Love on Delivery (1994) - full transcript

Ho Kam-An is a love struck dim-sum delivery boy who falls for a beautiful judo student. After being humiliated by her boyfriend, Ho Kam-An goes out and seeks the services of an aging kung-fu master who teaches him a half ass style of kung fu "Karate Kid" style. After actually learning how to fight using this style (much to the master's surprise) he dresses up like Garfield and beats up the boyfriend of the beautiful judo student. But he's challenged to a fight by the master's former foe. Is Ho Kam-An up to the challenge?






Don't help them

Stand up!

Morons! You're useless!

That's all for today




That move just now...

Get away!

I told you

No bubble gum

You're awesome!


Yes, especially your ultimate move

the Avalanche

You're a real man

And your hair swaying back and forth

How impressive!

Are you free tonight?

Watch TV at my place

It's big and comfy

You're crazy!

Grizzly tried to pick you up

Why didn't you say yes?

Grizzly, watch TV at my place

It's big and comfy

You look exactly like him

That's true...

What are you looking for in a man?


Handsome, gentle and easygoing

A real... hero

I don't know about heroes

But definitely pretty

You're gorgeous and smart

The lonely 36, 24, 36

Let me be a part of your life

Call 4567


Never call 116

He's famous for touch-and-run

But last time

He left as soon as he saw me

He didn't touch

What's wrong with that?

At least you didn't catch anything

Go change

I think you're going crazy!

I'm telling you

There are no more heroes

Did you call the police?

Yes, officer

You've been robbed?

Yes, cleaned me out

What's your name?

He Jin Yin

Show me your ID card

Look at me, officer

Where can I possibly hide it?

Doesn't take a genius to rob you


Do you recognize the robber?

What does he look like? What?

Let me try

Do you remember

what the guy looked like?

So what if I do? He had my consent

What do you mean?

This is what happened

I was walking by

A man in rags came towards me

He asked me for $20 to buy food

I felt sorry for him and gave him $20

Then he told me

His wife and son have not eaten

and have no clothes

He took off my clothes

snatched my wallet and asked if I mind

I told him I do mind

but I'll let it slide

I offered to take off my underwear

Because I should help him all the way

I was worried I'll get arrested

for indecent exposure

So I called the police

and put it on record

I see

P.C.26324, we have a nudist on hand

Suspected of being retarded

Please send backup...

You got this all wrong

Let me repeat the story

Take him away!

Let's go, retarded nudist

Officer, I'm really...

Cut the crap

I pitied him, why would I lie?

People like you

make the world more pitiful

Get up and eat!

Try this on

This is for you, son

Can't believe there's such a kind person

I'm back!

So what?

Have some water


It's spicy!

Not enough? I'll add more

Next time you have an order
for North Point...

send someone else

I had to climb up the hill

I almost didn't make it

It's for your own good

Gives you proper training

Take this to Wan Hua

What did you say?

I can't take this anymore, Boss

You're the Boss' pet

I'm so jealous

Stop teasing me

Can you tell?


There's a fly in my soup

Let me see


Don't give me that!

I had some of it

and the fly is still swimming around

like it was showing off

and mocking me

Say no more!

I'm fastidious about hygiene

Not just you

we hate flies too. Kill it


What are you doing?

Crush it... hurry

Hygiene is our top priority

I'll kill it for you

I just want another bowl of soup

What's the fuss?

Just give me another bowl

It's that simple


The fly is here...


Forget it!

It's over! Get back to your food

It's alright...


Come here!

If we don't make a scene...

We won't get paid

We must do our best, right?


Good job!

Isn't it too much?

You don't have to break a bottle
to kill a fly

I'm just trying to help

That bottle costs 50 cents, you moron!

Where's the bottle?

Behind you

Chief, what do you think?

Excellent! You're the only woman

who can throw me over

It's my birthday today

Come join my party

They're all staring at us

Don't do this!

I won't let go unless you say yes

Let go of me, you maniac!

Let go!


Don't mention it


I'm busy tonight

What about tomorrow?

I have 2 tickets for
Jacky Cheung's concert

Let's go together

Having my period tomorrow. I can't go out

What a coincidence!

So am I!



Give me a sandwich

Only if you pay

You're catching on!

You don't have a girlfriend,
take her! Don't be shy!

Stop teasing me!

He's not so bad

If you're not coming to the party

At least give me a birthday kiss

Li, I'm so nice to you

You know how many girls approach me

and I still neglect them

Why don't you grab your chance?

I don't know either

I'll kiss anyone but not you

What? Anyone?

Don't talk nonsense

Don't lie to yourself, Li

I know you love me

I'm telling you, you can't kiss anyone


but me

Don't give me this bullshit

Get over here now!

Don't be ridiculous!

What if I fall for you?

Do you want to see Jacky Cheung's concert?

Let's go together

I'm busy

Busy my foot! Let's go

Stop right there! You hear me?

Let go of me! Come back!

The Manager is looking for you

I like Jacky Cheung too

If you really want to go

I'll be happy to go with you

But make it Wednesday

That's the only day I'm off

in the whole month

What's the kid doing with Li?

If you must go today

Mind if I wear a hat?

Or give me some time

to fix my hair

My hairstyle

doesn't go with your personality. May I?


I kissed you without asking

I was only kidding



I'm so relieved!

It's alright!

