Man and Boy (2002) - full transcript
When television executive Harry has a one-night-stand, his wife Gina walks out on him, leaving Harry to look after the couple's young son.
HARRY: I hadn't felt like this
in years.
It was lightning.
It was freedom,
with a newness of the
open road in the windscreen
and the future all...
MAN: Tempting, isn't it?
HARRY: Well, it seemed to be
just what I was looking for
at this stage of my life.
You only live once, right?
Right.
A young single guy
just couldn't do better.
MAN: Hmm.
Looks like you've pulled
all ready.
Daddy!
I've never met a straight man
less interested in cars
than you.
People change.
BOTH: Pat, don't do that!
GINA: But a sports car?
You think I'm compensating.
Thirty is too young
for a midlife crisis.
Take it from me,
you'll be okay.
It is just another birthday.
We'll open a couple of
bottles, have a nice cake...
With candles...
Hmmm, balloons.
* Happy Birthday to you
* Squashed tomatoes and glue
BOTH: * You look like
a monkey,
* And you act like one too *
Actually, this particular
model has variable
valve control.
Oh, that means poke.
Oh, plenty of poke.
It only carries one passenger,
one very thin and very
female passenger.
(TOY SWORD WHIRRING)
There's a good lot
that sounds interesting.
You don't regret anything,
do you?
Regret?
No!
Of course not.
Force is strong in this one.
BOTH: Pat, don't do that!
How is he?
-He's torturing
the makeup girls again.
-Leave it to me.
All the guests are
in the green room?
Yeah, they're all lined up
for your pep talk.
-Good.
-And the new assistant's
waiting in the
producer's gallery.
Now, I know all about you
and your "special talents,"
Greg.
So, I want you to take out
that condom
and put it on right now,
so we can all see.
-AUDIENCE: Yes!
-Give it up and get it on!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
MARTY: Painful.
Sliding on nicely?
-Is that it?
-(EXHALES)
(HARRY LAUGHING)
He's good.
Condom man. Talented.
JASMIN: He's, he's great.
Everybody. (INHALES)
Is that your sports car
in the car park?
You mean the planet destroying
penis extension?
I mean, nice car.
-Got to take a break here.
-(INHALES AND EXHALES)
Hey, whoa!
(CROWD CHEERING)
MARTY:
Give him a big hand,
ladies and gentlemen.
Gina.
You awake?
Harry.
You don't want to, do you?
Okay, maybe you do.
Still crazy for me,
after all these years.
PAT: Mummy!
Nightmare.
PAT: Mummy!
All right, darling,
I'm coming.
Stop!
Make spoons.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
MARTY: A great show tonight,
a bit of everything.
Live television, Jasmin.
It's all about danger.
The environment these people
are protecting is
our environment...
HARRY: Take Marty
for instance, he's terrified.
That's why he's so good.
MARTY: I want to thank
all his colleagues,
living out in trees
at the airport.
With all their hair,
they look like they belong
there, eh?
Just joking.
Seriously, folks,
their battle is our battle.
-HARRY: I knew Marty needed
the adrenaline of live TV.
-Save the tress!
-Oh, God!
-HARRY: The terror of living
on the edge.
Free the birds!
-HARRY:
What I hadn't realised...
-Bollocks to the birds!
(YELLING)
HARRY: Is he'd finally
gone over it.
MARTY: Get up!
Stay up, you monkey!
-Whose idea was it
to book them?
-Mine.
-(TELEPHONE RINGING)
-Cut to a break! Roll VT!
Roll it!
(ALL CLAMOURING)
What will they do to us?
We'll find out in the morning.
Do you want to come in
for a drink?
HARRY: Okay, I liked her
and it had been a rough night.
And I was coming up to 30.
But, I was married.
Sounds good.
HARRY: Strange pulling
hair thing.
Gina never did that.
It was too soon to feel
really bad about Gina
and all the promises
I had ever made to her.
(SOFTLY) Jasmin.
(SIGHS) It was crazy
after the show last night.
I had to stay at the station.
Hold Marty's hand.
(SOBS)
What is it?
Your Mum,
she's so patient with Pat.
But me, I shouted at him
just now for waking up early
and putting the TV on
for nothing.
I'm so crap.
You're the best mother
in the world.
-No, I'm not!
-Don't be so hard on yourself.
Nobody's perfect.
(SIGHS)
(GINA CRYING)
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
WOMAN: (ON TV)
We have powerful friends.
You're going to regret this.
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
-Why don't we have a game?
-Star Wars!
(SIGHS) Okay.
Princess Leia's been captured.
We have to rescue her, Daddy.
Okay.
(IMITATE SPACECRAFT SOUND)
GINA: Shouldn't you be
getting to work?
Oh, Christ!
I'm sorry. I've got to go.
-Hey.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
Not again.
He likes that bit, don't you?
Oh, Harry, can I borrow
your mobile?
Bye. See you later.
Ah, there's no pictures in it.
And why didn't you call me?
Sorry.
What's that, sparkling?
I don't want that one.
I want controversy!
Controversy is good!
Yes, Harry, yeah.
MAN: (ON TV)
Protect the planet!
Save the trees!
Free the birds!
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-Bollocks to the birds!
(CLAMOURING)
-Hey.
-(SWITCHES OFF TV)
-Hey.
-(DOOR CLOSING)
(SIGHS) Wow.
What a night.
One way or another.
Jasmin...
It's okay, Harry.
I know, you're married.
(SIGHS) You're a great girl.
(CHUCKLES)
And your wife's a lucky woman,
like I said in the message...
On the mobile.
Oh, Harry,
can I borrow your mobile?
Gina.
Gina.
(MOBILE BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have one voice message.
JASMIN: It's always a bad sign
if they go before you wake up.
(MOBILE BEEPS)
Actually, she's a...
She's a really nice girl.
-You'd like her.
-(GRUNTS)
Do you love her?
No!
It didn't mean any...
That makes it worse!
(CRYING) Like...
You're just like my
screwing around
bastard father!
HARRY: Her father!
The man who wrecked
her childhood.
-I was in real trouble.
-(CRYING)
Ready, Pat?
Nearly.
Come on then.
We're going on holiday.
GINA: Pat!
Time to get in the car.
-Please, Gina, please.
-Please, what?
Please don't stop loving me.
You must have known.
I can't love a man
who doesn't love me.
But, I do!
Only me!
Ever.
And if you don't know that
about me, Harry, then
you don't know me at all.
(MOBILE CHIMING)
-Gina.
-MARTY: Harry...
My Mum called.
(SIGHS)
Get in here!
My Mum is really,
really upset.
Gina's left me.
Don't worry,
the most she can get is half.
I am being crucified here,
Harry.
I've got to find her.
Oh, don't go, Harry.
I need you. Harry!
I'm nothing like her father.
Don't go. Harry.
Harry, man.
HARRY: Gina's screwing around
bastard father.
-How you doing?
-Daddy, Daddy, look!
You're staying
with Glenn, Pat.
Daddy and I need to talk.
Come with me.
Let's check out the new
Travis album.
Or we could listen to Eminem.
No.
It's over.
I hurt you.
What I did was very bad,
but grownups don't break up
over one night.
It's never just one night.
We married young.
I gave up things, so did you.
That was the deal.
Do you think it's been
easy for me?
Baby sit, Star Wars,
listening to you winging on
about how you're not
a teenager any more.
I love you. You love me.
You tricked me
into loving you.
I trusted you and you broke
my heart.
I'll do anything.
What do you want?
What do I want?
I want my life back.
HARRY:
That sounded like trouble.
My parents were expecting us
for tea, all three of us.
PADDY: Where's Gina?
I, er... I have some news.
You means she's...
What news?
PADDY: It's good news?
She's left me.
She's left you where?
BETTY: Pat?
He's with Gina,
at her dad's place.
That punk rocker.
-Poor little thing.
-She's left you where?
She's walked out!
Getting a divorce,
is that what you mean?
PADDY: Why?
Have you been...
You've ruined my life.
He doesn't mean it.
Your life!
What about my life?
Your life is over!
Over!
Our next guest tonight,
needs no introduction.
He's a man known on
both sides of the Atlantic
for the brilliance of his...
Oh, bollocks!
-What is wrong
with that auto cue?
-Nothing.
Why can't this stupid
little cow keep up with me?
No problem, Marty.
Okay, everybody,
we're going again.
Oh, no, we're not!
(SOFT THUD)
HARRY: A taped show is
a whole different deal.
You need to find a new energy.
And going crazy
at the auto cue girl
isn't going to help,
all right.
You did not try to keep
the show live.
Too much effort
and not enough balls.
Channel bleach you roll over,
don't you, eh?
I'll go back to him,
see if I can work out
a compromise.
But in the meantime, Marty...
I found a replacement
for the auto cue girl.
Shall we go again?
Now that's better.
JASMIN: It'll be fine, Marty.
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Hi, Pat.
Hi, Dad.
Sally.
Is your dad around?
No, geek.
Gina?
No, airport.
HARRY: Why?
Duh, catch a plane.
To where?
China.
You mean Japan?
Okay, Japan.
There's a big difference
between China and Japan!
Not to me, mate.
(LAUGHING)
Pat, get your coat!
Now!
Tell Glenn, he's with me.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-You're late.
-Sorry.
I had to drop Pat over
at my parents.
So, has the channel
explained it to you?
The 15 minute delay system,
has the same energy as live.
Allows you to play
to your strengths
and then to play safe.
I want Jasmin more involved
with booking the guests.
-Okay.
-Plus, I want her to deal
with the director...
Okay, but...
And I want her to keep
the channel of my back
from now on.
Oh, Marty, that's producing.
That's my job.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We started this show together.
I brought you
in to television.
Marty, I can't lose
my job now.
-Not now!
-This is business.
All that bloody punishment
for not being available
24 hours a day
while my marriage is
breaking up.
-Harry, Harry, Harry,
you are embarrassing me.
-Oh, come on, Marty!
You're Mr Controversy.
You're not worried
about a little scene.
All right, Jasmin's in,
you're out.
You'll thank me for it
one day.
No hard feelings, eh?
PAT: Ow! Let go!
-You're hurting me.
-HARRY: Oh, come on, please!
Stop it.
Look, Mummy's gone away
for a little while.
Please let Daddy
wash your hair.
-No!
-Do you think Luke Skywalker
-cries when he has
his hair washed?
-Yes!
Oh, come on, please!
-I want Mummy.
-Mummy's not here.
-When will I see her again?
-I don't know.
-What did I do?
-Nothing!
Look, look...
Mummy loves you very,
very much
and we'll see her soon,
I promise.
HARRY: "And when he came
to place where
the wild things are,
"they roared their
terrible roars
"and gnashed their terrible
teeth and rolled their
terrible eyes
"and showed their terrible
claws, till Max said..."
(TELEPHONE BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have nine new messages.
GINA: So, you took Pat back.
I imagine you're really,
really dramatising
the situation.
-He was perfectly happy there
with him and my sister.
-(BEEPS)
And yes, I am in Japan.
I was happy here before
I met you.
And if you don't want him
to have fillings,
make sure you're really
thorough when you brush
his teeth.
And make sure
he's in bed by 9:00
at the absolute latest.
Not 10:00, Harry, 9:00.
We had a deal with
this marriage.
It was supposed
to be for life,
not till somebody got bored
because of his...
How can I let you touch me
again when I know
know that you've been touching
someone else with
the same hands?
Kissing someone
like you kissed me.
I want Pat to know.
I'll see him really soon.
Tell my little boy,
I love him very, very much
and I always will.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
And don't think
you're Mr Bloody Special.
Millions of women all over
the world look after children
on their own.
Millions and millions
and millions.
There's nothing special
about you at all.
Look, Gina...
You betrayed us.
Not just me, Harry.
Pat too.
(DISCONNECTS CALL)
(SIGHS)
Anything?
Anything, except for breakfast
from Star Wars
and stuff like that.
But otherwise
anything you like.
Green spaghetti.
Green spaghetti?
