Mai shen qi (1978) - full transcript

Struggling actor Chih-Wen (Michael Hui) got a raw deal from his company, MTV Studios, by signing a binding 8-year contract and was only given one opportunity to perform live thus far. Soon, he received a better deal with a rival company, who promised a 5-year contract and better opportunities to perform and make money. Since he cannot start working for the new company because of his current 8-year contract with MTV, he and his scientist-aspiring brother (Ricky Hui), with the help of magician Shih-Chieh (Sam Hui), attempts to steal the contract from his ruthless manager.


You better start taping now

therwise our superstarwill be mad

Yes manager

Ready, V-T-R, standby, roll

5 seconds, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, cue

" often don't have very much in my pocket"

"Caring nothing‘ I'm as free as a rocket"

”As long as I am fairly fed"

"I stay optimistic and seldom fret"

"Don't despise he who gets tired of his girls"

"For love and mirages spin off
from the same whirls"

Keep your shoulders leveled

Leave me alone

Blow it this time and you‘ll be fired

Just watch it yourself

"So help yourself to a cold beer"

"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"

"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"

"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"

"It is my suspicion that in this universe"

"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"

"See through life's joys and blues"

"And take it easy even though you lose"

who's that?

"So help yourself to a cold beer"

"Sing your heart out in a song that cheers"

"To hell with your regret over pass affairs"

"They'll only depress you and that isn't fair"

"It‘s my suspicion that in this universe"

"There's a god who governs the land we traverse"

"See through life's joys and blues"

"And take it easy even though you lose"

"See through life's joys and blues"

"And take it easy even though you lose"

I'm quitting

Sorry, let's do it once more

Stop fighting

It's you again, Johnny, take his place

Have a cigarette

Stand by for another take

It's been a year

and you haven’t used me

Give me a break

I need someone to play the archer‘s target

Manager

Who should I send?

Anyone volunteers?

Let me have a try

You? Come out there

Reserve such jobs for me in the future

Get change right away

The archer's target, right?

Right

Thanks the opportunity

You can kill someone like that

You can kill someone

I'|| sure be a dead man

What'd you like to drink?

Coca Cola

Brandy

They‘re pretty good

One, two , three

Wonderful

The 2 gentlemen at the back

Will you hold up the flowers please?

Like this?

See you at 9 tomorrow

What?

Tomorrow at 9

What time?

Tomorrow at 9

Hold it up, higher, thanks

My sister and I can't make ends meet lately

So we‘d like to pick some pockets

Will someone come up and help us?

Will...that gentleman help me?

That gentleman, come up please

I won‘t

This gentleman, come up please

Come on, go up

Welcome and thank you

What's your name, sir?

Kwang

Mr. Kwang, what time is it now?

Is this your watch?

Yes, that was fast

Have you brought your wallet with you?

No, I haven't

But I have $1000 tied with a rubber band

See if they're still there

Relax, I've got them back for you already

Rubber band

Where's the money?

See if they are in the pocket

No

No?

This looks like your tie

It is. You're really good

Are you wearing white socks today?

No, | always wear black socks

Are those yours?

Yes, they are

Thank you, thank you

You don't want your $1000 anymore

Of course I do

Thank you, use more rubber bands next time

Guru

Have you been waiting long?

It's almost been three hours

About the money, |,..

Shih-Chieh, you just come from Singapore

You know no ones here

I found this nice job for you

I deserve your first three months pay

I know, but I have to buy a lot of props

I don't care

I'll take these first

If you don't pay me the rest tomorrow

You better start packing up

The door's over there

You picked his pocket

He'll kill you for that

We have a mother to support

Mail her the money today

Guess who I am

You have to be you

All right

I had a dream last night

What kind of dream?

l was dancing Hustle with someone underwater

That person wasn't me

Why not

I can't swim

Stop being jealous over a dream

How's it coming, inventor?

Magician

What is this?