It happens to me all the time



Run along!

I'll wait till my legs quit trembling

and my heart slows down before I can go

I'm sorry

Can I help you?


I'm fine

I'll sit down for a while

What's your name?

He Jin Yin. I'm the delivery boy

Forgot my name card

My name is Li

Nice to meet you


I have to go! Bye


About Jacky Cheung's concert

Is that a joke too?

I want to go,
but the tickets are hard to get

Not really, if you try hard enough

You'll get what you want!


"Ticket office opens at 9:00 A.M."

Get in line...

Get in line...

Jacky Cheung... we love you

Queue up!

Jacky Cheung... we love you

I love Leon Lai...

Fix him...


Can I take your place for $1,000?

Sorry, this is important to me

I promised my girlfriend

I'll get concert tickets

How about $2,000?

It's not the money

You should do it yourself

Like I sacrificed
my only day off in a month

and camped out here overnight

Why are you doing this?

If your girlfriend finds out

your dirty tricks

She'll never forgive you


I promised my boyfriend

I'll get tickets

Can I have your place?

Sorry! You can't

I'll buy you dinner

Just one dinner?

How many do you want?

At least 3 or 4

No way!

If I were you

Even if it takes 30 dinners

I'll do it without thinking

How can you do that? You're crazy!

If you won't make sacrifices for love

You'll never get the concert tickets

My grandson

wants me to get the tickets

But there's such a long queue

Can you give me your spot?

I really love my grandson

Even if you don't pay me

Or take me to dinner

For the fact that you love your grandson

You can take my spot

How kind of you!

You'll be rewarded

Get in line...

2 tickets please

That old lady bought all the tickets

Can't be! I only need 2 tickets

There were only 20. We're sold out now

Let go!


Do me a favor

I just want 2 tickets

I gave them to my grandson

Where is he?

Outside... holding all the tickets

Tickets for Jacky Cheung concert

$500 each! Front stall $1,500


Don't jump queue!

I want 2

No problem

You're arrested for scalping


What are you still doing here?

I tried to get 2 tickets

It's so unfair

Of course you can't get them

They're all here

Jacky Cheung?


I love you, Jacky!

No thanks. I have a girlfriend

Li, Jacky Cheung

made me believe in miracles

Now I have the guts to ask you out

Enclosed please find 2 tickets

I hope we can go together

Tomorrow at 3

I'll wait at the bus stop outside

Here's the delivery boy


Mr. He


What a coincidence!


I brought you an egg sandwich

Sorry, I don't eat eggs

Let's go! Hurry...


Give it to your mother

Let me eat it!

We're late, let's go



That bitch ate my sandwich!

What's wrong?

Are you alright?

My throat...

Is it serious?

I want to throw up

I'll pat you on the back

What is this?

What are you still doing here?

Li is waiting for you by the bus stop

You're so smart!


Trust me! You owe me dinner!

Anything you say!

No one can compare to you

I'll never forget your smile

You're the one I love

You kiss me with those tender lips

I can't help myself

I'm losing control

Are you alright?

I'm fine


How are you, Mr. He


This is for you


There's no need

Let's shake hands


You're strange! I've never met

anyone like you


Thanks for the tickets

No need

Come on, don't be shy!


How's it going?

We're fine, thanks

Why are you thanking me?


What are you afraid of...

You have body-odor or somethin'?


You kissed her yesterday

Are you getting into the sack
with her today?

Cut the crap! He's just a friend

Mind your manners

I'm provoking you, so?

I dare you to hit me

Hit me... come on

Hit me hard!

That won't be necessary

You've been punished enough

What's this?

I guess it's shit

But I don't know whose it is!

How dare you!

You bastard! You had the nerve to dodge!

How can you do that?

What kind of a man are you?

Li, come watch TV


Madonna is singing

Come quick!

I don't want to watch

Are you alright?

I'm fine

Here comes Madonna. Come quick!


She's wearing a tuxedo!

Don't be a nag, Mother!


What is it?

What are you doing here?

I came to apologize

Don't be silly!
There's no need to apologize

It's not your fault

How is your nose?




You're lying

I hit myself on the nose casually

It hurts so bad I'm in tears

Sorry, I'm really fine

Please don't worry

Don't lie to me

I insist that you go to the hospital
for a check up

It can be serious

You may have internal bleeding

or nasosinusitis

or even cancer if you're out of luck

You may be dead!

Are you finished?

It's late, I want to go to bed

You better leave

Here! Take this back

Please don't do this to me, Li

Please give me another chance

I treasure what we have

It's important to me

You got it all wrong, Mr. He

I don't like cowards

I didn't even touch him

He's already on his knees begging

like a dog

Do you know who I hit?



She flew 9 feet high

and spun 2 full circles

Isn't that wonderful?

You bragged about injuring someone

How can you do that?

What about when you had
shit all over your face?

Why don't you mention that?

Shit all over your face?

What did you say?

I'm saying

You better apologize to Li

Are you alright, Li?

Don't move!

I tried calling you last night

Did you know?

You didn't pick up, I was so worried

I couldn't sleep at all


How can you do that to him?

I didn't do anything

Go deliver your order

Did you hear me?


Are you hurt?

I told you I don't like cowards

How is he?

He's an idiot

Don't mind him, let's practice!

We don't open until 9 o'clock

It's 8:45, 15 more minutes to go

What do you want?

