Madamigella di Maupin (1966) - full transcript

Mlle de Maupin escapes from her uncle's castle, invaded by Hungarian troops, under the guise of a clergyman named Theodore. An army recruiter forces Theodore to enlist in the King's army, and not even the religious robe is an insurance against it. Theodore is assigned to be aide-de-camp to Alcibiade, a man as virile in combat, as he seems troubled for the figure of his aid... D'Albert, an aristocrat, will expose Theodore's true sex, and after a number of confusing, comedy situations, Alcibiade will appease his troubled feelings.

A traveler who came back from Paris
brought some unbelievable news.

They say that the people hate us.
And that we should be worried.

Maybe we just need to marry one of
the daughter to lawyer to be safe.

They say that they'll behead us soon.

Here we are.

There's too much fuss in Paris.

Anyway, before these voices reach
my stablemen, I whipped them up.

Please, Marquis.

Bravo, well done.
You did great.

Oh, I am so honored. Thank you for your
attention to us, poor comedians!

Could I also have the
privilege to push you?



May I?

Dare, Oscar, dare!

Maybe I'll start to like you.

The only way to destroy the
monarchy is to get rich.

Think it over, what could
the noble offer to the king?

There's only their fidelity and
nothing more. - Excuse me!

Meanwhile, we offer money
them at reasonable rates

and swallow their
kingdom slowly.

Excuse me!

Sir... I'd like to talk to you!

- To me? - Yes.
- Talk.

Did you acquaint your niece
about my wedding intention?

Well, not yet dear Oscar.
What's the haste?

- But I love her.



- There. It's him. Oscar.

The man my uncle wishes
to marry me with.

Did he talk you about him?

No... but since he's
very rich and not noble...

these are two things on his side.

If you add to these the fact that
he's stupid... it gets perfect.

Look at them.

I'd give my life to learn what men
tell each other when amongst them.

Maybe the same they tell to us.

They reveal their dreams.

Dreams? With those faces?

I assure you, he whom is
free doesn't need to dream.

I've always thought of a dark
side in the life of every man.

Something ignoble that they leave in
the antechamber when they visit us.

Do you know what they do and where
they go after leaving our halls?

At his funeral, all his
lovers behind the coffin.

And I thought: It's a pity, such
pretty women now unapproachable.

Oh, not 'cause of the pain, but 'cause
of the disease of their friend.

He died of 'mal francese'...

You know that there are places

where they make love with
girls without knowing them.

Without engaging first.

They are called perdition places.

No! I'll never marry a man
without knowing him first.

Instead you'll know
your husband later on.

It has always been like this,
for our mothers and grandmothers.

Poor grandmother! Only after the marriage
realized that her husband couldn't love her.

She was beautiful!

- No, she was horrible.
- I don't think so.

This man is my grandfather.
An extravagant man!

Ladies! Lady Magdeleine!

Lady Graziosa!
Listen to these blows!

What are these?

- Push me, push me!
- Right away marchioness.

Stay calm!

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

I wouldn't say so sir, cause
if these noises are not thunders,

it's likely that our enemies
are bombarding us.

Listen!

These are cannons, believe me. I can
distinguish a cannon from a thunder.

If these are cannons,
then it's war for sure.

At least something would happen.

And You could show your
devotion by dying for us.

I knew it. They're shooting
from that side.

- Exactly from the border line.
- So we are invaded. - It's obvious.

Aren't you happy? Let
the kings kill each other.

When they'll be deteriorated,
we'll come to power.

But don't worry, the church
will conserve its privileges.

Our relentless enemy, the queen
Carlotta, has declared war to us.

The country has been invaded.

Go hide, abandon the
villas and the castles.

Go, hurry up!

Stop.

Stop.

What's happening?

It's a war.

You must abandon
the villa right away.

That's what happens when
women hold the throne.

I've built this house
brick after brick.

And of course that slutty Carlotte
won't make me move out.

I will buy all the enemy's
army in cash.

Do as you wish,
but save the women.

The invaders are guided by mercenaries and use
violence against all beings with human semblance.

They don't disdain even the men.

What are you waiting for? Didn't you hear?
We must abandon the house immediately.

Magdeleine, Graziosa!

Ah, here you are!
Run to your rooms.

Run, hurry up!
There's no time to loose.

Where are the priests?
The priests!?

Where are the priests?

That way! Stay calm.

They should have respect
for the old ladies.

Do you believe that you
are desirable as a man?

Remember Oscar, a man
is always handsome.

Understand it? Always!

- In another occasion this would have
comforted me. - Come on, let's go.

We'll take refuge in the cloister, under the
protection of our holy mother - the church.

How dare you show yourselves
in knickers in my presence?

We gave our clothes to your granddaughters,
as you ordered us... but, what should we do?

Pray brothers, pray!

Go away now, go!

Where are my granddaughters?
Magdeleine? Graziosa?

Uncle!

Here we are, uncle!

- We're ready!
- Perfect.

Clerics are neutral, neither
men nor women.

Besides, mercenaries are good catholics:
at least they should respect the priests.

