Malcolm (1986) - full transcript

Malcolm is a chronically shy mechanical genius who has just been fired for building his own tram. He gets Frank, who has just been released from jail, to move in to help pay the bills. Malcolm, with Frank's help, turns to a life of crime.

- Damn it. - you better get it separated.

Hey Malcolm. How come you're still here?

- Yes sir? - I'll see you tomorrow.

Yes sir.

They're laughing at me out there, do you know that? Do you even care?

I employ a bloke like you like you out of the goodness of my heart.
And what do I get?

Some looney who uses the department's time, money and spare parts

to build his own model tram, for Christ's sake!

Are you listening to me, Malcolm?

- Yes - Then look at me, for Christ sake!

You've it done this time, you know, Malcolm. You do know that.

I am getting through to you, aren't I?

You are fired. Sacked. Do you understand?

From now on, God help me, I'm only staffing this place with

one hundred percenters, and that's all. The full quid. Savvy?

Now get out of here.

I'll be lucky to keep my own job, but

I'll make sure as hell you don't keep yours!

- Could I still keep me tram? - WHAT!? GET OUT! OUT!

Want an apple Arnold?

Want a bit of apple? Here's a bit.

Go on. There you go. Chew on that.

You like me being at home, don't you Arnold?

Want to go for a ride?

Where's me milk?

- Hello Malcolm. - Hello.

Malcolm ...

I know you don't understand, but I can't give you any more milk.

Or bread or newspapers.

You haven't paid me for three weeks!

You've got no job and you're not trying to get another one.

If your mother was alive, she'd be horrified!

Spending all your money on these toys.

- How much you got left in the bank? - A hundred and twenty-eight dollars!

Well, that's not going to last long.

Look, I've been thinking.

I reckon you ought to get in a boarder.

This is what we'll do.

We'll stick a notice in the window and I'll tell you what to ask.

Could I have me milk now?

- G'day. You got a room? - A room?

Yeah, there's a note in the milk bar window.

- Yes - Well, is there?

- What? - A room!


Well, can I see it?

Yes... I've got some questions.

- Did you answer? - Yeah, Mrs. T.

- Where is it? - Where is he?

Stay there, love, I'll be back in a minute.

One. Do you have any references? - References?

Two. Are you a neat and tidy person?

who makes his / her own bed and washes the dishes?

Three. Are you a good cook? - Aw listen, I just want a room.

Four. Thirty-five dollars per week.

- Well I haven't even seen the joint yet. - What?

Well, I'm not gonna take it until I see it.

It's this one.

Thirty-five dollars a week, it it?

- Are you in regular employment? - Don't worry. I can pay.


Who was that?

That was Mrs. T.

I'm going to the pub.

Well, what's up with him?

- Keep the change, mate. - Wow, big spender!


- Where's the coffee? - I'll get it for you.



I'm Judith. I'm a friend of Frank's.

- Who are you? - I'm Malcolm Hughes, I'm the landlord.

Malcolm Hughes ... The landlord!

- How come you're in this house? - It's my mum's house.

- Where is she? - She's dead.

Oh. I'm sorry.

- She died on the 23rd of July. - Last year?


I like your trains.


Oh! Is this your mum?


- And me. - She looks lovely.


- I bet you miss her. - Is your mum dead?

Heh, she might as well be.

Frank's sleeping in mum's bed.

- Where did your mum die? - In bed.

Judith, you got my shirt?

- Sshh. Malcolm? - Yes?

- What? - Shut up, Frank!

- Which bed did she die in? - Why?

- The one nearest the door. - which door?

- In the hospital. - What?

She died in the hospital.

- Who? - His mother!

Thank Christ for that!

Now ...

Is it okay if I stay here too?

There's no more bedrooms.

- Oh. Well I can stay in Frank's room. - Yeah,

- She can pay some rent. - Yeah, I've got a job.

- You want to be a boarder too? - Yeah, that's right.

