Love and Action in Chicago (1999) - full transcript
Eddie Jones (Courtney B. Vance) is an agent with the U.S. State Department's elite Eliminator Corps. He eliminates people the government doesn't want around. Eddie also needs to change his life.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): You may not
know it and you may not care,
but in every city in
this great country
we live in there are
eliminators, people like me
working for the US government.
We're not spies
and we're not cops.
We eliminate people
the government
deems harmful to the
American way of life.
Hey, don't look shocked.
This is the United States.
And I'm Eddie Jones, rank GS19.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING):
Not in, call back.
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING): Eddie?
Middleman.
I have a new assignment for you.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): And I
work really, really hard.
BARTENDER: Sir, what
can I get for you?
Tea, please.
[BEEPING]
Drop it and back.
Just put the case down and
everything will be fine.
[SCREAM]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING AND CRYING]
Hey, Eddie.
Hi.
Say hello to Eddie.
Oh, no, no, no, [INAUDIBLE].
There, come on in.
Ah, new suit?
For you.
Thank you.
So, Eddie, in my opinion, you
ought to take some time off.
Thanks for your
opinion, Middleman.
You've been doing a lot
of marks, where's the fire?
I like to get things done.
Well, slow down.
I transferred you over
here because I liked
your work, not
because I wanted you
to break departmental records.
And?
I never promise anything.
But the possibility
still remains?
In rare instances
we have allowed
someone to leave the branch
but-- but only very, very rare.
Well, I'm holding out
for that rare instance.
Oh, by the way, they deducted
the minibar from the Hilton.
It wasn't expensed.
Oh, give me a break.
FICA, Social Security, state
tax, HMO are getting rich on me
and you won't pay for my mint--
Touchy today, huh?
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Middleman,
my immediate supervisor,
GS32, but I wish
she wouldn't make
me pay for my minibar bill.
Yesterday's mark gave me grief.
Yeah I heard.
Very messy.
Totally unexpected.
He freaked.
Eddie, you know, when you
first came to my department,
we used to talk a lot.
You were a lot of fun.
Now it's just work,
work, work with you.
Like I said, I'm saving up.
Have a good one.
[CHURCH BELL]
[DOOR SHUT]
[CHURCH BELL]
EDDIE: Bless me, father, for
I have committed a mortal sin.
PRIEST: Confess the sin, son.
[CHURCH BELL]
EDDIE: I killed a man, father.
PRIEST: Not again.
EDDIE: Father, I pray for
your absolution so that I--
PRIEST: No, no, I'm
not doing this, Eddie.
EDDIE: Father, I
sacrificed the pleasures
of my flesh in order that I--
PRIEST: You think this
is some kind of game?
You can't barter
with God, Eddie.
You can't trade one for another.
God doesn't care if you
haven't had sex in a year.
EDDIE: It's been three
years, three years father.
Come on, Jack.
PRIEST: Don't call me Jack.
I am an instrument of the Lord.
EDDIE: Then give me
my damn absolution.
PRIEST: That's it, Eddie.
That's it.
Get out.
Whatever, Eddie.
20 Hail Mary's and
20 Our Father's.
Come on, Jack.
No, 30 Our Father's.
-30?
It's for talking back.
Jesus.
I'm sorry, what?
Nothing.
60.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING):
Not in, call back.
[BEEP]
UNIDENTIFIED FRIEND (RECORDING):
Eddie, where you been, man?
Pick up.
Yo, listen, we're going
to Roady's for brewskies.
Come join us, all right?
I guess he's not there.
[BEEP]
MOTHER (RECORDING): Edward,
it's your mother again.
I know you're there.
Just treat me like the
loving mother that I am.
Give me a couple
of grandchildren.
[BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
A few of us are getting
together tonight.
If you'd like to come down,
you're more than welcome.
You certainly need more in
your life than just this job.
[TV NOISES]
[RINGING]
[GRUNT]
[RINGING]
Hello, Eddie, Middleman.
-[GRUNT]
I've found a nice
woman for you to meet.
Oh, no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE):
She's a lot of fun.
No, no, no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON
PHONE): Very normal.
Someone to talk to.
No, I said no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE): Meet her.
You don't understand.
No.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE):
Eddie, that's an order.
HOST: Yes, ma'am?
LOIS: Hi, I'm to
meet an Edward Jones.
-Over there.
-Oh, thank you.
Hi.
Lois Newton.
Southside.
Eddie, Eddie Jones.
Eddie Jones.
Please, sit.
Is there a problem?
No, no, no, no, no problem.
No, no, no.
Have you known my friend long?
No, I just met her at a party.
And she knows you're--
Pregnant?
Unless she was blind, yeah.
I think there's been a mistake.
We're-- we're not supposed--
Take off your glasses.
If you don't mind, I'd
like to see your eyes.
Oh, nice.
You don't lie, do you.
Excuse me?
Tell me what you're
thinking right now
and I want to hear the truth.
I'm thinking of leaving.
Excuse me.
How can you just come out and
meet a man in your condition.
Have you no shame, woman?
You must be seven months--
Eight months.
And listen, I've haven't
asked to sleep with you-- yet.
You are imbalanced and
I am taking you home.
There is something
seriously wrong with you.
Come on.
Did you drive?
-No, no, no.
-Give me your keys.
-Calm down.
-Give me the keys.
Did you drive?
Oh, you're about to
make me have this baby.
Wha-wha-wha-what are
you talking about?
Oh my god.
Woo.
What?
Oh, oh, woo, you're
about to make me.
-Woo.
-Stop it.
Woo woo woo woo.
[SIGH] Your friend said
you needed cheering up.
Sit down.
shouldn't he sit down?
CROWD: Yeah.
Come on!
Sit down!
You like the maternity wear?
It's an original,
I made it myself.
Eddie, nobody is going
to kill you if you laugh.
Go on.
All right, let's go.
Move it. [BARK] Come on.
[BARK] So you see what
a good little animal this is?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a good little animal.
Look at him.
You're a very good
little Felix, aren't you?
Yes, you are.
We're going to get you a little
girlfriend, companionship
which is what you need.
-Yeah.
OK, listen, I want
the 411 on the date.
How did it go?
Fine, she is very cheery.
-So what happens next?
-Nothing.
No more dates.
I'm going to push full
steam ahead into my work.
Oh, don't be so dull.
Look, I appreciate what
you did with Lois and all,
but let's just say
in another life.
So she rubbed
you the wrong way?
No, it's not that.
It's just that I
feel that women--
Oh no, the great
mantra of Eddie Jones,
the arbiter of
women's etiquette.
Do you have any advice for
the rest of us out there?
Eddie.
Hi, it's Lois.
Where you been?
I-I-I-I-I've just been--
Busy?
Lame, lame.
Come on now.
We got along fine, didn't we?
-Yeah.
Yeah, and you forgave me for
that pregnant thing, right?
Yes, yes, I did.
It's just that I--
Eddie, you were laughing
and you needed to, Eddie.
I know when a man needs to
laugh and you needed to laugh.
No, but it's not
a problem, Lois.
Listen, I've just been
real busy and-- I've
been running in and out and
I'm hungry, I've got to eat.
I-I-I--
This is just my
way of making up
for our abrupt little
beginning to our relationship.
So, you never told me
what kind of work you do.
Security.
Checking on people's safety?
Something like that.
I make sure people
are taken care of.
That's exciting.
Ah, depends.
You?
I'm an office manager.
Right now, Pits & Evans
accounting, but I freelance.
Pits & Evans,
that's a big 8 firm.
Wow, you know the major
players in accounting.
That's impressive.
I did some business
in your building.
Well, did you know
that I, Lois Newton,
may be on a plane to
Geneva to open a Pits
& Evans office in that city?
First time out of Chicago and
I'm staying at the Four Seasons
too.
Not that I love money
or anything like that,
but I like to afford things,
you know, buy nice things.
And you're not interested
in this, are you?
No, no, no.
I am, I just-- I've
got to get to work.
Well take the rest of
the pizza, wrap it up.
Check please.
The night shift can be a bear.
Believe me, I know
because my first job
was on the night shift.
Oh, no.
I've got it.
No, no, no.
Ladies don't pay for dinner.
I've got it.
Thank you so much.
Eddie, look, I
invited you so I pay.
No, no, no.
I got it.
Eddie, please.
I said I got it, OK?
I-I-I-I'll call you.
I'll call you.
-OK.
I've heard that before.
No, no, no, no.
I will.
-All right.
-Thanks.
You're welcome.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING): Not in.
Call back. [BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
You know, I find this
whole business of Lois
so enchanting--
Middleman?
She gets on my nerves.
She came to my house tonight.
Why did you give her my
number and my address?
She's harmless and besides,
I think she likes you.
-No, no, no, no.
-All right, fine.
Forget it.
I mean, if you can't see
what a great girl this is,
you can just forget
it. [DOORBELL] Hold on,
somebody is at the door.
[SQUEEKING]
Your new dog?
[SQUEEKING]
My cute new vet just arrived
with my cute new puppy.
He makes house calls.
Listen, Eddie, we'll
scope out the police job
tomorrow, all right?
And, listen, you didn't
discourage Lois, did you?
Middleman--
Well, that's called
encouragement.
Bye.
[KNOCKING]
OK.
All right.
OK.
Oh.
Ah.
What up?
It's kind of early, isn't it?
