Maniac (1934) - full transcript
Don Maxwell is an ex-vaudeville ham, wanted by police, who has now found himself as the unlikely assistant to Dr. Meirschultz, a mad scientist in the business of reanimating corpses. Maxwell's gift of impersonation gets him and Meirschultz past the guards and into a morgue where they use a special serum to revive the corpse of a pretty young woman. But that's nothing. Dr. Meirschultz has a heart beating in a jar of solution and is eager to put it into a corpse that really needs it. Meirschultz gives his assistant a gun and advises him to commit suicide, so that he can put the heart in him, but Maxwell shoots and kills the scientist instead and hides the body. People will miss Meirschultz, Maxwell quickly realizes, but no one will miss his lowly assistant; and so Maxwell dons eyeglasses and a fake beard to become his onetime benefactor. The trouble is, he impersonates the mad doctor too well and goes crazy himself.
**
(buzzing)
(buzzing)
(buzzing
continues)
(liquid pouring)
(with thick German accent)
Tonight, my dear Maxwell.
I'm ready to try
my experiment on a human.
Yes?
In the morgue, there is
a lethal gassed suicide.
An ideal specimen.
(screwdriver clatters)
Have you made
arrangements?
No.
You know I do not work
under prying eyes.
You will find a way for me
to work without detection.
It is your chance
to show me your gratitude
for my generosity
and protection.
I will never forget
what you have done for me
and will do anything
to help you,
but the morgue--
dead people!
Suppose we should
be caught?
How many times have you told me
of your impersonations?
That you never
had a chance?
Maybe your art
will serve you after all.
You have seen
the coroner?
Why not impersonate him?
No!
That's it!
No!
Impersonate him!
The time has come
when you can repay me
for what
I have done.
It's horrible,
I tell you!
Working
on the dead.
Trying to
bring back life!
It's not natural!
You with
your weird ideas.
Haven't I stood here
and nursed dying dogs?
Yeah.
And even
that miserable cat?
(hissing)
And for what?
For a measly roof
and food.
Because you
took me in
when I was
down and out.
Once a ham,
always a ham.
You,
an actor?
(scoffing)
But don't forget,
my dear Maxwell,
the police would be
very glad to find you.
I didn't mean
I wouldn't.
Of course not.
In time,
you may become
a great man.
This is the one--
here!
File number 26941.
Maria Alchura, 24,
suicide.
Carbon monoxide gas.
Not claimed.
Perfect.
But we'll have
to work fast.
Phew!
My gosh.
Them stiffs is gettin' heavier
and more of them every day.
Between the gangsters
and the auto drivers,
we don't need another war
to carry off the population.
You didn't even
mention suicides.
They even got the coroner
working overtime.
Say, did you see the beaut
that come in today?
Did I?
She's the one that has the
coroner doing the night work.
What,
special autopsy?
Must be.
I wonder who that old
Santy Claus is!
(laughing)
I must get her
out of here.
She must
have oxygen.
Unlock
the side door.
And back up
the cart.
But watch out
for the guard
and as soon as
he's out of the way,
we'll take her
out of here.
You say the corpse of
a young woman has been stolen?
Yes.
And it sure
has me puzzled.
Why, Mike thought
I took it.
I'd have swore it was
the coroner himself.
There must have been
a very strong resemblance.
Yeah, he was the dead image
of him and talked like him too.
Oh, you talked
to him.
No.
No, he was talking to
some other old fellow there
that looked like Santy Claus,
as I said to Jake.
He had whiskers and bushy hair
and his eyes was wild.
Must have been
some other two fellas.
Could you possibly identify
if you saw the party?
I wouldn't swear
to anything now,
after being so sure
of the coroner.
You know,
Mike's description
is very much like
your friend Meirschultz.
Tell me,
have you seen him
of late?
Why, Dr. Meirschultz is really
a great research scientist.
Why, he's formulated
some amazing methods
for preserving gland extracts
in the most potent state.
He's no
body snatcher.
Well, doctors
and scientists
often have some queer things
in their minds.
Anyway, uh,
I'll look into it.
Go easy,
Jones.
I wouldn't like
to offend the doctor.
Don't worry.
I'll do nothing
to embarrass you.
Thank you.
Captain?
What do I do
about this?
Collins.
See if you have anything there
on Don Maxwell.
Last heard from
in this city.
Uh, impersonations,
vaudeville.
Yeah.
Okay, Cap.
Let's see what we got
in our files on Don Maxwell.
With 24 hours complete rest,
she will recover.
