Lupe (2019) - full transcript
A Cuban immigrant struggles with their transgender identity while searching for their missing sister in New York City's underground sex industry.
Isabel!
♪ ♪
Rafael.
I was told
my sister chose that name.
I hate it.
But that's the last thing
I have from her.
Isabel!
♪ ♪
No.
Rafael!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
The men that took her,
they didn't care
that she was raising me.
They didn't know
that I would follow her...
that I would look for her...
And that I will never stop.
♪ ♪
Rafael.
♪ ♪
Uh-huh.
Eh?
♪ ♪
No.
♪ ♪
Yo, Raf!
Wassup, playa?
- 'Sup, big dog?
- Hey.
- 'Sup, man.
- You ready for a workout today?
Are you ready?
I was born ready
for this workout today, man.
Then let's go.
The next Manhattan-bound
seven local train
will arrive
in approximately five minutes.
What'd you do last night?
Went to this bomb-ass party,
man.
Where?
Flatbush.
A lot of girls.
You gotta come out there
with me one day, man.
Heh.
Enjoy yourself, man.
You're always so tense
all the time, man.
I don't know
when was the last time
I went to a party.
Don't worry about that, man.
You're with me now.
Gonna have a lot of fun.
How many hours did you sleep?
- About four.
- Ran into this girl last night.
Couldn't leave
without getting her number.
Breathe out whenever you hit.
Make a noise. Make some noise.
- I am making noise.
- Wha...
- The bag is...
- No.
- Make a noise.
- Huh!
- Like that, good.
- Huh!
20 punches, straight.
One, two; One, two.
Three. Three.
One, two, three.
Good.
Good workout today, man.
- You too.
- All right.
♪ ♪
So what's the deal
with this Arun guy?
I simply cannot stop
thinking of him.
He's still a young kid.
You don't know
where it's gonna go.
When was the last time
you showered?
You kinda smell.
I know.
Not everyone's as nice
as I am.
- Do you think it's broken?
- I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.
Lana!
Hold still. Relax.
You know, I've fucked it up
worse than this.
- I know.
- It's 'cause you're crazy.
But that's why I like you.
Bring it closer.
You have a lot to get through,
you know.
It's not gonna be easy.
Whatever you have done...
everything you've done, I'll do.
Are you sure, though?
Sometimes.
Sometimes isn't enough.
You know, I lost my 20s to this,
and I'm not even done yet.
You still look, like, 20.
Thank you, babe.
I need to find her first.
Well, get going on it.
The longer you wait,
the harder it's gonna get.
♪ ♪
Stop!
♪ ♪
Hey.
Wait.
You don't recognize me?
No.
♪ ♪
Elsa.
I look that different?
She's not here.
What'd you do to Vince?
Nothing.
- Did you kill him?
- No.
I don't wanna be here
when he wakes up.
Please.
Grab this. Come on.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Elsa hasn't said a word
in two days.
She must have been
through hell.
She recognized me right away,
and I had no idea who she was.
Well, how long has it been?
Like, ten years.
Maybe more. 12.
So it's been a while.
Like, you're looking
for one person.
It's not all that unlikely
that you would forget her face.
You were kids
when you saw each other last.
Am I doing this... okay?
- I... I don't know what I'm doing.
- Let me see.
Why you chose this color,
I will never know.
I like it.
It's so pink.
- Ah, you.
- You're always so dark.
I'm Latina. We like colors.
Yeah, but a girl's
gotta be mysterious.
So whose face have you
been beating in?
Never mind. Thank you.
What?
- Don't get all cold with me.
- I don't like my hands.
Why don't you like your hands?
- Look at my legs.
- I like my legs.
You have nice legs.
I don't know how do you
get used to this hair.
So hard.
It's always hitting my face.
You just get used to it,
and once your actual hair
grows out long enough,
probably won't even
notice it anymore.
Just flip it around a bunch.
Have fun with it.
Like this, Lana?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Isabel!
♪ ♪
Isabel!
Hey, Elsa.
