Machete (2010) - full transcript

The highly skilled Federale Machete is hired by some unsavory types to assassinate a senator. But just as he's about to take the shot, he notices someone aiming at him and realizes he's been set up. He barely survives the sniper's bullet, and is soon out for revenge on his former employers, with the reluctant assistance of his brother Cheech Marin, who has become a priest and taken a vow of nonviolence. If you hire him to take out the bad guys, make sure the bad guys aren't you!

We're federal agents, we are not martyrs!

This is suicide!

She is just one of many abductions.

Why is this abduction so special!

Is it because she's a witness against the Torrez?

She is probably caught, and drugged.

We do not have to do this!

If not us...


I told you to stay still!

Do not try to capture the Torrez!

Turn around now!

Machete, you son of a bitch!

Listen to orders!

You'll eventually kill us all! Wait for reinforcements!

Whatever happens...

I'm with you...


This is the BOSS...


Get dressed.

It's too hot for clothes.

You saving me from Torrez?

You've got balls!

That looks like me.

What's this long hard thing?

My Machete.

Is it sharp?



I got him

Stupid FUCK...

I told you to stay away asshole.

If you had listened to my orders you would not have been caught.

How did I do?

Excellent my love.


This is what happens when they insist to be heroes.

Why are you so insistent?

I own the entire force... And not just here in Mexico.

I own the DEA... I own the Marshals...

Why can't I own you?

Why don't you take the money I offered you to look the other way?

What's your price?

Maybe I should ask your wife.

Bring her in here.



Your daughter... she's in school right now.


I don't think so.

The honorable way to die... is to cut off your head.


You don't deserve to die honorably.

Burn it!

Joining us right now we have Franklin Jones.

Deputy Director of our local Immigration

and Customs Enforcement (ICE) office.

Thank you, pleasure to be here.

What steps are you taking to secure our borders?

ICE is working with local law enforcement to improve patrols...

but there's over 2000 miles of border between Mexico and the United States

and over half of that is here in Texas,

so we need to attack the problem at it's source.

There's a whole support network

that not only helps illegal aliens get

across but is helping them get settled once they are here.

We need to uncover and dismantle this network.

It's a top priority and our most talented

ICE agents are investigating them now.

Agent Nevada: Day 23 of surveillance for Operation Network.

Network is suspected to be run by a woman named Loose.

Codename: SHE.

Tacos Cafe! TACOS!

Loose operates a taco's truck at the labour site.

There's an interesting...


No! That's ok.

Thank you.

He's new...

Run through database for possible criminal background.

Male, Hispanic, scars, tattoo's-

Don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you attitude.


You work today and pay me tomorrow.

Hi, lady.

You need a gardener?

Come on. Stand back.


We have not arrived yet. You can not leave us here!


She is sick.

Roundup time!

Look at them!

Speak english?

Well, I don't speak much Mexican either.

You know...

You're trespassing...

on my daddy's land.

Jesus, Van! Can't you see she's been childed?

If it gets born here, it gets to be a citizen.

No different than you and me.

I know most people don't like us.

Of course... Vigilante's

It's really about vigilance.

Somebody's gotta keep watch on this great nation of ours.


Texas will become...

Mexico once again.

Who's gonna stop it senator?

I am.

Welcome to America.

You catch all that?

Burn me a DVD. Behind our supporters are going to like that!

A lot.

The infestation has begun...

parasites have crossed our borders...

and are sickening our country...

leeching off our system...

destroying us from the inside.

But state Senator John McLauglin

has a plan of attack.

He'll fight to keep illegal immigrants OUT!

He support an electrified border fence.

No amnesty for parasites.

John McLauglin wants to protect you from the invaders.

Vote to re-elect state Senator John McLauglin.

Paid for by the committee to re-elect state Senator John McLauglin.



Want to fight?

Don't tell me you don't wanna earn $500 in five minutes.

That's my man!

Bet's! Place your bets!



Can I get a couple of beans and cheese and a Cafe Ole?

Ain't got no cafe Ole.

Regular coffee then.

Oh! Hold the spit please.

Why do you pretend to come here just for coffee?

I'm not pretending.

I actually like my coffee cheap and greasy.

I can refuse service to anyone.

Still the American way.

Yeah, when they are citizens.

Got your papers?

Same as the last time you checked.

And the time before that.

And the time before that!

Got yours?

Same as the last time you checked.

