Marching Out of Time (1993) - full transcript
Nazis, in an attempt to teleport themselves into England during World War II, are instead accidentally teleported forward in time into suburbia, United States, in the early 1990s.
[music playing]
[weapons clanging]
[music - "rosemarie"]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER (ON PA):
Achtung, achtung.
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: [shouting in german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: Company, achtung.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Achtung.
HITLER (OVER PA):
[speaking german]
[cheering]
[thud]
[whirring]
[gasps]
Oh, what's the matter, honey?
- Did you hear that?
- What?
What time is it?
That noise.
There's a loud noise
coming from next door,
and this is the second
time I've heard it.
Well, we'll check it
out tomorrow, OK, honey?
Come back to bed.
- Yeah, OK.
All right.
Yeah, tomorrow, I guess.
Find out what's going on.
OK?
Yeah.
[crickets chirping]
[music playing]
HITLER: [speaking german]
[children arguing]
WOMAN: What's happening
is, air is coming in
through that little
hole and we're getting
it all over our necks here.
Can you do something about that?
- How much time have we got?
- Any minute, dear.
Did you you get it?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's all in the living room, OK?
- OK.
We're going to go as soon as the
window's repaired, all right?
OK.
Good.
Oh, and I found some
of your insurance forms.
So do you want them?
No, no, no.
After Christmas with that stuff.
- OK.
Watch the kids, will you?
- I'm watching them.
Yeah, sure.
I'm watching them.
I'm watching them.
WIFE: And we close
up everything,
and air is just
rushing over our necks
and I get really, really cold.
OK?
[music - "good king wenceslas"]
[children talking]
What did I tell you?
- Jenny turned it on.
- Liar!
That's not true.
- Quiet!
I need quiet.
- Why?
Because of the noises?
Yes, because of the noises.
Because there's
something-- something going
on in the neighbor's house.
Something dangerous.
And we want to find
out what it is.
Something dangerous?
Well, what if
Dad's just crazy?
Dad is not crazy.
Dad just didn't sleep
very well last night,
and Dad's been working
very, very hard
selling insurance for a long--
JENNY: Chris took my Raphael!
Chris, come back here!
[dog barking]
SOLDIER (ON PHONE):
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
[speaking german]
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
Ya vol, Mein Fuhrer.
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: Achtung.
Heil Hitler.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
And you speak English well?
Very well, Heir [german].
Everybody is perfectly
trained for this mission.
All right, dear.
The window's repaired.
Let's go.
What about those noises?
What about them?
Honey, they're real.
I'm telling you, I'm--
I believe you,
dear, but can we worry
about this after Christmas?
Look, I know what I heard, OK?
I heard something--
[whirring]
There, that's it.
Did you hear that?
I heard it too, Mom.
WIFE: Honestly, dear.
The kids heard it.
Didn't you hear it?
JENNY: I heard it too, Mom.
- See?
So what do you
want me to tell you?
If it's coming from
the neighbor's house,
then it's him making that noise.
And that doesn't bother you?
No, it doesn't!
Especially when I'm about
to leave for Christmas.
Now, Jenny, Chris, upstairs
and get your jackets.
Come on, get this
stuff out of here.
Fred, I want to go.
Come on.
You two keep track of
your toys, both of you.
We don't have time
to look for them now.
Come on, dear.
We have to get going!
[whirring]
Again!
Did you hear that?
WIFE: I don't want
to hear about it now!
Help me with the kids.
CHRIS: Mom, do I have to
wear this ugly sweater?
Did you hear that one?
WIFE: Dear, I order
you to come here!
JENNY: Mom, do I have to
wear my sweater that Grandma
gave me for Christmas?
I don't like it.
All right, now I need you
to get your red sweater ready.
- I'm going over there.
- Now?
But we've got to leave!
- The buck stops here.
Fred!
JENNY: Mom, I heard it too.
Upstairs, Jenny.
Now!
Fred.
Oh!
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
Dr. Memo?
Another foreigner.
[doorbell rings]
[deep inhale]
[ticking]
[whirring]
[doorbell ringing]
Open up in there!
I'm calling the police!
[whirring]
[no audible speech]
WIFE: He's just totally
gone off on this neighbor.
Oh, mother, he's back.
The phone.
Fred, you are clearly
not in control of yourself.
I am in control, OK?
You are obsessed!
I'm in control.
The phone!
[dialing]
[ringing]
MAN (ON PHONE): Officer Dent.
Yeah, police?
OFFICER (ON PHONE): May I help?
Yeah, look.
I've got this next door
neighbor over here.
I don't think there's
anybody home right now,
but the thing is, I keep
hearing these noises over there.
OFFICER (ON PHONE): Is
your neighbor at home, sir?
Well, yeah.
Like I say, I don't think
there's anybody in the house,
you know, but--
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Your name, please.
Yeah, Johnson.
Fred-- Fred Johnson.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
And your address.
Yeah, 39013 Granden.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Sir, I'm going to ask
you to wait inside your house--
- OK, yeah.
Sure.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
--until our car arrives.
I'll be here.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Merry Christmas.
Please wait.
Wait, wait.
[inaudible]
Amy, wait.
[tires screeching]
Please.
Wait, wait.
Amy!
Amy, wait.
I'll call and cancel.
Yeah, yeah.
--the time you're ready
to join us, all right, Fred.
Yeah, fine, but
you've got the car!
I can't-- I can't join
you with you in the car.
You come back here!
Was I the only one
that heard that noise?
Was I the only
one that heard it?
[whirring]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
Company, achtung!
HITLER (OVER PA):
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
Sieg Heil!
Sieg Heil!
[chanting]
[speaking german]
Are you sure about
these alleged noises?
Yes, I'm sure.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
Let's take a look.
This is Unit 69.
I'm checking the premises.
MAN (ON RADIO): [inaudible].
Thank you.
69 out.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
You wait here.
I'm going to see
if anyone's home.
Fine.
Good.
[knocks]
[knocks]
There's no answer.
I'm going to go around.
Well, there's no reason to
look any further, Mr. Johnson.
Dr. Memo left a memo
for the postman.
Your neighbor's away
for the holidays.
Well, how do we know
this is Memo's memo?
Maybe this isn't Memo's memo.
Possibly.
But I didn't see any
sign of a break in.
Can you just sign here, please?
Well, what about the noises?
Well, maybe Dr. Memo left
his TV on or something.
Well, can't you
search the place?
I'd need a search
warrant for that.
Can't you get a warrant?
No, you're the only witness.
I see no evidence of
the noises you describe,
there's no sign of a break
in, and there's a note.
But if you have
any more problems,
please feel free to
call and ask for me.
I'm Lieutenant Butch.
Merry Christmas.
Lieutenant Butch.
[electricity buzzing]
[whirring]
[grunts]
Hello?
Anybody home?
That's what I thought.
Nobody's here.
OK.
Thank you.
Do you know this guy?
Are you should have
permission to be here?
It's OK.
It's all right.
Do you want to receipt?
No, forget about it.
Here's my card.
We're open 24 hours all day.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Get off my foot.
[ticking]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[faster beeping]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[whirring]
[music playing]
[chuckles]
[rumbling]
Oh, God!
H-- h-- hi, there.
I'm your neighbor.
I-- I-- I thought somebody broke
in, see, so I came over and--
[thud]
[clatter]
[buzzing]
[rumbling]
[whirring]
[rumbling]
MEMO: At which point
it deteriorates
into plasma energy.
The question then becomes,
what happened to it?
I was just going to ask--
Well, that, Mr. Johnson,
is where I've discovered
the vortex crossings not
in six, not in seven,
not in eight dimensions, Mr.
Johnson, but twelve dimensions.
A gateway.
A kind of white
hole, if you will.
But created here, on Earth!
Do you follow me?
Should I be?
MEMO: Yes.
Because until
recently, those who
laughed at the idea of
travel at the speed of sound,
they still tell us instantaneous
transportation will
forever be beyond man's grasp.
And again they are wrong!
Mind over matter, Mr. Johnson.
Yeah.
If you don't mind,
it doesn't matter.
Now, the way to
achieve such speeds
is through the instantaneous
transportation of matter
from one coordinate to another.
Now, this little
unit acts as a sort
of tunnel between refrigerator
one and refrigerator two.
Any item or person that
I put in refrigerator one
will be instantaneously
transported
to refrigerator two.
[laughter]
Chilling.
What are you doing?
You shall witness the process.
Witness?
I, uh-- Don't do
anything on my account.
Mr Johnson, will you please
check the left refrigerator.
What?
Open the door.
OK, it's empty.
If you will please check
the right refrigerator.
Phew.
Yeah.
MEMO: What?
Nothing in it.
