Maniac Farmer (2018) - full transcript

So this man decides that
he wants some animals.

And he goes into town
and he's looking around

and he sees a guy and he
approaches him and he says,

"Hey, I'd like to buy a chicken."

And the guy said, "Well, these
are actually called pullets.

"And you can't put them down
or else they'll run away."

So he buys the chicken.

A few minutes later he
decides he wants a duck.

So he goes back to the
same guy and he says,

"Hey, I'd like to buy a duck."

And the guy said, "Oh, this
is actually called a peter



"and you can't put it down either

"or else it'll run away too."

So he buys the duck.

A few more minutes pass by and he decides

that he wants to buy a donkey.

He goes back to the guy and he says,

"Hey, I'd like to buy a donkey."

The guy says, "Well, I
gotta an ass I'll sell you,

"but sometimes it stops walking,

"but all you gotta do is just scratch it

"and it'll start walking again."

So he buys the donkey.

Now he's on his way back home

and he's walking down the
trail back to the farm



and the donkey stops walking,

but he can't scratch it because

he's got a duck under one arm
and a chicken under the other,

but he sees a guy walking towards him

so he approaches him and he says,

"Hey, will you hold my peter and pullet

"while I scratch my ass?"

Lenhardt, Dunigan, do you copy?

Yeah, yeah, sorry,

I must've accidentally
switched the channel.

Need something?

Yeah, we just got

another call about the Uproar Gang

causing trouble over at old Zane's.

Will you two handle it?

All right, we're on our way.

- Good morning.
- Hello.

Fred?

Fred didn't show up today.

Hm.

Detective Lenhardt.

Look, I gave that guy a receipt.

I don't give a crap what...

No, no, no, easy now.

I'm just looking for
some loons in the area

'causing chaos, breaking stuff.

Maybe even getting violent
with some of the locals,

spray painting gang
signs at old man Zane's.

The crazy cook even said
they set his cat on fire.

You ever see anything out of the ordinary?

No, I haven't seen anything.

You have any pictures of the perps?

You getting smart with me?

No, of course not, Detective.

May I?

It's not scanning.

I'll have to check the price.

Excuse me, are
you a civil servant,

a brave officer of the law by chance?

Who's asking?

They call me,

Blasphemous Rex.

Adorable.

Now I only ask because I've noticed

some shifty characters around town.

The odd duck, the queer flake,

all up and about town like,

and I figured I'd let you know

in case you wanted to put a,

what do you call them,
an APB out for them?

These shifty characters got names?

Well, now that you mention it,

I may be remembering this incorrectly,

but I think their names were,

I think their names were
Fuck and You.

Fuck you.

Lighten up mate, I'm just making a joke.

Bop.

We'll mark this place off the list.

Lou's Tavern next I'm thinking.

What is it?

That creep that came out before you.

Some joker who calls
himself Blasphemous Rex.

What a fucking loser.

Let's go.

I can already hear Lou
pouring those pints.

What was that?

Baby, what are you doing?

I heard something.

I don't hear anything.

Listen.

You're imagining things.

I'm telling you I heard something.

Then go see what it is.

Would you rather I go see what it is?

Helen?

Helen?

Helen?

Helen?

Helen?

See, nothing.

Damn cat.

Helen?

Helen?

Helen.

Bitch!

Oh she got a lick on
you, she did.

Catch the little minx

lest she negate everything we
stand for, everything we are,

do I make myself clear?

Yes.

Then fly little bird.

You're still here?

Well, well, well, look
what the cat dragged in.

Evening gents.

The night's ripe cold with the smell

of blood wouldn't you say?

Speak your mind Rex.

Oh, I'll let me mind do
the talking Sly old boy.

See, the devil got his due tonight he did

as he received two more innocent souls

from the land of the living.

And who played the part of the reaper?

Yours truly.

The king of misery, the agent of chaos,

the bringer of violence,

the life taker, the bone breaker,

the blood maker, I am Blasphemous Rex.