There's no time to loose.
Let's hurry!

Did you fall asleep?

Come on, let's go.
Hurry! Quickly!

Into the saddle!

Excuse us, sir.

Astride, Graziosa!

Do you want to be
spotted as a woman?!

I have to tell you another thing.

If they stop you, or interrogate you,

try to answer harshly, ungracefully,
as if you were men.

Say dirty words.

- I don't know any.
- That's the result of a refined education.

Stay calm.

The mercenaries!

Help!

Help!

Leave me!

Leave me!
I'm almost engaged.

Well done.
Farewell to the wedding!

Pass forwards. Pass!

Go straight to the cloister!

Goodbye uncle!

You won't do this service to me.

You were not expecting
the artillery, huh?

Charging!

Come on!

Forwards Graziosa!

Look how big the world is!

Behind those mountains
there are cities, the love...

While we know nothing.

You know Graziosa, the
world hides many secrets,

and I'll discover them.

- What do you mean?
- I'm not coming in!

You can't do this!

What better occasion? Nobody will
recognize me dressed as a man.

- Farewell.
- But...

Farewell.

Magdeleine!

Call me again!

Magdeleine, come back.

Nobody will call me again
with this name. Farewell!

The king is calling for you.
The fatherland is in danger.

The king makes the drums sound.

Run close to our flag. Enlist yourselves
if you're fed up with your wives.

He who leaves his wife
for the king doesn't sin.

What better occasion!
Enlist yourselves.

You're wasting your breath, captain.
You're loosing your time.

Let the sergeant do it. At least
he enlists because of starvation.

Here's another one.

Damn it. We missed again. First
we caught a nun, and now a priest.

But he's a child.
How old are you?

Eighteen.

- So young and already priest!
- Priests are born, it's a vocation.

So, while the church can
have 20-year-old priests,

the army must make war
with decrepit soldiers.

Enlist him.

- Who? Me? - Yes. You, of course.
Let him have the medical examination.

- No! - Come here!
- It's against the rules.

We don't have to see you naked.

We've seen so many of that,
now we do it by heart.

- Very skinny, huh!
- What about me, all skin and bones?

Hush!

Perfect teeth.

In case of a siege, he can chew
shoes as if they were cookies.

- How many?
- Three.

Perfect sight.

Any suggestions?

No one.

Now let's see if you're
familiar with weapons.

Sir lieutenant.

Look.

Come on, show me
your right hand.

Priestly hand.

Move the index finger.

This way!

Perfect.

I pronounce him able and enrolled.
Able and enrolled!

You, lower the hat!

Go straight!

What are you staring at?!

Heads up.

The king will be very
satisfied when he'll learn

how spontaneously and enthusiastically
you answered at his call.

And now sons...
Let's go to war!

The are 60000 invaders.
Let the hunting begin!

And we're just 15?!

Don't be afraid, guys.
I'm here with you.

- Who's he? What does he want?
- He's nuts.

And now, battalion...
March forwards!

Captain, a man escaped!

Hey, get back in the ranks!

I'll encamp on here.

What are you doing?
Are you already tired?

- I won't ride a horse.
- You're not an official yet.

You must consume some shoes.
On your feet now!

- I can't go any further.
- Then we'll have to knock you down.

We can't leave you behind. The
mercenaries would tear you to pieces.

- Come.
- No!

Don't move. Are you nuts?

It's a kid.

Sorry to the disturb you, sir.

This war has caused economic
hardship for our king...

It's not that I don't want to
pay the taxes, on the contrary...

But the way of the king is
not profitable anymore.

Anyway, I promised to the king's
collector to come every day.

Yep... until I gather the 7000 ducats
that I owe him. So, be comprehensive.

The bag...

Or the life!

I won't surrender to the
threat of a bandit.

I'm a high class gentleman...
not a bandit.

The clothes too, very nice.

I assure you that I'd very embarrassed
to continue my journey naked.

Hush! Obey!

- On the saddle!
- Captain!

Fire!

You could fall. Hold on tight!

Excuse me, captain.
It's the first time I embrace a man.

- What's your name?
- Theodore.

- And you?
- Alcibiade.

Captain. Our flag.

The flag holder gets always killed.
This is the fourth one.

Well, cavalrymen,
to another this honor.

So, who's coming?
Who will hold the flag?

Nobody, huh?

Who's coming here?

Come on! Nobody speaks, huh!

Who wants the privilege
to ride by my side?

You talked!

- No, not me. - Yes, you offered to.
Come on, get down.

I said get down.

On behalf of my authority, I promote
you as flag holder in the battlefield.

- Me?
- You.

Nothing will happen to you.
I'm here.

But you were before, too!

Don't contradict me.

Here, put this one.
Then you'll have your uniform.

- Does it suit me?
- It doesn't matter.

Let's go to war now.

Must I come, too?

Not just that. You'll precede
us by waving the flag.

You! Go and bury the dead one.

Then, you'll incite our hearts and we'll
come after you. On the saddle now!

What are you greeting at, captain?

