Made in America (1993) - full transcript

Are you crazy?

Whoa!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Good morning, Sarah.

Here you go.

Watch it, lady!

Fine.

Hi, Sarah.
How you doing?

Slow down!

Let's go!

♪ Somewhere over the rainbow ♪



- Morning.
- Mm.

- You're getting crumbs on my counter.
- What will be, will be.

- Excuse me. Can I get a little space here?
- Oh, excuse us!

- Well, just get out of the way.
- Attitude.

Oh, for me? Thank you!

No, not for you.
Thank you.

Oh, do we have to listen to
this horrible jungle music, Christine?

- Do you have to work here?
- Yes, I do.

- Is somebody twisting your arm?
- Yes, you are.

It would be bad luck if,
at least one day a week,

you didn't have a real African Queen
working on the premises.

Stop humping at me.

Don't do it again.

I still say I should wear the crown.



I'm gonna slap the shit--

Welcome to the African Queen.

Come right in, ladies.
Right this way.

- Thank you.
- Oh, I love this.

Thank you.

Okay, gang, listen up.

I want you to open
your books to page 600.

On page 602,

you're gonna find an illustration
on blood and the vascular.

Reuben, enough with the graffiti
into the biology, huh?

Stop whining.

We can, we can work together.

Great.

Give me your finger.

- Whoa! Don't be grabbing me, girl.
- Just give me your finger.

Aah!

- Aah!
- Stop.

You cut me!

Keep it down, gang.
Keep it down.

- I got couple of announcements.
- Something funny?

- Your cap and gown fitting is on the 4th.
- Call your mothers.

Mr. Jackson wants everyone to know...

how pleased he is with the turnout...

for the condom
demonstration and dispersal.

Yes. Go figure.

I'm type O.

The senior practice--

♪ O o o o o ♪

♪ - O o o o o ♪
- Stop, silly.

When you're finished
with your blood type,

please, turn to page 158 attachment.

You are, da dow...

AB.

Let's do it again.

Why?

Something's wrong.

What?

I'm AB.

Zora?

Zora, what's the matter?

Zora!

- Is that, is that good?
- Yes.

- Okay.
- Yes, yes, I do.

- All right. I'm, I'm gonna pull--
- Ma!

- What you doing home from school?
- Ma, you lied to me.

What are you talking about?

Before Dad died,
you had an affair.

You slept with someone else.

Thank God this happened
on one of my work days.

Shut up.

Your blood type is A,
Charlie's was O,

and I just came out AB.

- Ma, that is not genetically possible.
- Oh!

Look, why don't we go somewhere
and talk about this quietly?

- Come on, okay?
- Ohh!

Oh. Hey. Excuse me.
I'm terr--

- Take care of this.
- Wait. You don't have to go anywhere.

Ma, it was a sperm bank.

That is undignified.

Well, maybe to some people.

But, hey, I'd just lost
the biggest love of my life.

I thought, maybe,
I could make myself another.

Sit down.

And I did, I got you.

I never wanted you
to find out like this.

I really wanted to
tell you before this.

I just...

I was chicken.

And I'm sorry.

'Cause this was not
the right way for you to find out.

It's okay.

You sure?

It's okay.

Okay.

You have no idea
who the guy was?

No.

I mean, listen,
the door opened,

the tray came in,
and he was this tall, okay?

- Ma!
- What?

It was in a little vial.

I didn't know what to say.
It didn't speak.

How could I know who it was?

I didn't care!

I asked for the best they had.

You know, black, smart,
not too tall.

All the things you are.

And look what they made.
They made magic.

They made you.

So, you bought sperm.

Yes! yes!
I bought the sperm.

Ah, ah!

- How much did it cost?
- Why?

- I just want to know.
- Are you gonna buy some?

No.

It doesn't matter.
Come on.

Would it make you feel better
if I said it was free?

Somebody just handed it
to me on the street,

and I used it at home?

It doesn't matter.

But Ma, I could have a father.

Let me tell you something.

You had a father.

His name was Charlie.

and he was the best.

He was great.

Life is great.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay!
- Okay.

Hey, are you sure
you even want a father?

I mean, they can be
real assholes sometimes.

Look, you don't have to do this.
I'm prepared to go alone.

No, no, that ain't it.

Well, and besides,
I might get a chance...

to meet my future father-in-law.

Tea Cake, please!

What? You're the one that said
you wanted to marry me.

Yeah, but I was 7!

Yeah, but you was a mature 7.

Just be my friend, Tea.
Boyfriends come and go.

Baby, I'll come and go.
Where do we start?

You nasty.

Yeah, you better take advantage of this.

I might not live down the street
for the rest of your life.

Take the first exit off the bridge.

- All right.
- Left.

Make a left at the light.

Hey, look, girl, at some point
you have to tell me where we're going.

No, I ain't want to be following you
around like some honeydew sucker.

Why not?
You've been doing it for years.

Are the rules suddenly changing?

Look, just tell me what the sign
on the building is gonna say.

California Cryobank.

- What kind of bank is that?
- It's a sperm bank.

All right. Listen,
I'm making a U-turn.

No! Wait.
It's, it's right there, Tea.

Look, for 17 years,
I thought he was dead.

But it's not true,
I have a father.

Oh, I see.

So, you think, you're just
gonna walk up in here and say,

"Uh, excuse me,
17 years ago,

"a man came in
to make a deposit.

"He looked a little like me, maybe?"

- Be quiet.
- Oh, what?

"Anyway, could you give me
his name and number 'cause...

"he's my daddy."

Honeydew, shut up.

Can I help you?

Yes. Uh, I have a friend here...

who's interested in donating.

No, you don't!

He's a little shy.

Surely.

For today, he needs
to fill out the forms,

and leave blood
and sperm samples.

Only 15 percent of applicants
end up becoming donors.

If he qualifies,

he'll be paid $40 per donation,

with no more than three
deposits allowed per week.

- Mm.
- Oh, thank you.

Look, uh, hey.
Come on, Z. I mean...

I can't just go in there and...

wrestle with the bald-headed champ.

What's the big deal?

It's not like you've
never done it before.

I--

That's my business.

Are you ready?

Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.

We have magazines...

as well as videotapes.

Which would you prefer?

Um,

the, the videotapes, please.

This way, please.

He'll have to do the rest alone.

Oh, I just need to use the bathroom.

- Second door on the right.
- Thanks.

Mommy.

Oh, come on, man!

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

- Now, we're talking.
- Sorry.

No creams or lotions.
They get into the sample.

Please, don't grab the sink
during collection.

One man ripped it off the wall.

- Mm.
- We pay by volume.

You must reach the top line
even to be considered.

Damn!

Any questions?

Well, yeah. I was--

How am I supposed to fill this up?

I can't fill it.

Mm, good motility.

Yes, it's very good.

Count's up from last time.

Okay, I'm gonna take off.

I ain't doing it.

Is somebody in there?

Oh, God.

Oh, it feels so good.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, this key!

What are you doing here?

I thought this was the bathroom.

I'm calling security.

I didn't do anything!

Nurse, I need another cup.

Zora!

Where you going?

I found my father.

Heaven.

Heaven.

- Oh, Heaven.
- Huh?

Up, I go. Down, I go.

Up, I go. Down, I go.

Up, I go. Down--

Oh, God.

They're getting whiter.

They're getting whiter!

You should bleach your teeth!
I swear, it's so cool!

Oh, yeah.
Good idea, sweetheart.

Rise and shine, Mr. Bunny-butt.

Huh? Oh.

Wait a minute, honey.

Oh, where you go?

♪ I have the whitest teeth in the world ♪

♪ I have the biggest closet in the world ♪

♪ I know ♪

Hello. I'm dressed.

I'm leaving. Kiss goodbye.

Okay. That's enough.

Step class in 20 minutes.

Bye.

Ooh! Very young.

Very cute.

Hello, there.
Can I help you?

Hi. I'm looking for a Hal Jackson.

Well, look no further.

Is he inside?

You're talking to him.