Think of it.
Life, back in the body
that sought oblivion.
It's uncanny.
The possibilities
terrify me.
But not
one word out.
This is
but a step.
Cases like this
has the element of doubt.
What I want is a victim
with a shattered heart!
Yes, a heart!
That I can replace
with this beating thing
I have forced life
back into!
(laughs wildly)
You will get me
such a victim, Maxwell!
It will be my supreme
accomplishment!
(laughs wildly)
Not from
the morgue!
They'll get
suspicious.
I don't care
where you get it.
From the morgue, from
the streets, the undertaker.
(thud)
Get one!
The end will justify
the means.
The undertaker
around the corner.
That gangster
shot today!
Just the thing.
(door closes)
(cats hissing,
screeching)
(cats hissing
and screeching)
(hissing,
screeching)
(snarling,
growling)
Where is it?
I couldn't get it.
(panting)
Coward!
(sobbing)
Oh, you fool!
You have failed me
in the greatest moment
of my life!
(shouts angrily)
Argh!
(continues sobbing)
(laughing wildly)
(crashing,
glass and metal rattling)
I have it!
You know
my powers.
You have worked
with me.
You have faith in me.
Here,
take this.
Take it
and take your life
and I will give it
back to you.
My living beating heart
shall beat in your body
and will live
again.
Only think of it.
You will live!
(laughing wildly)
You will live!
(laughing wildly)
Live!
(gun firing)
**
Murder.
(disgusted)
Oh.
Murderer.
And of my benefactor!
Horrible.
He had so much
to give the world.
But has he?
Why should the unconscious peace
of the dead be disturbed?
Isn't the spark
that moves the maggot
the selfsame spark
that moves the man?
Preserving that spark in the
individual is not important.
What we do with the spark
while we have it is important!
In Meirschultz,
the spark is gone.
In Maxwell,
it lives.
This may
come in handy.
Nothing
can bring him back.
I'd better
hide him.
(doorbell buzzing)
Dr. Meirschultz,
please.
Why,
he isn't here.
How terrible!
It's so
very urgent!
Will you tell him
that Mr. Buckley is having
positively alarming
hallucinations.
Why, he thinks he's
the orangutan murderer
in Poe's "Murder
of the Rue Morgue".
Tell the doctor
I must have some definite help.
I'll go get him
and bring him in.
No, don't do that.
Meirschultz
would be missed.
Maxwell never would.
You're clean.
Not only do I look
like Meirschultz,
I am Meirschultz!
I will be
a great man!
**
I'll give him a shot
to relieve the nerve tension.
It may help him.
We'll try that
first.
Take off
your coat.
Super adrenaline.
No,
not that.
Ah!
Water.
That will
do no harm.
And I will be
rid of them.
(gasping)
There now.
You'll feel better.
(grunting)
Will it make--
Doctor!
He seems to be getting worse
instead of better.
(groaning)
Stealing through
my body.
Creeping
through my veins.
Pouring in my blood!
Douse the fire
in my brain!
Stabbing me.
Agony!
I can't stand
this torture!
This torment!
(screaming)
I can't stand it!
I won't!
I won't!
I won't--
(groaning, snarling)
(snarling,
groaning)
(screeching)
What was
in that hypo?
(growling)
(growling)
(screaming)
(snarling, growling)
(table thudding)
(snarling continues)
(Mrs. Buckley screams)
He's dead!
Doctor!
What have you done?
This looks
like murder.
No, no,
not murder.
My assistant
shot himself.
Shot himself?
When?
Why, I only saw him
an hour ago.
Why didn't you call
the police?
No,
not the police.
I wanted to bring him
back to life.
I wanted
to experiment on him.
In fact,
I must!
I can restore him.
You shot your assistant
just to experiment on him?
(Buckley snarling
and growling)
(snarling more intensely)
Dr. Meirschultz,
I have often heard
of your uncanny experiments,
but this
tops them all.
But I think we speak
the same language.
Am I right?
Well, I just don't get
what you mean, "same language".
We have
a common interest.
When you bring your assistant
back to life,
his mind will do
as you direct.
You can do the same
to Buckley,
then he will do
as I direct.
(snarling and growling)
Buckley
saw my body.
The police.
If they
should come--
I must
bring him back.
I'll find
that formula.
Kitty,
kitty.
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
Oh, hi,
Doc.
Say, a couple
of my cats got away.
You seen 'em
anywhere?
Of course not.
What would I want
with your cats?
Well,
I didn't know.
