Maxie (1985) - full transcript

When Nick and Jan move into their new apartment in San Francisco, the batty landlady upstairs tells them about a girl who used to live there in the 20's: a brash young party girl named Maxie, who died in a car crash the morning before her big audition for a Hollywood studio. The trouble is, Maxie, or rather her ghost, hasn't left the house. Worse, she can take over Jan's body. And the only way she's going to leave is if she gets that audition.

Ah no, it's 250 Kimball

Yes, they were promised delivery on Monday

and they haven't yet arrived.

Thank you, very much.

You still here?

Ah, I put your service on

in a few minutes

Um, your shirt should be ready tomorrow,

and Mother Superior insists that you

get back to her today.

Where's Monsignor Patio?

He went to the Diocesan

Luncheon, your Excellency.

Until 6 o'clock?

He had a Diocesan cocktail party after.

I entered his correspondence for the day

and it's on your desk.

Sign them for me.

Yes, your Excellency.

Good afternoon,

Bishop Campbell's Office.


Hi Father...Goodbye.

..You see Mrs. Chainey, I've just

been a priest for a little over a year now,

I love my work Father,

I know the Bishop can be

difficult at times,

but when you think of all

the good work he's done...

Then I just don't understand why

he won't let me learn how to

work a word-processor.

Do you?

I'm mean isn't this like I just need a change?

Is that wrong?

Well, I guess he has his reasons.

Alright, everyone, closing time.

Mr. Chu?

Mr. Chu?

Can you hear me?

It's 6 o'clock.

Enough of those for one day.

If you want a ride home,

Almost finished...

Maybe tomorrow.

You've been saying 'Maybe tomorrow'

for almost 2 years.

And one 'tomorrow' I'm gonna be right.


Did you ask him about

the word-processing class?

Honey, do you know where Al's bowl is?

Catch it.

Good Boy!

ah, I'll just use a dish.

And, I did ask.

I'm proud of you.

Don't be. He said no.

The Bishop won't let you
take the course? Why

He can't afford to let me go

for two weeks. It's not his fault.

Well don't let him make
you feel bad., Honey?

Never mind that you run the whole

Archdiocese practically by yourself.

-And never mind that you only ask for...
-Thanks, Nick.,,

That makes me feel a lot better.

You're welcome.


Dinner tonight..

Sky's the limit.
I'll cook, whatever you want.

Why don't we just order in?

Better yet, Then we can get
started peeling the wallpaper

What goes good with wallpaper?


Alright, I love Chinese.

Then again Mrs. Lavin says

She's sometimes takes her exercise classes

to a great pizza place around the corner.

Wonderful. Done. It's great I'm Starving.

Then again Chinese is a little easier.

What do you think?

-Either one
-No, you choose.

You're pick.


Yeah, Chinese...Definately.

First preview of layer five.
Where would you place it?

Early 30's?

We're gonna be in our early 70's

by the time we finish this.

Nicky, we should have
had a professional do it.


And let them destroy this wonderful moment?

Oh, that is ugly, huh?

Let's sneak a peek at the next layer.

No peeks.

It's like a box of candy

You can't just dive down to the
bottom layer to see what's there.

It's past my bedtime.

So I'm gonna go upstairs

and attempt to somehow fall asleep.

Ok, well see Al out
before you go up will ya?

-He's getting kind of messy.
-Come on Boy.

Come on.

Okay, okay.

[music playing]

[distant woman's voice]



Come in here and look at this!

Honey, come on it's time to go to bed.

Look at this.


Lipstick I think.

A will.

A will on the wall,

undiscovered for 60 years.


Gimme that.

'Maxie Malone'

I wonder who he was?

Some kid who stole his mother's

lipstick and wrote on the wall.

Let's leave it up for a while.

It's like antique graffiti.

'Read it and weep'

What could that mean?

MRS. LAVIN: You hoo.

Mrs. Lavin.

-More food.
-Please come in Mrs. Lavin!

You radiate such a lovely aura Dear.

[giggles] Thank you.

Don't she Jonathan?

Is Jonathan your husband?

Not for about 47 years.

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know.

Oh that's okay,

He was dead a couple years

before he knew it.

-Thanks for the goodies

Leftovers from my exercise class.

It's the only way I can get them to move.

Give 'em a Ding Dong,

Make 'em feel guilty for eating it.

Then you should see those ladies


Oh my.

Are you alright?

Here why don't you sit down.

Do you understand what it means?

I can remember this,

like it was yesterday.

Like it was 5 minutes ago.

-Jan, she know him.

Her was no him. That was a

'her' with a capital 'H'

'Maxine Malone'

After all these years.

Why did she write 'read it and weep'?

We were a team,

I was 'Trudy Lisko,

The Toast of Frisco'

and she was simply

known all over town,

as 'Maxie'

We had a song and dance act

over at the old 'Alcazar Theater'

How did she die?


No, no. It's good...'s good to remember.

She took a break from the act...

to do a bit part

in a silent picture

'Flapper Melodies'

She was only in this one big part scene

but she was such a

Hum Dinger

They gave her a line.

Did she die when she was making the movie?

ah, no, no, no...

the picture wasn't even out

D.W. Griffith

decided to screen test her

for a starring role

Maxie knew she was going to get it

and the very night she
was leaving for Hollywood,

She threw a hell of a party

got real...

Tanked up...

wrote that on the wall...

Then she drove down the Coast

Highway...Headed right

into a tree, never even knew

what hit her.

Premonition...It had to be.

Poor Maxie,

never even got to see the one

movie she was in.

Oh, Mrs. Lavin,

we didn't mean to bring
up any sad memories.

Oh, no.

not at all

Oh I contact Maxie

All the time.

She'll be thrilled

such a nice young
couple has her apartment...

uncovered her wall...

Maybe I'll go upstairs,

and summon her spirit right now.

I won't be able to reach Mr. Lavin

it's passed his bedtime.


our landlady talks to spirits.


It's a sad story though.

-Mrs. Lavin?
-No the wall.

Whoo..The whole
thing gives me the creeps.


This is the last vestige of Maxie Malone.

You're not gonna get
one of your things about her...

-Are you?
-Of course not, she's been dead for ages

Sombody should tell Mrs. Lavin that.


I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, Honey.

