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Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Academy (2016) - full transcript

New recruits enroll at S.H.I.E.L.D Academy.


Previously on "Marvel's
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."...

Simmons I found something
inside the chamber.

"Naro-Atzia."
I've seen it before.

It's a planet.
That's where Fitz would go.

Going that deep is not smart.

No! We can't let this trail
go cold.

Enter the coordinates for Earth.

Let's get out of here.

The coordinates
are already locked in.

We are approaching Naro-Atzia.

Fitz Is it safe for us
down there?

Enoch It will be challenging
to conceal

that we have murdered
the Controller.

The other crew members...

They could easily
find employment

on the planet of Kitson.

What did you just do?

He's here.

I can feel it.

Davis She's reckless
and dangerous!

Piper She deliberately
disobeyed your orders.

She seriously compromised
our chances of getting home.

We are almost out of food,

and we don't even know
how many more jumps we can make.

We need to confine her
to the cargo hold.

She put our lives
and the mission at risk.

This is the mission.

We didn't come this far
to give up.

Cowards.

Enough.

Everybody stand down
and take a breath.

Simmons is right.

Fitz is the mission.

But I'm the mission leader,

and that was my call to make,
not yours.

Whose side are you on?

You know damn well
whose side we are all on.

We went to a Fire Planet
for you.

We followed every bread crumb
trying to find him,

and now we're at the end
of a galaxy

because of a tiny word
we can't even read.

I told you what it said!

We need to take a step back,
Jemma.

We can't save Fitz
if we can't save ourselves.

We're going home.

Hopefully we can make it there.

Go if you want, but I'm staying.

Permission denied.

And if you have a problem
with that,

I'll have you locked up
until we get there.

I'd like to see you try.

What was that?

Pryce Greetings.

Welcome to Naro-Atzia.

I am Pretorious Pryce,

your duly sanctioned
customs officer.

Your spacecraft has been docked,

and I'm requesting permission
to come aboard

for your welcoming inspection.

That won't be necessary.

Not sure I understand.

Change of plans.

We won't be visiting
your planet,

um, but thank you.

It looks lovely.

Perhaps I wasn't clear.

The forms have been prepared,

and you're already
in the system.

Okay, well, just take us
out of the system,

and then we'll be on our way.

Once you are in the system,

you are in the system.

As I said, there are forms,
prepared forms.

I don't like the rules,
but they must be enforced.

Fine. Come aboard.

Maybe he inspected Fitz's ship.

We can at least ask, can't we?

He could be so close.

Boyle These snails should fetch
a good price at market,

enough to buy fuel and supplies
for several cycles.

Where you heading?

Naro-Atzia.

Enoch And from there,
back to our solar system

so we can orbit Jupiter

for another 72 years, 312 days,

after we purchase
a Cryo-Chamber.

Your business is your business.

You know, we heard what you did.

You saved this crew,

gave the Controller
his walking papers.

You're real heroes.

Anyone would have done the same.

Not around here.

Those look good.

They taste even better.

These are not meant
for Terran consumption,

especially not
on an empty stomach.

We will find you nourishment

after we are paid.

I know, but I'm starving.
Yeah, about that.

We're just gonna take the snails

and the, ship, too.

Why are you doing this?

My business is my business.

And yours, well...

seems to be everybody's.

It's really simple.

You can get off my ship
right now

or we tell the local enforcers
you're here.

Take the snails
and leave the ship.

It's our only way
off this planet.

Tell you what.

I will pay you for it.

Really?

This planet has a reputation.

Fortunes are lost here.

But fortunes are won, as well.

Maybe your luck
will take an upswing.

Welcome to the House of Games.

Please check your weapons
and moral high ground,

then walk through the scanner.

Robots, droids, mechs,
cyborgs, and synths

are strictly prohibited.

Violators will be removed
and executed.

I think maybe
you should wait outside.

Enoch!

Hey. Hey!

Welcome to the House of Games.

How'd you make it through?

I am not a robot, droid, mech,
cyborg, or synth.

