Lui è peggio di me (1985) - full transcript

I'll put this here!

- He who spits is a fag!!
- It's not true!
- It is true!

- I'll put this here!
- I'll take this!

- Then I'll go here!
- Now we see it flying!

*CRASH*

EXPLOSION

SINGING

- What car is that?
- Yours?
- A Mercedes.

What do we care?
*SINGING*

SPEAKS IN ENGLISH

I do not understand.



He is foreign.

Can you give me the lighter?

(they sing) Thank you very much!
We are leaving!

Arrivederla.

- Hi, Liliana.
- Hi, Luciano.

Do we want to talk about the weather?

- There is fog here in the Po Valley.
- You got lost in that fog.

I've been a coward.
Marriage scares us forty.

- I always think of you.
- All the time?

In short ... almost always.
I have so many things to think about.

And didn't you think that I was waiting for you outside?

- Hi, Liliana. - Hello, Leonardo.
- I did not see you. - Me neither.

- Announcements?
- None, don't worry.

So, I think we ... we can go.



- Do you want me to wait for you outside?
- No, I'm going with you. Ciao.
- Ciao.

I hadn't even made a phone call to her again.

- Right, that's how it goes.
- Because? Don't I have to see her anymore?

- She is dangerous, she is unsuitable for us.
- Yes, she's dangerous.

- When you fall in love you are worse than me.
- You never fell in love!

- We don't have to go to that restaurant anymore.
- They are thieves!

- They take advantage of us because we are regular customers.
- I'm not going there anymore.

Let my ear go!
You also kept her at the table.

- I had to eat with one hand!
- Leave me alone! Look who is there.

Walk, don't turn around.
We look at the shop windows.

- He looked like someone who ...
- That's Roberto with his wife!

- Let's go say hello.
- Yes.
- Let go of me!

Roberto!
How are you?
What a pleasure!

- You got married and disappeared!
- And your wife?
- Yes.

What a treasure, what a love!
Pleased to meet you, Luciano.

Leonardo.

My name is so to differentiate myself from him.

- Nice Shot!
- We met at a congress in Munich.

- You are also a doctor.
- Do you take her in the house or leave her in the garage?

Have you found happiness in marriage?
Answers.

You had great luck!
You're settled now.

- You can't change anymore.
- Now we have to go. Ciao!

- I didn't want to be here forever.
- Time flies!

- I'm happy for him.
- Me too.

- When do you put your head right?
- Really ... are you serious?

Yeah. You should find a nice girl like that too.

Marriage is an exaggeration.

It is as if someone who is hungry bought a restaurant.

So one eats, pays and then can change restaurant.

Nice bikes, right?

Did you see that stuff?

What a frame!
What an option!
Very dangerous.

- What displacement will they have?
- Twenty-two.

Shall we run in?

- "The Adbuction of the Sabine women"?
- Exactly.

- I'm Susy and she's Barbara.
- I'm Luciano.

Lucky for friends.
Like Lucky Luciano, the American skier.

- What's your name?
- Leonardo, like Leonardo da Vinci ...

...the famous Swiss singer.
- You talk a lot of nonsense!
- Yes.

We also like to do stupid things.
I want to get dumber and dumber.

At school I promised well, I was dumber than him.

Then you grow up and ... But staying behind him is difficult.

Can't you feel two apricots behind your back?

Two melons!

THE ENGINE FALTERS

- The gas is out.
- Let's take a tram.

Yes, let's take a tram.

- Is the tram dangerous?
- Very dangerous.

Can I drive a little?

Come on, let me drive!
I want to drive.

- You can't drive.
- Let me drive!

Stop, you hurt me!

- Have you ever driven a tram?
- No.
- So what do you want?

- To try.
- Sell tickets.
- OK.

- Give some fines too.
- I'll be very strict.

Don't look anyone in the face.

- What's up?
- I feel like throwing up.

Go over there, you dirty everything here.
Go to the girls.

- Hey, the ticket!
- The ticket?

I have to puncture the ticket.

- Are you a carabiniere?
- Give me the ticket.

I'll pierce it one more time.
Excuse me!

- Ticket, please.
- I don't know where I put it.

I find it.

It's not here... it's not here.

There is a lot of stuff, but not the ticket.

This is the "Monte dei Paschi di Venere".
(A famous bank, but of Venus)

Why did you fall so madly in love with me?

Here are the pears!

- What are you doing there?
- I'm on autopilot.

Holy shit, don't mess up!

- No talking to the driver.
- Excuse me.

- If a misfortune happens?
- Don't say that!
- Because?

She is listening.

- What are you doing?!
- Come back!

- Let's do it with the lights on.
- No, they all see us!

Baby, as a boy I had a car like that too!

- Wow!
- What year is his ...

- My uncle is from the early 1900s.
- He is well kept.

How many kilometers has it covered?

This car belonged to a lawyer who only used it to go to the office.

He did a few kilometers, he had an office at home!

Everything is original: dashboard, radio, gearbox, clutch, brake ...

...thighs...

Here and all very original, congratulations.

Dangerous ... very dangerous.

You call me as soon as the old man dies, by tonight.

- Here is a heel mark.
- It's a feminine heel.

It's a feminine heel!

