M (2018) - full transcript

After 15 years of self-imposed exile, Menahem gets back to his ultra-orthodox home town of Bnei Brak, where he wants to face the traumatic childhood experiences of long-lasting sexual abuse within the Khasidic community.

"In the hot oven burning fire"

"And inside is quiet"

"Brother, quiet"

"And the Rebbe teaches the little ones"

"The alphabet"...

"And the Rebbe teaches the
little ones"... the alphabet

, I was Menachem Lang...
a boy singer. But I was

"Porn Boy"

I do not know.
How to say it in Hebrew

...I was

... a child who

As they were at the military bases

Girls for the Soldiers

, Just for fun

I was a kid for fun

.For other men

, When you are a child

, Every time you go through something like this

It's like the first time

, Even if you went through it the day before

Each time is the first time

There was one

... who did a lot

...he was

A very violent man

He would hit me

I remember he would
hold my head there

I would like to confront him.
His name is Akiva Katz

I speak on behalf of a hundred children

Which he took to the cemetery

, To the grave of another rabbi

And there he abused them

He undressed them and
carried out his plot on them

...I want to tell you

On Rosh Hashanah, I always cry

I'll sing you the song

Why did I cry?

"His soul"!

His body "of God"

Neither my body nor my soul!
Did not belong to me or to God

My soul belonged to the one
who hit me and touched me

My body and soul belonged to him

Because when a man is 40 or 50 years old

Can do such a thing to
you, whenever he wants

Your body and soul are escaping together

And you no longer believe in anything

, Not in your body, not in your soul

You do not want to believe in anything anymore

, I entered a truly ultra-Orthodox
world, literally as a rapist

, By chance, and that, I did not come out in question

, And in fact, I did not succeed.
I always did not feel belonged

,Yes? I, too,
would sing in church, you know

?Yes Yes-

.All the time

, The courage, the process,
the crises they go through

It's the same as we are

.Those undergoing these processes


For example, if you walk,
with trances on the street

All the girls are twisted and jealous

The trans women look much
better than the girls


I know that,
they hate trans people

"Just because of the look" "Why
is she more beautiful than me?"

Okay, but

Do you hate girls, like, or what?

No, not because of that

Like you, I see, like,
you're trying to abuse them

... like you're returning something

No, it's just because I remembered...
now I'll tell you

I do not know,
if I have already lost the torque

But I'm with women... I'm exhausted

Yes, I'm telling
you, I'm exhausted.

I, too, have been exhausted with women

, And it's not just because I wanted to

It's because I also felt something,
and I searched all the time

, And also because I come from an Arab sector

, And Christianity, and with us...
of conservatism, it's very very

So I'm all my life looking for,
myself to understand what I am and who I am

, And until I found, as it were,
only that I had arrived in Tel Aviv

, And I found the community, and I generally
understood that such a thing existed

, Which is to make a change from son to daughter

... so it's like I felt

, As if I were re-breathing,
as if someone had returned my soul

And it's the same thing! And the truth,
I do not? Define anyone... -at what age

At age 16, I discovered myself

But I made the change two years ago

How old are you today?

?How old are you


But I started at the age of 20, I left

I made this big change
at the age of 20

, Because I grew up in a place of followers

I've always suffered because, you know


When I sing, for example... cantorship

I put all the pain in.
I went from a young age to this poetry

All the pain

, Like, a little boy

I'm not lying

I need the love of Dad,
which I pursue to this day

To the love of a mother, whom I did not touch

Maybe it's also what you find in her

We're back to the story I told you a man
is looking for someone bigger than him

, Because she enters his mother's place, and
you're looking for a trans because she's both

Mom and Dad! I'm embracing it.


I paid a price for
beauty when I was little

Do you actually pay a price
for beauty when you are today

Listen, I'm Miss Trans Israel, yes

... and I'm an international model and I'm

Second place at Miss
Trans Star International

When I look someone in the eye...
I know I'm burning him. and

No, not sexually or anything

Of all, as if, there is a full that comes to them

, Curse me sometimes:
they want to tell me

Fly away from my eyes ""?
Like, what do you think

!And that's okay

I used to sit in a room crying

I ask myself, and I say to God

Like, "Why are you punishing
me?" For something I did not do

Like, that’s what I asked my mom,
mine at first, I told her, “Mom

You want to have a son,
"who is beaten and cursed, and sad

And most of the time, and most of his day he
thinks, "just how to commit suicide and leave life

"Or you want a happy, beautiful girl"

"And joy in her part and in her life?"

I feel imprisoned

, I would not want to be trans,
because my place is such a place

But he's much more
imprisoned, than your place

, That your place has taken shape.
And beauty, and wisdom

... yes. Mine no-

My... will always be imprisoned in this thing

, First time I saw Menachem

It was in the movie

Introduction "by Amos Gitai"

No one speaks Yiddish anymore today

So how does this kid speak so beautifully?

.I did not understand

, I followed him for a long time

I watched other movies
he played in them

He was born as one of the Mentori Karta

Naturi Karta is the most
Orthodox of all the Orthodox Jews

They only speak Yiddish

To me they were something like that...
a bit reminiscent of the devil

I wanted to get closer

, I came out in question! I came out in question

, When a person becomes religious

It's called "I Repented.
It's an Answer."

There is an answer to my life "".
I repented

When a person leaves religion,
it's called "I repeated the question

I'm going towards freedom

This is what I love: Freedom

Freedom from those who raped me

Freedom from my rabbis

Freedom from people I do not like

Freedom to do what I want

I have not been to Bnei Brak for years

Ten years... more

I have not been to Bnei Brak for ten years

, Tel Aviv is close,
but when you leave Bnei Brak

You understand that you live in the ghetto

You never want to go
back to Bnei Brak!

You have not seen your parents in 15 years

You're asking me?

Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me

I want to see him!

Ask my dad why he does
not want to see me

...Bnei Brak

I enter the world of my ancestors

Through a wound

Through Menachem's wound

Bnei Brak,
is the city of men in black

The world capital of the ultra-Orthodox

No cops, no criminals

The Rebbe solves everything

Ten years ago, Menachem caught up with
one of the people who raped him, Moshe

Who confessed to everything while he
was photographed on a hidden camera

This segment, ten minutes long,
was shown on Israeli television

He caused a huge scandal

Menachem received such serious threats

That he did not dare to return to Bnei Brak again

He became an actor and cantor in Tel Aviv

, And now, with me

, He was filled with rage again

And decided he wanted to
return to the crime scene

How long has this building been around?