I am a Chronicom.

I was designed
with internal mechanisms

that mask
my non-organic structure

and mimic
human biological function.

I can easily fool any scanner.

Cool. Good to know.

Glad you made it.

I must admit
that this journey together,

from the moment our ship
was attacked until now,

barring perhaps that one
incident with the MazTats,

has been quite stimulating
and informative.

Are you seriously
trying to tell me

that you're having fun?

It would seem that, yes,

I am having a facsimile

of what you would call "fun."

And Fitz...

Yes, Enoch?

I think, during this past year,

you have become

what one would call
my best friend.

Is it safe to assume
you feel the same?

Do you want to know how I feel?

I feel like
we are Xandarian snails.

Keep moving, but we're
not getting anywhere.

We need money
to get off this planet,

and all we have is this...

One lousy chip.

Not exactly Monte Carlo.

One chip is all we may need.

I am well-versed in

over 10,000 intergalactic
games of chance,

several of which are being
played in this casino.

And you're only just
telling me that now?

Which games are you good at?

Approximately... none.

I have no
experiential knowledge.

I have only been an observer.

I'm never gonna see her again.

Pryce You'll be on your way
in no time.

Please surrender your weapons

per section 312-64782,
paragraph 626

of boarding protocol 1516.

We better get those back.

I don't carry one.

Your weapons shall be returned

upon satisfactory completion
of your inspection,

per section 312-64782...

Yeah, we got it.

What is your planet of origin?

Earth.

Terrans?

Purpose of your visit
to Naro-Atzia?

We're looking for this man.

We believe he may be down
on your planet.

His name is Leopold Fitz.

You shouldn't have
said that name.

Why?

Because he's here, listening.

Fitz is here?

Simmons Daisy!

Pryce Please, friend.

There is no need
of further violence.

I am confident
the remaining crew

will submit peacefully.

Davis?

Guess we didn't pass inspection.

I really don't know which game

gives us the best chance.

Perhaps a drink
will help us decide.

Two Barracooladas, please.

What the bloody hell?

Not to worry.
They're quite delicious.

It's not about how they taste.

It's about how much they cost.

How... How do you expect to pay

for those liquid monstrosities

with one lousy chip?

Your point is well taken.

Perhaps I should not
have ordered

such premium beverages.

Let me remedy this situation.

Hey, hey!

Enoch. Enoch!

Winner.

How did you do that?

It had been over 30 rotations

since the marker last landed
on the Beast of Clovers.

My computations
had the precise odds

of it occurring on that spin
as...

You're an advanced computer.

That feels reductive. No.

Nope, not reductive.

This is exciting.

You can win us the money.

It was unwise
for me to have gambled.

The rules are quite clear
on synthetic beings.

Hey, hey.

That's what
best friends are for.

Think about it...

For breaking the rules,

putting it all on the line.

I am aware of instances

where best friends

have committed lawless acts
together.

Exactly. Even murder.

What?

No. That's...

That's, um...

That's a really worrying thing
to have said.

Why not maybe just stick
to gambling?

This is where fortunes
are won, right?

You and your friends
are out of time.

Says the guy who is
chained to the stairs.

Why were you asking
the inspector about Fitz?

Leopold Fitz is a wanted man.

Wanted for what?

Tampering with the universe.

What made you think
Fitz would be here?

Was it the Cryo-Chamber?

I cannot speak to his purpose,

only that Leopold Fitz
was scheduled to arrive

in the next incoming vessel.

You're right.

He's alive.

And close.

The inspector.

Maybe he can help us find that ship.
On it.

Leopold Fitz should not be here.

Agreed.

He should be with us,
back on Earth.

Earth is where he died.

Over a year ago,
if I'm not mistaken.

What are you?

A hunter.

As I said previously,

you and your friends
are out of time.

The brine really is
the best part.

Wouldn't you agree?

As far as I can tell,

that's where the big fish
are playing.

The table appears populated
with degenerates and outlaws.

It shall be an honor
to join their ranks.

That depends on your poker face.