Did you get the models up?

- And he allowed this?
- You allowed this?

What could I do?
The photographer brought them up here.

They were beautiful! Beautiful dolls!

Beautiful dolls!
Look how they damaged the car.

Beautiful dolls!
Look how they damaged the car!

- I'm not giving it to advertisers anymore.
- Good boy!
- Never again.

- Who is that?
- I've never seen him.
Who is he?

- What do you care about me?
- Nothing, he wants to know who you are.

How dare you ask someone like me who I am!?

I know who I am!

- Who is he?
- Who cares who he is!

Who cares who these two are!

- Is there something you need?
- I am Commendatore Franzoni ... di Dovera.

- Who knows where he was (di dovera = where he was)! Maybe he was ...
- You didn't understand!

- Dovera is a town in the Lodi area.
- Aha OK! Understood.

- Every day I cycle 20 km.
- Bravo.

Do you rent classic cars for special circumstances?

- Depends how special.
- I have a very special one.

The prices are high, these are antiques.

I see it, but it regards my only daughter's wedding.

She must marry a noble, so I wanted a nice car.

- This is not available.
- But I don't want this one. I want that one!

Listen, Franzoni.
You are old, but you still have a child's heart.

Life has given you much,
a daughter, the commandery

...a nice bicycle.
So don't ask too much of life.

This car can drive on the Champs-Elysees in Paris ...

... it can stroll along the seafront of Cannes, of Nice...

... it can also reach as far as Bordighera.
(last Italian town before border with France)

- But in Dovera ...
- No, huh?

Just hearing the name Dovera,
he's already pissed off.

Let's get away.

How do we do it for my daughter?

There are other cars.
I can give you this Mercedes ...

...or this Balilla.
They can come to Dovera.

But she ... she doesn't.
I know her, she's not the type.

She would refuse to go and plus,
I would never entrust it to him!

- ME?!
- Leave him alone.

- I pay any amount.
- It's not the figure.
- Come!

- We talk about it in the office.
- Yes.
- Go, him and my partner.

Please.

You can't do these things!
The children of Juventus are born.

- I'm going to the bank.
- Good!

- Come in, Bartali.
The bike?
- I keep it here.

- What did my partner say?
- You can't give me the car I want.

I understand.
These cars get dusty in the provinces.

In the Lodi area the roads are asphalted.

But will she have clean shoes?
Is the bride pretty?

- Is she worthy of the car?
- I get it, I'm going!
- Wait!

We'll find a deal, but I have to convince my partner.

Know that the price goes up.

I have to get the ceiling raised.
Do you want us to go upstairs?

No, that's fine here.
Any amount for my daughter.

Good boy!
Cars get less dusty when they hear these things.

Take it easy, relax.
Nobody will take you to that county.

You're too nice.

You're elegant ...

You are beautiful.

She is happy ... she smiles!

If you look at her like that, she no longer smiles.

What are you going to do tonight?
Pizza, cinema? Shall we invite two girls?

No I am tired.

Hot broth, some serial on TV, under the blankets ...

- You're right and then Saturday's the party.
- Which party?

My birthday!
You always forget it.

- Isn't that next year?
- I'm celebrating one again this year. Once every year!

Saturday, I would like to have a nice party.
What should we eat for the party?

- I would make truffles.
- They cost nearly a million per kilo.

Two kilos are enough.
It's your party, let's make it big.

- We can't look bad.
- I understand, rice and zucchini.

- Second?
- Two beautiful quails.

- No! They don't know anything.
- Wrapped in chicken are good.

(they sing in Milanese dialect) O mamma mia ...

...I am a southerner ...

...and I miss my country.

Hi sweetie. Go to my friend and behave yourself.
Ciao.

(from the walkie-talkie) Brown Bear!
- Yes.

This is Tarzan.
Mine is coming to you.

- What did you tell her?
- "Say I'll send you."

- Mine is coming to you too.
- Did she want it? - I forced it.

- Like?
- Not bad.

It hurts you to do too many sports together.

Eat!

Then that grows up.

Don't rush, your hair gets in your eyes.

4 and 8 make 12. Drink to my health, thank you!

- Whoever wins chooses the girl. I'd take her ...
- No, let's do this.

- Whoever wins takes both of them.
- Okay, I'm missing 2 points.

I'll make them with this shot.

- I'm sorry. Good night.
- Good night.

- Will you give me revenge?
- I can't, there are two of them.

I'll finish at dawn.

- Okay, I manage by myself.
- Good night.

- Excuse me, but I should go out with ...
- This car does not come out.

Mr. Luciano took the advance, Leonardo!

- Tell him to return the advance.
- Tell Leonardo I'm not giving it back!

We have 10 million to pay by the end of the month.

Tell Luciano, that I am not sending this car on country roads.

Report to Leonardo that I learned from the Minister
of Transport himself that the roads of the Lodi area are paved.

They are paved!

Repeat exactly what he says or we'll have to do it once more.

- I ...
- Don't touch me.

- I ...
- Keep your hands off!
- Don't do that.

- Don't move your hands!
- Do not shout!
- Please.

(softly) Tell me.
- What?
- Tell me!

- You may speak.
- I've understood.
- He has understood.

