Madea's Big Happy Family (2010) - full transcript

Trash men didn't get my trash today

Oh, why?
Because they want more pay

Buses on strike want a raise in fare

So they can help pollute the air

But that's what makes the world go round

The ups and downs, the carousel

Changing peopIe's heads around

Go underground, young man

-People make the world go round
-People make the world go round

WaII Street Iosing dough on every share

They're blaming it on longer hair



Big man smoking in his easy chair

On a fat cigar without a care

But that's what makes the world go round

The ups and downs, the carousel

Changing peopIe
They go round

Go underground, young man

People make the world go round

That's what l'm trying
to tell you right now, baby.

-What?
-Listen, l don't get sick, honey!

-l don't ever get sick.
-No!

Listen, Shirley, l don't even like
coming into doctors' offices ever.

Well, thanks for coming with me, Aunt Bam.

You're welcome, honey! You're welcome.

Come on, tell me. Okay, how you feeling?



l feel fine.

Good. l feel good too, honey.
From the rooter to the tooter.

l feel good. l can tell you.

-Hello, Dr. Wallace.
-Hello, Miss Shirley.

-Oh, he fine. He fine! You're fine.
-And hello to you.

Doc, l'm sick. l'm sick, Doc.

lt's in my chest. Check my chest.
Feel my chest, Doc. Feel it.

Come on, put your hands on it. No, not that.

Put your hands on. Put your hands on.

Well, come here and let me feel your chest.

Oh, no. Forgive my aunt.

-No problem. She's cute.
-Cute!

Cute is for puppies.

You mess with me, Doc,
l'll have you somewhere

sucking on your thumb,
calling for your mama.

-Aunt Bam.
-What? Okay, l'm sorry. l'm sorry, Doc.

But listen, she said you were fine, honey,
and l just had to come in here

and see for myself.

And good God Almighty, sure is.

He fine, girl. He is fine.

-Thank you, thank you.
-You are welcome.

-Are you married?
-No, ma'am, not yet.

Are you straight?

-Aunt Bam!
-What?

God, nowadays, you gotta ask
about these lowdown men, honey.

-''Down low.''
-Down low is low down.

-Same thing. Same thing. Same thing.
-That's right. That's right. That's right.

-Right, right.
-Listen, Shirley, he ain't answered me yet.

He sure didn't.

-Yes, ma'am, l am.
-''Yes, ma'am, l am,'' what?

-Straight.
-Straight. Wait, straight. Good.

'Cause l love straight men, Doc.

l mean, l really love straight men.
l like gay men, too.

But l only like them to do my hair,
decorate my house,

show me how to do
a couple of floral arrangements.

Oh, and l love to see them direct the choirs.

When they do that, that's real good!

And, oh, when they sing,
they sing up so high, so pretty.

l like that, too, Doc. l do.

Oh, but a straight man, Doc,

a straight man, l'll let him move
straight in there with me.

You don't need a place to stay,
do you, Doc?

No, ma'am, l don't.

You live with me.

Well, he can live with me in my room.
Shut up.

Don't you see me trying to
get some free doctor visits, hon?

-Can you wait in the waiting room?
-Yes, l can. Yes, l can.

You know, Doc,
l can wait in the waiting room.

Come on, help me, hon.
l can wait in the waiting room

'cause l don't even like
coming in to doctors' offices,

'cause all y'all like doing is just probe
all over people and feel on all of them,

two, four, six, two.

-Two, four, six.
-ls that so?

And then, Doc, y'all's offices is too little.
Can't even turn around in here,

like l like turning around.

l like to turn all around
when l turn it all around.

That's how l like to do it
when l turn around,

'cause, you know, Doc,
l've been turning around since l was 1 0.

-So, turning all around when l...
-Hey!

You better not be out there smoking either.

Hey, look, you better be worried about
what l'm gonna be out here smoking.

Well, l've been smoking all day.
Smoking is what l do.

-Now she is something else.
-You don't know the half of it.

Seventy-two years old and still a ball of fire.

l wish l felt as strong as she does.

-So how have you been feeling?
-You tell me.

-Well...
-Just tell me, Doc.

Well, the cancer's back,
and it's more aggressive than before.

-l'm sorry, Miss Shirley.
-Ain't no need to be sorry, honey.

l mean, we could try chemo again,
but at this point,

l don't know if it'll do any good.

Thank you for all your help.

How long do l have?

Well, only God knows.

Well, that's true, only God knows,
but in your professional opinion?

Well, in my professional opinion,
four, maybe six weeks.

God bless you, and thank you.

You know, l'm tired anyway.
We've been fighting this thing for six years.

Six years!

l thought we had beat it.

Don't look so sad. lt's gonna be all right.

You're one of the most amazing patients
l've ever had.

You're always smiling, always happy.

l'm a child of God.

l know that every day he gives me is a gift,

and when he stops giving them to me,
l get to be with him.

And that's the greatest gift of all.

l wish l had your faith.

Yeah, well, be careful what you pray for.

-God bless you, Miss Shirley.
-Thank you, Doctor.

Oh, and l'm gonna call you.

l'm gonna try to explain it to my children,

and l'd love for you to be there
just in case they have any questions.

-Oh, l'd love to.
-Well, good!

Let me give you the directions then.

See, we need railings out here
for old people, hon.

This don't even look ladylike.

Look, somebody bent all over like this,
gaped all over like this.

Trying to come down the stairs.
People looking all up on your skirt,

knee-highs showing.

This don't even make no sense.

Anyway, God, like l was saying. Father...

Bam, you smoking the weed?

You're not supposed to be smoking.
That'll kill you.

No, no, no, no! Look here,
you sneaking up on me like that

going to get you killed.
Don't you do that, honey.

Come on, tell me, Shirley.
Come on, what the doctor said?

l ain't got a lot of time,
and we done tried everything.

Wait, wait, wait.
Now you ain't worried, is you, baby?

Well, l ain't got nothing left, Aunt Bam.

Oh, girl, please.

That's probably right where God
wants you to be. You think?

l think so.

When everything you ever worked for

Lord, it's gone in a second

When life, life throws you a curve

You can't bend

Oh, no

When everyone has turned against you

And all of your friends

So-caIIed friends forsake you

When there's nothing

Nothing Ieft but God

Honey, that's all you need

That's it!

When all hell, hell breaks loose

And it looks like you can't win

When everyone

Everyone that you relied on

Is right now relying on you

Yeah, yeah, yeah

When destruction is destroying

Child, and the devil

Mean old devil says you're through

When there's nothing

Nothing Ieft but God

Honey, that's all you need

-That's it.
-We will top this.

Wait, wait, wait.

He's the Iife that we Iive

And see, God is the breath every day

He gives it

And then He's joy

The joy God brings me

Hey, I Iove God

l love Jesus, 'cause he's

Every, every, everything

Hey, Mama. Hey, Aunt Bam!

-Hey!
-Hey, baby, how you feel?

-l'm good, and you?
-l feel good from the rooter to the tooter.

All right then. Mama, l called everybody.

Good. l wanna see all my children.

-Joyce!
-Ma'am.

Come here, baby,
hand me this remote right here.

Your mama says she wants to
See AII My ChiIdren.

-l wanna turn it on for her right here.
-Okay.

l'm not talking about TV.

-Oh, Joyce!
-Ma'am.

Come on back, babe. Put the remote back.

She says she don't want to be bothered.

-Oh, okay.
-She don't want to be...

Mama, what's going on?

Nothing. l wanna see all my family.

-Oh, Joyce!
-Ma'am!

Come on back, baby.
She says she wanna see All in the Family

l thought she said All My Children.

No, no, no. l'm talking about my family,
Tammy and them.

l want all of them to come over here
so l can tell them what the doctor said.

-That's right. Joyce!
-Ma'am.

Come on, put the remote back, baby.
She says she wanna see all her family.

-Okay.
-She wanna see all y'all.

Wait a minute, wait a minute...
Even Monroe?

Yes.

You want your brother Monroe
to come over here?

-Joyce!
-Ma'am!

Listen here, baby.
Get my purse out of that closet.

lt's behind that big box,
in a little box, wrapped up in my coat,

hanging on a hanger.

What do you want me to do with it?

-Hide it, hide it.
-Hide it?

Yeah. Didn't you hear her say
Monroe was coming over here?

-l better hide my purse, too.
-Yeah, you better.

Mama, l'm gonna clean up your room
after l get dinner started, okay?

Well, thank you.
l don't know what l'd do without you.

You know what?
This girl right here is just precious.

-Yes, she is.
-l mean, she comes over here

and she cooks your food like you like it
and she fixes up your house

and tidies up...

-ls she gone? She gone back in there?
-What?

Hey, look here.
You know why that is, don't you?

She loves her mama.

No. lt's 'cause she ain't got no man.

-She's shy.
-Shy?

Okay, shy. Listen, Shirley,
shy is gonna keep her lonely.

Listen, there are three ways you know
when somebody is just lonely past help,

and the first way is, they get to saying,
''l'm just happy with Jesus alone.

''He's all l need.''

-She don't say that.
-Yes, she does.

She said it last week
when l was talking to her.

You ain't heard her say it?
You ain't heard her say it?

-Joyce?
-Ma'am!

Oh, baby, when you going to get a man?

No, Aunt Bam, l'm happy with Jesus alone.
He's all l need.

Number two, then they get defensive.

''l can get a man if l want.
l can get a man if l want.''

Now, she said that yesterday,
when l was talking to her...

You ain't heard that?

-Lookit! Joyce?
-Ma'am!

Baby, you need a man.

Now, look now...

Now, l could get a man if l wanted one.
l just don't want one.

Ain't nobody in this house got a man.

l don't know why everybody worry about
whether Joyce's got a man or not.

As a matter of fact, you know what?
l do have a man.

His name is Jesus, and l love him!

Joyce, Joyce, baby, let it go.

Oh, God, she's a case study.

But you know what, Shirley?
She ain't done number three yet,

so l ain't too worried about her.

-What's that?
-You know, when they get all depressed,

then they get to singing hymns.

Hymns just pop out of nowhere.

What a friend

we have in Jesus

-AII our...
-AII our...

She's suicidal.

Oh, she ain't suicidal.

Yes, yes. Child, this don't make no sense.

Somebody be 32 years old,
ain't had a man in years.

Leave that child alone.

Some people are happy alone,
some folks blossom late in life.

She's a beautiful flower.

Yeah. Well, a dead cactus is
a beautiful flower to somebody.

But you don't see me running out
to go buy one.

Listen, Shirley, you need some help
with these children here,

and l had to call somebody,
but l know y'all kind of different

in the way y'all raise children
and everything.

But l called her, she said she'd come on
over here and you just need some help.

And what l need... Hey!

-Hey, there she is!
-lt's so good to see you.

How you doing, Shirley? Good to see you.

-Bam!
-Bam!

Y'all still do that.

Yes, indeed.
l came as soon as y'all called me.

-l'm glad you're here.
-l know you know me.

You have different styles
of raising children.

-You like to pray for them and lay hands.
-Yes, that's right.

l like to punch them and kick them,

so we'll figure out
somewhere in the middle.

-We gonna work it out.
-Yes, Lord. But l came.

You don't look sick at all.

Well, l feel good.

Good. You look good. You look good.

Your house look good, too.

-Well, thank you.
-lt's so clean.

-Yep.
-Joyce still ain't got a man, does she?

l bet she run to New Birth. Every time
the door swings open, she's up in there.

Well, you know, all of us go to New Birth.

-Yeah!
-All of us.

Not Bam.

-Yes, she does.
-Bam don't go to no church.

-Yes, l do go to church.
-Bam, stop that lying.

You don't go to no church.

All the hell you did back in the day,
now you running to the church house?

Yeah, l do go to church, girl.

Listen to me, l had to run up in that church.
l ran up in that church...

You stop that lying.

You'd have said three lies just that quick.
Stop that lying.

Hey, you gotta let me finish talking, babe.
l ain't even said the whole story yet.

-Say what you're saying.
-l said...

l ran up in that church...

Stop that lying. l'd have heard three lies
just that quick. Stop that lying.

-The lying about the church.
-Mable...

-Mable, what...
-Say it slow.

-Okay. l...
-Say it. Lie.

-Ran...
-You know that's a lie.

-Up in...
-That's a big old lie right there.

''l ran up.'' You ain't run up nowhere.

You might have rolled down somewhere,
but you ain't run up.

You ain't run up to nowhere.

Girl, l didn't know y'all know him.

-Who you talking about?
-That dude in the kitchen.

Ain't no man in that kitchen.

That ain't Sam Jackson from Pulp Fiction
at your stove?

That's my baby.

-l know that's Joyce. Hey, Joyce!
-Hey, Aunt Madea.

Girl, she sounds so lonely.

lt's all in her throat. Y'all better watch her.

Come here. Let me take a look at you, hon.

-Oh, okay.
-She looked the same.

No, she don't all these years.

-Hey.
-Yes, she do.

