Mai shen qi (1978) - full transcript
Struggling actor Chih-Wen (Michael Hui) got a raw deal from his company, MTV Studios, by signing a binding 8-year contract and was only given one opportunity to perform live thus far. Soon, he received a better deal with a rival company, who promised a 5-year contract and better opportunities to perform and make money. Since he cannot start working for the new company because of his current 8-year contract with MTV, he and his scientist-aspiring brother (Ricky Hui), with the help of magician Shih-Chieh (Sam Hui), attempts to steal the contract from his ruthless manager.
You better start taping now
therwise our superstarwill be mad
Yes manager
Ready, V-T-R, standby, roll
5 seconds, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, cue
" often don't have very much in my pocket"
"Caring nothing‘ I'm as free as a rocket"
”As long as I am fairly fed"
"I stay optimistic and seldom fret"
"Don't despise he who gets tired of his girls"
"For love and mirages spin off
from the same whirls"
Keep your shoulders leveled
Leave me alone
Blow it this time and you‘ll be fired
Just watch it yourself
"So help yourself to a cold beer"
"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"
"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"
"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"
"It is my suspicion that in this universe"
"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
who's that?
"So help yourself to a cold beer"
"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"
"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"
"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"
"It‘s my suspicion that in this universe"
"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
I'm quitting
Sorry, let's do it once more
Stop fighting
It's you again, Johnny, take his place
Have a cigarette
Stand by for another take
It's been a year
and you haven’t used me
Give me a break
I need someone to play the archer‘s target
Manager
Who should I send?
Anyone volunteers?
Let me have a try
You? Come out there
Reserve such jobs for me in the future
Get change right away
The archer's target, right?
Right
Thanks the opportunity
You can kill someone like that
You can kill someone
I'|| sure be a dead man
What'd you like to drink?
Coca Cola
Brandy
They‘re pretty good
One, two , three
Wonderful
The 2 gentlemen at the back
Will you hold up the flowers please?
Like this?
See you at 9 tomorrow
What?
Tomorrow at 9
What time?
Tomorrow at 9
Hold it up, higher, thanks
My sister and I can't make ends meet lately
So we‘d like to pick some pockets
Will someone come up and help us?
Will...that gentleman help me?
That gentleman, come up please
I won‘t
This gentleman, come up please
Come on, go up
Welcome and thank you
What's your name, sir?
Kwang
Mr. Kwang, what time is it now?
Is this your watch?
Yes, that was fast
Have you brought your wallet with you?
No, I haven't
But I have $1000 tied with a rubber band
See if they're still there
Relax, I've got them back for you already
Rubber band
Where's the money?
See if they are in the pocket
No
No?
This looks like your tie
It is. You're really good
Are you wearing white socks today?
No, | always wear black socks
Are those yours?
Yes, they are
Thank you, thank you
You don't want your $1000 anymore
Of course I do
Thank you, use more rubber bands next time
Guru
Have you been waiting long?
It's almost been three hours
About the money, |,..
Shih-Chieh, you just come from Singapore
You know no ones here
I found this nice job for you
I deserve your first three months pay
I know, but I have to buy a lot of props
I don't care
I'll take these first
If you don't pay me the rest tomorrow
You better start packing up
The door's over there
You picked his pocket
He'll kill you for that
We have a mother to support
Mail her the money today
Guess who I am
You have to be you
All right
I had a dream last night
What kind of dream?
l was dancing Hustle with someone underwater
That person wasn't me
Why not
I can't swim
Stop being jealous over a dream
How's it coming, inventor?
Magician
What is this?
Teach me a trick and I'll tell you
Watch
That's nice
It’s yours
Frog, what's that?
My latest antHhief device
If a thief walks past this detector
The laughing bomb inside will be triggered off
And he'll be laugh himself to death
You can't catch thief with that
This is my brother Chin Wen
He's sad because he's out of work
Go inside and fix yourself a drink
I'll do that
You‘ll pay for this
That's a nice device
Wonderful
It has a remote control
Where's the remote control
Where‘s my laughing bomb?
I put it in the robber's bag
How do you work this?
Is this the police? A bank's been robbed
Where are the robbers?
They should be at Oxford Road
What are they doing?
They‘re laughing
Let’s go take a look
What‘s going on, officer?
Evolution must have been gathering speed
There are a lot we don't understand
Yes, only God does
May be
You’re pretty good
Mr. Kuang is here
Send him in
Look, Mr, Kuang
There are last month's ratings
These are this month's
We dropped by 1 million
since you come
You should know what to do
Here me out first
There's no need for explanation
What do our board of directors say?
- How long you guess?
- 6 seconds
- You lost
- I lost
2 seconds
Let me introduce our new manager
Tell Miss Wang to come in
I made Miss Wang quit TVC
to work for us
Her achievements need no introduction
Her white hair tells it all
Miss Wang,
what can you do to our ratings?
5 million, that's splendid
What policy will you adopt?
Whoever obeys me survives
What are you doing?
Oh, 2 flies whir hit
Hit right of their navels too
Is this called Operation Iron first?
| wish Miss Wang every success
Let me give you our ring of honour
"Before you are born you first see God"
"Who Will briefyou on.,."
Next, Mr, Yeh
"Before you are born you first see God"
"Who will brief you on proprieties"
Cut, Next, Miss Li
I know you wouldn't make it
Your voice is bad and you sing like a hound
Do you have a good voice?
I'm as good as Elvis Presley
That‘s fate, you can't do anything about
But that's not fair
Equality does not exist
Otherwise why was I born handsomer than you?
There's nothing you can do
Chih Wen
Play the cue music longer
"Before you.,."
Cut, no good, next, Mimi
Mimi
Play it again
"Before..."