I am responsible for the maintenance and the technical part of the garage.

- And 51% is mine.
- The other 51% is mine.

- So we own 102% of this garage.
- Exactly.

- You don't know anything about administration.
- I take care of the technical part ...

- And maintenance!
- I veto the exit of that car.

Now I'll take a hammer and smash your 51% of the car!

- Don't do that!
- What share do you have in the company?

- None.
- Then you may remain.

I can also do it as you say, but there is a small detail.

- This car doesn't come out.
- Did you have to use your hands?
- Do not shout!

Holy shit!

- How come you're late?
- That's my business.
- Why is the driver not dressed as a chauffeur?

I am not a chauffeur and only I drive this car.

That's why I'm here.
Where is the bride?

Coming now.

It's nice here!
Too bad this pure air ruins the lungs.

Beyond there are the stables, the horses ... I breed horses.

*BIRD CRIES*
What are you doing?

I am pro hunting!

Here I am, I'm ready.

- What are you doing?
- Kissing the bride, it's custom.

- Yes, but after the ceremony.
- I prefer to do it before.

Auntie says that Gilberto is
not the right man for me...

...and that were Mom alive, she
would say the exact same thing.

- Understood. This is a bad day for her. Better not do this.
- What are you talking about?

ll matrimonio.

- Aren't you laughing?
- There's nothing to laugh about.

- Too bad, I like to see her laugh.
- He's never seen me laugh.

Precisely!

- Thanks. You're quite sure.
- Sure of what?

To want to get married.
You deserve more.

- You aren't acquainted with my fiancé.
- I've seen you and you deserve better.

Go faster and don't make useless speeches!

Firstly, I make only essential and practical
speeches. Secondly, this car does not go faster.

It is antique and aristocratic,
not a cart like the ones you use.

- Her fiancé never kissed her there in the northwest.
- Where is it?

Behind the ear, where that tuft of hair is.

He never did it. I get it.
What an idiot!

- Thanks!
- Meaning?
- They applaud my car.

They actually applaud my daughter.

- Who is he?
- The man I'm about to marry.

This is worth seeing.

Where are you going?

- What are you trying to do?
- Calm down, let's talk first.

- Talk about what?
- Listen to me ... in fact let's talk about you.

Giovanna, think with your head.
He's no good for you.

- Because?
- Because I don't like him, I guessed right. You deserve more.

He's deranged!
Where did you get him?

He is the owner of a serious company.

It's ruining my marriage!
Stop this joke.

It is not a joke, it is an instinctive gesture dictated by reason.

I couldn't imagine!
I call the carabinieri.

- I'll handle that!
- Shall I get the gun, love?

Mom, let's keep calm.

What do you want to do?
That idiot ...

- Here's the madman.
- Oh god!

Help!
Stop!

Stop!

*PHONE RINGS*

Hello?
Oh hi Roberto!

Forty days?
Leonardo or the car?

Leonardo?

Is it serious?
I'll come right away!

- He believed us, he comes immediately.
- It's all his fault.

Stay calm, love!
You're getting married again.

- Are they taking him to a pyramid?
- You have to stay here at least 40 days.

It's not my fault.
He hit me like a kamikaze!

- Doctor, they want you in surgery.
- Excuse me.

Giovanna is fine, luckily nothing serious has happened.

As for you, this does not finish here!

- I concur. Why should it end here?
- Precisely.

Let's go.

Those who don't kiss you in the northwest don't deserve you.

I would have kissed you there even though I might not have married you.

Or I would have married you and not kissed you.

Anyway ... I'm here to apologize.

Are you asleep?
If you're not sleeping, I can't apologize.

I mean ... I want to give you a gift to forgive me.

It is a branded watch.
It has dates, moons, the works.

It also plays the Marseillaise.

You are beautiful.

Try to get well soon ...

...otherwise I get sick and you
have to give me back the watch.

Leonardo!
Luciano has arrived!
He's down at the porter's lodge.

Go to the room on the left.

- No, to the left!
- Here?
- Yes.

He seemed to be fine, then passed out.

- We fear internal bleeding.
- Does he speak?

- Yes, but he doesn't understand anything.
- It has always been like that.
- Here.

Please do not tire him.
Five minutes only.

The priest is also here.

Do not upset him..

- Who is this?
- I'm Luciano.

- Don't you recognise me?
- No.

- Who are you?
- Don't you recognise me?
I'm Luciano.

- Little.
- I brought you something to read.

Do you also have "Tex Viller"?

Tex Willer comes out on Wednesday.

- Tex Viller.
- Tex Willer.

- Comes out on Wednesday, today and Monday.
- Tex ...

Wednesday.

Hey!
When do you think they will take your glasses off?

- Never.
- Do not be silly.

- I've not much longer left now.
- Don't be stupid. Hey!

Leonardo!
Leonardo!

No one has ever had a friend like you.

- Forgive me for ...
- For what?
- For the fight in the garage.

I have to apologize.
I was truly an asshole.

- What?
- I have to apologize.

You said a more beautiful word earlier.

- That I'm an asshole.
- I can not hear.

- I'm an asshole!
- Shout louder.

- I'm an asshole!
- Have you heard, guys?

Yes, he said it loudly.
We all heard!