That Afro exfoliated me. Good God.

Sorry. Sorry.

Come here. Let me take a look at you.

She look the same.

Wow.

Wow!

When l think of home,
l think of a place, too.

Wow.

Thank you.

She say ''thank.''

l wasn't saying ''Wow'
'cause she looked good,

l was saying ''Wow'
'cause she tore the hell up.

ln there looking like Michael Jackson
on the cover of that Off The Wall album.

Hey, hey!

And here come Thriller.

Tammy, l paid your husband $275
to fix my car.

No, don't say no ''Thank you, thank you.''

My car still ain't fixed. l'm telling you,
where your husband at?

-He at work.
-Y'all lazy as hell.

-ls he coming over here?
-Yes, he is.

lf l go out this door today
and my car don't start,

you better run like hell.
That's all l'm saying.

lf l go out there and turn that key,

somebody gonna be
turning you over in your grave.

l'm telling you right now.

-My car better start.
-Yes, ma'am.

-Hey, Aunt Bam.
-Hey, Thriller.

-Hey, Byron.
-Hey, Aunt B.

Who is this lovely young ball of sunshine?

This is my girlfriend Rose.
You remember her.

Rose... That's the one
you made the nursery rhyme about.

Yeah, that's a...

Row, row, row your ho

Up and down, up and down

Up and down the street

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

She's just a piece of meat

-l'm gonna go talk to mama.
-She did the remix on you.

-Yes.
-No, no, don't. Come on, sit down.

Don't go in that kitchen, hon.
We don't want you around our food.

Honey, sit over there.
What is that perfume you got on?

-Good gosh.
-lt's Savani Eau.

lt smells like Le Choke A Negro.

l don't know what the hell that is.

-Look here, Rose.
-Yes.

Listen, where my $20 at?

-Excuse me?
-You heard what l said.

Where my $20 at?

You told me you was
going to give it to me later.

lt's later, and l ain't seen my 20.

lt's $20, please. That's so petty.

See, God, that what l be talking about
right here.

When you want me to act right,
people always...

You better be glad Bam is going to church,

'cause there was a time
Bam would have took that $20,

went to the Laundromat, got some quarters,
put it in a sock,

and beat the hell out of you with it.

Anyway. Hello, Miss Shirley.

-Hey, honey.
-Hey, Mama, can l talk to you for a minute?

Okay. Come on.

l like that eye shadow.

-Thank you.
-lt's green.

-Yes, it is.
-You look like a princess.

-Thank you.
-And a frog.

-l like them shoes.
-Thank you.

How much them shoes
and the eye shadow cost?

How much that cost?

l don't know.
The eye shadow's probably 50, 60 bucks.

-50, 60 bucks.
-And the shoes, maybe 850.

-The shoes were 850?
-Yes, yes.

Do they book reservations
and everything else for you?

$850. Well, l could get a car
for that amount. Wow.

How long ago did you buy it?

l don't know, about three weeks ago.

Three weeks ago you had $850 for shoes
and some $50-$60 for eye shadow.

How long ago
she borrow that $20 from you, Bam?

About a year ago, Madea.

There you go, Bam.
What are you gonna do?

-Come on now.
-l can't do nothing.

Bam, come on now, don't let Jesus
take all the fun out of you.

Come get this girl.

Dear, listen,
being saved is a process, honey.

Honey, that child in there need a process.
You need to handle this right here.

Listen, dear, listen. The Bible says,

'''Vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord.''

You Christians kill me,
quoting all these clichés.

As somebody told you,
you got to read the Bible.

Honey, read the Bible.

You got to know which scripture to use
for which situation.

There's another scripture that's
more appropriate for this situation.

-Okay. Thank you.
-The Bible says,

''Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.''

That mean if somebody
has done something to you,

and you've been redeemed by the Lord,

you can beat them down and say, ''So?''
Come get her.

Byron! Byron! Byron! Byron!

That's all right. You can't catch her.

She makes me sick.

Hey, Mama.

l need to borrow some money.

Sure. For what?
l gave you money last week.

-ls it for that girl?
-Mama, no!

-You sure?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-Okay?

-That's all you gonna say is ''okay''?
-Yes.

Thank you, Mama. See, you neverjudge me.

You don't judge me
and you don't judge her either.

-Thank you.
-Look, honey, life is short.

Find somebody that really loves you.

Mama, she does really love me.

l mean, l just wish she didn't like
nice things so much though.

Ain't nothing wrong with nice things,
when you can afford them.

And that is the problem. We can't afford it.

l mean, that's how we got in this situation,
that girl out shopping.

Byron, you're not thinking about going
back out there in them streets, are you?

You already been to jail once
for selling drugs.

Don't be trying to sell no dope for that girl.

Mama, nobody is thinking
about selling no dope.

Thank you, Mama.

Lord, watch over my son.

'Cause you know he's lying.

-Hey, baby.
-Oh, hey, baby.

Okay, okay. So what did your mama say?
'Cause, you know...

Great. Okay, let's count. One, two...

$200?

What am l supposed to do with $200?

Okay, okay, all right.
l'll just get my hair done, l guess.

My gosh. Come on, baby.

You know what l'm trying to do here.

l'm trying to get my boutique with my sister.

And all l need from you is 1 5 grand, okay?

Baby, and all l need from you is to relax.

Look, you have got to trust me on this one.

Trust you?

l could trust you if you would
just call Rosco and make the drop.

And then l'll have
all the money l need, Byron.

You do not understand.

Look, baby, if l get caught up this time,
l am going down.

Now, that's gonna be 20 years
with no questions asked.

Well, you better do something.
l have to live my life, too.

And you know what?
Darnel used to take care of me.

What the hell does Darnel
have to do with this?

Darnel had money. That's what.

Hell, even Gary with his broke behind
had my back better than you doing.

And l left them for you?

When l first got with you, Byron,
you had money.

This, right here, would never work for me.

-Ever.
-Fine.

-So, you better do something.
-Fine.

Fine.

l'll call Rosco
and l'll see if l can make a drop.

-You better.
-You better.

Better be glad you fine, girl.

Yes, l am.

What is that? What is that, honey?
What is that?

Kool-Aid.

l can't drink that Kool-Aid. l'm a diabetic.
l can't have all that sugar.

All right. So what is going on,
and why are y'all blowing up my phone?

-Hey, Kimberly.
-Mama asked me to call everybody.

For what? Let her know that l'm here
and that l have things to do, please, Joyce.

-Hey, Kimberly.
-Thank you.

You don't see us sitting here?
Girl, girl, you don't see us sitting here?

How can l miss the both of you?

Can l go to jail for strangling that thing
from Avatar?

That's what she look like.
She's straight out of Avatar.

l have a house to show. l have clients.
Mother! Mother!

She's so proper. ''Mother! Mother!''

Didn't she grow up in the projects?

Yes, she did. Right next door to me.

l was in 1 02, they was in 1 02 and a half.

-Why? Why can't you answer my question?
-No!

Shut up, you witches of East Perth.

Now listen, your mama asked me
to come over here

to talk to you, so you will understand
when she got something to say,

what she gonna say, and when she say it.
You need to understand.

-Do you understand what l'm telling you?
-Yes.

Shut the hell up and listen.
Do you hear what l'm saying?

-Speak into the mic.
-Yes, ma'am.

-Mic check, one, two.
-Yes, ma'am.

l just cussed her out in Avatar.

She know what the hell l just said to her.

l cussed her out in Avatar.

Hey, everybody!

-Ain't that the one.
-That's the one.

-School. Short. Okay.
-Bus. Yellow.

-Hey, Aunt Madea...
-Don't put them lips on me.

Last time you kissed me,
l had H1 N1 growing on my face.

No, sir.

-Aunt Bam.
-Back up, honey. l don't want it. Back up.

-Get back.
-Look at you, son.

How old are you now?

-Seventeen!
-He said, ''Seventeen!''

Yeah, 1 7.

-What grade you at?
-Sixth!

Look here, son, look here.

-That's all right. At least you're in school.
-That's right.

At least we know you're in school.

At least your children
will know where you at.

''Daddy down the hall in Miss Jones' class.''

Do your homework, son.
Do your homework.

Get your book bag, baby. Wait, wait, wait.

There, look at him. Oh, boy.

-What the hell just...
-Right, right, right.

Listen, dear, sometimes l just go out there
and ring the doorbell

because he's gonna do this,
look like he be having fits or something.

-Over the doorbell?
-Over the doorbell.

Jingle bells! Jingle bells!

Oh, he's here.

Boy, boy!
l'm gonna slap the hell out of you.

That ain't no jingle bell.

That's the doorbell, son, the doorbell.
Santa Claus ain't here.

-Doorbell.
-Open the door, son.

-Good God Almighty.
-That's right.

And listen here, dear, the doctor say
ain't nothing wrong with him.

Something wrong with the doctor.

-Who is it?
-lt's Harold.

lt's Harold.

Conjunction junction,
what's your function?

Come on in, Harold, 'cause whoever's
gonna open the door done went to lunch.

Harold, do me a favor real quick.

Pull out all the money
you got in your pocket,

and l want you to pay that zipper
and them buttons time and a half

for holding that thing together.

He ain't got that much money.

l'm so mad at you.

l paid you $275 to fix my alternator,
and my car still won't start.

l went out there the other day,
put my foot on the gas, the trunk open.

What the hell is that?
l'm gonna tell you right now.

lf l go out this door today
and my car don't start,

you better run like hell.
Do you understand?

Why would you open up a mechanic shop,
got people sitting there,

waiting on their cars,
and you just being all crazy.

You need to do some work.
Stop sitting down all the time.

Every time l come in here,
he's sitting down.

-Sitting down?
-Sitting down.

Every time l go over there.

l go in there and l say,
''Harold, change my oil.'' He's sitting down.

Change the windshield wipe blade,
he's sitting down.

Wash the car, he got a chair with wheels
on it, he slide all the way around.

Always sitting down.

When you die, tell them people to bury you
on your stomach to give your ass a break.

Just sitting down all the time.

-Excuse me!
-So what are you gonna do?

Excuse me!

-Where are you going?
-Why are you asking me?

You just got here,
and now you wanna leave!

Mother, what is going on?

-Hello to you, too, Kimberly.
-Look, l have five clients

and l have three appointments.

Can you please tell me what is going on?

-l see nothing has changed with you, Kim.
-Tammy, l am not talking to you.

l am talking to my mother.

-But l'm talking to you.
-Okay, okay, okay. Relax, please!

l don't have time for this, okay?

lf you're calling me about money,
l don't have any.

Nobody's calling you about money.

-Well, l gotta go.
-Look at her. Look at her.

Hold on, your mama is talking to you. Act
like you got some sense and listen to her.

You're getting one mother,
do you understand?

There will come a day when you wish
you could hear anything from her.

Listen to what she is trying to tell you.
Show some respect, little girl.

Where the hell are you rushing off to?

l have to show a house.

l don't give a damn
if you've got to show the White House

to Barack, Michelle, Sasha, Malia,
and Bobo. That's your mama.

Mama, l don't know how you put up
with that nasty attitude of hers.

l don't know how you put up with
a daughter who's an old maid

and can't get a man,
even if you tried, Joyce.

-l got a man.
-A man? Who is he?

His name is Jesus.

Hey, hey, hey!

Wait, wait. Listen, everybody,
Uncle Monroe just pulled up.

-Wait a minute.
-l got it.

-Mama, give me your purse.
-Hide everything.

l'm gonna hide it in that trash can.
See him come over here and take this.

Open the door. Open the door.

Okay, here we go.

-Hey!
-Hey, Nephew. What's going on, man?

-How you doing, man?
-l'm all right.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

You still keep your wallet
down in your sock?

-Monroe.
-That's smart, dawg. That's smart.

What?

Why does everything look so put up?

-'Cause you're here.
-'Cause you're here.

-Hey, everybody.
-Hey, Monroe.

-You all good?
-We good.

-You straight?
-Yeah.

All right, all right.

-Something smells good in the kitchen.
-Ain't no crack in that kitchen.

That's what you smell.
Come out of there, Monroe.

He looking for something...
He just stole an eye off the stove.

Just that quick, l'm telling you.

Monroe, come out of there.

What are you looking in that drawer for?

For the bathroom, Madea.

You know where the bathroom is, Monroe.
lt's where it was last time.

Sis, it looks like you have
redecorated and everything,

and it looks nice, too.

But l'm gonna go to the bathroom
and everything,

'cause l think l'm consecrated.

-Monroe!
-Go up there and keep an eye on that boy.

So now, Mama,
what did you want to tell us?

-Byron!
-l'm trying to wait on somebody...

Dear, this is my favorite one, right here.

-This is ghetto at its best.
-Byron!

This is Karen ''Baby Mama Drama.''

Hey, Aunt Bam. Hey, Miss Shirley.
ls Byron here?

Yes! My man is here, all right?

-So, you're the one, huh?
-Yes, l am.

He's gonna leave all of this
for all of nothing?