I'm a coward

It's obvious. You should come last night




Apply a thin layer 30 minutes beforehand

Last time some kid

used the whole bottle and...

No, I don't need this

I want my money back

Your fingerprints are all over it

You can't return it

Then give me 2 beers


Give me $8 more

I'll keep the change

Here's a pack of peanuts

Don't look or it'll cost you more

Go away!

Look at you

2 words are tattooed on your face

Heart broken

You really are?

So what? People do that all the time

The first time?

So it should be the hardest

You don't need a beer

Right now

You should change into
something more cheerful

Listen to a good song

and eat a big breakfast

You'll feel much better

Let me help you

Trust me!

Come on!

This is the best deal for you

Nice clothes, a song and a big breakfast

I'm charging you 60 cents per second

What do you think?

I think I've been had


Does that take your mind off

the fact that you've been jilted?


Get more involved!

Brace yourself and sing along

I guarantee you'll feel better


Leave her...

Yeah... baby

Leave her...

Yeah... baby

Don't look at me, look over there

Please pass the ball back

It's raining...


Are you alright?

Don't be silly! I know kung fu

Kung fu?


I can teach you. 20% off

"Chinese Ancient Boxing"

In this sports center

The Chinese Ancient Boxing school
has a long history

I'm the current Chief

What should I call you, old man?

Call me the Devilish Muscle Man

Anything but old man


Why is the gym

behind your grocery store?

The grocery store is a side business

I'm a boxing coach by profession

Fame is not my game

I hate people who court publicity

Bruce Lee was my classmate

Do I brag about that?

Jackie Chan likes to have tea with me

I'd like to humor him too

That's him, see that?

Do I tell you about him?

What's the big deal?

What do you want to learn?

What can you teach me?

Iron Sand Palm

originated from Si Shui is powerful

capable of shattering
anyone's internal organs

They'll be dead on arrival at the hospital

Takes 3 days to learn and $600

Armor Skill

came from Southern Shaolin,
70km north of Fujian

and 30 knots south of Shan Mei

It'll render you impenetrable
to all weapons

including fire and water

Takes 5 days and $800

Flying guillotine

from the late Ming and early Qing dynasty

The official weapon for imperial assassins

capable of decapitating anyone
from miles away

because it is lethal

I'm using this yo-yo instead

Takes 7 days and $1,000

Poison Dragon Drill

came from a comic

and started out as a fantasy

But I have modified it

and turned it into powerful footwork

It'll cost $1,500

Lightning Death Ray

It has killed numerous monsters

and all those dinosaurs

Took young people by storm in the 70s

I can tell you it's fake

There is no such thing

It only exists in the movies

I must tell you

You don't have to worry

Honesty and practicality are my motto

I'm the Devilish Muscle Man

I choose my students

based on potential

I don't teach just anyone
who wants to learn

I better go


We're getting along just fine

You don't have to worry

I think it's too expensive

Anything is negotiable

I'm not making much as it is

I'll teach you for free
if you have potential



That's not a good idea

Your leg...

I don't want you to overexert yourself

Sorry for the intrusion

Iron Sand Palm emphasizes inner strength

It can kill without being noticed

It's amazing!

Fame is not my game

Please don't tell anyone

I'm a kung fu expert

I'm just a cripple


Can you beat judo?


You're kidding

Of course I can beat judo

Chinese kung fu has a long history

As they say,
there are no cowards with kung fu

Can you teach me?

I make no promises

Tell me what do you want to learn


That's expensive

and exhausting

I don't mind

I want to be strong

Very good!

From the fire in your eyes

I know you have great potential

Cut the bullshit and pay up


Your fees, Master



This is my hard earned money

Don't worry. I understand

I can speed up your training


What now?

You said you'll teach me for free
if I have potential

Good question! Hang on!

The money is not for me

It'll be donated to fellow Chinese
in the Mainland

So that they can all go to school

as well as learn kung fu

How meaningful!

Yes! Put it in!


You're now a student of
Ancient Chinese Boxing


Let's go



Going to class?


I'm secretly practicing kung fu


I can also tell you

I'm getting good


If you run into any trouble

Just let me know

It doesn't matter what time.
I stay up late

Really? Try it!


Here comes Yin


What are you doing?

You're supposed to wash the rice,
not jab it

You've been at it for half an hour!

What has the rice done to you?

Did it kill your father?

You can kill it with a knife

But stop jabbing!

I'm practicing



Practice on me!

Are you alright, Boss?

I want you dead!


What's this?

Curry beef with braised noodles

I wanted fried noodles

I'll get you another one

Let me handle this

What's the meaning of this?

Sorry! I'll do it


The kitchen is swamped


Here it is, sir!

I've lost my appetite

Help yourself!

You're making a mess

Doing that in front of the customer

You want me to close down?

Next time

Do it in the back

Not in front of the customer

I'm so busy practicing

I did that subconsciously

What's wrong with you?

You're dreaming

You're an idiot, who would teach you?

He's taking advantage of you

If you don't do it

I'm already eternally grateful

What? I took advantage of you?

You were an orphan

Alright, Boss...

I took you in

I fed you and put a roof over your head

How can you say that?

Stop it!

If you want to quit

You're welcome to leave... go!

No one is asking you to stay

Shut up!

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

Don't mind him! Get back to work!