To Halbert Jackson?

The one and only.

You're white.

Well, that's true, darling

But, when we're alone in the dark,

what difference is that gonna make?

No, see, I'm looking for
the Halbert Jackson...

whose social security
number is 540-82-9789.

Are you a process server?

- What's that?
- Did my ex-wife send you?

'Cause, goddamn it!

We settled all that
alimony shit last year!

No more legal crap.
She agreed.

No, wait! Wait!

I'm, I'm sorry, but I don't know
anything about your ex-wife.

Oh!

Hell, uh, I'm late.
Don't get me wrong.

I think we're good together.
We got a, a thing, a connection.

But, uh, I got to go.

So, if you want to keep talking,
why don't you hop on in here.

Come on, make up your mind, honey.
I, I gotta get to work.

Coming or going?

Well, that's a shame.

No!

Aw, there you go.

All right.

Where do you work?

Jackson Motors.

"Because real cowboys
are strong and tough.

"So are American trucks.

"And don't forget...

"Hal's your pal."

What'd you say your name was again?

Uh, Zora.

Zora Mathews.

Wait a second.
Are you the young lady...

that Daryl's been telling us about?

I don't think anyone's told you about me.

Hey, Diego!
Front and center!

Oh, my.

Lady over there
laughing at the ground.

Ah, women.

Gotta love 'em.

- Morning, Russel.
- You're late.

Well, of course, I'm late, Teddy.

Hello there, folks.
How y'all doing?

Jesus Christ!

A bear? You said llama.

I may have mentioned llama.

But, we did a focus group, and
bears are really big right now.

Boris is getting restless, Ted.

Did you hear that?
You'd better go put on your suit.

Now, this is bullshit, Teddy.
We're done with circus.

You promised me barnyard:

chicken, gees, cows, beavers.

- Who is this guy?
- He, he's the trainer.

Now, you liked the zebra.

Hell, I liked the zebra.

You loved the chimp.
Remember, little Larry?

Larry? yeah, I liked Larry.

Couldn't drive worth shit,
but I liked him.

The bear's gotta work now.
He hasn't eaten yet.

- What the hell happened to his--?
- Nothing!

The light's shit, total shit!

- Now, we had a 7:00 call.
- All right. I, I know.

We're waiting for hours.
What's the problem?

- Why are we using this asshole?
- I don't believe this.

I told you, I never wanted
to see him again.

We're shooting a truck commercial.

He thinks it's Gone With
the goddamn Wind!

What the hell is that supposed
to mean, "the bear hasn't eaten yet"?

- Hey, Jose!
- Morning, Chief.

- It's technical.
- Technical, my ass!

Hello there, Bobby!
Don't give them away.

Oh! Red light!

Hey, how you doing?
Oh, you look beautiful.

Green light.
Selling cars is what you do,

advertising is what I do.

Will you please put on the suit?

The bear's on the clock.
And you're killing me.

Yes, yes, yes.

Hi. Listen, we're getting
40 new trucks in an hour.

Laura's going for take-out.
What do you want?

Uh, three packs of Marlboros
and some cheese.

Yeah. Some cheese.

- You okay?
- Much better.

Are you the girl Daryl
was telling us about?

No, you couldn't be her.

Thank you.

He's done this before, right?

Stand back, now.

I look like my mother.

♪ M is for the million things you gave me ♪

♪ O is-- ♪
Uh-oh.

Oh, look at that.

Shit.

Get! Come on.

Goddamn it!

Oh, God!

What the hell is this?

I need to talk to you.

Oh, hey. You think
you can help me with this?

I kinda got stuck.

Here, just hold on to this.
Now, when I say go, you pull.

All right. Go.

You've got Detroit on line 4. Did--?

- Oh, my God.
- I'll call back later.

That must be the girl Daryl's
been telling us about.

Oh, hell. Look.

Uh, listen, Zorro.

- Uh, I think you're sweet and everything--
- It's Zora.

Zora, whatever. But, uh,

you know, I'm not really into
this whole black-white thing.

Right now, I got myself
a commercial to shoot.

But hey, let's stay in touch,
all right?

- Ciao.
- But, I need to talk to you.

It's really important!
Will you please just listen to me?

- I'll listen to you.
- Okay, okay.

- Does this make us ready?
- Yes, we're ready.

- What? You're wearing this?
- It looks great.

What's with the, uh, the--
What the hell is this?

Oh. Here, hold that for me.

Yeah, we're ready to run
the rehearsal, everybody!

Boris should meet Hal.

- Hal, you gotta meet the bear.
- All right, I'll meet the bear.

- Easy now.
- Hello, Bear. I'm Hal Jackson.

Whoa! Jesus!

- Good, good Boris.
- Whoa!

Down, Boris.
Good boy, Boris.

- Get down, get down.
- Now pay attention.

Now, you're gonna walk him
past the row of trucks with this chain.

Now, remember.
Keep your eyes forward at all times.

Let me work the bear.

That's, uh, oh.

Eyes forward.
Good boy, good Boris.

- Down, Boris.
- Down, Boris.

Eyes forward.

And do not touch the bear
on the back of the head.

And no whistling, whatsoever.

If you have to sneeze, raise your hand.

Make a signal to me,
and I'll protect you.

No sudden moves.

Down, Boris.

Eyes forward at all times.

- No sudden moves.
- Well, taken.

Eyes forward, no sneezing,
no whistling.

Boris is the only working
male bear in the country...

with a full set of teeth and claws.

- Teddy!
- What?

Oh. It's, it's gonna look great.

Let's shoot the rehearsal,
just in case.

- No sudden moves.
- Shooting the rehearsal, people!

- No sudden moves.
- The sign. Is that big enough?

- Oh, Lord!
- Can you read that?

- This is Hal Jackson--
- Fine. He's ready!

- Remember. No sudden moves.
- Do it!

- This is Hal Jackson--
- No, no! Cut, cut, cut!

No closer now.
You see that wire?

It's hot.

It keeps Boris back.

All right. Here we go.

This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson Motors...

asking you to bear in mind.

There's a reason so many
people come down here--

I have to talk to you!

Not now, Zorie.

- Not--
- I need a flag set.

- Teddy, handle this, would you?
- You hear me? No!

This is Hal Jackson.

I have to tell you this myself!

I need to have this
conversation with you!

Do you hear me?
I need to tell you something!

Well, tell me, then.
Whatever it is, just say it.

Damn it.
You're driving me crazy!

You're my father.

What?

- Oh!
- Oh, Jesus!

Give me some room!
Give me some room!

Aye yi yi.

This is so great!

- This has to go. I got it.
- I got it! Shoot it! Shoot it!

Get it. I want it.
You heard me.

- Have their own fact shit.
- Okay.

- Mother!
- Me, me, me, me, me!

All right, hold on to it.

- Wonderful! Keep rolling.
- Oh, my God!

Please call 911!

- Stop that.
- Nice bear.

That bear has never
done that before.

Except that once.

Somebody, help me, please!

No, bear! No.

Piece of shit car.

Where's the guy with one arm?

Nice bear. Nice bear.
Nice bear!

Oh, shit.

- Teddy!
- I'm here for you, babe.

It looks fabulous!

Cut! that's a wrap, people.

This is bullshit.

I mean, you're black.
I'm white.

- This is bullshit.
- I know.

I'm sorry.
I can't believe it either.

This whole thing is horrible.

I mean, I've always been sort of light.

- But, God, not this!
- Well, there you go.

There you go.
It's a mistake.

Oh, ow!
Hell, look at that.

Shoot!

So, you never donated any sperm?

I didn't say that.
But for God's sake,

it was my understanding,
the whole thing was anonymous.

Otherwise, I sure as hell
wouldn't have done it.

It was anonymous.
I, I just found the records.

Well, what the hell's
that supposed to mean,

you found the records?

I took the records
from the computer.

Well, goddamn it!

Don't you have any
respect for privacy?

- Can I help you?
- No.

- No, no.
- Go on, shoo!