-Oh, please.
-l cannot stand this girl.

You can't stand me,
but you're gonna stand this baby.

And you need to take care of him
while l go to cosmology school.

Karen, what are you doing here?
Look, l got things to do.

Like what?

And you better have my money
at the end of this month,

or l'm gonna have the po-pos
knocking at your door.

The po-pos gonna be
knocking at your door, door

Bam. Bam!

I said, the po-pos gonna be
knocking at your door, door

Sit down.

I said, the po-po
knocking at your door, door

Sit the hell down.
Looking like a rusty AARP cheerleader.

Sit down.

Little girl,

we're having a very private
family moment right now.

You come up in here with all this noise.

Take this baby,
and you come back some other time.

And you young mothers need to stop

covering these babies' faces up,
they can't...

What the hell is that?

That's my baby.

And you're proud of it?

Lord, have mercy.

l ain't never seen no child look like this.
He just looks old.

He makes me want to just break out in song.

Swing Iow...

He looks just like Byron.

Child, you know this child don't look like
nothing human. Stop that, now.

-You know what?
-Karen, look here.

l told you, we're having
a private family moment.

You gonna come up here
with all that noise.

Now, take this child, go outside,
and talk to that man

like he got some sense. Go on, now.

-Madea!
-Madea!

What? That baby can fly. Look at it.

Hey, Karen!

Okay, enough of this.

What's going on?
And why did you call me over here?

Baby, that's your mother.
Don't talk to your mother like that.

-What, Jason?
-Baby, please, don't talk to your...

Please don't talk to me like l'm a little girl.
Do you hear that?

l'm a grown woman.

l talk to whoever l want to,
however l want to, Jason.

You get on my nerves.

You know what, every time l look around
you got something to say.

You're always running your
daggone mouth. Shut up sometimes,

and have my back.

They called me over here
and they can't tell me why l'm here,

and you're gonna tell me
how to talk to my mother?

-That's your mother.
-You better leave me alone.

-This is not the day. Don't mess with me.
-Wait. Hold on. Get back...

Man, that girl talk to you
the way Tammy be talking to me.

Excuse me, and who is talking to you?

l don't think nobody said anything
to Harold up in here.

-Did anybody say anything to him?
-Not a word.

-l don't even like the way he looks.
-l didn't say nothing to that stingy midget.

You know what? l know we had
this discussion before we came over here,

and l said, ''Don't you open up your mouth.''

And here you go,
you whiney wimp of a man,

opening up your doggone mouth.

Now, l'm gonna say this,
and you better listen real good.

Shut up! And don't say nothing.

That's embarrassing as hell.

Y'all come on in the kitchen,

we need to have us a man moment, anyway.
Come on.

Y'all don't move fast
unless somebody's hollering at you.

-Get in the kitchen!
-Monroe...

You can't scare me like that.

l can't believe y'all. Sit down somewhere.

Now, look, you did the right thing

by not going off on her
when she was going off on you,

but let me tell you something.
After you've done all you can,

you just stand
and start choking the hell out of her.

l mean, put your thumb
to the back of her throat,

then you drop her on the floor
and watch her spit up on herself.

And then you stand over
and you go, ''Yah, trick!''

Just like that.

And, Harold, when you get home,

you tell Tammy, ''Tammy, get upstairs,

''and let me tell you something.''

Now, you try it. Go ahead.

Tammy,

will you come upstairs
so l can tell you something, please?

That rottweiler's gonna tear you up.

Now, come on.
Don't tell Harold nothing like that, man.

-Tammy is your niece.
-And?

And you need to be more responsible
and respectful.

Look, man, l love my wife.

And l know she's got a few issues,
but l'm gonna help her work through them,

like a real man
who loves his woman should.

Thank you, Pastor Joel Osteen.

Now, when you get through
with all that prayer and supplements,

you need to go back to step one,
''Yah, trick!''

l'm telling you, there's a connection.

Man, me and Tammy
ain't had sex in over a year, man.

Kill the visual, Jesus. Kill the visual.

l mean, my boys at home
acting crazy and all out of control.

My mommy and daddy are sick.

How am l gonna deal with Tammy
in times like these, man?

-''Yah, trick!''
-''Yah, trick!''

l'm telling you,

it worked with my first three wives.
You gotta try it.

Yeah, try it.

Yah, trick!

That's if Tammy was under 225.
Come on, man.

-Yah, trick!
-Harder than that, now.

-Yah, trick!
-Come on, harder.

-Yah, trick!
-That's it, that's it.

Now, this time, over your right shoulder,
as hard as you can.

Okay. Yah, trick...

Oh, God.

-Uncle Monroe?
-Ma'am.

-What y'all doing?
-Bible study.

Yeah. Jason was about to
do praise and worship.

No, l wasn't... Oh, l was!

-Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya
-Kumbaya

lt sound like l hear The Lion King
coming out of the kitchen.

You know, a-wimoweh up in there.
What's going on?

That's them having Bible study,
and praise and worship.

Ain't nobody having no Bible study.
Stop that lie.

Every time somebody
say ''praise and worship,''

your mama want the boys to sing.

l get so sick of hearing the boys sing.

Every time l come over,
she say, ''Y'all, let the boys sing.''

l want y'all to sing a Gospel song.

Come on.

And this one sing slow.

-He's much better now.
-Son, son.

Son, son. Walk over here, son.

Now, stop and pull up your pants.

Now, walk back.

-lt's a miracle.
-That's my baby.

l don't know what's wrong
with y'all young boys,

with these pants hanging off your behind,
down to your knees.

That don't look good.
That looks stupid as hell.

l don't understand it.

Here's the thing,

ain't nobody gonna give you
no job like that,

ain't nobody gonna hire you like that,
'cause you look like a fool, son.

You look like a fool. Pull your pants up.

Why don't some young men
pull their pants up and say,

''Follow me, l'm pulling my pants up''?

Everybody got their pants down,
following the jackass with his pants down.

Boy, let me tell you something.

Pants on the ground
Got your pants on the ground

Looking like a fool
with your pants on the ground

Hat turned around
with the gold in your mouth

Madea, a remix, what?

-l did a remix.
-That's right.

-That's a hit.
-Do it again.

Now, check it
Madea remix, what?

l said, the Madea remix, what?

All right, that's enough.

'Cause look at Shirley,
she's getting all upset.

Jesus know that song, too.

She getting all upset.
Look at her, she all upset.

She just wants to hear the Gospel.

That's all right. Go and walk the green mile.

-Let the Lord use you, halleluiah.
-That's right, sing, baby.

Pass me not

O gentIe savior

SinfuI though

My

Heart may be

I am longing

Lord, I am longing for your favor

Let some drops

Now faII on me

Even me, O Lord

Even me

Even me, Lord, O Lord

Even me

Let some drops

-Let some drops
-Let some drops

Whilst art thou blessing

Lord

Stop by

And bIess even

Me

Well, looky there.
Looky there. Looky there, baby.

Monroe! Now, come back here, Monroe.

They singing Gospel,
you rattling like a tambourine.

-Take everything out of your pockets.
-Where you going, Monroe?

Take everything out of your pockets.
You're just a rogue.

What are you talking about?

What the hell are you gonna do with
the towel racks out the bathroom, Monroe?

What are you gonna do with that?

l was coming back tomorrow for the towels.

Stealing from the slow. You go on ahead.
Catch him, catch him.

My mirror!

Child, you ain't looked
at that mirror in 1 5 years.

You can give that to somebody else.

Look at it.

Eye off the stove.

Why the hell you think he got on
a leather coat in the summertime?

Get off that crack.

Oh, that crack. l thought you just...

Monroe, sit down, get some help.
You understand, son? Get some help.

Have you all seen my phone anywhere?

Nobody for to help you look for no phone.

Dial your number, with your nasty attitude.

Right. l wish l would
help her find her phone.

l don't care if she don't never find it.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

-Shirley.
-Monroe.

Monroe, you don't hear that phone
ringing in your pocket?

l ain't even seen me stealing, Madea.

What am l gonna do with you, boy?

-Get some help, son.
-l will.

Pray for him.

-Hi.
-Hello, Miss Shirley.

This is who l've been waiting for.
This is my doctor.

-Hello, everyone.
-Dr. Wallace.

-Hi, Dr. Wallace!
-Hey, Aunt Bam. How are you?

You remember Aunt Bam.

-Hey, what's up, Frank?
-What's up, Jay?

You know him?

Yes, Jason and l
went to medical school together.

Okay.

Well, now that he's here,

it's something very important
l need to talk to all of you about.

Well, hold that thought.

That child says, ''Hold that thought.''
Lord, have mercy.

Kim, Mama's trying to tell us something.

Now, l know you didn't answer
the doggone phone

while Mama's trying to tell us something.

-Tammy, leave me alone.
-And what you gonna do if l don't?

Don't test me, all right?
You might not want to see that.

You know what?
You're making me sick, you spoiled brat.

And Mama gave you everything.

-Spoiled?
-That's what l said.

-You're jealous of me, Tammy.
-Excuse me?

You and Joyce
have always been jealous of me.

Don't put me in this. Jealous of what?

-Don't make me start on...
-Make you do what?

Tammy, why are you
always trying to pick a fight?

-Because you make...
-Do something!

Jason, move!

Kim, stop treating that man like that.

Joyce, get a man.

You've had enough for all of us.

Shut up, Tammy!

No, Mama. l am so sick of this.

She's got everybody in here
thinking she's so responsible.

Miss Responsible Kim.

But you didn't take care
of your main responsibility, did you?

Having a child at 1 2 years old
and had Mama take care of it?

What?

Come on, help me jump my car, Monroe.
Come on, Bam!

Let's go to the casino, Bam.

Dear, l don't want to go to no casino.
l want to stay right here

'cause l think something's gonna
pop off in here.

l really, really think Donnie's gonna
find out Kimberly is his real mama.

What did she say?

l said that Kimberly over there
is your real mama.

l think he's gonna find that out.

What? What you shushing me for?
Don't shush me, Shirley.

l'm just trying to tell you somebody in there
gonna let it slip.

What's she talking about?

Joyce?

l'm the last boy.

-Mama, what's going on?
-Jason, let's go.

-No, no, no. Hold on, baby.
-Jason!

Look, l'm sorry, Miss Shirley.
l'll come back another time.

Okay.

Get out the door. Go on.

No!

No! Wait for me! Wait for me!

l'm so sorry, Donnie.

Kimberly is my mama,

and none of you said anything?

Donnie. Donnie, listen...

What do you say
to a chiId with a broken heart?

Where do you begin
when his life's falling apart?

I shouId have known

My mother should've told me

I cannot beIieve

The secrets they keep

It's all right
Had to come to the light

Maybe not this way

But it's gonna be okay

If I do this, God, pIease protect me

I know it's not right
But I need some reIief

What do I do?

What do you say
to a chiId with a broken heart?

What do I say?

I shouId have know

My mother should've told me

It's okay, Lord

I know you're gonna make a way

It'll be all right in the morning

Dreaming with a broken heart

When I am hopeful

From the start

Where these tears are

When they tell us

So many Iies

What do I do?

What do you do
with a chiId with a broken heart?

What do I say?

I shouId have known

My mother should've told me

Oh, Lord

Oh, Lord, we need you
Come on back, Jesus

It will be all right in the morning

I need you, Jesus

I need you, Lord
Yes, l do

Yes, l do

Lord, we need you
Come on, Jesus

It will be all right in the morning

Father, l come to you

with my family in crisis.

We need your help. Only you can fix it.

ln Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen.

This chronic will make me choke.

-Oh, God.
-Door!

Here l come. l'm coming right now.

Okay, wait a minute. Jingle bell...

Jingle bell, jingle bell...

Hello, who is... Come in. Hello, come in.

-Hello, come in.
-Let's go, Frank.

-Hey, Aunt Bam.
-Jason!

You're the man of my dreams, honey.

You're tall, just like l like them,
and you're caramel, just like l like them,

and the waves in your hair
is just like l like them.

-Hey, Aunt Bam.
-Oh, excuse me, honey.

Doc, you're the man of my dreams.

You're bright, just like l like them,

and you smile, just like l like them,

and those muscles are just like l need them.

-How are you doing, Aunt Bam?
-You know what, boys,

l was doing pretty good
till you all came here with these big chests.

Wait a minute. Yours is moving.

What does that mean? Good God Almighty.

-lt's moving.
-l'm sorry, Bam, we were just out jogging.

-Okay.
-Please forgive us.

Well, you all need to forgive me, hon,
for what l was thinking.

What was l thinking? l'm glad you asked.

l was just thinking that we could play
a friendly game of Ping-Pong.

l'll be the ball, of course,

and you two can be the paddles.

And look at God, he gave us a table.

Look at that, right there.

You want to go to the kitchen table?

Well, it's a little high,
but l'll see what l can work with.

l don't know about this old leg.
lt's got that arthritis.

No, Aunt Bam,
we just stopped by to get some water.