Teach me a trick and I'll tell you

Watch

That's nice

It’s yours

Frog, what's that?

My latest antHhief device

If a thief walks past this detector

The laughing bomb inside will be triggered off

And he'll be laugh himself to death

You can't catch thief with that

This is my brother Chin Wen

He's sad because he's out of work

Go inside and fix yourself a drink

I'll do that

You‘ll pay for this

That's a nice device

Wonderful

It has a remote control

Where's the remote control

Where‘s my laughing bomb?

I put it in the robber's bag

How do you work this?

Is this the police? A bank's been robbed

Where are the robbers?

They should be at Oxford Road

What are they doing?

They‘re laughing

Let’s go take a look

What‘s going on, officer?

Evolution must have been gathering speed

There are a lot we don't understand

Yes, only God does

May be

You’re pretty good

Mr. Kuang is here

Send him in

Look, Mr, Kuang

There are last month's ratings

These are this month's

We dropped by 1 million

since you come

You should know what to do

Here me out first

There's no need for explanation

What do our board of directors say?

- How long you guess?
- 6 seconds

- You lost
- I lost

2 seconds

Let me introduce our new manager

Tell Miss Wang to come in

I made Miss Wang quit TVC

to work for us

Her achievements need no introduction

Her white hair tells it all

Miss Wang,

what can you do to our ratings?

5 million, that's splendid

What policy will you adopt?

Whoever obeys me survives

What are you doing?

Oh, 2 flies whir hit

Hit right of their navels too

Is this called Operation Iron first?

| wish Miss Wang every success

Let me give you our ring of honour

"Before you are born you first see God"

"Who Will briefyou on.,."

Next, Mr, Yeh

"Before you are born you first see God"

"Who will brief you on proprieties"

Cut, Next, Miss Li

I know you wouldn't make it

Your voice is bad and you sing like a hound

Do you have a good voice?

I'm as good as Elvis Presley

That‘s fate, you can't do anything about

But that's not fair

Equality does not exist

Otherwise why was I born handsomer than you?

There's nothing you can do

Chih Wen

Play the cue music longer

"Before you.,."

Cut, no good, next, Mimi

Mimi

Play it again

"Before..."

I just finished three words

Enough to tell you‘re no good

That's fate, my friend

Go to hell

Have you been waiting long, Guru?

Quite

I'll pay you half of your commission now

And the rest on pay day

Where are my pigeons?

Ling, Where are the pigeons?

Could they have flown away?

Do you know the pigeons

which I bought from Java

They can‘t be bought here

I know but I didn't got paid yesterday

I'll eat you if you don‘t pay me

Let‘s go

You‘re finished in Hong Kong

They should each weight over 1 lb

When shall we eat them?

On mother's birthday

Come and have some congee

Congee?

Give me a button

Come on, one more

I invented a Feel-surround TV set

Help me to get a job

in the Television Station

What‘s a Feel-surround TV set?

Let me give you a demonstration

See, clap once to turn it on

One more to change channel

Twice to turn it off

It works better than a remote control

Do I look like Tom Edison?

There's one resemblance

What‘s that?

You are both deaf

Just don‘t make the other ear deaf

Come and have some congee

We’re coming

Are you on any of

this week's programs?

Look at this table

4:30 tomorrow

To be the archer's target again?

Don't say that

one's lucky to have a part

What are you doing?

It's been cancelled

The poor kid's been on for only once

What a bad luck

Hello, Chen? What's the good news?

Hold on

TVC's Chen is looking for a host for a show

Are you interested in an audition?

I'll talk to him

Hosting a show is my specialty

Have you done it before?

Of course

my father worked for 7 stations

He's that good?

His son can't be bad, right?

What was your father job?

He sold tissues at restrooms

Splendid, tomorrow 430 then

Thanks for the opportunity

Chen wanted me to host

one of his shows

Look

It's finished

I didn't tell you to clap that much

Now I know why you‘re like Edison

VVhy?

