M (2018) - full transcript
After 15 years of self-imposed exile, Menahem gets back to his ultra-orthodox home town of Bnei Brak, where he wants to face the traumatic childhood experiences of long-lasting sexual abuse within the Khasidic community.
"In the hot oven burning fire"
"And inside is quiet"
"Brother, quiet"
"And the Rebbe teaches the little ones"
"The alphabet"...
"And the Rebbe teaches the
little ones"... the alphabet
, I was Menachem Lang...
a boy singer. But I was
"Porn Boy"
I do not know.
How to say it in Hebrew
...I was
... a child who
As they were at the military bases
Girls for the Soldiers
, Just for fun
I was a kid for fun
.For other men
, When you are a child
, Every time you go through something like this
It's like the first time
, Even if you went through it the day before
Each time is the first time
There was one
... who did a lot
...he was
A very violent man
He would hit me
I remember he would
hold my head there
I would like to confront him.
His name is Akiva Katz
I speak on behalf of a hundred children
Which he took to the cemetery
, To the grave of another rabbi
And there he abused them
He undressed them and
carried out his plot on them
...I want to tell you
On Rosh Hashanah, I always cry
I'll sing you the song
Why did I cry?
"His soul"!
His body "of God"
Neither my body nor my soul!
Did not belong to me or to God
My soul belonged to the one
who hit me and touched me
My body and soul belonged to him
Because when a man is 40 or 50 years old
Can do such a thing to
you, whenever he wants
Your body and soul are escaping together
And you no longer believe in anything
, Not in your body, not in your soul
You do not want to believe in anything anymore
, I entered a truly ultra-Orthodox
world, literally as a rapist
, By chance, and that, I did not come out in question
, And in fact, I did not succeed.
I always did not feel belonged
,Yes? I, too,
would sing in church, you know
?Yes Yes-
.All the time
, The courage, the process,
the crises they go through
It's the same as we are
.Those undergoing these processes
...now
For example, if you walk,
with trances on the street
All the girls are twisted and jealous
The trans women look much
better than the girls
.Right
I know that,
they hate trans people
"Just because of the look" "Why
is she more beautiful than me?"
Okay, but
Do you hate girls, like, or what?
No, not because of that
Like you, I see, like,
you're trying to abuse them
... like you're returning something
No, it's just because I remembered...
now I'll tell you
I do not know,
if I have already lost the torque
But I'm with women... I'm exhausted
Yes, I'm telling
you, I'm exhausted.
I, too, have been exhausted with women
, And it's not just because I wanted to
It's because I also felt something,
and I searched all the time
, And also because I come from an Arab sector
, And Christianity, and with us...
of conservatism, it's very very
So I'm all my life looking for,
myself to understand what I am and who I am
, And until I found, as it were,
only that I had arrived in Tel Aviv
, And I found the community, and I generally
understood that such a thing existed
, Which is to make a change from son to daughter
... so it's like I felt
, As if I were re-breathing,
as if someone had returned my soul
And it's the same thing! And the truth,
I do not? Define anyone... -at what age
At age 16, I discovered myself
But I made the change two years ago
How old are you today?
?How old are you
.35
But I started at the age of 20, I left
I made this big change
at the age of 20
, Because I grew up in a place of followers
I've always suffered because, you know
...now
When I sing, for example... cantorship
I put all the pain in.
I went from a young age to this poetry
All the pain
, Like, a little boy
I'm not lying
I need the love of Dad,
which I pursue to this day
To the love of a mother, whom I did not touch
Maybe it's also what you find in her
We're back to the story I told you a man
is looking for someone bigger than him
, Because she enters his mother's place, and
you're looking for a trans because she's both
Mom and Dad! I'm embracing it.
!Pretty
I paid a price for
beauty when I was little
Do you actually pay a price
for beauty when you are today
Listen, I'm Miss Trans Israel, yes
... and I'm an international model and I'm
Second place at Miss
Trans Star International
When I look someone in the eye...
I know I'm burning him. and
No, not sexually or anything
Of all, as if, there is a full that comes to them
, Curse me sometimes:
they want to tell me
Fly away from my eyes ""?
Like, what do you think
!And that's okay
I used to sit in a room crying
I ask myself, and I say to God
Like, "Why are you punishing
me?" For something I did not do
Like, that’s what I asked my mom,
mine at first, I told her, “Mom
You want to have a son,
"who is beaten and cursed, and sad
And most of the time, and most of his day he
thinks, "just how to commit suicide and leave life
"Or you want a happy, beautiful girl"
"And joy in her part and in her life?"
I feel imprisoned
, I would not want to be trans,
because my place is such a place
But he's much more
imprisoned, than your place
, That your place has taken shape.
And beauty, and wisdom
... yes. Mine no-
My... will always be imprisoned in this thing
, First time I saw Menachem
It was in the movie
Introduction "by Amos Gitai"
No one speaks Yiddish anymore today
So how does this kid speak so beautifully?
.I did not understand
, I followed him for a long time
I watched other movies
he played in them
He was born as one of the Mentori Karta
Naturi Karta is the most
Orthodox of all the Orthodox Jews
They only speak Yiddish
To me they were something like that...
a bit reminiscent of the devil
I wanted to get closer
, I came out in question! I came out in question
, When a person becomes religious
It's called "I Repented.
It's an Answer."
There is an answer to my life "".
I repented
When a person leaves religion,
it's called "I repeated the question
I'm going towards freedom
This is what I love: Freedom
Freedom from those who raped me
Freedom from my rabbis
Freedom from people I do not like
Freedom to do what I want
I have not been to Bnei Brak for years
Ten years... more
I have not been to Bnei Brak for ten years
, Tel Aviv is close,
but when you leave Bnei Brak
You understand that you live in the ghetto
You never want to go
back to Bnei Brak!
You have not seen your parents in 15 years
You're asking me?
Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me
I want to see him!
Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me
...Bnei Brak
I enter the world of my ancestors
Through a wound
Through Menachem's wound
Bnei Brak,
is the city of men in black
The world capital of the ultra-Orthodox
No cops, no criminals
The Rebbe solves everything
Ten years ago, Menachem caught up with
one of the people who raped him, Moshe
Who confessed to everything while he
was photographed on a hidden camera
This segment, ten minutes long,
was shown on Israeli television
He caused a huge scandal
Menachem received such serious threats
That he did not dare to return to Bnei Brak again
He became an actor and cantor in Tel Aviv
, And now, with me
, He was filled with rage again
And decided he wanted to
return to the crime scene
How long has this building been around?
What kind of mouth?
, 30 years, 40
Much more, right...
how can you know-
I remember this building
since I was born
?Yes
I know this building
I'm from the Kiryat Herzog area.
We're all from the neighborhood.
...the hood
But you have a history here
Do you speak Yiddish?
I do not want them to understand us.
I do not want them to understand
I was a pious child
And there was a guy named Akiva Katz
Satmar follower, very cruel
He was a regular...
brings me here to the building and was
Doing bad things to me
?... you do not know him, no
?A few years ago
, Today I'm 35 years old
That was when I was seven
The building existed
He may have already passed away
No, he did not die. No, he was
, He was hanging out here all the time
, With a big hat, with glasses,
and would look like that
... long wigs...
all the time, back and forth
Do you have a picture of him?
It was a lot of kids
You can say Kaddish about it!
!Force
Three men raped me
, The first rapist
I was seven years old
I do not know his name
I just remember his face
He had a lot of freckles
Pale man, redhead
The second rapist, he did it there
In that building
, The third was Moshe Gottwein
.In sitting
Akiva Katz raped me three times
The first rapist raped me once.
The second time I ran away
And the last rapist raped
me .How many times he ran
I like that girl.
She does not stop looking at me
I knew you had a problem
?problem
What's a problem, you know,
like you've been through something
I knew it,
because I went through things too
... so it was easy for
me, very easy to spot
Because I... quite like you in many things
.Right
...one moment
It was here?
How old were you?
.⁇ Ben Sheva⁇
Katz was waiting for me
Then he ran away
... Hans
Let's go see if he's asleep
We've shaken him
It's Moses
Yes, he's the one who raped me.
Like my father, like my friend
?what are you saying?! Your father raped
.No! But the rapist was like a father
, Sitting down, he would dress me
He would give me everything, like Dad
I've been his slave for so many years
!It's crazy
I do not want to wake his mother
He lives with his mother.
? "As in" Psycho
As in "Psycho", yes. psychosis
Moishe, I know you're in it
I just came to talk to you, Moishe
Just so you know, I promised Rabbi I'm not
Does nothing to you and does not touch you.
And does not go to the police anymore
I promised Rabba and I stand by it
I just came to talk to you, to close with you
.it bothers me
, So come in pity, I'm asking you
, I just came to talk to you.
Come, we'll close the story
, In the most beautiful speech in the world
, And goodbye and goodbye.
We no longer see each other. I promise you
So why don 't you
go to the police?
He took out a note
from a psychiatrist
...Right. retarded
Yes, mentally ill, but...
you know, it sounds like he is
... is before... almost yesterday...
I lowered my head
Too bad, too bad?
Too bad, you say, uh-
.Probably! 'Look what beautiful children you have
? Talks to you most seriously. is not that a loss
.so sad
... he does not dare to open his mouth
This is his neighborhood
He has a brother, his brother
but a quarrel with him, just, but
... His brother quarrels with him
, I know, for years...
but it's not taken care of either
.Because his friends are privileged
?serious
... his brother
But his brother hates him to
death, he still hates him.
In the article, no, I did not beat him either
In life do not raise a hand against a person
Why not... I grew up as a follower.
I do not have it in my heart-
, But free devotees
raise their hands
I have a tendency, I'm dying to kill him
Tell him... he'll take care of it
Everything is taken care of
I'm just coming to interrupt
, I cut off his electricity from the house
That he might wake up a
little, with the fan, be awake
That he will just see that I'm here
Does not want to talk to him.
And takes the car and leaves
Because his mother is poor.
His mother is a Holocaust survivor
He also quarrels with his mother
Here he is, here, he came out the window.
You can go out to him
- Here, start talking.
Come a second!
I'm not going out! You do things!
Once again such things
Moishe, let's come out for a second
I'm not going out!
You will not bring me again
So I just want to complete and that's it
, A sick person,
I now have breathing problems
And don 't confuse the mind, that's all
So let's finish
What, what did you come for again?
What happened after ten years, what
What, what are you looking for?
Then come complete
Tell me, you're boring at night
No, I'm looking for your brother
You can look for him until tomorrow,
but do not do criminal things
I'm not doing criminal things
You cut off electricity.
And you do criminal things
I cut off electricity.
The police are on their way here.
I did not cut off electricity
The police are on their way here.
And you're doing criminal things
I did not hang up.
I just told him to come out
I'm not, you see,
I'm not even knocking
It's his brother
Are you afraid of his brother?
Yes, I'm afraid.
My phone will ring
He's a bad brother
And he has a lot of friends
Have you been to the police?
He's sleeping in the house
He was like that
I have pictures
.It helped? Now he's asleep. you are welcome
What happened when he was handcuffed?
.is nothing! After two days he was released
.⁇ Two days
This is my rape song
This is my sad song
This is the song of my heart
When my heart hurts, I sing it
I sang it all the time
In my head, while I was raped
.in mind
.Not loud
I loved this tune
I loved her so much that she made me
Feeling as if this situation is not happening
!You know? Look
I'll get you in
To the synagogue.
I went to it for 20 years
.I love this place very much
,There
They circumcised me
There they made me long wigs
There they held a bar mitzvah for me
That's where I got married
That's where I got divorced
And there I was also raped
I can not go in there
.You can
The rapist there, he can go in there
I'm ashamed to go in there
.I'm here
My eyes looked
, But even when you look...
your eyes
If anyone's looking at
you, you know, you feel it
, I looked...
and saw two beautiful eyes
No, I felt two eyes!
Beautiful looking at me
I turned around and saw that
Parmachi was looking at me
Not in one eye, like me
Not out of the corner of the eye
Two eyes, like two spotlights on me
It was strong
.Permachi is the daughter of my rabbi
And she was my first love
... she loved me
Today she has eight children
And she looked at me
How old were you when you loved Parmachi?
.ten years old
.11
... six, seven
No, when I was 13.
We never saw each other again
Ever since we were born... we were born on the same day
, Year, two years, three, four, five
, Six, seven, eight.
