Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) Movie Script

Ten tiny typists

tripped through the tunnel.

Ten tiny typists

tripped through the tunnel.

Ten tiny typists...

- You can't be in here.

- Compliments of the house. Enjoy it.

- Sir.

- It's delicious.

Tell him callbacks are next week

and he'll know when he knows.

Okay.

Okay, Show Us What You Got.

Contestant 318, you are up next.

He wasn't next.

- Where's your number?

- I have no time to waste.

Magical magic.

Wait a minute, man.

No, no, no.

Hector, we told you after last time,

no more.

That was just my song-and-dance routine.

My new act will blow your minds.

Prepare yourself

for the Dance of a Thousand Pigeons.

Yes.

That's enough.

Thank you.

Maybe...

Maybe go back to singing.

Security.

Seriously, dude?

Ditch the birds.

Show them something

they've never seen before.

Because whatever that was, ain't working.

Hi, I'm looking for something...

Something...

Something unusual.

But cute.

Really, really cute.

Also affordable.

That I can fit under my hat,

while I am dancing.

We got a special on bird-eating spiders.

Okay, let's try this again.

Boa constrictor.

Vampire bat.

Might have a lemur in the back.

A lemur.

I like it like that

Like that, baby

Oh, I said I like it like that

I like it like that

Yeah, I like it like

Stomp your feet

If you think I'm neat

Clap your hands

If you want some more

Yeah, baby

Like it Like it

Like it like

I like it like that

Yeah, I really like it like that...

A singing crocodile.

Baby, I like it like that

LYLE

"Lyle." Lyle.

Hector P. Valenti,

star of stage and screen, at your service.

My reptilian friend, welcome home.

We're family now.

Come.

Okay, let's go.

Come on, Lyle.

I know you don't talk, but you can sing.

You can pack your bags

And start skipping town

Hang up that hat

When the show shuts down

But when the world says

You ain't quite world-renowned

Don't count yourself out yet

When you hit that lonely and lowest low

Well, up's the only way left to go

You're meant to reinvent the show

So ain't you glad we met?

Turn that dull and dusty solo

To a dazzling duet

Maybe we started pretty small

But take a look at us now

Take a look at us now

Suddenly standing 10 feet tall

Take a look at us now

Though we had no way

To stay afloat

We were scared they'd say

It was all she wrote

We're ending on a sky-high note

Somehow

Buddy, you were all it took

So take a look at us now

You already owe me for the last show.

Yes, but this one's special.

Then you pay me up-front. In cash.

Cash might be a problem.

But I have something far more valuable.

When that perfect plan's

Going off the rails

A heap of trouble is on our tails

It's time to polish up those scales

And give it all you got

If you're out of step

If you're out of sync

And you care too much

What those critics think

Well, when you find your missing link

They don't get a second thought

'Cause in the center of the spotlight

We just might have found our spot

Trying our luck with every leap

Take a look at us now

The road could be steady

Could be steep

Take a look at us now

Thought we might be sunk

Upon first glance

Well, who'd have thunk

That we had a chance?

And life could be

A song and dance somehow

Buddy, you were all it took

So take a look at us now

Thirty seconds to curtain.

Got a full house out there. Break a leg.

So even when you're terrified

Just smile a smile a mile wide

'Cause, bud, when you and I collide

Standing side by side

We're gonna take a great big bow

Won't you take a look at us now

Give us a spotlight and a crowd

Take a look at us now

Ready to sing our song out loud

Take a look at us now

Lyle.

Lyle, sing.

Sing, Lyle.

Please.

Won't you take a look at us

Take a look at us

Drop the curtain.

Come on.

What's that look for?

We've had a minor setback, nothing more.

Yes.

I'll go on the road for a bit,

and make some cash.

Here, take this.

It's got every song you'll ever need.

The best companion there is.

Okay.

Okay, I'll be back

in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

And remember, if anyone asks,

tell them you are stuffed.

Okay.

- You got it?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- Couple more.

- Straight to the living room, brother.

Are we actually gonna be living here?

I think we are.

This is a really bad idea.

Do you realize Manhattan crime statistics

have seen a year-on-year increase

of over 18 percent?

Most people move out of the city

when they have kids, not into it.

Ready?

And you must be the Primms.

I am so pleased to meet you.

I'm Carol from Liberty Day School.

We're so excited to be here.

Your new Math Department chair.

We are very pleased to have you.

If you can just sign these

when you get the chance.

Oh, and this is our son Josh.

Plus we haven't even talked about

the widespread use of lead paint.

- New city. Little nervous.

