Madea on the Run (2017) - full transcript
In trouble with the local authorities, Mabel "Madea" Simmons is on the run from the law. With no place to turn, she moves in with her friend Bam who is recovering from surgery, although Bam doesn't know Madea is just "playing the concerned friend" as a way to hide out from the police.
[music playing]
[theme music]
[SINGING] When the storm
clouds rise and the thunder
rolls tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
When the storm clouds
rise and the thunder
rolls, tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
God told Noah, it's gonna rain.
You best believe
that the rain came.
Jesus Lazaus the grave.
That same power
still stays today.
Go down Moses to Egypt land.
Free my people with
God's mighty hands.
Marching Zion one by one.
We'll help this race to be won.
Martha don't you moan,
Mary don't you weep,
I can tell you your
brother still sleeps.
'Till David took down the
giant with just one strike.
All the people rejoiced
from God's powerful might.
Jesus gonna call you.
Call you from the grave.
Watch that powerful name.
Watch how it saves Lazarus.
When the storm clouds rise
and the thunder rolls.
I said, Lazarus.
Tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
Come forth, Lazarus.
When the storm clouds rise
and the thunder rolls,
I said, Lazarus.
Tell me me children,
where you gonna go?
Come forth, Lazarus.
When the storm clouds
rise and the thunder
rolls, tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
[cheers and applause]
Netta!
Netta, girl, hurry up and
come down the stairs now.
Hurry up, Netta.
Girl, hurry up, and
come downstairs, I said.
NETTA: Hey!
Girl, how many
times I gotta tell
you to clean up this house?
Hi, to you too.
Netta, you don't work now.
The least you could
do is clean up.
I was online.
Girl, don't nobody care
about an online school.
If you had an assist,
you'd be in a real school,
like your sister.
But no, you too much
like your daddy,
always want to take
the easy way out.
That's why I divorced him.
Well, he's not here.
So let's leave him out of this.
Look, I hope you
cleaned your sister's
room and the guest bedroom.
You know she's coming
with her fianc .
Yes, mama.
I cleaned yesterday,
but I told you that.
Well, clean it again, Netta.
[huffs]
No, girl, wait a minute.
Come here.
Turn around.
Turn around!
What?
What do you have on?
You don't like this?
Do you ever like anything?
Yes, your sister.
[laughter]
Now go change.
You know they're going
to be here in a minute.
Well, Mama, why do I
have to change for them?
Because we got people
coming over here,
Netta, educated and
sophisticated people
who didn't go to school online.
[laughter]
Girl, you need to look like
something to get a man,
not like you ever will.
But have you ever
seen your mama leaving
the house looking raggedy.
No, ma'am.
And I ain't ever had a
problem getting a man, honey.
And you need to
remember the same things
you do to get that man is what
you need to do to keep him.
Well, what Leah
did to get a man
have nothing to do
with having clothes on.
You know what?
No, ma'am.
I'm not about to
argue with you, Netta.
This is a beautiful
time, and I'm
not going to let you ruin it for
your sister like you always do.
What do you mean
like I always do?
You always do, Netta!
You always find a way
to make things about you
and seek attention.
Well, not this time.
Get upstairs and clean up that
room like I told you to do.
Man, whatever.
Girl, I know you didn't
"whatever" me, Netta.
Girl, I will knock
the hell out of you.
Have you lost you mind.
- Whatever.
Get upstairs and
clean up that room.
She gonna whatever me.
- Uh, Cherry?
I don't know what's
going with her,
but she better get it together.
Cherry?
What the hell is going on?
It's first lady.
Oh, praise the
Lord, first lady!
Praise the Lord, girl!
Come on in.
I enjoyed our shopping
trip the other day.
Mmm-hmm.
Where's Jacob?
Oh, he'll be home soon.
What's up?
- Oh, nothing.
I just needed to make a deposit.
OK, well, I can
give it to him.
Oh, all right.
Well, you know we had to
offering through the roof.
Uh-huh.
Raymond needs Jacob
to take this to the bank
first thing in the morning.
- OK.
Make sure he puts
it in the church's
special projects account.
OK?
Church special
projects account.
I got it, sweetie.
- Thanks, Cherry.
All right.
Oh, first lady.
I am looking forward
to Women's Day!
Hallelujah!
Oh, yeah, it is coming up.
Isn't it?
CHERRY: Mmm-hmm.
Oh, girl, I better
pull that thing off.
You know they already
can't stand me over there.
CHERRY: Naw, girl.
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to help you
make this one special too.
- Really, Cherry?
- Yes!
Thank you so much.
You're such a good friend.
Everybody else
just hates my guts.
Girl, don't you
worry about them now.
The pastor loves you to pieces,
and that's all that matters.
You keep on being
that good first lady
everybody can look up
to, and everybody else
will come around, honey.
- Mmm-hmm.
All right.
Well, I'll see you later.
Oh, wait now.
Y'all still coming
over for dinner, right?
Oh, yeah.
We'll be here.
All right, well, I'll see
you later on, first lady.
All right.
Thank you.
God bless you.
All right, God bless
you too, sweetheart.
Now you take care.
[laughs]
All right, I'll see you later.
Praise God!
Hallelujah!
Netta, girl, get downstairs!
I told you to
clean up this mess,
and you gonna leave that
backpack on the floor.
Girl, you better get it up, and
I mean get it up now, Netta!
Now, girl!
Thank you.
Mama?
Y'all at it?
- Oh!
[laughs]
There goes my baby!
Oh, no, girl.
Me and your sister just talking.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, Netta.
Hey.
How are you?
I am beautiful, baby.
Oh, and you look good.
Too thin though, honey.
Are you eating at the school?
Mmm-hmm, I'm fine.
Where's Grandma?
Oh, she's out back.
Netta, what you got on, girl?
Let me see?
Stand up!
Yeah, you look good!
Leah.
Leah!
Don't tell that girl that.
Come here.
Where is Reuben?
Oh, he-- he's coming later.
He had exam.
Exams!
Oh, he's going to be
a good doctor, baby.
Seems like he's always studying.
Yes.
I am telling you, the both of
[audio out]
Run your office?
Girl, she need to run,
get her GED first.
[laughs]
Let me check on
this dining room.
Anyway--
[laughs]
Netta?
Why you got your head
down looking all sad?
Don't you see
how she treats me?
[music playing]
Out of my faith.
That's all she
ever has to say.
You were Mommy's favorite.
My daddy was away.
Now that we're both grown up,
she treats me bad every day.
I don't know if
anybody loves me.
I don't know if anybody cares.
So why should I hold
my head up high?
Why should I care?
Pigtails, dolls, and lace.
Why should I care?
Beautiful little baby face.
I don't know why I care.
Were Mommy's little girls,
and we were Daddy's too.
Now that we're all
grown up, so much
has happened to you.
You gotta know I love you,
You gotta know I care.
So hold your head up high.
Hold it up if you dare.
I'm not pretty.
Yes, you are.
I've never been smart.
Yes, you are.
But I'm not you.
You don't have to be me.
Be you.
You are so true.
And you are too.
But look at my hair.
Your hair's so curly
and neat, girl.
And look at my clothes, clothes.
That don't mean a thing, no, no.
Your my sister.
And I'm your friend, yeah.
Your my heart.
To the bitter, bitter end, yeah.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you.
I love you too.
[laughs]
[cheers and applause]
[grunting]
Back up, son.
Why are you walking so close?
Sorry, Mr. Jacob.
But hey, brother,
Jacob, I hope you
see I've been taking this job
as one of God's ambassadors
seriously.
Yes, Noah.
Pastor and I are pleased
with how faithful you've been
and how seriously you've
taken your new position
in the ministry.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Jacob.
That makes me feel
like singing for joy.
No, don't do that.
[SINGING] Joy bell
keeps ringing in my soul--
Noah!
[SINGING] Joy bell
keeps ringing in my soul--
All right, that's enough.
[SINGING LOUDLY] Joy bell--
Shut up!
[laughter]
Sorry, Mr. Jacob.
Well, I'm so glad you're
so pleased with me.
But hey, I was wondering if
I could ask your stepdaughter
Netta out on a date?
I think that's a great idea.
You do?
I do.
Well, praise God.
But your wife, Miss Cherry,
she don't like me much.
She thinks I'm slow.
[laughter]
Oh.
Ch- Cherry will come around.
Well, do you think I'm slow?
[laughs]
Well, I-- uhh, um--
[laughter]
I just don't think
you're that fast.
[laughter]
Well, do that mean I'm slow.
- But I'll tell you what.
- What?
Come by for dinner tonight,
and you can see Netta then.
You mean it?
I'll see you at 7 o'clock.
I'll be there.
Ah, yeah.
Put on some nice cologne.
I sure will.
Cherry?
Oh, hey, baby.
Daddy!
Hello, baby girl!
[laughing]
Netta, your daddy a hug.
My daddy ain't here.
That's not fair.
Now you know he both our dad.
I'll pass.
Well, I'm gonna
hug you anyway.
Stop!
You gonna mess up my hair!
Mess it up, baby?
All it might do is fix it.
Stop it!
I like it.
- Me too, big sis.
- Look here, honey.
First lady came over here, and
she told me to give you this.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got the money.
We raised all the money
to fix the roof at church,
and it's all right here.
I just counted it.
I'm taking it to the
bank in the morning.
Oh, Jacob, she said
to put it in the church
special projects account.
OK, honey?
OK.
Oh, baby, I am
so proud of you.
We finally got a
treasure we can trust.
Thanks, Cherry.
Well, it's true, Jacob.
But wait a minute, baby.
You got cash in here.
- Yep.
How much is this?
$30,000.
$30,000, Jacob!
Where you gonna put it?
You know, where
I always put it.
All right, well, look.
Did you talk to the
pastor about coming
and counseling Leah and Reuben?
Yes, he'll be here
tomorrow morning.
All right.
I'm gonna go ahead and
get dinner finished.
OK?
All right, thanks.
All right now.
[sniffs]
[groans]
Come on out here!
[coughing]
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
[laughs]
- What?
- What?
What?
What are you doing?
Smoking weed!
Hey!
[laughter]
Get in the house!
Wait, wait, wait.
Not till I finish that little,
bitty doobie right there.
I know it seem like
a lot, but it's not.
Just a real, small, little,
bitty doobie right there.
You are not supposed to
be out here smoking no weed.
Wait a minute.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
You can't say nothing.
Pop, bam!
[laughs]
I gotta scription!
[laughter]
AUNT BAM [SINGING]: He
writes out all my scriptions.
[laughter]
You can't say nothing to
me, thank you very mmm--
much!
[laughter]
Somebody trying
to say nothing.
Just wait right there.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Don't go in there trying to
mix your weed with my weed!
[laughter]
[coughing]
Bam!
What?
That ain't no regular
weed you're smoking.
No!
I don't smoke regular.
[laughs]
I smoke loud!
[laughter]
And I smoke cush.
[laughter]
And I smoke perp.
[laughter]
Oh, and I love chronic!
No baby I don't smoke
regular no more,
regular got too many sticks
and seeds in it.
It just be,
pop, pop, poppity
Pop, pop, pop.
Popping all over the place.
I don't like--
- Bam?
What?
Can we go in
the house, please?
Yeah.
Look, I was just trying to tell
you about all of my medicines.
That's all, honey.
Listen, let me tell you this.
I used to smoke hash.
[laughter]
But hash gave me a bad rash.
[laughter]
I thought it was eczema,
but it wasn't no eczema.
[laughs]
Babe, are you hungry?
Jacob?
Jacob?
Who are you always texting?
I'm just taking care of
some business at the church.
I got to make a run later on.
You sure do run a lot.
Hey, Grandma!
Hey!
[laughs]
Who is that?
[laughter]
Mama, you know that's
my daughter Leah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the one I don't know.
Grandma!
You know you love me.
Yes, baby.
I do love you, honey.
I love all God's children.
But--
[groans]
Honey, I could I love you
just a little bit more
if you put a little mint
under your tongue, honey.
[laughter]
You don't taste that?
Taste like it ought to feel
brown or some like that.
[laughter]
You too little to have a
scent like that in your mouth.
I don't know what's wrong
with young people these days.
Listen.
But--
[laughs]
It's a pleasure
meeting you, ma'am.
[laughs]
JACOB: Netta, I invited
Noah over for dinner.
Jacob!
Did you, Jacob?
- Baby, it's fine.
- No!
It's fine.
Stop it now!
Come on!
No, Jacob.
I don't want Noah over here.
And you can't just
invite nobody over here
without me knowing first, Jacob.
I stuffed eight bell
peppers for eight people.
Now I've gotta go stuff
some more peppers.
Five.
But it's only five of us.
Mama, the pastor,
his wife, and Reuben.
Oh!
We having sandwiches too?
[laughter]
No, Grandma.
Not Reuben sandwiches,
my fianc , Reuben.
Oh!
Oh, good, good, good.
I thought she was
saying sandwiches.
I was about to say, that
sauerkraut and them bell
peppers not gonna mix
together too good, honey--
not in my digestive tract.
It ain't gonna go well at all.
It's going to be like
some explosive diarrhea--
Enough!
--cause-- all right, enough.
[laughs]
You keep living, keep living,
and you keep living and hear
what I'm talking about.
Cherry!
Ma'am?
Sherry, did
anybody phone for me?
Um, who you waiting
on to call you, Mama?
Cherry, I'm waiting
on my dope man, baby.
[laughter]
On your what?
I'm waiting on
my dope man, honey.
I'm running low on my weed.
Bam!
Huh?
I just told you about that.
And I just told you
I got a scription!
[laughter]
What that song say?
[SINGING] He writes out all
my scriptions in the room.
And where are we?
[SINGING] We're
in the living room.
[laughter]
Mama, that don't make it
right in the eyes of the Lord.
Oh, but it makes it right
in the eyes of a law, Cherry.
[laughter]
We all know that the
law's eyes are 20-20.
[laughter]
And that's what I'm
trying to get me, a 20-20!
[laughter]
It's called a dub.
[laughter]
But don't judge me, honey.
Just pray for me.
Cause we not gonna all be
delivered at the same time.
So you pray for me,
and I'll pray for you,
and we'll all be prayed for.
[laughter]
What the hell y'all laughing at?
Mama, watch your mouth.
Watch your mouth.
Cherry, I told you yesterday
if I smoke all the reefer
in the world, my eyes are
not going to be good enough
to watch my own mouth.
[laughter]
Watch your mo-- watch
your mouth, girl.
Do what your mama say.
Watch your mouth.
Look at it.
Watch it.
[laughs]
See there?
Not only can you
not do it, but you
look stupid trying to do it!
[laughter]
You know what she means.
And you better not have no
thugs knocking at this door.
Oh, please.
First of all, that's my door.
Second of all, thugs
gonna be knocking.
I'm gonna let them in.
And then we gonna be knock,
knock, knocking boots!
Mama!
[laughter]
Your mama is something else.
Oh, no, sugar.
You the one something
else, sugar, sugar.
[laughs]
So how's that guest bedroom
behind the garage treating you?
Well, it's all right,
babies, if that's
what you want to call it.
You know, since I had
that surgery and all,
I cannot walk upstairs
and go to my own room,
so it's all right back there.
I'm all right.
Thank you.
Oh, mama, wait.
We fixed that room
up for you nice.
Cherry, that room was already
nice, thank you very much.
That's my laundry room.
We put a daybed
in there for you.
You know what?
I was going to ask you
about that, Sherlock.
Why in the hell would you
y'all put a daybed back there
when I sleep in there at night.
[laughter]
Duh!
But that's all right.
That's all right, baby.
I'll put that palette back
there so, oh, I am all right.
A pallet for what, Mama?
Oh, Cherry!
I put that palette back there
on top of that washing machine
after I put your
Timberlands in there.
And then I climbs up on top
of that washing machine.
[laughter] Cause I wanna--
I just wanna see what
it feel like when
it getting on that spin cycle!
Oh, that thing starts going
feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh!
CHERRY: Mom!
I'm not about to talk
about this with you.
Cover your virgin ears, Leah.
I am, Mama.
I do not wanna here this!
Oh, please.
Now that girl is not no virg.
[laughs]
CHERRY: Oh, yes she is, Mama.
She's saving herself
for her wedding.
Cherry, you can look
at that little car
and tell it's been test drove.
[laughter]
CHERRY: Now, you stop it, Mama.
AUNT BAM: That's a-- that's a--
that's a-- that's a hatchback!
[laughs]
No it ain't Bam.
It's a puut putt!
That putt putt has got so many
miles on it.
Both of them put-puts
got miles on!
Hey, that big, black dump
truck back there in the kitchen
got a lot of miles on it.
[laughter]
Check the trunk!
Check the trunk!
[laughs]
Don't look under that hood!
Mama!
Stop that!
Call it a dump truck?
Now wait a minute.
[doorbell]
Don't do-- shh.
Wait a minute.
Come in!
Don't do that.
I could of said a 18--
That's my future hubby!
Hey, baby!
Hey!
Mr. Jacob!
- Hi, son.
All right.
It's good to see you.
Same here.
Oh, look.
I brought you this.
What's this?
It's just a bottle of wine.
- Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
And these are for
you, Mrs. Lattimore.
Oh, Reuben, honey.
These are beautiful.
And you look handsome.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
Reuben, you
remember my sister?
Oh, hey, Netta.
You look lovely.
Hey, what's up?
And that's my grandma.
Everybody call her Aunt Bam.
Oh, yes, she was
just about to lay down.
[laughter]
No, I'm not, Cherry.
I'm sitting right here
waiting on my dope, man.
Remember?
CHERRY: Mama!
AUNT BAM: Shut up.
[laughter]
You are delightful.
[coughing]
Thank you.
Reuben, honey.
Forgive her.
She's-- she is a little crazy.
Cherry, I get
so sick and tired
of you winding your
finger up round your head
when you talking about me.
Then you feel some
kind of way when
I crank my finger up at you.
Mama!
Stop it!
AUNT BAM: So you
keep on winding here,
and I'm gonna keep on cranking.
Wind, and I'm gonna crack.
While you winding,
I'm gonna crank.
Don't you do
that in front of--
Shut up!
Quit that [inaudible]
[laughter]
Well, ma'am, it's
good to see you.
It's good to be seen,
son, and not viewed.
I know that's right.
Yeah.
Listen, so you
brought him some wine?
Yes, ma'am.
And brought her some flowers.
Uh-huh.
Why you didn't
bring me nothing?
I like gifts and presents.
Oh, uh--
I brought you a hug.
Well, you--
I'll take it.
[laughter]
That's good.
Oh!
Uh-huh!
Move back!
Oh!
No, no, no!
Oh, boy, you
hugging me too good!
[laughter]
You hugging me too right!
Oh, I'm gonna put you back
there on that washing machine.
[laughter]
And I'm gonna turn that
thing on fast speed.
[sirens]
[cheers and applause]
Now, I came--
I came as soon as
you called me, Bam.
Soon as you called me.
Mabel, I called
you four weeks ago.
Well, I'm late as hell,
like these people coming up
and down this aisle right now.
Sit the hell down, please.
[laughter]
They don't learn.
They don't never learn.
I start on damn time.
Sit down!
[laughter]
Look, all those people got
to get up so you to sit down.
Sit the hell-- you
know, I'm sick of--
I'm sick of this!
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
And how the hell
you got time to stop
and get popcorn and a
drink, and you already late?
[laughter]
Sir, sit down in that
camel yellow jacket.
Sit down.
[laughter]
Uh-huh.
[inaudible]
Mine say, 4 o'clock,
I mean 4 o'clock.
Not 4:01, not 4:02.
[laughter]
I'm gonna go on with
the show cause I don't
want no incidents up in here.
But y'all sit the hell down.
Thank you so much.
[laughs]
I'm sure the video of you of
your head, all in your big
ol' hair in the camera in the--
[laughter]
I'm gonna go on.
Let me go on.
Let me go, honey.
- Mabel!
What?
You on the run, ain't you?
It wasn't even
my fault, honey.
I backed out of
my garage, and all
I saw was police everywhere.
No.
I say, "Lord, if I'm supposed
to run, show me a sign."
Oh, God.
The Lord said,
"Run, Mabel, run."
The officer walked
up to the car.
It was my sign.
Guess what his name
was on the name tag?
What?
What?
What was it?
- Ferguson.
I got the hell out
of there, girl.
I was gone.
- You better get out.
I ain't look back.
You better get out of there.
I ain't look back, honey.
[laughs]
I ain't look back.
Bam, who the hell all
these people in your house?
Well, Mabel, listen.
These are all my family members.
I invited one of them over here,
and all the rest of them came.
Don't you hate
when that happen?
Everybody just show up.
You see that little
one right there in the--
Lord, you remember my sister.
- That ain't your sister.
- Granddaughter.
MADEA: That's your
granddaughter.
Yeah, that's my
granddaughter right there.
That's Shanika, um--
Leah.
Shanika Leah.
That's her.
And this right
here is her cousin.
Fianc .
That's-- that's Beyonc
cousin right there?
Bam, hush up.
How you all doing?
- Good.
How you doing, ma'am.
How you doing?
Oh, you're sure a
handsome young thing.
Oh, thank you, ma'am.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm so tired.
Now this--
[laughter]
[inaudible]
Maybe he didn't hear you.
I've been running.
I'm so tired.
Sure would like to
just take a load off.
I'm so tired.
- Good one.
Good one.
AUNT BAM: The-- the
lady said she tired.
She so tired she
want to sit down.
Oh, man.
[laughter]
He said, "Oh, man."
Yes!
[laughter]
Oh!
Oh!
[stuttering] Le--
Leah, get on up, girl!
[laughter]
She said she-- she's tired.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
[laughter]
- That's your fianc ?
- Yes, ma'am.
MADEA: And he pushing
you up like that?
Honey, if he pushes you
up before you get married,
he's going to be
knocking you down after.
I'm telling you right now.
Son, when a lady come up in
the house, and she is tired,
you supposed to
let her sit down.
The Bible say in 2 Rose Park,
32 chapter [inaudible] verse
that you supposed
to let her sit down.
CHERRY: Oh, Madea, he
doesn't have to move.
That's Leah's fiance.
Oh, baby, did that hurt?
Did what hurt?
When all that damn stupid
fell out your throat.
What the hell did you say?
What-- what's wrong
with you, son.
What you doing all the
shaking and itching for?
Oh, ma'am.
Well, I really got dry skin.
Moisturize it.
Moisturize it.
Moisturize it.
- Wait a minute.
Wait, Mabel.
Wait a minute now.
What you spraying?
Ant and roach killer.
[laughter] Cause every time I
leave up out of here, honey,
I have all kinds of roaches
crawling up out of my bag.
No, not over here, baby,
cause I smokes up all my roach.
[laughter]
MADEA: Bam?
- Yeah?
- Is this Netta?
- Sweet baby Netta.
Girl, looking just
like your daddy.
Turn to the side.
Oh, that mustache
coming in nice.
You got to watch that, huh?
I used to like your daddy.
Willis was such a good man.
Willis was a good man.
Your mama walked
off and left him.
Hooked up with some old-- old
low down, dirty something.
Your mom was married.
And he was married.
They started cheating
around with each other,
and she walked out.
Why did you walk out on Willis?
Willis was such a good man.
Why you walk off on him?
- Madea.
Walk off on Willis.
He was such a good man.
I liked Willis too.
- Yeah.
And ran off and
got hooked up with
this old yellow-looking
salamander with pointy ears,
allegedly.
CHERRY: No, ma'am.
That's why you back in
with your mama, ain't ya?
Uh uh.
MADEA: Where the
yellow salamander?
Madea, wait a minute.
Where is the
yellow salamander?
Madea, I'm trying--
Where is the
yellow salamander?
AUNT BAM: Mable!
CHERRY: Madea!
Where is the
yellow salamander?
CHERRY: Madea.
What?
That's the yellow
salamander right there!
[laughing]
Right there!
[laughing]
What's up?
I don't know, boo.
You tell me.
What's happening?
You don't scare me.
Hell, you don't scare me at all.
He gonna try to out-beat you.
Yeah, of course he
gonna try to out-beat me.
I got baritone on my side.
- Knock, knock.
- Hey, Reverend!
Come on in.
Sister Cherry.
Miss Madea!
Reverend, I thought
y'all couldn't see
people when they pull out their
thing and walk out the church.
How you doing, Reverend?
Praise the Lord.
Sha na na na na, boko,
boko, boko, boko.
It's good to see you.
MADEA: Yeah, good
to see you too.
Uh huh.
Reverend.
Jacob.
I want to be sure you
secured that money.
Yes.
And you're going
to the bank early?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Good.
Thank God.
Oh, oh.
I get it.
What?
You saw those police
cars driving by.
Yeah!
And now I know why.
What's that mean, Reverend?
Are you judging me?
Just cause the police follow
me in my line of work?
Don't the Holy Ghost follow
you in your line of work?
It's the same thing.
I just want to be sure
all our hard work is secure.
What hard work?
The building fund down
at the church to fix the roof.
-How much is raised?
- $30,000
MADEA: $30,000.
That's right.
And y'all ain't gonna have
no more leaks in the roof.
No more leaks.
Praise the Lord.
Praise-- I was so sorry to
hear about your wife, Reverend.
Lord have mercy.
Agnes was such a
beautiful woman.
She was beautiful.
She was beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful-- only the inside.
Ma'am, don't talk
about that woman.
No, Mabel, listen.
Everybody got some kind of issue
that they got to deal with.
Agnes could not help it that
that right eye would just
bend the around the
corner like that.
I went to they church.
I said, "Agnes, Agnes, Agnes!
Ag-- you're right there.
Hey, Agnes, can I
sit right here?"
She said, "yeah."
I sat down, Mabel.
The spirit got hot in
there, she started crying.
One tear fell down the
front, the other one
rolled down her back.
I take her--
Ma'am, look how
you've upset him.
Now he's got to
comfort his daughter.
It's all right, baby.
It's all right.
Your mama was a lovely one.
- No, no, no, no.
MADEA: And your daddy should
of never marry nobody else.
Because I'm gonna
tell you right now.
You will never find a woman as
good as your mother was to him.
Your mother was wonderful.
REVEREND: No, no.
You ain't gonna never
find a woman that good.
Stay single, Reverend.
Stay single.
Remember I tell ya, stay single.
Miss Madea.
What?
This is not my daughter.
Who is that?
This is my wife.
[quizzical sound]
Mmm hmm.
[laughing]
[interposing voices]
I forgot he got married again.
That's right.
You know I don't
go to that church.
Yeah.
I don't go to no church.
I know.
And that's the
one you the man.
Pastor, they talking about
you like a dog around here!
[laughing]
AUNT BAM: Mabel.
What?
So you the first lady now?
Nah, she ain't no first lady.
She the second lady cause
Agnes was the first lady.
And if you get married again,
then you've have a third lady.
Come on, sit down, baby.
Don't worry about that.
I ain't gonna-- I ain't gonna
do you like people do that
judge you and talk about you.
I'm gonna try to talk--
I'm fine now by myself--
for myself.
How are you?
- I'm well.
Thank you.
- Yes, yes.
Uh, uh, what is your name?
October.
Nah, baby.
She didn't say--
[laughing]
I'm sorry.
What is your name?
October.
Not your zodiac,
what's your name, honey?
[laughing]
Well that is my name.
It's October, like the month.
Oh.
Oh, you're name's
like the month.
Oh, OK.
She's named like the month.
Oh.
- Mmm hmm.
Mmm hmm.
You want to know my name?
Yes.
Say, what is your name?
What's your name, ma'am?
My name is, uh, November.
[laughing]
- Really?
Yes.
Oh!
Well you ain't even
got to ask me mine.
Mine is December.
[laughing]
And this January and February
Happy New Year!
[laughing]
OCTOBER: Oh, I see.
MADEA: That's for Mardi Gras.
Throw me the beads.
[laughing]
I used to get a
lot of beads, baby.
I used to shed a pound
for these beads.
How long y'all been married?
A year and a half.
A year and a half.
A year and a half.
Wait a minute now.
Cause Agnes only been
dead for three months.
She got sick in June.
MADEA: Ma'am, Agnes
dies two years ago.
I remember cause I
owed her some money.
When she dies, I wrote it off
and thanked the Lord for it.
Praise her.
CHERRY: Reverend, thank
you so much for coming over
for dinner.
Cherry, I told you, we don't
have enough food for him.
Mama!
Don't say--
What? He eats every meal
like it's the last supper.