You both have disasters often

What's this now?

Double strength glue

Why did you put it there?

What glue is this?

Super double strength glue

It has to be washed off within 5 seconds

Should I eat your congee for you?

Where's that stupid Frog?

Have you gone crazy too?

What's he doing?

He just had one gulp of your congee

And he’s gone crazy

You want to eat raw Groupers?

How can on air such a show?

Shows have to be ridiculous to attract audience

Our rating for this month have been low

Our manager is counting on this show

He may kill himself if it doesn't work

But it's really to ridiculous

Will you do it or not?

I guess I will

Ladies and gentlemen, it's showdown time

Our first lucky guest, Mrs, Li

Me?

Watch me

Congratulations Mrs. Li

We hope showdown

will make you a millionaire

Oh, you brought your dog along?

Dolly is like a son to me

I have to sleep with it every night

What a pretty dog

Where does your husband sleep then?

He sleeps with his oxygen tank

He's some husband

coming along despite his illness

There are two boxes over there

One is empty,

the other has a $500,000 cheque

You can chose one if you answer correctly

Let's see if Mrs, Li can answer correctly

and got that cheque of $500,000

Who is the Governor of Hong Kong?

Some hints please

Mac...

Macdonald

No

Some more hints please

Choose one of these answers

Is it Maclehose

or MacArthur?

Is it Maclehose

Mrs Li is so intelligent

Now you can choose one of these two boxes

Let’s see what you get

Oh, my God

I want to buy your bracelet

with this gift of a possible $500,000

But my bracelet was part of my dower

Think carefully, you want your bracelet?

Or do you want a possible $500,000

You have to decide right away

Are you going for it?

Mrs. Li is so courageous

Let's see what Mrs. Li gets?

Oh my God, it really is empty

Except for a cheque of $500,000

I got $500,000

There are two more boxes over there

One has a 5 million cheque inside it

If you want to go for it

give me back your cheque

Are you going for it?

Are you going for it?

Yes

Choose a box

Let me see, Oh my God

Let me use this possible 5 million

to trade for your dog's life

We have a gas chamber over there

We’ll kill the dog

if you want to trade

Make you decision right away

Your dog or money?

Your dog or money?

I can have another dog, Money

Money? Good

Let's see what's inside

It really is a cheque for 5 million

Mrs. Li, please look behind you

There are two more boxes

One has a lease

for an Arabian oil field

It worth 5 million, more?

Let me see, any more?

50 million, any more

500 million, any more?

Oh my God, that's the jackpot

See if you want to go for it

Give me back your cheque if you do

Are you going for it?

I'm going all the way

Then go pick a box

Let's both not, look inside

I want to trade something of yours

What will that be?

Come over here please

I want to buy your husband's life

If you want to own the oil field

We'll cut off the oxygen supply

Now make up your mind

The oil field or your husband

Think it over carefully

Do you want to stay poor all your life

Or do you want to be a wealthy widow?

What do you think?

Husband or oil field?

Oil field or husband ?

I'd rather be a wealthy widow

Let’s see what your husband 's life is worth

Oh my God

It's a bottle of Arabian oyster sauce

worth $5.55

I think you're a very good MC

I've known that for a long time

But our program director”.

Doesn't recognize talent

That's right

I want to sign a contract with you

If you work for us

You'll be a superstar within a month

A superstar?

Have a cigar and think it over

But I have an eight year contract with MTV

Can't you dissolve the contract?

I'll do that right away

I'll wait for you

That's right

What do you want?

I want to see the manager

Follow me

A magician from Singapore

Is this yourfirst time in Hong Kong?

Yes

I can let you have a try

Sign this eight year contract

But it's a blank paper

Sign your names and I'll fill in the rest

I can't sign a contract like that

Suit yourselves

magicians are the dime a dozen

I need only to run

an ad in the newspaper

And they will come in hundreds

What do you want?