That's not possible.
Yeah, well, it's going
to take a hell of a lot
more than this to convince me.
[grunts]
[yelling in german]
[alarm blaring]
[dog barking]
[dialing]
No, no, no, no, no.
Not the police.
They'll confiscate
the teleport chambers.
Make an independent
investigation.
I'm depending on
their investigation.
Yeah, but I might be
diagnosed as mentally unstable.
You are mentally unstable.
[dog barking]
[dog barking]
WOMAN (ON RADIO): [chatter]
There, that.
You hear that?
A hum.
A loud hum.
Hum.
[typing]
[rumbling]
And there.
Thunder.
Loud thunder.
Put that down.
Loud thunder.
Loud thunder.
Now.
[electronic beeping]
I don't understand.
The glass was suppose
to wind up over here.
See, it's a
teleportation chamber.
Ask the professor.
I know nothing.
That's because
it's his machine.
See, he's a nemo, and
that's short for nuts.
His family has been blowing
people up for centuries.
He's--
And these Nazis
never broke in?
No, no, no.
They broke out!
Well, there's no laws
against breaking out.
There are only laws
against breaking in.
Did these Nazis take anything?
No, but they could have.
Good point.
All right, gentlemen, I
have your statements here.
I'll take your depositions
under advisement.
And feel free to call me if
these thugs make themselves
available for arrest.
Again, Merry Christmas.
Make themselves
available for arrest?
Make themselves
available for arrest?
Is that what I pay taxes for?
Is that what I pay taxes for?
You know who are the
Nazis in that situation?
It's not them, it's you.
You're the Nazi.
You're the Nazi.
I've got your badge number!
As I was saying--
I'm not talking to you.
You have no choice.
This matter requires
some heavy research.
Heavy what?
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
[dog barking]
[interposing voices]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
[rifles cocking]
Well, one thing's certain.
The research is
heavy, all right.
Man, I'm dead tired.
I haven't pulled all-nighters
like this since--
MEMO: That's it!
German war experiments.
Yeah, V1, V2 rocket.
So?
Not here.
There.
They're German-- in 1942--
Would you please pay attention.
It says here, during World
War II a major project was put
forward in Germany to
transport troops to Britain
without relying on the
use of air and sea power.
The designer was an
engineer name Muck.
Muck
Yes, Muck, consultant to
the Messerschmitt Company,
who proposed a solenoid chamber
to be mounted in a hillside
near Liel Coldfield in France.
This teleport
chamber would then be
used to send
squadrons of Germans
into London from a
range of 155 miles?
That's inconceivable!
I never knew the Germans
did research like that.
Neither did I.
Nobody did, obviously,
or we would have heard about it.
Hm.
This is--
I'm surprised they even tried.
I mean, the technology was
clearly not available to them.
And what about Muck?
MEMO: Muck.
Muck.
Um-- nothing.
It doesn't say.
- Oh.
He must have been
sacked by Hitler
and sent off to
the Eastern Front.
Really?
What else does it say here?
Yes.
Any remains of the research
facility in the chamber
were destroyed during an
ally bombing raid in 1944.
The idea has never been revived.
But this still
doesn't explain what
there were Nazis doing running
around your living room.
Mr. Johnson, the
answer is plain as day.
My vortex must have
accidentally tapped
into some experiments
in teleportation which
the Germans were doing in 1942.
Their chamber interfered
with my chamber,
when in fact, they should have
been sent to Britain in 1942.
That's quite a jump.
Yes, I admit it's not
usual, but time and space
are essentially the same thing.
Everyone knows that.
If you can travel in one,
you can travel in the other.
So you-- so they--
and then-- So what do we do now?
Oh, if I only
knew, Mr. Johnson.
Well, OK.
I'll see you when I get back.
Back?
Back from where?
I've got to go
get some sleep, OK?
Tonight's Christmas Eve.
I've got to go find my wife.
Are we insane?
These are German
military troops.
Relics from the
Second World War.
Remnants from history.
Do you realize--
Count yourself lucky.
At least they're not burglars.
Excuse me.
[door opens and closes]
[clicking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
WOMAN: You could
have waited for him.
I don't know why you
didn't wait for him.
AMY: Mother, I'm telling
you, he'll be here!
AMY'S MOTHER: --do
things your own way?
God!
Are you sure he'll be here?
Mom, give me some credit, OK?
Tomorrow is Christmas.
Fred wouldn't want to miss it.
He'll be here.
[sighs]
We should have waited for him.
No!
This time he went overboard.
Way overboard.
[speaking german]
NARRATOR (ON TV): The
entire Nazi plan was being
stalled because of the RAF.
The German heavy artillery
were getting hot from firing
shells across the channel.
Hitler says to the
Germans, "Churchill
believes he can
resist, but I tell you
that England will be crushed."
What do you want me to say?
How do you expect me to react?
That's just plain ridiculous.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
That's because it is ridiculous.
You see, they were
conducting these experiments
during World War II, see.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): I don't
care about any experiments.
What do experiments have
to do with Christmas,
and especially you missing
Christmas with your family.
But honey--
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): Get
in the car and come here now!
Yeah, I can--
I can leave right away.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): I
don't care what it takes, Ben!
I'll take a cab.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON
PHONE): You be here!
Yes, dear.
[dog barking]
Um, would you wait here for
me just a second, please?
Inshallah.
But we keep the
meter running, yes?
Yeah, fine.
OK.
[doorbell rings]
Yes?
Dr. Memo, I'm getting ready
to join my wife and my family,
and I just kind of wanted to
stop by and wish you a merry--
Run, Mr. Johnson!
[speaking german]
Take off, now!
We are going to airport, sir?
No, just go, drive!
Who are these people?
They're gonna kill us.
Go!
Oh my God!
[machine gun fire]
[screaming]
[clicking]
[speaking german]
Mr. Johnson, why did you run?
You could have been killed!
Didn't you say
"run, Mr. Johnson?"
That was just a
figure of speech.
Your efforts were futile!
God, we're prisoners now.
We're war prisoners!
Could be worse.
Worse?
Professor, I don't want to die!
Tut-tut-tut!
Let us keep matters
in perspective!
Historically speaking,
they may torture, mutilate,
vandalize, lobotomize,
or sodomize you,
but they won't kill you.
They need you.
Need me for what?
I'm--
[dogs barking]
[speaking german]
Oh, God, they're coming for us.
Shh, shh.
Be calm!
Nazis are not the
robots that are
commonly portrayed in movies. .
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Alex Memo?
Dr. Alex Memo.
And Lopez, Eddie Lopez
III, open 24 hours a day.
[speaking german]
What does it mean,
"24 hours a day?"
It means-- it really
means I'm open at 12:00
Dr. Memo, Mr. Lopez, I
am Friedrich von Kontz.
I am in command of this force.
I'm very impressed by
the progress technology
has made in only 50 years.
I know where we are.
We left Germany in 1942,
exactly 50 years ago.
A miracle of science.
Due to some unforeseen
accident, I am sure.
Neither you nor Mr. Lopez seem
to have planned any of this.
The obvious solution to this
problem is quite simple.
We have arrived
at this location.
Now we want to go back.
That can't be done.
It implies traveled
back through time,
a theoretical impossibility!
Have you tried it?
Commander von Kontz, might
you be considering this matter
from a one-sided perspective?
Closer examination
will reveal this
to be a very pleasant
location, a civilized world!
The war is over.
You may all retire to civilian
life, live in Los Angeles,
enjoy the mild weather!
And of course, no trials
for, you know, war atrocities.
War trials?
Uh, war crime trials.
Allied war trials.
Very well, Mr. Lopez.
Since Dr. Memo is
not cooperating,
we are going to shoot you.
Look, Herr Ober whatever
you are, your name
is, you're not gonna
get away with this.
The police are on to you.
And if you think you're tough,
wait till you see what happens
when the cops get pissed.
Right, Professor?
Tell 'em about Rodney King!
One moment, Commander.
I have notes, which are
available for your review,
if you should require
them at your convenience.
[speaking german]
[doorbell rings]
- Dr. Memo?
- Yes.
There was a gang attack
nearby not long ago.
I thought since you
had a break-in earlier,
you might be of some help.
Hello.
I am Professor von Kontz.
How do you do?
Lieutenant Butch, LAPD.
Your colleague?
Yes, it appears we are both
interested in the same things.
I hope I'm not intruding
on some secret research.
May I come in?
Why not indeed?
I didn't wanna bother
you with this before,
but we found some-- my God!
What happened here?
Moving out?
Part of our research.
Quite correct.
If you don't mind my asking,
what are you researching?
If we knew that, we
wouldn't be searching for it.
Anyway, like I said before,
I wanted to ask you something.