You think you're big and bad huh Rex?

What level of violence
did you achieve tonight?

Enough.

Enough, oh, well.

Heard Johnny Law's looking for you Rex.

I'm the most violent man in town,

the most ruthless killer these
pigs have ever encountered.

Of course they're looking for me.

It's only a matter of
time till they take you down

and bring you in I'd say.

You sound pretty confident Sly,

tell me are you a snitch?

Sly ain't no snitch.

Besides ain't you the one
who snitched on Grib Grub?

That's a lie.

Grib Grub got pinched 'cause he couldn't

follow the rules, the guidelines.

You start to show a pattern and
the dogs will sniff you out.

You must remain random.

No motive, no methods, simply violence.

After all Sly you of
all people should know

after what happened to poor old Wash-Tub

when the going got tough, eh?

Wash-Tub couldn't take the pressure,

couldn't handle the commitment it took

to be a havoc wreaker,
an admirer of rampage

an acolyte of the Uproar Gang.

In fact, let this be
a reminder to you all,

we're not ruffians in the night

committing petty vandalism
and tomfoolery, no,

we are reapers, harvesters of souls.

We cause no confusion.

Our part is clear.

So if you're here to simply
piss off Mommy and Daddy

I'll give you one final chance,

one final chance here and now.

Walk away.

Walk away in the moonlight

and resume the longevity
of your daylight lives.

Fall back into the fade.

Fall back into mundane existence

devoid of any meaning, passion or purpose.

But if you stay, if you stay
you will own up to the dogma.

You will serve as a sycophant to

the mobocracy we have put into place.

And you will be harbingers of violence.

Violence!

Yeah, yeah.

Violence!

- Violence.
- Violence.

Hell yeah.

Remember your place Sly.

I'm the king and you, dog shit

that I barely give mind
and scape off me boot.

Why?

No one is more violent than me.

No one ravages this place like me.

Rex.

- You know my name?
- I know your name.

- What's my name?
- Blasphemous Rex.

That's right, that's fucking right.

A toast to milk and eggs
and bread and cinnamon,

to absent friends and to hell,

may their stay there be as
enjoyable as the way there.

Dickless twat.

All right then, shall we?

Rex.

Rex.

Rex!

So what'd you do this weekend?

Oh, me and the family got out

and played put-put again.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Filled out that card finally.

Only took about two years,

but we get a free game
next time so that's nice.

Nice.

Dallas get them back.

- Get the fuck back.
- What's going on?

Oh my god.

- You guys are late.
- Flat tire.

Cry me a fucking river.

The locals really crawled out

of the woodworks for this one huh?

Yeah, tell me about it.

I had press down my throat before

I could get the tags on the bodies.

So what do we got/

Joggers called it in,
Mr. and Mrs. Yolander dead.

- No shit?
- Yeah.

He's flayed like a fish, she's out back

head smashed in like a fucking cantaloupe.

Brutal.

This guys means business, huh?

Yeah, tell me about it.

Cat couldn't have picked a better day.

He's got two hobos beat to death out on 80

and Baker just pulled out
Rick Dunley from Jesup Lake.

- Rick Dunley?
- Yeah, the put-put guy.

Yeah, I know him.

- He drowned?
- No.

Bled out, stabbed to death, 14 times.

Pulled him out of the bay though.

- Shit.
- Yeah.

Make any connections?

No.

Hobos got beat to death,
these two got robbed

before that asshole killed them

and Rick owed every crack whore

and scumbuster in town money.

He had a short list.

- Who?
- The put-put guy.

- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.

The Yolanders got robbed too?

Yeah.

Knocked the furniture over,
pulled the dressers out,

took the food from the fridge.

Yeah.

Oh god damn.

How long they been out here?

I don't know.

If the coroner ever
drags his ass over here

we'll be able to find out.

Did you round anybody up?

I'm not doing your job.

We can just get the
usual list of suspects.

It'll be a pretty long list.

I just don't buy that these
murders aren't connected L.T.