Goodnight, I'll clean up a little first.

See ya tomorrow, Father. Bye.

Guess what i have behind my back?

[Jan panting]

Two round trip tickets to Mexico?

Silent film classics from the 20's

I rented it. Maxie's movie.

That was going to be my second guess.

Oh I'm so sorry you
have a rash, your Excellency

...Yeah, I specifically said 'No starch.'

Come on.

Yes. Goodnight, your Excellency.

Just a little bit of baby powder.

Alright, goodnight.

I know, I know.

...but who else can he call?

I'll sit down and open another bottle.

-Yell if the party scene comes on.

Did yoiu like that?

Was this good?

Roll over...come on.


Roll over...Roll over.

-Good Boy.

-I think this is it.

Which one do you think she is?

That's her, Jan


-So short.
-Mrs.Lavin was right, though...Huh?

-She had something.
-Oh, so have I.

-Great night.
-Two baked potatoes...

-Big eyes, huh?
-bottle of wine...Nicky

I'm gonna have to go to sleep,

before I pass out.

Good night, Honey.

Well, Maxie Malone, you were something.

You really were.

VOICE: Nuts I missed it.

-What Hun?
-Look mister...

I about killed myself getting back here.

How's about turning it up again, would ya?

Just my reel, I don't give a
hoot about the rest of the picture.

You hear something Al?

I wanna see my picture, Fella.

Come on, please.

Okay...I'll play.


My who?

Me...Maxie Malone.


What are you standing
there for? Huh, Honey?

The wine.

Something in the wine. I knew
I shouldn't have bought domestic.

You're starting to get on my nerves.

I'm here, you're awake

and I wanna see my picture.

You're not here.

If you were here, I could see you.

and I can't...

so this whole thing is really a little absurd.

-and I'm just gonna head...
-If you'll stop yammering...

I'll give it a shot. It takes a lot of juice.

Oh God.


Where's the projector?



Aren't we past that point yet?



it's still Maxie.

But if calling me 'Jan Honey'
will get you to put my movie on



My wife.

Oh, good for you.

Now, be a pal, put my movie on.

It's a tape.


A va...a video tape.


What's this thing my movie's playing on?

A television set.

Smallest movie screen I ever saw.

I was good!

Wasn't I?

Just like everybody said.

Well...Hell, at least I saw my picture.


You're going away?

I'm getting my mind back.

It ain't you.

It's me.

No, it's definitely me.

No, I don't have enough..ah

whatever it is to stick around.


Cute and bright.

Look, ah...Sport...ah

Gimme a drink, will ya?

What's the point in me giving you a drink?

because you do not exist...

except in my mind.

Which I have now lost completely.

Come on, just one little shot.

Come on, be a pal.


Still have been alive.

These things happen all the time...

You read about it in the papers.

I realize they don't normally
happen to people like me.

Then you tell me , huh?
What's 'normal', who's 'normal'.

What I saw was a phenomenon.

Now it is gone and that
is normal phenomenon.

So, you kiss your wife you go to sleep.

and you chalk it all up to experience.

Jan get up!

Jan, I had a profound experience tonight.

I gotta tell you something...

Please, please, please.

Do you think I'm capable
of a psychotic episode?

You won't believe what happened.

This isn't like the time we thought
we saw moving lights in the sky.

Jan it spoke to me,
I gave her a glass of wine.

What I think I saw has major implications.

Honey, Honey..Please, please.

My imagination, it's running wild.

Okay...Listen to me.



I know...I'm calming down

I am. I'm calming down. Listen...

...that feels good

It does. It feels good.

it's helping calm me down...

sort of...

Please...listen to me...Jan?

Honey, I know you're
not taking this seriously.

Could you do that a little to the left?


That's how it should...

God, I shouldn't be
taking this seriously either.

Oh yeah...that's a new one...

Do it some more.

Honey...I think I had...

I think I had a profound experience.


I think...



[Jan snoring]

-Wake up
-Nicky, come on

No. Not when I'm asleep.

I know...

I can deal with this. I'm fine.


Saw a ghost.

I'd never take you for a movie buff

Mr. Chaney

-You are full of surprises.
-Thank you.

Miss Sheffer, I've been
meaning to talk to you

A book scout came in with incunabula

which I think would fit
into our special collection...

Mr Chaney, can we
talk about business later?

First of all,

I think it's important that we
get to know each other as people.

May I call you Nick?

Of course.

Call me Ophelia.

I see by your finger, that you're married.

-Eight years.

Not yet,

We're considering one
as soon as our budget allows

Have you had a chance to
read my Mylar cover proposal?

You have wonderful eyes, Nick.

You...should open them.

..assuming they're one page documents,

They're non-reactive.

Let's not pretend, Nick.

Most women avoid married men.

I improve them.


I really have to go.

Oh well let him mind.
I don't mind do you?


You are coming to the
Library Companion's fund raiser

-aren't you?

We'll be there.

My wife and I.

Oh good. I'm looking forward
to meeting the lucky woman.

Me too.

ah...I mean...ah...

Sorry, excuse me.

I don't know what
possessed me to buy it.

[sighs] Honey, it really isn't me.

You should know
what happened last night

I should have known you'd hate it.

Oh I do.

I..I mean I don't...

It's just might be a little...

bright for old San Francisco money.

Turn the car around.

I couldn't tell you this, this morning.

-I'll change, my blue suit...
-Jan, this isn't gonna be easy.

It's about Maxie Malone.

After we watched the movie...

and you went to bed.

You might have some slight difficulty

believing this.

Well, I believe you.

I mean...I...I
believe that you believe it.

But, I don't believe it.

Oh Honey, I mean we really not drinkers.

Are we?

-I mean don't you think that
makes a little more sense?
-I don't know what to think.

What's the matter?

You look great.

Good evening Folks.

Each ticket is good for any drink

from a Coke to a Martini.

The more you buy
The more we help the library.

-How many, Sir?

-Four? That'll be $20

Make it...ah...two.


-Thank you.
-Thank you very much.

Couple tickets.

Come on. You look terriffic, okay.

-You know I think we
should go easy on the drinking

Considering last night.

What's your pleasure?

Oh..a...white wine spritzer will be fine.

Club soda with lime, please.

Well will you look at all that Hooch.