Let me see that.
Oh.
Somebody must love the
fuck out of you, man.
I don't know nobody
that gets flowers
this early in the morning.
You talk to women
with that mouth?
That's right.
And they fine too, all of
them, baby, all of them.
Nice bodies, big old legs.
Boy, chicken wings.
I'm in the wrong neighborhood.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Eddie,
I had a wonderful evening--
LOIS (VOICEOVER): I know you're
going to think I say this
to all my dates, but when
I looked into your eyes,
I knew you were
someone really special,
the kind of guy a
girl can really trust.
You're late.
I do have a life, you know.
That sounds promising.
Off to church?
It keeps me centered.
I was particularly
centered myself last night.
Oh, they're coming out.
Take a look.
All right, you're a patrolman
on the protection detail.
Southside.
Couple of days, tops.
Here's your ID.
It's not a great picture.
The guy goes in to
look at the art,
but actually he's
selling nuke triggers
to the captains who, of course,
are on the terrorists' payroll.
Needless to say, they
are all bad guys.
Frank Bonner is bringing
in back up from Baltimore.
When you get to the
front of the museum,
take out the guy in
plainclothes, go.
Oh, and nothing fancy, Eddie.
These are Frank's
guys and you know they
can be a little bit tricky.
Oh, I almost forgot.
You've got a problem out here.
Some FBI agents have
been gunned down by a guy
with a hard-on for US G men.
I'll fax your photo
in the morning,
but do not-- let me repeat this,
do not allow this to interfere
with your usual work.
He's mine and I want the bonus.
Whatever but,
look, do me a favor.
Don't step on Frank
Bonner's toes, huh?
You know how catty he gets about
who takes credit for the hits.
Just do your job and let
his team do his, huh?
Meeting is going a little long.
Should I wait?
No, get a coffee.
I'll beep you when we're ready.
Hey, who's your CO over
at the 45th these days?
Chief McCan.
He's a good guy.
Told him I'm going to
take his job one day.
See you in a bit.
Yeah, eagle is flying.
He's flying.
Roger that.
Ready and holding.
How many times does he
have to come up to me,
say one thing, and then--
then he changes his mind.
-Oh, guys I'm hungry.
-I know he's such an idiot.
Well we got some-- You girls
want to get some chicken?
No, Thai.
-Thai food.
-Thai.
Thai?
Thai, let's get
Thai. [INAUDIBLE]
Eddie?
Oh my god.
Eddie.
I didn't know you
were on the force.
These are my friends.
Girls, this is Eddie.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
We've heard so many
nice things about you.
What the hell?
What is going on over there?
What's he doing?
Oh, have lunch with us.
RADIO: Eagle, the
bird is ready to fly.
Well, I really do
have to walk the beat.
I'm--
-Excuse us, girls.
Sorry.
RADIO: Eagle, come in.
Go, go, go, go.
Eddie, I've got a hunch.
I mean, and it's
just a hunch, but I
think you saw me
and you purposefully
walked down here because you
really wanted to talk to me.
RADIO: Five seconds to position.
Am I right?
RADIO: Standby.
Eagle, Come in.
Eagle, do you read me?
-What?
Where?
We lost you.
Well, fuck.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
What are we going to do?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[DOOR SHUT]
Everything is fucked up.
A fact I won't dispute.
I needed that job done.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER):
Taylor, Middleman's boss.
He started the Eliminator
Corps after leaving
the CIA because, as he put
it, scum lives among us all.
[BREAKING CHINA]
Look, [INAUDIBLE] Taylor,
Taylor, I am just not
in the mood for this right now.
I'm serious, bitch.
So am I. That's a $40,000
vase that you just broke,
the one you were
hiding from your wife
in the divorce settlement.
Oh, shit.
That vase?
Yes, you ignoramus.
What do you think this is?
Some Tom Clancy novel?
Hey, I'm quite upset.
No kidding.
I've got a dead
under-under-undersecretary.
The guy who did it
is running loose.
Now I've got an eliminator
who missed his routine hit.
What the hell is going on here?
Simple lapse of concentration.
What concentration?
I'm losing money.
Yeah, well,
eliminators are human.
Fuck human.
I don't hire human.
I hire hard, cold, eliminators.
Sounds to me like you're up
for promotion or your alimony
is due or you want
to [INAUDIBLE].
This is simple, basics, 101.
You know how goddamn
bad I look right now?
[LAUGHTER]
Celibate--
Please, keep your voice down.
Please.
Thank you.
You know, I always
thought you were
a little odd for an
Eliminator, but that's OK.
Maybe you were
just a lonely guy,
you know, only do it in
the house with the porno
tapes sort of guy,
but celibacy-- I
mean, never in a million years.
I'm the best.
You'll never find
anybody as good as me.
Eddie, I always liked you.
Middleman, you remember the
day you sort of came on to me?
That was to completely
professionally.
We used to talk a
lot, but after that day
I said it was best
to simply do the job.
Fine.
You want to play by the rules?
So can I. You missed a hit.
That means the next
three are for you.
What?
Check your handbook--
page 95, section C15 7A.
It's as clear as the
page it's printed on.
The rule at this moment
is being enforced.
She kissed me.
Lois was in the way.
I don't care who kissed who.
You were on a job.
A rule is a rule.
She's your friend.
You tell her to back off.
You tell yourself.
Haven't ever been in
a relationship before?
This is not a relationship.
Well, who knows?
Maybe you never have.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Not in.
Call back.
MOTHER (RECORDING):
Eddie, it's your mother.
Mark mentioned you
have a girlfriend.
So when do I meet her?
I expect to see her
here for Thanksgiving.
[BEEP]
-Martin.
[RINGING]
Not in, call back.
[BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
That fax I mentioned
is coming right now.
[KNOCKING]
19, 20.
Oh.
All right, all right, all right.
Oh, God.
Hey.
What you doing in here?
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Martin,
eliminator, sex machine.
Why did you tell my mother?
Hey, you missed the hit.
Bad news travels fast.
RADIO: Not the hit, the girl.
You know my mom bugs
me about grandkids.
Girlfriend is a good thing.
And you work too much.
You know, your mother worries
about you, I worry about you.
Just calm down.
-I'm calm.
-You're calm?
-I am calm.
-You're calm?
You look calm.
-I'm calm.
She's not my girlfriend.
-OK.
-She's--
-All right, whatever.
[DOOR SHUT]
Is the game on?
I don't know.
Don't cook.
I'm taking you out.
You're taking me out?
Yeah, it's on me.
Here's the deal.
Frank wants you back
in the department.
-Mmm.
-No, no, no.
He knows he said a few
inappropriate things
to you in the past, but--
-Inappropriate?
He was downright rude.
Eddie, come on,
you're the best.
Frank's group has got the juice.
Frank wants a trophy.
I'm not going back
to be his trophy.
You're on probation.
That means no paycheck.
Frank will pay you.
Loyalty counts for something.
I work for Middleman now.
I don't know, Eddie.
People are beginning
to think you're
a little unreliable these days.
What?
Well, you've got the missed
hit, now a new girlfriend?
What did I tell you?
She's not my girlfriend.
Oh, come on.
You were kissing
her in the street.
Well, why does she
have to be anything?
Because it's not done.
Do you see me kissing all
the honies on the street?
No.
OK, listen.
Frank insulted me.
I'm not going back,
period, end of story.
All right, so you
insult him right back
by going to work for Middleman?
I mean, Frank has got
feelings too, you know.
And you guys used to be friends.
You need a paycheck.
And Frank is having
a party tonight.
I'm not saying go kiss
his ass or anything,
but-- well, if I were you--
[DIAL TONE]
[RINGING]
Yes?
-Lois?
-Eddie?
Oh, Eddie!
Did you know there is a man
just like you in this book
I'm reading right now?
Really?
Yes.
He's quiet, he's
sensitive, he's steadied,
and his eyes are
beautiful just like yours.
FEMALE VOICE: Is that for me?
So what happened to
you the other day?
Police work, police work.
Lois, is that for me?
Hey!
Shh!
I got it.
So Eddie, were you
thinking about me?
Lois, Lois, are you busy
tonight-- busy tonight?
No.
Well, I was just asking because
there is a party tonight.
I was just wondering, if
you-- do you want to go?
Yes.
Yes I'll go with you.
-Half an hour.
I'll be there in half an hour.
OK?
I'll be ready at seven.
Bye, Lois.
And that was my
second dog, but I
was so shocked because
I didn't know dogs
could get bladder infections.
But you know what?
Everything worked out--
--[INAUDIBLE] Lois, I need
you to do me a favor.
You know that this
guy used to be
my boss so you don't have to--
You want me to shut up?
I didn't say that.
Yeah, but you wanted
to, you wanted to.
I won't embarrass you, Eddie.
Don't forget, I
have been trained
in a strong,
corporate environment.
Nice place.
-Very nice.
Hey, good to see you again.
-[INAUDIBLE] more than you.
-Hi.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER):
Frank Bonner, GS32.
32 Frank is the new golden
boy, much loved in Washington.
Eddie, what the fuck
are you doing here?
My god, it's been a long time.
Martin said you might show up,
but you never know, you know?
Hey how's your mom?
Frank, this is Lois.
Ah, yes.
I've heard a lot about you.
I like her.
Come on in, come on in.