Of course.
We found this on
the scene of a crime.
It's a Luger automatic pistol,
9 millimeter caliber, P-38.
P-8.
So you're familiar with it?
No, but I know it very well.
Yes, well, that's
right, a P-8.
Anyway, Dr. Memo said
something about thugs.
I was wondering if,
well, the thugs you saw,
were they carrying
similar weapons?
No, there was
nothing like that.
Quite correct.
I understand.
By the way, I can't seem
to find Mr. Johnson.
He seems to have--
I believe he is being
taken care of right now.
KONTZ: Quite correct.
You know, you're
probably right.
He probably is off with
his wife right now.
Well, I guess I'll be going.
It was very nice
meeting you, mister--
Von Kontz.
Von Kontz?
Correct.
A pleasure, indeed.
Come again.
Oh, and by the way, if you
have a problem or an emergency,
you can always call 911.
Of course.
Merry Christmas.
Let's see if one comes up.
[speaking german]
Thank you for
your cooperation.
When we return to Germany,
we will remember you.
"Quite correct,
quite correct."
Oh God, we're dead!
Because of you and your
stupid machine, we're Dead!
You're an optimist.
To my mind, the situation
is worse, much worse.
Ah, so you admit it.
You admit it!
[speaking german]
What are they doing?
Can it be that you
do not understand
the gravity of our situation?
Should I?
No, of course not.
I forget that I
live in a country
where most students
couldn't point
out their country on a map!
Hey, I did OK in school.
1941, Operation Barbarossa.
Germany invades Russia.
Hitler diverts troops
from the Moscow offensive
to attack Kiev, thus postponing
the Moscow offensive by one
year, one year crucial
to the taking of Russia
before the Winter War.
1942, Battle of the Caucasus.
Germany makes a fatal error
in attacking Stalingrad.
250,000 Germans die.
It's the turning
point of the war.
These are merely examples!
Examples of what?
Oh, think, Mr. Johnson, think!
The Germans will probably
return to Germany
with the historical data
that they acquire here.
They will be able to avoid
all the mistakes they made
during the Second World War.
They will know Allied
tactics, strategy.
They will even benefit
from historical analysis,
preventing them from
making further mistakes
thus winning the war, changing
history, changing everything!
Yeah, but Professor,
even if they do get back,
who's gonna believe them?
Anybody can fake
historical records.
What about the atomic bomb?
They could look through
any of my physics books
and get a blueprint
for an atomic bomb!
Modern jet fighters,
military hardware--
there's an entire
range of technology
that becomes available to them.
I tell you, Mr. Johnson,
we are on the verge
of rewriting World War II.
All right.
All right, Professor, but
because we are standing here
talking now, and know that
history hasn't been changed,
we know that the Nazis
won't manage to get back,
and so therefore we--
Good reasoning, Mr. Johnson.
Essentially right, but
fundamentally wrong!
The instant that the Nazis
step through that vortex
and return to their place of
origin, that is when things
would change for you and me.
You would probably be
a member of the Party,
and I would be, oh, the
minister of propaganda,
something along those lines.
You mean everything
would change?
Me, my wife?
Wife?
In a Nazi regime, you
would be the product
of genetic manipulation.
You wouldn't need a wife!
What about my car?
You'd probably
drive a Volkswagen.
I don't think we insure those.
In plain language,
Mr. Johnson,
if we do not prevent these
Germans from returning
to the Germany of 1942, not
Eisenhower, not Patton, not
Stalin, not DeGaulle,
not Churchill,
nobody will be able
to prevent them
from using their
information to win the war!
Think of this as the
last battle of World War
II, the final showdown,
the ultimate confrontation,
the essential struggle
between good and evil!
Mom, I can't believe this.
He's missing Christmas.
Now, dear, I'm sure there
must be an explanation.
Explanation?
Mother, when I left, he was
watching our neighbor's house
with binoculars.
The night before, he wouldn't
sleep because of noises.
I don't know what I'm
gonna do with that man.
Well, I can hardly
believe Fred would--
Mom, he's going crazy.
Noises and this and that.
Next thing you know,
he'll be hearing music.
[german music playing]
[speaking german]
-
Yes, yes, 1, 2,
3, 4, and 1, 2.
Come on, you can do it.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Yeah!
1, 2.
And 1, 2, 3, 4.
And 1, yes, that's the way.
1 and 2, and 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2 and 3 and 4.
And you can do it.
Come on.
That's great.
1 and 2 and 3 and 4,
[laughter]
And 1 and 2, 3,4.
Come on, yes, that's the way.
1 and 2 and 1--
[speaking german]
A little pixie, isn't she?
My men are not used to
this form of entertainment.
It upsets their morale.
Yeah, well, I agree.
My men have trained
hard for this mission.
You will cooperate and
lead them to key areas
of interest in the city
to gather information
of military significance.
I'm putting you in charge.
In charge?
Yes.
You will not be back
here before 5:00.
I need silence to work.
Otherwise, I shoot you.
Yes. yes, sir.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
That will be all.
[speaking german]
Dr. Memo, please, sit down.
I called you here because
I want to congratulate
a man that I think is a genius.
Your machine, Dr. Memo, is
a true wonder of technology.
Our group engineer informs
me that our trip would not
have been possible without you.
The machine in Germany would
not have worked by itself.
Your machine allowed
us to be transported.
The machine is more
powerful than you
could possibly imagine.
Well, fortunately,
we were able to use
your notes to operate it.
By this evening, we
will have recreated
a tunnel in the vortex of the
machine which brought us here.
We will then be ready
to return to 1942.
And to see Germany
lose the war.
Absolutely not.
Because of the facts
available here,
it will now be possible
for Germany to win the war!
However, I do not believe
my mission would be complete
if I did not attempt to
convince a genius like yourself
to return to Germany
with us to contribute
his work, his knowledge, to
the Reich, to the Fuhrer,
to share in the glory and
the vision of Germany.
As your grandfather did
before you with the zeppelin.
My grandfather
was a scientist,
not a supporter of a
regime run by a madman!
I too have read
the history books.
And yet the Fuhrer
brought Germany out
of ruins and into prosperity!
And he will succeed where
Napoleon and Alexander
the Great could not.
Your leader will go down in
flames and take all of Germany
with him!
Dr. Memo, once I return to
Germany, the war will be won.
All of this will be incorrect.
By coming here,
even by an accident,
you have been offered a
glimpse into the reality
of your struggle.
You see what you
are fighting for!
This is not Alexander the Great!
Tyranny of the
lazy and incompetent!
That is what your democracy
has brought you, Dr. Memo!
Americans are undisciplined
and have drawn the entire world
into their lack of discipline!
The world will sink without
a Reich to bring order!
But as long as I am in command
here, order there will be!
That is a fact
[speaking german]
[inaudible]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
What is that?
What is that?
I didn't buy it?
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
Ah, Mr. Johnson,
right on time.
All is ready.
We're short on
time, Professor.
This von Kontz is losing it.
That is why I have prepared
a viable escape plan.
What are you doing?
What are you going?
Don't you understand,
Mr. Johnson?
The Germans have taken one
teleportation chamber upstairs,
but they've left us the other.
Conceivably,
therefore, one of us
should be able to teleport
into the living room
without the Germans noticing.
Then we can go for help!
- That's great.
That's a wonderful idea.
That'd be like landing
right on top of them.
They'll never suspect it!
One could sneak through.
Well, do you--
do you really think you
could escape, Professor?
Professor Memo?
Have you ever tried
this thing on a human?
I didn't have a
Guinea pig available.
Theory suggests the
trip should be safe.
Which theory?
Listen, according
to my calculations,
the Germans will
enter the vortex
to leave for Germany
with the military
and the historical
records any moment now.
You must stop them.
You are mankind's last chance!
And they said I'd
never amount to anything.
Good luck.
You too.
You know, Professor, if
the Germans wound up here,
how do we know I'm gonna
wind up inside the house
and not in some other machine
in the past or the future
with them?
- Well, we don't.
And you're sure
this thing is safe?
I had to make some minor
adjustments on the machine.
On a trip this short, you
may feel some side effects,
but that is a risk I
shall have to take!
It's our only chance.
What about you?
I stay here to
operate the consoles.
Wait!
Check for flies.
- Will you hurry?
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Finally, you're here!
We've still got a Nazi problem.
I see you have a Nazi
problem, Mr. Johnson,
but this is Christmas,
and I do not.
You can't keep
calling the police
every time you hear a noise.
All right, all right, come on.
Take a look at this.
These guys are
everywhere out here.
I don't see
anything, Mr. Johnson.
Well, they must be hiding
in the bushes or something.
I swear there were--
I saw people out there!
