Malice in Wonderland (2009) - full transcript

An American law student in London. Knocked down by a black cab, she wakes with amnesia in a world that's a million miles from home - Wonderland. We follow her adventures as she's dragged through an underworld filled with twisted individuals and the lowest low-lifers, by the enigmatic cab driver, Whitey. She needs to find out who she is, where she's from and use what wits she has left to get back home in one piece. As her journey progresses she discovers nothing is what it seems, realizes that fate and life are terminally entwined, and finds true love lurking in the unlikeliest place.


( Angelica's
"Bring Back Her Head"
playing )

* IF YOU SAY
YOU'LL BURN YOUR CAR *

* IF YOU'LL BURN
THAT MOTORCAR *

* AND I KNOW
IT IS FAUX PAS *

* AND I KNOW IT IS
FAUX PAS *

* IF SHE MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU *

* IF THERE'S NOTHING
YOU WON'T DO *

* YEAH, YOU'LL BURN IT
THROUGH AND THROUGH *

* YEAH, YOU'LL BURN IT *

* THROUGH AND THROUGH *

* BRING HER HEAD
BACK TO ME *

* BRING HER HEAD
BACK TO ME *

* SHE'S NOT
ALL SHE'S MEANT TO BE *

* SHE'S NOT
AS SHE'S MEANT TO BE *

* IF YOU CUT HER,
SHE WILL BLEED *

* IF YOU CUT HER,
SHE WILL BLEED *

* IF SHE MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU *

* IF THERE'S NOTHING
YOU WON'T DO *

* YEAH, YOU'LL BURN IT
THROUGH AND THROUGH *

* YEAH, YOU'LL BURN IT
THROUGH AND THROUGH *

* BRING HER HEAD
BACK TO ME *

* Bring her head
back to me *

* BRING HER HEAD
BACK TO ME *

- ( train chugging )
- ( clock ticking )

( brakes screeching )

( evil laughter )

SPARE US
SOME CHANGE, MISS?

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
HULME STREET IS?

- HULME?
- H-U-L-M-E.

MY MOM LIVES THERE.

USED TO.

YOU'LL GET IT BACK...

LATER.

I USED TO KNOW A WOMAN
WHO LIVED ON HULME STREET.

( ticking continues )

THIS WAY!

( siren wailing,
horns honking )

THERE!

HEY!
OW! OW!

- FUCK!
- IDIOTS!

I'M LATE.
I'M LATE.

GOTTA GET ME THERE.

( chiming )

( brakes screeching )

OH, NO NO NO NO.

OI! MOVE IT!

COME ON, GET UP.
WHAT YOU WANT, A
FUCKING OSCAR?

- ( moaning )
- LOOK AT THE TIME!

LOOK AT THE BLOODY TIME.

NINE MINUTES LATE HERE--
NINE THERE--

I'M LATE IN TWO PLACES
AT ONCE!

LISTEN.

I AIN'T GOT
TIME FOR THIS.

I WISH I DID,
BUT I DON'T.

- I'M ON MINUS MINUTES, SO--
- OI!

I SAW THAT.
I SAW THAT.

BOOZE--
SHE'S OUT OF IT.

SHE'S ONE OF THEM
FUCKING BINGE DRINKERS.

WHERE IS IT YOU WANT--
LETSBY AVENUE, YEAH?

- COME ON THEN,
UP YOU GET. WHOA.
- POLICE PLEASE.

THAT'S IT, NO PROBLEM.
SHE'LL SLEEP IT OFF.

SHE'LL BE RIGHT AS RAIN.
DON'T WORRY.

RIGHT, OKAY,
HERE WE GO.

THAT'S IT.
IN YOU GO.

THAT'S IT.

LEAVE IT, WHITEY, LEAVE IT.
THERE'S NO TIME, NO TIME.

NO TIME, NO TIME,
NO TIME.

I'M LATE.

"WHITEY'S RULES:
NUMBER ONE-- NO DYING.

RULE TWO--
NO PUKING.

RULE THREE--
NO NOTHING ELSE."

- NO TIME FOR E.R.
- MY HEAD...

I'VE GOT A PICK-UP TO MAKE.
NOTHING'S GOING TO
STAND IN MY WAY.

GET READY FOR THE LAND
THAT TIME FORGOT.

( moaning )

THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

YANK...

LOS-FUCKING-ANGELES
THIS IS NOT.

- WHERE-- WHERE
ARE YOU TAKING ME?
- HOME, EVENTUALLY.

BUT THE PARTY FIRST--
HARRY'S.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MY NAME?

UM...
I CAN'T REMEMBER.

YOU'VE HAD
A BANG ON THE HEAD.

YEAH, THAT'S
AMNE-- AMIN--

NO, WHAT IS IT?
UM...

ANIMESE... SSS.

YOU'VE LOST
YOUR FUCKING MEMORY.

FOR YOUR KNEES.

FOR YOUR NERVES.

SHH.
FOR YOUR BREATH.

WHAT'S THIS RIGHT HERE?

- HERE-- WALLOP.
- HMM?

- "FOR YOUR HEAD."
- NOW LISTEN TO ME.

I WANT YOU TO POP ONE OF THEM
DOWN YOUR RABBIT HOLE.

THEY'RE GONNA
KNOCK YOU OUT AT FIRST.

BUT AFTERWARDS,
YOU ARE GONNA BE
AS SHARP AS SHIT.

( moans )

TRUST ME.
I'M A DOCTOR.

I DO PRESCRIPTIONS.

PEOPLE TELL ME
WHAT THEY NEED,

AND I NICK IT.

THANK YOU.

GOTTA GET ME THERE.
I'M LATE.

HARRY HUNT.
BIG BOSS.

JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL.

BIG PARTY.

( echoing )
BEST PRESENT EVER.

PURE AND UNCUT.
SPECIAL IMPORT.

GOTTA GET ME
THAT THAI FOR HARRY.

TIE?

- MR. GRIFFIN.
- ( echoing ) LOOK,
I HAVE TO WARN YOU.

WHAT'S IN HERE MAY
CHANGE YOUR LIFE
FOREVER.

- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES.

- ( distorted ) SURE?
- YES.

...CHANGE
YOUR LIFE FOREVER.

I CALLED
A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR...
MR. GRIFFIN...

( distorted )
WHO'S TWEEDLEDUM
AND TWEEDLEDEE?

WHO'S TWEEDLEDUM
AND TWEEDLEDEE?

- ( brakes screech )
- ( grunts )

- ( clattering )
- ( man humming )

( laughs )

WHAT'S IN HERE?

HA!

OH.

OH, YES.

WHO ARE YOU?

I KNOW WHO I AM.
WHO ARE YOU?

DRUGS!

FOR YOUR BREATH?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- ME NEITHER.

- FOR YOUR NERVES?!
- THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE.

DEPENDS WHERE
YOU WANNA BE.

MY HEAD...

- WH--
- HUH HUH?

IS THAT MY BAG?

( gasps )

YOU'VE GOT MY BAG.
THAT'S MY BAG!

- ( panting )
- HEY!

Whitey:
AS SOON AS I WOKE UP,

I SAID TODAY WAS
GONNA BE A BAD DAY.

THAT'S SEVEN WORDS,
THREE SECONDS TO SAY 'EM.

ALREADY I'M LATE
GETTING OUT OF BED.

TIME SNOWBALLS--
A SECOND HERE,
A SECOND THERE.

AND NOW I'VE MISSED
MY DELIVERY.

OI!

( laughter )

WHERE'S MY GOODS?

- THAT WAY!
- THIS WAY!

WELL, THAT'S
FUCKING SPECIFIC.
( sniffs )

- WHOO WHOO!
- WAIT!

WHOO!

YEAH!

I'VE TOTTED
THE TAKINGS.

- AH... AH.
- STOP!

- COME BACK.
- BUT NOT ONE TOSSPOT
HAS REACHED TARGET.

- ( panting )
- ( laughs )

- WAIT!
- TARGET'S
TOO HARD, GONZO.

IS IT?

WHERE'S
THE DIDDYMAN?

- OH, GONZO.
- OH, HERE HE IS.

- ( pants )
- ALL RIGHT?

14 QUID
ON THE MAD MOUSE?

I HAD TO SHUT DOWN.

THE TRACK
WASN'T SAFE.

NOT SAFE?

NOT SAFE IS GOOD,
RIGHT?

IF THE TRACK CRACKS...

NO!

...HOW FAR'S
THE FALL?

NO NO!
GONZO, GONZO!

( grunts )
NO!

WAIT WAIT.

HEY!

THAT BAG
AND THE MONEY--
HE STOLE IT.

- GIVE IT BACK.
- ( groans )

- WHAT HAVE I
SAID ABOUT WOMEN?
- SHE FOLLOWED ME IN.

