who are you?
- Oh, Tasha, Jessie's friend.
- Friend?
- Yeah.
- Jessie.
- Dad, your phone.
- Jessie.
- Dad!
- What?
Oh, uh, I'm sorry, honey.
My phone is in the kitchen.
- Well, it's, it's official.
I am pleased to announce
that we'll be getting
married tomorrow.
- [Tasha] Oh, that's wonderful!
- Carrie, excuse me.
- I think that calls
for a celebration.
It might be a little
rough at first,
but I think it's exactly
what my daughter needs.
- Well, thank you, Claudell.
Uh, I'm sorry, I haven't
officially introduced myself.
My name's Flynn McGhee.
- I'm Carrie's father.
- Yeah, yeah, I know, and uh,
seeing as how you're
practically family,
I'd like to invite you
to the occasion tomorrow.
- Follow me.
- If I'm not back in
five minutes, call 911.
You know the number?
- Jessie, come in,
the water's perfect.
- Oh, you got a spa?
How wonderful.
- What is your game?
- I'm not sure I know--
- Your game, okay?
You swoop in here with
your limos and your G5s
and you sweep
Noelle off her feet.
And she doesn't like to sweep.
Okay, believe me, I know
her better than anybody.
- Is that right?
Then why did you get a divorce?
- That's our
business, not yours.
- Well, that is true.
But I don't think you
have to worry about me
making the same mistake.
I found that exhilarating.
I had movement even.
He's a very strapping man.
- In some states,
stepdads can spank kids
and get away with it.
- That's not gonna happen.
- It might!
(car door shuts)
(engine starts)
Mom, seriously?
- I won't marry 'em
if you tell me not to.
- Who am I to
stand in their way?
- Her husband.
- Ex.
- You think a piece of
paper and some black ink
make all the years of
loving just go away?
- She changed.
- I've known you
both for a long time.
And you're still the
same stubborn people.
You're just angry.
- [Flynn] Would you like to
watch some TV, maybe a movie?
- Hey, honey, you
have any lotion?
My hands are so dry.
Oh, thank you.
So, she's down there
watching a movie with Flynn.
He's trying so hard
to be her friend.
- She's mad.
- She'll get over it.
- And what if she doesn't?
- She will, I talked to her.
- Why do you do that?
- What?
- Undermine me.
- Well, I didn't think
I was doing that.
- Yes, you did.
Damn it!
- Hey!
Noelle.
Noelle?
Honey, what's wrong?
- I'm just...
Not ready to get married.
- Why did you say yes?
- 'Cause he's handsome,
he's perfect, he's rich.
He wants to take care of me.
Why'd you tell him
about the taxes?
- I didn't.
- I'm out of tape.
- Boys, let me tell you why
children really got coal...
- Do you like horror?
Uh, you can pick if you like.
- Whatever.
- You like "Freddy vs. Jason"?
That's a hell of a movie.
- Oh, I gotta hit the head.
- Jessie.
- Hey.
- It's over.
- What's over?
- Us, you still love your wife.
Stick it.
- What?
- Stick it, like in gymnastics,
to win over the judges,
you have to stick it.
Look, it's not a coincidence
that she came alone.
She came for you.
(soft music)
(phone ringing)
- [Flynn] Who's that?
- None-ya.
- None-ya who?
- None ya business.
- That was a good one.
None ya business, I like it.
- Hello?
- You found my phone.
- It was in the kitchen.
- [Jessie] Everything okay?
- Sort of, where'd you go?
- Look, um, I'm gonna
swing by in the morning
and pick you up,
and then we're gonna
head up to Tahoe, okay?
- I can't.
- What do you mean?
- Mom asked me to
be a bridesmaid.
- I haven't seen
you in two months.
- Sorry, Dad, but I
need to be here for Mom.
- I had the whole
trip planned, honey.
- Maybe next year.
- Hi.
- Look, I gotta go.
- Carrie.
- Hey, how's the movie?
- Ed.
- Yeah?
- I never cheated on my wife.
- I know.
- Well, then how did I lose her?
- I ever tell you why
I became a pastor?
I lost my wife from
a car accident.
She loved Christmas.
Her favorite song
was "Silent Night."
I miss her voice.
But you didn't lose
your wife, Jessie.
She's just waiting for you
to fight for her, that's all.
Tomorrow is Christmas.
If you want your wife back,
you give her the gift
that she deserves.
* Holy infant so
tender and mild *
- Merry Christmas.
* Sleep in heavenly peace
- Merry Christmas.
* Sleep in heavenly peace
* Silent night
* Holy night
- Flynn didn't know
that you and Jessie
got married on Christmas.
- Oh, you didn't tell
him that, either, huh?
- Oh, oh.
Oh, would you look
at your father?
He was so handsome, the cheater.
- I love weddings.
- You married your dolls
when you were five.
- I always had this image
of what a couple
was like, you know?
Perfect on top of their cake,
no problems, no pop stars.
- Hm, was Jessie
part of that image?
- Oh, come on, Mom, you
never gave him a chance.
- Oh, come on, Noelle, you
could have done better.