Alright... it's over

Let's eat


Everyone needs an identity
and self respect

As a student of Ancient Chinese Boxing

You should have a uniform


You're my life saver, Master!

You deserve it

Wearing it

People will show you due respect


This is our Jiu Yin manual

Keep it!

Jiu Yin manual?

Why must I wear a mask?

That's proof of your skill

Sit down!

You're too nice to me!

Don't say that!

I've given you 2 treasures

You should help our suffering countrymen

After all, blood is thicker than water

Just $20?

You donated $500 for the last stance!

This is all I have!

Get this straight! It's not for me!

It's up to you how much you're giving

I'm just as happy if you donate nothing

If you have any jewelry at home


Master, for my fellow countrymen

I've done all I could

I'm broke now

What about your salary?

I hated that job

I quit already

I have nothing

But since you're so nice to me

I'll stay with you from now on

Practicing and looking after you

What's wrong?

You're shuddering!


In that case

Come with me

Now I'll teach you

the most formidable movement

But Master...

This manual is useless now

It'll depend on you

Trust me, I can do it

Roll down from here

All those steps?

What kind of movement is that?

Are you serious?

This is called the Invincible Fireball

You kill your enemy by
rolling down with him

I'll be dead too

No! How can you be so stupid?

Hold him tight

Protect yourself with his body

Make use of gravity

and universal gravitation

Apply turbo speed

using your body weights

If even so
you can't get rid of your opponent...

Come see me

I still don't understand

This is a difficult movement

and highly dangerous

I understand if you don't want to learn

That'll prove you don't have what it takes

so don't come to me again

Please don't say that!

I'll do my best

If you succeed

You'll be invincible

and you don't need me anymore

That's all



What is it now?

You're dumping me?

Say anything you want


What do you want?

I want to give you this Swatch

I always carry it with me

How much is it worth?

It's not worth much

but it was my birthday present

from some relatives


Don't mention it! It has sentimental value

I won't let you down

Don't be such a nag!

He couldn't have!

How stupid!

It hurts!

I saw everything, Master


How to practice the Invincible Fireball

You showed me, right?

Without a second thought

You tumbled down! That's cool!

I stood up there for the longest time

and didn't dare

You saw everything?

Yes! It was awesome!

This is tough

I better learn something else

Something less demanding

Whatever! I've done a demonstration

I should get paid

No problem!

Then hurry up!

I'm bleeding already

Come with me!

No! Just give it to me!


- Morning!
- Morning!

This is for you

I was rude, I'm sorry

Forget it!

Why don't you come to my place

I want to talk to you

It's big and comfy

Don't do this!

Please give me a chance

Come back!

Chief, your glasses are broken!

What? You broke my Armani!

My Armani...

Don't yell

She's gone

Grab her!


Come back!

What do you want?

Let go of me!

Do you know how long it took me

to save enough for this?

I need this to woo girls.
You must pay for it

On my count to 3, let go!

I've been after you for so long

and you played hard-to-get

Now you leave me no choice


Let her go!

Who is he?

Garfield. He's my favorite!

Grab her!

Who are you?

Let her go!

Quit the act, asshole!

Take off the mask!

I said let her go!

You're dead meat, talking to me like that!

She's mine

He's ready to strike

Must be a good show

Come on!

I can nail you

Hit him...


Pathetic! Cut open his mask!



Death to those who challenge me

Who's Grizzly fighting?

A masked man challenged Grizzly


I'm invincible

I told you...

no one beats me

Come on!


Invincible Fireball



Beat him!


Are you alright, master?

Master is right

I'm better under the mask

I won!

I won!

Come down to the Police station

You're charged with disorderly conduct

You're suspected of being a triad member

We need that mask for evidence

Big news! A masked Garfield

rescued Li

Big news! A masked Garfield

rescued Li

Big news! The best combat fighter Grizzly

was beaten first time in 3 years

Masked Garfield defeated

Grizzly with Invincible Fireball

No more bets!

Guess who is the Masked Garfield

I told you I don't know

- That's not possible?
- Can it be?

If you don't know him

Why would he come to your rescue?

That's right...

Don't lie to us

Tell us

I don't know what to say

My whole life

No one has ever

stood up for me like that

I wonder who he is

I know he saved me

without asking for anything in return

He gets up every time he's down

He's truly courageous

All I want is to meet him

and personally thank him

You don't know him?

Then we can't place our bets

Seeing you is like seeing him

I've been waiting for you

Wait! Let me guess

You have thick brows

penetrating eyes

a real hero

I'm so nervous

You're absolutely right! Kiss me


Actually I saved you

How will you repay me?

It was me!

Here's my house key. Take it

I'll be waiting...

I don't take advantage of women

Let me hug you




I'll save you

You're despicable!

What are you doing here?

Don't jump queue!


Do you know the rules?

Get in line


I'm the real guy

Get in line!


You're here, Master

I'm here for the fun

How could you?

They're all the same!

But I really saved the girl!

So what?

You couldn't have done it without me

Without you?

I used the Invincible Fireball

Cut the bullshit!

You were lucky

But you won't be so lucky next time

You'll kill yourself!

What? I lied

Do you want to know

tomorrow's headline?


Car crash

Why did you lie to me?

Everyone can practice kung fu

and you'd believe that

Who else would fall for it?

Tell me!

Why are you telling me now?