Nine, ten, 11, 12, 13
!This
... she does not know,
if she knew what I went through
She would hate all the followers
.I'm sure
She's a nice girl
A very nice girl
If her father was not a
rabbi, she would be my fiancée
A beautiful girl
Beautiful
"Permachi and Menachem"
!Sounds good
"Pharmaci!" "Yes?
What do you want, Menachem?"
Please, sounds good
... but it's just a dream
In the face of Menachem and of those
who experienced what he experienced
, There's something childish
As if the rape had frozen them
In the innocent childhood
.That they never knew
When did I leave Bnei Brak...
when I was 15?
.15, shortly after
I could not do anything.
When I was ten
I could not pay for an apartment.
Or something like that, nothing
No one would take me to work
Therefore, I could not be independent
It was only when I was 15 that I
started working... as a courier
.In the writer, of groceries and such
At the time I was planning to leave
, The ultra-Orthodox society
I decided to learn something, that
I wanted to know more about the
open society, about the secular
I did not want anyone to know that
I was riding a bicycle, for a seat
Because we are not allowed to ride bicycles
I would go to learn kung fu
? See the light on the second floor
...this is the place
This was my room
This is the place where
I first met Menachem
That was about 15 years ago
My father also passed away recently.
I do not know if I told you
No! - I did not tell?
My father passed away three months ago
Really... Yes, so-
Wait, but how do you
say it like that?
My dad passed away
three months ago
? Vanthing? What do you mean
I take comfort in that
That I was able to come to terms
with my father before he passed away
, I actually gave him,
the truth, it, like
He apologized for
the things he did
Okay, why, because he knew he
was going to die, or what? -No
Because he realized
he had lost his son
My dad did things
.Ind unforgivable things
... but when he said "I'm sorry
That was a huge thing for me
.To continue in my life
It's not easy, but
We talked about everything
... Wait, you talked about things too
Now I'm asking you.
Very implicitly
The things that went through?
It's with him too, right?
.Yes
Now you say, your father said?
I was wrong. "How do you feel?"
Much better? Much better-
!Probably
He was at the stage,
that he was less of a charge of me
: He did not assault me, he did not say
No, you're not right, no,
you're a liar, no, you're that
, But you know about
such mistakes sometimes
People sit in jail for a long time
... and you took care of your father,
and, you did not put him in jail
, But you managed to get into a confrontation with him
You've been scared of this
confrontation for a long time
, Because you've lost your whole life
, Like, that's how I was in
the situation I already lost
Everything I wanted to accomplish in my
life, knocked me out, from here or there
... and what's left is just
You know, talk to...
try to solve what can be solved
That I forgive him,
not only for him, but also for me
For several years he harmed you
I will not go into that.
I will not go into these personal details
... yes, okay... but-
?... There is no, like, lust for revenge
Or rather, I accept it,
with understanding, what happened
After I actually realized...
who this was my grandfather
?What do you mean
My grandfather came from the Holocaust
He was half scratched in the head
, All they said, Grandpa was righteous, and that's it
Over time I learned who it is, yes yes
In time, I learned who my grandfather
was, and he was not that righteous
He was... a very difficult person
He was very violent...
towards my father
If he did other things besides
violence to my father, I have no idea
, What you say may be a wheel
What did he do? It's a wheel.
Unequivocally.
Are you sure it's a wheel? -Yes-
,mom and dad
I grew up as a child
Who laughed all the time
A child who joked all the time
The connection I had with my mother
.Was very emotional
.really
I'm very close to my mother
, And every morning
, While I was sleeping in bed
Before she would wake me up
, So I can go to school
She would start
, Pray in the hallway
In a beautiful melody I only heard from her
I want my dad and mom
They will see their son
I do not want
To live my life.
Without father and mother
I prefer to die
Than to live
A life that is
.No parents
They did not answer me
.Up to now
I did not divorce because of a rapist
I did not succeed in my job,
nor is it because of a rapist, no
I'm not a little more
Provocative because I was raped, no
, But when I was raped
The views of the people have changed
Those were the looks
They burned me
You're yes and you are not
You're like you were before
.But with three masks
People do not see you as
they have seen you before
When I told my father what I went
through, I took off the mask
And he wore a mask
I was not a more kosher child
That's what I said to myself out of fear
"! I said," Dad, I did nothing
He said: "Yes, of course, I know
"... I know, they took you and everything"
, After two days
, We had to take
something, do a mitzvah
.Tool for training
I used to do it.
For the rabbi's grandson
: I told my dad
Dad, I'll train him!
"I always do it for the rabbi."
"I will train him!"
"! My father told me," No, not you
"?Why"
I shouted at my father
"Why not me?"
I felt that my father,
did not want me anymore
As if some partition had closed
: He told me, as if he had stopped
"Because you are unclean!"
, "Since that word," unclean
I became a different person
!this is the place
I slept there!
I slept in a closet like that
!here
This is the place, look
How long have you slept in this cemetery?
.a month
A whole month
I felt like I was crazy
I did not think about it much
It's going into your head.
And you do it
Then you're ashamed
: I hid here from the religious
I felt as if I had
decapitated myself
I shaved my beard
: When my dad saw me shaved
"Get out of this house!"
... Hans
I do not know what to say...
if I liked him
, But when I went to fight with
him, ten years ago
He started crying, I felt sorry for him
He was a friend of mine
I was a little boy
... but he was my friend, he gave me
...he gave me
.Love
It was not a good love
But he gave it to me
What my father and
mother did not give me
, I really liked it
.The touches
My mother did not touch me
I enjoyed him touching me
It was not a good touch, but
When I was a kid, I could buy
If I could pay for
contact, I would do it
He listens to what I say?
Do you understand?
He can send ten people here
Look!
Look at him, what is he doing?
I heard you speak
Yiddish, what do you do?
Do you want us to photograph you?
Only if you do not see my face
What do you have to look
for therapy in a cemetery?
This is not the cemetery.
This is the only one.
The Breslavs go to the forests. We,
we do not have a forest here in the area
This is the only
forest there is.
Katz took children here.
There is no one here
.He laid them here?
On the grave-
He laid them down and carried
out his plot with them
.Nobody knew
When you're a kid, you're scared
You're not thinking about him.
You're scared of the cemetery
I went to see my father and cried.
It was on Hanukkah
He thought I was crying because of God
"... Dad, do things to me"
Did you cry in front
of the candles? Yes-
He thought you were excited
Yes, because of God
You know, the passion
You'll complain about him!
I wanted him to go to jail?
He raped you.
Me and many others!
You will not be satisfied
until he is in prison
I tried,
did you contact the police?
I contacted the police, there is a statute of limitations
There is an obsolescence
How old are you?
Are you engaged? No
!Yes? Mazel Tov
When is the wedding?
At a good time.
When you have children, you will understand
I have children
That's why I'm fighting these people...
secular, religious
I have no children,
but I understand what you mean
You were also abused
I could complain about my brothers
and my brother-in-law to the police
?what
My brothers and brother-in-law
They raped you?
Why do you not complain?
Because of the reputation of the family
No... but I do not want to
do such a thing to my brother
It's the hardest part of it
Would you send your brother to jail?
They have children, families
Do you want me to break
up their families?
Did you talk to them?
Do you talk to them?
They do not know that I
know what they did to me
They did it to me at night.
I pretended I was sleeping
I was in the guide today before the wedding
? In the guide? For the first time
Everything broke for me, the whole
story floated... and all the things
I do not know .If I
can get married at all
, It's not just this,
influences behavior
You don 't know what to do and that's it
Every day,
you probably know it better than me
, When I'm with Menachem
I'm going with my camera.
Like the flutist
The injured children,
appear as if at a magic headquarters
.And follow us
: Like characters in a story about vampires
They've been afraid to bite
... in the rape itself
But in the rape itself you disengage
No, you... have the detached section.
There is the detached section. there is
But... there are some moments...
that you're a little
It's not a pleasant
moment for me.
You did not have it
There's the rape
That the person he
oversees is sitting
And he... he feeds you, he's responsible .
.. to feed you, to wash your clothes
, Now, it's not like he's coming,
grabs you to the wall and makes you
, He slowly, gives you
more, gives you privileges
, "Then" just touch me here,
"then" just touch me here
, Then only this and then only this
So you become his kind of partner.
Without you knowing
You're no longer a victim
at the age of nine.
At the age... you're obviously a victim
You'll go home like this
What will you tell Mom?
.complicated
You also do not know
.Who to run to tell it
No, you're coming home!
With a very strange face
What happened? "And mother
continues": the questions as usual
"How was school?"
No, and the thing is,
I was too good an actor
So I went and smeared mud on myself.
Like, with water, you know
I went and...
because my clothes were dirty. -OK
.from this. Because it was winter
So I went, and with the mud, you
know, like I'm... I fell in the mud
You know, seat, you know...
you walk in the fields
, To his rabbi in the yeshiva
, When he needs, when he needs the bathroom
So he said to him, "Pill,
or should I?" Someone hold the door
"So he said to him, 'Both
Wait, but I'm you... he's busy
Are you busy, second?
?what is needed
I would like to talk to you.
What a small conversion, if allowed
Yes, I can also speak Yiddish.
?OK
But a little far, you want to get closer.
Let's talk, I'll wait, what?
- No, okay... - You can come close.
Come on, come on, it's okay.
I was raped when I was an ultra-Orthodox boy
.me too
I, too, "it's simplicity!"
I, before, listen, listen, before...
I was in a cemetery for three days
I'll show you the
picture of the guy
Picture of the guy,
it's very discreet
... provided?...
wait, okay, and
Listen, he ran to the cemetery.
He cries all over
He tells me, "I'm running away."
Because my two brothers are raping me
You know what I'm talking about.
I know, I'm not talking, but-
?why arent you talking
... I was in jail, and...
my fault and not my fault
I mean, so you, by the way...
it's scary
... by chance you fell on me. I was raped and
And you continued the wheel?
, And I continued the
wheel and I was accused
... before I continued the wheel...
and after I continued
May I hug you?
Because I do not blame you.
All right, I understand, thank you.
I'm not blaming you... but-
Now, you're talking.
You went through it sitting
.Before, in Talmud Torah
I also went through Talmud Torah
We may have gone through the same one
I know one. I live in
Jerusalem, not in Bnei Brak.
No, okay. In Jerusalem. Did you study
with the Satmars? - No, forget about it
I was with the Satmars
Okay, but... - No matter, I'm
There are many, there are many
things, there are things I know
The people who did this to me...
are hospitalized today
What? It's hospitalized. It...
I treated them alone -
You took care of them alone, why?
,Why? Because I went to the police to complain
"I was told,
so bring me the address."
"His ID card."
... and when I went to the rabbi
Do you need to do his ID?
So I, he shouted at me, from the other direction
What do you mean, he yelled at you?
: So I came...
like, what, you do not speak "
Are you not ashamed "?
To say such things
You're not here, you're not
here, you're not there
- Yes, that's what happened once...
I came to a man-
: I came to a man, I told him
, Or you're going for treatment
", take care of yourself
, Today, after we grow up,
and it's easy: I came to a man, I told him
Or you're going,
"take care of yourself now
And I want a certificate,
"that you went to take care of someone
"Or I'll take care of you."
Pierre Inaf. - And those who went, took care.
And those who did not go, I took care of them
.I have a question
This is the biggest fear
I had when I was a kid
"You're always told" wheel...
you feel it released you-
Wait, wait...
after I took care of him, yes-
Wait, Itzik.
I was very scared of this wheel
You know,
you do not know you're in the wheel
, You do not come and plan.
"Says:" Okay, I moved, this is it
It's during life, yes?
, It's very interesting to me
Because you touch the layers of my mind
It's not just we met.
We believe in God, I believe in God
What does it mean that
you felt you did it?
? "From" Do to me, I will do too
"They did to me, I will do too",
when they did to me, nothing happened
"... so when I do, nothing will happen"
All kinds of feelings of
grief that you did it...
After that,
I felt why I did it, yes
And at the same time,
I did not feel anything.
Now here by chance...
you fell for the wrong kid
,I have a question
, Today, that you are going to bite-midrash
And you... you see the boy?
He's not from my neighborhood, but sometimes
I see him in the neighborhood, yes
, And what...
- We're not talking. Nothing. Move on
Nothing. No connection.
If, he's sorry I'm asking if
he's coming to take care of you
You? Ll feel, like, okay with that
Isaac, give me a second
Isaac. I talked to him.