What's that smell in here, Aunt Bam?

You smell that? lt's old people.

Old people. Yeah, see, all old people
either smell medicated or herbal.

And in my case it's herbs.

-Okay.
-Oh, Lord.

All right, all right.

Look, when me and Frank was out running,

he started telling me about how busy he is,

and how long it's been
since he's been out on a date.

Oh, wait. What's his house look like?

Very clean.

-Lonely.
-Lonely, right.

-So, l was thinking...
-And you thought right.

l'm just what the doctor ordered.

So, come on, order me, Doc.
Order me to rub your arms.

Order me to grab your chest.

Hey, Jason. l'm going on down.
Don't look and no stopping.

-No, wait. Wait, wait, wait!
-Order me to...

-No, l was thinking Joyce.
-What? Joyce what?

-Doc and Joyce.
-Doc and Joyce what?

-Joyce!
-Just a minute.

Wait a minute,
Joyce can't handle all this man.

l'm coming.

Look here, Doc,
l know you came over here for Joyce,

but l can make you rejoice.

And again l say, rejoice.

-Aunt Bam!
-What, baby?

Who was at the door?

Honey, it's my wildest dream.
lt's two of them.

Two...

-Hey, brother-in-law.
-Hey, my favorite sister-in-law.

-How are you doing?
-l'm good, and you?

Great, great. Hey, look,
you remember my buddy Frank, right?

Yeah, l remember him.
Did my mother call you?

-No.
-What are you doing here?

l was talking with your brother-in-law...

Just spit it out, just say what you want.
Say it.

Joyce, l wanted to take you out.

Okay. l don't appreciate
my brother-in-law talking to you about me.

l don't need a man, l don't need a date,
l don't need charity.

Would you shut up?
Shut up, Joyce, shut up.

You sound lonely as hell, shut up!

Look here, Doc,
since you chose Joyce over me,

why don't you just take her to dinner
and to the movies.

And after that, take her to a hotel room.

-Aunt Bam!
-l'd love to, but l don't think she'll let me.

You don't think
she'll let you take her to a hotel room?

No, no, no.
l meant dinner and the movies, Joyce.

Well, l'd let you take me to a hotel room.

-Hello, l'm in the room.
-Sorry, Joyce.

That's okay,
and l can't go to dinner with you anyway.

-Yes, you can.
-No, l can't.

-Yes, you can.
-l can't.

-Mama!
-Look, Doc, we'll be right back.

Don't worry about nothing. One moment.

Joyce, what is wrong with you, girl?

Sitting round here every day,
looking like a little Chia Pet.

-You called me?
-Yeah, l called you.

Hey, listen, Dr. Wallace came over here
to take this girl out on a date,

and she come calling you!

Now, what you calling me for?
Go out with the man.

Mama, you don't need me
to stay around here and clean up?

No, go and have a good time.

-You sure?
-l said so, didn't l?

-Now, go on in there and tell him.
-l ain't gonna tell him. You tell him.

-Joyce-Ann! Joyce-Ann!
-Aunt Bam. Mama!

-Joyce.
-Aunt Bam.

Lonely. Paging Dr. Wallace.

Lonely.

-Paging Dr. Wallace.
-l'm going home.

-Joyce-Ann! Joyce-Ann!
-Aunt Bam.

-Mama! Aunt Bam.
-Joyce.

Call my name one more time. Call it, call it!

Come on in the house, honey.

Listen, Dr. Wallace, you can take Joyce out,
you can pick her up.

Great. How about l pick you up at 8:00?

-No. No.
-No?

How about l just meet you someplace?

What are you gonna do that for, nut?

Well, because l don't know him like that.
He might try to do something to me!

-Let him.
-Let him.

He'll pick you up with them muscles
and he'll hold you in place.

Look here. Listen, Dr. Wallace,

you can pick Joyce up at 8:00 p.m. sharp.

Great, thank you, Aunt Bam.

Wait a minute, honey. You're welcome.

-l'll see you later?
-Yes.

Yes.

-See you later, Doc.
-See you later, Doc.

-Get on out of here.
-Get on out of here.

With your fine self. With your fine...

-What just happened? Did l just get a date?
-Yes.

Thank you, Aunt Bam.

You know what? l'm gonna let you
borrow my favorite perfume and my pearls.

l'm gonna go upstairs and get them.

-Wait a minute. Shirley, go on upstairs.
-What?

You just smile and go on up there.
l see you smiling. ls she gone?

-Jesus, l gotta go iron my dress.
-Oh, wait.

Wait a minute, honey. Wait a minute, honey.

What dress?

Not this old thing.
The purple one, just like it.

Cut that out, honey. Cut it out.

Listen, honey,
you need to get rid of all of them dresses.

Get rid of the red one, the black one,
the blue one, the purple one,

the metallic one,
get rid of all of them dresses.

-But then l won't have anything to wear.
-Exactly.

You know what? Listen, we can call Karen.

Karen will come over here
and do your face and your hair,

and give you something fancy to wear.

-You mean Byron's Karen?
-Yes, with that little ugly baby.

Oh, no. She gonna have my hair
all purple, orange, and pink.

l can't have that.

Listen, honey,
anything that anybody do for you

is better than
what you already done for yourself.

Child, you just sitting around here every
day looking like the Undercover Brother.

You can't do that. No.

l'm going to have on Mama's pearls.

No, you're not. l'm going to tell you there.
Listen, don't you dare put them pearls on.

Every time your mama put them pearls on,

they leave a little green hue
up under her neck.

And listen. That perfume,
your daddy gave that perfume to her.

Don't you dare put that perfume on!

Honey, every time she dabs a little bit
right here,

dabs a little bit right here,

she wonders why
flies be swarming all around her.

Don't you dare put on
none of that stuff, honey. Ever!

But did you see how happy she was
when she went up the stairs?

-l love to see my mama happy.
-l love to see her be that happy, too.

lt's just good that people can be that happy
when they get that sick.

You know, it don't make no sense
nobody's got to be happy.

-lt's time for people to be happy.
-Aunt Bam?

ls my mama sick?

l don't know. ls she?

-Well... Because... You said...
-Who said?

-No, because you just said...
-What? l didn't say nothing.

-Mama!
-Wait a minute.

Come here, let me tell you something.
Shirley going to put me out.

Okay, wait. Okay. Bam, Bam, Bam!

Bam, you have got to stop smoking reefer.

Who you talking to?

Come in!

l got them.

Oh, Lord, look at you.

What?

You just look all weak and flush
and everything.

Mama, give me these right here.

l'm going to make you some tea

and some soup,
and everything's going to be all right.

You just sit down right there.
l'm going to take care of you

because you know that's what l do, now.

-Aunt Bam?
-Ma.

Yes?

Did you tell her?

Well, Shirley, look here.
Sometimes, old people can't hear properly.

Things just pop out and
we don't even notice...

How much did you tell her?

Well, listen, Shirley. Well, l...

Look, l didn't tell her that
you only have four to six weeks to live.

Aunt Bam!

Did she hear me?

Well, l wanted everybody to know.

So, call everybody and
tell them to come back over here.

Wait a minute. You want me to call
all them hoodlums back over here again?

Why, l've got to tell them.

Shirley, ain't no telling
what's going to pop out this time, honey.

Wait, even Monroe?

But that's my brother.

Good. Because l'm going to
fix his ass this time.

He makes me sick! Old crackhead.

You know what? All l want to know is,
all crackheads want to be is high.

How high do they want to be?

You know, l...
All they need to do is smoke more reefer.

l'm high! l ain't smoking no crack!

Mama, how sick are you?

Well, baby...

Just tell me, please.

Well, it's not good,

but it's all right.

You know how much l love the Lord.

Mama, you know what we should do?

We should just pray
that he heals you, Mama.

See, God hears you.

Now you, you have faith
and you have favor and...

And you know what?
lt's going to be all right.

l already know it. lt's going to be all right.

l pray that he hears me.

lf it means on this side or in Heaven,

it's all right with me.

Okay, Mama, you can't talk like that.

l can't even begin to think about
you not being here...

Wait a minute. Look at me.

Do l look sad?

-Well, no.
-Well, don't feel bad for me.

l feel bad for those folks
who don't know Jesus.

l'm all right.

Mama, you're so strong.

l mean, you've always been my rock.

You mean your distraction?

You've been using me to
keep you from living.

You haven't spent any time dating.

That's why l'm so happy
you're going out with the doctor.

There is a whole world out there.

Life goes by so fast.

l have lived my life.

Now, it's time you live yours.

l wish...

l wish

l could give you more.

Mama.

You didn't have

Millions to give to me

You didn't have

Some great Iegacy

But what you gave me

Is more precious than gold

What you gave me

Saved my sin-sick souI

You gave me Jesus

To light up the world

You gave me Jesus

From the time I was a little girl

I just want to tell you

PIease know that this is true

By giving me him

You gave me the very best

Of you

You

If you could

I know you would have
given it all to me, Mama

And I'm so thankfuI

That you showed me the key

What you gave me

Is more precious than gold

What you gave me

Saved my sin-sick souI

You gave me Jesus

You said he was the light of the world

You gave me Jesus

From the time I was a little girl

I just want to tell you

PIease know that this is true

By giving me him

You gave me the very best

Of you

You

I know that you're saying

You wish you could have given me more

But you gave me all I need

You gave me a mother's love

Your love gave me the master

Of ocean, earth and sky

I'll be forever grateful

Until the day I die

You didn't have

Millions to give to me, Mama

You did not have

Some great Iegacy

But what you gave me

Is more precious than gold

What you gave me

Saved me sin-sick souI

You gave me

You gave me Jesus

Yes. That's what l'm trying to tell you.
Okay, yeah. That's right.

'Cause it's miracle-working time, honey.

l know. Yes. Okay.

All right. Well, thank you so much. Okay.
Love you, too. We'll be on over there.

Okay. Thank you. Bye. Good.

-Lord, have mercy.
-Hey, Aunt Bam.

Good.

Hi there, Donnie.

Wait. Stop. Sit down, honey.
Sit down, baby. Sit down.

Listen, baby, l'm sorry. Honey, l'm sorry.

l'm sorry you had to find out
like you found out.

And l'm sorry that you had to find out
what you found out.

But, son, sometimes in life,
you have to find things out

so you realize you done found them out.

See, you got to find things out, honey,

because sometimes you don't know
what you didn't know.

But then, when you find out things,

then you already start finding out
what you didn't know.

Then, when you found out
what you didn't know,

then you already did and
you start knowing what you didn't know.

And then it don't make no sense
to find out things no more,

because then you already found out
what you didn't know.

But it's always good, because
when you don't know something

you didn't know,
you don't know it until you find it out.

-Then when you find it out you realize...
-Aunt Bam...

l know. l'm deep. l know.

l know.

l wasn't going to say that.

Quit smoking all that weed.

You're the reason l'm so slow!

Well, l'm glad you found that out. See?

Now you know. See that? Look at that.

You're so smart, honey.
Stay with it. Stay with it.

Hey, listen. Baby, come on. Karen told us

we can come on over to
her house right now.

She's going to press you and perm you.

You're going to be beautiful.

Shirley, you're not going to
even recognize this girl

-when we get back here.
-l know it.

That's going to be good. Look, Donnie.
Hey, look, Donnie.

Donnie, why don't you find out now

why everybody in the family
call you ''radio'' behind your back.

She didn't mean it.

-Hey, Mama.
-Hey.

Or should l say

''Grandmama''?

No. l'm still your mother.

How have you been?

l'm okay.

l passed my test.

Good.

Why didn't you tell me, Mama?

l wanted to,
but l didn't want you or Kimberly hurt.

l love both of you

so much.

l love you too, Mama.
You didn't do anything wrong.

l love you so much, Mama.

I know you may think

You've done something wrong

I know you may wonder

If I'm all up in arms

But to tell you the truth

Wouldn't have it any other way

To tell you the truth

I know my life you saved
And you are my mama

The only one I know

Don't second guess yourself

It's okay to let this go

You are my mama

And you will always be

You did nothing wrong

All you did was love me

Decisions you made may try to haunt you

But Iook at it Iike this

I'm here because of you

Have no regrets

When it comes to me

Rest assured I understand
I understand indeed

Because you are my mama

Mama, I love you

Mama, I need you

Yes, l do

You are my mama

Mama, I love you

Mama, I need you

You are my mama

Mama, I love you

Mama, I need you

You did nothing wrong

All you did was love me

Yes, baby.

Well, come on, girl. Tell me.

-What's her face look like?
-Beat.

And what's her hair look like?

Did.

Oh, God.

What's her clothes look like?

She looks so cute!

Well, l hope she don't look like you!

Okay, baby, what is she standing out there
in the heat for?

Bring her on in, please.

Don't look, Aunt Bam. Turn around.

Don't worry, honey. l don't want to look.

Joyce, come on in!
Aunt Bam wants to see you!

Coming!

Okay, Aunt Bam. You can look now.

Okay.

