Man Bites Dog (1992) - full transcript

A camera crew follows a serial killer/thief around as he exercises his craft. He expounds on art, music, nature, society, and life as he offs mailmen, pensioners, and random people. Slowly he begins involving the camera crew in his activities, and they begin wondering if what they're doing is such a good idea, particularly when the killer kills a rival and the rival's brother sends a threatening letter.


I've just finished
ballasting the corpse, see?

That means you fill it
with certain things because...

You may not be aware that
a corpse under water

swells up with air, see?

So it tends to float
to the surface.

You have to load it
with ballast so it sinks.

You weight it down with stones
and other heavy stuff.

There's a ballast ratio
for corpses.

Three times body weight

for an average adult
like this victim.

But for children
and midgets it's different.

Kids are lighter.

So it's four times body weight.

- What?
- Never had problems?

No. Midgets are heavier,
so you double the weight.

Midgets have denser bones
so you double the weight.

For old people, multiply by five.
Old bones are porous.

- Hi, Mom!
- Goodness gracious!

How's my little boy?

This is Mom, that's Grandma,
this is the store.

This is where I grew up.

- Grandpa's not here?
- He's out.

He'll be back soon.

What time is it?

Guess what...

My Grandpa.

I've put up with her now
for 53 years!

Imagine that.

Imagine the effort it took him?

Guess who made the effort,
me or him?

Hats off. I've put up
with her now for 53 years.

He was such a cheerful little boy.

Full of pranks,
and blond as a field of wheat.

- Don't tease me, Papa.
- Stop it or I'll cry!

You ruin everything.

Benoit was such a delight.

- A good boy?
- A darling!

He was affectionate and sweet.

Laughing all the time, all the time.

What do you mean, he was?
He's not anymore?

You don't understand me, Papa.

How they bickered!

Like cats and dogs!


I usually start the month
with a postman.

I get up in the morning

and spend it pinching pensions.

At the same time this allows me
to locate old folks with money.

What I avoid are young couples.
They stink of poverty.

It's unpleasant.
But old folks are loaded, that's for sure!

I've never seen an old pauper.

Stingy? Yes. But paupers? Never.

You watching me or the kids?

They have guns just like me.

Not bad at all, these gadgets.

Give me one.

Go on and play.

No school today?

That's the trouble with women.

That's the trouble with women.

Sure I've been hurt before.

I gave them something,
they gave me something.

But there comes a time

when you start to ask questions.

All on account of that little door.

In a couple,
the door has to stay open.

And when it's open

it's either to bring
in new nourishment...

or it's to let you out.

Either you add a little seed...

and that seed can be a baby,

or a good time or a holiday.

Or you get out,
lock, stock and seed.

With women, you can't always tell
if the door's open

and if it's time to add a seed,

or get the hell out.

I've been hurt
because I'd open the door wide,

and they'd shut it.

Love leaves a trail of sulphur

like some lingering smell.

As soon as you meet someone,
you smell it.

Like when you take a leak,
your fingers smell.

You have to wash them
two or three times

so you can forget you pissed.

Watch me, I'll show you a trick.

As a kid they called me
The Octopus.

Know why?

Because I could make
any part of my body move on its own.

I'll show you.

All by itself. Watch my nose.


Now my ears. Watch closely.

See that? Look!

Now the right one.
Now the left. See?

I can make something else move,

but it's not for the camera!

Turn it off, you jerk!

- Got home okay last night?
- No problem.

I figured you guys
must have been bushed.

Throw the keys down.

Or are you coming down?

I'll throw you the keys.

It's not the right key.

It's not this one.

Must be the other one.

Look who's here! Benoit!

I'm so glad to see you!

What a surprise!
How've you been?

Fine, Jenny.
I'm here with a camera...

They're doing a thing on me.

- Do you mind?
- Not at all.

Come in, come in.

Don't stay out there.

- So what's new?
- I had a rough time locating you.

I thought you still lived at Sablon.

We were evicted by urban renewal.

- Here's where we wound up.
- Maurice gave me the address.

I'm so glad to see you!

Got anything to drink?

My throat's dry.

- What will it be?
- Some of your brandy.

- How about your friends?
- Ask them.

- What will it be?
- Something cold.

- And you, sir?
- A beer for me.

- And you?
- A brandy as well.

Coming up!

That's my Jenny.

That's her, this is her world.

That's her in her prime,
when she was a beauty.

She's still a beauty.

That's when I met her.

This is Jenny's bed.

I'll show you something.

You can tan while you make love.

