Madly in Love (1981) - full transcript
Barnaba, a rude bus driver who enjoys the attention of women, one day meets Principessa Cristina, the princess of a local principality.
Alitalia flight 1700,
arrival from St. Tulipe.
Here they are!
In representation of the city of Rome
I hereby welcome...
...the king and the queen
of St. Tulipe Principality
His Majesty Gustave VI, his spouse
Betsy and the princess Cristina.
There`s nothing more appropriate
of a poem from the great poet Carducci...
...to express our elation
for this very pleasant visit of yours!
"O immane statua bronzea,
su dirupato monte..."
"...solo i grandi t'aggiungono..."
Here they come!
Is it true that you need 50 billions
to prevent bankruptcy?
- Are you here to ask for a loan?
- "No comment!"
Go away!
- Is it the first time
you visit Rome? - Yes.
- Are you excited?
- Yes. very much.
- Are you going to visit Rome?
- Yes, the monuments, the Pincio..
...San Peter, the Roman "hole"...
- The roman hole?
She meant the Foro Romano.
Please, this way.
MUSIC
LOUD VOLUME
Barnaba, do you have a cigarette?
Give me a cigarette, then.
How weird! He says yes
but he doesn`t give me a cigarette!
Goodmorning, Barnaba. You entered
the elevator because I was in.
But you know that I am married
and got two kids.
I am not like the other women
in the neighbourhood.
But you think that being alone
in the elevator...
...I will kiss you.
You are smart with women!
Goodmorning, Barnaba.
Later on I will clean your flat.
The garage`s keys.
ENGINE
Hi, mates! I am late
so tonight I am off earlier!
Goodmorning, the driver of nr 29
welcomes you all on board.
Next stops are:
Piazza Verdi, Via Nomentana.
Outside temperature is
28 degrees.
The arrival to next stop
is scheduled in 1 minute 40 sec.
Just ring the bell if you
want coffee or tea. I will treat you.
> Thanks, Barnaba!
- When Barnaba drives, taking
the bus is a pleasure. - That`s true.
- Goodbye, Barnaba!
- Bye, Barnaba!
ATAC is happy to have hosted you all.
Please don`t forget
personal stuff and hand luggage.
Bye, Barnaba.
- Bye, Angela.
- Are we going to the movies tonight?
- I can`t, I am going out with Loredana.
- What about tomorrow?
- With Elvira. Are you free
on monday at 5? - Sure.
What a shame! I am busy.
Shall we do at 6?
- To me is fine.
- To you. - And to you?
- To me too.
- Then at 6. Bye.
TELEPHONE RING
Hello? May I talk to the officer
of the german embassy.
Tomorrow at 9 His Majesty will meet
the governor of the Central Bank.
"Wow!"
Check that way.
- When are you leaving? - On time,
in 3 minutes and 24 seconds.
- Can`t you leave now?
- Why such hurry?
- Here is full of "cocoriti".
- What?
- Those who annoy foreign women.
- The parrots!
I am in a hurry.
Well, are you leaving?
- Ok. Where are we going?
- I would like to see Rome.
- Where do we begin?
- Are you going to Trevi`s Fountain?
We can go.
- Is this the way you curve?
- Only in curves.
- Don`t you look at the road?
- I can see it reflecting in your eyes.
- Really?
- Sure, try to close them.
NOISE
See?
Oh!
- See what you have done?
- I closed my eyes.
She closes her eyes and you crash?
Look at this.
You should pay attention!
I`ll need 50.000 liras
to fix it!
Take this.
- They are 70.000.
- I`ll pay your lunch. - Why?
(whispering)
Something great happened.
- What did it happen?
- I fell in love.
- Of me?
- No, of her.
- Why are you whispering?
- She doesn`t know that.
- Shall I tell her?
- No, you`re too ugly. Bye.
We`ve arrived,
this is Trevi`s Fountain.
- It`s beautiful!
- You are beautiful. - Thanks.
If you wish to come back to Rome, devi gettare
you must throw a coin in the fountain.
- My name`s Barnaba, and yours?
- Cristina. - That`s a queen`s name.
Are you a queen?
Not yet.
I want to see if what you said
is true.
- Can you change a copax?
- What is it?
A copax.
- That`s gold! How much is it worthy?
- 800.000 liras. Can you change it?
I don`t have coins.
- I`ll throw it, so I come back!
- A golden coin!
- A little coin would have been enough.
- That means I`ll come back often.
- After our honeymoon.
- No kidding. Shall we go?
Do you know what?
I do never joke.
As soon as I saw you,
I decided that we would get married.
- What else do you want to see?
- Many things, but I have no time.
- There`s a lot of traffic here.
- I know a shortcut.
The pics will be out of focus.
Hold on!
Now we drive through via dei Coronari,
the antiquarian`s street.
CLACSON
- A stronzo! (n.d.r.you ass-hole)
- What does it mean "astronzo"?
It`s a compliment. If you like
somebody you call him "astronzo".
This is the Foro Romano.
- Today is thursday, the Foro is closed.
- Are you sure it`s thursday? - Yes.
Look at the calendar.
You`re right! It`s not thursday.
If you meet a policeman
"Water your mouth". (ndr mum`s word)
If we see a policeman
we must drink?
- Drink?
- He said "water your mouth".
That`s a saying. Can you talk
if you have water in your mouth?
- Too bad! Are there no "demostene"?.
- Who?
- A guide.
- Un cicero!
I will be your cicero.
I know Rome`s history.
What is this?
- Can you see it?
- What is it?
It`s a plow. Can`t you hear the oxen?
MOO
Etruscan oxen.
Romolo is plowing.
But his brother Remo told him...
..."Why don`t we call this town
Amor?"
"No", Romolo said, as
he always contradicted him...
..."We`ll call it Roma
and nobody can enter here."
But Remo, being distracted,
put his foot in a groove.
Then Romolo attacked him
and they had a terrible fight.
Don`t do this, Remo!
What a pain!
Whose arm is that?
When I fight with myself,
I am terrible.
Then Romolo said:
"We don`t have anymore girls".
He took the chariot and left.
WHINNY
WHIP
Barnaba? I can`t see you anymore.
Barnaba, where are you?
- Here I am!
- What are you doing?
The rape of the Sabine women.The Romans
and the Sabine fell in love at first sight.
But I am not a sabine.
And I am not a roman.
Keep on telling the story.
What happened then?
There were the seven kings of Rome,
who were seven like the hills.
They said: "Why fighting?"
And they got one hill each.
So the Romans marched
at roman pace...
...they arrived in France
at french pace...
...and in Spain at spanish pace.
But they met some brawny fellows...
...with such a beard.
No, such.
No, such.
And said: "What a bear!"
They were dressed in a barbarian way.
The barbarians, with the beard.
The head of barbarians said:
"Ehi, bear..."
"...what are the Romans doing?"
"They lay down
and eat grapes with one hand."
"And with the other one?"
"They touch the women slaves."
"Don`t laugh! And with the other one?"
"They play zither."
"And with the other one?"
"They drink wine."
"All their hands are occupied?"
"All of them."
"Let`s go."
So they crossed the Alps
and they destroyed the Roman Empire.
- See the empires? Just kick them
- Wow! Let`s go.
HONKING
- Tank it up? - Yes, 2.000.
- 2.000 litres? - 2.000 liras.
The bigger their cars
the more churlish they are.
- Where do you come from?
- From a land in central Europe.
- You can`t find it even on the globe.
- Is it France?
- Can`t you find France ?
- I have a very small globe.
Mister, I clean your windows.
Absurd! Unbelievable!
What do you mean "disappeared"?
- Did you look well? - Sure.
- What`s his name... - Corman.
- Corman!
- Here I am, Sir.
We`ve been looking everywhere.
- Your daughter is crazy.
- Please, Gustave, do something.
You`re right. Corman,
call the Ministry of Internal Affairs.
No, just a moment!
And the media, Sir?
- What`s wrong with the media?
- What about our relationship with the banks?
What our friends
in St. Tulipe will think?
- What are we going to do?
- I have an idea. Corman, go away.
Better to act alone,
my men will do something.
- You are beautiful.
- Thanks. Are you changing clothes?
- What?
- I forgot to comb my hair.
- But you have a hat!
- My hair are a mess under the hat.
- Ready?
- Just one moment.
(singing) Take it easy,
you can even take your all life.
Ready?
Yes.
And now what?
Outside is hot,
so I came back here.
I understand.
- What did you understand?
- That you want to stay with me.
- You`re wrong.
- Then go out! - I don`t want to!
I mean, I will.
She`s not here,
let`s look somewhere else.
A friend of mine
met a girl.
As soon as he saw her
he got a stroke.
Because she was not that nice,
she was a monster.
But you are beautiful.
- Have you ever been in love?