Because you're asking me now

so I'm telling you now

You didn't ask me before

I can't possibly volunteer

You lied to me

Don't believe me

This may not be something to brag about

But it wasn't my fault

You were stupid

I want my money back!

Forget it!

You'll have no son

Don't get personal!

Why not?

Cripple! Swindler! Sex maniac!

Wimp! Sissy! Coward!

I beat Grizzly, I'm not a coward

You won't beat him without me

You lied to me. I did it myself

I gave you confidence

or else you wouldn't dare to challenge him

or go after Li

Leave her out of this


What's the big deal?

I dare you to take off

that stupid mask in front of her

When she sees you

I'll kill myself if she doesn't scream

Go to hell!

You'll be a cripple in your next life!





Look at this cripple...

How pathetic...

Look at this idiot...

I dare you to say that again!






Get lost, asshole

I dare you to fight me

Go to hell!


I must tell you

I'm the Masked Garfield


You have proof?

What do you want?

Even you want a piece of me!

It's true

I hate scum like you


I'm not who you think I am


Please don't...


What's wrong with you?

Why did you run from me?

It has nothing to do with me

I want to ask you

I'm busy

Do you know who is the Masked Garfield?




I should have guessed

He must be someone I know

Good guess

Do you know why he wears the mask?


Because he wants to remain anonymous

He doesn't want people to repay him


He is generous and giving

His greatness

is comparable to that of Jesus Christ

Tell me, how can I repay him?

Simple! Kiss him

Kiss him?

Don't be shy

We're in the 20th century

Put aside the moral issues

Trust me, you have no choice

Kissing him is the only way


You must pay him back for saving your life

Come on, baby!

Yin, let me introduce you to

the Chief of the Karate Club

He came all the way from Japan

He's an old schoolmate.
I'm so happy to see him

It was him!

Don't bring that up!
Your friend is waiting


I'll take a look

Are you from Elite center?


I don't want Li to hang around garbage

Stay away from her

You're saying I'm garbage?


Are you done?

Vivian is waiting for us

See you later!

Li, you're wrong about...

Thanks for your advice

"Garbage Collecting Center"

This can't be happening

I told her to kiss me

But she kissed him instead

I sent her straight to the arms

of that bespectacled asshole

This is too much

With my willpower

I can take this

Am I in your way, buddy?

No, it's a place for garbage

Sit here as long as you want

Nothing you say can harm me

Because I have gone mad already

One, two, buckle my shoe


Buckle my shoe...


Come back!

What do you want?

Forget the money, I don't even have a job

Take my life if you want

Shut up! I need to talk to you

You know I'm the Masked Garfield?


I saved Li

But she got it wrong

She thought it was

some Karate asshole

Can you please

explain it to her?

Sure, I'll tell her next time I see her

Thanks, but no!

Not when you see her

Go tell her now!

I'll go tell her later


I'll go with you now

Given your status

If you tell her you're Masked Garfield

That'll be such a waste!

Why don't you tell her

you're the U.S. President?

President? Maybe later

But now, I want to clarify this.
Let's go...

Get a grip!

Look at you

Who would believe you! Go away!

I have nothing to live for!

Then you should be dead!

Yes! But before that

I need to teach that asshole a lesson

because he called me garbage

But you are garbage. Look...

Come... look at you

You blend in so well with garbage

Don't deny it

To prove I'm not, I'll beat him up

Sure, go ahead!

Do that for me too

and then teach me something else

I told you I lied to you

Why are you still coming?

I won because you lied to me

Might as well lie to me again

I told you it was pure luck

Believe it or not

Don't come to me again! Now get lost!

Will you lie to me?


I'll slash your face!

I dare you!

I'm a cultured person

I won't swindle anyone again

Now get lost...

"Letter of Challenge"

Is the Karate chief in?

Fetch him for me

You haven't made a delivery
for a long time

I have a cold

I need to rest

Hi Devil, I thought you quit already

Why are you here?

I miss you, Mary


Would you like to go out?

Take me to a movie

How about "The Terminator"?

You can take my mother

Sure! Does your father mind?

You're obscene

No, I'm romantic

We're not here to get a date

I came here looking murderous

You're embarrassing me

Where is the Karate chief?

In a meeting with Mr. Chen

Pass this to him. Let's go

Come here

In terms of personal combat

Elite Center is second to none
in southeast Asia

Our impeccable reputation

is attributed to our department chiefs

Chief of Tae Kwon Do

His feet are as agile as his hands

attacking the opponent from
unthinkable angles

Our Chief of Kendo

He's fast as lightning

powerful enough to split a rock

Our boxing chief

The impact of his right hook is 878 lbs.

Our Judo chief

Best fighter for 3 years in a roll

You're the one beaten by the masked man

Nice to meet you

The purpose of my trip

is to restructure Elite Center

Karate is the top martial art in the world

That's why I think only Karate

should remain at Elite Center

The others should be abolished

What do you mean by that?

What about us?

Good question! If you're interested

You're welcome to join the karate division

I'll do the screening

I only train the best

not garbage

Why are you looking at me?
You think I'm garbage?

Don't get me wrong!

I'm saying you're all garbage

What a mess!

What are you thinking?

Let's burn the letter

I told you

They're all garbage

They should have been driven out!

Good! It's still here, burn it!

You cripple!