Isaac, give me a second
I'm today after I know-
What I went through...
and what I did
I asked their parents that
I want to talk to them
did not agree. I explained to
them why I wanted to talk to them
Only agreed with them
We sat, talked about everything, opened...
everything on the table next to their parents
You initiated a conversation with
the parents, without... Yes-
The parents, with their
children, with the one I hurt
In fact, the child did not tell Dad.
You decided to tell Dad
Yes, I opened everything on the table
How did he react...
he cried and
, He felt better.
I hope so, then
... and wait,
he shouldn 't be afraid of that-
, He should not run away...
he did not, he is not guilty
- Nothing happened?
What led you to talk to the father?
... that I did not .that he will
not go through what I went through
?What do you mean
That he will not be afraid that the
wheel will not pass through him either.
, That he will not feel guilty about anything
, Which is something, which is fucked up
... which is the one, that they succeeded
He's not fucked up.
He's fine, I'm the problem
... and you are the problem
because they made you the problem-
It's not related to him
So it's a wheel.
But it's not related to it.
- So you, I opened
everything on the table...
With this boy, next to his father
I stopped his wheel
"You were no longer afraid of prison?"
"You actually said, 'I deserve it.'
, "Like," I did?
Like, you blamed yourself
, I did, I deserve it.
I was not afraid of prison, I sat in jail
...but
I took it as a place.
That I could build myself
... not as a place where I
got a punishment or something
What punishment can already be done?
After what they did to me
But you know it will
not happen to you again
It's not going to happen to me again.
How do you know?
, Why, because I know what I
did, what I went through
What did I move to?
So it's not going to happen
I've been in care for four years
In a group of 17 people, I do not
know, them, I have nothing with them
With someone in Bnei Brak
That she did the job properly
I mean, now,
but it's not everyone's a wheel
For everyone, it's a wheel
I'm not yet, it's not happened yet
No, but you know,
it's everyone with his wheel
?What do you mean
What, you have no sex problems?
, Between you and your wife, between
you and yourself... between all kinds
Yes, so you have a wheel.
He is getting married and he is scared
That all this will cause
him problems in the bedroom
I told him, "You'll have
problems!" But not in the bedroom
He will also have problems in the bedroom
Are you sure he'll
have problems?
!Why? I did not mind
Not a living animal of a Jew
.Cognition of free women
Not my first wife
Not the first, the first, no.
: I was scared for the first time
Do it as it is written in the Torah
Not as it is written in the Torah
Put it in her mouth?
Do not put it in her mouth
May I bring in here? Here
The questions that are not asked!
: My rabbi told me
Do with your wife what you want
Everything she wants,
everything she wants to do
, Today I do not, I never did
... with a guy, and a kid, and nothing, but alone
Obviously.
You're a normal guy!
And people who have not been abused
They do it too
And the woman, if she knows. That he
masturbates alone, that, betrays her
.no no-
: Not cheating on her...
- Like, you "I do not satisfy you"
You can do it at birth
A girl has a desire more than a
man, more than you
... she also has hormones, and things, and that's it
More than you!
And many more things-
, And when it reaches the vent
.Your enjoyment is greater
My pleasure is short, on the contrary
!Yes
Can I say something?
This is the first time I'm
talking about it. Not just you
I feel confident.
To tell you that
I have a brother, Hezekiel
Hezkel, to this day he is not successful.
He touched my sister
He did it for her?
No, he just started.
Today, she loves women. women and men
Who is she?
...Do not know
Girls can love girls too. Yes-
.lesbian
What can a girl do with a girl?
? You do not know it exists
I know, but I do not know
what a girl can do with a girl
They can do nothing.
They can do many things.
... pleasure... two girls-
They hug
They touch, caressing each other
Two girls
... enjoy more
A man and a woman?
Can I explain to you explicitly?
Not really, I'm not comfortable with that
It's better that I do not know, no?
You will know, but not today
I'm not interested.
I can not know everything
After all, two women can
not have a child? -not alone
, They can start a family
But only with the help of a man
...one moment. You understand why a man
, Why a man can be with a man
But not a woman with a woman?
They have no genitals
What are you talking about...
okay, no matter, no?
I better not know.
I'll know after I get married
You can talk to your wife
She will tell you
, But you have to be visible
with her .Do not hide anything
Come on, baby
She's so beautiful, I want to go out
, Kibinimt, that's all I have in life
, Tranny, tranny
.women
Tranny! This
No one loves me, not my father
... not my mom, not tranny
I have no reason to stay here
...I want
...IM ready
Sometimes not
, Many years no
...Sometimes yes
Maybe tranny is a solution
I love tranny. I take, I love tranny
I was with a tranny
I lived with a tranny. For four months
I loved hugging her
.More than a woman
.do not know why
... questions, questions
,wife
I can hug her, I give her
But when I go to bed, you'm going to lie on the left, I'm on the right
With a tranny, I sleep all night
.do not know why
, One baby
, And another baby, and another baby
Have you seen the families in Bnei Brak. 10-15 children
Someone has to work for it. Someone has to do it
,All week
You need to keep your distance from your wife
... because you are not
You're not like that!
... so you must
.Save it to sit .Save it to sit-
: You need to tell your wife
The Rebbe said we must love each other
That we must love the children
And that we must. "Make love now
"No need to think about porn"
...Sorry
.Without porn
You just have to think about God
When you sleep with your wife, you better think about your rabbi
?Yes
?...You think
Fantasies are a problem
, Because if you have fantasies
The fantasies will pollute your semen ... pollute, yes-
And you can not think, about Angelina Jolie
You can not think of anything
And you have to turn off all the lights ... and if you have
In the room, everything has to be closed
The door ... the door.
... and need to put ... -something ... between the door ... -between the door and the floor
... for windows ... for windows-
.Because there is light .because there is little light-
And ... it's ten minutes, 15-10 minutes
Not half an hour
Is it allowed to kiss here? Is it allowed to look here?
!no why-
... without kisses, because
Sorry, but it's ugly. No, it's not ugly.
Not ugly, well, you can talk about it
No, it's not ugly
... No, but in the Torah it is written
, This place is not allowed to be kissed. "" This place is sacred
, But also a sacred mezuzah! And the same kisses
Yes, but if you do it ... too much
You may want more than that
And in the Torah it is written that you should be with your wife
.Only to make children
.Only for the sequel
Not to rejoice
.Not to rejoice
But also the ... it's to rejoice
: But in the Torah it is written
You should also be happy. "
"Yes, you should be happy."
You have to be happy, you have to love your wife
So basically when I saw you, at 16, you were not with a girl yet
.No .o-ki-
I was shy
.In madness
In the army, I was already a little more open
There was a runway, and it was. And I was a driver, a truck driver
Right. - One of the most romantic places on earth
, It's at the base of her name
In a kind of hill like this at the end of the trail
You see all the lights
.⁇ As here⁇
,No! You have lights of the whole track ... red, blue, and all
Okay, okay
You're on a hill, you see all this stuff
Sometimes you have planes leaving
So you see them literally. Passing over you, five feet
You sit like that in a circle and that
I sometimes had night shifts, like I had to stay up all night
So we talked, here, there. She's in her residence, some buildings next to me
So I picked her up, to be with me ... I'm in the truck with her
Traveling to this point above? The flight path is named ... You are with me
...and
, And we did it like this, inside the truck. Opposite the flight path
In front of all these lights
Who's an entrepreneur?
... she's pretty much pushed for it, and I'm already ... at some point
On the first day. No, what?
I was shy, it took me a long time to open up
My first sex was
Was when I was in
I studied in a yeshiva
And ... I had an American friend
: He said "Menachem, do you want to go with me to a prostitute?"
That's what he said
?? I said: "Yes, why not
We talked, but we did not know where to go
We walked around Ramat Gan for 40 minutes
"We found a newspaper" Yedioth Ahronoth
We found someone's name on time
I still remember
... a-short
: We argued for ten minutes
"! Call" "! Call you"
"! He was ashamed:" No, you
We would dial and ... hang up
At last he called
, When I first had sex
I felt so good
The feeling was so good
The first time was good. Very good.
, The feeling of entering a room
... where someone is holding you
... a very strong hug like that
It's something like that, you came to the place ... very hot, very caressing, very
A trap for all of us. Of all men
Honey trap. Honey trap, yes-
Afterwards, I went to tell Rabba
, I said, "It's not me." My best friend did it
Is that what you told Rabba? really
?what did he say
: He said "! Read Psalms! And go to the mikveh"
I gave her a ring, I held her hand
You did not give her a kiss?
No one told me to give her a kiss, so I did not
You'll kiss on your wedding night
!Yes
And do it in black?
? In black? So you will not see anything-
Is not allowed to be seen
.In the end
Do you think about it?
You need to think too
I never did that with a girl
I only did it with men
This will be the first time!
Do not talk much, go to bed together
.Not immediately
We will sit and talk
We'll go home together
We will not jump on each other
.I want to tell you something
You must have doubts,
You do not know .If you like men or women
But I'm telling you, you love women
I've never tried
...try now
Wait, you did not try
And you're still not sure if you like men or women
I'm not sure either
But the first time, I slept with a woman
I immediately realized that I love women
Today, I prefer men
...but
... what's going through your mind
what happens
, With men
Maybe it's not who you really are
Forced to be so forceful. It's true-
That's not the truth
But you do not know, it's your body
Take a huge step
.Reprogramming .I have fantasies about men
In three days you will be married
My brothers and brother-in-law
? They will dance with you at the wedding
I think so, yes
Do you want to dance with them?
... but you have to dance with them
And when you dance, you think about it all
Well?
So it's you
You're his brother?
.Yes
The little brother?
Do you also speak Yiddish?
I also speak Yiddish
How many brothers do we have? eight
!eight
Two sisters and six brothers
What brother lives with you ... my father?
What? My father lives with you.
.Yes? And life-
.With father
Look what I wrote to her ... - Not interesting! Me! - Look what I wrote to her
?second! Why not interest you
Take a second look at what I wrote to God, a message beforehand
And I did not get a reference! Look, 'Look'
!second
We're past, right? So now give me a second. -OK
I tell you, I want the sacrifice, I have nothing against you
Dad and Mom, I have nothing against them either
.You have! - You have a lot
I have a lot, but yes
When I asked Mom a few weeks ago, when I asked Mom two weeks ago
: Two months ago I asked Mom
"Do you love me?"
.never happened and never existed
I can also cry about it as if
My mother did not tell me that she loves me
But it does not exist ... you know that mother-
I say but .that's something you did not grow up on
Mom once told you she loves you, Avrom
It's not something they say
Thanks ... it's not-
Today I come, I give mom a hug. Yes. Because today I am in a different approach
Because today I have a different approach
? And she gives you a hug! Yes-
... because she has no choice at all, yes? abandoned
Leave, it's something very different
Do you give Mom a hug?
... because today it's different, because today I left
Yes, a laser will give Mom a hug! Laser, no-
I grew up like a laser, I did not
But a laser inside still. She's never hugged me.
, Laser still inside
, You put the laser and mom, both of whom are still inside
So they will not do it, the maximum. Let there be a head movement between them, bro
? Why did you all come out in question? Why did no one survive?
The truth?
Why did you not survive?
Everyone and his personal reason
, Everyone came out. If he was so good at home, why did we not stay
Did anyone say he was good?
Menachem ... you were not admitted for two months because
You've caused some things in the past
Which one in the past? - That caused! I divorced-
It's. I wanted to live in the place.
You're done, you did, everyone's birthday, I did not know
You opened the cards in front of all of you ... I was not in the meetings
, No one opened cards ... it was not
A cabinet meeting, and we said, "Okay, let's all finish now."
.never happened and never existed
It was not and was not created, it was just an OK situation
Place the past, give to the past
, Stay in the past .and not bring it forward
That, I was not in this meeting. There was no meeting, I explain to you-
This is what everyone has done
You're busy with lightning how much they hurt you ... yes, sorry-
They did not tell you that they love you ... you know what-
Let me explain to you, I'll say something
You will do with it what you want, and after that we will move on to a topic
When Dad dumped me out of the house, Dad would dump us all night
I was raped that night. Dad threw me out of the house
Does this seem normal to you?
Would you forgive that? What are you talking nonsense about?