I want to see the manager

Wait here

l have to support my mother and 2 Groupers

- Get in
- Thank you

Miss Wang

What‘s it?

| signed and 8 years contract with this station

It's been over a year now

I haven‘t done anything yet

I can't see my prospect for myself

l have a mother and a brother

and 2 groupers...

that eat shrimps

What do you think you can do?

I'm good at dancing and singing

I've had the pleasure already

I'm sure I can be a top host for shows

Show me

This is the microphone

Ladies and Gentlemen

Horrible...

You know parrots don‘t lie

Why don't we dissolve the contract?

TVC's manager talked to me yesterday

What's your name?

Chih-Wan

Is this your signature?

As long as your contract is in my hands

Your future and freedom are in my hands too

You do whatever I want you to

Stop dreaming of working for other station

Hello, hold on, Miss Wang

Hello

He'll be fired

if he walks near TVC

or even TVC's car

Can you open it?

lam sure you can open it

With your skill and combination known

You have to be able to open it, right?

Open what?

The safe

Whose safe?

Of course it is...

My safe

It's your safe and you want me to open it?

The dial numbers are too complicated

Really?

You just behave yourself

I'm sorry

Can you open it?

It can be done

But breaking in someone's safe

Can get me several years in jail

But if you help me get my contract

I can work for TVC

With my talents,

I'll soon be a superstar

Then I can help you with your...

What's your machine called?

Feel-surround television

Right, l'll promote it all over the world

And the world have four inventors

Albert Einstein

He‘s not as young as you

Isaac Newton, he‘s dead

Your idol Thomas Edison

He's not as handsome as you

And...

Frog

That's right

If you don't help me

You‘ll sit here

Guess what you'll become

What?

A 'Pig brain'

But everybody in the station knows you

How can you get away with it?

I'll figure it out

What's that?

Laughing bomb

What do we need that for?

It can be a lifesaver at emergencies

Your man's clothes are inside

So you can change anytime

Hurry

Over here

It's down below

A great scientist should be courageous

Right, Edison

Are you sure nobody is there?

Of course, it's lunch time

Go down, hurry

Every window's locked, how can we get in

This building was badly built

So?

Everything's broken, watch

There goes another window frame

| get in first, you follow

OK

Is there any more beer?

Yes

Is there any more beer?

Sure

Don‘t be scared

Grab my hand

Do not force you

l have a soft

Are you OK?

I'm thirsty

VVhy?

I urinated thrice

Get up first

Move the table back first

How many safes have you opened before?

Including this one?

Yes

One

What's the combination?

12, 8, 6,25,

34, 42

Aren't you afraid of finger-prints

Should I use my toes?

That's worse

VVhy?

Top prints are bigger

But the police don’t have toe-prints records

If that's true

Every thief in town would have used his toes

That's the reason

why they haven't been caught

OtherWise you think the police are stupid?

Stop mumbling, hurry

I got it

Get them all out first

Save other people as well

That's right

Thief...

The safe...the safe

Stupid parrot

Frog, are you coming out?

Frog, are you all right?

Frog, are you all right? Can you come out?

It has to be opened from outside

What's the combination?

How can I remember?

Where's that card? Where's that card?

It’s with me

What are the numbers?

I can't see, it’s dark here

Oh my God

Don't you have a lighter?

What's the combination?

What's happening?

It's out of gas

Got it

What are the numbers?

Twelve

The next one?

Eight

Go on

Twenty-four

The next one?

Frog, what are you doing?

l burnt the papers

Hold your breathe temporarily

Don't breathe

Wait, Oh, God

God

What have I done to deserve this?

Does God have horns?

You can't even tell God from Devil

Who are you? What are you stealing?

Nothing

What's that bundle?

Toilet papers

That thick a bundle?

I have hemorrhoids

Let me see them

Hit him...

Help...

Trying to get away?

Do you know how to drive?

Don't go away

Miss, you...