What kind of mouth?

, 30 years, 40

Much more, right...
how can you know-

I remember this building
since I was born


I know this building

I'm from the Kiryat Herzog area.
We're all from the neighborhood.

...the hood

But you have a history here

Do you speak Yiddish?

I do not want them to understand us.
I do not want them to understand

I was a pious child

And there was a guy named Akiva Katz

Satmar follower, very cruel

He was a regular...
brings me here to the building and was

Doing bad things to me

?... you do not know him, no

?A few years ago

, Today I'm 35 years old

That was when I was seven

The building existed

He may have already passed away

No, he did not die. No, he was

, He was hanging out here all the time

, With a big hat, with glasses,
and would look like that

... long wigs...
all the time, back and forth

Do you have a picture of him?

It was a lot of kids

You can say Kaddish about it!


Three men raped me

, The first rapist

I was seven years old

I do not know his name

I just remember his face

He had a lot of freckles

Pale man, redhead

The second rapist, he did it there

In that building

, The third was Moshe Gottwein

.In sitting

Akiva Katz raped me three times

The first rapist raped me once.
The second time I ran away

And the last rapist raped
me .How many times he ran

I like that girl.
She does not stop looking at me

I knew you had a problem


What's a problem, you know,
like you've been through something

I knew it,
because I went through things too

... so it was easy for
me, very easy to spot

Because I... quite like you in many things


...one moment

It was here?

How old were you?

.⁇ Ben Sheva⁇

Katz was waiting for me

Then he ran away

... Hans

Let's go see if he's asleep

We've shaken him

It's Moses

Yes, he's the one who raped me.
Like my father, like my friend

?what are you saying?! Your father raped

.No! But the rapist was like a father

, Sitting down, he would dress me

He would give me everything, like Dad

I've been his slave for so many years

!It's crazy

I do not want to wake his mother

He lives with his mother.

? "As in" Psycho

As in "Psycho", yes. psychosis

Moishe, I know you're in it

I just came to talk to you, Moishe

Just so you know, I promised Rabbi I'm not

Does nothing to you and does not touch you.
And does not go to the police anymore

I promised Rabba and I stand by it

I just came to talk to you, to close with you

.it bothers me

, So come in pity, I'm asking you

, I just came to talk to you.
Come, we'll close the story

, In the most beautiful speech in the world

, And goodbye and goodbye.
We no longer see each other. I promise you

So why don 't you
go to the police?

He took out a note
from a psychiatrist

...Right. retarded

Yes, mentally ill, but...
you know, it sounds like he is

... is before... almost yesterday...
I lowered my head

Too bad, too bad?
Too bad, you say, uh-

.Probably! 'Look what beautiful children you have

? Talks to you most seriously. is not that a loss

.so sad

... he does not dare to open his mouth

This is his neighborhood

He has a brother, his brother
but a quarrel with him, just, but

... His brother quarrels with him

, I know, for years...
but it's not taken care of either

.Because his friends are privileged


... his brother

But his brother hates him to
death, he still hates him.

In the article, no, I did not beat him either

In life do not raise a hand against a person

Why not... I grew up as a follower.
I do not have it in my heart-

, But free devotees
raise their hands

I have a tendency, I'm dying to kill him

Tell him... he'll take care of it

Everything is taken care of

I'm just coming to interrupt

, I cut off his electricity from the house

That he might wake up a
little, with the fan, be awake

That he will just see that I'm here

Does not want to talk to him.
And takes the car and leaves

Because his mother is poor.
His mother is a Holocaust survivor

He also quarrels with his mother

Here he is, here, he came out the window.
You can go out to him

- Here, start talking.

Come a second!

I'm not going out! You do things!
Once again such things

Moishe, let's come out for a second

I'm not going out!
You will not bring me again

So I just want to complete and that's it

, A sick person,
I now have breathing problems

And don 't confuse the mind, that's all

So let's finish

What, what did you come for again?
What happened after ten years, what

What, what are you looking for?

Then come complete

Tell me, you're boring at night

No, I'm looking for your brother

You can look for him until tomorrow,
but do not do criminal things

I'm not doing criminal things

You cut off electricity.
And you do criminal things

I cut off electricity.
The police are on their way here.

I did not cut off electricity

The police are on their way here.
And you're doing criminal things

I did not hang up.
I just told him to come out

I'm not, you see,
I'm not even knocking

It's his brother

Are you afraid of his brother?
Yes, I'm afraid.

My phone will ring

He's a bad brother

And he has a lot of friends

Have you been to the police?

He's sleeping in the house

He was like that

I have pictures

.It helped? Now he's asleep. you are welcome

What happened when he was handcuffed?

.is nothing! After two days he was released

.⁇ Two days

This is my rape song

This is my sad song

This is the song of my heart

When my heart hurts, I sing it

I sang it all the time

In my head, while I was raped

.in mind

.Not loud

I loved this tune

I loved her so much that she made me

Feeling as if this situation is not happening

!You know? Look

I'll get you in

To the synagogue.
I went to it for 20 years

.I love this place very much


They circumcised me

There they made me long wigs

There they held a bar mitzvah for me

That's where I got married

That's where I got divorced

And there I was also raped

I can not go in there

.You can

The rapist there, he can go in there

I'm ashamed to go in there

.I'm here

My eyes looked

, But even when you look...
your eyes

If anyone's looking at
you, you know, you feel it

, I looked...
and saw two beautiful eyes

No, I felt two eyes!
Beautiful looking at me

I turned around and saw that
Parmachi was looking at me

Not in one eye, like me

Not out of the corner of the eye

Two eyes, like two spotlights on me

It was strong

.Permachi is the daughter of my rabbi

And she was my first love

... she loved me

Today she has eight children

And she looked at me

How old were you when you loved Parmachi?