One. Do you have any references? Two ...

- Why don't you come tonight, Frank? - Yeah right.

You're not getting involved with him, are you, Frank?


The guy is trouble.

Oh, he's all right.


- Damn. - What is it?

- Needle nose pliers. - Ah yeah.


Open the door.


- Shut the door! - I can't, it's stuck!

Get the boxes in the bloody van, I'll shut the door.

Number fourteen.


VKC 203, we are going in. Code 5.

Come on.

Come on out, fellas!

Get in the van!

Hey get us out of here! You guys are in a lot of trouble!

- Port Melbourne 203, please advise present position!

- Give us a hand will ya! - I'm not touching that stuff!

- Oh, don't be an asshole! - Hi Malcolm.

What do you want?

Are those boxes?

No, they're pineapples.

It's all right, Malcolm, yes they are boxes.
Frank's looking after them for a friend of his.

Can I have the cardboard?

Sure. When his friend's finished with them, okay?

For Frank Baker, from the Bureau of Corrections.

This is for Frank.

Thanks Malcolm.

Bloody lovely!

- You're way off beam Frank. - Crap!

- He knows. - So? What's he gonna do about it?

If he tells that old duck at the milk bar, we're goners!

He doesn't care about stuff like that!

Oh, of course he bloody cares about stuff like that.
He's a goody goody. He wants to get rid of us!

I can't believe how dumb you are sometimes.

We've got to have it out with him.

Malcolm! I gotta know where I stand.

- Malcolm! Come here! - Don't you screw it up, Frank.

- Malcolm! - Yes, Frank?

Oh, I give up.

There's something I've got to tell ya.

I just got out of jail.

So if you are going to blabber that all around the place,
then we might as well pack up and leave now.

Frank ...

- You're not gunna leave are ya? - No way, Malcolm.

no way ...

Are you in there?

Yes, I'm in here.

- Yeah I can see that. This is for you. - For me?


- It looks like one of your boxes, Frank. - Yeah I know that.

For you.

- looks like good cardboard. - Not the cardboard, have a look inside.

A television.

Yep! Now you can watch TV in your room.

- What's he doing out there? - Who knows?

Bloody waste of time.

That's pretty funny coming from you.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's supposed to mean that you're not known for your capacity to work,

can criticize him who at least, unlike you, is at at least doing something.

- Bullshit. - It's not bullshit!

Anyway. why have you got it in for Malcolm? He's harmless.

- He's a moron. - You're the moron!

- I hope you're proud of yourself. - It wasn't me who yelled it out.

You really are warped!

Geez, I'm not hanging round for one of your sermons!


Thank you very much.


- What are you doing here? - I thought you might be missing Malcolm.

- Hi, Judith. Is this your work? - Hello Malcolm. Sit down here.

Hey, how about a little service, hah?

Oops! Never mind.

- Got twenty cents, Frank? - No, I haven't.

She's all right ain't she?

Do you work here or not?

- How do you make this work?
- Eh? It plays music. Here, what do you want to eat?

- You haven't got any money!
- Don't worry about that, Jude'll look after us.

Ok. Well, what do you two want?

Are you on the menu?

- Say, what are you doing after work? - Oh, cut that out!

Frank! Oh, leave it Frank! Don't do that Frank. Don't do Frank. Frank, Jesus Christ


What do you expect me to do? Just sit there and watch them arseholes treat you like a slut!

I could handle it Frank, it's you that couldn't, and now I haven't got a job thanks to you.

Well, I didn't want you working in a sleaze hole like that anyway.

You didn't want me working in a sleazehole like that. It's a job, dickhead!

Malcolm hasn't got a job! We don't seem to be doing too well out of your little business,

And now thanks to you I haven't got a job!

Oh, just rub it in, why don't ya?

The skinny one nearly fell over!

No way.

You're not getting on with all that stuff.

Malcolm! Come on you mad bugger, get on.

What are you building, another tram, Malcolm?