It's a pipe, the high heel shoe is over there

Thanks

It's a high heel shoe There's the men's room

I don‘t have to go anymore

That's stranger

Raymond

Go over this list please

Thank you

What are you doing?

Dirty old man

Thank you

My sister and l have to make ends meet lately

So I want to pick some pockets

Will anyone come up for some fun?

Who wants to come up?

That gentleman? Welcome, welcome

Come up please

Don't be shy

Welcome...

What's your name, sir?

Huang

What time is it now?

Forgot to wear your watch?

See if it's in your pocket?

You must have left it at home

I didn‘t

Is this your necklace? It's woman's

This watch is yours, too

It's a lady's again

Unisex is the fashion these days

That's why you're wearing panty hoses

You're pretty fashionable, Mr. Huang

This scarf is yours, too

It's green, are you using it for turban?

You still have an important item with me

Is this your beard?

Hey, you forgot something

Ladies and gentlemen, life is like magic

Often what you see in your front

are not true

You've just seen I put my sister in the safe

Actually...

There‘s a tunnel... it‘s easy

Are you trying to kill me?

You can kill a man like that

What are you doing?

I got a flat tire

A flat tire?

He's Frog's brother

but why in a beard?

Someone must be after him

But why?

How do I know?

You had a beard and now you’re dirty

What are you up to?

Are you coming for these?

Aren't you good at opening safes?

You want steal something?

I want to save a man

Who?

Frog

Frog?

We want to steal my contract

He's locked in a safe

How's he now?

He may have been suffocated

That's why you're being chased?

Why do you want to steal your contract?

You suffer if you're under a contract

I know, I've been under contracts before

Can you help me to open that safe?

and get Frog out?

You almost got me fired a while ago

Now you want me to go to jail?

You‘re crazy

Shih-Chieh

Shih-Chieh

Don't be sentimental

l have to do it myself then

He doesn't know how to open safes

Help him or he’ll be dead

Shih-Chieh

This is what's left Frog, take it

I am going now

Shih-Chieh

Stay out of it

Call him back

I haven‘t gone yet

I'll go with you

They'll grab you if you go like this

What should I do?

Go in

What for?

Go in first

What for?

So you won't be dancing by yourself in your dreams

Miss

You watch here

It's down below

Over here

Frog,..answer me, Frog

May be he’s dead

Let me

Frog, what's happened to you?

King Kong, wait

Surrender your contracts

And I‘ll let you and your brother go

Otherwise you'll be like this parrot

Whatever you say

Go after him

Are you all right?

Sure, don't you know I have a strong skull

Sorry

Are you blind or something?

What are you doing?

Do me a favour, keep quiet

But what's going on

Stop beating each other

And now the Magic Saw

Is that's his student?

Maybe

Tonight we are sawing a man instead of a woman

Be careful

You deserve this

My student cannot appear again

because he's dead

Only I can do shows like that

And now the Magic Saw

Let's see if he can resurrect

The student is better than the teacher

The student is better than the teacher

Let’s see who's better

What time is it?

Is this your watch?

My watch isn’t accurate

what time do you have?

Is this your watch?

Not bad, simple tricks though

Is this your wallet?

See if anything is missing

Talking about pickpocketing, I'm...

Is this identity card yours

This looks like yours too

I know, wonderful performances I'm watching

Hold

Are these your shoes?

Are these your pants?

That's student is good

And now words from our sponsors

Cousin

will you wait for me?

Until death

What's up

What's going on?

Hue, a call for you

Thanks

How is going on?

How did he get in?

I don't know, should I chase him out

You can‘t, it's a live show

Oh, my God

Mr. Chairman

I don't think he's that good

Why do the audience like him so much?

You know why your programs are always so bad

because you can't tell good from bad

Send Miss Wang in

Miss Wang

This was what your promised us

And this is this month's ratings

We dropped by four million

What do the board of directors say?