It's not true, when I was raped. "Dad told me," You are an unclean person
,A little boy! I was raped. Dad tells me I'm unclean
Like other people, I do not know how to overcome it
I can 't get over it
, Like that, can also turn over on him
.And can also turn over on ... chooses not to
You chose to turn over ... I have enough reasons to turn over.
Leave your father now ... as a human being
A man will come after such a story. "And he will tell you:" Listen, you are unclean
I do not believe that such a story is happening! It sounds completely delusional to me
Dude, I swear to you, that's what he told me
You can not judge a person, okay, as long as you did not see what was
He's like me! He's like me
I'm like you. to him
The same face, no?
.See we are brothers
No, don 't say ... I'm like you, it's not
He looks better than me. And he's younger
I'm not young
You have bays, bays
.Come here. Come, come second
I want to show you my bike
!I'm going home
.are good
How many streams ... are there in the Hassidic public? there is
There's the puppy
There's the Satmar.
.Nadborna .Nadborna-
.Viznitz .Viznitz-
.Bells .bells-
.Sadigura
What are they?
.babub
How do you recognize a Belz follower?
How do I identify a Belz follower?
... by the hat without hairs
.Round without hairs
?What is he
The one that's refueling now
It's a puppy
It's by the wigs up, it's a puppy
Puppy according to the wigs above, right-
Chabad. True, Chabad-
... but they are such followers
.They are all over the world .They are all over the world-
... but they are also such followers
?and what is this
?What is this
It's not from ... it's petrozen
Do you know what the difference is? Benturi Karta
How do you differentiate between them?
I know, according to the ... they have
They have such striped suits.
.And their hat is small .small-
Now, do you know that Dad was Naturi Karta before that?
I do not know. I know he was Satmar
He was, no, we lived in Jerusalem
It was the history of Aaron
I was not born then. I was not born.
We grew up in the history of Aaron. We were the history of Aaron
, So yes, Dad to this day has a picture at home
.Of the Rebbe from the previous Satmar
.Yes
, And that's it, and he's still holding Satmar ... but he's not going
He's going to pray for you. He's not going to Beit Midrash-
But we were in the history of Aaron
Everything, everything, before he got to Landborne
We were in the history of Aaron, I remember
I know, Dad told me
.Which is to this day a little Satmar
The first case
It was that mother gave birth to my experience
How old are you today?
.33 .33 Exactly-
I'm 37, how old I was
.⁇ Four⁇ year⁇ old⁇
? Four years old
Really? Yes-
This means that the first case, I did not go through at the age of seven
This means that I passed the first case at the age of four
So let's let me tell you
...now
It was rape for everything
But what's it, I remember later. I came home to ... I came home
And there was a day, tell me you guys, if you remember
There was a day when I started crying all night and I said I miss you
I do not understand how at the age of four you could remember
That it was rape for everything
I remember every second what it was
He was an adult, the man. He was a yeshiva guy.
.I have a question
Why did you let them touch you?
That's the most annoying question
.I know
? Answer the question explicitly to you
You need some ingredients for them to let you touch
I can understand, the answers, but to me
That's not enough, and I'll tell you why
, Because as a kid, I was a very, very handsome guy
... and a lot of people tried to mess with us. Itai
And I never let anyone touch me
My little brother goes through the same story
Does not go through the same story? What does it mean-
He told his sister he was going to die
Why is he going to die?
Because someone is messing with it
And he heard that it is possible to get diseases
And die from this disease
, I immediately asked Myler to take a pen
And will write
What they did to him
Myler was unable to
"... I said," Myler
I had to convince him. It took me an hour to convince him
"Come with me, come with me to the police."
I took him to the police
, They then took Mylar, the police, alone
.And tried to interrogate him
:He told me
"Your son went through terrible things"
".They can't be told"
Myler was not 13. He was 12 or 11 and a half
I cry every day
.⁇ About what he went through
And I ask myself
How can a person do such things to a child
I do not know .How can this happen, such a thing
I'm not ... but these people
, They do not need six years in prison like they are given
, In the State of Israel ... that the maximum of e
The sentence of their sentence is six years-
, Destroys the child's soul .and the child's body, for life
My son was raped
I, my son went through ... what he went through, an act of sodomy
That I had no rest
Until I caught the human
How did you get caught?
We knew he was from ... from Breslav
We got to his name
We called him and said, "Look. We want to send you books
"From the Rabbi of Breslav"
"But do not know your address"
, We already knew, we gave his address to the police
24 hours later
He was in jail
... he said at trial
As for the 20 children he touched before Myler
That he touched them before Myler
20 parents were silent
And did not say anything
20 rabbis were silent
?Why
Let me tell you why. I'll tell you why.
OK, today I have the answer to why.
The answer is very difficult
Because I suspect
, That the rabbis, when they were in the yeshiva
... to some degree
, Understand the child, passed as well
... in some form
, These attractions ... and this instinct
, And they understand the children
Because they themselves went through these attempts
, And I can tell you that I was very angry ... very hurt ... very hurt
The case of Mailer, because then, he was not only harmed by this person
He was hurt by my son-in-law
... which he brought, made a match
Is he hurt by my son-in-law?
? Maybe! Maybe! Gelman-
Hit the mailer! He touched the mailer.
He was the first to touch Myler
, And why Myler was injured afterwards? Pulled after this son
Because he was already hurt
Havi's husband ... hit Myler
The mailer came to me, all I could do
Why did he experience an escape from him?
That's why? Exactly! -exactly-
What did he do with it?
.We clothed him with a diaper
?what
.And played with him
Throughout the afternoon
.Wow
That I sometimes think .that he came out more immune than me
And why? He went through no less bad things, even worse than me
Why did he come out? Why did he come out more immune?
- Here you did not ask anyone. Because he received treatment.
, Not only did he receive treatment
You're fighting like a lion, I remember. You're fighting like a lion
.For him
There is a very great awakening
On the other hand, there is also a large influx
, On the other hand there is a large influx, on the other hand ... on the other hand there is an influx
It's less than it used to be. It used to be closed
Once upon a time if I had eaten, without a hat and suit like them
I would get slapped from the overseer
.not today
... start now and I'll continue
No, so let me give you more
!Pretty! So keep going
.No
Only the men!
Only the men?
? Divorced?
...Yes
After a few months?
How many months have you been married?
I did not count
Four months have passed
.like you said
The pain was not in bed
.No
But in life. In all your life -
I do not know how I was in bed? You see
But you felt ... pleasure
, For the first time .The second time you do it
Discover it!
Then it was good?
There were no mental conversations, no
There was no mental conversation.
... there were no deep conversations, I do not know
, But ... nice, compliments ... what was today
Caresses ... fun
I felt that she enjoyed it too, and I enjoyed it
?so what happened
She realized something was wrong with me
...All the time
.Tension
.Tension, survival, that they will not discover
... secrets ... that will not reveal the ... it-
I did not want her to find out what I went through
.2 weeks before the end, no, no stream
We would go to bed in the middle of the day
I have no strength left
...I was afraid
!No
I went to bed to dodge
I did not want to make love to her
She started sewing with a sewing machine and played music
?Sewing Machine? She sang and cried
She listened to music at home
And the melody touched her heart, and she cried
What tune?
Why is it so hard?
... the person asks "
...Difficult for her"
"God"? Why are you putting me to the test?
, I want to understand "... I can no longer bear
"... Yidla, what does this person desire"
She sewed her dress in the machine
She would cry and I would hear her
I felt like I was dead. And Shabbat was getting closer
We had to survive the Sabbath
Atomic pressure
Here I realized it was over, the story
In short, I told the therapist to talk to her father
With her father
He drove to me and stayed with me for an hour
I told him my story
... he started crying with me
Yes, he understood the situation ... he complimented me on me
I have not told anyone ... for so many years
And when I told him, it purified me
In short, we thought about what to do
He did not want his daughter to divorce
- Then, she was cold.
She's tired of everything. And from me too
She loved me
But she realized she could not do anything
... a young girl
It was not as she expected
After a week we got divorced, something like that
Who were the witnesses?
The overseer sent my brother
Your brother was the witness.
Oh, that's hard
? It's hard for you to read it. If it's too hard, I'll read it
?Read
I can not. I can read.
"My dear little brother Shmili"
Creepy selfish from thinking “that I have a significant part in your situation
"And in everything that has happened to you"
"... for my brother and my head"
He means like ... who's my big brother too
I also suffered a lot. "On my bed at night
, And the other also approached me "
"But because I opened my eyes"
"And he slipped away from him." He ran away from him, and again dared to return
It torments me with my conscience. "Until there is no limit and no lesson
How about ignorance "? I became a murderer and a cruel pest
A lot of girls ... "Yes?" "Doing", a lot of stupidity, doing a lot of lust
Stimulated by my brother and head "
... and I thought "
"I dug my grave"
And now I realize that it was not. "Because if a grave
... brothers, have mercy on the shade"
How will I face you? "" How will I face Latti and Mami
I can take him to the police
You can go to the police ... and open a case
, Will find out everything on the street
.People will talk
... or you can
I'm not speaking for my brother
, You want to do the right thing
You're afraid they'll rape others
Maybe. But the thing that motivates you in life
He is not others, but you
This thing will not go away
That's what it's, you see, I'm missing fingers
They will not return
It's the same thing, it will not pass
You think you can bury everything in your heart
So that it does not hurt you so much
Obviously it will hurt
So what to start with?
By taking it out and not keeping it inside
I understand you and you can understand me
We can help each other
I like to dive
What to dive, underwater?
... in Eilat, in Tel Aviv
You can join ... I do not know-
There will be a guide with you
It's fun
It's calm, quiet
: They will ask us "What did you do with the rapists?"
Then there will be a sequel
And if my brother-in-law wants to pay and show
that he has undergone treatment and is healthy
I have to answer my brother's letter
He wrote to me of his own free will
I can force them to get treatment
So let's do it
How are you, but, you will be sure? That you can handle it alone
I tell them, if I do not accept
: It's weird that someone would come and say
"I touched the children, take care of me"
!It's not exist
.I did it
But you were a victim.
: But a rapist will not say "Hello, I'm a rapist, take care of me"
, Usually not. But maybe he's going to do it
!Do not know
There's no way to know!
Maybe yes, maybe no
Everything has a process
More than one day is required
I can 't go to the police without you
I don 't want to go!
I have not arrived yet, it's. In my heart, I have not yet arrived
Not yet, not yet ripe with it. Exactly-
Hello, police. "" Someone raped my son
- It can not be done? Why-
.Because of the matchmaking
Tomorrow, this son of mine needs to find a match
? And all of Bnei Brak: "Hello
Did you hear?
This boy, a ten-year-old boy? "" Someone raped him! you know
The one who was raped ... can not contact the police because
He's not going to be a good match!
Lance has his own problems
,when we were young
Out of ten children, some were raped
Out of ten
I've been through this. I'm not ashamed to talk about it
He's been through it, Itzik has been through it. He's not ashamed either
? You went through it
, Maybe, I do not remember well
Everything was mixed with
Mix with what?
... mixed with
, You know, you're going to the mikveh
, Suddenly you feel someone, but you do not think about it
That it's happening
It's becoming sexist. -Sexist-
I did not feel it when I was in the mikveh
When a rapist takes you, you know
Boys do not go to the mikveh today
I mean, there are no boys in the mikveh.
If you want to take, your son to the mikveh
He has to come with Dad. Not alone. not alone
The rabbis said
That's the patch!
!Yosef
!father
!I love you dad
I love you, Joseph
Please give me love, Joseph. Please give me love
I'm not getting cold
It's impossible to catch a cold
!conference
Wait a minute? What, wait a minute!
!cold
.are good
Strange to be a woman
Among all these men in black
They're supposed to reject me
Keep me away
, Instead of it happening
The doors of a mysterious and forbidden world
Open to me
Do you know why I love you? Because you always go with your truth
You're not afraid!
...I'm like you
The main thing in the heart ... The main thing in the heart, it's true-
Open the heart, and do not block it
I needed that hug. I missed him
I got such twisted hugs ... as a kid
And that night, I got hugs ... so nice from the followers
They opened so much!
This is the first meeting without teachers
It's revolutionary!
This is something that did not exist in the ultra-Orthodox public
I want to even study in this yeshiva
They are all rabbis to each other
.It's great
... all these years I've not seen them
.Not considered
These are my followers!
: Kafka said
I am among my people with a knife "
To attack them.