I thought, maybe, you know,
you might use 'em for--
well, some experiments
or something.
Me? Cats?
Never.
That is, I think
too much of Satan
to use cats
for experiments.
Oh, that's what
I thought, you know.
Well, no harm meant,
Doc.
Well, so long.
(Satan growling)
What am I
going to do?
The police will be here
any minute.
I must dispose
of the body.
I'll hide it.
I'll
burn it!
No, I can't do that.
The basement!
(corpse's feet
thumping down steps)
(tool clanging)
(scratching)
(brick thumping)
Satan.
The gleam!
You
wretch.
Stand between me
and salvation, will you?
(chair clattering)
(metal pan clattering)
(Satan meows)
(Satan meows)
(glass shattering)
(laughs wildly)
Why, it's not unlike
an oyster or a grape.
(laughing wildly)
But the gleam
is gone.
(laughing wildly)
(laughing)
**
(growling)
Do you know a Dr. Meirschultz
and his assistant, Don Maxwell?
Sure.
They're sort of queer,
I'd say.
There's lots of queer
goings-on up there.
Why, they even brought
a dead dog back to life once.
That sounds
very remarkable to me.
It may be,
but to my notion,
those that monkeys with
what they got no business to
gets queer
sooner or later.
Maybe you're right.
I know I am.
Why, I even heard a shot
up there last night.
Why didn't you
notify the police?
That's their business,
not mine.
I understand
from your neighbors
that your cats
are making noise at night.
Dr. Meirschultz
has complained.
Yeah?
Well, he's been stealing
my cats for his experiments.
I know.
I've been spying
on him.
How many cats
have you?
What's the matter--
rats?
Oh, thousands
of them.
Right here
in my backyard.
Thousands?
Yeah, I got
a thousand cats too.
Wanna see 'em?
What's the idea--
you sell 'em?
Ah, no.
It's my own idea.
(cats meowing)
I'm in
the business.
Fur business.
Oh, I see,
cats' fur!
You get it quick.
Where do the rats
come in?
Ah, you ain't as quick
as I thought.
Look.
You see, I figured out that
rats breed faster than cats.
And cats' skins
makes good fur.
Cats eat rats,
and rats eat
raw meat.
That is, they eat
the carcasses of the cats.
So the rats
eat the cats,
the cats eat
the rats
and I get
the skins.
Rats eating cats--
well, that is news!
Simple,
ain't it?
Say, by the way, did you
hear a shot last night?
Maybe.
I don't know.
**
(singing)
* Dah-doo-doo *
* Dah-dee-dah
doo-doo *
(singing continues)
Hey, Maizie, we know
you're hard-boiled.
You don't have to stay in the
water 30 minutes to prove it.
Oh, let me alone.
I may not be decent,
but I'm sure gonna be clean.
Say,
if anyone is entitled to the
first place in that bathroom,
it should be me!
Didn't I sign
the register
and welcome you all
as secret guests?
If it wasn't for
nervy little Alice,
you'd all be sinking
your weary bones
into the soft recesses
of some park bench
with a light,
fleecy coverlet
made by
the great American press.
Press?
That reminds me.
I have
pressing business!
Here's one
for the books:
"Sandwich man
pounding pavements
"walks onto a wallet
with 42 grand in it!"
I'd like
to find that man.
Maybe we could
sandwich him in.
Can you imagine?
The darn fool
turned it in.
His head must be
a jelly bean
instead of what
they thought it was.
(machine vibrating)
Well, it sure was soft
all right,
but would it be soft
to land on 42 grand!
Yeah,
but listen!
After he turned
it in,
people made such a fuss over him
that he went nutty.
Thought he was
the Almighty in person.
So that's what being honest
gets you--
a nice, soft, padded cell
in the bug house.
(singing)
* La Cucaracha,
la cocka-roacha-- *
* Dah dee dah
da-da-da dum *
It's pretty tough.
Imagine
the poor guy.
I'll bet nobody noticed him
all his life and then--
Say, wasn't there
some guy in history
that spent all his life
looking for an honest man?
Sure, in his day,
men were men,
but today, they're too scared
to be anything but honest.
Yeah, but a brave guy
can sure get away with plenty!
Say, you must've
been reading the papers.
Or maybe you've been
drinking crazy water
and your head's
wiggly.
Be yourself, Alice.
Playing the heavy-heavy
don't suit you.
Aw, it's getting
me down.
Always broke
and never a break.
Why don't you ditch
that ham
and pick yourself
a rich husband?
