Man's Favorite Sport? (1964) - full transcript

Roger Willoughby is considered to be a leading expert on sports fishing. He's written books on the subject and is loved by his customers in the sporting goods department at Abercrombie and Fitch, where he works. There's only one problem however: he's never been fishing in his life. When the store owner enters him in a fishing contest, mayhem ensues.


J some men are
good at hunting quail

j some like to sail
while others like to box

j some men prefer to surf

j while others like the turf

j and lose a lot
of money on the Jacks

j some men say
judo is their dish

j while others fish
where mountain waters swirl

j but let a girl appear

j he'll pursue her

j and run his
fingers through her curls

j and that's the way it's been
since the world began

j the favorite
sport of man is girls

j some men put on an aqualung

j and swim above
the barnacles and pearls

j but let a girl appear
he'll pursue her

j and run his
fingers through her curls

j and that's the way it's been
since the world began

j the favorite
sport of man is girls &

Sorry. I wasn't looking.

Hey, you can go now.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, well, hi.

Um, I... l was going
to park here.

How can you? I'm already here.

Well, I can see that but you'll
have to move. This is my place.

How can it be your place
when I'm already in it?

Lady, you don't understand,
I park here every day.

Hey, buddy, is this your car?

Yes, officer, it is.

Can't leave it here.

Uh, I'll move it in a minute.

You don't, you'll
find a ticket on it.

Right away, officer.
Look, young lady...

You better move your car, I
think the meant what he said.

Do you see that
number over there?

Woman: Of course,
I see that number.

It's 19. Well, I'm 19.

You look older than that to
me, but you never can tell.

We're not talking about my age.

Well, I know. But we've already
discussed the parking.

This is ridiculous, I shouldn't
be in a spot like this.

I don't think so either.

Couldn't you find a better
place to propose to her?

I am not proposing to her.

Are we late? Not if we hurry.

Better luck next time.

You can't leave your car here.

I already have. But if you
want to move it, go on ahead.

I don't want to move your car.

Good, then just leave
it right where it is.

I'll fix her.

Hi, officer.

Find what you're looking for?

I wasn't looking for anything.

You weren't?

Just trying to start this car.

Interesting way of doing it.

You mind telling me why?

So I could move it.

This isn't your car, is it?

No. It belongs to the
girl who just left.

But she's a friend of yours.

I never saw her
before in my life.

This is getting more
interesting by the minute.

Better let me see your license.

L, um, must have dropped
it or something.

Here it is.

Well, well...

Would you mind hurrying?

I'm late enough asitis.

Simmer down, Abigail.

Abigail?

It's what it says right here.

Let me see that.
This isn't mine.

You don't know how happy
I am to hear that.

Here it is.

Roger Willoughby, hmm?

Yeah.

You say you don't know
this Abigail page?

No, I don't. Officer,
look, this is all very simple.

The young lady parked
in my parking space.

I work here, Abercrombie & Fitch.
I tried to get her to move.

I tried to explain to her, but
the whole thing got confused.

You just said it was simple.

Shoulda been, but you know women. She's
the kind that gets you confused.

I meet 'em every day.
Then you should know.

Anyway, she said she was in a hurry.
Then they started talking.

They? By that time,
there were two of them.

Two of them? Were in the spot?

She said I could move
the car if I wanted to.

But she left both
the doors locked.

Screwy story.

You think I made it up?

No, it's too real for that.

I've got no reason,
but I believe you.

If I could have
my driver's license...

I'll need it for another minute.

What for?

I can't give you
a ticket without a license.

You said you believed me,
a ticket for what?

For leaving that car over there.

That's the one
you should've moved.

Roger? There are some
customers waiting for you.

Yeah, I got held up,
who's first?

Major phipps has been in rods &
reels since the store opened.

Mr. Willoughby.
Good morning, Mr. bush.

I wanted to ask you the best
way to catch northern pike.

Well, sir, uh... Joe. I'll be
with you in just a minute.

Why don't you let Joe show you the
new nylon lines that came in?

I think they'll be
well worth your while.

Good morning, major phipps.

Fourteen minutes and 30 seconds.

I beg your pardon?

That's how long I've
been waiting for you.

I'm terribly sorry, major.
A problem in the parking...

Then let's stop wasting time,
this is important, Willoughby.

I just discovered I can get out of a
couple of board meetings next week

and make the tournament at...

Lake wakapoogee? Splendid.
What can I help you with?

Rods, reels, lines,
lures, spinners,

flies, bugs, spoons,
the whole mess.

I see. Well, then, let's...
Let's start with the rods.

The cornerstone of the
outfit, you know.

Let's see here. Going to
win this year, major?

I intend to keep on trying.

Good. Here we are.

This is the one I would recommend.
Good morning, Tom.

It's light, flexible,
strong, perfectly balanced.

How does it feel?
It feels light.

Would you like to
try to make a cast?

Yes, I think I would.

Look at that. It's my arm.

Machine gun bullets
during the war.

I can't get any movement.

Major, I'm ashamed of you. Why?

Haven't you read my book? Of
course I have, every word of it.

It says here on
page 21, I think.

Yes. "You need very
little movement

"to make a good cast
with a spinning reel."

I must've missed that.

Tom, you read the book.

Why don't you show the
major a couple of casts

and I'll explain it
to him as you go.

Now, remember, major.

10 o'clock position first.
Then 11 o'clock.

11 o'clock, higher.

Then forward to 9 o'clock.

9 o'clock. Try it, Tom.

You see? Isn't that pretty?

10 o'clock.

11 o'clock.

9 o'clock. Try it again.

See. Very little wrist movement.

Would you like to try it, major?

I certainly would.

Now remember, gently.

10 o'clock,

gently.

10 o'clock, 11 o'clock,

hey, look at that! Good.

Roger, what would
I do without you?

I wish you were staying at the
lake during the tournament.

Come to think of it, why haven't
you ever entered the tournament?

Oh, I, major, I... don't
seem to have enough time.

You should. Well, it's
the rod, all right.

What kind of fish should I go after?
Bass, trout, bluegills?

Let's see, last year the
wakapoogee was won with a bass.

Six pounds, eight ounces.

I know. I saw that old goat
Harvey Skaggs land the fish.

He used a plug, a green
plunking dingbat.

That's not what I asked you,
and this isn't last year.

I want to
know what to use this year.

Let's see... Roger? Phone.

Oh, thank you. Excuse me, major.
I'll be right back.

Good morning,
Willoughby speaking.

Roger, this is stern, Jim stern.

Yeah, Jim.

Listen, Roger, I'm up here
at lake wakapoogee.

I wanted to tell you that I got the
doggonest string of fish you ever seen.

Well, good for you.

Um... say, Jim, what
kind of fish did you go after?

Trout, just like you suggested.

And what would you say
is the best time of day?

Jim: Between 10 and 11
in the morning.

Between 10 and 11
in the morning. A-ha.

What was the water temperature?

Sixty-eight degrees.

Sixty-eight degrees. And
how deep did you go?

Just bellow the surface, I
started with a Colorado spinner

and ended with a super-duper.

I see.

Thank you, Jim.

I appreciate your calling.

Bye.

Major phipps, what were
we talking about?

What kind of fish I should
go after at the lake.

I suggest you go for trout.
Trout.

About 10 or 11 in the morning
would be your best time.

The water should be
around 68 degrees.

Sixty-eight degrees.

What kind of a lure,
and how deep?

Just under the surface and use
either a Colorado spinner

or a super-duper.

Amazing. A Colorado
spinner or a super-duper.

Morning, Maggie.

Morning, Roger. Go right on in.

Oh, thank you.

Hi. Hello.

Good morning, sir.

Willoughby, come in, come in.

Miss Perkins, send in the young
ladies, please. Maggie: Yes, sir.

Fine morning, isn't it? I want you to...
Here they are now.

Miss page and miss Mueller.
Mr. Roger Willoughby.

Yep, I knew it.

We've met.

Yes, in the parking lot.

Oh, fine. Please sit down
and we'll get on with this.

Miss Mueller is the daughter of Mr.
Mueller,

who owns the lodge
at lake wakapoogee.

Miss page is sort of director of
public relations for the lodge.

I see. Willoughby, this
is your lucky day.

It is?

Absolutely.

You are entering the fishing
tournament at lake wakapoogee.

Sir? Stuns you, doesn't it?

You want, uh, me to fish
in the tournament?

That's right, as the official
representative of Abercrombie & Fitch.

Mr. cadwalader...
Don't thank me.

Thank miss page.
It was all her idea.

You know, the more I think of
it, the more excited I become.

Your name and reputation will
have considerable influence

on the publicity for the tournament,
which benefits the lodge.

Beaver. Oh, thank you.

And will benefit us, of course.
I tell you, Willoughby...

What's the matter?
Something bothering you?

Mr. cadwalader,
it's just that I...

Isolde: Just what?

I don't think I should enter
the fishing tournament.

Why not? Give us
one good reason.

Because I...

That's certainly no reason.

I didn't give a reason.

Why?

Come on, now, we're waiting.

Now, just a minute. I think I
know what's bothering Willoughby.

You don't think it's fair for the
teacher to compete with pupils.

Exactly. They might resent me.

And that would defeat
your whole purpose.

Oh, horse feathers.

Oh, my goodness!