- Sure.

Oh, can I tell you

how much of a fan I am of your cookbooks?

- Right?

- I can't wait to see what you do next.

You know, I'm actually

scaling it back a bit work-wise,

so I could spend more time with Josh.

And this is Mr. Grumps,

your downstairs neighbor.

Hey, how's it going?

The local housing administration has

established strict noise abatement rules.

- Make sure you read them.

- Yeah, of course.

- We certainly will, won't we, darling?

- Of course.

That is the most beautiful cat

I've ever seen.

Loretta is not a cat.

She's a Silver Shaded Persian

with an extremely delicate constitution.

Do not feed her

or let her out of the building.

Why don't we go upstairs? Yeah, come on.

I'll be watching them.

My lawyers will be watching them too.

One foot out of place, and they'll be out,

and you'll be forced to sell.

Okay?

I'd say his bark's worse than his bite,

but to be honest,

his bite's pretty unpleasant too.

Amazing cat, though. Can we have a pet?

Josh, allergies.

I know.

FYI, there's a few leftovers

from a previous owner in the attic.

Hopefully they won't get in your way.

Welcome home.

Babe, can I put this here?

You hate it.

No.

New York City.

- Did we just move here?

- I think we did.

You think Josh is gonna be okay?

Are you kidding me?

He's got his own floor up there.

He's probably having the time of his life.

What was that?

That is an ambulance.

What was that?

That was a car tire.

What was that?

I have no idea what that was.

"This is my crocodile.

Please, take good care of him.

Cordially yours, Hector P. Valenti."

"Lyle."

Tofu kale breakfast bowl.

Swiss chard chickpea scramble.

- Vegan turmeric latte.

- I thought it was in...

Three different recipes

from three different books.

It's perfect.

Oh, honey,

this looks amazing, and healthy.

But I gotta go. I can't be late.

Where's Josh?

I'm taking Josh, remember?

Right.

Grab something.

Have you seen my glasses?

- Thank you.

- Hey.

Yeah?

You got this, okay?

They're lucky to have you.

I'm lucky to have you.

- Don't forget to sign up for wrestling.

- Okay.

- We gotta go.

- Josh, there's time for breakfast.

No, it's an 11-minute ride on the subway

from East 86th to West Farms Square,

plus a four-minute walk at this end

and a seven-minute walk at the other.

Assuming everything goes right.

Keep up, Mom. All the way down to the end.

Then we just cross this little avenue.

This is 86th Street Station.

Excuse me.

- Watch it.

- Wrong side, kid.

Excuse me.

Move, move.

Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

Don't worry, you got this.

"You got this."

Seriously?

What are you doing?

- Do you not see us filming here?

- Come on, man.

- Do you mind?

- Dude, are you serious?

He's literally filming.

Let's go, guys.

Watch it on Sweep

like everyone else, pumpkin.

- Whatever.

- Weirdo.

Featherweights, you're up.

And wrestle.

Look for the single leg.

Come on.

I'm Trudy, and I'm auditioning

for Show Us What You Got.

Loretta.

Go ahead. That milk's for you.

Hey.

Hey, remember me

You'll always remember me

Okay. Stay close.

No!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Wait. No, you have to give her back.

Did you see that?

Dude, that was crazy.

Wait.

Hey, watch where you're going!

Hey!

Hey, kid.

You gonna give me that phone,

or am I gonna have to take it from you?

That was totally awesome.

Wait, you gotta show me how to get back.

Okay, last box.

Why did we even bring all this stuff?

Don't eat those. They're horrible.

What? You love these things.

You used to bake with cherries.

You made us put them on our wedding cake.

I know I did, but that was

before I found out what's in them.

They're full of hydrogenated palm oil,

and sugar, and corn syrup.

We wanna set a good example for Josh.

We should throw them out.

Outside in the garbage.

Hey.

Those are my trash cans,

not your trash cans.

Yours are in the back.

Oh, right. I'm so sorry.

Sorry is right.

Don't come around scattering

suburban mediocrity all over my trash.

- I didn't know.

- Someone's been feeding my cat.

I wanna know who.

Do you have any idea how dangerous

irritable bowel syndrome can be

in a cat as valuable as Loretta?

If I catch you,

or your wife, or your horrible son

so much as looking at Loretta,

my lawyers will be all over you.

Do I make myself clear?

Now, hold on a minute.

- Yes or no?

- Yes.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Great.

Oh, please, use more of the hot water.

Help yourself.

- There's plenty to go around.

- What? Hot water?

Hey, hi.

You awake yet?