I just finished three words
Enough to tell you‘re no good
That's fate, my friend
Go to hell
Have you been waiting long, Guru?
Quite
I'll pay you half of your commission now
And the rest on pay day
Where are my pigeons?
Ling, Where are the pigeons?
Could they have flown away?
Do you know the pigeons
which I bought from Java
They can‘t be bought here
I know but I didn't got paid yesterday
I'll eat you if you don‘t pay me
Let‘s go
You‘re finished in Hong Kong
They should each weight over 1 lb
When shall we eat them?
On mother's birthday
Come and have some congee
Congee?
Give me a button
Come on, one more
I invented a Feel-surround TV set
Help me to get a job
in the Television Station
What‘s a Feel-surround TV set?
Let me give you a demonstration
See, clap once to turn it on
One more to change channel
Twice to turn it off
It works better than a remote control
Do I look like Tom Edison?
There's one resemblance
What‘s that?
You are both deaf
Just don‘t make the other ear deaf
Come and have some congee
We’re coming
Are you on any of
this week's programs?
Look at this table
4:30 tomorrow
To be the archer's target again?
Don't say that
one's lucky to have a part
What are you doing?
It's been cancelled
The poor kid's been on for only once
What a bad luck
Hello, Chen? What's the good news?
Hold on
TVC's Chen is looking for a host for a show
Are you interested in an audition?
I'll talk to him
Hosting a show is my specialty
Have you done it before?
Of course
my father worked for 7 stations
He's that good?
His son can't be bad, right?
What was your father job?
He sold tissues at restrooms
Splendid, tomorrow 430 then
Thanks for the opportunity
Chen wanted me to host
one of his shows
Look
It's finished
I didn't tell you to clap that much
Now I know why you‘re like Edison
VVhy?
You both have disasters often
What's this now?
Double strength glue
Why did you put it there?
What glue is this?
Super double strength glue
It has to be washed off within 5 seconds
Should I eat your congee for you?
Where's that stupid Frog?
Have you gone crazy too?
What's he doing?
He just had one gulp of your congee
And he’s gone crazy
You want to eat raw Groupers?
How can on air such a show?
Shows have to be ridiculous to attract audience
Our rating for this month have been low
Our manager is counting on this show
He may kill himself if it doesn't work
But it's really to ridiculous
Will you do it or not?
I guess I will
Ladies and gentlemen, it's showdown time
Our first lucky guest, Mrs, Li
Me?
Watch me
Congratulations Mrs. Li
We hope showdown
will make you a millionaire
Oh, you brought your dog along?
Dolly is like a son to me
I have to sleep with it every night
What a pretty dog
Where does your husband sleep then?
He sleeps with his oxygen tank
He's some husband
coming along despite his illness
There are two boxes over there
One is empty,
the other has a $500,000 cheque
You can chose one if you answer correctly
Let's see if Mrs, Li can answer correctly
and got that cheque of $500,000
Who is the Governor of Hong Kong?
Some hints please
Mac...
Macdonald
No
Some more hints please
Choose one of these answers
Is it Maclehose
or MacArthur?
Is it Maclehose
Mrs Li is so intelligent
Now you can choose one of these two boxes
Let’s see what you get
Oh, my God
I want to buy your bracelet
with this gift of a possible $500,000
But my bracelet was part of my dower
Think carefully, you want your bracelet?
Or do you want a possible $500,000
You have to decide right away
Are you going for it?
Mrs. Li is so courageous
Let's see what Mrs. Li gets?
Oh my God, it really is empty
Except for a cheque of $500,000
I got $500,000
There are two more boxes over there
One has a 5 million cheque inside it
If you want to go for it
give me back your cheque
Are you going for it?
Are you going for it?
Yes
Choose a box
Let me see, Oh my God
Let me use this possible 5 million
to trade for your dog's life
We have a gas chamber over there
We’ll kill the dog
if you want to trade
Make you decision right away
Your dog or money?
Your dog or money?
I can have another dog, Money
Money? Good
Let's see what's inside
It really is a cheque for 5 million
Mrs. Li, please look behind you
There are two more boxes
One has a lease
for an Arabian oil field
It worth 5 million, more?
Let me see, any more?
50 million, any more
500 million, any more?
Oh my God, that's the jackpot
See if you want to go for it
Give me back your cheque if you do
Are you going for it?
I'm going all the way
Then go pick a box
Let's both not, look inside
I want to trade something of yours
What will that be?
Come over here please
I want to buy your husband's life
If you want to own the oil field
We'll cut off the oxygen supply
Now make up your mind
The oil field or your husband
Think it over carefully
Do you want to stay poor all your life
Or do you want to be a wealthy widow?
What do you think?
Husband or oil field?
Oil field or husband ?
I'd rather be a wealthy widow
Let’s see what your husband 's life is worth
Oh my God
It's a bottle of Arabian oyster sauce
worth $5.55
I think you're a very good MC
I've known that for a long time
But our program director”.
Doesn't recognize talent
That's right
I want to sign a contract with you
If you work for us
You'll be a superstar within a month
A superstar?
Have a cigar and think it over
But I have an eight year contract with MTV
Can't you dissolve the contract?
I'll do that right away
I'll wait for you
That's right
What do you want?
I want to see the manager
Follow me
A magician from Singapore
Is this yourfirst time in Hong Kong?
Yes
I can let you have a try
Sign this eight year contract
But it's a blank paper
Sign your names and I'll fill in the rest
I can't sign a contract like that
Suit yourselves
magicians are the dime a dozen
I need only to run
an ad in the newspaper
And they will come in hundreds
What do you want?