When you're through,
you've got a brown ass!

Ever see anything like it? Bet not!

What nonsense!

Baloney, baloney...

Jenny used to live...

I told you she moved.
That's why we had trouble finding her.

She lived 30 years
in the Sablon district.

Then some real estate developer...

I can't remember the name,
but the hell with it...

decided just like that

to move in! Sure they could...

The law's on their side.
We didn't own the house.

Anyway, they raised holy hell,
threw everyone out.

But it was the way
they went about it...

So, they told Jenny to move out.

There was this little smart-ass,

a vulgar little jerk,
who had the nerve

to speak and behave rudely
with Jenny.

The Sablon may have got a face-lift,

but one guy's no longer around
to enjoy it.

It's only fair if a member
of the family is wronged...

So I went and had a little talk
with that fella...

I'll call you back, sweets,
I'm still working.

Talk to you in a sec.

The bastards!
A black night watchman!

What a dirty trick!

So you can't see him!
Who'd ever sink so low?

They'll stop at nothing!

Poor kid, born under the sun!

I bet he grew up
under the baobabs,

and here he is on a work site.
It makes me sick.

They try to get away with murder.

It's like this cement. Hungarian
probably. Made to last temporarily.

You can be sure they use
more sand than cement too.

They pinch pennies,
then the walls crack!

The whole building crumbles.

I once buried two Arabs
in a wall over there.

Facing Mecca, of course...

In two years their assholes
will see daylight.

Let's go sink this Mubutu.

A handsome fella to boot.

But I'm warning you,
I won't touch him.

Why not?

AIDS, Rémy...

AIDS. Green monkeys.

Grab him by the galoshes,
but I won't touch him.

But why's he in yellow
if he's in camouflage?

At least he had no dogs,
usually they have a pack of curs.

I hate them. Blacks have a way
with animals, you know.

That's a fact.

They know how to talk to them.

Here's our golden opportunity.

To see if that legend
about their size is true.

Rémy, pull his pants down.

We'll know in a jiffy.

Good Lord!

He's really well hung.

You can wrap it up now.
It's disgusting!

The kid's barely 18
and already hung like a polar bear!

Kids like that often work
in nightclubs.

It's their livelihood.

He must be a prude
to take a job like this.

But some guys make a living
with their organ. Awful, isn't it?

What's so funny?

It sure won't make you a living.

Here we are in a neighborhood
of mostly senior citizens.

Planners design so-called
low-cost housing.

Flats meant for young people,

for newlyweds setting up house,

for workers,
for housewives,

and maybe even the unemployed.

It's all part
of the district renewal plan

that aims to bring old folks
out of isolation by mixing them

with the working population.

It's a great idea,
but what I don't like is...

and here's the rub,
how can you design

low-cost housing projects

in total disregard for aesthetics?

I can't accept that, I'm sorry.

They thought of planting
Japanese cherry trees

along the lanes, see?

In the style of English beach resorts.

A truly grand idea,
but did they do it?

- Did they do it?
- No.

Yes, they did.
But they didn't follow through!

That's the shame of it.
It was purely cosmetic.

Just to dazzle them,
and people fell for it.

I followed it all,
I saw how far their bright ideas went.

What do you notice at first glance?

What stands out?

The red bricks!

What's red bring to mind?

Red is the color of blood,
of Indians!

It's the color of violence!

And the scourge of society,
as everybody agrees, is violence.

So why the red bricks?

Red is also the color of wine...

For wining and dining.

It's all about palm-greasing,
dirty politicians

and wheeling and dealing.

It pains me.
Wherever you take your camera...

Folks would love to stop and say,

what a lovely flower bed,
what powerful asymmetry!

What a beautiful red hue of brick.

But they never get the chance.

Instead they sit in front
of their TV sets.

If I'd been asked to design
that kind of a layout,

I'd have planned
ground-level homes

with spacious lawns,
a bit like Frank Lloyd Wright,

in the style of Japanese houses.

Despite their faults,
the people sure know how to live!

You know, emphasizing aesthetics
is one thing,

stressing the functional is another.

The guys
overemphasize the functional,

unlike people like Gaudi,

who had a magnificent
architectural style,

a very organic style,
forms that grow out of nowhere.

Or Horta who did
such fabulous things,

the great whiplash effects.

Sorry to disturb you,
we're a television crew.

We're doing a report on loneliness
in high-rise apartments.

Would you mind answering
a few questions?

Of course,
if it doesn't take too long.

I promise we'll be brief.

Come in.

You'll hardly notice us.