Here.

This is my Plus Four Strength card.

It's the most valuable card in my deck,

and I want you to have it.

Josh, where are you?

Okay, I gotta go.

And I'll be back after 3, okay?

An actual pet.

Hey, Josh, let's go.

Taking a shortcut.

What?

Josh.

Wait.

Josh?

This way.

Josh.

Hey.

Josh.

What's up?

Don't worry. I got this.

I wanna stop

And thank you, baby

I just wanna stop

And thank you, baby

Oh, yes

How sweet it is to be loved by you

It's just like sugar sometimes

How sweet it is

Oh, your book.

It's beautiful.

That cake's gonna make you famous.

- That was a modest bite.

- Wait, wait. No, no, no.

How about another taste?

And thank you, baby

I just wanna stop

And thank you, baby

Hey, Animal Planet.

What's with all the books?

You won't believe me.

I kind of have a...

pet crocodile.

Nobody has a pet crocodile.

Told you.

And absolutely nobody

has a pet crocodile in the city.

My dad had to do free dental work

for the mayor

just to get my pet rattlesnake

allowed in our building.

I saw you on Sweep.

I mean, like, not...

I didn't... It was...

You're kind of a weirdo, aren't you?

Yeah.

I've always approached our life

like one of my recipes.

When things get hard,

we stick with the ingredients that work.

But now it's all different,

and I still feel bad.

About what?

Josh growing up.

Oh, honey.

I know that I should feel happy, but...

I wish I just didn't feel so left out.

Hey.

You're a huge part of Josh's life,

and an amazing mother.

All right?

Hey.

We were lost until you found us.

What...?

You want me to...?

Okay, okay. See, the thing is

I've never dumpster dived before, so...

Okay.

What...?

So gross.

Let's see.

You like noodles?

Oh, my God.

No, that's okay.

I have sort of quite a specific diet,

which is mostly Bagel Bites, so I'm...

I'm not sure if that's gonna taste...

Wow, that's actually amazing.

I've never had anything like that before.

Where are you from?

My mom's family is from Taiwan.

Well, she's actually my stepmom.

My mom died when I was 2.

My dad says I got her nose.

I can do this really,

like, crazy thing with my knuckles

where if I, like, go like that,

I can, like, crack them all.

Do you have knuckles?

What is that?

You don't talk, do you?

In the shadow of the city

When the days have disappeared

Some might say it's sort of gritty

Full of faces to be feared

But there are wonders that are waiting

Underneath the midnight sky

We got the stars illuminating

It's a place for you and I

A little space for you and I

At the top of the world tonight

Where no one ever has to hide

At the top of the world tonight

You're sitting safe and starry-eyed

There is treasure you can find

In something someone left behind

At the top of the world tonight

It can stay this way

At least until the morning light

Through the dark

There's someone singing

Like an old familiar song

Like you fell

Into a melody that's bringing

You right here

Where you can belong

And there are wonders that are waiting

Underneath the midnight sky

And by the stars we're navigating

To a place for you and I

At the top of the world tonight

Where no one ever has to hide

At the top of the world tonight

You're sitting safe and starry-eyed

There is treasure you can find

In something someone left behind

At the top of the world tonight

It can stay this way

At least until the morning light

At the top of the world

The top of the world

The top of the world tonight

Yeah!

Yes, it's an emergency.

The city must do something

about these double-wide strollers.

You know, just because somebody

made the mistake of having a second child

doesn't mean that

I should be forced off the sidewalk,

into the...

streets.

Mumsykins?

Have a great day.

You too, honey.

Josh, time to wake up.

Come on.

Josh?

All right, Josh, come on.

Let's go.

Mom, no, hold on.

Oh, my God.

He's safe.

No, Mom, it's okay.

I wanna stop

And thank you, baby

I just wanna stop

And thank you, baby

Oh, yeah

How sweet it is to be loved by you

Oh, yeah

How sweet it is to be loved by you

Mom, I swear, he's not dangerous.

- He's a crocodile.

- Okay, yes, crocodiles are dangerous.

They bite through bone

and have a taste for human flesh.

But he's not like that. He wears a scarf.

I have to tell your father.

- No, he'll have him taken away.

- I'll agree with him.

- No.

- Thanks for calling. Leave a message.

Lyle is a good crocodile.

He's just lonely, like I was.

And he cares about me.

Do you realize how different

things have been since I met him?

I made a friend.

Mom, I feel like I belong here,

because of Lyle.

- Josh.

- You won't even see him. He's nocturnal.

And he can sing.

It's, like, how he talks.