I want to see the manager
Wait here
l have to support my mother and 2 Groupers
- Get in
- Thank you
Miss Wang
What‘s it?
| signed and 8 years contract with this station
It's been over a year now
I haven‘t done anything yet
I can't see my prospect for myself
l have a mother and a brother
and 2 groupers...
that eat shrimps
What do you think you can do?
I'm good at dancing and singing
I've had the pleasure already
I'm sure I can be a top host for shows
Show me
This is the microphone
Ladies and Gentlemen
Horrible...
You know parrots don‘t lie
Why don't we dissolve the contract?
TVC's manager talked to me yesterday
What's your name?
Chih-Wan
Is this your signature?
As long as your contract is in my hands
Your future and freedom are in my hands too
You do whatever I want you to
Stop dreaming of working for other station
Hello, hold on, Miss Wang
Hello
He'll be fired
if he walks near TVC
or even TVC's car
Can you open it?
lam sure you can open it
With your skill and combination known
You have to be able to open it, right?
Open what?
The safe
Whose safe?
Of course it is...
My safe
It's your safe and you want me to open it?
The dial numbers are too complicated
Really?
You just behave yourself
I'm sorry
Can you open it?
It can be done
But breaking in someone's safe
Can get me several years in jail
But if you help me get my contract
I can work for TVC
With my talents,
I'll soon be a superstar
Then I can help you with your...
What's your machine called?
Feel-surround television
Right, l'll promote it all over the world
And the world have four inventors
Albert Einstein
He‘s not as young as you
Isaac Newton, he‘s dead
Your idol Thomas Edison
He's not as handsome as you
And...
Frog
That's right
If you don't help me
You‘ll sit here
Guess what you'll become
What?
A 'Pig brain'
But everybody in the station knows you
How can you get away with it?
I'll figure it out
What's that?
Laughing bomb
What do we need that for?
It can be a lifesaver at emergencies
Your man's clothes are inside
So you can change anytime
Hurry
Over here
It's down below
A great scientist should be courageous
Right, Edison
Are you sure nobody is there?
Of course, it's lunch time
Go down, hurry
Every window's locked, how can we get in
This building was badly built
So?
Everything's broken, watch
There goes another window frame
| get in first, you follow
OK
Is there any more beer?
Yes
Is there any more beer?
Sure
Don‘t be scared
Grab my hand
Do not force you
l have a soft
Are you OK?
I'm thirsty
VVhy?
I urinated thrice
Get up first
Move the table back first
How many safes have you opened before?
Including this one?
Yes
One
What's the combination?
12, 8, 6,25,
34, 42
Aren't you afraid of finger-prints
Should I use my toes?
That's worse
VVhy?
Top prints are bigger
But the police don’t have toe-prints records
If that's true
Every thief in town would have used his toes
That's the reason
why they haven't been caught
OtherWise you think the police are stupid?
Stop mumbling, hurry
I got it
Get them all out first
Save other people as well
That's right
Thief...
The safe...the safe
Stupid parrot
Frog, are you coming out?
Frog, are you all right?
Frog, are you all right? Can you come out?
It has to be opened from outside
What's the combination?
How can I remember?
Where's that card? Where's that card?
It’s with me
What are the numbers?
I can't see, it’s dark here
Oh my God
Don't you have a lighter?
What's the combination?
What's happening?
It's out of gas
Got it
What are the numbers?
Twelve
The next one?
Eight
Go on
Twenty-four
The next one?
Frog, what are you doing?
l burnt the papers
Hold your breathe temporarily
Don't breathe
Wait, Oh, God
God
What have I done to deserve this?
Does God have horns?
You can't even tell God from Devil
Who are you? What are you stealing?
Nothing
What's that bundle?
Toilet papers
That thick a bundle?
I have hemorrhoids
Let me see them
Hit him...
Help...
Trying to get away?
Do you know how to drive?
Don't go away
Miss, you...
It's a pipe, the high heel shoe is over there
Thanks
It's a high heel shoe There's the men's room
I don‘t have to go anymore
That's stranger
Raymond
Go over this list please
Thank you
What are you doing?
Dirty old man
Thank you
My sister and l have to make ends meet lately
So I want to pick some pockets
Will anyone come up for some fun?
Who wants to come up?
That gentleman? Welcome, welcome
Come up please
Don't be shy
Welcome...
What's your name, sir?
Huang
What time is it now?
Forgot to wear your watch?
See if it's in your pocket?
You must have left it at home
I didn‘t
Is this your necklace? It's woman's
This watch is yours, too
It's a lady's again
Unisex is the fashion these days
That's why you're wearing panty hoses
You're pretty fashionable, Mr. Huang
This scarf is yours, too
It's green, are you using it for turban?
You still have an important item with me
Is this your beard?
Hey, you forgot something
Ladies and gentlemen, life is like magic
Often what you see in your front
are not true
You've just seen I put my sister in the safe
Actually...
There‘s a tunnel... it‘s easy
Are you trying to kill me?
You can kill a man like that
What are you doing?
I got a flat tire
A flat tire?
He's Frog's brother
but why in a beard?
Someone must be after him
But why?
How do I know?
You had a beard and now you’re dirty
What are you up to?
Are you coming for these?
Aren't you good at opening safes?
You want steal something?
I want to save a man
Who?
Frog
Frog?
We want to steal my contract
He's locked in a safe
How's he now?
He may have been suffocated
That's why you're being chased?
Why do you want to steal your contract?
You suffer if you're under a contract
I know, I've been under contracts before
Can you help me to open that safe?
and get Frog out?
You almost got me fired a while ago
Now you want me to go to jail?