(Alice)
Rich husband?
I've heard they come
that way.
Not very often.
Often enough,
but not our way.
Oh, the girl
has brains!
You don't have to put
a zipper on it
to call or prove
it either.
Alice!
Listen to this.
"Don Maxwell, personality
impersonator, gets lucky break."
Why, that's your husband,
ain't it?
Pipe down,
will you?
Let her read it.
"By queer quirk
of fate,
"actor fails heir
to Australian estate.
"This paper is trying
to find him.
"Used to be around
in vaudeville days,
"but we haven't heard much
of him lately."
The lucky
ham!
From now on, he'll have
the company of a good egg.
Will wonders
ever cease?
Say, I wonder if he's still
with that goofy professor.
He's inherited
a fortune!
You say a fortune?
He never spoke to me
of any rich relatives.
He hardly knew
of them himself.
I believe it was
his uncle in Australia.
I am certainly glad
to hear that.
I'm sure
he'll be pleased.
Oh, but--
don't tell him.
You see, I want to tell him
the news first.
That's only
natural.
Mrs. Maxwell, your husband
will be here at 8:00 tonight.
All right.
**
The gleam.
It was in Meirschultz's eyes
when he wanted to murder me.
It was
in Mrs. Buckley's eyes
when she wanted
to murder her husband.
Alice had the gleam in her eye
when she wanted to find me.
She'd murder me.
That's what she wants
to do!
I must get rid
of her.
But how?
Mrs. Buckley!
She will
help.
She
must help!
Oh, we are lost!
You are right.
But before I can get him
back here,
you will have
to help me.
Mrs. Maxwell
is crazy.
She will be here
any minute.
She thinks that
I murdered her husband
and wants to turn me over
to the police.
We must keep her subdued
till I can get Buckley.
Down in the basement
is a secret vault.
We will put her
down there.
You quiet her
by jabbing this in her arm
and in the meantime,
I will go get Buckley.
It sounds
all right.
Except the fact
she's crazy.
It seems to me
she has the right idea.
So you feel
that way too.
Stay in there.
I'll call you
when needed.
At last, I've really secured
a living for us.
We can travel
or anything we want.
Then you knew
of the inheritance?
Sure.
I have one little job
to accomplish,
then we can
leave together.
No doubt you are surprised
at this disguise?
Oh, no.
I wouldn't be surprised
at anything from you.
Now, honey.
You are here in time
to help me.
I knew there was a catch
in this someplace.
Let's spill it.
In the other room,
I have a crazy woman
I've been treating.
(scoffing)
Ha ha!
So you've
been "treating"!
Quiet,
will you?
This is serious.
Our lives
are in danger.
What do you mean,
"our"?
That's what
I said.
Now listen to me.
I want you to help me
take this woman downstairs.
I'll give her
a shot,
then you take care of her
till I get help.
(fearfully)
Well, how about me
getting the help?
She's quiet now,
isn't she?
Yes, but she'll break out
any minute.
She's not afraid
of a woman,
so if she happens
to get wild,
just shove this
into her arm.
Keep it hid.
And all
will be well.
All right,
Mrs. Buckley.
We will
go downstairs now.
I have a special treatment
room there.
(door slamming)
(both screaming)
(laughing wildly)
laughter continues)
(women squeal)
(both screaming)
(laughing wildly)
(both grunting,
breathing hard)
(shrieking)
(laughing)
(police sirens wailing)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(heavy thudding)
(wings fluttering)
(shrieking)
(glass shattering)
(sirens wailing)
(laughing)
(siren winding down)
(laughing)
Look in that room,
Parker.
You come
with me, Penny.
(door opens)
I've got orders to search this
place and take everyone in it
down to headquarters
for questioning.
(screaming)
(thud)
(screaming)
What is that?
(laughing wildly)
Nothing!
A couple of my patients
having a little argument.
Take me
down there!
It won't do
any good.
There are a couple of would-be
murderesses fighting it out!
Man,
you're crazy.
What kind
of a place is this?
Oh-- I'm crazy,
am I?
Let me
tell you something.
Those women
have the gleam!
No use in
wasting time!
(grunting,
struggling)
Come on,
get going.
(women screaming)
No-- no!
(women shrieking)
(officer)
Quiet down!
(cat meows loudly
inside the wall)
(cat yowling)
What's
behind this wall?
Penny, tear
this wall down.
Murderous Satan.
The rats haven't eaten
Meirschultz entirely!
He still has
the gleam!
(laughing wildly)
(both)
Why, he's crazy!