You think what you do is right?

Taking your brothers and sisters in?

Deporting them back to their own personal hell?

It's the law.

There are many laws.

There sure are...

Immigration fraud...

Aiding and illegal entry...

Insanitary food proc...

But you wouldn't know anything about that would you?

Can I get my taco's?

Who's SHE?

I hear she runs an underground network.

How the hell would I know?

I just make tacos and I sell them,

to the workers of this road.

It fills their bellies with something other than hate.


Sounds like something SHE would say.

Catch you later.

In the race for State Senator...

Latest polls are showing...

a sharp decline in support for incumbent John McLaughlin

and his hard-line position on immigration.

Get in.

70 dolars a day for gardening

100 for roofing

125 perceptive.

So, which?

You ever killed anyone before?

You know this guy?

Senator John McLaughlin...

Independent from cocksucker county.

Built his reputation on being a hardliner against wetbacks.

Gets worse.

Yes... if he has his brothers, he'll send you back to old Mehico.

That's his platform.

Ship them all back but first make them

built a wall along the border for no pay.

Thank you very much, get the fuck out.

But what the state senator fails to understand is...

the state runs the illegal labour..

Thrives on it.

Keeps costs down.

Keeps the wheels turning.

We bust that up and we're fucked.

My words.

Now I'm guessing you don't have papers.

As you well know...

illegal immigrants like yourself...

will be forced out of this country in alarming numbers.

So for the sake of both our people's,

the senator must die.

And for that, I will give you 150 thousand dollars... cash.

Get someone else.

No time.

This job has to happen tomorrow.

I want you to take this cash, do the job and disappear.

How long would it take you to get this kind of money?

5... 10... 15 years?

You can do a lot of good things with this.

You deserve it.

Now I can't make you do this.

But I can make damn sure something happens to you if you don't.

Are you in?

Have a look at this...

Straight line design,

Laser designated scope.

You can shoot the pecker off a mosquito at a thousand yards.

And keep the balls unruffled.

Machete? That's only good if you wanna make a brutal point.

But it's low tech. Completely unsuited to our purposes.


Here's your backup.


You call or text if you have any problems,

or delays. You need to be on that roof by 1.00pm sharp.

Now put a bullet in the senator by 1:04pm.

Get up!

Goddamn it, April.

My business partner have very little tolerance for bullshit.

That's the second operation in the last six months,

that I have to close down because of your mentally...

I told you a thousand times.

You need something you come to me directly.

You do not go to these labs.

You got something to say to me?

Sorry daddy.

What's this?

$150 thousand.


Are you out of your mind?

The Network got me across once.

Use this.

For the people you help.

I don't know how you know what you know.

But I'm glad I know you.

What'd you want?


Ladies and Gentlemen.

Mr. Senator John McLaughlin.

I want to thank you all for coming out today!

And I want to thank this forum from the bottom of my heart.

Because we have been tested.

Tested by fire!

Our borders have been put to the test,

and let me tell you, we have failed that test.

The aliens, the infiltrators, the outsiders...

They come right across by light of day,

by dark at night.

They'll bleed us. They're parasites.

They'll bleed us until we as a city,

a county, a state...

a nation until we're all bled out.

Now make no mistake, we are at war.

Every time an illegal dances across our border,

it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state.

A covert act of terrorism.

Everywhere I go in this glorious state,

people are talking about change.

I say why change?

This is a great state founded on the principles of liberty.

I don't want to change that.

Our rightful citizens are hardworking Americans,

who have earned their paychecks...

by the grit of their gut and the sweat of their brow!

I don't want to change that!

Change! That they want change!

Change the law!

Open the doors!

Red rover! Red rover!

Let the terrorist come over!

Let me tell you what change that will bring!

68 cents!

The jingle jangle of the pennies in your pocket.

Because the scavengers, the leeches, the parasites,

are walking away with your money.

While you're left with the change.

So I wanna say one more thing.

Who you gonna vote for?


Up there! I saw someone shot from up there!

Get him to Fort Briggs!

Roger! I'm on my way.

Go ahead.

Shoot him Nacho.

Cos right after that,

the three of us

are gonna shoot one of you.


Try it.

Go ahead... Pacho.

I'll grease your chips all over this fucking alley.

This is fucking big.

This guy took a shot at a representative.

No! A Senator.

The same fucking thing.

The guy can die and we caught him.

Hell, yeah we did!