Is there anything else you
wanna show me, Mr. Johnson?
How did you get to
be such a lousy cop?
Explain that to me, will you?
Well, if you think I've
got nothing better to do,
you're dead wrong.
Not to mention the fact
you called me here three
times for no good
reason, and now
you're talking about claims of
Nazis and a teleport chamber!
Mr. Johnson, I've got a real
investigation on my hands
right now.
Two people have been killed
not too far from here.
Well, maybe the Nazis did it.
They left a lot
behind, didn't they?
We've gotta get
back-up out here.
We need-- we need SWAT teams.
That's suspicion,
not evidence.
I'm not calling back-up
based upon your suspicions.
You get back-up out here now.
These guys are Nazis,
I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop them,
we'll all be Nazis too.
Yes, Mr. Johnson,
I can see that.
[speaking german]
Dr. Memo, where is
Mr. Lopez, Eddie Lopez?
I don't know.
This is a Luger
pistol, a Luger pistol.
Toggle joint, breech lock.
Very precise instrument.
[speaking german]
Fred Johnson, California
driver's license,
living on Grandon Avenue.
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
All right, you
wanted evidence?
There's your evidence.
My God.
They're armed with
semi-automatic weapons!
What did you expect
Nazis to be using, BB guns?
They're surrounding the house!
[speaking german]
OK, they just connect
to the upstairs phone.
Should I try to--
No time for that
now, Mr. Johnson.
Consider this a
moment of crisis.
We gotta hold the premises.
Know any martial
arts, judo, karate?
- Yoga.
- Yoga?
Yeah, yoga.
You know what this
is, Mr. Johnson?
It's a gun.
It's a Colt. Lock breech
pistol, standardized in 1926.
Since then, seen
no further change.
Needs none.
[speaking german]
Let's separate.
You're kidding, right?
It'll surprise them.
Come on, move!
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
Where is Mr. Johnson?
We know he lives here.
Guys, I really don't
know any Mr. Johnson.
I'll give you three seconds.
And then I shoot you.
1, 2, 3.
Goodbye.
[speaking german]
[gunshot]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[phone rings]
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, this
is the Johnson residence.
We can't come to the
phone right now.,
but please leave a
message and we'll get
back to you as soon as we can.
Thanks for calling.
[speaking german]
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE):
Fred, are you there?
Please pick up the phone.
Oh God, Fred, are we gonna let
it all slip away like this?
[gunshot]
[speaking german]
Fred?
Fred?
Fred, are you there?
[dog barking]
Freeze!
We're tied down.
Yeah, I noticed.
You're wearing one
of their uniforms.
Yeah, so?
Maybe they'll think
you're one of them.
What if they think I'm not?
I'll cover you.
What?
Move!
[speaking german]
Stand back.
I'll shoot the lock.
[lightning cracks]
He's stolen the records.
He's gonna change history!
What?
I'm going after him.
You're gonna what?
There are some things they
don't sell insurance for.
Mr. Johnson, wait!
[lightning cracks]
[speaking german]
Whoa!
I just dropped in.
So I see.
Never expected
anything like this.
All right, but you
gotta help me now.
We've gotta get
those records back.
All right, whatever.
I just want you know any of
this is out of my jurisdiction.
Yeah, I understand.
I understand.
Here, let me introduce you
to another friend of mine.
Colt 45 caliber, semiautomatic.
You two dating?
[cheering]
All right, Mr. Johnson,
where are the records?
I don't know where I am!
OK, we'll follow the guard.
[humming]
Could be the room
we're looking for.
How do you know?
how do you know?
- Shh.
- Heil Hitler.
Damn a secretary!
After all we've been through?
It's just a secretary.
That's not the point.
She calls the alarm, every Nazi
in this place'll be in on us.
I gotta think.
That's it.
- What?
The uniform.
Pretend you're a German.
It worked before.
I don't speak German!
Then seduce her.
What?
- Do something.
- No.
Forget it.
Go!
Heil Hitler.
Ja?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
You fool!
I told you I
don't speak German!
Body language, you could
have used body language.
Body language this!
You know, I'm sick and tired
of you ordering me around!
Shh!
I hear voices.
[speaking german]
They're in there.
That could be anybody.
There's only one
way to find out.
What?
Sorry, Mr. Johnson.
[speaking german]
Mr. Johnson!
Yes, and now I'll--
I'll take those records back.
Please?
I told you this
wasn't gonna work.
Freeze, LAPD!
Is this them?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's von Kontz there.
And that must be
Muck, the inventor.
[speaking german]
- Who's he?
- I don't know.
Who are you?
[speaking german]
Oh, OK.
I know.
He must be the one
who's supposed to take
the records back to Hitler.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
Why don't you get
the records and let's
get the hell out of here?
- Yeah.
- Come on, come on.
- I'm trying!
All right, we're
gonna bolt this door.
I hear one peep from anybody,
you're all sauerkraut!
I assure you,
we will be silent.
- My God?
- What?
She's gone.
The secretary is gone.
She went to get help.
There's no time to waste.
All right, let's go.
[alarm wails]
Too late.
Come on, hurry!
OK.
[dogs barking]
We're toast!
Puppy chow.
[speaking german]
In the machine, quick!
I am afraid it is
too late for that.
Drop your guns.
[clattering]
That's impossible.
How did you get here?
Pure science, Lieutenant.
We have a second
teleportation chamber
right here in this bunker.
We can teleport right into
this room and wait for you.
If you hadn't rushed
me, we could have checked!
"Run, Mr. Johnson.
Hurry, Mr. Johnson!"
Professor Muck, be reasonable.
The time of reason is past!
Now it is time to eliminate
the last opposing elements.
I shall miss you both.
My sincere regrets.
We will shoot you finally.
Auf Wiedersehen.
[speaking german]
Let's get out of here!
[speaking german]
[shouting]
I think we should
call the police.
For once, I agree.
You think we have a case?
[chuckling]
All right, let's go.
We are reporting live from
Antelope Valley, California
with Professor Alexander Memo.
Professor, if you wouldn't
mind, from the beginning?
I have a new invention,
an improvement!
Imagine, if you will, 10,000
horses running together
in a synchronous manner, but on
a magnetic paralytic converter.
I guess I owe you an
apology, Mr. Johnson.
I should have believed you.
You deserve a medal.
Yeah, well.
Is your wife back yet?
Uh, no.
So what are you gonna do?
Celebrate?
All right, let's move 'em out.
In this case, it
should be theoretically
possible to arrive at your
destination before you depart.
Before you depart?
Before you depart.
How are you doing, sir?
Before you depart?
Mommy, is Daddy home?
He'd better be!
Daddy, Daddy, we had a
really big Christmas tree.
Daddy, Daddy, we had a
really big Christmas tree.
Yeah, you missed it.
Yeah?
Oh well.
OK, go upstairs, you two.
But Mom, please?
Come on.
So you spent
Christmas in bed, huh?
No.
No, actually.
I--
I hope the noises aren't
bothering you anymore.
Nope.
No more noises.
That's all over.
OK, where are they?
What?
Come on, where are they, Fred?
What, the Nazis?
No, come on, the binoculars.
The binoculars.
Acknowledge my intelligence.
I mean, it's the least I expect.
Honey, you know I--
That is what you get
for missing Christmas!
Enough.
All right, that's it.
I've had it with you
ordering me around.
Do you hear me?
That's the end of it.
Are you paying
attention to me or what?
Yeah, well, there you have it.
Fred, I--
And if I ruined Christmas
for you, I'm sorry.
Oh!
Come on, Janie.
Mom isn't mad anymore!
I drew a picture, Dad.
It's you watching
the neighbor's house.
Great.
What's with that
neighbor, anyway?
Oh, he's a scientist,
a man of vision.
Whatever his vision might be.
Well, I think he's leaving.
I saw him getting into
a taxi cab outside.
Oh?
Here, wait.
I'll be right back.
Whoa, Professor.
You're leaving us?
Albeit I did intend
to say goodbye.
Another research trip?
This teleportation machine has
earned me quite a reputation.
I've been asked to
lecture at universities
and scientific conventions
all across the country.
So the Memo
tradition lives on.
Only because of you.
I owe you my life, my invention.
I am greatly in your debt.
Hey, how long you need?
I don't like this neighborhood!
In any case, I have
shut off the keyboards.
There should be no
further disturbances.
Good luck.
And I'd like to apologize
for any little commotion
my machine may have caused.
Water under the bridge.
Bridges are obsolete.
Farewell.
Bye.
[lightning cracks]
[shouting]
[gunshots]
[shouting]
[screaming]
[music playing]
[weapons clanging]
[music - "rosemarie"]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER (ON PA):
Achtung, achtung.