Don't do anything

until I get home tonight.

That's all I'm asking. Please.

- Hey.

- Hey, honey, sorry.

Did you call?

I just...

wanted to wish you a great day.

Thanks.

I could use that.

These city kids have a lot of energy.

I'll see you at home. I love you.

I can't believe I just did that.

Everyone. Yeah, that's nice.

Can we sit down, though, please?

Hey, guys, let's not throw stuff.

Can we just settle down?

Just a little bit, okay?

Just because a record has a groove

Don't make it in the groove

Come on

When the people start to move

They can feel it all over

People, yeah

Over

People...

This isn't happening.

Crocodiles don't belong in houses.

When you're cooking something up

And only trying the tried-and-true

You stick to the predictable you've known

Measure out the same amounts

Every teaspoon Every ounce

No surprises

When the rules are set in stone

But when the sugar hits the fan

You make a mess of your perfect plan

And you're facing the face

Of something strange and new

If it's not what you had prepared

In the scramble

You can't get scared

Let something wild

And wonderful break through

Start ripping up the recipe

Let go of how it has to be

You forget about right and wrong

When you lose yourself in this song

It's perfect unexpectedly

No...

When you rip up the recipe

Living life inside the lines

Safe and simple By the book

You keep sweeping the uncertainty aside

But an unfamiliar spice

Might bring something extra nice

Something twice as good

As what you would've tried

'Cause when the sugar hits the fan

You make a mess of your perfect plan

And you're facing the face

Of something strange and new

Something's ready to wreck your day

You can pray that it goes away

Or let something wild

And wonderful break through

Start ripping up the recipe

Let go of how it has to be

No, you can't plan it in advance

Gotta lose yourself in the dance

It's perfect unexpectedly

Mom?

When you rip up the recipe

Start ripping up the recipe

And make a little mess with me

You forget about right and wrong

When you lose yourself in this song

It's perfect unexpectedly

When you rip up the recipe

- Lyle?

- Lyle, all right.

Three cameras,

all mounted on the roof's perimeter.

No one's getting in or out

without you knowing about it.

Perfect. I know they're up to something.

No one's ever putting anything nasty

in Mummy's tummy ever again.

Are they, Mumsykins?

No. No.

N-O.

That's how we spell "no, no, no."

I'm just gonna...

Yeah.

Try that.

Really?

We should save some for Lyle.

Hey, guys.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Hey, Dad.

Pizza. For breakfast.

And where'd you get caviar?

Can I have a...?

- No.

- Sorry.

- Sorry. Excuse me.

- It's more like...

- See you.

- Let's not get any food...

Honey?

Yeah?

I've noticed that you've been...

happy recently.

Which is great.

And I wondered if that,

you know, hasn't been because of me.

I mean, is...?

Is there something I need to know?

Oh, sweet pea.

I mean, is there...

someone else?

Not exactly.

It's time to tell your father.

Tell me what?

- Go, go, go...

- Hey, Dad, wait, it's fine.

It's not what you think.

All right, this way.

Hide in here.

Dad, it's okay.

It is not okay.

There's a crocodile in the house.

That's what I thought too,

but he's not a normal crocodile.

What are you talking about?

Everybody, get out of here!

Follow me! Let's go!

There's a crocodile...

May I wish you good day, sir.

- Hector P. Valenti, at your service.

- What?

Where should I put my bags?

I'm not sure I...

Oh, dear. You didn't know I was coming?

No worries.

While you call the school authorities,

I'll make myself at home.

But you're... I'm...

Please, please, be my guest.

It's been a very long and difficult trip.

I'd hate to put my back out

in a moment of...

Oh, my.

Oh, Lyle.

Look at the size of you.

Lyle.

Yes.

I missed you too.

Lyle.

Oh, no, no, no.

We had no idea. Nobody told us anything.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Bye.

What did they say?

Well, this was his family's brownstone,

but he somehow lost it

in some kind of a business deal.

He's figuring out some kind of new show,

and there's a clause that says somehow

he can stay here 15 days out of the year.

What?

This cannot be happening.

We have a crocodile, and now

David Copperfield, living in our attic.

This is definitely not okay.

And can you please stop drawing him?

It's weird.

Yes.

I hate you.

I hate them so much.

Express yourself

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

If there's any breakfast, I'll take eggs.

Any way you wanna make them.

But not scrambled. Or fried.

Thank you.

Whatever you do

Do it good

Whatever you do

Do, do, do, do, yeah

Express yourself

Oh, yeah

Oh, do it

Do it to it, yeah

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Okay, family day.