I'm afraid this is the only face

I have available.

Hello, fellow brigands.

I look forward to playing
this game of chance with you.

No need to make conversation.

That's a gutsy move there,
buddy.

Why thank you,
agreeable companion.

So, it turns out

another ship was supposed
to arrive when we did,

but it turned around
last minute.

Where'd it go?

Well, it says here,
the planet Kitson.

Let me see that.

Your friend must be a man
of perverted desire.

Hey. Why would you say that?

Because the planet of Kitson
is a nasty place,

absent any basic scrap
of decency.

Someone just described Florida.

Most are ashamed
to utter the word "Kitson"

as it sounds like

the braying
of an animal in heat.

There's even
a well-known saying...

"What happens on the planet
of Kitson"...

"Stays on Kitson"?

No.

"Is contagious and burns."

Player 3 wins again.

Look at you.

How 'bout one for my pal here?

Maybe I can get some of that
good luck of yours to rub off.

I assure you

luck has nothing to do with it.

Gambler Whoa, now.
Shades is all-in.

That's a little bit too rich
for my blood, compadre.

That is quite useful to know.

Wait. Hey.

I don't really think
you want to go in on this one.

Not to worry.
We are in good standing.

And also, I may have found
a like-minded friend

to join in our adventures.

He's not our friend.

Certainly not
with that attitude.

On second thought,

maybe I will play this hand.

Looks like you could've used

some of that luck after all?

But you professed the hand
as being too rich.

Was that statement
intentionally false?

You bet your ass it was.

See, it didn't
take long to realize

that you are great at cards

but dumb as hell at people.

Thanks for playing, buddy.

There it goes again.

Boyle It's someone trying
to contact the ship.

Before anybody realizes
what happened,

we'll be living like kings

on the unsullied shores
of Leitner.

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

I'm the Controller of this ship,

and you're trespassing.

Okay, everybody just
suck on some calm.

We're looking for this man.

He was on this ship.

What's it worth to, -

Aah!

Aah!

What are your bones
worth to you,

'cause I'll break
every single one of them

until you start talking.

H-How did you...

Okay! Okay...

W-We didn't hurt him
or do anything wrong.

We just... They're outlaws.

We could have turned them in,
but we didn't.

We just took their ship
and let them go

'cause we're nice.

Them?

Yeah, that...

That guy and his friend,

some creepy bald dude.

Enoch.

Fitz... he's here and not alone.

Do you guys need anything else?

Those.

They're all yours.

They look really good.

My God. So good.
Take some. Food.

Where did our friends go?

On this planet,
it could be one of two places...

The casino or the brothels,

depending on how well they did
at the casino.

You lost everything.

He intentionally deceived me.

It's called bluffing.

You should know.
You do it all the time.

I most certainly do not.

You're a robot
pretending to be a human.

That's bluffing.

I am not a robot.

Chronicom.

Whatever.

Were you bluffing

when you said
I was your best friend?

What does it matter?

I have disappointed you,

and we may be, as they say,
down on our luck,

but there are other ways
to earn money.

How?

The brothels of Kitson.

We are both healthy

and not unattractive specimens,

and I am well-versed
in over 130...

Stop.

Brothels are not an option.

Then perhaps a game

that doesn't require bluffing

but has a strategy

based entirely on
mathematical odds.

Why wouldn't you start
with that game?

Because the stakes
are very high.

How high?

Guess you don't need much muscle

when you have a sizable brain.

You earned a very good price.

Wait, what?

I'm the collateral?

That is correct.

If you lose,
you will be sold into slavery.

Person No. God, no, please.

No, no, please!

Please, God!

Your seat is now available.

I... yeah, yeah, no.

This was your idea. You play.

I'm the one
who has to count the tiles.

I will signal you
using a high-pitched tone

that only human ears
can register.

One tone for a hold,
two tones for hit.

Also, make sure
you do not get a 14.

Wait, what?

What's that mean?
Don't get a 14?

Let's begin the game, shall we?

Once we get inside,

we'll separate and search,
and if he's not here...