.ten years old


... six, seven

No, when I was 13.
We never saw each other again

Ever since we were born... we were born on the same day

, Year, two years, three, four, five

, Six, seven, eight.
Nine, ten, 11, 12, 13


... she does not know,
if she knew what I went through

She would hate all the followers

.I'm sure

She's a nice girl

A very nice girl

If her father was not a
rabbi, she would be my fiancée

A beautiful girl


"Permachi and Menachem"

!Sounds good

"Pharmaci!" "Yes?
What do you want, Menachem?"

Please, sounds good

... but it's just a dream

In the face of Menachem and of those
who experienced what he experienced

, There's something childish

As if the rape had frozen them

In the innocent childhood

.That they never knew

When did I leave Bnei Brak...
when I was 15?

.15, shortly after

I could not do anything.
When I was ten

I could not pay for an apartment.
Or something like that, nothing

No one would take me to work

Therefore, I could not be independent

It was only when I was 15 that I
started working... as a courier

.In the writer, of groceries and such

At the time I was planning to leave

, The ultra-Orthodox society

I decided to learn something, that

I wanted to know more about the
open society, about the secular

I did not want anyone to know that
I was riding a bicycle, for a seat

Because we are not allowed to ride bicycles

I would go to learn kung fu

? See the light on the second floor

...this is the place

This was my room

This is the place where
I first met Menachem

That was about 15 years ago

My father also passed away recently.
I do not know if I told you

No! - I did not tell?
My father passed away three months ago

Really... Yes, so-

Wait, but how do you
say it like that?

My dad passed away
three months ago

? Vanthing? What do you mean

I take comfort in that

That I was able to come to terms
with my father before he passed away

, I actually gave him,
the truth, it, like

He apologized for
the things he did

Okay, why, because he knew he
was going to die, or what? -No

Because he realized
he had lost his son

My dad did things

.Ind unforgivable things

... but when he said "I'm sorry

That was a huge thing for me

.To continue in my life

It's not easy, but

We talked about everything

... Wait, you talked about things too

Now I'm asking you.
Very implicitly

The things that went through?
It's with him too, right?


Now you say, your father said?
I was wrong. "How do you feel?"

Much better? Much better-


He was at the stage,
that he was less of a charge of me

: He did not assault me, he did not say

No, you're not right, no,
you're a liar, no, you're that

, But you know about
such mistakes sometimes

People sit in jail for a long time

... and you took care of your father,
and, you did not put him in jail

, But you managed to get into a confrontation with him

You've been scared of this
confrontation for a long time

, Because you've lost your whole life

, Like, that's how I was in
the situation I already lost

Everything I wanted to accomplish in my
life, knocked me out, from here or there

... and what's left is just

You know, talk to...
try to solve what can be solved

That I forgive him,
not only for him, but also for me

For several years he harmed you

I will not go into that.
I will not go into these personal details

... yes, okay... but-

?... There is no, like, lust for revenge

Or rather, I accept it,
with understanding, what happened

After I actually realized...
who this was my grandfather

?What do you mean

My grandfather came from the Holocaust

He was half scratched in the head

, All they said, Grandpa was righteous, and that's it

Over time I learned who it is, yes yes

In time, I learned who my grandfather
was, and he was not that righteous

He was... a very difficult person

He was very violent...
towards my father

If he did other things besides
violence to my father, I have no idea

, What you say may be a wheel

What did he do? It's a wheel.

Are you sure it's a wheel? -Yes-

,mom and dad

I grew up as a child

Who laughed all the time

A child who joked all the time

The connection I had with my mother

.Was very emotional


I'm very close to my mother

, And every morning

, While I was sleeping in bed

Before she would wake me up

, So I can go to school

She would start

, Pray in the hallway

In a beautiful melody I only heard from her

I want my dad and mom

They will see their son

I do not want

To live my life.
Without father and mother

I prefer to die

Than to live

A life that is

.No parents

They did not answer me

.Up to now

I did not divorce because of a rapist

I did not succeed in my job,
nor is it because of a rapist, no

I'm not a little more

Provocative because I was raped, no

, But when I was raped

The views of the people have changed

Those were the looks

They burned me

You're yes and you are not

You're like you were before

.But with three masks

People do not see you as
they have seen you before

When I told my father what I went
through, I took off the mask

And he wore a mask

I was not a more kosher child

That's what I said to myself out of fear

"! I said," Dad, I did nothing

He said: "Yes, of course, I know

"... I know, they took you and everything"

, After two days

, We had to take
something, do a mitzvah

.Tool for training

I used to do it.
For the rabbi's grandson

: I told my dad

Dad, I'll train him!

"I always do it for the rabbi."

"I will train him!"

"! My father told me," No, not you


I shouted at my father

"Why not me?"

I felt that my father,
did not want me anymore

As if some partition had closed

: He told me, as if he had stopped

"Because you are unclean!"

, "Since that word," unclean

I became a different person

!this is the place

I slept there!

I slept in a closet like that


This is the place, look

How long have you slept in this cemetery?

.a month

A whole month

I felt like I was crazy

I did not think about it much

It's going into your head.
And you do it

Then you're ashamed

: I hid here from the religious

I felt as if I had
decapitated myself

I shaved my beard

: When my dad saw me shaved

"Get out of this house!"

... Hans

I do not know what to say...
if I liked him

, But when I went to fight with
him, ten years ago

He started crying, I felt sorry for him

He was a friend of mine

I was a little boy

... but he was my friend, he gave me

...he gave me


It was not a good love

But he gave it to me

What my father and
mother did not give me

, I really liked it

.The touches

My mother did not touch me

I enjoyed him touching me

It was not a good touch, but

When I was a kid, I could buy

If I could pay for
contact, I would do it

He listens to what I say?
Do you understand?

He can send ten people here


Look at him, what is he doing?

I heard you speak
Yiddish, what do you do?

Do you want us to photograph you?

Only if you do not see my face

What do you have to look
for therapy in a cemetery?

This is not the cemetery.
This is the only one.

The Breslavs go to the forests. We,
we do not have a forest here in the area

This is the only
forest there is.

Katz took children here.
There is no one here

.He laid them here?
On the grave-

He laid them down and carried
out his plot with them

.Nobody knew

When you're a kid, you're scared

You're not thinking about him.
You're scared of the cemetery

I went to see my father and cried.
It was on Hanukkah

He thought I was crying because of God

"... Dad, do things to me"

Did you cry in front
of the candles? Yes-

He thought you were excited

Yes, because of God

You know, the passion

You'll complain about him!