(tool and bricks
clattering)
**
The gleam!
They drove me to it,
I tell you.
They drove me
with hunger,
with misery
and humiliation.
I only wanted to amuse,
to entertain.
But here I am.
Spent my life in
perfecting an unknown method
no one appreciates!
But...
I showed them.
Dr. Meirschultz!
A real
impersonation!
(laughing wildly)
Meirschultz!
My supreme
impersonation!
**
(buzzing)
(buzzing)
(buzzing
continues)
(liquid pouring)
(with thick German accent)
Tonight, my dear Maxwell.
I'm ready to try
my experiment on a human.
Yes?
In the morgue, there is
a lethal gassed suicide.
An ideal specimen.
(screwdriver clatters)
Have you made
arrangements?
No.
You know I do not work
under prying eyes.
You will find a way for me
to work without detection.
It is your chance
to show me your gratitude
for my generosity
and protection.
I will never forget
what you have done for me
and will do anything
to help you,
but the morgue--
dead people!
Suppose we should
be caught?
How many times have you told me
of your impersonations?
That you never
had a chance?
Maybe your art
will serve you after all.
You have seen
the coroner?
Why not impersonate him?
No!
That's it!
No!
Impersonate him!
The time has come
when you can repay me
for what
I have done.
It's horrible,
I tell you!
Working
on the dead.
Trying to
bring back life!
It's not natural!
You with
your weird ideas.
Haven't I stood here
and nursed dying dogs?
Yeah.
And even
that miserable cat?
(hissing)
And for what?
For a measly roof
and food.
Because you
took me in
when I was
down and out.
Once a ham,
always a ham.
You,
an actor?
(scoffing)
But don't forget,
my dear Maxwell,
the police would be
very glad to find you.
I didn't mean
I wouldn't.
Of course not.
In time,
you may become
a great man.
This is the one--
here!
File number 26941.
Maria Alchura, 24,
suicide.
Carbon monoxide gas.
Not claimed.
Perfect.
But we'll have
to work fast.
Phew!
My gosh.
Them stiffs is gettin' heavier
and more of them every day.
Between the gangsters
and the auto drivers,
we don't need another war
to carry off the population.
You didn't even
mention suicides.
They even got the coroner
working overtime.
Say, did you see the beaut
that come in today?
Did I?
She's the one that has the
coroner doing the night work.
What,
special autopsy?
Must be.
I wonder who that old
Santy Claus is!
(laughing)
I must get her
out of here.
She must
have oxygen.
Unlock
the side door.
And back up
the cart.
But watch out
for the guard
and as soon as
he's out of the way,
we'll take her
out of here.
You say the corpse of
a young woman has been stolen?
Yes.
And it sure
has me puzzled.
Why, Mike thought
I took it.
I'd have swore it was
the coroner himself.
There must have been
a very strong resemblance.
Yeah, he was the dead image
of him and talked like him too.
Oh, you talked
to him.
No.
No, he was talking to
some other old fellow there
that looked like Santy Claus,
as I said to Jake.
He had whiskers and bushy hair
and his eyes was wild.
Must have been
some other two fellas.
Could you possibly identify
if you saw the party?
I wouldn't swear
to anything now,
after being so sure
of the coroner.
You know,
Mike's description
is very much like
your friend Meirschultz.
Tell me,
have you seen him
of late?
Why, Dr. Meirschultz is really
a great research scientist.
Why, he's formulated
some amazing methods
for preserving gland extracts
in the most potent state.
He's no
body snatcher.
Well, doctors
and scientists
often have some queer things
in their minds.
Anyway, uh,
I'll look into it.
Go easy,
Jones.
I wouldn't like
to offend the doctor.
Don't worry.
I'll do nothing
to embarrass you.
Thank you.
Captain?
What do I do
about this?
Collins.
See if you have anything there
on Don Maxwell.
Last heard from
in this city.
Uh, impersonations,
vaudeville.
Yeah.
Okay, Cap.
Let's see what we got
in our files on Don Maxwell.
With 24 hours complete rest,
she will recover.
Think of it.
Life, back in the body
that sought oblivion.
It's uncanny.
The possibilities
terrify me.
But not
one word out.
This is
but a step.
Cases like this
has the element of doubt.
What I want is a victim
with a shattered heart!
Yes, a heart!
That I can replace
with this beating thing
I have forced life
back into!
(laughs wildly)
You will get me
such a victim, Maxwell!
It will be my supreme
accomplishment!
(laughs wildly)
Not from
the morgue!
