Magic Cop (1990) - full transcript

Hey, Aunt Sam is changing
electric appliances for his son again

Chu is so good to her late father

She wrote that she met a boy

and got a job

I do want a job but uncle objects

With hell money, bribe all ghost officers

This year is TV set and video recorder

next year will be a car and a house

with fridge and washing machine

so you must bless me

Dear dad and mom



this is all for this year

I'll burn you more if I make more money
next year

Uncle Fung

Don't pee onto the burning pot

Go back as your father wants you

Aunt Sam, you set fire on something

Shit, I get clumsy as I'm old

Don't blow

Uncle

It's most unlucky to be put out while
burning

Why?

The Hell Gate is opened only once a year

They all want their family to burn them
something

If they get frustrated



what do you think will happen?

Excuse me

Don't blow, Aunt Sam

Why?

Ghost!

It's Ok...

Lin, get some incense here

Aunt Sam, kneel down

Amida Buddha... I didn't mean it

Amida Buddha

Apologize with earnest

Don't blame me

Ok, Aunt Sam, get up

Aunt, it accepts your apology

Does it?

Lin, help Aunt for a rest

Really Ok?

Yes, go and take a rest

Mind your steps

Don't blame me...

Am I really alright?

Yes, don't worry

Yeah, don't worry, go and take a rest

Ghost!

She didn't mean it

Ghost!You ask for this!

Uncle Fung, help... don't

Lin!

It scared me much

Burn incense for it every second and
sixteenth monthly

Yes.

Why are you laughing?

Uncle, you're like a Taoist priest
more than a cop

Both of them work for people

Beer

Waiter, give me some water

Sure.

Thanks, give me some more chips

Give me another ashtray

Don't fool me much

Officer Lam ordered us to disguise well

so you're waiter while I'm guest

You sly!

Don't chat while working

You must fool me too?

Officer Lam ordered me to

You'll know when we finish

Hey, brother

Call me Officer Lam while working
not brother

Ok, you want me to be waiter

but you're enjoying yourself here!

Can you play the piano?

No

That's it

Hey, no news so far

Is the information correct?

What it we retreat?

Is that girl pretty

Sir, we're waiting for a drug transaction

Let's woo girls after work

We've been in here for 2 hour's

What do you mean?

Don't you think we need a companion?

You're getting horny

I find you very stupid

I see, you mean something bad about her?

Just take a look

She has never moved since she came

and her hand has fixed on the briefcase
you think?

Let's question her

Wait for 10 more seconds

What's the difference?

Wait till the song is over

Head, what news?

Single girl? Easy job!

Miss... it's not good? Miss...

Miss, can I sit here?

Miss, we are cops

I suspect a problem about your case

Open it up

You agree if you don't stay a word?

Officer Lam, something here

Freeze!

Miss, I'm charging you of refusal of arrest
drug trafficking, and assulting officers

Don't run

What's the case?

Whatever it is

Chase

Don't run, stand there...

Hold her...

Miss, don't fool anymore

You bitch!

You have help?

Hands up

No, I can't manage it myself

That car, be quick

Officer Lam

Open the door

Call for reinforcement

Hey man, how to write the report?

But on one will believe it

Is it finished?

Nearly

Let me have a look...

At that moment

a Chinese girl broke the window

I, No.2237, flew in there

and we crashed, quite nice...

Why didn't you type it for me?

But I'm only typing a resignation letter

You'd better become a fiction writer

How dare you fool me?

Don't you find her strange?

A bit

You've been there for 2 hours

Can't you find anything about her?

Yes, she lives in Tung Pin Chau

with a granny 78 years old

Everyone calls her Aunt Sam

What again?

Call her and see the body

Are you very tired?

Can't you just use your mind?

Why must you find fault in me?

She is 70 something years old

and you asks her out from Tung Pin Chau

she will need much rest, right?

If I were your buddy

I would break up with you

Can't we fool about?

There's lice on you hair

You have lice there

you're fooling me!

Let's not play

Call up Tung Pin Chau

and ask our men to check

and send you a report

Thanks!

Uncle

Uncle

it's good to go downtown occasionally

Let's go to Sogo, shall we?