The kitchen of the regiment?

You can't take the dead home.
It's respect, son.

It's the body of a brave
one inside that pan.

- Cooking?! - The man throws the broth away,
buries the boiled and takes the bones to the widow.

It's an antique use in war. Listen!

- If a misfortune happens to me,
don't boil me. - You bet I won't.

I don't want to go back home,
not even dead.

By the way, do you
know what's inside?

- No. - The bones of our
commander, General Duran.

Shall we always take with
us this funeral procession?

No, his bones will soon rest in peace, in the
family tomb. We're taking them to his widow.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Who is he?

Are you sure this the villa of
the widow of General Duran?

- Are you talking to me?
- No.

- I rave 'cause I'm crazy.
- I didn't doubt about it.

No. I'm crazy about the
comedy we're preparing.

They gave me the role of the jester,
and I'm trying to learn it.

But in truth, I'm the villa's intendant.

- Are you here for the play, gentlemen?
- No, we're looking for the widow of General.

Poor lady! She's locked
inside with her pain.

You can enter freely,
but first knock on the door.

Even though he's reciting,
I believe he's crazy.

For the last time...
Will be my lover or not?

Otherwise, I'll blow your brains out.....

Temper yourself, please. Your Andalusian
nature induces me to noisy gestures...

I insist you to be my lover.

No, I can make love to you
occasionally.... but nothing more.

You know it well.
You're not my ideal.

D'Albert! D'Albert!

- D'Albert! So?
- Fine Madame.

- You'll have my body, but not
my soul. - That's enough for me.

Who's that young knight?

There, before my eyes...
An ideal beauty that I dream of!

...That isn't you, my lady.

It's pity he's not a woman!

- Who?
- Him.

Me. One of us.

- Have we arrived at an unsuitable time?
- Sir! - The widow of General Duran?

- Allow me to introduce to you
my young friend, chevalier d'Albert.

- He's a poet.
- Unpublished.

I am captain Alcibiade.

He's my flag holder, Theodore.

And these are the bones of general Duran.

I see that he hasn't lost his habit
of coming home unexpected...

But this time you're wrong, old turkey....

You ruined my youth, but
you won't ruin my play.

Anteo, you take it.

Give it to me, sir. Only I
loved him in this house.

Make yourself comfortable, please.

Let's go.

We could have left him to the ravens.

They'd have welcomed him better.

I introduce you the officials of my deceased.

- Gerolamo!?
- No, aunt, you're wrong.

Gerolamo was a young flag holder
who died in the siege of Prague.

The same dreamy eyes
like my Gerolamo.

Are you here for the play, gentlemen?

No, we're going to war. There are
60000 invaders to be chased away.

You'll chase them another day, captain.
Accept our hospitality for now.

Come with us.

Camilla, less feminine.

Otherwise how can Ferdinando
believe that you're a boy?!

- Go on, from the start.
- Unbelievable.

- What, sir?
- The disguise.

- Whose?
- Camilla's.

Right.

Please, stay with us.
We're always lonely.

If you're a poet, then you
should love the loneliness.

She never leaves me alone.

"Come here d'Albert, write on the bed."
But it's uncomfortable.

Anyway, she's your lover.

No, she's not my lover.

Or better say: she is,
but she is not.

She is, she is not!
I wish I could understand you.

Me too. Stay!

Hey, it's the second time
you call me billy-goat.

- I'm not saying it, Shakespeare is.
- Well, don't say it to me.

Fine.

They accuse us of talking always
and only about women...

They say to us: You always talk
about women. Talk about other things.

Very boring, right?

We need someone to
get us rid from men.

...And women.

Right, madam?

They are silly.

That's what they are.

Silly..

I've also lived amongst this kind
of people, that's why I left home.

I didn't understand at all.
Talk lauder!

- Miss Camilla escaped with
the stableman. - Really?

And now?

Who will play the part of Rosalinda?

I've always hated the plays.

I escaped from home, to not
recite the Christmas sermon.

Rosetta, you will be Rosalinda.

I'm sorry aunt. I can't and
I don't even think about it.

Why don't you play
the part, Theodore?

Why not?

With some make-up, a torso
and a skirt I could do it fine.

Touch it. I don't have a beard yet.

- Stop it! - I'll play the part of
Orlando then, to be your protector.

I'll play Orlando's part.

But captain... You said that you hate plays
and that you escaped from home at eight.

What's that got to do?

It's obvious that with the passing of
years his soul has become tender.

Let's stay tonight. Then we go.

D'Albert.

Please d'Albert!

Accept me as your lover.
Make an attempt!

I can't madam.

However, amongst all lovers that I didn't
love, you're the one that I loved most.

I'm touched, my friend.

Well, madam. I am distracted by
the arrival of that young man.

D'Albert!

Theodore is an ideal beauty,
apparently for a woman...

But if there could be a woman like
him... that's exactly what I look for.

- What are you doing here alone?
- Nothing.

Beautiful night, captain!

- Did you mean it before?
- About what?

Well, you wouldn't wish
do dress as a woman!