We have some great
food, some good liquor,
and for a change, just the
right Gold Coast crowd.
Everybody GS15 and up.
And everyone knows there's
nothing worse than a government
worker on a Friday night.
That's our dance.
[LAUGHTER]
You remembered.
Lois, would you excuse me and
Eddie for just a few minutes?
Oh my goodness,
Frank, I had no idea.
This is really nice.
I'm impressed.
Oh, thank you.
I was-- I was up all night.
I couldn't sleep and you
know I sleep like a baby.
What do you think
the problem is, Frank?
Well, I stood in
front of the mirror
and I said to myself,
Franklin Ezekiel Bonner,
you have to apologize to
Eddie Jones for what you said.
He was your best
men and he left you.
And now you have
to make it right.
It's all right.
It's in the past.
Eddie, please, please,
I've got to do this.
Eddie, I'm sorry.
I never meant to call you
a fucking asshole celibate
nigger I was in the moment.
I needed a V8, a hit
of reefer, something.
I was upset and I'm sorry.
Calling you a celibate
asshole is the worst thing
a guy can say to another guy.
Well, glad I got
that off my chest.
Do you accept my apology?
Frank--
Come on.
[GROAN] [SIGH]
[GUNSHOT]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Frank and
I never really saw eye to eye.
So, do you like
working for Middleman?
She's fair, but
a government gig
is still a-- a government gig.
Well, fair is all that
really matters around here.
Nice break, Frank.
Looks like I'm solids.
That group is fun.
What rank is she?
Who does she work for?
Frank, actually, she-- Lois--
Eddie, Eddie.
Would you mind if I take
a little spin with Lois?
Wow.
Lois is hot and, you know,
not hot hot, but hot.
You know what I mean?
Ms. Newton?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
-Let's talk [INAUDIBLE].
-Beautiful!
Woo.
Thank you.
You are a wonderful
dancer, Mr. Bonner.
Oh, thank you, Lois.
Please call me Frank.
So I hear you work mostly
in the business world.
Well, Frank, I work in the
private consulting business,
but I have handled direct
orders and contracts
from the government.
So you work in the
private sector too?
Interesting.
Yeah, mostly freelance.
Well, how many contracts
do you handle a year?
30, maybe 35.
35 contracts a year?
Why have I never heard of you?
I don't know,
sir-- I mean, Frank.
A lot of folks in the
community are secretive.
You know how competitive this
world is and a lot of people
are intimidated by women
who can outperform them,
but I get pretty good marks.
And as they say, the only
good mark is a dead mark.
OK, I guess you're right, sir.
I mean, Frank.
I like you.
Lois, I want you to see
somebody in the city for me
at a major accounting firm.
I need a real deal
closer on this one.
Sure, no problem.
What do you want me to do?
It's kind of a delicate
job, a lot of people around.
I need you to go in, take a
look around and, you know,
cancel the contract.
Oh, you mean like
a secret audit?
[LAUGHTER] Yeah, an audit.
I like that.
An audit. [LAUGHTER]
I must say you were really
wonderful this evening, truly
magnificent and I thank you.
Thank you.
I think I get it from my
daddy-- God rest his soul.
He taught me how to dance.
Did he?
Really?
Yeah.
I remember when I was a little
girl my dad would come home
from work in the summer
and he would grab me
and my mom and the
boombox and we'd
go to the park for a picnic.
And just before the
sun would go down,
he would turn the
music up real loud
and we'd do the hustle
or the electric slide,
and before we knew
it, he would have
everybody in the
park on their feet
dancing, doing the
electric slide.
Can you imagine that?
100 people doing a line dance.
No.
Oh, once we were doing
this pied piper thing
and everybody was
following my dad around.
We almost got hit by
an ice cream truck.
[LAUGHTER] I'm sorry, no.
I don't mean to laugh, but-- but
it's-- [LAUGHTER] it's funny,
the way you said it. [LAUGHTER]
Do you know that's the first
time I ever heard you laugh?
You'd be surprised
what you might find.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'll be right back.
I'm sorry I slept all the way.
I'm usually more
fun on long rides.
Well, that's OK.
Eddie, do I have
sleep in my eye?
Nuh-uh.
Are you sure?
Come close.
No, you don't have sleep.
Come inside, Eddie.
You have to work
tomorrow and so do I.
Yeah, but work is
a pain in the butt.
Let's both be late.
Well, thank you for
a very nice evening.
I-I-I-I'll call you.
Eddie?
You're not just going to leave
me standing here like this.
Eddie, I am hot, very, very hot.
[DOOR SHUT]
How was it?
Girl, you just don't know.
I know I don't know.
That's why I asked, how was it?
I just want to go to
sleep so I can remember
every single part of it.
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
[SCREAMING]
Hi, Maggie, it's Lois.
[COUGHING] Oh, yeah.
I'm very sick.
No, i won't be in
today, but I need
you to make sure you order the
new paper for the IBM machines
and make sure the
workstations are online today.
That's today, Maggie.
Thank you.
Of course I
freelance, Mr. Bonner.
I'm the best freelance
accontant in Chicago.
Girl, it's time to
make some extra money.
You go girl!
[DIAL TONE]
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING): Not in.
Call back. [HEAVY BREATHING]
MOTHER (RECORDING): Edward,
it's your mother, call me.
[GRUNT]
[KNOCKING]
Oh!
Man, women coming out of
the woodwork for you, man.
Are you getting all the women?
Can you save some women
for the rest of us, man?
Get out of my house.
Get out.
Bro, we want some booty too.
Get out.
Come on, man, what's up?
Hey, you've got all the women.
Oh, lord.
Eddie, I had a
wonderful evening.
Lois.
[RINGING]
Wait here, Mr. Jensen
will see you soon.
OK, thank you.
-Lois Newton to see you.
-All right.
Yeah?
What?
-I'm Lois Newton.
-Yeah?
I'm representing Frank Bonner.
Can we talk in your office?
Frank Bonner sent you?
Yes sir, Mr. Jenson,
he certainly did.
Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
I-I-I-- oh please.
I am so sorry.
-OK.
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
[SCREAMING]
What did I do?
What did I do wrong?
Was my skirt to short?
No, no.
I didn't even wear
high heels today.
It's a black thing.
That's it.
That's it.
It's a black thing.
[DIAL TONE]
Eddie, I really messed up today.
Frank gave me this
freelance job and the guy
wouldn't even see me.
I didn't even get to work.
I am really upset.
I'm going to go drinking.
Could you just meet me at this--
Lois.
Oh, Eddie.
Lois, I need to know,
who did you go see?
Oh, forget about that, Eddie.
Maybe I just wasn't
cut out for freelance.
I knew I should have listened
to my horoscope today.
I should have gone to work.
That guy really deflated my ego.
Lois, what was his name?
I need to know.
Excuse me, but I'm having
a moment here, Eddie.
Mr. Jenson.
I just came in and
he just ran off.
OK, maybe it was my outfit.
Maybe it was my hair.
You know what I
really think it was?
I think it was a black thing
and he just freaked out
like we can't do this job too.
-Come on.
Where are we going?
Come on, we're going home.
Eddie, I didn't
pay for my drink.
Go, go, go.
Frank, what's going on?
Why did you send
Lois after Jenson?
FRANK (ON PHONE): Whoa, whoa.
Eddie, slow down.
This is outside business.
Oh I forgot, right, you're
the boyscout, right?
You don't wet your beak
like the rest of us, huh?
Look, Lois aside, I have
everything under control here.
All right?
Oh, shit.
Eddie, hang on, hang on.
Eddie?
EDDIE (ON PHONE): Lois
is a civilian, Frank.
Martin said your girl
was a professional.
Martin is an idiot.
I can't believe this.
Frank, she thought she
was there to do an audit
for a corporate account.
Come on, come on, it's
a misunderstanding.
No one has to know.
I'll make it up to you.
What do you say?
Name your price, name your vice.
The secretaries in this
department are incredible.
Secretaries?
What are you talking about?
Are you telling me
you've got agents
doing unauthorized marks?
Next thing I know you'll
be telling me you're
behind the FBI hits.
Frank?
Frank?
Why?
Everyone's got
something, Eddie.
This is not a big deal.
Eddie?
What?
FRANK (ON PHONE): Do not
make this a problem, Eddie.
Are you on board?
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie, what's going on?
FRANK (ON PHONE):
Goddamn it, Eddie.
[PHONE BEEPING]
Please sit Lois.
Thank you.
You thirsty?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Lois, Mr. Jensen is dead.
He was a drugs smuggler,
an arms dealer,
and a friend of terrorists,
a guy nobody liked.
I work for the US government.
So does Frank, Martin,
and everyone else
at the party the other night.
So--
We're eliminators.
We dispose of people
the government
doesn't want to
deal with anymore,
sort of like internal
national security.
You mean you kill people?
For the government.
There's a difference.
[SOBBING]
Damn.
[KNOCKING]
I left my purse.
I hate myself.
Don't say that.
There's no way you could
have known anything about me.
When your friend
told me at that party
that you were a nice, quiet
guy who wanted to meet
a nice girl from the
Southside I was excited
and I didn't expect anything.
I thought I'd meet you and
you'd be this smug guy who
didn't have time
for a girl like me,
but then you laughed, Eddie.
Outside you were hard,
with dark glasses on,
but inside you were
so warm, so real.
And I hate myself.