I have driven you out

How dare you show your face?

I see

You want money?

I'll give you money and get lost

I'm telling you

Don't treat me like a beggar

I'm no longer with the Center

I don't have to put up with you

I'm here today

as Chief of
the Ancient Chinese Boxing school

to challenge this karate lunatic to a duel

Are you out of your mind?

1974, first time Kickboxing Champion

in southeast Asia

1980, defeated heavy champ Lei Long

For the next 3 years in a roll

defeated all Japanese Karate masters

became Kickboxing Champion in Japan

Ancient Chinese Boxing,
hailed as the jinx of Karate

nicknamed Devilish Muscle Man

You're really...

I told you

That's me!

But too bad

In the Sino-Japanese Championship in 1988

You disappeared after
my Master broke your leg

You abandoned all hopes
and resorted to swindling

You're an aging cripple

How can you challenge anyone?


Not me, him!

The second generation... get up

He's my student He Jin Yin

This piece of shit?

Yes! Give me a month

He'll be invincible!

Only Karate is invincible

As long as I'm alive

Karate is always second to me

How about it?


I accept on one condition

If I win

Ancient Chinese Boxing will
totally vanish from earth

Alright! If you lose

I want Ancient Chinese Boxing

to take over Elite Center

You have a deal

One more thing

You took my salad dressing

Pay me back

I didn't know you were for real

I told you fame is not my game

You shouldn't make challenges on my behalf

You're killing me!

I should thank you

If you didn't put a knife to my neck

I would never have realized

this is the best thing I've done

If we win

I can re-establish the school

Even if you get killed

I'll take out an insurance policy

and be the beneficiary

Good for you, but what about me?

You can prove you're not garbage

That's what I am, I won't deny it

I have a plan

What plan?

So soon?

I better go

We'll do this some other time

Very well!

What about the girl?

Fine! I'll do it!

That's the spirit!


The ratings for "Happy Tonight"
have reached record low

Do something!

How about this?

I read a story

from the Elite Center magazine

A delivery boy has challenged
a karate chief

Happy Tonight is proud to present

Happy Boxing Championship

The contestants include,
on my right, the Delivery Boy

Student of
the Ancient Chinese Boxing school

My name is He Jin Yin

Delivery Boy is his nickname

On my left

is Karate champ for 3 years in a roll

Duan Shui Liu

They have signed a no-fault agreement

What brought about this duel?

I don't know

Let's ask them

Mr. He

Everyone says

it's suicidal for you

Can you tell us

the reason

behind this tragic decision?

It is...


It's unplugged


Is this your first TV appearance?


I'm allowing the live broadcast

because I want to promote Karate

Any event that promotes martial arts

I will give my full support

Rumor has it

you were the Masked Garfield

and saved a girl

Is that true?

I showed up in disguise

because I don't want people to know

If you're interested

I can tell you

I grew up in Japan

Kamen Rider was my idol

From then onwards

I have used different masks

to help the underdogs

and punish the evil doers

It never dawned on me

The person I saved that day

was the love of my life

He's talking about you

Li, I'm glad to see you again

I didn't expect my hero

to show up at the right time and save me

It was so dangerous

If you didn't show up

I don't know what would happen

I know it's been a while

But I still remember
red is your favorite color

You like black

You like red bean pudding

You like wasabi

How romantic!

Flowers in bloom, we pledge our love

Nightingales sing, singing about our love

Love is in the air

We'll be together, our love will not die

I'd like to propose

Please say yes

You're crying

There goes your girl!

Let her go!

What's wrong with you? Epilepsy?

You're lying! You're a liar!

You're a hypocrite!

Don't believe him, Li

I saved you the other day

Step aside, Li


You garbage!

I'm giving you a chance to fight me

Yet you repay me with slander

I'll show you no mercy in the ring

Me neither

I'll break your nose

I'll kill you

Excellent! Well said!

This will be our headline tomorrow

Say that again

I'll kill you



Cut the bullshit!
He Jin Yin is not suicidal

I measure up to my reputation

I'll show you in a month

What Ancient Chinese Boxing can do

The drill will start tomorrow

Let's go

Don't stand behind me,
this is not Brokeback Mountain

I thought you were leaving

This way, asshole

Sorry! Step aside

You really think you can beat me?

I can give up my life for a girl

Can you?

Wait! Let's take a few more

Li, don't mind that lunatic!

He's full of shit! Put on the ring!

I can't...

Why? You don't trust me?

I do, but...

Whatever happens

Let's go to my place tonight

We need to talk, alright?

Give me some time

Vivian, let's go


What do you think...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a tip

The Devilish Muscle Man

has begun the grueling drill as we speak

We waste no time

in bringing you a live update

It's spooky and ghastly

Let's have a look around

The fish balls are great!


Try it!


Very chewy!

What about your training?

This is it!

Have you eaten?

- No!
- Sit down!

Come on, sit down!

One more order of goose intestines

Do you like it?


One more order!

Are you filming us? We should get paid!

Where's my pork liver?

In the bottom

No! I just put it in

Did you eat it?


Don't give me that!

What's this?

Why is it in my pocket?

There's a limit to my patience

I see it...

How's the drill?

They're having hotpot


Yes, they ordered goose intestines

fish balls

and hard boiled eggs

Allegedly it can reduce loss of fluid

Let's have hotpot tonight

and try the eggs...