GIRLS ARE TROUBLE,

WOMEN ARE DOUBLE.

( sighs )

WHAT ARE YOU,
A RUNAWAY? EH?

SUICIDE?

( gasps )
NOT A...

JUNKY?

GOTTA HAVE A PROBLEM
TO WORK HERE, LOVE.

( laughs )
I'VE GOT FLATULENCE.

- I'VE GOT A FAT BACK.
- AND I'VE GOT HALITOSIS.

SAINT GONZO--
THAT'S ME.

EMPLOYER OF
THE FLOTSAM AND JETSAM.

- I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM,
ACTUALLY.
- OH.

I CAN'T REMEMBER
NAMES, PLACES.

I CAN THINK OF
A FEW PLACES FOR YOU.

- ( laughs )
- MY MIND'S A BLANK.

WELL, DID YOU
HEAR THAT, LADS?

THE LADY'S LOST
HER MEMORY.

YOU LOT BETTER LOOK
FOR IT.

( men laughing )

STEP INTO MY OFFICE.

I'M NOT SURE
IF I SHOULD.

THEN YOU'RE NOT SURE
IF YOU SHOULDN'T.

- ( metal clanks )
- ( horse neighs )

WHAT DO YOU SAY
YOU AND I...

WE HAVE A LITTLE
PRIVATE PARTY?

WE WERE GOING
TO HARRY'S PARTY.

HARRY HUNT...

RHYMES WITH...

WHAT'S A-- WHAT'S
AN OLD DEVIL LIKE HIM

TO AN ANGEL
LIKE YOU, EH?

- I SHOULD GO FIND OUT.
- ( laughs ) YOU'RE GOOD.

YOU ARE VERY GOOD,
HUH?

( laughs )
I'VE SEEN PORK
MORE KOSHER.

YOU'RE HERE TO SNIFF OUT
WHAT I'VE BOUGHT HIM,
AREN'T YOU? EH?

WHAT GIFT
I'VE BOUGHT HIM

TO MAKE ME
HIS NUMBER-ONE GEEZER.

YOU'RE A SPY.

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OH YEAH?
WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
WHO ARE YOU WITH?

- WHY--
- WHY?

- WHY?
- WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

BECAUSE I'M ASKING,
THAT'S WHY.

- WHITEY.
- WHAT? WHITEY!

( groans )

THAT DIRTY LITTLE...

UH, SO,
WHERE IS HE?

HMM?

HE'S...

PICKING UP
SOMETHING FOR...

PICKING UP
SOMETHING FOR HARRY.

WHAT?

UH...

( imitating Whitey )
"GOTTA GET ME THERE.
I'M LATE.

GOTTA GET ME
A TIE FOR HARRY."

TIE?

TIE MY ASS.

TIE?

TIE IS A GREEN CHANNEL
AT CUSTOMS.

HE'S GOT HIM
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

HMM?

I'D LIKE TO
KNOW WHAT.

- NOW!
- ( horse neighs )

MR. BIG.
WHAT CLASS-A DELIGHTS

HAVE YOU ROBBED FOR US
TONIGHT?

YOU'RE
IN NO STATE
TO GET LIPPY.

WHITEY, HE'S GOT
YOUR MONEY.

( grunts )

I WOULDN'T HAVE HURT YOU.
YOU KNOW THAT.

ADIOS.

- HEY, THANKS.
- FOR WHAT?

- FOR SAVING ME.
- THIS AIN'T OVER, WHITEY.

THE ONLY BIRD
WORTH SAVING IS
HER MAJESTY.

YOU GET HIM A TIE,
I'LL GET HIM A SHIRT.

IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'VE GOT A HEART
ATTACK PLANNED.

YOU GET HIM SHOES,
I'LL GET HIM A HANDBAG.

WHAT I'VE GOT
IS TILL 10:00

TO FIND THE BEST PRESENT
EVER IN THE HISTORY OF
THE WORLD FOR HARRY.

FOUR EYES ARE
BETTER THAN TWO.

SO WHO IS THIS
STUPID HARRY, ANYWAY?

( sighs )
HE'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD
SAYING THAT.

( thunder rumbling )

Whitey's voice:
HARRY'S BEEN INSIDE.

WORD IS HARRY'S ORGANIZED
A BIG BANK JOB.

MASSIVE.

MILLIONS WAITING
TO BE ROBBED.

EVERYBODY WANTS IN.

THAT'S WHY
THE FIGHT TO GET HIM

THE BIGGEST, BESTEST
COMING-OUT PRESENT--

TO BUY HIS FAVOR.

( dog growls )

Whitey's voice:
WHEN HARRY PICKS HIS TEAM
FOR THE BIG ONE...

HE'S MAKING MILLIONAIRES.

( dog barks )

HE DON'T DO NOTHING
BY HALVES-- HARRY.
SEE?

HE SORTED OUT THE CLUBS
AND THEIR OWNERS.

- ( man grunts )
- THEN THERE WAS
THE DIAMOND GEEZERS.

I BELIEVE
THAT GOT MESSY.

THEN THE SPADES
TRIED MUSCLING IN.

LAST ONE DEAD
WAS THE D.J.

DOES LIKE HIS MUSIC,
DOES HARRY.

HOO-HOO!
GEORGE MICHAEL,

PET SHOP BOYS,

LIBERACE.

HE SOUNDS...
FASCINATING.

I'VE HEARD HARRY CALLED
A LOT OF "F" WORDS.

"FASCINATING"
IS A NEW ONE.

- ( chuckles )
- TONIGHT'S HIS
COMING-OUT PARTY.

EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE
WILL BE SHOWERING HIM
WITH GIFTS EXCEPT ME,

BECAUSE MINE'S
GONE WALKABOUT.

WELL, HE MIGHT
NOT NOTICE.

I MEAN, HE'LL BE BUSY
WITH HIS OTHER PRESENTS.

HE'S GOT
THE ALL-SEEING EYE.

HE MAKES SAURON
LOOK LIKE STEVIE WONDER.

THAT'S WHY I'VE GOT TO
PULL SOMETHING BIG
OUT OF THE HAT.

NOW COME ON, COME ON.
JUST-- JUST THINK
THINK THINK.

I THINK...

I THINK
I MIGHT HURL.

MEDICATION
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH--
NOT GOOD.

ALWAYS READ THE LABEL.

( dance music playing )

THE IMPERIAL--

STUFFED WITH CHICKEN,
SHISH, DONER,

SOME OTHER DEAD THING.

ONLY 9,000 POINTS
ON WEIGHT WATCHERS.

MMM.

NEVER TASTED
ANYTHING LIKE IT.

HALF A GOAT IN THERE,
EASY.

NOW,
ORDER OF THE DAY.

WHAT DO I GET A MAN

WHO CAN ROB
EVERYTHING?

WELL,
WHAT'S HE INTO?

BANKS, SECURITY,
VEHICLES, BLOKES.

DOES HE LIKE...
ART?

ROUND HERE,
ART IS GETTING THE SPELLING
RIGHT ON YOUR TATTOO.

- WHAT ABOUT A CAKE?
- WHO BUYS A MOB BOSS
A CAKE?

SOMEONE
WHO CARES.

YEAH, THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.
NICE ONE, BRITNEY.

THAT'S NOT MY NAME.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU ARE,

SO YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE NOT.

NOW...

THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING IN HERE
WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

- HEY, THAT'S PERSONAL.
- YEAH, ONLY TO YOU.

AND WE
DON'T KNOW YOU,
SO IT'S NOT.

- IS IT NOT?
- OKAY.

- OKAY.
- ( sighs )

- PROPER NIP-TUCKED.
- ( cell phone beeping )

LIPPY.

"VEGETARIAN'S GUIDE
TO LONDON."

RADIO THINGY.

- IS THIS WHERE
YOU'RE STAYING?
- IT COULD BE.

- WELL, I KNOW ONE THING.
- WHAT?

YOU'RE LOADED.

LET'S CALL THEM.
LET'S FIND OUT IF
I'M CHECKED IN.

"ALL RIGHT, GOV,
ANY GUESTS MISSING?"

"I'M VERY SORRY, SIR.
I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
DIVULGE--"

COME ON.
500 ROOMS.

WHAT ELSE?

DODGSON INDUSTRIES,
NEW YORK.

OKAY, WE HAVE
TO CALL THAT ONE.

CALL IT OFF.
THE STATES IS
A FIVER A WORD.

COME ON.

MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE
AT THE END OF THE LINE.

PLEASE.

I MEAN,
I'M TAKING HITS
ON THE CLOCK.

I'M TAKING HITS
IN THE POCKET.

YOU KNOW, I'M TAKING
PUNCHES ALL OVER.