Hello, ma'am. Come on, y'all,
please stop playing all these games.

-l don't know who that is. What...
-Aunt Bam, it's me. Joyce-Ann.

Joyce-Ann! lt's you!

Joyce-Ann, l ought to
slap you into next week!

Why?

You mean to tell me
you done had a rack like that

sitting up under all them dresses?

Yes.

Do you know how many free doctor visits
l could have had by now?

Sorry.

Come on, baby. You look beautiful, honey.

You look like l did about three years ago.

Yep. And then l started eating corn bread.

Joyce, you look beautiful.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

l'm sorry. There's been a change of plans.

-Wait. What do you mean?
-No, that's fine.

We're not going to be able to go to dinner.

What do you mean
you're not going to be able to go to...

You want me?

l'm sorry. There has been an emergency.
We need to get to the hospital.

-Wait a minute. ls it my mama?
-Yes.

Well, you should have said that
when you first walked in.

Now, don't come in here crying.

But, Mama, why?

Why didn't you tell us how bad it was?

lt's all right.

Mama, what are
we going to do without you?

You'll be fine, baby. You'll be fine.

Are you in pain, Mama?

l'm fine. l'm good.

Mama, l prayed all the way over here.

l told God that if you just get better,
that l'll do right.

l'm dying, baby.
l want you to get right with Jesus.

All of you.

So l can see you again, in Heaven.

Death is a part of life.

And if you live it
loving as strong as you can,

that kind of love, real love,

and receiving real love,

then you will have lived a full life.

Don't forget

the simple things l taught you.

After the pain

After the tears

After the suffering

For so many years

My body is letting me down

Although I said no

My soul alone is for freedom

So, in peace

Let me go

Because Heaven waits

For me

The gates

I can aImost see

Heaven waits for me

I'll get to sit at His feet

Because

Heaven waits

For me

-No, Mama! Please!
-No, Mama! No!

-Dr. Wallace!
-Please!

-Please! Mama!
-Let me see!

Joyce! Joyce!

-l'm sorry.
-No!

-No!
-No, God! Please!

-Mama, don't leave me! Please!
-No, please!

Mama!

-God!
-God!

Oh, God, no!

Mommy!

-Don't leave me! Please!
-Oh, God!

-Oh, God!
-Please, God! Please don't take Mama!

Oh, God!

No more crying

I won't be aIone

My mother is there waiting

For her chiId to come home

I'm so sorry

I had to leave you here

But if you knew where I was going

You wouIdn't shed another tear

I traded mortaI

For immortality

God wiII get me some wings

I wish you could see

Don't cry for me

Don't shed a tear

But whatever you do

Try to make it here

Glory to God! Thank you, Father!

Oh, yes

Oh, Heaven waits

For IittIe oId me
Yeah

Heaven waits for me, yes

Swing Iow, chariot
Won't you let me ride it

I fought the good fight
I kept my faith

Oh, yes
I finished the race

l made it, l made it, l made it

I made it
Yes, l did

Swing Iow, chariot
Won't you let me ride it

We wear the sting of death

Of death

Oh, yes

I've been praying

I've been praying, yeah

Oh, yeah, yeah

Oh, Father

Thank you, thank you
Thank you, thank you

Thank you, thank you
Oh, yeah

You're the Father, yeah

Oh, it's your Father, yeah

Oh, it's your Father

Oh, yeah

Oh, Jesus, oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm thanking you

Oh, thank you, Father

Oh, yeah

I'm finally home

-That was a beautiful service.
-Yes, it was.

But you can always tell the person
that did not do right

by the person that died.

They be the one at the funeral
screaming and howling,

falling all over at the casket,
acting like they ain't got no sense,

like this girl was here.

-Guilt.
-That's why l tell you, honey.

You've got to treat folks right
while they living,

give people their flowers
while they are alive

because when they're dead,
ain't nothing you can do about it.

Guilt.

That guilt going to eat you alive, honey.

l'm telling you, don't you let folks slip away.

You got something you need to tell him,
you mad, ''Oh, l'm mad at you.

''l ain't gonna talk to you.''
And they go on and die,

that guilt will eat you alive. Fix it.

Take time to fix what's wrong.

l know l'm right about it.

Hey, Byron. l just wanted to come by
and say that l was sorry about...

Karen, what are you doing here?

Because that's my baby's grandmother.
That's why l'm here.

This is a funeral! Come on, y'all!

Sit the hell down!

Boy, if you have sex with a woman,
it is possible for her to get pregnant.

Did anybody tell you that?

Apparently, you did not know
anything about a bird or a bee.

So, whatever the hell it was
you was attracted to

for them five or six minutes,

you need to think over for the next 1 8 years
to get through raising this child.

This girl tell me you out there selling dope.

Oh, yeah. She's a snitch.

You selling dope?

l don't know what's wrong
with you young folks.

Something happened to y'all
born after the '80s.

Like, all the children born around the '80s

feel like somebody's supposed to
give something to you.

You don't want to go out and earn nothing.

Nothing in this life comes easy, son.
Get a job.

You have been tricked by this bling-bling,

by the music, by the business,
by the videos.

You have been tricked, son. Get a job.

Ain't nothing wrong with going to work.

Anything that come into your life fast
is going to leave even faster, son.

Get a job. Go to work.
You have been tricked.

Do you hear what l'm telling you?

Selling dope... Let me tell you something.

That's going to lead you to
one of two places.

That's to the grave or to the prison.

You already been to jail.
And as soon as you go down,

she's going to be sold
to the highest bidder.

-Do you understand what l'm telling you?
-What?

You have been tricked, son.
You have been tricked.

l hope you hear me. You have been tricked!

Get a job! Go to work and earn it.

This is a test of the
emergency broadcast system!

Trying to get through
your young, thick skull

that you have been tricked. Get a job.

That's right!

-What's your name?
-Karen Jackson.

l'm coming up Jackson Street
in just a minute.

l'm talking to him right now.

What l know about these dope boys,
they got a little bit of sense.

Because if you know how to cut it, slice it,
weigh it, have this one running here,

this one doing that, this one over here
doing that, hide it from the police.

lf you can put all of that energy
into selling dope,

that tell me you can
put that same amount of energy

into running a legitimate business
and going straight.

Get a job, son. Go to work.

And, you. Whatever he won't do, you do.

Stop using that baby to
make this man's life miserable.

lt got real quiet in here now.

So, l'm going to say it again
because l feel like l'm talking to

somebody in this section over here.

Stop using that baby to
make that man's life miserable.

The man don't want you.
You can't get to what's in front of you

because you're too busy looking back
to see what the hell he doing.

Do you hear what l'm telling you?

This is not your future, this is your past.
Leave this alone.

Whatever he do with her,
that ain't your business. Move on.

Get to what God got for you
and leave this where it's at.

Do you hear me?

And whatever he won't do, you do.
Get a job.

-l got a job.
-Doing what?

l work at the Serenade Cafe and
l help my mama at the beauty shop,

and l go to cosmology school.

That is so ignorant.
l want to punch the hell out of you.

That is ignorant.
That word is not ''cosmology.''

Who told you that? That's so stupid!

l ain't never heard nobody be that stupid
saying a word. That is stupid.

There are two ''R's'' in that word, honey.

You have to pronounce that word...
The word is ''cos-mer-toler-gy-ster.''

-Say it.
-Cos-mer-toler-gy.

Yes. Now you sound educated.
Like you went to school at DeKalb County.

-Yes.
-Thank you.

-That's right.
-Thank you.

Wow. This is really cute, but it's time to go.
Let's be out, Byron.

l want to see you walk the hell out of here
when l'm talking to you.

-Did he just get up? Monroe, did he get up?
-Yes, ma'am.

-He just got up, didn't he? And l'm talking...
-Yes, ma'am.

You young folks so disrespectful.
Try that again, honey.

Please. Come on, Byron, let's be out.

l don't know what's wrong
with y'all young people today.

They got old people.

Y'all ain't showing no respect
for the old folks at all.

The elders are here for a reason.
They can teach you something.

This is the only country
where we throw old people away.

That's where the wisdom is.

You not going to sit here
and disrespect me like...

l see these young folks,
old people sitting at the bus stop,

young folk pants hanging down,
cussing, spitting,

acting like the old people ain't sitting there,

forgetting that old people marched
for your dumb ass.

You should act like
you got some sense in here.

l can teach you, in five seconds flat,
what your mama and daddy did not.

Honey, l come from a school where
you said, ''Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am.

''Yes, sir, or, no, sir,'' or you got
your teeth knocked out of your mouth.

You learn some respect.

Now, let me tell you this, honey.
Hear me clearly when l say this.

Keep it up. l might have silver hair, but
l also have silver bullets. Do you want one?

-Look, Byron is...
-You better take all that ''ook''

out the back of your throat
when you talk to me, girl.

lt's okay, Madea. lt's okay.

What you say?

Look, Byron is 22 years old, all right?

-Twenty-two is not grown...
-Yes, it is!

lnterrupt me one more time.

Twenty-two is not grown.
lt is legal, but it ain't grown.

Until you get somewhere around 39 or 40,

you not even going to understand
how stupid you were at 22 years old.

Shut up.

-Well, in my book, it's grown, all right?
-How old are you, honey?

-l'm 22 as well.
-You're dumb-as-hell as well, too.

You're in danger, Molly. You're in danger.
You're in danger, Molly.

-l'm in danger?
-Yes.

Molly's so scared of you, old lady.

Now... Now look,

all of you in here need to learn
how to let my man grow up and be a man.

Yah, trick!

She got her. She got her.

Yes.

What?

-At some point you got to let her go, Madea.
-This ain't that point yet.

Come here. Sit down. Sit down.

-She's crazy. She's crazy.
-Lose your demon.

Look...

-He hit you that hard?
-That hard, Madea.

Okay. Okay.

-Madea?
-Yes.

-This right here?
-Yes.

-This is my girlfriend.
-Yes.

And l am a grown man...

-Oh, my God.
-She hit you that hard.

This woman...

You a grown man?

Shut up, demon.

You ain't no grown man.

Grown man take care of his child

without anybody telling him
he need to take care of his child.

A grown man is so secure in himself

he will go flip burgers to
make sure his baby can eat.

A grown man is so secure in himself
he will pick up sanitation for 30 years

to make sure his child can go to college.

A grown man is so secure in himself, to
make sure his family have what they need,

he will stand on
this stage in a dress. What?

Now look here.

l want to see a settlement on this paper.

l wanna know who gonna have the baby,
when you gonna have the baby,

who gonna pick him up,
who gonna bring him to daycare,

who gonna have him
on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,

who gonna have him on Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, who gonna alternate weekends.

When is the money coming,
who gonna buy the Similac

and the Pampers?
l wanna see it written down.

You better be F. Lee Bailey and
you better be Johnnie damn Cochran.

Write it down right now.

And let me tell you something. Stop
all that arguing and fussing with this man.

People with power don't do all that arguing.
lf he won't do right, lock his ass up.

What?

l'm sick of this here.

l told your mama, l said,
''Let me talk to them children.''

She said, ''No, no, no,
l'm just gonna pray for them.''

The Bible say,
''Faith without works is dead.''

You can't just sit around praying,
you got to do something, too.

Like you two, Eddie and Gerald Levert.

l said, right there where Joyce-Ann's sitting,

''Listen, you talk to this man like
he is worse than an animal under the sea.''

Do not do that, honey.

Do not tell your family everything
that your husband or your wife is doing.

Do not do that.

And l'll tell you why.
'Cause you'll tell them when you're mad,

then y'all go make up,
but then the family's still mad,

and you wonder why the hell
they don't want him at the barbecue.

Shut up sometimes.

You used to love this man.
You was so in love,

you was the homecoming queen,
and him playing football,

y'all gonna be together forever.

Now you've hit this rough patch.
l call it ''the traffic jam of life,'' honey.

And it usually happens
between the age of 40 and 50.

That's a rough time.
And l'm gonna tell you why.

'Cause if you live long enough, you gonna
go through some stuff during that decade.

And if you're married, it's gonna be double.

Let me tell you
what happens during that time.

You go through menopause.

Your husband have a midlife crisis.

lf you got teenagers,
they act like they have lost their minds.

Your parents are sick, dying,
you're trying to take care of them.

His parents are sick and dying,
Alzheimer's, all that stuff is going on.

Y'all trying to do all that
within them 1 0 years.

That's enough to drive any marriage apart.

That's not the time to be pulling apart,
that's the time to come together.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

All that fussing and arguing
and all that stuff.

No. Hell, that's why you took the vows,
for better or worse.

Sometimes worse is as bad as hell.

That's why l tell folks,
just make it through them 1 0 years.

l'm telling you, that is the test of life.

People want to get married.
''l just want to be married.''

Hell, throw yourself a party,
don't go through all that heartache.

Throw yourself a beautiful reception.

''Did you get married?''
''No, hell, this is the reception.

''Come on. Have a good time.''

Do you understand what l'm saying?