You said anything.
I can't make green spaghetti.
You don't make it,
you buy it, duh!
Come on.
Hey, Pat.
How do you do?
He's our custom cook.
So what can I get you guys?
Green spaghetti.
Spaghetti presto?
For breakfast?
Where's Mum today?
Tokyo.
Green spaghetti for two then.
Yes, please. Thank you.
She's from Texas.
(GROANS)
Hello!
Mummy!
You should've let me know.
I would have met you
at the airport.
Pat, your hair!
Come on, let's get it washed.
PAT: Have you brought me
a present?
GINA: Ooh, what do you think?
(KIDS PLAYING)
GINA: My written Japanese
is rusty
but my spoken Japanese is
more than good enough
for interpreting.
Sitting in on meetings,
liaise with the clients.
The job's mine if I want it,
but they need to know now.
This job's in Tokyo.
You think I went there
for a holiday?
Right, I forgot,
you want your life back.
-This for a year.
After that, I don't know.
-(SIREN WAILING)
What are you doing for money?
The joint account.
But what about Pat?
We'll ship his stuff and...
Are you going to ship his
grandparents, his friends?
What about me?
-You broke my heart.
-So, now you're going to take
Pat away from me?
You can't stand the thought
of me having a life
without you, can you?
When I think,
what I gave up...
And all those shit head
arrogant posers at your dumb
television parties
and ever so
important launches,
you made me feel
about that high.
-What are you talking about?
-What do you do?
Look after my little boy.
And they give me
this look like,
"Oh, a bloody moron, then."
Can you imagine
how that feels?
No.
And the women, were the worst.
You made love to one of them,
Harry.
You made love to her,
whoever she was
because you thought
she was better than me.
No.
Oh, yes!
This marriage was my life,
what I did.
And you disrespected it.
-Turned it to shit like that.
-Gina.
Don't touch me.
Well, I'm twice as smart as
them, twice as smart.
Leave him with me.
Don't be stupid.
Well, just for a couple of
weeks, months, whatever,
until... It makes sense.
I've got time now.
It'll take me a while to get
a new job anyway.
Just until you've settled in
and you've found somewhere
new to live.
Look, the kind of hours
you'll have to work out there,
he'll hardly see you, Gina.
And he'll see no one else
he knows,
looked after by some stranger
in a microscopic flat.
I have to take this chance.
I have to know if
I can do this.
I love him, Harry.
I know that.
I'll send for him just
as soon as I can
and call every day.
That sounds good.
You really think
you can manage this?
Yeah, I do.
I can.
And it's just until
you're sorted out,
okay, that's all.
I'll be back for him.
Of course.
HARRY: But by then,
everything will be different.
PADDY: Look after your
own child? You?
You think I can't, don't you?
Here's a three pack.
It's a special edition.
When?
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
You have thought this through?
It's settled.
(TV PLAYING)
BETTY: Luke's ever so brave,
isn't he Grandad?
He is.
Oh, yeah, he is, very brave.
Very brave indeed.
-Time to go now.
-Don't want to.
But, you've got to.
I don't think I can do this.
He's too...
You don't think you can do it?
You don't think,
you, you have to do it...
Because there's nobody else,
because you,
whatever else you are,
are the only father that
little boy has, so...
Stop whining
and get on with it!
Bloody Japan!
Bitch!
Bitch!
Daddy's just tidying up.
Well, come and help.
Pat, we don't have this.
Daddy.
I've got it. I've got it.
Pat, no!
Here you are.
Thank you.
PAT: But I want it on.
-HARRY: It's time for bed.
-PAT: Mummy lets me.
-No, she doesn't.
-She does.
-Doesn't!
-Does!
Doesn't!
-Hello.
-GINA: How's it going?
So, when are you going to stop
punishing me and come home?
Thanks, I was wondering
if I did the right thing
coming out here.
But a few words from you...
Don't worry,
I'll be back, for Pat.
And where's he going to live?
In your shoe box?
Is Pat there?
He's five years old,
where else would he be?
Out on a hot one with Naomi?
Do you want to talk about this
like adults or do you want
to argue like a child?
I want to argue like a child.
(SIGHS)
I love you.
Happy 30th birthday, Harry.
It's not my birthday
until tomorrow.
Well, here you're already 30.
I'm not there, Gina.
I'm in the real world!
Oh, please come back to it.
Can I talk to Pat now?
Mummy wants to talk to you,
Pat.
Hello, Mummy.
Fine.
Yes.
Are you coming home soon?
Bye, Mum.
I don't need to talk
to Mummy any more.
So...
Tell him,
I'll call him tomorrow.
Is that okay?
Anytime at all.
I'll be here.
Where else would I be?
Naomi can't fit me in, either.
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
-Pat!
-PAT: Daddy!
I'm coming! Coming!
PAT: Look what I found.
Look at me!
Look at me!
Stay right where you are!
I said, don't move!
Don't move!
Wait there!
Help me, Dad!
-Daddy!
-I said, don't move!
Dad!
Pat!
PAT: Daddy!
Pat!
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
Shit!
Pat!
Pat, can you hear me?
Pat!
Pat!
Pat, can you hear me? Pat.
Pat.
Pat! Pat!
Pat! Shit!
Pat.
(SOBBING)
Pat!
(PEOPLE GASP)
Ambulance.
My car is outside.
It'll be quicker.
Just need an address
and signature on
a consent form, please.
Oh, I'm not his mother.
Excuse me.
Pat and Harry Silver,
58 Donavan street.
You should call
the boy's mother.
NURSE: Pat, can you hear me?
Pat!
-Do you know his blood group?
-Er... No, no.
Okay, don't mind.
Does he have any allergies?
Not that I know of.
Just take a seat
for the moment,
the doctor will be out
in a minute, okay?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Kids are tough.
They get through things
you thought impossible.
I don't...
Sorry, er...
Harry Silver.
I'm Cyd.
Cyd.
Yes.
As in C-Y-D?
C-Y-D.
-As in Cyd Charisse?
-That's right.
She danced with Fred Astaire
in Silk Stockings.
-My parents loved that.
-Mine too.
My parents!
Oh! (GASPS)
Oh, God.
I have to go.
Of course.
Good luck.
Thank you.
It's all right, Pat.
Dad's here.
Everything's going
to be okay, okay?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(LINE RINGING)
You want some tea?
We'll have tea coming out
of our rears.
Just be quiet
and try to relax.
PADDY: Relax?
Why don't you try Gina again?
-Mom...
-BETTY: She's his mother.
She needs to know.
Before, when I said
I didn't think
I could do this...
Well, now, please God
give me the chance.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
BETTY: Harry.
Mr Silver.
-Is he...
-Awake, yes.
And he's asking for you.
(SIGHS)
He'll have a sore head
for a few weeks
and a scar for life.
I've got to get back now.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
-He's fine!
-(CHUCKLES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
(EKG BEEPING)
PADDY: What about Gina?
She's going to want
to come home.
I'll persuade her
she doesn't need to.
I can cope.
Good.
MAN: (ON TV) Kilkenny girls
are special because
Kilkenny is a place untouched
by the modern world.
There are for example,
no vibrators.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(PAUSES VIDEO)
(RAPID BEEPS)
-Pat!
-PAT: I'm in my room.
The priests took them away
because the girls kept
chipping their teeth.
Mind you, God knows what the
priests were doing to them.
Me poor little Mummy didn't go
to confession for two or three
weeks afterwards.
-Eamon Fish.
-HARRY: Good name.
Good comic but chat show host?
You did it for Marty?
Well, come on, Harry.
I know you need the job
and it's very good money.
PAT: And this is my daddy.
My mummy's in Japan.
My mummy still loves me
but she only likes my dad now.
WOMEN: Oh.
Yeah, I need the job but,
right now,
another comedian needs me
more than your Mr Fish.
-Pat, eat!
-I hate it.
Eat it!
"My mummy still loves me
but she only likes
my dad now."
How can you say
a thing like that?
Okay, it's true but...
Say that again.
I'm seeing someone else.
Oh, naturally.
You don't half around
the world
to get your life back without
seeing someone else.
Who?
Richard.
Richard?
He's English, married,
semi separated, actually.
What's semi separated mean?
They're not together,
but you know,
it isn't sorted yet.
So what do you call him? Rick?
Dick? Dickey? Dickhead!
Don't shout at me.
It's not my fault.
I didn't ruin everything.
One night, Gina,
it was one night.
It's not my fault
you were too dumb
to know what you had.
HARRY: No, I knew what I had,
I was just dumb enough
to throw it all...
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
What?
Er... For Pat.
-Pat?
-Your son.
This is for him.
It's green spaghetti.
And don't mind me saying this,
but your front door manner
could use a little work.
Cyd.
Very good.
I'm so sorry.
Please, come in.
Hey, Pat.
Green spaghetti, Pat.
-What do you say?
-Thank you.
You're welcome.
Stitches itchy?
CYD: That means
you'll have a good scar.
Look tough at big school.
Yes, we're starting at
Southfields next week.
-Southfields...
-Hmm.
And we're a bit
worried about it.
Oh, even Luke Skywalker
was a bit worried
about big school
but, only at first.
Wow, that's some outfit
she has on.
-It's his favourite bit.
-CYD: Oh.
Well...
-Cyd.
-Yeah.
Sorry, this is,
I know, somewhat
over impulsive, and
excuse me for being that, but
now's the only opportunity
I'm ever going
to have say it, so...
I'm just going to come
straight out and say it.
Say what?
I think you're great
and, eh, I like you.
Boy, are you missing
your wife.
We're semi separated.
Oh.
Bye, Pat.
Bye.
See ya.
Yeah.
That was nice of her,
wasn't it, hmm?
HARRY: Pat was
starting school.
Those long days watching
Star Wars videos together
were over.
My little boy
is joining the world.
(KIDS SPEAKING DISTINCTLY)
TEACHER: Come and sit down.
Hello, Pat.
Welcome to reception.
You're just in time
for morning story.
We have some volunteers
from year one here
to look after all you
new boys and girls.
Come on then.
Quick.
Okay, it's time
for morning story.
KIDS: Story!
TEACHER: Today's story
is all about...
-KIDS: Birthdays.
-TEACHER: That's right.
I straightened out
the handle bars.
Only took a few minutes.
-And it would have
taken me hours.
-(BELL RINGS)
Is it my fault I can't use
tools like you?
-I'm not some brave
ex-commander with a medal.
-Carry on, lad.
Calm down for Christ sake.
PAT: Daddy!
Hiya, Pat. (LAUGHING)
Bye, Peggy.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
I'll see her tomorrow,
at school.
It's too soon
after the accident.
Just because he's had
one tumble doesn't mean to say
he's going to have another.
There's no hurry, is there?
PADDY: Sooner the better,
in my opinion.
But, it's up to you,
you're his dad.
Pat?
Keep holding on, Grandad.
You're doing it, Pat.
You're doing it, Pat.
You're doing it.
You're doing it!
That's it. (PANTING)
(COUGHING)
Dad.
I'm okay.
Can you look after Pat
on Saturday night?
I've been thinking of
going out.
With a woman?
Again?
And you think that's
appropriate for someone in
your position, do you?
I'm just thinking of taking
someone to the pictures
no big deal.
(COUGHING)
You sure you're okay?
What about Gina?
Just because you've had
one tumble...
-Well?
-PAT: Daddy!
Grandad!
I did it! I did it!
(LINE RINGING)
Hi, is Cyd there?
CYD: Hi, Harry.
Hey!
You recognised my voice.
How was school?
-There were a few tears,
but that was me.
-(CHUCKLES)
Though Pat was fine.
He met this little girl
straight away.
Like father like son.
Cyd!
Time's are getting restless.
I wondered, would you like
to go out sometime?
Okay.
I got to go now, though.
Wait! I want to say this
isn't about me missing
my wife.
I do really like you.
So you like me, honey,
but you can't pay my bills.
-Honey?
-Bye, now.
Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
We er... Didn't talk about
what we were going to do.