( dialing )

- ( ringing )
- OKAY, IT'S RINGING.

ANSWERING MACHINE.
WHAT DO I SAY?

IF YOU'RE MISSING A GIRL,
CALL THIS NUMBER--

004477887900038.

( romantic music playing )

( record scratches,
music stops )

I THINK I'M GOING
TO BE SICK AGAIN.

WELL...

IT CAN'T BE
SOMETHING YOU ATE.

NOW LISTEN...

I KNOW A PLACE WHERE
I CAN GET THE CAKE.

WE DO THE PARTY,
I DRIVE YOU TO LONDON--

FIVE-STAR CHAUFFERAGE
TO YOUR FIVE-STAR HOTEL.

PROMISE.

THAT'S REALLY KIND
OF YOU, BUT...

I JUST FEEL LIKE
THAT WOULD TAKE FOREVER.

YOU KNOW,
MAYBE LONGER, AND...

I JUST HAVE TO
FIND ANOTHER WAY.

I KNOW...

I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO
SOMETHING IMPORTANT,

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS.

WELL, BABE,

I WANT SHOT OF YOU
A.S.A.P., P.F.Q.

IF THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY,
THEN I'M SURE THAT
I WOULD HAVE--

I'VE JUST
THOUGHT OF ONE.

YEAH?

( sniffs )

- ( tires screech )
- JESUS CHRIST.

RIGHT, HERE'S A 20.
SHOULD GET YOU TO LONDON.

THANKS.

MM.

WHEN'S THE NEXT BUS?

I'LL BE HONEST
WITH YOU, DARLING--
I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE.

( sighs )

WHAT?

JUST HAVING
ONE LAST BUTCHERS

IN CASE I HAVE TO
BANG ONE OUT LATER.

NOW I'M BEING
A GENTLEMAN--

NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE,
OKAY?

I BET I REGRET THIS.

OH, IT'S FREEZING.

OI!

Woman:
Quiet night?

SO SO.

Liar. I've got just
what you're looking for

RIGHT HERE
AT DOOCHEY MANSION.

Don't you fucking
touch it.

NICE THAI.

SILKY SMOOTH.

- LEAVE IT.
- BUSINESS FIRST.

THIS LITTLE GIFT
YOU'VE IMPORTED FOR HARRY

is easily the best.

HE WILL BE PLEASED.

- THAT'S WHY I WANT
A SHARE. DEAL?
- NO SHARE,

no deal, no way,

not even halfway.

GET HIM A CAKE.

WHO MAKES A MOB BOSS
A CAKE?

- Someone who cares.
- "SOMEONE WHO CARES."

YES.

WE'LL GIVE HIM THE THAI
AND THE CAKE.

I SAY "WE," BUT IT COULD
JUST AS EASILY BE "I."

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T DELIVER.
YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T DELIVER.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE GOODS!

- DEAL?
- ( chuckles )

DEAL.

LOOK LIKE DEATH.

FEEL LIKE DEATH.

WHAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD?

MUSIC.

Man:
You're listening to KHFM.

I'm Felix Chester
with the Memory Mix
on 99.9.

( smooth jazz music playing )

Where does it
hurt you, baby?

MM, MY GUTS AND MY BRAIN.

I hear you.

- YOU HEAR ME?
- Now hear this.

- ( piano music playing )
- MM, I'M LISTENING.

( sighs )

* BROKEN FRAMES *

* SO DARK INSIDE *

* FACES MISMATCHED *

* TRICKLE UP IN A LINE *

* WAVES OF SHADOWS *

* SCATTERED DREAMS *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* TRYING TO FIND *

* WHAT DO I SEE? *

( horn squeaking )

* PICTURES THAT RHYME,
COLORS THAT BREATHE... *

GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.

* I NEED TO *

* DISCOVER MORE *

* FIND WHERE I'VE BEEN *

* LET IMAGES POUR... *

WHEN DO I TAKE THESE?

DOESN'T SAY.

TWO.

( moans )

* PICTURES THAT RHYME *

* COLORS THAT BREATHE *

"POLICE."

"POLICE."

* TRYING TO FIND *

* WHAT DO I SEE? *

* PICTURES THAT RHYME,
COLORS THAT BREATHE... *

- Man: ALICE?
- DAD.

...CUT THE TRIP SHORT.

SORRY, I'VE HAD TO.
SORRY.

CUT TRIP SHORT.
SORRY.

- Alice: DAD.
- SORRY, DEAR,

I'VE HAD TO CUT
THE TRIP SHORT.

BOARD MEETING.
BOARD MEETING IN NEW YORK.

DAD...

DAD, I THINK WE BOTH KNOW
WHY WE'RE LEAVING EARLY.

I THINK WE BOTH KNOW
WHY WE'RE LEAVING EARLY.

DAD...
DAD, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

AFTER HER.

( Indian music playing )

( news music playing )

More on tonight's
kidnap story.

Police have launched
a nationwide search

for Alice Dodgson, 19,

who was brutally snatched
from a London street
this evening.

Billionaire Louis Dodgson
has posted a $10 million reward

for the return
of his daughter.

Eyewitness reports
say she was bundled
into a black cab.

BILLIONAIRE'S DAUGHTER.
( chuckles )

Whitey:
WHOO-HOO!

( phone beeping )

( groans )

"POLICE."

NINE NINE NINE.

- Woman: Emergency.
- YES, UM...

I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT
THAT I'M... SICK

AND MY HEAD'S SPINNING
AND I GOT SICK

AND, UM, I'M VERY LOST.

Whereabouts are you
calling from?

YES, UM,
I'M IN A PHONE BOOTH
AT A BUS STOP.

- Your name?
- MY NAME?

- SORRY, I DON'T KNOW.
- Have you taken drugs?

HAVE I TAKEN SOME DRUGS?

- YES YES.
- ( speaking indistinctly )

UM...

GREAT.

CHEERIO.
TA TA, WEETIES.

Bye.

STUPID COUNTRY.

( horn honks )

WHAT YOU
LOOKING FOR?

UH, A PICK-ME-UP?

FINE, THREE, FIVE,
AND TWO, SIX, AND ONE.

LUCKY I IS
HERE NOW

BEFORE DELIVERY
IS DONE.

WHAT, MISTER...

DROP THE MISTER.
SEE THIS EYE?

I'M NO 'PILLAR.
I'M A CAT.

POST MAN CHILLER
IS WHERE I'M AT.

( snickers )

( siren wailing )

I THINK
IT'S THE POLICE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- SAVING YOUR ASS
FROM THE S.P.G.

THEM MOTHERS
WILL LOCK YOU DOWN
AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

- BUT I--
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
- TELL IT TO THE JUDGE.

THE SENTENCE IS LIFE,
AND IT DON'T BUDGE.

MY HOOKER,
SHE'S A LOOKER.

HIT ME SCRATCH
AND I EVEN LET YOU.

- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
- POLICEMAN HERE IS NOT
TO BE TRUSTED.

STEP OUT OF LINE
AND POW.

YOU IS BUSTED.
( snickering )

Whitey:
I CAN'T SPEND IT.
CAN'T SPEND IT.

TWO ON A VILLA
IN MAJORCA, ONE ON A BOAT,
ANOTHER MILL ON MOTORS.

A BOX
AT THE MIGHTY HAMMERS.
( laughs )

I CAN'T SPEND IT.
I CAN'T SPEND IT.

- WHERE TO, BABE?
- UH, LONDON.

A CABBIE SAID HE'D TAKE ME,
BUT THEN HE DISAPPEARED.

HE DIDN'T SEEM HONEST.
AND HE ISN'T, AS I FEARED.

INFECTED WITH A RHYME.
CHECK IT OUT NOW DOWNTOWN.

( tires screech )

NEXT DROP:
LLOYD STREET, NUMBER 31.

TWO FIRST CLASS
FOR A JOHN NAMED JOHN.

IT SEEMS A LITTLE LATE
TO DELIVER THE POST.

AU CONTRAIRE.
NOW IS WHEN FOLKS
NEED IT MOST.

BABY, YOU GOT EMAIL.

OH.
YOU SELL DRUGS?

- AIN'T A LIE.
- NOT A PILL ON THE PLANET

I DON'T KNOW
AND YOU CAN'T BUY.

OH WELL, THESE DON'T
SEEM TO BE WORKING,

AND I NEED TO GET
MY MEMORY BACK FROM
WHERE IT IS LURKING.

FOR YOUR HEAD, BITCH,
THAT'S A HEAVY POP.

YOU'D BETTER SEE A DOC
BEFORE YOU OPEN UP THE TOP.

BUT I'VE ALREADY
TAKEN ONE.

OR HAVE I TAKEN TWO?