Stop it. And listen, the only reason
this woman is talking to you like that

is cause you let her.

Yep.

This woman is talking to you like that
'cause you let her. Do you hear me?

Don't no woman want
no weak, whiny, wimp lump

running behind her,

''Baby, l'm sorry. l'm sorry, babycakes.''
No. A woman want a man that's solid.

-She want a rock.
-Yeah.

She wanna know if somebody break in
the house at 3:00 in the morning,

she ain't got to get up out of the bed.

''Just go on and lay there, baby. l'm gonna
go handle this, and l'll be right back.

''l don't want you to get up.''

Do you hear what l'm telling you, son?
Put your foot down.

Put your foot down.
Stop being such a wimp.

Put your foot down.

And like you, Joyce.

You. Man broke your heart years ago,
and you put your life in park.

Just put your life in park.
And a lot of women do that.

Get their heart broken,
then they don't know what to do,

be all sad and miserable.

Next thing you know, they're 95 years old,
living in a house full of cats,

telling everybody, ''Get off my grass!''

'Cause they got their heart broke.

But you was praying a prayer
that got your heart broke.

When you told me you prayed that prayer,

l knew you was gonna get your heart broke.

l told your mama, ''Let me talk to her.''

And she said,
''No, she's gonna be all right. No.''

What's that prayer you told me
you were praying when l come over here?

l was praying for God to
send me a good man.

Yes, that is a prayer
that'll get your heart broke.

People think God is crazy.

That they could just say something,
it's just gonna fall out of the sky.

That ain't how it works, honey.

You got to be careful what you pray for.

And when you pray for something,
you gotta know

that you wanna go through what it takes
to get what you asking for.

You ain't with me?

You pray a prayer.
Let me tell you something.

When sometimes you pray a prayer,

God will answer the prayer
the day you prayed it.

lt may take 40 years
for it to show up in your life,

but the prayer has been answered.
You just got to go through what you...

lt's like this. You're sitting here,
you're trying to get somewhere downtown.

You put the address
in the navigation system.

Now, the satellite is above you,

that satellite knows where you are
and where you're trying to go.

lt tells you, this is where you turn,
that's where you turn, do this, do that.

But what it don't tell you is that,

it don't tell you if somebody gonna be
crossing the street,

it don't tell you
if a water main's gonna break

and you gonna have to slow down,

it don't tell you if traffic gonna be
backed up for 20 miles on 285,

it don't tell you none of that.

But all it's gonna tell you is where you are
and where you trying to go.

Do you understand? lt's the same thing
when you pray a prayer like that.

''God, send me a good man.
God, send me a good man.''

God is looking at you.
He know where you are

and he know where you trying to go.
All you gotta do is follow.

You still ain't with me.

You say, ''God, send me a good man.
God, send me a good man.''

You meet a man, you think he the one.
''Oh, yes. l'm ready.''

You meet him, he break your heart.
He's a fool.

You don't know what to do. You say,
''Lord, this ain't what l prayed for.''

So, you try it again.
You get up the faith and the courage.

''l'm gonna do it again.
'Lord, send me a good man.'''

You meet that man.

Next man, he come along,
he break your heart, too.

Two men now broke your heart.

You say, ''Okay, God. l'm gonna try it again.
l'm gonna try it again.''

You meet another man,
that man break your heart.

You say, ''l ain't gonna love no more.

''l'm gonna do everything
to make myself unattractive.

''l don't want nobody to look at me,
'cause l'm not.

''l can't be hurt no more. l'm done.''

And that's where people mess up.
Don't stop.

l don't care how many times
you get your heart broke,

if you pray for something
and you believe it's coming,

keep trying, keep loving,
it's gonna come to you.

So, that's all l'm telling you, honey.

When you pray that prayer,
you gonna get your heart broke.

You still ain't with me.

All right. Well, let me bring it home for you.

So you say, ''God, send me a good man.
God, send me a good man.''

You meet all of them,
and they done broke your heart.

God is saying, ''Listen, l'm up here,
up high, above you. l'm watching.

''l know what a man is, he's over here.
He ain't perfect, but he perfect for you.

''He done been through some things,
so he's there, ready.

''l can't let you get to him right now,
'cause you ain't ready

''and you gonna run him away.

''Cause you can't appreciate up
until you've really been down.

''Stay with me forjust a second.''

So you say, ''God, send me a good man.
God, send me a good man.''

You've had these three fools.
God is saying, ''Yes. But just keep going.

''When you get your heart broke,
just keep going.''

'Cause l promise you, when you get to
what God have for you 5-6 years from now,

you'll look back
at them same people and say,

-''Thank you. You taught me something.''
-Yeah.

-''l appreciate what you taught me.''
-Yeah.

Do you hear me? Keep moving, honey.

Keep moving, keep moving,
to what God is saying. He is the satellite.

He know where you are.
He know where you trying to get to.

All you got to do is go through
them obstacles and them hurdles,

and you will get to
what's waiting for you on the other side.

lf you have faith enough.
People just want to stop,

they don't wanna keep walking sometimes
'cause it gets too hard.

Be careful what you pray for,

'cause if you pray for something
and you want it to come to pass,

you're gonna have to
go through some things to see it through.

All right. All right.

So that brings me to the question,
how bad do you want it?

Do you hear what l'm telling you?
How bad do you want it?

-Do you understand?
-Yes, ma'am.

-All right, now you got it.
-Now l got it.

That's right. 'Cause them fools...

There's some of you out there
sitting with them fools right now.

Don't look at him. Look at me. Look at me.

And l can always spot them
'cause they sit there like this.

He's sitting there mad as hell
he bought this ticket right now.

l'm telling you, right now.

lt's all right. lt's all right.

Listen, women know
that the man ain't the one.

lt's like, ''God used
the National Geographic Channel

''to teach me a lesson about women.''

God can use anything
to get his word across.

Look at me sitting here like this. Hello.

But there are two little birds
sitting in a nest. Two little lovebirds.

And l've watched this,
and God ministered to me about this thing.

There's a male bird
and there's a female bird.

And they're just sitting there happy.
The male bird is just happy.

The female bird's sitting there,
she's just happy.

Then she gets up and she decides
she don't want to be with him no more.

-She don't just fly away.
-Okay.

-She do like a woman.
-What?

This is what a woman do.

She take one little twig out of the nest,

fly it to the other side of town
where she wanna move,

then she fly back.

Very patient.

Two weeks later she take another twig,

fly it to the other side of town.

Male bird is just sitting there,
just happy as can be,

he don't know what's going on.

That's just like a woman.
She ain't gonna leave one nest

till she got another nest built somewhere.

l'm telling you, the woman know you ain't
the one. You don't believe me?

lf you don't believe me, listen.

lf you don't believe what l'm telling you,

go home and check your bank account.

lf you got about $25 missing,

that's the twig.
She done put it in another account.

She's getting ready to fly away.

-Tweet, tweet, tweet.
-Tweet, tweet, tweet.

Do you understand what l'm saying, honey?

All right, l want you to hear me.

Life is too precious to
not have love in your life.

Like this child got love all around her.

And so mad at the world
she don't know what to do.

l'm gonna tell you this.
Your mama didn't want you to know.

This child was raped by your uncle
on your daddy's side

-when she was 1 2 years old.
-Yes, she was.

Yeah. Your mama didn't want you to know.
l don't like people covering stuff up.

Anything that's covered up
ain't gonna get healed.

That's what's wrong with these families.
That's why they all falling apart.

You wonder why
your children don't get along,

why this one don't get along with nobody.

Y'all got all these secrets.

Stop covering up all of these secrets
and talk about it. Get some help.

l can't stand people saying, ''What goes on
in this house stays in this house.''

No. lf what went on in this house
is hurting me, l'm going to get some help,

and l don't care who like it
or who don't like it.

That's all right, honey. That's all right.
lt ain't your fault.

And you can't sit there
thinking it's your fault, honey.

And listen to me, let me tell you
why you so angry, why you so mad.

l told your mama l would talk to you.

You're mad and angry at him,
screaming at him,

screaming at your children,
never got no time, fussing at everybody,

'cause you ain't forgave
the person that hurt you.

Let me tell you something.
When somebody do something to you,

they take the power out of you.

And if you don't forgive them,
they keep the power.

You say, ''They ain't got no power over me.
They just did it.''

No. Let me tell you
how they got power over you.

You in a good mood, having a good time.

You see that person, they walk
in the room, your whole mood change.

Anybody that can change your atmosphere
is somebody that has power over you.

You gotta forgive them, honey. Forgive.

And let me tell you something,
there's power in that forgiveness.

Once you learn how to let that thing go,

when somebody did something to you
and you let it go, it frees you.

Do you hear me?

The Bible say, ''God can't forgive you
until you forgive other people.''

Forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself, honey.

Can't do none of that
till you learn how to love yourself, though.

You got to love yourself.
Look, l love me some me.

You ain't got to call me on my birthday,
l won't be offended.

l will throw myself a surprise party.

Yeah.

l'll knock on the door, say, ''Surprise.''

And on the other side say,
''l shouldn't have. Thank me so much.''

Do you hear what l'm telling you, honey?

This man trying to love you
and all of this other stuff,

and you just hollering
and screaming at him.

l can't stand no woman saying,

''My man don't understand me
all these years.''

He ain't never gonna understand you.
l'm sorry to tell you, he ain't never, ever...

You and your man
are never going to communicate

in a way that each of you
understand each other.

l'll tell you why.
'Cause women think up here.

And men think...

Hallelujah.

Do you hear what l'm telling you, honey?

Let me tell y'all something.
Hear me clearly when l say this,

every woman is a little girl at heart,

and she is looking for the love of her father.

lf she had an awful daddy
that didn't treat her right,

didn't treat her mama right, didn't treat...

She don't know what it's like
to have the love of a man.

lf you are brave enough and man enough
to love that woman,

she will come back at you with a love
that you ain't never seen before in your life.

Look here, it's gonna scare her at first.

She ain't gonna know what's going on
'cause she ain't never had it.

But if you are honest with her and patient,
she will love you like you ain't never been.

She'll be down for you like four flat tires,
l'm telling you right now.

But if you run up on a woman,
and you a man who like to run games,

and you run up on this woman

and she had a good daddy who showed her
how a man is supposed to treat a woman,

and you sitting there and running
all these games, she ain't gonna have it.

That woman will sit by herself, 95,
in a house full of cats, and happy,

before she lets you
run some kind of game on her.

Go on upstairs and talk to this man.

He's trying to figure it out,
looking like a dumb deer in headlights

every time you holler.

Yeah, that's what he looks like,
a dumb deer in headlights.

You ought to be glad
somebody's trying to love you.

Y'all don't know this, but l'm off the script.

l know it sound like l was on that road
and l could dodge in and out,

you know what l mean?
But l'm gonna say this.

All of the women out there
who got these interests on their mortgages

a few years ago, l want to talk to you.

l know you're here
'cause your spirit is heavy.

You walked in here just looking for a laugh
'cause you just don't know what to do.

You're so stressed out
about this econtomy,

you don't know what to do.

Bought that house and thought,
''God had blessed me a few years ago.''

You was like,
''Yes, God blessed me with a house

''l never thought l'd be able to afford.''

Bucking and jumping up and down church,
telling everybody,

''Come see the house
that God has given me.''

All right.

Now you're sitting there, saying, ''Come see
the curse l'm trying to get rid of.''

You tried to refinance it.

lt was worth something,
it ain't worth that no more,

so now they don't want to refinance it.

The bank's acting crazy.
You just don't know what to do,

so you sit there
calling on the name of Jesus.

You are working on the Lord's nerves
just praying so much about this house.

''Lord, please, just help me.''

You're reading your Bible,
Genesis, Exodus,

Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua,
Judges, Ruth,

1 st and 2nd Samuel, 1 st and 2nd Kings,
1 st and 2nd Chronicles,

Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Job, Psalm,
Proverb, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon...

Every book of the Bible.

You're turning on TBN trying to
get your answer from Bishop T.D. Jakes.

You're turning on another channel trying to
get your answer from Joyce Meyer.

You're looking at the commercials trying
to get your answer from Oscar Mayer.

You don't know what to do.
You're laying up in the middle of the night,

praying like Paul and Silas,
laying out prostrate,

waiting for an earthquake to happen,

to come shake that mortgage loose
on the house.

You don't know what to do.
l want you to know something.

lf this is you and you're in this situation,
you're just struggling,

God told me to tell you something.

You thought the answer
was gonna come through the bishop,

-but it's coming through Madea. Hallelujah.
-Watch it, now.

-Come on. Come on.
-Watch it. Watch it, now.

Come on.

-Watch it, dear.
-lf this is you

and you don't know what to do,

and you're stressed out
and you're struggling,

God told me to tell you something.
lt's four letters. lt's one word.

l want you to get this deep in your spirit.
God told me to say...

He said, ''Move.''

Move.

-There it is. There it is.
-Yeah.

That's what he said.

-He said, ''Move.''
-Move.