What do you think, history museum?

- Go there?

- Sure.

There he is.

I'm just gonna...

So, Dad's not coming.

Dad needs to let off a little steam.

He doesn't like Hector, does he?

Oh, well,

Hector is a very colorful character.

I don't know about you, but I could

eat a horse if you spread butter on it.

- You're a Gators fan?

- Don't be ridiculous.

Smoke and mirrors, my friend.

Smoke and mirrors.

How else do you think Lyle can join us?

Shall we?

- Are you sure this is safe?

- Who wants to be safe?

No, "safe" is a repellent little word.

Expunge it from your mind.

We are here to live, yes?

And living is a dangerous business.

You're not worried that some people

might think he's a real crocodile?

Nothing could be of less importance

than what other people think.

Let people stare.

For once in their dreary lives,

they have something wonderful to look at.

Look, look.

Here it is.

- Brain freeze.

- Another one.

Oh, no, you're going down!

- You're going down!

- Yeah!

- Let's go, Dawgs!

- What the...?

Oh, perfect timing.

You could be on my team.

- Hey.

- Oh, I'm okay.

I'm exhausted.

I'll go upstairs and take a shower.

Hector thinks the hot water might be out.

My bad.

Okay, right hand, red.

Lyle.

I was just checking the boiler.

Because it's cold, right?

Where'd you get that at?

Lyle, why would you do that?

Oh, no.

Not today.

One, two, three.

Yeah!

All-league champion!

I'm back, I'm back!

I still got it.

Twenty years. State champs, '99.

Come on, one more round.

Stay down.

Good morning.

Let's try that again.

Good morning, Mr. Primm.

Dad, you have to come see this.

- Is that a white rabbit?

- We can start the show of magic.

Can you please pass me those?

- This?

- Thank you. Yes, I need those.

Thank you very much.

Now, now that we have the bunny,

we can start our magic show.

Front row for you, sir.

Behold, the power of illusion.

Okay? Nothing here, nothing over there.

Follow the card carefully.

Magical magic.

Where are they? Here they are.

You have a nine, and you have a two.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hey, play us one of your songs.

- Yeah, play something.

- That would be amazing. Please?

Maybe we started pretty small

Take a look at us now

Suddenly standing 10 feet tall

Take a look at us now

Though we had no way to stay afloat

We were scared

They'd say it was all she wrote

We're ending on a sky-high note

Somehow

Buddy, you were all it took

So take a look at us now

Don't you see what that means, Lyle?

That was an audience,

and you performed.

You performed, Lyle.

Yes.

Lyle. Lyle?

We can do it.

We can take our show on the road.

You and me, like we always planned.

So I made a couple mistakes

Got a few things wrong

We can claw right back

To where we belong

It's just us two

And a soaring song

Redoing our debut

We get to finish what we started

It's a brand-new me and you

A brand-new me and you

Thought we might be sunk

Upon first glance

Well, who'd have thunk?

Here's a second chance

And life could be

A song and dance somehow

So take a look at us now

Let's go. Let's go.

Where are you going?

Why is he all dressed up?

When the world sees

Lyle sing and dance, we're gonna be rich.

- Rich.

- What?

But he doesn't need money.

He needs a family and a home.

This is the business of show, Josh.

Because Lyle is not just a crocodile.

He's a showman.

Bye.

Does he even want that?

Josh, tonight is our big night.

The night for what?

The preview

for potential investors in our new show.

Evangelyne will get us there just in time.

Who's Evangelyne?

Hector?

Wish us luck.

Take a look at us now.

Hey, how'd it go?

The stage can be a cruel mistress.

I thought Lyle had changed, but he hasn't.

He froze.

Stage fright.

He still won't sing for an audience.

Just so you know,

I don't care if you sing or not.

Either way, I think you're awesome.

Just give him a little time, okay?

He's gonna be okay.

Thought we would make a perfect pair

Take a look at us now

Thought there was a spotlight

We could share

Take a look at us now

I won't pretend this

isn't something of a blow, my old friend.

One or two loans will now require

a radical renegotiation, you know?

But nothing I can't smooth over

with a little Valenti charm.

Take a look at us

Now

It's the school's brownstone, not yours.

I'm done. I did not sign up for this.

Mr. Primm, for you.

Oh, good, it's the man of the hour.

You're a member of the neighborhood?

Time to earn your spot.

Okay, great.

Get the money.

Show business.

Oh, please, sit.

Come in.

I don't wanna be unneighborly.

Really, I don't.

And no one loves music and singing

and dancing more than me, you know.