This is the crew.

Sit down.

Go ahead.

Don't let the camera intimidate you.
Just act and speak naturally.

It bothers me none.
I was filmed once in Mons.

There was an army band concert.
I enjoyed that.

That's fine, our subject
is used to the camera.

Just fine.

- May I ask my first question?
- Of course.

Tell me, Madam,
among your friends and acquaintances,

does anyone visit you regularly?

I have acquaintances...

but I get along with everybody.

They call me Granny...

Granny Snuff, ever been snuffed out?

This is a special case.

When I came in, I immediately
noticed the box of Sedocar.

You may not know this,

but Sedocar is a drug
for heart patients.

So I just freaked her out.

Which saves me a bullet.

It's so much easier on the neighbors,
on me, and on her.

I like to try out new work methods.

She's fading fast now.

We may as well go straight
to the heart of the matter.

Let's hit the jackpot.
On to the kitchen?

Lift the tablecloth.

I'm gonna have a drink.

Help yourselves.

There's plenty for all.

I know you're filming
on a shoestring budget.

I believe in sharing, no problem.

Thanks, Ben.

Back to work.
Follow me and I'll show you.

I bet there's something
under the bed.

I don't know, but I have
a feeling about this room.

The little hog!

Now I'll show you something.

Here's the jewelry,
glassware and stuff...

The old lady whet my appetite.

Know what I'd like, Rémy?

A nice big plate of mussels,

with lots of veggies,
sauce, and fries.

Where can you get mussels?

- A restaurant
- By the sea.

You're my guests for a seaside dinner.

What do you say?
It's a two-hour drive.

A big plate of mussels,
some drinks...

It'll be a great evening.
Just to celebrate.

What's wrong?

What's the matter?
Don't you like mussels?

Sure, I do.

Then why the blank look?
Let's go.

I think André has to be home tonight

- You have to go home?
- I had other plans.

Then call home
and let's hit the road.


What about him?

Without André, there's no point...

I'm the guy who should be invited!

Let's paint the town red.

What if we went another time?

They have commitments.

It's okay, if I plan in advance.

It's nice of you, Ben.

Then come with me.

I have no car.

- We'll all go some other time.
- Okay, forget it.

I'll find a restaurant nearby.

Never mind, guys.

It'll be for another time.

Sure, no problem, another time.

We'll have plenty of opportunities.

Sure we will.

See you around.
Let me know when you need me.

- Do you want a lift?
- Walking's good for the appetite.

- We'll give you a lift.
- I'd rather walk, for the appetite.

Thanks anyway, guys.

André hinted earlier

that you might have trouble
financing the rest of your film.

I'm naturally ready to share
the cost of film.

- I'd be delighted.
- That's nice of you.

And if we have to work overtime,
we'll do it.

We'll turn this film into an epic!

A toast to the old lady.

White or red?

Shall I choose?

We'll have this one.

I'm afraid that's not
the wisest choice today.

- If you'll allow me...
- I'll allow you nothing.

Take care of your face case,
then you can make allowances.

At times, crafty as a fox,

at times, a little rascal,

at times, a gangster,

but generous as they come.

Whatever the amount
you need, Rémy,

Benoit will always,
and I mean always, deliver.

Thanks, Ben.

In a kingdom by the sea,

among clear gulfs,

and plump waves

to stop the waves,

and flying fish, gliding like gulls,

and plankton to your heart's content,

and red salmon

leaping from the heavens,

the sour jellyfish
and purple seaweed,

and the winter's kelp...

Nothing shall stop me
from calling your name...

Sea, sea, sea, O cruel mother,

Oh, say, can you see...

What are you waiting for,
douche bag, high tide?

We'd better go.
Bring us a mop, please.

I'm all right.

Must be bad mussels.

- You don't feel sick?
- I'm okay.

Let's go home.

I'll pay and we'll leave.

Meet Valerie,
thanks to her many worldly contacts,

she's given me a taste
of various artistic circles.

Some of those circles
are very closed.

Today we're in the world
of painting.

I have a keen interest in that world.

This is a very nice Swedish exhibit.
Had a look?

The Swedish are interesting...
intensely sensitive.

An artist I really appreciate
is Bernard Buffet.

Know his work?
You know who I mean?

He did a poster for Robert Hossein.
Heard of him, no?

For a show called
the Life of Jesus.

It shows a big hand
reaching up to the sky.

And the hand's meant
to evoke Jesus.

The scarification
and all that jazz.

Big hands, big drawings...
A knockout!