Let me have your handkerchief.

It's perfectly all right.

Sorry.

Don't worry a bit.
It'll dry out right away.

Abigail: Good.

Silly, isn't it? My
wife makes me wear it.

Well, let's get on
with it, shall we?

Yes, Mr. cadwalader.

Let me see, where...
Where were we?

Mr. Willoughby felt the other
fishermen might resent

his entering the tournament,

then I hit the ashtray.

That's exactly what I said.

Isolde: I don't agree.
It would be flattering.

Like playing on the same
team with Mickey mantle.

It's not the same!

It's exactly the same!

Good thing you
didn't hit an ashtray.

Stop being so modest.
I'm not being modest.

They're right.
It's your modesty talking.

I don't want to hear any more.

Yes, miss Perkins.

Maggie: It's 11.30,
Mr. cadwalader.

Thanks, Perkins.

I have an appointment and I'm tied
up the rest of the afternoon.

Willoughby, why don't you
take the ladies to lunch

and explain all
the details to them.

Miss page,
it was a great idea of yours.

Mr. cadwalader, didn't
you forget something?

Hmm?

Your thingamajig.

Oh.

Oh. No, I didn't forget it.
Good excuse not to wear it.

Miss Mueller,
thank you very much.

It was a pleasure, sir.

Ah, by the way, Willoughby,
how is your fishing gear?

Well, sir,
with so little chance I...

Just as I thought. We'll get
together in the morning

and pick out all
the equipment you need.

Goodbye.

Look, miss page...

Please.

Please, I didn't realize that I
had taken your parking space.

I didn't know that you
were Roger Willoughby.

I mean, I thought
that some nut...

Abby. Well, I'm sorry.

So please forgive me, please.

Well, I... please?

I can't really blame you, miss page.
But there is one thing...

I know. You couldn't move my car
because I locked the doors.

That's not what I want
to talk to you about.

You'd have had a hard time
getting into that car.

That's very possible...

Easy, the funny thing is,
he almost got a ticket.

I got a ticket!

From the policeman?

That's right.

Oh, no. I told you you
better do what he said.

Didn't I? Don't you remember?

I remember distinctly.
You have the faculty...

Come on, you two. Don't forget
you have to work together.

That's what I want to
talk to her about.

Mr. Willoughby, I just want
to get one thing straight.

Do you feel that
you are too good

to enter our fishing tournament?

No, I don't!

That's what I want to hear.

Come on, let's have some lunch.

Miss page...

Don't hold a grudge.
I'll make you a deal.

If you buy us two Martinis

then I'll pay for
your ticket, okay?

Oh, hell.

I should've thought that you would
jump at the chance to go fishing.

Well, ordinarily I...

What is it? Your wife?
Doesn't she want you to go?

I don't have a wife.

Then your fiancee,
your girlfriend.

The girl I'm engaged to
has nothing to do

with my not wanting
to enter the tournament.

At least we know you're engaged,

and don't want to
enter the tournament.

That's right.

So, I guess we'll just have
to keep on wondering why.

I have no intention of
discussing the reasons with you.

Step right in, please.

You better keep on trying.

I will.

But hurry up.

Mr. Wii...

Oh, no.

What?

Well, I was just thinking.

If you're up at the lake,
you'll be away from the store.

Yes, that's right.

You don't want to risk that.
Do you?

Why? It's only a job.

You're afraid of the auditors.

I mean, the auditors may come
in and go over your books

and find out that you've been playing
hanky-panky with the store funds.

What?

Roger, how much are you short?

I'm not short anything!

Shh, shh.

I have nothing to
do with store money.

She's just talking nonsense!

How can you say such a thing with
all those people hearing you?

They might believe you.

Well, I just didn't think.

I really can't
figure you out, miss page.

Either you don't know what you're
doing, or you just don't care.

"Miss page." You're so formal.
Call me Abigail.

I don't want to
know you that well.

Even as a total stranger,
you're too much trouble.

What will it be?

Martini. Make mine a double.

A thing like that could
ruin a man's reputation.

Do you have a light, Roger?

You can't really believe
I'm committing larceny.

You made those people think so.

Before I met you, my life was
uncomplicated, peaceful.

Everything was fine.
Didn't have any trouble.

Even with this lighter,
I didn't have any trouble.

Are you always in the habit
of ruining men's lives?

It's not really a habit.
I just try to do my share.

Man: Who are you?

I'm confused.

Who is he? I don't know.

But he sure got a new approach.

Hi. We thought we lost you.

That was a pretty girl.
Who is she?

I don't know.

Here you are.

Aren't you going
to sit down, Roger?

I'd rather walk.

Come on, don't get mad.
Sit down.

Come.

I'll have another. Yes, sir.

Roger, we were talking,

and we couldn't remember a
tournament that you'd ever entered.

Miss page... Abigail.

Miss page, I don't compete with
other fishermen because I...

Forget it.

Can't you speak english?
I'm confused enough.

Here you are, sir.

Roger, please. What?

Don't. Don't what?

Don't take it. Don't
take another drink.

I mean, it must be terrible
having a drinking problem.

What?

We should've known that
liquor was your failing.

Just a minute...

You're afraid that when
you go away from home

you can't trust yourself.

That's why you never
enter any competition.

Ready for another?

No.

Go ahead, Roger.
Don't torture yourself.

I'm not torturing myself.

I don't compete with other
fishermen for a simple reason.

What is it?

If I tell you, do you promise
never to breathe a word of it?

I don't...

That'll be $5.40, please.

Let's get out of here.

Where are we going?

We're going someplace where no one
will hear what I have to say.

Roger, what on earth...

Never mind. Come on.

Roger, what...

Do you have any nickels or dimes?
Yes.

Get 'em out, will you?

He's crazy. What?

He's crazy.

You're right.

If I tell you, do you promise
never to tell anybody?

Do you? All right.

I cannot fish in your tournament

because I have never
been fishing in my life!

What? You mean you have...

Never been fishing...
Oh, no, no, no.

I can't believe...
Shh, shh, shh.

You promised to be quiet.

Mmm.

But, Roger... remember.

Did I hear you right?

I said...

I said I have never
been fishing in my entire life!

It's just because
you're a phoney!

I am not!

Of course you're a phoney!

Come on.

Man: Don't run off, folks. The
lights will be on in a minute.

Coming to this place wasn't
such a good idea, was it?

Anyway, now you know.

You've never been fishing...
Never.

No wonder you don't want
to enter the tournament.

It was your idea, Abigail.

Sorry, I was thinking.

I said, he was your idea.
You better decide what to do.

I may shoot him or myself.

I suggest the latter.

You better figure it out. I have a
lot of things to do.

Taxi!

Goodbye, Roger. And don't
worry, I'll keep your secret.

Now you know I no
longer can help you,

you better tell Mr. cadwalader

you've changed your mind.

Have I, hmm? Have I
changed my mind?

Now, just a minute...

Roger, if you'll buy me some lunch,
we'll discuss the whole thing.

Come on. I know
a nice little place.

You know, you don't look
like a phoney, Roger.

How did it all start?

I got a job.

Mmm-hmm.

Selling fishing tackle
in a little place.

I listen to my customers.

Fishermen love to talk.

What one customer told me,
I told the next one.

Then I got a job at Abercrombie & Fitch.
I read up on everything on fishing.

Why didn't you just fish?

Because I happen to hate fish,
to handle them, to smell them.

Oh, no, and I brought
you to this fish place.

I don't even like 'em on a plate.
Order ham and eggs.

Listen, it still seems
dishonest to me.

Dishonest? Does a man who sells
canaries have to learn to fly?

Look, people ask me questions,
I give them the right answers.

What's wrong with that? I never
claimed to be a fisherman.

You never un-claimed it.

It never seemed important
until now.

Well, I'm just glad I didn't
pay $1.50 for your book.

$2. People won cups from what
they've learned in my book.

You better start studying it.
Why?

Because you're entering
our tournament.

I just told you, I have no intention
of fishing in your... tournament.

Roger, it's up to you. But
you'd look pretty silly...

Silly? I'd look like...

A phoney.

I don't like that word.

But it's true, isn't it?

No, it isn't. But if
customers learned the truth

I'd lose them, I'd lose my job.

Cadwalader would have me
thrown out right on my ear.

And if I entered your
tournament they'd know.

Maybe they would, but they'd
be sure to know if you didn't.

Do you mean...

I'd tell 'em.

I believe you would.

You know I would.

Roger, you don't have
to win the tournament.

You just have to make
a reasonably good showing.

How? You tell me how.

Millions of people
know how to fish.

I figure that you could learn
with the right incentive,

like keeping your job.

Did you take a special
course in blackmail

oris it just a natural talent?

Now, it won't do either one
of us any good to be bitter.

I know that you're a phoney
and you know that you are.

Let's see,

the tournament begins on
Friday, and today's Monday.

So, if you could be up there
with your equipment tomorrow,

then we'll have almost
three days to teach you.

Who's "we"?

Easy and I.
We're both pretty good.

You don't have anything
to worry about.

Well, maybe one thing. What?

What about the girl
you're engaged to,

did you tell her you
don't know how to fish?

It never came up.

Wouldn't you feel better
if you told her the truth?

I'll decide what I'll tell her.

Of course, it's risky. She may
throw you out on your ear.