Miss Wang, you should know what to do

That was pretty fast

2.3 second

What time is the fight?

04:30 PM

Hurry, the newcomers will move in at two

Hurry

Pardon, my intrusion

Are you all right?

Sure, I just lost two toes

I come to thank you for your help

And to invite you to Grouper dinner

You are welcome

Just make sure that if you are in trouble

Don‘t come to me again

You’re joking

Why are you packing?

We're going back to Singapore

Singapore

What about us?

You‘ll have to dance...

by yourself in your dream

I won't have nice dream like that anymore

I'm sorry I got you fired

I was fired before you came along

Who's that?

Mr. Chairman, this is our chairman

You’re both here, that’s marvelous

Can I come in?

Have a seat

Make yourself at home

Have a seat please

Have a seat, chairman

I have to go to golf game right away

You two very talented

I want you to be my managers

We are not qualified for such a job

Not exactly

You are ideal for TV station managers

I'm their agent

You have to deal with me

Get this Indian out to where he belongs

But I'm their agent

I want you to meet the board directors

Please put on the rings of honour

You are part of their family now

Who are they?

All ex-managers

These two frames are reserved for you

Can we hear the new managers plans

Under ourjoint leadership

There will be new personal and policies

We want to make big breakthrough in ratings

Then we'll introduce a new invention

The Feel-surround television set

I'|I sure shock the world

My genius brother will familiarize you with the set

This Feel-surround television set of mine

is designed with the newest electronic devices

Now please watch

On

Off

Anyone wants to try it out?

My machine follows

every move on the screen

It's really fun, try it

Why don't you try it

You try it

I've tried it before, you go

All right

Have a cigarette

Why are you smelling so nice?

Your memory seems no good

this is perfume you gave me

Oh, yes

Have a drink

Sure

I better not, I'm not feeling well

I'll give you a massage then

Feels good

Very

Please don’t clap so many times

This machine is super-sensitive

My brother could invent it

only because of my teaching

Let me use another set for demonstration

Shall I take a shower?

Together with you though

You‘re naughty

Come on

Is the temperature right?

Don‘t scratch me

I'm not, I’m soaping you

Soaping me?

You dare seduce your sister-in-law?

Hui, stop it

You unfaithful woman

Champagne? Let me see how you drink it

Drink it all

Hui, don't get carried away

It's none of your business

Stop fighting

A rotating bed? Start rotating

How are you? Are you all right?

You’ll be all right

You fool

Sit down first

You can‘t do anything right

Are you all right?

This television se will sure shock the world

Will you three sign this contract please?

Thanks

It's one of these blank paper deals again

We can't sign a contract like that

That's right

Come on, sign it

Who likes roast pigeon?

How did it happen?

Pigeon waste sure stinks

It's the contract that stinks

"Before you can be born you have to see God"

"Who will brief you on proprieties"

"With a contract in hand he say:"

"sit down and I'll tell you life"

"If I want you rich I'll make you rich"

"If I'm mad you'll have to sleep in coffin"

"I'm so powerful"

"Sign your contract (contract)"

"Pay your visa fees (Baptism of course)"

"Then go ahead and be born"

"You grow up and start dating"

"Suddenly you find your girl pregnant"

"Her mother screams for a marriage and says:"

"Let's settle on a dower"

"Don't you dare thinking it is free"

"I love only money so dick up your last penny"

"and arrange a big banquet"

"Sign a contract with me (contract)"

"Pay this mother-in-law off
(It's not a small sum)"

"Then your son can be born"

"in Hong Kong one can hardly be free"

"There are so many laws and system"

"As well as so many bills to pay"

"No room for love between husbands and wives"

"Don't fret because hospital bills are worsens"

"You have your kids to support"

"And education is expensive"

"One contract after another (contract)"

"They are always on your back (it's a dog's life)"

"And you say, God, I don't believe this"

"One contract after another (contract)"

"They are always on your back"

"And you say, God, I don't believe this"