(LAUGHING)
I brought Time Out.
-Film?
-Okay.
Any ideas?
Hmm, not a big movie.
Big movie is a bad date.
So, this is a date then?
Walk.
Uh-huh.
They loved them.
Silk Stockings, Grand Hotel,
of course Gone With The Wind.
After Dad died, Mum played
that video 36 times straight.
And she was rationing herself.
They were happy.
They got it right.
Things were different
for that generation.
We're not doing too well
deciding on the movie.
No.
-We could just...
-Walk?
(CYD LAUGHING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
So, what's your story?
Me?
-I just...
-Yes...
I lost my moorings there
for a while.
Oh, I see.
You mean,
you fancied a quick fuck?
One.
But before that I sort of...
Let the lights go out.
And what happens when the
pretty lady comes back?
She'll bring someone else
with her.
In answer to your
former question, yes.
Sorry...
Yes, I think this is a date.
Me too.
Look what I've got!
They're going to a disco.
Can Peggy come over to play?
I don't know, Pat,
we'll have to ask Peggy's...
Come on, Pat.
Can I go to Pat's house
for tea?
Oh, for God's sake, okay.
BOTH: Yeah!
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
-Where's your Mumm?
-Abroad, where's yours?
-Work.
-(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oy, turn that off.
(MUSIC STOPS)
I'm really busy right now.
I'm your comedian.
How are you kids, huh?
I do stand-up but does
that mean I can present
a television show?
I've already made this clear.
I've got to be a success.
-My boy needs me.
-Well, so do I.
-He needs me more.
-Well... Not all day.
Where's his Mummy anyway?
-Japan!
-Part time...
Consultant, whatever.
You think about that.
She'll be back for you,
you know that, don't you?
As soon as
she's done her work.
What if I work too?
Only while you're at school.
I'd still take you there
and pick you up every day
like now.
Would you mind?
No.
We're all right, aren't we?
Yes, Daddy.
-Good night.
-Good night, Daddy.
(CROWD CHEERING)
What's the difference
between a mosquito
and a Kilkenny girl?
A mosquito stops sucking
when you hit it on the head.
Why don't they give them
longer than 15 minutes
for lunch?
Because you'd have
to retrain them.
Now.
I'm Irish, so I can say it.
CROWD: Yeah.
The big guy who's
got the bottle.
But that's not true.
In fact,
your average Kilkenny girl
has more ear levels
than the average
English football fan
has tattoos.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's great to have somebody
to sneer at, isn't it?
Not bad.
So, it's time for
my first guest.
He's good.
I think he knows it.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
All right.
Oh, we split it?
Sure.
-Babysitter.
-(SIGHS)
Can I walk you to the tube?
No, it's fine.
Bus then.
No, thanks.
What are you thinking?
(CHUCKLES)
That at this point in my life,
I'd be absolutely crazy
to take a chance
on a guy like you.
(LAUGHING)
I didn't want him
to find me in your bed.
It won't happen again.
-Oh.
-I'll put a lock on the door.
Tie him down.
We haven't really talked.
Well, I've told you
about Gina.
You've told me
about your husband...
Jim.
Talked about what?
Children.
Cyd, we've just slept together
for the first time.
I like you,
and you like me,
but it's not that simple
with kids involved.
So, I have a complicated life.
We all have complicated lives.
The little girl, Peggy,
who plays with Pat...
Yes?
She's my daughter.
And you didn't tell me.
I told her
to look out for Pat.
I can't believe
you didn't tell me.
See, this is what
I was trying to avoid.
Her getting involved,
attached to some guy
who only...
I'm not some guy!
She was here every day
last week.
-She knows me.
-As Pat's father.
She sees more of me
than that creep you married.
Peggy's dad,
that's what he is!
She adores him and
I've worked damn hard
to keep it that way.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
This is complicated.
Jim's still here.
Still here?
Jim?
They're clean?
You've washed them carefully?
Yes, Mum.
-Where are we going, Daddy?
-Haven't decided yet, Peggy.
Hi.
Who's he?
My friend.
When I was a kid,
we all used to
hang out by
the Yucatan liquor store,
all the girls trying to
look like Pamela Anderson,
boys can't help
looking like Meat Loaf.
But then one night...
Go on.
This cool sexy Scots guy,
rode up on his Triumph
Bonneville motorcycle.
It didn't work out.
And now he wants you
back.
He never wanted us to break up
in the first place.
So why did you?
Because,
it was just pointless.
So,
-do you still love him?
-(PHONE RINGING)
No, but Peggy does.
(PHONE RINGING)
I don't know how your lot
expect to live like this.
What's going to happen
to the kids?
How are they supposed
to cope?
-I don't know.
-You have to know!
"My generation looked
after the kids.
"And yours
looks after itself."
Oh, yeah. Well...
It's true, isn't it?
I'm doing the best I can.
Daddy.
What is it, Pat?
Do I still look like Mummy?
Well, yes!
You still look very much
like Mummy.
And when she comes back,
she's going to say,
"There's that Pat.
He looks just like me."
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
Bastards!
Right in front of my eyes.
The little bastards slashed
your car roof!
(ALARM CONTINUES)
Little...
I'll kill the lot of you!
(PANTING)
No more excuses, you must go
and see the doctor.
-Tell him, Harry!
-Dad.
You must, Paddy.
(COUGHING)
I dish you!
I dish you, your mamas!
-Pat.
-Your sister's a whore!
Where did he learn
that kind of language?
His mother's side.
Thanks, mate.
So what do I look
like in these?
Lovely.
Come on.
Hello, I'm Eamon
and I'm famous.
-Who are you with?
-Him.
You don't want to be
wasting your time with
a galoot like Harry.
He doesn't appreciate women.
-He appreciates me.
-Oh.
17% share
after three months,
we're a success.
Bethem Palmer McLeod!
ITV weather girl.
So, you bounced back then?
Little more complicated
than a bounce.
Cyd, Jasmin.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-What...
-Do I do?
I'm a waitress.
Actually I was going to say,
what a fantastic dress.
-Pleased to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too.
Harry, Harry, Harry!
I would just like to add
my own sincere,
very sincere congratulations.
I told you,
you'll thank me one day,
didn't I?
And this fella.
What a talent, he!
-He's touching me, Harry!
-Ooh!
You know, Marty,
looking around
I'm a wee bit disappointed
that you're the most famous
person here tonight,
-except for me, of course.
-(LAUGHING)
-Now, if you'd let me...
-I want you on my show.
Oh, no, Marty,
I want you on mine.
Come on, Jasmin,
limo's waiting.
Jasmin. That where you lost
your moorings?
Thought so.
-Wait.
-What for?
Is making love with earrings
illegal in Texas?
I'll show you what's illegal
in Texas.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
GINA: Hello, Harry.
I said, hello, Harry.
Hi!
I just realised, this is
the only telephone number
in the world I know by heart.
-What is it?
-Is that someone there?
No.
Sally, do you realise
what time it is?
You just woke me up.
You're back?
Yes, and I want to see Pat
as soon as possible.
I should go.
GINA: Pat!
Mummy! Mummy!
HARRY:
First time I saw her again,
something hit me
in the chest, hard.
It was old love but
it was still love.
It stopped my breath, dead.
And for a moment,
I thought I would never
breathe again.
You look great.
Must be all that sushi
and sashimi.
Pat, he's so big.
Well, I see him every day,
I don't notice.
Well, I do. I haven't seen him
for a couple of months.
Four. Work it out.
School's still okay?
He has a good friend,
a little girl.
Is he still crazy
about Star Wars?
Yes, but he's started
to like other stuff too.
Music, if gangster rap
is music.
You let him listen
to that rubbish?
Your sister does.
But I don't see him
getting involved in any
drive by shootings just yet.
He has to be in bed by nine.
What else?
He lets me wash
his hair now.
And he washes himself
in the bath
and doesn't make a fuss
about going to bed.
He can tie his own
shoe laces, tell the time
and he's started reading.
Want to know more
of what you missed?
So how long are you
in town for?
Forever.
Japan's over.
Not much call for a translator
when even the giant corps
are going belly up.
Got out before
they threw me out.
So, I'm back and naturally
I want Pat
as soon as possible.
(PHONE RINGING)
Isn't that your mobile?
(RINGING CONTINUES)
-Yes.
-He's in a hospital, Harry.
High dependency unit.
-Mum?
-His lungs.
It has a...
A...
A what?
Tumour on his lungs,
you know.
A mutts and barts.
Come as quick as you can.
I'll, I'll be there
right away.
How long has he known?
He went for tests.
You didn't tell me.
It was nothing.
He was fine.
But he wasn't, was he?
Well, he must've known
all along
because he'd have
made them tell him.
HARRY: Why didn't he tell us?
Maybe he's doing
what he always did,
standing between us
and the world.
Giving us a few extra months.
Giving me a few extra months?
We need to talk, Harry.
I know this isn't
the best time.
Right.
When can I have him back?
Back?
We don't need
to argue about it, this time,
because I'm not taking him
out of the country.
He won't even need
to change schools.
Oh, that's big of you.
-Richard and I...
-Oh, Richard!
He's with you.
Yes, we're looking
for a place in London,
around here so you can see him
whenever you...
Hey, and er, how the hell
is old Dickey?
-Still semi separated?
-Permanently separated.
We're talking about
getting married as soon as
our divorces come through.
You recover fast
from a broken heart.
I love Richard.
You want to take
my son away from me
to live with some guy
you picked up in a noodle bar.
Well, no way!
Because he's happy
where he is!
-And he's staying there!
-My solicitor will argue that
all things being equal,
a child should be
with his mother.
And my solicitor, when I
get one, will argue that
a child should be
with the parent most capable
of bringing him up!
Not the one
who buggered off to Japan
to get her life back!
Don't make me
hate you, Harry.
Don't you see!
I learned, I learned to be
a real parent.
Unbelievable!
You can't just come back
and take that away from me.
A couple of months
and you think you can
take my place.
Four months!
And I'm not trying
to take your place,
I've found a place of my own!
And I'm not giving it up!
Now let yourself out.
Men die younger than women.
Catch cancer more often.
Commit suicide more often.
And are more likely
to be unemployed.
But for some reason,
Mr Silver, it is women...
HARRY: Nigel had his own messy
divorce behind him.
Women who are considered
to be the victims.
HARRY:
Nigel was the man for me.
-Your son, is he happy
at school?
-Very.
-Sees his mother?
-Whenever she wants.
-And yet?
-She wants him
to live with her.
Oh, is she cohabiting?
Oh, yes, with some guy
she met at a Tokyo noodle bar.
Let me get this clear.
She just walked out
and left you with your son?
-More or less.
-Abandoned the marital home
and now four months later,
she's back in town,
-newly engaged to a...
-Semi separated man.
And feels like playing "Mummy"
again, yes?
Yes!
Well, we'll see about that.
Don't think I'll be
going home, son.
Don't, don't say anything
to your, to your mother.
I want to see Pat.
HARRY: It was only then
I understood exactly why
I loved him.
Not, like I thought,
for his strengths.
That was all gone.
But for his gentleness,
his compassion, his courage,
his selflessness.
Harry.
Pat told Peggy about...
You okay?
Cyd!
We need to talk.
Er, now that Gina's back,
you'll want to,
things will be different.
-I understand that.
-You're right.
You're right, I haven't
seen you in ages, have I?
A lot's happened.
Why don't you, er, bring Peggy
over tomorrow,
we could have
a meal or something.
Maybe, maybe it's right
that we aren't spending
so much time together,
er, the kids too.
We had a good time.
I'm sorry.
Cyd, my Dad...
-Pat and I...
-I heard.
There's something
we have to do.
Daddy, look at my painting.
HARRY: It was the kind
of dying you try not to see.
Full of agony and drugs
and terrible loss.
I hadn't been prepared.
What made me think
a five-year-old boy would be?
I told myself it would
be all right.
Well, it wasn't all right.
But it was necessary.
Hello, Pat.
Are you coming home soon?