I CAN'T REMEMBER
OLD STUFF.

AND NOW I CAN'T
REMEMBER NEW.

( snickering )

( siren chirping )

THINK YOURSELF SMART.
I WISH IT WAS ME.

TAKE FOR YOUR HEAD
AND BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

NO, BUT HOW CAN I
BE WHO I WANT TO BE
WHEN I AM WHO I AM?

WHEN MEMORIES COME BACK,
SOME YOU KEEP AND SOME
YOU TRASH IN THE CAN.

YOU'VE BEEN
DEALT THE CARDS.
JUST REARRANGE THE DEAL.

WE PICK YOU UP ONE.
WE DROP YOU DOWN TWO.

IF I GET TO THE PARTY,
MY DRIVER'S INSIDE.

NO ACCESS TO THE PARTY
WITHOUT AN INVITATION.

- WHERE CAN I GET ONE?
- I KNOW JUST THE LOCATION.

( snickers )

FUCK!

Alice:
WOW! COOL.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

BUMP THE DUCHESS
WHEN YOU MEET HER INSIDE.

CIAO FROM THE HYDROPONIC
BONNIE AND CLYDE.
( clicks tongue )

( doorbell rings )

HELLO.

Hi.

HELLO.
I'M LOOKING
FOR THE DUCHESS.

( staff shouting )

( Alice sighs )

I ORDERED OXTAIL,

not mulligatawny-- yuck!

( huffs )
Too spicy.

Well, what are you
doing at my desk?

I'M TRYING TO GET
TO THE PARTY.

AH YES, I'VE BEEN INVITED,
BUT I SHAN'T GO.

Why not?

I LIKE MY HEAD
WHERE IT IS--
ON MY SHOULDERS.

The invitation is yours
in exchange for one thing:

knowledge.

OF WHAT?

Of you.

BUT...

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

OOH, YOU MAKE
MY GOSSIP NOSE TWITCH

LIKE FRESHLY PEPPERED SOUP.

It is you who has
cameras everywhere,
isn't it?

EYES, DARLING, EYES.

SO, WHY WOULD
AN INCONSEQUENCE LIKE YOU

WANT TO GO
TO SOME AWFUL DO?

WHITEY WILL BE THERE.

I NEED HIM.
HE OWES ME A RIDE HOME.

- AND WHAT'S SO GOOD
ABOUT HOME?
- Home?

- I can't think.
- THEN DON'T.

Slither into
your subconscious,

your subterranean brain.

What comes into your mind?

HORSES.

What about
your family, hmm?
Siblings?

BOYFRIEND?

MY HEAD'S SPINNING.
I FORGET.

I was going
to meet my mom,

and then I got hit
by a taxi, and now--

T.B.I.-- TRAUMATIC
BRAIN INJURY, YEAH.

Caused by falls,
blows to the head,

AND MOST COMMONLY,
ROAD ACCIDENTS.

( clicks tongue )
YEAH, TO YOUR RIGHT.

Excellent.
Yes yes.

IT'S AS PLAIN AS THE FACE
ON YOUR NOSE--

COMPLETE COGNITIVE CRASH
HERE IN THE TEMPORAL LOBE,

THE MEDIAL THALAMUS
AND THE ORBITAL FRONTAL LOBE.

IS THAT BAD?

Well, there are
signs of improvement.

YOU'RE TAKING PILLS?

FOR MY HEAD.

GOOD.

What is all that?

THESE ARE THE THINGS
THAT YOU KNOW.

But none of them
make any sense.

THE MIND IS A MAZE
OF MEMORIES AND KNOWLEDGE.

BUT HOW WILL I EVER
UN-JUMBLE IT ALL?

You can't unravel
the complex

until you have mastered
the most simple...

STARTING WITH...

WHO AM I?

Top drawer on the right.

Yes, follow
the red lights.

Red means "Go."
Goodbye.

THANK YOU.

- PAINT THE TOWN RED.
- PAINT THE TOWN RED.

- PAINT THE TOWN RED.
- HAVE YOU SEEN A GIRL,

20, BLOND HAIR, FIT?

OH!

RED MEANS "GO."

HEY.
HEY, COME BACK.

( man laughing )

- I KNOW YOU.
- OH.

( indistinct talking )

PAINTING THAT TOWN RED.

RED RED RED.

WHOO-WHOO!

FOLLOW ME.

PAINTING
THAT TOWN RED.

RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING.

PLEASE COME BACK!

( sighs )

ALICE!

COME BACK.

- You ain't ready to leave.
- WHO'S THERE?

DJ Felix on KHFM

saying stay tuned
for essential platters,

minimum chatter,
and circular sound
sensations.

Circles circles--

we all move
in circles.

THIS DOESN'T FEEL
LIKE A CIRCLE.

We think we're going
in a straight line,

but what goes around
comes around.

IS THAT A RIDDLE?

What has no conditions
but one condition?

That's a riddle.

IS THAT--

IS THAT MY RIDDLE?

It's my riddle.
It's your answer.

Find it,
and find yourself.

( horn honking )

HEY!

STOP!

( horns honking )

( indistinct chatter )

- ( gasps )
- WOW WOW WOW!

YUMMY YUMMY.

( sighs )
WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP?

BULB NEEDED CHANGING.

PAINTING
THE TOWN RED.

- WAIT, WEREN'T YOU
THE ONE WHO--
- WASN'T ME.

MAYBE YOU CAME
ACROSS MY BROTHER.

YOU IS WELL BUFF.

YOU LOOKING
FOR BUSINESS?

I'M-- I'M LOOKING
FOR HEARTS NIGHTCLUB.

YOU'RE MILES AWAY.

WELL, I WAS HOPING
I'D GET A RIDE.

FUCK A DUCK!

I'LL GIVE YOU
THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE!

LADIES CALL ME "UFF"--

UN-FUCKING-FORGETTABLE.

AND IT AIN'T FOR MY LOOKS,
EVEN THOUGH THEY IS
IMPRESSIVE.

WAIT HERE, YEAH?

UN-F-FORGIVEABLE.

( chuckles )

( sighs )

I NEED TO
REMEMBER MORE.

- Man: MILK!
- Man #2: TEA!

- Man #3: SUGAR!
- ( tea kettle whistling )

Caterpillar:
FOR YOUR HEAD.

Hooker:
TAKE FOR YOUR HEAD
AND BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

Caterpillar:
MAKE A CHOICE.

Woman:
YOUR FATHER FLIES
TO LONDON NEXT WEEK.

YOUR FATHER FLIES
TO LONDON.

- MOM.
- YOU SHOULD GO WITH HIM.

- HEAR YOUR INNER VOICE.
- YOU SHOULD GO WITH HIM.

- POP OUT FOR TEA
WITH THE QUEEN.
- MEMORIES COME BACK.

SOME YOU KEEP
AND SOME YOU TRASH
IN THE CAN.

Louis:
WE ONLY HAVE
YOUR INTERESTS AT HEART.

I WANTED YOU
TO MEET WOLFGANG.

MOM, FOR THE 100th TIME,
I CAN FIND MY OWN DATES.

Bag lady:
I KNEW A WOMAN
WHO LIVED IN HULME STREET.

WHEN YOU GET HOME,
YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HEAD
STRAIGHTENED OUT.

- ...MEET WOLFGANG.
- ...FIND MY OWN DATES.

I'M NOT SOME KIND
OF COMMODITY.

YOU'RE A DODGSON
AND WILL ACT ACCORDINGLY.

H-U-L-M-E.
MY MOM USED TO LIVE THERE.

H-U-L-M-E.

WAKEY-WAKEY.

- CLASS.
- ( wolf whistle )

WHAT DID YOU
DO TO MY HAIR?
IT'S DISGUSTING.

AH, DISGUST IS WHAT
WE LIKE IN A GIRL.

NOW A BIT OF FRENCH
IS HANDY,

AND YOU GET DOUBLE
IF YOU DO GREEK.

DISGUSTING IS WHY
YOU'RE UP FOR THE JOB,

MY LITTLE
STRAWBERRY TART.

NO, THERE-- THERE MUST BE
SOME MISUNDERSTANDING.

I DON'T NEED A JOB.
I'M JUST PASSING THROUGH.

YOU'LL PASS THROUGH
WHEN YOU'VE PAID YOUR DUES.

TOP HAIRDO LIKE THAT'S
NOT CHEAP, HUH?!

10-4, HATTIE TO EARL GREY.
DO YOU COPY?

- ROGERED AND OUT.
OIL CHANGE.
- MOVE UP, COME ON.

Woman:
Roger that.
Roll in, over and out.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU NEED INSIDE YOU

BEFORE YOU GET
ANYTHING ELSE INSIDE YOU?