I'll go shopping with you

You needn't make up excuse
We'll see the body with Aunt Sam and
back to headquarters

We needn't go anywhere

Uncle!

What did you promise me?

Ask for uncle's permission
if I must go out

I can only see movies with uncle

I mustn't chat with boys
unless I desert uncle

Unless you're with uncle!

Are you alone?

With my uncle

It's good

Your father's dead?

And your mother?

It's a pity

Don't panic
you can get married a second time

Mind you words!

Sorry... is it dirty?

Uncle, you hit him wrongly

He's cleaning it for me

Uncle... sorry it's a misunderstanding...

Who's seeing body of Chan Chu Chu?

I!

Be quick, it's off duty time

Senior, I'm Sergeant 2273

I come to pick you up

Senior, this way please

Uncle, what about...

Where was she shot?

On her leg

It's strange!

Why, there's always a hole if shot
by bullet

But it will always be swollen!

Yeah, why?

Unless she was dead before she got shot!

But she was energetic before she got shot

and dragged me a long way

A dead body will still move

How come a dead body moves?

That's reaction of the joints

There're many way to make a dead body
move

Senior, you're smart

How did she get injured in the head?

No idea, I didn't hit on her head

Where's the autopsy report?

At the police station

Let's read it right away

Sure

Senior, this

Pang, how about the gambling money?

Owe you for the time being

Senior, this way

Chi, two tee

Sure

Is tea OK?

Hot water will do

One hot water, one tea

Yes!

Officer Lam is not yet back, let's wait

The report is nearly done

Head, why is that old bad here?

What old bag? He's Uncle Fung
Senior of Tung Pin Chau

He was a cop before you were born, nut!

I'll go and find Officer Lam

Serve him well

Uncle Fung, water

Thanks

What's going on?
怎么回事？

What? The computer is broken again?

There's no response!

Officer Lam
that computer broke down again

That nut must have kicked off the plug

why are you beautifully dressed?

To go out with you

You mean it?

Sure, he's our man from Tung Pin Chau

He wants to see you

Hi, Uncle, come in

Officer Lam, the report is ready

Good girl, so short time?

I'll get you some candies next time

Sorry, Uncle

Why this?

Hey, where've you been
I've been looking for you

This is Uncle Fung
our senior from Tung Pin Chau

We've met already

You've met? Uncle Fung is smart

just then at the mortuary

a dead body jumped up as he touched it

It scared me much

We're cops but you act like a story-teller

We ask for science

Senior, sit down

You might chat
while I go on with my work

Right, Uncle, this time you come

is about statement of Aunt Sam, right?

That's it

Uncle
I'm sure you've been taught in academy

the way for a brief statement is...

neat, straight, quick

simple, comprehensible, accordingly

I think you can begin

No idea

Uncle, what no idea?

Your or she?

You must have been taught in academy

for a calm analysis about statement

Think it over

Uncle, we all want to solve the case early

Are you fooling us as you said so?

What is it?

Man, if it weren't a strange case

I wouldn't have come

Ok... if what you're going to say

is helpful to the case

I do want to listen

Didn't you want to read
the autopsy report?

Right, I suspect it was dead
before it got shot

You mean I met a ghost?

No, but it was already dead

Uncle, how can a dead body be
drug trafficker?

No, just then at the mortuary...

Shut up!

Uncle, it's now a modern world

and you're so superstitious?

You're superficial!

Uncle

should we offer her a service?

She's not a ghost

You, Ok... she's not a ghost

but she is already dead

tell me what she is then!

She's a dead body

Is she a vampire?

There are many kinds of dead bodies

Dead body long ago will become vampire

If it doesn't stiffen, it's a moving body

I suspect someone's making use of
moving body for drug trafficking

Attention!

Fung Zee!

Whenever I hear about myths

I know it's you

You haven't changed all these years

Why do you keep standing here
like a post?

No, sir, we're discussing about a case

Uncle Fung mentions about someone may
be drug trafficking with moving bodies

Shit, you're a policeman

how can you say such lousy things?

I'll leave now

Want to listen to the case?