- What are we playing?
- "That train to Yuma."

- One. - Two.
- One. - Two.
- Three four.

NO TONE

(sings) That train to Yuma!

Why did you buy a saxophone?

It is the only instrument I can play.
Three four!

NO TONE

(sings) That train to Yuma!

That train to Yuma!

Bravo, you did a good job.

But just work at night, he wants overtime.

- This car does not appear to
have had an accident. - Thanks.

Tonight there is Frank Sinatra at La Scala.
I'm going to get tickets.

- Are they still available?
- Yes, just pay.

- It's a charity night.
- Exactly.

We have to put on a tuxedo.
It is a very dangerous evening.

- Are you coming back?
- No. See you at home at eight.

- Do you have a tuxedo?
- Yes!

- What colour?
- Yellow.

I don't ask whether you're better,
because it's obvious.

- You've recovered well too.
- Yes.

- We worked day and night.
- Especially at night.

- Why did you come?
- To tell you it's three o'clock.

- Then?
- It's five minutes past three.

My watch!
I lost it, but you can keep it.

- If you want it back ...
- No, keep it, I'm glad.

A watch can always be useful, even if I don't need it.

- Thanks.
- Good. So, goodbye.

I'm here because ... we have an old car in the barn.

We want to sell it, it was my grandfather's.
Are you interested?

- What car is it?
- Really, the only thing I know ...

...and that there are two "R's" like this.
I don't know anything else, you should see it.

Crazy stuff!

You think of the animals
and let rot a car like this.

- The animals are alive, they have feelings.
- Even the Rolls.

Do you think this is the life?
Clean air, countryside, trees ...

Real life is in the city.
The movement, the crowd ...

... the smell of hot asphalt in summer,
the fog, the smoke ...

...the crash of cars,
a siren sounding in the distance.

This is life!
This is poetry.

- Stop kissing that horse.
- It's like I'm kissing you.

Looks like you.
He is skittish, grumpy, indomitable.

Just like you.
But, despite all that, very tender.

For once you might as well be wrong ...

...and instead of kissing the horse ...
- Hello, Giovanna.

- I came to saddle the horse.
- It's called Dallas.

I called it that.
My name is Roy.

- How are you, old sport?
- Are you from Texas?

No, from Gallarate.

Excuse me.

He looks like he's from a show.

For Rolls it's best to talk to my partner, he's more experienced.

My wife was fond of that car, it belonged to her father.

I was born a farmer.
Instead my Evelina was the daughter of gentlefolk ...

... a princess.
She died giving birth to Giovanna.

- When?
- When Giovanna was born!
- It is true.

When I bought this land, there was only one vineyard that had gone bad.

I immediately understood that it was not vineyard land.

This is lawn earth.
Taste it.

- Good! Is this all your stuff here?
- Yes.

- The estate is great.
- You own all this stuff!

- Are you staying for dinner with us?
- I have a commitment tonight.

- Too bad, there's clay chicken.
- What is that?

They are chickens cooked in clay.
My sister does them great!

- First the earth, then the clay.
- You have strange tastes.

I have a dinner with friends, I just can't.

- Not even if I insist?
- Why should you?

- I'm taking the horse away.
- I like to insist and lead the game.

- I'll make the decisions.
- You've got it all wrong with me.

Maybe you are doing everything wrong.

- Rest, but just to taste the clay.
- Ok.

Aunt Rosina!
Another chicken!

*SHOOTS*

She used to chase them, now she's old and can't take it anymore.

- And shoot.
- Yes.

- Honey, get dressed!
- Ugh! With you always things in a hurry.

Leonardo is coming soon, let's go to the theater.

- You promised to bring me.
- Leonardo would have been offended.

PHONE RING

- Hello?
- Luciano, it's me, Leonardo.

You're late, I'm waiting for you.

I called you for that.

An inconvenience has happened.
I'm stuck and ...

I can't ... I can't come.

Just tonight?
There is the Sinatra concert.

- Won't you go alone?
- No ... but what happened?

Well...

It's a business dinner, a business dinner.

Yes, business!
A big deal.

- Since when have you been in business?
- Sooner or later I have to start.

Now it seems like the right time, otherwise when do I start?

Just tonight?
I've already put on a tuxedo.

You're right, but ...

Did you understand?
It's true, I didn't say anything.

You go ahead, then I'll join you.

Close the deal and then come and get me.
I am waiting for you.

Yes, bye.

- You managed to dump your little friend.
- What little friend?

- Was she your wife?
- Wife? No, it was ...

He's a friend of mine.

- Do you lie to a friend like that?
- How do you lie?

The clay was good, but even the earth today ... do you have some?

- No. - Too bad.
- Why doesn't he sit at the table?

Roy is a vegetarian, he likes to eat beans by the fire.

Friendly!

Silly, but nice.

-"Hello, boy!"
-"Hi, gringo."

I've seen Cheyenne around.
I'm on the warpath.

- We'll keep a good watch tonight.
- You take the first shift.

Then do the second as well.

Nice, but stupid.

He did not say that he is not coming, only that he is late.

And and!

- I don't think he's coming.
- He's closing a big deal.

While you and I were having fun, he was working for me too.