And they'll gonna hang your ass like Saddam!

Look, I'm gonna call the boss unless you wanna do it.

Yeah, you go ahead.

Yeah, we got the Mexican black bird that fell off the rooftop!

Bring him to the basement.

He stills thinks we're cops.

Well of course he will think that.

We frisked him, we cuffed him, we throw him in the car.

Apprehended him just like the real cops do.

I didn't frisked him.

Yes, you did.

Man, I'm telling you I didn't search...

Oh! Sweet Jesus.


Shocking news this hour.

Senator John McLaughlin was shot

in the leg this afternoon by an unknown gunman.

The Senator was immediately driven to Parklane hospital,

where he was reportedly to be in good and stable condition.

Video taken at the rally indicate that

the gunman may have been of Mexican descent.

Senator McLaughlin have been very vocal against immigration.

and campaigns for stricter border controls.



You see what I am sending you, Mr. Torrez?

It's coming on my screen now.

That's campaign gold.

I thought my contributions were for the Senator's re-election,

not his retirement.

McLaughlin is in a guaranteed win.

And in a new session as promised,

he'll ramrod through everything we asked for.


Go back.

Who's this?


A day labourer from the streets.

He won't be missed.

Is he dead?

Dead or dying on a rooftop. That's what you mean.

What the fuck is it! Asshole...

Dead or dying?

He'll be dead within minutes. I guarantee.

For your sake.


It's me. It's done. I think he's toast.

Don't think! Verify! Check the morgue,

check the hospitals, check everywhere.

Most do not give illegals standard treatment in hospitals.

But thou art with us.

Nobody knows you're here.

You were brought here under the name John Doe,

as a mere spectator.

- Is that him? - Yes.

Dr. Felix wants to see him.


Did you see where the bullet rebound?

It was stopped by another bullet that was fused and lodged there.

If he hadn't been shot before, he'll be dead now.

There's actually a lesson in there somewhere .

I can feel your eyeballs on my uterus.

Woah, woah, woah, at least it's not on your colon.

Well, actually did you know that the..

the human intestines is ten times longer than the length of the body?


So the human intestines is 60 feet long?

It's true.

The hero has awoken!

My friend! You are safe, they are from The Network.

They will take good care of you.

Leave him alone.

Hello, what can I do for you?

What can you do for me?

I'm looking for a gentleman that was just brought in.

Probably into ICU.

Where might I find him?

You wanna go straight down the hall, to your right...

Make a left, two rights and another left.

And you'll be right there.

You sure about that?

I'm going this way.

Someone is coming.

We got trouble.

Got another way outta here?

No other exits.

Oh... you don't wanna mess with that.

That's a skull scraper.

We use that to scrape the bones clean.

And those cut through flesh just like butter.

Pass that tank.

Hold it!

Boss ain't gonna like this.

What are we gonna tell him?



Where are you, agent?

I'm on my lunch break sir.

Lunch break is over. All hell's breaking loose,

Some took a shot at Senator McLaughlin.

It was an illegal...

I'm watching it right now.

This amateur video was taken outside county hospital,

just after the failed attempt to assassinate Senator McLaughlin.

Authorities believe that this suspect is extremely dangerous...

- Son of a bitch... - If you intrude of this man...

- No! Not you sir. - ... contact the

police immediately.

I've seen him before.

Yes sir. I'm on my way.

He maybe in this country illegally.

And that he is of course to be considered

to be armed and extremely dangerous.

You're all over the TV! Cabron! Come on, get inside!


The shots fired on Senator McLaughlin today

maybe just the shot in the arm his campaign needed.

New numbers indicate that he has now taken a commanding,

lead in the wake of today's incident.

Since the shooting, others agree that

border security should be heavily enforced.

Yes, hold the illegals responsible! Close the border!

Eh... yeah!

Didn't you cross the border to get here, Jack?

Well, we're almost there.

If they close the border, fine by me.


"Cona" Opinions should be like.


You didn't have a choice. Of course I believe you.

Why else would you give me the money?

They'll be looking for your ass.

You'll be safe here.

Try not to bleed on the bed.

Are you "SHE"?

If I was SHE, do you think I'll be operating a Taco's truck?

"SHE" brings hope.

"SHE" rights the wrongs.

Unfortunately, "SHE's" a myth.

Just someone I made up to lead The Network.

At first, I just wanted to help people get settled,

give them food, find them work.