Don't you think a person has
the right to know...

who their parents are?

No! no, I don't.

Besides, you've got no real proof.

Stolen medical files don't add up
to a hill of beans in my book.

Will you excuse me
for a second here, Alberta?

Thank you, darling.

Well, we could take
blood tests and find out.

You're missing the whole point.

Look, suppose I am your--

Sup-Suppose I'm the, uh...

Suppose we knew that
I was the contributing party.

Then, why are you telling me this?

You need a spare kidney
or, or some bone marrow?

I mean, for Christ's sake!

It was conception in a plastic cup.

Look, you seem well-adjusted,
like a good kid.

I got nothing to offer you.

Except, maybe,
a deal on a new truck,

or extended warranty
and financing.

Otherwise, I'm sorry.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, there.

Lucy, I'm home!

These earrings are a form of torture.

Okay,

what's going on?

I'm just making dinner.

Just making dinner, huh?

I just wanted to make sure
that you knew...

that even though we fight,

I think you're a great mom.

This is major.

Oh! I hate when you do that.

- I'm sorry.
- Okay.

I'm up.

All right, all right.

How many guesses do I get?

All right.

Did James fall asleep...

listening to that
Judy Garland tape,

and burn down the bookstore?

All right.

You didn't get accepted to MIT?

Are you pregnant?

Listen, stop. Stop this.

Stop for one second.

Tell me what's going on.

Ma, I found my real father today.

He's a mean asshole.

- What?
- I found my father.

Wait a minute. Wait.

What does that mean,

- you found your father?
- I, I went to the sperm bank,

got your file from the computer,

and he's my father.

Ma, it was terrible!

- Are you crazy?
- I'm sorry!

- What did you do?
- I'm sorry!

Okay, I'm, I'm sorry.

Okay, come here.
Come here, come here.

Uh, it's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. Mommy's here.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's all right.

Um, Ma?

You haven't heard the worst part.

What?

He's, um...

He's...

He's a car salesman.

Car salesman?

Yeah.

And, Ma, you're not
gonna believe this,

but, um,

he's a white car salesman.

Wait a minute.
What, what do you mean, white?

He's like, like "white" white?

White, white, white.

You mean, he's like,
like a creamy eggshell kind of tan?

No. Like white.

Like totally white.
Like a white guy.

No. You, you mean that
he was so light,

you thought he was a white guy.

No, he's so light, Ma.
He is a white guy.

What do you mean, he's white?

- I'm sorry.
- I didn't ask--

I didn't want no white--

What is he doing being white?

- He's white.
- I didn't ask for a white man.

I distinctly asked for a black man.

Well, did you see the guy?
I mean, was the guy black?

Didn't I tell you
the man came in in a tube?

He was in the tube.
I couldn't see anything.

Well, you should've asked to see him!

So kill me!
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!

No, don't kill me.

No, I'll kill myself.
How's that?

What do you mean,
he's white?

I can't believe, I--
Wait. You know what?

Forget it.
It doesn't matter, does it?

- It doesn't matter.
- Okay.

It's no big deal. Hell,

your hair's always been fine.
So what?

You're a little bit lighter than me.
Big deal!

Right. I mean,
look at Lacie and, and Rissa.

They're both really light,

and both of their parents
are really dark.

They're my complexion.

And look at those kids
on the Cosby Show.

Oh, please, honey.
Let's not get into that.

You know they're mixed, right?

- Well, of course, they're mixed.
- Okay.

Well, then,
we can never really tell.

Who's gonna tell?
Who cares?

Are you gonna tell somebody?
No!

I'm not gonna tell somebody.
So, let's eat.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay.

Ma, it's even worse.

Oh, please! What?

It's Hal Jackson.

Who?

Hal Jackson.

"Because real cowboys are strong and tough,

"and so are American trucks."

You mean, the schmuck
on the television with all the animals?

"Hal's your pal"?

That's my dad.

This is Hal Jackson
from Jackson Motors.

And this is Larry.

Larry and I just saw
Thelma and Louise together,

and we figure if those
two gals can see America,

well, hell, it's high time we did too.

The old-fashioned way.

Behind the wheel of
a top-of-the-line American vehicle.

Sit down there, Larry,
and grab the wheel.

Here, turn around
and grab the wheel.

There you go.
You're driving big, son.

So, come on down
to Jackson Motors,

and see the specials we got
going on cars and trucks.

It could change your life.

I know Larry's gonna change mine.

Larry's my pal.

Don't forget,

Hal's your pal.

All right, give me five here, Larry!

All right. Grab your pistola
here and let's go.

Adios, folks.

Go on, you can pick
your nose later.

Grab the wheel.
Let's do some driving.

Ha, ha.

Idiot.

Oh, Lord!

Stupid bear.

You are beautiful
because you are you,

unique, and individual.

But, maybe you don't believe this...

- because your beauty can't...
- Oh, Lord!

completely be seen.

Maybe, you have
unwanted extra weight.

Maybe, bad skin.

Maybe, poor posture.

Maybe, facial hair.

Close your eyes right now,

and visualize these
negatives disappearing.

See the new,

more beautiful you emerging.

Ima--

Good morning.
I need to speak to somebody...

in your records department.

We're looking for books
on weddings.

Her daughter Cindy's getting married.

- Mm, finally.
- Well, that's nice.

But, I only carry books with
traditional African ceremonies.

Well, that's a start, I guess.

Yes, um,

look, 17 years ago,

- I purchased some...
- Did she mean, over here?

- some, uh...
- Let's go see her.

- We can't find the wedding books.
- Mm-mm.

Over by the voodoo dolls.

Oh!
Oh!

Sperm. I bought sperm.

I asked for an African-American.
I don't think that's what I got.

I filled out all of these forms.

Nobody seems to be able to tell me--

Are the books in order of
subject matter or by author?

- Author.
- Who's the author of the wedding book?

Babe, I'm on the phone here.

I don't know.

My life is hanging in the balance,

and you wanna talk to me
about authors.

- Would you just do your thing?
- What thing?

Look, I, I just don't think
I got what I paid for.

Why? Why do all complaints
have to come in writing?

It's obvious to me
you people can't read.

Do the "Urban Bush Woman"
t-shirts come in petite?

What exactly is an urban bush woman?

Me! Me!
I'm an urban bush woman!

- I'm an urban bush woman!
- Oh!

No, this is not a mix-up.

A mix-up is when you order
a hamburger and get a cheeseburger,

or when you bring your clothes
to the dry cleaner...

and they give you somebody
else's clothes. That's a mix-up.

What I'm talking about
is a major mistake in my life!

I hate it when the dry
cleaners make mistakes.

Oh, and they say

the chemicals in dry cleaning
are very bad for you.

I know.

Who are you people?
Shut up!

Get away from my counter.
I'm busy!

Go over there until I finish
this conversation,

- and then I will help you.
- Well, all right.

Now, listen, all you have to do is--

Hello?

Hello?

Damn it.

Well, her attitude isn't very helpful.

No, but her necklace is very interesting.

I guess that explains why you like
that surfing music shit, huh?

That is not funny, Tea.

That's messed up a white dude.

I should've never told you.

No, that's cool. Hey, didn't the dude say
he could get you a deal on a truck?

Yeah, right.
That's amazing, huh?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, there's a crazy difference...

between factory sticker
and what they charge you.

- Big deal, Tea.
- It is a big deal.

Come on, you know my parents
are getting me a car for graduation.

Look, I'm taking you down there
just to show you the place,

not to get you a deal on a car.

So, get over it, all right?

You're just mad 'cause you're white.

- Shut up!
- Shut up!

We're gonna crash.

How many trucks sold this morning?

- Not a single one.
- Aw, come on, folks.

First rule of sales: Enthusiasm.

- Morning, darling.
- Walk the dog.

Look at this.

Toyota lowered prices.

All right. How much?

Five percent across the board.

Well, hell, that makes me feel great!

Didn't make any of us feel great.

That's because you're missing
the big picture, Jose.

They had to lower prices.