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: [shouting in german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: Company, achtung.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Achtung.
HITLER (OVER PA):
[speaking german]
[cheering]
[thud]
[whirring]
[gasps]
Oh, what's the matter, honey?
- Did you hear that?
- What?
What time is it?
That noise.
There's a loud noise
coming from next door,
and this is the second
time I've heard it.
Well, we'll check it
out tomorrow, OK, honey?
Come back to bed.
- Yeah, OK.
All right.
Yeah, tomorrow, I guess.
Find out what's going on.
OK?
Yeah.
[crickets chirping]
[music playing]
HITLER: [speaking german]
[children arguing]
WOMAN: What's happening
is, air is coming in
through that little
hole and we're getting
it all over our necks here.
Can you do something about that?
- How much time have we got?
- Any minute, dear.
Did you you get it?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's all in the living room, OK?
- OK.
We're going to go as soon as the
window's repaired, all right?
OK.
Good.
Oh, and I found some
of your insurance forms.
So do you want them?
No, no, no.
After Christmas with that stuff.
- OK.
Watch the kids, will you?
- I'm watching them.
Yeah, sure.
I'm watching them.
I'm watching them.
WIFE: And we close
up everything,
and air is just
rushing over our necks
and I get really, really cold.
OK?
[music - "good king wenceslas"]
[children talking]
What did I tell you?
- Jenny turned it on.
- Liar!
That's not true.
- Quiet!
I need quiet.
- Why?
Because of the noises?
Yes, because of the noises.
Because there's
something-- something going
on in the neighbor's house.
Something dangerous.
And we want to find
out what it is.
Something dangerous?
Well, what if
Dad's just crazy?
Dad is not crazy.
Dad just didn't sleep
very well last night,
and Dad's been working
very, very hard
selling insurance for a long--
JENNY: Chris took my Raphael!
Chris, come back here!
[dog barking]
SOLDIER (ON PHONE):
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
[speaking german]
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
Ya, Mein Fuhrer.
Ya vol, Mein Fuhrer.
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: Achtung.
Heil Hitler.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
And you speak English well?
Very well, Heir [german].
Everybody is perfectly
trained for this mission.
All right, dear.
The window's repaired.
Let's go.
What about those noises?
What about them?
Honey, they're real.
I'm telling you, I'm--
I believe you,
dear, but can we worry
about this after Christmas?
Look, I know what I heard, OK?
I heard something--
[whirring]
There, that's it.
Did you hear that?
I heard it too, Mom.
WIFE: Honestly, dear.
The kids heard it.
Didn't you hear it?
JENNY: I heard it too, Mom.
- See?
So what do you
want me to tell you?
If it's coming from
the neighbor's house,
then it's him making that noise.
And that doesn't bother you?
No, it doesn't!
Especially when I'm about
to leave for Christmas.
Now, Jenny, Chris, upstairs
and get your jackets.
Come on, get this
stuff out of here.
Fred, I want to go.
Come on.
You two keep track of
your toys, both of you.
We don't have time
to look for them now.
Come on, dear.
We have to get going!
[whirring]
Again!
Did you hear that?
WIFE: I don't want
to hear about it now!
Help me with the kids.
CHRIS: Mom, do I have to
wear this ugly sweater?
Did you hear that one?
WIFE: Dear, I order
you to come here!
JENNY: Mom, do I have to
wear my sweater that Grandma
gave me for Christmas?
I don't like it.
All right, now I need you
to get your red sweater ready.
- I'm going over there.
- Now?
But we've got to leave!
- The buck stops here.
Fred!
JENNY: Mom, I heard it too.
Upstairs, Jenny.
Now!
Fred.
Oh!
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
Dr. Memo?
Another foreigner.
[doorbell rings]
[deep inhale]
[ticking]
[whirring]
[doorbell ringing]
Open up in there!
I'm calling the police!
[whirring]
[no audible speech]
WIFE: He's just totally
gone off on this neighbor.
Oh, mother, he's back.
The phone.
Fred, you are clearly
not in control of yourself.
I am in control, OK?
You are obsessed!
I'm in control.
The phone!
[dialing]
[ringing]
MAN (ON PHONE): Officer Dent.
Yeah, police?
OFFICER (ON PHONE): May I help?
Yeah, look.
I've got this next door
neighbor over here.
I don't think there's
anybody home right now,
but the thing is, I keep
hearing these noises over there.
OFFICER (ON PHONE): Is
your neighbor at home, sir?
Well, yeah.
Like I say, I don't think
there's anybody in the house,
you know, but--
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Your name, please.
Yeah, Johnson.
Fred-- Fred Johnson.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
And your address.
Yeah, 39013 Granden.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Sir, I'm going to ask
you to wait inside your house--
- OK, yeah.
Sure.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
--until our car arrives.
I'll be here.
OFFICER (ON PHONE):
Merry Christmas.
Please wait.
Wait, wait.
[inaudible]
Amy, wait.
[tires screeching]
Please.
Wait, wait.
Amy!
Amy, wait.
I'll call and cancel.
Yeah, yeah.
--the time you're ready
to join us, all right, Fred.
Yeah, fine, but
you've got the car!
I can't-- I can't join
you with you in the car.
You come back here!
Was I the only one
that heard that noise?
Was I the only
one that heard it?
[whirring]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
Company, achtung!
HITLER (OVER PA):
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
Sieg Heil!
Sieg Heil!
[chanting]
[speaking german]
Are you sure about
these alleged noises?
Yes, I'm sure.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
Let's take a look.
This is Unit 69.
I'm checking the premises.
MAN (ON RADIO): [inaudible].
Thank you.
69 out.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
You wait here.
I'm going to see
if anyone's home.
Fine.
Good.
[knocks]
[knocks]
There's no answer.
I'm going to go around.
Well, there's no reason to
look any further, Mr. Johnson.
Dr. Memo left a memo
for the postman.
Your neighbor's away
for the holidays.
Well, how do we know
this is Memo's memo?
Maybe this isn't Memo's memo.
Possibly.
But I didn't see any
sign of a break in.
Can you just sign here, please?
Well, what about the noises?
Well, maybe Dr. Memo left
his TV on or something.
Well, can't you
search the place?
I'd need a search
warrant for that.
Can't you get a warrant?
No, you're the only witness.
I see no evidence of
the noises you describe,
there's no sign of a break
in, and there's a note.
But if you have
any more problems,
please feel free to
call and ask for me.
I'm Lieutenant Butch.
Merry Christmas.
Lieutenant Butch.
[electricity buzzing]
[whirring]
[grunts]
Hello?
Anybody home?
That's what I thought.
Nobody's here.
OK.
Thank you.
Do you know this guy?
Are you should have
permission to be here?
It's OK.
It's all right.
Do you want to receipt?
No, forget about it.
Here's my card.
We're open 24 hours all day.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Get off my foot.
[ticking]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[faster beeping]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[whirring]
[electronic beeping]
[whirring]
[music playing]
[chuckles]
[rumbling]
Oh, God!
H-- h-- hi, there.
I'm your neighbor.
I-- I-- I thought somebody broke
in, see, so I came over and--
[thud]
[clatter]
[buzzing]
[rumbling]
[whirring]
[rumbling]
MEMO: At which point
it deteriorates
into plasma energy.
The question then becomes,
what happened to it?
I was just going to ask--
Well, that, Mr. Johnson,
is where I've discovered
the vortex crossings not
in six, not in seven,
not in eight dimensions, Mr.
Johnson, but twelve dimensions.
A gateway.
A kind of white
hole, if you will.
But created here, on Earth!
Do you follow me?
Should I be?
MEMO: Yes.
Because until
recently, those who
laughed at the idea of
travel at the speed of sound,
they still tell us instantaneous
transportation will
forever be beyond man's grasp.
And again they are wrong!
Mind over matter, Mr. Johnson.
Yeah.
If you don't mind,
it doesn't matter.
Now, the way to
achieve such speeds
is through the instantaneous
transportation of matter
from one coordinate to another.
Now, this little
unit acts as a sort
of tunnel between refrigerator
one and refrigerator two.
Any item or person that
I put in refrigerator one
will be instantaneously
transported
to refrigerator two.
[laughter]
Chilling.
What are you doing?
You shall witness the process.
Witness?
I, uh-- Don't do
anything on my account.
Mr Johnson, will you please
check the left refrigerator.
What?
Open the door.
OK, it's empty.
If you will please check
the right refrigerator.
Phew.
Yeah.
MEMO: What?
Nothing in it.
That's not possible.
Yeah, well, it's going
to take a hell of a lot
more than this to convince me.
[grunts]
[yelling in german]
[alarm blaring]
[dog barking]
[dialing]
No, no, no, no, no.