Now there's a war against us.

Von and his border vigilantes.

Hunting us down like dogs.

And there's no one there to stop them.

You can...

You're a fighter.

Only when there is something worth fighting for.

Is there?


When the sun rises, you should be good.

Don't start what you can't finish,


You know me?

I know the legend.

Maybe the legend's better.

I'll be the judge of that.

Where are you, Mr. Mysterious?

Oh my God...

Codename: Machete Ex-Federale.

Gunning the Senator down in the street!

What on earth were they thinking?

Sometimes I worry about April and what kinda world we're living here.

A fucked up world.

I'd ought to wash your mouth out with soap.

Give me another of that taco.

Someone took a shot at a senator.

What kind of world would you call it?

A fucked up world.

Like two peas in a pod.

So! Hmm...

I think David is going to ask me to marry him.

But I have my priorities.

School and a career.


Actually I was thinking more about my modeling.

You are a very pretty girl April,

but that's a tough nut to crack.

I know all about cracking nuts.

Do you even know how many hits I get on my website?

You own a website? She has a website? Do you know about this?

I know all about what the online public wants.

And they want ME!

All of ME!

That does it. I'm sending you to a convent.


He's loose. He got away.

Goddamn it! How hard is it to kill a goddamn day labourer?

You get to that corner where I picked him up.

You find him!

Do IT!

Seen a big wagon?

No... No speak english.

Speak. 45?

Where's the tacos truck lady at?

Hey! I don't know man. I haven't seen her this morning. She's late.


You know where she lives...

Alright... go get him.

You're all over the goddamn TV.

Get in!


You're the second beautiful girl that has picked me up today.

Exploding houses!

Bodies falling from the sky!

Jesus Christ Machete...

You're a walking SHIT MAGNET!

Ya! I know who you are...

I'm Santana Evira.

Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE).


Fuckin' A! La Migra...

Don't worry,

I won't ship you back, if you tell me what I need to know.

Working my way up.

I can't be busting people like tacos stands anymore.

Well, I'm probably related to half of them.

You need me more than I need you.

Come on.

You know all the cops in this state are

hunting you down for trying to kill a senator.

I wasn't gonna kill him.

Just gonna shoot him in the neck,

stop him from saying all those stupid things.

It was a set up.

There was another shooter there.

There was another shooter?




I know what they did to your family.

And if I were you I wouldn't trust anyone either,

but it's different here.

Laws are enforced.

And people control them. Not drug lords.

The system works here...

Says you.

I started working on the night shift taking out the trash.

But I worked my way up.

As translator, assistant...

Now I'm special agent in charge of investigations.

Sounds like they still got you taking out the trash.

Let me take you in...

Put you into witness protection.

All you got to do is tell me who hired you to take out the senator.


Holy shit.

You mean to tell me that a Mexican daily is a goddamn federale?

That's right, CIA, FBI, DEA, all rolled in one mean fucking burrito.

Is this the man who you assigned to kill Machete?


And so far you've failed.

So far.

I'm sorry to see you have such a high tolerance for failure Bon nita.

I don't...

Not bad

The last time we spoke you could have mentioned

that he was a goddamn federale!

God Dammit!

Notoriously is hard to kill, trust me.

I've tried.

Well, you didn't try with the guy I'm calling in.

The very best the great state of Texas has to offer.

Osiris Amanpour.

If Machete is captured alive,

he'll expose my entire operation.

You have 24 hours take him down,

or I'll come over there myself...

And I'll kill him myself.

Sorry, my friend.

My grandfather always says you can solve any problem with food.

And you my friend,

have plenty of problems.

So who are you working for?

Who wants the senator dead?

Is it The Network?


She doesn't know anything about it.

Network either.

The man who hired me...

was a Mexican.


So he was just a random guy who says..

hey, wanna kill the senator today?

And you are like cool?

I was afraid he wanted receptive work.

Instead, he offered me $150,000 to kill the senator.

That's a lot of money.

So that's why you did it?

For the money.

Look, Machete.

You're not legal in this country.

And after what happened to you in Mexico,

there is no way you're going home.

So basically, you're a man with no country.

And lucky for you, I can help you out.

Look at me.

I can get you papers.

But you've got to let me bring you in.

I'm gonna find the guy who did this

and bring him to you.

Why should I trust you?

Because we are both cops.

I'd tell you to stop, but I know you took the bullets.