We got ourselves a better product.

You know, all you need is
conviction of belief.

I'll bet you $100,

I can nail the next person
to walk through that door.

Oh! I'm in.

Hey, I can do that.

All right.

- Here's my money.
- A little life in here.

- Who's holding? Paula?
- I am. I am.

All right. There you go.

Contract signature from
the next person to step inside.

But if not, forget the money,
just lower prices.

All right. How much
you got there, Paula?

Twenty and--

Piece of cake.
Hold that for me, will you?

Can I have my hat, Paula?

Hey, there!
I'm Hal Jackson.

Welcome to the best selection,

the finest-built cars and trucks...

this side of Detroit.

Don't touch me.

Well, of course not.
No, ma'am.

Uh, well, hell, I understand
what's happening here.

There's a recession going on.

I'll tell you what?

No down payment.

Now, you're looking for
something special today?

Yeah.

Your head on a stick.

This is gonna be a tough sale.

What?

Well, now, uh...

Is it just trucks you have
a problem with, or is it me?

Just you.

Say, are you the young lady...

who is from the animal rights group?

No, I'm not.

I'm Zora Mathews' mother.

Oh.

Wow.

All right. You wanna
step inside for a minute?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Damn! Check that out.

Hey, maybe, I'm making
a mistake getting a truck.

I think we might be making
a mistake by coming down here.

- Hey.
- No, no, no.

It's kind of flashy,
but flashy can be good.

- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hi.

You look better.
A lot better.

Flashy can also mean
you're a penis head.

This is Tea Cake.

You're her little brother?

Kiss my ass.

- Oh, excuse me. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Let's get something straight
right now, okay?

There's no way you're the father.

I knew there was some kind of screw-up.

Yeah, well,
I ordered a black man.

Well, thank God.

So, what seems to be the problem?

What seems to be the problem?

I'll tell you what the problem is.

My daughter came to you
to pour her heart out,

and you offered her a kidney.

Now, who the hell
do you think you are?

Oh, no, wait a second, lady.

She caught me off guard.

I mean, I donated an ounce
of sperm 18 years ago,

and today some kid wants
to call me "Daddy".

Excuse me.

She does not want to call you "Daddy".

- Fooled the hell out of me.
- Oh, did it?

Why does that surprise me?

Because you are a fool.
You know what else you are?

You are the scum that
clogs up the cable stations.

And you know what else?

Even if you were black,
I wouldn't like you.

So, you stay the hell away
from my kid, understand?

Now listen!
Who's following who around?

She came to me first.

I tell you what?
You keep her away from me!

Are you giving me face?

What the hell does that mean?

- Good morning. Could I interest you--?
- No.

0 for 2.

Hello. Can I interest you
in a test drive...

of a new model car truck?

Well, yeah, yeah.

I'll, I'll look at whatever
you wanna show me.

Well, good. Why don't you
come this way?

- Me or my daughter?
- I had no intention...

- of judging you or your--
- Ma.

- Oh, great.
- What are you doing here?

Yeah. Good question.

The question really is,
what are you doing here?

Look, wait a minute.

Anyone mind if I have a cigarette?

Yes, I do mind.

Ma, this is his office.

But, these are my lungs.

Let him kill himself,
and not me.

All right, all right, all right.

How about a drink, then?
You got a problem with that?

No, I don't.
Why don't you make it two?

What? Ma. I don't believe this.
Ma, you never drink hard liquor.

What a shame!

- Make it a double.
- Mm.

All right.
One drink coming up.

You know, I noticed that
you're having a hard time...

keeping yourself in school these days.
Thank you.

I just wanted to talk to Hal.

You know, a good education
is invaluable, young lady.

She knows that.

She's going to Berkeley,
next fall.

Well, I wanted to go to Berkeley.

I got into MIT,
and that's my first choice.

Yeah, well, she doesn't
really wanna go...

all the way to Boston.

Yes, I do really wanna go
all the way to Boston.

But, we can't afford it, can we?

My science teacher is
helping me with scholarships.

Ahh!

You know, she's always
winning stuff like that.

I mean, she's the best.
Look at her.

I mean, she's so cute,
she's so smart.

- Look how cute she is.
- Ma.

- Are you, baby?
- Mom, don't start.

Sorry.

First you don't
want me to go to Boston,

now I'm winning all
these awards for what?

Well, I just think you could
take all the awards you win...

and use them in Berkeley.

This is really good.

Ma, I don't want to go to Berkeley.

I wanted to go to Berkeley.

Who asked you?

The-- Never mind.

Can I have some more?

You've got to sit down in this baby.

Just wait.

- Mm.
- See?

- I like this.
- See?

That's a good color for you.

Yeah. Yellow.

You're not feeling too nervous
about buying a truck, are you?

No. No, not at all.

Good. Most men aren't, I find.

You working now?

Yeah, yeah.

Good.

May I ask where you work?

At a bank.

At a bank.

And what department would that be?

Uh, deposits.

Deposits.

And withdrawals?

No. Just deposits.

Mm. Mm, cool.

- Key.
- Ooh!

Nuts.

Isn't it?

♪ You put Your right foot in ♪

♪ You put your right foot out ♪

♪ You put Your right foot in ♪

♪ And then you shake it all about ♪

- ♪ You do the hokey-pokey ♪
- Ma?

Let's just go home.

- Let's go talk about college.
- I wanna sing.

I think that's a good idea.
Why don't you all go home?

Who asked you?

Ma, This is his office.
Now, let's go.

I know this is his office.

I know that.
Look at this place.

I mean, please.

Look at it.

Cheesy wood.

Bowling trophies.

Western motif makes me ill.

Of course!
And the titty sisters!

This is absolutely his office.

And look,
green shag carpeting.

My fave.

- And what's this?
- Ah!

Hi.

Hi. Look at her.

Oh, no. Al, no.

Alberta. Thank you, Alberta.
That'll be all, honey.

Yeah, o-okay.

Is that your mom?

His mom?

You got a problem with my office?

No. It's just that
she hates shag carpeting.

Mom, let's go!

- Please!
- Don't apologize for me.

I have a big problem with him.

Now wait a second,

she can say whatever
she wants to.

She's got rights.

Why don't you just butt out?

I'd love to butt out,

but it's my office!

You don't have to keep
repeating that, you know?

I'm aware we're in your office.

Mom, let's go home, right now.

I'm not ready to go yet!

I have a point to make here!

What? What is your point?

I'll tell you what my point is.

My point is this:

We don't want you.
You don't want us.

Let's keep that clear.

You are not the father.

And even if you were,

we still wouldn't want you.

Hell, she doesn't look
anything like me.

Well, thank God for that--

I'm gonna sit down.

Ma, are you, are you okay?

Huh?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

So.

Where'd you park?

Uh, down, down the sidewalk.

Oh, I do that too.

She rode her bicycle.

Oh.

Well, maybe we ought to...

- Yeah.
- Yeah. All right.

Here we go.

Thank, thank you, thank you,
thank you for, thank you for having us.

Oh.

We're cutting prices.

Yes!

It's all right.

I don't like white people.

Hey, I think I bought a truck.

Whoo!

- Stop it.
- Say, I tell you what?

Why, why don't we put the bicycle
in the back of the truck?

- I'll drive you where you're going.
- I told you, I don't need any help.

Goodbye.

Zora, right?

Yes.

You kind of caught me
by surprise yesterday, Zora.

I want to apologize
if I hurt your feelings.

It's okay.

I'm sorry that my mom
showed up here.

No problem.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Shit!

Oh, Christ!

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Goddamn it!

What is wrong with you...

- going around that corner like that?
- You live around here?

Are you crazy?
Now, look, stop the car!

Stop!

Oh, look at that,
a parking space.

Just pull over!
Goddamn it, pull the car over!

Just let me out here.

- Are you gonna unlock the door or what?
- Are you out of your mind?

- Come on and unlock this damn door...
- Good morning to you, sir.

before I slap you!
Goddamn it!

I can't stand your ass!