Why not? What's wrong with that?

What's wrong?!

I don't know. You tell me.
It's just a play.

But if you really don't
want, I won't do it.

No, do as you wish. I don't care.

- Gerolamo! Where are you?
- They're calling me.

Is your name Gerolamo?!

Stay here.

Captain, we have to go.

We're waiting you for the rehearsal.

Captain, shouldn't you play Orlando?

- Me?
- You should enter the stage.

Come on, bandage the wounded arm.

Wounded?! Where?

Don't you know? Patience then. We'll tell
you later about your part. Let's go now...

Gerolamo, put a hamper.
And don't forget that you're a woman!

My dear!

Please, take your book.

Go on Gerolamo, start!

I thought your heart was
wounded by the claws of a lion.

Yes, wounded... but... by the eyes...

By the eyes of a woman.

Of a woman.

Read it.

- Of a woman.
- Well done.

Tell this young man what love means.

It means being all sigh in tears.

- Like I'm to Phoebe.
- And I to Rosalinda.

And I to no woman.

It means being full of
belief and devotion.

- Like I'm to Phoebe.
- And I to Ganymede.

- And I to no woman.
- And I to Rosalinda.

It's your turn, Alcibiade.

- I want to...
- I want to love you, dear friend.

I want to love you, dear friend.

I want to love you, dear friend.

I want to love you, dear friend.

What the heck are you making me say?!
Take off these clothes, come on.

What is this madness?!

Let's go...
To hell with the play.

Come on, walk.

Our country is in war!

Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I have to obey. I'm a soldier.

O God, Gerolamo!

There! One of those ideals of beauty
that disappear at the first light of dawn.

Are there any nuts left?

My dear cousin,

I left to understand men.

I met just one, and alas,
I'm in love with him.

But the thought of revealing
myself frightens me.

What would he think about me?
Will he believe in my innocence?

I don't want him to think
of me as an adventuress.

- Theodore.
- Rosetta.

- You in here!?
- Yes.

Ask me why I'm here!

I'm surprised as much as you.

Wait, let's light the candle.

It's a crime not seeing you and
missing the spectacle of your beauty.

I don't want you to
see me in the light.

Feel sorry for me, my friend!

I'm the lover of a man
who despises me.

He is even hitting on you.

- On me?
- Have mercy on me, Theodore.

Because I'm very unhappy.

You don't know what's like to love a man
who possesses your body and refuses your soul.

Unfold to me the secrets
of your soul, Theodore!

You do have.

Of course you have!

Quickly, quickly!

Please!

Listen to me.

I beg you, ma'am.

If I could reveal to you my true nature,
which is exhausting,

and some excellent reasons, I assure
you that... - Don't speak.

D'Albert, I order you to get out!

- I begged you to not do it, ma'am.

Make yourself comfortable.
I'm getting out.

No. Stay.

Sword in hand, cavalryman.

- Come on.
- But I...

Good. Come on!

Why do you want to fight?

I, blindfolded, considered
you as an admirable person.

- Me?
- Yes, you.

- Who told you I was?
- Like a wonder of creation.

You realized that I admired
you since the first moment.

I've always searched for a woman
whom I haven't seen, but that must exist.

And it's impossible that she's
hidden in the guise of a young man.

I knew it.

I sensed it since the first moment.

Whoever you are, accept my love!

But you'll reveal my secret now!

I didn't do it until now.

- Will you let me go without detaining me?
- Of course.

What's your name?

How do they call you?

Theodore.

Farewell d'Albert.

Farewell,

my love!

Captain, quickly!
Quickly!

- What's up?
- D'Albert caught me in bed with Rosetta.

- He's furious. He wants to kill me.
Quickly! - Damn it.

My followers must be like this.

I thought that the words of that poetaster
softened you. I'm not letting you go.

Only a demon can seduce
a woman like her.

- Let's go away.
- Leaving the field.

Stop! Who are you?

- Dependents of the king. Long life to the king!
- Welcome, captain!

We've been riding all day long.
We're very tired.

- Didn't you meet the king?
- Who?

The king. Official news say that
he came to inspect the front.

It's not true. In fact, he's chasing his lover.
She escaped again with a vagabond.

Comedies of love wherever you go. Looks
like it's the only thing people care about.

Just wait to see the war and
you'll change your mind.

Here, sir, we split the dead
from the wounded.

But there's great confusion.
We buried one alive by mistake.

I don't know where to
settle you for the night.

All rooms are occupied by
the severe wounded ones.

We'll sleep on the ground.
Don't worry.

- What's up, my son? Feeling melancholic?
- I was thinking.

About the war?

No.

About Rosetta?

No.

We...

have passed some time together.

- Maybe on of us shall bury the body
of the other. - Don't say that!

Well, it happens in war.

But, you see...

I... know nothing about you.

Who are you?

- Try to guess.
- I know. This question is stupid.

- But we know nothing about anyone.
- Haven't you got a lover?

No. You know, in the army you meet only
prostitutes, that all in all are not the worst...

The truth is that if you're a soldier...

you never know to whom
you're making love to.