- Not really.
- When I was a girl I had a
terrible "crash". - What?
When you get suddenly in love.
- A crush.
- Have you ever been in love?
- Never so seriously, until today.
- Are you in love? I am happy for you.
- Who`s she?
- Are you kidding?
- I am in love with you.
- Yes, I knew.
But love declarations
embarrass me a lot.
I received the last one
from one of the Krupp..
...the cannons` producers.
- Do you love me or not?
- If not, I`ll kill myself.
- I don`t believe you.
- Then say something.
- Shall I ? - You say and you`ll see.
- No.
- No?
But...
Now I must kill myself.
I am going to kill myself.
Barnaba?
Barnaba!
Barnaba?
Barnaba!
Barnaba!
Barnaba!
- Barnaba!
- Pss... - Barnaba!
You are alive.
- And what if I kiss you in public?
- I would slap you.
- But, if we`d get married...
- You and I?
We would be a great couple.
You are beautiful
and I am much better than you are.
- There are some problems.
- I have no problems.
I see, the age difference.
In 20 years you`ll be 40,
but it doesn`t matter.
PEDLAR SHOUTING
Ehi, come here.
ARAB SPEAKING
- Do you like it? - Why?
- For the bedroom.
- A white carpet would fit it.
- Are you crazy?
You`re right,
a dark carpet is better.
ARAB SPEAKING IMITATION
He can`t understand.
ARAB SPEAKING
- He says he doesn`t have dark carpets.
- No dark carpets?
Go away! Shame of you?
ARAB INSULTING
- You ass-hole!
- Everybody likes you, don`t they?
Yes.
- Give me the cap.
- Why?
I am going to dive.
Wow!
> Madame de Tebe, the famous fortune teller
will show your futur...
...on the palm of your hands.
The clouds are clearing away...
...I can see a wedding.
You`ll get married very soon.
I can see your husband.
Yes, I can see him!
He`s tall...
...wide shoulders...
...intelligent eyes...
...and a nice smile.
Yes! That`s your man!
He`s a mark on his body.
Three dots...
...star shaped
near his navel.
Three dots
just on his navel.
I can see!
I can read his name!
What a nice name!
It starts with "B"!
Ba... Ba... Barnaba!
- Did you talked to each other?
- No.
- Confess it, you gave her money.
- No.
How could she know those things?
- She`s my aunt! - Cheater!
Swindler! Buffoon!
- You are good!
- I`ll tell you a secret.
- I am a police lieutenenat.
- Lieuttenant? - Yes.
- Strange, I though you were a General.
- Miss, you won a doll!
I don`t like it.
I want the monkey.
- Give her the monkey.
- That`s pretty, it looks like you.
- Really?
- He`s more hairy.
We never give the monkey
to anybody.
If it`s a prize, you should give it.
Then I`ll give it for 5 jackpots
with one shot!
Give me the rifle.
Wow!
I`ve never seen something like that.
You are very good!
Are you a policeman too?
I`ll tell you a secret.
I have a big butt.
I don`t think so, you are normal.
You are thin.
That`s a saying,
it means that I am lucky.
- I have a dinner at Campidoglio!
- Is it a restaurant?
I will take you to a
luxurious pizza place.
- Is it on the Michelin? - On the Tiber.
- God, I must really go!
- At what time?
- At nine.
- It`s nine.
- Nine? - Yes.
(together) God!
This is Cristina,
can I talk to my father?
- It`s princess Cristina.
- Finally!
- Cristina!
- Dad, how are you?
Where are you? Who`s there?
- A friend.
- Which friend? Come back!
Everthing`s fine,
see you later for dinner.
Everybody`s waiting for you,
the mayor, the cardina...
- Oietti. - The governor
of the Central Bank.
- The minister of Turism.
- Please, come back soon.
- It`s an order.
- What are you doing? - Let me talk.
Don`t be angry,
your daughter is with me.
Who are you?
Cecchini Barnaba,
bus driver.
I`ll take her to dinner
and then I`ll send her home.
To dinner?
I can pay, don`t worry.
Goodbye.
- How did he sound like?
- He was kind.
Your daughter is going to dinner
with a bus driver.
When we met, you took me to
a eastern restaurant!
I was goint to be a prince.
Send your men,
check the best restaurants!
One moment!
Can I suggest something?
- Tell me. - Usually
a bus driver...
brings a girl to a pizza place.
- Check all the pizza places.
- Corman!
- Do you like this place?
- It`s nice.
It`s better than Campidoglio.
I live there.
We`re renting a flat.
- When we will be married...
- When?
Ah! You want to know
when we will be married.
Is it fine this month on the 27th?
I`ll get my salary, 15 vacation days,
honeymoon.
Venice, Trieste, Monza.
- Well?
- What shall we order?
Mario cooks some great
filled up calzoni.
Really?
- Hi, Barnaba.
- Hi, Mario.
What a beautiful girl!
Every night a new one!
- What do you want to eat?
- I would like your filled up ``pants``.
- The calzoni. - We have only suppli`.
- Nothing else?
- No.
Then I choose the suppli`.
What are you having?
- Suppl?.
- Do you have suppl??
- Yes.
- Then bring them!
- You will like them.
- What do they taste like? - Suppl?.
I would like to buy
that rented flat.
Down a wall and
we have four rooms.
- Four?
- Isn`t it fine?
- How many rooms do you have?
- Well...
Forty-two.
- What`s the name of the hotel?
- What? - The hotel makes profit.
We get the money from the casino.
Do you know what is it?
Sure, that thing with prostitutes!
I don`t need money from your parents,
even if they are so rich.
We could get married only if...
- If?
- If it would snow in august.
It will.
- This wine is good.
- Be careful. It`s good, but tricky.
They call them "phone suppl?"
because they have the wire.
- Hello? Is it Cristina?
- Yes.
Today was a wonderful day.
Let`s talk about tomorrow.
I am off at 4, we meet at 5,
I talk to dad...
...and ask to marry you.
Is it ok?
Hello? Hello?
Broken connection.
Why are you laughing?
- You have two noses and four eyes!
- No more wine.
- They are in a pizza place.
- What do they do? - They eat suppl?.
You wait for the best moment
to block the man...
...and take back the princess.
- Ok, Corman.
(tipsy voice)
I will tell you a secret.
Don`t get scared.
I am Cristina from St. Tulipe.
- I am a princess.
- Don`t exaggerate.
- Mario, the bill!
- Don`t you believe me?
- I am a princess.
- And I am the duke of Windsor.
- That`s impossible, I know him.
He`s my godfather. - The bill.
- I don`t want to leave. It`s early.
- We have to go.
- Let`s dance.
- Better to go.
Can`t we dance?
I will dance alone.
Somebody wants to dance with me?
- I will.
- How nice. - Tango!
MUSIC
- You can`t dance with this lady.
- Why not?
- I say not.
- Or?
I can`t say, you would
get scared.
I`ll show you what I can do.
What a beast!
Oh! What are you doing?
Put me down! Put me down!
Wow!
- I am tired, I am sleepy.
Where are we going? - At home.
- Where do you live? - Who?
- Me. - I don`t know.
- I can`t remember.
- Come on, no kidding.
I feel sick. Take me to sleep.
Let me go! I can walk.
The suppl? and the wine were good.
The wine was better.
- Nobody around.
- It`s the good moment. Let`s go!
It will take longer,but nobody will see us.
There it is.
Damn!
We can`t search around all over the houses.
Soon or later they will go out,
just wait.
- Goodnight, dear.
- Barnaba.
- Yes? - I just wanted to say
that I had a wonderful day.
You are so nice, so good.
You are a real "astronzo".
Thanks. Time to sleep.
BARNABA SNORES
- Cristina! Where are you going?
- At home.
- I will take you there.
- No, impossible - Why?
I bet it`s impossible! You locked me inside!
Cristina, open the door!
> Open! Open!
SINGING
knocking
Nobody`s there.
Who`s knocking?
There`s nobody here.
Not even here.
> I am here!
- Barnaba! What are you doing in the drawer?
- What else should I do? I am sleeping.
Usually I sleep in the bed.
Cristina!
Where are you going?
Cristina!
Well, this is Cristina.
But she has soft hair,
like a spring breeze...
...and shining eyes,
like the sun at dawn. Got it?
I was forgetting a very important
detail.
I am madly in love with her.
The blood.
You must look for her and bring her here
as soon as you find her.
Got it? Come on, guys!
Look everywhere.
- Some tea, sir?
- Yes, please.
Well, can you tell us what
did you do yesterday night?
You`ve been with him all night.
What happened?
Cristina, I order you to talk to me.
Talk!
Ok, now I should go.
I`ve a meeting at the Central Bank.
But we still need to talk.
We still do!
Cristina, my dear,
you can tell me.