I hate myself because
I feel so much for you
and you don't feel
a thing for me.
Look at me.
I came running back here
all desperate and wishing.
I saw [INAUDIBLE].
I knew this could happen,
but you're not gay,
Eddie, you're not a drug
dealer, you're not an ex con,
you're not a player.
You're some legal murderer
and it's too late.
It's too late, Eddie, because I
am-- I am so in love with you.
Stay.
Oh, boy.
Because I think I love you.
Oh, Eddie.
You-- you're not scared of me?
Well, it looks like
you're a tidy man.
You know I don't like
messy men in my life.
Come here, Eddie.
This is nice.
-Thank you.
Is everything OK?
Yes, great.
Good Snapple too.
Ow, Eddie.
Not so rough.
I can't do this.
Can't do what?
I'm just celibate.
-You're lying.
-No.
You want to talk about it?
How about a beer?
You-you want a beer?
No, Eddie, I think that
you talk about this.
No, no, no.
Eddie, I mean this does
affect our relationship.
I don't want to talk about it.
But Eddie, not
having sex is serious.
I enjoy having sex.
This is pressure, Lois.
Are you pressuring
you me for sex?
No.
I just need to know
why it is that--
I don't need any pressure, OK?
I get enough pressure
every single day.
OK, no pressure.
OK.
OK.
I just have one question.
What?
Eddie, why?
You're a grown man.
Lois, I was raised
with religion.
My parents thought
of me becoming
a teacher, a scientist, maybe
even a priest, but as a child
I wanted to make a
difference in the world.
Then one day,
something happened.
It felt wrong.
So I made a deal with God--
To not have sex?
[RINGING]
[RINGING]
MOTHER (RECORDING):
Edward, how is it
going with the new girlfriend?
[BEEP]
Baby.
Let's forget about this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, since we're
not going to get busy--
Busy, yeah.
Let's do something fun.
Let's go downtown
and see a show.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
What?
Go home, Lois.
I'll call you later.
EDDIE: Come on, man.
Follow that car.
-FBI.
-All right.
-I believe this is yours.
-Ah.
Job well done.
[GUNSHOT]
Let's go.
Listen to me.
The state has upped the anti.
They're offering cash,
a promotion to GS24
and a mark-free
trip to Costa Rica.
Now this whole thing doesn't
even seem worth it anymore.
GS24, that's $78,500 a
year, a trip to Costa Rica.
This isn't like you, Eddie.
What is it?
I'm tired.
Father, you've
spoken to me before.
I followed your rules from altar
boy to seminary-- all right,
all right, I didn't finish that,
but I need your guidance now.
My plan was a simple
one-- work for my country,
make a good living,
find the right girl.
I need to know, is she the one?
[CHURCH BELLS]
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, how you doing?
I didn't deserve a pop in
the grill like that, Eddie.
That for telling Frank that
Lois worked for the department.
I was trying to help you out.
Do me a favor.
Stop trying to do stuff for me.
I will always do stuff for you.
You're my Obi Wan, man.
Leave it alone.
Your problem,
you work too much.
Yeah, that's me.
Will somebody get
this guy some booty?
What?
[INAUDIBLE]
It's hot in here.
Some booty.
I wonder where he got that from.
[KNOCKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What's up, dog?
[INAUDIBLE] my gun.
More flowers for the most
popping motherfucker I know.
Later, man.
LOIS (VOICEOVER): I had
a great day yesterday.
Maybe you don't feel
it, mister government
man, the way I feel it for
you, but I just know one thing.
I love you, but if it's
not the same with you,
there is nothing more to say.
Lois.
[DOORBELL]
EDDIE: Is Lois here?
Come on in.
Hi, Amy.
Hi.
Good to see you again.
You too.
Nice flowers.
Eddie?
Lois, I know what I want.
I love you.
-Really?
Yeah.
This is what I want.
Michigan?
It's paradise, simple life.
Come away with me, Lois,
you and me together.
OK.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, wait a minute.
What am I going to
tell the guys at work?
Tell them you went fishing
and in the process, bam,
you got married.
[SQUEEK]
Lois, will you marry me?
Yes, yes.
Oh, oh, Eddie.
[SCREAM] [SCREAM] Oh, Amy,
I'm getting married, girl.
I'm getting married.
Good, means there's more
room around here for me.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes!
Yeah!
I've got to call my mama.
Eddie, come here, come here.
You have to talk to my mama.
Ms. Newton.
Mom, it's Edward.
I'm in love and I'm
about to get married.
I hope this makes you happy.
I'll be in touch.
Love you.
The ring is a symbol of
continuity, unbroken faith,
and eternal love.
Edward Tarleton Jones, you
may now kiss the bride,
Lois Isabelle Newton.
Oh.
Oh, Eddie.
Oh, why did you tell me?
What have you got
against waiting?
Are we going
through that again?
An eliminator out of contact
for 48 hours is officially AWOL.
Face it, Eddie is gone.
Well, why do we have to
play it so much by the book.
Look, why can't you forget
your goddamn promotion
for one second.
Eddie is my best employee.
What do you think
I'm running here?
Some chicken shit operation?
We are accountable for
every one of our people--
each and every one of them.
We are accountable
for their actions
and the actions of those
that they have to deal with.
We are all needed and
we are all expendable.
You got it?
That's the way it's written.
Now, you can handle this
in a timely manner or--
All right.
I want progress
reports on his movements
all written up and on my desk
12 hours after he goes down.
Understand?
-Yes sir.
Poor Eddie.
Eddie Jones has
to be taken out.
If the girl is in your
sights, don't hesitate.
We have to assume he
has told her everything.
Find him and hit him.
This is a little irregular.
Any problems?
No problem at all.
Eddie is now live so check your
scanners, find his coordinates.
He is two days away.
Hit every church, bridal and tux
shop in a thousand mile radius.
What the fuck is going on?
That's the order.
He's out.
Go get him.
Eddie is the best eliminator
I've ever known, Frank.
What is this?
He didn't come in the house
when the street lights came on.
Get it done, Martin.
You OK?
I am never playing
matchmaker again.
You need to know
how to do this.
They're not going to give
up trying to find us.
Let's just go, Eddie.
I don't want to
know how to do this.
You need to learn.
Anything could happen.
Right over here.
Actually, step back.
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
OK, here you go.
-Oh, Eddie.
-Come on, baby.
Come on.
Aim at that little
can right there.
[GUNSHOT]
Oh, I don't want to do this.
Come on, baby,
you've got to learn.
Come on.
Come on.
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Oh, I did it.
Let's do it again.
No, no, no, no, no.
You got it.
You wanted it.
I can't wait.
Uh huh.
This is so beautiful.
OK.
Here, here, here.
Before you go, let me do
this little thing here.
There you go.
That's all I want to do.
You're so strong, Eddie.
Well, I do work
out a little bit.
Eddie Jones.
You blew it.
[GUNSHOT]
LOIS: Oh my god.
MARTIN: Let him go!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Hey! [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUSNHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Martin!
Martin, my man.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey.
You know I wasn't going to
let them take you out, Obi Wan.
[LABORED BREATHING]
His name is Eddie Jones and he
is a non-debriefed eliminator.
He has to be taken out and
he is a killing machine.
I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK.
Just-- get out of here, Eddie.
Just get out of here because--
-I'm not going to leave you.
-They know my location.
They can just pick me up,
just get out of here, go.
I'm not leaving--
Eddie, go!
Hey, hey, hey--
Eddie is very skilled.
He is also a very
nice man who cares
and he's in love with a woman.
I introduced them.
I [INAUDIBLE] made the whole
thing possible, you know.
They are just wonderful
together as a couple.
I mean, I would just--
I would so hate--
Hey, Middleman!
Enough.
That Lois, she's a-- she
really loves you, man.
Keep her.
I will.
I will.
[GEESE QUACKING]
[GUNS LOADING]
[BRANCH CRACKING]
It's not over.
I know exactly how
it's going to happen.
There's no time, honey.
No time.
They're here.
Well, what do you
want me to do, Eddie?
Move!
[GUNSHOT]
[BREAKING GLASS] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Eddie!
Eddie!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GROAN]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[BREAKING GLASS]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GUNSHOT]
[BREAKING GLASS] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Eddie!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[SCREAM] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [HEAVY BREATHING]
[COCKING PISTOL]
Drop the gun now.
Mister killing
machine, you won't
walk away from this today.
It's time to cleanse your soul.
Get on your knees, Eddie Jones.
Take out your rosary.
Our Father who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
And give us this
day our daily bread
and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
[GUNSHOT]
[GROAN]
-Lois!
-What?
-Nothing.
-What?
Nothing, nothing.
Come here, come here.
[GROAN]
It's over, baby.
It's over.
MIDDLEMAN (VOICEOVER):
Taylor, you'll
be satisfied to know that the
case of Edward Farmington Jones
is now closed.
Eddie was killed in
a fierce gun battle
along with six other agents.
I personally supervised the
disposal of all the bodies.
I'll send this report along
to Frank for his perusal.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Lois and
I, well, we finally got busy.
And thanks to Middleman, we went
on to have a pretty fine life.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, Eddie?
Hm?
You're the perfect guy.
[INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE]
I love you.
[INAUDIBLE] Want
to try [INAUDIBLE]
Oh, it's going to
be a long night.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
know it and you may not care,
but in every city in
this great country
we live in there are
eliminators, people like me
working for the US government.