- If you change your mind, call me.
- Yes, bye.

I don't change my mind, I wait.

Why didn't you get married?

You know ... I have certain ideas.

- Many have them.
- It's true, but mine are different.

They look alike, but they are not the same.

When you get married, you never know who you put in the house.

- To get married, I'd have to ...
- What? - Who?
- What did you say?

I should ... first of all ...

... the priest is needed and then ...

- Then?
- I should lose my mind.

Have you never lost your mind so far?

May.

Then you are one who never loses his head.

Are you really sure?

Now I don't understand anything anymore.

- Then I'll explain it to you.
- Giovanna.

We go to sleep and you?

Hello, Leonardo.

- Hi, Giovanna.
- Don't you have anything else to say to me?

No.

- OK Ciao.
- Ciao.

No.

No. I know how these things end.

Nerd.

Heck!

Who cares!

Who cares!

- Hey ...
- Who cares!

Hello.
I was dreaming.

I was dreaming of being at the North Pole, in the middle of the ice.

Then there was a white bear who was selling ties.

He took me by the hand and said:
"Let's go get the tram".

While he was accompanying me, I realized that I was next to Reagan.

He told me: " No trams ".

" Go home, I'll pick you up at 8.30pm. "

" Let's go see a documentary about caviar. "

Instead he didn't come.
What a fool!

- You look a little like Reagan.
- Everyone tells me.

From here to here you are the same!

While dreaming, I fell asleep.
Have you been here long?

Yes, but you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you up.

Very nice!

today ...

Today I ... Today ...

- Did the business dinner go well?
- Very good.

- I met a great car.
- What?
- A Rolls.

Beautiful, tall, enough to lose your head.

- Blonde?
- A Rolls can't be blonde.
- Right.

- Even if something blond ...
- Did it also have two headlights?

- Yes, they lit up.
- And a trunk behind ...

- Exactly and two beautiful eyes.
- We always talk about the Rolls.

- Of course.
- I'd got it right.

- Chin chin.
- Chin chin.
- A bitter toast?
- Alla Rolls.

- And honestly.
- Exactly.
- Asshole.

Don't worry, we'll pay by the end of the month.

Agreed.

- I'm going to buy the cards.
- Plasticized.

I'll dictate this letter then I'll wait for you outside.

"Dearest Agnelli, given your haunting request..."

- Hop in?
- Just a moment, they're waiting for me.

- I bet you were passing through here by accident.
- No, I was looking for you. What have you got there?

They are poker cards, I have a game with friends.
And you?

- I don't play poker.
- It's a good game.

I imagine.
I'm really hungry.

- I realize. - So, are you going to
play poker or have dinner with me?

I'll play poker ... with you.

(SINGING IN ENGLISH)

- You have two pair and I have
three of a kind. - So you win?

- I always win it.
- Just cards or also ...

Also.

- It's nice here, very romantic.
- Yes, it's nice here.

I am a friend of the owner and he will treat us almost like a friend.

- Maybe you preferred to play cards with friends.
- No.

- And then friends in the long run ... Thanks.
- You're welcome, sir.

Bring us the wine list.

Let's remove these first,
we're not in a gambling den here.

- He was teaching me about poker.
- It all starts with poker ...

...and then it comes to cocaine.
Then we strip naked, Polaroids ...

Don't mind him, here the waiterss joke with the customers.

He is particularly stupid.

- Every customer has the waiter he deserves.
- What's good?

- Everything.
- Can you recommend us some specialties?

- There is only one specialty.
- Which?
- The bill.

Bring two plates.
One very peppery and the other very salty.

- I have a partner, we split
everything in half.
- Everything?

- Almost everything.
- Then I have to add the tax.

- No tax.
- With tax.

- He's nice, right?
- No, and pretty stupid.

He's not stupid, you have to go along with it. Then it collapses.

For real?

- An urgent call for you! - Who is it?
- A young lady.

- A Leonessa.
- Talk for us.

Mr. Leonardo has gone out.
Yes I know him.

He has the hands of a mechanic.
Yes, I will tell him.
Good evening.

What did he say?

He works in the usual street tonight.
Wait for him, but bring the money.

- The customer is always right.
- It looked real!

You think I'll go to that one tonight and bring her the money!

Truffle salad with gruyere and celery scent?

- Yes please.
- I ate it, but maybe I left some.

- If you have some left, can you bring it to us?
- No!

Leonardo, you invited me to dinner.
I can order?

Sorry, you are right.

Now stop.
Bring me two shrimp cocktails.

OK sir.

- I think it will calm down now.
- Stop playing.

It is useless for you to hide, I know that you are romantic.

I didn't know, but now that you tell me, maybe yes.

- Some things are discovered
late, too late. - Too late?

There was another call.

- Who called?
- The two twins.

What did they say?

I don't know if that's the case ...

- Tell me.
- They remind her that she forgot from them last night ...

...the whip, the leather underpants with lights and chains.

- What is this stuff?
- The shrimp cocktail.

- Why is he so immature?
- They are green.

How disgusting!

Shall we go to a sadder restaurant?

They know one where there is a waiter whose mother died.

- No, forget it.
By now ... - What?

Nothing.
PHONE RING

Give it to me.