Me too, in Venice, I spent a night
with a gondoliere.
What a paddle!
And the way he moved it!
There was nothing between us.
It`s an old story.
Italian men are not the same men
as in the past!
- Today Barnaba is in a different
mood. - That`s true.
- Maybe because he can`t find
his girlfriend. - That`s true.
- What`s up? - How long have you been here?
- Since sunrise. So what?
Did you see a woman
with her eyes as blue...
...as the clouds in the sky
at march?
"As clouds in the sky at march."
- Of whom I am madly in love.
- "Of whom I am madly in love."
- Madly with final "y".
- With final "y".
- Is it correct to stop like this?
- No. - Go away then!
- Have you seen her? - Go away!
- Have you seen her?
- The one with blue march eyes?
- Yes. - No, I haven`t!
Why didn`t you tell me before!
- What`s up?
- If you see her, just tell me. - Ok.
- You know where I am going?
- Yes, I know.
- Where am I going?
- To fuck off! - Good.
- We found her.
- I found her.
She`s got also a camera.
- Hi!
- It`s me! - It`s me!
That`s not her.
(Tv) At Porto Ercole there was
the yearly windsurf competition.
The participants came
from all over the world...
Do you want some?
I forgot you eat only peanuts.
Barnaba, do you want a soup?
You can`t live without eating.
With so many women, he just fell in love
with a heartless one!
(Tv) This is princess
Cristina from St. Tulipe...
...visiting Rome.
She`s wearing the uniform
of tenent of Royal Guards.
Iris! I found her!
That`s her, the princess!
- Iris! lris!
- What`s up?
It`s her!
Which of those three ones?
(Tv) The princess is a guest
of the St. Tulipe embassy...
...at Aventino.
- I found her!
I found her! I found her!
Calm down.
- Still him!
- Be careful, he`s dangerous.
- Stop. - What is it? - Where
are you going? - To the embassy.
- And this?
- He`s a friend of mine.
- He`s clean.
- Even a monkey. - You can go.
- Warn Corman. The suspect person
is arriving. - Alright.
Yes, he`s arrived.
- I am Corman, who are you looking for?
- The princess.
- Princess Cristina?
- Are there other ones?
- Who are you? - Cecchini Barnaba.
- Do you have an appointment? - No.
- But I am a friend of hers.
- Without appointment...
...the princess
will never meet you.
- You think so. Give her this.
- This? -Yes, go.
Ok, I go.
I am waiting for
a funding of 50 billions...
...and you give me a monkey?
- It`s for Cristina.
- Who sends monkeys to my daughter?
- Cecchini Barnaba.
Again! Take him away!
Arrest him.
May I suggest something.
This man could be a fool
and talk to the media.
- And in this moment it wouldn`t be
good for us. - You`re right.
- He could blackmail us. I take care.
- No, I take care.
I want to see his face.
Bring him here.
Can I suggest something?
Sometimes it`s better to give money.
Hi, dad.
Do you like my?
It`s a Finkleman.
How much does it cost?
- Three millions.
- Three millions?
We should reduce our costs.
This is mine! How come is here now?
Is Barnaba here?
- He`s coming.
- I want to say hello. - No.
This morning I locked him
in a drawer. I want to apologize.
Yesterday you played the turist,
but today you`re a princess again.
- Go away immediately!
- Alright, don`t get angry.
Go out.
> Mr Cecchini Barnaba.
I want to talk to Cristina.
Where`s she?
Young men, we are the ones that want to know.
- We, who?
- Plural maiestatis.
We the rulers talk always in plural.
what do you want?
He wants to meet Cristina.
- He, who?
- Barnaba.
- We folks talk always singular.
May I? - No. - Thanks.
Just ignore any formality.
My daughter is not here.
You are her father!
I am happy to meet you!
- We talked on the phone.
- Yes, I remember!
- Let`s talk seriously.
- Ok.
- Probably you took some pictures
of Cristina. - Yes, in her bathing suit.
- She spent the night with you.
- Yes, in my house.
Alright, I understand.
Did you realize that I am here
to ask you...
Is it ok 10 millions?
Yes, but you should reduce costs.
- The decorations, the reception,
the dinner... - Which dinner?
The bride pays for the dinner.
We can put a limit to the guests` list.
This is mine.
See?
I could cancel the last two people.
Do you really want to marry
my daughter?
Yes.
- Are you serious? - Sure.
- That`s incredible!
Cristina has many admirers.
Wealty, industrials...
...even a oil business man.
What`s your job? - I am a BUSBUSINESSMAN.
- What?
- A bus driver.
So, are you happy?
I knew you were a democrat.
- Is it fine this month on the 27th?
- Son! - Dad!
Enough! Just tell me one reason why
you should marry Cristina.
- Because I am in love.
- Let me give you an advice.
- Forget her. - Fine.
- Ignore her. - Never seen.
- She`s not the right woman for you.
- Whom is she?
- I don`t know!
- We should arrange something for her.
- That`s true. Maybe we need
a referendum. - Good idea.
What are you talking about!
You are not going to meet heranymore.
Now you are clear.
Before you didn`t say that.
- That`s the way it was, I think.
- Yes.
I don`t have a watch,
I take back the flower...
- But you`ll see. Remember.
- I`ll remember.
- Shall I go or shall you go?
- You go. - Thanks.
VOICE
"LARGO AL FACTOTUM"
from the ``Barber of Siviglia``
``Lui la notte non pu? pi? dormire.
Tutti i giorni
non fa che soffrire.
Non lo fa vivere il gran dolore,
prova d'amore per quella l?.
Cotto cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
Cotto, cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
Cotto, cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
E' innamorato di quella l?!
E' innamorato...
...di quella l?, di quella l?,
di quella l?!``
TELEPHONE RINGING
- Barnaba, this is Elvira.
- I am not there.
We should have gone dancing.
Why didn`t you come?
If I am not there,
how can I give you an answer?
TELEPHONE RINGING
- I`ve just said I am not there.
- Not even for me?
Cristina! I am there for you.
- Thanks for the night song.
- Just to be nice.
Yesterday I met your father.
I asked him to marry you.
He didn`t quite agree,
but there are no big problems.
- Is it fine tomorrow morning at 9?
- To get married?
I booked for the 27th.
Tomorrow morning we chose the favors.
Even the favors!
First of all I would like
to have breakfast with you..
...in a dairy where they bake
great croissants.
- Tomorrow morning I`m having breakfast
with Pertini. - He can come too.
- That`s impossible.
- Why?
BUZZ
Damn!
- What`s up?
- A mosquito.
Wait a moment.
Tomorrow morning you can`t.
- Is it ok tomorrow afternoon at 16
at nr 29 end point? - I can`t.
- I am very busy.
- Can`t you find a minute?
- Let`s have lunch at Mario`s.
- I can`t.
- I have a big "receipt"
at the embassy. - What?
When you invite many people.
- A reception!
- Yes. - Then I will be there.
To be honest is an invitation lunch
with many famous people.
Then you can invite me.
Do you feel seating among many other
important people?
I understand.
I am not good enough, am I?
You`re so haughty, snob and spoiled.
After we`re married,
you`ll change behaviour.
Stupid.
Presumptuous.
- Moron.
- Moron to who?
- You!
- Then I heard well.
Very well.
Do you want an invitation?
I`ll send it.
Now.
(english speaking)
(french speaking)
ATAC.
- War cross.
- First Communion.
- My invitation.
- Thanks.
Hi, Cristina.
Who`s this beautiful woman?
She looks like you.
- She`s my mother.
- I thought she was your sister.
Very kind of you.
And so nice!
Are you a gondoliere?
- No, bus driver.
- Too bad!.
Sir, I take care.
Hi, Gustavo! How are you?
Fine.
- Did you invite him?
- Surely not.
- Did you invite him?
- Did you invite him?
- Yes, I invited him.
- She invited him.
Cristina!
No! The wine drives her crazy.
Do you remember?
- Here you are.
- Thanks.
It`s delicious.
Not so much but...
Hey guys, they invited
a bus driver!
- A bus driver at the embassy?
- Yes, I know him.
- His name is Barnaba.
- I know him too!
- Everybody knows him.
- Stop it! You serve the turkey.
Come on!
Alt.
Go.
Reagan monetary policy is wrong.
If you increase interest taxes
you provoke an irriversible spiral.
The only solution against inflation
is to stop credits.
- What do you think about it? - Me?
- Yes, you.
Following my experience
I can say that too many stops...
...provoke circulation blocks.
It is dangerous to increase
monetary circulation.
- The deposits could suffer out of it.
- What would you do?
I would leave into the deposits
only emergency stocks...
...in order to fulfill the needs
of population at top moments.
In this way you would follow
Smith`s theories.
- Do you belong to Smith`s line?