You‘re crazy
Shih-Chieh
Shih-Chieh
Don't be sentimental
l have to do it myself then
He doesn't know how to open safes
Help him or he’ll be dead
Shih-Chieh
This is what's left Frog, take it
I am going now
Shih-Chieh
Stay out of it
Call him back
I haven‘t gone yet
I'll go with you
They'll grab you if you go like this
What should I do?
Go in
What for?
Go in first
What for?
So you won't be dancing by yourself in your dreams
Miss
You watch here
It's down below
Over here
Frog,..answer me, Frog
May be he’s dead
Let me
Frog, what's happened to you?
King Kong, wait
Surrender your contracts
And I‘ll let you and your brother go
Otherwise you'll be like this parrot
Whatever you say
Go after him
Are you all right?
Sure, don't you know I have a strong skull
Sorry
Are you blind or something?
What are you doing?
Do me a favour, keep quiet
But what's going on
Stop beating each other
And now the Magic Saw
Is that's his student?
Maybe
Tonight we are sawing a man instead of a woman
Be careful
You deserve this
My student cannot appear again
because he's dead
Only I can do shows like that
And now the Magic Saw
Let's see if he can resurrect
The student is better than the teacher
The student is better than the teacher
Let’s see who's better
What time is it?
Is this your watch?
My watch isn’t accurate
what time do you have?
Is this your watch?
Not bad, simple tricks though
Is this your wallet?
See if anything is missing
Talking about pickpocketing, I'm...
Is this identity card yours
This looks like yours too
I know, wonderful performances I'm watching
Hold
Are these your shoes?
Are these your pants?
That's student is good
And now words from our sponsors
Cousin
will you wait for me?
Until death
What's up
What's going on?
Hue, a call for you
Thanks
How is going on?
How did he get in?
I don't know, should I chase him out
You can‘t, it's a live show
Oh, my God
Mr. Chairman
I don't think he's that good
Why do the audience like him so much?
You know why your programs are always so bad
because you can't tell good from bad
Send Miss Wang in
Miss Wang
This was what your promised us
And this is this month's ratings
We dropped by four million
What do the board of directors say?
Miss Wang, you should know what to do
That was pretty fast
2.3 second
What time is the fight?
04:30 PM
Hurry, the newcomers will move in at two
Hurry
Pardon, my intrusion
Are you all right?
Sure, I just lost two toes
I come to thank you for your help
And to invite you to Grouper dinner
You are welcome
Just make sure that if you are in trouble
Don‘t come to me again
You’re joking
Why are you packing?
We're going back to Singapore
Singapore
What about us?
You‘ll have to dance...
by yourself in your dream
I won't have nice dream like that anymore
I'm sorry I got you fired
I was fired before you came along
Who's that?
Mr. Chairman, this is our chairman
You’re both here, that’s marvelous
Can I come in?
Have a seat
Make yourself at home
Have a seat please
Have a seat, chairman
I have to go to golf game right away
You two very talented
I want you to be my managers
We are not qualified for such a job
Not exactly
You are ideal for TV station managers
I'm their agent
You have to deal with me
Get this Indian out to where he belongs
But I'm their agent
I want you to meet the board directors
Please put on the rings of honour
You are part of their family now
Who are they?
All ex-managers
These two frames are reserved for you
Can we hear the new managers plans
Under ourjoint leadership
There will be new personal and policies
We want to make big breakthrough in ratings
Then we'll introduce a new invention
The Feel-surround television set
I'|I sure shock the world
My genius brother will familiarize you with the set
This Feel-surround television set of mine
is designed with the newest electronic devices
Now please watch
On
Off
Anyone wants to try it out?
My machine follows
every move on the screen
It's really fun, try it
Why don't you try it
You try it
I've tried it before, you go
All right
Have a cigarette
Why are you smelling so nice?
Your memory seems no good
this is perfume you gave me
Oh, yes
Have a drink
Sure
I better not, I'm not feeling well
I'll give you a massage then
Feels good
Very
Please don’t clap so many times
This machine is super-sensitive
My brother could invent it
only because of my teaching
Let me use another set for demonstration
Shall I take a shower?
Together with you though
You‘re naughty
Come on
Is the temperature right?
Don‘t scratch me
I'm not, I’m soaping you
Soaping me?
You dare seduce your sister-in-law?
Hui, stop it
You unfaithful woman
Champagne? Let me see how you drink it
Drink it all
Hui, don't get carried away
It's none of your business
Stop fighting
A rotating bed? Start rotating
How are you? Are you all right?
You’ll be all right
You fool
Sit down first
You can‘t do anything right
Are you all right?
This television se will sure shock the world
Will you three sign this contract please?
Thanks
It's one of these blank paper deals again
We can't sign a contract like that
That's right
Come on, sign it
Who likes roast pigeon?
How did it happen?
Pigeon waste sure stinks
It's the contract that stinks
"Before you can be born you have to see God"
"Who will brief you on proprieties"
"With a contract in hand he say:"
"sit down and I'll tell you life"
"If I want you rich I'll make you rich"
"If I'm mad you'll have to sleep in coffin"
"I'm so powerful"
"Sign your contract (contract)"
"Pay your visa fees (Baptism of course)"
"Then go ahead and be born"
"You grow up and start dating"
"Suddenly you find your girl pregnant"
"Her mother screams for a marriage and says:"
"Let's settle on a dower"
"Don't you dare thinking it is free"
"I love only money so dick up your last penny"
"and arrange a big banquet"
"Sign a contract with me (contract)"
"Pay this mother-in-law off
(It's not a small sum)"
"Then your son can be born"
"in Hong Kong one can hardly be free"
"There are so many laws and system"
"As well as so many bills to pay"
"No room for love between husbands and wives"
"Don't fret because hospital bills are worsens"
"You have your kids to support"
"And education is expensive"
"One contract after another (contract)"
"They are always on your back (it's a dog's life)"
"And you say, God, I don't believe this"
"One contract after another (contract)"
"They are always on your back"
"And you say, God, I don't believe this"
therwise our superstarwill be mad
Yes manager
Ready, V-T-R, standby, roll
5 seconds, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, cue
" often don't have very much in my pocket"
"Caring nothing‘ I'm as free as a rocket"
”As long as I am fairly fed"
"I stay optimistic and seldom fret"
"Don't despise he who gets tired of his girls"
"For love and mirages spin off
from the same whirls"
Keep your shoulders leveled
Leave me alone
Blow it this time and you‘ll be fired
Just watch it yourself
"So help yourself to a cold beer"
"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"
"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"
"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"
"It is my suspicion that in this universe"
"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
who's that?