Is she rich? Miss page,
I don't think...

Well, anyways, it's up to you.

But you better bring
a copy of your book.

You might learn
something from it.

What about lunch?

I never eat lunch. Bye.

Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, sat...

Six days.
I'm liable to kill her.

I'll be with you
in just a minute, mister.

White man have long journey?

Just from San Francisco.

Heap big place. Many moon
ago I take trail to frisco.

What tribe are you from?

Me chief, wakapoogee tribe.

My name John screaming eagle.

My people own this lake
before white man come.

Is that so? Hmm.

Sorry to keep you waiting,
sir, have you a reservation?

I believe so. My name
is Roger Willoughby.

Of course.

Your name Willoughby? Mmm.

My great-grandfather,
roaring buffalo,

once scalped man
named Willoughby.

Please, you not be angry.

Well, I... l glad you no angry.

You ever fish wakapoogee before?

No.

You, uh, want win tournament?

Yes.

See this? Genuine screaming
eagle bass plug. Only $6.

This is a cheap imitation
of the chugger spook.

It's made in Japan
and sells for 68 cents.

John, you picked the wrong man.

This is Roger Willoughby,
the famous fisherman.

Miss page has a reservation for you
at the lodge, cabin number five.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want a cabin.
I'd like a campsite.

Let me see what I have.

You'd be a lot more
comfortable in a cabin.

Oh, no, I... they've been re-decorated,
air conditioning, television,

Gideon Bible, the whole works.

Red man speak
with strange tongue.

I just talk that way
for the tourists.

Now, why don't
you take the cabin?

Oh, no, I...

Why not?

Well, because my boss
wants me to camp.

Well, in the words of our
great chief confucius,

"man is much better off if he
obeys the voice that feeds him."

Confucius? I thought
he was Chinese.

Chinese-Indian.

I can let you have campsite c-11.
Nice place by the lake.

I'm sure, how do I get there?

Follow the road
and bear to the left.

Campsites are well-marked. You
can't miss it. Thank you.

When do you expect the rest of
your party, Mr. Willoughby?

I'm alone.

All this equipment just for you?

That's right.

How long do you intend to stay?

Six days.

Six days? It'll take him
that long to unpack.

Miss page! Miss page!

Yeah?

I have a message for you. Roger
Willoughby isn't coming to the lodge.

He's at campsite c-11.

Thank you!

What would he be doing there?

I don't know. We better go see.

Oh, we can go by water.
It's faster.

Okay.

Why should this
be happening to me?

Holy smoke.

Look at that camp.

"Step six, grasp tent
at point xand y...

"Except for model 42-b.

"See illustration 13
for further information.

"Model 42-b discontinued."

This must go somewhere inside.

Hi.

Where did you come from?

Down at the lake.

What are you doing?

I am setting up a tent.

Isolde: Are you?

After which I shall
try making a bed.

Can we help?

Yes. Go away.

Listen, I am curious.
What is all this about?

This is Mr. cadwalader's idea

of what a well-equipped
camper should have.

Well, why are you camping?

Again, Mr. cadwalader's idea.

He seemed to be almost
inspired since he met you.

Oh, now don't be angry, Roger.
It wasn't my idea.

Miss page, I had time to
think while driving up here.

I don't think you can
ever get me angry again.

Oh, great.

I'm glad you've come to your senses
because this isn't going to work.

What isn't? Your camping.

You've never been camping
before, have you?

I'm doing a lot of things
I've never done before.

Are you supposed to be out
of the water with those on?

Don't be silly. We're not supposed
to take them off before we get out.

Ha-ha.

You don't have time
to learn camping.

It's enough trouble
learning to fish.

After the tournament you can
learn how to make your bed.

Mr. cadwalader...
Phooey on Mr. cadwalader.

What do I tell him?

What do you tell him
when he sees you?

He isn't going to see me.

Oh, yes, he is.

He phoned for a reservation.
He'll be up here tomorrow.

Roger, there's only one
thing for you to do

and that's move back
to the lodge.

But before he comes.

Then what do I tell him?
You can say that...

What? I'll think of something.

Roger, if anybody
sees you here camping...

They'll know you've never been
out of a hothouse before.

We'll help you get
all your stuff packed...

Abigail: All right, John
screaming eagle, come here.

How long have you been,
uh, standing over there?

There? I stand there long enough

to know he never
been out of hothouse.

"Only for tourists."

Will $10 make you forget it?

For $20, screaming
eagle was never there.

Five.

She said ten. Five and you
can help pack this stuff.

As the great chief
confucius say...

"Five birds in hand
worth 20 who fly away."

You knew him better than I did.

Willoughby, did you see this?
I didn't know you entered.

It was a sudden decision.

You might've warned
some of your customers.

It'll make the competition
stiff for us.

That's the way you feel?

You won last year, Mr. Skaggs.

I beat phipps hands down.
I could do it again.

You just got lucky.

I still think I can do it.
You're still lucky.

But with you in it,
it's a different matter.

Then the only sporting thing
would be for me to withdraw.

What? Now, Roger...

You see, they consider
it unfair competition.

Gentlemen, I feel that...

Hold it, Willoughby.
Withdraw nothing.

Yay.

I've got my 10 o'clock,
11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

I've got it down pat
and I'm going after you.

If Skaggs is afraid to,
let's let him withdraw.

Who said I was? I'm glad he's here.
You are?

If I lose to you, I'm losing to a master.
I don't mind.

But if I happen to beat you, there'd be
much more glory than beating phipps.

"10 o'clock, stop it.

Just like I said, like playing on
the same team with Mickey mantle.

If you'll excuse us, we have a
little business to talk over.

What? Come on, Roger.

Excuse us.

Bye. Phipps: Bye.

Well, you two go ahead.

Come on. What for?

Dinner. We're going
to buy you dinner.

Is that what she said?

There, now isn't that nice?
Just for the three of us.

Very nice. Glad you like it.
Come on, sit down.

Come on.

Roger, I shouldn't be
so nice to you

after that sneaky trick
you tried to pull out there.

Why don't you just make up
your mind that you're stuck,

make the best of it?

Mmm-hmm.

You and I will have to work
together quite a bit of the time...

Why must we be together?

I have to teach you how to fish.

You don't want to do it
on your own, do you?

No.

Well, then we have
to be together.

We don't want anybody else
to find out anything about it.

Oh, say, did you
tell your girlfriend,

miss, uh, Connors,
that you can't fish?

I told you that was... l know,
but she made a reservation.

I know. I forgot to tell you.

She is coming up Friday. Would you
like a roll? I know that too. No.

Are you sure you wouldn't?
No, thank you.

I'll give you one anyway.

I just don't want to
make any trouble

for you by saying
the wrong thing to her.

I guess you didn't tell her,
or you'd say so. Right?

No, I didn't tell her.

Is that all right with you?
Sure, sure.

Hi. Dinner's ready.
How are you doing?

Just fine.
Making Roger mad again.

But before you make him too mad,

you better figure out where you'll
take him tomorrow for his lesson.

Yes, a quiet place where
murder wouldn't be noticed.

Don't be silly.
But that's a good idea.

I know. No, there is a
cove at the north end.

Nobody would see you there.

But you better not go together.

Maybe I better take
the boat up at 8 o'clock,

and you meet me at the end
of the north trail.

Where's that?

Start at the ranger station
and go all the way to the end.

But it gets awfully narrow,
too narrow for a car.

You better take that little red
thing that you had up at the camp.

The trail bike.
Yes, that'd be just perfect.

Uh... can you ride it?

It just so happens that I can.

Well, you're just
full of surprises.

Oh, ah, eugh...

Roger.

What's the matter?

Never mind. It's too late.
What do you mean?

It's just too late. What
are you talking about?

Does your salad taste good?

Mmm-hmm.

It tasted very good. Why?

Well, because...

Nothing. I... I can't tell you.

What are you laughing at?

Do you really want to know?

Yes, I want to know what I'm talking...
Laughing about.

Well, you know, just before
you took that first bite...

Yeah, go on.

Well, a caterpillar fell out of
the tree right onto your plate.

Ah... it was a fuzzy one.

He was crawling around the plate
for a while.

Listen, cheer up.
Have some wine.

Hi, there. Have you a motorcycle,
just went up the road?

Yes, I did.

Did it take you long to teach
the bear how to ride it?

It just took a minute.

Well, it fell off
right around the turn.

Thank you very much.

That's all right. So long.

Hey, Roger. I'm sorry I'm late.
Good morning.

Good morning.

It looks like we're going to get
to use all this part of the lake.

What on earth are you wearing?

They're inflatable waders.

They're what?

Inflatable waders. They have
a built-in life-preserver.

You pull this cord
and the gas bottle

inflates the thing
and you don't sink.

Well, do they work?

I don't know. They're brand-new,
I'm testing them for the store.

You don't need waders
to get into the boat.

I do, too. I can't swim. Oh, no.

You can't run a boat either?

I've never felt the need.

Well, the need's caught up with you.
Come on, get in here.

It won't tip.

Uh? Uh-uh.

Now, just relax. Nothing's
going to happen.

You get back in there
and sit on that third seat.

That's a boy.
Go all the way back.

Even if I don't want to?

Okay, now stay right there.

Now, you be careful!

The first thing you have to learn
to do is to start the motor.

I thought you were gonna
teach me how to fish.