We're not spies
and we're not cops.
We eliminate people
the government
deems harmful to the
American way of life.
Hey, don't look shocked.
This is the United States.
And I'm Eddie Jones, rank GS19.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING):
Not in, call back.
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING): Eddie?
Middleman.
I have a new assignment for you.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): And I
work really, really hard.
BARTENDER: Sir, what
can I get for you?
Tea, please.
[BEEPING]
Drop it and back.
Just put the case down and
everything will be fine.
[SCREAM]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[SCREAMING AND CRYING]
Hey, Eddie.
Hi.
Say hello to Eddie.
Oh, no, no, no, [INAUDIBLE].
There, come on in.
Ah, new suit?
For you.
Thank you.
So, Eddie, in my opinion, you
ought to take some time off.
Thanks for your
opinion, Middleman.
You've been doing a lot
of marks, where's the fire?
I like to get things done.
Well, slow down.
I transferred you over
here because I liked
your work, not
because I wanted you
to break departmental records.
And?
I never promise anything.
But the possibility
still remains?
In rare instances
we have allowed
someone to leave the branch
but-- but only very, very rare.
Well, I'm holding out
for that rare instance.
Oh, by the way, they deducted
the minibar from the Hilton.
It wasn't expensed.
Oh, give me a break.
FICA, Social Security, state
tax, HMO are getting rich on me
and you won't pay for my mint--
Touchy today, huh?
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Middleman,
my immediate supervisor,
GS32, but I wish
she wouldn't make
me pay for my minibar bill.
Yesterday's mark gave me grief.
Yeah I heard.
Very messy.
Totally unexpected.
He freaked.
Eddie, you know, when you
first came to my department,
we used to talk a lot.
You were a lot of fun.
Now it's just work,
work, work with you.
Like I said, I'm saving up.
Have a good one.
[CHURCH BELL]
[DOOR SHUT]
[CHURCH BELL]
EDDIE: Bless me, father, for
I have committed a mortal sin.
PRIEST: Confess the sin, son.
[CHURCH BELL]
EDDIE: I killed a man, father.
PRIEST: Not again.
EDDIE: Father, I pray for
your absolution so that I--
PRIEST: No, no, I'm
not doing this, Eddie.
EDDIE: Father, I
sacrificed the pleasures
of my flesh in order that I--
PRIEST: You think this
is some kind of game?
You can't barter
with God, Eddie.
You can't trade one for another.
God doesn't care if you
haven't had sex in a year.
EDDIE: It's been three
years, three years father.
Come on, Jack.
PRIEST: Don't call me Jack.
I am an instrument of the Lord.
EDDIE: Then give me
my damn absolution.
PRIEST: That's it, Eddie.
That's it.
Get out.
Whatever, Eddie.
20 Hail Mary's and
20 Our Father's.
Come on, Jack.
No, 30 Our Father's.
-30?
It's for talking back.
Jesus.
I'm sorry, what?
Nothing.
60.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING):
Not in, call back.
[BEEP]
UNIDENTIFIED FRIEND (RECORDING):
Eddie, where you been, man?
Pick up.
Yo, listen, we're going
to Roady's for brewskies.
Come join us, all right?
I guess he's not there.
[BEEP]
MOTHER (RECORDING): Edward,
it's your mother again.
I know you're there.
Just treat me like the
loving mother that I am.
Give me a couple
of grandchildren.
[BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
A few of us are getting
together tonight.
If you'd like to come down,
you're more than welcome.
You certainly need more in
your life than just this job.
[TV NOISES]
[RINGING]
[GRUNT]
[RINGING]
Hello, Eddie, Middleman.
-[GRUNT]
I've found a nice
woman for you to meet.
Oh, no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE):
She's a lot of fun.
No, no, no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON
PHONE): Very normal.
Someone to talk to.
No, I said no.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE): Meet her.
You don't understand.
No.
MIDDLEMAN (ON PHONE):
Eddie, that's an order.
HOST: Yes, ma'am?
LOIS: Hi, I'm to
meet an Edward Jones.
-Over there.
-Oh, thank you.
Hi.
Lois Newton.
Southside.
Eddie, Eddie Jones.
Eddie Jones.
Please, sit.
Is there a problem?
No, no, no, no, no problem.
No, no, no.
Have you known my friend long?
No, I just met her at a party.
And she knows you're--
Pregnant?
Unless she was blind, yeah.
I think there's been a mistake.
We're-- we're not supposed--
Take off your glasses.
If you don't mind, I'd
like to see your eyes.
Oh, nice.
You don't lie, do you.
Excuse me?
Tell me what you're
thinking right now
and I want to hear the truth.
I'm thinking of leaving.
Excuse me.
How can you just come out and
meet a man in your condition.
Have you no shame, woman?
You must be seven months--
Eight months.
And listen, I've haven't
asked to sleep with you-- yet.
You are imbalanced and
I am taking you home.
There is something
seriously wrong with you.
Come on.
Did you drive?
-No, no, no.
-Give me your keys.
-Calm down.
-Give me the keys.
Did you drive?
Oh, you're about to
make me have this baby.
Wha-wha-wha-what are
you talking about?
Oh my god.
Woo.
What?
Oh, oh, woo, you're
about to make me.
-Woo.
-Stop it.
Woo woo woo woo.
[SIGH] Your friend said
you needed cheering up.
Sit down.
shouldn't he sit down?
CROWD: Yeah.
Come on!
Sit down!
You like the maternity wear?
It's an original,
I made it myself.
Eddie, nobody is going
to kill you if you laugh.
Go on.
All right, let's go.
Move it. [BARK] Come on.
[BARK] So you see what
a good little animal this is?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a good little animal.
Look at him.
You're a very good
little Felix, aren't you?
Yes, you are.
We're going to get you a little
girlfriend, companionship
which is what you need.
-Yeah.
OK, listen, I want
the 411 on the date.
How did it go?
Fine, she is very cheery.
-So what happens next?
-Nothing.
No more dates.
I'm going to push full
steam ahead into my work.
Oh, don't be so dull.
Look, I appreciate what
you did with Lois and all,
but let's just say
in another life.
So she rubbed
you the wrong way?
No, it's not that.
It's just that I
feel that women--
Oh no, the great
mantra of Eddie Jones,
the arbiter of
women's etiquette.
Do you have any advice for
the rest of us out there?
Eddie.
Hi, it's Lois.
Where you been?
I-I-I-I-I've just been--
Busy?
Lame, lame.
Come on now.
We got along fine, didn't we?
-Yeah.
Yeah, and you forgave me for
that pregnant thing, right?
Yes, yes, I did.
It's just that I--
Eddie, you were laughing
and you needed to, Eddie.
I know when a man needs to
laugh and you needed to laugh.
No, but it's not
a problem, Lois.
Listen, I've just been
real busy and-- I've
been running in and out and
I'm hungry, I've got to eat.
I-I-I--
This is just my
way of making up
for our abrupt little
beginning to our relationship.
So, you never told me
what kind of work you do.
Security.
Checking on people's safety?
Something like that.
I make sure people
are taken care of.
That's exciting.
Ah, depends.
You?
I'm an office manager.
Right now, Pits & Evans
accounting, but I freelance.
Pits & Evans,
that's a big 8 firm.
Wow, you know the major
players in accounting.
That's impressive.
I did some business
in your building.
Well, did you know
that I, Lois Newton,
may be on a plane to
Geneva to open a Pits
& Evans office in that city?
First time out of Chicago and
I'm staying at the Four Seasons
too.
Not that I love money
or anything like that,
but I like to afford things,
you know, buy nice things.
And you're not interested
in this, are you?
No, no, no.
I am, I just-- I've
got to get to work.
Well take the rest of
the pizza, wrap it up.
Check please.
The night shift can be a bear.
Believe me, I know
because my first job
was on the night shift.
Oh, no.
I've got it.
No, no, no.
Ladies don't pay for dinner.
I've got it.
Thank you so much.
Eddie, look, I
invited you so I pay.
No, no, no.
I got it.
Eddie, please.
I said I got it, OK?
I-I-I-I'll call you.
I'll call you.
-OK.
I've heard that before.
No, no, no, no.
I will.
-All right.
-Thanks.
You're welcome.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING): Not in.
Call back. [BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
You know, I find this
whole business of Lois
so enchanting--
Middleman?
She gets on my nerves.
She came to my house tonight.
Why did you give her my
number and my address?
She's harmless and besides,
I think she likes you.
-No, no, no, no.
-All right, fine.
Forget it.
I mean, if you can't see
what a great girl this is,
you can just forget
it. [DOORBELL] Hold on,
somebody is at the door.
[SQUEEKING]
Your new dog?
[SQUEEKING]
My cute new vet just arrived
with my cute new puppy.
He makes house calls.
Listen, Eddie, we'll
scope out the police job
tomorrow, all right?
And, listen, you didn't
discourage Lois, did you?
Middleman--
Well, that's called
encouragement.
Bye.
[KNOCKING]
OK.
All right.
OK.
Oh.
Ah.
What up?
It's kind of early, isn't it?
Let me see that.
Oh.
Somebody must love the
fuck out of you, man.
I don't know nobody
that gets flowers
this early in the morning.
You talk to women
with that mouth?
That's right.
And they fine too, all of
them, baby, all of them.