"So help yourself to a cold beer"
"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"
"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"
"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"
"It‘s my suspicion that in this universe"
"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
"See through life's joys and blues"
"And take it easy even though you lose"
I'm quitting
Sorry, let's do it once more
Stop fighting
It's you again, Johnny, take his place
Have a cigarette
Stand by for another take
It's been a year
and you haven’t used me
Give me a break
I need someone to play the archer‘s target
Manager
Who should I send?
Anyone volunteers?
Let me have a try
You? Come out there
Reserve such jobs for me in the future
Get change right away
The archer's target, right?
Right
Thanks the opportunity
You can kill someone like that
You can kill someone
I'|| sure be a dead man
What'd you like to drink?
Coca Cola
Brandy
They‘re pretty good
One, two , three
Wonderful
The 2 gentlemen at the back
Will you hold up the flowers please?
Like this?
See you at 9 tomorrow
What?
Tomorrow at 9
What time?
Tomorrow at 9
Hold it up, higher, thanks
My sister and I can't make ends meet lately
So we‘d like to pick some pockets
Will someone come up and help us?
Will...that gentleman help me?
That gentleman, come up please
I won‘t
This gentleman, come up please
Come on, go up
Welcome and thank you
What's your name, sir?
Kwang
Mr. Kwang, what time is it now?
Is this your watch?
Yes, that was fast
Have you brought your wallet with you?
No, I haven't
But I have $1000 tied with a rubber band
See if they're still there
Relax, I've got them back for you already
Rubber band
Where's the money?
See if they are in the pocket
No
No?
This looks like your tie
It is. You're really good
Are you wearing white socks today?
No, | always wear black socks
Are those yours?
Yes, they are
Thank you, thank you
You don't want your $1000 anymore
Of course I do
Thank you, use more rubber bands next time
Guru
Have you been waiting long?
It's almost been three hours
About the money, |,..
Shih-Chieh, you just come from Singapore
You know no ones here
I found this nice job for you
I deserve your first three months pay
I know, but I have to buy a lot of props
I don't care
I'll take these first
If you don't pay me the rest tomorrow
You better start packing up
The door's over there
You picked his pocket
He'll kill you for that
We have a mother to support
Mail her the money today
Guess who I am
You have to be you
All right
I had a dream last night
What kind of dream?
l was dancing Hustle with someone underwater
That person wasn't me
Why not
I can't swim
Stop being jealous over a dream
How's it coming, inventor?
Magician
What is this?
Teach me a trick and I'll tell you
Watch
That's nice
It’s yours
Frog, what's that?
My latest antHhief device
If a thief walks past this detector
The laughing bomb inside will be triggered off
And he'll be laugh himself to death
You can't catch thief with that
This is my brother Chin Wen
He's sad because he's out of work
Go inside and fix yourself a drink
I'll do that
You‘ll pay for this
That's a nice device
Wonderful
It has a remote control
Where's the remote control
Where‘s my laughing bomb?
I put it in the robber's bag
How do you work this?
Is this the police? A bank's been robbed
Where are the robbers?
They should be at Oxford Road
What are they doing?
They‘re laughing
Let’s go take a look
What‘s going on, officer?
Evolution must have been gathering speed
There are a lot we don't understand
Yes, only God does
May be
You’re pretty good
Mr. Kuang is here
Send him in
Look, Mr, Kuang
There are last month's ratings
These are this month's
We dropped by 1 million
since you come
You should know what to do
Here me out first
There's no need for explanation
What do our board of directors say?
- How long you guess?
- 6 seconds
- You lost
- I lost
2 seconds
Let me introduce our new manager
Tell Miss Wang to come in
I made Miss Wang quit TVC
to work for us
Her achievements need no introduction
Her white hair tells it all
Miss Wang,
what can you do to our ratings?
5 million, that's splendid
What policy will you adopt?
Whoever obeys me survives
What are you doing?
Oh, 2 flies whir hit
Hit right of their navels too
Is this called Operation Iron first?
| wish Miss Wang every success
Let me give you our ring of honour
"Before you are born you first see God"
"Who Will briefyou on.,."
Next, Mr, Yeh
"Before you are born you first see God"
"Who will brief you on proprieties"
Cut, Next, Miss Li
I know you wouldn't make it
Your voice is bad and you sing like a hound
Do you have a good voice?
I'm as good as Elvis Presley
That‘s fate, you can't do anything about
But that's not fair
Equality does not exist
Otherwise why was I born handsomer than you?
There's nothing you can do
Chih Wen
Play the cue music longer
"Before you.,."
Cut, no good, next, Mimi
Mimi
Play it again
"Before..."
I just finished three words
Enough to tell you‘re no good
That's fate, my friend
Go to hell
Have you been waiting long, Guru?
Quite
I'll pay you half of your commission now
And the rest on pay day
Where are my pigeons?