[laughing]
[inaudible]
You got to cook all
that food for 'em.
Woo.
[interposing voices]
[inaudible] both
balls, everything.
[laughing]
The bottom must fit.
[laughing]
Let me ask you this.
What you smoking then?
[laughing]
I bet you--
Bam, shut the hell up.
Baby, when somebody
talk about your man,
don't laugh like that.
Don't get with 'em.
That's so rude.
Look how hurt he is.
Baby, laughing in
your man in public
will get you put out
the house in private.
Don't do that, honey.
You just sitting there laughing.
All right.
Hey, family.
Where's Netta?
In the kitchen.
Netta, I brought you flowers.
Oh my.
NETTA: Thank you, Noah.
Oh, you welcome.
Boy, stand over
there by the window.
What the hell?
You got on the whole
bottle of sauce?
What the hell is that?
[laughing]
Netta, who it this boy?
This is Noah.
Oh, he's trying to court you?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh.
[laughing]
What?
Mabel.
What's up there, Bam?
AUNT BAM: I mean,
what is he looking at?
[laughing]
MADEA: What he looking at, baby?
AUNT BAM: I don't know.
Do he know he looking?
[laughing]
And he been trying to court you?
Yes.
Oh, oh, that's why
he all dressed up that,
looked like a soldier and all.
I see.
See that's the way they used
to do it back in the day.
The boy would get dressed
up nice and then come over.
They wasn't standing like
that, but they'll come
over and they'll--
they'll knock on the door say,
hello, my name is so-and-so.
I'd like to take your
daughter out to the movies.
Nowadays these children
don't do that no more.
Now they go on the internet.
Lord have mercy.
It be like, I'm
coming over there.
Send me a picture of that booty.
Throw it out the window.
I'll be over there
in a few minutes.
[laughing]
Look, I say booty, he turn
around and look at me.
He know when the booty is out.
Booty.
Oh.
Better watch him.
[laughing]
You don't like 'em, baby?
- No, ma'am.
Let me tell you something.
Never judge a book by the cover.
Sometimes you gotta
go up in there
and write what you
want on the pages.
And every one of them
pages in that book
is empty, not a letter
on any one of 'em.
[laughing]
Not a period, not a comma,
not a semicolon, not a--
a lot of question marks
but nothing else on it.
[laughing]
That's that loose-leaf paper.
[laughing]
Ooh my hormones is acting up.
I don't know why.
You better get
that checked out.
Well, Noah, the dining room
table has been beautifully set.
And we got a seat right
next to Netta for you.
All right.
Everybody, let's go eat.
Dinner is ready.
- Oh yeah, come on.
Let's eat.
I'm hungry.
But Bam, this don't
smell like your cooking.
Mmm mmm.
MADEA: Cherry, who cooked, babe?
CHERRY: I cooked, Madea.
MADEA: You did?
CHERRY: I did.
You know damn well I'm not
fixing to eat none of that
though.
- Yeah.
No, child.
That girl don't wash
nothing before she
put it in the pot, nothing.
Mabel, you telling the truth.
I went back there.
I said, "Cherry, what is
this in this pot right here?"
She said, "Those
are greens, Mama."
I said, "Cherry, what
they floating in?"
She said, "That's gravy."
I said, "Cherry, ain't no
gravy supposed to be in no--
ain't no green supposed to be--
Cherry!
This is mud in this
pot cause ain't no
gravy supposed top be
in no greens.
-I done taught you how to
cook greens--
- Bam.
Why do you do that?
--and I said this, and then she
said-- stop doing that, hun.
You wasting my life
minutes when you do that.
Stop doing that.
Mabel, I'm sorry.
And I'm mad at you anyway.
Why you mad at me?
Cause you let
me sat right down
and talk about the
yellow salamander.
You know I couldn't see him
sitting up there in that chair.
AUNT BAM: Mabel--
You know I can't see
him, because whatever they
sit on they turn into carpet.
[laughing]
I'm sorry.
I got tickled and I
couldn't help myself.
It was so--
[laughing]
- And you're missing everything.
- Missing what?
- This girl right here.
- Uh uh.
Miss October.
She sitting here texting.
Texting?
Back in yo day they
called it morris code.
[laughing]
She was sending a message?
Yes, to that boy over there.
She sitting there texting
her phone until he
get a little text on his.
Mabel, no--
Then he would
get a little one.
They was buzzing back and forth.
- They--
They how people
cheat these days.
That's why I don't like all
this new fandango technology.
I don't like all this stuff.
No.
All they doing is
helping people cheat.
Spiritual wickedness in
high places and everything.
I can't stand it.
Back in the day we
didn't have all that.
We had to figure it
out before we got home.
Sho did.
You had to your
man or your woman,
look, if you need me, call me.
If my wife answer, hang up.
[laughing]
And call back 30 minutes later,
if she answer again, hang up.
That means for me to
go around the corner
and meet you at the
hotel so we can catch up
and get out conversation going.
Nowadays people just
sit there texting.
Text.
Right up under they
husband and they wife.
You could be sitting at a play,
[laughing]
sitting there with
your wife, texting
your girlfriend
up in the balcony,
seeing if she enjoying the show.
In the balcony?
Yeah, in the balcony.
Let me stop before somebody
tear this place up in here.
I'm telling you right now
gotta watch him.
That boy right there,
he on that stuff.
Let me tell you something.
I don't know if he on
that stuff or not, but--
The one I made get
up, he's on that stuff.
- How you know he on some stuff?
- Yeah.
Mabel, listen.
I don't know what he on,
but I know this right.
Oh my god.
That boy got some good hands.
Oh!
What you talking about?
Mabel, he came in here.
His name Reuben.
He gave him some wine and
gave her some flowers.
I said, you gave him some
wine, you gave her some--
Bam, stop doing
that before I burn
you with this damn cigarette.
Stop that.
OK, Mabel.
I was sitting.
I say, you gave him some wine,
you gave her some flowers.
You ain't give me nothing.
He said, I-- I--
I-- brought you a hug.
I said, well get-- get--
get-- give it to me then.
Mabel, that boy put
his arms around me.
He swope me across
the small of my back
and I was looking at him--
Bam.
He did what?
He put his hands around me.
He swope me across
the small on my back.
And I was looking up there--
- Bam.
What you saying?
He did what?
He swope me.
Hold on.
That's what I thought you said.
What the hell is the swope?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, it's two
things really, Mabel.
It's a swipe and a grope
all at the same time, girl.
He did that to me real good.
I said, little boy, little boy.
That boy swope me across
the small of my back
and I was looking at him.
Swope you where?
I know you not
getting mad at me,
cause I don't speak
the Talibanese
that's coming out of your lips.
[laughing]
The little boy swoped
me across the small
of my back, Mabel.
Oh, ho, ho.
I was looking up at him.
He was looking back down at me.
I said, boy, you better
back up somebody.
And see, I been back there
on that washing machine.
And so I told him.
I said, what you do
want is to get back
there on that washing machine.
Cause if I put it in fifth
gear back there on that washing
machine, it just gonna be--
[fast gibberish]
Bam.
Mabel, and then--
Lookie here.
What is it?
What you looking for?
Hold still.
I don't trying to find the
small of your back, back here.
[music playing]
--what they look like.
If they had put a
picture there, we'd
of seen what they look like.
I see what--
That's all right, honey.
Next time maybe Mark will
remember that or something.
How you doing, baby?
I'm good.
That was a good dinner, baby.
Oh, thank you, baby.
I used my mama's recipe
for all stuffed peppers.
No you didn't cause
your mama recipe
say wash them peppers before
you give somebody Zika virus.
You still got it, baby.
Thank you, baby.
OCTOBER: Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Yes, girl.
That was so good.
Oh, well I'm glad you
enjoyed it, October.
I did.
I did enjoy it.
I'll have to cook for
you next time, Jacob.
Baby, I'm going to go
head back to church
cause I got a lot of work to do.
- Oh, OK.
I'll take you over there.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
You know how you like to take
naps and stuff after you eat.
It's OK.
I'll just take Jacob with me.
He has the key anyway.
Oh, all right.
Well, call me when
you get there.
OK.
Lovely having dinner.
- Love you.
- Okay.
- Reverend.
- Yes, ma'am.
You don't want to go over
to the church with them?
No.
Reverend, you might
want to go on over there.
He getting ready to open the
doors of your church, Reverend.
You might want to go
see what's going on.
[laughing]
Miss Madea, I know
he's going to open
the doors to the church.
I gave him the keys.
Yes you did, Son,
to the kingdom--
to the kingdom.
[laughing]
Is he all right?
[laughing]
I think that's
how he communicate.
I don't know what he's saying.
MADEA: Well, I hope he
ain't caught it no more
like [inaudible] here, honey.
He's going to have
a [inaudible]..
Netta, say goodbye
to your guest.
Mama, let him stay.
No, ma'am.
He's got to go and go now.
Bye, Noah.
Bye, Noah.
- See you later, Netta.
- No you won't.
Goodbye.
Boy, wait for me out there.
Go on out there on
the porch, and stop
being so mean to that boy.
Hush.
Netta, did you say
something funny to him?
He just fell out laughing?
You made a joke?
We was talking
about something.
Oh, OK.
I'm just wonder if he just
started laughing on his own
or you had made a joke.
Bam, watch my purse.
- OK.
- Bam.
Yeah.
Watch my purse, Bam.
Watch my purse.
Son, you like her?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, never change
who you are for anybody.
But maybe you can change your
approach, because the bean pod
look ain't working.
So come back over here
with something else.
Maybe a jogger
suit or something.
Come back on her-- come
back on her cool, you know.
Because this ain't working.
So come back cool.
Be like uh, yo, Ma, you want
to go out to the movies with me
as something?
You down with that?
And she say, I ain't
going nowhere with you.
Then you say, well I ain't
gonna ask yo ass no more.
I'm trying to do you a favor.
[laughing]
And then pimp on away from her.
You pimp like a cool
walk, a pimp cool walk--
pimp cool walk, pimp cool walk.
[laughing]
Son, what the hell you doing?
[laughing]
Try what I just said.
Try it.
You gonna walk up to her
and and say-- try it.
Yo, Ma.
Lower, Son, lower.
Yo, Ma.
[laughing]
That's all right.
That's too advanced for you.
Let's try something easy.
Let's try the pimp walk.
Let's see ya pimp
walk all the way home.
Try it.
We're gonna practice it.
[laughing]
That pimp got special needs.
Lord help us.
[laughing]
Now, Cherry, you did not have
to be that mean to that boy.
Do you understand?
Well, Madea, I don't
mean to be mean to him.
Mabel, y'all just let it go.
- Fine, I let it go.
- Let it go.
Well, Mama, we tired.
We about to go upstairs and--
[clearing throat]
--I'm going to show
him where I'm sleeping,
and then show him
where he's sleeping.
OK, baby.
Reuben, it is so good
having you here, sweetheart.
Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
And Miss Bam and ma'am, it's
nice-- it's nice meeting y'all.
See this purse
right here, son?
I'm spending the night here.
This is my purse.
This black purse belong to me.
If anything come up missing
out of this black purse,
your black life
ain't gonna matter.
Do you understand?
[laughing]
REUBEN: OK.
You better hear
what I'm telling you.
Listen.
You make sure you show him
where he's sleeping now,
cause I don't want
him to come down
this corridor past door
number two on the right,
cause that's where--
Bam, stop trying to tell that
boy where you are subliminally.
That boy ain't coming back
there looking for you.
Good night, everybody.
Night, Netta.
Um, where you're going?
I'm going to bed.
No, ma'am, not till
you go back there
and clean up the dining room.
Girl, go on.
Why the hell one child can
go upstairs and lay down,
the other one got
to go back there
and clean up the
dining room by herself?
Why both of 'em and back there
cleaning up the dining room?
Madea, Netta
will be all right.
I have told you about the
way you treat that child.
Girl, let me tell you something.
The very child that
you put your foot on
will be the one you need to
lift yours up when you get old.
You better be careful.
AUNT BAM: That's the truth.
Tell her I'm right
about it, Reverend.
[laughing]
The reverend done fell
asleep like he listening
to one of his own sermons.
[laughing]
I know how to wake him up.
Y'all get that banana pudding.
Put it on the table.
Look, he done come to live.
There's Lazarus sitting
over there looking
like a box of chocolate milk.
Reverend.
Yes, ma'am.
You laying there sleeping.
You got peace, don't you, son?
Oh yeah.
Your Holy Ghost ain't
saying, "Go to the church?"
[laughing]
No, ma'am.
Go to the church.
No.
When you're dreaming
and you asleep,
you ain't nobody saying,
go to the church?
No.
Mary, Martha?
No, ma'am.
Shadrach, Meshach,
the billy goat?
Nobody's saying, bah?
Nobody said to go over there?
No, ma'am.
Wow.
Reverend, I meant all kind
of stuff about this woman
since you married
in the neighborhood.
And tell me y'all
got married after
just knowing her for two weeks.
- Yeah.
What did she do for a
living before you married her?
Oh, she was a dancer.
Oh, she was in the ballet?
Well, she would
be on our toes,
but she ain't have
on no ballet shoes.
[laughing]
No Miss Madea she
was in the arts
And, uh, you
married real quick.
Where you meet at?
Well we met at
the supermarket.
The supermarket.
REVEREND: Yeah.
We happened to be
at the same aisle.
And we walked toward each other
and we had eye to eye contact.
And then I turned around
and watched her walk away.
And I said, Jesus!
She's the one.
You told Jesus
she was the one?
Yes, ma'am.
Mary's baby?
Yeah.
The Rose of Sharon?
Yes.
The chief cornerstone
that the builders rejected?
REVEREND: Oh yes.
That same Jesus?
The Lily of the Valley,
that's the one you told?
Yes.
And he gave her to you?
Yes he did.
Oh you got some power, son.
[laughing]
And why you marry
after two weeks, son?
Why didn't wait a long time
like three or four weeks?
Well, I prayed and asked
God if I should marry
and he showed me a sign.
Ah.
He showed you a sign to marry?
REVEREND: Yeah.
Let me understand this.
So first you asked Jesus--
you tell Jesus she the one.
Yeah.
Then you ask God
if you should marry
and he show you a sign to marry?
- Yes, ma'am.
But yet you sitting here and
your Holy Ghost ain't saying,
go to the church?
No.
Baby, something
wrong with yo Trinity.
They not connected
to each other.
Something going on.
I'd check the signal,
check the cell signal.
Hey, man, what was the
sign that showed you?
Well he led me
to the scripture.
Ah.
What scripture was it?
Matthew 21 verse two.
Yes.
What it said?
Well you have your
Bible right there.
You can read it for yourself.
AUNT BAM: You know what,
that's what I always do.
I always read the
word for myself.
I don't take y'all
word for it at all.
Mabel, come on.
Let's read this.
It burns.
Move that.
That don't put that on me.
Girl.
MADEA: Don't put
that thing on me.
It burn, honey.
It burn.
About to burn up
off my left breast.
[laughing]
Oh my God.
Don't put that
Bible on me, hun.
No, I don't mess
around with that Bible.
I don't go to no Church.
Y'all hold on to that.
All right.
MADEA: OK.
What scripture was that again?
Matthew 21 verse two.
AUNT BAM: That's it.
And when you
have it, say, Amen.
Amen.
Oh, Cherry.
You can always tell the people
at church that read they Bible
all the time at home, cause
the faster they go to it,
they go right there
in two seconds.
Yeah.
And you tell the people
in church who never pick
up they Bible at home because--
[laughing]
--they just be turning and
turning and turning and--
AUNT BAM: Matthew.
MADEA: Then they have to go to
the table of contents, and--
That's what I--
I was gonna do that.
OK.
Oh, he first over there.
MADEA: Then eventually
they find it
right before the benediction.
I got him.
Hey, Matthew, I got you.
Why you standing up?
Mabel, that's what
they do at his church.
They always stand for the
reading of God's holy word.
OK, well I'm not a member,
so I'm gonna sit down.
Y'all go on and do that thing.
When you have it, say, Amen.
Amen.
Got it.
[laughing]
MADEA: Say Amen.
Sister Bam, when
you have it, say Amen.
What difference it
make if I say I got it?
Hey, man, I got it.
Hey, man.
Read.
Why he holler reading?
Mabel, that's what
he do at his church.
He holler read and everybody
who can just start reading.
What about the
ones who can't read?
They start listening.
Oh.
[laughing]
Read.
Saying unto them--
Saying unto them--
--go into the village.
--go into the village.
--over against
you, and straightaway
ye shall find a donkey--
It said, "ass" right here.
Mabel, don't that say, "ass?"
No, that's an ass right there.
I know how to spell ass,
S-A-S-S. That's a red
ass right there in the Bible.
Ass in red.
It say ass.
Well that must be
the King James version.
That's the only version I
read, honey, is the KJV.
All right then, read.
And ye shall find a donkey--
- Ass.
- --tied.
Yes.
--and a colt with her.
Loose them, and
bring them onto me.
Do you see what it's
saying, Sister Cherry?
Amen.
Do you see what it's
saying Sister Bam?
I'm looking.
[laughing]
Miss Madea!
Girl, what just happened
to him, make him do that?
[laughing]
Mabel, he finna preach.
Nah, nah, nah.
That's the first
sign of a stroke.
Y'all better get him over
there in two lane, help
him see the sing or something.
What God showed me--
Girl, he's so dramatic,
like [inaudible]..
--was sometimes
he will allow you--
All right now,
come on, pastor.
--to be tied into something--
[humming]
--that only Jesus--
[SINGING] Jesus.
--can call you out of.
[SINGING] Oh yeah.
[SINGING] Just like my wife.
[SINGING] Just like your wife.
[SINGING] She was
tied into something.
[SINGING] Yeah.
- [SINGING] But Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --he
called her out of it.
Won't he do it?
- Yes he'll do it now.
- Won't he do it?
- He'll do it baby.
Won't he do it?
Yes he will!
[laughing]
Woo!
[laughing]
CHERRY: Yes, sir!
Yes, sir.
Woo!
Do it!
Yes he'll do it.
Yes!
Yes.
What just happened, honey?
I don't--
She hit him with the Bible.
And he's doing the electric
boogaloo and bouncing off?
About to tear that chair up.
He better not do it.
Reverend, I'm sorry.
I don't understand
nothing y'all just said.
All you been doing is bucking
and jumping and flipping
and she hit me with the Bible.
Please make it plain for me.
Give me the Joel Osteen
version so I can understand.
[laughing]
Miss Madea--
Yes.
REVEREND: --what God showed me
was that sometimes he'll allow
you to be tied into things--
You said that.
--that only Jesus
can call you out of.
You said that too.
You see my wife was
tied into something--
Oh, you didn't say that.
--and Jesus told
me to go un-tie it.
That's good.
[laughing]
Mabel?
[laughing]
[inaudible]
That ain't in here nowhere.
It say, "Go into the village."
His wife wasn't in no village.
What the hell--
Bring it, bring it, bring it.
Oh.
Oh.
Nah, Reverend.
Oh, Reverend.
You read that, you thought
that meant merry her?
Yes!
No.
[laughing]
I look at that and I get a whole
other interpretation of that.
Oh?
Yeah, I don't go to no church.
Can I try my hand at it?
Go ahead.
MADEA: You know I ain't
no Christian, Reverend.
You ain't gonna get offended?
- No.
Now you know you Christians
get real offended when somebody
try to challenge your theology.
You sure you're
not going to get--
No, no, Miss Madea, no.
Can I try my hand at it?
REVEREND: Come on.
You sure?
REVEREND: Come on with it.
OK.
Read.
Oh.
[laughing]
Saying unto them, going into
the village over against you,
and straight away ye
shall find a donkey--
Ass tied
--and a colt with her.
Lose them and bring
them on to me.
May the Lord have the
blessing through the reading of
the hearing of His holy word.
You may be seated in the
presence of God [inaudible]..
Thank you, deacons.
Thank you ushers.
You may be seated.
[laughing]
Now, Reverend, you
just did something
that's typical of
a lot of Christians
that really bothers me.
A lot of Christian do.
Not all of 'em,
but a lot of them.
They go to this holy
word, this Bible,
and they try to find a scripture
and make it bend around what
they want it to bend
around, rather than leaving
it in its proper context.
See if you go into
[inaudible] the text properly,
the first thing you
need to understand
is that you have to be able
to rightly divide the word.
See you started it at verse two.
It says, "Saying unto them."
All I know is somebody's talking
and I know it's two people.
I don't know nothing
else about it.
So for the sake of
understanding verse two,
I'd like to back up to chapter
21 verse one if you don't mind.
Mmm hmm.
MADEA: Chapter 21 verse
one reads as follows,
"And when they drew
nigh unto Jerusalem,
and were come to Bethpage
onto the mount of Olives,
then sent Jesus two disciples.
AUNT BAM: Yep.
MADEA: Verse two,
the verse you started
with, "Saying onto them."
Now I know it's Jesus
talking, and it's two
disciples is who he talking to.
What he said to them
was, "Go into the village
over against you,
and straightway
you shall find an
ass," or a donkey,
whatever you want to call it,
depending on how hold you are.
If you so holy your lips
can't say "ass," then
I don't know what to tell you.
"Got unto the village
over against you
a straightway you shall find an
ass tied and a colt with her.
Loose them and
bring them unto me."
Mmm hmm.
Now if you want to understand
the mysteries of what's going
on and the mysteries
of the Bible,
you have to pay very
close attention to what
is happening in the text.
The first thing I notice
here is Jesus is being very
specific in his instruction.
He's telling the two disciples
to go to a particular village
and get a particular donkey with
a little donkey tied up to it.
He needed that particular
one, not any of them.
I wonder why Jesus didn't
just say, come forward,
and all the donkeys
would of came forward.
He's the Christ.
He's got all power in his hand.
Why would he have to go get
this particular special donkey?
Why did he need this one?
Well, as I pondered
that thought,
I found my ass over
at Zachariah 9:9.
Go on over there, babe.
OK.
[laughing]
Zachariah 9:9 says, "Rejoice
greatly, O daughter of Zion,
old daughter of Jerusalem.
Shout, behold your
King cometh unto thee.
He is just having salvation
lowly, and riding upon an ass
and upon a colt and
the foal of an ass."
See, so what that tells
me is that Zachariah
had prophesied this moment about
Jesus coming into Jerusalem.
What was so special
about this moment?
He was coming in to go to
cavalry into the crucifixion.
They were going to throw
palms down at its feet.
So he had to have
a special donkey.
He had to have a pure donkey.
Zachariah had already prophesied
about this donkey that
was tired of waiting for him.
So Jesus knew in that
moment, thousands of years
later, that that was
the donkey that he
needed, a special donkey, a
pure donkey, a holy donkey.
This is what I love about it.
The donkey was a virgin.
Strike one against your wife.
Let's go deeper.
Oh.
[laughing]
MADEA: See earlier you said that
you told Jesus she was the one.
Well here in the text, Jesus
is telling the disciples
which one is the one.
You got to be careful when
you get things out of order
and start telling God
what God is supposed
to do when God
should be telling you
what you are supposed to do.
- Yeah.
See, what happens is,
Reverend, you will go over
there and untie something
that's not supposed to be
untied because you wanted it.
Well I think what happened
is, you saw that ass.
You wanted to ride that
ass, but it wasn't yo ass.
Wasn't yours!
[laughing]
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't your ass.
[SINGING] It wasn't ya ass.
[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
That wasn't you ass!
Wasn't you ass.
- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't you ass.
- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your--
[SINGING] That wasn't you ass.
[laughing]
[SINGING] Wasn't yours.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your--
[SINGING] That wasn't--
[SINGING] Wasn't your ass!
AUNT BAM: I felt that!
Hey!
[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
Ooh, it wasn't yo ass.
We'll be here all week.
[laughing]
Look, he mad.
[laughing]
He mad.
Hold on, Reverend.
You said you wasn't gonna get--
I say, he's so mad, right, he
about to throw olive oil on me.
Don't throw some
oil on me, Reverend.
I'm gonna fire some chicken.
Now listen to me, Reverend.
He so mad.
Look at-- listen
to me, Reverend.
Before your wife died she
told me to look after you.
I said, if I see him
around, I talk to him,
but I ain't going
up in that church.
Listen to me.
She said, you a good man, and
I know the pastor need more
prayer than anybody
in church if you
gonna stand there and
[inaudible] all them people.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
Reverend, look at me.
I'm gonna tell you this.
Everybody in your church
is not lying to you.
Watch that girl.
He's so mad he
can't even hear me.
Sister Cherry, thank you
for inviting me for dinner.
Miss Bam.
You don't want to know
the title of my sermon?
No.
It's called, loose
that ass and let her go.
[applause]
Sister Cherry, thank you for
inviting us over for dinner,
but I am sick and tired of
people having conversations
about who I'm married to.
Oh, Reverend, I'm sorry,
but you know how Madea can be.
Come on, let me go show you
where you gonna be sleeping.
Man, you know I ain't
sleeping in there.
Anyway, uh, where the money
at you say your dad got?
I changed my mind, Reuben.
I can't take that money.
Girl, we owe Wiley
a lot of money.
That's cause you
won't stop using.
I don't smoke by myself.
At least I'm trying
to stop, Reuben.
No, no, no.
Don't, I'm trying
to stop, Reuben, me.
The only reason I'm over
here is because you said you
was going to get me the money.
Now where is it?
My dad needs that money.
We need the money.
It's for the building
fund for church.
And they been trying
to raise that money
for the roof for years.
Look, I don't care, OK.
You want me to tell your daddy
his daughter's a junkie and she
about to drop out of school?
Reuben, you need to calm down.
Nah.
You better get that money,
and you better get it tonight.
Where you going?
I'm going to find
my own room, man.
I ain't got time
to play with you.
LEAH: Reuben!
REUBEN: And look, if
you don't get the money,
this little fairy tale is over.
LEAH: Reuben.
REUBEN: Oh, hey, Netta.
Hey.
Man, what you cooking?
What you doing?
Get off of me.
- OK!
OK!
- You tripping.
All right.
All right.
Look, um-- look,
um, your dad left
some money for me
and your sister,
you know, for the wedding.
You know where it's at?
Nah, I don't know
nothing about no money.
Come on now.
Netta, you know where it's at.
If Jacob told you
about the money,
call him and ask
him where it is.
OK.
Bro.
You're all uptight and stuff.
You ain't gotta--
Cause you tripping.
Oh, come on now.
Ain't nobody tripping.
Stop!
Move.
- What you mean, stop?
- Stop!
Girl, you been
looking at me all day.
Reuben, stop it!
No I haven't!
- Why you acting like that?
- Stop.
Get off of me, Reuben!
- Come here.
What you mean, get off?
NETTA: Stop!
REUBEN: Come here.
NETTA: What are you doing!
REUBEN: Come here.
What's the matter?
Miss Latimore, look, uh,
she-- she keep coming on to me.
She keep coming on to me.
I keep telling her
I'm with her sister.
She coming on to me.
Girl, wait a minute.
I did not raise a whore!
Mama, he was doing that to me.
Shut up.
You're lying.
You're lying, Netta.
- I'm not lying.
CHERRY: Yes you are, missy!
Cause I don't--
[inaudible]
What's going on?
I told you!
I'm sick of this girl!
That is your sister, Netta!
Mama, I didn't do nothing.
You know what,
girl-- you know what?
Just get out of my house.
Get out of my house, girl.
Get out my house.
You go stay with your
trifling daddy.
That's what you do.
That's my baby!
You understand?
You gonna do this to this him?
NETTA: You're
spying on me, Mama!
CHERRY: Get of the house!
Get out of my house, Netta!
NETTA: Mama!
You get your stuff
and get out of my house!
[inaudible]
Just stop talking to me.
NETTA: It isn't true.
CHERRY: You get out of my house!
Get out of here, girl.
[interposing voices]
Netta, you get your stuff
and you get out of my house!
Reuben.
Reuben, baby, I am so sorry.
Oh, nah.
It's-- it's all right, ma'am.
- I'm sorry, baby.
- No.
It's OK.
It's all right.
CHERRY: Leah.
Leah, baby, I'm sorry.
Oh, Leah.
Your mama's embarrassed!
REUBEN: No.
Nah.
Don't be embarrassed, ma'am.
Don't be embarrassed.
What happened?
What you mean, what happened?
What you do to her?
I told you!
Nothing.
My sister didn't do nothing.
Cause I stopped her.
You know she been liking
me for the longest, man.
I'm not playing, Reuben!