Not the police.
They'll confiscate
the teleport chambers.
Make an independent
investigation.
I'm depending on
their investigation.
Yeah, but I might be
diagnosed as mentally unstable.
You are mentally unstable.
[dog barking]
[dog barking]
WOMAN (ON RADIO): [chatter]
There, that.
You hear that?
A hum.
A loud hum.
Hum.
[typing]
[rumbling]
And there.
Thunder.
Loud thunder.
Put that down.
Loud thunder.
Loud thunder.
Now.
[electronic beeping]
I don't understand.
The glass was suppose
to wind up over here.
See, it's a
teleportation chamber.
Ask the professor.
I know nothing.
That's because
it's his machine.
See, he's a nemo, and
that's short for nuts.
His family has been blowing
people up for centuries.
He's--
And these Nazis
never broke in?
No, no, no.
They broke out!
Well, there's no laws
against breaking out.
There are only laws
against breaking in.
Did these Nazis take anything?
No, but they could have.
Good point.
All right, gentlemen, I
have your statements here.
I'll take your depositions
under advisement.
And feel free to call me if
these thugs make themselves
available for arrest.
Again, Merry Christmas.
Make themselves
available for arrest?
Make themselves
available for arrest?
Is that what I pay taxes for?
Is that what I pay taxes for?
You know who are the
Nazis in that situation?
It's not them, it's you.
You're the Nazi.
You're the Nazi.
I've got your badge number!
As I was saying--
I'm not talking to you.
You have no choice.
This matter requires
some heavy research.
Heavy what?
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
[dog barking]
[interposing voices]
SOLDIER: [speaking german]
[rifles cocking]
Well, one thing's certain.
The research is
heavy, all right.
Man, I'm dead tired.
I haven't pulled all-nighters
like this since--
MEMO: That's it!
German war experiments.
Yeah, V1, V2 rocket.
So?
Not here.
There.
They're German-- in 1942--
Would you please pay attention.
It says here, during World
War II a major project was put
forward in Germany to
transport troops to Britain
without relying on the
use of air and sea power.
The designer was an
engineer name Muck.
Muck
Yes, Muck, consultant to
the Messerschmitt Company,
who proposed a solenoid chamber
to be mounted in a hillside
near Liel Coldfield in France.
This teleport
chamber would then be
used to send
squadrons of Germans
into London from a
range of 155 miles?
That's inconceivable!
I never knew the Germans
did research like that.
Neither did I.
Nobody did, obviously,
or we would have heard about it.
Hm.
This is--
I'm surprised they even tried.
I mean, the technology was
clearly not available to them.
And what about Muck?
MEMO: Muck.
Muck.
Um-- nothing.
It doesn't say.
- Oh.
He must have been
sacked by Hitler
and sent off to
the Eastern Front.
Really?
What else does it say here?
Yes.
Any remains of the research
facility in the chamber
were destroyed during an
ally bombing raid in 1944.
The idea has never been revived.
But this still
doesn't explain what
there were Nazis doing running
around your living room.
Mr. Johnson, the
answer is plain as day.
My vortex must have
accidentally tapped
into some experiments
in teleportation which
the Germans were doing in 1942.
Their chamber interfered
with my chamber,
when in fact, they should have
been sent to Britain in 1942.
That's quite a jump.
Yes, I admit it's not
usual, but time and space
are essentially the same thing.
Everyone knows that.
If you can travel in one,
you can travel in the other.
So you-- so they--
and then-- So what do we do now?
Oh, if I only
knew, Mr. Johnson.
Well, OK.
I'll see you when I get back.
Back?
Back from where?
I've got to go
get some sleep, OK?
Tonight's Christmas Eve.
I've got to go find my wife.
Are we insane?
These are German
military troops.
Relics from the
Second World War.
Remnants from history.
Do you realize--
Count yourself lucky.
At least they're not burglars.
Excuse me.
[door opens and closes]
[clicking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
WOMAN: You could
have waited for him.
I don't know why you
didn't wait for him.
AMY: Mother, I'm telling
you, he'll be here!
AMY'S MOTHER: --do
things your own way?
God!
Are you sure he'll be here?
Mom, give me some credit, OK?
Tomorrow is Christmas.
Fred wouldn't want to miss it.
He'll be here.
[sighs]
We should have waited for him.
No!
This time he went overboard.
Way overboard.
[speaking german]
NARRATOR (ON TV): The
entire Nazi plan was being
stalled because of the RAF.
The German heavy artillery
were getting hot from firing
shells across the channel.
Hitler says to the
Germans, "Churchill
believes he can
resist, but I tell you
that England will be crushed."
What do you want me to say?
How do you expect me to react?
That's just plain ridiculous.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
That's because it is ridiculous.
You see, they were
conducting these experiments
during World War II, see.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): I don't
care about any experiments.
What do experiments have
to do with Christmas,
and especially you missing
Christmas with your family.
But honey--
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): Get
in the car and come here now!
Yeah, I can--
I can leave right away.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE): I
don't care what it takes, Ben!
I'll take a cab.
MRS. JOHNSON (ON
PHONE): You be here!
Yes, dear.
[dog barking]
Um, would you wait here for
me just a second, please?
Inshallah.
But we keep the
meter running, yes?
Yeah, fine.
OK.
[doorbell rings]
Yes?
Dr. Memo, I'm getting ready
to join my wife and my family,
and I just kind of wanted to
stop by and wish you a merry--
Run, Mr. Johnson!
[speaking german]
Take off, now!
We are going to airport, sir?
No, just go, drive!
Who are these people?
They're gonna kill us.
Go!
Oh my God!
[machine gun fire]
[screaming]
[clicking]
[speaking german]
Mr. Johnson, why did you run?
You could have been killed!
Didn't you say
"run, Mr. Johnson?"
That was just a
figure of speech.
Your efforts were futile!
God, we're prisoners now.
We're war prisoners!
Could be worse.
Worse?
Professor, I don't want to die!
Tut-tut-tut!
Let us keep matters
in perspective!
Historically speaking,
they may torture, mutilate,
vandalize, lobotomize,
or sodomize you,
but they won't kill you.
They need you.
Need me for what?
I'm--
[dogs barking]
[speaking german]
Oh, God, they're coming for us.
Shh, shh.
Be calm!
Nazis are not the
robots that are
commonly portrayed in movies. .
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Alex Memo?
Dr. Alex Memo.
And Lopez, Eddie Lopez
III, open 24 hours a day.
[speaking german]
What does it mean,
"24 hours a day?"
It means-- it really
means I'm open at 12:00
Dr. Memo, Mr. Lopez, I
am Friedrich von Kontz.
I am in command of this force.
I'm very impressed by
the progress technology
has made in only 50 years.
I know where we are.
We left Germany in 1942,
exactly 50 years ago.
A miracle of science.
Due to some unforeseen
accident, I am sure.
Neither you nor Mr. Lopez seem
to have planned any of this.
The obvious solution to this
problem is quite simple.
We have arrived
at this location.
Now we want to go back.
That can't be done.
It implies traveled
back through time,
a theoretical impossibility!
Have you tried it?
Commander von Kontz, might
you be considering this matter
from a one-sided perspective?
Closer examination
will reveal this
to be a very pleasant
location, a civilized world!
The war is over.
You may all retire to civilian
life, live in Los Angeles,
enjoy the mild weather!
And of course, no trials
for, you know, war atrocities.
War trials?
Uh, war crime trials.
Allied war trials.
Very well, Mr. Lopez.
Since Dr. Memo is
not cooperating,
we are going to shoot you.
Look, Herr Ober whatever
you are, your name
is, you're not gonna
get away with this.
The police are on to you.
And if you think you're tough,
wait till you see what happens
when the cops get pissed.
Right, Professor?
Tell 'em about Rodney King!
One moment, Commander.
I have notes, which are
available for your review,
if you should require
them at your convenience.
[speaking german]
[doorbell rings]
- Dr. Memo?
- Yes.
There was a gang attack
nearby not long ago.
I thought since you
had a break-in earlier,
you might be of some help.
Hello.
I am Professor von Kontz.
How do you do?
Lieutenant Butch, LAPD.
Your colleague?
Yes, it appears we are both
interested in the same things.
I hope I'm not intruding
on some secret research.
May I come in?
Why not indeed?
I didn't wanna bother
you with this before,
but we found some-- my God!
What happened here?
Moving out?
Part of our research.
Quite correct.
If you don't mind my asking,
what are you researching?
If we knew that, we
wouldn't be searching for it.
Anyway, like I said before,
I wanted to ask you something.
Of course.
We found this on
the scene of a crime.
It's a Luger automatic pistol,
9 millimeter caliber, P-38.