I am among my people "
".With a knife to protect them"
This movie is my knife
Menachem has reconciled with his parents
"Itzik decided to write a book about his life"
"Millie has become a die-hard diving enthusiast"
"And inside is quiet"
"Brother, quiet"
"And the Rebbe teaches the little ones"
"The alphabet"...
"And the Rebbe teaches the
little ones"... the alphabet
, I was Menachem Lang...
a boy singer. But I was
"Porn Boy"
I do not know.
How to say it in Hebrew
...I was
... a child who
As they were at the military bases
Girls for the Soldiers
, Just for fun
I was a kid for fun
.For other men
, When you are a child
, Every time you go through something like this
It's like the first time
, Even if you went through it the day before
Each time is the first time
There was one
... who did a lot
...he was
A very violent man
He would hit me
I remember he would
hold my head there
I would like to confront him.
His name is Akiva Katz
I speak on behalf of a hundred children
Which he took to the cemetery
, To the grave of another rabbi
And there he abused them
He undressed them and
carried out his plot on them
...I want to tell you
On Rosh Hashanah, I always cry
I'll sing you the song
Why did I cry?
"His soul"!
His body "of God"
Neither my body nor my soul!
Did not belong to me or to God
My soul belonged to the one
who hit me and touched me
My body and soul belonged to him
Because when a man is 40 or 50 years old
Can do such a thing to
you, whenever he wants
Your body and soul are escaping together
And you no longer believe in anything
, Not in your body, not in your soul
You do not want to believe in anything anymore
, I entered a truly ultra-Orthodox
world, literally as a rapist
, By chance, and that, I did not come out in question
, And in fact, I did not succeed.
I always did not feel belonged
,Yes? I, too,
would sing in church, you know
?Yes Yes-
.All the time
, The courage, the process,
the crises they go through
It's the same as we are
.Those undergoing these processes
...now
For example, if you walk,
with trances on the street
All the girls are twisted and jealous
The trans women look much
better than the girls
.Right
I know that,
they hate trans people
"Just because of the look" "Why
is she more beautiful than me?"
Okay, but
Do you hate girls, like, or what?
No, not because of that
Like you, I see, like,
you're trying to abuse them
... like you're returning something
No, it's just because I remembered...
now I'll tell you
I do not know,
if I have already lost the torque
But I'm with women... I'm exhausted
Yes, I'm telling
you, I'm exhausted.
I, too, have been exhausted with women
, And it's not just because I wanted to
It's because I also felt something,
and I searched all the time
, And also because I come from an Arab sector
, And Christianity, and with us...
of conservatism, it's very very
So I'm all my life looking for,
myself to understand what I am and who I am
, And until I found, as it were,
only that I had arrived in Tel Aviv
, And I found the community, and I generally
understood that such a thing existed
, Which is to make a change from son to daughter
... so it's like I felt
, As if I were re-breathing,
as if someone had returned my soul
And it's the same thing! And the truth,
I do not? Define anyone... -at what age
At age 16, I discovered myself
But I made the change two years ago
How old are you today?
?How old are you
.35
But I started at the age of 20, I left
I made this big change
at the age of 20
, Because I grew up in a place of followers
I've always suffered because, you know
...now
When I sing, for example... cantorship
I put all the pain in.
I went from a young age to this poetry
All the pain
, Like, a little boy
I'm not lying
I need the love of Dad,
which I pursue to this day
To the love of a mother, whom I did not touch
Maybe it's also what you find in her
We're back to the story I told you a man
is looking for someone bigger than him
, Because she enters his mother's place, and
you're looking for a trans because she's both
Mom and Dad! I'm embracing it.
!Pretty
I paid a price for
beauty when I was little
Do you actually pay a price
for beauty when you are today
Listen, I'm Miss Trans Israel, yes
... and I'm an international model and I'm
Second place at Miss
Trans Star International
When I look someone in the eye...
I know I'm burning him. and
No, not sexually or anything
Of all, as if, there is a full that comes to them
, Curse me sometimes:
they want to tell me
Fly away from my eyes ""?
Like, what do you think
!And that's okay
I used to sit in a room crying
I ask myself, and I say to God
Like, "Why are you punishing
me?" For something I did not do
Like, that’s what I asked my mom,
mine at first, I told her, “Mom
You want to have a son,
"who is beaten and cursed, and sad
And most of the time, and most of his day he
thinks, "just how to commit suicide and leave life
"Or you want a happy, beautiful girl"
"And joy in her part and in her life?"
I feel imprisoned
, I would not want to be trans,
because my place is such a place
But he's much more
imprisoned, than your place
, That your place has taken shape.
And beauty, and wisdom
... yes. Mine no-
My... will always be imprisoned in this thing
, First time I saw Menachem
It was in the movie
Introduction "by Amos Gitai"
No one speaks Yiddish anymore today
So how does this kid speak so beautifully?
.I did not understand
, I followed him for a long time
I watched other movies
he played in them
He was born as one of the Mentori Karta
Naturi Karta is the most
Orthodox of all the Orthodox Jews
They only speak Yiddish
To me they were something like that...
a bit reminiscent of the devil
I wanted to get closer
, I came out in question! I came out in question
, When a person becomes religious
It's called "I Repented.
It's an Answer."
There is an answer to my life "".
I repented
When a person leaves religion,
it's called "I repeated the question
I'm going towards freedom
This is what I love: Freedom
Freedom from those who raped me
Freedom from my rabbis
Freedom from people I do not like
Freedom to do what I want
I have not been to Bnei Brak for years
Ten years... more
I have not been to Bnei Brak for ten years
, Tel Aviv is close,
but when you leave Bnei Brak
You understand that you live in the ghetto
You never want to go
back to Bnei Brak!
You have not seen your parents in 15 years
You're asking me?
Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me
I want to see him!
Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me
...Bnei Brak
I enter the world of my ancestors
Through a wound
Through Menachem's wound
Bnei Brak,
is the city of men in black
The world capital of the ultra-Orthodox
No cops, no criminals
The Rebbe solves everything
Ten years ago, Menachem caught up with
one of the people who raped him, Moshe
Who confessed to everything while he
was photographed on a hidden camera
This segment, ten minutes long,
was shown on Israeli television
He caused a huge scandal
Menachem received such serious threats
That he did not dare to return to Bnei Brak again
He became an actor and cantor in Tel Aviv
, And now, with me
, He was filled with rage again
And decided he wanted to
return to the crime scene
How long has this building been around?
What kind of mouth?
, 30 years, 40
Much more, right...
how can you know-
I remember this building
since I was born
?Yes
I know this building
I'm from the Kiryat Herzog area.
We're all from the neighborhood.
...the hood
But you have a history here
Do you speak Yiddish?
I do not want them to understand us.
I do not want them to understand
I was a pious child
And there was a guy named Akiva Katz
Satmar follower, very cruel
He was a regular...
brings me here to the building and was
Doing bad things to me
?... you do not know him, no
?A few years ago
, Today I'm 35 years old
That was when I was seven
The building existed
He may have already passed away
No, he did not die. No, he was
, He was hanging out here all the time
, With a big hat, with glasses,
and would look like that
... long wigs...
all the time, back and forth
Do you have a picture of him?
It was a lot of kids
You can say Kaddish about it!
!Force
Three men raped me
, The first rapist
I was seven years old
I do not know his name
I just remember his face
He had a lot of freckles
Pale man, redhead
The second rapist, he did it there
In that building
, The third was Moshe Gottwein
.In sitting
Akiva Katz raped me three times
The first rapist raped me once.
The second time I ran away
And the last rapist raped
me .How many times he ran
I like that girl.
She does not stop looking at me
I knew you had a problem
?problem
What's a problem, you know,
like you've been through something
I knew it,
because I went through things too
... so it was easy for
me, very easy to spot
Because I... quite like you in many things
.Right
...one moment
It was here?
How old were you?
.⁇ Ben Sheva⁇
Katz was waiting for me
Then he ran away
... Hans
Let's go see if he's asleep
We've shaken him
It's Moses
Yes, he's the one who raped me.
Like my father, like my friend
?what are you saying?! Your father raped
.No! But the rapist was like a father
, Sitting down, he would dress me
He would give me everything, like Dad
I've been his slave for so many years
!It's crazy
I do not want to wake his mother
He lives with his mother.
? "As in" Psycho
As in "Psycho", yes. psychosis
Moishe, I know you're in it
I just came to talk to you, Moishe
Just so you know, I promised Rabbi I'm not
Does nothing to you and does not touch you.
And does not go to the police anymore
I promised Rabba and I stand by it
I just came to talk to you, to close with you
.it bothers me
, So come in pity, I'm asking you
, I just came to talk to you.
Come, we'll close the story
, In the most beautiful speech in the world
, And goodbye and goodbye.
We no longer see each other. I promise you
So why don 't you
go to the police?
He took out a note
from a psychiatrist
...Right. retarded
Yes, mentally ill, but...
you know, it sounds like he is
... is before... almost yesterday...
I lowered my head
Too bad, too bad?
Too bad, you say, uh-
.Probably! 'Look what beautiful children you have
? Talks to you most seriously. is not that a loss
.so sad
... he does not dare to open his mouth
This is his neighborhood
He has a brother, his brother
but a quarrel with him, just, but
... His brother quarrels with him
, I know, for years...
but it's not taken care of either
.Because his friends are privileged
?serious
... his brother
But his brother hates him to
death, he still hates him.
In the article, no, I did not beat him either
In life do not raise a hand against a person
Why not... I grew up as a follower.
I do not have it in my heart-
, But free devotees
raise their hands
I have a tendency, I'm dying to kill him
Tell him... he'll take care of it
Everything is taken care of
I'm just coming to interrupt
, I cut off his electricity from the house
That he might wake up a
little, with the fan, be awake
That he will just see that I'm here
Does not want to talk to him.
And takes the car and leaves
Because his mother is poor.
His mother is a Holocaust survivor
He also quarrels with his mother
Here he is, here, he came out the window.
You can go out to him
- Here, start talking.
Come a second!
I'm not going out! You do things!
Once again such things
Moishe, let's come out for a second
I'm not going out!
You will not bring me again
So I just want to complete and that's it
, A sick person,
I now have breathing problems
And don 't confuse the mind, that's all
So let's finish
What, what did you come for again?
What happened after ten years, what
What, what are you looking for?
Then come complete
Tell me, you're boring at night
No, I'm looking for your brother
You can look for him until tomorrow,
but do not do criminal things
I'm not doing criminal things
You cut off electricity.
And you do criminal things
I cut off electricity.
The police are on their way here.
I did not cut off electricity
The police are on their way here.
And you're doing criminal things
I did not hang up.
I just told him to come out
I'm not, you see,
I'm not even knocking
It's his brother
Are you afraid of his brother?
Yes, I'm afraid.
My phone will ring
He's a bad brother
And he has a lot of friends
Have you been to the police?
He's sleeping in the house
He was like that
I have pictures
.It helped? Now he's asleep. you are welcome
What happened when he was handcuffed?
.is nothing! After two days he was released
.⁇ Two days
This is my rape song
This is my sad song
This is the song of my heart
When my heart hurts, I sing it
I sang it all the time
In my head, while I was raped
.in mind
.Not loud
I loved this tune
I loved her so much that she made me
Feeling as if this situation is not happening
!You know? Look
I'll get you in
To the synagogue.
I went to it for 20 years
.I love this place very much
,There
They circumcised me
There they made me long wigs
There they held a bar mitzvah for me
That's where I got married
That's where I got divorced
And there I was also raped
I can not go in there
.You can
The rapist there, he can go in there
I'm ashamed to go in there
.I'm here
My eyes looked
, But even when you look...
your eyes
If anyone's looking at
you, you know, you feel it
, I looked...
and saw two beautiful eyes
No, I felt two eyes!
Beautiful looking at me
I turned around and saw that
Parmachi was looking at me
Not in one eye, like me
Not out of the corner of the eye
Two eyes, like two spotlights on me
It was strong
.Permachi is the daughter of my rabbi
And she was my first love
... she loved me
Today she has eight children
And she looked at me
How old were you when you loved Parmachi?
.ten years old
.11
... six, seven
No, when I was 13.
We never saw each other again
Ever since we were born... we were born on the same day
, Year, two years, three, four, five
, Six, seven, eight.