I wanted him to go to jail?
He raped you.

Me and many others!

You will not be satisfied
until he is in prison

I tried,
did you contact the police?

I contacted the police, there is a statute of limitations

There is an obsolescence

How old are you?

Are you engaged? No

!Yes? Mazel Tov

When is the wedding?

At a good time.

When you have children, you will understand

I have children

That's why I'm fighting these people...
secular, religious

I have no children,
but I understand what you mean

You were also abused

I could complain about my brothers
and my brother-in-law to the police


My brothers and brother-in-law

They raped you?

Why do you not complain?
Because of the reputation of the family

No... but I do not want to
do such a thing to my brother

It's the hardest part of it

Would you send your brother to jail?

They have children, families

Do you want me to break
up their families?

Did you talk to them?

Do you talk to them?

They do not know that I
know what they did to me

They did it to me at night.
I pretended I was sleeping

I was in the guide today before the wedding

? In the guide? For the first time

Everything broke for me, the whole
story floated... and all the things

I do not know .If I
can get married at all

, It's not just this,
influences behavior

You don 't know what to do and that's it

Every day,
you probably know it better than me

, When I'm with Menachem

I'm going with my camera.
Like the flutist

The injured children,
appear as if at a magic headquarters

.And follow us

: Like characters in a story about vampires

They've been afraid to bite

... in the rape itself

But in the rape itself you disengage

No, you... have the detached section.
There is the detached section. there is

But... there are some moments...
that you're a little

It's not a pleasant
moment for me.

You did not have it

There's the rape

That the person he
oversees is sitting

And he... he feeds you, he's responsible .
.. to feed you, to wash your clothes

, Now, it's not like he's coming,
grabs you to the wall and makes you

, He slowly, gives you
more, gives you privileges

, "Then" just touch me here,
"then" just touch me here

, Then only this and then only this

So you become his kind of partner.
Without you knowing

You're no longer a victim
at the age of nine.

At the age... you're obviously a victim

You'll go home like this

What will you tell Mom?


You also do not know
.Who to run to tell it

No, you're coming home!
With a very strange face

What happened? "And mother
continues": the questions as usual

"How was school?"

No, and the thing is,
I was too good an actor

So I went and smeared mud on myself.
Like, with water, you know

I went and...
because my clothes were dirty. -OK

.from this. Because it was winter

So I went, and with the mud, you
know, like I'm... I fell in the mud

You know, seat, you know...
you walk in the fields

, To his rabbi in the yeshiva

, When he needs, when he needs the bathroom

So he said to him, "Pill,
or should I?" Someone hold the door

"So he said to him, 'Both

Wait, but I'm you... he's busy

Are you busy, second?

?what is needed

I would like to talk to you.
What a small conversion, if allowed

Yes, I can also speak Yiddish.


But a little far, you want to get closer.
Let's talk, I'll wait, what?

- No, okay... - You can come close.
Come on, come on, it's okay.

I was raped when I was an ultra-Orthodox boy

.me too

I, too, "it's simplicity!"

I, before, listen, listen, before...
I was in a cemetery for three days

I'll show you the
picture of the guy

Picture of the guy,
it's very discreet

... provided?...
wait, okay, and

Listen, he ran to the cemetery.
He cries all over

He tells me, "I'm running away."
Because my two brothers are raping me

You know what I'm talking about.
I know, I'm not talking, but-

?why arent you talking

... I was in jail, and...
my fault and not my fault

I mean, so you, by the way...
it's scary

... by chance you fell on me. I was raped and

And you continued the wheel?

, And I continued the
wheel and I was accused

... before I continued the wheel...
and after I continued

May I hug you?

Because I do not blame you.
All right, I understand, thank you.

I'm not blaming you... but-

Now, you're talking.
You went through it sitting

.Before, in Talmud Torah

I also went through Talmud Torah

We may have gone through the same one

I know one. I live in
Jerusalem, not in Bnei Brak.

No, okay. In Jerusalem. Did you study
with the Satmars? - No, forget about it

I was with the Satmars

Okay, but... - No matter, I'm

There are many, there are many
things, there are things I know

The people who did this to me...
are hospitalized today

What? It's hospitalized. It...
I treated them alone -

You took care of them alone, why?

,Why? Because I went to the police to complain

"I was told,
so bring me the address."

"His ID card."

... and when I went to the rabbi

Do you need to do his ID?

So I, he shouted at me, from the other direction

What do you mean, he yelled at you?

: So I came...
like, what, you do not speak "

Are you not ashamed "?
To say such things

You're not here, you're not
here, you're not there

- Yes, that's what happened once...
I came to a man-

: I came to a man, I told him

, Or you're going for treatment
", take care of yourself

, Today, after we grow up,
and it's easy: I came to a man, I told him

Or you're going,
"take care of yourself now

And I want a certificate,
"that you went to take care of someone

"Or I'll take care of you."

Pierre Inaf. - And those who went, took care.
And those who did not go, I took care of them

.I have a question

This is the biggest fear
I had when I was a kid

"You're always told" wheel...
you feel it released you-

Wait, wait...
after I took care of him, yes-

Wait, Itzik.
I was very scared of this wheel

You know,
you do not know you're in the wheel

, You do not come and plan.
"Says:" Okay, I moved, this is it

It's during life, yes?

, It's very interesting to me

Because you touch the layers of my mind

It's not just we met.
We believe in God, I believe in God

What does it mean that
you felt you did it?

? "From" Do to me, I will do too

"They did to me, I will do too",
when they did to me, nothing happened

"... so when I do, nothing will happen"

All kinds of feelings of
grief that you did it...

After that,
I felt why I did it, yes

And at the same time,
I did not feel anything.

Now here by chance...
you fell for the wrong kid

,I have a question

, Today, that you are going to bite-midrash

And you... you see the boy?

He's not from my neighborhood, but sometimes
I see him in the neighborhood, yes

, And what...
- We're not talking. Nothing. Move on

Nothing. No connection.

If, he's sorry I'm asking if
he's coming to take care of you

You? Ll feel, like, okay with that

Isaac, give me a second

Isaac. I talked to him.