Roger, sometimes it's necessary for
you to be able to run the boat

right out to where the fish are.

All right, all right.

It's just as easy
as starting a lawnmower.

First take a hold
of the start rope handle.

Where is that?
It's that thing right there.

This? Uh-huh.

You just yank that back
as hard as you can.

But before you do that...

Roger, pull the cord
on that thing!

Roger?

Roger, are you okay?

Are you all right?

Bring that boat over...

Oh!

You're getting too much air!
Turn it off!

Oh!

Turn it off!

Hold your breath!

Hey, Roger, you've got
to let the air out!

Help me!

Hold your breath for a minute.

There we are!

Lift yourself up!

Abby! Please! Abby!

Please! Roger, hold your breath.

- Abigail, stop!
- Stop, stop!

Hang on, now!

Isn't that fun, Roger? Hang on!

Here, drink some of this.
This'll warm you up.

Abby? Hmm?

Let me see the soles
of your shoes.

Why?

Hmm, that's it.

What?

I saw the same marks on my back

when I was changing my clothes.

I was jumping
up and down on you.

Why? Just why?

That's the only way I could
get all the water out of you.

You were full of it.
Gallons and gallons.

Excuse me, I have to answer.

Hello?

Cadwalader:
Mr. Willoughby, please.

Mmm-hmm, just a minute.

Here, it's for you. Who is it?

Cadwalader. Hello?

I just checked in. What are
you doing in your cabin?

Well, sir... the reason
I'm not camping is because...

Miss page explained
all that to me.

I mean, why aren't you
at the lake?

Well, sir,
I've been at the lake.

Studied it thoroughly?

Yes, sir, from top to bottom.

Excellent.

Now, how about our equipment?
You want some?

I tested the inflatable
waders this morning.

How did they work?

L... couldn't recommend
them to our customers.

Very well. I'll make a
note of that, Willoughby.

Just a minute, please.

Willoughby,
I have to ring off now.

I have an appointment
with an interesting man.

Perhaps you know him,
John screaming eagle?

Who?

He's the head of
the wakapoogee tribe.

He's got some valuable
historical relics to show me.

I'll call you later on tonight.

How. Good afternoon. Come in.

Did you bring them? Shh.

Oh, this is very exciting.

Is this really
general custer's scalp?

Great-grandfather
roaring buffalo

take in battle little bighorn.

Oh, then it must be real.

Screaming eagle give
white chief a present.

I couldn't accept it as a gift.

Old Indian custom. I give
you gift, you give me gift.

Well, what would you like?

$20.

That's reasonable enough.

Hi.

Hi.

What have you been up to?

Oh, I went over to see
Roger for a minute.

He'd had dinner in his cabin.

And how is he?

Oh, he's all right.

I offered to help him
with the fire,

but he said that I'd helped
him enough for one day.

He didn't want me
to get all worn out.

He's just fine.

Oh, I got so scared today, easy.

I almost let him drown.

He can't swim and he
got all full of water

and I had to drag
him up on the shore

and sit down on him
to pump him out.

And that's when I...

When you what?

Gee, I did a silly thing.

I kissed him.
Why? I do not know.

Isolde: What did Roger do?

Well, he didn't kiss me back.

Isolde: But what did he do?
Nothing.

Isolde: Why? Because he
was still unconscious.

You're a fool. You better
try again when he's conscious.

Find out what he does.

Oh, yeah? Okay.

Are you going out
with him tomorrow?

Well, 8 o'clock in the morning.

Only this time, no boats
and no trick waders.

This is a nice place.

It's gonna be better
than fishing from a boat.

You can't fish from here. You've
got to Wade out into the lake.

Why do I have to
go out in the lake?

The fish aren't liable to
come this close to shore.

Come on. It's okay.

Well, you remember,
I can't swim.

Roger, the tournament
starts tomorrow. Come on.

Now, let's see. Cast out
there about 30 feet.

Yeah, but, uh...

Just pretend
you're major phipps.

Oh, yeah. Let's see.

Okay? Yeah.

10 o'clock.

Oh, yeah, 10 o'clock.

Eleven, eleven.

Oh, yeah, 11.

And 9.

Yeah, 10 o'clock,
11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

That's very good, Roger.

Oh! You hooked a fish!
Watch him, he's running!

Here! Here!
No, Roger, now stop him!

How do I do it? Blow a whistle?

Set the drag.

Oh, come on.
Okay, now reel him in.

Pull up! Pull up and
then reel him in! Good.

Come on, even it off, Roger.

I am.

Please, a little faster.

Good. Not so fast.

You want it slow
and fast. You do it.

You take a hold of that
thing and bring him in.

Just do it evenly.
That's good. Come on.

That's good. Watch
the fish, would you?

Okay, pull up. That's it.
Now reel him in.

Come on, Roger.
Easy. Easy! There!

He's not very big.

He's a fish, Roger.

Take him off the hook.

I'm not gonna touch that thing.
You do it.

Why not? It won't bite.

I can't stand the feel. They're cold
and they wiggle. You take it off.

You must take your own fish off
the hook in the tournament.

Now, take him off. You mean every
fish I catch I have to take...

Nobody else can.

Now, grab a hold of him and get
the hook out of his mouth.

That's good.

Here, hold it.

Now, stick your finger in there.
That's good.

There. Now hold onto him, Roger.

Oh! He's slippery. Don't let go!

Roger, don't lose him! Come on!

He got away.

Oh, I got him! Yes!

Roger, help me! Not me!

Oh!

Roger, are you all right?

Hey, I got him. There he is.

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Abby, I got one!

What are...

Oh! Help me!

Don't come near me!

Forget it. You didn't give me
one single teeny bit of help.

Oh, I'm gonna...

Roger, don't you
dare throw him away.

Hold onto that fish. I mean it.

Roger.

Yeah.

How long do I have
to hold this thing?

Until I tell you
you can put it down.

Hey, there's easy. Hi, easy.

Now it's going to rain.
I guess we can go in.

Roger, you are going
to learn how to fish.

You just sit there and hold that thing.
Hi, easy.

Hi, everybody.
Abigail: What's up?

I brought you some...
I brought you some rain

and I brought you some news.

What are you doing
with that fish?

He's learning to hold onto it.

I don't understand,
did he catch a fish?

He caught two. One.

Ee

The other one I caught is
against all rules of fishing.

So he caught it in his pants.

Oh, no.

He can catch fish, but he just
can't stand to touch them.

I thought if he sat here holding one
for a while, he'd get used to it.

I could hold this until
it turns into a fossil.

I still wouldn't get used to it.

You don't have to anymore,
and you don't have to worry.

That's why I came to tell you, Mr.
Kilroy's coming.

The Chicago champ? That's right.

How do you know?
The wire just came.

They called off the Oregon tournament.
Bad storm.

He's driving up here
this afternoon.

Hoo-hoo, hallelujah!

Roger, our problems are over.

Oh, yeah?

We don't need you anymore.

"We don't need you anymore."

You can get out of the tournament.
How?

Walk up to cadwalader and say,

"look, Joe kilroy's
in town and I quit."

Just that simple, huh? No,
you can't do it that way.

Let me think.

Ah... you know, the rain
is making your shirt...

I've got it! What?

Roger, if you're
not able to fish,

you won't be able to enter the
tournament officially, will you?

I was saying... did you hear me?

If you're not able to fish you won't
be able to enter the tournament!

I'd rather fish.

Or an arm. I'd rather fish.

I don't mean really
break your arm.

But what happens when
you break your arm?

It snaps and it hurts.

What happens when you
have to treat it?

You put a cast on it.

You've got it, Abby.

Anybody who sees a cast
on somebody's arm

assumes they've got
a broken arm.

We know a little first aid,

we can get some plaster of Paris

and go into that woodshed, get
that stuff and put it on him.

Are you paying any attention?

Yes, I am.

Why aren't you
looking at us then?

Because you look like
you haven't any clothes on.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Let's get out of here.

Let's go change
and meet in Roger's cabin.

Roger, are you going to
carry that thing with you?

Well, too bad, because you were
just learning to pick it up.

I'm really going to kill her.
I'm really gonna do it.

Abigail: Hey, easy?

Look what I found. Just
exactly what we need.

They are perfect. Roger,
please hold your arm up.

What are you going to do with those?
Hold still.

What for?

Well, because we can't let all
that plaster stick to you.

Do you have a pair of scissors?

I've got a knife.
Don't! Stop that!

Don't make so much trouble.

That's my only pair
of long underwear.

They're still good.
Oh, they are?

One leg is shorter than the
other, that's all. Yeah, yeah.

Now, take off your shirt.

What are you doing
with my shirt?

We can't put the cast on over your shirt.
Easy, are you ready?

Yes, I'm ready.

Here now, put this leg on.

And tell me, how do you
want to wear your arm?

What do you mean, how am
I going to wear my arm?

In what position do you
want to hold your arm?

I don't know. In a sling, I guess.
Like that.

Okay, that's all right, Roger.
Now, hang on.

There. Does that seem like the
same position to you, same angle?

I think that's all right.

Hold it exactly like that.

Let me put this here so
you don't get too dirty.

You can start with the plaster

and I'll start with the bandage.

Come on, put your arm down.
Come on.

You just told me to keep it up.

We'll come back to that later.