Make mine a 'Bronx Cocktail', neat.

A 'Bronx Cocktail' eh...

That takes me back a few years lady.

What on Earth is a 'Bronx Cocktail'?

Stick with me Kiddo, you'll find out.

Jeeze, what a crowd.

Looks like a convension of blind dates.


Put something in there that'd make
a girl dance the hoochie couchie

-Would ya handsome?

Jan, if you think you're being funny

You're not.

Whoooo! Ah!

Thanks, Babykins,
now were cooking with gas.

How did a Bearcat like you get

get mixed up with a bunch of...

Only half of each couple

has to be stuffy,
I showed my half at the door.

What's eating him?




This is the real thing!

Stright out of the bathtub!

Barkeep, do it again.

Listen, there's something

I want to explain to you.

The other day in the stacks...

I didn't want you to
get the wrong impression.

I didn't want you to think that
I was just fooling around with you.

I was very serious.


I wish they'd play something I knew.

Now, where did my Sheik go?

Ah ha!

Where there's dancing, there's floozies.

...-in the parking lot.
-Go pedal it elsewhere Lady.

The goods look
damaged, my man ain't buying.

I beg you pardon?

Consider yourself
pardoned, now take a hike.


I said scram, hit the bricks, take a powder.

Uh, this is my wife, Jan.

Jan, this is Miss Sheffer, my new boss

Only during working hours.

Now a Boss Lady,
would you take your arm off him?

or should I just take your arm off, period.

Why Nick, your wife is charming.

...In a very primitive way.

-Stop it. This is embarrassing.
-Eaze off Boss Lady.

Mrs. Chaney, for your information,

This party is part of Nick's job.

Come on Nicky, there's some people

I want you to meet.


Miss Sheffer, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh...I hate to waste such good hooch.

Have one on you?

Don't mind if I do.


Oh Nicky, Darling,
I need another ticket.

My glass seems to be empty.

You're crazy.

She could fire me.

Ophelia! Ophelia! Please!

Please! Please! My wife's not a drinker.

She didn't know what she's doing.
She isn't herself tonight.

I have never been
so humiliated in all my life.

I will keep you on at the
Library on two conditions, Mr. Chaney

First of all that woman is
gone by the time I get back.

Second...Make this up to me.

I'll...I'll pay for the dry cleaning.

[scoffs] Keep thinking.

[car peels out]


[piano playing: 'Bye, Bye Blackbird']

♫ Pack up... ♪

♪ all my care and woe ♪

♪ Here I go, singing low ♪

♪ Bye bye ♪

♪ blackbird ♪

♪ Where somebody waits for me ♪

♪ Sugar's sweet, so is he ♪

♪ Bye bye... ♪

♪ blackbird ♪

♪ No one here can love ♪

♪ and understand me ♪

♪ Oh, what hard luck stories ♪

♪ they all hand me ♪

♪ Pack up all my care and woe ♪

♪ Here I go, singing low ♪

♪ -Bye bye ♪
♪ -Blackbird ♪

♪ Where somebody waits for me ♪

♪ Sugar's sweet, so is he ♪

♪ -Bye bye ♪
♪ -Blackbird ♪

♪ No one here can love and understand me ♪

♪ Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me ♪


♪ Make the bed, light the light ♪

♪ I'll arrive late tonight ♪

♪ blackbird ♪

♪ blackbird ♪

♪ blackbird ♪

♪ See ya later ♫

Catch, Nick!



JAN: Goodbye.

Collect my prize...Gin


You're the cat's pajamas.

-And you're the bee's knees.
-And I'm in deep shit.

Would you be so kind as to
explain your behavior this evening

And, don't you think
you've had more than enough?

I'm talking to you.

Jan, answer me.

Ain't ya caught on yet?


In the flesh, Lover.


What have you don with you?

I...I...I mean what have you
done with the other you, my wife?

-She'll be back
-Where is she?

Somewhere safe.

Relax...kick off your shoes

-let's have some fun.
-It's not happening.

-Here have a belt.
-I don't want belt

I want Jan. Right here, right now.

Have little drink and maybe I'll let her back in.

Alright, one drink.

Just one.

I'm serious, Miss Malone.



[Jan laughing]


I got it.

-I got it.

I got it.

Watch your back.



-Say that again!
-Say it yourself!

Alright I will



NICK: Hey!

Oh Nicky...ya know...

Everything looks...
looks so much...

bigger, brighter than I remember.

Ya know, we hear rumors up there, but... know
how people exaggerate.

-Well here's to you

I have an important question to ask you.

It's very important.

The other night, after the movie...

after your movie...

the bedroom...

was it you?

It was nice, wasn't it?

At least 'til 'ol Jean...



It was more than nice,

until she showed up and scotched it.

Jan. She doesn't
know you're here, does she?

Nope. I's just that after a while

I can't hold on, or whatever...

and she kind of pops back in.

But I'm hanging on now, Nicky.


-Why not?
-Because I don't want
to be unfaithful to my wife.

Why am I telling you this at all?

Here I am looking at my whife's face...

my wife's body and I'm telling you

I don't want to be
unfaithful to you with you.

This is nuts.

Look at me, Nicky.

I mean really look at me.


I don't really look like her at all

do I?

♪ La, la la... ♪

♪ La, la la... ♪

♪ sugar's sweet ♪

♪ so is he...♪

♪ Bye bye... ♪


Do you realize that underneath these clothes

there's a totally naked girl?

This has to be a dream, right?

Yeah...if it makes you feel any better,

then sure...this is one hot dream.

Ok folkes, that's it.

Party's over.

-That's it.
-Says you.

Hi there officer, good evening.

Why don't you two come with me.

Someone's always scotching the party.

She's a comedian [chuckles]

We ah...tonight's our anniversary and...

thought that we'd just
retrace everything that we did

we...eight years ago
we came to the park and

we stopped here, and we just thought

-Honey, I don't feel so good.
-We'd do the whole thing again...

I gotta get home anyway
because the kids are asleep and...


-You alright there?

I'll pay for your pants...

I'll give you a couple bucks...I mean I'll

I'll give you five bucks,
it'll wash out.

Don't worry.

-You wanna ravish me

It's daylight sweetheart.

Oh God.


I have a hangover.