Hi.
- Here.
- I made some for you.
What is it?
It's a mix of things.
It has berries in it,
uh, bananas,
a little bit of peanut butter.
Is it just you here?
Yeah.
You can stay if you want.
It's so sweet of you, Raf.
So how many years has it been?
Since I've seen you?
Since you've been here.
In the States for six years.
That accent.
You haven't tried to shake it.
I like my accent.
Me too.
Here.
Do you know where she is?
No.
No clue. I'm sorry.
We landed.
Things got crazy.
We lost each other;
We found each other.
That's all over now.
I think it's beautiful that
you've been looking for us.
When was the last time
you saw her?
I don't know.
Uh, I don't remember.
Maybe a year?
♪ ♪
She had a phone?
We changed numbers
all the time.
It's part of the business.
I mean, it'll be tough.
I found you.
Yeah.
Yes, you did, and maybe...
maybe you'll get lucky again.
Anyways, I was cut loose.
Not with the same guys.
Independent.
Too bad for the business?
Don't make this weird.
It's already pretty weird.
Not really.
It'll be okay.
You know, you really grew up.
It doesn't always
get this violent.
Just sometimes.
I need to go.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
You know, I'm kinda tired,
man, from yesterday.
I think we should
take a break today.
Yeah, yesterday was hard,
but we need to practice.
Yeah, man,
I don't need no more practice.
I'm the best; The best don't
need to practice.
What do you mean,
you're the best?
- All right.
- I know some people, man.
They real cool.
Down in Bed-Stuy.
We both tired.
Let's take a break.
- Are we really doing this?
- Just for today.
- Just for today, man.
- Oh, my God.
- Just come on, man.
- Come on, man.
- It's all good.
- Are we really doing this?
Just for today.
Don't you get used to it.
Yeah, man, just today.
♪ ♪
Yo, what's up, man?
- Nice hat.
- Yeah, black hat, man.
What's up?
- What's up, man?
- Soup, what's up?
Good night, good night,
everybody.
My boy Raf, say, "What's up?"
Got my boy Seth right here;
I got Soup,
I got Chocolate Brown,
I got Alex, and I got Nate,
It's what we do, man.
♪ Just have fun, have fun ♪
♪ I'ma spit
right here for fun ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Boo ♪
- Yo, take the mic, man.
- Come here, man.
- Have fun, man.
- What should I do?
- Loosen up, man.
- Loosen up, man.
I don't know how to rap.
♪ ♪
Yeah, bro.
I always come out here to chill.
Keep a smooth vibe.
It's my chill spot
away from the chill spot.
I like you. You're crazy.
- Yeah, man.
- You're from Cuba, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- So how is it out there, man?
It's warm.
I stole it from my roommate.
- I mean, all right, man.
- Got a lighter, man?
♪ ♪
- What are we doing next?
- I don't know, man.
Probably go in there,
kick it with some girls.
Cool with you?
- Sure.
- A'ight.
♪ ♪
Rafael!
Raf!
Take it easy.
Let's take a break.
Come on.
Good one.
Ooh.
See?
That's what I remember
about you.
That stupid smile right there.
♪ ♪
You're still really worried
about her, huh?
I can tell.
Yeah, of course.
You guys disappeared so quickly.
Sorry.
Don't apologize.
It wasn't your fault.
You know, last I remember,
she was doing okay.
Getting fucked for a living
is "doing okay"?
Plenty of girls get fucked
and don't make a living.
She's out there... somewhere.
Maybe you could help me
track her down.
You know about this shit.
Mm-mm.
- I play at night.
- I keep my eyes down.
♪ ♪
She felt like my sister too.
And you, Raf,
you're so beautiful.
You're the only one
who came looking.
Back home,
nobody would talk about it.
It made me so mad.
I mean,
if you don't find her,
you can always
just take care of me.
I am taking care of you.
You're not!
- Yes, I am!
- Mm-mm.
You're a mess.
I'm...
I am not a mess.
This is so unfair, you know?