The same as in life.

Well, in short, you never
know the people around you.

- And you don't even recognize
your friend. - Right.

And yet, it should be
beautiful to be loved.

Waking up at night and having
a woman by your side.

It would be nice.

Listen son.

What do you think about women?

Let us pass.

It's d'Albert.

Friends.

Hey you!

You left such in a haste that I couldn't
even thank this young cavalryman.

D'Albert, leave this young man alone.

No hard feelings. She put horns
on you, but you're also a poet.

You are lucky to hide them
under the crown of laurel.

I've never been so happy
resembling a brocket.

Thanks my friend, thanks.

Without you, I wouldn't have the courage
and the reasons to leave my lover.

I'll be grateful for all my life.

Can I give you a hug?

I love you! I love you!

Take me with you.

Let's talk frankly, mister poet.

If you came to offer us your sword,
I warn you that enrollment is closed.

But I don't have any
intention to enroll myself.

Soon or later, all those disappointed
by love end up in the army.

I'm not disappointed by love at all.
On the contrary.

So captain, I found two rooms
for you, but now you're in three.

No, the gentleman shall not stay.

Excuse me, but you're not kind.
I rode all day to catch up with you.

I have the right to rest, too.

Since we're three, we'll leave
a room for captain Alcibiade.

Alright. Come.

We'll stay in the other one.

Captain!

Captain!

- My captain.
- This way.

Captain!

- Do you snore at night?
- No, I don't think so.

- Can I sleep at your room then?
- As you wish.

But...

I can't believe you're
going to sleep with him!

Well, he's the only who doesn't
know that I'm a woman.

- I'm safe with him.
- But...

Captain.

Won't you take your clothes off, son?

Hurry up and come to bed.

- I'm falling asleep. You'll wake me up then.
- Yes, right away.

Hurry up.

Do You always sleep naked?

When you sleep dressed like everyone...

It's likely that the bedbugs
make nests in the trimming.

Hey sir. Are you still here?

-Aren't you going to bed with your friend?
- What are you insinuating?

Nothing.

But if you don't use it, I could
put a wounded man in it.

You'll put a dead one soon!

How come you woke up...

...this early?

If you really want to know, d'Albert,
I didn't sleep at all.

No.

You're distraught.

Well, yes.

Distraught.

What do you mean by that?
Explain it to me.

We were in each others arms until now.

- What?
- Now you know it.

It's not true.
It's not possible. No.

I can't believe that you did it.

I'm a woman, d'Albert.

What are you doing, d'Albert?
Crying?

What else could I do?

You killed me.

Come on, don't behave like this.
Moreover, the world is full of women.

Maybe for the others, but not for me.

What will you do now?

I don't know.

- I'll ask you just one thing.
- Tell me.

Your name.

Theodore.

Farewell, my love!

Farewell.

What is it, son?

I didn't hear you waking up.
I slept very bad, my bones are aching.

I dreamed of a woman.

A wonderful dream. Lucid in its
details. I even smelled her scent.

Instead, I had nightmares.

I was afraid that I'd wake up and not
find her beside. So I kept my eyes closed,

saying to myself: "I mustn't
wake up, I mustn't wake up".

Think about it.

- You know, I still smell it.
- What?

Her scent.

- How was she?
- Very beautiful.

But she didn't have a face.
As it happens in certain dreams.

Would you like to drink, captain?

What is it, captain?

Battalion!

Halt!

Where are they?

Captain, do you believe the
cavalry will arrive soon?

- They gave us infantry troops.
They can't keep up with us. - Right!

Come on, run, sprint!
Move, you slowcoaches!

I told the general not to give me
the infantry. They're too slow.

Move, move!

Tonight we'll mess up the enemy's camp.
Forwards! Run!

Quickly. Forwards!

Where do you think you're going?
To a funeral procession? You rubbish.

Look!

The enemy. I didn't think
they were so naive.

Look. They're coming straight
to the lion's scythes...

Flag holder, I'm entrusting you the flag.
You'll respond with your life.

Soldiers! The honor to
annihilate is all yours...

Hey, don't go away! Stop!

The enemy is close. Don't escape.
It's just the first impression.

They won't resist us.

- They are too many.
- I'm withdrawing.

- I give the order to withdraw!
- Give it, then!

You can't refuse me.

What will you tell to your children?
To your wives? They'll despise you.

Sons! My sons!
Sons of bitches!

Come on, wave the flag.

Looking at my beloved ensign will
double my courage. Hold it high!

Stop, sir! You're all alone.

It's a pity, sir. It could have
been a memorable battle.

You got no choice other than surrender.
Your sheep abandoned you.

Surrender? Me?

My sheep will riddle over your graves.

If you are lucky enough to escape, you'll
have something to tell to your grandsons.

Get ready for the battle!

Hold on tight, captain!
I'm coming.

Don't move, you stupid!
Take care of the flag. I'm coming.

- Speak! You're not afraid, are you?
- I'm so afraid about you, captain.

Someone worries about me, at last.

Well...