What are you doing with that bitch?
Your Mortacci!

- I'm waiting for you! I made coda alla vaccinara.
- And for you.

If you don't come back, I'll eat it!

Leave that whore daughter and go home!

If you don't come, I'll jump into the river!

"Er barcarolo goes against the tide and when he sings the echo is heard."

Come home now!
Get rid of that whore, that jerk!

You have exaggerated.

You have exaggerated.

- You have exaggerated.
- Don't overdo it!

It is not possible!
One is eating with a girl...

...and suddenly a waiter arrives...

...when in reality he is a moron!

He plays jokes, takes out his saber, talks about the Lioness...

What do you think she will think of me?
Tell me!
I know.

Can I share your pain with you?

No, there is nothing to be done.
I'm sad.

If one tells a friend that he is going to get cards...

...and instead he goes to dinner with a girl without saying anything to his friend...

Why didn't you invite me too?

What's wrong with me?
I spit while I speak, I stink, do I have scarlet fever?

Don't look like a fool!

I got scared when you took out the phone like that.

- He was exhausted, idiot!
- You knew it was drained.

- I didn't know. - Hands down!
- Do not shout!

I get it.
That and the custom-built you saw the other night.

Yes, and a new car.

Are you sure it hasn't already been registered?

- Sure. - In my opinion
it was registered ...

...has done all the servicing, we are close to overhaul ...

...and the electrical system is to be redone.

- Would you like me to understand ...
- That it has done several kilometers.

His tires are worn and it's easy to come off the road.

Where can I find another one who smiles like that?

- How are you smiling?
- In one way ... and gorgeous when she smiles.

She has this way ...

- We find so many!
- It's also the way she walks ...

... the trend ... when she walks, she has a fantastic bearing.

When she walks ... let's see if I remember.

It's difficult.
She sways like that.

- Walks like this!
- Finding one that walks like this is difficult.

She has gone.
Very dangerous.

- Here in the countryside there is a smell!
- It's the scent of the countryside.

There is a smell of ... compost.

It is the scent of manure.

In fact, the fertilizer is made with cologne ...

... rose petals and a sprinkle of jasmine.

You have to be careful not to take that ...

That aftershave scent.

- Here they are just ignorant.
- Because?

- They put pears in the trees.
- Then?

- I've always seen them on tapes.
- They are born in cassettes.

- When they are ripe, they put them on trees.
- The gardener?

- She's fine, thanks.
- The campaign pisses me off!

- I would never live there. You?
- I do not know.

- I'm glad you agree.
- I said 'I don't know'.

- It means ...
- If I don't know, I don't know!

The countryside makes you relax, it calms you.

Don't fall asleep while driving.

- My head is spinning.
- Because?

- Maybe it's the air, I don't feel well.
- You're not used to oxygen.

- Shall we talk about this?
- No, it speaks for itself.

We are in the countryside ...

It looks like the Maremma.

- Maremma pig!
- Here's Giovanna.

- I remembered her lower. - Hello!
- Good morning.

- This is Luciano.
- We've met before.

- He made that joke ... Apologize.
- Excuse me.

- Not me, you idiot.
- Excuse me, I was joking.

- Let it go.
- He told me she has no sense of humor.

- I did not say this.
- You said she's not funny.

- I didn't use those words.
- More or less...

You don't remember the exact words.

It doesn't matter, let's forget about it.
I take the horse to the stable.

- Later! - Don't you remember?
- No. - Let's go.

Hello, pale faces.

Who is that idiot?

He's a nice guy ... and a fool.

They are all like that in the countryside.

- But they are nice.
- But ... - Maybe!

Wish they were nice!

Try to be nice to Giovanna.

- Should I kiss her feet?
- No, on the contrary ... - What?

On the contrary.
The sentence ends there, there is no need to go on.

Do not worry.

- For me Giovanna and like your sister.
- I'm glad to hear it!

The interior is to be redone, under it is running and the engine ...

What a smell!
Need to redo the bushings, the gooseneck ...

- I don't know about these things.
- Didn't you talk to Leonardo?

- Have you agreed on the price?
- We have reached an agreement ...

...but in another sense.
- Is your boyfriend happy?

I really don't think I still want to marry him.

Indeed, I would say no.

But with Leonardo ...

Yes, I like him very much.
I tell you because he is your best friend.

Indeed, let's talk about you.

Maybe not right away, when you make me an uncle.

The car is beautiful, but these cars were not intended for farmers.

I understand why Leonardo took the bait.
With such a lure!

- What do you mean?
- Leonardo... for a car like this ...

...would marry her, her aunt, her grandmother, a horse, the hen!

We are crazy about cars and he is worse than me.

To have a car that interests him he would do anything.

It's strange, it seems sincere to me.

Yes, he is sincere, nice, very intelligent.

- He misses the word.
I love him. - Me too.

With the excuse of falling in love, he buys cars.

- He made good business.
- What?

Once he was about to have a child because of a Bugatti.

It is not possible.

She was a beautiful lady, she had a Ferrari and she promised it to me.

Then she changed her mind, but I convinced her.
It was easy.

It is not possible.

Don't get angry.
Do you want us to call you?

- He asked me.
- Now I don't want to anymore.