Come to my office for a reunion

Officer Lam, come too

Yes Sir

This is for you, sign it

Still hard job

If you hadn't had so much principles then

you would be sitting here now

But principles are principles

Ok, I'll leave it here

Just sign it whenever you like

Let's not beat the bush

Officer Lam

Yes, yes sir

This is classified as confidential now

You're not to mention to anyone except
your men

Yes Sir!

The autopsy report is back

After studying

she died 7 days before the case

No, is the doctor nut?

I do find it strange

Zee, this is just your case

what do you think?

Officer Ma, you believe him?

Sure! When we were partners

he was famous of solving cases quickly

and he solved many strange cases

You needn't flatter me

Officer Lam, just cancel this case

Burn the body!

Yes Sir!

You mustn't burn the body

Hold!

But people will suspect if we keep
the body!

Burn it

We'll have no clues if we bury it

Reasonable, go ahead

You needn't play tricks

I'll do whatever is deserved

Terrific!

But you mustn't hid anything from me

You must report whatever it is

No problem
this is for the sake of everybody

Officer Lam!

Yes Sir

From now on
you'll investigate with Uncle Fung

What di you say?

And to save the moving around

of Uncle Fung

he will move and live with you

You mean it?

It's fixed

Hello, Office Ma, I...

This is an order, go out

Yes Sir!

Right, Officer Ma
you said he soved cases quickly

but why didn't he get promotion
after so many years?

Right, he was quick at solving cases

but I forgot to say one thing
he made mistakes faster

his nick name is Swivel

and made everywhere a mess

You must lay an eye on him

Why do you let him investigate then?

Only he can solve such a case

Ok, goodbye, sir!

Uncle, see if this dress is nice

I'll find you later

Uncle Fung

Is it delicious?

Take one piece

Help yourself

I'll treat

He's newcomer

Uncle, are you fooling me?

We both have no...

She's Uncle's niece, got it?

Yes

What did Officer Ma say?

Officer Ma asked him to help us
investigate

and he is to live with me

Did you promise him?

Of course I am not willing to

But now...

!
Hello!

I have no girl friend, don't fight with me

It depends then

Why? No need for a key?

This is the key

New technology!

Don't get in the way

Come in, make yourself at home

It's very nice

Please close the door, thanks

this is totally abnormal

Uncle, if it's not the place your like

you can do without it

Uncle, the fist are great

Find the pretties one

Excuse me... please

Good!

What are you doing?

Palm reading is more interesting

Palm reading?

Take it for me

That bath tub is funny

Welcome for a try

Sure

Are you dirty?

Uncle, this is a young men's world

It's got to be free

Toilet there, room over there

I've said it's not good for aged people

It's good to live like this

Uncle Fung, there's an inn nearby

You'll find it perfect, you have money?

Take the money, no interest required

You don't even have to pay me back

This is not at all a good place

Uncle Fung, we have a big place

Great, I can save $200

Here is $100

enough for your taxi fare home

Lin, get my slippers for me

Ok, since you like it

I can't help, I'll...

I'll just take a bath

That bastard comes again...

Just take your bath

Take a quick bath

Up and down, rub gently

Uncle, your slippers

Uncle Fung
why don't you come to my place?

Pack the slippers

Up and down, gently

care for my gum...

So fast?

Not yet fixed?

Why is it so noisy outside?

Why so noisy?

What are you doing?

Stop, don't ever touch that...

What do you mean?

You bastard!

?
What are you trying to do?

Uncle, you're too much

this is my home

Hey, you...

Uncle, I warn you

Take away that lamp

A prayer a day makes you alert...

Senior is amending feng shui

of your home

Why must you keep standing by him?

What do you want?

A fight!

Let's go!

Don't think you can make use of
the chance

Shit!

I'm taking back my clothes

Senior, I'll pick you up at 9 tomorrow

Go away!

Uncle, where am I to sleep?

Toilet or bath tub, as you like

and there's perfect inn nearby

Uncle... take it out, will you?

What is it?

The remote control

I don't speak English

You'd better take it out this minute

Uncle

Why don't you sleep?

Come here

Uncle, please take it out

I can't stand anymore

This is a new bed

Well, count the lambs

Sing and make me sleep, please

Ok...

A lamb at the river bank...

fall in the river...

Meh...

Why don't you become a singer?

But it requires technces

Did I wake you up?