REUBEN: Hold on!
Hold on!
Who you hollering at like that?
Huh?
You calling me a liar?
I'm just saying.
No, no.
Where the money at?
I'm not giving it to you now.
You ain't giving it to me.
Girl, it you don't
give me that money--
if you don't give the money,
I will break your neck.
You hear me?
Hmm?
Now go get the money!
Now!
NOAH: Netta!
Uh uh, not right now, Noah.
Netta, wait!
No.
Noah, leave me alone.
Wait!
No, I don't want
to talk right now.
Hold on, Netta.
What's the matter?
My mom put me
out of the house.
Why she do that?
Cause she hates me.
No she doesn't.
Yes she does.
Listen to me, Netta.
I know you don't
care for me much,
and I have seen how she
be treating you sometime.
You have?
Yes!
And it just hurt
my heart because I
know you're a good person!
Ah, Netta, don't cry!
You know what I do
when I see her treating
you like this sometimes?
What?
I pray for you.
Thank you.
That's what I say.
I say, thank you.
What?
I tell God, thank you.
Netta, I know it's
working out for you
good, because I
can remember going
through all kinds of things.
And it didn't get better
till I stated telling God,
thank you for every situation
that I was going through!
[applause]
And that's why I say--
[SINGING] Master in
Heaven, God of all--
all things.
Here I help pray
down on bended--
bended knees.
Sometimes I'm so lost--
lost in sin, heavy
heart, broken within.
Sometime you say go on after
it, and I know I went right.
But what I know for sure
is that he loves me,
and we're gonna win--
win this fight!
[applause]
I thank you for the blessings.
Lord, I thank you for the pain.
Thank you for the sunshine,
Lord, I thank you for the rain.
Thank you when I'm up,
thank you when I'm down.
Thank you for my good days,
oh, when Hell is all around.
But I know is he worthy.
Said no matter what you
and I are going through,
what I know, he still--
he still God.
Jesus [inaudible] and
the name-- name is true.
Well I know he can help
us, help us right now.
And I know he will see us--
see us through this.
And I stand, lost in the storm.
I still got joy.
I still got happiness.
Oh!
I thank you for the blessing.
Lord, I thank you for the pain.
Ooh wee.
Thank you for the sunshine,
Lord, I thank you for the rain.
Thank you when I'm up,
thank you when I'm down.
Thank you for my good days,
oh when Hell is all around.
Lord, I thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Ooh wee.
Lord, I thank you,
thank you, thank you
in the middle of a storm,
in the middle of a rain.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be OK.
So hold on a little
while longer.
I know you will turn it around.
Won't he do it?
Won't he do it?
Yes he will.
Yes he will.
I know he will.
Yes he will.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[music playing]
[applause]
[music playing]
You have to stop texting me.
Well ever since
you been here, you
don't call me as much, Jacob.
I can't answer the phone.
This house is small.
Cherry sees every
damn thing that I do.
You gotta relax.
I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just that all of a
sudden every little thing
that he does, it's starting
to irritate me, Jacob.
I can't do this anymore.
You're not enjoying
being the first lady?
Do I look like I belong
in some church lady hat?
[laughing]
Well, you look good in
whatever you have on, baby.
Jacob, stop.
I told you I can't
do this anymore.
Baby, just be patient
one more weekend.
OK?
We'll put this money away,
then we can move in together,
maybe go somewhere.
Man, $30,000.
That's the perfect amount for
us to start our lives over.
Can we go to LA?
I always wanted to go to LA.
It's whatever you want.
All right?
LA it is.
Now you absolutely
sure that Raymond's
not going to notice all the
money missing out that account,
right?
Nah, he never checks his
special project account.
He's so bad with
money it's ridiculous.
Well why can't we
just go now today?
Just give me one more month.
One more month.
A month!
A month, Jacob?
I can't do another month.
All right, look.
I got to go.
That big man-looking
woman gets up early.
[laughing]
Yeah I can't stand her either.
[phone ringing]
Hey, baby.
REVEREND: Hey, baby.
Where are you?
Um, I stopped
at my mom's house.
REVEREND: Oh yeah?
How she doing?
- She's good.
She's good.
Along as I give
her here medicine.
REVEREND: Oh that's good.
Good.
Cause you know I haven't spoken
to your mother in a while.
Do you think I can speak to her?
You want to talk to her?
REVEREND: Yeah.
Right now?
REVEREND: Yeah, why not?
Uh, she asleep.
REVEREND: Oh, OK.
She still in the bed huh?
Mmm hmm.
Uh, OK, baby.
Well I'll see you later, OK?
REVEREND: No.
You'll see me now.
So this what you
do behind my back?
After all I've done for you?
Raymond.
And man, I trusted you.
And you do this to me?
Raymond, listen.
Raymond, what have
you done for me?
You take me to that church
full of messy people.
Jacob is good for me.
I'm sorry, Raymond.
[SINGING] What made you think
you could treat me this way?
What made you think that
this behavior is OK?
I want to tell you something.
[SINGING] You're gonna reap
everything that you put out.
It's gonna come back on you,
for breaking these vows.
You're gonna reap
everything you're doing now.
You're gonna reap all this
hell you're raining down.
You're gonna reap
everything that you put out.
It's gonna come back on you
for breaking these vows.
You know I love you.
I fought so hard to
have you in my life.
And how dare you do this to me?
You're supposed to be my wife.
There's gonna come a day
that you will realize,
you let a good thing go because
of lies and weak alibis.
I hope that God
has mercy on you.
He's not a man
that would lie.
I read my Bible
and his word is true.
Whatever you sow will
come back to you--
to you.
You gonna reap everything
you're doing now.
You're gonna reap all this
hell you're bringing down..
It's gonna come back on you.
[applause]
And I'm sitting up there in
the window, watching 'em, Bam.
I saw it.
I saw it right there.
- Oh, you already know?
- I saw it.
The reverend walk up to
them and [inaudible],
talking about,
[inaudible] mama's house
up there, send me a line.
And the reverend
said [inaudible]..
That's what he said.
He sure did, Mabel.
But you oughta
be offended, Bam.
Oh-- why would I be offended.
He said that big man
looking woman get up early.
That all-- that should have
hurt your feelings, Bam.
[scoffing]
That didn't hurt
my feelings at all.
Why would I be offended, Mabel?
Who else was he
talking about, Bam?
Who else would he be calling
a big man looking woman?
Yes.
I really don't know.
I just really don't know.
I didn't think you did.
No.
[laughter]
Mabel.
Mabel.
Oh, this is so good.
This is good.
But I gotta be careful.
You can't tell
ger right away.
You know she'd get upset and
run out here to the mall.
- Sure do.
- So ease it out there, too.
Every time.
But see, Mabel, this is
what God does for me.
He never leaves me in the dark.
He always speaks to me.
He speaks to me in a
very still, small voice.
Sometimes he just say--
- Miss Bam?
I sure hope that's
the Lord calling you home
right now 'cause
I'm so sick of you
doing that and this and this.
And-- come over here, boy.
Who is that?
That Noah.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, baby.
What you want, boy?
Hey.
Have y'all seen Netta?
Oh, no, baby.
Well, she's probably
upstairs asleep, right?
No, she ain't upstairs.
How you know?
Because she slept at my house.
[laughs] Booty call!
Bam, honey.
That boy don't know
nothing about no booty.
He--
And I'm saved.
Well, praise the Lord.
But, listen, I got
to ask you this.
Why was Netta at your
house last night?
Miss Cherry put
Netta out and Netta
didn't have nowhere to go.
- I know you lying.
Cherry did not put
up out of this house.
- No, ma'am.
- Hm, hm, hm, hm.
Cherry, where is Netta?
- What are you doing here, son?
- He looking for Netta.
- Looking for Netta.
- She is not here.
Where is she at?
Look, this is family business.
Go on home, young man.
We asked you a question.
I'm not talking
in front of him.
Lord have mercy.
Listen, baby.
I need you do me a favor.
She not going to
talk in front of you.
I need you take this 20
and go over there please
and find pretty Ricky.
He's over there on the corner
of Florida and Desire Street.
Give me that.
Give me that money.
He got the Lord's
name [inaudible]..
He was looking for the--
[inaudible] all about it.
Here.
He said--
Got to have that boy in
the middle of a drug deal,
tell me not to mess with him.
He ain't even going know
what he over there to get.
[laughs] I'm sorry.
Cherry.
What?
Did she just "what" you?
Yes, she did.
That remind of the
time Cora "whatted" me.
What did you do?
I punched her in the
throat so hard she said,
[SINGING] take me to the king.
I want some onion rings.
Cherry.
Momma, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm sorry.
It's just been a long night.
But I'm going to
take this to Jesus.
- What happened, girl?
- You know what?
Netta just like her daddy.
She always starts
some messes, Momma.
I told her to go upstairs
to change her clothes.
She going to say, why I
got to change my clothes?
I said, because we got people
coming over here, Netta.
- Yes.
- I say, well, girl.
She say, well, Leah
[inaudible] man.
Ain't got nothing to do
with her clothes being on.
And then I told her,
I said, you know what?
Cherry!
What did she do?
I know you not
getting mad at her,
'cause that's the
same thing you do
to me when I'm talking to you.
- [inaudible]
That.
Yes.
What she do, girl?
She was up late last night.
She made a pass at
Liz's fiancee, Momma,
and I put her out.
[inaudible]
That don't sound
like Netta to me.
I saw it with my
own eyes, Momma.
What did you see, girl?
I came back in
this house and she
was right here on top of him.
Did he-- did
she push him down?
Did she pull him on top of her?
Which one was it?
Madea, what difference
does that make?
The difference is when you
have a preconceived notion
about somebody, you see what
the hell you want to see,
rather than seeing what the
truth really is.
That's number one.
Number two, you better take that
damn tone out your voice
before you lose your tongue
up in this piece.
You are
obviously not mature enough
to understand that.
I am mature, Madea.
And I saw what I saw, right?
Momma, I don't feel
like talking about this.
You better get your daughter.
I'm getting ready
to bust on her head.
The Reverend is on his way
over here to counsel my baby.
And I'm not up for this mess.
Cherry, Mabel,
y'all wait a minute.
Cherry, listen, baby.
I'm not trying to upset you.
I'm just saying it don't
sound like Netta to me.
OK, Momma, so you just going
to tell me what I saw, huh?
No, I'm not trying to
tell you what you saw.
I'm just--
Apologize to your Momma.
Apologize to your Momma!
I'm sorry, Momma.
Ain't no fear and
trembling in there.
Put some fear and
trembling in it.
I-- I'm sorry.
Now hold onto your wig
before this thing pull it off.
Thank you, Mabel.
Now say you're sorry again.
I'm sorry, Momma.
OK?
But it just seems like you
always taking up for Netta.
That because I have to.
Why, Momma?
- 'Cause you treat her so bad.
- I do not.
I don't even live
here and I see it.
Madea, you right.
You're not here everyday.
So you don't know what
that girl put me through.
Like you ain't never put
this woman through nothing?
Shall we go down memory lane?
Oh, tell it.
72 hours worth of labor.
Oh.
Your hair came out on--
On a Tuesday.
Your stomach came out on--
Thursday.
And then your little
feet came out on--
It was Sunday evening.
It was about 7:30 at night.
Bam.
I said--
I--
I say 72 hours.
That ain't no damn 72 hours.
Three days, Mabel.
Three--
Consecutive.
Consecutive days, hell.
Oh, one, two, three.
Yes.
That's 104 days I was here.
I said 72 hours.
Oh, Mabel.
That's too much.
That's all right.
Broke your Momma heart, but you
got pregnant at 15-years-old,
didn't you?
- All right.
I got pregnant, Madea.
But I made something
of myself, too.
I got my degree.
And you know why you was
able to get that degree?
Why, Madea?
'Cause of this
woman right here.
Picture frame.
Um, because of what now?
- Cherry, don't do this.
- No, ma'am.
No offense, Momma.
But I did that by myself.
Lord have mercy.
Cherry, how you think
you did it that by yourself
if I was watching your child?
Right.
Momma, you watched
that girl a few times.
I-- Cherry when did five
years equal a few times?
Hush your mouth, Bam.
Hush your mouth.
Let me tell you something.
You ain't got to explain
nothing to her 'cause, baby,
you got it twisted.
Something is wrong
with your brain.
You don't understand
this, do you?
A grandparent don't have no
obligation to your child.
Do you understand?
Thank you.
That's part of [inaudible].
Anything they do
is a gift and you
ought to respect it and
appreciate it like it's a gift.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
Yeah.
You got the degree
behind you, there wasn't
nothing good enough for you.
Neighborhood wasn't
good enough for you.
Your family wasn't good--
walked out on Wills.
Just walked out on Willis.
Thought she was trading up.
Now she's about
to get traded out.
Walked out on Willis.
Willis was a good man.
That was a good man to you.
Willis was a real good man.
Willis was not
a good man, Madea.
Willis was a good man.
Lord, Willis was
not a good man.
Yes, he was.
Madea, Willis
was not a good man.
We all slept with him.
You what?
Momma, what is
she talking about?
Cherry, Cherry,
Cherry, don't do that.
Don't call my name for nothing.
I did not sleep with
no Willis, honey.
He slept with me.
Momma!
Bam, hush.
Hush.
Ain't nobody slept
with ole rusty Willis.
Hell.
- Shut up.
All that oil up
under his fingernails.
Ain't nobody sleep
with no Willis.
Right.
Cherry, I'm just--
baby, look, now I--
I did not sleep
with your husband.
What I'm trying to
do is just lighten
the load for what I've really
got to talk to you about.
Go on, tell her, honey.
Just tell her.
Cherry, listen.
Let me tell you something.
If-- if you don't
remember nothing else
your Momma tell you, you
remember this, please.
Baby, you reap what you sow.
And so when you--
Momma, girl.
What--
Girl?
Girl?
And-- and flipped you off.
She said girl and--
- And girl.
--and flipped you off.
Bam, she just say, girl,
and flipped you off.
But you ain't feeling to get up
and knock the hell out of her?
Now, Mabel, I'm not
going to do her like that.
I'm going to let God get her.
God take too long
sometime, honey.
I've got to get it right away.
Yeah.
Well, she-- believe me.
She done got God.
I promise you that I can't do
it like what's been done to her.
Cherry, listen.
Let me put it to
you this way, baby.
It's-- [laughs]
- [inaudible]
- Yeah.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Jacob is hoeing round on you.
OK?
He hoeing round on
you 'cause he's a ho.
Now flicky flicky that, girl.
Wait a minute.
Uh uh, no.
You ain't got to sit in
here and lie on Jacob just
to be mean and hateful to me.
I'm not going to sit here and
listen to you do it either.
I am going to the mall.
Lord, I tell you.
Is you always run
out here to the mall.
That what she do.
Run to the mall and don't
never bring nothing back.
That's 'cause she can't
afford nothing down there,
Canal Place.
She better go over there
to Esplanade where she can
afford something up in there.
You better hope they reopen
Lake Forest or something.
I don't know what
they do.
Bam, you know good and
well that Netta did
not make a pass at that boy.
No.
That ain't-- that don't
sound like Netta at all.
It's that boy.
- Yeah.
And I don't like it.
Well, you have to act
like you like it, Bam.
Mabel, why would I
like I like that boy.
You don't
understand this, baby.
Baby, if your child come
in the house with somebody
you don't like, you have
to act like you like them.
Because if you don't, your child
will fall deeper and deeper
in love with that person.
You're right.
So you have to sit
there, smile, and like, hi.
[fake laughs] Hi.
Oh, that's a nice
tattoo on your face.
Yes.
[fake laughs] Oh, wow.
When did you get out?
[fake laughs]
[no audio]
That's what I do.
[fake laughs] I show
you how to do it.
OK.
So you stay cool
with your family.
So you got to do it.
[fake laughs]
- [fake laughs]
That's it.
Be cool.
Just be cool.
[fake laughs] Be cool.
You'll see.
What-- what we
doing back over here?
I can't just leave.
I don't want to be over here.
Reuben, my parents would
be so mad if I leave.
Babe, we got to
get out of here.
We can't.
Let's just get our
stuff and let's go.
No.
Did-- did you hear me?
I can't, Reuben.
Come on.
- All right.
OK.
Calm down.
But, you know, we
can't be in here
when all this stuff come out.
Where's my sister?
Why did you do that to her?
Oh, don't start that.
My parents are going to
kill me when they find out.
No they ain't.
There they are.
There they are.
Come in, Lucy.
It's Leah.
That's what I said.
Come sit right here, Linda.
Oh, Grandma.
We'll be right back.
We going upstairs to change.
You two be quiet and
come sit right here, Lulu.
We were just going--
We'll be right back, Grandma.
We just going to
change our clothes.
No, y'all come on sit down
while I'm talking to you.
Com on.
Sit down.
Sit down here.
- Yeah, Lisa.
Sit down, son.
Sit down.
Sit down.
- Yes, ma'am.
We were just going to
change our clothes.
Ooh, don't grab on
her like that, son.
Don't grab her like that.
[fake laughs] Sit down, son.
Sit down, son.
- Yes, ma'am.
Sit down.
Sit down.
We want to talk to y'all.
Well, we were just going to--
And you still
grabbing on her, son.
Didn't I-- didn't I tell
you about the grabbing?
Didn't I tell you
not to grab on her?
Grab on her again.
Grab on her again.
OK.
Mabel.
What?
[fake laughs]
I forgot.
[fake laughs] Sit down here.
The old people want to talk
to you, sit down and talk.
You could learn something.
How are you doing
in school, baby.
Oh, I'm doing so good.
[laughs]
[laughs] You know what?
You sure are twitching a lot.
Oh, we be-- you--
you know, I always had a lot
of nervous energy, Grandma.
Yeah.
Crackheads have
nervous energy, too.
They can't sit still at all.
Crack-- [laughs nervously]
Ain't nobody on no crack.
I know, right?
[laughs nervously]
How you doing in school, son?
Oh, he's doing real good.
He must be in ventriloquist
school. 'Cause I asked him
a question, your mouth loud.
How you doing in school, son?
I'm doing-- I'm
doing good, ma'am.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Here, listen.
Did you know your Momma putting
Netta out of this house?
No.
She put her out of his house.
I didn't know that.
- Y'all didn't know that?
- No.
Where you been?
Who?
We-- we've been out
looking for Netta.
Sure was.
You was out looking
for her before you
knew she was put out?
- Mhm.
- We ain't see Netta--
- No, that's that new dumb.
I can't deal with that.
I can't deal with that at all.
This is about to
work on my nerves.
Mabel, [fake laughs].
Ha-ha, hell.
I'm done with that.
I'm done with it.
All right.
Now look here, boy, you
come up in this house--
Leah, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
This boy lying on you.
Sister talking about
she made a pass at him.
That's a flat out lie.
You know your Momma and
her don't get along,
and you going to let him
come up in here and lie.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Boy, why you lying?
Tell Cherry the truth so
that girl can come on home.
Stop all this lying.
I ain't no liar.
Why are you standing up, son?
This is what the police
call an offensive posture.
Sit down, son.
I ain't no liar.
Son?
Son?
I ain't no liar.
And he walking
up on me, Jesus.
No, she done hit me
in the head when I first
came to-- put me on the sofa.
Look, the girl came
at me, all right?
I'm getting out of here.
She saw me and she wanted me.
You-- look, look.
You see me, and
you see this body.
Guess what?
Lady, you just going to
have to deal with it.
How about that?
Throwing me down and stuff.
Reuben!
Girl, if you don't shut--
[gunshot]
[screams]
How the hell you going
to run through the wall?
Come back to the house.
Go through the door.
Now, son, which one of
these little nasty fingers
you did to put on my head?
Which one of them was it?
- I-- I didn't--
Which one was it?
This one right here?
[screams]
Girl, if you don't
stop all that screaming
and the police come over here,
I'm going to pistol whip you.
That wasn't me.
That wasn't you screaming?
No, ma'am.
Bam, was that you screaming?
Oh, Mabel, please.
Honey, I ain't screamed down
like that in a long time.
- [inaudible]
- No, please.
Please.
- Calm down, sonny.
Calm down.
You just going to get shot.
Calm down.
It's just going to be--
it's just a bullet.
It's just a bullet, son.
Calm down.
I thought you was a thug.
I thought you was hard.
I though you was a thug.
Calm down.
Calm down.
[screams]
That's him.
[screams]
Yes!
[laughs]
Screaming like a little bitch.
Get up, boy.
Bam--
Uh uh.
Mabel, what's that?
Oh, no, no.
Ah, these kids done
brought drugs in my house.
Don't you smoke weed?
I got a 'scription.
Thank you.
Bam, you know what is this?
What is it, Mabel?
Sit down, girl.
This-- this is that
crystal methapplication.
I don't know why you all
tripping and go with this.
People make this stuff up in
the kitchen, in the woods,
and all this stuff.
Y'all going to get-- what
the hell wrong with y'all.
I don't even understand this.
We didn't have this
back in my day here.
Girl, how long you been
on this stuff, girl?
Just three months.
Every time you ask a
drug addict a question,
you can expect the first
answer to be a lie.
How long you been on it?
Six months.
Oh, a year.
Who introduced you to it?
Reuben.
Damn, I wouldn't want
to rob a bank would you.
Lord have mercy.
Told it all.
You ain't even wait for
the first call there.
You just went for I, didn't you?
How long you been
on this stuff, boy?
Just a year, mam.
Just-- OK.
Three years.
I'm looking for
something to wipe my face.
Calm the hell down.
Three years you've been on it?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Can't get off of it.
- No.
- Like a monkey on your back?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Destroying your life?
- Yes.
- Dropped out of school?
- Yes.
Her, too?
Yes.
- Lying to get it.
- Yes.
Stealing to get it?
Yes.
Doing anything
to get this stuff?
Yes.
Do you love her, son?
I do.
Yes.
I mean, do you
really love her?
I-- yes, ma'am.
I do.
Well, if you loved
her, why the hell
would you introduce her
to something that's doing
all of them things to you.
Does that make any sense to you?
No.
When you love somebody, you
protect them from something.
You don't happen to go drag
up in there all with you.
Do you understand?
- Yes.
I don't know where
your family is.
I don't know your
mommy, your daddy.
I don't care none of that.
None of that matters to me.
But we fixing to separate you
from this child right here.
Somebody going to
have to help you.
We going to help our own.
You going to have to
bounce on down the road.
'Cause soon as your
Momma come up here,
girl, you going to tell
her you're on that stuff.
Miss Madea, I
can't tell my mom!
I got nine million reasons in
this purse say you're telling.
When she walk in the door,
you going to tell her.
But first, before you tell her,
you going to go back and get
on that computer and you
going to get on the interline,
and you going to go and
see if you can find--
find a place to go for
rehab-- rehabitation.
Yeah.
You understand?
Yes, mam.
Get on the interline.
Bam, that computer
work back there?
Yeah.
That computer work back there.
Good, good, good.
Mine work at home, too.
You got a waffle, Bam?
Mabel, I'm so sorry, honey.
I ate all the waffles.
Wasn't but two left with all
these people in my house.
They just--
- Bam.
Bam.
Bam, learn something.
You ain't got-- Lord.
What?
Bam, a waffle.
A waffle.
A waffle.
Mabel?
What?
I just told you--
I'm not talking about
no waffle that you eat.
What is you talking
about, honey.
I'm talking about two waffles.
You didn't hear me talking
about the interlines?
You need a waffle when you
on the interlines, honey.
Yes.
Learn something.
You ain't got no
damn sense at all.
What are you talking about?
You got no common sense.
No books-- a waffle.
A waffle.
hell.
When my-- [laughs] when the
cable man came to my house,
he put my cable in.
He told me he put a
waffle up in there for me
to get on the interlines.
You need a waffle, Bam.
Bam, learn something.
So ignorant.
Don't know nothing.
I don't know how to
tell you, waffle.
Damn.
[laughs]
Can't stand talking
to ignorant people.
I been trying to tell
y'all [inaudible] nothing.
You-- you mean a Wi-Fi?
What?
A Wi-Fi?
[laughs]
That's what I said, waffle.
Why are you trying
to say it so proper
like you grew up in Metairie?
Come on.
Get the hell on up out here.
Come on.
[upbeat music]
I know Momma ain't in here
on this washing machine.
Jacob!
Oh, my god!
Oh!
- Cherry!
Cherry, hold up.
Cherry, baby.
Cherry, wait.
Oh, my god.
[sobs]
Cherry, baby, listen.
I'm so sorry.
Cherry, listen.
I'm sorry you had to see that.
I'm sorry, Cherry.
Baby.
Baby, I'm sorry.
- Get off of me.
- Cherry, I'm sorry.
You get out of
my house, Jacob.
Baby, let's just
talk about this.
Let's just talk--
- Get out of my house.
Cherry, let's-- Cherry,
let's just talk about this.
Get your stuff and
you get out of my house.
Come on, baby.
I'm sorry.
Get out of my house, Jacob.
[pensive music]
[SINGING] One day you held
his hand a little too long.
One day you smiled at him and
I thought something was wrong.
Just because you managed
to get this far with my man.
There is something
want you to understand.
I was watching you
when he told me he
was going to be out all night.
I was watching you.
Don't you know that I am
his one and only wife?
I was watching
you on the stairs,
across the room from you two.
I was watching you.
I didn't miss a thing.
'Cause I was watching you.
[SINGING] I wanted to
tell you a long time ago.
I know you've been a real
friend to me and it hurts me so.
I can't help that we
fell so deeply in love.
He's what I've waited for.
This love is from
above and, ooh,
I was watching you when he told
you he was going to work late.
I was watching you
when he kissed you,
standing at your front gate.
I was watching you
when he touched me so
deeply in the late moonlight.
I was watching you when he came
home from being with me all
night.
How dare you think that
Standing in front of my face.
No.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
This is a disgrace.
[SINGING] Well,
from what I understand
you've been here before.
So what goes around,
it comes back around.
Now we're out that door.
[SINGING] I was watching you.
[SINGING] You
should know he loves me, too.
I was watching you.
[SINGING] That's where
you're wrong, little girl.
He's going to hurt you, too.
Yes, he will.
I was watching you.
[SINGING] You're not me.
So we shall see.
Oh, I was watching you.
Oh.
[SINGING] Then I guess we will
see because now Jacob is free.
[SINGING] Well, that's--
that's what I want him to be.
Look, I'm sorry all right?
I didn't want it
to end like this.
[SINGING] I never
said I was perfect.
I never meant to
hurt you, Cherry.
[SINGING] I just try to
live the best life I can.
I'll always love you.
[SINGING] So
many times wounded.
And I'll go pack my bags.
[SINGING] So many times
heart broken by a man.
He knew that I loved him.
That man, that man,
he knew that I cared.
He knew I would
have died for him.
And now he's gone.
And I'm alone.
And that just ain't fair.
God knows I've tried
to be a good wife.
I know I did the
best that I could.
Yes.
I gave him my heart and my soul.
As he knew that I would.
I gave him the best
years of my life.
Now look at me, sitting
here, oh, buried in pain,
drowning in strife,
wondering what will happen
in the rest of my life.
So look at me now,
so down in despair.
But now I realized
what I did wrong.
I gave him too much of me.
Yes, I did.
And then he left me.
He left me full of hope.
But, God, I know I
tried to be a good wife.
God knows I did the
best that I could.
Yeah.
I gave him my heart and
then I gave him my soul.
As he knew-- that man knew
that I would..
But God, but God, will
you please forgive me
as I pull myself on through.
I'll never-- I'll never
go with or look back..
No.
I'll go forward for
the rest of my life.
I never said I was perfect.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'll just try to live
the best life I can.
So many times-- so many
times I'm wounded, yes.
And so many times my heart's
been broken by a man.
But this is not what
my life will end up.
This is not where
my life will end up.
This is just a
new begining for me, yes it is.
God, with your help I'm gonna
find the way to heaven, yeah.
God, with
your hand I'll find a way.
Oh, I'll find a way
to get some peace.
MABEL: Who throwing
all these pillows and--
Bam, somebody throwing your
pillows all over the place.
BAM: Cherry?
Cherry, what's
the matter with you?
Oh, Madea, I don't feel
like talking about it.
Well, if you don't feel
like talking about it,
don't sit out here
in the common area.
Go on back to your
bedroom, somewhere else.
Cherry, wait a minute, baby.
What's wrong?
Mabel, she crying.
I don't like-- oh, baby.
I don't like to see
my baby cry like that.