Nine, ten, 11, 12, 13
!This
... she does not know,
if she knew what I went through
She would hate all the followers
.I'm sure
She's a nice girl
A very nice girl
If her father was not a
rabbi, she would be my fiancée
A beautiful girl
Beautiful
"Permachi and Menachem"
!Sounds good
"Pharmaci!" "Yes?
What do you want, Menachem?"
Please, sounds good
... but it's just a dream
In the face of Menachem and of those
who experienced what he experienced
, There's something childish
As if the rape had frozen them
In the innocent childhood
.That they never knew
When did I leave Bnei Brak...
when I was 15?
.15, shortly after
I could not do anything.
When I was ten
I could not pay for an apartment.
Or something like that, nothing
No one would take me to work
Therefore, I could not be independent
It was only when I was 15 that I
started working... as a courier
.In the writer, of groceries and such
At the time I was planning to leave
, The ultra-Orthodox society
I decided to learn something, that
I wanted to know more about the
open society, about the secular
I did not want anyone to know that
I was riding a bicycle, for a seat
Because we are not allowed to ride bicycles
I would go to learn kung fu
? See the light on the second floor
...this is the place
This was my room
This is the place where
I first met Menachem
That was about 15 years ago
My father also passed away recently.
I do not know if I told you
No! - I did not tell?
My father passed away three months ago
Really... Yes, so-
Wait, but how do you
say it like that?
My dad passed away
three months ago
? Vanthing? What do you mean
I take comfort in that
That I was able to come to terms
with my father before he passed away
, I actually gave him,
the truth, it, like
He apologized for
the things he did
Okay, why, because he knew he
was going to die, or what? -No
Because he realized
he had lost his son
My dad did things
.Ind unforgivable things
... but when he said "I'm sorry
That was a huge thing for me
.To continue in my life
It's not easy, but
We talked about everything
... Wait, you talked about things too
Now I'm asking you.
Very implicitly
The things that went through?
It's with him too, right?
.Yes
Now you say, your father said?
I was wrong. "How do you feel?"
Much better? Much better-
!Probably
He was at the stage,
that he was less of a charge of me
: He did not assault me, he did not say
No, you're not right, no,
you're a liar, no, you're that
, But you know about
such mistakes sometimes
People sit in jail for a long time
... and you took care of your father,
and, you did not put him in jail
, But you managed to get into a confrontation with him
You've been scared of this
confrontation for a long time
, Because you've lost your whole life
, Like, that's how I was in
the situation I already lost
Everything I wanted to accomplish in my
life, knocked me out, from here or there
... and what's left is just
You know, talk to...
try to solve what can be solved
That I forgive him,
not only for him, but also for me
For several years he harmed you
I will not go into that.
I will not go into these personal details
... yes, okay... but-
?... There is no, like, lust for revenge
Or rather, I accept it,
with understanding, what happened
After I actually realized...
who this was my grandfather
?What do you mean
My grandfather came from the Holocaust
He was half scratched in the head
, All they said, Grandpa was righteous, and that's it
Over time I learned who it is, yes yes
In time, I learned who my grandfather
was, and he was not that righteous
He was... a very difficult person
He was very violent...
towards my father
If he did other things besides
violence to my father, I have no idea
, What you say may be a wheel
What did he do? It's a wheel.
Unequivocally.
Are you sure it's a wheel? -Yes-
,mom and dad
I grew up as a child
Who laughed all the time
A child who joked all the time
The connection I had with my mother
.Was very emotional
.really
I'm very close to my mother
, And every morning
, While I was sleeping in bed
Before she would wake me up
, So I can go to school
She would start
, Pray in the hallway
In a beautiful melody I only heard from her
I want my dad and mom
They will see their son
I do not want
To live my life.
Without father and mother
I prefer to die
Than to live
A life that is
.No parents
They did not answer me
.Up to now
I did not divorce because of a rapist
I did not succeed in my job,
nor is it because of a rapist, no
I'm not a little more
Provocative because I was raped, no
, But when I was raped
The views of the people have changed
Those were the looks
They burned me
You're yes and you are not
You're like you were before
.But with three masks
People do not see you as
they have seen you before
When I told my father what I went
through, I took off the mask
And he wore a mask
I was not a more kosher child
That's what I said to myself out of fear
"! I said," Dad, I did nothing
He said: "Yes, of course, I know
"... I know, they took you and everything"
, After two days
, We had to take
something, do a mitzvah
.Tool for training
I used to do it.
For the rabbi's grandson
: I told my dad
Dad, I'll train him!
"I always do it for the rabbi."
"I will train him!"
"! My father told me," No, not you
"?Why"
I shouted at my father
"Why not me?"
I felt that my father,
did not want me anymore
As if some partition had closed
: He told me, as if he had stopped
"Because you are unclean!"
, "Since that word," unclean
I became a different person
!this is the place
I slept there!
I slept in a closet like that
!here
This is the place, look
How long have you slept in this cemetery?
.a month
A whole month
I felt like I was crazy
I did not think about it much
It's going into your head.
And you do it
Then you're ashamed
: I hid here from the religious
I felt as if I had
decapitated myself
I shaved my beard
: When my dad saw me shaved
"Get out of this house!"
... Hans
I do not know what to say...
if I liked him
, But when I went to fight with
him, ten years ago
He started crying, I felt sorry for him
He was a friend of mine
I was a little boy
... but he was my friend, he gave me
...he gave me
.Love
It was not a good love
But he gave it to me
What my father and
mother did not give me
, I really liked it
.The touches
My mother did not touch me
I enjoyed him touching me
It was not a good touch, but
When I was a kid, I could buy
If I could pay for
contact, I would do it
He listens to what I say?
Do you understand?
He can send ten people here
Look!
Look at him, what is he doing?
I heard you speak
Yiddish, what do you do?
Do you want us to photograph you?
Only if you do not see my face
What do you have to look
for therapy in a cemetery?
This is not the cemetery.
This is the only one.
The Breslavs go to the forests. We,
we do not have a forest here in the area
This is the only
forest there is.
Katz took children here.
There is no one here
.He laid them here?
On the grave-
He laid them down and carried
out his plot with them
.Nobody knew
When you're a kid, you're scared
You're not thinking about him.
You're scared of the cemetery
I went to see my father and cried.
It was on Hanukkah
He thought I was crying because of God
"... Dad, do things to me"
Did you cry in front
of the candles? Yes-
He thought you were excited
Yes, because of God
You know, the passion
You'll complain about him!
I wanted him to go to jail?
He raped you.
Me and many others!
You will not be satisfied
until he is in prison
I tried,
did you contact the police?
I contacted the police, there is a statute of limitations
There is an obsolescence
How old are you?
Are you engaged? No
!Yes? Mazel Tov
When is the wedding?
At a good time.
When you have children, you will understand
I have children
That's why I'm fighting these people...
secular, religious
I have no children,
but I understand what you mean
You were also abused
I could complain about my brothers
and my brother-in-law to the police
?what
My brothers and brother-in-law
They raped you?
Why do you not complain?
Because of the reputation of the family
No... but I do not want to
do such a thing to my brother
It's the hardest part of it
Would you send your brother to jail?
They have children, families
Do you want me to break
up their families?
Did you talk to them?
Do you talk to them?
They do not know that I
know what they did to me
They did it to me at night.
I pretended I was sleeping
I was in the guide today before the wedding
? In the guide? For the first time
Everything broke for me, the whole
story floated... and all the things
I do not know .If I
can get married at all
, It's not just this,
influences behavior
You don 't know what to do and that's it
Every day,
you probably know it better than me
, When I'm with Menachem
I'm going with my camera.
Like the flutist
The injured children,
appear as if at a magic headquarters
.And follow us
: Like characters in a story about vampires
They've been afraid to bite
... in the rape itself
But in the rape itself you disengage
No, you... have the detached section.
There is the detached section. there is
But... there are some moments...
that you're a little
It's not a pleasant
moment for me.
You did not have it
There's the rape
That the person he
oversees is sitting
And he... he feeds you, he's responsible .
.. to feed you, to wash your clothes
, Now, it's not like he's coming,
grabs you to the wall and makes you
, He slowly, gives you
more, gives you privileges
, "Then" just touch me here,
"then" just touch me here
, Then only this and then only this
So you become his kind of partner.
Without you knowing
You're no longer a victim
at the age of nine.
At the age... you're obviously a victim
You'll go home like this
What will you tell Mom?
.complicated
You also do not know
.Who to run to tell it
No, you're coming home!
With a very strange face
What happened? "And mother
continues": the questions as usual
"How was school?"
No, and the thing is,
I was too good an actor
So I went and smeared mud on myself.
Like, with water, you know
I went and...
because my clothes were dirty. -OK
.from this. Because it was winter
So I went, and with the mud, you
know, like I'm... I fell in the mud
You know, seat, you know...
you walk in the fields
, To his rabbi in the yeshiva
, When he needs, when he needs the bathroom
So he said to him, "Pill,
or should I?" Someone hold the door
"So he said to him, 'Both
Wait, but I'm you... he's busy
Are you busy, second?
?what is needed
I would like to talk to you.
What a small conversion, if allowed
Yes, I can also speak Yiddish.
?OK
But a little far, you want to get closer.
Let's talk, I'll wait, what?
- No, okay... - You can come close.
Come on, come on, it's okay.
I was raped when I was an ultra-Orthodox boy
.me too
I, too, "it's simplicity!"
I, before, listen, listen, before...
I was in a cemetery for three days
I'll show you the
picture of the guy
Picture of the guy,
it's very discreet
... provided?...
wait, okay, and
Listen, he ran to the cemetery.
He cries all over
He tells me, "I'm running away."
Because my two brothers are raping me
You know what I'm talking about.
I know, I'm not talking, but-
?why arent you talking
... I was in jail, and...
my fault and not my fault
I mean, so you, by the way...
it's scary
... by chance you fell on me. I was raped and
And you continued the wheel?
, And I continued the
wheel and I was accused
... before I continued the wheel...
and after I continued
May I hug you?
Because I do not blame you.
All right, I understand, thank you.
I'm not blaming you... but-
Now, you're talking.
You went through it sitting
.Before, in Talmud Torah
I also went through Talmud Torah
We may have gone through the same one
I know one. I live in
Jerusalem, not in Bnei Brak.
No, okay. In Jerusalem. Did you study
with the Satmars? - No, forget about it
I was with the Satmars
Okay, but... - No matter, I'm
There are many, there are many
things, there are things I know
The people who did this to me...
are hospitalized today
What? It's hospitalized. It...
I treated them alone -
You took care of them alone, why?
,Why? Because I went to the police to complain
"I was told,
so bring me the address."
"His ID card."
... and when I went to the rabbi
Do you need to do his ID?
So I, he shouted at me, from the other direction
What do you mean, he yelled at you?
: So I came...
like, what, you do not speak "
Are you not ashamed "?
To say such things
You're not here, you're not
here, you're not there
- Yes, that's what happened once...
I came to a man-
: I came to a man, I told him
, Or you're going for treatment
", take care of yourself
, Today, after we grow up,
and it's easy: I came to a man, I told him
Or you're going,
"take care of yourself now
And I want a certificate,
"that you went to take care of someone
"Or I'll take care of you."
Pierre Inaf. - And those who went, took care.
And those who did not go, I took care of them
.I have a question
This is the biggest fear
I had when I was a kid
"You're always told" wheel...
you feel it released you-
Wait, wait...
after I took care of him, yes-
Wait, Itzik.
I was very scared of this wheel
You know,
you do not know you're in the wheel
, You do not come and plan.
"Says:" Okay, I moved, this is it
It's during life, yes?
, It's very interesting to me
Because you touch the layers of my mind
It's not just we met.
We believe in God, I believe in God
What does it mean that
you felt you did it?
? "From" Do to me, I will do too
"They did to me, I will do too",
when they did to me, nothing happened
"... so when I do, nothing will happen"
All kinds of feelings of
grief that you did it...
After that,
I felt why I did it, yes
And at the same time,
I did not feel anything.
Now here by chance...
you fell for the wrong kid
,I have a question
, Today, that you are going to bite-midrash
And you... you see the boy?
He's not from my neighborhood, but sometimes
I see him in the neighborhood, yes
, And what...
- We're not talking. Nothing. Move on
Nothing. No connection.
If, he's sorry I'm asking if
he's coming to take care of you
You? Ll feel, like, okay with that
Isaac, give me a second
Isaac. I talked to him.