- No, to line 29.
It`s connected to the crisis of `29
caused by credits block.
Correct.
Barnaba is giving a lesson
of economy.
Wow!
I had a tree behind me
and a wild boar 10 steps ahead.
I closed my eyes, I shot
and I centred his face.
Lady, you have a big butt!
Your weapons are a threaten
to the peace.
The russians keep on increasing
weapong.
The americans should stop first.
If you increase your basis in Europe
we`ll give weapons to the Eastern Countries.
And we will be forced to double
military funding.
- Can I say something?
- Are you expert of foreign policy?
No, but your ideas affect me also
if I shouldn`t know some things.
Sometimes I understand better
than who knows more than I do. For example.
There are two buses. One...
I take your bus.
There`s a narrow road.
The one on the right says:
"I won`t stop".
The one on the left won`t
stop either.
The on on the right accelerates
to get him scared.
The one on the left understands
and goes on fourth gear. So...
Consequence: 40 people dead ...
You can count them.
And 80 wounded, if not worse.
There`s a dead person on your leg.
The passengers are the ones
that always pay the consequences...
...and the passengers are the population.
What a silence!
The dead were not real!
These are just french fries.
Be happy!
- What is doing a 30 kilos bird
on a tree? - What?
Who knows what is doing
a 30 kilos bird on a tree?
- What does he do? - If he weighs 30 kilos,
he`s a capitalist.
- No.
- Sir, do you know?
- Is he praying?
- No.
Is he sleeping?
- Why should he sleep?
- If he weighs 30 kilos...
...it means that he ate a lot
and he feels sleepy.
- No. What is he doing?
- Does he have digesting problems?
- No.
- He breaks the branch. - No.
- He plays the solitary bird.
- No. Who knows it?
- He`s on diet.
- No. Who knows it?
- I know.
- If you`re wrong, you`re fired.
- I take the risk. - What does he do?
- He cleans his feathers.
Too bad! A broken carreer.
Shall we forgive him?
Nobody knows?
Cristina...
...do you know?
- No, you tell me.
A 30 kilos bird on a tree does...
...TWEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
why are you laughing?
What does a 30 kilos bird do
on a treeo?
He makes a 30 kilos egg so that
I can make an omelette for 60 people.
Take the cake in the other room.
Go! Alt!
Go.
- Shall I serve dessert, Sir?
- Yes. - One moment!
I brought a cake.
I`ll pick it up in the car.
He`s funny, isn`t he?
He`s prepared and smart.
Yes, very funny.
What`s his specialization?
Transportation.
- He`s a nice guy.
- A bit intrusive...
- There lies his charm.
- Here I am!
There`s enough for everybody.
There`s also a royal pastry for you, Sir.
Please!
This is for the queen.
A saint-honor? for the cardinal.
- Can I have one?
- Sure, which one?
- The cannolo. - Here it is.
- A diplomatic for you.
- Congratulations!
- Which cake do you want?
- I don`t eat cakes.
- And your sons? - I don`t have sons.
- Why?
- I never thought about that.
Fantastic!
This is a real nice lunch!
Barnaba gave me a cake.
- Did you accept it?
- Sure, and so did the king!
CLINKING
What`s happening now?
Attention, please!
Silence!
Silence!
I take advantage of this occasion
to give you some good news.
- I mean, you can say it, dad!
- What are you talking about?
- You say it.
- No.
Then I`ll say it.
On the 27th of this month you are invited
to my wedding with Cristina.
- Very good, Barnaba!
- Thanks.
- Cristina, what is this nonsense?
- I don`t know!
- Don`t you want to marry me anymore?
- Did I ever said yes?
- You didn`t say no.
- I say it now.
- Do you say yes?
- I say no.
- Do you say no?
- She`s saying no.
Then I understood correctly.
She said no.
You know something?
The invitation for the 27th
is confirmed!
- Thanks!
- You are invited too!
TELEPHONE RINGING
Hallo? One moment.
It`s the Central Bank.
The meeting for the loan
has just finished.
Ok, good.
Good, good!
Very good!
- Everything good?
- They said no.
- We are ruined. We have no more grants.
- No.
The kingdom of St. Tulipe
will disappear.
- Can I suggest something?
I have the Krupp option. - No!
Cristina with that german man!
Barnaba is nicer.
Yes, he`s nicer. But we must
follow our State necessities.
- Cristina? - She`s not there.
- Did she run away?
She`s at the Dance Academy.
- Is she under cotrol?
- Sure.
Girls, be ready for the essay!
Let`s go.
Here`s the princess!
Princess.
Is it true you have an affair
with a bus driver?
It`s not true.
Let her go.
Princess, the elevator.
Stop it! Stop it!
Let me go!
Open! Open!
- Open!
- It is forbidden to talk to the driver.
Open! It`s an order!
- You have no rights on me.
Are you my wife? - No!
- Have you any rights on me?
- I am in love!
- Ufff!
- No! I say ufff!
No, I can only say that! Ufff!
- Let me go, ``astronzo``!
- Am I funny? - Not, asshole.
- I am not going at your place!
- You are!
Are you hot?
- In effect, it`s august.
- You want to rape me.
Just don`t tear my dress apart.
It`s a Finkleman. It costs three millions.
Persichetti General Store, 3.000 liras.
Dress up, I`ll make you a coffee.
Why are you closing?
So I won`t look at you.
A coffee will calm you down,
you are very nervous.
Did you take me here
to drink coffee?
- No, to know each other better.
- Do you realize in which ``truffle`` are you?
- What ``truffle``?
- In a bad situaton.
A trouble.
I know, but I don`t care.
Let me go and nothing
will happen to you.
Did you decide?
- How much sugar?
- You decide!
Will you let me go?
No.
Once married,
you will prepare coffee.
Well?
What?
My god!
My god!
How can we live together?
There`s no dialogue between us.
That`s not true.
If you start talking, there`s a dialogue.
- You start.
- No, you start.
Ok.
Yesterday I ate an apple and
inside there was a worm.
My granpa`s name was Giovanni.
My weight is 72.5 Kilos
without shoes.
Nex month is the end
of legal time.
Yes, maybe.
I don`t think it`s your fault.
I think there`s some dialogue.
- Just one thing to do.
- What?
- We must kiss.
- That`s impossible.
I will never kiss you.
It`s ``never`` o`clock.
One moment!
I kiss you if...
- No ifs.... If?
- If you let me go.
Ok.
What are you doing?
The door is open.
Didn`t you want to leave?
Why?
You love me.
- Yes.
- How much?
- Very much.
- I thought more.
I loved you since the first moment
I met you.
- Why didn`t you say that before?
- We can never get married.
- Only if it would snow in august.
- Right.
Let`s check the weather.
It`s snowing!
It`s august...
- One moment...
- Don`t open. - Why?
You could get a cold.
Princess, congratulations!
You`re a cheater, a clown!
- Now, do you want to refuse?
- No, I will marry you.
- If...
- No ifs. What?
- We get married on the mountains,
afar from the crowd. - Why?
My father must not know,
he wants me to marry Krupp.
- The one of the rolls?
- The cannons!
Ok, dear.
When are we going to tell dad?
After the wedding.
I would rather do that
after the third child.
- I must tell you a secret.
- Which one?
We are surrounded.
The love story between
the princess and the bus driver is finished!
Cristina promised to Krupp!
Barnaba interviewed on Tv!
Here he is! Here he is!
Who?
Ba... Ba...! Ba... Ba...!
Barnaba!
Hello, I am Cecchini Barnaba.
Io love Princess Cristina
and she loves me.
You could say that you are in love too,
but you don`t go on Tv.
But you can`t say that,
because I am talking now.
The father of my girlfriend
wants her daughter to be marriedvuole che la figlia sposi...
...to somebody that produces cannons.
Such Krupp doesn`t love her
the same way I do.
But he`s got 50 billions.
If I had them, I would give them to the king.
I don`t have them, but you do.
You don`t have it individually,
but altoghether.
There are 5 million people in Rome.
10.000 liras each is 50 billions.
Would you renounce to a princess
for 10.000 liras?
I can`t believe it.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on!
10.000 liras make me strong!
Hurry up, or the princess will leave.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on!
10.000 liras make me strong!
Well!
A real farewell! I didn`t think
to be so popular in Rome.
I will always have a wonderful memory
of this city.
Hi, dad!
Barnaba!
Hi, Cristina!
Chauffeur, stop the car!
- Look carefully at those papers.
- They`re 10.000 liras banknotes!
All of them will be 50 billions.
Dear, give me the monkey.
- You drive.
Yes, sir!
- Can I come in, dad?
- Sure, take a seat.
Come with us, Barnaba!
But...
Barnaba, you are great!
Let`s go!
Congratulation!
Bet wishes and much happiness!