So here we have coffee,

tomato juice, worcestershire sauce,

Raw egg, and aspirins.

Something's got to work.

But I only had a white wine spritzer.

Well I guess go easy on the spritz.

Did I sing?

Very well...Aspirin?

And throw up?

Uh huh.

Did I talk to a police officer?

Honey, yeah...
That's who you threw up on.



All these things you're
talking about, okay, last night.

Um, ya know, you gotta understand, Jan.

That it wasn't you.

-Let me start at the begining.
-I know all about it.

-Oh dammit, it's you

-What the damn.
-Big diff, all the diff in the world.

-That was a dirty trick.
-You want me buddy,

-and don't say you don't.
-No I don't.


Come on, no please! No, don't!

Stop it! Come on!


How's about doing it in the closet?

-Some fun, huh?
-Cut it out! Cut it out!

[Maxie giggling]

Nick: -Don't no.
Maxie: -Oh.

Maxie: -What's this? [giggling]
Nick: -Will you cut it out?!


Hey come on!

Come on!

You're acting like a maniac. Stop it!

It's not funny, I'm not kidding.

[Maxie giggling]

Stop it. Go away, will ya.

Please, please.

Okay, okay. That's enough.

Tonight I'm angry

and I have purpose.

I can resist any woman from

Eve to Greta Garbo

I'm in complete control.

[piano music playing]

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Don't carry on so.

Hey, it's good to be back.

Whoa, to make love again,

I've forgotten.

Well then remember
with someone else, dammit.

I would if I could, but I can't.

Don't you see, it my house.
It's where I belong.

So it's gotta be Jane...June...

Jean or whatever the hell her name is.

Think I like it?
You got another think coming.

Thing, thing coming...thing coming.

Oh whatever.

Look at this hair!

Dull as dishwater. What a bum color.

Pathetic eyebrows...

and who needs these arms.

Not bad legs.

Though mine were better.

You happen to be
talking about my wife

I'll drop the subject
like a shot, believe me.

Wait a minute.
Where are you going?

Hear that music?
It's calling my name.

Hold it! Hold it!
Maxie! Maxie!

-That's not a party!
-It will be when I get there.

Mrs Lavin: Lift 'em up...lift 'em up.

There ya go.

Now, suppose two fellas
coming down the street

what would you do?

Put on a big smile!
Stick 'em out, stick 'em out.

Oh swell.


Yeah, that's it.

Hey! Hiya, Nick!

Come on in. The water's fine.

How about you?

Me? No thanks Mrs. Lavin,
I couldn't keep up.

Jan you're looking...Oh!

Oh Nicky! That outfit. God.


Maxie: You ain't seen nothing yet.

Why don't we do another one?
What do ya say?

Jan, why don't we go downstairs?

-To talk.

That what I figured.

Hey, I gotta better idea.

Let's go, pile into Nicky's Rag-top

Hit the train depot,

go see what big shots
are heading down to L.A.


The 'Hollywood Special'
stopped running

years before you were born.

Really? Okay, I got it!

We can catch the
early show at the 'Alcazar'.

Honey, they stopped doing shows

at the 'Alcazar'

two years after Maxie and me

stopped working there.

Alice, you saw Maxie and me
at the old 'Alcazar'...

were we something?
Or were we something?

They don't have teams anymore now.

No more teams.

But never mind kiddo, we were great.

You were great!

Trudy, you and Maxie were really good.

What's she talking about?


That's Trudy.

Go on.

Trudy is just a kid.
I mean, she's younger than...

What happened to her, Nicky?

She got old, Maxie.

If you don't get old,
it means you died young.

Trudy: Oh!

That was quite a class.

Sit down, take a load off.


Let me look at you.

look at me?

Why? Is there something


You look wonderful.


You wouldn't happen to have the music

to the old 'Boston Creampie' would ya?

[Mrs. Lavin: laughing]

I haven't had that request in years.

How come you know
all this stuff about the old days?

Ah, just a hobby.

I was wild about this tune

Maxie and me

we used to do a number to it.

Every time we did it,

it brought down the house.

You probably don't
remember any of it, do ya?

Like it was yesterday.

Hiya Trudy.

Read it and weep.



I hate to leave you both like this

But ah...
I guess it's time I take a powder.

You know, I..I just don't
belong here anymore.

I'm sorry if you didn't have much fun.

Oh to be absolutely honest
I haven't had so much fun in years.

Well, ah...

so long Sheik.
Thanks for everything.

It was a real gas.


Honey, I feel like I'm...


Jan: It wasn't me.

I mean it wasn't me
It couldn't have been me.

I...I wouldn't do anything like this.

Drink, dance,

get drunk,
make o fool out of myself.

It was her.


She was in my body.

Honey, I told her to leave.

Maxie Malone

Was in my body,
and you slept with her.

No...not really.

I...I...I mean it was you.

Alright, it was her.

-I am a woman,

Not a flop house.

People don't just
check-in and check-out

whenever they feel like it.

You're having an affair.

No...come on.

Once...once is not an 'affair'

It was Maxie Malone
in our bed that night.

-we saw her damn movie.
-I didn't know that.

And you passed out and nothing happened.

That was half a time,
and then on the merry-go-round.

I thought that was you,
and the officer came.

You thought that was me?

doing you know what
on a merry-go-round at 4AM

in the morning?
That's another half a time,

and then today.

That's two whole times.

Do you want a divorce?

What for?

To marry Maxie Malone?

[Jan weeping]

-Ah, come on

I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry.

She's gone. She won't be back.

I don't believe you.

-Trust me.

No, she'll come back.

if we start...

You know, if we start,
she's gonna come back.

We'll give it a few days,
and then you'll see that I'm right.

Leave it on, I'm scared.

-Don't!...Touch me.

Want another pillow?


Good shot, your Ex...
good shot!

I think we'll call that 70 yards, Sir!


Alright, wait one sec!

Girls you be very careful

He's gonna ht another one,
just any second now.

Okay, your Excellency, it's all clear

I got a problem.

-Bishop Campbell
-Yes Jan?

Do you believe in possession?

Dlaczego nie?

That means 'why not' in Polish.

I'm taking lessons.

I'm spending my vacation
in Rome this summer.

Your Excellency, I'm being possessed.