Ling, Where are the pigeons?
Could they have flown away?
Do you know the pigeons
which I bought from Java
They can‘t be bought here
I know but I didn't got paid yesterday
I'll eat you if you don‘t pay me
Let‘s go
You‘re finished in Hong Kong
They should each weight over 1 lb
When shall we eat them?
On mother's birthday
Come and have some congee
Congee?
Give me a button
Come on, one more
I invented a Feel-surround TV set
Help me to get a job
in the Television Station
What‘s a Feel-surround TV set?
Let me give you a demonstration
See, clap once to turn it on
One more to change channel
Twice to turn it off
It works better than a remote control
Do I look like Tom Edison?
There's one resemblance
What‘s that?
You are both deaf
Just don‘t make the other ear deaf
Come and have some congee
We’re coming
Are you on any of
this week's programs?
Look at this table
4:30 tomorrow
To be the archer's target again?
Don't say that
one's lucky to have a part
What are you doing?
It's been cancelled
The poor kid's been on for only once
What a bad luck
Hello, Chen? What's the good news?
Hold on
TVC's Chen is looking for a host for a show
Are you interested in an audition?
I'll talk to him
Hosting a show is my specialty
Have you done it before?
Of course
my father worked for 7 stations
He's that good?
His son can't be bad, right?
What was your father job?
He sold tissues at restrooms
Splendid, tomorrow 430 then
Thanks for the opportunity
Chen wanted me to host
one of his shows
Look
It's finished
I didn't tell you to clap that much
Now I know why you‘re like Edison
VVhy?
You both have disasters often
What's this now?
Double strength glue
Why did you put it there?
What glue is this?
Super double strength glue
It has to be washed off within 5 seconds
Should I eat your congee for you?
Where's that stupid Frog?
Have you gone crazy too?
What's he doing?
He just had one gulp of your congee
And he’s gone crazy
You want to eat raw Groupers?
How can on air such a show?
Shows have to be ridiculous to attract audience
Our rating for this month have been low
Our manager is counting on this show
He may kill himself if it doesn't work
But it's really to ridiculous
Will you do it or not?
I guess I will
Ladies and gentlemen, it's showdown time
Our first lucky guest, Mrs, Li
Me?
Watch me
Congratulations Mrs. Li
We hope showdown
will make you a millionaire
Oh, you brought your dog along?
Dolly is like a son to me
I have to sleep with it every night
What a pretty dog
Where does your husband sleep then?
He sleeps with his oxygen tank
He's some husband
coming along despite his illness
There are two boxes over there
One is empty,
the other has a $500,000 cheque
You can chose one if you answer correctly
Let's see if Mrs, Li can answer correctly
and got that cheque of $500,000
Who is the Governor of Hong Kong?
Some hints please
Mac...
Macdonald
No
Some more hints please
Choose one of these answers
Is it Maclehose
or MacArthur?
Is it Maclehose
Mrs Li is so intelligent
Now you can choose one of these two boxes
Let’s see what you get
Oh, my God
I want to buy your bracelet
with this gift of a possible $500,000
But my bracelet was part of my dower
Think carefully, you want your bracelet?
Or do you want a possible $500,000
You have to decide right away
Are you going for it?
Mrs. Li is so courageous
Let's see what Mrs. Li gets?
Oh my God, it really is empty
Except for a cheque of $500,000
I got $500,000
There are two more boxes over there
One has a 5 million cheque inside it
If you want to go for it
give me back your cheque
Are you going for it?
Are you going for it?
Yes
Choose a box
Let me see, Oh my God
Let me use this possible 5 million
to trade for your dog's life
We have a gas chamber over there
We’ll kill the dog
if you want to trade
Make you decision right away
Your dog or money?
Your dog or money?
I can have another dog, Money
Money? Good
Let's see what's inside
It really is a cheque for 5 million
Mrs. Li, please look behind you
There are two more boxes
One has a lease
for an Arabian oil field
It worth 5 million, more?
Let me see, any more?
50 million, any more
500 million, any more?
Oh my God, that's the jackpot
See if you want to go for it
Give me back your cheque if you do
Are you going for it?
I'm going all the way
Then go pick a box
Let's both not, look inside
I want to trade something of yours
What will that be?
Come over here please
I want to buy your husband's life
If you want to own the oil field
We'll cut off the oxygen supply
Now make up your mind
The oil field or your husband
Think it over carefully
Do you want to stay poor all your life
Or do you want to be a wealthy widow?
What do you think?
Husband or oil field?
Oil field or husband ?
I'd rather be a wealthy widow
Let’s see what your husband 's life is worth
Oh my God
It's a bottle of Arabian oyster sauce
worth $5.55
I think you're a very good MC
I've known that for a long time
But our program director”.
Doesn't recognize talent
That's right
I want to sign a contract with you
If you work for us
You'll be a superstar within a month
A superstar?
Have a cigar and think it over
But I have an eight year contract with MTV
Can't you dissolve the contract?
I'll do that right away
I'll wait for you
That's right
What do you want?
I want to see the manager
Follow me
A magician from Singapore
Is this yourfirst time in Hong Kong?
Yes
I can let you have a try
Sign this eight year contract
But it's a blank paper
Sign your names and I'll fill in the rest
I can't sign a contract like that
Suit yourselves
magicians are the dime a dozen
I need only to run
an ad in the newspaper
And they will come in hundreds
What do you want?
I want to see the manager
Wait here
l have to support my mother and 2 Groupers
- Get in
- Thank you
Miss Wang
What‘s it?
| signed and 8 years contract with this station
It's been over a year now
I haven‘t done anything yet
I can't see my prospect for myself
l have a mother and a brother
and 2 groupers...
that eat shrimps
What do you think you can do?