Got to wait,
see what, what
the doctors have to say.
-How's school?
-Fine.
And the bike? How's the bike?
Good.
It should be more fun.
Let it stay behind us.
I miss the park with you.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
I can't breathe.
Time to go now.
HARRY: And that was my father
saying goodbye
to his beloved grandson.
-Dad.
-Yeah?
Where's Putney?
Is it in America?
No, in London.
Why?
When were you going
to tell me?
Look face it, you and me,
was a rebound thing, Harry.
I shouldn't have let it
get so far.
It would have been better
if you hadn't come.
I think you're wrong
about us, Cyd.
It isn't a rebound thing.
I'm giving my marriage
another shot.
Cyd, no!
-Do you love him?
-He's Peggy's father.
-Answer my question.
-I just have.
Your wife says that
she remained faithful to you
throughout your marriage,
but you committed adultery
with a colleague from work.
One night.
Your wife alleges
that your son
received a severe head
injury whilst in your care.
That was an accident.
Maybe I should have been
watching him more closely
but at least
I was there for him.
Your wife also asserts
that you are not exercising
proper parental control
over what your son
watches and listens too.
Nigel, that's just crazy!
And that your son is allowed
to watch violent films
unsupervised.
Star Wars?
He's always watched Star Wars.
And on her last access visit,
she discovered
in his possession
a music tape containing songs
of a profane and adult nature.
Her sister gave him that!
Getting it yet, Mr Silver?
What we are engaged
in here is total war!
Right, get your pen out.
Should be heading back
to the hospital?
In a minute.
Finish your tea first.
A nice cup of tea,
that's the answer
to everything, isn't it?
Pat likes to act out
the bit at the end
of the film with us.
Dad's Han Solo.
He likes that.
And I'm Princess Leila.
Leia. Princess Leia.
Don't matter now.
You and Dad...
It isn't much
like me and Gina.
-You're happy.
-Yes, we were.
But don't go thinking
it was all brown ale
and red roses,
it was much harder than that
and much better than that too.
You liked this girl,
didn't you?
Hmm.
Well, some things
are always true.
If you want a happy ending,
you've got to fight for it.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
It is.
Should have been with him.
Thank you.
Should have been there.
Mom.
HARRY: So this is what
a happy ending looks like.
Love someone all your life.
They go before you
and your heart is ripped out.
At least my generation,
the fuck around, fuck up
and fuck off generation,
at least
we would be spared that.
Bastard.
Look what I've got!
Wow!
Paddy...
I'm sorry.
I'm not giving him up, Gina.
That's for the lawyers
to decide.
I changed my life,
taught myself how to care
for him the way you do,
and you come back
and tell me it's all over.
And expect me to act
like it never happened.
Everything all right here?
Get back in the car,
Richard.
Yeah, get back
in the car, Dickey.
You're lucky,
really lucky that I'm not
an aggressive kind of guy.
Bloody women!
I'm not "women," I'm me.
You can't have it both ways.
Expect us to look
after the kids the way you do
and then push us
aside when it suits you!
-We're not like our fathers!
-No, you're not much
like your father.
Pat.
Pat.
Your Grandad died
in the night.
Grandad had been ill
for a long time.
But he's at peace now.
And we can be happy
because he's not
in pain any more.
Where is he?
Well,
his body is at the hospital.
And later it will be buried.
And we're sad now,
but in a little while though
we'll realise
that we were lucky
to have known him.
But we can't feel that today.
It's too soon.
He's still at the hospital?
Well, his body is.
But his spirit is gone.
What's a spirit?
The spark of life that
made your Grandad
the man he was.
Where's it gone?
Well some people think
it goes to heaven
and lives forever.
And some people think
it just disappears.
But I think it lives on,
somehow.
Where?
Maybe in our hearts.
That's what I believe too.
Hi, what would you...
What would you like?
-Green spaghetti.
-We only do noodles here.
Well, I'm adaptable,
I'll do noodles.
Have you got the thick kind,
they're a bit like spaghetti?
We do udon and broth with
prawns, fish,
shitake mushrooms and...
I didn't notice your hair.
And that was a mistake.
It means something when
a woman changes her hair.
How did you know
I was working here?
I didn't.
This isn't exactly
the first place in Putney
I've tried.
How's your Dad?
The funeral's tomorrow.
Is there anything I can do?
Let me walk you home.
Sorry.
Don't. It's no good for you
and it's no good for me.
I want to tell you something.
Just let me explain.
My father has, had,
well, still has
this tattoo on his arm.
-I don't want to hear this.
-One of those commando knives
and some words underneath.
"United we conquer."
I've been looking at it
all my life,
but today, suddenly,
it made me think
of you and me.
Think about it.
Sure, I'll discuss it
with my husband over dinner.
You don't want me.
You want Gina.
Well, maybe I did before,
a little but not now!
Now, I know what I want.
Jim, no. Jim.
There's nothing.
Jim! No!
-You stay away from my wife!
-Leave him alone.
If I ever see your face again,
you'll lose your teeth!
Go inside!
Just leave me alone, okay?
Just think about what I said.
That's all I ask.
Look at her, Harry.
I can't take her away
again, can I?
Well, can I?
Wish us well.
I wish you well.
Give my sympathies
to your mother.
I know that she doesn't know
who I am
but I'll be thinking
about her
and Pat and...
(CHUCKLES)
He would have wanted
something more upbeat.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
to celebrate the life
of a quite extraordinary man.
Gina.
Thanks for coming.
I, I didn't know
if you wanted me to.
Paddy was mad about you.
He loved you, Gina.
Course he'd have wanted you
to be here.
-Say goodbye to your Granny.
-Bye bye, sweetheart.
You were very good.
Grandad would have been
really proud of you.
See you tomorrow, okay?
Okay. Okay, Dad.
You're always measuring
yourself against him.
Looking after Pat on his own?
Your Dad could never
have done that!
You are a good father
in your own way, not his.
He knew that
and he was proud of you
for it.
In the end.
When you really love someone,
you don't love them
for what's in it for you.
You have to let go.
Mummy and me,
we both love you very much,
you know that.
Yes.
We both want you
to live with us.
But where do you want to live?
-With me?
-Yes.
-With Mummy?
-Yes.
Following this unprecedented
and uncharacteristic incident
of adultery,
which Mr Silver admits
and deeply regrets,
Mrs Silver abandoned
the family, taking the child.
The mother left the boy
in the dubious charge
of two adolescents,
in order to fly to Japan.
Fortunately, Mr Silver
was able to rescue the boy
and bring him back
to his home,
where subsequently
Mrs Silver left again.
This time to take up
employment in Tokyo.
I called him every day.
Where she began
within a matter of weeks,
to cohabit with a,
to use her own expression,
"Semi separated" man.
It happened that the boy
was involved
in a playground accident.
But Mr Silver dealt
with the accident
in an exemplary fashion.
Mrs Silver remained abroad,
whilst the boy was
in hospital.
In contrast to Mrs Silver's
far eastern activities,
Mr Silver took
a part time position,
which allowed him to combine
role of bread winner
with sole care of his son.
And it as at this point,
that Mrs Silver returns,
some four months later
and demands...
-Stop!
-JUDGE: Mr Silver?
Just stop! Okay?
Do you know how many
grown men I've had
weeping in this place?
Men that would give their
right bullock just to have
what you're throwing away.
She's going to love this,
you know that.
I'm not doing it for her.
I'm doing it for him.
And I can see you're
disappointed, Nigel,
but I'm just thinking
of my boy.
Like she did,
when she walked out?
All I know is this way
my son gets to have
two parents.
And every kid should have
two parents if possible
even when they're divorced,
especially when
they're divorced.
Yes, Mr Batty.
A development.
My client would like to put
a new proposal to the court.
The way it'll work is this.
You can keep as much stuff
at the house as you want.
Your room is always
your room.
Nobody allowed to touch it.
I can come back
whenever I want?
For a day, a night,
a weekend, whenever.
Forever.
Have you and Mum
started talking yet?
We're trying.
Do you love each other then?
No, but we both love you.
Where will I sleep
at Mummy's?
In the second bedroom.
All done.
It'll be great, Pat.
You can have two lots
of Star Wars stuff now.
And you can drive the new
neighbours crazy with
the hip hop.
And nobody's allowed to touch
my old room?
Nobody, ever!
-Not even you?
-Not even me.
Living with Mum
will be fun, Pat.
I like it now.
Me too,
but things are going to have
to change a little bit, Pat.
Because Mummy isn't happy
without you.
And Mummy needs
to be happy so you
can be happy too.
I love you, Daddy.
My boy, my beautiful boy.
Here, let me take those.
Thanks.
This is a big day for Gina.
Big day for all of us.
Sure.
Gina's a Libra.
Home, family.
What sign is Pat?
HARRY:
Astrology, excellent.
I wasn't quite ready
for Richard to stop being
a dick head just yet.
Well, Eamon's waiting.
Thank you, Harry.
Right.
* Someday,
when I'm awfully low *
(SIGHING)
Tell me,
your American waitress,
-is she on today?
-No.
Maybe I can help you.
The reason why I asked you
about your colleague is
my friend here,
well, it's embarrassing, but,
he thinks he's in love
with her.
She was in earlier
to pick up her wages.
It didn't work out for her.
-The job?
-England.
She's going back to America,
any minute now.
Any minute now.
You see, Disco Ken,
all this love, it's bollocks.
Oh, God!
I always knew you were there.
Blast!
Steady there, Jim.
I just want a word.
It would have worked
if it wasn't for you.
-Has she gone yet?
-You'll never make it.
No! No!
Shit!
(HONKING)
Come on!
MAN:
Where are you going, mate?
Excuse me, sorry!
I need to know if a passenger
has checked in
for a Houston flight.
-I'm sorry.
-Cyd as in Charisse.
C-Y-D Mason
and Peggy Mason.
We don't give that sort
of information out.
Cyd! Cyd!
Peggy, we've got a plane
to catch. Thank you.
-Excuse me, do you mind.
-Peggy!
There's Disco Ken!
We'll get you one
in Texas, Peggy.
-You can get them anywhere.
-I want that one.
He's mine.
-Thanks.
-There you go, sweetheart.
How's Pat?
Living with Gina now
and it seems
to be working out.
There were a few
teething problems.
The new boyfriend's
a bit of a...
A bit alternative
and he doesn't seem to like
being hit on the head
with a lightsaber.
I keep telling Pat, "No,
don't go for the head.
Go for the eyes!"
We're leaving on this flight,
Harry.
I'll still be seeing him
a lot.
Every weekend,
one night during the week,
we haven't worked out
the school holidays yet
but we will.
I saw Jim.
-I was dumb to even try.
-No!
You had to try!
-Why did you try?
-For Peggy.
But I'm all done
with trying now, Harry.
-You can't go!
-Why not?
You can't give up
on happy endings
just because
it didn't happen once.
Twice.
Three times counting you.
Those are bad odds.
And now I'm going
to bloody cry.
Is that what you want?
I want a life with you
and Peggy and Pat!
And maybe a kid of our own.
And your kid and my kid
fighting our kid.
What kind of life
would that be?
I don't know.
But I do know the family
we could have together
would be better than
any other family
we could ever have apart.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
-If you'll just excuse me.
-Excuse me, sir.
You go through
that metal detector
and you'll regret it.
-I told you.
-I love you!
Oh, well, that makes
everything okay.
Come on, Peggy.
You'll get over it.
It's you, Cyd!
You're the match!
You're the one!
I'll see you at
the Yucatan liquor store, Cyd!
I'll be there!
I found you in Putney.
I'll find you in Houston!
It is you!
It is you.
It better be.
-Aw! Yay!
-Just in time.
-PAT : Dad.
-HARRY: Pat.
PAT: How's it
going to work again?
Cyd and I live together here.
As usual, you will have
your room.
Which is still my room
even when I'm at Mummy's?
Right.
And Peggy has her room,
which is still her room
even when she's staying
at her Dad's.
So where is the baby
going to sleep?