Hey. ln a deep voice.

No, seriously...

Let me stop
before lightning strike me down.

Seriously. You got
your health and strength,

but you about to let a material thing
put you in the hospital.

You used to make a dollar out of 1 5 cents,

now you're so bougie
that you don't even know what to do.

Pack up, get out of there, l'm telling you.

''What my friends gonna say?''
They struggling, too,

they just don't want you to know it.
Pack the hell up.

l'm telling you.
Ain't nothing worth you being stressed out

over no material thing.

Let me tell you something.
Every business, when they in trouble,

the first thing they do is downsize.
You will be the first one they lay off.

So with you in your own personal life,
the smartest thing to do is to downsize.

Don't let nobody talk about you, let them
say whatever the hell they wanna say.

Hell, they gonna throw dirt on you in life?

When you die,
they gonna put dirt over the casket.

Let it be what it's gonna be.

Pack up, move. You gonna be all right.
You will get another house.

This is not your end, this is your beginning.

Sometimes you gotta take four or five
steps back to take 1 0 steps in the future.

And l'm done. Turn the lights off.
Turn the lights off.

Jason.

Jason, was l...

Was l really that bad?

l don't understand
why you just couldn't tell me.

-You don't trust me enough to tell me?
-Jason, it wasn't that, all right?

lt wasn't.

lt was just that l was young.

l was confused and l was ashamed.

-l didn't even know how to begin to tell you.
-Baby, stop.

Stop. Listen to me.

l am your husband. l love you.

Baby, l can see you through anything.

But you just push me away.

l'm doing all l can. But you have to
help me understand, Kimberly.

We can't go on like this.

Why is it so hard

To get over your past

l'm doing all l can to help you.

Why am I still hurting?

Why does this anger last?

l'm getting tired, baby.
Something's gotta change.

You know what?

l'm finished. l'm out of here.

Wait. No, Jason. Wait, please.

If you will help me

I'll try to help me, too

Just don't Ieave me

I won't make it without you

I get so mad

I take it out on you

I know you wanna help me

With all the wrong I've done to you

All you wanna do

Is Iove me

But I keep pushing you away

All you've ever done

Is care for me

And I sing
No, please go away

I don't know why

Why you love me

But I'm so glad you do

You do

Thank you for putting up with me

And all the things I've put you through

I get so sad

And mean towards you

But just hold me
until the moment is through

You are my man

My real good man

So strong for me

I want to cry

You are my man

My lover man

Don't give up on me

PIease understand

l'm sorry, Jason.

Baby, l love you.

l love you so much.

So anyway, your grandma did not
want your mama around me at all.

She said, ''Stay away from her.
She gonna have you in Hell.''

She snuck out of the house
and came with me and l took her to Hell.

-Madea. Madea.
-What?

-What?
-What do you mean you took her to Hell?

l took her to my job.
l was working at a place called Hell.

-lt was a strip club.
-Yeah.

Ain't no shame in my game.
l was shaking that thing.

Anyway, she come up in there,

and my friend Ronald,
he was back there in the kitchen.

He was flipping burgers.

And he said, ''Come over her.''
So, she sat down,

and then they said,
''They're calling you up.''

That was me.

They say, ''Ladies and gentlemen,
Two All-Beef Patties.''

That was my stage name.
So l go up there on the stage,

and they didn't tell me
that they had changed the poles.

See, back in my day,
they had telephone poles.

Yeah. But then they changed it
to these little goal posts and didn't tell me.

So l go up there and l grab them jokers,
l say, ''What the hell is this?''

Two All-Beef Patties, l grabbed them jokers
and l was holding on to them,

-and they both bent just like this.
-Oh, my.

Ronald got mad at me
'cause he had just put them poles up.

So, he asked me to leave.
So, me and your mama left.

l felt bad. l was embarrassed, you know.

Anyway, Ronald called me up
a few years later,

he say, ''Listen, l'm so sorry
l was so mean to you and your friend.

''Y'all come on down to my place
'cause l've opened up a new place.''

l go up in there
and l'm looking all over for him.

l can't find him nowhere.

l say, ''Where's Ronald at?''
They say, ''He over there.''

l walk over to him, l say,
''What's wrong with you?

''Why are you sitting here
dressed like a clown?''

He say, ''You just inspire so much from me,
l just want you to see.

''When l saw them things bent,
what l came up with.''

-What?
-He said, ''Look out there on that pole.''

And there it was, the Golden Arches,
up in the air.

-Wait. That was you?
-Yes.

Yes, l inspired Ronald McDonald to
start McDonald's. That's right.

That's right. Two All-Beef Patties.

Yeah. So anyway...

-l just wanna thank...
-So, your mama was there.

We was eating our...

l just wanna thank you. Yeah.

Thank you for that.

l love McDonald's.

Thank you, again.

And they love you, too.
Over a billion served.

Look here. So, what l was saying was...

So after that, we was eating our fries,
and he started playing music.

And your mama had never heard this music.
She kept asking me, ''Who is that?''

l said, ''That's Chaka Khan.'' Next song
comes on. ''Who was that?''

l say, ''That's Gladys Knight.''
She didn't know none of them people.

Your mama had been to church so much,

she had never heard of
Maze featuring Frankie Beverly.

-Oh, no.
-Wow.

And Maze has not done an album
since 1 847.

But they would come in here
and sell this place out right now,

'cause them boys are some singers there.

We had this music back then.
See, they had lyrics.

Man, you had to go through something
to write those songs back in the day.

l feel sorry for these children,

'cause they don't know nothing.
They ain't going through nothing.

You had to go through something to write,

''Last night,
me and my woman cried together.''

You had to go through that.
This is how they do it now.

This is how they write music.
l know, 'cause l've seen them.

The producers say, ''Dawg child,

''let me sing you a beat.''
He sings the beat. The beat's like...

Then they say ''write something'' to them.
''Write something.''

-Yeah.
-And then them little boys, they do it.

I want your booty
That big ol' booty

Throw that booty, flip that booty
Let me see that booty

See, it's a hit. lt's a hit. Look, look.

See, that's stupid stuff.

But back in the day
you had to go through something.

Like Gladys Knight said, ''Neither one of us
wants to be the first to say it.

''lt's sad to think we're not gonna make it.''
See, that was music.

Aretha Franklin said, ''l'd stage a ballet
on the table top. Oh, me. Oh, my.''

l sure want to know
how Aretha got up on that table top.

l wanna see that. l wanna see that.

Some strong ones.

Teena Marie and Rick James
talking about fire and desire.

See, that was music.

While Stevie Wonder say,
''lsn't she lovely?''

l don't know how he knew that,
but he sure said it.

-That was music.
-Yeah.

Well, look here, dear. Back in the day
my favorite girl was Betty Wright.

What... What band is that?

Betty said...

Tonight is the night

That you make me a woman

You said you'd be gentle with me

And I, I hope you will

I'm nervous and I'm trembling

Waiting for you to walk in

I'm trying hard to relax

But I just can't keep still

Bam. Bam.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Bam.

Come back, Bam. Come back.

'Cause you just went back
to your very first time.

Very first time.

-And we eased it right on by. Yes, we did.
-And we eased it right on by. Yes, we did.

That was my favorite. But l used to like
them songs that'd break out in unison

and harmony. Just start up.
They'd say something like this.

Y'all ain't ready. Y'all ain't ready.
Y'all ain't ready.

You want my love and you can't deny

Sing it, Dea.

You know it's true, but you try to hide

You turn down love like it's really bad

Take your time.

You can't give what you never had

Well, bless your soul, you can fool a few

I know the truth, and so do you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Sing it, Atlanta. Sing it.

You can't hide

l knew you knew it. l knew it.

And I betcha

-Betcha
-Betcha

Can't hide Iove
Can't hide Iove

-Girl, l betcha
-Girl, l betcha

Can't hide

Feelings inside

Hey, hey, hey

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Bring it down.

Two all-beef patties

-SpeciaI sauce, Iettuce, cheese
-Two all-beef patties

Look here. Look here. Look here. Look here.

That music was so good back in the day,

you didn't even know what to do.

The words was so sweet.

And when they ran out of words,
all they said was ''shoop.''

Shoop, shoop

Wait. Let me hear them. Let me hear them.

Shoop, shoop

Let me hear it again.

Shoop, shoop, shoop

Now l'm gonna take the high part.

There it is.
You know what l was talking about.

That music was so good back in the day,

it'd give you courage to
leave a good situation

or bad situation.

Then you'd get out there late at night,
you done walked out on your love,

thinking the grass was greener
on the other side.

But then you got over there and realized
the water bill is high as hell,

so you wanted to go back.

Find yourself round about midnight
nice and lonely.

Bobby Womack done wore you out
talking about,

''lf you think you're lonely now,
wait till tonight.''

So you decide to call old faithful.

Everybody got a old faithful
that they call when they're in need.

Don't act like you ain't got no old faithful.

lf you're with your husband or your wife,
you better be looking straight ahead.

You better not be smiling or nothing.

l can see some people with an old faithful,
right there, right there.

Let me tell you something about
old faithful.

Old faithful is usually ugly as hell.
Ain't nothing wrong with ugly people.

Come on, clap for ugly people,
clap for ugly people.

Yes, come on!

l see some of you are clapping for yourself.
That's beautiful.

You can't help it.
You can't help it if you're ugly and fat.

You can't help it if you ugly.

But if you ever find yourself about to
make love to somebody that's ugly,

and you don't know what to do,
there was a song written back in the day

for making love to ugly people.

'Cause there was a song writer
who found himself in this very situation.

He didn't know what to do
with this ugly woman,

so he wrote a beautiful song.

So if you ever find yourself
about to make love to somebody ugly

and you don't know what to do,

this song was written
just for that occasion.

Turn off the lights

And light a candle

Tonight I'm in a romantic mood, yeah

Teddy was telling all of his business
in this song,

'cause he had hooked up
with a ugly woman,

and not only was she ugly,
but she wasn't too fresh.

And the reason l know she wasn't fresh
'cause of the next line, this is what he said.

Let's take a shower

Shower together

I'll wash your body
and you'll wash mine, yeah

See, Teddy was a player.
That's a slick move.

Ladies, anytime a man says,
''l'll wash your body, you wash mine,''

that mean he don't trust you
to wash your own body.

And then her skin was hard and crusty,
'cause this is what he said next. Listen.

Rub me down in some hot oils, baby

And I'll do the same thing for you

Turn 'em off!

All right.
You out there doing all that clapping.

There's Monroe,
you better watch your purse.

Turn the lights on, Monroe,
turn the lights on.

Yes, ma'am, Madea.

I'm lying here
Waiting, my dear

You can get what you want
Anytime you want it

GirI, I wanna give you a treat
'cause you look so sweet

Like a big, old piece of chocolate meat

Yeah

Yes

Yah, trick

Yeah

Yes

Yah, trick

-l got a song, Dea.
-You got one?

-Yeah.
-Let's hear it.

If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right

You wrong for that.

'Cause if being right
means being without you

I'd rather live a wrong-doing life

My mama and daddy say it's a shame

It's a downright disgrace

But as long as I got you by my side

I don't care what your people say

My friends tell me it's no future

In loving a married man

If I can't see you when I want

I'll see you when I can

If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right

Hey, baby

If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right

I don't want to be right

If it means being without you, baby

I don't wanna be right

And I don't want my heart to be

No, no

Almost, almost, almost.

These songs, what people going through,
you can tell what they going through,

'cause they sing this song
at the top of their lung. Everybody sing.

If loving you is wrong
I don't wanna be right

l knew it.

Since you've been away, boy

I ain't got no plans

No, no, no, no

And the sound of the rain

Look at her.

Against my window pane

He done put you through it, didn't he?

Come on, y'all. Come on.

I'm going down

Since you ain't around, baby

My whole world's upside down

SIeep don't come easy

Boy, please believe me

Since you've been gone

Everything's going wrong

Why'd you have to say goodbye?

Look what you've done to me

Mary J. Blige! Mary J. Blige!

I can't stop these tears
from falling from my eyes

Oh, baby

I'm going down

Since you ain't around, baby

My whole world's upside down

Oh, baby

And that bass was so crazy in this song.
That bass was something.

Listen to it.

Stop. l'm about to get pregnant.

l got a song l wanna do.

-You got one?
-Yeah.

l don't wanna hear that. Come on back.

l don't wanna hear that hip-hop.
Come on back here.

No, Madea, this is a song
my mother used to play all the time.

-lt's an old song?
-Yeah.

-lt's older than you?
-Yeah.

-Okay, let's hear it.
-Go ahead, baby.

No. No.

Come on. Come on.

Don't do that to yourself.
That's Lenny Williams.

Lenny sung the hell out of that song.
Don't do that to yourself, son.

Lenny put that song up so high,
can't nobody do that song.

Don't do that to yourself.

lf you miss a note,
you're going to turn into a pillar of salt.

Let him do it, Madea, let him do it.