Just not at 3:00 in the morning.

So if you could find it in your hearts

to sign the petition,

and override the school's power

to allow awful families like this...

- Okay, now hold on just a second...

- No.

- Well...

- That's just Josh.

- Practicing wrestling.

- Trampoline.

On a trampoline.

He wrestles on a trampoline

that we'll get rid of.

Sure, but if it's not that,

and it's something else,

something that you're hiding from us,

something that

you think you'll get in trouble for,

well, I believe

now is the time to share it.

Do you mind if I join you?

- Valenti.

- Alistair Grumps.

Alistair Grumps.

How in the world are you?

Is that the same sofa?

You literally have not changed a thing.

You see, Alistair and I grew up together.

- Have you been drinking?

- Yes, I have.

I always feel like the world

looks better with a glass of champagne.

A glass of champagne.

Get out. This is none of your business.

It is, it is,

because if the Primms are the problem,

then I, as their houseguest,

I'm part of the problem too, am I not?

A large part.

With your permission, I'd like

to be part of the solution as well.

Would you mind, please?

Thank you.

- Delicious.

- Per usual, Hector, you're overstepping.

We are not the only ones

who overstepped the mark.

We, for instance,

haven't mounted security cameras

throughout the neighborhood,

filming other residents

without their consent.

No permission asked?

None.

- No.

- No. Were releases signed?

- No.

Well, if it was me,

I'd go straight to the police.

Out, all of you.

Everyone, get out of here.

Come on.

This meeting

will be reconvened at a later date.

Thank you so much for coming.

Excuse me.

Not you.

I can assure you, Alistair,

we have absolutely nothing to talk about.

Why don't we see about that?

- Hector had this whole performance.

- Even Marjory was miffed.

- Mr. Grumps's jaw was...

- She was so upset.

- Hector.

Oh, thank you.

- Thank you so much.

- That was incredible.

No, no, no.

You have all been extraordinary.

It was the least I could do.

Thank you, really.

So I have to make myself presentable.

I'll be back

in two shakes of a lamb's tail, okay?

Hide him.

Now.

Go.

Stay here.

Hector, Hector.

Where is he?

I'm gonna look around back.

Just in case. Could be a big one.

Stay back, stay back.

- No, no.

- Josh.

He won't hurt you.

Lyle.

You have to sing.

Now.

No.

- Watch your step there.

- Easy.

No.

You're clear.

- Josh.

- I'll talk to him.

I knew it.

I knew you were up to no good.

Hiding a crocodile.

You've broken so many rules.

Wait till I tell your school.

They'll throw you out of the city.

You'll be gone,

all of you, by Thanksgiving.

Lyle.

Hey, hey, buddy.

Hey, are you okay?

I came as soon as it opened.

- Lyle.

- Hey, buddy.

Hey, no hands through the bars.

Thank you.

You, get back.

We have to do something.

He must hate it here.

Look, Josh, they understand crocodiles.

They're gonna look after him.

Then why aren't they giving him

pork-and-rosemary vol-au-vents,

or chicken Milanese

with a dash of salsa verde?

He's a crocodile, sweetheart.

He's a very special crocodile,

but he is still a crocodile.

He has to learn

to live with the other crocodiles.

- No, no. We can break him out.

- Josh.

It's not a bank.

It's a zoo. How hard can it be?

Josh, stop.

Okay? We'll come visit Lyle

every day, I promise.

We'll speak to the zoo, and ask them

to let us bring Lyle his favorite treats.

There's only so much we can do.

Not all problems have a solution, Josh.

No, you don't get to decide that.

Not for me. Not anymore.

My whole life, I've been scared,

because you've been scared.

But I'm not scared anymore.

Because of Lyle.

He changed everything for me.

And not just for me.

For you too. So...

I'm not gonna leave here.

I'm not just gonna leave here without...

- Leave here without...

- Josh?

- Wait, Josh, Josh, Josh.

- Oh, my God.

Josh, are you okay?

- Josh. Get his inhaler.

- It's in his jacket.

Call 911.

He had a panic attack

that triggered his asthma.

It's good he had his inhaler.

He's gonna be fine.

You got nothing to worry about.

Thank you, sir.

- You okay, bud?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

We had nights of endless music

We were dizzy dancing till the dawn

We were free

Singing sweet harmonies with the city

But maybe that was someone else's song

Back to earth again

You knew where this was headed

And honestly you're better off

Better here where you belong

You got caught up in the colors

You got wrapped up in the ride

You thought the feeling was forever

And the stars were on your side

It was lovely while it lasted

But it wasn't meant to stay

Still you let yourself get carried away

I guess I let myself get carried away

We got carried away

Carried away

Got carried away

Carried away

So we got mixed up in the madness

But wasn't it a perfect mess we made?