If we stay alive, I'll propose
a medal for you.

They're advancing.
They're too many.

Numbers don't matter, young man.
It's the man's courage that matters.

And now, just look!

Why do you want to get killed, captain?

If they overpower me, forget about me.
Think about the flag. Keep it safe.

Don't go captain!
I don't want to loose you.

Don't expose yourself!

Charging!

You're too uncovered.

Go away!

Away!

The flag!

Alcibiade!

Stay safe!

Farewell!

Think about your captain sometimes!

So, this is it!?
With tigers of paper!

You wanted to threaten me
with Chinese tactics, huh?

- Away!
- Away!

And if a misfortune happens to me...
Don't boil me!

Don't assume this duty.

Don't feel guilty.
It's not your fault.

You had to save the flag.
That was your duty.

I wrote some verses about the
death of captain Alcibiade.

Would you like to hear?
We might send them to his family.

It's a pity we didn't find his body.

It's the enemy's habit to rip the bodies
apart and split the pieces like souvenirs.

- A bowl of soup, gentleman?
- No.

O Alcibiade, born from the
womb of the mermaids...

When a man dies, he dies for everyone.

Your pain is also ours.
We cared for him, too.

You can't understand me.

You're wrong.
I perfectly understand your pain.

What are you planning to do now?

- I'm going away.
- You can't. That'd be a desertion.

I don't want to desert,
I want to go away.

It doesn't matter.
It's always a desertion.

And don't think about taking a horse.
They belong to the army.

I'm going on foot then.

As you wish. If you happen
to pass by this place,

keep away. I'd be forced to hang you.

Give me your sword.

Good luck.

Nice to see you again.
Down!

Jump off.

It's really you, sir.

- It's all your fault.
- What are you talking about?

Poor d'Albert! I don't blame you
for the fact that he fell in love with you.

Handsome. You're handsome.

He suffered so much that
we're taking him to a cloister.

- He decided to wear the veil.
- The orders?!

Well, it's the same. He decided
to become a priest for you.

- Did Rosetta allow him?
- Poor lady.

If he'd fall for a lady, she could have fought.

But for a man...
A handsome one!

Because you're so handsome.

- Cut it off now, get down.
- What? - Jump off.

- Shall I jump off?
- Do as I said.

The ears. Mortify the curiosity of the eyes.

Obey immediately to
the voice of the superior.

Taking care of not loosing time.

Mortify the language
by avoiding lazy words,

'cause sinners have the power to break
the chains which bind them to Satan.

- D'Albert, get in, quickly.
- Theodore.

Goodbye ma'am! After all, it wasn't a
vocation. It was a second-best.

Rosetta, let him go.
There's nothing you can do.

No! If d'Albert won't be my lover,
then he must become a priest.

You saved me... therefore you love me!

No d'Albert, it was just 'cause
I felt guilty towards you.

Oh yes, you love me!

Leave me alone, please!
Take it, you ride.

Forwards!

- Listen d'Albert!

-Now I found you again. I won't let you go.
- Don't be crazy. Listen d'Albert!

My soul goes where your voice calls.

I hurt you, but your passion scared me.

That's why I made you think...

that I was Alcibiade's lover.

So, you were not his lover!
You didn't love him!

- I did!
- I was such a crazy blind man.

How could I think that a creature
like you could love a rough man.

- D'Albert. Alcibiade is dead!
- Dead? Stop.

Only now...

I realized how much I loved him.
I want to die, too.

But why die? We two will live together.

Why don't you understand me?
I must stay alone.

Otherwise this experience of mine
would mean nothing.

I lost the man that I loved. And without
letting him know that I was a woman.

But, maybe he loved me, too.

Don't be foolish. If true, he
would have loved a man.

You want me to forget him?!

Sorry, but that's the way it is.

I hate you d'Albert.
Take me away, immediately.

As you wish.
Forwards...

We're hungry, ma'am.

Prepare us a pheasant. And put some clean
bed-linen on the softest bed you have.

Two beds. Regarding the rooms,
even one is enough.

Two rooms. Regarding the beds,
even one is enough.

- For me, of course.
- Exactly.

Prepare a bed for this brave gentleman
who comes back from a lost war...

But it was not his fault.

Come. I've got a room for you, too.
Just next to your friend's.

Communicative, I hope...

Sir!

See you at lunch.

- Where should I put the luggage?
- What luggage? - Yours.

Ah, right.

- It's heavy.
- Put it in my room.

- You wretched!
- Don't beat him. He becomes fierce.

I'll call you as soon as the lunch
gets ready. It won't take long.

No, there's no hurry.
Take your time.

- Weren't you hungry?
- Yes, but don't call us. We'll call you.

- We want to stay alone.
- Huh?

D'Albert, I'm naked!

What better occasion...

- Get out, immediately. I have to
dress again. - Dress again.

Please.

Dress again.

- It's exactly what I'm going to do.
- And it's exactly what I want.

To dress again.
But in your real clothes.

Look.

But...

If you knew how much I suffered

seeing you in that horrible uniform.
I suffered so much that...