Nice bodies, big old legs.
Boy, chicken wings.
I'm in the wrong neighborhood.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Eddie,
I had a wonderful evening--
LOIS (VOICEOVER): I know you're
going to think I say this
to all my dates, but when
I looked into your eyes,
I knew you were
someone really special,
the kind of guy a
girl can really trust.
You're late.
I do have a life, you know.
That sounds promising.
Off to church?
It keeps me centered.
I was particularly
centered myself last night.
Oh, they're coming out.
Take a look.
All right, you're a patrolman
on the protection detail.
Southside.
Couple of days, tops.
Here's your ID.
It's not a great picture.
The guy goes in to
look at the art,
but actually he's
selling nuke triggers
to the captains who, of course,
are on the terrorists' payroll.
Needless to say, they
are all bad guys.
Frank Bonner is bringing
in back up from Baltimore.
When you get to the
front of the museum,
take out the guy in
plainclothes, go.
Oh, and nothing fancy, Eddie.
These are Frank's
guys and you know they
can be a little bit tricky.
Oh, I almost forgot.
You've got a problem out here.
Some FBI agents have
been gunned down by a guy
with a hard-on for US G men.
I'll fax your photo
in the morning,
but do not-- let me repeat this,
do not allow this to interfere
with your usual work.
He's mine and I want the bonus.
Whatever but,
look, do me a favor.
Don't step on Frank
Bonner's toes, huh?
You know how catty he gets about
who takes credit for the hits.
Just do your job and let
his team do his, huh?
Meeting is going a little long.
Should I wait?
No, get a coffee.
I'll beep you when we're ready.
Hey, who's your CO over
at the 45th these days?
Chief McCan.
He's a good guy.
Told him I'm going to
take his job one day.
See you in a bit.
Yeah, eagle is flying.
He's flying.
Roger that.
Ready and holding.
How many times does he
have to come up to me,
say one thing, and then--
then he changes his mind.
-Oh, guys I'm hungry.
-I know he's such an idiot.
Well we got some-- You girls
want to get some chicken?
No, Thai.
-Thai food.
-Thai.
Thai?
Thai, let's get
Thai. [INAUDIBLE]
Eddie?
Oh my god.
Eddie.
I didn't know you
were on the force.
These are my friends.
Girls, this is Eddie.
-Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
We've heard so many
nice things about you.
What the hell?
What is going on over there?
What's he doing?
Oh, have lunch with us.
RADIO: Eagle, the
bird is ready to fly.
Well, I really do
have to walk the beat.
I'm--
-Excuse us, girls.
Sorry.
RADIO: Eagle, come in.
Go, go, go, go.
Eddie, I've got a hunch.
I mean, and it's
just a hunch, but I
think you saw me
and you purposefully
walked down here because you
really wanted to talk to me.
RADIO: Five seconds to position.
Am I right?
RADIO: Standby.
Eagle, Come in.
Eagle, do you read me?
-What?
Where?
We lost you.
Well, fuck.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
What are we going to do?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[DOOR SHUT]
Everything is fucked up.
A fact I won't dispute.
I needed that job done.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER):
Taylor, Middleman's boss.
He started the Eliminator
Corps after leaving
the CIA because, as he put
it, scum lives among us all.
[BREAKING CHINA]
Look, [INAUDIBLE] Taylor,
Taylor, I am just not
in the mood for this right now.
I'm serious, bitch.
So am I. That's a $40,000
vase that you just broke,
the one you were
hiding from your wife
in the divorce settlement.
Oh, shit.
That vase?
Yes, you ignoramus.
What do you think this is?
Some Tom Clancy novel?
Hey, I'm quite upset.
No kidding.
I've got a dead
under-under-undersecretary.
The guy who did it
is running loose.
Now I've got an eliminator
who missed his routine hit.
What the hell is going on here?
Simple lapse of concentration.
What concentration?
I'm losing money.
Yeah, well,
eliminators are human.
Fuck human.
I don't hire human.
I hire hard, cold, eliminators.
Sounds to me like you're up
for promotion or your alimony
is due or you want
to [INAUDIBLE].
This is simple, basics, 101.
You know how goddamn
bad I look right now?
[LAUGHTER]
Celibate--
Please, keep your voice down.
Please.
Thank you.
You know, I always
thought you were
a little odd for an
Eliminator, but that's OK.
Maybe you were
just a lonely guy,
you know, only do it in
the house with the porno
tapes sort of guy,
but celibacy-- I
mean, never in a million years.
I'm the best.
You'll never find
anybody as good as me.
Eddie, I always liked you.
Middleman, you remember the
day you sort of came on to me?
That was to completely
professionally.
We used to talk a
lot, but after that day
I said it was best
to simply do the job.
Fine.
You want to play by the rules?
So can I. You missed a hit.
That means the next
three are for you.
What?
Check your handbook--
page 95, section C15 7A.
It's as clear as the
page it's printed on.
The rule at this moment
is being enforced.
She kissed me.
Lois was in the way.
I don't care who kissed who.
You were on a job.
A rule is a rule.
She's your friend.
You tell her to back off.
You tell yourself.
Haven't ever been in
a relationship before?
This is not a relationship.
Well, who knows?
Maybe you never have.
[RINGING]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Not in.
Call back.
MOTHER (RECORDING):
Eddie, it's your mother.
Mark mentioned you
have a girlfriend.
So when do I meet her?
I expect to see her
here for Thanksgiving.
[BEEP]
-Martin.
[RINGING]
Not in, call back.
[BEEP]
MIDDLEMAN (RECORDING):
Eddie, Middleman.
That fax I mentioned
is coming right now.
[KNOCKING]
19, 20.
Oh.
All right, all right, all right.
Oh, God.
Hey.
What you doing in here?
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Martin,
eliminator, sex machine.
Why did you tell my mother?
Hey, you missed the hit.
Bad news travels fast.
RADIO: Not the hit, the girl.
You know my mom bugs
me about grandkids.
Girlfriend is a good thing.
And you work too much.
You know, your mother worries
about you, I worry about you.
Just calm down.
-I'm calm.
-You're calm?
-I am calm.
-You're calm?
You look calm.
-I'm calm.
She's not my girlfriend.
-OK.
-She's--
-All right, whatever.
[DOOR SHUT]
Is the game on?
I don't know.
Don't cook.
I'm taking you out.
You're taking me out?
Yeah, it's on me.
Here's the deal.
Frank wants you back
in the department.
-Mmm.
-No, no, no.
He knows he said a few
inappropriate things
to you in the past, but--
-Inappropriate?
He was downright rude.
Eddie, come on,
you're the best.
Frank's group has got the juice.
Frank wants a trophy.
I'm not going back
to be his trophy.
You're on probation.
That means no paycheck.
Frank will pay you.
Loyalty counts for something.
I work for Middleman now.
I don't know, Eddie.
People are beginning
to think you're
a little unreliable these days.
What?
Well, you've got the missed
hit, now a new girlfriend?
What did I tell you?
She's not my girlfriend.
Oh, come on.
You were kissing
her in the street.
Well, why does she
have to be anything?
Because it's not done.
Do you see me kissing all
the honies on the street?
No.
OK, listen.
Frank insulted me.
I'm not going back,
period, end of story.
All right, so you
insult him right back
by going to work for Middleman?
I mean, Frank has got
feelings too, you know.
And you guys used to be friends.
You need a paycheck.
And Frank is having
a party tonight.
I'm not saying go kiss
his ass or anything,
but-- well, if I were you--
[DIAL TONE]
[RINGING]
Yes?
-Lois?
-Eddie?
Oh, Eddie!
Did you know there is a man
just like you in this book
I'm reading right now?
Really?
Yes.
He's quiet, he's
sensitive, he's steadied,
and his eyes are
beautiful just like yours.
FEMALE VOICE: Is that for me?
So what happened to
you the other day?
Police work, police work.
Lois, is that for me?
Hey!
Shh!
I got it.
So Eddie, were you
thinking about me?
Lois, Lois, are you busy
tonight-- busy tonight?
No.
Well, I was just asking because
there is a party tonight.
I was just wondering, if
you-- do you want to go?
Yes.
Yes I'll go with you.
-Half an hour.
I'll be there in half an hour.
OK?
I'll be ready at seven.
Bye, Lois.
And that was my
second dog, but I
was so shocked because
I didn't know dogs
could get bladder infections.
But you know what?
Everything worked out--
--[INAUDIBLE] Lois, I need
you to do me a favor.
You know that this
guy used to be
my boss so you don't have to--
You want me to shut up?
I didn't say that.
Yeah, but you wanted
to, you wanted to.
I won't embarrass you, Eddie.
Don't forget, I
have been trained
in a strong,
corporate environment.
Nice place.
-Very nice.
Hey, good to see you again.
-[INAUDIBLE] more than you.
-Hi.
EDDIE (VOICEOVER):
Frank Bonner, GS32.
32 Frank is the new golden
boy, much loved in Washington.
Eddie, what the fuck
are you doing here?
My god, it's been a long time.
Martin said you might show up,
but you never know, you know?
Hey how's your mom?
Frank, this is Lois.
Ah, yes.
I've heard a lot about you.
I like her.
Come on in, come on in.
We have some great
food, some good liquor,
and for a change, just the
right Gold Coast crowd.
Everybody GS15 and up.
And everyone knows there's
nothing worse than a government
worker on a Friday night.