- A NICE CUP OF TEA.
- I DON'T DRINK TEA.

WHAT?!

NO TEA!

WHERE DID THEY DRAG
YOU FROM, MARS?

Earl Grey to Hattie,
next trucker, please.
Keep them coming.

FENBURTON'S HOTEL,
LONDON.

PERMANENT RESIDENCE:
HAMPTONS, LONG ISLAND,

NEW YORK,
UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA.

YES, CALM DOWN.
I KNOW WHERE THAT IS.

LISTEN, I-- I JUST
NEED TO GET TO HARRY'S.

- SO IF--
- HARRY? HARRY HUNT?

( laughs )
THERE'S A CHARMER!

OH, HARRY HUNT!

YOU KNOW WHAT
HIS FAVORITE COLOR IS?

- RED.
- YEAH, BLOOD RED.

A PROPER PSYCHO
IS HARRY.

OTHER THAN THAT,
HE'S SOUND.

APART FROM BEING
A COMPLETE PSYCHO.

HEY, I'M SORRY.
I JUST DON'T HAVE
TIME FOR THIS.

OH NO, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
TIME IS MONEY.

AND YOUR TIME IS
MY TIME, SO GET UP
AND GET EARNING.

WHAT?

WHAT KIND OF PLACE
IS THIS?

- A TART PARK.
- A GREASY SPOONANI.

MY MOBILE BROTHEL.

YEAH,
AND I'M FIRST UP.
DIBS.

NO DIBS.

( laughter )

Earl Grey to Hattie,
next silly trucker.

10-4, HATTIE
TO EARL GREY,

ROGERED AND OUT.
DO YOU COPY?

- OIL CHANGE.
- NICE.

GET OFF ME.
LISTEN, UM...

I NEED TO GET TO HEARTS.
CAN ANYONE GIVE ME A RIDE?

- Men: ME!
- READ THE SIGN.

THERE'S ONLY
ONE MADAM HERE, MADAM.

BREAK HER IN.
DON'T BE GENTLE.

- YEAH, NICE.
- WHAT?

- COME ON.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET OFF.

- MOVE MOVE.
- GOD!

GET YOUR HANDS
OFF ME!

( funk music playing )

LET GO OF ME!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF!

EASY.

SEEN MORE MEAT
ON A BUDGIE'S COCK.

IN.

NICE.

IN THE NUDDY.

NOW.

WHERE ARE YOU?
WHERE ARE YOU?

( woman moaning )

( woman moaning on TV )

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF.

NICE.

Announcer:
Distress call from
an American girl to the police

has been
positively identified

- as kidnapped heiress
Alice Dodgson.
- ASS.

HUH?

Detective Superintendent
Melchit has described
the search

- as the force's
top priority.
- DOUBLE ASS.

Scotland Yard
has released a tape

thought to be the voice
of her kidnapper.

Whitey's voice:
If you're missing a girl,
call this number: 004477...

HE'S RESTING.
BLEW HIS MIND.

- FUCK!
- THREE MINUTES,
THAT'S THE RULE.

OKAY.

- ( engine starts )
- WHAT'S GOING ON?

( all screaming )

- OH.
- JESUS CHRIST.

( gears grinding )

( all screaming )

OKAY, NICE AND EASY.
LIVE ANIMALS IN THE BACK.

( screams )
OH, SHIT!

NICE!

- OI!
- ( tires screeching )

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR.

GET THE HELL DOWN!
CAN'T SEE OUT.

- SLOW DOWN!
- ( horn blaring )

- JUMP DOWN!
- SLOW DOWN!

( shouting )

( horn honking )

( horn honking )

WHITEY?

WHITEY.

- JUMP.
- DON'T JUMP.
OPEN THE WINDOW.

OPEN THE DOOR.

OH, BUGGER.

STEADY.

- STEADY.
- DON'T DO IT.

JUMP.

- ( Alice laughing )
- GOOD GIRL.

Man:
NICE!

( laughing )
WE DID IT!

OH GOD,
WE DID IT.

- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO YOUR HAIR?
- WHAT?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO YOUR HAIR?

I NEARLY DIED
AND YOU ASK ME
ABOUT MY HAIR.

IF I HADN'T
HAD MENTIONED IT,
YOU WOULD HAVE SULKED.

YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE.

IT'S IN THE BREEDING.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ANYWAY?

YOU DUMPED ME
AT A COACH STOP,
REMEMBER?

THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

AND I WENT BACK TO FIND YOU
AND YOU'D GONE,

AND I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU
ALL ALONE AND HELPLESS.

- I HAD TO FIND YOU.
- REALLY?

I HAVEN'T GOT NO TIME
TO TELL LIES.

IT'S NOT IN MY NATURE.

YOU'RE A V.I.P.--
YOU'RE A VERY IMPORTANT
PASSENGER.

I'M IMPORTANT?

I'VE BEEN SPEEDING
MY TITS OFF

TO FIND YOU,
MY BEAUTIFUL ALICE.

MY...
* IF YOU'RE HAPPY

AND YOU KNOW IT,
CLAP YOUR HANDS *...
ALICE.

ALICE?

( faucet running )

MY NAME IS ALICE.

YEAH WELL,
THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
DON'T GO SHOUTING ABOUT IT.

DO YOU REALLY THINK
THEY'RE FOLLOWING US?

NOT YET.
LOCK THE DOOR.

WHAT HAPPENS
IF THEY DO FIND US?

LET ME THINK.
I JUST NEED TIME
TO GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY
THINK I FEEL BAD ABOUT
THE LADIES ON THE TRUCK.

WHAT'S A FEW TARTS
BETWEEN FRIENDS?

WHEN WORD GETS OUT
WHO YOU ARE,

THE WHOLE WORLD
AND HIS WIFE WILL BE
BANGING ON THAT DOOR.

- CAN'T WE JUST
CALL THE POLICE?
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, YEAH.

I'D REALLY LIKE
15 TO 20 FOR KIDNAPPING.

WE COULD TELL THEM
A STORY.

WE COULD SAY
THAT YOU RESCUED ME.

MY WHITEY KNIGHT.

A WITNESS FINGERED ME.

NOW I WANT YOU
TO GIVE ME ONE MINUTE,

JUST ONE MINUTE'S QUIET,
JUST ONE MINUTE.

THAT'S 60 SECONDS,
YEAH? SHH.

ALICE.

ALICE.
ALICE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
I THOUGHT I HAD A
MORE UNUSUAL NAME,

LIKE TABITHA
OR ELECTRA.

I SAID 60, NOT SIX.

- YOU'RE A SLAVE TO TIME.
- I'M A SLAVE TO NOTHING.

YOU WEAR TWO WATCHES.
THEY'RE YOUR SHACKLES.

FREE YOURSELF.

HE'S WILLING TO PAY
$10 MILLION FOR ME.

- HE MUST LOVE ME.
- LOVE DOESN'T COME INTO IT.

THIS IS BUSINESS.

YOU DON'T KNOW
MY FATHER.

AND YOU DO?

GOT TO GET US OUT,

BUT THERE'LL BE CREWS
ON EVERY ROAD WAITING FOR US.

YOU DO STAND OUT
IN YOUR LONDON CAB.

YOU'RE NOT AS MENTAL
AS YOU ACT.

COUPLE OF EASY STEALS
DOWN THERE.

I'M GONNA GO
CHECK THEM OUT.

HERE.

IF THESE ARE SHACKLES,
WE'RE SHACKLED TOGETHER--

YOU AND ME.

ME AND YOU.

GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES,
10 MINUTES TOPS.

YOU CAN TIME ME.
I'M TAKING YOU BACK.

BECAUSE OF
THE REWARD MONEY?

BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT I PROMISED.

I'M LOCKING YOU IN.

( grunting )

- ( clicks )
- ( laughs )

- BINGO!
- ( birds chirping )

( man speaking Spanish
on TV )

...how grateful we are
to the British police

for their unstinting efforts
in trying to trace
our daughter

and to bring her kidnappers
to justice.

I'm afraid I cannot comment
for obvious reasons.

WHAT DO I REMEMBER?

Dodgson Industries
is putting up

a $10 million reward

for any information
leading to the safe return
of our daughter.

$10 million reward.

( reporters clamoring )

Please,
you must understand

that this is
a very distressing time

for Mrs. Dodgson
and myself

and a difficult time
for Dodgson Industries.

REMEMBER REMEMBER.

DAD...

Mom:
YOUR FATHER FLIES
TO LONDON NEXT WEEK.

- I'VE HIRED
A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.
- THAT'S GOOD, DEAR.

Whitey:
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU ARE...

DAD, SOMETHING CAME UP.
DAD...

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN YOU AND MOM
LIVED HERE IN LONDON?

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I WAS BORN?