I tried to imagine you without
armor, without boots.

- Without clothes.
- D'Albert!

But I swear, just to dress
you immediately again.

I dressed you in rhymes and words.

I tried to dedicate madrigals
to your shoulders, but..

damn it, those horrible shoulder
straps always came into my mind.

I beg you...

Take your real clothes.

Make up your mind.

- To whom do they belong?
- To my poor and unhappy lover.

We took her luggage together
with the carriage.

There are more.
Would you like to choose?

No.

I beg you.
Put it on.

Why are you insisting so much?

I could say it's my heart that wants it.

I could say it's nature that wants it,
your being, my being...

But I won't say it.

I'll tell you just one thing:

That your story as a man ended
with the death of captain Alcibiade.

May God bless him!

You're right, d'Albert.

Why keep on hiding?

I was going back home.

And if I hadn't run into you,

maybe at this time, my uncle would have
been arranging a new date for my wedding.

Insomuch, it's worth...

- That you make me feel like a
woman again. - Sure.

- Help me, please.
- Sure.

To dress again!

No!

Damned be the moment when
I started listening to you.

- Just a moment and you... felt the
right to kiss me. - No.

Didn't you kiss me?

- Yes. - Many other will do so, as soon
as I leave this room.

- Well, don't exaggerate.
- And only because I'm a woman.

- Anyway, a magnificent reason.
- Maybe for you, but not for me.

You wouldn't go on dressing
like a man, would you?

At least I'd be left in peace.

Think it as you wish, but I'll continue
dressing you as a woman in my imagination.

But I warn you of one thing:

- First I have to undress you.
- Do as you wish.

Or better.

- I'll imagine you naked.
- Do as you wish.

I can't.

- I'd go mad!
- Right!

Exactly.

Don't imagine me.

So we could be friends again.

Where are the boots?

Now wait for me outside.

We'll go together. Outside.

Who shall die for everything,
shall leave in everything.

Reject evil, do good deeds
and seek the peace.

He who laments and murmurs is not
perfect. Not even a good Christian.

Come on. Look.

Another inn.
Would you like to stay here?

Don't start again, d'Albert.

Theodore! Theodore!

Come here. Theodore!

- Please, stay with me.
- Leave me alone.

Wonderful things will happen after the war.

Soon the man will fly.
Imagine...

A balloon full of hot air, that is blown
like a woman's soutane....

Alcibiade!

Are you nuts?

I'm sorry! Absent-mindedly...

I thought you were dead!
We even held a requiem mass...

- I'm glad to see you safe and
sound, captain. - Thank you.

Anyway, the youngster is very fond of you.
He was crying his heart out...

- Is it true?
- Yes.

Well, excuse me...
I'll be back soon.

You were right. He loves you!

He loves a man. You said it right.

Tell him that you're a woman.

Why don't you tell him?

What if he doesn't like me?

- I'll tell him then.
- No!

- Do you love him so much?
- Yes.

Excuse me. I wanted to refreshen up.

The water doesn't wipe
out certain fervencies.

So, where are we going?

To celebrate this meeting.

I propose a six-days drunkenness.

Provided that we go in a suitable
place for gentlemen like us.

Fine. What place would it be?

Tell us?

The brothel, of course.
We're amongst men.

Unless our young friend doesn't prefer...

It's fine for me.

Let's go.

- Are you nervous?
- Me? No.

- What do you think? - Do you believe
it's the first time I enter places like this?

Do you like her?

Come on, let's sit down.

- Gentlemen, make yourself comfortable.
- Thank you.

What are you going to do now?

Don't worry about me.
I feel perfectly at ease.

What can I do for you?

I'm not in a hurry. Later.

And you, handsome knight?
Can't make up your mind?

Me?

Yes.

- Why don't you go?
- Too old.

- What's up, captain?
- Nothing.

Don't you get it that the more you behave
like a man, the more he loves you?!

You didn't ask me how
I managed to stay alive!

Do you think it's the right
moment to talk about war?

Why? Do we have to go with a
woman right away? Can't we talk first?

We decided to stay together.
And not together with these...

Right, there's no hurry.

Fine.

Can't we stop talking about women?!

No, please captain.
So, how did the battle end?

I made them run away three times.

For three times, they arranged the lines
and charged. A hecatomb of men and horses.

What happened when night fell?

We negotiated peace.

But keep an eye at your back, Theodore.
The enemy is treacherous like cats.

They meant to surprise me during sleep.
Don't you believe me?

- I'll show you the wounds. Here, at
the back. - No captain, don't bother.

I am not a coward!

- And you must believe me.
- He's out of his mind.

I got 18 wounds. I got
another one here. Look!

- Look!
- No, captain.

Delightful.

I'm going!

Wait for me.

Lead the way.

Fine.

Come.

- How is it outside?
- What?

Is it good weather... is it raining...
is it summer... is it winter...

We never know from the inside.
Always inside like moles.

Wait.

What's your name?

Ninon.

And you?

Magdeleine.

Why are you here?
What do you want?