Son of a bitch!
What is wrong with you?

What are you crazy? What are you crazy
coming around that corner?

Where do you think you are, in LA?

Goddamn crazy white people.

- Hello there, folks!
- Hi, man. How you doing?

Thank you very much for the ride!

Do you mind if I come in
and drain the lizard?

If you drain the...

Does that mean you have
to go to the bathroom?

- Uh-huh.
- Fine. Come on in!

You crazy...

You locked us in.

We were gonna call 911,

but then, we started reading books.

I'll take these.
They're fascinating.

We'll take everything.

And I am so sorry, dear.

I really had no idea
we'd done so many awful things.

Hello.

Hello.

Ladies.

Hell of an idea.

Lock the customers in
till they buy something.

Wonder if that works with trucks.

Oh, my God!
Look at this place.

Book city.

You read all this?

The bathroom's upstairs on the right.

Oh, we haven't been up there.

No. There's nothing up there to buy.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Well, we have a check
all made out for you,

including tax at seven and a half percent.

Oh, no, no, no.
It's eight and a half.

- Maybe, you're right.
- Who cares?

- Well?
- You're done.

- Oh. Thanks.
- Well, thank you.

- That's great.
- Happy wedding.

- Bye.
- Let me help you.

- Okay.
- Bye-bye, ma'am.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Bye-bye, ladies!

- Bye.
- Bye-bye, now.

- Bye.
- Whoo!

Black authors up the wazoo.

Yeah, I read black authors,
you know.

Wilt Chamberlain book
changed my life.

Oh, wait a second here.

Maybe, I don't have to go anymore.

Nope, there it is.

Little silvery feeling.

The call of the wild.

♪ Wild thing ♪

♪ You make my heart sing ♪

♪ Wild thing ♪

♪ You make my heart sing ♪

♪ You make everything ♪

♪ Groovy ♪

Is this the guy?

Is who what guy?

The guy.

The guy that was supposed to be
Zora's father, but isn't because...

you know?

Yeah.

That's my husband, Charles.

Charlie.

Looks nice.

Was he nice?

Yeah, he was nice.

Never remarried?

Tthh. No.

I mean,

what's the point?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm divorced.

Twice.

Right now, I'm...

living with someone.

Hm.

Never had any children.

Huh.

That's Zora!

Looks like a nice kid.

Oh.

She's a great kid.

I don't know what
I would've done without her.

Family really is the way to go.

I live to enjoy myself.

Funny thing, sperm.

Well, what do we got here?

"Jesus was a black man."

Well.

Well, at least you got
yourself a point of view.

Boy, must be a real bummer
having a half-white kid.

Fuck you.

Apparently, we already did that.

You know what?
Get out.

You know, for being
such a free spirit,

you are surprisingly uptight.

And you, not surprisingly,
are a pain in the ass.

It turns out that
I have a daughter...

that I never even heard about.

You don't have a daughter.

I have a daughter.
You have a car dealership.

I thought we straightened all this out.

Fine by me.

But, are you sure
it's fine with her?

I mean, she's the one
that hunted me out.

Maybe, she wants to see me.

I don't think so.

Come on now. I was always
good at math and science.

Maybe, I had something
to do with that part.

You had nothing to do with it.
Nothing.

Do you understand me?

I understand you, Your Highness.

See? I can't talk to you anymore.

It's okay.

- I'm out of here.
- Mm-hm.

Have a nice life.

I will.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay. What's up?

You think he's my father?

Look.

All he was, was some sperm...

with one motivated swimmer.

That's all.

I just wish I could've
asked him a few questions.

Why? The man is so dumb,
what was he gonna tell you?

Forget it. It's over.
Leave it alone.

- I know, Ma, but you don't--
- Please.

I really don't want to talk
about this anymore, okay?

Okay.

Ma, uh, just one thing.

What?

When you were alone with him,
did he say anything about me?

Is it really that important to you?

Yes.

Well, yeah, he did.

He said, uh,

that you seemed really smart,

and really confident.

He also said he thought
you were really beautiful.

Really?

Yeah.

- Really?
- I cross my heart. Yeah.

That's cool.

Good night.

Good night, my daughter.

I love you.

I love you too.

It's not true.

But, it's cool.

This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson Motors,

asking you to bear in mind...

that there's a reason
so many people come to us...

for deals on cars and trucks.

There's no offer
I won't consider.

Now, I'm gonna wrestle with you
over the down payment.

Daddy?

Sarah?

Daddy!

Oh, Daddy!

I found you.

- They said you were dead, but--
- Try this!

You should try this.

Hal?

Hal, you should try this.

- Mm-hm.
- Don't you know me, Daddy?

I'm Sarah! I'm Sarah!

The final price will be shocking!

But, I'm Sarah!

Yes.

Yes.

Sarah!

My baby.

Her Majesty, the Queen.

My daddy.

- Hello.
- Hey, how you doing?

All right.

Where's Zora?

Uh, uh, she just left.

Oh.

Did she go get lunch?

Um, well, you, you know,

she never really tells me.

So, I, I don't know.

You don't know?

What do you mean you don't know?
Where is she?

Don't ignore me.

- You better tell me where she is,
- Ow!

or I'm gonna rip out your trachea.

- Oh, Zora.
- Yeah, Zora.

She went down to the car dealership.

- What?
- Ow! She went, I didn't go.

Ow!

This is Hal Jackson
of Jackson Motors,

inviting you to come on down
and see the circus of deals...

we got going on the latest
model cars and trucks.

- Tiny, down!
- Tiny, down.

Don't forget,

10% back means...

10% more peanuts in your pocket.

Isn't that right, Tiny?

Or did you forget again?

Cue Tiny. Great.

Cueing Tiny.

- High-ho, Tiny!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Cut!

Cut, cut. Reset.

Reset, Tiny.

Resetting, Tiny.

- Reset.
- What the hell you mean "cut"?

Now, we're losing you
when Tiny rears up.

- Okay, we're ready to go again.
- Oh, my God, she's back.

More energy this time now.

- Uh.
- Concentration, Hal.

- Teddy, give me a cigarette, quick.
- What?

- You, you're talking to me, okay?
- I don't have time for cigarette.

- I need to shoot.
- Just shut up and give me the damn...

- cigarette, will you?
- That's big one.

- Great.
- Excuse me.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hey, lady, hey! Hello!

This is Hal Jackson...

- of Jackson Motors, inviting you to...
- This is supposed to be a closed set.

come on down and see the,
see the circuit.

Whoa! Hey!

On trucks.

Hey!

- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

And, and don't forget, 10% back means
10% more peanuts in your pocket.

Isn't that right, Tiny?

Or did you forget again?
Oh, no, no, Tiny.

Uh-oh.

Ma!

Whoa!

What's happening?

Here we go again.

- Alert the media!
- What?

The press!
Call the press!

- Ah! Ma, look.
- What?

Holy moly!

- Oh, oh, whoa.
- Oh, shit!

Oh, my God!

Oh, oh!

Stop ringing the goddamn bell!

We're right behind you, babe!

Stop ringing the goddamn bell!

Oh, shit!

Oh!

Get to the corner. The corner.

Stop ringing the goddamn bell!

Oh, shit!

Stop ringing the goddamn--

Ow! Whoo.

No!

- Shit!
- Perfect time.

You better be shooting!
You cut, you die!

You cut, you die!

This is fabulous!
It's all fabulous!

Oh! Come on.

Oh! No, no!
Move, move!

Move! Move!

Oh, Lord, help!

Hal, it's Kimberly.

You never called.

Oh, hi.

Stop! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, my God!

Coming through.
Watch your feet.

Coming through.

Please, stop ringing
the goddamn bell!

Whoa.

Keep rolling! Keep rolling!

Ta-da!

Whoo!

Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you. I'm alive.

- Ma!
- I'm lucky. I'm lucky.

Thank you, baby.

It wasn't my fault.

Wait, wait!

- Wait till you see the footage.
- Shut up!

Two news crews showed up.

I'm alive. Thank you

Are you okay?