Or..or at least I was yesterday

I just had to talk to somebody about it.

Oh now, possession
is a very shadowy area.

Jan, ah...It's very hard to prove.

Even specialists go to great lengths
to collect evidence. Real evidence.

You can't just walk up to the church

and say 'I'm being possessed by the Devil'.

I'm not.

I was possessed by Maxie Malone.

A movie actress that died in 1927

She used to live in our new apartment

but she hit a tree, and Nick and
I watched one of her old movies

and then she possessed me.

and made me do terrible tihings.

What kind of terrible things?


I got drunk...

and I sang at a party...

and I...

made out with my husband...

and I uh...

told awful jokes,

and I went on a joy ride.

Oh, Jan.


That's not known as possession...

That's known as living.

Now let me know if she
makes your head spin round,

and you start throwing up pea soup


I guess if you came to me with the same story

I wouldn't believe you either.

Now, you be a good girl
and take a half-hour

and lie down in the outside office

and you'll feel better.

Much better, huh?

Come on now.
There's the good girl.

That's it...alright.



Hi there!

Is she still okay?

Fine...fine, Mrs. Lavin, fine.

And Maxie?

Five days, no sign of her.


Nick, I've been thinking about it

You were tricked. You didn't know.

It's not your fault, not really.

Thank you.

You did like her though.

Well, she was selfish,

and childish, and exhausting.

But fun.

I gotta admit she was fun.

She wasn't you though.


We can not go on indeffinately like this.

Now let's go upstairs.

I'm cooking

-If you would rather not.

No, meet me upstairs.

[Al whines]

You stay.

Jan: Was that as good as Maxie?

Nick: There's no comparison.

Oh Nick.

Where were you born?

-Where were you born!

-Kankakee, Illinois
-What's your mother's maiden name?

-What's your Social security number?


I love you.

Mrs. Chaney.

Mrs. Chaney?

Oh...hello, father.

Do you have a minute?
I need to talk to you.


Can you imagine what it's like

to have two personalities inside you?


One is normal,

-wholesome and has values
-And the other?

The other...

Has these incredible forbidden desires.

-So he told you?

-About the possession.

-His Excellency.
-His Excellency?

-How did he find out?
-Because I told him.

You've known all along?

Well actually he said it wasn't possession

at all. He told me it was simply


He did?

He did.

But Mrs. Chaney

It's getting worse.

I mean, now...

when I confiscate

the girly magazines from the boys at school,

before I burn them,

I look at the center folds.

I can't even look at staples
without having impure thoughts.

That's why a young piece of talent like you

otta be out there living it up.

Ya know, Friar Tuck

if you dress up you'd be a cute little guy.

That's very kind,

Mrs. Chaney.

But I know in my heart,
I'm just not made for women.

Why the heck not?

You got all your parts working, don't you?


-I get it!
-You know this dress

don't mean you're out of the running.

This is...wonderful.

You should be out on the
town, having a great time of things.

Don't stop. Keep going!

Nothings happening!

You're still a man's man, ain't ya.

Yes, but I'm a man of God first!

-Jan, have you made an appointment for me?
-Thank you, your Excellency! Thank you!

Thank you! By using Mrs. Chaney

as your vessel, I have been cured.

You're so wise and so, Wonderful.

Thank you!

And, thank you, Mrs. Chaney.

Thank you.

I will always appreciate
what you've done for me.

I have to go. I have to
fill out some insurance forms.

Funny guy.

Reminds me of Fatty Arbuckle.


He's a nice lad, but

these adolescent obsessions of his...

Nothing wrong with a good obsession, Bish.

And not to change the
subject, your Goodness,

but...ah, I need a leave of absence.

We can start with a couple of weeks.

Jan, I thought i said

this was not a good time.

Now this discussion is as

they say in polish 'koniec'.


This discussion, as they say in English,

is just startin'.

It may not be a good time for you...
But it's a swell time for me.

Now, if you don't like it, you can, can me.

Oh, Jan...this isn't like you.

are you feeling alright?

Sure, I'm hittin' on all sixes.

hittin' on all sixes., huh?

My, how colorful.

Say, ah...Jan...

Who's ah...
Who's your favorite movie star?

Rudy Valentine. What's it to ya?

oh, just inquiring.

Do you remember the year that

World War II ended?

We had a second one?

Oh indeed. It was in all the papers.

Not that, that would mean anything to you

would it,

Miss 1920's flapper!


Ah! Ah!

Get thee behind me Satan!

Ahhh! Ahh!

Mother Theresa

and you won $43 from

Rabbi Disenbaum
in a poker game last week.

Jan...Jan is that you?

Oh, God.
She was here, wasn't she?

She came back...Oh God!


It's alright my child.
I never should have doubted you.

She's gone...She's gone.

Everything's gonna be fine now.

See..She's gone.

Please stop crying.

Just sit there.
Sit there rest and relax.

for a while...and I'll...ah...

I'll get you an aspirin,
and everything's going to be fine.

Fine...just, just fine.



Get me the Exorcist from San Bernardino.

The Exorcist from San Bernardino?

Bishop: And if he's not there

get the one from Beverly Hills.

[phone buzzing]

Rare books.

Jan: Nicky, Maxie's back.

I think the Bishop's planning

something in the next room.

Meet me in front of the pizza place.
I'll be there as soon as I can.

Mr Chaney?...Nick!

Where are you running off to?

-My wife needs help.
-Oh, you can say that again.

Never the less,

we have a staff meeting in 10 minutes.

It'll have to go on without me.

Perhaps we can all go on
without you, permanently.

You don't understand.

-My wife isn't...

I have had as much as I can understand

of you and your wife.
If you walk out that door

-now you're fired.

Go a head, fire me.

Fire me.

I'm not a towel boy in a country club.

I'm an expert in rare books.
I'm a professional

I'm paid to service the public's needs,

not yours.

All done. All finished!

No kidding.


Honey, I got here as fast as I could.

Look, I'm gonna take care of this.

If we have to stay locked
in a room for a month

until she shows up.
And when she does...

We'll make her wish she was dead.

Or have a good time trying.
Right, Sheik?

Ahhh! Where's my wife?!

Listen, Dude. The paper is $1.50

You heard him.
Pay the man for the paper

-then get out of my way.
-I'm warning you Maxie,

I don't wanna have to resort to force.