Okay.
We might have to move
somewhere bigger.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
in years.
It was lightning.
It was freedom,
with a newness of the
open road in the windscreen
and the future all...
MAN: Tempting, isn't it?
HARRY: Well, it seemed to be
just what I was looking for
at this stage of my life.
You only live once, right?
Right.
A young single guy
just couldn't do better.
MAN: Hmm.
Looks like you've pulled
all ready.
Daddy!
I've never met a straight man
less interested in cars
than you.
People change.
BOTH: Pat, don't do that!
GINA: But a sports car?
You think I'm compensating.
Thirty is too young
for a midlife crisis.
Take it from me,
you'll be okay.
It is just another birthday.
We'll open a couple of
bottles, have a nice cake...
With candles...
Hmmm, balloons.
* Happy Birthday to you
* Squashed tomatoes and glue
BOTH: * You look like
a monkey,
* And you act like one too *
Actually, this particular
model has variable
valve control.
Oh, that means poke.
Oh, plenty of poke.
It only carries one passenger,
one very thin and very
female passenger.
(TOY SWORD WHIRRING)
There's a good lot
that sounds interesting.
You don't regret anything,
do you?
Regret?
No!
Of course not.
Force is strong in this one.
BOTH: Pat, don't do that!
How is he?
-He's torturing
the makeup girls again.
-Leave it to me.
All the guests are
in the green room?
Yeah, they're all lined up
for your pep talk.
-Good.
-And the new assistant's
waiting in the
producer's gallery.
Now, I know all about you
and your "special talents,"
Greg.
So, I want you to take out
that condom
and put it on right now,
so we can all see.
-AUDIENCE: Yes!
-Give it up and get it on!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
MARTY: Painful.
Sliding on nicely?
-Is that it?
-(EXHALES)
(HARRY LAUGHING)
He's good.
Condom man. Talented.
JASMIN: He's, he's great.
Everybody. (INHALES)
Is that your sports car
in the car park?
You mean the planet destroying
penis extension?
I mean, nice car.
-Got to take a break here.
-(INHALES AND EXHALES)
Hey, whoa!
(CROWD CHEERING)
MARTY:
Give him a big hand,
ladies and gentlemen.
Gina.
You awake?
Harry.
You don't want to, do you?
Okay, maybe you do.
Still crazy for me,
after all these years.
PAT: Mummy!
Nightmare.
PAT: Mummy!
All right, darling,
I'm coming.
Stop!
Make spoons.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
MARTY: A great show tonight,
a bit of everything.
Live television, Jasmin.
It's all about danger.
The environment these people
are protecting is
our environment...
HARRY: Take Marty
for instance, he's terrified.
That's why he's so good.
MARTY: I want to thank
all his colleagues,
living out in trees
at the airport.
With all their hair,
they look like they belong
there, eh?
Just joking.
Seriously, folks,
their battle is our battle.
-HARRY: I knew Marty needed
the adrenaline of live TV.
-Save the tress!
-Oh, God!
-HARRY: The terror of living
on the edge.
Free the birds!
-HARRY:
What I hadn't realised...
-Bollocks to the birds!
(YELLING)
HARRY: Is he'd finally
gone over it.
MARTY: Get up!
Stay up, you monkey!
-Whose idea was it
to book them?
-Mine.
-(TELEPHONE RINGING)
-Cut to a break! Roll VT!
Roll it!
(ALL CLAMOURING)
What will they do to us?
We'll find out in the morning.
Do you want to come in
for a drink?
HARRY: Okay, I liked her
and it had been a rough night.
And I was coming up to 30.
But, I was married.
Sounds good.
HARRY: Strange pulling
hair thing.
Gina never did that.
It was too soon to feel
really bad about Gina
and all the promises
I had ever made to her.
(SOFTLY) Jasmin.
(SIGHS) It was crazy
after the show last night.
I had to stay at the station.
Hold Marty's hand.
(SOBS)
What is it?
Your Mum,
she's so patient with Pat.
But me, I shouted at him
just now for waking up early
and putting the TV on
for nothing.
I'm so crap.
You're the best mother
in the world.
-No, I'm not!
-Don't be so hard on yourself.
Nobody's perfect.
(SIGHS)
(GINA CRYING)
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
WOMAN: (ON TV)
We have powerful friends.
You're going to regret this.
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
-Why don't we have a game?
-Star Wars!
(SIGHS) Okay.
Princess Leia's been captured.
We have to rescue her, Daddy.
Okay.
(IMITATE SPACECRAFT SOUND)
GINA: Shouldn't you be
getting to work?
Oh, Christ!
I'm sorry. I've got to go.
-Hey.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
Not again.
He likes that bit, don't you?
Oh, Harry, can I borrow
your mobile?
Bye. See you later.
Ah, there's no pictures in it.
And why didn't you call me?
Sorry.
What's that, sparkling?
I don't want that one.
I want controversy!
Controversy is good!
Yes, Harry, yeah.
MAN: (ON TV)
Protect the planet!
Save the trees!
Free the birds!
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-Bollocks to the birds!
(CLAMOURING)
-Hey.
-(SWITCHES OFF TV)
-Hey.
-(DOOR CLOSING)
(SIGHS) Wow.
What a night.
One way or another.
Jasmin...
It's okay, Harry.
I know, you're married.
(SIGHS) You're a great girl.
(CHUCKLES)
And your wife's a lucky woman,
like I said in the message...
On the mobile.
Oh, Harry,
can I borrow your mobile?
Gina.
Gina.
(MOBILE BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have one voice message.
JASMIN: It's always a bad sign
if they go before you wake up.
(MOBILE BEEPS)
Actually, she's a...
She's a really nice girl.
-You'd like her.
-(GRUNTS)
Do you love her?
No!
It didn't mean any...
That makes it worse!
(CRYING) Like...
You're just like my
screwing around
bastard father!
HARRY: Her father!
The man who wrecked
her childhood.
-I was in real trouble.
-(CRYING)
Ready, Pat?
Nearly.
Come on then.
We're going on holiday.
GINA: Pat!
Time to get in the car.
-Please, Gina, please.
-Please, what?
Please don't stop loving me.
You must have known.
I can't love a man
who doesn't love me.
But, I do!
Only me!
Ever.
And if you don't know that
about me, Harry, then
you don't know me at all.
(MOBILE CHIMING)
-Gina.
-MARTY: Harry...
My Mum called.
(SIGHS)
Get in here!
My Mum is really,
really upset.
Gina's left me.
Don't worry,
the most she can get is half.
I am being crucified here,
Harry.
I've got to find her.
Oh, don't go, Harry.
I need you. Harry!
I'm nothing like her father.
Don't go. Harry.
Harry, man.
HARRY: Gina's screwing around
bastard father.
-How you doing?
-Daddy, Daddy, look!
You're staying
with Glenn, Pat.
Daddy and I need to talk.
Come with me.
Let's check out the new
Travis album.
Or we could listen to Eminem.
No.
It's over.
I hurt you.
What I did was very bad,
but grownups don't break up
over one night.
It's never just one night.
We married young.
I gave up things, so did you.
That was the deal.
Do you think it's been
easy for me?
Baby sit, Star Wars,
listening to you winging on
about how you're not
a teenager any more.
I love you. You love me.
You tricked me
into loving you.
I trusted you and you broke
my heart.
I'll do anything.
What do you want?
What do I want?
I want my life back.
HARRY:
That sounded like trouble.
My parents were expecting us
for tea, all three of us.
PADDY: Where's Gina?
I, er... I have some news.
You means she's...
What news?
PADDY: It's good news?
She's left me.
She's left you where?
BETTY: Pat?
He's with Gina,
at her dad's place.
That punk rocker.
-Poor little thing.
-She's left you where?
She's walked out!
Getting a divorce,
is that what you mean?
PADDY: Why?
Have you been...
You've ruined my life.
He doesn't mean it.
Your life!
What about my life?
Your life is over!
Over!
Our next guest tonight,
needs no introduction.
He's a man known on
both sides of the Atlantic
for the brilliance of his...
Oh, bollocks!
-What is wrong
with that auto cue?
-Nothing.
Why can't this stupid
little cow keep up with me?
No problem, Marty.
Okay, everybody,
we're going again.
Oh, no, we're not!
(SOFT THUD)
HARRY: A taped show is
a whole different deal.
You need to find a new energy.
And going crazy
at the auto cue girl
isn't going to help,
all right.
You did not try to keep
the show live.
Too much effort
and not enough balls.
Channel bleach you roll over,
don't you, eh?
I'll go back to him,
see if I can work out
a compromise.
But in the meantime, Marty...
I found a replacement
for the auto cue girl.
Shall we go again?
Now that's better.
JASMIN: It'll be fine, Marty.
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Hi, Pat.
Hi, Dad.
Sally.
Is your dad around?
No, geek.
Gina?
No, airport.
HARRY: Why?
Duh, catch a plane.
To where?
China.
You mean Japan?
Okay, Japan.
There's a big difference
between China and Japan!
Not to me, mate.
(LAUGHING)
Pat, get your coat!
Now!
Tell Glenn, he's with me.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-You're late.
-Sorry.
I had to drop Pat over
at my parents.
So, has the channel
explained it to you?
The 15 minute delay system,
has the same energy as live.
Allows you to play
to your strengths
and then to play safe.
I want Jasmin more involved
with booking the guests.
-Okay.
-Plus, I want her to deal
with the director...
Okay, but...
And I want her to keep
the channel of my back
from now on.
Oh, Marty, that's producing.
That's my job.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We started this show together.
I brought you
in to television.
Marty, I can't lose
my job now.
-Not now!
-This is business.
All that bloody punishment
for not being available
24 hours a day
while my marriage is
breaking up.
-Harry, Harry, Harry,
you are embarrassing me.
-Oh, come on, Marty!
You're Mr Controversy.
You're not worried
about a little scene.
All right, Jasmin's in,
you're out.
You'll thank me for it
one day.
No hard feelings, eh?
PAT: Ow! Let go!
-You're hurting me.
-HARRY: Oh, come on, please!
Stop it.
Look, Mummy's gone away
for a little while.
Please let Daddy
wash your hair.
-No!
-Do you think Luke Skywalker
-cries when he has
his hair washed?
-Yes!
Oh, come on, please!
-I want Mummy.
-Mummy's not here.
-When will I see her again?
-I don't know.
-What did I do?
-Nothing!
Look, look...
Mummy loves you very,
very much
and we'll see her soon,
I promise.
HARRY: "And when he came
to place where
the wild things are,
"they roared their
terrible roars
"and gnashed their terrible
teeth and rolled their
terrible eyes
"and showed their terrible
claws, till Max said..."
(TELEPHONE BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have nine new messages.
GINA: So, you took Pat back.
I imagine you're really,
really dramatising
the situation.
-He was perfectly happy there
with him and my sister.
-(BEEPS)
And yes, I am in Japan.
I was happy here before
I met you.
And if you don't want him
to have fillings,
make sure you're really
thorough when you brush
his teeth.
And make sure
he's in bed by 9:00
at the absolute latest.
Not 10:00, Harry, 9:00.
We had a deal with
this marriage.
It was supposed
to be for life,
not till somebody got bored
because of his...
How can I let you touch me
again when I know
know that you've been touching
someone else with
the same hands?
Kissing someone
like you kissed me.
I want Pat to know.
I'll see him really soon.
Tell my little boy,
I love him very, very much
and I always will.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
And don't think
you're Mr Bloody Special.
Millions of women all over
the world look after children
on their own.
Millions and millions
and millions.
There's nothing special
about you at all.
Look, Gina...
You betrayed us.
Not just me, Harry.
Pat too.
(DISCONNECTS CALL)
(SIGHS)
Anything?
Anything, except for breakfast
from Star Wars
and stuff like that.
But otherwise
anything you like.
Green spaghetti.
Green spaghetti?
You said anything.
I can't make green spaghetti.
You don't make it,
you buy it, duh!
Come on.
Hey, Pat.
How do you do?