Hossein sure knows
how to pick his collaborators.

You like Hossein?
His shows are great.

Seen any?

A great actor too.
He's made lots of movies.

He used to play dark romantic types
in those old costume pictures.

Do you know Ben's trade?

You can speak up.
Your silence is eloquent!

- Some trade!
- Dummy!

Doesn't it bother you?

I don't pry into his work.

Everyone's got to eat.

Besides, we're old friends.

Talking about Buffet,
here it comes!

Over this way.

Don't be afraid.

The camera makes him nervous.

Help yourselves to canapés.

I only eat the top part.

- What note did you just play?
- Oh, it's an F sharp.

- And what did you play?
- An F natural.

That's right, ducky.

In 4/4 time.

I met Valerie at the conservatory.

Keep in time.

You're playing too fast.

She must've been about 10.

She had long dark braids
right behind her ears,

little white ankle socks
and a little skirt.

She was always smiling,

running here and there,
always late.

We used to laugh about it.

I must have been 17 or 18,

and I took her under my wing
right off.

She'd play minuets
and short pieces for me.

I'd try to accompany her.

She went on to make a career
for herself, as you know.

And I'm proud of her.

I changed instruments.

The piano?

The blunderbuss.

But it's like a horn,
it needs polishing.

Stay on his tail!

You idiot!

- I think I hit him.
- Where'd he go?

In there.

He came this way.

Say, Rémy...

Smell something funny?

- What is it?
- Chickenshit.

We're warm.
Doomsday is near.

Come and look.

Up there by the skylight.
Look, Rémy.

Look, Patrick!

It's a pair. It's mating season.

Look at this feather.

It's oily.

The male secretes
a pungent greasy substance

that lures the female.

That's Mother Nature.

Pigeon, winged cloak of grey,

in the city's hellish maw,

one glance and you fly away,

your grace holds me in awe.

Shit, shit, shit...

Got a problem?

I lost something.

- My I.D. bracelet.
- What?

I lost my I.D bracelet.

Goddamn it!

- Sentimental value?
- First Communion.

It's a pain losing it, huh?

It was a pain to steal.

There aren't many kids around
with my first name.

It's worth a small fortune.

I bought it with Dad.


- See anything?
- Nothing down here.


Look over the railing.

- Here?
- To the left.

Don't see a thing.

Move up, I see something shiny.

Take a good look. Go up two steps.

There's something shiny
to your right.


That's not it.

It's just a piece of metal.

This happened to me in Biarritz.
The only time...

Find anything?

I went swimming with my signet ring,
and lost it among the rocks.

No way of finding it, just like now.

I'd need a metal detector.

Got a zoom lens?

Can you zoom in and find him?

You okay?

Sorry about your pal.
It was an accident.

Stop it, kid, you start like that
and it becomes a habit...

That's revenge. Stop it.

Come on. I understand. Stop it.

I'll buy you a drink at Malou's.

I completely forgot
about this one!

Help me get him in the trunk.

Take his feet.

We'll make it a quick one.
I'm beat.

- Hi, Malou, how's life?
- Fine.

Not much action.

Not for now. It'll pick up.

You gotta have hope.

Here you go.

See anything worthwhile?

I saw a real good boxing match.

The Moroccan featherweight.
A massacre...

He clobbered little Freddy.

They wipe us out everywhere,
even in the ring. It's amazing.

It's awful.

Real quick on his feet,
the little Moroccan...

- And I mean little.
- They all are.

You weren't big
in the ring yourself.

No, but I had a real wallop.

- You sure did.
- That's what counts, the wallop.

Take the train station murder.

The restroom murder.

Who got the headlines? Who?

Come on, who got the headlines?

- The dentist.
- The dental mechanic!

And the toilet attendant
didn't even get a single line!

Little guys don't make waves.

If you kill a whale,

you get Greenpeace
and Jacques Cousteau on your back!

But wipe out sardines
and you get a canning subsidy!

I go for the small fry.

- You're afraid of the big fish.
- What?

- Afraid of the big fish.
- You don't get it! Bug off!

I'd rather talk to him.

I'm not afraid of big stuff, Rémy,
honestly I'm not.

I just don't like to make a fuss.

I hate making waves.
I work small and reap big!

But I know the nice suburbs.
Anytime you wanna go!

- Let's go then.
- Whenever you like!

- Not tonight
- Why not?

Because we lost our sound man,

and without him
I don't feel up to it.

And I still have to dump the cabbie.

I'm going to the quarry,
the canal's a drag.

This one's on me.