- Yes, I'm fine.
- Ma, not you.

Are you all right?

Do I look all right to you?

What? Wait. Hey, hey,
what are you doing?

The elephant was following the bell.

Your bell.

This...

- This goddamn bell.
- Look out!

- It was?
- Oh, shit.

Yeah. He was.

He was following my bell?

I thought you were dead
at that intersection.

That was close, wasn't it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

My bell.

You mean, you ended up
in the water because of my bell?

I'm sorry.

Wait, wait!

You know something?
You can go to hell.

Oh, if I could follow you,
I'll ring my bell,

so you know it's me.

He's really pissed.

You're gorgeous
when you're wet.

Just take my word for it.

It was a disaster.

Goddamn disaster.

I hear elephants can
be very, very violent.

Plus, did you know something?
They're pregnant for two years.

Two years.
Can you imagine that?

And then the baby elephant comes out,

has this really bristly hair.

Turn over.

Stacy, honey,

my whole career's
gone down the toilet,

and you're talking about
pregnant elephants?

Aw, monkey man,
you're full of stress.

There's a point right here
in your hand...

that if I squeeze,
close your eyes,

this isn't going to hurt.

Does that feel better?

- That's better, isn't it?
- Ow.

- Turn over again.
- Oh. Ooh!

You know something?

If you did lose your business,

you could always take the time
to explore your artistic side.

Like, I always thought
you had the hands of somebody...

who could be a surgeon,

or play the violin or something.

But Stacy, honey.

I know what you're going to say.

Nobody listens to the violin anymore.

And that's true.
But, you know what?

You could make them
do it by playing it...

in a whole new way,
like, for example,

more bluesy, perhaps, or...

Rap! Rap! Rap!
Rap even!

You could do it
like a rap--

Oh.

Oh, sorry. I, oh.

Your head hurts, doesn't it?

Do you want me to, um,

maybe, sing you a song or something?

Okay.

No. No, please don't.

It's a very nice song.

Music can be so healing.

This is the song.

♪ Doctor Long ♪

♪ Doctor Song ♪

♪ Nice song ♪

♪ Makes you feel better ♪

♪ Hum along ♪

♪ Warm chords surround you ♪

♪ Surround you ♪

♪ And make you strong ♪

♪ 'Cause you sit here singing ♪

♪ Nice ♪

♪ Long ♪

♪ Song ♪

Oh.

What's going on?

No, no, no.
Hold on a second.

Wait, wait, stop the car.
I can explain.

Chief, I'm so glad you're here.

What's going on?
Are they repossessing everything?

No! Nobody's repossessing anything.
Everything's selling.

It was that whole Tiny thing
that went big.

You're a smash.

Hey, Bobby, get over here.
What's happening?

Money, money.
We're making money!

Sign this. It's beautiful.

- They're just flying out of here.
- Hey, boss, hey! Hey!

It's like you always said,

we got a better product.

If we can get them into the door,
they'll buy it.

It's you and that elephant lady.

You're on every
news broadcast in the city.

You're a hit, cowboy!
You're a hit!

- Where's the lady?
- Where's Tiny?

Who? Oh, the elephant.

Drowned, I guess.

Oh, now, I'm sorry, little girl.
I didn't mean anything by that.

I'm just kidding.
Uh, carry on. Carry on.

Well, hello, ladies.

Look at you all.

Over here!
Over here, please!

I'll be damned!

Yes!

Look, let me just show you this truck.

This truck was made for love.

Look at the size of this cab.

You can give birth in this cab.

And while you're doing it,

you can listen to the radio,
AM, FM, UHF, VHF.

So, what time are you done?

Well, I teach until 10.

You have dinner plans,
don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're all
going out and celebrating.

- Good night, boss.
- Good night, Bobby.

Unbelievable day.

We damn nearly sold
every car on the lot.

Hm.

Oh, that's nice.

All right.
I'll, I'll see you later.

Okay.

Goodbye, baby.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Mm. Good.

You have very strong hands.

Thanks.

Get out of here.
It's late.

I'm going.

Boy, I'll tell you, huh?

Perfect night for a celebration.

Sure is.

- Night.
- Good night.

Jamaica, man, this close.

Night, chief.

- Whoo!
- Hey, Jose!

They wiped us out.

Whoo! I'm telling you.

Stripped us clean.

Yeah!

So what are you gonna do?

- You're gonna celebrate?
- Oh, sort of.

Tonight's my poker night.

How about you?
You got any plans?

Yeah. I'm covered.

- I'll see you, man.
- All right. Good night.

- Good night.
- And what a night!

- Whoo!
- Hell of a night!

Hey, Mrs. Mathews.

Mm,

I'm a little concerned.

Hey, it's like,
what do we actually know...

about this guy that Zora's
going out with tonight?

Well, you, didn't you
check him out...

or, or whatever parents
are supposed to do?

Why are you still here?

Don't you have any dignity?

You need to go home.

Get the door, please.

Oh, my God!

Hey, this is worse than I thought.

- What is?
- Excuse me.

Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.

You better go put on a jacket.

Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.

You better go put on a jacket.

You better shut up.

Get him out of here
before I kill him?

- Somebody get the door.
- Oh, this how it is?

It's this how we're living?
Okay.

No, that's fine.
That's fine. Okay.

You can go and
flaunt your fun bags...

any way you please.

And, and you know,

I just got one thing
to say to y'all, okay?

Funbag flaunting
only leads to trouble.

Get the door.

Just remember I said it, all right?

Oh.

Yo, it's a white man at the door.

Am I interrupting something?

No. Um,

how are you?

I'm okay.

I brought something
for you and your mother.

Why?

Ma.

I'm not really sure.

There you go.

I'm not good at,
you know, receiving.

And so, I don't want
you to think that...

I don't like it.

Which in your language means:
Thank you.

Yes. Thank you.

You're welcome.

"The world is waiting for you,

"and here are a few maps,

"in case you get lost
along the way.

"Hal."

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, yeah.

Well, I guess I ought to be going.

I'll walk you out.

- Hey, be cool, man.
- Yeah. Thank you very much.

That was a really nice thing you did.

She's thrilled.

Thank you.

So, are we getting along now?

Come on, what does that mean?

I'm not sure.
I'm just checking.

Hey, Diego,
what are you doing here?

Me, boss?
What are you doing here?

Hi. I'm Zora's mother.

Hi. I'm Diego.
Very nice to meet you.

- Thank you.
- Behave yourself, Tea.

Don't count on it.

- Hi.
- Wow.

Oh, thank you.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

Bye.

You look great.

- So do you.
- She's wearing that?

Yeah, man. That's exactly
what I've been saying!

Thank you.

Hey, Diego, you have
her back here by--

- She got a curfew or something?
- Tell, tell her be home by midnight.

You have her back here by midnight!

- Yeah.
- We will.

Have a good time, you two.

I hope you like to dance.

Oh, I love to dance.

Bye now.

Do you know him?

Yeah, yeah.
He works for me.

- So, if anything happens?
- I'll fire his ass.

Okay.

So, what's up, baby?
You wanna slide out for a minute?

Well, no, I really shouldn't.

Come on, baby. You know,
we'll go see a movie or something.

Well, I'm just, I'm just not
really ready for a commitment.

Um, I, I just wanna take you out.

I said no!

Bitch!

Your mother.

Well.

You probably have plans
for the evening.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna grab something.

What are you gonna grab?

- Eat. I wanna eat.
- Oh.

If you don't have any plans,
you can come along.

Do you want me to come?

Yeah.

I think I do.

Okay. Well, then,
I don't have any plans.

You, you know something?

You could have said that
right off the bat.

Yeah, but you could've
just asked me to dinner.

I have to go change.

Huh, where's the, uh...

Where's the rice and the noodles?

And the fella that flips
the shrimp into his hat?

I shouldn't have let you order.

Half this stuff still looks alive.

But, that's the whole idea.

You know what?

When she was 7,
I gave her one of those,

what you call Suzy Homemaker
kind of oven things.