You and me walking free.
And she's somewhere, caged up.
We're not kept in cages.
You know what I mean.
♪ ♪
Have you ever tried to go back?
Cuba? No.
Why would I?
As soon as I find her,
we're going back.
Maybe
you remember it different.
You know, Isabel used
to walk Coney Island.
Even in the winter?
It doesn't matter.
She used to walk all the time.
It was always too creepy for me,
but she really liked it.
You can try there.
♪ ♪
She's not here.
She needs me.
Rafael!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Hey.
♪ ♪
Well, you look pretty.
Thanks.
♪ ♪
Don't squirm.
There.
You'll knock 'em dead.
Come here.
♪ ♪
Sometimes I'm just
even scared to talk.
My voice is so masculine.
And I'm always wondering,
"What are they thinking?
What are they going to say?"
It's so exhausting.
You'll be fine.
You don't feel like yourself
when you punch walls?
Does it bother you?
Fuck, no.
I like my men violent.
- Don't...
- call me that.
♪ ♪
Rafael!
Oy, Rafael.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to bother you,
but that scarf you have on
just, like, pops from,
like, a mile away.
And my sister is looking
for something just like it.
I've been to all the stores
around here.
I cannot find anything
like that.
Can you help me out?
No? Maybe?
And your purse, though...
Your purse is amazing.
It totally has, like,
more hair than I do,
which is kind of embarrassing.
Do you work out?
Like, run and... yeah?
I mean, you look like it.
I would have guessed that,
but, you know,
some people have it naturally.
I am not one of those people.
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ I declare a thumb war ♪
I see those skills.
Aw, jeez.
You didn't even hesi...
You didn't even
give me a chance.
Wow.
If you want,
we can grab a drink
or something,
and just keep chatting.
I'll tell you what.
My guilty pleasure,
if you will, is this place.
Delicious.
You have to come try it.
It's so good.
- Hey!
- Hey, how's it going?
Uh, two tacos would be awesome.
Come here.
You want chicken? Beef?
Doesn't matter?
Uh, let's get two chicken.
- Let's try that out.
- Okay.
Ah, it smells so good.
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
How much do I owe you?
All right. Sweet.
I will take seven bites.
Awesome. Thank you so much.
- Gracias. Gracias.
- Have a good one.
♪ ♪
Can you help me?
All right.
I should put the bra
with that, right?
I would.
All right. Come on.
Scoot forward. There you go.
Put your arms up.
It took me, like, 20 minutes
to know if he was drunk
or he was joking
or he was being real,
but he was...
He was very sweet.
Did you tell him your name?
- Oh, watch your face.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
You're fine.
I didn't...
Didn't know what to say.
Well, have you thought
about a name?
Not really.
We'll figure something out.
It was just nice.
I don't know.
He really made me feel
like a girl.
- I don't like this dress.
- Why not?
Well, I mean,
it kind of moves.
- It's supposed to move.
- Ooh!
I feel like... like a bailarina,
like I can dance with it.
- Does it look good?
- Mm.
Uh, I'm not used to this hair.
Help me.
- Uh, I...
- You got it. You're fine.
I think I'm gonna be
a short-hair girl.
- Can I try another dress?
- Yeah.
Can you help me with this?
How was your experience
on your first date?
As a boy or as a girl?
As a girl.
It was really awkward.
Why?
I hadn't started hormones
and... I had braces.
So that was awkward
in and of itself.
Should I put it like this?
If you want to.
I don't know, I just...
How... how was he?
Was he nice?
He was super nice.
He was cute.
Very uncomfortable.
Like, you could tell
he was not really sure
what to do.
I think it was probably
his first date too.
- Oh, this is cuter.
- You know.
Yeah. I like this one.
I'm so sad I didn't ask
for his number.
How long did you
talk to him for?
- I don't know.
- Like...
like, for, like, an hour?
I know.
But then I... I couldn't.
And... I just walk away,
like I always do.
Can I have a puff?
Yeah.
♪ ♪
Yeah, I felt awkward too.