I'm good at dancing and singing
I've had the pleasure already
I'm sure I can be a top host for shows
Show me
This is the microphone
Ladies and Gentlemen
Horrible...
You know parrots don‘t lie
Why don't we dissolve the contract?
TVC's manager talked to me yesterday
What's your name?
Chih-Wan
Is this your signature?
As long as your contract is in my hands
Your future and freedom are in my hands too
You do whatever I want you to
Stop dreaming of working for other station
Hello, hold on, Miss Wang
Hello
He'll be fired
if he walks near TVC
or even TVC's car
Can you open it?
lam sure you can open it
With your skill and combination known
You have to be able to open it, right?
Open what?
The safe
Whose safe?
Of course it is...
My safe
It's your safe and you want me to open it?
The dial numbers are too complicated
Really?
You just behave yourself
I'm sorry
Can you open it?
It can be done
But breaking in someone's safe
Can get me several years in jail
But if you help me get my contract
I can work for TVC
With my talents,
I'll soon be a superstar
Then I can help you with your...
What's your machine called?
Feel-surround television
Right, l'll promote it all over the world
And the world have four inventors
Albert Einstein
He‘s not as young as you
Isaac Newton, he‘s dead
Your idol Thomas Edison
He's not as handsome as you
And...
Frog
That's right
If you don't help me
You‘ll sit here
Guess what you'll become
What?
A 'Pig brain'
But everybody in the station knows you
How can you get away with it?
I'll figure it out
What's that?
Laughing bomb
What do we need that for?
It can be a lifesaver at emergencies
Your man's clothes are inside
So you can change anytime
Hurry
Over here
It's down below
A great scientist should be courageous
Right, Edison
Are you sure nobody is there?
Of course, it's lunch time
Go down, hurry
Every window's locked, how can we get in
This building was badly built
So?
Everything's broken, watch
There goes another window frame
| get in first, you follow
OK
Is there any more beer?
Yes
Is there any more beer?
Sure
Don‘t be scared
Grab my hand
Do not force you
l have a soft
Are you OK?
I'm thirsty
VVhy?
I urinated thrice
Get up first
Move the table back first
How many safes have you opened before?
Including this one?
Yes
One
What's the combination?
12, 8, 6,25,
34, 42
Aren't you afraid of finger-prints
Should I use my toes?
That's worse
VVhy?
Top prints are bigger
But the police don’t have toe-prints records
If that's true
Every thief in town would have used his toes
That's the reason
why they haven't been caught
OtherWise you think the police are stupid?
Stop mumbling, hurry
I got it
Get them all out first
Save other people as well
That's right
Thief...
The safe...the safe
Stupid parrot
Frog, are you coming out?
Frog, are you all right?
Frog, are you all right? Can you come out?
It has to be opened from outside
What's the combination?
How can I remember?
Where's that card? Where's that card?
It’s with me
What are the numbers?
I can't see, it’s dark here
Oh my God
Don't you have a lighter?
What's the combination?
What's happening?
It's out of gas
Got it
What are the numbers?
Twelve
The next one?
Eight
Go on
Twenty-four
The next one?
Frog, what are you doing?
l burnt the papers
Hold your breathe temporarily
Don't breathe
Wait, Oh, God
God
What have I done to deserve this?
Does God have horns?
You can't even tell God from Devil
Who are you? What are you stealing?
Nothing
What's that bundle?
Toilet papers
That thick a bundle?
I have hemorrhoids
Let me see them
Hit him...
Help...
Trying to get away?
Do you know how to drive?
Don't go away
Miss, you...
It's a pipe, the high heel shoe is over there
Thanks
It's a high heel shoe There's the men's room
I don‘t have to go anymore
That's stranger
Raymond
Go over this list please
Thank you
What are you doing?
Dirty old man
Thank you
My sister and l have to make ends meet lately
So I want to pick some pockets
Will anyone come up for some fun?
Who wants to come up?
That gentleman? Welcome, welcome
Come up please
Don't be shy
Welcome...
What's your name, sir?
Huang
What time is it now?
Forgot to wear your watch?
See if it's in your pocket?
You must have left it at home
I didn‘t
Is this your necklace? It's woman's
This watch is yours, too
It's a lady's again
Unisex is the fashion these days
That's why you're wearing panty hoses
You're pretty fashionable, Mr. Huang
This scarf is yours, too
It's green, are you using it for turban?
You still have an important item with me
Is this your beard?
Hey, you forgot something
Ladies and gentlemen, life is like magic
Often what you see in your front
are not true
You've just seen I put my sister in the safe
Actually...
There‘s a tunnel... it‘s easy
Are you trying to kill me?
You can kill a man like that
What are you doing?
I got a flat tire
A flat tire?
He's Frog's brother
but why in a beard?
Someone must be after him
But why?
How do I know?
You had a beard and now you’re dirty
What are you up to?
Are you coming for these?
Aren't you good at opening safes?
You want steal something?
I want to save a man
Who?
Frog
Frog?
We want to steal my contract
He's locked in a safe
How's he now?
He may have been suffocated
That's why you're being chased?
Why do you want to steal your contract?
You suffer if you're under a contract
I know, I've been under contracts before
Can you help me to open that safe?
and get Frog out?
You almost got me fired a while ago
Now you want me to go to jail?
You‘re crazy
Shih-Chieh
Shih-Chieh
Don't be sentimental
l have to do it myself then
He doesn't know how to open safes
Help him or he’ll be dead
Shih-Chieh
This is what's left Frog, take it
I am going now
Shih-Chieh
Stay out of it
Call him back
I haven‘t gone yet
I'll go with you
They'll grab you if you go like this
What should I do?