The shooting's temporarily on hold.

Patrick, our sound man...

is dead.

Things like that are
really hard to talk about.

This may sound like a cliché...

but it's an occupational hazard.

We're all aware of that.

I think Patrick was.

And I think we should continue
the film...

because this is your film, Patrick.

That's what I wanted to tell you...

that we're all thinking of you...

and Marie-Paule,

the girl you just moved in with...

who's carrying your child.

So long, Patrick.

Bear up, Marie-Paule.

No, no, that one's much too big.

Too near the street.

Hold on a bit...

Stop here, Rémy.

Yeah, here...

You wanted a nice suburban home,
take your pick.

Nice grounds.

All we have to do now is wait.

We wait nice and quiet
until dark.

Hand me a beer.

Who shook up the beers?

I haven't always been...

Check that out.

Ten years from now
she'll be sucking dick like her mother.

Nature really does things right.

Amazing. And she doesn't even
know it yet.

Doesn't even know
the color of a cock.

Say, Rémy, that reminds me...

Aren't there a hell of a lot of gays
in your trade?

In show biz?

You oughta know,
there are more in your trade

than in most normal trades.

You can say what you want.

You don't mind me talking
about it?

Look at Charles Trenet.

Now there's a flagrant case for you.

I think they're all over the place,
you know...

It doesn't bother me personally.

- You must know a few.
- Like Cocteau?

No, that's Jean Marais.
But you must know some gays, André.

I was watching you three
the other day.

You wouldn't happen to be gay?

No kidding, Rémy?

Because I don't mind if you are.

Close the door, Rémy.

She'll calm down soon enough.


Catherine, get the door!

Who was it, darling?

André, Rémy!
Does this remind you of anything?

The Old Gun!

Philippe Noiret!
A nice movie.

Franco, over here.

Stick the mike here.

That's my idea.
Fat Noiret didn't do that.

Noiret's put on weight.

Mommy! Mommy!

I lost him.


Come on out!

It's just for fun, kid!

Little bugger!

Come on, kid!

You can't stay in the woods alone.

Put out your spotlight.

Put it on!

Get him!


What the fuck are you doing?
Catch him, you morons!

Damn it, he's as turbulent
as his mother!

Rémy, gimme a hand,
get his arms and legs.

Filthy kid, goddamn it!

Hold his arms.

Do you kill many children?


You must have noticed that I don't really
have the knack in this department.

This must be my second or third kid
in five years.


- I don't like infanticide.
- Why not?

Kids aren't good business, Rémy.

In theory, they're not bankable,

You can still make something off him.

You must mean kidnapping.

But I think it's more of a nuisance
than anything else.

when the media gets involved.

Now hold on,
I'm not talking about you.

You're pretty discreet.

That'll do it.

The little creep really had us going.

Nothing here.

We really blew it.

I warned you about suburban homes.

There are credit cards.

You might as well
call the cops right now.

Go on. There's the phone.

This is bullshit.

And we're running out
of cash for film.

And we're running out
of cash for film.

The problem's not cash.
That, I have.

It's the three innocents.
There oughta be a law.

Well, I'm... I'm not...

I'm not a lunatic.

It's a shame to let big houses
fall into neglect like this.

It's a shame to let big houses
fall into neglect like this.

Throw a coat of paint
on the walls and mirrors

and it's Versailles.

Could be, but it'll take more coats
than you think.

Your bad breath is
something awful, Rémy.

You shouldn't talk
under people's noses,

because it's really unpleasant.

Watch out for the window, André.

Stop bumping into things.

Really I don't know why,
but all day long

you stink like a billy goat
when you talk loud under people's noses.

Don't mind the mess.

Come on.

How much you need this time?

- How much?
- 10,000.


Damn it, you spend it faster
than I make it, Rémy.

Let me tell you something, Rémy,
your spotlight gets on my tits.

Sorry, but there's not enough light.

I know, but yesterday with the kid
it blinded me and disrupted my work.

- I'm sorry.
- Sure, you're sorry.

Here, for your bad breath,
have a candy.

Right before he died. I told him.

Come on,
we've got enough footage.

We've got enough sound.

And he said...

We'll never have enough.

He was a charming boy...

who wouldn't compromise...

We're all thinking of you, Franco,

and this film's dedicated to you.

And I'm thinking of Marie-Paule,
your girlfriend...

who's carrying...

your child.

Ricardo Giovanni,
alias the Nightingale.

Capable but dissolute,
much too dissolute.

Like all Mediterraneans.

Come on out.

Holy shit!