Isaac, give me a second
I'm today after I know-

What I went through...
and what I did

I asked their parents that
I want to talk to them

did not agree. I explained to
them why I wanted to talk to them

Only agreed with them

We sat, talked about everything, opened...
everything on the table next to their parents

You initiated a conversation with
the parents, without... Yes-

The parents, with their
children, with the one I hurt

In fact, the child did not tell Dad.
You decided to tell Dad

Yes, I opened everything on the table

How did he react...
he cried and

, He felt better.
I hope so, then

... and wait,
he shouldn 't be afraid of that-

, He should not run away...
he did not, he is not guilty

- Nothing happened?
What led you to talk to the father?

... that I did not .that he will
not go through what I went through

?What do you mean

That he will not be afraid that the
wheel will not pass through him either.

, That he will not feel guilty about anything

, Which is something, which is fucked up
... which is the one, that they succeeded

He's not fucked up.
He's fine, I'm the problem

... and you are the problem
because they made you the problem-

It's not related to him

So it's a wheel.
But it's not related to it.

- So you, I opened
everything on the table...

With this boy, next to his father

I stopped his wheel

"You were no longer afraid of prison?"
"You actually said, 'I deserve it.'

, "Like," I did?
Like, you blamed yourself

, I did, I deserve it.
I was not afraid of prison, I sat in jail


I took it as a place.
That I could build myself

... not as a place where I
got a punishment or something

What punishment can already be done?
After what they did to me

But you know it will
not happen to you again

It's not going to happen to me again.
How do you know?

, Why, because I know what I
did, what I went through

What did I move to?
So it's not going to happen

I've been in care for four years

In a group of 17 people, I do not
know, them, I have nothing with them

With someone in Bnei Brak

That she did the job properly

I mean, now,
but it's not everyone's a wheel

For everyone, it's a wheel

I'm not yet, it's not happened yet

No, but you know,
it's everyone with his wheel

?What do you mean

What, you have no sex problems?

, Between you and your wife, between
you and yourself... between all kinds

Yes, so you have a wheel.

He is getting married and he is scared

That all this will cause
him problems in the bedroom

I told him, "You'll have
problems!" But not in the bedroom

He will also have problems in the bedroom

Are you sure he'll
have problems?

!Why? I did not mind

Not a living animal of a Jew

.Cognition of free women

Not my first wife

Not the first, the first, no.

: I was scared for the first time

Do it as it is written in the Torah

Not as it is written in the Torah

Put it in her mouth?
Do not put it in her mouth

May I bring in here? Here

The questions that are not asked!

: My rabbi told me

Do with your wife what you want

Everything she wants,
everything she wants to do

, Today I do not, I never did

... with a guy, and a kid, and nothing, but alone


You're a normal guy!

And people who have not been abused

They do it too

And the woman, if she knows. That he
masturbates alone, that, betrays her

.no no-

: Not cheating on her...
- Like, you "I do not satisfy you"

You can do it at birth

A girl has a desire more than a
man, more than you

... she also has hormones, and things, and that's it

More than you!
And many more things-

, And when it reaches the vent

.Your enjoyment is greater

My pleasure is short, on the contrary


Can I say something?

This is the first time I'm
talking about it. Not just you

I feel confident.
To tell you that

I have a brother, Hezekiel

Hezkel, to this day he is not successful.
He touched my sister

He did it for her?
No, he just started.

Today, she loves women. women and men

Who is she?

...Do not know

Girls can love girls too. Yes-


What can a girl do with a girl?

? You do not know it exists

I know, but I do not know
what a girl can do with a girl

They can do nothing.
They can do many things.

... pleasure... two girls-

They hug

They touch, caressing each other

Two girls

... enjoy more

A man and a woman?

Can I explain to you explicitly?

Not really, I'm not comfortable with that

It's better that I do not know, no?

You will know, but not today

I'm not interested.
I can not know everything

After all, two women can
not have a child? -not alone

, They can start a family

But only with the help of a man

...one moment. You understand why a man

, Why a man can be with a man

But not a woman with a woman?

They have no genitals

What are you talking about...
okay, no matter, no?

I better not know.

I'll know after I get married

You can talk to your wife

She will tell you

, But you have to be visible
with her .Do not hide anything

Come on, baby

She's so beautiful, I want to go out

, Kibinimt, that's all I have in life

, Tranny, tranny


Tranny! This

No one loves me, not my father

... not my mom, not tranny

I have no reason to stay here

...I want

...IM ready

Sometimes not

, Many years no

...Sometimes yes

Maybe tranny is a solution

I love tranny. I take, I love tranny

I was with a tranny

I lived with a tranny. For four months

I loved hugging her

.More than a woman

.do not know why

... questions, questions


I can hug her, I give her

But when I go to bed, you'm going to lie on the left, I'm on the right

With a tranny, I sleep all night

.do not know why

, One baby

, And another baby, and another baby

Have you seen the families in Bnei Brak. 10-15 children

Someone has to work for it. Someone has to do it

,All week

You need to keep your distance from your wife

... because you are not

You're not like that!

... so you must

.Save it to sit .Save it to sit-

: You need to tell your wife

The Rebbe said we must love each other

That we must love the children

And that we must. "Make love now

"No need to think about porn"


.Without porn

You just have to think about God

When you sleep with your wife, you better think about your rabbi


?...You think

Fantasies are a problem

, Because if you have fantasies

The fantasies will pollute your semen ... pollute, yes-

And you can not think, about Angelina Jolie

You can not think of anything

And you have to turn off all the lights ... and if you have

In the room, everything has to be closed

The door ... the door.

... and need to put ... -something ... between the door ... -between the door and the floor

... for windows ... for windows-

.Because there is light .because there is little light-

And ... it's ten minutes, 15-10 minutes

Not half an hour

Is it allowed to kiss here? Is it allowed to look here?

!no why-

... without kisses, because

Sorry, but it's ugly. No, it's not ugly.

Not ugly, well, you can talk about it

No, it's not ugly

... No, but in the Torah it is written

, This place is not allowed to be kissed. "" This place is sacred

, But also a sacred mezuzah! And the same kisses

Yes, but if you do it ... too much

You may want more than that

And in the Torah it is written that you should be with your wife

.Only to make children

.Only for the sequel

Not to rejoice

.Not to rejoice

But also the ... it's to rejoice

: But in the Torah it is written

You should also be happy. "

"Yes, you should be happy."