Well, confidence
comes with time.
You're figuring everything out
about yourself.
Like, maybe it's not
the best time to date, anyway.
I feel very self-conscious
about my body.
I know. I've been there.
I know exactly
what you're going through.
You have to be careful, honey.
- Well, you know me.
- I'm not any girl.
They have to be careful of me.
♪ ♪
I don't understand
what you're saying.
Speak English.
I'm looking for Isabel.
- I don't know who that is.
- I don't know Isabel.
They told me
that she was gonna be...
- "They"?
- Around this area.
No, ple... you gotta go.
Are you sure
you don't know her?
- If you don't have money...
- Do you have any money?
Money? No, I...
- You seem like a nice kid.
- You gotta...
- You gotta get outta here.
- Why?
- I can't...
- Because they're coming.
- Who?
- You see that...
You gotta go.
Get in the fucking car.
- Please, no.
- Baby, I didn't mean to do it.
No, I told him that he didn't...
That we don't...
You gonna pay for her time?
I... I'm sorry,
I don't have any money.
I'm not doing very well
right now.
What's the whole point
of messing things up more?
Scared of losing something?
I want her to recognize me
when she sees me.
That's an excuse.
Yeah.
I got a bunch of them.
I try them out for a while.
Sometimes... they make sense.
Do you think
you'll become weaker?
More vulnerable?
Weakness doesn't bother me.
You're terrified of it.
When you're a woman,
everyone just takes
and keep taking.
You'll understand some of it
soon enough.
I won't be long.
♪ ♪
Would you let me know
if I look stupid?
You're stunning.
♪ ♪
It's very hard for us
to reveal ourselves
to the first guy
that we feel attracted to.
I think it's kinda scary.
You know, it's...
It's already hard enough
to meet people,
but when you have this whole
new spectrum of, like, gender
to try to... to maneuver into,
like, the real world,
it's... it's even trickier.
You know, like,
right around the time
I started transitioning...
Like, before I'd even
started hormones,
I was totally in love
with this guy.
Totally straight.
I tried to, like, express
my feelings towards him.
That didn't seem
to make a difference.
But you know,
they're not all like that.
I don't know.
Arun is very cool, very chill.
Uh, he has a killer body.
When you meet a guy and he
makes you feel excited...
I think that
that's how he makes me feel.
And he's just so attractive.
He's very masculine.
He's...
has beautiful lips.
Did anything happen?
Well, it's not easy, you know.
Obviously, there's always
the rejection part.
I don't know.
Every time I'm with him,
I don't know what to do.
I'm just always, like,
trying not to stare at him.
I mean,
even I don't approach anyone
because I'm so nervous
about what they're gonna think
or how they're gonna feel
about...
people like us.
You know, the last guy
I was with,
who was totally fine with it,
you know, he...
He was 100% straight,
and he just
looked past everything
and just saw
who I was as a person,
and that's
who he fell in love with.
So there's more acceptance.
There's more open-mindedness.
And when it comes to, like,
gender in general,
it's starting to go
in a different direction.
I don't think he's that kind
of guy, you know?
If I try to make a move,
he would freak out.
I've run into that before.
Just all so hard for someone.
And you're not there yet.
- That's the thing.
- I train with him as a boy.
He knows me as a boy
and he sees me as a boy.
And he likes girls.
He just doesn't know I'm a girl.
♪ ♪
- Come on.
- Are you ready?
Nah, man.
Arun.
I don't want to talk to you.
Why not?
What the fuck do you call
yourself?
What are you, even?
I don't know.
- Well, you fooled me, asshole.
- You're definitely good at that.
Hey.
What happens outside
doesn't have to do anything
with what happens here, okay?
- Yeah, man.
- Whatever.
I'm going back to training.
Please.
You're gonna practice, or what?
You into tricking guys?
I don't want to train with you.
♪ ♪
She's out there...
Somewhere.
So close.
- Ciao.
- Hey!
Hey, it's cold.
Why don't you stay in tonight?