- No one was ever
good enough for you.
- What's the matter with that?
I didn't settle, you
shouldn't settle.
- I never felt like
I was settling.
- That's your problem.
- You know what, Mom?
I want the negative talk
about Jessie to stop.
- Excuse me?
- He is Carrie's dad.
When you say those things
about him, it doesn't hurt him.
It hurts your own granddaughter.
- I don't believe that, and
I don't understand why you--
- You know what?
I didn't expect
you to understand.
I just...
I just want you to
stop hurting everybody.
It's, it's like you
just make things worse.
I want you to move
out, when we get back.
- You're throwing me out?
- I need the space, my
husband's moving in.
(birds chirping)
(phone ringing)
- Thank you, Jurgen.
We appreciate your business.
- So?
- The money will
be wired on Monday.
- Whoo!
I can't believe we did it.
And I'm getting married, too.
I do!
Morning.
- Flynn!
God!
- What?
- Bathing suit, get one!
God, my eyes are burning!
- Who's that?
- Hm?
Oh, um, Michelle.
The phones are working
and the roads are clear.
- That's great!
I'll have Devon pull up the
limo with my luggage and my tux.
- Michelle's coming up, too.
- Well, that's wonderful.
We have a lot to do.
I mean, you might want
to procure yourself
some sort of formal
wear, don't you think?
- Flynn, um...
Don't you think we might be
rushing into things a little?
- Honey, look, I don't think
we're rushing into it at all.
I mean, when you're in love,
the pieces just seem
to fall into place.
(bright piano music)
This is so exciting!
- Perhaps you're right.
Uh, Michelle, I'm
gonna need my jewelry.
- Hey, Russ.
- For the bride.
- Oh, thank you.
Uh, excuse me, is there a
wedding photographer in town?
- The only one we have is Tiny.
- Okay, thank you.
Michelle, okay, listen,
I need you to call Sue.
Yeah, I know she's in Canada,
but I just need you to
break into her warehouse
and find me my favorite dress.
Okay?
Right.
- Oh, I can't wait,
these'll be great, right?
- You think so, huh?
- Well...
- I don't know
where it is, though.
I don't see it,
it's not in the bag.
- Okay, um, listen,
I want 'em over there
and I want 'em over there.
And I want you to make
sure they're straight.
Look, three hours, people!
(phone ringing)
I do this for a living.
Michelle.
Yeah, are you there?
Okay, listen...
- Is Mom okay?
- No, she's getting
married, honey.
Come on.
- Mm, mm-mm.
- Michelle!
Michelle!
Oh, the phones are down again!
- Honey, you need to
calm down and sit down.
- I can't, Mom,
I'm gonna explode.
- Mom, my necklace.
- Oh, come here,
honey, I'll help you.
Let me get that.
You know what?
I'm gonna be married
in two hours again.
And you know what I
said after Jessie.
Never again.
I just wanted something simple,
and you know, I just
don't know what I want.
- Mom, you're pulling my hair.
- I'm sorry.
You know what I used
to say to my clients?
You should never elope, because
then you're gonna miss out
on one of the most
memorable times of your life
with your family
and your friends.
- Ow, Mom...
- Honey, you have your
friends and your family here.
- I wanna stand up front.
- What?
- Yeah, I want him to
walk down the aisle to me.
- Uh.
- Ow!
- There, I got it, honey.
- Yeah, and you pulled
out half my hair!
- No, just a couple strands.
Where's my phone?
- Pre-nup's finished.
- Good.
- You should probably
have her sign it now.
- Ah, excuse me.
Could we have more champagne
for the bride, please?
- A lot of champagne,
it's a good pre-nup.
- Uh, Noelle, been
looking for you.
This is the photographer.
- Oh, it's about time.
Uh, listen, this is a
non-traditional wedding,
so I don't want you taking
pictures of empty pews.
I don't want anybody thinking
that nobody came to my wedding.
- Noelle.
- Hm?
- This man's name
is Tiny Williams.
He's the photographer
who took the photograph
of Jessie and Discrete.
- That was you?
- Noelle.
- Take it easy.
Look, I quit TVT right
after that photo.
What they did was wrong.
- You ruined our lives.
- Look, I know, but they
had me on a gag order.
The photo was a cheat.
- What do you mean, a cheat?
- The photo editor cropped
it, taking out Mike,
making it look like
they were alone.
- What?
- I'm so sorry.
When Discrete saw
me, she flipped out,
jumped all over him,
like she planned it.
Nothing really happened
between her and Jessie.
He left with Mike after
I took the photos.
You can see Mike.
I moved up here about six months
ago to get away from it all
and just take
pictures of weddings.
When I saw Jessie at
the bar last night,
I told Pastor Ed
and thought that maybe
I should do something.
- Noelle.
- Flynn's here and he's invited
a few people from the lodge.
And he brought a pre-nup.
- A pre-nup?
What, is he setting
us up to fail?
- No, it protects you, as well.
- Jessie never cheated.
- What?
- He never had an affair.
Look for yourself.