There is also my money-box!
There are 10.000 liras.
arrival from St. Tulipe.
Here they are!
In representation of the city of Rome
I hereby welcome...
...the king and the queen
of St. Tulipe Principality
His Majesty Gustave VI, his spouse
Betsy and the princess Cristina.
There`s nothing more appropriate
of a poem from the great poet Carducci...
...to express our elation
for this very pleasant visit of yours!
"O immane statua bronzea,
su dirupato monte..."
"...solo i grandi t'aggiungono..."
Here they come!
Is it true that you need 50 billions
to prevent bankruptcy?
- Are you here to ask for a loan?
- "No comment!"
Go away!
- Is it the first time
you visit Rome? - Yes.
- Are you excited?
- Yes. very much.
- Are you going to visit Rome?
- Yes, the monuments, the Pincio..
...San Peter, the Roman "hole"...
- The roman hole?
She meant the Foro Romano.
Please, this way.
MUSIC
LOUD VOLUME
Barnaba, do you have a cigarette?
Give me a cigarette, then.
How weird! He says yes
but he doesn`t give me a cigarette!
Goodmorning, Barnaba. You entered
the elevator because I was in.
But you know that I am married
and got two kids.
I am not like the other women
in the neighbourhood.
But you think that being alone
in the elevator...
...I will kiss you.
You are smart with women!
Goodmorning, Barnaba.
Later on I will clean your flat.
The garage`s keys.
ENGINE
Hi, mates! I am late
so tonight I am off earlier!
Goodmorning, the driver of nr 29
welcomes you all on board.
Next stops are:
Piazza Verdi, Via Nomentana.
Outside temperature is
28 degrees.
The arrival to next stop
is scheduled in 1 minute 40 sec.
Just ring the bell if you
want coffee or tea. I will treat you.
> Thanks, Barnaba!
- When Barnaba drives, taking
the bus is a pleasure. - That`s true.
- Goodbye, Barnaba!
- Bye, Barnaba!
ATAC is happy to have hosted you all.
Please don`t forget
personal stuff and hand luggage.
Bye, Barnaba.
- Bye, Angela.
- Are we going to the movies tonight?
- I can`t, I am going out with Loredana.
- What about tomorrow?
- With Elvira. Are you free
on monday at 5? - Sure.
What a shame! I am busy.
Shall we do at 6?
- To me is fine.
- To you. - And to you?
- To me too.
- Then at 6. Bye.
TELEPHONE RING
Hello? May I talk to the officer
of the german embassy.
Tomorrow at 9 His Majesty will meet
the governor of the Central Bank.
"Wow!"
Check that way.
- When are you leaving? - On time,
in 3 minutes and 24 seconds.
- Can`t you leave now?
- Why such hurry?
- Here is full of "cocoriti".
- What?
- Those who annoy foreign women.
- The parrots!
I am in a hurry.
Well, are you leaving?
- Ok. Where are we going?
- I would like to see Rome.
- Where do we begin?
- Are you going to Trevi`s Fountain?
We can go.
- Is this the way you curve?
- Only in curves.
- Don`t you look at the road?
- I can see it reflecting in your eyes.
- Really?
- Sure, try to close them.
NOISE
See?
Oh!
- See what you have done?
- I closed my eyes.
She closes her eyes and you crash?
Look at this.
You should pay attention!
I`ll need 50.000 liras
to fix it!
Take this.
- They are 70.000.
- I`ll pay your lunch. - Why?
(whispering)
Something great happened.
- What did it happen?
- I fell in love.
- Of me?
- No, of her.
- Why are you whispering?
- She doesn`t know that.
- Shall I tell her?
- No, you`re too ugly. Bye.
We`ve arrived,
this is Trevi`s Fountain.
- It`s beautiful!
- You are beautiful. - Thanks.
If you wish to come back to Rome, devi gettare
you must throw a coin in the fountain.
- My name`s Barnaba, and yours?
- Cristina. - That`s a queen`s name.
Are you a queen?
Not yet.
I want to see if what you said
is true.
- Can you change a copax?
- What is it?
A copax.
- That`s gold! How much is it worthy?
- 800.000 liras. Can you change it?
I don`t have coins.
- I`ll throw it, so I come back!
- A golden coin!
- A little coin would have been enough.
- That means I`ll come back often.
- After our honeymoon.
- No kidding. Shall we go?
Do you know what?
I do never joke.
As soon as I saw you,
I decided that we would get married.
- What else do you want to see?
- Many things, but I have no time.
- There`s a lot of traffic here.
- I know a shortcut.
The pics will be out of focus.
Hold on!
Now we drive through via dei Coronari,
the antiquarian`s street.
CLACSON
- A stronzo! (n.d.r.you ass-hole)
- What does it mean "astronzo"?
It`s a compliment. If you like
somebody you call him "astronzo".
This is the Foro Romano.
- Today is thursday, the Foro is closed.
- Are you sure it`s thursday? - Yes.
Look at the calendar.
You`re right! It`s not thursday.
If you meet a policeman
"Water your mouth". (ndr mum`s word)
If we see a policeman
we must drink?
- Drink?
- He said "water your mouth".
That`s a saying. Can you talk
if you have water in your mouth?
- Too bad! Are there no "demostene"?.
- Who?
- A guide.
- Un cicero!
I will be your cicero.
I know Rome`s history.
What is this?
- Can you see it?
- What is it?
It`s a plow. Can`t you hear the oxen?
MOO
Etruscan oxen.
Romolo is plowing.
But his brother Remo told him...
..."Why don`t we call this town
Amor?"
"No", Romolo said, as
he always contradicted him...
..."We`ll call it Roma
and nobody can enter here."
But Remo, being distracted,
put his foot in a groove.
Then Romolo attacked him
and they had a terrible fight.
Don`t do this, Remo!
What a pain!
Whose arm is that?
When I fight with myself,
I am terrible.
Then Romolo said:
"We don`t have anymore girls".
He took the chariot and left.
WHINNY
WHIP
Barnaba? I can`t see you anymore.
Barnaba, where are you?
- Here I am!
- What are you doing?
The rape of the Sabine women.The Romans
and the Sabine fell in love at first sight.
But I am not a sabine.
And I am not a roman.
Keep on telling the story.
What happened then?
There were the seven kings of Rome,
who were seven like the hills.
They said: "Why fighting?"
And they got one hill each.
So the Romans marched
at roman pace...
...they arrived in France
at french pace...
...and in Spain at spanish pace.
But they met some brawny fellows...
...with such a beard.
No, such.
No, such.
And said: "What a bear!"
They were dressed in a barbarian way.
The barbarians, with the beard.
The head of barbarians said:
"Ehi, bear..."
"...what are the Romans doing?"
"They lay down
and eat grapes with one hand."
"And with the other one?"
"They touch the women slaves."
"Don`t laugh! And with the other one?"
"They play zither."
"And with the other one?"
"They drink wine."
"All their hands are occupied?"
"All of them."
"Let`s go."
So they crossed the Alps
and they destroyed the Roman Empire.
- See the empires? Just kick them
- Wow! Let`s go.
HONKING
- Tank it up? - Yes, 2.000.
- 2.000 litres? - 2.000 liras.
The bigger their cars
the more churlish they are.
- Where do you come from?
- From a land in central Europe.
- You can`t find it even on the globe.
- Is it France?
- Can`t you find France ?
- I have a very small globe.
Mister, I clean your windows.
Absurd! Unbelievable!
What do you mean "disappeared"?
- Did you look well? - Sure.
- What`s his name... - Corman.
- Corman!
- Here I am, Sir.
We`ve been looking everywhere.
- Your daughter is crazy.
- Please, Gustave, do something.
You`re right. Corman,
call the Ministry of Internal Affairs.
No, just a moment!
And the media, Sir?
- What`s wrong with the media?
- What about our relationship with the banks?
What our friends
in St. Tulipe will think?
- What are we going to do?
- I have an idea. Corman, go away.
Better to act alone,
my men will do something.
- You are beautiful.
- Thanks. Are you changing clothes?
- What?
- I forgot to comb my hair.
- But you have a hat!
- My hair are a mess under the hat.
- Ready?
- Just one moment.
(singing) Take it easy,
you can even take your all life.
Ready?
Yes.
And now what?
Outside is hot,
so I came back here.
I understand.
- What did you understand?
- That you want to stay with me.
- You`re wrong.
- Then go out! - I don`t want to!
I mean, I will.
She`s not here,
let`s look somewhere else.
A friend of mine
met a girl.
As soon as he saw her
he got a stroke.
Because she was not that nice,
she was a monster.
But you are beautiful.
- Have you ever been in love?
- Not really.
- When I was a girl I had a
terrible "crash". - What?
When you get suddenly in love.
- A crush.
- Have you ever been in love?