Well, you live and you learn

You return

To the safe and the simple

And behind our walls

We fall back into place

Back to earth again

You're through with pretending

'Cause this is how the ending goes

Now you're here where you belong

We got caught up in the colors

We got wrapped up in the ride

We thought the feeling was forever

And the stars were on our side

It was lovely while it lasted

But it wasn't meant to stay

We just let ourselves get carried away

We got carried away

Carried away

Got carried away

Carried away

Lost in a fantasy

Of all we were gonna be

Carried away

It was lovely while it lasted

It was never meant to stay

But we let ourselves get carried away

I guess I let myself get carried away

Hey.

Can you believe it?

I still can't believe it.

We're gonna be on Show Us What You Got.

That's great.

You deserve it.

Listen.

Don't give up.

When Malfoy escaped, I thought

I'd never see him again either.

Malfoy? The pet rattlesnake

my crazy Uncle Ernie gave me?

He was gone for six weeks.

We all thought he was dead.

Until the neighbors found him

in the back of their toaster oven.

Miracles do happen, Josh.

There he goes.

Mom, I'm fine.

I know you're fine.

I'm gonna make sure you stay that way.

Come on.

Where you going?

- Taking the trash out.

- Okay.

- Be careful.

How could you do it?

I've asked myself

the same question over and over, Josh.

But, you see, I've got nothing.

No family, no friends.

Then why do you keep leaving him?

When Lyle choked,

I had to go back and make it on my own.

Again. Yes.

But I couldn't,

because no one's interested in...

me.

And I owe a lot of people a lot of money.

A lot of money.

So when Alistair Grumps offered me

that cash, I had to take it.

Out of need, out of fear, out of weakness.

And I've hated myself for doing it.

Good, because I hate you too.

But this is not about me, or about you.

It's about Lyle.

You know as well as I do,

we can't leave him in that zoo.

So if you have the stomach for it,

if you have the fire in your belly

I know you have,

you have,

you, young man, are going to help me

break that crocodile out of the zoo.

Yes, because we have magic on our side.

The power of illusion.

Magical magic.

There is no magic, Hector.

I'll be at the East Gate at 4 a.m.

Four a.m. Be there.

Join us live tomorrow,

right here in New York City.

We're crowning the world's next superstar

on the finale of Show Us What You Got.

Oh, no...

- What do we got here?

- My dear fellow.

May I have some assistance, please?

I thought I had this trick down,

but I've got myself in a bit of a pickle.

Please.

- Okay. Some sort of handcuff trick?

- Thank you.

This looks crazy.

Maybe if you move that way...

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Magical magic.

Let me out of here.

This won't take long. I promise.

No, you can't go in there.

You can't go in there.

Come back here. Come back here.

Lyle.

Not Lyle.

Not good.

This was seriously your plan?

I knew you'd come.

Yes. Climb up there,

and catch my rope, please.

You have to get me out of here.

Josh?

- Come on. Josh.

- Lyle.

Lyle.

Help me. Help me.

Lyle.

No, no, no.

Josh?

You have to talk to him.

Tell him to help me.

It's not me

that has to talk to him, Hector.

It's you.

But...

I realize I may not have always acted

in the best way possible, Lyle.

But I showed you the world.

I introduced you to white truffle oil.

I taught you the moonwalk.

Okay, fine, fine.

I apologize. My behavior was unforgivable.

I used you, and I abandoned you.

And it's my fault you're here.

But, please, come back with me.

Come back to where you belong.

Back to...

Back to Josh.

And the Primms.

To your family.

We gotta get you out of here.

Tell me the second part

of your plan is better.

Not better. It's perfect.

I've got Evangelyne

parked up by the gates.

We can outrun anyone on her.

But Lyle can't just keep running.

Of course he can.

You'd be amazed what you can outrun.

- Ex-wives.

- Hands up.

Creditors.

Park rangers.

No, no, this is not a life.

We have to show people what Lyle can do.

That they don't have to be scared of him.

We gotta show them...

Go, take Lyle. I've got this.

Sorry, not this one.

Give me a minute. Give me a minute.

Prepare to have your flabber truly gasted.

No, we have no one to drive it.

Go, go, go.

Go. Come on, Josh.

Come on.

They're leaving the park. Call the police.

Copy.

Sorry.

How much further?