It's too big of a coincidence,

especially when you tie
in that string of murders

over the last few months by
that, what do they call them?

- The Uproar.
- Uproar Gang.

Yeah, I mean it's almost like these thugs

are intentionally random,

like the pattern lacks a pattern.

I'll tell you a story, son.

I used to be a prison
guard down at Thomas Gage

before I went to the academy.

There was a sick fuck
down there named Shelby.

Star pitcher, best batter
on the prison baseball team.

That year they made it to championship.

Won every game one by one.

It was gonna be them, the
bad boys of Thomas Gage,

versus Milos Banditos from Fort Ablanca.

That was a seven year
rivalry down to that day.

Come to find out Shelby's due
to be released the day before.

He didn't want that, he
wanted that championship,

he wanted that for his team.

- Let me tell you what he did.
- What's that?

Stabbed a prison guard in the thigh.

Got 10 months added to his sentence.

- Got to play the game though.
- Did they win?

Hell yeah they won.

Spent nine months in the hot
box for it, but they won.

What's your point?

My point's this, men and
violence are like hogs and slop.

You're not gonna keep a hog from the slop.

Well, well, what have we here?

A wee farmer out and about, look at him.

What a time to be alive, eh, mister?

Come on, guys, let's
go before someone sees us.

Sees us?

It's the dead of night me love.

- But...
- But nothing.

You said you were ready,
said you were prepared

to take the oath and transform yourself

into a cutthroat chimera of nightmares.

I am ready.

Hey Rex, he's getting up.

Let's take him into the barn.

Pin him up on the wall
like a Christmas ornament.

Now that is an idea.

Well whatever it is you
all want to do, make it fast.

I've had this feeling all day long

that somebody's following us around.

There ain't nobody following
us around you witless clod.

Now you listen to me,
this night belongs to us,

no this night belongs to me.

I'm in total control, so
clean the grime from your ears

and heed me words with much
caution and deliberation.

Shut up.

Hey boss.

Let's take this great
big dirt bag in the barn.

My foot!

My foot nearly blew off.

Please, please get me out of here.

I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry.

We shouldn't have snuck up on
you in the night like that.

I told those guys, I told
those guys we need to go.

We need to just leave you alone.

I didn't want to be there.

I didn't want to be a part of that.

I just got drug along and I'm sorry, okay?

Just please get me out.

Please.

Please just say something, please.

Please!

Oh man you're a psycho.

You're a psycho man.

Come on, man, we were just playing a joke.

Playing a joke.

So just tell me where my friends are

and we'll be out of your hair.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

What's your name buddy?

They call me Blasphemous Rex.

Blasphemous Rex, but it's just a nickname.

Real name's Carl.

Come on man I've gotta get home

because my stepdad will flip his lid

when he finds out that I took his car.

Where am I?

Where am I?

What is this place?

You're sick for doing this.

You...

They'll find me.

Everyone knows who I am.

Look, you'll get it, you'll get it.

After all, they'll find me.

Oh god, I gotta get out of here.

Did you kill Rex?

Hey man, I hated that cunt anyway.

I can help you hide his body.

I can make sure no one ever finds him.

I can make sure no one
ever finds any of 'em.

Just let me go.

I can get you some crack.

You want, anything you want.

Don't, don't kill me.

Don't, don't you come close.

No!

Hey.

Hey.

I won't tell anyone.

Not a soul man.

I won't tell them about how,

how you killed Pin Pal or Dot.

Fuck those guys right?

A couple of assholes anyway,

but me, just untie me,

untie me and let me walk
right out that door.

I'll be gone.

You'll never see me again.

Out of your life forever.

Promise, that is the last you'll
see of old Blasphemous Rex.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please!

Hey Kit-Kat!

It's Skit-Skat.

Oh whatever, Kit-Kat.

Where you going?

- You need a ride?
- I'm good, thanks.

Oh, Skit-Skat, why you
gotta be so rude huh?

Herbert Skatinelli,
grand theft auto, arson,

possession of stolen
goods, property damage,

oh and I like this one here.