Here, take two.
- Bam.
Take two.
Take two.
That's--
- Bam?
What, Mabel?
You forgot your canes.
[laughs]
Ooh.
I don't-- I don't even know how
I got over there without them.
I can't-- I can't
walk without them.
I need this.
What is wrong
with you, Cherry?
Madea, I just caught Jacob
and October in the garage.
And what you upset about?
I'm not supposed
to be upset, Madea?
Baby, if you go
take some apple seeds,
and you go in your own backyard,
and you plant them seeds.
And you out there and
water it every day,
a tree going to grow
up in your own yard.
Now why the hell would you
be mad if you walked out
in your own backyard and
there are apples on the tree
that you planted
in your own yard?
What are you talking about?
You was married and
that man was married.
Both y'all was married.
Cheating on your husband.
And he cheating on his wife.
Both y'all were cheating around.
And now it come back on you.
That's why I don't understand.
People think they can do things.
No, baby, it always finds
its way back into your life.
It may not come back
the way you did it,
but it sure-- the
Bible say this, honey.
Listen to me.
You get a few days on
this Earth and them days
are full of trouble.
Do you know what that mean?
Sometimes bad things just
happen to good people.
So the Bible say that
you have trouble,
why would you add more
trouble on by just going
and do random things
and have to have
them come back in your life?
- That's--
What you say?
That's not what happened?
- That's not what happened.
That's exactly
what happened, honey.
That's exactly what happened.
Own it.
Stop lying and own it.
I can't stand people who
won't take responsibility
for what they done did.
You did that here.
And his wife probably
was sitting there
crying, just like you did.
And both y'all Christian and
she's sitting there praying.
Who you think God
going to listen to?
He going to listen to
the one with the covenant
then who doing it the right way.
Do you understand?
Yes, ma'am.
Jacob, come on out here.
I saw him back there.
Every time I look at him
I want to save 15% or more
on my car insurance.
'Cause he's a lizard.
You got caught cold, huh?
Yeah.
Why you just didn't
tell this woman
you didn't want to be with her?
I didn't want to
hurt her feelings.
Oh, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Lot of men do that.
They don't want the feelings,
the woman's feelings.
So they just sit there and lie.
But let me tell you something
about a grown woman, son.
A fully grown woman.
Not no little girl trying to be
a woman, a full grown adult who
knows who she is, she would
rather you walk up to her
and tell her the
truth and let her
go through the hurt
and pain of getting
over it than to sit there and
be lied to for years and years.
And then one day she
find out you've been--
lying, although she felt it in
her gut all along.
Women know, sonny.
Just tell the truth.
Yeah, she might surpirse you.
You don't want to
hurt her feelings.
She might be like,
look, I'm so glad you
told me because I've
been messing around
with George for four years.
You hear what I'm
telling you, son?
Just tell the truth.
How old are you?
I'll be 45 in October.
In October.
Yep.
That'll do it.
Son, you ought to be old
enough to tell the truth.
Just tell the truth.
Listen to me.
And there ain't nothing
wrong with your truth.
I don't even know why grown
people don't understand this.
If you don't want to be with
that woman, that's fine.
You don't want to be with her.
Ain't nothing wrong
with that if that's
your truth in your heart, that
you don't want to be with her.
What's wrong with it
is when don't tell her.
You understand?
You take her options away from
her 'cause you don't tell her.
Tell her you don't
want to be with her.
Ain't nothing wrong.
Life is too short to
be sitting around--
and I'll be damned
if I will sit there
and beg somebody to be with me.
And life is too short.
You be sitting there,
begging somebody to stay,
and the person is
trying to get to you all
and he can't get
to you because you
still holding on to the fool
that don't want to be there.
Yeah
You better know
your self-worth.
I would sit in a
corner by myself
with a crayon and
a coloring book
and be happy, sitting
around waiting on somebody,
wondering what the hell
you in my house for.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
- Yes, ma'am.
- That's all right, son.
You hit that age.
You 45.
You think you
running out of time.
I know you feel like you've
got more years behind you
than you got in front of you.
And you can go out and run
after that little girl.
Think he's trying to
see if you still got.
A lot of men do that-- want
to see if they still got it.
Yeah, I still got it.
[laughter]
Just because you done
pulled that little girl
and she fine as hell.
And she is fine as hell.
Make you feel like
a man, don't it?
But I'm going to tell
you something, son.
That wasn't hard to do.
That girl got daddy issues.
She looking for a daddy.
That's why she keep going
from man to man to man.
And I can always spot a
woman who's got daddy issues
because they're never settled.
They're never happy
with nobody they have.
They keep moving--
and ain't nothing
a man can do for a
woman with daddy issue
until she figure
it out for herself.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
You sitting there thinking
you done did something, son.
Think you at the
end of the road.
You ain't at the end of the
road. You at a red light.
[laughter]
And pretty soon, she going
to be gone on to the next.
She going to be sold
to the highest bidder.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
I'm a tell you a story.
This is really a true
story. [MANLY VOICE]
This is really a true story.
[MIMICKING FEMININE VOICE]
This is a true story I'm
going to tell you now.
My grandmother
gave me this quilt.
The ugliest thing I
ever seen, something she
had made with all these rags.
I didn't want that.
I wanted me one of them nice,
new fleece quilts for $14.99.
You know the kind that if you
rub your legs together too fast
it will electrocute you
up under the blanket?
That's the kind I want.
[laughter]
I dogged that thing out.
I washed the car with
it, changed the oil,
put it on the ground.
I didn't care nothing
about that little quilt.
About 20 something years later,
I was walking past one of them
fancy antique
stores, and I looked
and I saw a quilt in the window
just like the one she made.
I said let me see how
much this thing is.
I walked up in
there to the lady.
I said, well, tell
me about this quilt.
The lady said, this was made
by an African-American woman
in 1800s.
She couldn't read or write,
but each patch in this quilt
represents something
that went on in her life.
This patch was from
the dress she was
wearing when she was a slave.
This patch was a dress she
was wearing when she was free.
This patch was when she jumped
the broom and got married.
All them patches said
something about her life.
And I asked that
woman how much it was.
She said it was $100,000.
Mabel.
I went home,
tore my damn house
up trying to find that quilt.
[laughter]
But I tell you what, it's
sad when somebody have
to come along and tell you
the value of something that's
already in your own house.
And you don't know it.
Do you understand what
I'm telling you, son?
You played football, didn't you?
You played football.
[laughter]
You out there running
after that little girl.
That little girl is a 14.99
quilt from the Dollar Store.
But you're leaving all the
value at home in the quilt
because you don't understand
what it's made of.
You can't even appreciate
the patches of hard work
that it took to get
to what you got.
But that's all right, son.
You don't want it?
That's fine.
Bye.
And, Cherry, you better
not shed one tear.
Do you understand?
You'd better not shed one tear.
If somebody don't
want you, let them go.
Sitting there begging
for nobody to stay.
You better not beg.
Do you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
I found her.
Found who?
Netta.
Oh, I forgot she
was in the play.
Baby, she'd been
back there too long.
[laughter]
You been back there too long.
I got to write you some more
lines or something..
Been been back there
since intermission, hell.
Do something else.
Come on help us out out
here with all these lines.
Oh hey, Reverend.
I ain't even see you come in.
You came in like the Holy Ghost.
How you doing?
Doing good.
How you been?
I know you to tell her about
that but that's all right
I told her while she was trying
to climb Jacob's ladder in the
garage. It's all right.
- Yeah.
- What you come by here for?
Came by to get the
building fund money.
Oh, they stole that money.
What?
Oh, Jacob and I told them.
Leah [inaudible],, y'all come
out here and tell the Reverend
y'all stole that money.
Come on, tell him.
Wait a minute, Madea.
Leah wouldn't take that money.
You want to bet?
Momma, that's been my good
child all her life, now.
Tell her, good child.
I took it.
Lea--
Reverend, sit down.
Sit down.
You better not let
them cuss words
come up out of your mouth.
I bind and rebuke him.
Compose yourself
like a man of God.
[laughter]
Now, why would you do that?
Because we have
a drug problem.
Oh my god, child.
The mall is closed.
The mall is closed.
Turn around.
You better deal with this today.
Go on and tell him what else.
I'm not in school, momma.
I've been lying.
Girl, all that money I've
been sending to you for books.
And I can't even get $20 to
sign up for online classes.
Netta, shut up.
Stop talking to
that child like that.
I told you that right now.
But, baby, this the wrong
time to bring up that $20.
We talking about drug addiction.
You talking about $20.
I know that's important
to you, honey.
But we talking about some
deep stuff right now.
Got to find the
priority, baby.
You can't just jump in
and throw your stuff
in there when we're talking
about something serious.
It's just $20, baby.
I could show you how to--
I could show you how to get $20.
I can show you how to get $20.
[laughter]
But--
What?
But in the meantime, just
take that $20 right there.
Your grandma just saved you
from shaking that thing, baby.
You getting ready to
shake that thing for $20.
Look, look, look, how the
Reverend looking at her.
Where's the money, boy?
You better tell him, Reverend.
He getting ready to
take your corn bread.
[laughter]
I gave it to my guy.
Reverend, Reverend,
you may as well just say
it because it's in your heart.
And God is looking
at your heart.
So he already know
what he's going to say.
He already know what
you fixing to say.
Say what?
That boy went out
there in that car.
And Jacob's so stupid,
he put the money
in the trunk of a Cadillac.
That boy went out there
and got the money.
And he ain't look-- you ain't
look closely at it, son.
Had you looked closely
at it, you would of
seen there was a 20 on
the top of the stack
and a 20 on the bottom.
But in the middle, it
was nothing but paper.
Yeah, that's the way I used to
pay my bills back in the day
before everything
went electronic.
[laughter]
You thought you gave him $30.
I got the $30,000 right in my--
I got the $18,000
right here in my bag.
[laughter]
Y'all don't understand.
Those dudes are going
to hurt me, though.
Well, you bout
to be hurt, son.
Go bounce, bounce, bounce.
Go get hurt.
All right, come on, Leah.
Let's go.
Come on.
I'm done with you.
Bye.
[applause]
You done with
him just like that?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, I accept that
because it's a play.
But in real life, it take a
long time to get over somebody.
[laughter]
It sure do.
Sit down between
your daughters.
Let me talk to y'all.
Sit down.
Reverend, come over here
and get this $14,000.
Take it on over
there to the church.
Let us sit down
next to you momma.
Reverend, take this $9,000
on over there and y'all--
and pray over that.
Ask the Lord to multiply
because Madea done divided.
[laughter]
See what you doing right now?
See, still paying
attention to this child.
Ain't paying no
attention [inaudible]
got your back to him.
Let me tell you something.
A lot of women do this.
And they don't even
know they doing it.
And I'm going to tell you this
because once you find out about
it, you're responsible for it.
The only reason you
treating that child so bad
and dogging her out left
and right because she look
and act just like her daddy.
If you did not want the
child to look like her daddy,
you shouldn't have laid
there for them 3.2 seconds.
Do you understand?
[laughter]
You look at the child and
you see all the mistakes that
happened with the dad
and all the problems
that happened with the daddy.
You don't see the
child as an individual.
That child ain't
got nothing to do
what went on with you and him.
And she didn't ask
to be brought here.
And you're flat out wrong
for the way you've been
treating her all these years.
Do you understand?
Apologize to her.
Baby, I'm sorry, Netta.
Like they mean it.
- I am sorry.
- Listen to me.
Listen to me.
That's all right.
Netta, sometime
people apologize.
They done so much hurt
to you and pain to you,
you can't hear it.
But I'm going to
tell you right now.
You may not be able
to hear it today,
but one day you will hear it.
And you've got to
forgive them, baby.
I'm telling you--
let me tell you.
You know what unforgiveness is?
It's a wait.
It's like putting
a sofa on your back
and walking around
with it everywhere
you go for the
rest of your life.
That's what unforgiveness
is, holding on.
Baby, don't let
anybody put that on you
and make you carry
that kind of weight.
Put the sofa down.
Take the weight off your life.
Do you understand?
- Yes, ma'am.
Because you can't fly with
that kind of weight up on you.
You can't get no higher.
People wonder why they life
don't get no better, why
things are going wrong,
why everything they touch
is falling apart.
You're holding on to so much
bitterness and unforgiveness
by all the people
that did you wrong.
Let it go, baby.
It ain't worth it.
Anybody who did
something to you,
every time you
don't forgive them,
you let them keep doing it
over and over and over again.
They ain't worth it.
Do you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
And have standards
in your life, honey.
Have standards.
Everybody have to
treat you a certain way
when they come into your life.
And if they don't treat you with
that kind of respect and love
that you deserve,
don't let them in.
I don't care if it's mama,
daddy, brother, sister, cousin.
It don't matter.
Hell, you can't
choose your family.
But you show in the hell
can choose your friends.
You hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
And the family
don't act right,
let them by the wayside, baby.
By the wayside.
Because sometime family
will treat you worse
than a stranger on the street.
You got that right.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
Yes, ma'am.
Just because your blood
runs through it, baby,
do not mean that you are
obligated to be there for them.
Do you hear me?
Take care of yourself.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
Yes, ma'am.
And get this girl right
here-- get in that rehab.
And tough love, baby.
You know what tough love is?
That's when the whole family
come together and they say,
we are not doing nothing for
you unless you go to rehab.
And mean it.
I done bear with too many
people trying to get them clean
because they wouldn't get help.
And there was always
somebody enabling them.
Everybody got to shut down on.
Listen, if you
don't go to rehab,
we not doing nothing for you.
But I'm going to get
put out of my house.
OK, well, nothing will
sober you up quicker
than the first snowfall.
[laughter]
But I'm hungry.
Can I come over and
get something to eat?
Yes, you can come over here.
But you ain't
coming in the house.
I can't come in the house?
No, because you will steal
ever damn thing in here.
You're not coming in here.
But you going to
give me some money?
No, I'm not going to
give you no money.
You go round to
the kitchen window,
I'm going to slide some food
out there to you, drive-thru.
Tough love, baby.
- Yes, ma'am.
And she going to run
a guilt trip on you.
If you were a better mother,
I wouldn't be this way.
If you were a better parent,
I wouldn't have done this
and I wouldn't have done that.
If you had been--
and all you can do
is apologize from the bottom
of your heart for the things
you did, for the
things you didn't do,
for what you knew how
to do, and for what
you did not know how to do.
Apologize for them and mean it.
And if they still keep running
that guilt trip on you,
then you tell them this.
You're ass is 35 now.
[laughter]
It's time for you to take
some responsibility in what
you're doing to yourself.
You hear me?
And y'all get some counseling,
but not from the Reverend.
The Reverend ain't been
right since last October.
[laughter]
But I wish your wife was here.
Your wife was a good counselor.
I didn't like too
many Christians.
But I liked your wife.
I remember the first
time I met her.
She came banging on my door.
It was early, early
one Sunday morning,
about 4:30 in the afternoon.
And I was sleep because
I was up all night
Saturday cussing,
spitting, drinking,
slanging, and sliding,
sliding up and down that pole.
And she come over
and say, hello, we'd
like to invite you to church.
I said, later.
I'm sleep.
If you don't get off my porch,
I'm going to bust you upside
your head with this bottle.
She said, well, I'm going
to have to go in my purse
and get my anointed
oil bottle and hit
you upside your head with it.
I said, well, bring it on.
We going to be drunk,
holy, and greasy.
Let's get it going.
[laughter]
She started laughing.
I started laughing.
And she come back later on.
She said--
I said come back later.
She came back when I was getting
ready get up at about 11:30
that night.
And because I was
getting ready to go
out there and hit it again.
And she said,
That's how I learned
all that stuff in the Bible.
She never judged
me, not one time.
That's what I tell people.
Stop judging folks.
If you going to be a
Christian, stop judging them.
Just leave the word
there for them.
You can't judge them.
You can't help nobody
judging everything they do.
Just help them out by teaching
them something and move on.
And she sat there with me.
And I'd be listening
to my R&B music.
She'd be teaching me the bible.
That's how I learned
all that stuff.
Yep, I'm talking
about all my music.
And I was slipping on my thong.
And she was talking about
all the stuff that--
didn't I just say
don't judge me?
Didn't I just say that?
[laughter]
I had my good music on, too.
I had on my-- and
she liked this song.
This was by Teddy Pendergrass.
She liked this song.
It went like this.
[music playing]
[SINGING] [inaudible]
Silly fool.
Silly fool.
It's hard to loose--
It's hard to loose--
--such a good thing.
--such a good thing.
Teddy walked up to the mic.
This what Teddy sang.
[SINGING] Had a
love right here.
The palm of my hand.
But I lost it.
I lost it yeah.
Had a love so real that a man
can feel. But I lost it.
Maybe if I spend a little
more time with you, maybe then
you'd still be mine.
Oh, and maybe if I was a
little more kind to you,
there'd be no need for
this man to be crying.
Oh, times I've had
[inaudible]
Silly fool,
How'd you lose such a good baby?
[applause]
[laughter]
[SINGING] Take my money, my
house and my cars [inaudible]
you can have it all because
making love, every time we do,
girl, it's worse than drug.
Because I'm an addict of you.
And you know-- y'all
sing it for me one time.
Sing it.
I knew you knew it.
[inaudible] You got me feening.
Baby, I'm feening for you.
[inaudible]
[applause]
That was it right there.
But this song for all the
cheaters back in the day.
This was the cheaters national
anthem right here.
[SINGING] And
we slept the night
away, had fun, now we can't
turn back the hands of time.
Yes, we've stolen this moment.
We forgot to base
one simple fact.
We both belong to someone else
as we slept the night away.
As we lay, we forgot
about tomorrow as we lay.
Hey.
We should have
counted [inaudible]
But instead we got lost in
the second, in the minute,
in the hour.
Hey, hey, as we lay.
We forgot about the
tomorrow as we lay.
[inaudible]
It's morning.
Sing it, pretty.
It's morning.
Say it's morning
one more time.
Let hear y'all say hear
[SINGING] It's morning.
Man, I just want to hear
these singers on the stage.
Drop out, Bam.
Let me hear them right here.
[SINGING] It's morning.
Say it one more time.
[SINGING] It's morning.
Now it's your turn
to do all the singing.
Just like that, sing it.
AUDIENCE: It's morning!
Yeah, you been cheating.
I hear it all in your voice.
I hear it all in
your voice, mhm.
[laughter]
It's all in the vibrato.
It's in the vibrato.
[laughter]
Bam, take me back, Bam.
Take me back.
Take me back.
[SINGING] If I were your
woman and you were my man,
you'd have no other woman.
You'd be weak as a lamb.
If you had the strength
to walk out that door,
I'd put you on that
washing machine.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
If I were your woman, if I were
your woman, you were my man.
Hey.
Come on, baby.
Yeah.
Sing it.
She tears you down, darling.
Says you're nothing at all.
But I pick you up, darling,
when she lets you fall.
You're like a diamond.
But she treats you like glass.
Yet you beg her to love you.
And me you won't ask.
If I were your woman, if I
were your woman, if I were
your woman, here's what I'd do.
I'd never, never, never,
never, never stop loving you.
You.
You, you.
Yeah.
Come on, Reverend.
What you got, Reverend?
[MUSIC - "I'M SO IN LOVE WITH
YOU"]
[SINGING] I I'm
so in love with you.
Ooh, whatever you want to
do is all right with me.
'Cause you make me
feel so brand new.
And I want to spend
my life with you.
Oh, baby.
Let's-- let's stay together.
Loving you whether whether times
are good or bad, happy or sad.
Good or bad, happy or sad.
Agnes, I've missed you, girl.
[sobs]
[music stops]
Reverend, sit down.
Sit down.
Listen, we're just trying
to have a good time.
And you've got to
bring up Agnes.
[banging on door]
Who is it?
Open up!
Who is that?
Police.
Open the door!
[sirens blaring]
How's she just going
to run through the wall?
[laughter]
Anyway.
Netta?
What?
What's up with
you and Noah, girl?
Girl, what you want me to say?
Say this.
[music - "who can i run to"]
[SINGING] As I stand
here contemplating
on the right things to decide.
Will I take the wrong
direction all my life?
Where will I go?
What lies ahead of me?
Well, I have strong
determination.
And I'm not afraid of change.
I have yet to find that someone
who would care to satisfy
me, to stay right by me.
Oh, who can I run to to
share this empty space?
Tell me, who can I run
to when I need love?
Who can I run to?
Who can I run to?
Yeah.
Who can I run to
when you need love?
Love.
Let's hear it from your heart.
All right, Leah.
[SINGING] My mind is so
confusing. Who could be that
special one?
Every day I try find him
on the run.
I got to know is there
a place for me.
Love has many names and
a message very clear.
All it takes is time and
patience to bring him near.
But look at me.
Tell me.
Who can I, who can I run to?
Yeah.
Oh.
Who can I run to?
Hey.
When I need love.
Who can I run to?
Who can I-- who, who,
who can I run to?
Who can I run to?
When I need love.
Oh, my god.
Come here, son.
Come here.
Quick, quick, quick.
Stay with it.
Stay with it, now.
Stay with it.
Listen, I know you want to
say something back to her
because she said something
like that to you.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Uh-huh.
And I know you probably
want to say something
like, Jesus on the main line.
Tell him what you want.
Yes, ma'am.
But don't say that right now,
baby, 'cause that's not going
to work.
But listen, I want
to say thank you.
I want to say thank
you for upholding
the bloodstained banner.
Son, it sure is good to see
young people loving on the Lord
like you do.
God bless that heart.
And I mean that.
But listen, when you say
something back to my grandbaby
back there, I want you to
switch it up a little bit.
Speak from your heart.
Mean what you're saying
when you say what you say.
But just switch it,
if you don't mind.
[music - "there'll never be"]
[SINGING] Since--
Oh, lord.
--we are lying here--
oh, for the first time, you
and I. Show me what you'll
do for me and then,
then, then, then will
I. Don't try to
hide your nature.
No other girl could
ever rate you.
There'll never be a better
love, love, love, love, love.
Netta, will you go out with me?
No, no, no.
Listen, boo.
I ain't gonna ask
your ass no more.
[laughter]
Yeah.
Boom.
[SINGING] La,
la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
What?
Um, I'll go out
with you, Noah.
That's what I'm talking about!
Netta.
Netta.
Don't you come
back here pregnant.
[laughter]
Remember, one plus one
equals two, not three.
Mama.
What?
That's what my daddy used
to tell me all the time.
And I listened to my
daddy, 'cause I loved him.
Hey, Bam.
What?
They can't see you.
I know they can't.
You know you don't
need them [inaudible]..
[laughter]
ANNOUNCER: New
Orleans, join us as we
applaud the cast and band
of Tyler Perry's "Madea
on the Run."
First, this band playing live.
On the drums, Wayne Thornton.
On guitar, Derek Scott.
On keyboards and organ,
Natalie
On keyboards and
piano, Justin Gilbert.
And our musical director
on bass, Mr. Rory Garrett.
And now the cast.
Dorsey Levens.
[cheers and applause]
Claudette Ortiz.
[cheers and applause]
Tony Hightower.
[cheers and applause]
Tasha Page Lockhart.
[cheers and applause]
La Toya London.
[cheers and applause]
Maurice Lauchner.
[cheers and applause]
David Stewart.
[cheers and applause]
As Cherry, Rhonda Davis.
[cheers and applause]
Ladies and gentlemen, as
Aunt Bam, Miss Cassi Davis.
[cheers and applause]
And now, New Orleans, as
Madea, Mr. Tyler Perry.
[cheers and applause]
Sit down.
Sit down.
Let me tell you something.
I want to tell you guys how
much I appreciate you coming
home back to New Orleans.
I love you too, brother.
Thank you so much.
It's good to come home.
Good to feel good here.
I tell you, I've been doing
this for about 23 years now.
And I started--
I started very early
on, on this stage.
One of the second shows that
I did was on this stage.
And I remember I hired my choir
members to be in the play.
And we didn't make
enough money to pay them.
And they came at me with bats
in the alleyway back there,
trying to get their money out.
And I'll never forget it.
I didn't hire them no more.
But I was starting
off really early.
I was 23 years old trying
to figure it all out.
One of the greatest
gifts that I had here,
though, happened right here
at the [inaudible] Theater.
So I'm so happy
that it's reopened.
My mother-- when I was a kid,
we were driving down the street.
And she said, wow,
look at that car.
Oh, I like that car.
She's like, I'll never
be able to afford that.
And I said to her--
as a little boy,
I said, well, when
I get older, I'm
going to buy that car for you.
And it was in
about 1999 or 2000.
She was here on
the front row here.
And I had her come
up on stage, and I
gave her the keys to that car.
And I say that--
[applause]
And I say that because
it's not about the car.
It's not about the money.
I tell you why I
say that, because I
had one gift as a
kid, and that was
to be able to take care of her.
And I was able to do
that until the day
she died, like she would
never have to leave.
So I say that because I'm
grateful to all of you.
You gave me that gift to
be able to give to her.
One day she called me
up crying because she
went to get her medicines, and
it was $1,200 for the month.
And she only had,
like, $300 or $400
in Social Security coming in.
And she's like, there's
no way I would've
been able to afford this.
So when I say this
to you sincerely,
I mean this, like, from
the bottom of my heart.
It's because of people like you,
like selling out these places
all over the country, that
allowed me to give the greatest
gift I could to her.
And I'm telling you, she was
a wonderful woman who deserved
all the good that came to her.
And because of you, I
was able to do that.
And I will never forget all
the kindness that you've
shown to me and my family.
I won't.
God bless you for it.
[applause]
I also wanted to just come out
on tour to tell you thank you,
because on Friday nights,
you're watching OWN.
You're watching "For Better or
Worse" and "Love Thy Neighbor."
And on Tuesday nights, you're
watching "If Loving You
is Wrong."
[applause]
And you've been watching
the heck out of "The Haves
and the Have Nots."
[applause]
I'm happy.
And Oprah is very happy
y'all are watching.
I can tell you that
she's very happy.
I hope you enjoy yourself, guys.
I hope you enjoyed yourself.
And I hope you continue to
go out, and support, and just
laugh, and have a good time.
I had more fun than you did.
I love you, guys.
I'll see you soon, New Orleans.
God bless you.
Take really good
care of yourself.
[cheers and applause]
[music playing]
"Madea on the Run."
It's a must-see.
We love this show, Tyler Perry.
Right.
I must thank you. A truly
fantastic, awesome show.
You have to see it,
Madea was on the run.
Absolutely amazing.
I haven't laughed this much
since the last play I came to.
He is hilarious.
Oh, my god.
I'm coming back next
time he's in New Orleans.
Oh, I loved the play.
I have been a Tyler Perry
addict for over 20-some years.
I have never, ever
missed any of his plays.
I'm very excited.
I've never missed a play,
from the first beginning
when he started till now.
I love Tyler Perry.
I love all his
movies, all his plays.
And I have never missed not one.
The show is
actually really good.
This was my first
Tyler Perry show that I
actually experienced by myself.
To see it live, face to
face, then when you're watching
it on TV.
When you see it on DVDs,
you're at home, or his house,
in your PJs, or whatever, you
still get an awesome show.
But being in person,
you get everything
brought along with it.
And I love it.
What I liked about the play
was he came out of character.
It made everyone more involved
and when he was going.
And he related to the city
and the people that was in it.
And he also always put
a message in his plays.
I loved the spiritual
portion of it.
I think he always has a message.
The message that he brings--
you know, the scriptures,
along with learning
that you reap what you sow
has really impacted my life.
The storyline was very
relevant to today's topics.
He used a lot of ad
libs for New Orleans,
because of course,
he's from New Orleans.
I love that part.
The play was amazing,
full of energy.
I really loved the crowd
interactions that he did,
the old school, kind
of like, tribute.
I loved it-- the
songs, the singing,
the actors, the actresses.
Amazing.
The singing, the acting.
Everything is just great.
I'm having the best
time of my life.
This is my first
time out in forever.
And I decided to come here the
see the Madea show.
And I'm very, very excited.
I'm extremely happy.
I'm a big fan of Tyler Perry.
Love you, Tyler Perry.
And through all of
your success, it's
great that you still come and
help your fans see you live.
I love you, Tyler Perry.
Keep up the good work.
We had a wonderful time.
We love you, Madea.
Keep on coming, Tyler.
We love you.
Come back home.
We love you, Tyler Perry.
Mwah.