I chose you 'cause we
have the same shape.

- Could you lend me a dress of yours?
- What for?

The man that I love is down there.

But he doesn't know that I'm a woman.

And you want him to see you dressed...

... as one like me?

Well, yes, dressed as a woman.

Only by appearing in front of him all of
a sudden, I can understand if he likes me.

I'll help you.

- But only if you help me back.
- What should I do?

You should lend me your uniform,

so that I can escape from here.

I haven't seen the world, never been.

Even if outside these walls there's
the same misery as inside here...

I wish to see it.

The world is full of love.

Me too escaped.
And I found it.

I'm tired of it.

- Won't we wait for Theodore?
- No, I'm going away.

- Could I talk to you freely as a friend?
- Tell me.

I understand what's happening to you.

- But don't worry. It happens.
- Happens what?

Especially to a military man like you.

You know, all these
forms of social life...

It starts with camaraderie, instead grows...
that well-known soul of the corps.

Which is not always a soul of army corps.

In addition, you have all the physical traits.

- Me? - Yes. You're handsome,
masculine... violent.

And when a man is like this...

In the depth of his soul,
he's soft, feminine...

Tired.

It's the compensation of nature.

The worse is that you're the kind
of person who falls in love.

It's strange, but as long as it remains a vice
it is forgivable. Nobody cares about it.

But if you fall in love...

You become the laughingstock of everyone.

Alcibiade, you must not
meet Theodore anymore.

- Get a horse and go.
- How come? With all the women I've had...

That doesn't mean anything.
Come.

Come!

D'Albert, and when Theodore kissed me?!
He kissed me exactly here, on the lips.

- Why did he do it if he likes women?
- It's true.

There's a dark side in the
personality of that young man.

I've always taken life too seriously.
I want to know if yes or no.

- Could you do me a favor?
- Of course, my friend.

Could you give me a kiss?

- Forget about it.
- It's for testing. Just to see if...

- Don't joke. Help! Help!
- D'Albert...

D'Albert, wait!

- Wait. I order you...
- Help.

Help, he wants to kiss me!

- Come here! Stop!
- No! No!

He's out of his mind!

I'm not out of my mind. Try to
understand, d'Albert. Just one.

- Just for testing...
- D'Albert!

It was just a test, ma'am!

Our friend wanted to check if... After all,
we live in an experimental century.

Now I'm going for another test.
Inside!

So, we have two demons!
First Theodore...

And now, even the captain.

- Why do I have to love a sodomite?!
- Why don't you leave me in peace then?

D'Albert, it's not possible.
You can't prefer men to me.

I order you to be my lover...
I give you two minutes to consider it.

If you don't accept,
I'll blow your head off!

D'Albert! Look at me!

No ma'am, I can never be your lover.
I love Theodore. Farewell!

Come here!

Come back! I'll blow your head off.

On the saddle, Theodore.

I don't know what you did inside.
And I don't want to know it.

You'll be mine and I love you.

I heard that love is outside...
But I couldn't believe it was waiting for me.

- Who are you? - Ninon, my lord.
Take me with you wherever you wish.

D'Albert!

Shh. Hush.

Someone is following us. Who's she?

She's my lover.

I mean, she is...

But she is not.

What? She is, but she is not?
I don't get it.

You're so tender.
I already feel that I love you.

D'Albert, I'll follow you for all my life.

- Want some company, handsome captain?
- No, not now.

No thanks.

Yes, come with us, come on.

Come, stay with us.
Ungrateful homeland.

Excuse me.

- There's a man in your life, captain!
- You're really nuts!

- Why ask the cards if you don't believe?
- You're all nuts.

- Lady Magdeleine, you in here?
- Master, how are you?

What happened to my
relatives? Tell me.

What a misfortune, my lady!
What a misfortune!

After that terrible adventure, your
uncle enrolled in the army.

He says that he'll pass the rest
of his life by sabering mercenaries.

And sir Oscar?

Your claimant, sir Oscar...

Now he lives 'as if married'
with a colonel.

- What about you?
- I'm an artist.

But this is not all. Your cousin Graziosa
escaped the cloister with a handsome novice.

My cousin?

And you... ended up here.

- What a misfortune!
- No master, I still have some hope.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, excuse me!

No please, not like this.
Behave please!

Why are you dressed as a woman?

- Because I'm a woman.
- Huh! A woman?!

But nature made you a man.

- And if I told you that I love you?!
- I'll kill you!

- Do you hate me this much?
- You want to to say the opposite, huh?

But I won't say it.

Of course I could say it, then
kill myself. But instead, I'll kill you!

- Won't you understand? I love you!
- No! No!

Theodore. Stop!
Come here, Theodore.

I'm not Theodore, I'm Magdeleine!

- Please, call me Magdeleine.
- Stop it now, Theodore.

- I'll kill you!
- Aim at my breast then!

- Theodore!
- Magdeleine! Call me Magdeleine.

Theodore!

Call me what you wish,
as long as you love me!

- Magdeleine!
- Alcibiade, my love.

English subs by kinofil