Shut up!

What are they up to?

We have 2 more weeks to go

How is He Jin Yin

getting on with his drill?

Let's take a look

Come on baby, let's go for fun... Yeah!

Don't run...

What's this? Stop fooling around!

Either they have gone mad

or this is a conspiracy

I don't care what they're doing

I'll beat him

True love is hard to find

I'm easily hurt

Looking for love...

We're here to observe

It should be alright

Says who?
I heard someone will be killed tonight

You better be prepared


Why not?

When He Jin Yin goes down

and we rush him to the hospital

Make sure you get close ups of his blood

I want blood gushing out

What if he's dead?

You'll get a raise, I'll get a promotion

and we'll celebrate with champagne

In this match between David and Goliath

Will there by mercy?

We'll do our best in the ring

What about your opponent?

Will you kill him by accident?

No comment!

Rumor has it you're pushing for death

to boost the TV ratings, is that true?

That's a lie, it's impossible

You opponent seems ill prepared,
is this a ploy?

Has he completed his training?

What happens if you lose?

With a body like yours

will you consider making a porno film?


I'll only make martial arts films




The world is full of morons

asking all these dumb questions

How can I lose?

Appearance is deceiving...

What is He Jin Yin up to?

Are you alright?

Where's Li? Is she here?

Don't be afraid...

I put my money on you

No, I better bet...

Who's afraid?

Get ready, you're on in 10 minutes

Even though all of us

bet on Duan Shui Liu to win

We're actually rooting for you

We made you a robe

Took us all night

Thanks! Before I get in the ring

I'd like to see Li

I've already checked, she isn't here yet

Are you ready?

Round 1!

I'm scared, Vivian

Don't be, there's still 1 more minute

Perfect timing

I don't want them to fight

Aren't you rooting for Duan Shui Liu?

No, I must tell Yin to forfeit


What's going on?

This can't be happening!

Don't do this!

Anyone out there! Help!

Open up!

"Happy Boxing Championship"

All cameras stand by

Happy Boxing Championship

will begin, yeah...

First one out

is Karate expert Duan Shui Liu

nicknamed The Killing Machine

Karate is about causing damage

all Karate experts have trained

every part of their bodies

to be destructive

breaking ice

chopping wood

splitting stones

breaking bottles

Duan Shui Liu is particularly outstanding

His punch has enough power

to smash a water melon

Talk is cheap

Bring out your cameras and
see for yourself

Next up from
the Ancient Chinese Boxing school

The master Devilish Muscle Man

is the arch enemy of Karate

According to our sources

Other than making a mean cup of tea

He hasn't learnt much

That's why this duel

is considered a suicidal attempt

What prompted him to do this

is still a mystery

From the murderous look on his face

He seems to have something up his sleeve

making this into a greater mystery

I'm backing you!

Thank you, Auntie

Watch it! I banked all my money on you

that you'll go down in Round 1

Please step down...

Remember to go down in Round 1

I'll do my best

Let's welcome our 2 contestants

They will carry on for 3 rounds

In case we can't take any pictures later

While they're still alive

take a good one

Say cheese!


This way

The vote from the press

is here in my hand

He Jin Yin wins the best costume award


Duan Shui Liu will

give out the award


We want your picture



The match will be gruesome

Mr. He did well with the costume

Looks like they are ready to go

Slaughter seems inevitable

The match has begun

Duan Shui Liu is like
a tiger out of a cage

They're fighting ferociously


Why did he turn his back?

Must be some trick

In terms of skill

You're no match for him

What I'm teaching you

is the highest realm
of Ancient Chinese Boxing

Psychological warfare

We wined and dined ourselves for a month

He became increasingly suspicious

After a month of this

If you turn your back on him

I guarantee that for Round 1

He won't come near you

He's luring me over

I shouldn't be afraid of him

I'll tough it out

Damn! Did he see through the trick?

What are they doing?

Tell them to fight

I can't comment if they don't move!

Focus on the commentator

Make up something

If you get me fired, I'll kill you

What can I say?

Use this!

The Dragon Saber?

What's wrong with you? Keep talking!

Come on! Hurry!

I can't believe this!

Come on!

The Lion King, no...

Duan Shui Liu strikes

with Qi Shang Fist

which is deadly

This is outrageous!

I don't know what I'm saying!

Just keep up the bullshit!

Zhang Wu Ji... no... He Jin Yin

fought back with the Magic Move

and dissipated Qi Shang Fist

What? Magic Move?

He Jin Yin bellowed

and dissipated Qi Shang Fist

He Jin Yin bolted from here to there

Duan Shui Liu can't even tell

which one is the real He Jin Yin

He frowned

and made up his mind

He yelled out to his Master

summoning the dead to his assistance

Don't worry! I have another one

Duan Shui Liu fell into He Jin Yin's arms

He closed his eyes

His tender lips slightly open

breathing out... "Jin Ping Mei"?

Don't worry... keep reading

What is he talking about?

He Jin Yin is enjoying himself

Thinking the girl has fallen for him

He feels her supple skin

and her tender hands

like cotton candy

He feels that...

Shut up!

What the hell are you saying?

I'm talking to you!

You gave me no choice

You weren't fighting

How can we carry on the broadcast?

Some reporter you are!
You know how to run a show?

How we run a show is none of your business


Do me a favor!