[laughs]
[music playing]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
[theme music]
[SINGING] When the storm
clouds rise and the thunder
rolls tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
When the storm clouds
rise and the thunder
rolls, tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
God told Noah, it's gonna rain.
You best believe
that the rain came.
Jesus Lazaus the grave.
That same power
still stays today.
Go down Moses to Egypt land.
Free my people with
God's mighty hands.
Marching Zion one by one.
We'll help this race to be won.
Martha don't you moan,
Mary don't you weep,
I can tell you your
brother still sleeps.
'Till David took down the
giant with just one strike.
All the people rejoiced
from God's powerful might.
Jesus gonna call you.
Call you from the grave.
Watch that powerful name.
Watch how it saves Lazarus.
When the storm clouds rise
and the thunder rolls.
I said, Lazarus.
Tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
Come forth, Lazarus.
When the storm clouds rise
and the thunder rolls,
I said, Lazarus.
Tell me me children,
where you gonna go?
Come forth, Lazarus.
When the storm clouds
rise and the thunder
rolls, tell me my children,
where you gonna go?
[cheers and applause]
Netta!
Netta, girl, hurry up and
come down the stairs now.
Hurry up, Netta.
Girl, hurry up, and
come downstairs, I said.
NETTA: Hey!
Girl, how many
times I gotta tell
you to clean up this house?
Hi, to you too.
Netta, you don't work now.
The least you could
do is clean up.
I was online.
Girl, don't nobody care
about an online school.
If you had an assist,
you'd be in a real school,
like your sister.
But no, you too much
like your daddy,
always want to take
the easy way out.
That's why I divorced him.
Well, he's not here.
So let's leave him out of this.
Look, I hope you
cleaned your sister's
room and the guest bedroom.
You know she's coming
with her fianc .
Yes, mama.
I cleaned yesterday,
but I told you that.
Well, clean it again, Netta.
[huffs]
No, girl, wait a minute.
Come here.
Turn around.
Turn around!
What?
What do you have on?
You don't like this?
Do you ever like anything?
Yes, your sister.
[laughter]
Now go change.
You know they're going
to be here in a minute.
Well, Mama, why do I
have to change for them?
Because we got people
coming over here,
Netta, educated and
sophisticated people
who didn't go to school online.
[laughter]
Girl, you need to look like
something to get a man,
not like you ever will.
But have you ever
seen your mama leaving
the house looking raggedy.
No, ma'am.
And I ain't ever had a
problem getting a man, honey.
And you need to
remember the same things
you do to get that man is what
you need to do to keep him.
Well, what Leah
did to get a man
have nothing to do
with having clothes on.
You know what?
No, ma'am.
I'm not about to
argue with you, Netta.
This is a beautiful
time, and I'm
not going to let you ruin it for
your sister like you always do.
What do you mean
like I always do?
You always do, Netta!
You always find a way
to make things about you
and seek attention.
Well, not this time.
Get upstairs and clean up that
room like I told you to do.
Man, whatever.
Girl, I know you didn't
"whatever" me, Netta.
Girl, I will knock
the hell out of you.
Have you lost you mind.
- Whatever.
Get upstairs and
clean up that room.
She gonna whatever me.
- Uh, Cherry?
I don't know what's
going with her,
but she better get it together.
Cherry?
What the hell is going on?
It's first lady.
Oh, praise the
Lord, first lady!
Praise the Lord, girl!
Come on in.
I enjoyed our shopping
trip the other day.
Mmm-hmm.
Where's Jacob?
Oh, he'll be home soon.
What's up?
- Oh, nothing.
I just needed to make a deposit.
OK, well, I can
give it to him.
Oh, all right.
Well, you know we had to
offering through the roof.
Uh-huh.
Raymond needs Jacob
to take this to the bank
first thing in the morning.
- OK.
Make sure he puts
it in the church's
special projects account.
OK?
Church special
projects account.
I got it, sweetie.
- Thanks, Cherry.
All right.
Oh, first lady.
I am looking forward
to Women's Day!
Hallelujah!
Oh, yeah, it is coming up.
Isn't it?
CHERRY: Mmm-hmm.
Oh, girl, I better
pull that thing off.
You know they already
can't stand me over there.
CHERRY: Naw, girl.
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to help you
make this one special too.
- Really, Cherry?
- Yes!
Thank you so much.
You're such a good friend.
Everybody else
just hates my guts.
Girl, don't you
worry about them now.
The pastor loves you to pieces,
and that's all that matters.
You keep on being
that good first lady
everybody can look up
to, and everybody else
will come around, honey.
- Mmm-hmm.
All right.
Well, I'll see you later.
Oh, wait now.
Y'all still coming
over for dinner, right?
Oh, yeah.
We'll be here.
All right, well, I'll see
you later on, first lady.
All right.
Thank you.
God bless you.
All right, God bless
you too, sweetheart.
Now you take care.
[laughs]
All right, I'll see you later.
Praise God!
Hallelujah!
Netta, girl, get downstairs!
I told you to
clean up this mess,
and you gonna leave that
backpack on the floor.
Girl, you better get it up, and
I mean get it up now, Netta!
Now, girl!
Thank you.
Mama?
Y'all at it?
- Oh!
[laughs]
There goes my baby!
Oh, no, girl.
Me and your sister just talking.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, Netta.
Hey.
How are you?
I am beautiful, baby.
Oh, and you look good.
Too thin though, honey.
Are you eating at the school?
Mmm-hmm, I'm fine.
Where's Grandma?
Oh, she's out back.
Netta, what you got on, girl?
Let me see?
Stand up!
Yeah, you look good!
Leah.
Leah!
Don't tell that girl that.
Come here.
Where is Reuben?
Oh, he-- he's coming later.
He had exam.
Exams!
Oh, he's going to be
a good doctor, baby.
Seems like he's always studying.
Yes.
I am telling you, the both of
[audio out]
Run your office?
Girl, she need to run,
get her GED first.
[laughs]
Let me check on
this dining room.
Anyway--
[laughs]
Netta?
Why you got your head
down looking all sad?
Don't you see
how she treats me?
[music playing]
Out of my faith.
That's all she
ever has to say.
You were Mommy's favorite.
My daddy was away.
Now that we're both grown up,
she treats me bad every day.
I don't know if
anybody loves me.
I don't know if anybody cares.
So why should I hold
my head up high?
Why should I care?
Pigtails, dolls, and lace.
Why should I care?
Beautiful little baby face.
I don't know why I care.
Were Mommy's little girls,
and we were Daddy's too.
Now that we're all
grown up, so much
has happened to you.
You gotta know I love you,
You gotta know I care.
So hold your head up high.
Hold it up if you dare.
I'm not pretty.
Yes, you are.
I've never been smart.
Yes, you are.
But I'm not you.
You don't have to be me.
Be you.
You are so true.
And you are too.
But look at my hair.
Your hair's so curly
and neat, girl.
And look at my clothes, clothes.
That don't mean a thing, no, no.
Your my sister.
And I'm your friend, yeah.
Your my heart.
To the bitter, bitter end, yeah.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you just the way you are.
I love you.
I love you too.
[laughs]
[cheers and applause]
[grunting]
Back up, son.
Why are you walking so close?
Sorry, Mr. Jacob.
But hey, brother,
Jacob, I hope you
see I've been taking this job
as one of God's ambassadors
seriously.
Yes, Noah.
Pastor and I are pleased
with how faithful you've been
and how seriously you've
taken your new position
in the ministry.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Jacob.
That makes me feel
like singing for joy.
No, don't do that.
[SINGING] Joy bell
keeps ringing in my soul--
Noah!
[SINGING] Joy bell
keeps ringing in my soul--
All right, that's enough.
[SINGING LOUDLY] Joy bell--
Shut up!
[laughter]
Sorry, Mr. Jacob.
Well, I'm so glad you're
so pleased with me.
But hey, I was wondering if
I could ask your stepdaughter
Netta out on a date?
I think that's a great idea.
You do?
I do.
Well, praise God.
But your wife, Miss Cherry,
she don't like me much.
She thinks I'm slow.
[laughter]
Oh.
Ch- Cherry will come around.
Well, do you think I'm slow?
[laughs]
Well, I-- uhh, um--
[laughter]
I just don't think
you're that fast.
[laughter]
Well, do that mean I'm slow.
- But I'll tell you what.
- What?
Come by for dinner tonight,
and you can see Netta then.
You mean it?
I'll see you at 7 o'clock.
I'll be there.
Ah, yeah.
Put on some nice cologne.
I sure will.
Cherry?
Oh, hey, baby.
Daddy!
Hello, baby girl!
[laughing]
Netta, your daddy a hug.
My daddy ain't here.
That's not fair.
Now you know he both our dad.
I'll pass.
Well, I'm gonna
hug you anyway.
Stop!
You gonna mess up my hair!
Mess it up, baby?
All it might do is fix it.
Stop it!
I like it.
- Me too, big sis.
- Look here, honey.
First lady came over here, and
she told me to give you this.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got the money.
We raised all the money
to fix the roof at church,
and it's all right here.
I just counted it.
I'm taking it to the
bank in the morning.
Oh, Jacob, she said
to put it in the church
special projects account.
OK, honey?
OK.
Oh, baby, I am
so proud of you.
We finally got a
treasure we can trust.
Thanks, Cherry.
Well, it's true, Jacob.
But wait a minute, baby.
You got cash in here.
- Yep.
How much is this?
$30,000.
$30,000, Jacob!
Where you gonna put it?
You know, where
I always put it.
All right, well, look.
Did you talk to the
pastor about coming
and counseling Leah and Reuben?
Yes, he'll be here
tomorrow morning.
All right.
I'm gonna go ahead and
get dinner finished.
OK?
All right, thanks.
All right now.
[sniffs]
[groans]
Come on out here!
[coughing]
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
[laughs]
- What?
- What?
What?
What are you doing?
Smoking weed!
Hey!
[laughter]
Get in the house!
Wait, wait, wait.
Not till I finish that little,
bitty doobie right there.
I know it seem like
a lot, but it's not.
Just a real, small, little,
bitty doobie right there.
You are not supposed to
be out here smoking no weed.
Wait a minute.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
You can't say nothing.
Pop, bam!
[laughs]
I gotta scription!
[laughter]
AUNT BAM [SINGING]: He
writes out all my scriptions.
[laughter]
You can't say nothing to
me, thank you very mmm--
much!
[laughter]
Somebody trying
to say nothing.
Just wait right there.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Don't go in there trying to
mix your weed with my weed!
[laughter]
[coughing]
Bam!
What?
That ain't no regular
weed you're smoking.
No!
I don't smoke regular.
[laughs]
I smoke loud!
[laughter]
And I smoke cush.
[laughter]
And I smoke perp.
[laughter]
Oh, and I love chronic!
No baby I don't smoke
regular no more,
regular got too many sticks
and seeds in it.
It just be,
pop, pop, poppity
Pop, pop, pop.
Popping all over the place.
I don't like--
- Bam?
What?
Can we go in
the house, please?
Yeah.
Look, I was just trying to tell
you about all of my medicines.
That's all, honey.
Listen, let me tell you this.
I used to smoke hash.
[laughter]
But hash gave me a bad rash.
[laughter]
I thought it was eczema,
but it wasn't no eczema.
[laughs]
Babe, are you hungry?
Jacob?
Jacob?
Who are you always texting?
I'm just taking care of
some business at the church.
I got to make a run later on.
You sure do run a lot.
Hey, Grandma!
Hey!
[laughs]
Who is that?
[laughter]
Mama, you know that's
my daughter Leah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the one I don't know.
Grandma!
You know you love me.
Yes, baby.
I do love you, honey.
I love all God's children.
But--
[groans]
Honey, I could I love you
just a little bit more
if you put a little mint
under your tongue, honey.
[laughter]
You don't taste that?
Taste like it ought to feel
brown or some like that.
[laughter]
You too little to have a
scent like that in your mouth.
I don't know what's wrong
with young people these days.
Listen.
But--
[laughs]
It's a pleasure
meeting you, ma'am.
[laughs]
JACOB: Netta, I invited
Noah over for dinner.
Jacob!
Did you, Jacob?
- Baby, it's fine.
- No!
It's fine.
Stop it now!
Come on!
No, Jacob.
I don't want Noah over here.
And you can't just
invite nobody over here
without me knowing first, Jacob.
I stuffed eight bell
peppers for eight people.
Now I've gotta go stuff
some more peppers.
Five.
But it's only five of us.
Mama, the pastor,
his wife, and Reuben.
Oh!
We having sandwiches too?
[laughter]
No, Grandma.
Not Reuben sandwiches,
my fianc , Reuben.
Oh!
Oh, good, good, good.
I thought she was
saying sandwiches.
I was about to say, that
sauerkraut and them bell
peppers not gonna mix
together too good, honey--
not in my digestive tract.
It ain't gonna go well at all.
It's going to be like
some explosive diarrhea--
Enough!
--cause-- all right, enough.
[laughs]
You keep living, keep living,
and you keep living and hear
what I'm talking about.
Cherry!
Ma'am?
Sherry, did
anybody phone for me?
Um, who you waiting
on to call you, Mama?
Cherry, I'm waiting
on my dope man, baby.
[laughter]
On your what?
I'm waiting on
my dope man, honey.
I'm running low on my weed.
Bam!
Huh?
I just told you about that.
And I just told you
I got a scription!
[laughter]
What that song say?
[SINGING] He writes out all
my scriptions in the room.
And where are we?
[SINGING] We're
in the living room.
[laughter]
Mama, that don't make it
right in the eyes of the Lord.
Oh, but it makes it right
in the eyes of a law, Cherry.
[laughter]
We all know that the
law's eyes are 20-20.
[laughter]
And that's what I'm
trying to get me, a 20-20!
[laughter]
It's called a dub.
[laughter]
But don't judge me, honey.
Just pray for me.
Cause we not gonna all be
delivered at the same time.
So you pray for me,
and I'll pray for you,
and we'll all be prayed for.
[laughter]
What the hell y'all laughing at?
Mama, watch your mouth.
Watch your mouth.
Cherry, I told you yesterday
if I smoke all the reefer
in the world, my eyes are
not going to be good enough
to watch my own mouth.
[laughter]
Watch your mo-- watch
your mouth, girl.
Do what your mama say.
Watch your mouth.
Look at it.
Watch it.
[laughs]
See there?
Not only can you
not do it, but you
look stupid trying to do it!
[laughter]
You know what she means.
And you better not have no
thugs knocking at this door.
Oh, please.
First of all, that's my door.
Second of all, thugs
gonna be knocking.
I'm gonna let them in.
And then we gonna be knock,
knock, knocking boots!
Mama!
[laughter]
Your mama is something else.
Oh, no, sugar.
You the one something
else, sugar, sugar.
[laughs]
So how's that guest bedroom
behind the garage treating you?
Well, it's all right,
babies, if that's
what you want to call it.
You know, since I had
that surgery and all,
I cannot walk upstairs
and go to my own room,
so it's all right back there.
I'm all right.
Thank you.
Oh, mama, wait.
We fixed that room
up for you nice.
Cherry, that room was already
nice, thank you very much.
That's my laundry room.
We put a daybed
in there for you.
You know what?
I was going to ask you
about that, Sherlock.
Why in the hell would you
y'all put a daybed back there
when I sleep in there at night.
[laughter]
Duh!
But that's all right.
That's all right, baby.
I'll put that palette back
there so, oh, I am all right.
A pallet for what, Mama?
Oh, Cherry!
I put that palette back there
on top of that washing machine
after I put your
Timberlands in there.
And then I climbs up on top
of that washing machine.
[laughter] Cause I wanna--
I just wanna see what
it feel like when
it getting on that spin cycle!
Oh, that thing starts going
feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh, feh,
feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh!
CHERRY: Mom!
I'm not about to talk
about this with you.
Cover your virgin ears, Leah.
I am, Mama.
I do not wanna here this!
Oh, please.
Now that girl is not no virg.
[laughs]
CHERRY: Oh, yes she is, Mama.
She's saving herself
for her wedding.
Cherry, you can look
at that little car
and tell it's been test drove.
[laughter]
CHERRY: Now, you stop it, Mama.
AUNT BAM: That's a-- that's a--
that's a-- that's a hatchback!
[laughs]
No it ain't Bam.
It's a puut putt!
That putt putt has got so many
miles on it.
Both of them put-puts
got miles on!
Hey, that big, black dump
truck back there in the kitchen
got a lot of miles on it.
[laughter]
Check the trunk!
Check the trunk!
[laughs]
Don't look under that hood!
Mama!
Stop that!
Call it a dump truck?
Now wait a minute.
[doorbell]
Don't do-- shh.
Wait a minute.
Come in!
Don't do that.
I could of said a 18--
That's my future hubby!
Hey, baby!
Hey!
Mr. Jacob!
- Hi, son.
All right.
It's good to see you.
Same here.
Oh, look.
I brought you this.
What's this?
It's just a bottle of wine.
- Thank you.
- Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
And these are for
you, Mrs. Lattimore.
Oh, Reuben, honey.
These are beautiful.
And you look handsome.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
Reuben, you
remember my sister?
Oh, hey, Netta.
You look lovely.
Hey, what's up?
And that's my grandma.
Everybody call her Aunt Bam.
Oh, yes, she was
just about to lay down.
[laughter]
No, I'm not, Cherry.
I'm sitting right here
waiting on my dope, man.
Remember?
CHERRY: Mama!
AUNT BAM: Shut up.
[laughter]
You are delightful.
[coughing]
Thank you.
Reuben, honey.
Forgive her.
She's-- she is a little crazy.
Cherry, I get
so sick and tired
of you winding your
finger up round your head
when you talking about me.
Then you feel some
kind of way when
I crank my finger up at you.
Mama!
Stop it!
AUNT BAM: So you
keep on winding here,
and I'm gonna keep on cranking.
Wind, and I'm gonna crack.
While you winding,
I'm gonna crank.
Don't you do
that in front of--
Shut up!
Quit that [inaudible]
[laughter]
Well, ma'am, it's
good to see you.
It's good to be seen,
son, and not viewed.
I know that's right.
Yeah.
Listen, so you
brought him some wine?
Yes, ma'am.
And brought her some flowers.
Uh-huh.
Why you didn't
bring me nothing?
I like gifts and presents.
Oh, uh--
I brought you a hug.
Well, you--
I'll take it.
[laughter]
That's good.
Oh!
Uh-huh!
Move back!
Oh!
No, no, no!
Oh, boy, you
hugging me too good!
[laughter]
You hugging me too right!
Oh, I'm gonna put you back
there on that washing machine.
[laughter]
And I'm gonna turn that
thing on fast speed.
[sirens]
[cheers and applause]
Now, I came--
I came as soon as
you called me, Bam.
Soon as you called me.
Mabel, I called
you four weeks ago.
Well, I'm late as hell,
like these people coming up
and down this aisle right now.
Sit the hell down, please.
[laughter]
They don't learn.
They don't never learn.
I start on damn time.
Sit down!
[laughter]
Look, all those people got
to get up so you to sit down.
Sit the hell-- you
know, I'm sick of--
I'm sick of this!
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
And how the hell
you got time to stop
and get popcorn and a
drink, and you already late?
[laughter]
Sir, sit down in that
camel yellow jacket.
Sit down.
[laughter]
Uh-huh.
[inaudible]
Mine say, 4 o'clock,
I mean 4 o'clock.
Not 4:01, not 4:02.
[laughter]
I'm gonna go on with
the show cause I don't
want no incidents up in here.
But y'all sit the hell down.
Thank you so much.
[laughs]
I'm sure the video of you of
your head, all in your big
ol' hair in the camera in the--
[laughter]
I'm gonna go on.
Let me go on.
Let me go, honey.
- Mabel!
What?
You on the run, ain't you?
It wasn't even
my fault, honey.
I backed out of
my garage, and all
I saw was police everywhere.
No.
I say, "Lord, if I'm supposed
to run, show me a sign."
Oh, God.
The Lord said,
"Run, Mabel, run."
The officer walked
up to the car.
It was my sign.
Guess what his name
was on the name tag?
What?
What?
What was it?
- Ferguson.
I got the hell out
of there, girl.
I was gone.
- You better get out.
I ain't look back.
You better get out of there.
I ain't look back, honey.
[laughs]
I ain't look back.
Bam, who the hell all
these people in your house?
Well, Mabel, listen.
These are all my family members.
I invited one of them over here,
and all the rest of them came.
Don't you hate
when that happen?
Everybody just show up.
You see that little
one right there in the--
Lord, you remember my sister.
- That ain't your sister.
- Granddaughter.
MADEA: That's your
granddaughter.
Yeah, that's my
granddaughter right there.
That's Shanika, um--
Leah.
Shanika Leah.
That's her.
And this right
here is her cousin.
Fianc .
That's-- that's Beyonc
cousin right there?
Bam, hush up.
How you all doing?
- Good.
How you doing, ma'am.
How you doing?
Oh, you're sure a
handsome young thing.
Oh, thank you, ma'am.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm so tired.
Now this--
[laughter]
[inaudible]
Maybe he didn't hear you.
I've been running.
I'm so tired.
Sure would like to
just take a load off.
I'm so tired.
- Good one.
Good one.
AUNT BAM: The-- the
lady said she tired.
She so tired she
want to sit down.
Oh, man.
[laughter]
He said, "Oh, man."
Yes!
[laughter]
Oh!
Oh!
[stuttering] Le--
Leah, get on up, girl!
[laughter]
She said she-- she's tired.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
[laughter]
- That's your fianc ?
- Yes, ma'am.
MADEA: And he pushing
you up like that?
Honey, if he pushes you
up before you get married,
he's going to be
knocking you down after.
I'm telling you right now.
Son, when a lady come up in
the house, and she is tired,
you supposed to
let her sit down.
The Bible say in 2 Rose Park,
32 chapter [inaudible] verse
that you supposed
to let her sit down.
CHERRY: Oh, Madea, he
doesn't have to move.
That's Leah's fiance.
Oh, baby, did that hurt?
Did what hurt?
When all that damn stupid
fell out your throat.
What the hell did you say?
What-- what's wrong
with you, son.
What you doing all the
shaking and itching for?
Oh, ma'am.
Well, I really got dry skin.
Moisturize it.
Moisturize it.
Moisturize it.
- Wait a minute.
Wait, Mabel.
Wait a minute now.
What you spraying?
Ant and roach killer.
[laughter] Cause every time I
leave up out of here, honey,
I have all kinds of roaches
crawling up out of my bag.
No, not over here, baby,
cause I smokes up all my roach.
[laughter]
MADEA: Bam?
- Yeah?
- Is this Netta?
- Sweet baby Netta.
Girl, looking just
like your daddy.
Turn to the side.
Oh, that mustache
coming in nice.
You got to watch that, huh?
I used to like your daddy.
Willis was such a good man.
Willis was a good man.
Your mama walked
off and left him.
Hooked up with some old-- old
low down, dirty something.
Your mom was married.
And he was married.
They started cheating
around with each other,
and she walked out.
Why did you walk out on Willis?
Willis was such a good man.
Why you walk off on him?
- Madea.
Walk off on Willis.
He was such a good man.
I liked Willis too.
- Yeah.
And ran off and
got hooked up with
this old yellow-looking
salamander with pointy ears,
allegedly.
CHERRY: No, ma'am.
That's why you back in
with your mama, ain't ya?
Uh uh.
MADEA: Where the
yellow salamander?
Madea, wait a minute.
Where is the
yellow salamander?
Madea, I'm trying--
Where is the
yellow salamander?
AUNT BAM: Mable!
CHERRY: Madea!
Where is the
yellow salamander?
CHERRY: Madea.
What?
That's the yellow
salamander right there!
[laughing]
Right there!
[laughing]
What's up?
I don't know, boo.
You tell me.
What's happening?
You don't scare me.
Hell, you don't scare me at all.
He gonna try to out-beat you.
Yeah, of course he
gonna try to out-beat me.
I got baritone on my side.
- Knock, knock.
- Hey, Reverend!
Come on in.
Sister Cherry.
Miss Madea!
Reverend, I thought
y'all couldn't see
people when they pull out their
thing and walk out the church.
How you doing, Reverend?
Praise the Lord.
Sha na na na na, boko,
boko, boko, boko.
It's good to see you.
MADEA: Yeah, good
to see you too.
Uh huh.
Reverend.
Jacob.
I want to be sure you
secured that money.
Yes.
And you're going
to the bank early?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Good.
Thank God.
Oh, oh.
I get it.
What?
You saw those police
cars driving by.
Yeah!
And now I know why.
What's that mean, Reverend?
Are you judging me?
Just cause the police follow
me in my line of work?
Don't the Holy Ghost follow
you in your line of work?
It's the same thing.
I just want to be sure
all our hard work is secure.
What hard work?
The building fund down
at the church to fix the roof.
-How much is raised?
- $30,000
MADEA: $30,000.
That's right.
And y'all ain't gonna have
no more leaks in the roof.
No more leaks.
Praise the Lord.
Praise-- I was so sorry to
hear about your wife, Reverend.
Lord have mercy.
Agnes was such a
beautiful woman.
She was beautiful.
She was beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful-- only the inside.
Ma'am, don't talk
about that woman.
No, Mabel, listen.
Everybody got some kind of issue
that they got to deal with.
Agnes could not help it that
that right eye would just
bend the around the
corner like that.
I went to they church.
I said, "Agnes, Agnes, Agnes!
Ag-- you're right there.
Hey, Agnes, can I
sit right here?"
She said, "yeah."
I sat down, Mabel.
The spirit got hot in
there, she started crying.
One tear fell down the
front, the other one
rolled down her back.
I take her--
Ma'am, look how
you've upset him.
Now he's got to
comfort his daughter.
It's all right, baby.
It's all right.
Your mama was a lovely one.
- No, no, no, no.
MADEA: And your daddy should
of never marry nobody else.
Because I'm gonna
tell you right now.
You will never find a woman as
good as your mother was to him.
Your mother was wonderful.
REVEREND: No, no.
You ain't gonna never
find a woman that good.
Stay single, Reverend.
Stay single.
Remember I tell ya, stay single.
Miss Madea.
What?
This is not my daughter.
Who is that?
This is my wife.
[quizzical sound]
Mmm hmm.
[laughing]
[interposing voices]
I forgot he got married again.
That's right.
You know I don't
go to that church.
Yeah.
I don't go to no church.
I know.
And that's the
one you the man.
Pastor, they talking about
you like a dog around here!
[laughing]
AUNT BAM: Mabel.
What?
So you the first lady now?
Nah, she ain't no first lady.
She the second lady cause
Agnes was the first lady.
And if you get married again,
then you've have a third lady.
Come on, sit down, baby.
Don't worry about that.
I ain't gonna-- I ain't gonna
do you like people do that
judge you and talk about you.
I'm gonna try to talk--
I'm fine now by myself--
for myself.
How are you?
- I'm well.
Thank you.
- Yes, yes.
Uh, uh, what is your name?
October.
Nah, baby.
She didn't say--
[laughing]
I'm sorry.
What is your name?
October.
Not your zodiac,
what's your name, honey?
[laughing]
Well that is my name.
It's October, like the month.
Oh.
Oh, you're name's
like the month.
Oh, OK.
She's named like the month.
Oh.
- Mmm hmm.
Mmm hmm.
You want to know my name?
Yes.
Say, what is your name?
What's your name, ma'am?
My name is, uh, November.
[laughing]
- Really?
Yes.
Oh!
Well you ain't even
got to ask me mine.
Mine is December.
[laughing]
And this January and February
Happy New Year!
[laughing]
OCTOBER: Oh, I see.
MADEA: That's for Mardi Gras.
Throw me the beads.
[laughing]
I used to get a
lot of beads, baby.
I used to shed a pound
for these beads.
How long y'all been married?
A year and a half.
A year and a half.
A year and a half.
Wait a minute now.
Cause Agnes only been
dead for three months.
She got sick in June.
MADEA: Ma'am, Agnes
dies two years ago.
I remember cause I
owed her some money.
When she dies, I wrote it off
and thanked the Lord for it.
Praise her.
CHERRY: Reverend, thank
you so much for coming over
for dinner.
Cherry, I told you, we don't
have enough food for him.
Mama!
Don't say--
What? He eats every meal
like it's the last supper.
[laughing]
[inaudible]
You got to cook all
that food for 'em.
Woo.
[interposing voices]
[inaudible] both
balls, everything.
[laughing]
The bottom must fit.
[laughing]
Let me ask you this.
What you smoking then?