That's our dance.
[LAUGHTER]
You remembered.
Lois, would you excuse me and
Eddie for just a few minutes?
Oh my goodness,
Frank, I had no idea.
This is really nice.
I'm impressed.
Oh, thank you.
I was-- I was up all night.
I couldn't sleep and you
know I sleep like a baby.
What do you think
the problem is, Frank?
Well, I stood in
front of the mirror
and I said to myself,
Franklin Ezekiel Bonner,
you have to apologize to
Eddie Jones for what you said.
He was your best
men and he left you.
And now you have
to make it right.
It's all right.
It's in the past.
Eddie, please, please,
I've got to do this.
Eddie, I'm sorry.
I never meant to call you
a fucking asshole celibate
nigger I was in the moment.
I needed a V8, a hit
of reefer, something.
I was upset and I'm sorry.
Calling you a celibate
asshole is the worst thing
a guy can say to another guy.
Well, glad I got
that off my chest.
Do you accept my apology?
Frank--
Come on.
[GROAN] [SIGH]
[GUNSHOT]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Frank and
I never really saw eye to eye.
So, do you like
working for Middleman?
She's fair, but
a government gig
is still a-- a government gig.
Well, fair is all that
really matters around here.
Nice break, Frank.
Looks like I'm solids.
That group is fun.
What rank is she?
Who does she work for?
Frank, actually, she-- Lois--
Eddie, Eddie.
Would you mind if I take
a little spin with Lois?
Wow.
Lois is hot and, you know,
not hot hot, but hot.
You know what I mean?
Ms. Newton?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
-Let's talk [INAUDIBLE].
-Beautiful!
Woo.
Thank you.
You are a wonderful
dancer, Mr. Bonner.
Oh, thank you, Lois.
Please call me Frank.
So I hear you work mostly
in the business world.
Well, Frank, I work in the
private consulting business,
but I have handled direct
orders and contracts
from the government.
So you work in the
private sector too?
Interesting.
Yeah, mostly freelance.
Well, how many contracts
do you handle a year?
30, maybe 35.
35 contracts a year?
Why have I never heard of you?
I don't know,
sir-- I mean, Frank.
A lot of folks in the
community are secretive.
You know how competitive this
world is and a lot of people
are intimidated by women
who can outperform them,
but I get pretty good marks.
And as they say, the only
good mark is a dead mark.
OK, I guess you're right, sir.
I mean, Frank.
I like you.
Lois, I want you to see
somebody in the city for me
at a major accounting firm.
I need a real deal
closer on this one.
Sure, no problem.
What do you want me to do?
It's kind of a delicate
job, a lot of people around.
I need you to go in, take a
look around and, you know,
cancel the contract.
Oh, you mean like
a secret audit?
[LAUGHTER] Yeah, an audit.
I like that.
An audit. [LAUGHTER]
I must say you were really
wonderful this evening, truly
magnificent and I thank you.
Thank you.
I think I get it from my
daddy-- God rest his soul.
He taught me how to dance.
Did he?
Really?
Yeah.
I remember when I was a little
girl my dad would come home
from work in the summer
and he would grab me
and my mom and the
boombox and we'd
go to the park for a picnic.
And just before the
sun would go down,
he would turn the
music up real loud
and we'd do the hustle
or the electric slide,
and before we knew
it, he would have
everybody in the
park on their feet
dancing, doing the
electric slide.
Can you imagine that?
100 people doing a line dance.
No.
Oh, once we were doing
this pied piper thing
and everybody was
following my dad around.
We almost got hit by
an ice cream truck.
[LAUGHTER] I'm sorry, no.
I don't mean to laugh, but-- but
it's-- [LAUGHTER] it's funny,
the way you said it. [LAUGHTER]
Do you know that's the first
time I ever heard you laugh?
You'd be surprised
what you might find.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'll be right back.
I'm sorry I slept all the way.
I'm usually more
fun on long rides.
Well, that's OK.
Eddie, do I have
sleep in my eye?
Nuh-uh.
Are you sure?
Come close.
No, you don't have sleep.
Come inside, Eddie.
You have to work
tomorrow and so do I.
Yeah, but work is
a pain in the butt.
Let's both be late.
Well, thank you for
a very nice evening.
I-I-I-I'll call you.
Eddie?
You're not just going to leave
me standing here like this.
Eddie, I am hot, very, very hot.
[DOOR SHUT]
How was it?
Girl, you just don't know.
I know I don't know.
That's why I asked, how was it?
I just want to go to
sleep so I can remember
every single part of it.
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
[SCREAMING]
Hi, Maggie, it's Lois.
[COUGHING] Oh, yeah.
I'm very sick.
No, i won't be in
today, but I need
you to make sure you order the
new paper for the IBM machines
and make sure the
workstations are online today.
That's today, Maggie.
Thank you.
Of course I
freelance, Mr. Bonner.
I'm the best freelance
accontant in Chicago.
Girl, it's time to
make some extra money.
You go girl!
[DIAL TONE]
[RINGING]
EDDIE (RECORDING): Not in.
Call back. [HEAVY BREATHING]
MOTHER (RECORDING): Edward,
it's your mother, call me.
[GRUNT]
[KNOCKING]
Oh!
Man, women coming out of
the woodwork for you, man.
Are you getting all the women?
Can you save some women
for the rest of us, man?
Get out of my house.
Get out.
Bro, we want some booty too.
Get out.
Come on, man, what's up?
Hey, you've got all the women.
Oh, lord.
Eddie, I had a
wonderful evening.
Lois.
[RINGING]
Wait here, Mr. Jensen
will see you soon.
OK, thank you.
-Lois Newton to see you.
-All right.
Yeah?
What?
-I'm Lois Newton.
-Yeah?
I'm representing Frank Bonner.
Can we talk in your office?
Frank Bonner sent you?
Yes sir, Mr. Jenson,
he certainly did.
Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
I-I-I-- oh please.
I am so sorry.
-OK.
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
-[SCREAM]
[SCREAMING]
What did I do?
What did I do wrong?
Was my skirt to short?
No, no.
I didn't even wear
high heels today.
It's a black thing.
That's it.
That's it.
It's a black thing.
[DIAL TONE]
Eddie, I really messed up today.
Frank gave me this
freelance job and the guy
wouldn't even see me.
I didn't even get to work.
I am really upset.
I'm going to go drinking.
Could you just meet me at this--
Lois.
Oh, Eddie.
Lois, I need to know,
who did you go see?
Oh, forget about that, Eddie.
Maybe I just wasn't
cut out for freelance.
I knew I should have listened
to my horoscope today.
I should have gone to work.
That guy really deflated my ego.
Lois, what was his name?
I need to know.
Excuse me, but I'm having
a moment here, Eddie.
Mr. Jenson.
I just came in and
he just ran off.
OK, maybe it was my outfit.
Maybe it was my hair.
You know what I
really think it was?
I think it was a black thing
and he just freaked out
like we can't do this job too.
-Come on.
Where are we going?
Come on, we're going home.
Eddie, I didn't
pay for my drink.
Go, go, go.
Frank, what's going on?
Why did you send
Lois after Jenson?
FRANK (ON PHONE): Whoa, whoa.
Eddie, slow down.
This is outside business.
Oh I forgot, right, you're
the boyscout, right?
You don't wet your beak
like the rest of us, huh?
Look, Lois aside, I have
everything under control here.
All right?
Oh, shit.
Eddie, hang on, hang on.
Eddie?
EDDIE (ON PHONE): Lois
is a civilian, Frank.
Martin said your girl
was a professional.
Martin is an idiot.
I can't believe this.
Frank, she thought she
was there to do an audit
for a corporate account.
Come on, come on, it's
a misunderstanding.
No one has to know.
I'll make it up to you.
What do you say?
Name your price, name your vice.
The secretaries in this
department are incredible.
Secretaries?
What are you talking about?
Are you telling me
you've got agents
doing unauthorized marks?
Next thing I know you'll
be telling me you're
behind the FBI hits.
Frank?
Frank?
Why?
Everyone's got
something, Eddie.
This is not a big deal.
Eddie?
What?
FRANK (ON PHONE): Do not
make this a problem, Eddie.
Are you on board?
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie?
Eddie, what's going on?
FRANK (ON PHONE):
Goddamn it, Eddie.
[PHONE BEEPING]
Please sit Lois.
Thank you.
You thirsty?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
-You're welcome.
Lois, Mr. Jensen is dead.
He was a drugs smuggler,
an arms dealer,
and a friend of terrorists,
a guy nobody liked.
I work for the US government.
So does Frank, Martin,
and everyone else
at the party the other night.
So--
We're eliminators.
We dispose of people
the government
doesn't want to
deal with anymore,
sort of like internal
national security.
You mean you kill people?
For the government.
There's a difference.
[SOBBING]
Damn.
[KNOCKING]
I left my purse.
I hate myself.
Don't say that.
There's no way you could
have known anything about me.
When your friend
told me at that party
that you were a nice, quiet
guy who wanted to meet
a nice girl from the
Southside I was excited
and I didn't expect anything.
I thought I'd meet you and
you'd be this smug guy who
didn't have time
for a girl like me,
but then you laughed, Eddie.
Outside you were hard,
with dark glasses on,
but inside you were
so warm, so real.
And I hate myself.
I hate myself because
I feel so much for you
and you don't feel
a thing for me.