- Never so seriously, until today.
- Are you in love? I am happy for you.
- Who`s she?
- Are you kidding?
- I am in love with you.
- Yes, I knew.
But love declarations
embarrass me a lot.
I received the last one
from one of the Krupp..
...the cannons` producers.
- Do you love me or not?
- If not, I`ll kill myself.
- I don`t believe you.
- Then say something.
- Shall I ? - You say and you`ll see.
- No.
- No?
But...
Now I must kill myself.
I am going to kill myself.
Barnaba?
Barnaba!
Barnaba?
Barnaba!
Barnaba!
Barnaba!
- Barnaba!
- Pss... - Barnaba!
You are alive.
- And what if I kiss you in public?
- I would slap you.
- But, if we`d get married...
- You and I?
We would be a great couple.
You are beautiful
and I am much better than you are.
- There are some problems.
- I have no problems.
I see, the age difference.
In 20 years you`ll be 40,
but it doesn`t matter.
PEDLAR SHOUTING
Ehi, come here.
ARAB SPEAKING
- Do you like it? - Why?
- For the bedroom.
- A white carpet would fit it.
- Are you crazy?
You`re right,
a dark carpet is better.
ARAB SPEAKING IMITATION
He can`t understand.
ARAB SPEAKING
- He says he doesn`t have dark carpets.
- No dark carpets?
Go away! Shame of you?
ARAB INSULTING
- You ass-hole!
- Everybody likes you, don`t they?
Yes.
- Give me the cap.
- Why?
I am going to dive.
Wow!
> Madame de Tebe, the famous fortune teller
will show your futur...
...on the palm of your hands.
The clouds are clearing away...
...I can see a wedding.
You`ll get married very soon.
I can see your husband.
Yes, I can see him!
He`s tall...
...wide shoulders...
...intelligent eyes...
...and a nice smile.
Yes! That`s your man!
He`s a mark on his body.
Three dots...
...star shaped
near his navel.
Three dots
just on his navel.
I can see!
I can read his name!
What a nice name!
It starts with "B"!
Ba... Ba... Barnaba!
- Did you talked to each other?
- No.
- Confess it, you gave her money.
- No.
How could she know those things?
- She`s my aunt! - Cheater!
Swindler! Buffoon!
- You are good!
- I`ll tell you a secret.
- I am a police lieutenenat.
- Lieuttenant? - Yes.
- Strange, I though you were a General.
- Miss, you won a doll!
I don`t like it.
I want the monkey.
- Give her the monkey.
- That`s pretty, it looks like you.
- Really?
- He`s more hairy.
We never give the monkey
to anybody.
If it`s a prize, you should give it.
Then I`ll give it for 5 jackpots
with one shot!
Give me the rifle.
Wow!
I`ve never seen something like that.
You are very good!
Are you a policeman too?
I`ll tell you a secret.
I have a big butt.
I don`t think so, you are normal.
You are thin.
That`s a saying,
it means that I am lucky.
- I have a dinner at Campidoglio!
- Is it a restaurant?
I will take you to a
luxurious pizza place.
- Is it on the Michelin? - On the Tiber.
- God, I must really go!
- At what time?
- At nine.
- It`s nine.
- Nine? - Yes.
(together) God!
This is Cristina,
can I talk to my father?
- It`s princess Cristina.
- Finally!
- Cristina!
- Dad, how are you?
Where are you? Who`s there?
- A friend.
- Which friend? Come back!
Everthing`s fine,
see you later for dinner.
Everybody`s waiting for you,
the mayor, the cardina...
- Oietti. - The governor
of the Central Bank.
- The minister of Turism.
- Please, come back soon.
- It`s an order.
- What are you doing? - Let me talk.
Don`t be angry,
your daughter is with me.
Who are you?
Cecchini Barnaba,
bus driver.
I`ll take her to dinner
and then I`ll send her home.
To dinner?
I can pay, don`t worry.
Goodbye.
- How did he sound like?
- He was kind.
Your daughter is going to dinner
with a bus driver.
When we met, you took me to
a eastern restaurant!
I was goint to be a prince.
Send your men,
check the best restaurants!
One moment!
Can I suggest something?
- Tell me. - Usually
a bus driver...
brings a girl to a pizza place.
- Check all the pizza places.
- Corman!
- Do you like this place?
- It`s nice.
It`s better than Campidoglio.
I live there.
We`re renting a flat.
- When we will be married...
- When?
Ah! You want to know
when we will be married.
Is it fine this month on the 27th?
I`ll get my salary, 15 vacation days,
honeymoon.
Venice, Trieste, Monza.
- Well?
- What shall we order?
Mario cooks some great
filled up calzoni.
Really?
- Hi, Barnaba.
- Hi, Mario.
What a beautiful girl!
Every night a new one!
- What do you want to eat?
- I would like your filled up ``pants``.
- The calzoni. - We have only suppli`.
- Nothing else?
- No.
Then I choose the suppli`.
What are you having?
- Suppl?.
- Do you have suppl??
- Yes.
- Then bring them!
- You will like them.
- What do they taste like? - Suppl?.
I would like to buy
that rented flat.
Down a wall and
we have four rooms.
- Four?
- Isn`t it fine?
- How many rooms do you have?
- Well...
Forty-two.
- What`s the name of the hotel?
- What? - The hotel makes profit.
We get the money from the casino.
Do you know what is it?
Sure, that thing with prostitutes!
I don`t need money from your parents,
even if they are so rich.
We could get married only if...
- If?
- If it would snow in august.
It will.
- This wine is good.
- Be careful. It`s good, but tricky.
They call them "phone suppl?"
because they have the wire.
- Hello? Is it Cristina?
- Yes.
Today was a wonderful day.
Let`s talk about tomorrow.
I am off at 4, we meet at 5,
I talk to dad...
...and ask to marry you.
Is it ok?
Hello? Hello?
Broken connection.
Why are you laughing?
- You have two noses and four eyes!
- No more wine.
- They are in a pizza place.
- What do they do? - They eat suppl?.
You wait for the best moment
to block the man...
...and take back the princess.
- Ok, Corman.
(tipsy voice)
I will tell you a secret.
Don`t get scared.
I am Cristina from St. Tulipe.
- I am a princess.
- Don`t exaggerate.
- Mario, the bill!
- Don`t you believe me?
- I am a princess.
- And I am the duke of Windsor.
- That`s impossible, I know him.
He`s my godfather. - The bill.
- I don`t want to leave. It`s early.
- We have to go.
- Let`s dance.
- Better to go.
Can`t we dance?
I will dance alone.
Somebody wants to dance with me?
- I will.
- How nice. - Tango!
MUSIC
- You can`t dance with this lady.
- Why not?
- I say not.
- Or?
I can`t say, you would
get scared.
I`ll show you what I can do.
What a beast!
Oh! What are you doing?
Put me down! Put me down!
Wow!
- I am tired, I am sleepy.
Where are we going? - At home.
- Where do you live? - Who?
- Me. - I don`t know.
- I can`t remember.
- Come on, no kidding.
I feel sick. Take me to sleep.
Let me go! I can walk.
The suppl? and the wine were good.
The wine was better.
- Nobody around.
- It`s the good moment. Let`s go!
It will take longer,but nobody will see us.
There it is.
Damn!
We can`t search around all over the houses.
Soon or later they will go out,
just wait.
- Goodnight, dear.
- Barnaba.
- Yes? - I just wanted to say
that I had a wonderful day.
You are so nice, so good.
You are a real "astronzo".
Thanks. Time to sleep.
BARNABA SNORES
- Cristina! Where are you going?
- At home.
- I will take you there.
- No, impossible - Why?
I bet it`s impossible! You locked me inside!
Cristina, open the door!
> Open! Open!
SINGING
knocking
Nobody`s there.
Who`s knocking?
There`s nobody here.
Not even here.
> I am here!
- Barnaba! What are you doing in the drawer?
- What else should I do? I am sleeping.
Usually I sleep in the bed.
Cristina!
Where are you going?
Cristina!
Well, this is Cristina.
But she has soft hair,
like a spring breeze...
...and shining eyes,
like the sun at dawn. Got it?
I was forgetting a very important
detail.
I am madly in love with her.
The blood.
You must look for her and bring her here
as soon as you find her.
Got it? Come on, guys!
Look everywhere.
- Some tea, sir?
- Yes, please.
Well, can you tell us what
did you do yesterday night?
You`ve been with him all night.
What happened?
Cristina, I order you to talk to me.
Talk!
Ok, now I should go.
I`ve a meeting at the Central Bank.
But we still need to talk.
We still do!
Cristina, my dear,
you can tell me.
Me too, in Venice, I spent a night
with a gondoliere.
What a paddle!
And the way he moved it!
There was nothing between us.