Must be you two. he's a lot better.

- You've know him for a fair while, Mrs. T. - Yes, 18 years

Oh, his mother was a lovely woman, God love her.

But she really messed that boy up.

It's not a bloody library, you know.

If only he'd put his mind to something.

Use his brain for better things than those toys.

He's actually pretty smart.

I know, love, but it's all in his head.

See you later, Mrs. T.

- Frank! Frank, come here! - Why?

- Come here. I want to show you something. Come on. - What?

Out here.

- It's a car, isn't it? - It's for you, Frank.

- For me? - Yes, Frank.

This what you been working on out here?

Does it work?

- It's a getaway car. - A what?

Like on TV!

- A getaway car? - It works!

Get in Frank! Come on, get in!

Hang about. Keep the engine running.

- HIT IT! - Hit it?

Go! Go!

He goes for the ball, marks it in the right place not the best but still ...

Fifty-five, seventy-five.


I could run faster than this, open her up.

- What, Frank? - Faster! Faster!

- this is as fast as it'll go! - Shit!

- Open the glovebox. - Just drive this shitheap will ya?

- Open the glovebox! - All right!

- What is this for? - Steering.


- It's just like a motorbike. - Jesus!

Ride it like a motorbike!

- Jesus! - Bloody hell!

Number 207, Do you require backup?

VKC .. vehicles are all yellow.

both vehicles are yellow, 207.

Get out of the bloody road!

bloody hell!


Interceptor 6, it's possible your suspects are not regarded as dangerous.


I don't believe it.

How do you do it?

Let's take Jude for a ride.

It's a bit cramped.

but it's a nice car though Malcolm.

Ah, cars are too big these days.

That is a change. What happened to the Pontiac convertible?

Oh, this is a convertible.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah!

- Hang onto me me, Jude! - I'm holding you, you stupid bastard!


- You've blown it, Frank. - Bullshit.

- Yes you have. - Why ?

- You know why. - Why?

- Getting Malcolm to make that. - Bullshit, he did it himself.

- You've blown it. - Yeah, you keep saying that.

- And what about you, anyway? - What do you mean?

- The way you walk around. - What?

- With bugger all on. - What the hell's that got to do with anything?

- he hates it. - Malcolm?

- Yeah. - Bullshit.

You're so keen on showing your tits that you wouldn't even notice!

Up yours!

- Want a cup of tea, Frank? - Oh yeah.

Tell me about the bank, Frank.

-What bank? - About when you go into it.


- How do you get the money? - Don't you dare tell.

Very funny.

That's nice, Judith.


Two policemen couldn't believe it when a car simply

split in two, as if it were sliced down the middle.

damn it!

so one way went one way and the other the other way?

The police saw it too.

- Hey Frank we should get a car like that, eh? - Yeah sure.

One of them registered LDW, the other 073.

The police described the drivers as being in their early 30s.

Now some overseas news.

Hi Jenny. Is it okay if I come in?

[Greek] - Mom, this is Judith. - Hey.


She lives in the house of red geraniums.


- Let's drink tea. - Good.

- Did you come about Malcolm? - Yeah.

- Have you known him long? - Yes

Jenny ...!

... used white cups, don't use the old ones.


- Do you like him? - Yes

- Do you want to do something? - I am.

Come on, Frankie, let's get some fresh air.

Bad for you.

- Come on, the three of us'll go out. - Waste of time.

- Come on, Frankie, let's walk to the pub. - oh yeah,

all right.

Malcolm. get your coat on.

Come on Frank!

You haven't told me how they give you the money, Frank.

And he's not going to, either.

Ah, come on, Jude. - Yes, Judith.

Stay here. Just stand there. I'll show you.

Hands up, you assholes! Nobody move!

You got it, you got it, you have it. You are right, it's a stick-up.

You too lady, wipe the grin off your face. Arms up or I'll blow your brains out.

watch out, Frank, behind you!

that's the oldest trick in the book, Jude, come on, you can do better than that.