What happened
to "never stop looking"?
Well, I... I get lonely.
I changed my mind.
Where'd you get that?
It's pretty pathetic, huh?
Let's fix it up.
No, I gotta go.
- Wait, just close the door.
- Come on.
Just... just help me
untangle this.
They... they literally...
They sell it in a fucking mess.
You know what,
I'm gonna pour you a drink.
And close the door.
The heat's escaping.
- Don't feel guilty!
- She made her own choices.
What are you talking about?
She didn't make any choice.
Here you go.
- You were kids.
- You didn't choose.
Seriously? Relax.
Take a sip.
♪ ♪
No clients tonight?
No.
Just this, uh...
This fuckin' mess of a tree.
Salud.
Salud.
So... how badass are you?
Could you take five guys?
I don't know.
Maybe.
- Come here.
- Sit down.
Come help me.
You know, I think you like
knocking guys down.
You look for it.
You know, you can admit it.
It's not a bad thing.
When Isabel and you
were taken,
I thought about it.
I wanted to hurt them...
Break them.
I grew up, I trained,
I got the chance.
I did it for a while.
Yeah, but you still do it.
If it means getting her back,
I won't stop.
So you'll put your dreams
of being lovely and sweet away
until you've beaten up
every pimp in New York.
That's chivalry.
I wanna be lovely and sweet.
I just have to be patient.
We adapt, you know...
Fill the mold we're forced into.
Or we create something new.
Not till you let go
of the old.
I'm trying.
To find her or let go?
♪ ♪
I'm glad you found me.
This is really good.
It's brandy
and some other shit.
Stop ignoring me
when I get all sentimental.
I am not ignoring you.
Yeah, right.
I am not.
Give me this. Are we done?
Yes.
If you're going to be a woman,
you have to open up.
You have to
let the armor fall away.
♪ ♪
Salud.
- Feliz Navidad.
- Salud.
You fucking liar.
I fucking forgot
about this one.
Fucking depressing.
You know what?
I'm not answering it.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you want me
to scare him away?
Yeah, sure. Go nuts.
Scare the shit out of him.
Thanks.
See?
I know you like it!
I'm getting better at this.
I noticed.
What do you think
of this color?
It's better than the pink.
Lana...
How do you get so skinny?
One part not eating,
two parts hormones,
rinse and repeat.
What do you mean "not eating"?
I used to be anorexic.
It's whatever.
I'm fine now
'cause I gotta eat to get hips.
As soon as I find her,
I'm gonna stop training.
Why would you stop training?
I don't wanna have
this muscular body, you know?
There's nothing wrong
with being a little muscular.
Hormones will help
once you start, anyway.
I just don't feel attractive.
I don't want guys
to be scared of me.
Then don't be scary.
Just work with what you've got.
It's all everyone else
has to do too.
There's nothing that says
you can't be crazy good
at anything that's "masculine."
Why can't a woman
be a complete badass
and kick everyone's butt?
Badass fighter.
I mean, if you love something
and you enjoy it...
And I think you do...
Badass woman.
Fucking kick all the asses.
I'm the best at it.
Okay.
Can I have one?
Sure.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So...
I thought about a name.
Yeah? Tell me, baby.
Lupe.
- That's cute.
- What made you choose that one?
When I was a kid back in Cuba,
I used to watch all the time
this Cuban singer
called La Lupe.
And she was such a badass woman.
Sounds a little like you.
- I don't know.
- I like how it sounds.
Lupe.
Have you tried it yet?
I don't know.
Hi. My name is Lupe.
Lupe.
♪ ♪
Isabel!
♪ ♪
You know,
I feel a closeness to you...
like no time has passed,
like you're still
that same little boy
running behind Isabel,
staring at me...
holding our hands,
yanking for us to follow.
I've known it for a long time.
I just don't want to admit it:
I'm never gonna see her again.
I lost her.
Maybe you need
to find yourself first.
You know, I envy you,
you know?
You're so fucking young.
It's too late for me.