What you got?

Assaulting a police officer.

I was liked that one.

It really gets my blood flowing.

Me too.

Man, that cop assaulted me first.

I should be the one charging
his ass with police brutality.

Man.

I tell you what Click-Klack,

people like you are the
reason God quit talking to us.

Well lookie here, lookie here.

Multiple gang related
charges, imagine that.

Damn son.

If that ain't icing on the
cake I don't know what is.

Alleged man, nothing
but fucking hearsay.

Well hear this shit head,
if you don't start talking

we're gonna drive your ass right
into the heart of gang land

and politely remove you from our vehicle

right where all your buddies can see

you've been hanging out
with your cop friends.

And God only knows what kind of stuff

you've been whispering
into the ear of the police.

Yeah, I bet they wouldn't like that huh?

Oh I bet they wouldn't like that at all.

Or you could start flapping them gums

like we know you like to do.

Tell us something that'll make us smile.

We drop you back off

and your friends will be none the wiser.

I don't know nothing man.

Start fucking talking
or I'll put your picture

on billboard with the
word snitch underneath it.

Jesus Christ man all right.

See Tit-Tat, we can be reasonable.

It's Skit-Skat.

Whatever, start fucking talking

'cause I'm running out of mocking names.

What do you want to know?

What we want to know
is who's responsible

for the string of murders
plaguing our beautiful city?

Beautiful?

This city's a fucking toilet bowel.

Somebody needs to flush it.

Well, true as that may
be I'm getting pretty tired

of cleaning up these messes
caused by the Uproar Gang.

The what?

I think you struck a nerve
with that one Lenhardt.

All right Nip-Tuck,
tell us what you know.

That one don't even fucking rhyme.

Stop fucking wasting our time.

All right, all right.

Listen, all I know

is the Uproar Gang's just
looking to cause trouble.

I don't got a masters in psychology.

You think I wanted to be
part of something this big?

I joined as part of a social experiment.

Just got caught up in the fucking mess.

And who's the leader?

Ain't really got a leader.

Just an understanding.

Just want to wreak havoc, hurt people.

No motive, no underlining tensions.

Just a love for fucking violence.

I made some friends too you know?

Me, Drive-Tom and Sly, we were best buds.

Were?

Well, Drive-Tom hopped
to Jamestown one two.

Sly, Sly wasn't so fucking lucky.

What do you mean?

It means he's fucking dead man.

That prick slit his god damn throat.

Bled him out in the fucking dirt.

It's be nice if we could
get a look at that body.

You bury him?

No man.

Left him lying on fifth
street in the gutter.

Sounds like you guys were real close.

Let the city pay for
the god damn funeral.

Sly, Sly was a fucking outlaw.

A real punch 'em up kind of dude.

He was rock hard man, rock fucking hard.

What were you like sucking
his dick or something?

No.

I just mean he was a tough motherfucker.

A dude you two wouldn't
even fucking mess with.

Sounds like one bad hombre.

So who slit his throat?

Worst one of the bunch man,

a real soulless piece of human excrement.

Known as Blasphemous Rex.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

How am I gonna get out?

Oh fuck.

Come on.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Assholes.

They had to come out here.

Had to come out here, always,

never did anything I wanted to do

and I'm the fucking boss.

I'd like to slap the shit out of Dot.

You know, it's her fault I'm here.

I know it is.

She should be here instead of me.

I don't disagree.

- Why are you defending her?
- I'm not.

Fuck!

God dammit.

You motherfucker.

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

God dammit.

You bastard!

You fucking bastard, I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna kill you.

You bastard!

You sick bastard.

You sick bastard.

Bastard.

Please.

Please.

Shh.

That son of a bitch put
whip cream in this again

after I told him not to.

Shit, do you want it?

No.

So what do you got there?

I dug up the file on our
old friend Blasphemous Rex.

Or Carl Polakowski as his given name.

Skatinelli wasn't kidding Dunigan.