Well, one of us has to.

Nick: Sorry.

Nick: You have a flat! It has a flat!

You hit that break!

You stop that car. Please stop my car!


[foreign language film playing]


Patron: Hey Lady, sit down.

Patron: Sit down!

Patron: You step on my foot, you stupid!

You never told me they were in color.

-You hit me.
-Self defense

Leave me alone. Let me watch.

Usher: Tickets are five dollar!

Maxie: Five dollars?!

Nick: I paid for your newspaper.
I'm not paying for your movie.

Usher: Five dollar, five dollar...ten dollar

Nick: Just a second, please.

Usher: I only do my job!

I know you have your problems...

I know you have your desires...

Fine! I have mine...

so does Jan. Remember Jan?

Nice woman. The woman I love.

Not that I expect you to
care too much about her.

All I want to know,
is why you've decided

to come back. And then,

-I'm gonna kill ya.
-You can't kill me, I'm dead.

The best thing you could do
is kill your wife's body

Which ain't a bad idea.
It does run real fast though.

I got to give her that.

Well if you don't like it,

Then get the hell out of it
and leave us alone.

look, I'm not putting her down.

-She's fairly good.
-Fairly good?

But not as good as Maxie?

You said it Brother,
no comparison at all.

You were there.

Not there exactly.

More like...eavesdropping.

It was a slow night.

You were jealous.

You came back
to get Jan in trouble

because you were jealous.

I'll be damned.

Maybe I was just a little bit jealous,

that's why I came back.

But, it ain't why I'm staying.

All bets are off.

I was meant to have a career.

A great big fat one.

That's how it was supposed to happen.

And that's how it's gonna happen.

In color and sound.

On a great big screen.

Nick: The curtains.

I'll kill her.

Oh boy.

I just got lucky.

Oh and don't get hot under the collar,

I'll pay you back for all the supplies

-as soon as I get paid for my part.
-What part?

What do you think you're doing?

Remember all those Dames
struggling after some audition?

Well, I came home,

spruced up, went back and got in the line.

Then all we had to do was the Charleston.

It went from 50 girls, down
to 10 girls, down to one girl, me.

It's just a one day gig,

but I think it's a real big show

They got a Cowboy to train me

and the director
seems like a real hot shot.

Anyway, I gotta get my beauty rest

so I can do the best I can
with the goods I'm stuck with.

Wait! Wait! Whoa!

What makes you think
Jan's gonna allow this?

You're gonna talk her into it.

I'm gonna strip and hit the sack.

-You wanna watch?
-Dammit, don't do that to me.


Maxie, be reasonable.

How am I going to talk Jan into this?

It's one day.
One day out of her whole life.

Than I'll scram for real. I promise.

She'll have to take the days off.

That is, if not not both unemployed.

And, she probably won't
like what you've done to her hair.

Not to mention the fact, that
she's never been particularly fond of you.

You're a bright boy,
you'll think of something.

I know I made a mess of things.

And I know you've been wonderful to me...

and I shouldn't...

but I'm asking for a gift.

It's not so bad.
The being dead part,

but it happens to everyone.

But to be cut off

like I was

they keep saying...

I'm so special,
that I could've made it, but...

I don't really know for sure.


help me prove this one thing to myself.

One more day?


I will try...

and that is all that I can promise.



I'll leave you two alone now.

Oh it's a 6AM call so
don't let her stay up much later.

I need her sleep.


Ah! She's back. What happened?

She ran away from me...

and we saw a movie, but
we didn't do anything I swear.

She's never gonna leave, is she?!

She wants a favor from you.

If you say 'yes', it's a day and
she promises not to come back.

Wait let me guess.
A day in the sack with you?

One more day.

To do a part...

that she got herself in a movie.

She almost got me fired!

Do you know how that makes me feel?!

If you're saying you
don't exactly owe her a favor,

- I'll tell her your decision...
-Ahhh! no.

She really had a big day, didn't she?

I wasn't around when she did that.


I can't be able to go
to work looking like this.


I've got to make sure when I go to work,

that the Bishop doesn't try to exorcise me.


I have to take the day off.

Ah, ya better wait 'til you
decide before you do that.

She has a 6AM call.



One day and it's over?

-She swore?
-She swore.

She swore?

She swore.


Ok...I'll do it.

-Are you sure?

I'll give her, her chance,
and be done with it.

I forgot to mention one little thing.

She got me fired.

In that case, we get
the money from the movie.

Alright, bring it right on over here.

Producer: Miss Malone how are you?

Very well, thank you.

We want to show you
right away your dressing room

I'll see you're very comfortable

We're gonna get..ah...
It's right over here, my dear..

We're gonna get make-up and
hair here as soon as possible.



-Chief, I've gotta talk to you. Listen,

-We got a problem, we've got a problem
-Davis this is Miss Malone, Miss Malone, this is Davis

Hi, how are ya? Nice to meet you.

Listen, the guy's agent called me.

we do not have a leading man.

Wait, wait. What are you talking about?
The guy's gonna be delayed here?

No, no...we don't have him. He's not coming.

He ain't gonna be here.

Well, what in the hell am I
supposed to do about that?

I mean, what's the...

We have one choice,
pull the plug we come back tomorrow.

I don't know what else to tell ya.

You can't!
I..I mean

That would be terrible.

What does this guy have to do?

He just has to ride a stupid horse.
And look like a stupid hero.

Now, Lady...

like I said this is very simple.

All you have to do is lay on the tracks.

-Tied up?
-Exactly. Now,

on cue, that locomotive

is gonna start coming in your direction.

-Should I scream?
-As loud as possible. Now,

as the locomotive is
getting very, very close to you...

Nicky rides up on his big, black horse,

unties me and saves the day.

-I love it.


Dave, let's get her down on those tracks.
Let's get this right the first time.

Then we can all go to lunch. Alright?

Come here!

Now all you did wrong was

Don't let the baby do...

let him move, just once we ask you.


Hold him! Hold him!
Please! Please!

It's okay...

Now get these ranes,

-That's the barkes and the steering wheel.

Here ya go.

Stop for a second.
Please wait!

Okay, Dave. Cue the train.

Action, Train. Come in Train.


Help please! Please help me!