But I'm used to doing exercise
before sleeping

Ok, I'll get tea and watch you do it

Get tea? Get me a coffee

Why? What happened last night?

You set up an altar?

It's so hard to predict!

You can't get along with him

but I can!

I can't put up with him a bit

Morning!

Senior, where are we starting today?

We'll go to Tsim Sha Tsui

!
Great!

Go shopping?

Senior... where are you taking me exactly?

This is opened by Chu's boyfriend, Eddie

Didn't you check it?

Uncle

you should have informed us about that

We need a warrant to enter
private premises

We still must go
even if we don't have one

What then?

Watch him or he'll make a mess

what can i do for youCan I help you?
Can I help you?

Senior, let me do this trivial things

Excust me i want go inside to see
Sorry, I want have a look

OK, I want join the club

I am police

This is no police club!

Don't be too smart

Miss, I'm from Commercial Crime Bureau

We suspect of forget money in the market

you'd better cooperate

if you don't want to suffer and loss

Sure...

Open up the cash till

Sure...

There's problem

It's not my fault...

Who gave you this?

Maybe Keung gave me this

Chinaboy Keung?

Don't shoot!

Does he often gives you money?

No... I don't know him very well

For your safety, crouch down...

Thanks

Crouch down

Senior, get inside

Uncle, don't say I care not for you

Stand behind us if anything happens

Are you afraid?

Yes, I'm afraid I can't safeguard you

Senior, let us do this tedious job

Brother

Wait!

Thanks, is Eddie here?

Who wants him?

This is CID

What do you want?

Kepp calm

Who do you want?

Is Eddie in?

Wait a minute

Hello, Eddie, your call

Thanks

Hello, who's it?

Who are you?
Admission only for member

This is CID

We want to talk to Eddie about a case

What's special with CID?

I'm Keung

Is there evidence of our forget money?

Where's evidence? Show me

Don't act rashly...

Eddie's inside

What is it? What's special with cops?

HK is a law-abiding place

Shit your place!

You insult me?

You assult police officers!

Cuff him!

Don't move! Cuff him!

Don't chase

Don't block the way

Take it for me

Take it?

Get off the car

Stop...

I'm police officer

I demand using your car to chase thieves
ok?

Good cooperation!

Brother...

How's it? Did you chase him?
Where's he?

In vain!

What, Uncle Fung let him get off!

He meant to let him off

but without bait!

It's Ok... let's go back to the station

What are you doing, Uncle Fung?

Chasing by fortune-telling

Nut!

What nut? Young man

They're worshipping fairies, do it better

Young man, what's he doing?

He's not worshipping?

How can I know what he's up to?

You don't know him?

Officer Lam!

You said you didn't know him?

I've found him, let's chase him

What about him now?

Take up the incense and it'll be fine

Take up the incense and he will...

Help take up the incense...

?
How come?

What is it?

Let's go

It's stink!

I must search as it's our rules!

Sorry!

Come in

Boss!

Police come for Chu!

Boss won't keep anything you've touched!

Clean the blood on your forehead

I want money to flee

You will die soon, why bother?

Spare me...

There's people like us in police force?

Get ready

Yes

Stop!

Reverse!

Drive up there

It's not a drive

What is going on?

That car

A powerful one

Uncle, take us as your understudy

The car's here
but he's nowhere to be found

He must be inside

How do you know?

You hear what he says

Look, two snakes outside the door

and the sun can't get in

there's fog around

so it's the place for him

it's a suitable place, I say

Uncle, we're investigating

not feng shui!

You don't believe?

If we take this as evidence in court

the judge will send you to prison surely

I care only about catching thieves

22376, stand here

You are to call headquarters now

and send men to check the car and
to barricade the scene

You mustn't take your own action, ok?

Brother

This is an order

hey, do you mean it?

You want me to be a man of Feng Shui
or a cop?

Tell me...

Sorry, teacher

Uncle, being your supervisor

I order you to lay an eye on the car
come on

I must sure you...

Teacher, is he all right?

I must sue you...

The most is to change a car

I hope he is all right

Look, there's mud all over the garden

This should be a lime land

Is lime white in color?

It's black and white!

It's really lime powder
what's the use of it?