Go in
What for?
Go in first
What for?
So you won't be dancing by yourself in your dreams
Miss
You watch here
It's down below
Over here
Frog,..answer me, Frog
May be he’s dead
Let me
Frog, what's happened to you?
King Kong, wait
Surrender your contracts
And I‘ll let you and your brother go
Otherwise you'll be like this parrot
Whatever you say
Go after him
Are you all right?
Sure, don't you know I have a strong skull
Sorry
Are you blind or something?
What are you doing?
Do me a favour, keep quiet
But what's going on
Stop beating each other
And now the Magic Saw
Is that's his student?
Maybe
Tonight we are sawing a man instead of a woman
Be careful
You deserve this
My student cannot appear again
because he's dead
Only I can do shows like that
And now the Magic Saw
Let's see if he can resurrect
The student is better than the teacher
The student is better than the teacher
Let’s see who's better
What time is it?
Is this your watch?
My watch isn’t accurate
what time do you have?
Is this your watch?
Not bad, simple tricks though
Is this your wallet?
See if anything is missing
Talking about pickpocketing, I'm...
Is this identity card yours
This looks like yours too
I know, wonderful performances I'm watching
Hold
Are these your shoes?
Are these your pants?
That's student is good
And now words from our sponsors
Cousin
will you wait for me?
Until death
What's up
What's going on?
Hue, a call for you
Thanks
How is going on?
How did he get in?
I don't know, should I chase him out
You can‘t, it's a live show
Oh, my God
Mr. Chairman
I don't think he's that good
Why do the audience like him so much?
You know why your programs are always so bad
because you can't tell good from bad
Send Miss Wang in
Miss Wang
This was what your promised us
And this is this month's ratings
We dropped by four million
What do the board of directors say?
Miss Wang, you should know what to do
That was pretty fast
2.3 second
What time is the fight?
04:30 PM
Hurry, the newcomers will move in at two
Hurry
Pardon, my intrusion
Are you all right?
Sure, I just lost two toes
I come to thank you for your help
And to invite you to Grouper dinner
You are welcome
Just make sure that if you are in trouble
Don‘t come to me again
You’re joking
Why are you packing?
We're going back to Singapore
Singapore
What about us?
You‘ll have to dance...
by yourself in your dream
I won't have nice dream like that anymore
I'm sorry I got you fired
I was fired before you came along
Who's that?
Mr. Chairman, this is our chairman
You’re both here, that’s marvelous
Can I come in?
Have a seat
Make yourself at home
Have a seat please
Have a seat, chairman
I have to go to golf game right away
You two very talented
I want you to be my managers
We are not qualified for such a job
Not exactly
You are ideal for TV station managers
I'm their agent
You have to deal with me
Get this Indian out to where he belongs
But I'm their agent
I want you to meet the board directors
Please put on the rings of honour
You are part of their family now
Who are they?
All ex-managers
These two frames are reserved for you
Can we hear the new managers plans
Under ourjoint leadership
There will be new personal and policies
We want to make big breakthrough in ratings
Then we'll introduce a new invention
The Feel-surround television set
I'|I sure shock the world
My genius brother will familiarize you with the set
This Feel-surround television set of mine
is designed with the newest electronic devices
Now please watch
On
Off
Anyone wants to try it out?
My machine follows
every move on the screen
It's really fun, try it
Why don't you try it
You try it
I've tried it before, you go
All right
Have a cigarette
Why are you smelling so nice?
Your memory seems no good
this is perfume you gave me
Oh, yes
Have a drink
Sure
I better not, I'm not feeling well
I'll give you a massage then
Feels good
Very
Please don’t clap so many times
This machine is super-sensitive
My brother could invent it
only because of my teaching
Let me use another set for demonstration
Shall I take a shower?
Together with you though
You‘re naughty
Come on
Is the temperature right?
Don‘t scratch me
I'm not, I’m soaping you
Soaping me?
You dare seduce your sister-in-law?
Hui, stop it
You unfaithful woman
Champagne? Let me see how you drink it
Drink it all
Hui, don't get carried away
It's none of your business
Stop fighting
A rotating bed? Start rotating
How are you? Are you all right?
You’ll be all right
You fool
Sit down first
You can‘t do anything right
Are you all right?
This television se will sure shock the world
Will you three sign this contract please?
Thanks
It's one of these blank paper deals again
We can't sign a contract like that
That's right
Come on, sign it
Who likes roast pigeon?
How did it happen?
Pigeon waste sure stinks
It's the contract that stinks
"Before you can be born you have to see God"
"Who will brief you on proprieties"
"With a contract in hand he say:"
"sit down and I'll tell you life"
"If I want you rich I'll make you rich"
"If I'm mad you'll have to sleep in coffin"
"I'm so powerful"
"Sign your contract (contract)"
"Pay your visa fees (Baptism of course)"
"Then go ahead and be born"
"You grow up and start dating"
"Suddenly you find your girl pregnant"
"Her mother screams for a marriage and says:"
"Let's settle on a dower"
"Don't you dare thinking it is free"
"I love only money so dick up your last penny"
"and arrange a big banquet"
"Sign a contract with me (contract)"
"Pay this mother-in-law off
(It's not a small sum)"
"Then your son can be born"
"in Hong Kong one can hardly be free"
"There are so many laws and system"
"As well as so many bills to pay"
"No room for love between husbands and wives"
"Don't fret because hospital bills are worsens"
"You have your kids to support"
"And education is expensive"
"One contract after another (contract)"
"They are always on your back (it's a dog's life)"
"And you say, God, I don't believe this"
"One contract after another (contract)"
"They are always on your back"
"And you say, God, I don't believe this"