--Can you stop him! Stop him!
-Help me please!

No, no, no.
You get over on the tracks.

Turn him around.

Where ya goin'?

Turn him around.
Turn him around, come on

That's right...Come on now.

Oh my God!


What's the Hell's the matter with you?

Stop! Do something!

Al, help!

Come on boy!
Come on boy!

Come on!
Come on!

Keep rolling on this.
Keep...You getting this?



[Lone Ranger theme playing]

[Announcer: When life's
little tensions make you wet...]

A woman's best friend

is 'No Sweat'

Great stuff, huh?

I tell you when the
studio's get a look at this,

They're gonna beg me
to direct features for 'em.

-Dave, let do it. Come on.

What is it?

Uh...It's a deodorant commercial.

I could've killed myself,
for a God damned deodorant commercial.

-Starring, my dog.
-You mean it's not a picture?

It's for television.

It's an advertisement.

That's all it is?

Something for that tiny, little screen?

To sell something to make you not...


Come on.

Hey, I'll tell you what...

You borrow one of my suits,

You go on a couple of job interviews,

I'll hang around and bark at the Mailman.

[phone ringing]

You expecting anyone?

I'll get it this time.
You get it the next.

[ringing continues]

Jan: ...You're welcome.

Good morning.
Bishop Campbell's office.

-We have to talk.
-Uh, one moment please.

-What are you doing here?
-Let's go to lunch.

I can't, I just took to days off.

The Bishop still looks like he
wants to burn me at the steak.

-You're normal again.
-Nicky, I can't.


Oh yes Mrs. Cooper,
I gave the Bishop your message.

Taking a half hour for lunch.

-Good idea take an hour.

-hour and a half.
-Talk to you again later. Alright.


It wasn't so hard, was it?

Your purse.

They want her to test

for the starring role, in the remake

of 'Cleopatra'. The day after tomorrow

in Hollywood.


They want 'Her', You.

to test for the starring role

in the re-make of 'Cleopatra'

the day after tomorrow in Hollywood.

How did that happen?

The Director showed the commercial

They did want the Director.

They wanted...Maxie Malone.

They called the house.

Well, what did you tell them?

She was out. I was her manager

I'd get back to them.

Her Manager?

I lost my head.


If you don't wanna do it, say so.


There's no way, I...

You don't have to.

Maxie does.

You'd like me to, wouldn't you?

You want her to come back.

You know how silly it is

to be jealous of a ghost?

Not as silly as being in love with one.

Let's just forget the whole thing

I'll tell 'em 'No'.

The thing is, I know how Maxie feels.

I mean I get flashes now and then.

I never dreamed that anyone could

want anything so badly.

I...I almost envy her.

You'll do it?

I'll think about it.

I'll give you my answer
when I get home from work.

You'll really think about it?

Nicky, I'll give you my decision

when I get home from work.

Yes Mr. Franks...Yes, I'll have her...

Yes, I don't know where he is.

You'll have to ask her.

I don't know where she is either.

-When does the Exorcist arrive?
-Tomorrow morning...

-Now you keep on top of this situation.

And the moment he arrives,
you send him to her house. Alright?

Yes, Sir.

Ah, Jan!

You're back! Oh, fine...fine.

How are you feeling?
You look wonderful.

-Why don't you sit down for a little while.
-Yes your Excellency...

I mean no. I mean

-it doesn't matter your Excellency
-I don't understand

I, Ah... don't mean to be rude,

but I have two weeks vacation coming

in which I'd like to take some right now.

I'll go ask Mr. Michaels to
arrange for a temporary

while I'm away.
You may fire me if you wish,

but my mind is made up.
Good day, your Excellency.


Who's your favorite movie star?

Dustin Hoffman. Why? reason.

And look, why don't you stay

for an extra day or so,

we're a...we're planning a

a...ah...surprise party.

for Father Jerome's birthday tomorrow.

But, his birthday was last month.

Oh...well, then

this will really be a surprise, won't it?

I'll see you in two weeks,
Bishop Campbell.

I'm sure you'll be fine until I get back.



Maxie: A little late Baby.

I'm 50 years late.

Nick: By the way, Jan has insisted

on one condition...

she's there in bed,

and you keep your hands the
rest of the time to yourself.

One slip...

she says she'll push you out,
and scotch the whole thing.

-Spoiled sport
-Take it or leave it.

Do I have a choice?


♫ Hooray for Hollywood

Hooray, hooray, hooray for Hollywood ♫


Swell diggs, huh?

Hey Al...
I'll meet you in the bedroom.


Oh wow...

Hey, Thanks.



Where do we go first?

The Derby, or the Grove?

Na...neither one.

We had a deal.

I wanna go to bed.

Oh, what a good idea.

With my wife.

Look, one person who shouldn't
get shafted on this deal is Jan.

I want her back now.

Nicky, what's the difference between
now, and a little bitty hour from now?


You're going to be sorry.

Maxine Malone,
does not offer herself lightly!

Oh stop it. Look it's not the point.

you promised something, you
understand me? We made a deal

we gotta bargain, you do it

you just stick to it and you do it.
Now come on.

It's me.

It's me.

Wow....what a place.

That's what Maxie said.

Ah...let me get it. Let me get it.


Uh huh.
Okay, that'd be fine.

Thank you.

The have a test scene downstairs

they're sending it up.

Well, she'll have to study it in the morning.

Uhh...uh...I threw her out for the night.

She's too mad to come back now.

She leave me with her hangovers,

her indigestion and now her exhaustion.

Believe me, it's just as tiring

to be with her...

as to be her.

-Mmm Hmm?

-I love you.
-I love you too.


[Jan makes ghost noise]


You say the same thing again...

You say the same thing again, right here.

-Uh, Miss Malony
-Uh, not yet.

It's a pleasure.

[Nick: Indistinctly]

...Then you say...

...the first line, you say 'Leave now
or you'll never lay eyes on...'

Director: Good morning, Love.

I'm Josh Daniels your Director.

I certainly hope tat you're the girl

That we've been looking for,
so we can proceed with our little epic.

This way.


I want you to meet Harry Hamlin,

The young actor playing Marc Anthony.

Harry, I want you to meet Miss Maxine Malone.

Pleasure, I hear you're terrific.