They'll get
suspicious.
I don't care
where you get it.
From the morgue, from
the streets, the undertaker.
(thud)
Get one!
The end will justify
the means.
The undertaker
around the corner.
That gangster
shot today!
Just the thing.
(door closes)
(cats hissing,
screeching)
(cats hissing
and screeching)
(hissing,
screeching)
(snarling,
growling)
Where is it?
I couldn't get it.
(panting)
Coward!
(sobbing)
Oh, you fool!
You have failed me
in the greatest moment
of my life!
(shouts angrily)
Argh!
(continues sobbing)
(laughing wildly)
(crashing,
glass and metal rattling)
I have it!
You know
my powers.
You have worked
with me.
You have faith in me.
Here,
take this.
Take it
and take your life
and I will give it
back to you.
My living beating heart
shall beat in your body
and will live
again.
Only think of it.
You will live!
(laughing wildly)
You will live!
(laughing wildly)
Live!
(gun firing)
**
Murder.
(disgusted)
Oh.
Murderer.
And of my benefactor!
Horrible.
He had so much
to give the world.
But has he?
Why should the unconscious peace
of the dead be disturbed?
Isn't the spark
that moves the maggot
the selfsame spark
that moves the man?
Preserving that spark in the
individual is not important.
What we do with the spark
while we have it is important!
In Meirschultz,
the spark is gone.
In Maxwell,
it lives.
This may
come in handy.
Nothing
can bring him back.
I'd better
hide him.
(doorbell buzzing)
Dr. Meirschultz,
please.
Why,
he isn't here.
How terrible!
It's so
very urgent!
Will you tell him
that Mr. Buckley is having
positively alarming
hallucinations.
Why, he thinks he's
the orangutan murderer
in Poe's "Murder
of the Rue Morgue".
Tell the doctor
I must have some definite help.
I'll go get him
and bring him in.
No, don't do that.
Meirschultz
would be missed.
Maxwell never would.
You're clean.
Not only do I look
like Meirschultz,
I am Meirschultz!
I will be
a great man!
**
I'll give him a shot
to relieve the nerve tension.
It may help him.
We'll try that
first.
Take off
your coat.
Super adrenaline.
No,
not that.
Ah!
Water.
That will
do no harm.
And I will be
rid of them.
(gasping)
There now.
You'll feel better.
(grunting)
Will it make--
Doctor!
He seems to be getting worse
instead of better.
(groaning)
Stealing through
my body.
Creeping
through my veins.
Pouring in my blood!
Douse the fire
in my brain!
Stabbing me.
Agony!
I can't stand
this torture!
This torment!
(screaming)
I can't stand it!
I won't!
I won't!
I won't--
(groaning, snarling)
(snarling,
groaning)
(screeching)
What was
in that hypo?
(growling)
(growling)
(screaming)
(snarling, growling)
(table thudding)
(snarling continues)
(Mrs. Buckley screams)
He's dead!
Doctor!
What have you done?
This looks
like murder.
No, no,
not murder.
My assistant
shot himself.
Shot himself?
When?
Why, I only saw him
an hour ago.
Why didn't you call
the police?
No,
not the police.
I wanted to bring him
back to life.
I wanted
to experiment on him.
In fact,
I must!
I can restore him.
You shot your assistant
just to experiment on him?
(Buckley snarling
and growling)
(snarling more intensely)
Dr. Meirschultz,
I have often heard
of your uncanny experiments,
but this
tops them all.
But I think we speak
the same language.
Am I right?
Well, I just don't get
what you mean, "same language".
We have
a common interest.
When you bring your assistant
back to life,
his mind will do
as you direct.
You can do the same
to Buckley,
then he will do
as I direct.
(snarling and growling)
Buckley
saw my body.
The police.
If they
should come--
I must
bring him back.
I'll find
that formula.
Kitty,
kitty.
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
Oh, hi,
Doc.
Say, a couple
of my cats got away.
You seen 'em
anywhere?
Of course not.
What would I want
with your cats?
Well,
I didn't know.
I thought, maybe, you know,
you might use 'em for--
well, some experiments
or something.
Me? Cats?
Never.
That is, I think
too much of Satan
to use cats
for experiments.
Oh, that's what
I thought, you know.
Well, no harm meant,
Doc.
Well, so long.
(Satan growling)
What am I
going to do?
The police will be here
any minute.
I must dispose
of the body.
I'll hide it.
I'll
burn it!
No, I can't do that.
The basement!