Oh, boy. Hey, this stuff
is getting all squishy.

This is all there is left.
Should I make some more?

No, I think that's enough.

Exactly what am I supposed to do

after I get this thing on?

Weren't you listening
to us out there?

I was a little bit distracted
with the rain and everything.

I'm not quite sure I understand
what I'm supposed to do.

Would you please tell him, easy?

Roger, after we're
through with the cast

we'll explain that
you broke your arm.

How?

You fell out of this tree.

That's a good idea. That's the
way my brother broke his arm.

What was I doing in the tree?

Well... what was I doing?

I know.

Well, there was
this little, teeny bird

that had fallen out of its nest.

And you were taking it
back to its mother.

And you're going
to tell people that?

Don't you think I should?

Don't you think they'll cry?

I'll think of something, Roger.

I hope so.

Oh, you just don't move.

I'll get it.

It may be Tex.

I don't want her finding a strange
woman's voice in my cabin.

Oh, I can take care of that.

Big chief screaming eagle here.
Who speak other end?

Harry: Who is it?

Harry? It's me.

Relax. It's just the desk clerk.
What do you want?

Miss page,
the ranger just called.

He said to tell you that Mr. kilroy
was on his way to the lodge.

Oh, okay, thanks, Harry.

What is it, Abby?

Mr. kilroy,
the Chicago champion,

just passed by
the ranger station.

We get to get cleaned up
before we meet him.

Well then we'd better go, now.

You're not gonna leave
me like this, are you?

We have to, Roger. But don't
worry, we'll be back.

We have to wait
till the cast hardens.

How long will that take?

I don't know. Say, if
you don't have a watch,

let me set this thing
for ten minutes.

When the bell goes off, you'll
know that our cast is all done.

Just stay there
until the bell rings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"How did it happen there,
Willoughby?"

"Well, an itty-bitty bird
fell on the ground

"and I was taking it back
to its mother."

Oh, no.

On, this is all wrong.

It ought to be like this.

It's all this up here.

What did they have to put it
on the shoulder for?

You'd think they were
plastering a house.

They've got to get
me out of this.

Here comes your friend.

Evening, major.

Evening.

First time I've been saluted in years.
That really felt good.

Nice boy. Very thoughtful.

Yes, he is.

Attention.

See that guy? What about him?

Roger, thank goodness.
We were looking for you.

I was looking for you.

Look at this arm. Look
how I have to hold it.

It doesn't make any difference.
It does to me.

No, it doesn't. Come here. Why?

You see that man over there
with the cast on his arm?

Roger: Yeah. Abigail:
Well, that is Joe kilroy.

He had an automobile accident.
It's why we came to see you.

You can't both have broken arms.
His really is broken.

You can't have a broken arm too.

I can't tell people about the itty-bitty
bird that fell out of its nest?

That's right. I could have
thought of something better.

Now, come on. We have to get
that thing off your arm.

Ho-ho, this saw will be just the thing.
Put your arm down there.

If we use that saw
we couldn't tell

where the cast stops
and the arm begins.

You're right.

How about these snippers?
Let's try those.

Put your arm down.

There's not enough room.

Doesn't work.

I'm going to call a doctor.

Wait a minute, Roger.
Hold still.

That's pretty hard. A chisel
and hammer ought to do it.

Put your arm right down there.

Come on, put your
arm down there.

Now, lean over this way.
Good. That's it.

Oh, ah...

Ooh! Ooh!

That isn't going to work!

I know, I know. Put his arm
over there in that vice.

I'll get a doctor.

You're not going anywhere.

Do you want that
thing off or not?

Yes, but... all right.

Then put your arm in here.

That's good, now,
wind him up tight.

I'll get it. You
have to get it off.

Oh, ah, I...

Hey, this is gonna work fine.

No! You're not using that thing!

You said a moment ago
you wanted it off.

But not with that thing!

It'll be all over in a moment.

That's what I'm afraid of!

You'll never even
know it happened.

Oh, please, Abby!

Shh, Roger.

Hello?

Hello, Roger? Roger: Hmm?

I can't sleep.

Who is this?

Abigail: This is Abigail.
I can't sleep.

Do you know what time it is?

Just a minute.

I don't... l know what...

Hello? Hello?

I had to go into the other room

to look at the clock. It's 1:30.

I know it's 1:30.

You do? Of course I do.

Well, why did you ask?

I just wanted
to see if you knew.

I just told you. It's 1.30.

What is it that you want?

You don't happen to have any
sleeping pills on you, do you?

Yes.

Good. I'll be right over.

Hey, wait a minute!

Say, ah, when will you be back?

I don't know.

Just a minute.

Hi. Here's your sleeping pill.

This is better than
the corner drugstore.

Thanks.

Roger, could I have a glass of water?
I can't take these dry.

I suppose so.

I'm so glad that you
hadn't gone to bed yet.

Because I just couldn't
sleep and I thought...

What are you doing?

I'm taking my coat off.

Why? Because it's warm in here.

I was thinking, maybe you'd be
awake thinking about tomorrow

and you might want to play
gin rummy, or something.

I do not want
to play any gin rummy.

My, you're grumpy. Is
something bothering you?

What would people think,

you wandering over here in the middle
of the night dressed like that?

They might think I had
funny-looking legs or something.

Yours are funny-looking too.

Ha-ha.

Here's your water.
Take your pill.

My, that's an ugly-looking pill.
I don't think I want it.

What? Didn't you just ask...

I asked all right,
but I changed my mind.

Don't you ever change your mind?

Like sometimes you want
somebody to do something.

When they do it you find out
you don't want 'em to do it.

Like what for instance?

Well, like, uh... Roger: Go on.

Just a minute,
I'm thinking about it.

Roger: Tell me.

Like, uh, kissing.

Kissing? What has kissing got
to do with a sleeping pill?

Very little. We were talking about
asking someone to do something

and then changing your mind.

Do you see? No.

Let me put it this way.
Sometimes you meet somebody.

You start wondering what it
would be like if he kissed you.

You can hardly stand it
until he does kiss you,

and then when he does, you expect
maybe bells are going to ring.

You think maybe you'll come all unglued at
the seams and fly out in all directions.

You know what happens?

I can't imagine.

Nothing. Nothing?

You don't want him
to kiss you anymore

because you've
changed your mind.

Do you see why I do not want
to take the sleeping pill?

It's not too clear. Are you
gonna take that thing or not?

Oh, well, I guess it
wouldn't kill me, would it?

What are you holding
your nose for?

Oh, because I cannot
stand the taste.

What does holding your nose
got to do with tasting it?

Oh, say, that's
a great idea, Roger.

Are you hungry? No.

I could fix us some
sandwiches and coffee.

I am not hungry and you should not
take coffee with a sleeping pill.

Why?

Because it's a stimulant.

Oh. What should I take?

Uh, milk, hot milk.

Have you got some? No.

Why did you suggest it?
I didn't...

You said that coffee would be
the thing I shouldn't take...

I don't have any coffee or milk and
it's after 2 o'clock in the morning.

I know. I know.

Here I am keeping you awake

and you have to fish
tomorrow in the tournament.

Roger: That's right.

I don't know, Roger.

Everything I do
seems to be wrong.

Well, I got the
idea of getting you up here.

It seemed to be just the way
to help easy and her father.

I've given you
nothing but trouble

and you've been
so sweet about it.

I haven't been sweet about it.

You've been a stinker
some of the time

but that's because I was wrong.

I deserved it.

Anyway, I don't think you'd believe
me if I told you I was sorry.

But I really am.

Now, Abigail...

You're not angry?

Well, no. I mean...

Oh, Roger, when you're
sweet to me like this it just...

Oh...

What's the matter?

Roger? What is it?

You know what we were
talking about before?

Ah, sleeping pills.

No, no.

You remember what we
were talking about,

about wanting someone
to do something

and then wondering what it
would be like if he did it?

You mean kissing? Yes.

Roger, I have to ask
you a question.

What is it?

Would you please
like to kiss me?

Would you?

Uh, that's the telephone.

Shh.

All right. All right.

Hello?

Hello, Willoughby.
This is major phipps.

Oh, yes, major. What
can I do for you?

I'm here with your boss,
Harvey Skaggs, and Jim bush.

We want to ask you some questions
before the tournament starts.

We'll be over right away.

What did you say?

Phipps: I said, we'd be over
right away.

Major, just a minute.
Where are you?

Having a drink at the lodge.

Good. I could use a nightcap
myself, so I'll come over there.

Well, hurry up. Yes, right away.

Now, I have to get over
to the lodge.

If they were coming over here,

it wouldn't do at all
for you to be found here.

Now I've got to get over there.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Roger, where do you keep
your cigarettes?

Roger: Are you still there?

Yes. I wanted to
ask you something.

Oh, I found the cigarettes.

Abby, I've got to get
over to the lodge.

I know. I'm now keeping you.
But the phone rang.

You didn't get a chance
to answer me.

I had just asked
if you'd like to kiss me.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

I haven't got time.

I ask him if he would
like to kiss me and...

He says he hasn't got time.

Well, he could've
meant it that way.

It might have been nice.

If you specialize
on trout or bass,

you have more chance
of getting the big one.

And, it's usually the big one
that wins the tournament.

Makes sense.
It's good enough for me.

You've been a lot of help.

It's all in the book.