- Oh, my, Jessie was
telling the truth.
- Oh, finally a voice of reason.
- I didn't know.
- I just didn't wanna be wrong.
He humiliated Carrie and I.
I mean, he may not
have slept with her,
but still, you know--
- Uh, uh, Noelle.
- What?
- I'm gonna say something and
I want you to listen to me.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
And as much as it
pains me to say this,
we were wrong about Jessie.
But if you let
him slip away now,
simply because
you're embarrassed,
then I failed as a mother.
- Excuse me?
- I taught you better than that.
If Jessie walked out
of that hotel room
with his virtues intact, then
you need to stand by him.
- You'll have to leave the
country for a couple weeks
while I process your visa,
but they can't turn you down.
- Honeymoon, ha-ha!
How you doing, Father?
Good to see you.
Ah, Noelle, where's your dress?
- I won't need one.
- I'm sorry, what?
- I made a mistake.
- Ah, well, that's
okay, we can, you know,
we can wait for your dress.
- It's not about the dress.
- Uh, if this is about
the pre-nup, you know,
we can work it out.
- I'm in love.
- Well, that's perfect, then.
- It's not with you.
I never took you
for a runaway bride.
- I never had a reason to run.
- Noelle, I know you think
that I forgot about Christmas,
but that is the last day
I will ever forget about.
I'm not ready for our
life together to be over.
Happy anniversary.
- Happy anniversary.
- Oh, anniversary, come on!
Noelle, he cheated on
you with a pop star.
- He did not.
- No, he didn't.
Jessie, I'm so sorry I
didn't stand up for you
when I should have.
I wanted you to be perfect,
and it hurt me when I
thought you weren't.
But what hurts even more is
that I didn't trust you
when you were
telling me the truth.
- I'm sorry I didn't
fight for you.
- Do something.
- Okay, this isn't right!
I paid for this wedding!
Okay, I walked through a
damn blizzard to get here!
And I'm getting married today.
- This doesn't have to
do with your green card?
- Psst.
- I'm not sure what you're
talking about, young lady.
- The Lord said, "Don't lie."
- [Mike] She's right!
- Mike, what are you doing here?
- Had to come in and
make everything right.
And this guy, he's just getting
married to extend his visa.
Isn't that right, Ashley?
- I have no idea what
you're talking about.
- Okay, Flynn, the
cat's out of the bag.
- Mother, you knew?
- I'm sorry, honey.
He was gonna pay
off all your debts
and I thought it was really
in your best interest.
- This isn't right, it's, it's--
- Who's Ashley?
- His lawyer.
- His sister?
- He's an only child.
- Noelle, come on, marriage
is your business, right?
I help you, you help me.
- No, Flynn, it's
not about business.
It's about love.
And love is like a
good bottle of wine,
it only gets better with time.
Jessie,
will you remarry me?
- There's nothing in this
world that I would rather do
than be your husband again.
- Oh!
- This is so awesome!
- Michelle, 30 minutes.
- Well played, Jessie.
- It's not a game, Flynn.
- Well, actually you're
wrong there and you won.
- Flynn, if marriage
is a business,
then I have a proposal for you.
- [Noelle] Mother.
- He has a problem, and I'm
willing to lend him a hand.
- And just what
would that pertain?
- You marry me,
and you get your work permit.
- You know what?
Before this goes any further,
Flynn, I'd like to have a
little talk with you, okay?
First of all, I'll
never call you Dad.
- Fair enough.
- And secondly, we're not big
on cheating in this family,
so if you ever cheat--
- I get $2 million.
Okay?
- Deal.
- Ashley, or whatever your
name is, let's make a deal.
- [Mike] Ha-ha, all right.
- Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
on this very special day to
join this beautiful couple
and the business venture
in holy matrimony.
And thank you, Jesus, for giving
me back my perfect streak.
You know, Jesus said Christmas
is his favorite holiday.
(upbeat music)
(Gabe farts)
* Jingle bells, jingle bells
* Jingle all the way
* Oh, what fun it is to ride
* In a one-horse open sleigh
(glasses clinking)
(everyone cheering)
- I love you.
- I love you.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* They say that music
soothes the savage beast *
* Lord, it puts the
shuffle in my feet *
* Something happens
when I feel the groove *
* The beat is banging
and I need to move *
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* Lights are flashing
and I'm in the flow *
* Ignites the passion
flowing in my soul *
* Every time I hear
the snare drum roll *
* I hit the dance floor
and I lose control *
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
* The heat is hot
* Burning like a fire
* The heat is hot
* Dancing with desire
(upbeat music)
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
* But nothing that they're
saying is getting through *
* 'Cause I've got
a mind of my own *
* My heart is in control
* It's my life
* It's my love
* And it's you that
I've been thinking of *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* No one else can tell
me the way I feel *
* I can tell the difference
between fake and real *
* And when I close my eyes
* It's you that I
see in my mind *
* It's my life
* It's my love
* And it's you that
I've been thinking of *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* Everybody's telling
me what to do *
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young love
* Nobody understands
* My young love
* Nobody thinks it's real
* When it's young