Carbon powder humid resistant
and lime powder preserve things

This is traditionally way to
preserving bodies

There's glass

Division of Nine Daisies

Division of Nine Daisies?

All magic and things come from China

At Tang Dynasty
China and Japan got in trade

That division was found then

What's the use of glass?

To gather mist and sun, moon power

so as to make a body use

It's black magic

Teacher, then...

But it gets into black magic

I see, teacher

You tested it with your jade

and found they are of the devil side?

Let's get rid of the devils, teacher

It's very dangerous inside

What about now?

Again?

Swivel!

Uncle, say if anything's wrong

I'll complain about you when we're back

If we can solve cases by worshipping

why don't we hire Taoist priests as cops?

Teacher, brother, I've checked...

Apples are sweet!

No!

Let's go

What information is there?

I've found the owner has a
Japanese restaurant

Has he?

Yes

I'll check on my own without Uncle

No, it's better to check with teacher

He'll just spoil everything

let's go

Uncle, we're going to cinema

Yes, teacher

where're you going?

To cinema

I've bought some food for you, eat it first

No, thanks

We're indeed very hungry

You...

Uncle

I've told you not to run about

Knowing you work hard

I bought you this

Great, it's a hamburger

Yes, Officer Lam loves hamburgers

Officer Lam

Pour me a glass of water

It's a tough case

Sure it is, the car got ruined

but no news

Teacher

is there other way to control the body?

There're five ways

but all requires spells

but nothing is on her body

I know, Uncle

We can catch the man once

we find the spell?

Shit!

I'll get you another

Let's go, time's up

Let's eat on the way

We shall go together

You go too?

To mortuary, there's clue

There's clue?

Get incenses!

Evidence is on the head, drag it out

Yes!

Fire!

Fire!

They used an Ice Spell

Ice Spell?

Right, ice melts once inside human body

so nothing came up in the report

Uncle, you are smart

You can figure this out!

Let's go, time's up

Sorry, we're leaving now

Let's go

Let's go

What are you doing?

Lock him up so that he won't block us

No, it's so cold inside

You want to freeze him?

No, he won't be frozen!

Let's go

Let him out

I'll let him out only after our work

Let me sign this first

Watch out!

Shit! What are you up to?

You want to knock me down, get out!

Get the key here, gun's of no use

Don't try to be a hero

It's a car key

Knock him over

Hold on

Moving body! Teacher, moving body!

Climb up!

!
Sure!

Don't get down or you'll die

How come?

So mighty?

Teacher, help!

Drag me up now

Be careful!

Get up!

Take it

Yes

I got it

I caught it

No!

Get up

Get help

What now?

Three persons are too heavy

It's bad!

Run fast

Yes!

Fire!

Hide yourselves!

I...

Teacher, it's coming

Light the fire!

Not here!

Run fast

You burnt the mortuary, why?

Investigation!

Investigation? Corpses assulted you or
someone robbed the corpses?

How am I to write the report?

Write accordingly, I've told you that

Ok, but you needn't have made
such a mess!

Officer Lam!

Yes Sir

Why is there such a mess?

Say if you find him lousy!

It's Ok, just tell him

Uncle is very stubborn

he rejects orders, and old-fashioned too

he has no sense of science

Is there any praise?

He's a good cop

You mean he's a good cop?

I'm just doing my duty

Just then you said he was stubborn

but he has his principles

you said he's old-fashioned?

But it works

He as no sense of science?

But this case accounts for no science

You mean you believe in him?

I'd have died if I hadn't believed him

He rescued me!

Have you finished?

Take it out with you

Ok, since you are so cooperative

I'll support you even though I must quit

Yes Sir!

Take the clothes for your life-saver!

By the way, Officer Ma

Go on eating

You like noodle, this is for you

You are so good to me

Different food each meal, so troublesome

Let's eat together

Ok, it's much better this way

It saves all the trouble

It's like a family eating together

Yeah... like a good family

We will soon solve the case

This is no ordinary thieves

You two are absolutely not up to it

so I'll arrange everything from now on

or you'll get in danger

Thanks, teacher

Not you, but him

I'd better get some water

Hey, brother

Uncle, is Officer Lam in danger?

Do you know the power of the jade?

Cast evils away, it's your protector!