(corpse's feet
thumping down steps)
(tool clanging)
(scratching)
(brick thumping)
Satan.
The gleam!
You
wretch.
Stand between me
and salvation, will you?
(chair clattering)
(metal pan clattering)
(Satan meows)
(Satan meows)
(glass shattering)
(laughs wildly)
Why, it's not unlike
an oyster or a grape.
(laughing wildly)
But the gleam
is gone.
(laughing wildly)
(laughing)
**
(growling)
Do you know a Dr. Meirschultz
and his assistant, Don Maxwell?
Sure.
They're sort of queer,
I'd say.
There's lots of queer
goings-on up there.
Why, they even brought
a dead dog back to life once.
That sounds
very remarkable to me.
It may be,
but to my notion,
those that monkeys with
what they got no business to
gets queer
sooner or later.
Maybe you're right.
I know I am.
Why, I even heard a shot
up there last night.
Why didn't you
notify the police?
That's their business,
not mine.
I understand
from your neighbors
that your cats
are making noise at night.
Dr. Meirschultz
has complained.
Yeah?
Well, he's been stealing
my cats for his experiments.
I know.
I've been spying
on him.
How many cats
have you?
What's the matter--
rats?
Oh, thousands
of them.
Right here
in my backyard.
Thousands?
Yeah, I got
a thousand cats too.
Wanna see 'em?
What's the idea--
you sell 'em?
Ah, no.
It's my own idea.
(cats meowing)
I'm in
the business.
Fur business.
Oh, I see,
cats' fur!
You get it quick.
Where do the rats
come in?
Ah, you ain't as quick
as I thought.
Look.
You see, I figured out that
rats breed faster than cats.
And cats' skins
makes good fur.
Cats eat rats,
and rats eat
raw meat.
That is, they eat
the carcasses of the cats.
So the rats
eat the cats,
the cats eat
the rats
and I get
the skins.
Rats eating cats--
well, that is news!
Simple,
ain't it?
Say, by the way, did you
hear a shot last night?
Maybe.
I don't know.
**
(singing)
* Dah-doo-doo *
* Dah-dee-dah
doo-doo *
(singing continues)
Hey, Maizie, we know
you're hard-boiled.
You don't have to stay in the
water 30 minutes to prove it.
Oh, let me alone.
I may not be decent,
but I'm sure gonna be clean.
Say,
if anyone is entitled to the
first place in that bathroom,
it should be me!
Didn't I sign
the register
and welcome you all
as secret guests?
If it wasn't for
nervy little Alice,
you'd all be sinking
your weary bones
into the soft recesses
of some park bench
with a light,
fleecy coverlet
made by
the great American press.
Press?
That reminds me.
I have
pressing business!
Here's one
for the books:
"Sandwich man
pounding pavements
"walks onto a wallet
with 42 grand in it!"
I'd like
to find that man.
Maybe we could
sandwich him in.
Can you imagine?
The darn fool
turned it in.
His head must be
a jelly bean
instead of what
they thought it was.
(machine vibrating)
Well, it sure was soft
all right,
but would it be soft
to land on 42 grand!
Yeah,
but listen!
After he turned
it in,
people made such a fuss over him
that he went nutty.
Thought he was
the Almighty in person.
So that's what being honest
gets you--
a nice, soft, padded cell
in the bug house.
(singing)
* La Cucaracha,
la cocka-roacha-- *
* Dah dee dah
da-da-da dum *
It's pretty tough.
Imagine
the poor guy.
I'll bet nobody noticed him
all his life and then--
Say, wasn't there
some guy in history
that spent all his life
looking for an honest man?
Sure, in his day,
men were men,
but today, they're too scared
to be anything but honest.
Yeah, but a brave guy
can sure get away with plenty!
Say, you must've
been reading the papers.
Or maybe you've been
drinking crazy water
and your head's
wiggly.
Be yourself, Alice.
Playing the heavy-heavy
don't suit you.
Aw, it's getting
me down.
Always broke
and never a break.
Why don't you ditch
that ham
and pick yourself
a rich husband?
(Alice)
Rich husband?
I've heard they come
that way.
Not very often.
Often enough,
but not our way.
Oh, the girl
has brains!
You don't have to put
a zipper on it
to call or prove
it either.
Alice!
Listen to this.
"Don Maxwell, personality
impersonator, gets lucky break."
Why, that's your husband,
ain't it?
Pipe down,
will you?
Let her read it.
"By queer quirk
of fate,
"actor fails heir
to Australian estate.
"This paper is trying
to find him.