You have to be happy, you have to love your wife

So basically when I saw you, at 16, you were not with a girl yet

.No .o-ki-

I was shy

.In madness

In the army, I was already a little more open

There was a runway, and it was. And I was a driver, a truck driver

Right. - One of the most romantic places on earth

, It's at the base of her name

In a kind of hill like this at the end of the trail

You see all the lights

.⁇ As here⁇

,No! You have lights of the whole track ... red, blue, and all

Okay, okay

You're on a hill, you see all this stuff

Sometimes you have planes leaving

So you see them literally. Passing over you, five feet

You sit like that in a circle and that

I sometimes had night shifts, like I had to stay up all night

So we talked, here, there. She's in her residence, some buildings next to me

So I picked her up, to be with me ... I'm in the truck with her

Traveling to this point above? The flight path is named ... You are with me


, And we did it like this, inside the truck. Opposite the flight path

In front of all these lights

Who's an entrepreneur?

... she's pretty much pushed for it, and I'm already ... at some point

On the first day. No, what?

I was shy, it took me a long time to open up

My first sex was

Was when I was in

I studied in a yeshiva

And ... I had an American friend

: He said "Menachem, do you want to go with me to a prostitute?"

That's what he said

?? I said: "Yes, why not

We talked, but we did not know where to go

We walked around Ramat Gan for 40 minutes

"We found a newspaper" Yedioth Ahronoth

We found someone's name on time

I still remember

... a-short

: We argued for ten minutes

"! Call" "! Call you"

"! He was ashamed:" No, you

We would dial and ... hang up

At last he called

, When I first had sex

I felt so good

The feeling was so good

The first time was good. Very good.

, The feeling of entering a room

... where someone is holding you

... a very strong hug like that

It's something like that, you came to the place ... very hot, very caressing, very

A trap for all of us. Of all men

Honey trap. Honey trap, yes-

Afterwards, I went to tell Rabba

, I said, "It's not me." My best friend did it

Is that what you told Rabba? really

?what did he say

: He said "! Read Psalms! And go to the mikveh"

I gave her a ring, I held her hand

You did not give her a kiss?

No one told me to give her a kiss, so I did not

You'll kiss on your wedding night


And do it in black?

? In black? So you will not see anything-

Is not allowed to be seen

.In the end

Do you think about it?

You need to think too

I never did that with a girl

I only did it with men

This will be the first time!

Do not talk much, go to bed together

.Not immediately

We will sit and talk

We'll go home together

We will not jump on each other

.I want to tell you something

You must have doubts,

You do not know .If you like men or women

But I'm telling you, you love women

I've never tried

...try now

Wait, you did not try

And you're still not sure if you like men or women

I'm not sure either

But the first time, I slept with a woman

I immediately realized that I love women

Today, I prefer men


... what's going through your mind

what happens

, With men

Maybe it's not who you really are

Forced to be so forceful. It's true-

That's not the truth

But you do not know, it's your body

Take a huge step

.Reprogramming .I have fantasies about men

In three days you will be married

My brothers and brother-in-law

? They will dance with you at the wedding

I think so, yes

Do you want to dance with them?

... but you have to dance with them

And when you dance, you think about it all


So it's you

You're his brother?


The little brother?

Do you also speak Yiddish?

I also speak Yiddish

How many brothers do we have? eight


Two sisters and six brothers

What brother lives with you ... my father?

What? My father lives with you.

.Yes? And life-

.With father

Look what I wrote to her ... - Not interesting! Me! - Look what I wrote to her

?second! Why not interest you

Take a second look at what I wrote to God, a message beforehand

And I did not get a reference! Look, 'Look'


We're past, right? So now give me a second. -OK

I tell you, I want the sacrifice, I have nothing against you

Dad and Mom, I have nothing against them either

.You have! - You have a lot

I have a lot, but yes

When I asked Mom a few weeks ago, when I asked Mom two weeks ago

: Two months ago I asked Mom

"Do you love me?"

.never happened and never existed

I can also cry about it as if

My mother did not tell me that she loves me

But it does not exist ... you know that mother-

I say but .that's something you did not grow up on

Mom once told you she loves you, Avrom

It's not something they say

Thanks ... it's not-

Today I come, I give mom a hug. Yes. Because today I am in a different approach

Because today I have a different approach

? And she gives you a hug! Yes-

... because she has no choice at all, yes? abandoned

Leave, it's something very different

Do you give Mom a hug?

... because today it's different, because today I left

Yes, a laser will give Mom a hug! Laser, no-

I grew up like a laser, I did not

But a laser inside still. She's never hugged me.

, Laser still inside

, You put the laser and mom, both of whom are still inside

So they will not do it, the maximum. Let there be a head movement between them, bro

? Why did you all come out in question? Why did no one survive?

The truth?

Why did you not survive?

Everyone and his personal reason

, Everyone came out. If he was so good at home, why did we not stay

Did anyone say he was good?

Menachem ... you were not admitted for two months because

You've caused some things in the past

Which one in the past? - That caused! I divorced-

It's. I wanted to live in the place.

You're done, you did, everyone's birthday, I did not know

You opened the cards in front of all of you ... I was not in the meetings

, No one opened cards ... it was not

A cabinet meeting, and we said, "Okay, let's all finish now."

.never happened and never existed

It was not and was not created, it was just an OK situation

Place the past, give to the past

, Stay in the past .and not bring it forward

That, I was not in this meeting. There was no meeting, I explain to you-

This is what everyone has done

You're busy with lightning how much they hurt you ... yes, sorry-

They did not tell you that they love you ... you know what-

Let me explain to you, I'll say something

You will do with it what you want, and after that we will move on to a topic

When Dad dumped me out of the house, Dad would dump us all night

I was raped that night. Dad threw me out of the house

Does this seem normal to you?

Would you forgive that? What are you talking nonsense about?

It's not true, when I was raped. "Dad told me," You are an unclean person

,A little boy! I was raped. Dad tells me I'm unclean

Like other people, I do not know how to overcome it

I can 't get over it

, Like that, can also turn over on him

.And can also turn over on ... chooses not to

You chose to turn over ... I have enough reasons to turn over.