A camera crew. Know 'em?

I'm a director. This is my team...

Holy smoke, André!
Get a load of the big camera!

This is real fancy material.
Don't you want it?

No, it's video.

- And what's ours?
- Film.

Let's take advantage
of our luck, Rémy.

This one's for you.

That makes 68 francs...

Here you go.

Do you have any room, sir?
I'll give you a bag.

180 grams. All right?

For once we have something
to celebrate...

Don't tell her! I'll have some...

Well, it's a French drink...

- Malaga wine.
- There is none.

- Some Muscat.
- There's no Muscat.

- No alcohol?
- None at all.

- A Coke?
- That, I have.

Ice cold.

No, thank you.

Grandma's not here?

She's in the store.

But I can still have
something else.


What I had with Hugues.

- Port wine.
- Port!

Be careful,
he's not allowed to drink.

Don't give him a drink.
He shouldn't.

- Why not?
- He's been sick.

- Really?
- Yes, indeed.

What did he have?

Vascular spasms.
He could get a heart attack.

So be careful.
He mustn't overdo it.

One glass...
He forgets too.

He forgets what he drinks,
and that makes it even worse.

- Understand?
- Yes, sure.

He doesn't realize it.

You promise?

I have two pairs of panties of
Brigitte Bardot's.

The fellow was in raptures.

But I tell him
it's 200 francs a pair.

In those days, 200 francs
was a lot for the time.

So we make a deal.

But I still had
to pick up the panties

at the department store.

I buy the panties, I rumple them,
I come back.

- You bought two pairs?
- Two pairs?

No, just one...

So I give him one and I say,
there are the panties.

And I get my 200 francs.

So for 200 francs,
I sold Brigitte Bardot's panties.

In those days, that's at least
1,000 francs nowadays.

- In those days.
- He still thinks it's her real panties?

I think he does.

I recently asked him
if he still had them.

He says, I still got 'em.

It's a true story.

I think the chubby one there
was Grandma's sister.

Switch on the lights, Rémy.

These old films are just charming.

Just charming.

Grandpa didn't do so badly
with his tiny material.

I love watching them.

You're gonna break 'em.
Just take it easy with those.

Let's go downstairs
before you break everything.

What did I tell you?

- I think...
- I've had enough.

- Do you want an orange?
- No, I don't like fruit.

Are you sure?

They killed a child...

But just before,
they killed his parents.

So he saw his parents being killed.
Can you imagine?

I swear if they did that
to a child of mine, I'd slaughter 'em.

And with me, there'd be no trial.

I'd be judge and jury myself!

Has Roger been around
the ring lately?

- Who?
- Roger.

Haven't seen him in a while.

I hear he's boxing again.

I don't know what happened.


Tell the gentleman
how you got your job here.

Mr. Benoit got it for me.

You haven't come to see me
in a while.

- What?
- I didn't know.

I can't hear you.

I didn't know
where you were, sir.

And no kiss from Benichou?

He doesn't look happy to see me.

The boy looks pale.

Come see me after the fight.
I'll give you some money.

Buy him a new satchel.

And buy yourself some shoes.
You look like a gypsy.

Film lovers!

Film lovers!

Film lovers, good evening!

Tonight, for one showing only...

My big dick!

You're not gonna start that again?

Film lovers,
a slight change of program...

You're gonna see
Malou's great big tits.

Malou! Your tits!

Cut it out, Ben!

- You've gone far enough.
- Okay, okay.

I've had it with your grossness.

- What'll it be, Rémy?
- Another one.

A Dead Baby Boy.

No more beer,
you're having a Dead Baby Boy.

- How about you?
- A Dead Baby Boy.

- And the new guy?
- A screwdriver.

You're having a Dead Baby Boy
with the rest of us!

Malou! Four Dead Baby Boys!

What's that?

- What is it?
- A Dead Baby Boy?

It's dynamite.

You'll see.

Malou, make 'em stiff!

You know your problem?

It's your temper,
it does you wrong.

I wonder why.

- It does you wrong.
- No, it doesn't.

It'll do you wrong soon.

Quit laughing, you half-wit!

Stop hitting me, creep!

Holy shit.

Are you ugly when you laugh!

It's unbelievable!

He's so ugly when he laughs!

You should have let me
film him, André.

Serve us up.

A tear of gin.

Just a tear.

A river of tonic.

And then...

the little victim.

One part olive,

one part sugar cube,

and one part piece of string.

And there's our Dead Baby Boy.

A quick ratio quiz.

How much ballast does it take
to sink a dead kid?