"Used to be around
in vaudeville days,
"but we haven't heard much
of him lately."
The lucky
ham!
From now on, he'll have
the company of a good egg.
Will wonders
ever cease?
Say, I wonder if he's still
with that goofy professor.
He's inherited
a fortune!
You say a fortune?
He never spoke to me
of any rich relatives.
He hardly knew
of them himself.
I believe it was
his uncle in Australia.
I am certainly glad
to hear that.
I'm sure
he'll be pleased.
Oh, but--
don't tell him.
You see, I want to tell him
the news first.
That's only
natural.
Mrs. Maxwell, your husband
will be here at 8:00 tonight.
All right.
**
The gleam.
It was in Meirschultz's eyes
when he wanted to murder me.
It was
in Mrs. Buckley's eyes
when she wanted
to murder her husband.
Alice had the gleam in her eye
when she wanted to find me.
She'd murder me.
That's what she wants
to do!
I must get rid
of her.
But how?
Mrs. Buckley!
She will
help.
She
must help!
Oh, we are lost!
You are right.
But before I can get him
back here,
you will have
to help me.
Mrs. Maxwell
is crazy.
She will be here
any minute.
She thinks that
I murdered her husband
and wants to turn me over
to the police.
We must keep her subdued
till I can get Buckley.
Down in the basement
is a secret vault.
We will put her
down there.
You quiet her
by jabbing this in her arm
and in the meantime,
I will go get Buckley.
It sounds
all right.
Except the fact
she's crazy.
It seems to me
she has the right idea.
So you feel
that way too.
Stay in there.
I'll call you
when needed.
At last, I've really secured
a living for us.
We can travel
or anything we want.
Then you knew
of the inheritance?
Sure.
I have one little job
to accomplish,
then we can
leave together.
No doubt you are surprised
at this disguise?
Oh, no.
I wouldn't be surprised
at anything from you.
Now, honey.
You are here in time
to help me.
I knew there was a catch
in this someplace.
Let's spill it.
In the other room,
I have a crazy woman
I've been treating.
(scoffing)
Ha ha!
So you've
been "treating"!
Quiet,
will you?
This is serious.
Our lives
are in danger.
What do you mean,
"our"?
That's what
I said.
Now listen to me.
I want you to help me
take this woman downstairs.
I'll give her
a shot,
then you take care of her
till I get help.
(fearfully)
Well, how about me
getting the help?
She's quiet now,
isn't she?
Yes, but she'll break out
any minute.
She's not afraid
of a woman,
so if she happens
to get wild,
just shove this
into her arm.
Keep it hid.
And all
will be well.
All right,
Mrs. Buckley.
We will
go downstairs now.
I have a special treatment
room there.
(door slamming)
(both screaming)
(laughing wildly)
laughter continues)
(women squeal)
(both screaming)
(laughing wildly)
(both grunting,
breathing hard)
(shrieking)
(laughing)
(police sirens wailing)
(screaming)
(screaming)
(heavy thudding)
(wings fluttering)
(shrieking)
(glass shattering)
(sirens wailing)
(laughing)
(siren winding down)
(laughing)
Look in that room,
Parker.
You come
with me, Penny.
(door opens)
I've got orders to search this
place and take everyone in it
down to headquarters
for questioning.
(screaming)
(thud)
(screaming)
What is that?
(laughing wildly)
Nothing!
A couple of my patients
having a little argument.
Take me
down there!
It won't do
any good.
There are a couple of would-be
murderesses fighting it out!
Man,
you're crazy.
What kind
of a place is this?
Oh-- I'm crazy,
am I?
Let me
tell you something.
Those women
have the gleam!
No use in
wasting time!
(grunting,
struggling)
Come on,
get going.
(women screaming)
No-- no!
(women shrieking)
(officer)
Quiet down!
(cat meows loudly
inside the wall)
(cat yowling)
What's
behind this wall?
Penny, tear
this wall down.
Murderous Satan.
The rats haven't eaten
Meirschultz entirely!
He still has
the gleam!
(laughing wildly)
(both)
Why, he's crazy!
(tool and bricks
clattering)
**
The gleam!
They drove me to it,
I tell you.
They drove me
with hunger,
with misery
and humiliation.
I only wanted to amuse,
to entertain.
But here I am.
Spent my life in
perfecting an unknown method
no one appreciates!
But...
I showed them.
Dr. Meirschultz!
A real
impersonation!
(laughing wildly)
Meirschultz!
My supreme
impersonation!
**