Did you hear him?

What's wrong with you?

Fight your match and
stay out of my business

You won't move,
I had to make something up!

How can you blame me?


End of Round 1


Are you alright?

I'm scared!

Don't worry!


I know

He's bluffing by turning his back

I'll hit him from behind

We'll see if he's courageous

What are you up to now?

Is it a foul?

He's tossing a hammer

and a knife

So what?

He might stab me

We'll deal with it when he does

The law will punish him

Just get on with the fight

It's so boring

If you get through Round 1

He'll get restless

In Round 2, we'll go one step further

Scare him

What's this? I'll kill you

See that! He's hit!

It can't be!

Did you see that?

Stay out of trouble, cripple!

Or I'll come down and get you

Don't blame me!

Duan Shui Liu is hit again!

Why doesn't he fight back?

He's been kicked

Anything else? Give it here!


It seems I'm wounded

Don't worry, the durian is not poisonous



Commercial break!


Yang Yin Pill, warm like the sun

Why is there no sound?

Perhaps no battery

Can't be!

Are you trapped inside?

Yes! What's wrong with you?

We've been in here for half an hour!

Fine! We'll let you wait

another half an hour

No! Please let us out!

The sun is out...

Round 3!

Kill him

That'll only take a second

Look at that garbage!

He's nothing! Everything is just an act!

Don't say that!

Every morning

He gets on a high speed truck

swinging around like a lunatic

Can that be some special skill?

Skill my ass! Get lost!

He doesn't scare me!

Is this a foul?

Of course

The pose is obscene

He Jin Yin is clamped down

You're mistaken

He Jin Yin is in control


The perfect defense

is called The Clamp

We must practice with a truck

It is most destructive

The key is to clamp down your opponent

Lock him in position...

Let go of me, garbage!

I'm not garbage!

I can't stand it

Let go!

Stop this!

You're the garbage!

Good work!


Be careful!


I'll be rid of you!

Hold on!

Don't let go!

Don't let go!

Let go!

Please let me go!

Stop it!

I know how you feel

But I can't!


I can't stand it!

Full power lethal kick

Round 3 is up!

I'm alive!

It's a miracle! He can stand up!

He's like Rocky!

You're great!

I'm so happy!

What are you?

After 3 rounds

we have our consensus

Duan Shui Liu is the winner!

I bet with all my money

But you didn't kill him

I thought you'll kill him!

You're a coward too

I must sing a song

to thank everyone for their support


Hurry! It's him over there!


Please join me!




This time I must kiss you

I'm wounded

My teeth have been knocked out

Give me a kiss too

I'm alive!

I'm so relieved!



You garbage!

Bluffing me with tricks

Of all the fights

None of my opponents can stand up

You're no exception

I'll kill you!

Where are you going?

Why don't you congratulate me?

I told you to stay away from garbage



You already won, leave him alone!

How dare you

have no respect for me?

Come back, He Jin Yin!

Don't get carried away

There's always someone stronger

He Jin Yin has a good strategy

You should admit defeat

Going after him after you have won

That's too much!

I dare you to fight me

Members of Eagle Claw, get up!

Fine! I'll take you on!

I'll show you


This is ridiculous!


Let's get a taxi

We won't fit

5 of us is just right


Are you alright, Yin?

I'm fine

Now there are 6. Boss, go by yourself!



Be forgiving...

Shut up

Do we stop filming?

Are you crazy? I've been waiting all night

for action like this

Go according to plan

Get ready for lucky draw

Don't be silly

You're no match for him

There's one last thing...

Get me a ladder

I told you

There's no such thing as
Invincible Fireball

I know I'm right

Even if you are

Where can you find the ladder?

I found it



Is it too long?

Ladies and gentlemen...

Last but not least... our lucky draw

Lucky Wheel lucky draw

Lucky draw?

I wish I'll win


Lucky draw?
Let's play with the lucky wheel


Let go!

Come out, He Jin Yin!

Here I am! Come here

Let's see who's garbage now!

Come on, garbage!

I dare you to fight me

Invincible Fireball






You can't beat me so easily

Karate is invincible

You'll always be garbage

You're garbage!

Save your breath! Quit the act!

You saw through me! I admit it...

I won!


You broke the Lucky Wheel.
You must pay for it!


Where did you learn that?

From my Master

No! He invented it!

You're a true warrior

I was right about you. I'm so proud!

Thanks to you, Master

Don't say that!

I seek no publicity.
I'm the Devilish Muscle Man

When Yin first came to me

He was a fool

If I hadn't...

Give me...

Mr. He

You did a good thing

It's my duty as a citizen

Doing charity work is my interest

I help old ladies cross the street


I do that once a week

On public holidays

I'll even do 2 or 3 times


because he ate our pineapple rice

There's real pineapples in it

Our meat ball soup has real shit

I bet you don't believe me

Get us some shit

Let me show you...

Tell us what are your plans


What I want the most

is for Li to accompany me to see

Leon Lai's concert tomorrow night

I went through great trouble
for the tickets

Li? Where are you?



Take a picture


Li, I want to...

Shut up and kiss me!

I'm used to being alone

watching the blue sky

racing the wind alone

It was fate that I met you

touching my hardened heart

No one can compare to you

I'll never forget your smile

You're the one I love

You kiss me with those tender lips

I can't help myself

I'm losing control