He's our custom cook.
So what can I get you guys?
Green spaghetti.
Spaghetti presto?
For breakfast?
Where's Mum today?
Tokyo.
Green spaghetti for two then.
Yes, please. Thank you.
She's from Texas.
(GROANS)
Hello!
Mummy!
You should've let me know.
I would have met you
at the airport.
Pat, your hair!
Come on, let's get it washed.
PAT: Have you brought me
a present?
GINA: Ooh, what do you think?
(KIDS PLAYING)
GINA: My written Japanese
is rusty
but my spoken Japanese is
more than good enough
for interpreting.
Sitting in on meetings,
liaise with the clients.
The job's mine if I want it,
but they need to know now.
This job's in Tokyo.
You think I went there
for a holiday?
Right, I forgot,
you want your life back.
-This for a year.
After that, I don't know.
-(SIREN WAILING)
What are you doing for money?
The joint account.
But what about Pat?
We'll ship his stuff and...
Are you going to ship his
grandparents, his friends?
What about me?
-You broke my heart.
-So, now you're going to take
Pat away from me?
You can't stand the thought
of me having a life
without you, can you?
When I think,
what I gave up...
And all those shit head
arrogant posers at your dumb
television parties
and ever so
important launches,
you made me feel
about that high.
-What are you talking about?
-What do you do?
Look after my little boy.
And they give me
this look like,
"Oh, a bloody moron, then."
Can you imagine
how that feels?
No.
And the women, were the worst.
You made love to one of them,
Harry.
You made love to her,
whoever she was
because you thought
she was better than me.
No.
Oh, yes!
This marriage was my life,
what I did.
And you disrespected it.
-Turned it to shit like that.
-Gina.
Don't touch me.
Well, I'm twice as smart as
them, twice as smart.
Leave him with me.
Don't be stupid.
Well, just for a couple of
weeks, months, whatever,
until... It makes sense.
I've got time now.
It'll take me a while to get
a new job anyway.
Just until you've settled in
and you've found somewhere
new to live.
Look, the kind of hours
you'll have to work out there,
he'll hardly see you, Gina.
And he'll see no one else
he knows,
looked after by some stranger
in a microscopic flat.
I have to take this chance.
I have to know if
I can do this.
I love him, Harry.
I know that.
I'll send for him just
as soon as I can
and call every day.
That sounds good.
You really think
you can manage this?
Yeah, I do.
I can.
And it's just until
you're sorted out,
okay, that's all.
I'll be back for him.
Of course.
HARRY: But by then,
everything will be different.
PADDY: Look after your
own child? You?
You think I can't, don't you?
Here's a three pack.
It's a special edition.
When?
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
You have thought this through?
It's settled.
(TV PLAYING)
BETTY: Luke's ever so brave,
isn't he Grandad?
He is.
Oh, yeah, he is, very brave.
Very brave indeed.
-Time to go now.
-Don't want to.
But, you've got to.
I don't think I can do this.
He's too...
You don't think you can do it?
You don't think,
you, you have to do it...
Because there's nobody else,
because you,
whatever else you are,
are the only father that
little boy has, so...
Stop whining
and get on with it!
Bloody Japan!
Bitch!
Bitch!
Daddy's just tidying up.
Well, come and help.
Pat, we don't have this.
Daddy.
I've got it. I've got it.
Pat, no!
Here you are.
Thank you.
PAT: But I want it on.
-HARRY: It's time for bed.
-PAT: Mummy lets me.
-No, she doesn't.
-She does.
-Doesn't!
-Does!
Doesn't!
-Hello.
-GINA: How's it going?
So, when are you going to stop
punishing me and come home?
Thanks, I was wondering
if I did the right thing
coming out here.
But a few words from you...
Don't worry,
I'll be back, for Pat.
And where's he going to live?
In your shoe box?
Is Pat there?
He's five years old,
where else would he be?
Out on a hot one with Naomi?
Do you want to talk about this
like adults or do you want
to argue like a child?
I want to argue like a child.
(SIGHS)
I love you.
Happy 30th birthday, Harry.
It's not my birthday
until tomorrow.
Well, here you're already 30.
I'm not there, Gina.
I'm in the real world!
Oh, please come back to it.
Can I talk to Pat now?
Mummy wants to talk to you,
Pat.
Hello, Mummy.
Fine.
Yes.
Are you coming home soon?
Bye, Mum.
I don't need to talk
to Mummy any more.
So...
Tell him,
I'll call him tomorrow.
Is that okay?
Anytime at all.
I'll be here.
Where else would I be?
Naomi can't fit me in, either.
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
-Pat!
-PAT: Daddy!
I'm coming! Coming!
PAT: Look what I found.
Look at me!
Look at me!
Stay right where you are!
I said, don't move!
Don't move!
Wait there!
Help me, Dad!
-Daddy!
-I said, don't move!
Dad!
Pat!
PAT: Daddy!
Pat!
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
Shit!
Pat!
Pat, can you hear me?
Pat!
Pat!
Pat, can you hear me? Pat.
Pat.
Pat! Pat!
Pat! Shit!
Pat.
(SOBBING)
Pat!
(PEOPLE GASP)
Ambulance.
My car is outside.
It'll be quicker.
Just need an address
and signature on
a consent form, please.
Oh, I'm not his mother.
Excuse me.
Pat and Harry Silver,
58 Donavan street.
You should call
the boy's mother.
NURSE: Pat, can you hear me?
Pat!
-Do you know his blood group?
-Er... No, no.
Okay, don't mind.
Does he have any allergies?
Not that I know of.
Just take a seat
for the moment,
the doctor will be out
in a minute, okay?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Kids are tough.
They get through things
you thought impossible.
I don't...
Sorry, er...
Harry Silver.
I'm Cyd.
Cyd.
Yes.
As in C-Y-D?
C-Y-D.
-As in Cyd Charisse?
-That's right.
She danced with Fred Astaire
in Silk Stockings.
-My parents loved that.
-Mine too.
My parents!
Oh! (GASPS)
Oh, God.
I have to go.
Of course.
Good luck.
Thank you.
It's all right, Pat.
Dad's here.
Everything's going
to be okay, okay?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(LINE RINGING)
You want some tea?
We'll have tea coming out
of our rears.
Just be quiet
and try to relax.
PADDY: Relax?
Why don't you try Gina again?
-Mom...
-BETTY: She's his mother.
She needs to know.
Before, when I said
I didn't think
I could do this...
Well, now, please God
give me the chance.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
BETTY: Harry.
Mr Silver.
-Is he...
-Awake, yes.
And he's asking for you.
(SIGHS)
He'll have a sore head
for a few weeks
and a scar for life.
I've got to get back now.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
-He's fine!
-(CHUCKLES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
(EKG BEEPING)
PADDY: What about Gina?
She's going to want
to come home.
I'll persuade her
she doesn't need to.
I can cope.
Good.
MAN: (ON TV) Kilkenny girls
are special because
Kilkenny is a place untouched
by the modern world.
There are for example,
no vibrators.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(PAUSES VIDEO)
(RAPID BEEPS)
-Pat!
-PAT: I'm in my room.
The priests took them away
because the girls kept
chipping their teeth.
Mind you, God knows what the
priests were doing to them.
Me poor little Mummy didn't go
to confession for two or three
weeks afterwards.
-Eamon Fish.
-HARRY: Good name.
Good comic but chat show host?
You did it for Marty?
Well, come on, Harry.
I know you need the job
and it's very good money.
PAT: And this is my daddy.
My mummy's in Japan.
My mummy still loves me
but she only likes my dad now.
WOMEN: Oh.
Yeah, I need the job but,
right now,
another comedian needs me
more than your Mr Fish.
-Pat, eat!
-I hate it.
Eat it!
"My mummy still loves me
but she only likes
my dad now."
How can you say
a thing like that?
Okay, it's true but...
Say that again.
I'm seeing someone else.
Oh, naturally.
You don't half around
the world
to get your life back without
seeing someone else.
Who?
Richard.
Richard?
He's English, married,
semi separated, actually.
What's semi separated mean?
They're not together,
but you know,
it isn't sorted yet.
So what do you call him? Rick?
Dick? Dickey? Dickhead!
Don't shout at me.
It's not my fault.
I didn't ruin everything.
One night, Gina,
it was one night.
It's not my fault
you were too dumb
to know what you had.
HARRY: No, I knew what I had,
I was just dumb enough
to throw it all...
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS
ON TV)
What?
Er... For Pat.
-Pat?
-Your son.
This is for him.
It's green spaghetti.
And don't mind me saying this,
but your front door manner
could use a little work.
Cyd.
Very good.
I'm so sorry.
Please, come in.
Hey, Pat.
Green spaghetti, Pat.
-What do you say?
-Thank you.
You're welcome.
Stitches itchy?
CYD: That means
you'll have a good scar.
Look tough at big school.
Yes, we're starting at
Southfields next week.
-Southfields...
-Hmm.
And we're a bit
worried about it.
Oh, even Luke Skywalker
was a bit worried
about big school
but, only at first.
Wow, that's some outfit
she has on.
-It's his favourite bit.
-CYD: Oh.
Well...
-Cyd.
-Yeah.
Sorry, this is,
I know, somewhat
over impulsive, and
excuse me for being that, but
now's the only opportunity
I'm ever going
to have say it, so...
I'm just going to come
straight out and say it.
Say what?
I think you're great
and, eh, I like you.
Boy, are you missing
your wife.
We're semi separated.
Oh.
Bye, Pat.
Bye.
See ya.
Yeah.
That was nice of her,
wasn't it, hmm?
HARRY: Pat was
starting school.
Those long days watching
Star Wars videos together
were over.
My little boy
is joining the world.
(KIDS SPEAKING DISTINCTLY)
TEACHER: Come and sit down.
Hello, Pat.
Welcome to reception.
You're just in time
for morning story.
We have some volunteers
from year one here
to look after all you
new boys and girls.
Come on then.
Quick.
Okay, it's time
for morning story.
KIDS: Story!
TEACHER: Today's story
is all about...
-KIDS: Birthdays.
-TEACHER: That's right.
I straightened out
the handle bars.
Only took a few minutes.
-And it would have
taken me hours.
-(BELL RINGS)
Is it my fault I can't use
tools like you?
-I'm not some brave
ex-commander with a medal.
-Carry on, lad.
Calm down for Christ sake.
PAT: Daddy!
Hiya, Pat. (LAUGHING)
Bye, Peggy.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
I'll see her tomorrow,
at school.
It's too soon
after the accident.
Just because he's had
one tumble doesn't mean to say
he's going to have another.
There's no hurry, is there?
PADDY: Sooner the better,
in my opinion.
But, it's up to you,
you're his dad.
Pat?
Keep holding on, Grandad.
You're doing it, Pat.
You're doing it, Pat.
You're doing it.
You're doing it!
That's it. (PANTING)
(COUGHING)
Dad.
I'm okay.
Can you look after Pat
on Saturday night?
I've been thinking of
going out.
With a woman?
Again?
And you think that's
appropriate for someone in
your position, do you?
I'm just thinking of taking
someone to the pictures
no big deal.
(COUGHING)
You sure you're okay?
What about Gina?
Just because you've had
one tumble...
-Well?
-PAT: Daddy!
Grandad!
I did it! I did it!
(LINE RINGING)
Hi, is Cyd there?
CYD: Hi, Harry.
Hey!
You recognised my voice.
How was school?
-There were a few tears,
but that was me.
-(CHUCKLES)
Though Pat was fine.
He met this little girl
straight away.
Like father like son.
Cyd!
Time's are getting restless.
I wondered, would you like
to go out sometime?
Okay.
I got to go now, though.
Wait! I want to say this
isn't about me missing
my wife.
I do really like you.
So you like me, honey,
but you can't pay my bills.
-Honey?
-Bye, now.
Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
We er... Didn't talk about
what we were going to do.
(LAUGHING)
I brought Time Out.
-Film?
-Okay.
Any ideas?
Hmm, not a big movie.