You didn't think they'll take me down that easily did ya?

You're alive. But your house man!

It was small...

I've got something to show you guys, come on...

I told you they were gunning for us.

Who knows what they'll gonna do next.

Holy shit, Luz!

I didn't know that you were this loaded.

You got more heat than the Popos (police).

It's a good start, but we need a lot more.

Need it for what?

La Revoluzion.

Van and his men are coming for us.

We need to be ready.

I'm not gonna be around forever.

If anything happens, you need to tell Machete the people need him.

Who exactly is this Machete?

That's him...

he's the one.

Hands up!

Against the wall.

All of you, move it!

Where's Machete?

Shit. She knows. Man!

Amigo's gonna deport our ass back.

Nobodies deporting anybody.

Machete already told me you guys weren't involved in the shooting.

Although... I should probably check the "carnitas."

For lead!

What is this place anyway?

Welcome to The Network.

These are some of the people that I've help.

Help them cross,

got them jobs,

then make sure that they do their part.

And this?

These are the guys trying to stop us.

Van Jackson and his Border Vigilantes.

They started off with a couple of deer rifles and a warped sense of justice.

Then in the past year they've grown.

More guns, more men.

Who's funding them?

Whoever it is, is making a mess of our operation.

And these?


They are supposed to have crossed. But I have no way to track them.

How deep does your operation go?


All types, all races. Lawyers, priests, doctors, homeboys...

That's why they call it "The Network."

The way we see it, people risk everything to get here.

The system doesn't work.

It's broken.

So we created our own.

You gonna burn us, huh?

Turn us all in?


I'm gonna walk away and pretend I didn't see any of this.

Tell Machete I'm looking for him!

I am a man of faith,

I took a vow of peace.

And I don't shoot anymore.

And you don't shoot any less either.

I don't see you or hear from you in three years,

And now you want me to help you kill all these men?

Yes, bro...

I mean, Padre.

I'll see what I can do.

I want you to say 10 our Fathers and 10 hail Marys.

Light a candle for mom...

For funerals. A little side business.

I have these installed when too many things started

walking away from the altar and collection plates.

Imagine if we have these kinda setup for all the federales.

This is how you get the bad guys now.

No, you catch them on video.



Yeah, I got some of that.

I've got something I want you to see.

Rest assure he will be caught.

It is the first shot of the war that..

we didn't ask for.

Nice way to find out your brother's in town.

These intruders they mean to have...

Right there.

We can only hope that...

That's the guy that hired me.

Michael Booth?

He's McLaughlin's aid or some shit.

You know him?

Yeah... he comes in for confession all the time.

Lots of impure thoughts.

Mostly about his daughter.

I guess I'm cheaper than a shrink.

Here's his file.

Once he started talking about his connection to the cartels,

I figured, it'll come in handy.

I bet McLaughlin doesn't even know that most of Booth's,

business are just a front for his drug trade.

What I don't understand is why would he hired you to kill his own boss.

Don't know.

Gonna find out.

It's not safe for you to be here.

Not looking for safe.

No I mean it's not safe for me for YOU to be here.

I absolve you of all your sins,

now get the fuck out!

Okay, bro...

But I'm borrowing your car.

Why are you complaining about a weak neck,

I'd said you should fucking do some sit-ups.

Hey... hey, hey boss?

Who're you?

The new gardener.

The gardener?

(Speaking Hungarian)

I'm just fucking with you, chief.

It's Hungarian, for I'll kill you, you little monkey.

You know what? There's a big pile of shit in the back,

you can go and clean that up. Alright!

Make sure you do a good job.

Make sure you wipe those boots off!

He's carrying shit in the house.

Did you ever notice that you let a Mexicans into your home...

just because he's got gardening tools?

I mean, no questions asked.

You just let him right in.

He could have a chainsaw or a machete...

God! Jesus!

Stop it!

Dammit, that hurts!

If your father ever saw me, 2 minutes.

Mom, everyone is gonna see you do this.

It's the internet.

This is what my viewers wanna see online.

Hey! You're not the usual guy.

He looks good to me.

Oh don't be shy, come on in!

Access denied.

What the fuck did you bring them here for?

Didn't you hear a goddamn word I said?

Want me to dump them?

What? No... no.

I would make good use of them.

The Church can always use good people.



Where's my wife and daughter?

Woah... one family at a time.

It's Osiris...