Yeah, they come with little mixes,

you're supposed to make stuff.
Not her.

She was not interested in baking.

All she wanted to do
was melt stuff in the oven.

Uh, she gets that part from me,
you know?

I only use my oven
to dry my sneakers.

- I believe that.
- Mm, mm, mm.

What the hell!

No! No!

Uh-oh.

Oh, God.

No, you're, you're not
supposed to eat it like that.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Look, Jackson.

- I'll buy you another one.
- Okay.

- Sorry, sir.
- Here, drink this.

- Are you okay?
- Oh, shit.

He just--

He ate, he ate a wasabi ball.

And now his mouth is on fire.

I'm fine.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to laugh,

but you're so funny.

I know that...

now.

You...

Thank you.

All right.
Maybe, just a little more.

Yeah. She just told you:
Silly move, white man.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

You sure?

You know, you're,
you're all glistening.

I think it's from the wasabi.
You might wanna...

try the crab next time.

- It's a little safer.
- Yeah.

No. Next time, I'm ordering.

That's what's happening.

The only thing I can ride
is a horse.

Not once have we shot
a horse commercial.

It's crazy.

That's probably because
you'd look too good on a horse.

I mean, they've gotta make
you look like a wild man.

That's part of the appeal.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yes.

I never thought of it that way.

You smell good.

What?

You smell good.

It's just this lotion I'm using.

May I?

May you what?

Smell you.

Thought you already did that.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I could get lost in that smell.

I could just close my eyes,
and no one would ever find me.

Oh, no.

Somebody would find you.

I don't know. Maybe,
you could send up a flare.

You smell like that everywhere?

I really don't know.

I'm not in the habit
of smelling myself.

I can check for you.

You're really something, you know?

I'm just, you know,
I'm not used to this kind of stuff.

Is this how you sell trucks?

It's not like we haven't
been properly introduced.

I don't mean to be crass,

but my sperm has been
in your body.

Oh, and where it goes,
you figure you should follow?

Well, generally,
I like to go first,

but in this case, the little
fellas got there before me.

Oh.

We have had the child, Sarah.

We didn't have a child, Hal.

I had a child.

Well, I'd like to make that up to you.

I just bet you would.

This could get complicated.

Don't worry.
I've done it before.

I bet you have.

Oh, yeah, you're slick.

I'll change.

No.

Don't.

What should I do?

Smell me.

Hello.

Diego, stop.

What's wrong?

I better go home.
It's getting late.

Let's go to my place.
You could stay over.

Are you crazy?
My mother would kill me.

Look, Diego, I like you,
but I hardly know you.

So, let's get to know
each other better.

Please.

Please.

What was that?

It was just the bed, honey.

Just the bed.

Oh, Jesus! Get up.

Oh, hell.

Where's my hat?
I got your shoe.

- I don't know. Where?
- Right here.

- Where's my damn hat?
- My shoe, my other shoe.

Oh!

Oh, jeez.
They're right behind me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the hurry?

That's ridiculous.

- Oh!
- Wait.

Every single time,
you squeeze Thigh Master,

- Hey.
- you strengthen and tone--

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Squeeze your way to shape
your hips and thighs.

We're watching TV.

Yeah, look at that.

- Oh, it's late.
- Time got away from us.

Thigh Master is designed to isolate
and strengthen the knee's muscles.

What happened to the lamps?

Uh, I guess they fell over.

I'll be darned, yeah.

Yeah, well, what were you
watching on TV?

- Studs.
- Talk show.

- Well, talking.
- Talking. They were talking.

- Talking.
- Studs talking together.

Okay. Hey, huh.

Well.

Boss.

Hal junior.

Oh. All right.
Here we go.

- All right. I'll see you.
- Um.

We're out of here, Diego.

Good night, Hal.

Good night, Sarah.

- I'll walk you out.
- Oh, all right.

- Yeah, that would be good.
- Yeah.

Quite a family, huh, man?

I mean, like mother
like daughter, huh?

You know what I mean?

Diego, you lay a hand on that girl,

and I'll kill you personally.

Whoa!

What's it to you?

I'll tell you what it is to me.

She's my daughter.

- Daughter?
- Oh, hell.

I bet you I'm late.

Good night, Diego.

Hm, I'm tired.

So what did you do?

What?

- What?
- You heard me, Ma.

What were you guys doing?

Doing?

- Nothing.
- Oh, really?

So, that's why the house
looks like a cyclone hit it?

What are you talking about?

Ma, you told me
to stay away from him,

but you can do whatever
you want with him?

Zora--

This is my father, Ma,

and he needs me, not you.

My whole entire life,

you brought me up with this fantasy,

this ghost of Charlie,

and then, I finally
bring home something real,

and you wanna take
that away from me!

What are you--?

What is going on?

Ma, I wanted this for me, not you.

Now, when this thing doesn't
work out between the two of you,

where is that gonna leave me?

Sorry, I got hung up, sweetheart.

- Oh, hi, Hal.
- Hey.

You remember Bruce, don't you?

Bruce gave me a lift home.

Sure.

Well, thank you, Bruce.

No biggie.

Hey, have a seat, man.

Where were you?

Oh, I was just...

out driving around and
I lost track of time, honey.

Oh.

I gotta cruise.

Oh, no, no.
You gotta?

Yeah. I gotta.

I hear that. I'm beat.

Hey, the night's just
starting to cook.

Going to hear a new band,
Stinky Nightgown.

Stinky Nightgown?

- Oh, you like them?
- Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
We got all their stuff.

They're gonna record as soon as
the drummer gets out of rehab.

Hey, you dudes wanna
hang with us tonight?

- Oh.
- No problem.

Hey, why don't you go, sweetheart?

I'll bet you'll enjoy that.

Oh, wow! You don't mind?

Hell, no. I want you to go.

Thank you, sweetie.

Let's fly.

Oh. Have one of those sex dreams
about me tonight, okay?

OK.

You're welcome.

He had this dream
where he was a big, stupid dog,

and I was a little smart puppy,

- scare of him.
- Oh, I love dogs.

Ten percent off sticker, Charlie.

Hey, everybody.

- Hey, my favorite chief.
- Good morning.

Oh, my God!
What a beautiful scarf!

You gave it to me.
Christmas '83.

Did I?
You know something, Alberta?

You work too hard.
Take the day off.

- Really?
- Do it now.

Run!

I'm feeling good.

Great.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I was, um, thinking about last night.

Oh, Lord. Me too.

I'm, uh,
I'm talking about Zora.

She was really...

very upset about...

this.

- Us. Uh...
- Why?

Well, just because nobody's
ever come between us before.

Well, sweetheart, I...

I didn't wanna come
between you and Zora.

Well, I know that.

But, uh,

you have.

Well, how?

Wait, uh,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

What did she say?

It doesn't matter what she said.

You know, this would be so much
easier if you were a parent.

Then I could explain it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What is this? It, uh--

Something feels really off here.

Well, uh--

Look, Zora's really upset.

And you couldn't see her upset
for any longer than you could take it.

And this is as long as
I could take it for.

All right, all right, uh--

Let me talk to her, all right?

What are you gonna say?

Huh?

You gonna explain why?
What you gonna say?

Hey, what's the big deal?

Come on, Hal, what was this?

This was nothing but some kind of...

Some kind of what, Sarah?

Well, just some sort of,

you know, attraction, some...

weird old attraction.
I mean, look.

Let's just get out of it
before somebody gets hurt.

All right.

Oh, okay.
I see what this is.

What?

Now, you can go on do
a little speech if you want,

but this is bullshit.

What do you mean, this is bullshit?

Don't give me
your motherly crap about Zora.

What's going on
is you got scared.

What do you mean I got--?
Wait a minute.

You know what?
Just back off.

- Oh, yeah, right.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, right.
Just back off, right?

Walk away,
make your life easy.

You think you can control...

every goddamn thing, don't you?

Hell, you can even have a kid
without even meeting a man.

All you gotta do is
put a bunch of pictures...

on the wall and call it "Daddy."