P-8.
So you're familiar with it?
No, but I know it very well.
Yes, well, that's
right, a P-8.
Anyway, Dr. Memo said
something about thugs.
I was wondering if,
well, the thugs you saw,
were they carrying
similar weapons?
No, there was
nothing like that.
Quite correct.
I understand.
By the way, I can't seem
to find Mr. Johnson.
He seems to have--
I believe he is being
taken care of right now.
KONTZ: Quite correct.
You know, you're
probably right.
He probably is off with
his wife right now.
Well, I guess I'll be going.
It was very nice
meeting you, mister--
Von Kontz.
Von Kontz?
Correct.
A pleasure, indeed.
Come again.
Oh, and by the way, if you
have a problem or an emergency,
you can always call 911.
Of course.
Merry Christmas.
Let's see if one comes up.
[speaking german]
Thank you for
your cooperation.
When we return to Germany,
we will remember you.
"Quite correct,
quite correct."
Oh God, we're dead!
Because of you and your
stupid machine, we're Dead!
You're an optimist.
To my mind, the situation
is worse, much worse.
Ah, so you admit it.
You admit it!
[speaking german]
What are they doing?
Can it be that you
do not understand
the gravity of our situation?
Should I?
No, of course not.
I forget that I
live in a country
where most students
couldn't point
out their country on a map!
Hey, I did OK in school.
1941, Operation Barbarossa.
Germany invades Russia.
Hitler diverts troops
from the Moscow offensive
to attack Kiev, thus postponing
the Moscow offensive by one
year, one year crucial
to the taking of Russia
before the Winter War.
1942, Battle of the Caucasus.
Germany makes a fatal error
in attacking Stalingrad.
250,000 Germans die.
It's the turning
point of the war.
These are merely examples!
Examples of what?
Oh, think, Mr. Johnson, think!
The Germans will probably
return to Germany
with the historical data
that they acquire here.
They will be able to avoid
all the mistakes they made
during the Second World War.
They will know Allied
tactics, strategy.
They will even benefit
from historical analysis,
preventing them from
making further mistakes
thus winning the war, changing
history, changing everything!
Yeah, but Professor,
even if they do get back,
who's gonna believe them?
Anybody can fake
historical records.
What about the atomic bomb?
They could look through
any of my physics books
and get a blueprint
for an atomic bomb!
Modern jet fighters,
military hardware--
there's an entire
range of technology
that becomes available to them.
I tell you, Mr. Johnson,
we are on the verge
of rewriting World War II.
All right.
All right, Professor, but
because we are standing here
talking now, and know that
history hasn't been changed,
we know that the Nazis
won't manage to get back,
and so therefore we--
Good reasoning, Mr. Johnson.
Essentially right, but
fundamentally wrong!
The instant that the Nazis
step through that vortex
and return to their place of
origin, that is when things
would change for you and me.
You would probably be
a member of the Party,
and I would be, oh, the
minister of propaganda,
something along those lines.
You mean everything
would change?
Me, my wife?
Wife?
In a Nazi regime, you
would be the product
of genetic manipulation.
You wouldn't need a wife!
What about my car?
You'd probably
drive a Volkswagen.
I don't think we insure those.
In plain language,
Mr. Johnson,
if we do not prevent these
Germans from returning
to the Germany of 1942, not
Eisenhower, not Patton, not
Stalin, not DeGaulle,
not Churchill,
nobody will be able
to prevent them
from using their
information to win the war!
Think of this as the
last battle of World War
II, the final showdown,
the ultimate confrontation,
the essential struggle
between good and evil!
Mom, I can't believe this.
He's missing Christmas.
Now, dear, I'm sure there
must be an explanation.
Explanation?
Mother, when I left, he was
watching our neighbor's house
with binoculars.
The night before, he wouldn't
sleep because of noises.
I don't know what I'm
gonna do with that man.
Well, I can hardly
believe Fred would--
Mom, he's going crazy.
Noises and this and that.
Next thing you know,
he'll be hearing music.
[german music playing]
[speaking german]
-
Yes, yes, 1, 2,
3, 4, and 1, 2.
Come on, you can do it.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Yeah!
1, 2.
And 1, 2, 3, 4.
And 1, yes, that's the way.
1 and 2, and 1 and 2.
And 1 and 2 and 3 and 4.
And you can do it.
Come on.
That's great.
1 and 2 and 3 and 4,
[laughter]
And 1 and 2, 3,4.
Come on, yes, that's the way.
1 and 2 and 1--
[speaking german]
A little pixie, isn't she?
My men are not used to
this form of entertainment.
It upsets their morale.
Yeah, well, I agree.
My men have trained
hard for this mission.
You will cooperate and
lead them to key areas
of interest in the city
to gather information
of military significance.
I'm putting you in charge.
In charge?
Yes.
You will not be back
here before 5:00.
I need silence to work.
Otherwise, I shoot you.
Yes. yes, sir.
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
That will be all.
[speaking german]
Dr. Memo, please, sit down.
I called you here because
I want to congratulate
a man that I think is a genius.
Your machine, Dr. Memo, is
a true wonder of technology.
Our group engineer informs
me that our trip would not
have been possible without you.
The machine in Germany would
not have worked by itself.
Your machine allowed
us to be transported.
The machine is more
powerful than you
could possibly imagine.
Well, fortunately,
we were able to use
your notes to operate it.
By this evening, we
will have recreated
a tunnel in the vortex of the
machine which brought us here.
We will then be ready
to return to 1942.
And to see Germany
lose the war.
Absolutely not.
Because of the facts
available here,
it will now be possible
for Germany to win the war!
However, I do not believe
my mission would be complete
if I did not attempt to
convince a genius like yourself
to return to Germany
with us to contribute
his work, his knowledge, to
the Reich, to the Fuhrer,
to share in the glory and
the vision of Germany.
As your grandfather did
before you with the zeppelin.
My grandfather
was a scientist,
not a supporter of a
regime run by a madman!
I too have read
the history books.
And yet the Fuhrer
brought Germany out
of ruins and into prosperity!
And he will succeed where
Napoleon and Alexander
the Great could not.
Your leader will go down in
flames and take all of Germany
with him!
Dr. Memo, once I return to
Germany, the war will be won.
All of this will be incorrect.
By coming here,
even by an accident,
you have been offered a
glimpse into the reality
of your struggle.
You see what you
are fighting for!
This is not Alexander the Great!
Tyranny of the
lazy and incompetent!
That is what your democracy
has brought you, Dr. Memo!
Americans are undisciplined
and have drawn the entire world
into their lack of discipline!
The world will sink without
a Reich to bring order!
But as long as I am in command
here, order there will be!
That is a fact
[speaking german]
[inaudible]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
What is that?
What is that?
I didn't buy it?
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
Ah, Mr. Johnson,
right on time.
All is ready.
We're short on
time, Professor.
This von Kontz is losing it.
That is why I have prepared
a viable escape plan.
What are you doing?
What are you going?
Don't you understand,
Mr. Johnson?
The Germans have taken one
teleportation chamber upstairs,
but they've left us the other.
Conceivably,
therefore, one of us
should be able to teleport
into the living room
without the Germans noticing.
Then we can go for help!
- That's great.
That's a wonderful idea.
That'd be like landing
right on top of them.
They'll never suspect it!
One could sneak through.
Well, do you--
do you really think you
could escape, Professor?
Professor Memo?
Have you ever tried
this thing on a human?
I didn't have a
Guinea pig available.
Theory suggests the
trip should be safe.
Which theory?
Listen, according
to my calculations,
the Germans will
enter the vortex
to leave for Germany
with the military
and the historical
records any moment now.
You must stop them.
You are mankind's last chance!
And they said I'd
never amount to anything.
Good luck.
You too.
You know, Professor, if
the Germans wound up here,
how do we know I'm gonna
wind up inside the house
and not in some other machine
in the past or the future
with them?
- Well, we don't.
And you're sure
this thing is safe?
I had to make some minor
adjustments on the machine.
On a trip this short, you
may feel some side effects,
but that is a risk I
shall have to take!
It's our only chance.
What about you?
I stay here to
operate the consoles.
Wait!
Check for flies.
- Will you hurry?
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
Finally, you're here!
We've still got a Nazi problem.
I see you have a Nazi
problem, Mr. Johnson,
but this is Christmas,
and I do not.
You can't keep
calling the police
every time you hear a noise.
All right, all right, come on.
Take a look at this.
These guys are
everywhere out here.
I don't see
anything, Mr. Johnson.
Well, they must be hiding
in the bushes or something.
I swear there were--
I saw people out there!
Is there anything else you
wanna show me, Mr. Johnson?