Machete has a amano (brother)..

or should I say, Padre.

State Senator John McLaughlin took a vow

to defend the Constitution of this State.


He's taken a bullet for us.

And this is that bullet.

Vote to re-elect Sen. John McLaughlin.

I'm John McLaughlin and I approved of this message.

Paid for by the Committee to re-elect John McLaughlin.

Sorry ma'am.

Damn new phone.

I should put on the vibrator.

Can you help me do that?




It's Van.

I hear you got a problem maybe we can fix.

Don't call me on this line again. I'll call you.

Now you said it yourself Senator war has begun.

Helter Skelter is here.

Your army awaits further orders.

Got to be respectful now.

No shit slaves.

What about the shooter?

He's still out there?

There's nothing I'd like more, then to see that Mexican

dance the bolero with the end of the rope.

He's gone underground for sure.

Let's say we go underground.

And get him.

You find the Network and you find the shooter.

Call our special friend.

Tell him we're gonna need a helluva more firepower.

If he is serious about wanting that border shut down.

Fix your damn gun.


Our friend is up.

Where the fuck have you been?

You could at least texted me.

Machete don't text.

But Machete get evidence.

Thanks for coming back.

There is no way that McLaughlin is getting elected,

unless something big happens.

Can you imagine if someone shot the senator and that someone was a Mexican

The public would elect him to be president.

It's not a sin if someone clinch the senator in the leg is it?

So, this is footage from your brother's confession?

There's no open commandant against "thou shall not wing a man."

Is there Padre?

Put these files over here,

you got from Booth's office.

They're encrypted.

Is my little girl April... I spent nights...


Now, you don't think it's going to be that easy, do you?

I just wish that April saw me as more a real man.

Holy shit...

You're right. The Network is not behind it.

This is something a helluva lot bigger.

You've got enough here to bring down everyone.

The Senator, Booth...


Look here.

There's Mexican drug money financing the Senator's campaign.

Rogelio Torrez.


He's the drug kingpin who's been trying

to gain control of the drug trade.

This must be the border fence McLaughlin wants to build.

See this?

These markings show the weakest spots.

It all makes sense now.

Torrez wants to get Senator McLaughlin re-elected,

so that he can build a border fence that he can control.

You did good work Machete.

I bet you're a great cop.

The best.

And modest too.

I'm dry.

Get up.


Because you're drunk.

Come be with me.

Speak english?

Depends on the question.

We know that you hired that Mexican to kill our senator.

You the Network, ain't cha?

Hell! You're behind everything.

That's not how we work.

But if you want war...

I will give it to you.

How about an eye for an eye?

You burned your last burrito.

You got to get better at this, Billy.

Please, Father, have mercy.

God has mercy, I don't.

Hello Padre.

The Blood of Christ? Taste like Merlot to me.

Where is he?

He's everywhere.

Talk Padre.

Sing me one of those Mexican hymns like a chroming arch boy.

Go to hell.

You want to be a martyr? I'm good at making martyrs.

Like Senator McLaughlin?

That's right.

We've to get that Senator re-elected. Get that fence built along the border

before it is too late.

You really hate our kind that much?

No padre, I hate declining profits that much.

An open border allows supply of flowing too easily.

Drives our prices down.

Restricted border, limits supply. Drives the prices up.

Higher prices, higher profits.

You are drunk with power, even putting the hit on your own boss.

Just to boost his election numbers.

Last chance, amigo.

Where's Machete and where are my wife and daughter?

In hell.

Then give them my best.

A real gentleman.


Are they the same?

They want you dead too.

My brother.


How do you text with this thing?

I thought Machete don't text.

Machete improvise.

Where're you going?

Take out the trash.

Machete sent me a text.

What's it say?

You just fuck with the wrong Mexican.

He's coming after us.

No, he's coming after you.

You got some news?


His brother's is dead.

You killed a priest.


That's right Booth, I'm in your town.

And I'm gonna kill Machete.

And you're gonna watch it happen.

And it will be the last thing you see.

Wait a second.

There's a girl from ICE.

She's with Machete on this and they have a file on me,

on you, on McLaughlin, on everybody.

She can make things very difficult for us.

Where is she?

You know, I've been thinking.

We let these people into our homes,

watch our kids,

park our cars.

But we won't let them into our country.

Does that make any sense to you?

Hey! That wetback club us both over the head.

In case you forgot, he shot me in the leg.