Why don't you dig up $2
and buy one?

All your money,
you can't take it with you.

I can buy another drink
for everybody but you.

None for me. I'm too tired.

I'm going to turn in.
Good night.

All: Good night, Willoughby.

He's a great guy,
a real sportsman.

Not many people would
help out a competitor.

Cadwalader, you're lucky
to have a man like that.

We at the store
feel very fortunate.

Abigail?

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up. You can't stay here.
Wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

She's out cold. Must
be that sleeping pill.

I gotta get some sleep.

I've got to be
up in three hours.

I'll bet you $50 I top you.

I'll take it. And another
$25 a day additional.

I beg your pardon.
I'm the desk clerk.

Have you seen Mr. Willoughby?

He just left here
a few minutes ago.

That's why his cabin
didn't answer when I called.

What did you want with him?

Miss Connors called him
from San Francisco.

Miss Connors?

The Texas girl he's engaged to.

Was the message important?

Said she was spending
the night at green valley

but she'd arrive in the morning.

I wouldn't wake him for that.

Why not let miss
Connors surprise him?

Why not?

How about another drink?
Charlie, come in here.

Who is it?

It's me, easy. Let me in.

What do you want?

Isolde: I am looking
for Abigail.

She's not...

Who did you say it was?

Easy. Can't you hear me?

Yes, I heard you. Just a minute.

Roger, are you
going to let me in?

Yes, just a minute.
As soon as I can.

Good morning, Roger. I was...

What are you doing
in that thing?

The zipper's stuck.
Help me, will you.

But first, where is Abigail?

Abigail? How should I know?

She came over here last night.
She didn't come back.

She didn't?
No. Now, where is she?

In there. Well, Roger...

No, I didn't have
anything to do with it.

She took a sleeping pill, I went out
and came back, she was in my bed.

I slept out here on the floor.
Very romantic.

Oh, what a pity.
Don't you believe me?

Sure. But I better wake her
up and get her out of here.

First, help me out of this thing.
I think the zipper's jammed.

Let's see. Well, it... wait a
minute, it is stuck, isn't it?

I'm trying to find Mr. Roger Willoughby.
He's in cabin number five.

Yes, ma'am. That's
right over there.

Oh, thank you kindly.

Roger: Ow! Don't be so rough.

Isolde: I told you before
to hold still.

It is not my fault
that the zipper is stuck.

I didn't say it was your fault.

I just want to get
out of this thing.

Put your hands up on top here
and hold on and I'll pull.

I'll try but...

Good morning.

Tex, I didn't expect to see you.

Obviously.

Didn't you get my message?

No, I didn't.

I reckon you didn't.

Who's this?

This is miss...

Mueller. And miss...

I guess you're getting
awfully mixed up.

Connors. How do you do?

So, you're easy.

Ja. His zipper got stuck and...

Tex, if you're wondering
what I'm doing...

What could you be doing
in a thing like that?

I slept in it.

Why? What do you mean, why?

It seems a funny thing to do. Don't
they have beds in these cabins?

Of course. I was trying
out new equipment.

Trying out some new equipment?

Yes, for the store.

And miss Mueller just happened
to come by and find you?

Exactly.

Isn't that nice? And she was
helping you with your zipper?

It was stuck before.

Good morning.

Willoughby, do you know
what time it is?

You have less than ten minutes
before starting time.

Yes, Mr. cadwalader. I'm sorry,
I'll get dressed right away.

Before y'all start,
may I use your bedroom?

Oh, no, Tex!

I feel all dusty.

Yes, but... but easy can
take you over to the lodge.

Of course, miss Connors.
I'd be glad to show you.

Thank you very much.
Roger, I'll see...

Oh, good morning, everyone.

Roger, is this some of the equipment
you're trying out? I hope...

Tex, she came in last night
just to borrow a sleeping pill.

Roger, there is no
use your explaining.

She's never going
to believe you.

I certainly won't
believe you. Goodbye!

But... but... but... Tex!

Just a minute, miss Connors.
Don't do anything foolish.

Be thankful that Willoughby has sown
his wild oats before you were married.

Now he's got them all out of his
system, haven't you, Willoughby?

I did not sow any wild oats.

Then what...

You mean that zipper
was really stuck,

and all she wanted was
a sleeping pill? Oh!

Wait! Tex, please, you've
got to listen to me.

There's a perfectly
simple explanation.

I don't want to hear it.

That's not fair...

Willoughby, only got
five more minutes.

All the other fishermen
will be wearing pants.

I've got to go or I'm
going to lose my job.

You've got to wait until tonight

so I can have time
to explain everything.

Will you do that?

Do you really think
you can explain?

I can if you'll listen.

All right. Good.

I don't know why, but I'll be here.
I'll call you.

It will be sometime
after 6 o'clock.

Okay.

Now, look here, Willoughby,
I don't mind you having fun

but please remember you're
representing the store...

Mr. cadwalader, I've taken just
about all I'm going to take.

I don't think you're concentrating
on this tournament.

Shut up!

Very well, Willoughby.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't
mean to make all this trouble.

Everything you do makes trouble.

I just fell asleep.
That's why I was in your bed.

Why come out and
act as though...

As though what?

Make Tex think what she did?

Wasn't she mad?

She was about the maddest woman
I've ever seen.

"Is this some new
equipment that you are trying out?"

"Well, I do not believe it."
Don't hit me, Roger.

I'm going in there
and get dressed.

If you're still here
by the time I...

Cadwalader: Willoughby!

Yes, Mr. cadwalader, I'm coming.

You've got three minutes.
Hmm, okay, good. All right.

Gentlemen, welcome
to the 36th annual

wakapoogee fishing tournament.

Printed copies of the rules
have been made available,

but I'll run over them again

in case some of you
missed a few.

Your best fish of each day will
count in your total points.

The tournament day will start
at the sound of this bell.

All fish must be
weighed in by sundown.

Are there any questions?

In that event, gentlemen, the
best of luck to all of you.

Well, Willoughby, I see you
decided to wear pants after all.

The fish might have gone
for those polka-dot pajamas.

Well, here we go. May the best man win.
Good luck, major.

He'll need it.

I'm gonna beat you.
I've got his book.

10 o'clock,

I tell you, the man with
this book wins it.

Come along, Napoleon.
This way to Waterloo.

Phipps: You just read
the book. He wrote it.

"Fish are likely to be found
about 20 yards from shore."

"When casting, always aim the
hook at one particular spot."

Ow!

Oh.

Oh.

Read this...

"Fishing reel."

Now...

"Fish..."

Ah!

Oh, my lord! Come back here!

To think they call
this fishing fun.

I suppose you saw
the whole thing.

Amazing, absolutely amazing.

Not even confucius could
comment on what I saw.

You want $5 not
to tell people about it?

No, this one's on the house.
Nobody'd believe it anyway.

That's quite a fish you caught.
Yeah.

It would take a real big
one to beat you today.

White man turning blue.

White man need fire inside,
make white man warm.

When red man talk like that, white
man knows something's coming.

All right, go ahead.

Want a drink?

What is it?

Old Indian drink, formerly
made from moose blood,

till we ran out of moose.

What's in it now?

Low cholesterol tribal
herbs, safflower oil,

a little alcohol,

very good.

How much?

$5.

For one drink? Ha!

One drink, whole
bottle, $5 minimum.

As the great chief confucius...
Never mind. Too cold.

Pretty good.

Roger Willoughby, five
pounds, eight ounces.

I've got you beat.

Nice fish, but major phipps
leads you by three ounces.

The major and I...

We're ahead of the whole bunch.

Unless somebody else comes in
with a bigger one soon.

Never thought I'd beat you.

Well, major, you're one of
the few that can say it.

I just went by your book.

Good. Keep it up.

Told you, Skaggs, the man with
the book wins it.

How much did that little
sardine you caught weigh?

Never mind. I'll pay you the $50

if you'll stop talking about it.

Well, why don't you pay me now?

Hello? Roger: Hello.

Hello, Roger. How'd y'all
do in the tournament?

Pretty well. I got a big one.
I guess I'm in second place.

Tex: Well, good for you.

You don't sound
as mad as you were.

Well, it could be
I cooled off a bit.

When I thought about it,
it didn't seem quite like you.

Just how did you mean that?

Not like you think.

I'll come by and pick you up.

Roger, I'm just up
to putting on my dress.

Why don't you
go over to the lodge.

I'll meet you there
in a few minutes. Okay?

All right, hurry up.

Bye.

I hear you were second in the
tournament, Mr. Willoughby.

I was lucky. Would you
like a drink out here?

Yes, thank you very much. I'd like
a vodka Martini on the rocks.

Make it two of 'em.

Yes, sir.

Congratulations, Roger.
You had a great day.

Or is that the usual?
Roger: The unusual.

Keep it up. I'm betting on you.

Roger, we are so proud of youl!

We're all excited.
Abby couldn't believe it.

Know what she said? No.

She said, "I knew Roger
could do it." Hmm?

Well, she said it.

It doesn't sound like her.

Are you still mad at her? Why?

Because of what she said to Tex.

You speak as though Abby
meant to make trouble.

Trouble? That girl is
a walking disaster.

Every time I'm near her,
something awful happens.

Is that why you...
Why you kissed her?

Roger: What? When? Last night.