...MOM LIVED HERE
IN LONDON.

Louis:
I REALLY DO
NEED TO STUDY THESE.

DAD, SOMETHING CAME UP.

I THINK SHE MAY HAVE
FOUND OUT.

I REALLY DO
HAVE TO STUDY THESE.

I KNEW A WOMAN
WHO LIVED IN HULME STREET.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
SO YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE NOT.

IF YOU'RE MISSING A GIRL,
CALL THIS NUMBER:

004477887900...

Gonzo:
YES, I'LL HAVE HER WITH YOU
IN 10 MINUTES, HARRY.

NO NO,
MY PLEASURE.

YEAH, ANYTHING
FOR YOU, HARRY.
YOU KNOW THAT.

( laughs )
YEAH.

ARE WE--
OH, HE'S GONE.

YEAH, ONCE ME AND HARRY
SPLIT THAT 10 MILL--

- OR MORE...
- ( man farts )

I MEAN, REALLY,
WHAT-- WHAT LIMIT

- TO A FATHER'S LOVE FOR
HIS COOCHY-COOCHY GIRL, EH?
- ( men farting )

$15 MILL?
$20 MILL?

HEH, NICE OF YOU
TO JOIN US.

- WHERE'S WHITEY?
- WHITEY?

HE'S OUT...

WITH THE FAIRIES.
( laughs )

- ( tires screeching )
- OOH.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

BROOOOM.

THE POLICE ARE
LOOKING FOR ME,
YOU KNOW.

YEAH, AND IF YOU
STEP OUT OF LINE,

THEY MIGHT FIND A PIECE.

WHAT SHOULD IT BE,
DO YOU THINK, ALICE?

EH? HUH? AN EAR?
HMM, LITTLE PINKY?

DON'T PLAY PIANO, DO YOU?
( laughs )

GONZO.
( growls )

Alice:
YOU WON'T SEE
ANY MONEY.

WHEN WHITEY CATCHES UP,
YOU WON'T EVEN SEE
THE MORNING.

WHITEY.

PLEASE.
( laughs )

HE WOULDN'T RISK A HAIR
ON HIS ASS FOR YOU.

THE MONEY, MAYBE,
BUT NOT YOU.

Announcer:
More on tonight's
kidnap story.

Police have issued
this Photofit picture
of the kidnapper.

SEE, AT THE END
OF THE DAY, ALICE,

US CHAPS--
WE'RE ALL THE SAME.

WE'RE ONLY IN IT
FOR WHAT WE CAN GET OUT.

HE'S DIFFERENT.

OH, YOU HAVE BEEN
STARVED OF AFFECTION,
HAVEN'T YOU? HMM?

WHAT, DADDY NOT SHOWN YOU
ENOUGH LOVE, HMM?

DON'T WORRY.
WE'LL MAKE HIM PAY.

GET THE CAKE.
GET IT ON THE ROOF
RIGHT NOW.

AND WHERE'S MY GIRL?

( dance music playing )

Man:
COME ON, MATE,
LET US IN.

YOU'VE GOTTA LET US IN.
I'M ON THE GUEST LIST.

- NO JEANS.
- NO ACNE.

- NO TRAINERS.
- I'M HIS COUSIN.

- NO GOATEES.
- SECOND COUSIN.

- NO PIERCED NOSES...
- EYEBROWS...

- BELLYBUTTONS...
- BELL-ENDS...

GUYS, WE'RE COLLECTING
FOR THE R.S.P.C.A.

NO TWATS IN COMBATS.

- I REALLY NEED THE LOO.
- HAVE YOU SEEN MY FRIEND?

- HAS SHE GONE INSIDE?
- NOBODY WITH A NAME

THAT CAN BE SHORTENED
TO AN A-Z CONTRACTION...

- LIKE GAZ.
- OR DAZ.

ALL RIGHT, LADS?
YEAH, I'M A FILM DIRECTOR,

AND I CAN REALLY SEE YOU
IN MY NEXT MOVIE.

NO?

- NO PUFFS...
- SHIRT-LIFTERS...

- RUMP RANGERS...
- CHUTNEY FERRETS...

- ASS BANDITS...
- SAUSAGE JOCKEYS...

- FUDGE PACKERS...
- UPHILL GARDENERS...

BOWLERS FROM
THE PAVILION END.

- NO ENTRY.
- NO WAY.

- IS REX HERE?
- NO CHANCE.

GENTLEMEN.

YEAH.
COME ON.

( dance music playing )

AFTER YOU.

- GET LOST.
- NO WAY.

- FUCK OFF.
- REX, WE'VE DONE
WHAT YOU'VE SAID.

NONE OF THEM WHAT'S
LIGHT ON THEIR FEET
IS GETTING IN.

SLIGHT MISINTERPRETATION
OF POLICY.

NOBODY'S FAULT.

BUT YOU CAN LET
THE ALTERNATIVE CROWD
IN NOW.

- THE SEMEN SUPPERS?
- HARRY'S ORDERS.

THAT'S A QUEER DECISION,
IF YOU ASK ME.

RIGHT.
ALL YOU FAIRIES.

HELLO, HARRY.

LOOKS LIKE SALE
OF THE CENTURY IN HERE.

- NICE PRESENTS.
- NO PEEKING.

WOULDN'T DREAM.

YES, THANK YOU.

I'VE GOT
SOME LOVELY NEW GIFTS.

SMART MOTOR
FROM JIMMY THREE-CHINS,

VERY NICE NEW GAFF
FROM MOHAMMED EIGHT
AND HIS SEVEN BROTHERS,

A RATHER PRECOCIOUS
LITTLE FILLY FROM
ONE-BALL BARRY.

THIS...

THIS LITTLE BEAUTY

TAKES THE BISCUIT.

THIS IS THE ONE.

THE ONE
WHO'S MISSING.

ALICE.

YOU MUST LET ME KNOW
WHO DOES YOUR NAILS.

- FOR GOD'S SAKE.
- COME SIT WITH ME.

$10 MILLION?
I WOULDN'T PAY $10 FOR IT.

SHAME THOSE BOYS
ON THE DOOR HAVE TO
SHARE THE ONE BRAIN.

IT'S FILLING UP NICELY.
A VERY COLORFUL CROWD.

THANK YOU.
REX, ALICE.

WHAT,
NO NICKNAME?

FORMERLY
"REX THE EXECUTIONER."

IT'S MURDER
NOW HE'S RETIRED.

( laughs )
REX KILLED THEM
WITH KINDNESS.

ALWAYS THE GENT.
ANY OTHER LINE OF WORK,
HE'D HAVE BEEN KNIGHTED.

SO, SHALL WE
GO OVER MY DEAL?

I THINK YOU'LL FIND
IT'S MY DEAL, GENTLEMEN.

PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT.
YOU'LL SOON BE HOME
WITH DADDY.

NO JOKERS, NO WILDS.
THIS IS A THREE-CARD TRICK.

ONE--

I CALL THE OLD MAN
AND UP THE ANTE.

$20 MILLION, I THINK.
DOUBLE OR QUITS.

TWO-- MONEY GOES
INTO MY OFFSHORE ACCOUNT

AND I PAY OUT
ALL THE PLAYERS.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA.
50/50, HARRY.

- LIKE WE SAID, YEAH?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

60 FOR ME,
40 FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

AND THREE--

ALICE GOES HOME.
( laughs )

- QUESTIONS?
- WHAT IF HE CAN'T COME UP
WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY?

REX COMES OUT
OF RETIREMENT.

AND WHAT IF
I DON'T WANT
TO GO HOME?

THEN THIS WILL BE
YOUR LEAVING PARTY--

LEAVING
THIS MORTAL COIL.

WELL,
IF IT IS TO BE
MY LAST NIGHT,

I WOULD WANT IT
TO BE A BETTER ONE
THAN ANY OTHER.

I DON'T GET OUT
VERY OFTEN.

ME NEITHER.

ONCE EVERY 10 YEARS.
( laughing )

THEN, IF IT'S ALL
THE SAME TO YOU,

I'LL GET
A DRINK DOWNSTAIRS.

ON THE HOUSE,
MY DEAR.

HARRY! HARRY, THIS, UH--
THIS DEAL...

THE 70/30, YES.

WELL, WE'LL HAMMER OUT
THE DETAILS

OF THE 80/20 LATER,
SHALL WE?

- UH, BUT...
- ( laughter )

WHAT DO I LIKE?

HI. COULD I GET
A WHITE WINE, PLEASE?

A CHABLIS.

IT'S NOT
YOUR BIRTHDAY,
IS IT?

- MINE'S JULY 19th.
- AND ME.

WHERE'S GONZO?

A BIG CAKE
FOR THE BIG MAN.

MM.