Look at me.
I came running back here
all desperate and wishing.
I saw [INAUDIBLE].
I knew this could happen,
but you're not gay,
Eddie, you're not a drug
dealer, you're not an ex con,
you're not a player.
You're some legal murderer
and it's too late.
It's too late, Eddie, because I
am-- I am so in love with you.
Stay.
Oh, boy.
Because I think I love you.
Oh, Eddie.
You-- you're not scared of me?
Well, it looks like
you're a tidy man.
You know I don't like
messy men in my life.
Come here, Eddie.
This is nice.
-Thank you.
Is everything OK?
Yes, great.
Good Snapple too.
Ow, Eddie.
Not so rough.
I can't do this.
Can't do what?
I'm just celibate.
-You're lying.
-No.
You want to talk about it?
How about a beer?
You-you want a beer?
No, Eddie, I think that
you talk about this.
No, no, no.
Eddie, I mean this does
affect our relationship.
I don't want to talk about it.
But Eddie, not
having sex is serious.
I enjoy having sex.
This is pressure, Lois.
Are you pressuring
you me for sex?
No.
I just need to know
why it is that--
I don't need any pressure, OK?
I get enough pressure
every single day.
OK, no pressure.
OK.
OK.
I just have one question.
What?
Eddie, why?
You're a grown man.
Lois, I was raised
with religion.
My parents thought
of me becoming
a teacher, a scientist, maybe
even a priest, but as a child
I wanted to make a
difference in the world.
Then one day,
something happened.
It felt wrong.
So I made a deal with God--
To not have sex?
[RINGING]
[RINGING]
MOTHER (RECORDING):
Edward, how is it
going with the new girlfriend?
[BEEP]
Baby.
Let's forget about this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, since we're
not going to get busy--
Busy, yeah.
Let's do something fun.
Let's go downtown
and see a show.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
What?
Go home, Lois.
I'll call you later.
EDDIE: Come on, man.
Follow that car.
-FBI.
-All right.
-I believe this is yours.
-Ah.
Job well done.
[GUNSHOT]
Let's go.
Listen to me.
The state has upped the anti.
They're offering cash,
a promotion to GS24
and a mark-free
trip to Costa Rica.
Now this whole thing doesn't
even seem worth it anymore.
GS24, that's $78,500 a
year, a trip to Costa Rica.
This isn't like you, Eddie.
What is it?
I'm tired.
Father, you've
spoken to me before.
I followed your rules from altar
boy to seminary-- all right,
all right, I didn't finish that,
but I need your guidance now.
My plan was a simple
one-- work for my country,
make a good living,
find the right girl.
I need to know, is she the one?
[CHURCH BELLS]
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, how you doing?
I didn't deserve a pop in
the grill like that, Eddie.
That for telling Frank that
Lois worked for the department.
I was trying to help you out.
Do me a favor.
Stop trying to do stuff for me.
I will always do stuff for you.
You're my Obi Wan, man.
Leave it alone.
Your problem,
you work too much.
Yeah, that's me.
Will somebody get
this guy some booty?
What?
[INAUDIBLE]
It's hot in here.
Some booty.
I wonder where he got that from.
[KNOCKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What's up, dog?
[INAUDIBLE] my gun.
More flowers for the most
popping motherfucker I know.
Later, man.
LOIS (VOICEOVER): I had
a great day yesterday.
Maybe you don't feel
it, mister government
man, the way I feel it for
you, but I just know one thing.
I love you, but if it's
not the same with you,
there is nothing more to say.
Lois.
[DOORBELL]
EDDIE: Is Lois here?
Come on in.
Hi, Amy.
Hi.
Good to see you again.
You too.
Nice flowers.
Eddie?
Lois, I know what I want.
I love you.
-Really?
Yeah.
This is what I want.
Michigan?
It's paradise, simple life.
Come away with me, Lois,
you and me together.
OK.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, wait a minute.
What am I going to
tell the guys at work?
Tell them you went fishing
and in the process, bam,
you got married.
[SQUEEK]
Lois, will you marry me?
Yes, yes.
Oh, oh, Eddie.
[SCREAM] [SCREAM] Oh, Amy,
I'm getting married, girl.
I'm getting married.
Good, means there's more
room around here for me.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes!
Yeah!
I've got to call my mama.
Eddie, come here, come here.
You have to talk to my mama.
Ms. Newton.
Mom, it's Edward.
I'm in love and I'm
about to get married.
I hope this makes you happy.
I'll be in touch.
Love you.
The ring is a symbol of
continuity, unbroken faith,
and eternal love.
Edward Tarleton Jones, you
may now kiss the bride,
Lois Isabelle Newton.
Oh.
Oh, Eddie.
Oh, why did you tell me?
What have you got
against waiting?
Are we going
through that again?
An eliminator out of contact
for 48 hours is officially AWOL.
Face it, Eddie is gone.
Well, why do we have to
play it so much by the book.
Look, why can't you forget
your goddamn promotion
for one second.
Eddie is my best employee.
What do you think
I'm running here?
Some chicken shit operation?
We are accountable for
every one of our people--
each and every one of them.
We are accountable
for their actions
and the actions of those
that they have to deal with.
We are all needed and
we are all expendable.
You got it?
That's the way it's written.
Now, you can handle this
in a timely manner or--
All right.
I want progress
reports on his movements
all written up and on my desk
12 hours after he goes down.
Understand?
-Yes sir.
Poor Eddie.
Eddie Jones has
to be taken out.
If the girl is in your
sights, don't hesitate.
We have to assume he
has told her everything.
Find him and hit him.
This is a little irregular.
Any problems?
No problem at all.
Eddie is now live so check your
scanners, find his coordinates.
He is two days away.
Hit every church, bridal and tux
shop in a thousand mile radius.
What the fuck is going on?
That's the order.
He's out.
Go get him.
Eddie is the best eliminator
I've ever known, Frank.
What is this?
He didn't come in the house
when the street lights came on.
Get it done, Martin.
You OK?
I am never playing
matchmaker again.
You need to know
how to do this.
They're not going to give
up trying to find us.
Let's just go, Eddie.
I don't want to
know how to do this.
You need to learn.
Anything could happen.
Right over here.
Actually, step back.
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
OK, here you go.
-Oh, Eddie.
-Come on, baby.
Come on.
Aim at that little
can right there.
[GUNSHOT]
Oh, I don't want to do this.
Come on, baby,
you've got to learn.
Come on.
Come on.
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Oh, I did it.
Let's do it again.
No, no, no, no, no.
You got it.
You wanted it.
I can't wait.
Uh huh.
This is so beautiful.
OK.
Here, here, here.
Before you go, let me do
this little thing here.
There you go.
That's all I want to do.
You're so strong, Eddie.
Well, I do work
out a little bit.
Eddie Jones.
You blew it.
[GUNSHOT]
LOIS: Oh my god.
MARTIN: Let him go!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Hey! [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUSNHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Martin!
Martin, my man.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey.
You know I wasn't going to
let them take you out, Obi Wan.
[LABORED BREATHING]
His name is Eddie Jones and he
is a non-debriefed eliminator.
He has to be taken out and
he is a killing machine.
I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK.
Just-- get out of here, Eddie.
Just get out of here because--
-I'm not going to leave you.
-They know my location.
They can just pick me up,
just get out of here, go.
I'm not leaving--
Eddie, go!
Hey, hey, hey--
Eddie is very skilled.
He is also a very
nice man who cares
and he's in love with a woman.
I introduced them.
I [INAUDIBLE] made the whole
thing possible, you know.
They are just wonderful
together as a couple.
I mean, I would just--
I would so hate--
Hey, Middleman!
Enough.
That Lois, she's a-- she
really loves you, man.
Keep her.
I will.
I will.
[GEESE QUACKING]
[GUNS LOADING]
[BRANCH CRACKING]
It's not over.
I know exactly how
it's going to happen.
There's no time, honey.
No time.
They're here.
Well, what do you
want me to do, Eddie?
Move!
[GUNSHOT]
[BREAKING GLASS] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Eddie!
Eddie!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GROAN]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[BREAKING GLASS]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GUNSHOT]
[BREAKING GLASS] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
Eddie!
[GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[SCREAM] [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT] [HEAVY BREATHING]
[COCKING PISTOL]
Drop the gun now.
Mister killing
machine, you won't
walk away from this today.
It's time to cleanse your soul.
Get on your knees, Eddie Jones.
Take out your rosary.
Our Father who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
And give us this
day our daily bread
and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
[GUNSHOT]
[GROAN]
-Lois!
-What?
-Nothing.
-What?
Nothing, nothing.
Come here, come here.
[GROAN]
It's over, baby.
It's over.
MIDDLEMAN (VOICEOVER):
Taylor, you'll
be satisfied to know that the
case of Edward Farmington Jones
is now closed.
Eddie was killed in
a fierce gun battle
along with six other agents.
I personally supervised the
disposal of all the bodies.
I'll send this report along
to Frank for his perusal.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
EDDIE (VOICEOVER): Lois and
I, well, we finally got busy.
And thanks to Middleman, we went
on to have a pretty fine life.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, Eddie?
Hm?
You're the perfect guy.
[INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE]
I love you.
[INAUDIBLE] Want
to try [INAUDIBLE]
Oh, it's going to
be a long night.
[MUSIC PLAYING]