Isaac, give me a second
I'm today after I know-
What I went through...
and what I did
I asked their parents that
I want to talk to them
did not agree. I explained to
them why I wanted to talk to them
Only agreed with them
We sat, talked about everything, opened...
everything on the table next to their parents
You initiated a conversation with
the parents, without... Yes-
The parents, with their
children, with the one I hurt
In fact, the child did not tell Dad.
You decided to tell Dad
Yes, I opened everything on the table
How did he react...
he cried and
, He felt better.
I hope so, then
... and wait,
he shouldn 't be afraid of that-
, He should not run away...
he did not, he is not guilty
- Nothing happened?
What led you to talk to the father?
... that I did not .that he will
not go through what I went through
?What do you mean
That he will not be afraid that the
wheel will not pass through him either.
, That he will not feel guilty about anything
, Which is something, which is fucked up
... which is the one, that they succeeded
He's not fucked up.
He's fine, I'm the problem
... and you are the problem
because they made you the problem-
It's not related to him
So it's a wheel.
But it's not related to it.
- So you, I opened
everything on the table...
With this boy, next to his father
I stopped his wheel
"You were no longer afraid of prison?"
"You actually said, 'I deserve it.'
, "Like," I did?
Like, you blamed yourself
, I did, I deserve it.
I was not afraid of prison, I sat in jail
...but
I took it as a place.
That I could build myself
... not as a place where I
got a punishment or something
What punishment can already be done?
After what they did to me
But you know it will
not happen to you again
It's not going to happen to me again.
How do you know?
, Why, because I know what I
did, what I went through
What did I move to?
So it's not going to happen
I've been in care for four years
In a group of 17 people, I do not
know, them, I have nothing with them
With someone in Bnei Brak
That she did the job properly
I mean, now,
but it's not everyone's a wheel
For everyone, it's a wheel
I'm not yet, it's not happened yet
No, but you know,
it's everyone with his wheel
?What do you mean
What, you have no sex problems?
, Between you and your wife, between
you and yourself... between all kinds
Yes, so you have a wheel.
He is getting married and he is scared
That all this will cause
him problems in the bedroom
I told him, "You'll have
problems!" But not in the bedroom
He will also have problems in the bedroom
Are you sure he'll
have problems?
!Why? I did not mind
Not a living animal of a Jew
.Cognition of free women
Not my first wife
Not the first, the first, no.
: I was scared for the first time
Do it as it is written in the Torah
Not as it is written in the Torah
Put it in her mouth?
Do not put it in her mouth
May I bring in here? Here
The questions that are not asked!
: My rabbi told me
Do with your wife what you want
Everything she wants,
everything she wants to do
, Today I do not, I never did
... with a guy, and a kid, and nothing, but alone
Obviously.
You're a normal guy!
And people who have not been abused
They do it too
And the woman, if she knows. That he
masturbates alone, that, betrays her
.no no-
: Not cheating on her...
- Like, you "I do not satisfy you"
You can do it at birth
A girl has a desire more than a
man, more than you
... she also has hormones, and things, and that's it
More than you!
And many more things-
, And when it reaches the vent
.Your enjoyment is greater
My pleasure is short, on the contrary
!Yes
Can I say something?
This is the first time I'm
talking about it. Not just you
I feel confident.
To tell you that
I have a brother, Hezekiel
Hezkel, to this day he is not successful.
He touched my sister
He did it for her?
No, he just started.
Today, she loves women. women and men
Who is she?
...Do not know
Girls can love girls too. Yes-
.lesbian
What can a girl do with a girl?
? You do not know it exists
I know, but I do not know
what a girl can do with a girl
They can do nothing.
They can do many things.
... pleasure... two girls-
They hug
They touch, caressing each other
Two girls
... enjoy more
A man and a woman?
Can I explain to you explicitly?
Not really, I'm not comfortable with that
It's better that I do not know, no?
You will know, but not today
I'm not interested.
I can not know everything
After all, two women can
not have a child? -not alone
, They can start a family
But only with the help of a man
...one moment. You understand why a man
, Why a man can be with a man
But not a woman with a woman?
They have no genitals
What are you talking about...
okay, no matter, no?
I better not know.
I'll know after I get married
You can talk to your wife
She will tell you
, But you have to be visible
with her .Do not hide anything
Come on, baby
She's so beautiful, I want to go out
, Kibinimt, that's all I have in life
, Tranny, tranny
.women
Tranny! This
No one loves me, not my father
... not my mom, not tranny
I have no reason to stay here
...I want
...IM ready
Sometimes not
, Many years no
...Sometimes yes
Maybe tranny is a solution
I love tranny. I take, I love tranny
I was with a tranny
I lived with a tranny. For four months
I loved hugging her
.More than a woman
.do not know why
... questions, questions
,wife
I can hug her, I give her
But when I go to bed, you'm going to lie on the left, I'm on the right
With a tranny, I sleep all night
.do not know why
, One baby
, And another baby, and another baby
Have you seen the families in Bnei Brak. 10-15 children
Someone has to work for it. Someone has to do it
,All week
You need to keep your distance from your wife
... because you are not
You're not like that!
... so you must
.Save it to sit .Save it to sit-
: You need to tell your wife
The Rebbe said we must love each other
That we must love the children
And that we must. "Make love now
"No need to think about porn"
...Sorry
.Without porn
You just have to think about God
When you sleep with your wife, you better think about your rabbi
?Yes
?...You think
Fantasies are a problem
, Because if you have fantasies
The fantasies will pollute your semen ... pollute, yes-
And you can not think, about Angelina Jolie
You can not think of anything
And you have to turn off all the lights ... and if you have
In the room, everything has to be closed
The door ... the door.
... and need to put ... -something ... between the door ... -between the door and the floor
... for windows ... for windows-
.Because there is light .because there is little light-
And ... it's ten minutes, 15-10 minutes
Not half an hour
Is it allowed to kiss here? Is it allowed to look here?
!no why-
... without kisses, because
Sorry, but it's ugly. No, it's not ugly.
Not ugly, well, you can talk about it
No, it's not ugly
... No, but in the Torah it is written
, This place is not allowed to be kissed. "" This place is sacred
, But also a sacred mezuzah! And the same kisses
Yes, but if you do it ... too much
You may want more than that
And in the Torah it is written that you should be with your wife
.Only to make children
.Only for the sequel
Not to rejoice
.Not to rejoice
But also the ... it's to rejoice
: But in the Torah it is written
You should also be happy. "
"Yes, you should be happy."
You have to be happy, you have to love your wife
So basically when I saw you, at 16, you were not with a girl yet
.No .o-ki-
I was shy
.In madness
In the army, I was already a little more open
There was a runway, and it was. And I was a driver, a truck driver
Right. - One of the most romantic places on earth
, It's at the base of her name
In a kind of hill like this at the end of the trail
You see all the lights
.⁇ As here⁇
,No! You have lights of the whole track ... red, blue, and all
Okay, okay
You're on a hill, you see all this stuff
Sometimes you have planes leaving
So you see them literally. Passing over you, five feet
You sit like that in a circle and that
I sometimes had night shifts, like I had to stay up all night
So we talked, here, there. She's in her residence, some buildings next to me
So I picked her up, to be with me ... I'm in the truck with her
Traveling to this point above? The flight path is named ... You are with me
...and
, And we did it like this, inside the truck. Opposite the flight path
In front of all these lights
Who's an entrepreneur?
... she's pretty much pushed for it, and I'm already ... at some point
On the first day. No, what?
I was shy, it took me a long time to open up
My first sex was
Was when I was in
I studied in a yeshiva
And ... I had an American friend
: He said "Menachem, do you want to go with me to a prostitute?"
That's what he said
?? I said: "Yes, why not
We talked, but we did not know where to go
We walked around Ramat Gan for 40 minutes
"We found a newspaper" Yedioth Ahronoth
We found someone's name on time
I still remember
... a-short
: We argued for ten minutes
"! Call" "! Call you"
"! He was ashamed:" No, you
We would dial and ... hang up
At last he called
, When I first had sex
I felt so good
The feeling was so good
The first time was good. Very good.
, The feeling of entering a room
... where someone is holding you
... a very strong hug like that
It's something like that, you came to the place ... very hot, very caressing, very
A trap for all of us. Of all men
Honey trap. Honey trap, yes-
Afterwards, I went to tell Rabba
, I said, "It's not me." My best friend did it
Is that what you told Rabba? really
?what did he say
: He said "! Read Psalms! And go to the mikveh"
I gave her a ring, I held her hand
You did not give her a kiss?
No one told me to give her a kiss, so I did not
You'll kiss on your wedding night
!Yes
And do it in black?
? In black? So you will not see anything-
Is not allowed to be seen
.In the end
Do you think about it?
You need to think too
I never did that with a girl
I only did it with men
This will be the first time!
Do not talk much, go to bed together
.Not immediately
We will sit and talk
We'll go home together
We will not jump on each other
.I want to tell you something
You must have doubts,
You do not know .If you like men or women
But I'm telling you, you love women
I've never tried
...try now
Wait, you did not try
And you're still not sure if you like men or women
I'm not sure either
But the first time, I slept with a woman
I immediately realized that I love women
Today, I prefer men
...but
... what's going through your mind
what happens
, With men
Maybe it's not who you really are
Forced to be so forceful. It's true-
That's not the truth
But you do not know, it's your body
Take a huge step
.Reprogramming .I have fantasies about men
In three days you will be married
My brothers and brother-in-law
? They will dance with you at the wedding
I think so, yes
Do you want to dance with them?
... but you have to dance with them
And when you dance, you think about it all
Well?
So it's you
You're his brother?
.Yes
The little brother?
Do you also speak Yiddish?
I also speak Yiddish
How many brothers do we have? eight
!eight
Two sisters and six brothers
What brother lives with you ... my father?
What? My father lives with you.
.Yes? And life-
.With father
Look what I wrote to her ... - Not interesting! Me! - Look what I wrote to her
?second! Why not interest you
Take a second look at what I wrote to God, a message beforehand
And I did not get a reference! Look, 'Look'
!second
We're past, right? So now give me a second. -OK
I tell you, I want the sacrifice, I have nothing against you
Dad and Mom, I have nothing against them either
.You have! - You have a lot
I have a lot, but yes
When I asked Mom a few weeks ago, when I asked Mom two weeks ago
: Two months ago I asked Mom
"Do you love me?"
.never happened and never existed
I can also cry about it as if
My mother did not tell me that she loves me
But it does not exist ... you know that mother-
I say but .that's something you did not grow up on
Mom once told you she loves you, Avrom
It's not something they say
Thanks ... it's not-
Today I come, I give mom a hug. Yes. Because today I am in a different approach
Because today I have a different approach
? And she gives you a hug! Yes-
... because she has no choice at all, yes? abandoned
Leave, it's something very different
Do you give Mom a hug?
... because today it's different, because today I left
Yes, a laser will give Mom a hug! Laser, no-
I grew up like a laser, I did not
But a laser inside still. She's never hugged me.
, Laser still inside
, You put the laser and mom, both of whom are still inside
So they will not do it, the maximum. Let there be a head movement between them, bro
? Why did you all come out in question? Why did no one survive?
The truth?
Why did you not survive?
Everyone and his personal reason
, Everyone came out. If he was so good at home, why did we not stay
Did anyone say he was good?
Menachem ... you were not admitted for two months because
You've caused some things in the past
Which one in the past? - That caused! I divorced-
It's. I wanted to live in the place.
You're done, you did, everyone's birthday, I did not know
You opened the cards in front of all of you ... I was not in the meetings
, No one opened cards ... it was not
A cabinet meeting, and we said, "Okay, let's all finish now."
.never happened and never existed
It was not and was not created, it was just an OK situation
Place the past, give to the past
, Stay in the past .and not bring it forward
That, I was not in this meeting. There was no meeting, I explain to you-
This is what everyone has done
You're busy with lightning how much they hurt you ... yes, sorry-
They did not tell you that they love you ... you know what-
Let me explain to you, I'll say something
You will do with it what you want, and after that we will move on to a topic
When Dad dumped me out of the house, Dad would dump us all night
I was raped that night. Dad threw me out of the house
Does this seem normal to you?
Would you forgive that? What are you talking nonsense about?
It's not true, when I was raped. "Dad told me," You are an unclean person
,A little boy! I was raped. Dad tells me I'm unclean
Like other people, I do not know how to overcome it
I can 't get over it
, Like that, can also turn over on him
.And can also turn over on ... chooses not to
You chose to turn over ... I have enough reasons to turn over.