You'll be so beautiful, mija.
- Gotta go.
- Ciao.
Ciao.
♪ ♪
Arun.
Arun.
The other day at the gym,
you asked me what I was,
and I lied to you.
And?
I know what I am.
A drag queen?
No.
A drag queen is a man
that dresses as a woman.
How is that not you, man?
I seen you, man.
- It's different for me.
- Man, you a cool dude...
For me, it's not pretend!
Man, that's cool, but I don't
want no parts of that, man.
Well, I know what I am.
- So what you gonna do?
- You gonna cut it off?
- Please, don't be an asshole.
- Yeah, man, I was just...
I was just curious, man.
It's, like, twelve weeks or so
for, like, full recovery,
but I should be back home
in, like, a month.
Kinda, I just wanna stay
in the area, you know,
just to make sure
everything's okay.
Aren't you nervous?
Well, yeah, super nervous.
But, like,
really excited
at the same time, you know?
Like, I've been waiting
four years for this,
and it's finally happening,
and...
I don't know.
Like, it's...
I'm more excited than scared.
Here, I think you liked this,
didn't you?
You can have it.
Thank you.
What's the first thing
you wanna do?
I wanna have sex.
Like, it's the only thing
I haven't been able to do
as a woman my whole life.
And I'm really curious to see
what it's like.
I just wonder if I'm gonna
have, like, phantom penis or...
Anything else is super bizarre.
I don't know.
Like, I'll even be able
to get wet.
That's crazy.
Do you think
you'll feel an orgasm?
Pretty positive I will.
I'll have to, like,
learn how again.
Here, why don't you try this on?
This might fit you.
No, I don't feel
like dressing today.
Why? What's up?
Eh.
You seem not yourself today.
- No.
- I'm happy for you.
I'm just...
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
It'll be okay.
You have to take care
of yourself.
You're the more crazy one.
You scare me sometimes.
I know you've been
running around,
trying to find your sister,
but you also have to take care
of yourself, you know?
You can't help anyone else
if you're a mess.
You know,
I care a lot about you,
and...
I don't wanna come back and
have to put you in the ground.
Don't cry.
You'll make me cry.
I just have to find
another best friend
to tell me what wig to wear.
No one can replace me,
you bitch.
You know that.
Elsa!
Elsa!
What are you doing out here?
I know you weren't
looking for me.
Ironic, but look
who you got stuck with.
When I heard someone
saw you guys in New York,
I came straight up here.
I didn't know anyone.
I didn't even know
where to start.
It was hard.
♪ ♪
I keep having this dream.
I'm a little kid,
holding her hand.
I keep trying to see her face,
but I can't make it.
She keeps pushing away.
It always ends up the same way:
Me all alone, looking for her.
That's sad.
♪ ♪
And I'm always worried.
Has she changed?
Am I going to recognize her?
Is she going to recognize me?
And I get angry...
and frustrated.
And then I punch the walls.
I punch the faces.
And you might think that
that does something for me,
but... it doesn't do shit.
Damn.
Come, let's go inside.
You know, you keep saying
they took us.
They didn't take us.
What are you talking about?
They didn't take us.
Mm!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
We went together.
We wanted out.
We wanted to see new places.
We thought you'd be better off
without us.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Jab cross.
Kick.
Front kick.
Jab cross.
Back kick.
Front!
Jab cross!
Good.
Kick!
Jab cross.
Kick!
Front!
Hey, man, I'm not trying
to be a dick or nothin',
but can you wait till I'm done?
What did you say?
Just wait till I'm done
in the shower.
I don't wanna confuse shit
any more than it is already.
What are you talking about?
- Don't worry about it, man.
- Just stay.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Elsa?
Elsa!
Isabel and I
weren't so different.
She ran away
from our life in Cuba,
chose to escape.
But she was selfish.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
She abandoned me.
But she gave me a name.
A name
that I now walk away from.
I will not forget you,
but I will walk away from you.
And if you ever meet me again...
My name is Lupe.
♪ ♪