How many times
the kid's body weight?

Twice his weight!

Shut up and let Rémy answer.
Twice his weight, correct.

- Why? Because his bones are...
- Porous!

If I'm boring you, just say so.

You're not even paying attention.

Now you take
your Dead Baby Boy

and sink it.

And you wait and see.

When the olive rises...

Whichever comes up first

is the loser,
and buys the next round.

It's as simple as that.

Goddamn it.
I get my jacket soaked

every time I serve a drink.

You lose!


Malou, set up another round.

André's second...

Remy's third.

That was a nice little package,

He's a sucker.

I'll buy the next one.

I think...

I'll eat my Dead Baby Boy.

Waste not, want not.

Never swallow the string.

That was a great one!

Get out!
I've had it with you!

Just say I disgust you!

All because I have some faults!


I'll go because I am cinema!

From screen to screen,
film to film,

I gave you my life.

And you, Gabin,

son of Lucien,

it made you a good boy again!

All together now!

Get a shot of me while I piss,
that's it!

Come on, you jerks!

In the port of shadows,

sings Michèle Morgan.

Got a great pair of eyes on.

He put it so nicely, that Jean.

From screen to screen,
from film to film.

Ivan Rebrov,
Yuletide child,


And you, Ivan,

sing Noel!

Hash, not a sound,
it's the night round.

Hash, not a sound,
it's the night round.

With diligence,

keep the silence,

onward without a sound.

Your turn.

Don't move!

I'll blow his brains out!

What's your wife's name?


I like to know a woman
before making her come.

You're all beasts.
It takes a little gentleness.

Like a little bird
coming home to roost.

Like a little piggy.

Filthy slut.

See that?
She's moaning!

After my tour

the concierge gave me this.

It'd been in a box for 3 days.
It began to stink.

I had a shock!

I didn't know
if I should wait to show you.

You did the right thing.
Put it away now.

- I had to show you.
- You did right.

- Know what it means?
- Don't worry, I know.

You see, Rémy.

At that hideout I wasted
an Italian named Giovanni.

Well, this is a warning
from his brother.

I knew he'd turn up someday,

but it's just a warning.

Don't worry, Valerie,
just burn it and forget about it.

They're just Italians.

He hasn't been working out regularly.

Paul, go and work with Karim.

- Does it hurt?
- A bit.

But that's normal.

I'm starting to get
some movement again.

- Are you?
- Sure.

Just look.

Good for you.

Careful, don't exert yourself.

Don't overdo it.

I'll be on my feet
in a couple of weeks.

When you're young,
you're in shape soon enough.

When you've got your youth,
you mend quickly.

You can be sure of that.

Modern medicine works wonders.

The things they can do today.

I always warned him
this would happen.

It was a great match.

That's the way sports are.

All that running around,
it's like soccer, you murder each other.

Mom got a rat in the mail.

A skewered rat!

Really? A skewered rat?

I know who sent it.

It's those Taviers again.

Guess what they did
just recently?

They pissed in
Madam Joquet's mailbox!

All her letters soaked through,

everything ruined.


Why, did you read them?

It hurts to laugh.

When you see something like that...

But just look
at that poor man there.

His children don't even
come to visit.

- What a shame.
- It's a shame.

- Does he have kids?
- I think so.

He must have children,
but he never gets any visits.

Don't you smell something?

A bit.

- Chickenshit?
- Not that.

- It smells like shit.
- Could be.

Did you make caca?

Did you make caca?

Thank you.

That's kind of you,
but don't bother.

You did make caca!

I'm all right.
It's fine like that.

I'll ring for the nurse.

What for?

He shits all day long.

It doesn't bother you?

It's like this all day, and he sings too.

Shits and sings,
that's all he can do.

He's a pharmacist.

You again?

You're just in time
for a real treat.

- We did a big caca!
- I did it just for you.

I shit for nights,
I shit for days,

I shit all over,
I shit always.

If you'd only behave.

If you don't have looks,
at least have manners.

You want to repeat that?

I'm here to do my job agreeably!

If you call that work.
You enjoy it.

You love shit, eh?
You sure raise a stink over crap!

I give you plenty,
but you're never happy.

I'll change you.

Count your blessings!

- You could leave me as I am.
- Wallowing in shit?

You enjoy it.

You'd be mad
if there wasn't enough!

- Lucky they're not all like him.
- You'll get your money's worth.

Let's go, my girl.

I shit for nights,
I shit for days,

I shit all over,
I shit always.