[laughing]
I bet you--
Bam, shut the hell up.
Baby, when somebody
talk about your man,
don't laugh like that.
Don't get with 'em.
That's so rude.
Look how hurt he is.
Baby, laughing in
your man in public
will get you put out
the house in private.
Don't do that, honey.
You just sitting there laughing.
All right.
Hey, family.
Where's Netta?
In the kitchen.
Netta, I brought you flowers.
Oh my.
NETTA: Thank you, Noah.
Oh, you welcome.
Boy, stand over
there by the window.
What the hell?
You got on the whole
bottle of sauce?
What the hell is that?
[laughing]
Netta, who it this boy?
This is Noah.
Oh, he's trying to court you?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh.
[laughing]
What?
Mabel.
What's up there, Bam?
AUNT BAM: I mean,
what is he looking at?
[laughing]
MADEA: What he looking at, baby?
AUNT BAM: I don't know.
Do he know he looking?
[laughing]
And he been trying to court you?
Yes.
Oh, oh, that's why
he all dressed up that,
looked like a soldier and all.
I see.
See that's the way they used
to do it back in the day.
The boy would get dressed
up nice and then come over.
They wasn't standing like
that, but they'll come
over and they'll--
they'll knock on the door say,
hello, my name is so-and-so.
I'd like to take your
daughter out to the movies.
Nowadays these children
don't do that no more.
Now they go on the internet.
Lord have mercy.
It be like, I'm
coming over there.
Send me a picture of that booty.
Throw it out the window.
I'll be over there
in a few minutes.
[laughing]
Look, I say booty, he turn
around and look at me.
He know when the booty is out.
Booty.
Oh.
Better watch him.
[laughing]
You don't like 'em, baby?
- No, ma'am.
Let me tell you something.
Never judge a book by the cover.
Sometimes you gotta
go up in there
and write what you
want on the pages.
And every one of them
pages in that book
is empty, not a letter
on any one of 'em.
[laughing]
Not a period, not a comma,
not a semicolon, not a--
a lot of question marks
but nothing else on it.
[laughing]
That's that loose-leaf paper.
[laughing]
Ooh my hormones is acting up.
I don't know why.
You better get
that checked out.
Well, Noah, the dining room
table has been beautifully set.
And we got a seat right
next to Netta for you.
All right.
Everybody, let's go eat.
Dinner is ready.
- Oh yeah, come on.
Let's eat.
I'm hungry.
But Bam, this don't
smell like your cooking.
Mmm mmm.
MADEA: Cherry, who cooked, babe?
CHERRY: I cooked, Madea.
MADEA: You did?
CHERRY: I did.
You know damn well I'm not
fixing to eat none of that
though.
- Yeah.
No, child.
That girl don't wash
nothing before she
put it in the pot, nothing.
Mabel, you telling the truth.
I went back there.
I said, "Cherry, what is
this in this pot right here?"
She said, "Those
are greens, Mama."
I said, "Cherry, what
they floating in?"
She said, "That's gravy."
I said, "Cherry, ain't no
gravy supposed to be in no--
ain't no green supposed to be--
Cherry!
This is mud in this
pot cause ain't no
gravy supposed top be
in no greens.
-I done taught you how to
cook greens--
- Bam.
Why do you do that?
--and I said this, and then she
said-- stop doing that, hun.
You wasting my life
minutes when you do that.
Stop doing that.
Mabel, I'm sorry.
And I'm mad at you anyway.
Why you mad at me?
Cause you let
me sat right down
and talk about the
yellow salamander.
You know I couldn't see him
sitting up there in that chair.
AUNT BAM: Mabel--
You know I can't see
him, because whatever they
sit on they turn into carpet.
[laughing]
I'm sorry.
I got tickled and I
couldn't help myself.
It was so--
[laughing]
- And you're missing everything.
- Missing what?
- This girl right here.
- Uh uh.
Miss October.
She sitting here texting.
Texting?
Back in yo day they
called it morris code.
[laughing]
She was sending a message?
Yes, to that boy over there.
She sitting there texting
her phone until he
get a little text on his.
Mabel, no--
Then he would
get a little one.
They was buzzing back and forth.
- They--
They how people
cheat these days.
That's why I don't like all
this new fandango technology.
I don't like all this stuff.
No.
All they doing is
helping people cheat.
Spiritual wickedness in
high places and everything.
I can't stand it.
Back in the day we
didn't have all that.
We had to figure it
out before we got home.
Sho did.
You had to your
man or your woman,
look, if you need me, call me.
If my wife answer, hang up.
[laughing]
And call back 30 minutes later,
if she answer again, hang up.
That means for me to
go around the corner
and meet you at the
hotel so we can catch up
and get out conversation going.
Nowadays people just
sit there texting.
Text.
Right up under they
husband and they wife.
You could be sitting at a play,
[laughing]
sitting there with
your wife, texting
your girlfriend
up in the balcony,
seeing if she enjoying the show.
In the balcony?
Yeah, in the balcony.
Let me stop before somebody
tear this place up in here.
I'm telling you right now
gotta watch him.
That boy right there,
he on that stuff.
Let me tell you something.
I don't know if he on
that stuff or not, but--
The one I made get
up, he's on that stuff.
- How you know he on some stuff?
- Yeah.
Mabel, listen.
I don't know what he on,
but I know this right.
Oh my god.
That boy got some good hands.
Oh!
What you talking about?
Mabel, he came in here.
His name Reuben.
He gave him some wine and
gave her some flowers.
I said, you gave him some
wine, you gave her some--
Bam, stop doing
that before I burn
you with this damn cigarette.
Stop that.
OK, Mabel.
I was sitting.
I say, you gave him some wine,
you gave her some flowers.
You ain't give me nothing.
He said, I-- I--
I-- brought you a hug.
I said, well get-- get--
get-- give it to me then.
Mabel, that boy put
his arms around me.
He swope me across
the small of my back
and I was looking at him--
Bam.
He did what?
He put his hands around me.
He swope me across
the small on my back.
And I was looking up there--
- Bam.
What you saying?
He did what?
He swope me.
Hold on.
That's what I thought you said.
What the hell is the swope?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, it's two
things really, Mabel.
It's a swipe and a grope
all at the same time, girl.
He did that to me real good.
I said, little boy, little boy.
That boy swope me across
the small of my back
and I was looking at him.
Swope you where?
I know you not
getting mad at me,
cause I don't speak
the Talibanese
that's coming out of your lips.
[laughing]
The little boy swoped
me across the small
of my back, Mabel.
Oh, ho, ho.
I was looking up at him.
He was looking back down at me.
I said, boy, you better
back up somebody.
And see, I been back there
on that washing machine.
And so I told him.
I said, what you do
want is to get back
there on that washing machine.
Cause if I put it in fifth
gear back there on that washing
machine, it just gonna be--
[fast gibberish]
Bam.
Mabel, and then--
Lookie here.
What is it?
What you looking for?
Hold still.
I don't trying to find the
small of your back, back here.
[music playing]
--what they look like.
If they had put a
picture there, we'd
of seen what they look like.
I see what--
That's all right, honey.
Next time maybe Mark will
remember that or something.
How you doing, baby?
I'm good.
That was a good dinner, baby.
Oh, thank you, baby.
I used my mama's recipe
for all stuffed peppers.
No you didn't cause
your mama recipe
say wash them peppers before
you give somebody Zika virus.
You still got it, baby.
Thank you, baby.
OCTOBER: Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Yes, girl.
That was so good.
Oh, well I'm glad you
enjoyed it, October.
I did.
I did enjoy it.
I'll have to cook for
you next time, Jacob.
Baby, I'm going to go
head back to church
cause I got a lot of work to do.
- Oh, OK.
I'll take you over there.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
You know how you like to take
naps and stuff after you eat.
It's OK.
I'll just take Jacob with me.
He has the key anyway.
Oh, all right.
Well, call me when
you get there.
OK.
Lovely having dinner.
- Love you.
- Okay.
- Reverend.
- Yes, ma'am.
You don't want to go over
to the church with them?
No.
Reverend, you might
want to go on over there.
He getting ready to open the
doors of your church, Reverend.
You might want to go
see what's going on.
[laughing]
Miss Madea, I know
he's going to open
the doors to the church.
I gave him the keys.
Yes you did, Son,
to the kingdom--
to the kingdom.
[laughing]
Is he all right?
[laughing]
I think that's
how he communicate.
I don't know what he's saying.
MADEA: Well, I hope he
ain't caught it no more
like [inaudible] here, honey.
He's going to have
a [inaudible]..
Netta, say goodbye
to your guest.
Mama, let him stay.
No, ma'am.
He's got to go and go now.
Bye, Noah.
Bye, Noah.
- See you later, Netta.
- No you won't.
Goodbye.
Boy, wait for me out there.
Go on out there on
the porch, and stop
being so mean to that boy.
Hush.
Netta, did you say
something funny to him?
He just fell out laughing?
You made a joke?
We was talking
about something.
Oh, OK.
I'm just wonder if he just
started laughing on his own
or you had made a joke.
Bam, watch my purse.
- OK.
- Bam.
Yeah.
Watch my purse, Bam.
Watch my purse.
Son, you like her?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, never change
who you are for anybody.
But maybe you can change your
approach, because the bean pod
look ain't working.
So come back over here
with something else.
Maybe a jogger
suit or something.
Come back on her-- come
back on her cool, you know.
Because this ain't working.
So come back cool.
Be like uh, yo, Ma, you want
to go out to the movies with me
as something?
You down with that?
And she say, I ain't
going nowhere with you.
Then you say, well I ain't
gonna ask yo ass no more.
I'm trying to do you a favor.
[laughing]
And then pimp on away from her.
You pimp like a cool
walk, a pimp cool walk--
pimp cool walk, pimp cool walk.
[laughing]
Son, what the hell you doing?
[laughing]
Try what I just said.
Try it.
You gonna walk up to her
and and say-- try it.
Yo, Ma.
Lower, Son, lower.
Yo, Ma.
[laughing]
That's all right.
That's too advanced for you.
Let's try something easy.
Let's try the pimp walk.
Let's see ya pimp
walk all the way home.
Try it.
We're gonna practice it.
[laughing]
That pimp got special needs.
Lord help us.
[laughing]
Now, Cherry, you did not have
to be that mean to that boy.
Do you understand?
Well, Madea, I don't
mean to be mean to him.
Mabel, y'all just let it go.
- Fine, I let it go.
- Let it go.
Well, Mama, we tired.
We about to go upstairs and--
[clearing throat]
--I'm going to show
him where I'm sleeping,
and then show him
where he's sleeping.
OK, baby.
Reuben, it is so good
having you here, sweetheart.
Thank you, ma'am.
Thank you.
And Miss Bam and ma'am, it's
nice-- it's nice meeting y'all.
See this purse
right here, son?
I'm spending the night here.
This is my purse.
This black purse belong to me.
If anything come up missing
out of this black purse,
your black life
ain't gonna matter.
Do you understand?
[laughing]
REUBEN: OK.
You better hear
what I'm telling you.
Listen.
You make sure you show him
where he's sleeping now,
cause I don't want
him to come down
this corridor past door
number two on the right,
cause that's where--
Bam, stop trying to tell that
boy where you are subliminally.
That boy ain't coming back
there looking for you.
Good night, everybody.
Night, Netta.
Um, where you're going?
I'm going to bed.
No, ma'am, not till
you go back there
and clean up the dining room.
Girl, go on.
Why the hell one child can
go upstairs and lay down,
the other one got
to go back there
and clean up the
dining room by herself?
Why both of 'em and back there
cleaning up the dining room?
Madea, Netta
will be all right.
I have told you about the
way you treat that child.
Girl, let me tell you something.
The very child that
you put your foot on
will be the one you need to
lift yours up when you get old.
You better be careful.
AUNT BAM: That's the truth.
Tell her I'm right
about it, Reverend.
[laughing]
The reverend done fell
asleep like he listening
to one of his own sermons.
[laughing]
I know how to wake him up.
Y'all get that banana pudding.
Put it on the table.
Look, he done come to live.
There's Lazarus sitting
over there looking
like a box of chocolate milk.
Reverend.
Yes, ma'am.
You laying there sleeping.
You got peace, don't you, son?
Oh yeah.
Your Holy Ghost ain't
saying, "Go to the church?"
[laughing]
No, ma'am.
Go to the church.
No.
When you're dreaming
and you asleep,
you ain't nobody saying,
go to the church?
No.
Mary, Martha?
No, ma'am.
Shadrach, Meshach,
the billy goat?
Nobody's saying, bah?
Nobody said to go over there?
No, ma'am.
Wow.
Reverend, I meant all kind
of stuff about this woman
since you married
in the neighborhood.
And tell me y'all
got married after
just knowing her for two weeks.
- Yeah.
What did she do for a
living before you married her?
Oh, she was a dancer.
Oh, she was in the ballet?
Well, she would
be on our toes,
but she ain't have
on no ballet shoes.
[laughing]
No Miss Madea she
was in the arts
And, uh, you
married real quick.
Where you meet at?
Well we met at
the supermarket.
The supermarket.
REVEREND: Yeah.
We happened to be
at the same aisle.
And we walked toward each other
and we had eye to eye contact.
And then I turned around
and watched her walk away.
And I said, Jesus!
She's the one.
You told Jesus
she was the one?
Yes, ma'am.
Mary's baby?
Yeah.
The Rose of Sharon?
Yes.
The chief cornerstone
that the builders rejected?
REVEREND: Oh yes.
That same Jesus?
The Lily of the Valley,
that's the one you told?
Yes.
And he gave her to you?
Yes he did.
Oh you got some power, son.
[laughing]
And why you marry
after two weeks, son?
Why didn't wait a long time
like three or four weeks?
Well, I prayed and asked
God if I should marry
and he showed me a sign.
Ah.
He showed you a sign to marry?
REVEREND: Yeah.
Let me understand this.
So first you asked Jesus--
you tell Jesus she the one.
Yeah.
Then you ask God
if you should marry
and he show you a sign to marry?
- Yes, ma'am.
But yet you sitting here and
your Holy Ghost ain't saying,
go to the church?
No.
Baby, something
wrong with yo Trinity.
They not connected
to each other.
Something going on.
I'd check the signal,
check the cell signal.
Hey, man, what was the
sign that showed you?
Well he led me
to the scripture.
Ah.
What scripture was it?
Matthew 21 verse two.
Yes.
What it said?
Well you have your
Bible right there.
You can read it for yourself.
AUNT BAM: You know what,
that's what I always do.
I always read the
word for myself.
I don't take y'all
word for it at all.
Mabel, come on.
Let's read this.
It burns.
Move that.
That don't put that on me.
Girl.
MADEA: Don't put
that thing on me.
It burn, honey.
It burn.
About to burn up
off my left breast.
[laughing]
Oh my God.
Don't put that
Bible on me, hun.
No, I don't mess
around with that Bible.
I don't go to no Church.
Y'all hold on to that.
All right.
MADEA: OK.
What scripture was that again?
Matthew 21 verse two.
AUNT BAM: That's it.
And when you
have it, say, Amen.
Amen.
Oh, Cherry.
You can always tell the people
at church that read they Bible
all the time at home, cause
the faster they go to it,
they go right there
in two seconds.
Yeah.
And you tell the people
in church who never pick
up they Bible at home because--
[laughing]
--they just be turning and
turning and turning and--
AUNT BAM: Matthew.
MADEA: Then they have to go to
the table of contents, and--
That's what I--
I was gonna do that.
OK.
Oh, he first over there.
MADEA: Then eventually
they find it
right before the benediction.
I got him.
Hey, Matthew, I got you.
Why you standing up?
Mabel, that's what
they do at his church.
They always stand for the
reading of God's holy word.
OK, well I'm not a member,
so I'm gonna sit down.
Y'all go on and do that thing.
When you have it, say, Amen.
Amen.
Got it.
[laughing]
MADEA: Say Amen.
Sister Bam, when
you have it, say Amen.
What difference it
make if I say I got it?
Hey, man, I got it.
Hey, man.
Read.
Why he holler reading?
Mabel, that's what
he do at his church.
He holler read and everybody
who can just start reading.
What about the
ones who can't read?
They start listening.
Oh.
[laughing]
Read.
Saying unto them--
Saying unto them--
--go into the village.
--go into the village.
--over against
you, and straightaway
ye shall find a donkey--
It said, "ass" right here.
Mabel, don't that say, "ass?"
No, that's an ass right there.
I know how to spell ass,
S-A-S-S. That's a red
ass right there in the Bible.
Ass in red.
It say ass.
Well that must be
the King James version.
That's the only version I
read, honey, is the KJV.
All right then, read.
And ye shall find a donkey--
- Ass.
- --tied.
Yes.
--and a colt with her.
Loose them, and
bring them onto me.
Do you see what it's
saying, Sister Cherry?
Amen.
Do you see what it's
saying Sister Bam?
I'm looking.
[laughing]
Miss Madea!
Girl, what just happened
to him, make him do that?
[laughing]
Mabel, he finna preach.
Nah, nah, nah.
That's the first
sign of a stroke.
Y'all better get him over
there in two lane, help
him see the sing or something.
What God showed me--
Girl, he's so dramatic,
like [inaudible]..
--was sometimes
he will allow you--
All right now,
come on, pastor.
--to be tied into something--
[humming]
--that only Jesus--
[SINGING] Jesus.
--can call you out of.
[SINGING] Oh yeah.
[SINGING] Just like my wife.
[SINGING] Just like your wife.
[SINGING] She was
tied into something.
[SINGING] Yeah.
- [SINGING] But Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
- [SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --Jesus--
[SINGING] --he
called her out of it.
Won't he do it?
- Yes he'll do it now.
- Won't he do it?
- He'll do it baby.
Won't he do it?
Yes he will!
[laughing]
Woo!
[laughing]
CHERRY: Yes, sir!
Yes, sir.
Woo!
Do it!
Yes he'll do it.
Yes!
Yes.
What just happened, honey?
I don't--
She hit him with the Bible.
And he's doing the electric
boogaloo and bouncing off?
About to tear that chair up.
He better not do it.
Reverend, I'm sorry.
I don't understand
nothing y'all just said.
All you been doing is bucking
and jumping and flipping
and she hit me with the Bible.
Please make it plain for me.
Give me the Joel Osteen
version so I can understand.
[laughing]
Miss Madea--
Yes.
REVEREND: --what God showed me
was that sometimes he'll allow
you to be tied into things--
You said that.
--that only Jesus
can call you out of.
You said that too.
You see my wife was
tied into something--
Oh, you didn't say that.
--and Jesus told
me to go un-tie it.
That's good.
[laughing]
Mabel?
[laughing]
[inaudible]
That ain't in here nowhere.
It say, "Go into the village."
His wife wasn't in no village.
What the hell--
Bring it, bring it, bring it.
Oh.
Oh.
Nah, Reverend.
Oh, Reverend.
You read that, you thought
that meant merry her?
Yes!
No.
[laughing]
I look at that and I get a whole
other interpretation of that.
Oh?
Yeah, I don't go to no church.
Can I try my hand at it?
Go ahead.
MADEA: You know I ain't
no Christian, Reverend.
You ain't gonna get offended?
- No.
Now you know you Christians
get real offended when somebody
try to challenge your theology.
You sure you're
not going to get--
No, no, Miss Madea, no.
Can I try my hand at it?
REVEREND: Come on.
You sure?
REVEREND: Come on with it.
OK.
Read.
Oh.
[laughing]
Saying unto them, going into
the village over against you,
and straight away ye
shall find a donkey--
Ass tied
--and a colt with her.
Lose them and bring
them on to me.
May the Lord have the
blessing through the reading of
the hearing of His holy word.
You may be seated in the
presence of God [inaudible]..
Thank you, deacons.
Thank you ushers.
You may be seated.
[laughing]
Now, Reverend, you
just did something
that's typical of
a lot of Christians
that really bothers me.
A lot of Christian do.
Not all of 'em,
but a lot of them.
They go to this holy
word, this Bible,
and they try to find a scripture
and make it bend around what
they want it to bend
around, rather than leaving
it in its proper context.
See if you go into
[inaudible] the text properly,
the first thing you
need to understand
is that you have to be able
to rightly divide the word.
See you started it at verse two.
It says, "Saying unto them."
All I know is somebody's talking
and I know it's two people.
I don't know nothing
else about it.
So for the sake of
understanding verse two,
I'd like to back up to chapter
21 verse one if you don't mind.
Mmm hmm.
MADEA: Chapter 21 verse
one reads as follows,
"And when they drew
nigh unto Jerusalem,
and were come to Bethpage
onto the mount of Olives,
then sent Jesus two disciples.
AUNT BAM: Yep.
MADEA: Verse two,
the verse you started
with, "Saying onto them."
Now I know it's Jesus
talking, and it's two
disciples is who he talking to.
What he said to them
was, "Go into the village
over against you,
and straightway
you shall find an
ass," or a donkey,
whatever you want to call it,
depending on how hold you are.
If you so holy your lips
can't say "ass," then
I don't know what to tell you.
"Got unto the village
over against you
a straightway you shall find an
ass tied and a colt with her.
Loose them and
bring them unto me."
Mmm hmm.
Now if you want to understand
the mysteries of what's going
on and the mysteries
of the Bible,
you have to pay very
close attention to what
is happening in the text.
The first thing I notice
here is Jesus is being very
specific in his instruction.
He's telling the two disciples
to go to a particular village
and get a particular donkey with
a little donkey tied up to it.
He needed that particular
one, not any of them.
I wonder why Jesus didn't
just say, come forward,
and all the donkeys
would of came forward.
He's the Christ.
He's got all power in his hand.
Why would he have to go get
this particular special donkey?
Why did he need this one?
Well, as I pondered
that thought,
I found my ass over
at Zachariah 9:9.
Go on over there, babe.
OK.
[laughing]
Zachariah 9:9 says, "Rejoice
greatly, O daughter of Zion,
old daughter of Jerusalem.
Shout, behold your
King cometh unto thee.
He is just having salvation
lowly, and riding upon an ass
and upon a colt and
the foal of an ass."
See, so what that tells
me is that Zachariah
had prophesied this moment about
Jesus coming into Jerusalem.
What was so special
about this moment?
He was coming in to go to
cavalry into the crucifixion.
They were going to throw
palms down at its feet.
So he had to have
a special donkey.
He had to have a pure donkey.
Zachariah had already prophesied
about this donkey that
was tired of waiting for him.
So Jesus knew in that
moment, thousands of years
later, that that was
the donkey that he
needed, a special donkey, a
pure donkey, a holy donkey.
This is what I love about it.
The donkey was a virgin.
Strike one against your wife.
Let's go deeper.
Oh.
[laughing]
MADEA: See earlier you said that
you told Jesus she was the one.
Well here in the text, Jesus
is telling the disciples
which one is the one.
You got to be careful when
you get things out of order
and start telling God
what God is supposed
to do when God
should be telling you
what you are supposed to do.
- Yeah.
See, what happens is,
Reverend, you will go over
there and untie something
that's not supposed to be
untied because you wanted it.
Well I think what happened
is, you saw that ass.
You wanted to ride that
ass, but it wasn't yo ass.
Wasn't yours!
[laughing]
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] It wasn't your ass.
[SINGING] It wasn't ya ass.
[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
That wasn't you ass!
Wasn't you ass.
- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't you ass.
- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your--
[SINGING] That wasn't you ass.
[laughing]
[SINGING] Wasn't yours.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your ass.
- [SINGING] Wasn't your--
[SINGING] That wasn't--
[SINGING] Wasn't your ass!
AUNT BAM: I felt that!
Hey!
[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
It wasn't yo ass.
Ooh, it wasn't yo ass.
We'll be here all week.
[laughing]
Look, he mad.
[laughing]
He mad.
Hold on, Reverend.
You said you wasn't gonna get--
I say, he's so mad, right, he
about to throw olive oil on me.
Don't throw some
oil on me, Reverend.
I'm gonna fire some chicken.
Now listen to me, Reverend.
He so mad.
Look at-- listen
to me, Reverend.
Before your wife died she
told me to look after you.
I said, if I see him
around, I talk to him,
but I ain't going
up in that church.
Listen to me.
She said, you a good man, and
I know the pastor need more
prayer than anybody
in church if you
gonna stand there and
[inaudible] all them people.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
Reverend, look at me.
I'm gonna tell you this.
Everybody in your church
is not lying to you.
Watch that girl.
He's so mad he
can't even hear me.
Sister Cherry, thank you
for inviting me for dinner.
Miss Bam.
You don't want to know
the title of my sermon?
No.
It's called, loose
that ass and let her go.
[applause]
Sister Cherry, thank you for
inviting us over for dinner,
but I am sick and tired of
people having conversations
about who I'm married to.
Oh, Reverend, I'm sorry,
but you know how Madea can be.
Come on, let me go show you
where you gonna be sleeping.
Man, you know I ain't
sleeping in there.
Anyway, uh, where the money
at you say your dad got?
I changed my mind, Reuben.
I can't take that money.
Girl, we owe Wiley
a lot of money.
That's cause you
won't stop using.
I don't smoke by myself.
At least I'm trying
to stop, Reuben.
No, no, no.
Don't, I'm trying
to stop, Reuben, me.
The only reason I'm over
here is because you said you
was going to get me the money.
Now where is it?
My dad needs that money.
We need the money.
It's for the building
fund for church.
And they been trying
to raise that money
for the roof for years.
Look, I don't care, OK.
You want me to tell your daddy
his daughter's a junkie and she
about to drop out of school?
Reuben, you need to calm down.
Nah.
You better get that money,
and you better get it tonight.
Where you going?
I'm going to find
my own room, man.
I ain't got time
to play with you.
LEAH: Reuben!
REUBEN: And look, if
you don't get the money,
this little fairy tale is over.
LEAH: Reuben.
REUBEN: Oh, hey, Netta.
Hey.
Man, what you cooking?
What you doing?
Get off of me.
- OK!
OK!
- You tripping.
All right.
All right.
Look, um-- look,
um, your dad left
some money for me
and your sister,
you know, for the wedding.
You know where it's at?
Nah, I don't know
nothing about no money.
Come on now.
Netta, you know where it's at.
If Jacob told you
about the money,
call him and ask
him where it is.
OK.
Bro.
You're all uptight and stuff.
You ain't gotta--
Cause you tripping.
Oh, come on now.
Ain't nobody tripping.
Stop!
Move.
- What you mean, stop?
- Stop!
Girl, you been
looking at me all day.
Reuben, stop it!
No I haven't!
- Why you acting like that?
- Stop.
Get off of me, Reuben!
- Come here.
What you mean, get off?
NETTA: Stop!
REUBEN: Come here.
NETTA: What are you doing!
REUBEN: Come here.
What's the matter?
Miss Latimore, look, uh,
she-- she keep coming on to me.
She keep coming on to me.
I keep telling her
I'm with her sister.
She coming on to me.
Girl, wait a minute.
I did not raise a whore!
Mama, he was doing that to me.
Shut up.
You're lying.
You're lying, Netta.
- I'm not lying.
CHERRY: Yes you are, missy!
Cause I don't--
[inaudible]
What's going on?
I told you!
I'm sick of this girl!
That is your sister, Netta!
Mama, I didn't do nothing.
You know what,
girl-- you know what?
Just get out of my house.
Get out of my house, girl.
Get out my house.
You go stay with your
trifling daddy.
That's what you do.
That's my baby!
You understand?
You gonna do this to this him?
NETTA: You're
spying on me, Mama!
CHERRY: Get of the house!
Get out of my house, Netta!
NETTA: Mama!
You get your stuff
and get out of my house!
[inaudible]
Just stop talking to me.
NETTA: It isn't true.
CHERRY: You get out of my house!
Get out of here, girl.
[interposing voices]
Netta, you get your stuff
and you get out of my house!
Reuben.
Reuben, baby, I am so sorry.
Oh, nah.
It's-- it's all right, ma'am.
- I'm sorry, baby.
- No.
It's OK.
It's all right.
CHERRY: Leah.
Leah, baby, I'm sorry.
Oh, Leah.
Your mama's embarrassed!
REUBEN: No.
Nah.
Don't be embarrassed, ma'am.
Don't be embarrassed.
What happened?
What you mean, what happened?
What you do to her?
I told you!
Nothing.
My sister didn't do nothing.
Cause I stopped her.
You know she been liking
me for the longest, man.
I'm not playing, Reuben!
REUBEN: Hold on!
Hold on!