You letting them psych you up, man.
You letting them...

That's fine. They wanna hear it,
go on, do it. Go on, do it.

-Do it, brother.
-All right.

Rock it! Rock it!

And then l want you to pause it and pop it.

GirI, you know I Iove you

No matter what you do

And I hope you understand me

Every word I say is true

Because I love you

I'm thinking of you

Trying to be more of a man for you, baby

And I don't have much riches

But we gonna see it through

Because I love you

Some men need Iots of women

For their passions to feel

But I want only you, girl

If it's in

If it's in God's wiII

'Cause I

Love you

I love you, baby

With all my heart and soul

I'm glad I found you

Oh, I just Iove to be around you

Listen, I love you

I love you

Come on back, take a bow, boy.
Take a bow. Take a bow.

You sung the hell out of that song.

-Break it down to you, baby.
-Hold on, hold on. Hold on.

Break it down.

You know,

maybe you've never been in love
like l've been in love.

That's what Lenny said.
That's what Lenny said.

l can't hit that high note,
but l can do that. l can do that part.

Look, l'm getting ready to go,
but l gotta tell y'all something.

This life is short.
Enjoy yourself, do you hear me?

Your mama would be so happy
looking at all of y'all smiling and happy.

Love somebody. You get one family.
Do the best you can with it.

Do you hear me? Love one to another.
Take God whichever way you go.

And where you can't take him, don't go.
My Aunt Thelma said that.

l'll see y'all later on. Y'all take care now.

-See you later!
-See you.

Hey, listen, l want all of y'all
to turn y'all keys in by 5:00 tonight.

-l'm really sorry about your loss, baby.
-Thank you, baby.

Yep.

-And the funeral was really lovely, baby.
-Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

So, how much money
did you make this time, baby?

-Baby, nothing.
-Nothing?

-No.
-Why not? What happened?

-Baby, look, l've been thinking about this...
-What?

...and l can't do this anymore.

-What?
-No.

What do you mean,
''You can't do this anymore''?

-Baby, l think l'm gonna get a job.
-A job?

Byron, please, you can't help
me and my sister get our boutique

-on no $1 0 a hour. Come on!
-But, baby, we can work together.

Work together?
Byron, you better think about this.

l have thought about this.
l am out of the game.

What? Are you kidding?

Byron, what am l supposed to do
about money?

-Baby, you can get a job, too.
-A job? A job?

Oh, hell no! l ain't fixing to get no J-A-B!

Now, l told you from day one
that l wanted to be kept, Byron.

Now that's it. Okay?

Baby, look, we are just leaving
my mother's funeral.

-Oh, please.
-Look, we just buried her.

-Please, Byron.
-But all you can do is think about yourself.

-l can't believe it.
-lt's, like, every time, over and over...

l can't believe
you're gonna do this to me, Byron.

Get out.

-Are you... What?
-Get out!

Fine! Fine!

-l need to... l need to...
-What is it? What is it?

l need to talk to you for a second.

Okay, look, we have a home
we can go to, to talk.

Yeah, l know,
but l need to talk to you right here.

Okay, look, you know
l got a lot of things to do.

l gotta go get the kids,
l gotta go get dinner started.

-l know, but l need to talk to you...
-Tonight is Bible study.

-lt's my night to usher.
-l need to talk to you...

Tammy, sit down
and let me tell you something!

Let me hold you tight

If only for one night

Let me keep you near

To ease away your fears

It wouId be so nice

If only for one night

And I won't teII a souI

No one has to know

If you want to be

Totally discreet, oh, yeah

I'll be at your side

If only for one night

Yeah

If only for one night

Your eyes say things I never hear from you

And my knees are shaking, too

But I'm willing, willing to go through

I must be crazy standing in this space

While I'm feeling no disgrace for asking

Let me hold you tight

OnIy for one night

Let me keep you near

To ease away your fears

It wouId be so nice

If only for one night

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

If only for one night

-I'll tell you what I'll do best
-One night, one night

One night

And what I need

One night

One night of your Iove, of your Iove

Of your Iove, of your Iove

Oh, yeah

I'm asking

Let me take you home

To keep you safe and warm

Till the early dawn

Warms up to the sun

Yes

It will be all right

If only for

One

Night

Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the cast and band

of Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family.

The band. On keyboard, NataIie Ragins.

On guitar, Derek Scott.

On keyboard and organ, Justin GiIbert.

On drums, Marcus Williams.

On percussion, Aaron Draper.

On trumpet, MeIvin Jones.

On trombone, Jeff Bradshaw.

On saxophone, MichaeI Burton.

Your musical director, on bass guitar,

Mr. Ronnie Garrett.

Your background singers are

Latayvia Cherry,

Lindsay Fields,

and Donny Sykes.

Now, for this all-star phenomenal cast,

Brandi Milton,

Chontelle Moore,

Rico Ball,

CrystaI CoIIins,

Omarr Dixon,

Tamar Davis,

Zuri Craig,

Jeffery Lewis,

Palmer Williams Jr.,

Danny CIay,

CheryI Pepsii RiIey,

Chandra CurreIIey,

Cassi Davis,

and Mr. Tyler Perry!

Thank you. Did you enjoy yourself?

Mr. Brauner, how are you doing?
Sit down, sit down. Sit down.

l want to tell you we recorded this show
today for DVD.

So, you guys are going all over the world.

So, thank you so much
for being such a great audience.

l am...

l wrote this show in late December,
after my mother died.

She died December 8th, 2009.

And it's been a rough, rough, rough
six-eight months for me,

but what l know
is that God doesn't make any mistakes.

And when l wrote it,
what l wanted people to walk away with is,

if there's somebody that you love
that you haven't spoken to,

or you're angry about something,

people will slip away from here,

and you'll not even know
the day nor the hour.

So, take some time and fix it.

Take some time to
tell somebody you love them,

especially your mother, your father,
tell them that you love them.

Most of the time, what l know,
is that they do their best.

They do their best, they did their best.

They may have made decisions
that you don't agree with,

but take some time and fix it, okay?
lf this is you.

And if it ain't you, then God bless you,
you got some peace in your life.

So, l kind of worked myself silly,
'cause we did 1 20...

Not only did l work myself silly,
but l worked them to death. We did...

He said, ''Yeah, you did.''

We did 1 25 shows in 1 26 days.

l finished that and immediately
started shooting For Colored Girls,

which is an amazing... How many of y'all
know about For Colored Girls?

Let me tell you something,
l got new respect for it,

because, you know, you see the play,
you read it,

and you go, ''Oh, okay, it's some poems.''

But when you have Phylicia Rashad,
Kerry Washington, Anika Noni Rose,

Kimberly Elise, Thandie Newton, Macy Gray,

Tessa Thompson, Whoopi Goldberg,
and Janet Jackson

saying those words, it is powerful.

And l cannot wait.
lt comes out in December-January.

So, l cannot wait for you guys to see it.

Go to the movie and see it.
Don't take your children, though.

Because if you know the poems,
you know there's babies

falling out of windows and...

l got so drained doing it, l said,
''l gotta go do a Madea movie,

'''cause this thing is...''

Look, my mama told me,
''Don't stop doing Madea,''

so as long as you wanna see it,
l'll keep doing it.

l'll tell you that's the honest truth.

l live in positivity. l live in it.
l love it. l have it all around me.

''So as a man thinketh, so is he.''

And if you plant it all around you,
it's got to come back to you.

That is a universal law. lt is in the Bible.
l promise you, if you plant good things...

People say, ''How'd you get so blessed?
How'd you have so much favor?''

l give favor. l plant favor.

l'll walk up to people
and just do nice things for them, randomly.

Do things that people
don't even know that l'm doing,

because l want God
to continue to do that for me.

And l promise you,
what l found is that if you are struggling

and you want to be blessed,
help somebody else who's struggling.

'Cause there's always,

there's always somebody who's doing
a little worse than you are.

So, l just want you to know that.

l just want you to know
how much l appreciate you,

how much l respect you,
how much l love you,

and how much l thank you
for coming tonight.

l want to thank my cast and my crew.

This woman right here has been with me
since my very first play.

Miss Chandra Currelley. Very first show.

And she has stayed with me
as long as she got her check.

When we started early on,
this man had told me...

Y'all ready to go home? l can let you go.

This promoter had told me, he said,
''l'm gonna take you out on the road.

''l'm gonna take you on the road.''
l said, ''Come on, let's go.''

And l was working, making a little money,
and l had booked this place,

and we were rehearsing, and Chandra
was showing up for rehearsal every day,

she said, ''You got the tour yet?
The tour schedule?''

l said, ''No, l don't have it yet,
but he said he's gonna send it.''

''Okay.'' Next day she came, she said,
''You got the tour schedule yet?''

l said, ''No.''
''Did he send you a deposit?''

l said, ''No, he ain't sent me no deposit.''

''Okay, well, l'm going home.
You call me when you get your deposit.''

But l kept my dream alive.
No matter how many people lied to me,

no matter how many people told me
l couldn't do it,

l kept the dream alive.

And there are some dreams in this room,
and l want you to know something,

people don't like the economy
and things going on,

this is the time for you to step out on faith.
l promise you...

There's a transferring of things
that is happening in this time,

and you will miss it,
it'll slip right out from under you.

All of the dreamers in this room,

you've got a dream that you have let go,
you have let die,

you need to go back,
dust it off, and wake it up.

You're never too old.
lt can come to pass, l promise you.

You're looking at a man
who is full of miracles.

l have seen nothing but miracles in my life.

And let me tell you this,
God will do something for you.

Everybody that you go to to ask for help,

''lf l can get to this person, they'll help me.''

You think that that person
is the one who's going to help you.

God will close all of those doors.

Everybody l asked for help,
who could've helped me, didn't.

And l was confused, l was angry, l said,
''God, why is everybody...

''They got this, and they got this,
and they can't help me.''

God said, ''l'm gonna do this for you
in a way that you know it was me.''

So, if doors are closing,
don't worry about it.

lf they ain't working out,
don't worry about it.

lt's God sending you in the direction
that you are supposed to go,

and he put me in a place where
l can not only write shows and movies

and do all that stuff, but l can also hire
hundreds and thousands of people.

So, that is a blessing. lt truly is.

People in Hollywood that don't work,

couldn't work, couldn't get hired,

and now she got her own show.

This man right here, who is
the funniest man l've ever worked with,

and he needs his own show.
l'm working on it.

All of these singers on this stage...

And there are people on this stage, man,
been in jail, strung out...

You're laughing,
but God has brought him to this place.

Mr. Danny Clay, y'all. Mr. Danny Clay.

So, l'm gonna let you go.

But l want you to know,
keep your dreams alive.

No matter how hard it gets,
no matter how many people talk about you.

They're gonna throw dirt on you,
that's all right,

when they put you in that box,
they're gonna throw dirt on you

some more, so it's okay.

Go. Don't be afraid. Have no fear.
God will see it through for you, okay?

God bless you, Atlanta. l love you so much.
Thank you so much. Y'all take care.

Tyler, l wanna say that you are
most encouraging and inspiring.

l had a good time. Tyler threw down.
He outdid himself this time.

Love you, Tyler Perry.

Chill Will coming out
of Rochester, New York,

wanna give a big shout out
to Tyler Perry for doing his thing.

lt was absolutely amazing.
l love Tyler Perry.

l love you, and l'll see you again,
and again, and again.

Hi, Tyler, thanks for coming
to Buffalo, New York.

-We have all your DVDs.
-We go see all your movies.

Store bought. Not bootlegged.

Thank you so much for all you do,
and you are so positive,

and for the youth of today,
l know that you're gonna pave the way.

But most of all, we thank him
for how he just keeps it so real,

and most of all, l personally thank Madea
for remembering God in all that he do.

God bless you.

We love you, Tyler!

He's doing sell-out crowds.
Good to have him in Mobile.

We loveTyler Perry's Big Happy Family.

We really enjoyed the show.
We had a wonderful evening.

-Thanks, Tyler, for coming to Buffalo.
-Thank you.

Thanks, Tyler. We love you.

l'm loving it.
The music is very inspirational.

l just want to say to my brother, Tyler Perry,
l think that he's a excellent example

and role model
for the African-American man.

The show was hilarious. Must see.

l mean, there ain't no words for it.
lt's just completely funny.

l think he's wonderful.

He is so inspiring, and he gives us hope,

and l love the way he talked to children.

-Thank you, Tyler Perry!
-Hey, to Tyler from Philly!

-Philly representing. We love Tyler Perry.
-We love Tyler Perry.

And Tyler Perry play was my first play
that l've ever seen in my life.

And l'm just excited to be here today.

You are an amazing inspiration to me.

l took your struggles
and matched them with mine,

and l definitely took this artistic outlet
that l have as a writer

and was making my dreams come true.

lt's always a pleasure
to see a Tyler Perry play,

mainly because
he brings so much to the table.

He touches so many different situations,
home, family,

and he's just a great person in general.

And we thank God for him.

Tyler, keep it going.