Leave your father now ... as a human being

A man will come after such a story. "And he will tell you:" Listen, you are unclean

I do not believe that such a story is happening! It sounds completely delusional to me

Dude, I swear to you, that's what he told me

You can not judge a person, okay, as long as you did not see what was

He's like me! He's like me

I'm like you. to him

The same face, no?

.See we are brothers

No, don 't say ... I'm like you, it's not

He looks better than me. And he's younger

I'm not young

You have bays, bays

.Come here. Come, come second

I want to show you my bike

!I'm going home

.are good

How many streams ... are there in the Hassidic public? there is

There's the puppy

There's the Satmar.

.Nadborna .Nadborna-

.Viznitz .Viznitz-

.Bells .bells-


What are they?


How do you recognize a Belz follower?

How do I identify a Belz follower?

... by the hat without hairs

.Round without hairs

?What is he

The one that's refueling now

It's a puppy

It's by the wigs up, it's a puppy

Puppy according to the wigs above, right-

Chabad. True, Chabad-

... but they are such followers

.They are all over the world .They are all over the world-

... but they are also such followers

?and what is this

?What is this

It's not from ... it's petrozen

Do you know what the difference is? Benturi Karta

How do you differentiate between them?

I know, according to the ... they have

They have such striped suits.

.And their hat is small .small-

Now, do you know that Dad was Naturi Karta before that?

I do not know. I know he was Satmar

He was, no, we lived in Jerusalem

It was the history of Aaron

I was not born then. I was not born.

We grew up in the history of Aaron. We were the history of Aaron

, So yes, Dad to this day has a picture at home

.Of the Rebbe from the previous Satmar


, And that's it, and he's still holding Satmar ... but he's not going

He's going to pray for you. He's not going to Beit Midrash-

But we were in the history of Aaron

Everything, everything, before he got to Landborne

We were in the history of Aaron, I remember

I know, Dad told me

.Which is to this day a little Satmar

The first case

It was that mother gave birth to my experience

How old are you today?

.33 .33 Exactly-

I'm 37, how old I was

.⁇ Four⁇ year⁇ old⁇

? Four years old

Really? Yes-

This means that the first case, I did not go through at the age of seven

This means that I passed the first case at the age of four

So let's let me tell you


It was rape for everything

But what's it, I remember later. I came home to ... I came home

And there was a day, tell me you guys, if you remember

There was a day when I started crying all night and I said I miss you

I do not understand how at the age of four you could remember

That it was rape for everything

I remember every second what it was

He was an adult, the man. He was a yeshiva guy.

.I have a question

Why did you let them touch you?

That's the most annoying question

.I know

? Answer the question explicitly to you

You need some ingredients for them to let you touch

I can understand, the answers, but to me

That's not enough, and I'll tell you why

, Because as a kid, I was a very, very handsome guy

... and a lot of people tried to mess with us. Itai

And I never let anyone touch me

My little brother goes through the same story

Does not go through the same story? What does it mean-

He told his sister he was going to die

Why is he going to die?

Because someone is messing with it

And he heard that it is possible to get diseases

And die from this disease

, I immediately asked Myler to take a pen

And will write

What they did to him

Myler was unable to

"... I said," Myler

I had to convince him. It took me an hour to convince him

"Come with me, come with me to the police."

I took him to the police

, They then took Mylar, the police, alone

.And tried to interrogate him

:He told me

"Your son went through terrible things"

".They can't be told"

Myler was not 13. He was 12 or 11 and a half

I cry every day

.⁇ About what he went through

And I ask myself

How can a person do such things to a child

I do not know .How can this happen, such a thing

I'm not ... but these people

, They do not need six years in prison like they are given

, In the State of Israel ... that the maximum of e

The sentence of their sentence is six years-

, Destroys the child's soul .and the child's body, for life

My son was raped

I, my son went through ... what he went through, an act of sodomy

That I had no rest

Until I caught the human

How did you get caught?

We knew he was from ... from Breslav

We got to his name

We called him and said, "Look. We want to send you books

"From the Rabbi of Breslav"

"But do not know your address"

, We already knew, we gave his address to the police

24 hours later

He was in jail

... he said at trial

As for the 20 children he touched before Myler

That he touched them before Myler

20 parents were silent

And did not say anything

20 rabbis were silent


Let me tell you why. I'll tell you why.

OK, today I have the answer to why.

The answer is very difficult

Because I suspect

, That the rabbis, when they were in the yeshiva

... to some degree

, Understand the child, passed as well

... in some form

, These attractions ... and this instinct

, And they understand the children

Because they themselves went through these attempts

, And I can tell you that I was very angry ... very hurt ... very hurt

The case of Mailer, because then, he was not only harmed by this person

He was hurt by my son-in-law

... which he brought, made a match

Is he hurt by my son-in-law?

? Maybe! Maybe! Gelman-

Hit the mailer! He touched the mailer.

He was the first to touch Myler

, And why Myler was injured afterwards? Pulled after this son

Because he was already hurt

Havi's husband ... hit Myler

The mailer came to me, all I could do

Why did he experience an escape from him?

That's why? Exactly! -exactly-

What did he do with it?

.We clothed him with a diaper


.And played with him

Throughout the afternoon


That I sometimes think .that he came out more immune than me

And why? He went through no less bad things, even worse than me

Why did he come out? Why did he come out more immune?

- Here you did not ask anyone. Because he received treatment.

, Not only did he receive treatment

You're fighting like a lion, I remember. You're fighting like a lion

.For him

There is a very great awakening

On the other hand, there is also a large influx

, On the other hand there is a large influx, on the other hand ... on the other hand there is an influx

It's less than it used to be. It used to be closed

Once upon a time if I had eaten, without a hat and suit like them

I would get slapped from the overseer

.not today

... start now and I'll continue

No, so let me give you more

!Pretty! So keep going


Only the men!

Only the men?

? Divorced?


After a few months?

How many months have you been married?

I did not count

Four months have passed

.like you said

The pain was not in bed


But in life. In all your life -

I do not know how I was in bed? You see

But you felt ... pleasure

, For the first time .The second time you do it

Discover it!