It`s an old story.
Italian men are not the same men
as in the past!
- Today Barnaba is in a different
mood. - That`s true.
- Maybe because he can`t find
his girlfriend. - That`s true.
- What`s up? - How long have you been here?
- Since sunrise. So what?
Did you see a woman
with her eyes as blue...
...as the clouds in the sky
at march?
"As clouds in the sky at march."
- Of whom I am madly in love.
- "Of whom I am madly in love."
- Madly with final "y".
- With final "y".
- Is it correct to stop like this?
- No. - Go away then!
- Have you seen her? - Go away!
- Have you seen her?
- The one with blue march eyes?
- Yes. - No, I haven`t!
Why didn`t you tell me before!
- What`s up?
- If you see her, just tell me. - Ok.
- You know where I am going?
- Yes, I know.
- Where am I going?
- To fuck off! - Good.
- We found her.
- I found her.
She`s got also a camera.
- Hi!
- It`s me! - It`s me!
That`s not her.
(Tv) At Porto Ercole there was
the yearly windsurf competition.
The participants came
from all over the world...
Do you want some?
I forgot you eat only peanuts.
Barnaba, do you want a soup?
You can`t live without eating.
With so many women, he just fell in love
with a heartless one!
(Tv) This is princess
Cristina from St. Tulipe...
...visiting Rome.
She`s wearing the uniform
of tenent of Royal Guards.
Iris! I found her!
That`s her, the princess!
- Iris! lris!
- What`s up?
It`s her!
Which of those three ones?
(Tv) The princess is a guest
of the St. Tulipe embassy...
...at Aventino.
- I found her!
I found her! I found her!
Calm down.
- Still him!
- Be careful, he`s dangerous.
- Stop. - What is it? - Where
are you going? - To the embassy.
- And this?
- He`s a friend of mine.
- He`s clean.
- Even a monkey. - You can go.
- Warn Corman. The suspect person
is arriving. - Alright.
Yes, he`s arrived.
- I am Corman, who are you looking for?
- The princess.
- Princess Cristina?
- Are there other ones?
- Who are you? - Cecchini Barnaba.
- Do you have an appointment? - No.
- But I am a friend of hers.
- Without appointment...
...the princess
will never meet you.
- You think so. Give her this.
- This? -Yes, go.
Ok, I go.
I am waiting for
a funding of 50 billions...
...and you give me a monkey?
- It`s for Cristina.
- Who sends monkeys to my daughter?
- Cecchini Barnaba.
Again! Take him away!
Arrest him.
May I suggest something.
This man could be a fool
and talk to the media.
- And in this moment it wouldn`t be
good for us. - You`re right.
- He could blackmail us. I take care.
- No, I take care.
I want to see his face.
Bring him here.
Can I suggest something?
Sometimes it`s better to give money.
Hi, dad.
Do you like my?
It`s a Finkleman.
How much does it cost?
- Three millions.
- Three millions?
We should reduce our costs.
This is mine! How come is here now?
Is Barnaba here?
- He`s coming.
- I want to say hello. - No.
This morning I locked him
in a drawer. I want to apologize.
Yesterday you played the turist,
but today you`re a princess again.
- Go away immediately!
- Alright, don`t get angry.
Go out.
> Mr Cecchini Barnaba.
I want to talk to Cristina.
Where`s she?
Young men, we are the ones that want to know.
- We, who?
- Plural maiestatis.
We the rulers talk always in plural.
what do you want?
He wants to meet Cristina.
- He, who?
- Barnaba.
- We folks talk always singular.
May I? - No. - Thanks.
Just ignore any formality.
My daughter is not here.
You are her father!
I am happy to meet you!
- We talked on the phone.
- Yes, I remember!
- Let`s talk seriously.
- Ok.
- Probably you took some pictures
of Cristina. - Yes, in her bathing suit.
- She spent the night with you.
- Yes, in my house.
Alright, I understand.
Did you realize that I am here
to ask you...
Is it ok 10 millions?
Yes, but you should reduce costs.
- The decorations, the reception,
the dinner... - Which dinner?
The bride pays for the dinner.
We can put a limit to the guests` list.
This is mine.
See?
I could cancel the last two people.
Do you really want to marry
my daughter?
Yes.
- Are you serious? - Sure.
- That`s incredible!
Cristina has many admirers.
Wealty, industrials...
...even a oil business man.
What`s your job? - I am a BUSBUSINESSMAN.
- What?
- A bus driver.
So, are you happy?
I knew you were a democrat.
- Is it fine this month on the 27th?
- Son! - Dad!
Enough! Just tell me one reason why
you should marry Cristina.
- Because I am in love.
- Let me give you an advice.
- Forget her. - Fine.
- Ignore her. - Never seen.
- She`s not the right woman for you.
- Whom is she?
- I don`t know!
- We should arrange something for her.
- That`s true. Maybe we need
a referendum. - Good idea.
What are you talking about!
You are not going to meet heranymore.
Now you are clear.
Before you didn`t say that.
- That`s the way it was, I think.
- Yes.
I don`t have a watch,
I take back the flower...
- But you`ll see. Remember.
- I`ll remember.
- Shall I go or shall you go?
- You go. - Thanks.
VOICE
"LARGO AL FACTOTUM"
from the ``Barber of Siviglia``
``Lui la notte non pu? pi? dormire.
Tutti i giorni
non fa che soffrire.
Non lo fa vivere il gran dolore,
prova d'amore per quella l?.
Cotto cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
Cotto, cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
Cotto, cottissimo,
? innamorato di quella l?.
Innamorato...
...di quella l?!
E' innamorato di quella l?!
E' innamorato...
...di quella l?, di quella l?,
di quella l?!``
TELEPHONE RINGING
- Barnaba, this is Elvira.
- I am not there.
We should have gone dancing.
Why didn`t you come?
If I am not there,
how can I give you an answer?
TELEPHONE RINGING
- I`ve just said I am not there.
- Not even for me?
Cristina! I am there for you.
- Thanks for the night song.
- Just to be nice.
Yesterday I met your father.
I asked him to marry you.
He didn`t quite agree,
but there are no big problems.
- Is it fine tomorrow morning at 9?
- To get married?
I booked for the 27th.
Tomorrow morning we chose the favors.
Even the favors!
First of all I would like
to have breakfast with you..
...in a dairy where they bake
great croissants.
- Tomorrow morning I`m having breakfast
with Pertini. - He can come too.
- That`s impossible.
- Why?
BUZZ
Damn!
- What`s up?
- A mosquito.
Wait a moment.
Tomorrow morning you can`t.
- Is it ok tomorrow afternoon at 16
at nr 29 end point? - I can`t.
- I am very busy.
- Can`t you find a minute?
- Let`s have lunch at Mario`s.
- I can`t.
- I have a big "receipt"
at the embassy. - What?
When you invite many people.
- A reception!
- Yes. - Then I will be there.
To be honest is an invitation lunch
with many famous people.
Then you can invite me.
Do you feel seating among many other
important people?
I understand.
I am not good enough, am I?
You`re so haughty, snob and spoiled.
After we`re married,
you`ll change behaviour.
Stupid.
Presumptuous.
- Moron.
- Moron to who?
- You!
- Then I heard well.
Very well.
Do you want an invitation?
I`ll send it.
Now.
(english speaking)
(french speaking)
ATAC.
- War cross.
- First Communion.
- My invitation.
- Thanks.
Hi, Cristina.
Who`s this beautiful woman?
She looks like you.
- She`s my mother.
- I thought she was your sister.
Very kind of you.
And so nice!
Are you a gondoliere?
- No, bus driver.
- Too bad!.
Sir, I take care.
Hi, Gustavo! How are you?
Fine.
- Did you invite him?
- Surely not.
- Did you invite him?
- Did you invite him?
- Yes, I invited him.
- She invited him.
Cristina!
No! The wine drives her crazy.
Do you remember?
- Here you are.
- Thanks.
It`s delicious.
Not so much but...
Hey guys, they invited
a bus driver!
- A bus driver at the embassy?
- Yes, I know him.
- His name is Barnaba.
- I know him too!
- Everybody knows him.
- Stop it! You serve the turkey.
Come on!
Alt.
Go.
Reagan monetary policy is wrong.
If you increase interest taxes
you provoke an irriversible spiral.
The only solution against inflation
is to stop credits.
- What do you think about it? - Me?
- Yes, you.
Following my experience
I can say that too many stops...
...provoke circulation blocks.
It is dangerous to increase
monetary circulation.
- The deposits could suffer out of it.
- What would you do?
I would leave into the deposits
only emergency stocks...
...in order to fulfill the needs
of population at top moments.
In this way you would follow
Smith`s theories.
- Do you belong to Smith`s line?
- No, to line 29.
It`s connected to the crisis of `29
caused by credits block.