I AM PARTIAL TO A SLICE
OF CHERRY GENOA.

THIS ONE'S GOT
A DIFFERENT KIND
OF CHERRY.

SHE SAID YOU WERE
GETTING HIM A TIE.

BUT A CAKE?
THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

( chuckles )
WHAT A FUCKING SPONGEBOB.

I'M SORRY ABOUT
THE DELAY, HARRY.

IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO LOCATE
YOUR FAVORITE FILLING.

- YOUR THAI.
- Harry: THAI.

VERY GOOD.

BUT YOU DO KNOW
I'M A BACHELOR OF
THE ASS NOW?

( chuckles )

SHE'S GOT A SAUSAGE.

- AND TATERS.
- SWEETHEART.

YOU'RE NOT KEEPING IT,
ARE YOU?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE IT'S BEEN.

WHEN I WANT
YOUR OPINION, JACK,
I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.

IT'S NOT JACK,
IT'S JACQUI.

OR JACQUELINE FOR POSH.

VERY NICE,
MY CAB-DRIVING FRIEND,

BUT THE DAMAGE
HAS BEEN DONE.

LESSONS NEED
TO BE LEARNED.

WHAT IS IT WE HAVE TO DO
TO ALL GET ALONG, HMM?

( men chuckling )

SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE.

WHAT'S YOURS
IS MINE, HMM?

WHERE'S THIS GOING?

FOR YOU,
THE CEMETERY.

LITTLE SERVICE
DOWN AT SAINT MARY'S,

ALL THINGS BRIGHT
AND BEAUTIFUL.

SAME OLD GONZO,
SAME OLD LIABILITY.

( laughs )
OH YEAH.

WHEN HE POPS YOU,
TRY NOT TO BLEED
ON MY SUIT.

IT'S LABELED.

Whitey:
GONZO DIDN'T TELL YOU?

TELL ME WHAT?

OLD FATHER WILLIAM
KNOWS ALICE IS IN TOWN.

THE OLD BILL
KNOWS SHE'S HERE?

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM,
HARRY.

MY PRIORITY WAS
TO SECURE THE GIRL
OUTSIDE YOUR TURF,

KEEP YOU CLEAN,
THEN GET YOU TO
CUT THE DEAL.

WHY SHOULD I
BELIEVE YOU?

A $10 MILLION REWARD'S
WELL OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

ANY FOOL
CAN SEE THAT.

ONLY YOU
CAN PULL OFF
A BIG ONE, HARRY.

THAT'S WHY
I'M HERE.

YOU BROUGHT HER
TO MY GAFF KNOWING
I'D BE FINGERED?

( laughing )

HARRY, HE'S LYING.

IF THERE'S A BILLY
IN THIS ROOM, IT'S YOU.

WELL, I'LL TAKE HER AWAY.

I DIDN'T KNOW
THE GOODS WAS HOT.

OH, GONZO.

THAT REALLY IS
A NICE SUIT.

- ( gunshot )
- ( laughter )

BAD DAY?

MY DANCE PARTNER'S
GOT A RASH

FROM A CHEAP
BIKINI WAX,

LEAVING ME
HIGH AND DRY FOR TONIGHT,

MY LOTTERY NUMBERS
CAME UP ON THE ONE DAY
I DIDN'T GET MY TICKET,

AND EVEN
IF I DID CHEAT
WITH A RULER,

MY JOHN THOMAS IS...

WELL UNDER
THE NATIONAL AVERAGE.

CAN'T TANGO SOLO.

I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU DANCE.

I DON'T REMEMBER.

WELL, IT'S NOT
SOMETHING YOU'D FORGET.

IT'S A LONG STORY.

I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
ACTUALLY, I DON'T.

BUT I WILL SAY
IF I'M GOING TO DIE,

I'M GOING TO DIE
KNOWING WHO I AM

AND WHO
I WANTED TO BE.

HERE HERE!

Mom:
YOUR FATHER
FLIES TO LONDON.

MOM, I CAN
FIND MY OWN DATES.

Mom:
YOU'RE A DODGSON.

We only have
your interests at heart.

DAD, SOMETHING CAME UP.

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN I WAS BORN?

Felix:
"H."

This is
a distressing time
for Mrs. Dodgson.

"U."

DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN YOU AND MOM
LIVED HERE IN LONDON?

"L."

- PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.
- "M."

Griffin:
WHAT'S IN HERE MAY CHANGE
YOUR LIFE FOREVER.

"E."

THIS ALICE...

SHE'S TROUBLE.

I CAN SORT IT FOR YOU.

AND I WAS HAVING
SUCH A NICE TIME!

- LET ME GET RID OF HER.
- THAT'S THE BEST IDEA
I'VE HEARD ALL EVENING.

NO QUESTIONS--
I WANT HER DISAPPEARED,
PROFESSIONAL.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
- IT'S WHAT I MEAN
WHAT MATTERS!

SHE'S VALUABLE.

OH MY DEAR, YOU JUST
DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?

KIDNAPPING--
IT'S NOT RIGHT.

WE SHOULD STICK TO
WHAT WE KNOW, AND I KNOW
ABOUT ROBBING BANKS.

$10 MILLION WOULD
SET US UP FOR LIFE.

HERE, HOW'S THIS?

I GET THE REWARD,
PUT IT IN A BANK,

YOU ROB THE BANK.

DON'T YOU GET CLEVER.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE BRAINS
TO MESS WITH ME OR THE MONEY.

I'LL TELL YOU
ABOUT MONEY.

I PAY GOOD MONEY
FOR PROTECTION.
SO WHERE IS IT?

HATTIE, SWEETHEART,
TONE, PLEASE.

COME HERE.
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

SHE NICKED
MY GIRLS, HMM?

PINCHED MY PROSSIES,
STOLE MY TARTS.

I WANT JUSTICE.

- THIEF!
- ( gunfire )

( crowd screaming )

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF HER, HARRY.

- I'LL DO HER RIGHT,
YOU'LL SEE.
- TOO LATE.

TART LARCENY
IS A SERIOUS OFFENSE.
I NEED TO SET AN EXAMPLE.

REX! TRIAL.

- WHITEY!
- A TRIAL.

WHITEY,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT TRIAL?

WHITEY, COUNSEL
FOR THE ACCUSED.

- REX, PROSECUTION.
EVERYONE ELSE, THE JURY.
- ( crowd cheering )

ALICE DEAR,
BEST OF BRITISH LUCK, EH?

AM I GOING TO NEED IT?

COUNSEL FOR THE DEFENSE
IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK.

SO TECHNICALLY, YES.

- CHARGES?
- YEAH.

ONE THEFT OF TRUCK CONTAINING
SIX PRIME PROSTITUTES

AND NON-PAYMENT
OF HAIRDRESSING FEES.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

I PLEAD DIMINISHED
RESPONSIBILITY.

( laughs )
DIMINISHED WHAT?

RESPONSIBILITY, YEAH.

SHE WAS WRONG
IN THE HEAD.

OBJECTION.
DEFENSE HAS SPOKEN.

- SHE'S OFF HER HEAD.
- COMPLETELY--

DAMAGED THE
MEDIAL TEMPORAL LOBE,
CAUSED BY HIS CAB.

I'M SUING FOR DAMAGES.
HE SHOULD BE OFF THE STREETS
AND BEHIND BARS.

- WHAT?
- DEFENSE SPOKE AGAIN.

CONTEMPT OF COURT!

THROW HIM OUT.

- WAIT, PLEASE.
- DO HER!

- SURELY HE CAN--
- DO HER!

DO NOT.
LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT YOUR LADIES,

BUT MY HEAD
WAS IN PIECES.

INSANITY IS NOT A PLEA;
IT'S A WAY OF LIFE.

EVERYONE AROUND HERE
IS A CARD SHORT.

SENTENCE IS PASSED.
REX!

CAN I CALL A WITNESS?

I'M NOT SURE
THAT YOU CAN.

WELL, THEN YOU'RE NOT
SO SURE I CAN'T.

DEFENDANT CALLS
TO THE STAND...

( overlapping voices )

Circles circles--
we all move in circles.

DEFENDANT CALLS
FELIX CHESTER.

PERMISSION TO SPEAK
PRIVATELY... WITH MY GIRL?

GRANTED.

THIS IS
ALL ABOUT TIME.

EXCEPT I HAVEN'T
GOT ANY LEFT FOR
ONE OF YOUR RIDDLES.

IF YOU HAD BEEN
A FEW SECONDS EARLIER,

THAT CAB WOULDN'T
HAVE HIT YOU.

I CAN GIVE YOU BACK
THE TIME YOU LOST.

THE PART THAT
MADE A DIFFERENCE.

SUCH AS?