He better be dead.

What?

Better dead
than in the brothels.

Greeter Welcome to
the House of Games.

Please check your weapons

and moral high ground.

Robots, droids, mechs,
cyborgs, and synths

are strictly prohibited.

Violators
will be removed and executed.

Are you feeling okay? Are you?

I asked you first.
I asked you second.

On 3.

1, 2, 3...

I'm tripping balls.
I'm not okay at all.

I'm tripping balls. We
seem to be experiencing

some kind of adverse reaction
to something.

Perhaps the atmosphere.

Maybe sending Davis
back to the Zephyr

was a bad idea.

No, I'm sure
this is just temporary.

Our bodies will adjust.

So pretty.

I'm just gonna say it.

I don't think
it's the atmosphere.

No. That was silly.

It's clearly

p-psychopharmacological-
expiali...

docious. Docious!

I think it was the things,

the little puffies that we ate.

Bad little puffies.

Davis ate, like, six.

I hope he's okay.

Hey.

Hey.

What is wrong with you?

I ate the yummies.

Who else had them?

Daisy, Simmons,
all those giraffes.

Hey.

Stay here.

Do not mo...

Do not move.

I'm gonna try and reach them.

Stay.

We made it.

Yes, we did.

Why are we here?

Because we're on a mission.

Right.

What is the mission?

The mission is...

Ladies' night!

Yeah! Ay-ay-ay-ay!

Do you remember
when we first met?

Yeah.

You lived in a van.

And it really smelled.

No, it didn't. Yeah.

We called it the Fartmobile.

You had... You had big hair.

You had big... nerd face.

Do you... What house are you in?

Gryffindor?

Ravenclaw.

Girl, please.

Do you know any spells?

Expecto Patronum!

Hello, little monkey Fitz.

Fitz.

This might sound so weird,

but I feel such a strong
connection to you,

like we're both different parts

of the same cosmic being.

Do you feel it?

I can feel it.

I...

Your ship or mine?

I'm a secret agent in space.

I'm supposed to be watching...

Whoa.

Hey, there.

Hey, Davis, you in here?

Got you some animal crackers,
you big, dumb baby.

Crap.

Davis.

Hey. Davis.

Davis, wake up.

Davis.

Davis! Wake up!

That guy is like some sort of

shape-shifting
contortionist assassin.

Yeah, I'm sure he is,
reliable witness.

Any idea where he went?

Animal crackers.

Great.

Daisy Things were definitely
getting weird.

An alien had just
propositioned me at the bar...

my little British friend
was missing...

and everyone around me

smelled like cheese.

Panic was starting to take hold

when I suddenly noticed
a dainty pair of feet.

Don't worry, everybody.

I got this.

Hey, I think my parents
are mice.

That makes sense.

I'm sorry for dragging you
across the universe.

No, don't be.

It's good.

It's only made us closer.

I just miss Fitz so much.

Aw, yeah. I'm sorry.

I wish I had my own Fitz.

Well, not Fitz, but, you know...

No, I know.

You've had just awful luck

in that department.

It's so sad.

But you are so strong now
and so confident.

I'm so proud of you.

Really?

It means so much
coming from you.

You just mean so much.

You're my best friend.

I love you, too.

Your skin is so soft.

I know.

Shh.

What is it?

Shh.

Do you hear that?

I mean, it sounds
almost like a dolphin.

Hit me.

25. Well played, sir.

Are you sure?

Come on, green bean.

I don't got all day.

God.

No. No, please.

No. No, no, God. My God.

Please, please, please, please.

No, no, no, no.

Please, God, God.

What the hell was that?

Never hit on 4.

Five players remain.
Begin Round 6.

Players,
please place your wagers.

Would you like
to place a wager, sir?

Sir?

Sorry, yes. My turn.

What are the odds of me
getting a 7 or less?

Any dealer caught giving odds

is fed to
Mr. Kitson's Vrellnexian.

Sorry. I didn't know that.

Okay.

So, to hit or to fold...

That is the question now.

Aah! Aah!