I got news for you.
It doesn't work that way, Sarah!

Well, I got news for you too.

You stay away from us!

That's what we both want.

You just stay away from us!

Hey, I got a say in this too,
goddamn it!

I'm her father!

I thought I told you to go.

I'm going.

Zora.

I'm sorry.

I can't think of anyplace else to look.

Have you seen my mother?

I'm looking for my mother.

- They said my mother was here.
- Sarah Mathews?

Check at the desk.

Excuse me, we're looking for
Sarah Mathews.

Sir, Sarah Mathews, please.

- Are you family?
- This is her daughter.

- Oh, she came into ER this morning.
- Oh.

We are sustaining her vital signs.

She has a concussion,
and she's still unconscious.

We operated on her leg
this afternoon.

Ma.

She's gonna be okay, right, doctor?

The next 48 hours are critical.

Hr. Jackson,
Ms. Mathews.

At this time, we ask
the family and friends...

to make a blood donation.

Honey, why don't you go first?

Come on. I'll take you.

It's just right down the hall.

Don't worry.

It's gonna be okay.

Did you see that doll
in here right before you?

Mm-mm-mm.

Coffee with just
the right touch of cream.

Whoo, was she hot.

My palms are still sweating.

Blue jeans and red top?

Her butt was a 10.
You saw her?

She's my daughter.

And the interesting thing is
she's AB negative.

It's not very common.

Well, she's an unusual girl.

She won a science award last year.

State contest.
First prize.

You don't say.

Oh, shit.

I mean, it was really an awful fight,

And then,

well, I guess, it's just like
what you're afraid of.

That you'll, you'll yell at
someone and fight with them,

and then,
they'll die or whatever.

I know.

Well, I had a fight
with her too, though.

So, we'll never really know...

which fight actually got her run over.

One thing we do know though is,

neither one of us can
ever fight with her again.

Which is too bad because
she's so damn good at it.

Yeah.

Hell, anybody can fight with me.

You just can't win.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Well, look, you brought the asshole.

My foot hurts.

I think she's okay.

Well,

maybe, I ought to leave you
two ladies alone for a second,

go home and grab some clothes.

I'll be back real soon.

Okay.

Aren't you gonna
smell me goodbye?

Better make it two.

Yeah.

I think there's hope here.

Yeah.

You should have called, man.

You should have called.

Hal?

Hal, we need to talk.

Oh, I don't think
we need to talk, sweetheart.

There was never
really our thing, was it?

You can get down
on your knees to me.

I'm still breaking up with you.

Well, I think you should
break up with me.

Bruce is hell better for you
than I could ever be.

No, I don't think you understand...

what I'm trying to say.

It's over between us,

so don't try and stop me.

Okay, I won't.

- What happened to us, Hal?
- Oh.

Where did we go wrong?

I mean, we were going
to buy a dog together!

A terrier,

or maybe, maybe, a lab.

Well, boy, I sure am lucky
I found out about you...

before we wrecked his little life,

or we had to fight
over splitting him up.

Let's not keep Bruce waiting,
all right, honey?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Bye.

Don't hate me, Hal.

Please, don't hate me.

I want you to just
remember the good times.

I want you to remember
the way we were.

Okay. I will.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Thank you, honey.

- Ooh!
- Hal!

Hal, you'll find somebody else!

I know you will!

Maybe, not right away,

but in the long run,
I think this is for the best.

You know, someday,
I think you'll thank me.

It's going to take him
a long time to get over this.

We're talking years.

- Bye.
- Poor dude.

Bye.

Bye, Hal.

Oh, God.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

Just the man I need to see.

I need to talk to you for a second.

Sure. Hello, darling.

Hi, Mr. Jackson.

Hey, come here.
Come here, come here.

Quick, quick, quick, quick.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

- Ma.
- What?

What's going on?

I won a Westinghouse science award.

They only give out 10 each year.

That's 10 in the whole country.

Yes. And the principal's gonna
give it to me next week at graduation.

Isn't that something?

I'm telling you, this is our baby.

Our baby's getting
this incredible award.

Yes. They're gonna give me
a trophy or something.

And they'll pay for
my whole college tuition.

Congratulations, sweetheart.

- That's wonderful.
- Thank God.

How about that, huh?

What's wrong?

Well, I just...

I've just come from
the haematology lab.

Oh.

Why?

Well, that's where
they keep all our blood.

You're type A, Sarah.

Sweetheart, they want you
to give some more blood.

You're AB-negative,
and that's...

that's kind of rare.

And they took some of mine too.

And I'm O.

You couldn't be.

They did it twice, honey.

I'm O.

Wait, wait a minute.

What are you saying?

Well, it turns out
that I'm not her father.

But, I got the name...

from Mom's file.

They had your name
at the sperm bank.

I know that, sweetheart.

I called.

I talked to the fella
that runs the place.

And he said that
the files were done by hand,

up until about 10 years ago,

when they...

sent them overseas to be put on
computer disks or something.

When they came back,
they were all messed up.

Well, I just--

How can it--?

How can they do that to people?

I'm afraid that the most...

you're ever gonna know is that...

the donors came
from the university.

Mostly science majors.

You're not my father.

No.

I made a mistake.

I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Should I go talk to her?

Mm-hm. No.

She just, she just has
to be alone for a while.

Well.

Well.

I guess you probably wanna
go back to work or something.

You probably need your rest, huh?

Yeah.

Okay, then.

I, uh...

I don't think I thanked you
for being there for Zora and...

me.

I wanted to be there.

I gotta go to Las Vegas tomorrow.

I have a dealer's convention.

Sounds fun.

It's work.

I'll call you when I get back.

Okay.

Sarah, I'm sorry.

Me too.

Hey, Miss Westinghouse Award!

♪ Go, Zora ♪

♪ Put your thing down ♪

♪ Congratulations ♪

♪ You won a Westinghouse ♪

So, what'd you get?
Like free light bulbs and stoves...

and microwaves and shit?

Schnobloink?

Thanks.

Hey, what's wrong?

He's not my father, Tea.

And, you know, the worst part...

is I wanted a dad.

He was my dad.

Come here.

I'm sorry, baby.

Deanna Jordan.

Whoo!

Erica Franklin.

Alyssa Penney.

Sam Fuller.

Earl Paisley.

Karina Conway.

Marilyn Taylor.

Deke Pruitt.

Erica Johnson.

Tina Nichols.

Horatio Vasquez.

Thank you, sir.

Hi, Mom!

Um...

I, I, guess the cool thing
about giving this award is...

that I get to give it
to my friend.

Well, my best friend, actually.

Zora's going to MIT this fall.

And I'm sure she's gonna
make their heads spin...

just like she did ours.

There, there are certain people that...

just bring out the best in others,

and, well, as you all know,

I ain't one of them peoples.

But, Zora Mathews is.

And that's why
I take great pleasure...

in presenting
this Westinghouse Award...

to my best friend, Zora Mathews.

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

They said,
I should say something.

If I've done well in school,

it's because I got
the message at home...

that learning was important.

I'd like to accept this award...

in the name of my mother.

She has made it her life's work...

to educate people..

And I am so lucky
to be one of them.

May we give her the plaque?

Could you come up, Mrs. Mathews?

Stop it! Stop!

- Excuse me.
- Oh!

Sorry. Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- Ow!
- Oh, I'm sorry, miss.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Oh.
- Oh, open-toed shoes.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Coming through.
Coming through here.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

I'm not sure.

I mean,

I wanted to see...

- you know.
- Your daughter graduate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also thought maybe, uh...

you might need a hand
going up the stairs?

Oh. Absolutely.

Absolutely.

This is my mom.

And...

Your dad.

And my dad.

I now pronounce this class...

graduated!

And congratulations to you all!

Whoo!

Wait a minute.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Go ahead.
- Sit down for a second.

Chill, chill!

Stay in your seats!

We have a little something
that we planned...

that we'd like to give you.

And, uh, it goes a little
something like this!

Zora! Come here!