Correct.
Barnaba is giving a lesson
of economy.
Wow!
I had a tree behind me
and a wild boar 10 steps ahead.
I closed my eyes, I shot
and I centred his face.
Lady, you have a big butt!
Your weapons are a threaten
to the peace.
The russians keep on increasing
weapong.
The americans should stop first.
If you increase your basis in Europe
we`ll give weapons to the Eastern Countries.
And we will be forced to double
military funding.
- Can I say something?
- Are you expert of foreign policy?
No, but your ideas affect me also
if I shouldn`t know some things.
Sometimes I understand better
than who knows more than I do. For example.
There are two buses. One...
I take your bus.
There`s a narrow road.
The one on the right says:
"I won`t stop".
The one on the left won`t
stop either.
The on on the right accelerates
to get him scared.
The one on the left understands
and goes on fourth gear. So...
Consequence: 40 people dead ...
You can count them.
And 80 wounded, if not worse.
There`s a dead person on your leg.
The passengers are the ones
that always pay the consequences...
...and the passengers are the population.
What a silence!
The dead were not real!
These are just french fries.
Be happy!
- What is doing a 30 kilos bird
on a tree? - What?
Who knows what is doing
a 30 kilos bird on a tree?
- What does he do? - If he weighs 30 kilos,
he`s a capitalist.
- No.
- Sir, do you know?
- Is he praying?
- No.
Is he sleeping?
- Why should he sleep?
- If he weighs 30 kilos...
...it means that he ate a lot
and he feels sleepy.
- No. What is he doing?
- Does he have digesting problems?
- No.
- He breaks the branch. - No.
- He plays the solitary bird.
- No. Who knows it?
- He`s on diet.
- No. Who knows it?
- I know.
- If you`re wrong, you`re fired.
- I take the risk. - What does he do?
- He cleans his feathers.
Too bad! A broken carreer.
Shall we forgive him?
Nobody knows?
Cristina...
...do you know?
- No, you tell me.
A 30 kilos bird on a tree does...
...TWEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
why are you laughing?
What does a 30 kilos bird do
on a treeo?
He makes a 30 kilos egg so that
I can make an omelette for 60 people.
Take the cake in the other room.
Go! Alt!
Go.
- Shall I serve dessert, Sir?
- Yes. - One moment!
I brought a cake.
I`ll pick it up in the car.
He`s funny, isn`t he?
He`s prepared and smart.
Yes, very funny.
What`s his specialization?
Transportation.
- He`s a nice guy.
- A bit intrusive...
- There lies his charm.
- Here I am!
There`s enough for everybody.
There`s also a royal pastry for you, Sir.
Please!
This is for the queen.
A saint-honor? for the cardinal.
- Can I have one?
- Sure, which one?
- The cannolo. - Here it is.
- A diplomatic for you.
- Congratulations!
- Which cake do you want?
- I don`t eat cakes.
- And your sons? - I don`t have sons.
- Why?
- I never thought about that.
Fantastic!
This is a real nice lunch!
Barnaba gave me a cake.
- Did you accept it?
- Sure, and so did the king!
CLINKING
What`s happening now?
Attention, please!
Silence!
Silence!
I take advantage of this occasion
to give you some good news.
- I mean, you can say it, dad!
- What are you talking about?
- You say it.
- No.
Then I`ll say it.
On the 27th of this month you are invited
to my wedding with Cristina.
- Very good, Barnaba!
- Thanks.
- Cristina, what is this nonsense?
- I don`t know!
- Don`t you want to marry me anymore?
- Did I ever said yes?
- You didn`t say no.
- I say it now.
- Do you say yes?
- I say no.
- Do you say no?
- She`s saying no.
Then I understood correctly.
She said no.
You know something?
The invitation for the 27th
is confirmed!
- Thanks!
- You are invited too!
TELEPHONE RINGING
Hallo? One moment.
It`s the Central Bank.
The meeting for the loan
has just finished.
Ok, good.
Good, good!
Very good!
- Everything good?
- They said no.
- We are ruined. We have no more grants.
- No.
The kingdom of St. Tulipe
will disappear.
- Can I suggest something?
I have the Krupp option. - No!
Cristina with that german man!
Barnaba is nicer.
Yes, he`s nicer. But we must
follow our State necessities.
- Cristina? - She`s not there.
- Did she run away?
She`s at the Dance Academy.
- Is she under cotrol?
- Sure.
Girls, be ready for the essay!
Let`s go.
Here`s the princess!
Princess.
Is it true you have an affair
with a bus driver?
It`s not true.
Let her go.
Princess, the elevator.
Stop it! Stop it!
Let me go!
Open! Open!
- Open!
- It is forbidden to talk to the driver.
Open! It`s an order!
- You have no rights on me.
Are you my wife? - No!
- Have you any rights on me?
- I am in love!
- Ufff!
- No! I say ufff!
No, I can only say that! Ufff!
- Let me go, ``astronzo``!
- Am I funny? - Not, asshole.
- I am not going at your place!
- You are!
Are you hot?
- In effect, it`s august.
- You want to rape me.
Just don`t tear my dress apart.
It`s a Finkleman. It costs three millions.
Persichetti General Store, 3.000 liras.
Dress up, I`ll make you a coffee.
Why are you closing?
So I won`t look at you.
A coffee will calm you down,
you are very nervous.
Did you take me here
to drink coffee?
- No, to know each other better.
- Do you realize in which ``truffle`` are you?
- What ``truffle``?
- In a bad situaton.
A trouble.
I know, but I don`t care.
Let me go and nothing
will happen to you.
Did you decide?
- How much sugar?
- You decide!
Will you let me go?
No.
Once married,
you will prepare coffee.
Well?
What?
My god!
My god!
How can we live together?
There`s no dialogue between us.
That`s not true.
If you start talking, there`s a dialogue.
- You start.
- No, you start.
Ok.
Yesterday I ate an apple and
inside there was a worm.
My granpa`s name was Giovanni.
My weight is 72.5 Kilos
without shoes.
Nex month is the end
of legal time.
Yes, maybe.
I don`t think it`s your fault.
I think there`s some dialogue.
- Just one thing to do.
- What?
- We must kiss.
- That`s impossible.
I will never kiss you.
It`s ``never`` o`clock.
One moment!
I kiss you if...
- No ifs.... If?
- If you let me go.
Ok.
What are you doing?
The door is open.
Didn`t you want to leave?
Why?
You love me.
- Yes.
- How much?
- Very much.
- I thought more.
I loved you since the first moment
I met you.
- Why didn`t you say that before?
- We can never get married.
- Only if it would snow in august.
- Right.
Let`s check the weather.
It`s snowing!
It`s august...
- One moment...
- Don`t open. - Why?
You could get a cold.
Princess, congratulations!
You`re a cheater, a clown!
- Now, do you want to refuse?
- No, I will marry you.
- If...
- No ifs. What?
- We get married on the mountains,
afar from the crowd. - Why?
My father must not know,
he wants me to marry Krupp.
- The one of the rolls?
- The cannons!
Ok, dear.
When are we going to tell dad?
After the wedding.
I would rather do that
after the third child.
- I must tell you a secret.
- Which one?
We are surrounded.
The love story between
the princess and the bus driver is finished!
Cristina promised to Krupp!
Barnaba interviewed on Tv!
Here he is! Here he is!
Who?
Ba... Ba...! Ba... Ba...!
Barnaba!
Hello, I am Cecchini Barnaba.
Io love Princess Cristina
and she loves me.
You could say that you are in love too,
but you don`t go on Tv.
But you can`t say that,
because I am talking now.
The father of my girlfriend
wants her daughter to be marriedvuole che la figlia sposi...
...to somebody that produces cannons.
Such Krupp doesn`t love her
the same way I do.
But he`s got 50 billions.
If I had them, I would give them to the king.
I don`t have them, but you do.
You don`t have it individually,
but altoghether.
There are 5 million people in Rome.
10.000 liras each is 50 billions.
Would you renounce to a princess
for 10.000 liras?
I can`t believe it.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on!
10.000 liras make me strong!
Hurry up, or the princess will leave.
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Come on!
10.000 liras make me strong!
Well!
A real farewell! I didn`t think
to be so popular in Rome.
I will always have a wonderful memory
of this city.
Hi, dad!
Barnaba!
Hi, Cristina!
Chauffeur, stop the car!
- Look carefully at those papers.
- They`re 10.000 liras banknotes!
All of them will be 50 billions.
Dear, give me the monkey.
- You drive.
Yes, sir!
- Can I come in, dad?
- Sure, take a seat.
Come with us, Barnaba!
But...
Barnaba, you are great!
Let`s go!
Congratulation!
Bet wishes and much happiness!
There is also my money-box!
There are 10.000 liras.