This guy's got a wrap
sheet a mile fucking long.

I mean the crimes run
here from insensitive

to god damn disgusting.

So give me one of 'em.

Where do I even start?

This here's the kidnappings,

home invasions, armed robberies.

This guy's been linked to
eight different murders

the last six months alone,

all of which he's had
a convenient alibi for

and anybody we could
use against this fucker

either winds up dead or has
a sudden change of heart.

I mean look,

arson, connection to
underground dog fighting,

possession and selling narcotics,

fucking torture Dunigan,
endless counts of assault.

This guy's been arrested more times

than a Patriot's fan at kickoffs.

None of them stick.

Hey, why'd the belt get arrested?

What?

It help up a pair of pants.

So why didn't any of them stick?

Well mostly because the
witnesses end up dead.

From what I can gather it
looks like this Uproar Gang

has the shakedown on the local PD

and they're all too
afraid to touch any of 'em

otherwise they'll get home and
find their house burned down

or their wives and kids kidnapped.

So why are you stressing
so much over this asshole?

Because he's fucking evil Dunigan.

And the worst kind of evil
is evil that knows it's evil.

And I don't care what Anderson says

this diabolical sack of shit

is in charge of the Uproar Gang.

Whether they want to admit to having

a conventional leader or
not this guy's top dog.

And he's been leading this
assemblage of doddlers

through this town like a
fucking mob through Angstadt.

They don't believe in nothing,

but pain and hurt in their wake.

And when he says jump they say, how high?

And when he says stab they say, how deep?

And when he says kill,
well they say how many?

Makes you wonder if a prison cell

is the right place for a guy like that.

As opposed to?

You know.

- No.
- Maybe.

No.

I don't know.

I guess I'm just getting
desensitized to all of it.

What do you mean?

Well, when I used to work
vice down in Springwell

me and my partner would
always get these calls

out at some backwoods gentlemen's club

on account of this guy named Shoemaker.

He was the owner's cousin

and he always liked to
beat on those girls.

He'd split open their
noses, blacken their eyes,

have his way with each and every one,

go right down the line.

These were pretty girls too,

not your typical daytime trash.

We'd lock him up and a day or two later

he'd be out on the street and at it again.

You never charged him with anything?

Oh we tried, but his
cousin would come down

slip the chief a few hundreds
and shrug his shoulders,

give an aw shucks and be on his way

with Shoemaker at his side.

Then one night came and
we didn't get a call.

And then another night

and about a week went
by and still no calls

and I started to get concerned.

And my partner happened
to be off that night

and I decided to go check the place out.

So I drove up there real
slow, killed the lights,

snuck up to the window and when

I looked inside I saw those girls.

Those girls got no
justice for the beatings,

the rape, they were all
standing right above him.

I got there just in time to see

the end of what they started.

He was dead?

Dying's the proper term.

I've always tried to be a good cop,

do the right thing, so I had to step in.

I stopped them there
right at the last second.

Shoemaker spent a few
weeks in the hospital.

The girls walked aways with nothing.

Shoemaker never wanted
to press any charges.

That should've been the
first red flag right there.

But things started to look better.

We stopped getting calls.

Things seemed to be on the up and up.

And then one day we got a report,

those girls were missing.

A couple days later the bodies showed up

and I just knew it was Shoemaker.

Couldn't find any
evidence to pin it to him,

but I knew it was him.

Something was telling me it was him.

That was the biggest
mistake of my career there.

If I could go back to that day

I would've just turned
around, walked back to my car

and drove off like nothing happened.

There's a lot of evil in this world.

Unfortunately the evil
typically outweighs the good,

but the silver lining is for
as many evils as there are

they're almost always against one another.

And when evils pair against evil

the best thing for good to do
is just sit back and watch.

Get this fucking thing off me.

The teeth remain saw-less.

I don't have saw teeth.

You know, I think what the problem is

is he thinks he's better than me, yeah.

That guy thinks he's
better than me.

I'll show him though.