Watch out!

- Oh, shit! - If it hurts so much, go to the doctor!

Shut up you stupid bitch!

- Why didn't you stop him? - I tried!

- Didn't I, Malcolm? - Yes, she did Frank.

You shut up too, shithead, I've had enough of you!

- Don't speak to him like that! - God, will you listen to that!

I just had me head bashed in and all you care about is this dickhead!

- I'm warning you, Frank! - Oh bugger it, I'm going to have a beer.

Hope you have a brain hemorrhage, except I know you've got nothing to have it with!

Oh, I'm not laughing. Look, not a smile.

I think it's terrible what happened to you.

- Hands up, you arseholes! - What the ...?

- Nobody move. - I don't believe it.

I said nobody move!

- I think it's Candid Camera. - Nobody move!

Get back! or I'll shoot.

- Is it real? - I don't know!

It is real. So you better give me the money.

It can't be real, it's just a toy, some joke!

It's not a joke, it's a real gun and it shoots real bullets.

What did you say?

You're gonna have to speak up.

Just hand over the money.

- What's going on? - Oh, it's you Frank!

Of course it's bloody me. I forgot me keys. What's all this?

What's what?


It's a hold-up, Frank, see?

All remote controlled.

This is the gun butt, and this is the camera and that's my bank.

Look. That makes them go up and down, this makes it turn left and right.

Watch it!


Christ, he means it!

We mean it all right, OK you assholes bring them bags here.

Tell them to put it in the back, Frank.

Okay, ... slowly put em on the back. Now! Move!

The doors have shut, Frank, we're stuck!

Long hair on the left! Come here and stick your foot on the mat.

Yeah you! move! or I'll blow your balls off!

- Better hurry up now, Malcolm. - Frank, the car goes real fast.

You little beauty!

We've lost them, Frank.

That's not all we've bloody lost!

We can do it again!

What in God's name got into ya?

- He did it himself. - Crap Frank, you're a bloody liar ...

I heard you both, you and Malcolm, talking all the way through the shopping centre!

And calling each other by name, you're bloody hopeless!

I come in in the middle of it. He worked the whole thing out by himself!

Frank, not for a moment did I think you had anything to do with working it out ...

- But he sure as hell didn't arrive there by himself. - He did!

And what about that gun? you could have killed someone!

- they were blanks, Judith! - Were they?

Oh, you're both hopeless! You're turning him into a bloody crim!

Ah, he's no crim, he didn't even care when he lost the money.

Try telling the cops that!

Cops wouldn't know where to start looking, he never left his bedroom.

They're not total idiots, they find out sooner or later!

Well, if you're so worried about it, why don't you help him?


- Help him rob banks? - Yeah, not a bad idea.

I wouldn't make as big a balls up of it as you do!

- Well, do it. - Never.

- He'll get caught. - You just said he wouldn't.

No ... not this time.

Real value for money, eh, Frank?

Hi Jenny.

- Hi, Judith. - ready?

- Oh, I don't know. I really shouldn't ... - Oh, come on, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

- I don't know Judith. - Well, I don't know ....., it'll be really great. We got the whole afternoon.

Come over in a couple of minutes.

- Let's sit here, Frank. - Yeah.

What do youse want to drink?

- Malcolm, maybe you'd like to get us some drinks. - I'm not thirsty.

- Jenny might want something to drink. - No thank you.

We come to a pub to drink, I'll get em.

... SW2 class came into existence when the number 436 was rebuilt from the design ...

... W1 class of 1938 for testing the sliding doors of the SW6 class ...

Now the even pillar spacing is maintained, so that the doors are narrower than in other cars ...

and the center windows are evenly spaced.

Now the last three unconverted W1 class cars,

numbers 426, 431 and 478 were converted to the SW2 class design ...

but with the side pillars repositioned in the W2 class design.

I gotta go to the toilet.

- Frank! - What ?