She asked me to. She doesn't
know what she's doing.

Do you always know
what you're doing?

Of course I do.

And last night you kissed her.

Well, I'd hardly call it a kiss.

That's what Abby said.
But you did kiss her.

Yes, I did.

You see, that's a beginning.

Ah, two drinks. Are you
expecting somebody?

Is... is Tex coming?

Yes, she is.

Then I better make it quick.

We were talking about,
ah, you kissed Abby.

I say this is some kind
of a beginning. Isn't it?

Beginning? Of what?

Don't you know what
psychiatrists say?

No.

The love impulse...

Love impulse?

Mmm. Especially in a male, shows
itself first in conflict.

That's probably why Abby
and you fight all the time.

What! Are you nuts?
You're as crazy as she is.

After all we have done for you,

and Abby worked so
hard to teach you...

You catch one fish and now
start talking like this.

It just makes me mad!

Ah, easy, wait!

Roger, I don't want to talk to you.
I'm mad.

Don't turn around.

Take off your hands.

What's the matter with you?

Feel the back of your dress.

What? Your dress.

Roger, did you do that?

I didn't. You must've caught
it on the back of the chair.

Do something about it.
But don't go away.

I won't. I've got
to get out of here.

Just walk. Okay.

Start with your right foot.
Ready, okay.

Willoughby, look, I want
to tell you something.

Willoughby?

Willoughby, I've been
looking for you.

I'll be with you in a
minute, cadwalader.

I'm afraid that boy's
in trouble again.

Phew, I thought we'd never get out
of there. Let me have a look.

I can't see here.
Let's go to the light.

Better hurry. Somebody's
liable to come along.

Roger, I think
this thing is stuck.

Do you think you can fix it?

Roger, you better hurry.
I am hurrying.

Roger, somebody is coming!

Oh, ah! My tie!

Wait a minute... as soon
as we get around the...

Well, Roger, just how
do you explain this?

Tex, I...

Every time I see you, you're
up to your neck in zippers.

It was an accident. My...
She sat in a wicker chair...

And you just got your tie
caught in her zipper.

I tell you, it was an accident!

I don't want to marry a man who
has as many accidents as you do.

Goodbye, Roger, and don't
bother to call me!

Get this tie out of here.

Anh... [...I...

You fish.

Major phipps, four
pounds, three ounces.

Good, good.

Congratulations, major. That's
the high for the day so far.

All right, dig in your
pockets, Skaggs, pay up.

All right. I'll give you the 50.

But if you mention that book,
I'll make you eat it.

What about him?
What about Willoughby?

He hasn't checked in yet.
There's still 20 minutes left.

Still think you can beat him?

I did yesterday.

Want to bet on today? Sure, I do.
Certainly.

All right, between you...

Here comes Willoughby now.

What kind of luck did you have?
Oh, just fair.

Hey, hey.

Wow! Fair, he said.
You still want to bet?

Roger Willoughby,
four pounds, eight ounces.

Congratulations, Willoughby!
Fine work.

You two are in front again.
Only, Willoughby,

now you lead the major
by, three or two?

Two ounces. I'm sorry, major.

Don't be ridiculous. I'm tickled
to death to be that close.

Two ounces isn't much of a lead.
I might make it up tomorrow.

You might just do that.
I'll see you.

You want to bet on tomorrow?

Against Willoughby? What for?
I make enough money off you.

Hi, there.

Hmm.

Well, now, that is
an enthusiastic greeting.

I was going to ask you a question.
Think I'll ask anyway.

Did you ever dream
that on the second day

of the tournament
you'd be first?

That's an intelligent question.

I thought you'd say
something like that.

How did you catch that fish?

You didn't tell me
about the first one.

How did you catch this one?

I was climbing up a tree...

Oh. Please don't give me
that stuff about the bird.

You're not going
to answer me are you?

No. Why? What's the
matter, Roger?

Nothing. Let me
have another drink.

No, thanks. I don't
really care for one.

You sure? Positive.

Is it Tex? You
couldn't convince her?

Not in two words.
What two words?

"Hello, Tex." Then she hung up.

Did you call her back?
Four times.

"Hello, Tex," hang up,
"hello, Tex."

I couldn't get
past "hello, Tex."

Now she's going
to have to call me.

She will. Yeah.

Yes, aha, she'll make up
some kind of an excuse.

"Roger, did y'all
leave your cigarette lighter

"in my apartment?”

"Oh, you didn't? I guess it was
some other gentleman caller then."

She'll, uh, make you
call her back somehow.

She's going to have
to wait a long time.

How many drinks
have you had, Roger?

Confucius say, "woman who stick
nose in other's peoples' drink

"is liable to get it punched.”

Confucius also say

"fisherman who have too many
Martinis only catch olive."

I suppose you're right.
Let me have the check.

Come on, I'll walk you home.

I hate domineering females.

I'll walk you home.

Okay.

Roger? Mmm?

You know, last night, when
easy's dress came unzipped,

did you tell her that you
thought I was crazy?

Yes, I did.

I was kind of upset by the way
everything was happening.

It's all right. I don't mind.

After all the trouble
I made for you,

I don't blame you
if you don't like me.

Oh, itisn't I don't
like you, Abigail.

Matter of fact, there are times...
What kind of times?

Times when I find you...

Strangely attractive.

"Strangely attractive"?

What do you mean? What's
"strangely attractive?"

Like a bird watching a snake.

Now I'm a snake. That's good.
Go right in there.

I didn't mean it like that. I
mean, it's kind of a fascination.

I never know
what you'll do next.

Yeah?

Like living on the slopes
of a live volcano.

I like being a live volcano
better than being a snake.

That's a pretty good line.

I mean, you're exciting.

Roger, do you mean that there're
times when you like me?

Yes.

Well for Pete's sake. Why not
just come right out and say it?

I just did.

You said "strangely attractive."

That's something you say to the
bearded lady at the circus.

All right, Abigail.

There are times when I like you.

Is this one of them?

I guess it must be,
because right now...

Right now, I'm wondering what it
would be like if I kissed you.

You're wondering? Yes.

Well, for Pete's sake,
don't just stand there.

I mean, do something.

I mean, don't just stand there.

You gonna do it or not?

I go out of my mind...

Shut up. Mmm-hmm.

Whoo...

Mmm. What's the matter?

Well, no.

What? That wasn't any good.

What wasn't? The kiss.

What? The kiss wasn't any good.

Well, I'm sorry, Roger. You
shouldn't waste your time

if you want to kiss me again,
it won't ever work out.

I'll always look at you as a friend.
Yeah.

Even though you can't kiss, it doesn't
make any difference. I'm sorry.

But what else am I gonna say.

Oh, hell!

I wasn't finished, Roger.
I had a few other... hmm...

Oh, got it snarled again.

Ow!

Oh, ah...

Oh, uh...

Better pull him up on the bank.

Roger, look behind youl!

I will in a minute!

Abigail: Roger, you dope!

Would you please look
where you're going!

Come on, you get out
of there! Come on!

Go on, get going!

Hey, Roger! Hurry up,
you've got a fish!

A big one!

Well, you get him.

I can't, it's against the rules!
You've got to get him!

No, no, Roger, get the net! Oh.

Oh, Roger!

Oh, that's a beauty,
a real big one.

Oh, I bet nobody...

Jeepers.

What's the matter? My goodness.

I never thought it'd happen.

You're liable to
win this tournament.

Probably.

And then what?

And then what?

Then I'll write a new book
on how to catch a fish.

You know how you do it?

You sit on a log and turn
your back to the fish,

or climb up a tree and fall
on it or drag it up onshore

until a bear tells you
that's far enough.

That's a fine way to catch fish.

Yeah...

Well, it's... all my fault.
I got you into this mess.

Well, at least I don't
have to catch any more.

What do you mean by that?

I mean, the tournament's over.

After I turn this one in, I
don't want to see another fish.

No, I suppose you don't.

I suppose you don't.
I'll see you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Willoughby, this is cadwalader.
Yes?

Well, boy, I always knew
you had it in you.

Mr. Bagley just came in
with the final score.

You are now
officially the winner

of the wakapoogee tournament.

Willoughby, do you hear me?

Yes, Mr. cadwalader,
I heard you.

Is there something wrong?

No.

Come over here now, have a
drink with us and celebrate.

Yes.

Willoughby, I...

Unpredictable fellow, that Willoughby.
Real genius.

Something's wrong with him.

Celebrate.

Who is it?

Roger, it's me, Abby.

Come on in.

I have to talk to you.

I don't feel like talking, Abby.

I know, but I've got something
I have to tell you.

I know you're not going to
like it and I don't like saying it,

but if you let me say it I'll go
away and won't bother you any more.

Now, let me finish,
Roger, please.

Actually, there are two
things I have to say.

The first is that
this has all been my fault

and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry.

Because I won the tournament?

That's the second
thing I have to say.

You can't take that trophy.
You just can't take it.

Abigail.

Now, please, let me finish!

You can't take that!

You've got to
tell them the truth!

Do you know what'll happen?

I know it'll mean you lose your
job, your customers and everything,

but you've got to do that.

Once you start fooling people,

you have to keep
on fooling them. And...

And you're too
nice a guy to, to, to...

Be a phony
and keep on being a phony.

Now, that's all
I'm going to say.

If you'll just
go ahead and do that.