Give whoever needs it!

I will, Uncle

Brother, show respect to older people

I've swallowed it

Hush...

Sorry, wait a minute, I'll be back soon

What is it?

I want...

What do you want?

I want you to go away as
I want to see Officer Lam

Officer Lam again, why?

Uncle really cares about you

This jade casts evils away, put it on

Be frank, if Uncle gives me this jade

I won't be happy

But if it's given by you

I'll take it as a love gift

Lousy!

Shit, it's a failure!

You must put it on!

With earnest!

Uncle, whatever you say!

Morning, teacher
where shall we go today?

We go nowhere today

Lay an eye on him and don't let him
fool around

Teacher, where are you going?

What is it?

Why are you so well dressed?

You needn't be smart

I will beat you for sure

Yeah... let's go

Where to?

You checked the owner has a
Japanese restaurant?

What then?

We mustn't let Uncle think we're helpless

Let's take a look

What are you doing?

Teacher told me before he left

he asked me not to let you fool around

We needn't care about him as
we're cops tool

But he said that!

I won't argue with you

Take me the car key, be quick...

Don't find faults!

Coming...

Didn't you say you'd not go?

I fear you'll ruin my car, right?

Morning!

Welcome!

I feel uneasy here

don't panic!

How many party?

Two

This way please

Please sit down

Why? Why are you looking around?

Don't you find that girl strange?

Is she like the girl last time?

You needn't be afraid, right?

You have it, but I don't

It's no use checking in here

I'd better leave now

Leave? Sit down

We're investigating drug trafficking
what do you want?

You mean there're subways once
we open the door?

And drug makers

greet you?

Is it like this?

No, I...

We can finally meet face to face

But I don't know you, what to say?

I'd better not beat the bush

Don't be lousy, I've warned you!

Take it if you don't find me lousy

We are from different groups

we'll both suffer if we fight on

What about having a drink?

Since you propose of peace

then it's a deal, we'll leave

Let's go

You can't just leave like this

Can't we? What must we do?

There's a saying:

All of you is from your parents

I break my hair, anyone who eats words
will result this way

Ok... no problem...

All of you is from your parents...

Don't move!

Making a phone call?

So there's someone else

Kill him!

Someone will rescue him
I wonder who saves him

Uncle, rescue Officer Lam now
he'll soon die

Teacher, try your best

Teacher, just then we...

I know, he got trapped and is freezing

Can you rescue him?

Every man has three fires

We can force the fires on his head
and into his veins

then he'll feel warm

and won't be freezing anymore

But he's unconscious

But you are conscious!

I?

Concentrate and close your eyes

I can't!

I'll help you

Teacher, he's swelling

Shit! There's something in his mouth

and that will swell and contract!

Don't get the head out of the fridge

I'll come to help if it contracts

Uncle, his heart beats stop
what shall we do?

It's ok!

Get some inflammable material and
block the doors

Help, Uncle

Let me go, Uncle, help!

Uncle, help, help me quick!

Lin...

I'm not Taoist
that mirror has no effect on me

Uncle...

Get down now

Yes!

Bitch!

How is it?

Teacher!

Uncle, how are you?

I'm ok

Teacher, what are you doing?

I'll see what it will do

No need, it must die like this

Hey... do it

Not it!

This is blind!

Run quick!

Uncle!

Pull me up

Teacher isn't dead!

Teacher, are you Ok?

I'm alright

Uncle

Let's see Lin

Sure, let's go

I've found a mirror

Crawl down!

Look outside

Put it up, don't let go

- Help teacher up there
- Uncle!

Try not to get close to that pile!

Teacher
I'll take you for good food next time

Walk faster

Aunt, sorry!

Nut!

Teacher, what rule is this?

Why must we jump while walking past?

Sand got in my shoes!

Still some sand in that shoe!

Get in the boat!

Thanks!

Goodbye! I'll see you if I have time

Sure!

Bye!

Get going!

Bye!

Bye!

Uncle

I left my walkman in Officer Lam's house

I'll come back by the next boat

Take it

Lay an eye for me

Just three days

it's deal

Bye!

Teacher
I'll accompany you for three days

I want three day leave, three days!

Bastard! You're smart this time

Bye!

Bye!