Lyle.

All units, we got a crocodile

on a motorcycle,

entering the Theater District.

You got a what?

Where's Josh?

He's not in his room. I looked everywhere.

What's he doing in Times Square?

Hey, hey.

I'm on the steps.

Yeah, I need your help. Where is it?

I'm at the backstage door.

What are you doing here?

Is...?

Yes, and we need

to show people what he can do.

We need your help.

Trudy.

Follow me.

Whoa, hey.

Kaysha from Kingsport, check.

Where's Kaysha from...?

Security?

Yet another unbelievable performance.

Text your vote to the long number

on the bottom of your screens.

Once again, Tamia and Talullah.

And if you thought

the talent stopped there,

oh, boy, are...

- What is happening?

- What is going on?

Wait, is that a real crocodile?

Do you have him?

Got him, sir. Copy.

You're just gonna have to trust me now.

This is it.

Lyle, you have to sing.

It's okay.

We'll do it together.

Maybe we started pretty small

But take a look at us now

Take a look at us now

Suddenly standing 10 feet tall

Take a look at us now

Buddy, you were all it took

So take a look at us

You have to show them.

Take a look at us

Now

Take a look at us now

Oh, yeah

When that perfect plan's

Going off the rails

A heap of trouble is on our tails

It's time to polish up those scales

And give it all we've got

'Cause in the center of the spotlight

We just might have found our spot

- Come on.

- Come on, let's go.

Give us a spotlight and a crowd

Take a look at us now

Ready to sing our song out loud

Take a look at us now

The big shebang

Our grand debut

Now we got the hang

Of the me plus you

Seems our dreams

Just might come through somehow

Buddy, you were all it took

-Take a look at us now

Yeah, yeah

Yeah

Take a look at us now

All right.

The point I'm making,

Your Honor, is that nothing has changed.

So the crocodile sang.

So what?

It wasn't even that good.

Oh, you're just impressed

because it was a crocodile.

It was still broken out of the zoo.

And according to every single one

of the city's very own regulations,

it cannot be kept in a domestic residence.

- Order, order.

- It's okay.

I'm afraid the plaintiff is right.

But who wants to be merely right

when you can be

fabulously triumphant instead?

Good morning, Your Honor. Excuse me.

I have some documents here

that were stolen from me

which are

of vital importance to this case.

What documents?

The original deeds

to the house on East 88th Street.

How'd you get those?

Those were under my bed.

I was led to them by a new friend.

Why?

- Let me see that.

- Of course.

Those papers date from the time

of my maternal grandmother,

Evelyn T. Valenti.

Not just the woman

who built the house on East 88th Street,

but the woman

who was the founder of the New York Zoo.

- This is nonsense.

- What?

This is a special deed

granted by the City of New York.

In acknowledgment to my grandmother's

contributions to the city,

and to accommodate

her fascination for the animals.

"The house on East 88th Street

is hereby granted

a special waiver

to house any exotic creature as a pet."

Certainly Your Honor cannot be

stupid enough to consider this.

Approved.

Yes.

Your Honor, this is ridiculous.

I demand a mistrial.

This is absurd.

Wait a second. Loretta?

- Hey.

- Loretta?

Keep your filthy hands off of my Loretta!

All right, everybody, let's go.

Relax, we got time.

I'm gonna get the sunscreen.

Wait, wait. What's all of this? Where...?

Hector, good morning.

- Where are you going?

- Get in the car, guys.

Hold on. I've already got Lyle

over 200 bookings.

Two hundred bookings in New York alone.

Once we roll out a national tour,

we're gonna be swimming in cash.

We're not going on a national tour.

We're going on vacation.

On a what?

Have you ever

even been on vacation before, Lyle?

I got you a floatie.

That's cute.

Okay, okay. Fine, fine.

We'll do a stadium tour instead.

Fewer dates,

but we'll pack in just as many people.

Bye.

Hector?

Yes?

I'm sorry, kid, but...

Do it, Malfoy.

Does he have an agent?

He does now.

He's got an attitude.

Let's go.

And we're off.

How about...?

Play Lyle's music.

But the biggest kick I ever got

Was doing a thing

Called the Crocodile Rock

While the other kids

Were rocking 'round the clock

Hey, Loretta.

We were hopping and bopping

To the Crocodile Rock, yeah

Croc Rocking is something shocking

When your feet just can't keep still

I never knew me a better time

And I guess I never will

Oh, Lordy, mama

Those Friday nights

When Susie wore her dresses tight

Crocodile Rocking was out of sight

Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) - full transcript