How did you get to
be such a lousy cop?
Explain that to me, will you?
Well, if you think I've
got nothing better to do,
you're dead wrong.
Not to mention the fact
you called me here three
times for no good
reason, and now
you're talking about claims of
Nazis and a teleport chamber!
Mr. Johnson, I've got a real
investigation on my hands
right now.
Two people have been killed
not too far from here.
Well, maybe the Nazis did it.
They left a lot
behind, didn't they?
We've gotta get
back-up out here.
We need-- we need SWAT teams.
That's suspicion,
not evidence.
I'm not calling back-up
based upon your suspicions.
You get back-up out here now.
These guys are Nazis,
I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop them,
we'll all be Nazis too.
Yes, Mr. Johnson,
I can see that.
[speaking german]
Dr. Memo, where is
Mr. Lopez, Eddie Lopez?
I don't know.
This is a Luger
pistol, a Luger pistol.
Toggle joint, breech lock.
Very precise instrument.
[speaking german]
Fred Johnson, California
driver's license,
living on Grandon Avenue.
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
All right, you
wanted evidence?
There's your evidence.
My God.
They're armed with
semi-automatic weapons!
What did you expect
Nazis to be using, BB guns?
They're surrounding the house!
[speaking german]
OK, they just connect
to the upstairs phone.
Should I try to--
No time for that
now, Mr. Johnson.
Consider this a
moment of crisis.
We gotta hold the premises.
Know any martial
arts, judo, karate?
- Yoga.
- Yoga?
Yeah, yoga.
You know what this
is, Mr. Johnson?
It's a gun.
It's a Colt. Lock breech
pistol, standardized in 1926.
Since then, seen
no further change.
Needs none.
[speaking german]
Let's separate.
You're kidding, right?
It'll surprise them.
Come on, move!
[speaking german]
[dog barking]
[speaking german]
Where is Mr. Johnson?
We know he lives here.
Guys, I really don't
know any Mr. Johnson.
I'll give you three seconds.
And then I shoot you.
1, 2, 3.
Goodbye.
[speaking german]
[gunshot]
[speaking german]
[speaking german]
[phone rings]
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, this
is the Johnson residence.
We can't come to the
phone right now.,
but please leave a
message and we'll get
back to you as soon as we can.
Thanks for calling.
[speaking german]
MRS. JOHNSON (ON PHONE):
Fred, are you there?
Please pick up the phone.
Oh God, Fred, are we gonna let
it all slip away like this?
[gunshot]
[speaking german]
Fred?
Fred?
Fred, are you there?
[dog barking]
Freeze!
We're tied down.
Yeah, I noticed.
You're wearing one
of their uniforms.
Yeah, so?
Maybe they'll think
you're one of them.
What if they think I'm not?
I'll cover you.
What?
Move!
[speaking german]
Stand back.
I'll shoot the lock.
[lightning cracks]
He's stolen the records.
He's gonna change history!
What?
I'm going after him.
You're gonna what?
There are some things they
don't sell insurance for.
Mr. Johnson, wait!
[lightning cracks]
[speaking german]
Whoa!
I just dropped in.
So I see.
Never expected
anything like this.
All right, but you
gotta help me now.
We've gotta get
those records back.
All right, whatever.
I just want you know any of
this is out of my jurisdiction.
Yeah, I understand.
I understand.
Here, let me introduce you
to another friend of mine.
Colt 45 caliber, semiautomatic.
You two dating?
[cheering]
All right, Mr. Johnson,
where are the records?
I don't know where I am!
OK, we'll follow the guard.
[humming]
Could be the room
we're looking for.
How do you know?
how do you know?
- Shh.
- Heil Hitler.
Damn a secretary!
After all we've been through?
It's just a secretary.
That's not the point.
She calls the alarm, every Nazi
in this place'll be in on us.
I gotta think.
That's it.
- What?
The uniform.
Pretend you're a German.
It worked before.
I don't speak German!
Then seduce her.
What?
- Do something.
- No.
Forget it.
Go!
Heil Hitler.
Ja?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
You fool!
I told you I
don't speak German!
Body language, you could
have used body language.
Body language this!
You know, I'm sick and tired
of you ordering me around!
Shh!
I hear voices.
[speaking german]
They're in there.
That could be anybody.
There's only one
way to find out.
What?
Sorry, Mr. Johnson.
[speaking german]
Mr. Johnson!
Yes, and now I'll--
I'll take those records back.
Please?
I told you this
wasn't gonna work.
Freeze, LAPD!
Is this them?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's von Kontz there.
And that must be
Muck, the inventor.
[speaking german]
- Who's he?
- I don't know.
Who are you?
[speaking german]
Oh, OK.
I know.
He must be the one
who's supposed to take
the records back to Hitler.
All right, Mr. Johnson.
Why don't you get
the records and let's
get the hell out of here?
- Yeah.
- Come on, come on.
- I'm trying!
All right, we're
gonna bolt this door.
I hear one peep from anybody,
you're all sauerkraut!
I assure you,
we will be silent.
- My God?
- What?
She's gone.
The secretary is gone.
She went to get help.
There's no time to waste.
All right, let's go.
[alarm wails]
Too late.
Come on, hurry!
OK.
[dogs barking]
We're toast!
Puppy chow.
[speaking german]
In the machine, quick!
I am afraid it is
too late for that.
Drop your guns.
[clattering]
That's impossible.
How did you get here?
Pure science, Lieutenant.
We have a second
teleportation chamber
right here in this bunker.
We can teleport right into
this room and wait for you.
If you hadn't rushed
me, we could have checked!
"Run, Mr. Johnson.
Hurry, Mr. Johnson!"
Professor Muck, be reasonable.
The time of reason is past!
Now it is time to eliminate
the last opposing elements.
I shall miss you both.
My sincere regrets.
We will shoot you finally.
Auf Wiedersehen.
[speaking german]
Let's get out of here!
[speaking german]
[shouting]
I think we should
call the police.
For once, I agree.
You think we have a case?
[chuckling]
All right, let's go.
We are reporting live from
Antelope Valley, California
with Professor Alexander Memo.
Professor, if you wouldn't
mind, from the beginning?
I have a new invention,
an improvement!
Imagine, if you will, 10,000
horses running together
in a synchronous manner, but on
a magnetic paralytic converter.
I guess I owe you an
apology, Mr. Johnson.
I should have believed you.
You deserve a medal.
Yeah, well.
Is your wife back yet?
Uh, no.
So what are you gonna do?
Celebrate?
All right, let's move 'em out.
In this case, it
should be theoretically
possible to arrive at your
destination before you depart.
Before you depart?
Before you depart.
How are you doing, sir?
Before you depart?
Mommy, is Daddy home?
He'd better be!
Daddy, Daddy, we had a
really big Christmas tree.
Daddy, Daddy, we had a
really big Christmas tree.
Yeah, you missed it.
Yeah?
Oh well.
OK, go upstairs, you two.
But Mom, please?
Come on.
So you spent
Christmas in bed, huh?
No.
No, actually.
I--
I hope the noises aren't
bothering you anymore.
Nope.
No more noises.
That's all over.
OK, where are they?
What?
Come on, where are they, Fred?
What, the Nazis?
No, come on, the binoculars.
The binoculars.
Acknowledge my intelligence.
I mean, it's the least I expect.
Honey, you know I--
That is what you get
for missing Christmas!
Enough.
All right, that's it.
I've had it with you
ordering me around.
Do you hear me?
That's the end of it.
Are you paying
attention to me or what?
Yeah, well, there you have it.
Fred, I--
And if I ruined Christmas
for you, I'm sorry.
Oh!
Come on, Janie.
Mom isn't mad anymore!
I drew a picture, Dad.
It's you watching
the neighbor's house.
Great.
What's with that
neighbor, anyway?
Oh, he's a scientist,
a man of vision.
Whatever his vision might be.
Well, I think he's leaving.
I saw him getting into
a taxi cab outside.
Oh?
Here, wait.
I'll be right back.
Whoa, Professor.
You're leaving us?
Albeit I did intend
to say goodbye.
Another research trip?
This teleportation machine has
earned me quite a reputation.
I've been asked to
lecture at universities
and scientific conventions
all across the country.
So the Memo
tradition lives on.
Only because of you.
I owe you my life, my invention.
I am greatly in your debt.
Hey, how long you need?
I don't like this neighborhood!
In any case, I have
shut off the keyboards.
There should be no
further disturbances.
Good luck.
And I'd like to apologize
for any little commotion
my machine may have caused.
Water under the bridge.
Bridges are obsolete.
Farewell.
Bye.
[lightning cracks]
[shouting]
[gunshots]
[shouting]
[screaming]
[music playing]