Leave your father now ... as a human being
A man will come after such a story. "And he will tell you:" Listen, you are unclean
I do not believe that such a story is happening! It sounds completely delusional to me
Dude, I swear to you, that's what he told me
You can not judge a person, okay, as long as you did not see what was
He's like me! He's like me
I'm like you. to him
The same face, no?
.See we are brothers
No, don 't say ... I'm like you, it's not
He looks better than me. And he's younger
I'm not young
You have bays, bays
.Come here. Come, come second
I want to show you my bike
!I'm going home
.are good
How many streams ... are there in the Hassidic public? there is
There's the puppy
There's the Satmar.
.Nadborna .Nadborna-
.Viznitz .Viznitz-
.Bells .bells-
.Sadigura
What are they?
.babub
How do you recognize a Belz follower?
How do I identify a Belz follower?
... by the hat without hairs
.Round without hairs
?What is he
The one that's refueling now
It's a puppy
It's by the wigs up, it's a puppy
Puppy according to the wigs above, right-
Chabad. True, Chabad-
... but they are such followers
.They are all over the world .They are all over the world-
... but they are also such followers
?and what is this
?What is this
It's not from ... it's petrozen
Do you know what the difference is? Benturi Karta
How do you differentiate between them?
I know, according to the ... they have
They have such striped suits.
.And their hat is small .small-
Now, do you know that Dad was Naturi Karta before that?
I do not know. I know he was Satmar
He was, no, we lived in Jerusalem
It was the history of Aaron
I was not born then. I was not born.
We grew up in the history of Aaron. We were the history of Aaron
, So yes, Dad to this day has a picture at home
.Of the Rebbe from the previous Satmar
.Yes
, And that's it, and he's still holding Satmar ... but he's not going
He's going to pray for you. He's not going to Beit Midrash-
But we were in the history of Aaron
Everything, everything, before he got to Landborne
We were in the history of Aaron, I remember
I know, Dad told me
.Which is to this day a little Satmar
The first case
It was that mother gave birth to my experience
How old are you today?
.33 .33 Exactly-
I'm 37, how old I was
.⁇ Four⁇ year⁇ old⁇
? Four years old
Really? Yes-
This means that the first case, I did not go through at the age of seven
This means that I passed the first case at the age of four
So let's let me tell you
...now
It was rape for everything
But what's it, I remember later. I came home to ... I came home
And there was a day, tell me you guys, if you remember
There was a day when I started crying all night and I said I miss you
I do not understand how at the age of four you could remember
That it was rape for everything
I remember every second what it was
He was an adult, the man. He was a yeshiva guy.
.I have a question
Why did you let them touch you?
That's the most annoying question
.I know
? Answer the question explicitly to you
You need some ingredients for them to let you touch
I can understand, the answers, but to me
That's not enough, and I'll tell you why
, Because as a kid, I was a very, very handsome guy
... and a lot of people tried to mess with us. Itai
And I never let anyone touch me
My little brother goes through the same story
Does not go through the same story? What does it mean-
He told his sister he was going to die
Why is he going to die?
Because someone is messing with it
And he heard that it is possible to get diseases
And die from this disease
, I immediately asked Myler to take a pen
And will write
What they did to him
Myler was unable to
"... I said," Myler
I had to convince him. It took me an hour to convince him
"Come with me, come with me to the police."
I took him to the police
, They then took Mylar, the police, alone
.And tried to interrogate him
:He told me
"Your son went through terrible things"
".They can't be told"
Myler was not 13. He was 12 or 11 and a half
I cry every day
.⁇ About what he went through
And I ask myself
How can a person do such things to a child
I do not know .How can this happen, such a thing
I'm not ... but these people
, They do not need six years in prison like they are given
, In the State of Israel ... that the maximum of e
The sentence of their sentence is six years-
, Destroys the child's soul .and the child's body, for life
My son was raped
I, my son went through ... what he went through, an act of sodomy
That I had no rest
Until I caught the human
How did you get caught?
We knew he was from ... from Breslav
We got to his name
We called him and said, "Look. We want to send you books
"From the Rabbi of Breslav"
"But do not know your address"
, We already knew, we gave his address to the police
24 hours later
He was in jail
... he said at trial
As for the 20 children he touched before Myler
That he touched them before Myler
20 parents were silent
And did not say anything
20 rabbis were silent
?Why
Let me tell you why. I'll tell you why.
OK, today I have the answer to why.
The answer is very difficult
Because I suspect
, That the rabbis, when they were in the yeshiva
... to some degree
, Understand the child, passed as well
... in some form
, These attractions ... and this instinct
, And they understand the children
Because they themselves went through these attempts
, And I can tell you that I was very angry ... very hurt ... very hurt
The case of Mailer, because then, he was not only harmed by this person
He was hurt by my son-in-law
... which he brought, made a match
Is he hurt by my son-in-law?
? Maybe! Maybe! Gelman-
Hit the mailer! He touched the mailer.
He was the first to touch Myler
, And why Myler was injured afterwards? Pulled after this son
Because he was already hurt
Havi's husband ... hit Myler
The mailer came to me, all I could do
Why did he experience an escape from him?
That's why? Exactly! -exactly-
What did he do with it?
.We clothed him with a diaper
?what
.And played with him
Throughout the afternoon
.Wow
That I sometimes think .that he came out more immune than me
And why? He went through no less bad things, even worse than me
Why did he come out? Why did he come out more immune?
- Here you did not ask anyone. Because he received treatment.
, Not only did he receive treatment
You're fighting like a lion, I remember. You're fighting like a lion
.For him
There is a very great awakening
On the other hand, there is also a large influx
, On the other hand there is a large influx, on the other hand ... on the other hand there is an influx
It's less than it used to be. It used to be closed
Once upon a time if I had eaten, without a hat and suit like them
I would get slapped from the overseer
.not today
... start now and I'll continue
No, so let me give you more
!Pretty! So keep going
.No
Only the men!
Only the men?
? Divorced?
...Yes
After a few months?
How many months have you been married?
I did not count
Four months have passed
.like you said
The pain was not in bed
.No
But in life. In all your life -
I do not know how I was in bed? You see
But you felt ... pleasure
, For the first time .The second time you do it
Discover it!
Then it was good?
There were no mental conversations, no
There was no mental conversation.
... there were no deep conversations, I do not know
, But ... nice, compliments ... what was today
Caresses ... fun
I felt that she enjoyed it too, and I enjoyed it
?so what happened
She realized something was wrong with me
...All the time
.Tension
.Tension, survival, that they will not discover
... secrets ... that will not reveal the ... it-
I did not want her to find out what I went through
.2 weeks before the end, no, no stream
We would go to bed in the middle of the day
I have no strength left
...I was afraid
!No
I went to bed to dodge
I did not want to make love to her
She started sewing with a sewing machine and played music
?Sewing Machine? She sang and cried
She listened to music at home
And the melody touched her heart, and she cried
What tune?
Why is it so hard?
... the person asks "
...Difficult for her"
"God"? Why are you putting me to the test?
, I want to understand "... I can no longer bear
"... Yidla, what does this person desire"
She sewed her dress in the machine
She would cry and I would hear her
I felt like I was dead. And Shabbat was getting closer
We had to survive the Sabbath
Atomic pressure
Here I realized it was over, the story
In short, I told the therapist to talk to her father
With her father
He drove to me and stayed with me for an hour
I told him my story
... he started crying with me
Yes, he understood the situation ... he complimented me on me
I have not told anyone ... for so many years
And when I told him, it purified me
In short, we thought about what to do
He did not want his daughter to divorce
- Then, she was cold.
She's tired of everything. And from me too
She loved me
But she realized she could not do anything
... a young girl
It was not as she expected
After a week we got divorced, something like that
Who were the witnesses?
The overseer sent my brother
Your brother was the witness.
Oh, that's hard
? It's hard for you to read it. If it's too hard, I'll read it
?Read
I can not. I can read.
"My dear little brother Shmili"
Creepy selfish from thinking “that I have a significant part in your situation
"And in everything that has happened to you"
"... for my brother and my head"
He means like ... who's my big brother too
I also suffered a lot. "On my bed at night
, And the other also approached me "
"But because I opened my eyes"
"And he slipped away from him." He ran away from him, and again dared to return
It torments me with my conscience. "Until there is no limit and no lesson
How about ignorance "? I became a murderer and a cruel pest
A lot of girls ... "Yes?" "Doing", a lot of stupidity, doing a lot of lust
Stimulated by my brother and head "
... and I thought "
"I dug my grave"
And now I realize that it was not. "Because if a grave
... brothers, have mercy on the shade"
How will I face you? "" How will I face Latti and Mami
I can take him to the police
You can go to the police ... and open a case
, Will find out everything on the street
.People will talk
... or you can
I'm not speaking for my brother
, You want to do the right thing
You're afraid they'll rape others
Maybe. But the thing that motivates you in life
He is not others, but you
This thing will not go away
That's what it's, you see, I'm missing fingers
They will not return
It's the same thing, it will not pass
You think you can bury everything in your heart
So that it does not hurt you so much
Obviously it will hurt
So what to start with?
By taking it out and not keeping it inside
I understand you and you can understand me
We can help each other
I like to dive
What to dive, underwater?
... in Eilat, in Tel Aviv
You can join ... I do not know-
There will be a guide with you
It's fun
It's calm, quiet
: They will ask us "What did you do with the rapists?"
Then there will be a sequel
And if my brother-in-law wants to pay and show
that he has undergone treatment and is healthy
I have to answer my brother's letter
He wrote to me of his own free will
I can force them to get treatment
So let's do it
How are you, but, you will be sure? That you can handle it alone
I tell them, if I do not accept
: It's weird that someone would come and say
"I touched the children, take care of me"
!It's not exist
.I did it
But you were a victim.
: But a rapist will not say "Hello, I'm a rapist, take care of me"
, Usually not. But maybe he's going to do it
!Do not know
There's no way to know!
Maybe yes, maybe no
Everything has a process
More than one day is required
I can 't go to the police without you
I don 't want to go!
I have not arrived yet, it's. In my heart, I have not yet arrived
Not yet, not yet ripe with it. Exactly-
Hello, police. "" Someone raped my son
- It can not be done? Why-
.Because of the matchmaking
Tomorrow, this son of mine needs to find a match
? And all of Bnei Brak: "Hello
Did you hear?
This boy, a ten-year-old boy? "" Someone raped him! you know
The one who was raped ... can not contact the police because
He's not going to be a good match!
Lance has his own problems
,when we were young
Out of ten children, some were raped
Out of ten
I've been through this. I'm not ashamed to talk about it
He's been through it, Itzik has been through it. He's not ashamed either
? You went through it
, Maybe, I do not remember well
Everything was mixed with
Mix with what?
... mixed with
, You know, you're going to the mikveh
, Suddenly you feel someone, but you do not think about it
That it's happening
It's becoming sexist. -Sexist-
I did not feel it when I was in the mikveh
When a rapist takes you, you know
Boys do not go to the mikveh today
I mean, there are no boys in the mikveh.
If you want to take, your son to the mikveh
He has to come with Dad. Not alone. not alone
The rabbis said
That's the patch!
!Yosef
!father
!I love you dad
I love you, Joseph
Please give me love, Joseph. Please give me love
I'm not getting cold
It's impossible to catch a cold
!conference
Wait a minute? What, wait a minute!
!cold
.are good
Strange to be a woman
Among all these men in black
They're supposed to reject me
Keep me away
, Instead of it happening
The doors of a mysterious and forbidden world
Open to me
Do you know why I love you? Because you always go with your truth
You're not afraid!
...I'm like you
The main thing in the heart ... The main thing in the heart, it's true-
Open the heart, and do not block it
I needed that hug. I missed him
I got such twisted hugs ... as a kid
And that night, I got hugs ... so nice from the followers
They opened so much!
This is the first meeting without teachers
It's revolutionary!
This is something that did not exist in the ultra-Orthodox public
I want to even study in this yeshiva
They are all rabbis to each other
.It's great
... all these years I've not seen them
.Not considered
These are my followers!
: Kafka said
I am among my people with a knife "
To attack them.
I am among my people "
".With a knife to protect them"
This movie is my knife
Menachem has reconciled with his parents
"Itzik decided to write a book about his life"
"Millie has become a die-hard diving enthusiast"