Big movie is a bad date.
So, this is a date then?
Walk.
Uh-huh.
They loved them.
Silk Stockings, Grand Hotel,
of course Gone With The Wind.
After Dad died, Mum played
that video 36 times straight.
And she was rationing herself.
They were happy.
They got it right.
Things were different
for that generation.
We're not doing too well
deciding on the movie.
No.
-We could just...
-Walk?
(CYD LAUGHING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
So, what's your story?
Me?
-I just...
-Yes...
I lost my moorings there
for a while.
Oh, I see.
You mean,
you fancied a quick fuck?
One.
But before that I sort of...
Let the lights go out.
And what happens when the
pretty lady comes back?
She'll bring someone else
with her.
In answer to your
former question, yes.
Sorry...
Yes, I think this is a date.
Me too.
Look what I've got!
They're going to a disco.
Can Peggy come over to play?
I don't know, Pat,
we'll have to ask Peggy's...
Come on, Pat.
Can I go to Pat's house
for tea?
Oh, for God's sake, okay.
BOTH: Yeah!
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
-Where's your Mumm?
-Abroad, where's yours?
-Work.
-(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oy, turn that off.
(MUSIC STOPS)
I'm really busy right now.
I'm your comedian.
How are you kids, huh?
I do stand-up but does
that mean I can present
a television show?
I've already made this clear.
I've got to be a success.
-My boy needs me.
-Well, so do I.
-He needs me more.
-Well... Not all day.
Where's his Mummy anyway?
-Japan!
-Part time...
Consultant, whatever.
You think about that.
She'll be back for you,
you know that, don't you?
As soon as
she's done her work.
What if I work too?
Only while you're at school.
I'd still take you there
and pick you up every day
like now.
Would you mind?
No.
We're all right, aren't we?
Yes, Daddy.
-Good night.
-Good night, Daddy.
(CROWD CHEERING)
What's the difference
between a mosquito
and a Kilkenny girl?
A mosquito stops sucking
when you hit it on the head.
Why don't they give them
longer than 15 minutes
for lunch?
Because you'd have
to retrain them.
Now.
I'm Irish, so I can say it.
CROWD: Yeah.
The big guy who's
got the bottle.
But that's not true.
In fact,
your average Kilkenny girl
has more ear levels
than the average
English football fan
has tattoos.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's great to have somebody
to sneer at, isn't it?
Not bad.
So, it's time for
my first guest.
He's good.
I think he knows it.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
All right.
Oh, we split it?
Sure.
-Babysitter.
-(SIGHS)
Can I walk you to the tube?
No, it's fine.
Bus then.
No, thanks.
What are you thinking?
(CHUCKLES)
That at this point in my life,
I'd be absolutely crazy
to take a chance
on a guy like you.
(LAUGHING)
I didn't want him
to find me in your bed.
It won't happen again.
-Oh.
-I'll put a lock on the door.
Tie him down.
We haven't really talked.
Well, I've told you
about Gina.
You've told me
about your husband...
Jim.
Talked about what?
Children.
Cyd, we've just slept together
for the first time.
I like you,
and you like me,
but it's not that simple
with kids involved.
So, I have a complicated life.
We all have complicated lives.
The little girl, Peggy,
who plays with Pat...
Yes?
She's my daughter.
And you didn't tell me.
I told her
to look out for Pat.
I can't believe
you didn't tell me.
See, this is what
I was trying to avoid.
Her getting involved,
attached to some guy
who only...
I'm not some guy!
She was here every day
last week.
-She knows me.
-As Pat's father.
She sees more of me
than that creep you married.
Peggy's dad,
that's what he is!
She adores him and
I've worked damn hard
to keep it that way.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
This is complicated.
Jim's still here.
Still here?
Jim?
They're clean?
You've washed them carefully?
Yes, Mum.
-Where are we going, Daddy?
-Haven't decided yet, Peggy.
Hi.
Who's he?
My friend.
When I was a kid,
we all used to
hang out by
the Yucatan liquor store,
all the girls trying to
look like Pamela Anderson,
boys can't help
looking like Meat Loaf.
But then one night...
Go on.
This cool sexy Scots guy,
rode up on his Triumph
Bonneville motorcycle.
It didn't work out.
And now he wants you
back.
He never wanted us to break up
in the first place.
So why did you?
Because,
it was just pointless.
So,
-do you still love him?
-(PHONE RINGING)
No, but Peggy does.
(PHONE RINGING)
I don't know how your lot
expect to live like this.
What's going to happen
to the kids?
How are they supposed
to cope?
-I don't know.
-You have to know!
"My generation looked
after the kids.
"And yours
looks after itself."
Oh, yeah. Well...
It's true, isn't it?
I'm doing the best I can.
Daddy.
What is it, Pat?
Do I still look like Mummy?
Well, yes!
You still look very much
like Mummy.
And when she comes back,
she's going to say,
"There's that Pat.
He looks just like me."
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
Bastards!
Right in front of my eyes.
The little bastards slashed
your car roof!
(ALARM CONTINUES)
Little...
I'll kill the lot of you!
(PANTING)
No more excuses, you must go
and see the doctor.
-Tell him, Harry!
-Dad.
You must, Paddy.
(COUGHING)
I dish you!
I dish you, your mamas!
-Pat.
-Your sister's a whore!
Where did he learn
that kind of language?
His mother's side.
Thanks, mate.
So what do I look
like in these?
Lovely.
Come on.
Hello, I'm Eamon
and I'm famous.
-Who are you with?
-Him.
You don't want to be
wasting your time with
a galoot like Harry.
He doesn't appreciate women.
-He appreciates me.
-Oh.
17% share
after three months,
we're a success.
Bethem Palmer McLeod!
ITV weather girl.
So, you bounced back then?
Little more complicated
than a bounce.
Cyd, Jasmin.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-What...
-Do I do?
I'm a waitress.
Actually I was going to say,
what a fantastic dress.
-Pleased to meet you.
-Nice to meet you too.
Harry, Harry, Harry!
I would just like to add
my own sincere,
very sincere congratulations.
I told you,
you'll thank me one day,
didn't I?
And this fella.
What a talent, he!
-He's touching me, Harry!
-Ooh!
You know, Marty,
looking around
I'm a wee bit disappointed
that you're the most famous
person here tonight,
-except for me, of course.
-(LAUGHING)
-Now, if you'd let me...
-I want you on my show.
Oh, no, Marty,
I want you on mine.
Come on, Jasmin,
limo's waiting.
Jasmin. That where you lost
your moorings?
Thought so.
-Wait.
-What for?
Is making love with earrings
illegal in Texas?
I'll show you what's illegal
in Texas.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
GINA: Hello, Harry.
I said, hello, Harry.
Hi!
I just realised, this is
the only telephone number
in the world I know by heart.
-What is it?
-Is that someone there?
No.
Sally, do you realise
what time it is?
You just woke me up.
You're back?
Yes, and I want to see Pat
as soon as possible.
I should go.
GINA: Pat!
Mummy! Mummy!
HARRY:
First time I saw her again,
something hit me
in the chest, hard.
It was old love but
it was still love.
It stopped my breath, dead.
And for a moment,
I thought I would never
breathe again.
You look great.
Must be all that sushi
and sashimi.
Pat, he's so big.
Well, I see him every day,
I don't notice.
Well, I do. I haven't seen him
for a couple of months.
Four. Work it out.
School's still okay?
He has a good friend,
a little girl.
Is he still crazy
about Star Wars?
Yes, but he's started
to like other stuff too.
Music, if gangster rap
is music.
You let him listen
to that rubbish?
Your sister does.
But I don't see him
getting involved in any
drive by shootings just yet.
He has to be in bed by nine.
What else?
He lets me wash
his hair now.
And he washes himself
in the bath
and doesn't make a fuss
about going to bed.
He can tie his own
shoe laces, tell the time
and he's started reading.
Want to know more
of what you missed?
So how long are you
in town for?
Forever.
Japan's over.
Not much call for a translator
when even the giant corps
are going belly up.
Got out before
they threw me out.
So, I'm back and naturally
I want Pat
as soon as possible.
(PHONE RINGING)
Isn't that your mobile?
(RINGING CONTINUES)
-Yes.
-He's in a hospital, Harry.
High dependency unit.
-Mum?
-His lungs.
It has a...
A...
A what?
Tumour on his lungs,
you know.
A mutts and barts.
Come as quick as you can.
I'll, I'll be there
right away.
How long has he known?
He went for tests.
You didn't tell me.
It was nothing.
He was fine.
But he wasn't, was he?
Well, he must've known
all along
because he'd have
made them tell him.
HARRY: Why didn't he tell us?
Maybe he's doing
what he always did,
standing between us
and the world.
Giving us a few extra months.
Giving me a few extra months?
We need to talk, Harry.
I know this isn't
the best time.
Right.
When can I have him back?
Back?
We don't need
to argue about it, this time,
because I'm not taking him
out of the country.
He won't even need
to change schools.
Oh, that's big of you.
-Richard and I...
-Oh, Richard!
He's with you.
Yes, we're looking
for a place in London,
around here so you can see him
whenever you...
Hey, and er, how the hell
is old Dickey?
-Still semi separated?
-Permanently separated.
We're talking about
getting married as soon as
our divorces come through.
You recover fast
from a broken heart.
I love Richard.
You want to take
my son away from me
to live with some guy
you picked up in a noodle bar.
Well, no way!
Because he's happy
where he is!
-And he's staying there!
-My solicitor will argue that
all things being equal,
a child should be
with his mother.
And my solicitor, when I
get one, will argue that
a child should be
with the parent most capable
of bringing him up!
Not the one
who buggered off to Japan
to get her life back!
Don't make me
hate you, Harry.
Don't you see!
I learned, I learned to be
a real parent.
Unbelievable!
You can't just come back
and take that away from me.
A couple of months
and you think you can
take my place.
Four months!
And I'm not trying
to take your place,
I've found a place of my own!
And I'm not giving it up!
Now let yourself out.
Men die younger than women.
Catch cancer more often.
Commit suicide more often.
And are more likely
to be unemployed.
But for some reason,
Mr Silver, it is women...
HARRY: Nigel had his own messy
divorce behind him.
Women who are considered
to be the victims.
HARRY:
Nigel was the man for me.
-Your son, is he happy
at school?
-Very.
-Sees his mother?
-Whenever she wants.
-And yet?
-She wants him
to live with her.
Oh, is she cohabiting?
Oh, yes, with some guy
she met at a Tokyo noodle bar.
Let me get this clear.
She just walked out
and left you with your son?
-More or less.
-Abandoned the marital home
and now four months later,
she's back in town,
-newly engaged to a...
-Semi separated man.
And feels like playing "Mummy"
again, yes?
Yes!
Well, we'll see about that.
Don't think I'll be
going home, son.
Don't, don't say anything
to your, to your mother.
I want to see Pat.
HARRY: It was only then
I understood exactly why
I loved him.
Not, like I thought,
for his strengths.
That was all gone.
But for his gentleness,
his compassion, his courage,
his selflessness.
Harry.
Pat told Peggy about...
You okay?
Cyd!
We need to talk.
Er, now that Gina's back,
you'll want to,
things will be different.
-I understand that.
-You're right.
You're right, I haven't
seen you in ages, have I?
A lot's happened.
Why don't you, er, bring Peggy
over tomorrow,
we could have
a meal or something.
Maybe, maybe it's right
that we aren't spending
so much time together,
er, the kids too.
We had a good time.
I'm sorry.
Cyd, my Dad...
-Pat and I...
-I heard.
There's something
we have to do.
Daddy, look at my painting.
HARRY: It was the kind
of dying you try not to see.
Full of agony and drugs
and terrible loss.
I hadn't been prepared.
What made me think
a five-year-old boy would be?
I told myself it would
be all right.
Well, it wasn't all right.
But it was necessary.
Hello, Pat.
Are you coming home soon?
Got to wait,
see what, what
the doctors have to say.
-How's school?
-Fine.