Take care of yourself.
And we'll go out

and have that drink
when you're out and about.

Talk about surprises,

this takes the cake.

Were you in on this?

Hi, Jenny.

This is a hell of a surprise.

Already rolling?

It sure is nice to see people
in the pink.

You're all fixed now.

How's the hip, Jenny?

- Getting better.
- Watch yourself.

You too, Valerie,
with all the drugs you take.

Especially the pill!

Let's have some cake.

Just a small piece.

I already ate at the hospital.

For me, a big piece,
like my piece!

It's worth tasting.

Here's to Ben.

- For me?
- From the whole crew.

How thoughtful.

- Thanks, André, Vincent.
- Happy birthday, Ben.

What is it?

It's not very heavy.
It can't be a bomb.

I'll open it.

That's a great idea.

A holster.

Just the right color.
Who picked it out?

- André.
- Thanks so much.

It was the perfect choice.

Help me put it on, Rémy.

It's just what I needed,
but never thought of it myself.

Quality leather too.

Can you get me my revolver?
I'll try it right now.

Found it, Valerie?

It's superb.

What freedom of movement,
what a difference!

You can really move around
in a thing like this.

May I have some more bubbly?

Another present?

- You're spoiling me.
- Aren't we?

What is it?

- It's a beauty.
- I thought so.

It's a real pleasure.

It's a splendid seagull.
Got it in the flame?

Isn't it nice?

A fine gull.

Have some more cake.

I haven't finished my first slice.

Anyway, I'm not that hungry.

That's sweet of you, Jenny.

You're welcome, sir.

If you like it.

You don't have to call me sir.

What's this sir business
all of a sudden?

True, I don't always say sir.

How can I say it...

- You're moved?
- I'm moved...

by that pretty creature!

We can forget it.

Take a look.

What the hell are you doing?

I can still see a huge bundle
from up here!

Do I have to come
and do it myself?

Cover all that up!

Rémy, I can see legs sticking out!

Don't just stand there!

You have nothing better
to do than film, André?

You faggot!

Am I on television?

Shouldn't have done it like that.

I should have thrown him
on the crates and hit him.

He had me waltzing like a skirt.

He had time to kick me
in the nuts.

I can't move in this thing.

He got out of that nicely.

You could have given me
a hand there.

I didn't expect...

Teamwork means being able
to count on your colleagues.

But I couldn't count on you
this time, right or wrong?


It's a shame.

And stop making faces
behind my back.

The jury handed down its verdict
late this afternoon.

For the last time, Benoit Patard
stood in the dock,

a sardonic grin on his face,

and his usual smug,
arrogant glint in his eye.

Don't talk to me about other murders
until these are proven.

A harsh verdict
for such evidence?

Yes. I will be consulting my client
to decide if we'll appeal.

That's all I have to say.
Thank you.


What would you like me
to bring you?


Don't say that.

We always need something.

What can I bring you
from the store?

I'll come see you often, I promise.

How often can I come?

I have no idea.

They didn't tell you yet?

Bring cigarettes.

- Smoking's allowed?
- Yes, it's allowed.

I'll bring some,
but you need food.

Cigarettes aren't enough.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe anything they say.
I really don't.

I'm so sad,

but whatever happens,
I'll always come.

Rémy, it's Ben.

I escaped.

Meet me in two hours.

First, pick up Valerie.

Meet me
where we met the first time.

I'd written a poem about autumn.

A thousand leaves mingle

in the misty breeze.

Plump brown chestnuts

pummel the ground,
yet I remain unharmed.

The cold spews scorn
at summer's dying twitch,

which with a last lazy stroke

warms my limbs aching
from another assault

without trumpets or banners,

see it, here it comes.

The splendid autumn.

- Hi, Ben.
- Valerie's not with you?

She was to meet us here.

Can I have a cigarette?

How'd the jailbreak go?

Take off, Rémy.

Where to?

To Valerie's.


- Water's no good for flutes.
- Think shit's good for scales?

Is it serious?

Mom wasn't a musician!
Is that what you want to know?

She got hers with a broom!

Sorry, Rémy...
I'm sorry, kid.

I want to get some things
out of the closet.

I want to get some things
out of the closet.

It was a great hideout.

- Sorry?
- I said it was a great hideout.

- What'll you do now?
- What?

What do you plan to do now?

I don't know.
Leave, in any case.

Got a place to go?
Where you know somebody?

So you're here too.

Let's recite, Rémy.


winged cloaked of....


In the city's hellish maw.

One glance and you fly away.
You've got it.

Your grace...