If she had had a baby, we wouldn't have been here today.

- Let's change the subject, all right?
- Leonardo is in love with her.

But that's the way he is, he goes from one car to another.

She and the car of the moment.

Would I be a car?

Yeah. Okay.

All right, goodbye.

- Well?
- She doesn't want to talk to anyone, not even me.

Women are strange, especially the peasant women.

They lick salad, strangle chickens ... it's another world.

- What do you have to do with it?
- Did you tell her something?

How can you think, even for a moment ...

... a thing that is so terrible?

Perhaps I exaggerated in the evaluation of the car.

- How much did you bid?
- Well ... a little bit of a thousand lire.

- How much?
- A certain number of a thousand lire.

It seems little to me.

"If the farmer doesn't want to keep the car, kick him in the ass."

- It's always cheap. - Do you want me
to honestly tell you what I think?

I already know what you think.
You want me to drive, right?

Yes. Come on, this time you drive.

Phones are terrible.
The more you call, the more no one answers.

I didn't call anyone.
I did this with my finger ...

You had the expression of someone calling and no one answers.

Those who don't answer have that expression ...

.. which then is the same as yours.

Didn't you hear me open the door?

You could have helped me!
I'm loaded like a mule.

I don't go to the supermarket anymore.

They push you to one side, they pull you to the other.

On the street they tried to snatch my watch.

What a mess!
What have you done?

Honey, I'm making the pasta tonight.

You are messy, this house is not a hotel!

When you drink milk, rinse the glass!

You left the gas on, did you want to kill me?

The window always open with what the heating costs!

What are these?
Who left the socks in the blender?

You leave your shoes, underwear, because there's the servant!

And the apple?
He can't fix it, he has other things to think about!

He drives around in classic cars, he drives brides...

Aahhh!
Ueeehh!
Ueeehh!
Ueeehh!

If you were going to piss me off, you almost succeeded.

Aaaahhh!

Your balls are spinning, right?
This is married life!

This awaits you after you marry your Giovanna.

And you will get married, you are already on the road.

Don't think about being a big cat in bed.

- It's not the right evening.
- Because?
- I do not feel like it.

That thing doesn't open and close when you want.

It is not a safe, there is no combination.

- Holy shit!
I felt like it tonight.
- Wives are like that.

Inter are playing well.
It's not Milan, but he plays well.

Okay, but it's not that ... I really care.

Don't you even care about Inter?
I do not recognize you anymore.

Stop with that remote!
You make a nervous breakdown.

- Would you like to go out?
Let's go to the bar?
- No.

- Shall we go to dog races?
- I do not like them. - Cinema?

See what?

Let's go to Paris?
We stay there for a while ... Do you want to go to Paris?

- I don't like the language.
- You can eat something else.

Shall we go to India?
Meditate a little, find yourself.

That's a good idea.

- How many hours are you traveling?
- If we take the train at 17.20 ...

.. in a month and a half we are there.
How long do you want to be away? - Two hours.

PHONE RING

Hello?
No, Luciano is not there.

Good evening.

Who was?

- Your mother.
- Why did you tell her I wasn't there?

I want the free phone.

- I'm sure she'll be on the phone shortly.
- Listen...

Honestly, that girl seems a little crazy to me.

Yes, of course.

She seems crazy to me too.
She is hysterical.

First and all ... cici cici, then she gets angry and all ... bubu bubu.

- Do you have paralysis?
- I don't understand you... cici, bubu!

That is over, I said it before.

It better be all over, I'm happy.

She dumped you ...

Giovanna!
Giovanna!

- Not here, gone!
- Where did she go?

- Don't scare the chickens!
- Put that chicken down, I'm not a weapon!

Where did she go?

Roy!

- Sorry if I wake you up.
Where is Giovanna?
- What?

- Where's Giovanna?
- She went on horseback.

Which horse? Where did she go?
Why don't you answer me?
Where is she...

- Calm down!
- Where did she go?
- She went on horseback.

- Which way?
- Over there.

God bless you, boy.

*HORN* Giovanna!

Giovanna!

Stop!

Giovanna!

Stop!

- I'm checking if you have something broken.
- Stop that!

This is the second accident you cause for your car mania!

- I wanted to check the reflexes.
- I told you to disappear.

- When?
- On the telephone.
- You never called me.

For this you had to understand that it was over.

It never started, you are nothing to me.

I'm here to tell you that you are less than less!

- Any less than what?
- Of something that is already a lot to you.

- So I'll go away!
- Do not move.

If you touch me, I'll break your face!

Yes, but kiss me first.

Do you, Leonardo, want to take Giovanna as your legitimate wife ...

... and promise to be faithful to her in good times and bad ...

... in health and sickness and to love and respect her ...

...For all your life?

- Yes. - You want, Giovanna ...

...to take Leonardo as your lawful spouse ...

My baby!
I remember when he had ...

When he was five, he already looked thirty!

And respect him for life?

And.

(sings) Ave Maria ...

... virgin of heaven.

Sovereign of grace, pious mother ...

... that you welcome fervent prayer every hour ...

... do not deny this torn heart of mine ...

...away from his pain!

It was a great party.

Beautiful ceremony, delicious lunch ...