Then it was good?

There were no mental conversations, no

There was no mental conversation.

... there were no deep conversations, I do not know

, But ... nice, compliments ... what was today

Caresses ... fun

I felt that she enjoyed it too, and I enjoyed it

?so what happened

She realized something was wrong with me

...All the time


.Tension, survival, that they will not discover

... secrets ... that will not reveal the ... it-

I did not want her to find out what I went through

.2 weeks before the end, no, no stream

We would go to bed in the middle of the day

I have no strength left

...I was afraid


I went to bed to dodge

I did not want to make love to her

She started sewing with a sewing machine and played music

?Sewing Machine? She sang and cried

She listened to music at home

And the melody touched her heart, and she cried

What tune?

Why is it so hard?

... the person asks "

...Difficult for her"

"God"? Why are you putting me to the test?

, I want to understand "... I can no longer bear

"... Yidla, what does this person desire"

She sewed her dress in the machine

She would cry and I would hear her

I felt like I was dead. And Shabbat was getting closer

We had to survive the Sabbath

Atomic pressure

Here I realized it was over, the story

In short, I told the therapist to talk to her father

With her father

He drove to me and stayed with me for an hour

I told him my story

... he started crying with me

Yes, he understood the situation ... he complimented me on me

I have not told anyone ... for so many years

And when I told him, it purified me

In short, we thought about what to do

He did not want his daughter to divorce

- Then, she was cold.

She's tired of everything. And from me too

She loved me

But she realized she could not do anything

... a young girl

It was not as she expected

After a week we got divorced, something like that

Who were the witnesses?

The overseer sent my brother

Your brother was the witness.

Oh, that's hard

? It's hard for you to read it. If it's too hard, I'll read it


I can not. I can read.

"My dear little brother Shmili"

Creepy selfish from thinking “that I have a significant part in your situation

"And in everything that has happened to you"

"... for my brother and my head"

He means like ... who's my big brother too

I also suffered a lot. "On my bed at night

, And the other also approached me "

"But because I opened my eyes"

"And he slipped away from him." He ran away from him, and again dared to return

It torments me with my conscience. "Until there is no limit and no lesson

How about ignorance "? I became a murderer and a cruel pest

A lot of girls ... "Yes?" "Doing", a lot of stupidity, doing a lot of lust

Stimulated by my brother and head "

... and I thought "

"I dug my grave"

And now I realize that it was not. "Because if a grave
... brothers, have mercy on the shade"

How will I face you? "" How will I face Latti and Mami

I can take him to the police

You can go to the police ... and open a case

, Will find out everything on the street

.People will talk

... or you can

I'm not speaking for my brother

, You want to do the right thing

You're afraid they'll rape others

Maybe. But the thing that motivates you in life

He is not others, but you

This thing will not go away

That's what it's, you see, I'm missing fingers

They will not return

It's the same thing, it will not pass

You think you can bury everything in your heart

So that it does not hurt you so much

Obviously it will hurt

So what to start with?

By taking it out and not keeping it inside

I understand you and you can understand me

We can help each other

I like to dive

What to dive, underwater?

... in Eilat, in Tel Aviv

You can join ... I do not know-

There will be a guide with you

It's fun

It's calm, quiet

: They will ask us "What did you do with the rapists?"

Then there will be a sequel

And if my brother-in-law wants to pay and show
that he has undergone treatment and is healthy

I have to answer my brother's letter

He wrote to me of his own free will

I can force them to get treatment

So let's do it

How are you, but, you will be sure? That you can handle it alone

I tell them, if I do not accept

: It's weird that someone would come and say

"I touched the children, take care of me"

!It's not exist

.I did it

But you were a victim.

: But a rapist will not say "Hello, I'm a rapist, take care of me"

, Usually not. But maybe he's going to do it

!Do not know

There's no way to know!

Maybe yes, maybe no

Everything has a process

More than one day is required

I can 't go to the police without you

I don 't want to go!

I have not arrived yet, it's. In my heart, I have not yet arrived

Not yet, not yet ripe with it. Exactly-

Hello, police. "" Someone raped my son

- It can not be done? Why-

.Because of the matchmaking

Tomorrow, this son of mine needs to find a match

? And all of Bnei Brak: "Hello

Did you hear?

This boy, a ten-year-old boy? "" Someone raped him! you know

The one who was raped ... can not contact the police because

He's not going to be a good match!

Lance has his own problems

,when we were young

Out of ten children, some were raped

Out of ten

I've been through this. I'm not ashamed to talk about it

He's been through it, Itzik has been through it. He's not ashamed either

? You went through it

, Maybe, I do not remember well

Everything was mixed with

Mix with what?

... mixed with

, You know, you're going to the mikveh

, Suddenly you feel someone, but you do not think about it

That it's happening

It's becoming sexist. -Sexist-

I did not feel it when I was in the mikveh

When a rapist takes you, you know

Boys do not go to the mikveh today

I mean, there are no boys in the mikveh.

If you want to take, your son to the mikveh

He has to come with Dad. Not alone. not alone

The rabbis said

That's the patch!



!I love you dad

I love you, Joseph

Please give me love, Joseph. Please give me love

I'm not getting cold

It's impossible to catch a cold


Wait a minute? What, wait a minute!


.are good

Strange to be a woman

Among all these men in black

They're supposed to reject me

Keep me away

, Instead of it happening

The doors of a mysterious and forbidden world

Open to me

Do you know why I love you? Because you always go with your truth

You're not afraid!

...I'm like you

The main thing in the heart ... The main thing in the heart, it's true-

Open the heart, and do not block it

I needed that hug. I missed him

I got such twisted hugs ... as a kid

And that night, I got hugs ... so nice from the followers

They opened so much!

This is the first meeting without teachers

It's revolutionary!

This is something that did not exist in the ultra-Orthodox public

I want to even study in this yeshiva

They are all rabbis to each other

.It's great

... all these years I've not seen them

.Not considered

These are my followers!

: Kafka said

I am among my people with a knife "

To attack them.

I am among my people "

".With a knife to protect them"

This movie is my knife

Menachem has reconciled with his parents

"Itzik decided to write a book about his life"

"Millie has become a die-hard diving enthusiast"