Who you hollering at like that?
Huh?
You calling me a liar?
I'm just saying.
No, no.
Where the money at?
I'm not giving it to you now.
You ain't giving it to me.
Girl, it you don't
give me that money--
if you don't give the money,
I will break your neck.
You hear me?
Hmm?
Now go get the money!
Now!
NOAH: Netta!
Uh uh, not right now, Noah.
Netta, wait!
No.
Noah, leave me alone.
Wait!
No, I don't want
to talk right now.
Hold on, Netta.
What's the matter?
My mom put me
out of the house.
Why she do that?
Cause she hates me.
No she doesn't.
Yes she does.
Listen to me, Netta.
I know you don't
care for me much,
and I have seen how she
be treating you sometime.
You have?
Yes!
And it just hurt
my heart because I
know you're a good person!
Ah, Netta, don't cry!
You know what I do
when I see her treating
you like this sometimes?
What?
I pray for you.
Thank you.
That's what I say.
I say, thank you.
What?
I tell God, thank you.
Netta, I know it's
working out for you
good, because I
can remember going
through all kinds of things.
And it didn't get better
till I stated telling God,
thank you for every situation
that I was going through!
[applause]
And that's why I say--
[SINGING] Master in
Heaven, God of all--
all things.
Here I help pray
down on bended--
bended knees.
Sometimes I'm so lost--
lost in sin, heavy
heart, broken within.
Sometime you say go on after
it, and I know I went right.
But what I know for sure
is that he loves me,
and we're gonna win--
win this fight!
[applause]
I thank you for the blessings.
Lord, I thank you for the pain.
Thank you for the sunshine,
Lord, I thank you for the rain.
Thank you when I'm up,
thank you when I'm down.
Thank you for my good days,
oh, when Hell is all around.
But I know is he worthy.
Said no matter what you
and I are going through,
what I know, he still--
he still God.
Jesus [inaudible] and
the name-- name is true.
Well I know he can help
us, help us right now.
And I know he will see us--
see us through this.
And I stand, lost in the storm.
I still got joy.
I still got happiness.
Oh!
I thank you for the blessing.
Lord, I thank you for the pain.
Ooh wee.
Thank you for the sunshine,
Lord, I thank you for the rain.
Thank you when I'm up,
thank you when I'm down.
Thank you for my good days,
oh when Hell is all around.
Lord, I thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Ooh wee.
Lord, I thank you,
thank you, thank you
in the middle of a storm,
in the middle of a rain.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be OK.
So hold on a little
while longer.
I know you will turn it around.
Won't he do it?
Won't he do it?
Yes he will.
Yes he will.
I know he will.
Yes he will.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[music playing]
[applause]
[music playing]
You have to stop texting me.
Well ever since
you been here, you
don't call me as much, Jacob.
I can't answer the phone.
This house is small.
Cherry sees every
damn thing that I do.
You gotta relax.
I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just that all of a
sudden every little thing
that he does, it's starting
to irritate me, Jacob.
I can't do this anymore.
You're not enjoying
being the first lady?
Do I look like I belong
in some church lady hat?
[laughing]
Well, you look good in
whatever you have on, baby.
Jacob, stop.
I told you I can't
do this anymore.
Baby, just be patient
one more weekend.
OK?
We'll put this money away,
then we can move in together,
maybe go somewhere.
Man, $30,000.
That's the perfect amount for
us to start our lives over.
Can we go to LA?
I always wanted to go to LA.
It's whatever you want.
All right?
LA it is.
Now you absolutely
sure that Raymond's
not going to notice all the
money missing out that account,
right?
Nah, he never checks his
special project account.
He's so bad with
money it's ridiculous.
Well why can't we
just go now today?
Just give me one more month.
One more month.
A month!
A month, Jacob?
I can't do another month.
All right, look.
I got to go.
That big man-looking
woman gets up early.
[laughing]
Yeah I can't stand her either.
[phone ringing]
Hey, baby.
REVEREND: Hey, baby.
Where are you?
Um, I stopped
at my mom's house.
REVEREND: Oh yeah?
How she doing?
- She's good.
She's good.
Along as I give
her here medicine.
REVEREND: Oh that's good.
Good.
Cause you know I haven't spoken
to your mother in a while.
Do you think I can speak to her?
You want to talk to her?
REVEREND: Yeah.
Right now?
REVEREND: Yeah, why not?
Uh, she asleep.
REVEREND: Oh, OK.
She still in the bed huh?
Mmm hmm.
Uh, OK, baby.
Well I'll see you later, OK?
REVEREND: No.
You'll see me now.
So this what you
do behind my back?
After all I've done for you?
Raymond.
And man, I trusted you.
And you do this to me?
Raymond, listen.
Raymond, what have
you done for me?
You take me to that church
full of messy people.
Jacob is good for me.
I'm sorry, Raymond.
[SINGING] What made you think
you could treat me this way?
What made you think that
this behavior is OK?
I want to tell you something.
[SINGING] You're gonna reap
everything that you put out.
It's gonna come back on you,
for breaking these vows.
You're gonna reap
everything you're doing now.
You're gonna reap all this
hell you're raining down.
You're gonna reap
everything that you put out.
It's gonna come back on you
for breaking these vows.
You know I love you.
I fought so hard to
have you in my life.
And how dare you do this to me?
You're supposed to be my wife.
There's gonna come a day
that you will realize,
you let a good thing go because
of lies and weak alibis.
I hope that God
has mercy on you.
He's not a man
that would lie.
I read my Bible
and his word is true.
Whatever you sow will
come back to you--
to you.
You gonna reap everything
you're doing now.
You're gonna reap all this
hell you're bringing down..
It's gonna come back on you.
[applause]
And I'm sitting up there in
the window, watching 'em, Bam.
I saw it.
I saw it right there.
- Oh, you already know?
- I saw it.
The reverend walk up to
them and [inaudible],
talking about,
[inaudible] mama's house
up there, send me a line.
And the reverend
said [inaudible]..
That's what he said.
He sure did, Mabel.
But you oughta
be offended, Bam.
Oh-- why would I be offended.
He said that big man
looking woman get up early.
That all-- that should have
hurt your feelings, Bam.
[scoffing]
That didn't hurt
my feelings at all.
Why would I be offended, Mabel?
Who else was he
talking about, Bam?
Who else would he be calling
a big man looking woman?
Yes.
I really don't know.
I just really don't know.
I didn't think you did.
No.
[laughter]
Mabel.
Mabel.
Oh, this is so good.
This is good.
But I gotta be careful.
You can't tell
ger right away.
You know she'd get upset and
run out here to the mall.
- Sure do.
- So ease it out there, too.
Every time.
But see, Mabel, this is
what God does for me.
He never leaves me in the dark.
He always speaks to me.
He speaks to me in a
very still, small voice.
Sometimes he just say--
- Miss Bam?
I sure hope that's
the Lord calling you home
right now 'cause
I'm so sick of you
doing that and this and this.
And-- come over here, boy.
Who is that?
That Noah.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, baby.
What you want, boy?
Hey.
Have y'all seen Netta?
Oh, no, baby.
Well, she's probably
upstairs asleep, right?
No, she ain't upstairs.
How you know?
Because she slept at my house.
[laughs] Booty call!
Bam, honey.
That boy don't know
nothing about no booty.
He--
And I'm saved.
Well, praise the Lord.
But, listen, I got
to ask you this.
Why was Netta at your
house last night?
Miss Cherry put
Netta out and Netta
didn't have nowhere to go.
- I know you lying.
Cherry did not put
up out of this house.
- No, ma'am.
- Hm, hm, hm, hm.
Cherry, where is Netta?
- What are you doing here, son?
- He looking for Netta.
- Looking for Netta.
- She is not here.
Where is she at?
Look, this is family business.
Go on home, young man.
We asked you a question.
I'm not talking
in front of him.
Lord have mercy.
Listen, baby.
I need you do me a favor.
She not going to
talk in front of you.
I need you take this 20
and go over there please
and find pretty Ricky.
He's over there on the corner
of Florida and Desire Street.
Give me that.
Give me that money.
He got the Lord's
name [inaudible]..
He was looking for the--
[inaudible] all about it.
Here.
He said--
Got to have that boy in
the middle of a drug deal,
tell me not to mess with him.
He ain't even going know
what he over there to get.
[laughs] I'm sorry.
Cherry.
What?
Did she just "what" you?
Yes, she did.
That remind of the
time Cora "whatted" me.
What did you do?
I punched her in the
throat so hard she said,
[SINGING] take me to the king.
I want some onion rings.
Cherry.
Momma, I'm sorry, all right?
I'm sorry.
It's just been a long night.
But I'm going to
take this to Jesus.
- What happened, girl?
- You know what?
Netta just like her daddy.
She always starts
some messes, Momma.
I told her to go upstairs
to change her clothes.
She going to say, why I
got to change my clothes?
I said, because we got people
coming over here, Netta.
- Yes.
- I say, well, girl.
She say, well, Leah
[inaudible] man.
Ain't got nothing to do
with her clothes being on.
And then I told her,
I said, you know what?
Cherry!
What did she do?
I know you not
getting mad at her,
'cause that's the
same thing you do
to me when I'm talking to you.
- [inaudible]
That.
Yes.
What she do, girl?
She was up late last night.
She made a pass at
Liz's fiancee, Momma,
and I put her out.
[inaudible]
That don't sound
like Netta to me.
I saw it with my
own eyes, Momma.
What did you see, girl?
I came back in
this house and she
was right here on top of him.
Did he-- did
she push him down?
Did she pull him on top of her?
Which one was it?
Madea, what difference
does that make?
The difference is when you
have a preconceived notion
about somebody, you see what
the hell you want to see,
rather than seeing what the
truth really is.
That's number one.
Number two, you better take that
damn tone out your voice
before you lose your tongue
up in this piece.
You are
obviously not mature enough
to understand that.
I am mature, Madea.
And I saw what I saw, right?
Momma, I don't feel
like talking about this.
You better get your daughter.
I'm getting ready
to bust on her head.
The Reverend is on his way
over here to counsel my baby.
And I'm not up for this mess.
Cherry, Mabel,
y'all wait a minute.
Cherry, listen, baby.
I'm not trying to upset you.
I'm just saying it don't
sound like Netta to me.
OK, Momma, so you just going
to tell me what I saw, huh?
No, I'm not trying to
tell you what you saw.
I'm just--
Apologize to your Momma.
Apologize to your Momma!
I'm sorry, Momma.
Ain't no fear and
trembling in there.
Put some fear and
trembling in it.
I-- I'm sorry.
Now hold onto your wig
before this thing pull it off.
Thank you, Mabel.
Now say you're sorry again.
I'm sorry, Momma.
OK?
But it just seems like you
always taking up for Netta.
That because I have to.
Why, Momma?
- 'Cause you treat her so bad.
- I do not.
I don't even live
here and I see it.
Madea, you right.
You're not here everyday.
So you don't know what
that girl put me through.
Like you ain't never put
this woman through nothing?
Shall we go down memory lane?
Oh, tell it.
72 hours worth of labor.
Oh.
Your hair came out on--
On a Tuesday.
Your stomach came out on--
Thursday.
And then your little
feet came out on--
It was Sunday evening.
It was about 7:30 at night.
Bam.
I said--
I--
I say 72 hours.
That ain't no damn 72 hours.
Three days, Mabel.
Three--
Consecutive.
Consecutive days, hell.
Oh, one, two, three.
Yes.
That's 104 days I was here.
I said 72 hours.
Oh, Mabel.
That's too much.
That's all right.
Broke your Momma heart, but you
got pregnant at 15-years-old,
didn't you?
- All right.
I got pregnant, Madea.
But I made something
of myself, too.
I got my degree.
And you know why you was
able to get that degree?
Why, Madea?
'Cause of this
woman right here.
Picture frame.
Um, because of what now?
- Cherry, don't do this.
- No, ma'am.
No offense, Momma.
But I did that by myself.
Lord have mercy.
Cherry, how you think
you did it that by yourself
if I was watching your child?
Right.
Momma, you watched
that girl a few times.
I-- Cherry when did five
years equal a few times?
Hush your mouth, Bam.
Hush your mouth.
Let me tell you something.
You ain't got to explain
nothing to her 'cause, baby,
you got it twisted.
Something is wrong
with your brain.
You don't understand
this, do you?
A grandparent don't have no
obligation to your child.
Do you understand?
Thank you.
That's part of [inaudible].
Anything they do
is a gift and you
ought to respect it and
appreciate it like it's a gift.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
Yeah.
You got the degree
behind you, there wasn't
nothing good enough for you.
Neighborhood wasn't
good enough for you.
Your family wasn't good--
walked out on Wills.
Just walked out on Willis.
Thought she was trading up.
Now she's about
to get traded out.
Walked out on Willis.
Willis was a good man.
That was a good man to you.
Willis was a real good man.
Willis was not
a good man, Madea.
Willis was a good man.
Lord, Willis was
not a good man.
Yes, he was.
Madea, Willis
was not a good man.
We all slept with him.
You what?
Momma, what is
she talking about?
Cherry, Cherry,
Cherry, don't do that.
Don't call my name for nothing.
I did not sleep with
no Willis, honey.
He slept with me.
Momma!
Bam, hush.
Hush.
Ain't nobody slept
with ole rusty Willis.
Hell.
- Shut up.
All that oil up
under his fingernails.
Ain't nobody sleep
with no Willis.
Right.
Cherry, I'm just--
baby, look, now I--
I did not sleep
with your husband.
What I'm trying to
do is just lighten
the load for what I've really
got to talk to you about.
Go on, tell her, honey.
Just tell her.
Cherry, listen.
Let me tell you something.
If-- if you don't
remember nothing else
your Momma tell you, you
remember this, please.
Baby, you reap what you sow.
And so when you--
Momma, girl.
What--
Girl?
Girl?
And-- and flipped you off.
She said girl and--
- And girl.
--and flipped you off.
Bam, she just say, girl,
and flipped you off.
But you ain't feeling to get up
and knock the hell out of her?
Now, Mabel, I'm not
going to do her like that.
I'm going to let God get her.
God take too long
sometime, honey.
I've got to get it right away.
Yeah.
Well, she-- believe me.
She done got God.
I promise you that I can't do
it like what's been done to her.
Cherry, listen.
Let me put it to
you this way, baby.
It's-- [laughs]
- [inaudible]
- Yeah.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Jacob is hoeing round on you.
OK?
He hoeing round on
you 'cause he's a ho.
Now flicky flicky that, girl.
Wait a minute.
Uh uh, no.
You ain't got to sit in
here and lie on Jacob just
to be mean and hateful to me.
I'm not going to sit here and
listen to you do it either.
I am going to the mall.
Lord, I tell you.
Is you always run
out here to the mall.
That what she do.
Run to the mall and don't
never bring nothing back.
That's 'cause she can't
afford nothing down there,
Canal Place.
She better go over there
to Esplanade where she can
afford something up in there.
You better hope they reopen
Lake Forest or something.
I don't know what
they do.
Bam, you know good and
well that Netta did
not make a pass at that boy.
No.
That ain't-- that don't
sound like Netta at all.
It's that boy.
- Yeah.
And I don't like it.
Well, you have to act
like you like it, Bam.
Mabel, why would I
like I like that boy.
You don't
understand this, baby.
Baby, if your child come
in the house with somebody
you don't like, you have
to act like you like them.
Because if you don't, your child
will fall deeper and deeper
in love with that person.
You're right.
So you have to sit
there, smile, and like, hi.
[fake laughs] Hi.
Oh, that's a nice
tattoo on your face.
Yes.
[fake laughs] Oh, wow.
When did you get out?
[fake laughs]
[no audio]
That's what I do.
[fake laughs] I show
you how to do it.
OK.
So you stay cool
with your family.
So you got to do it.
[fake laughs]
- [fake laughs]
That's it.
Be cool.
Just be cool.
[fake laughs] Be cool.
You'll see.
What-- what we
doing back over here?
I can't just leave.
I don't want to be over here.
Reuben, my parents would
be so mad if I leave.
Babe, we got to
get out of here.
We can't.
Let's just get our
stuff and let's go.
No.
Did-- did you hear me?
I can't, Reuben.
Come on.
- All right.
OK.
Calm down.
But, you know, we
can't be in here
when all this stuff come out.
Where's my sister?
Why did you do that to her?
Oh, don't start that.
My parents are going to
kill me when they find out.
No they ain't.
There they are.
There they are.
Come in, Lucy.
It's Leah.
That's what I said.
Come sit right here, Linda.
Oh, Grandma.
We'll be right back.
We going upstairs to change.
You two be quiet and
come sit right here, Lulu.
We were just going--
We'll be right back, Grandma.
We just going to
change our clothes.
No, y'all come on sit down
while I'm talking to you.
Com on.
Sit down.
Sit down here.
- Yeah, Lisa.
Sit down, son.
Sit down.
Sit down.
- Yes, ma'am.
We were just going to
change our clothes.
Ooh, don't grab on
her like that, son.
Don't grab her like that.
[fake laughs] Sit down, son.
Sit down, son.
- Yes, ma'am.
Sit down.
Sit down.
We want to talk to y'all.
Well, we were just going to--
And you still
grabbing on her, son.
Didn't I-- didn't I tell
you about the grabbing?
Didn't I tell you
not to grab on her?
Grab on her again.
Grab on her again.
OK.
Mabel.
What?
[fake laughs]
I forgot.
[fake laughs] Sit down here.
The old people want to talk
to you, sit down and talk.
You could learn something.
How are you doing
in school, baby.
Oh, I'm doing so good.
[laughs]
[laughs] You know what?
You sure are twitching a lot.
Oh, we be-- you--
you know, I always had a lot
of nervous energy, Grandma.
Yeah.
Crackheads have
nervous energy, too.
They can't sit still at all.
Crack-- [laughs nervously]
Ain't nobody on no crack.
I know, right?
[laughs nervously]
How you doing in school, son?
Oh, he's doing real good.
He must be in ventriloquist
school. 'Cause I asked him
a question, your mouth loud.
How you doing in school, son?
I'm doing-- I'm
doing good, ma'am.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Here, listen.
Did you know your Momma putting
Netta out of this house?
No.
She put her out of his house.
I didn't know that.
- Y'all didn't know that?
- No.
Where you been?
Who?
We-- we've been out
looking for Netta.
Sure was.
You was out looking
for her before you
knew she was put out?
- Mhm.
- We ain't see Netta--
- No, that's that new dumb.
I can't deal with that.
I can't deal with that at all.
This is about to
work on my nerves.
Mabel, [fake laughs].
Ha-ha, hell.
I'm done with that.
I'm done with it.
All right.
Now look here, boy, you
come up in this house--
Leah, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
This boy lying on you.
Sister talking about
she made a pass at him.
That's a flat out lie.
You know your Momma and
her don't get along,
and you going to let him
come up in here and lie.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
Boy, why you lying?
Tell Cherry the truth so
that girl can come on home.
Stop all this lying.
I ain't no liar.
Why are you standing up, son?
This is what the police
call an offensive posture.
Sit down, son.
I ain't no liar.
Son?
Son?
I ain't no liar.
And he walking
up on me, Jesus.
No, she done hit me
in the head when I first
came to-- put me on the sofa.
Look, the girl came
at me, all right?
I'm getting out of here.
She saw me and she wanted me.
You-- look, look.
You see me, and
you see this body.
Guess what?
Lady, you just going to
have to deal with it.
How about that?
Throwing me down and stuff.
Reuben!
Girl, if you don't shut--
[gunshot]
[screams]
How the hell you going
to run through the wall?
Come back to the house.
Go through the door.
Now, son, which one of
these little nasty fingers
you did to put on my head?
Which one of them was it?
- I-- I didn't--
Which one was it?
This one right here?
[screams]
Girl, if you don't
stop all that screaming
and the police come over here,
I'm going to pistol whip you.
That wasn't me.
That wasn't you screaming?
No, ma'am.
Bam, was that you screaming?
Oh, Mabel, please.
Honey, I ain't screamed down
like that in a long time.
- [inaudible]
- No, please.
Please.
- Calm down, sonny.
Calm down.
You just going to get shot.
Calm down.
It's just going to be--
it's just a bullet.
It's just a bullet, son.
Calm down.
I thought you was a thug.
I thought you was hard.
I though you was a thug.
Calm down.
Calm down.
[screams]
That's him.
[screams]
Yes!
[laughs]
Screaming like a little bitch.
Get up, boy.
Bam--
Uh uh.
Mabel, what's that?
Oh, no, no.
Ah, these kids done
brought drugs in my house.
Don't you smoke weed?
I got a 'scription.
Thank you.
Bam, you know what is this?
What is it, Mabel?
Sit down, girl.
This-- this is that
crystal methapplication.
I don't know why you all
tripping and go with this.
People make this stuff up in
the kitchen, in the woods,
and all this stuff.
Y'all going to get-- what
the hell wrong with y'all.
I don't even understand this.
We didn't have this
back in my day here.
Girl, how long you been
on this stuff, girl?
Just three months.
Every time you ask a
drug addict a question,
you can expect the first
answer to be a lie.
How long you been on it?
Six months.
Oh, a year.
Who introduced you to it?
Reuben.
Damn, I wouldn't want
to rob a bank would you.
Lord have mercy.
Told it all.
You ain't even wait for
the first call there.
You just went for I, didn't you?
How long you been
on this stuff, boy?
Just a year, mam.
Just-- OK.
Three years.
I'm looking for
something to wipe my face.
Calm the hell down.
Three years you've been on it?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Can't get off of it.
- No.
- Like a monkey on your back?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Destroying your life?
- Yes.
- Dropped out of school?
- Yes.
Her, too?
Yes.
- Lying to get it.
- Yes.
Stealing to get it?
Yes.
Doing anything
to get this stuff?
Yes.
Do you love her, son?
I do.
Yes.
I mean, do you
really love her?
I-- yes, ma'am.
I do.
Well, if you loved
her, why the hell
would you introduce her
to something that's doing
all of them things to you.
Does that make any sense to you?
No.
When you love somebody, you
protect them from something.
You don't happen to go drag
up in there all with you.
Do you understand?
- Yes.
I don't know where
your family is.
I don't know your
mommy, your daddy.
I don't care none of that.
None of that matters to me.
But we fixing to separate you
from this child right here.
Somebody going to
have to help you.
We going to help our own.
You going to have to
bounce on down the road.
'Cause soon as your
Momma come up here,
girl, you going to tell
her you're on that stuff.
Miss Madea, I
can't tell my mom!
I got nine million reasons in
this purse say you're telling.
When she walk in the door,
you going to tell her.
But first, before you tell her,
you going to go back and get
on that computer and you
going to get on the interline,
and you going to go and
see if you can find--
find a place to go for
rehab-- rehabitation.
Yeah.
You understand?
Yes, mam.
Get on the interline.
Bam, that computer
work back there?
Yeah.
That computer work back there.
Good, good, good.
Mine work at home, too.
You got a waffle, Bam?
Mabel, I'm so sorry, honey.
I ate all the waffles.
Wasn't but two left with all
these people in my house.
They just--
- Bam.
Bam.
Bam, learn something.
You ain't got-- Lord.
What?
Bam, a waffle.
A waffle.
A waffle.
Mabel?
What?
I just told you--
I'm not talking about
no waffle that you eat.
What is you talking
about, honey.
I'm talking about two waffles.
You didn't hear me talking
about the interlines?
You need a waffle when you
on the interlines, honey.
Yes.
Learn something.
You ain't got no
damn sense at all.
What are you talking about?
You got no common sense.
No books-- a waffle.
A waffle.
hell.
When my-- [laughs] when the
cable man came to my house,
he put my cable in.
He told me he put a
waffle up in there for me
to get on the interlines.
You need a waffle, Bam.
Bam, learn something.
So ignorant.
Don't know nothing.
I don't know how to
tell you, waffle.
Damn.
[laughs]
Can't stand talking
to ignorant people.
I been trying to tell
y'all [inaudible] nothing.
You-- you mean a Wi-Fi?
What?
A Wi-Fi?
[laughs]
That's what I said, waffle.
Why are you trying
to say it so proper
like you grew up in Metairie?
Come on.
Get the hell on up out here.
Come on.
[upbeat music]
I know Momma ain't in here
on this washing machine.
Jacob!
Oh, my god!
Oh!
- Cherry!
Cherry, hold up.
Cherry, baby.
Cherry, wait.
Oh, my god.
[sobs]
Cherry, baby, listen.
I'm so sorry.
Cherry, listen.
I'm sorry you had to see that.
I'm sorry, Cherry.
Baby.
Baby, I'm sorry.
- Get off of me.
- Cherry, I'm sorry.
You get out of
my house, Jacob.
Baby, let's just
talk about this.
Let's just talk--
- Get out of my house.
Cherry, let's-- Cherry,
let's just talk about this.
Get your stuff and
you get out of my house.
Come on, baby.
I'm sorry.
Get out of my house, Jacob.
[pensive music]
[SINGING] One day you held
his hand a little too long.
One day you smiled at him and
I thought something was wrong.
Just because you managed
to get this far with my man.
There is something
want you to understand.
I was watching you
when he told me he
was going to be out all night.
I was watching you.
Don't you know that I am
his one and only wife?
I was watching
you on the stairs,
across the room from you two.
I was watching you.
I didn't miss a thing.
'Cause I was watching you.
[SINGING] I wanted to
tell you a long time ago.
I know you've been a real
friend to me and it hurts me so.
I can't help that we
fell so deeply in love.
He's what I've waited for.
This love is from
above and, ooh,
I was watching you when he told
you he was going to work late.
I was watching you
when he kissed you,
standing at your front gate.
I was watching you
when he touched me so
deeply in the late moonlight.
I was watching you when he came
home from being with me all
night.
How dare you think that
Standing in front of my face.
No.
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
This is a disgrace.
[SINGING] Well,
from what I understand
you've been here before.
So what goes around,
it comes back around.
Now we're out that door.
[SINGING] I was watching you.
[SINGING] You
should know he loves me, too.
I was watching you.
[SINGING] That's where
you're wrong, little girl.
He's going to hurt you, too.
Yes, he will.
I was watching you.
[SINGING] You're not me.
So we shall see.
Oh, I was watching you.
Oh.
[SINGING] Then I guess we will
see because now Jacob is free.
[SINGING] Well, that's--
that's what I want him to be.
Look, I'm sorry all right?
I didn't want it
to end like this.
[SINGING] I never
said I was perfect.
I never meant to
hurt you, Cherry.
[SINGING] I just try to
live the best life I can.
I'll always love you.
[SINGING] So
many times wounded.
And I'll go pack my bags.
[SINGING] So many times
heart broken by a man.
He knew that I loved him.
That man, that man,
he knew that I cared.
He knew I would
have died for him.
And now he's gone.
And I'm alone.
And that just ain't fair.
God knows I've tried
to be a good wife.
I know I did the
best that I could.
Yes.
I gave him my heart and my soul.
As he knew that I would.
I gave him the best
years of my life.
Now look at me, sitting
here, oh, buried in pain,
drowning in strife,
wondering what will happen
in the rest of my life.
So look at me now,
so down in despair.
But now I realized
what I did wrong.
I gave him too much of me.
Yes, I did.
And then he left me.
He left me full of hope.
But, God, I know I
tried to be a good wife.
God knows I did the
best that I could.
Yeah.
I gave him my heart and
then I gave him my soul.
As he knew-- that man knew
that I would..
But God, but God, will
you please forgive me
as I pull myself on through.
I'll never-- I'll never
go with or look back..
No.
I'll go forward for
the rest of my life.
I never said I was perfect.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'll just try to live
the best life I can.
So many times-- so many
times I'm wounded, yes.
And so many times my heart's
been broken by a man.
But this is not what
my life will end up.
This is not where
my life will end up.
This is just a
new begining for me, yes it is.
God, with your help I'm gonna
find the way to heaven, yeah.
God, with
your hand I'll find a way.
Oh, I'll find a way
to get some peace.
MABEL: Who throwing
all these pillows and--
Bam, somebody throwing your
pillows all over the place.
BAM: Cherry?
Cherry, what's
the matter with you?
Oh, Madea, I don't feel
like talking about it.
Well, if you don't feel
like talking about it,
don't sit out here
in the common area.
Go on back to your
bedroom, somewhere else.
Cherry, wait a minute, baby.
What's wrong?
Mabel, she crying.
I don't like-- oh, baby.
I don't like to see
my baby cry like that.