A synth.

Everybody, vacate the room.

The two of you arrived together.

No, that was just a coincidence.

Which would explain
your good fortune.

See that he and his robot friend
stay put.

Mr. Kitson would want
to deal with them personally.

Back away from the computer.

Don't even think about it.

Totally evaporated.

Big guy's two for two.

Yeah, well, he got away,
big guy,

and you totally destroyed
our fuse box.

But where did he go?

The real question is,

who was he trying to contact?

I'm never eating
alien food again.

No, but is it possible to share
auditory hallucinations?

I think this is
something different.

And why does nobody else
seem bothered by it?

Maybe it's only perceptible
to humans.

Like a secret signal.

Fitz. Fitz.

Fitz Come on, now.

What are you doing?

I'm rebooting you.

I am not comfortable
with this level of intimacy,

even with my best friend.

Well, you shouldn't set off
a bloody air-raid alarm,

should you?

Whoops.

Whoops?

What's whoops?

That noise you refer to
as an air-raid alarm,

it is, in fact,
a remote override of my system.

Something did that to you?

Not a thing. A Chronicom.

I fear we are in grave danger.

I'm pretty sure Chronicoms
are the least of our worries.

You are unaware of the varietals
of Chronicoms.

I, for instance,
am an anthropologist.

My primary functions
are intended for research

and sensual gratification.

Moving swiftly on
to the types of ones

that are coming here.

Those would be hunters.

Welcome to the House of Games.

Please check your weapons and...

Excuse me.

Daisy.

Man.

Do those guys look like

the guy that we have tied up
on the Zephyr?

I see them, too,

which means they're very real,

and they're here for Fitz.

They'll have to get by me first.

That was way off.

Shut down.

Which can only mean
I am decommissioned.

I am useless now.

I have soiled the integrity
of Chronicoms.

The name Enoch will be
an unspeakable sound.

This isn't helping.

We need to find
a way out of here

or they're gonna skin us alive.

They can have my skin.
I don't need it anymore.

It is my uniform of shame.

You're not useless, Enoch, okay?

You're not.

So please, shut up
and help me get thi...

What is that smell?

The foul stench
of the name Enoch.

No, it's coming from him.

What is that?

He's a Crepetolian.

Their blood is 75% sulfur.

Hey! I got him.

Fire!

Okay.

You go. I got it from here.

Are you sure?

Yeah. If I can't quake it,
I'll break it.

Okay.

Go.

Sorry, boys.

It's ladies' night.

Whoo!

Why do I exist?

I am nothing.

I'm a speck of dust
in the infinite.

Okay, Enoch...

An afterthought

in the worm-ridden mind
of the black void.

Okay.

I'm gonna need you to spark up.

So you take a break
from being infinite nothing

and do that for me?

Why would I do anything
when there is no purpose?

We will all soon be
dust and rust.

'Cause you're my best friend.

Remember?

That's your purpose.

You're bluffing.

No. I'm not.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

because you are...

Chronicom. Decommissioned.

Gonna say a massive
pain in the ass, but...

You've grown on me.

So, yeah.

You are my best friend.

For you, my best friend,
I would do anything.

P-Pardon me, sir,

but I have reason to believe
that my husband,

sorry, my future husband

is behind that door.

And what reason is that?

The... the...
The dolphin told me

in a secret signal
only I can hear

that was meant just for me.

You need to lay off
those puffs, lady.

Is it that obvious?

You've been under
that gaming table

for the last 20 minutes.

That long?

I've lost my mind.

I've completely lost my mind.

Please let that be
the last of them.

I don't even know
what I'm doing here.

Then maybe it's best
you just go on home.

This isn't a place
for a nice girl like you.

Jemma?

Fitz?

Jemma Simmons?

You should not be here.

We'll return in a moment.

They have nice stars here.

Seen better, seen worse.

Okay. It's ready.

How many do you think there are?

Stars? I don't know.

Not stars.

Guess we're about to find out.

Well?

Seen better, seen worse.

Let's go make a mess.