And the bike? How's the bike?
Good.
It should be more fun.
Let it stay behind us.
I miss the park with you.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
I can't breathe.
Time to go now.
HARRY: And that was my father
saying goodbye
to his beloved grandson.
-Dad.
-Yeah?
Where's Putney?
Is it in America?
No, in London.
Why?
When were you going
to tell me?
Look face it, you and me,
was a rebound thing, Harry.
I shouldn't have let it
get so far.
It would have been better
if you hadn't come.
I think you're wrong
about us, Cyd.
It isn't a rebound thing.
I'm giving my marriage
another shot.
Cyd, no!
-Do you love him?
-He's Peggy's father.
-Answer my question.
-I just have.
Your wife says that
she remained faithful to you
throughout your marriage,
but you committed adultery
with a colleague from work.
One night.
Your wife alleges
that your son
received a severe head
injury whilst in your care.
That was an accident.
Maybe I should have been
watching him more closely
but at least
I was there for him.
Your wife also asserts
that you are not exercising
proper parental control
over what your son
watches and listens too.
Nigel, that's just crazy!
And that your son is allowed
to watch violent films
unsupervised.
Star Wars?
He's always watched Star Wars.
And on her last access visit,
she discovered
in his possession
a music tape containing songs
of a profane and adult nature.
Her sister gave him that!
Getting it yet, Mr Silver?
What we are engaged
in here is total war!
Right, get your pen out.
Should be heading back
to the hospital?
In a minute.
Finish your tea first.
A nice cup of tea,
that's the answer
to everything, isn't it?
Pat likes to act out
the bit at the end
of the film with us.
Dad's Han Solo.
He likes that.
And I'm Princess Leila.
Leia. Princess Leia.
Don't matter now.
You and Dad...
It isn't much
like me and Gina.
-You're happy.
-Yes, we were.
But don't go thinking
it was all brown ale
and red roses,
it was much harder than that
and much better than that too.
You liked this girl,
didn't you?
Hmm.
Well, some things
are always true.
If you want a happy ending,
you've got to fight for it.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
It is.
Should have been with him.
Thank you.
Should have been there.
Mom.
HARRY: So this is what
a happy ending looks like.
Love someone all your life.
They go before you
and your heart is ripped out.
At least my generation,
the fuck around, fuck up
and fuck off generation,
at least
we would be spared that.
Bastard.
Look what I've got!
Wow!
Paddy...
I'm sorry.
I'm not giving him up, Gina.
That's for the lawyers
to decide.
I changed my life,
taught myself how to care
for him the way you do,
and you come back
and tell me it's all over.
And expect me to act
like it never happened.
Everything all right here?
Get back in the car,
Richard.
Yeah, get back
in the car, Dickey.
You're lucky,
really lucky that I'm not
an aggressive kind of guy.
Bloody women!
I'm not "women," I'm me.
You can't have it both ways.
Expect us to look
after the kids the way you do
and then push us
aside when it suits you!
-We're not like our fathers!
-No, you're not much
like your father.
Pat.
Pat.
Your Grandad died
in the night.
Grandad had been ill
for a long time.
But he's at peace now.
And we can be happy
because he's not
in pain any more.
Where is he?
Well,
his body is at the hospital.
And later it will be buried.
And we're sad now,
but in a little while though
we'll realise
that we were lucky
to have known him.
But we can't feel that today.
It's too soon.
He's still at the hospital?
Well, his body is.
But his spirit is gone.
What's a spirit?
The spark of life that
made your Grandad
the man he was.
Where's it gone?
Well some people think
it goes to heaven
and lives forever.
And some people think
it just disappears.
But I think it lives on,
somehow.
Where?
Maybe in our hearts.
That's what I believe too.
Hi, what would you...
What would you like?
-Green spaghetti.
-We only do noodles here.
Well, I'm adaptable,
I'll do noodles.
Have you got the thick kind,
they're a bit like spaghetti?
We do udon and broth with
prawns, fish,
shitake mushrooms and...
I didn't notice your hair.
And that was a mistake.
It means something when
a woman changes her hair.
How did you know
I was working here?
I didn't.
This isn't exactly
the first place in Putney
I've tried.
How's your Dad?
The funeral's tomorrow.
Is there anything I can do?
Let me walk you home.
Sorry.
Don't. It's no good for you
and it's no good for me.
I want to tell you something.
Just let me explain.
My father has, had,
well, still has
this tattoo on his arm.
-I don't want to hear this.
-One of those commando knives
and some words underneath.
"United we conquer."
I've been looking at it
all my life,
but today, suddenly,
it made me think
of you and me.
Think about it.
Sure, I'll discuss it
with my husband over dinner.
You don't want me.
You want Gina.
Well, maybe I did before,
a little but not now!
Now, I know what I want.
Jim, no. Jim.
There's nothing.
Jim! No!
-You stay away from my wife!
-Leave him alone.
If I ever see your face again,
you'll lose your teeth!
Go inside!
Just leave me alone, okay?
Just think about what I said.
That's all I ask.
Look at her, Harry.
I can't take her away
again, can I?
Well, can I?
Wish us well.
I wish you well.
Give my sympathies
to your mother.
I know that she doesn't know
who I am
but I'll be thinking
about her
and Pat and...
(CHUCKLES)
He would have wanted
something more upbeat.
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today
to celebrate the life
of a quite extraordinary man.
Gina.
Thanks for coming.
I, I didn't know
if you wanted me to.
Paddy was mad about you.
He loved you, Gina.
Course he'd have wanted you
to be here.
-Say goodbye to your Granny.
-Bye bye, sweetheart.
You were very good.
Grandad would have been
really proud of you.
See you tomorrow, okay?
Okay. Okay, Dad.
You're always measuring
yourself against him.
Looking after Pat on his own?
Your Dad could never
have done that!
You are a good father
in your own way, not his.
He knew that
and he was proud of you
for it.
In the end.
When you really love someone,
you don't love them
for what's in it for you.
You have to let go.
Mummy and me,
we both love you very much,
you know that.
Yes.
We both want you
to live with us.
But where do you want to live?
-With me?
-Yes.
-With Mummy?
-Yes.
Following this unprecedented
and uncharacteristic incident
of adultery,
which Mr Silver admits
and deeply regrets,
Mrs Silver abandoned
the family, taking the child.
The mother left the boy
in the dubious charge
of two adolescents,
in order to fly to Japan.
Fortunately, Mr Silver
was able to rescue the boy
and bring him back
to his home,
where subsequently
Mrs Silver left again.
This time to take up
employment in Tokyo.
I called him every day.
Where she began
within a matter of weeks,
to cohabit with a,
to use her own expression,
"Semi separated" man.
It happened that the boy
was involved
in a playground accident.
But Mr Silver dealt
with the accident
in an exemplary fashion.
Mrs Silver remained abroad,
whilst the boy was
in hospital.
In contrast to Mrs Silver's
far eastern activities,
Mr Silver took
a part time position,
which allowed him to combine
role of bread winner
with sole care of his son.
And it as at this point,
that Mrs Silver returns,
some four months later
and demands...
-Stop!
-JUDGE: Mr Silver?
Just stop! Okay?
Do you know how many
grown men I've had
weeping in this place?
Men that would give their
right bullock just to have
what you're throwing away.
She's going to love this,
you know that.
I'm not doing it for her.
I'm doing it for him.
And I can see you're
disappointed, Nigel,
but I'm just thinking
of my boy.
Like she did,
when she walked out?
All I know is this way
my son gets to have
two parents.
And every kid should have
two parents if possible
even when they're divorced,
especially when
they're divorced.
Yes, Mr Batty.
A development.
My client would like to put
a new proposal to the court.
The way it'll work is this.
You can keep as much stuff
at the house as you want.
Your room is always
your room.
Nobody allowed to touch it.
I can come back
whenever I want?
For a day, a night,
a weekend, whenever.
Forever.
Have you and Mum
started talking yet?
We're trying.
Do you love each other then?
No, but we both love you.
Where will I sleep
at Mummy's?
In the second bedroom.
All done.
It'll be great, Pat.
You can have two lots
of Star Wars stuff now.
And you can drive the new
neighbours crazy with
the hip hop.
And nobody's allowed to touch
my old room?
Nobody, ever!
-Not even you?
-Not even me.
Living with Mum
will be fun, Pat.
I like it now.
Me too,
but things are going to have
to change a little bit, Pat.
Because Mummy isn't happy
without you.
And Mummy needs
to be happy so you
can be happy too.
I love you, Daddy.
My boy, my beautiful boy.
Here, let me take those.
Thanks.
This is a big day for Gina.
Big day for all of us.
Sure.
Gina's a Libra.
Home, family.
What sign is Pat?
HARRY:
Astrology, excellent.
I wasn't quite ready
for Richard to stop being
a dick head just yet.
Well, Eamon's waiting.
Thank you, Harry.
Right.
* Someday,
when I'm awfully low *
(SIGHING)
Tell me,
your American waitress,
-is she on today?
-No.
Maybe I can help you.
The reason why I asked you
about your colleague is
my friend here,
well, it's embarrassing, but,
he thinks he's in love
with her.
She was in earlier
to pick up her wages.
It didn't work out for her.
-The job?
-England.
She's going back to America,
any minute now.
Any minute now.
You see, Disco Ken,
all this love, it's bollocks.
Oh, God!
I always knew you were there.
Blast!
Steady there, Jim.
I just want a word.
It would have worked
if it wasn't for you.
-Has she gone yet?
-You'll never make it.
No! No!
Shit!
(HONKING)
Come on!
MAN:
Where are you going, mate?
Excuse me, sorry!
I need to know if a passenger
has checked in
for a Houston flight.
-I'm sorry.
-Cyd as in Charisse.
C-Y-D Mason
and Peggy Mason.
We don't give that sort
of information out.
Cyd! Cyd!
Peggy, we've got a plane
to catch. Thank you.
-Excuse me, do you mind.
-Peggy!
There's Disco Ken!
We'll get you one
in Texas, Peggy.
-You can get them anywhere.
-I want that one.
He's mine.
-Thanks.
-There you go, sweetheart.
How's Pat?
Living with Gina now
and it seems
to be working out.
There were a few
teething problems.
The new boyfriend's
a bit of a...
A bit alternative
and he doesn't seem to like
being hit on the head
with a lightsaber.
I keep telling Pat, "No,
don't go for the head.
Go for the eyes!"
We're leaving on this flight,
Harry.
I'll still be seeing him
a lot.
Every weekend,
one night during the week,
we haven't worked out
the school holidays yet
but we will.
I saw Jim.
-I was dumb to even try.
-No!
You had to try!
-Why did you try?
-For Peggy.
But I'm all done
with trying now, Harry.
-You can't go!
-Why not?
You can't give up
on happy endings
just because
it didn't happen once.
Twice.
Three times counting you.
Those are bad odds.
And now I'm going
to bloody cry.
Is that what you want?
I want a life with you
and Peggy and Pat!
And maybe a kid of our own.
And your kid and my kid
fighting our kid.
What kind of life
would that be?
I don't know.
But I do know the family
we could have together
would be better than
any other family
we could ever have apart.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
-If you'll just excuse me.
-Excuse me, sir.
You go through
that metal detector
and you'll regret it.
-I told you.
-I love you!
Oh, well, that makes
everything okay.
Come on, Peggy.
You'll get over it.
It's you, Cyd!
You're the match!
You're the one!
I'll see you at
the Yucatan liquor store, Cyd!
I'll be there!
I found you in Putney.
I'll find you in Houston!
It is you!
It is you.
It better be.
-Aw! Yay!
-Just in time.
-PAT : Dad.
-HARRY: Pat.
PAT: How's it
going to work again?
Cyd and I live together here.
As usual, you will have
your room.
Which is still my room
even when I'm at Mummy's?
Right.
And Peggy has her room,
which is still her room
even when she's staying
at her Dad's.
So where is the baby
going to sleep?
Okay.
We might have to move
somewhere bigger.
(BOTH LAUGHING)