I didn't think a wedding could be this fun.

You said the opposite.
You were great when you sang.

You sang like a tenor.
You looked like Pavarone!

(they sing) Oh, sweet kisses, languid caresses!

- How much sugar?
- One!

(sings) She ran away ...

The priest said:
"Do you want to marry the present here ..."

And you: "Yes!"

And!

I'ms going to bed.
Soon you two will go to sleep too ...

In short ... to sleep!

Sure, but cover yourself.

- Where's the coat?
- The coat?

Sure, you don't want to go out like this.
Here is the coat.

Put it on, it's cold outside.
You risk getting a cough.

Then you complain, I know you.

You don't breathe anymore and we have to get the injections.

- You need pajamas to sleep.
- Of course!

Wait up.
I'll take this ... here.

- Hold this, this ... - Do I have to be away a lot?

I do not know.

Do not go around all unglued, please.

- Cover up, it's cold outside.
- Shall we play a game of pool?

Sure, let's do two!
But now you have to cover yourself.

- I'll take my stuff.
- It's all in the suitcases.

- I'll take this ... - Mine looked good on you.

- Do not push!
- I open the door for you ...

Thanks.

- I would go away ... - No, stop a little longer.

No, I'm going away.
So you and your wife rest assured.

- I'll make you a chamomile!
- Let me go.

Do not run away!
Put this in.

- I don't have shoes!
- Get your shoes, please!

I can't sleep without shoes.

It all works out, but don't go away so fast.

What a beautiful shoe!
The other too, I have two feet!

- Let me go.
- Do not run away!

LUCIANO BUSSA
- Who is it?
- A friend.

Close the door tightly, so I feel more comfortable.

What a beautiful house!

Sorry, my foot slipped inside.

He really wanted to leave.

You can see that he is happy.

- See how he walks.
- Are you sure?
- Sure, you can see!

He has never walked like this.

Bitch.

It's useless for you to make that face, you're a bitch.

- Love, aren't you coming to bed?
- You go ahead.
I'll join you.

There!

Eleven years of life together.
All up in smoke!

Nine years.

Nine or eleven?

- Nine!
- It looked like eleven.

It's been eleven years.
I left my mother's house ...

...then we bought the garage ... it's been eleven years.

No!

Excuse me!
Excuse me!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?
Who?

Roberto, do you think ... A fire?
Where is he?

Is it serious?

Ok, okay.

- What happened?
- Nothing, it was Roberto.

He says there was a fire in the garage and Luciano got burned.

He's in the clinic and it's serious.

- Don't you want to go?
- No, it's a joke.

What if it wasn't?

He tried to save the garage, and he's in bad shape.

- I don't know if he will be saved.
- You don't know, do you?

- It's not a joke.
- Of course there is also the priest.

It's serious, Mr. Leonardo!
It is serious.

You too?
I've always considered you a brother.

Beautiful!
It seems real.

- Hi, Luciano.
- Hi, Leonardo.

I ate something that made me sick.

- Nice joke, right?
- Yes.

- Beautiful.
- Nothing happened at the garage.

Little damage.
Your car was unharmed.

- You acted well, you're good.
- I do what I can.

Yes, I saw.

- But you are exaggerating.
- I know it.

One is born stupid and dies stupid.

- You keep exaggerating.
- Remember that time in the countryside?

- When?
- When we stole your grandfather's cigars.

We went to smoke them in the barn.

Nice fire that time!
A destroyed farm.

If you weren't there to save me ...

Unfortunately you weren't there this time.

- You've always been clumsy.
- I know it.

As much as I prepare, I continue.

Look what a mess!

And.

It's a nice mess.

Well done!
I have to admit it.

Well done.

Another, in my place, would believe it.

- Do you have pain?
- A little to the teeth.
Do I do the dying man well?

You are better than me.

Stupendous.
Were Iyou, I wouldn't repeat it.

Better than that ... you can even die.

As a friend you can't tell me anything.

I've been a pain in the ass a few times.
Even with Giovanna ...

...I did not understand.

Bravo, Leonardo.
Nice Shot.

Giovanna is Giovanna.

And you are you.

What will you write on my grave?

Just your photo.

As?

- You are strong!
- Okay, now go away.

I don't want you to be here while I die.

- I heard this in the cinema.
- It's always funny.

Very very much.

Nice joke, perfect.

Luciano's only flaw is that he doesn't have a sense of proportion.

Take the joke too far.

Even laughing at you would be able to carry it on forever.

Luciano, do you have something to light up?

I called you Luciano.
Funny!

I got some smoke, these cigarettes ...

Do you mind if I call you Luciano sometimes?

Just don't call me Giovanna!

(He is worse than me!)

(He is worse than me!)

(they sing) If I could have six billion a month ...

...without exaggerating I would be sure to find all the happiness.

A modest job, I have no pretensions.

I can not handle it anymore!
Say the movie is bad!

(they sing) A small house on the outskirts.

A young and pretty wife, just like you.

If I could have six billion a month ...

...do a lot of shopping, I would buy the most beautiful things you want.

A small house on the outskirts.

A young and pretty wife, just like you.

If I could have, six billion a month ...

...I would buy a ticket to see this movie again!

Smoking prohibited!