I thought Jango shot you?

I don't want to hear that story ever again.

Think about it.

He wasn't here for us.

He's here for the boss.

I've been watching the boss. This guy is a real scumbag.

Hey, hey, hey.

Where's your loyalty at?

Did you hear that?

It's the weed whacker.

He's back! Spread out.

Spread out NOW!

Alpha unit, you copy?

I quit!

Anybody, report. You hear me?


Where's Booth?

The senator, he's with the senator.

I have a GPS.

Tracks his limo.

Hey! Don't kill me, please, take it.

That's Spanish, "I let you live."

Thanks, Chief!

Let me see if I am hearing you right.

One of the city's most prominent businessmen.

A Texas vigilante.

The most notorious drug kingpin of Mexico and a state senator,

are all conspiring to enact stricter immigration laws?

I know how it sounds,

but I have Booth on video committing a murder.

I have tons of confessions.

I mean it's...

Listen to yourself, this man is an illegal alien,

ILLEGAL as in against the law.

Well, there's the law and there's what's right.

I'm gonna do what's right.

We are live from the Church of Hope where just moments ago,

Police discovered a gruesome murder scene.

The body of a priest was found nailed to a cross.

And witnesses descriptions of a man leaving the church

match those of a gunman wanted for the shooting of Senator McLaughlin.

Excuse me honey's, just shut the door and give us a moment.

On the street, they call him Machete.

Who is he, what is he?

And will he ever be brought down?

Where the fuck have you been?

This story is burning the whole fucking town to the ground.

It's giving us a war I want to know we can win!

He's a cockroach, sooner or later he'll be squashed.

Oh, oh, yeah! Well, this cockroach has got AK-47's

and he's laying waste to everything that get's in his fucking path.

I'm taking care of it.

They scheduled me for release in a couple of minutes...

The man they are calling Machete...

We're ready for you Senator.

may have been involved in the killing of a priest.

It's show time...

You forgot your cane, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Senator John McLaughlin.

Thank you, thank you.

This freehold danzito is not any closer to justice.

I "urge" this criminal and those that are hiding him,

to turn him in.

He's destroying us from the inside,

like the plague that he is...

We must not let the terrorist win.


There are reports implicating,

your advisors as having orchestrating the assassination attempt.

Would you care to comment?

What now?

Want to be a martyr? I am good at making martyrs.

Like Senator McLaughlin?

That's right.

We have to get that Senator re-elected.

Get that fence built along the border,

before it's too late.

Or do you care to comment,

on the shooting. That happened

on the border on the night of July 22nd?

Who is gonna stop us?

I am!

Welcome to America.

You catch all that?

Burn me a DVD. Behind our supporters are going to like that!

A lot!

How about your connections with drug king pin Rogelio Torrez?

No further comment.

I'm sorry, I just...

Or the border vigilantes involved in running drugs?

I think I'm having a heart attack.

God dammit if you don't relax, you will have one.

You jeopardize more than my career,

we got to cut back.

He could have killed me.

Not with that scope.

You stupid son of a bitch...

You pulled something like that without consulting me?

Who the fuck do you think you are?!

I'm the one who got your campaign financed.

Made you a major political powerhouse.

Your own personal Jesus.

So, you better get down on your knees,

and start praying for me to save your soul,

because I'm the only one who can at this point!

Get the fuck out.

God dammit man, why don't you just die?

It's gonna work.

We could have been rich.


was stopping all those cheap shit from across the border.

Did I tell you that?

Can lead more than a tired pendejo (fool) with a dime bag and a dream.

So we financed Van.

Give him and his men guns.

The Vigilantes.

Our own little private border patrol.

But Torrez wanted all that chelada.

So I thought why not let politics do what guns couldn't.

Funny things is, I thought it would be a more peaceful resolution.

None of that tortured taco.

Wait, wait...

Torrez is looking for you.

You find Van, you'll find Torrez.


Tell me...

where are my wife and daughter?

With God.

I guess I won't be seeing them.

Fuck! My head...

What is this shit?

That asshole drugged us.

Where are our clothes?

Call daddy.

It's June,

and April.

We're very sorry.

Your husband is dead.

He's what?

Senator McLaughlin shot him.

Secure that weapon! Yeah!

Vigilante leader, Van Jackson has refused comment,

after startling revelations of their connections,

to the Mexican drug cartels.

This is Van...

I'm coming in.