- Have you ever used that? - What?

You know. You know what I mean?

You know, you ever ... You know, you ever ... you know, when you're with a sheila.

Oh, Jenny ... There is another very interesting fact that I didn't tell you ...

... it relates to the maintenance of trams...

Now as the result of serious damage, the numbers 644, 2 and 5 are converted to an advanced design

but would be the prototypes for converting the entire W2 class.

I can show what I meant by the SW6 and particularly No. 850.

... Built with rear lights ...

- Malcolm give Jenny a cup of tea. - Yes, I will do Judith ...

Subsequently the order was extended by 15 cars ...

and later a further contract for another hundred cars was placed.

Now these cars had, they had a proper control system to cut power consumption ...

and an added door, to expedite unloading, it was a very good tram in fact.

And now, to the nearest decimal point ... There's 136.52 miles of tram routes in the Melbourne metropolitan area ...

Malcolm ... I'm going to work for my uncle.

His shop's in Lalor.


Are you ok?

I feel sick.

- Where's Jenny? - Jenny went home.


What have you two been doing?

I showed Malcolm how to make love.

Bloody lovely!

We talked about it Frank, in fact you suggested it.

Bullshit! They'll be lining up outside soon, you dirty moll!

Don't you dare say that!

I'm inside asleep and you're out here screwing this halfwit!

You bastard!

You and him against me now, eh? Well, I'm sick of it!

Come back Frank, I only told him how to do it, we didn't do it, you moron!


Hey ... Malcolm.

You don't want to let him upset you like this.

He just flies off the handle sometimes, that's all.

that's how he is.

It's because of something that happened to him when he was a kid.

hey ... Whattya say?

... Frank's mum died when he was little.

And his dad decided to pack up and move to Melbourne.

They lived on a farm see, and his dad was a good carpenter and he thought he'd do well.

So they packed up the car and they set off.

And Frank was happy because he loved his dad.


Anyway, they started driving, driving and driving. It was very dark, very very dark ...

Then, in the middle of the highway, in the middle of nowhere ... the car stopped.

They run out of petrol.

So Frank's dad said "okay ...

Now, I want you to climb over in the back seat ... cover yourself with a blanket and go to sleep.

And when I go, you lock the door ...

because I'll walk back along the road to where I saw a building with a few lights on and I'm gonna ask them for petrol.

So, Frank crawled over into the back, put the blanket over himself and went into this deep, deep sleep.

The next thing he knew, he was woken up by this dreadful thumping on the roof.

This Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang!

He sat bolt upright, and looked out into the darkness, left and right, straight ahead and backwards ...

There was nothing there and he was scared stiff! And again, bang, bang, bang, bang!

And suddenly, out of nowhere all these headlights come streaming through the windows ...

And he heard this voice over a loudspeaker, saying:

"This is the police"

"If there's anyone in that car, on the count of three ..."

... "I want you to open the door and run towards me."

"But don't look back, what ever you do, don't look back."

So Frank very very quietly slipped across the seat, put his hand on the handle, opened it up and

... ran like hell towards the voice.

And there, just as he was getting to the cars and the police,

he turned around and looked back ...

What do you think he saw?

Right by the car there was this crazy man smashing something on the roof ...

And do you know what it was?

A head.

Frank's dad's head.

You see, Frank's dad had gone back to a lunatic asylum and that was one of the loonies.

Did they put your dad's head back on for the funeral, Frank?

- Bloody good feed, Jude. - The potatoes were a bit burnt.

- Yeah, I like em like that. - Me too.

- ... Frank ... I been thinking ...

- You go. - No, you go first.

I know you're up to something.

- What are you talking about? - Don't, Frank.

I know you and Malcolm are planning a job.

You're out all the time. Malcolm's building all the time.

Every time I go out I don't know if I'll ever see you again.

I can't stand it.

I'm gonna help you.

What? rob banks?

I'm serious Frank, I been thinking about it.