Here, take two.
- Bam.
Take two.
Take two.
That's--
- Bam?
What, Mabel?
You forgot your canes.
[laughs]
Ooh.
I don't-- I don't even know how
I got over there without them.
I can't-- I can't
walk without them.
I need this.
What is wrong
with you, Cherry?
Madea, I just caught Jacob
and October in the garage.
And what you upset about?
I'm not supposed
to be upset, Madea?
Baby, if you go
take some apple seeds,
and you go in your own backyard,
and you plant them seeds.
And you out there and
water it every day,
a tree going to grow
up in your own yard.
Now why the hell would you
be mad if you walked out
in your own backyard and
there are apples on the tree
that you planted
in your own yard?
What are you talking about?
You was married and
that man was married.
Both y'all was married.
Cheating on your husband.
And he cheating on his wife.
Both y'all were cheating around.
And now it come back on you.
That's why I don't understand.
People think they can do things.
No, baby, it always finds
its way back into your life.
It may not come back
the way you did it,
but it sure-- the
Bible say this, honey.
Listen to me.
You get a few days on
this Earth and them days
are full of trouble.
Do you know what that mean?
Sometimes bad things just
happen to good people.
So the Bible say that
you have trouble,
why would you add more
trouble on by just going
and do random things
and have to have
them come back in your life?
- That's--
What you say?
That's not what happened?
- That's not what happened.
That's exactly
what happened, honey.
That's exactly what happened.
Own it.
Stop lying and own it.
I can't stand people who
won't take responsibility
for what they done did.
You did that here.
And his wife probably
was sitting there
crying, just like you did.
And both y'all Christian and
she's sitting there praying.
Who you think God
going to listen to?
He going to listen to
the one with the covenant
then who doing it the right way.
Do you understand?
Yes, ma'am.
Jacob, come on out here.
I saw him back there.
Every time I look at him
I want to save 15% or more
on my car insurance.
'Cause he's a lizard.
You got caught cold, huh?
Yeah.
Why you just didn't
tell this woman
you didn't want to be with her?
I didn't want to
hurt her feelings.
Oh, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Lot of men do that.
They don't want the feelings,
the woman's feelings.
So they just sit there and lie.
But let me tell you something
about a grown woman, son.
A fully grown woman.
Not no little girl trying to be
a woman, a full grown adult who
knows who she is, she would
rather you walk up to her
and tell her the
truth and let her
go through the hurt
and pain of getting
over it than to sit there and
be lied to for years and years.
And then one day she
find out you've been--
lying, although she felt it in
her gut all along.
Women know, sonny.
Just tell the truth.
Yeah, she might surpirse you.
You don't want to
hurt her feelings.
She might be like,
look, I'm so glad you
told me because I've
been messing around
with George for four years.
You hear what I'm
telling you, son?
Just tell the truth.
How old are you?
I'll be 45 in October.
In October.
Yep.
That'll do it.
Son, you ought to be old
enough to tell the truth.
Just tell the truth.
Listen to me.
And there ain't nothing
wrong with your truth.
I don't even know why grown
people don't understand this.
If you don't want to be with
that woman, that's fine.
You don't want to be with her.
Ain't nothing wrong
with that if that's
your truth in your heart, that
you don't want to be with her.
What's wrong with it
is when don't tell her.
You understand?
You take her options away from
her 'cause you don't tell her.
Tell her you don't
want to be with her.
Ain't nothing wrong.
Life is too short to
be sitting around--
and I'll be damned
if I will sit there
and beg somebody to be with me.
And life is too short.
You be sitting there,
begging somebody to stay,
and the person is
trying to get to you all
and he can't get
to you because you
still holding on to the fool
that don't want to be there.
Yeah
You better know
your self-worth.
I would sit in a
corner by myself
with a crayon and
a coloring book
and be happy, sitting
around waiting on somebody,
wondering what the hell
you in my house for.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
- Yes, ma'am.
- That's all right, son.
You hit that age.
You 45.
You think you
running out of time.
I know you feel like you've
got more years behind you
than you got in front of you.
And you can go out and run
after that little girl.
Think he's trying to
see if you still got.
A lot of men do that-- want
to see if they still got it.
Yeah, I still got it.
[laughter]
Just because you done
pulled that little girl
and she fine as hell.
And she is fine as hell.
Make you feel like
a man, don't it?
But I'm going to tell
you something, son.
That wasn't hard to do.
That girl got daddy issues.
She looking for a daddy.
That's why she keep going
from man to man to man.
And I can always spot a
woman who's got daddy issues
because they're never settled.
They're never happy
with nobody they have.
They keep moving--
and ain't nothing
a man can do for a
woman with daddy issue
until she figure
it out for herself.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
You sitting there thinking
you done did something, son.
Think you at the
end of the road.
You ain't at the end of the
road. You at a red light.
[laughter]
And pretty soon, she going
to be gone on to the next.
She going to be sold
to the highest bidder.
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
I'm a tell you a story.
This is really a true
story. [MANLY VOICE]
This is really a true story.
[MIMICKING FEMININE VOICE]
This is a true story I'm
going to tell you now.
My grandmother
gave me this quilt.
The ugliest thing I
ever seen, something she
had made with all these rags.
I didn't want that.
I wanted me one of them nice,
new fleece quilts for $14.99.
You know the kind that if you
rub your legs together too fast
it will electrocute you
up under the blanket?
That's the kind I want.
[laughter]
I dogged that thing out.
I washed the car with
it, changed the oil,
put it on the ground.
I didn't care nothing
about that little quilt.
About 20 something years later,
I was walking past one of them
fancy antique
stores, and I looked
and I saw a quilt in the window
just like the one she made.
I said let me see how
much this thing is.
I walked up in
there to the lady.
I said, well, tell
me about this quilt.
The lady said, this was made
by an African-American woman
in 1800s.
She couldn't read or write,
but each patch in this quilt
represents something
that went on in her life.
This patch was from
the dress she was
wearing when she was a slave.
This patch was a dress she
was wearing when she was free.
This patch was when she jumped
the broom and got married.
All them patches said
something about her life.
And I asked that
woman how much it was.
She said it was $100,000.
Mabel.
I went home,
tore my damn house
up trying to find that quilt.
[laughter]
But I tell you what, it's
sad when somebody have
to come along and tell you
the value of something that's
already in your own house.
And you don't know it.
Do you understand what
I'm telling you, son?
You played football, didn't you?
You played football.
[laughter]
You out there running
after that little girl.
That little girl is a 14.99
quilt from the Dollar Store.
But you're leaving all the
value at home in the quilt
because you don't understand
what it's made of.
You can't even appreciate
the patches of hard work
that it took to get
to what you got.
But that's all right, son.
You don't want it?
That's fine.
Bye.
And, Cherry, you better
not shed one tear.
Do you understand?
You'd better not shed one tear.
If somebody don't
want you, let them go.
Sitting there begging
for nobody to stay.
You better not beg.
Do you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
I found her.
Found who?
Netta.
Oh, I forgot she
was in the play.
Baby, she'd been
back there too long.
[laughter]
You been back there too long.
I got to write you some more
lines or something..
Been been back there
since intermission, hell.
Do something else.
Come on help us out out
here with all these lines.
Oh hey, Reverend.
I ain't even see you come in.
You came in like the Holy Ghost.
How you doing?
Doing good.
How you been?
I know you to tell her about
that but that's all right
I told her while she was trying
to climb Jacob's ladder in the
garage. It's all right.
- Yeah.
- What you come by here for?
Came by to get the
building fund money.
Oh, they stole that money.
What?
Oh, Jacob and I told them.
Leah [inaudible],, y'all come
out here and tell the Reverend
y'all stole that money.
Come on, tell him.
Wait a minute, Madea.
Leah wouldn't take that money.
You want to bet?
Momma, that's been my good
child all her life, now.
Tell her, good child.
I took it.
Lea--
Reverend, sit down.
Sit down.
You better not let
them cuss words
come up out of your mouth.
I bind and rebuke him.
Compose yourself
like a man of God.
[laughter]
Now, why would you do that?
Because we have
a drug problem.
Oh my god, child.
The mall is closed.
The mall is closed.
Turn around.
You better deal with this today.
Go on and tell him what else.
I'm not in school, momma.
I've been lying.
Girl, all that money I've
been sending to you for books.
And I can't even get $20 to
sign up for online classes.
Netta, shut up.
Stop talking to
that child like that.
I told you that right now.
But, baby, this the wrong
time to bring up that $20.
We talking about drug addiction.
You talking about $20.
I know that's important
to you, honey.
But we talking about some
deep stuff right now.
Got to find the
priority, baby.
You can't just jump in
and throw your stuff
in there when we're talking
about something serious.
It's just $20, baby.
I could show you how to--
I could show you how to get $20.
I can show you how to get $20.
[laughter]
But--
What?
But in the meantime, just
take that $20 right there.
Your grandma just saved you
from shaking that thing, baby.
You getting ready to
shake that thing for $20.
Look, look, look, how the
Reverend looking at her.
Where's the money, boy?
You better tell him, Reverend.
He getting ready to
take your corn bread.
[laughter]
I gave it to my guy.
Reverend, Reverend,
you may as well just say
it because it's in your heart.
And God is looking
at your heart.
So he already know
what he's going to say.
He already know what
you fixing to say.
Say what?
That boy went out
there in that car.
And Jacob's so stupid,
he put the money
in the trunk of a Cadillac.
That boy went out there
and got the money.
And he ain't look-- you ain't
look closely at it, son.
Had you looked closely
at it, you would of
seen there was a 20 on
the top of the stack
and a 20 on the bottom.
But in the middle, it
was nothing but paper.
Yeah, that's the way I used to
pay my bills back in the day
before everything
went electronic.
[laughter]
You thought you gave him $30.
I got the $30,000 right in my--
I got the $18,000
right here in my bag.
[laughter]
Y'all don't understand.
Those dudes are going
to hurt me, though.
Well, you bout
to be hurt, son.
Go bounce, bounce, bounce.
Go get hurt.
All right, come on, Leah.
Let's go.
Come on.
I'm done with you.
Bye.
[applause]
You done with
him just like that?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, I accept that
because it's a play.
But in real life, it take a
long time to get over somebody.
[laughter]
It sure do.
Sit down between
your daughters.
Let me talk to y'all.
Sit down.
Reverend, come over here
and get this $14,000.
Take it on over
there to the church.
Let us sit down
next to you momma.
Reverend, take this $9,000
on over there and y'all--
and pray over that.
Ask the Lord to multiply
because Madea done divided.
[laughter]
See what you doing right now?
See, still paying
attention to this child.
Ain't paying no
attention [inaudible]
got your back to him.
Let me tell you something.
A lot of women do this.
And they don't even
know they doing it.
And I'm going to tell you this
because once you find out about
it, you're responsible for it.
The only reason you
treating that child so bad
and dogging her out left
and right because she look
and act just like her daddy.
If you did not want the
child to look like her daddy,
you shouldn't have laid
there for them 3.2 seconds.
Do you understand?
[laughter]
You look at the child and
you see all the mistakes that
happened with the dad
and all the problems
that happened with the daddy.
You don't see the
child as an individual.
That child ain't
got nothing to do
what went on with you and him.
And she didn't ask
to be brought here.
And you're flat out wrong
for the way you've been
treating her all these years.
Do you understand?
Apologize to her.
Baby, I'm sorry, Netta.
Like they mean it.
- I am sorry.
- Listen to me.
Listen to me.
That's all right.
Netta, sometime
people apologize.
They done so much hurt
to you and pain to you,
you can't hear it.
But I'm going to
tell you right now.
You may not be able
to hear it today,
but one day you will hear it.
And you've got to
forgive them, baby.
I'm telling you--
let me tell you.
You know what unforgiveness is?
It's a wait.
It's like putting
a sofa on your back
and walking around
with it everywhere
you go for the
rest of your life.
That's what unforgiveness
is, holding on.
Baby, don't let
anybody put that on you
and make you carry
that kind of weight.
Put the sofa down.
Take the weight off your life.
Do you understand?
- Yes, ma'am.
Because you can't fly with
that kind of weight up on you.
You can't get no higher.
People wonder why they life
don't get no better, why
things are going wrong,
why everything they touch
is falling apart.
You're holding on to so much
bitterness and unforgiveness
by all the people
that did you wrong.
Let it go, baby.
It ain't worth it.
Anybody who did
something to you,
every time you
don't forgive them,
you let them keep doing it
over and over and over again.
They ain't worth it.
Do you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
And have standards
in your life, honey.
Have standards.
Everybody have to
treat you a certain way
when they come into your life.
And if they don't treat you with
that kind of respect and love
that you deserve,
don't let them in.
I don't care if it's mama,
daddy, brother, sister, cousin.
It don't matter.
Hell, you can't
choose your family.
But you show in the hell
can choose your friends.
You hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
And the family
don't act right,
let them by the wayside, baby.
By the wayside.
Because sometime family
will treat you worse
than a stranger on the street.
You got that right.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
Yes, ma'am.
Just because your blood
runs through it, baby,
do not mean that you are
obligated to be there for them.
Do you hear me?
Take care of yourself.
Do you hear what
I'm telling you?
Yes, ma'am.
And get this girl right
here-- get in that rehab.
And tough love, baby.
You know what tough love is?
That's when the whole family
come together and they say,
we are not doing nothing for
you unless you go to rehab.
And mean it.
I done bear with too many
people trying to get them clean
because they wouldn't get help.
And there was always
somebody enabling them.
Everybody got to shut down on.
Listen, if you
don't go to rehab,
we not doing nothing for you.
But I'm going to get
put out of my house.
OK, well, nothing will
sober you up quicker
than the first snowfall.
[laughter]
But I'm hungry.
Can I come over and
get something to eat?
Yes, you can come over here.
But you ain't
coming in the house.
I can't come in the house?
No, because you will steal
ever damn thing in here.
You're not coming in here.
But you going to
give me some money?
No, I'm not going to
give you no money.
You go round to
the kitchen window,
I'm going to slide some food
out there to you, drive-thru.
Tough love, baby.
- Yes, ma'am.
And she going to run
a guilt trip on you.
If you were a better mother,
I wouldn't be this way.
If you were a better parent,
I wouldn't have done this
and I wouldn't have done that.
If you had been--
and all you can do
is apologize from the bottom
of your heart for the things
you did, for the
things you didn't do,
for what you knew how
to do, and for what
you did not know how to do.
Apologize for them and mean it.
And if they still keep running
that guilt trip on you,
then you tell them this.
You're ass is 35 now.
[laughter]
It's time for you to take
some responsibility in what
you're doing to yourself.
You hear me?
And y'all get some counseling,
but not from the Reverend.
The Reverend ain't been
right since last October.
[laughter]
But I wish your wife was here.
Your wife was a good counselor.
I didn't like too
many Christians.
But I liked your wife.
I remember the first
time I met her.
She came banging on my door.
It was early, early
one Sunday morning,
about 4:30 in the afternoon.
And I was sleep because
I was up all night
Saturday cussing,
spitting, drinking,
slanging, and sliding,
sliding up and down that pole.
And she come over
and say, hello, we'd
like to invite you to church.
I said, later.
I'm sleep.
If you don't get off my porch,
I'm going to bust you upside
your head with this bottle.
She said, well, I'm going
to have to go in my purse
and get my anointed
oil bottle and hit
you upside your head with it.
I said, well, bring it on.
We going to be drunk,
holy, and greasy.
Let's get it going.
[laughter]
She started laughing.
I started laughing.
And she come back later on.
She said--
I said come back later.
She came back when I was getting
ready get up at about 11:30
that night.
And because I was
getting ready to go
out there and hit it again.
And she said,
That's how I learned
all that stuff in the Bible.
She never judged
me, not one time.
That's what I tell people.
Stop judging folks.
If you going to be a
Christian, stop judging them.
Just leave the word
there for them.
You can't judge them.
You can't help nobody
judging everything they do.
Just help them out by teaching
them something and move on.
And she sat there with me.
And I'd be listening
to my R&B music.
She'd be teaching me the bible.
That's how I learned
all that stuff.
Yep, I'm talking
about all my music.
And I was slipping on my thong.
And she was talking about
all the stuff that--
didn't I just say
don't judge me?
Didn't I just say that?
[laughter]
I had my good music on, too.
I had on my-- and
she liked this song.
This was by Teddy Pendergrass.
She liked this song.
It went like this.
[music playing]
[SINGING] [inaudible]
Silly fool.
Silly fool.
It's hard to loose--
It's hard to loose--
--such a good thing.
--such a good thing.
Teddy walked up to the mic.
This what Teddy sang.
[SINGING] Had a
love right here.
The palm of my hand.
But I lost it.
I lost it yeah.
Had a love so real that a man
can feel. But I lost it.
Maybe if I spend a little
more time with you, maybe then
you'd still be mine.
Oh, and maybe if I was a
little more kind to you,
there'd be no need for
this man to be crying.
Oh, times I've had
[inaudible]
Silly fool,
How'd you lose such a good baby?
[applause]
[laughter]
[SINGING] Take my money, my
house and my cars [inaudible]
you can have it all because
making love, every time we do,
girl, it's worse than drug.
Because I'm an addict of you.
And you know-- y'all
sing it for me one time.
Sing it.
I knew you knew it.
[inaudible] You got me feening.
Baby, I'm feening for you.
[inaudible]
[applause]
That was it right there.
But this song for all the
cheaters back in the day.
This was the cheaters national
anthem right here.
[SINGING] And
we slept the night
away, had fun, now we can't
turn back the hands of time.
Yes, we've stolen this moment.
We forgot to base
one simple fact.
We both belong to someone else
as we slept the night away.
As we lay, we forgot
about tomorrow as we lay.
Hey.
We should have
counted [inaudible]
But instead we got lost in
the second, in the minute,
in the hour.
Hey, hey, as we lay.
We forgot about the
tomorrow as we lay.
[inaudible]
It's morning.
Sing it, pretty.
It's morning.
Say it's morning
one more time.
Let hear y'all say hear
[SINGING] It's morning.
Man, I just want to hear
these singers on the stage.
Drop out, Bam.
Let me hear them right here.
[SINGING] It's morning.
Say it one more time.
[SINGING] It's morning.
Now it's your turn
to do all the singing.
Just like that, sing it.
AUDIENCE: It's morning!
Yeah, you been cheating.
I hear it all in your voice.
I hear it all in
your voice, mhm.
[laughter]
It's all in the vibrato.
It's in the vibrato.
[laughter]
Bam, take me back, Bam.
Take me back.
Take me back.
[SINGING] If I were your
woman and you were my man,
you'd have no other woman.
You'd be weak as a lamb.
If you had the strength
to walk out that door,
I'd put you on that
washing machine.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
If I were your woman, if I were
your woman, you were my man.
Hey.
Come on, baby.
Yeah.
Sing it.
She tears you down, darling.
Says you're nothing at all.
But I pick you up, darling,
when she lets you fall.
You're like a diamond.
But she treats you like glass.
Yet you beg her to love you.
And me you won't ask.
If I were your woman, if I
were your woman, if I were
your woman, here's what I'd do.
I'd never, never, never,
never, never stop loving you.
You.
You, you.
Yeah.
Come on, Reverend.
What you got, Reverend?
[MUSIC - "I'M SO IN LOVE WITH
YOU"]
[SINGING] I I'm
so in love with you.
Ooh, whatever you want to
do is all right with me.
'Cause you make me
feel so brand new.
And I want to spend
my life with you.
Oh, baby.
Let's-- let's stay together.
Loving you whether whether times
are good or bad, happy or sad.
Good or bad, happy or sad.
Agnes, I've missed you, girl.
[sobs]
[music stops]
Reverend, sit down.
Sit down.
Listen, we're just trying
to have a good time.
And you've got to
bring up Agnes.
[banging on door]
Who is it?
Open up!
Who is that?
Police.
Open the door!
[sirens blaring]
How's she just going
to run through the wall?
[laughter]
Anyway.
Netta?
What?
What's up with
you and Noah, girl?
Girl, what you want me to say?
Say this.
[music - "who can i run to"]
[SINGING] As I stand
here contemplating
on the right things to decide.
Will I take the wrong
direction all my life?
Where will I go?
What lies ahead of me?
Well, I have strong
determination.
And I'm not afraid of change.
I have yet to find that someone
who would care to satisfy
me, to stay right by me.
Oh, who can I run to to
share this empty space?
Tell me, who can I run
to when I need love?
Who can I run to?
Who can I run to?
Yeah.
Who can I run to
when you need love?
Love.
Let's hear it from your heart.
All right, Leah.
[SINGING] My mind is so
confusing. Who could be that
special one?
Every day I try find him
on the run.
I got to know is there
a place for me.
Love has many names and
a message very clear.
All it takes is time and
patience to bring him near.
But look at me.
Tell me.
Who can I, who can I run to?
Yeah.
Oh.
Who can I run to?
Hey.
When I need love.
Who can I run to?
Who can I-- who, who,
who can I run to?
Who can I run to?
When I need love.
Oh, my god.
Come here, son.
Come here.
Quick, quick, quick.
Stay with it.
Stay with it, now.
Stay with it.
Listen, I know you want to
say something back to her
because she said something
like that to you.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Uh-huh.
And I know you probably
want to say something
like, Jesus on the main line.
Tell him what you want.
Yes, ma'am.
But don't say that right now,
baby, 'cause that's not going
to work.
But listen, I want
to say thank you.
I want to say thank
you for upholding
the bloodstained banner.
Son, it sure is good to see
young people loving on the Lord
like you do.
God bless that heart.
And I mean that.
But listen, when you say
something back to my grandbaby
back there, I want you to
switch it up a little bit.
Speak from your heart.
Mean what you're saying
when you say what you say.
But just switch it,
if you don't mind.
[music - "there'll never be"]
[SINGING] Since--
Oh, lord.
--we are lying here--
oh, for the first time, you
and I. Show me what you'll
do for me and then,
then, then, then will
I. Don't try to
hide your nature.
No other girl could
ever rate you.
There'll never be a better
love, love, love, love, love.
Netta, will you go out with me?
No, no, no.
Listen, boo.
I ain't gonna ask
your ass no more.
[laughter]
Yeah.
Boom.
[SINGING] La,
la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la.
What?
Um, I'll go out
with you, Noah.
That's what I'm talking about!
Netta.
Netta.
Don't you come
back here pregnant.
[laughter]
Remember, one plus one
equals two, not three.
Mama.
What?
That's what my daddy used
to tell me all the time.
And I listened to my
daddy, 'cause I loved him.
Hey, Bam.
What?
They can't see you.
I know they can't.
You know you don't
need them [inaudible]..
[laughter]
ANNOUNCER: New
Orleans, join us as we
applaud the cast and band
of Tyler Perry's "Madea
on the Run."
First, this band playing live.
On the drums, Wayne Thornton.
On guitar, Derek Scott.
On keyboards and organ,
Natalie
On keyboards and
piano, Justin Gilbert.
And our musical director
on bass, Mr. Rory Garrett.
And now the cast.
Dorsey Levens.
[cheers and applause]
Claudette Ortiz.
[cheers and applause]
Tony Hightower.
[cheers and applause]
Tasha Page Lockhart.
[cheers and applause]
La Toya London.
[cheers and applause]
Maurice Lauchner.
[cheers and applause]
David Stewart.
[cheers and applause]
As Cherry, Rhonda Davis.
[cheers and applause]
Ladies and gentlemen, as
Aunt Bam, Miss Cassi Davis.
[cheers and applause]
And now, New Orleans, as
Madea, Mr. Tyler Perry.
[cheers and applause]
Sit down.
Sit down.
Let me tell you something.
I want to tell you guys how
much I appreciate you coming
home back to New Orleans.
I love you too, brother.
Thank you so much.
It's good to come home.
Good to feel good here.
I tell you, I've been doing
this for about 23 years now.
And I started--
I started very early
on, on this stage.
One of the second shows that
I did was on this stage.
And I remember I hired my choir
members to be in the play.
And we didn't make
enough money to pay them.
And they came at me with bats
in the alleyway back there,
trying to get their money out.
And I'll never forget it.
I didn't hire them no more.
But I was starting
off really early.
I was 23 years old trying
to figure it all out.
One of the greatest
gifts that I had here,
though, happened right here
at the [inaudible] Theater.
So I'm so happy
that it's reopened.
My mother-- when I was a kid,
we were driving down the street.
And she said, wow,
look at that car.
Oh, I like that car.
She's like, I'll never
be able to afford that.
And I said to her--
as a little boy,
I said, well, when
I get older, I'm
going to buy that car for you.
And it was in
about 1999 or 2000.
She was here on
the front row here.
And I had her come
up on stage, and I
gave her the keys to that car.
And I say that--
[applause]
And I say that because
it's not about the car.
It's not about the money.
I tell you why I
say that, because I
had one gift as a
kid, and that was
to be able to take care of her.
And I was able to do
that until the day
she died, like she would
never have to leave.
So I say that because I'm
grateful to all of you.
You gave me that gift to
be able to give to her.
One day she called me
up crying because she
went to get her medicines, and
it was $1,200 for the month.
And she only had,
like, $300 or $400
in Social Security coming in.
And she's like, there's
no way I would've
been able to afford this.
So when I say this
to you sincerely,
I mean this, like, from
the bottom of my heart.
It's because of people like you,
like selling out these places
all over the country, that
allowed me to give the greatest
gift I could to her.
And I'm telling you, she was
a wonderful woman who deserved
all the good that came to her.
And because of you, I
was able to do that.
And I will never forget all
the kindness that you've
shown to me and my family.
I won't.
God bless you for it.
[applause]
I also wanted to just come out
on tour to tell you thank you,
because on Friday nights,
you're watching OWN.
You're watching "For Better or
Worse" and "Love Thy Neighbor."
And on Tuesday nights, you're
watching "If Loving You
is Wrong."
[applause]
And you've been watching
the heck out of "The Haves
and the Have Nots."
[applause]
I'm happy.
And Oprah is very happy
y'all are watching.
I can tell you that
she's very happy.
I hope you enjoy yourself, guys.
I hope you enjoyed yourself.
And I hope you continue to
go out, and support, and just
laugh, and have a good time.
I had more fun than you did.
I love you, guys.
I'll see you soon, New Orleans.
God bless you.
Take really good
care of yourself.
[cheers and applause]
[music playing]
"Madea on the Run."
It's a must-see.
We love this show, Tyler Perry.
Right.
I must thank you. A truly
fantastic, awesome show.
You have to see it,
Madea was on the run.
Absolutely amazing.
I haven't laughed this much
since the last play I came to.
He is hilarious.
Oh, my god.
I'm coming back next
time he's in New Orleans.
Oh, I loved the play.
I have been a Tyler Perry
addict for over 20-some years.
I have never, ever
missed any of his plays.
I'm very excited.
I've never missed a play,
from the first beginning
when he started till now.
I love Tyler Perry.
I love all his
movies, all his plays.
And I have never missed not one.
The show is
actually really good.
This was my first
Tyler Perry show that I
actually experienced by myself.
To see it live, face to
face, then when you're watching
it on TV.
When you see it on DVDs,
you're at home, or his house,
in your PJs, or whatever, you
still get an awesome show.
But being in person,
you get everything
brought along with it.
And I love it.
What I liked about the play
was he came out of character.
It made everyone more involved
and when he was going.
And he related to the city
and the people that was in it.
And he also always put
a message in his plays.
I loved the spiritual
portion of it.
I think he always has a message.
The message that he brings--
you know, the scriptures,
along with learning
that you reap what you sow
has really impacted my life.
The storyline was very
relevant to today's topics.
He used a lot of ad
libs for New Orleans,
because of course,
he's from New Orleans.
I love that part.
The play was amazing,
full of energy.
I really loved the crowd
interactions that he did,
the old school, kind
of like, tribute.
I loved it-- the
songs, the singing,
the actors, the actresses.
Amazing.
The singing, the acting.
Everything is just great.
I'm having the best
time of my life.
This is my first
time out in forever.
And I decided to come here the
see the Madea show.
And I'm very, very excited.
I'm extremely happy.
I'm a big fan of Tyler Perry.
Love you, Tyler Perry.
And through all of
your success, it's
great that you still come and
help your fans see you live.
I love you, Tyler Perry.
Keep up the good work.
We had a wonderful time.
We love you, Madea.
Keep on coming, Tyler.
We love you.
Come back home.
We love you, Tyler Perry.
Mwah.
[laughs]
[music playing]
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.