I just couldn't tell her I've
already decided to do it.

It's funny.

She makes it easier for me.

Hi. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Willoughby. Here's the champion.

What'll you have?

Make it expensive.
Skaggs is buying.

Not for you.

I'm buying this one, gentlemen.

Before we have a drink, I'd
like to tell you something.

Yeah, what is it?

Excuse me just a minute.

Mr. Bagley, would you mind
coming over here for a minute?

Glad to.

I'd like to have you hear this.

All right.

There's the trophy,
all shined up for you.

That's just what I want
to talk to you about.

That trophy isn't mine.

You're the winner.

Major phipps is the winner.

Willoughby, I didn't win.
Yes, you did.

Phipps didn't win.
Have you been drinking?

Not enough to
make any difference.

You feel all right?

Willoughby, I weighed
those fish myself.

I saw it. Please, let me talk.

, 1, I owe you
an explanation. I...

I want to apologize.

You all took it for granted that I
knew all there was about fishing.

I wrote a book on it.

I must be a fisherman.

Yeah.

Up until this tournament,

I've never been
fishing in my life.

Are you telling the truth?

Yes, I am.

Then you must be a...

A fraud.

Probably the word
you're looking for.

Maybe phoney, too.
Maybe you're right.

I never said I was a fisherman.
Did I?

No, you didn't.

I only told you how to fish.

You told it good, too.

What about the three fish
you won the tournament with?

Well, now... you didn't
catch them out of a book.

That was dumb luck,
it was sheer accident.

No relation to fishing
as you all know it.

But you caught them.

One of them caught me.

The second one committed suicide

while my line was hung
over the branch of a tree.

What about the third one?

I hooked that one all right.

Then why were you disqualified?

Isn't there a rule that says a
fisherman can't get any outside help?

Yes, there is,
from any living source.

Well, this one
was living, all right.

I got help from a bear.

Which disqualifies me.

Look, fellas,
I didn't earn the trophy.

Major phipps did.

Well, by George.

This never happened before.

Willoughby, I'm stunned,
completely stunned.

You're fired, of course.

I expected to be.

Congratulations, major.
Thank you.

Good night, gentlemen.

Good night, Willoughby.

Well?

Well, I don't know what to say.

Don't fall on
your sword about it.

What? That's a joke, son.

Hell, I just won a tournament.

I don't feel much like
celebrating, but I'll try.

Make mine a triple, because
I understand you're buying.

Good company, isn't he?

Easy, I thought you
were never coming.

You wanted to see me, Roger?

The desk clerk told me...

That was a half hour ago.

I was wondering if
you'd disappeared

off the face of the earth too.

Who's disappeared? Abigail.

I looked all over the place for her.
Where is she?

Well, she... she's gone.

What did you want with her?

I want to talk to her.

I'm sorry, but she doesn't
want to talk to you.

How do you know?

That's what she said.

How does she know until she hears
what I have to say to her?

I don't know but
that's what she said.

Easy, I want to see her.

Why?

Because.

Well, you'll have to give me
a better reason than that.

Well, I...

What? Go ahead.

I'm in love with her.

After all she's done to you?

Yes, and don't ask me why.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I'll come back. No, stay here.

What do you mean, you
don't know what to do?

Well, you see,
Abby made me promise

not to tell anyone
where she has gone to.

I can't break that promise.

That's silly.
Tell me, where is she?

Well, I'll do what I can.

You know I can't speak German.

Roger, I'm sorry, but...

White man want translation?

Here it comes. How much?

In the mood you're in,

it would be easy
to put the bite on you,

but I don't want anybody to
think I'm mercenary. Five okay?

Go ahead.

Thefraeulein said miss page
is camping by the waterfall

at the east end of the lake.

How do you know German?

I don't. I just took her there.

Well, you can take me, too.

One other item.

I know. I'll give you $10
more if you hurry up.

That's the item.
Meet me at the dock.

Hey, better be quiet. She's
camped behind those trees.

See where that light is?
Yeah, I see it.

You want me to wait? No.

There's no way to get back...

That's perfectly all right.

Want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?
It'd be just a slight chore...

I'll send up a smoke signal.

Keep some wood dry. It looks
like a storm's coming up.

One other thing before you go.

What'll it cost me?

This one is
on the house, it's free.

Just remember, a squaw never knows
what she wants until you tell her.

Is that from confucius too?

No, that's from me.

Confucius didn't get
around as much as I do.

Be careful getting out.

Will you give me a shove-off?

Happy hunting.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to...

I don't want to talk to you,
I don't want to see you.

I want to be by myself.

So please go and get
in your boat and go home.

Roger, I thought I
told you to go away.

I can't.

Why?

I must have left the boat untied.
It's gone.

Well, that's just like you.

And I can't swim either,
remember.

I suppose you'll
just have to stay then.

But just don't talk to me.

All right, I won't.

You don't mind if I sit down?

I don't really care what you do.

Just don't talk to me.

Just wait till
I get a hold of easy.

I told her I
didn't want to see you.

I told her I didn't
want to see anybody.

Don't talk to me.

That was an owl.

Roger,

did you tell the tournament
committee that you're a fake?

Yes, I did.

Did you get fired?

Yes, I did.

And I talked to Tex.
We're finished.

For good.

And then it was all my fault.

Look, why don't you
just go away,

somewhere, so I don't
have to see you?

What are you doing?

Getting in out of the rain.

Well, you just get
right out of here.

I will not! This is
my sleeping bag!

You think I want to be in here?

Oh, you mean you don't?

No.

I'm just not going to stay
out there and get wet.

Well, all right. Then
just don't talk to me.

What is it that you're doing?

You're too far over.

I'm what? Move over here.

I will not.

I'm trying to
get this zipper shut.

I can't do it if you keep
pulling the cover.

Oh.

Is that all right?

Thank you.

Roger...

If I have to stop talking,
why don't you stop?

All right, I certainly will.

I can't see why cadwalader
would fire Willoughby.

It isn't clear to me, either.

What will I do without him?

Lose more money to me,
that's what you're gonna do.

I don't care if he is a fraud.

He still knows more about
fishing than any man alive.

Willoughby is no fraud.
He's an honest man.

And he just proved that.
Yeah, he did.

What difference does it
make if he can't fish?

It's whether I can fish
that's important.

I don't want to lose him.

I agree. But suffering Sam
will never change his mind.

Look at him, bleeding
from a mortal wound.

Probably thinking about the thousands
of people who will read about it.

It's bound to hit the papers.

Thousands of people. Skaggs, that's it!
What's it?

What you just said.
What'd I say?

You gave me the inspiration of my life.
Come on.

Cadwalader, I want to talk to you.
Huh?

I said, I want to talk to you.

What about? Well, I, uh...

First, do something with
that thatched roof of yours.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Cadwalader, you're an ass.

I beg your pardon? An utter ass.

Why? For firing Willoughby.

He can't fish.

Can't fish? That's what I
want to talk about.

I don't follow you.

This was a tournament,
so he disqualified himself.

But the fact remains, he caught the
winning fish. Does that mean anything?

I'm afraid it doesn't.
Oh, you mutton-head.

It means any darn fool
can catch a record fish

if he's using
the right equipment.

Thousands of people all over the
country will read about it.

Yes, isn't it horrible?

Horrible nothing. I know
these amateur fishermen.

Roger Willoughby will
be an inspiration.

Everyman Jack will say,
"if Willoughby can do it,

"just give me the right rod,
reel and lure and so can I."

A million dollars of free
publicity and you fired him.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

My goodness...

You want me to set him up in
business in competition to you?

No! No! No! If you don't,
somebody else will.

You better hire him back before he
gets away. And fix that roof of yours.

I must hurry. I've got to find him.
Thank you, gentlemen.

Oh, Willoughby! Willoughby!

Oh, Willoughby!

What do you want?

Hold it. I think I hear them.

What is it? What...

Sounds like cadwalader.
Oh! Look out, Abigail!

What? What's the matter?
Don't move!

What! Where are we?

Well, we're out
in the middle of the lake.

What... what are we doing here?

Willoughby! Can you
hear me, Willoughby?

Yes, I hear you!

I made a mistake!

We need you back, Willoughby!

Hey, Roger!

You got your job back, I think!

Lie still! Look, we're
gonna tip over, I tell you.

We'll give you
a raise, Willoughby!

How much will you give him?

I'll talk to you later.

Will you come back?

Yes, Mr. cadwalader!

That's fine, Willoughby! Do you
want us to send you any help?

Never mind, Mr. cadwalader!

Do you think he's in trouble?

Yes, but it's too late
to help him.

Listen. Hmm?

Do you think you could like me
the way you did that night?

What night?

You know, when you kissed me.

You said that kiss was no good.

Oh, I'm sorry
I said that, Roger.

I'd prefer to forget
that night ever happened.

Oh, Roger! I was lying when I
said the kiss wasn't any good.

You were... sure. Honest, I was.

I was just pretending.

Do you... do you think that

you could find me strangely
attractive again, hmm?

Well, I don't know, I...

Well, maybe if you
kiss me, just a little.

Hmm?

Well, if you didn't
like it, you could stop.

Maybe you would like it
but sometimes when people...

Will you shut up? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, John, you shouldn't
have done that.

Why, marcia?

Because this picture is over.

This is the end.