You can't take look after yourself, neither can Malcolm.

He's got great ideas, but he knows nothing about cops, or jail.

And what would I do without you?

I don't want to spend another two years staring at you through the wire netting.

Couldn't stand it!

So I'm gonna help you. Ok?

There it is. Two hundred and fifty grand, in a trolley, every Thursday morning at 10 o'clock.

Pushed by two guards, straight across there.

It's all crook's money, anyway.

You'd like this one, sir?

I'd like three of these, please.

Would you like me to wrap them, or would you rather drive them home?

- What? - I'm only joking, mate.

- What about that one? - Nah, it's a dead end.

- This one? - No, not smooth enough.

- Hey, look at that! - Yeah!

Yeah, that'd be all right.

Malcolm, this okay?

That's very good, Judith.

- How's Malcolm? - Oh, pretty good.

- Don't see much of him these days. Has he got a job? - Yes

- Well, no, sort of. He's working on this thing, where ... -a pack of Winfield, please.

- Do you mind? I'm serving this lady! - Okay, serve him first.

Some people, got no manners.

- What do you want? - Four replacement ashtray units.

Just a second, I have to check with the boss, all right?

Micho, outside there is a young lady and a young man, and I don't know what they want.

put the table there, I'll see what they want.

Come on guys, all we have to do is deliver these and then we can go home, okay?

Nobody said anything.

Not to worry.

One here, one there and one there.

- Sign here, please. - Not my job. You sign.

I thought you might say that.

- Get a move on. - What?

Move your ass!!!

- Boss a bastard, eh? - Yes Yes.

- We done it! - Jesus Christ, I'm wet through!

- I'm not cut out for this. - Oh, you were great!

Okay, let's go.

- Can you start now, Frank? - Of course I can! Let's get going.

Shit! There's someone coming!

There's too many of us!

Act natural.

- Shit, should have sent it back now. - Sshhh!

Watch it!

- Ok. The coast is clear. - Ok.

Ok. Let's get out of here.

Well, Arnold ... Today's a very important day.

we're going to do a big job.

And tomorrow we'll be in the newspapers.

So I'm going to take you to Mrs. T for a few days.

- But don't worry ... I won't forget you. - Thanks a lot.

- Be careful! - Look after yourself.

Remember you guys, it's only money.

If things go wrong, we split.

- Hey, Dave ... - Oh ... shit!

- They're in there. - Are they?

Let's get some help.

- What's the time? - 9:46

- All your stuff working? - Yes

Well. I suppose all we can do is wait.

- Seems pretty quiet. - Yes, I can't see any policemen.

Bloody better not be! otherwise we're in the shit.



- Freeze you arseholes! - We got you surrounded!

Don't try anything smart!

Hit it!

Behind you, Frank!

Get the window, Malcolm!

We've got it!

You little bewdy!

You stupid idiot! Can't you look where you're going?

Call the police! You bastards!

Get out of here!

- it's a bloody dummy! - After them!

Bloody traffic!

... simple, well he cares about his family. I don't know.

- Policemen! - Where?

She didn't call for three days and then it was only because ...

- Act natural. - ... the boy wanted to talk to his dad.

I am.

Now, I think it all came to an end.

I don't know, they might get it together.

- Hey Roger ... - Mmm?

- How about an ice cream? - No, I don't want ice cream. It's middle of winter.

Ah, come on ... Hey mate!

Give us an ice cream!

We haven't got any. Tell him!

- We haven't got any. - No ice cream?

No rear vision mirror!

Pull over in front of us.

What the ...?

- We're nearly there, Jude, are you ready? - Yeah

- There it is, Frank! - Ok, let's go!



No problems.

- What about the tram? - It's the same as in Melbourne, Frank.

Listen, they say the guards carry twenty-six thousand "Quantoosh."

How much is that?

About $ 200,000.

We'll have it by tomorrow night.

Hey waiter! Three cafes.

This is Portugal, Frank. Not Greece.