Yeah, I'll show him.

Hey, what are you looking at jagweed?

I'll show him.

If I had saw teeth I could
cut through the chain.

No, you stay on your side.

I'll stay on my side.

That's stupid.

Fuck!

Ow.

I said ow.

Yeah right.

Stop it.

Hm?

Hm?

Hm?

I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't care.

You think I'm worried about it?

Hey.

Are you awake?

I don't think we're gonna get out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
you're gonna die here.

You're gonna die here, you're
not gonna get out of here.

There's no escape.

You're not gonna get out of
here, you're gonna die here.

You're gonna die here.

You're really fucked, you know that right?

You keep worrying like that

you're gonna give yourself wrinkles.

No, no, no, no, no.

What's the plan mate?

Tuck your dick between your legs,

pace back and forth
and wait for the dragon

to come knock the god damn door down

like a bandit in the night.

You're not here.

You're not here.

Oh, I'm here, 'cause you're here twat.

You know, you make me sick.

You make me fucking sick.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself

you miserable little turd.

Look at me!

No.

Look at me!

Oh, is he gonna cry?

Yes.

You're pathetic.

What was your mother like?

Mother?

Bet she's turning over
in her fucking grave.

What?

No she's not.

Know what I think?

I think you ought to be put
out of your fucking misery.

Hello?

Mommy?

Greg?

Boo.

Hello.

No.

Hello sweetheart.

Did you drop your purse?

Where you going?

Give us a kiss.

Where's your fire?

Oh, did it mess itself?

You're fucking dead.

I'm gonna rip your fucking throat out.

Why are you doing this?

Oh.

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

I'm gonna gut you like a fish.

You fucking cum stain.

I don't deserve this.

Gotcha.

Greg?

What'd I tell
you after last time boy?

If you don't go to bed Santa won't come.

No, no not again.

I can't take it.

You'll take it and you'll like it.

Come on, come on, come on.

Ma'am, help me.

What?

Hello sir.

I'm Detective Lenhardt.

Detective Dunigan.

We're just looking into
some crimes in the area.

Real violent offenders.

You ever hear or see anything suspicious?

No.

Not that I can think of.

I'll give you a call
though if I see anything.

What?

Care if we take a look at the property?

Sometimes when these hoodlums
get away from the police

they like to hideout in chicken coops,

burned down houses, barns especially.

I'd hate for there to be any
squatters on your property.

They can be pretty dangerous.

We'd hate for you to miss anything.

Sure.

Great.

Care to show us the barn?

Yeah.

I swear
you wouldn't believe me

if I told you half the shit
these guys put us through.

Yeah, a few
violent encounters as well.

Yeah.

So you see anything suspicious?

Hear any rustling noises outside?

Find things not where they
should be, things like that?

It'd really help us in the long run.

Well, as you can
see there's nothing here.

Uh-huh.

I know everything
that goes on on my farm.

Nobody steps a foot on my property

without me knowing about it.

That's all good and well sir, but,

I'll be the judge of that.

He'll be the judge of that.

There's nobody in the barn.

Sir I'm gonna
have to ask you to step aside.

Now I've been nice enough
to let you all look around.

Sir I will not
tell you again to step aside.

Listen...

Step aside.

Dunigan you stay here.

Keep your gun on him.

I'm gonna check inside the barn.

You hiding something in there, boy?

You better hope my partner
don't find one loose nail

in there or your ass
is fried, you hear me?

You know withholding evidence
is a crime don't you?

Oh, I hope he finds something
so I can teach you right now.

Hey Lenhardt!

What do you got in there?

Please.

Help me.

Help.

Help.

Help.

Help.

Please.

Help me.

Help me.

Lenhardt!

You see anything?

- Please.
- Nope!

The barn's clear.

Sorry about all the excitement sir.

- Just being cautious.
- Right, I understand.

Yeah.

So you have good evening and be careful

there's a lot of maniacs out there.

Right.

Lock your doors too.

Will do.

No.

Yeah, I don't like it.