YOU WERE RUNNING,
YOU WERE FREE,

YOU HEARD A VOICE--
THE BAG LADY--

YOU STOPPED
TO GIVE HER MONEY,
BUT TIME TICKED ON.

JUST 15 SECONDS.

I CAN GIVE YOU
THEM BACK.

TRUST ME--
I'M A D.J.

( Harry claps )

TIME'S UP.

JUST SAY WHEN.

Rex:
ACCUSED MAY
ADDRESS THE COURT

BEFORE SENTENCE
IS CARRIED OUT.

( Harry laughing )

YOU THINK
YOU'RE SO TOUGH,

KING OF THE UNDERWORLD,
BUT REALLY,

YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT AN OLD QUEEN.
WHEN!

( shouting )

RUN, TWO, THREE.

WHITEY!

- AFTER HER!
- WHAT?

RUN RUN!

- RUN!
- ( crowd screaming )

FASTER.

- ( Harry laughing )
- NO!

NO.

DON'T DIE.
I WON'T LET YOU DIE.

I'M ALL OUT OF TIME.

NO, I WON'T
LET YOU DIE.
I WON'T.

- Felix: ALICE.
- 15 SECONDS.

I HAVE 15 SECONDS.

RUN.

TOLD YOU
YOU'D GET IT BACK.

- WHAT?
- THE TIME.

Alice's voice:
JUST 15 SECONDS.

Felix:
I CAN GIVE YOU
THEM BACK.

- SEE YOU AGAIN.
- Felix: RUN.

- WAIT!
- ( tires screeching )

OI, BIRD, MOVE.

- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
- ( honks horn )

LOOK AT THE TIME.
I'M LATE ON THE LEFT.

I'M LATE--
WHERE'S MY WATCH?

HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

( sirens blaring )

SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
I DON'T HAVE LONG.
YOUR NAME IS WHITEY.

YOU'RE ON THE WAY TO THE COAST
TO PICK UP A THAI LADY-BOY

AS A GIFT
FOR HARRY HUNT,

ONLY YOU'RE GOING TO
MISS THE DELIVERY
AND WIND UP DEAD.

I KNOW. I WAS THERE.
MY NAME IS ALICE DODGSON.

LOOK, MY DAD'S
A BILLIONAIRE.

IS THIS SOME SHITTY
ENGLISH VERSION
OF "PUNK'D"?

HE CONTROLS MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND NOW HE WANTS TO MARRY ME
OFF TO SOME GERMAN SCHMUCK,

SO I HAVE TO BREAK
AWAY NOW OR I MIGHT NEVER
GET THE CHANCE AGAIN.

JUST SLOW DOWN, BABY.
JUST SLOW DOWN.

HE WILL POST
A $10 MILLION REWARD
FOR MY RETURN.

WE CAN FIND A WAY
TO GET THE MONEY
AND GET AWAY.

"WE"?

YOU CHOOSE--
$10 MILLION AND ME NOW

OR DEAD
AT THE SEASIDE LATER.

TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK.

- DEAD?
- TOES UP.

OR $10 MILLION?

ROUGHLY FIVE MILLION
OF YOUR CUTE BRITISH POUNDS.

GET IN.

IF THIS IS A STITCH-UP,
YOU'D BETTER HAVE A GOOD
PLASTIC SURGEON.

I THINK THERE'S
A BOTTLE FOR YOUR NERVES
IN YOUR BAG DOWN THERE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TAKE SOME TO CALM DOWN.

WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU?

I'M THE GIRL
WHO SAVED YOUR LIFE.

NOW LET'S GO
AND SORT OUT MINE.

UM...

I'M LOOKING FOR
A WOMAN WHO LIVED HERE
ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO.

MY MOTHER.

SO... MY MOTHER
JUST SOLD ME?

I REMEMBER HER
HAVING THE BABY-- YOU.

SHE NEVER KNEW
THE FATHER.

OH.

THEY CAME AT NIGHT
IN A FANCY CAR,
THE AMERICANS.

THE WOMAN COULDN'T
HAVE CHILDREN.

JUST TOLD
THE PEOPLE IN AMERICA
SHE WAS PREGNANT...

AND THEN BOUGHT YOU.

WHY ME?

YOU WERE WHITE.
YOU WERE EASY.

NO RED TAPE, NO QUESTIONS,
NO RECORDS, CASH DEAL.

- IT HAPPENS IN ENGLAND?
- Whitey: IT HAPPENS
ALL OVER, DARLING.

BUYER'S MARKET.

SHE DID
THE BEST FOR YOU.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
SHE WENT AFTER THAT?

SHE WENT OFF THE RAILS,
DROWNED THE GUILT IN BOOZE,

TRIED TO KILL HERSELF.

DON'T BLAME HER.

IT LOOKS AS IF YOU'VE
TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT.

HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN HER SINCE?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SEE HER EVERY DAY.

Announcer:
Alice Dodgson,
daughter of billionaire

American businessman
Louis Dodgson,

is reported
to have been abducted.

Police are giving few details
of the circumstances of
her disappearance,

and as yet
no ransom demand
has been received.

WE'RE HERE.

ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE OKAY?

NEVER FELT BETTER.

CAN YOU JUST WAIT HERE?

THE METER'S RUNNING.

YEAH, HOW MUCH
WILL $10 MILLION BUY ME?

FIVE, 10 MINUTES,
WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.

OH.

SAID I'D SEE
YOU AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

NO.

I KNOW SOME THINGS,
NOT ALL THINGS.

AND THAT'S A SHAME.

ARE YOU ANY GOOD
WITH RIDDLES?

TRY ME.

WHAT'S GOT NO CONDITIONS
BUT ONE CONDITION?

THAT TAKES ME BACK.

TO WHERE?

I WAS ABOUT YOUR AGE.

SHE WAS
THE SWEETEST THING,

BUT I WASN'T.

I LOVED HER,

BUT SOMETIMES
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.

SOMETIMES
IT'S EVERYTHING.

WHAT'S GOT NO CONDITIONS
BUT ONE CONDITION?

LOVE.

AIN'T IT JUST?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MY NAME'S ALICE.

MY GIRL WAS
CALLED ALICE.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
ABOUT A BIG HOTEL ROOM

WITH A KING-SIZED BED
AND A LONG, HOT BATH?

AND ROOM SERVICE?

NAH...

I'VE GOT
ALL I NEED HERE.

Felix:
CIRCLES CIRCLES--

WE ALL MOVE IN CIRCLES.

( Betty Steeles's
"Where Are You?" playing )

* BROKEN FRAMES *

* SO DARK INSIDE *

* FACES MISMATCHED *

* TRICKLE UP IN A LINE *

* WAVES OF SHADOWS *

* SCATTERED DREAMS *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* WHERE ARE YOU? *

* TRYING TO FIND *

* WHAT DO I SEE? *

* PICTURES THAT RHYME *

* COLORS THAT BREATHE *

* I NEED TO *

* DISCOVER MORE *

* FIND WHERE I'LL BE *

* LET IMAGES POUR *

* TRYING TO FIND *

* WHAT DO I SEE? *

* PICTURES THAT RHYME *

* COLORS THAT BREATHE *

* TRYING TO FIND *

* WHAT DO I SEE? *

* Where are you? *

* PICTURES THAT RHYME *

* COLORS THAT BREATHE. *

( vocalizing )

* HA-HA,
YES, I KNOW, GIRL *

* BIG TITTIES, SMALL TITTIES,
LITTLE ITTY BITTY TITTIES *

* ROUND TITTIES, FLAT TITTIES,
CRAWFISH TITTIES, GIRL *

* I DON'T MIND WHAT CUP YOU GOT
SO LONG AS THAT CUP'S DRUNK
WHEN DADDY GETS ON TOP *

* BIG TUSH, LITTLE TUSH,
LITTLE FLUFFY BUSH TUSH *

* ROUND TUSH, FLAT TUSHY,
BIG DOWN DADDY TUSHY *

* I DON'T MIND
WHAT SIZE THERE IS *

* BUT WHEN DADDY UNBUCKLES,
MAKE SURE YOU MAKE ME GO *

( vocalizing )

* HEH HEH, THAT'S HOW
YOU DO IT, GIRL *

* BIG HAND,
SMALL FINGER-LICKIN'
WITH THE TASTE *

* PINK ONES, BROWN ONES,
SUGAR-PICKING PIE ONES *

* CLEAN ONES,
DIRTY ONES, SWAMP-SHIT,
MONEY-GRUBBING ONES *

* I DON'T MIND SO LONG
AS YOU MAKE DADDY GO *

( scatting )

* I DON'T MIND
WHICH WAY YOU LOOK *

* BUT WHEN DADDY UNBUCKLES,
MAKE SURE YOU MAKE ME GO... *