-Now, we'll go off in...
-Excuse me.

Take me home.

-Are you crazy?
-That is Harry Hamlin over there

he just said something to me...

he seems like a very nice person...

I don't want to throw up all over Harry Hamlin.

She'll be here.

You know she wouldn't miss this for the World.

She's putting you on the hot spot, because

She was mad I had thrown her out last night.

Take a breath, you get back over there and have a good time.

Come on.
Okay, we're ready.

This way please.

Now, you will start
at the top of the bed and...

Thank you so much.

Now, you start at the top of the bed

and gently work your way

down to the pillows

where you'll lay, then Harry will

make his entrance and well...

Let's make a start.

Let's roll.


We've got speed.

Marker, we've got marker.



You have the first line.

Leave me now, and you will

never lay eyes on Egypt again.

If Rome can not come to Egypt,

perhaps Egypt will come to Rome.

Jan: mumbling

Yes I will come, but as a partner

an equal, not a slave.

For 300 years...



Is there a problem of some kind?

A problem?

is there some reason why
you've chosen to do the scene


Excuse me..Nicky...

I can't do this

She's better after a few times.
Why don't you do it again, okay?

Come on.


Take two.

Let's roll.

We're rolling.


Uhhh...For 300 years

the colonies have ruled Egypt

my father was a King,

and his father before him.

And I am a Queen.

You may think you can conquer Egypt

but you can't, because

For, I am Egypt, and
you can never conquer me.


Nick: Come on, wake up.

Wake up....wake up...wake up.

Harry: Oaky Fellas, joke's over.

Very funny Art.

Miss Malone...
It was a pleasure meeting you.

And, by the way, you were brilliant.

Good luck.

Who's the cute looking guy in the skirt?


I knew you would come.

How's about...another take?

I promise you won't be sorry.


just...I really don't think I've got it in me.

Leave me now,

and you will never lay

eyes on Egypt again.

If Rome can not come to Egypt,

perhaps Egypt

will come to Rome.

Yes, I will come.

But as a partner, an equal,

not a Slave.

for 300 years the Chinese have ruled Egypt

My father was a King,
and his father before him.

And I am a Queen.

You might think you can conquer Egypt,

but I am Egypt,

and you can never conquer me.

You call that a victory?

You kiss me,

and I do not kiss you back, there's nothing.

But if you kiss me...

and I give you myself,

Together we create a kiss.

-And then we make love.
-Then we make love together.

Then we are partners,


And together we will make both a greatest

Empire and the greatest love

the World has ever seen.

Liza: We're outside of
The Ambassador Hotel

Where we hope to get an
Interview with Maxie Malone.

The young woman chosen over hundreds

of hopefuls for the most sought after role in

Hollywood this year.

The hunt for the new Cleopatria

Has been exhaustive....

Liza: ...we will try and get to her

and get an interview with her.

It will be her first
interview since being chosen

as the new Cleopatria

Following in footsteps of
such greats as Claudette Colbert

and Elizabeth Taylor.

Miss Malone?

-Tell us...

What do you think of Harry?

-He's a great kisser.
-Did you know that you would be cast?

I had my fingers crossed.

How does it feel Miss Malone to have been

chosen over hundreds of other actresses?

I'll tell you how it feels...

It feels like I'm alive.

You know I'm sure that everyone is curious...

Reporter: -Hello, Miss Malone
-We'd like to ask one more question

About during the filming of the movie, please...

Thanks, Nicky.

Thank Jan for me too. Will ya?


What a night.

What a day.

All my dreams,

everything I ever wanted

and it's just begining.

Reporter: Miss Malone...

Can we speak to you
for a second, Miss Malone?

...Miss Malone, can we talk to
you just for a second? Please


Please, Miss Malone.

They don't have no appointment.

Can you believe it?

I finally know I've got it.

I was meant to be a star, Nicky.

Just like one of thoise up there.

a big, bright, shining, beautiful star

tat'll last forever and ever.

And if this picture is good,
and I know it's gonna be

I just know it. Then I'll just get a

more big picture next time...

You can't do it Maxie.

what do you mean?

I was so great tonight.

everyone said so,

you said so.

That's not the point.

They wanna shoot for 6 months.


Well then, you'll wanna
stick around for the opening.

And then another picture,

...and another

When's it gonna stop?

I don't get ya?

The first time around...

You never got to have your screen test.

Now ya know.

You know.

You would have been a star.

That's gonna have to be enough.

Well, why?

Oh, because, lots of reasons...

Because you can not take away

someone else's life because
yours was over too soon.

And, because I want my wife back.

And then because...


Life's tough, so is mistakes.

I'm sorry Maxie.

I really am.

Maybe it's better...

Yeah, even better.

If I stuck around I'd be a big star,

Big deal, dime a dozen...

but if I vanish into thin air...

They'll never forget me.

I'll be one of the
great Hollywood mysteries.

A legend they'll remember

As long as there are
movies and people to write 'em.

Nicky, I'll be a star.

Do me a favor, will ya?

Don't say anything.

it only gets sticky, and
you've been swell up to now.

It's been a ball ya know.

A real ball.

So long, Sheik.

I'll see ya in Heaven.



She got the part.

I know.


I don't know exactly.

I just do.

And when she left, I...

I sensed from her the most incredible

feeling of peace.

Reporter: Miss Malone, may I have a word?

It'll take just a second...

Miss Malone...

Okay, come quick.

[Al: barks]

[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent] service chicken,
[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]

[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]

very bad indigestion.
[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]

[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]

Have a beautiful day.
[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]

Have a beautiful day.

[Nick speaking with Middle Eastern Accent]
Well, I guess we fooled them.


You should have seen that lady's face
when I asked if I could buy her uniform.

7 hours, we'll be back home.

You know, it's only 3 hours to Mexico.

It's me Nicky.

She's not coming back.

I was born in Kankakee,

My maiden name is O'Connell.

My Social Security number
is: 265-06-3702

-Okay, okay, okay...
My Social Security number
is: 265-06-3702

-Okay, okay, okay...

-And, I love you
-I love you.

You know, it's only 8 hours to Tahiti.

-It's 11 hours to Paris.
-22 hours to Australia.

5 minutes to a motel.


[Al: Barks]

Nick: How ya doing Al?