We're all over the news, senator...

You compromised everything we worked for.

There is only one way this thing is gonna end.

Smoke em' out.

But I wanna put a bullet in his head myself.

And just how you're figuring on doing that?

I'm joining you boys for one last ride along.


Where's Luz?

She's gone, man.

Vigilante's got her.

And now they're after you.

You gotta lead us to fight,

it's what Luz would have want!

Not your war.

I maybe adopted as it is...

No shit.

What's going on is not right!

We just wanna help, bro.

I don't need your help.

Not us?

Then who?

Whatever you need.

Build it, strip it, chop it.

Garage's is yours, Homez...

Got guns?


We have missiles, machine guns.

We fight Van, we fight Torrez.

We take em' all down at once.

Hey everyone!

Listen UP! Now we got some work to do!

Does anyone knows who's Machete?

Does anyone knows who's Machete?


Machete needs your help

or he'll be killed just like Luz,

just like Padre.

Listen to me!

Yes, I am a woman of the law,

and there are lots of laws!

But if they don't offer us justice,

then they aren't law!

They are just lines drawn in the sand

by men who would stand on your backs,

for power and glory.

Men who deserves to be cut down.

It's time to erase the meyette the line!

And show these cabronese the meaning of true law!

We didn't cross the border.

The border crossed us!

Viva la Machete!

Viva la Machete!

You're Machete's girl.

I know,

cause you're his type.

What type is that?


Earlier today,

Senator John McLaughlin allegedly pulled a gun,

on his advisor Michael Booth,

and shot him twice in the chest.

After an altercation following the disaster reveal

earlier this afternoon of the senator's

connections to the Mexican

drug kingpin Rogelio Torrez.


According to recent reports,

McLaughlin's re-election campaign has been funded

entirely by Mr. Torrez.


Networks said the senator calling the vigilantes to kill you.

And Agent Santana,

she's been captured by Torrez!

All hands and the armory to load up.

Time to roll out!

Give me a vest and a rifle.

My great grand daddy...

did not give his life at The Alamo so that we could

sell out our nation to a bunch of backstabbing politicians.

What are you talking about?

You lied to us,

you paid that Mexican to put on an act.

To fool the people.

And my pool of posse.

Now he's on his way...

And no doubt bringing a whole mess of bean eaters.

You seem to be quite fond of Booth, Senator.

You've been in the desert too long amigo...

Well let's see just how this blows your skirt up?

We're gonna simulcast your execution for the crime of treason.

No shit stains.

Guys! They're on their way!

Get to your posts!

Time for your last testament.

No second takes.

Just get your lines right.

Hold the line...

I have desecrated the oath of our first...

and I am a traitor deserving death.


Fucking parasites!

Fucking terrorists!



Two of you stay with him...

The rest of you outside.

Oh shit!

Fuck em up!

How is your eye?

What eye?

If you want to survive your own war,

you better become Mexican real fast.

You got enemies on all sides, Senator.

Who can you trust?

You aim to take down those girls, boys?

Then I'm with you.

Take out that Mexican!

God Dammit!

Van, we're fucked! We gotta get outta here.

Get outta here!



I've done wrong...

I haven't behave for life...

And I'm ain't from here. I hate Texas.

I hate the heat.

Give me my last rites.

In the name of my father...

My father...


I forgot the rest.

You never know how to stay down, Punieta (jerk off).

So I guess I have to teach you.

Got something to say?

Now you got something to say?

Back the fuck up and watch.

Okay, Punieta!

Adelante (Forward).

We used to be federale's together, kanna (root),


We were brothers...

But you...

...went for the honor.

Pendejo (coward).

Then I went for the power.

We killed a lot of bad guys together.

Now I'm the bad guy.

What do you wanna do, Hermanito (little brother)?

He's gonna kill him.

No, he's not.

He's Machete.

No point.

Cap Puto (fuck).

You know, I could kill you right now, quite easily.

Believe me.

This is nothing.

This ain't shit.


I know you'll just be waiting for me in hell.


I think I'll say goodbye.

Fuck it.

There's one!

Goddamn cockroach.

Can't speak english, can you boy?

Welcome to America.

What, you wanna see my ID?

Don't bother.

I've got something better.

I called in a few favours.

Look at this.

Got you all the right papers.

You can start over now.

Be a real person.

Why do I want to be a real person

when I'm already a myth.

Where will you go?


Can I ride with you?