Love Guide for Dumpees (2015) - full transcript

Dongbu Expressway is jammed up due to an accident.

It is a clear autumn day.

There must be many couples getting married today.

Here's to you, "The marriage of Figaro Overture."

LOVE GUIDE FOR DUMPEES

Wow!

You look gorgeous
Really?

How about a selfie?
Okay.

One, two, three!

Kim Jun-seok, the groom,
is a urologist at a big hospital.

Impressive.



The bride, Ma Ju-yeon, is chief editor
of the top food magazine.

Let us celebrate these two elites
happy marriage.

We slept together on
your engagement day.

Fuck! Have a good life!

Tuna! Octopus!

Tastes like shit.

What's this?
Who cares?

Salmon sushi!

It's so good!

You took the last one.

What?

Came to eat and not watch
the wedding?

Do you know me?

You don't know me?



I don't think so.

We had drinks with Ju yeon
in Insa-dong.

There are lots of pubs there.
You owe me.

What?
Owe you for what?

The salmon sushi.

You ate it all.

There's lots of food!
Try the beef there.

I don't eat meat.

Oh, you like seafood?

Go over there.

Octopus, fish, clams...
They're all there.

But I want salmon sushi.

Hey! Lost your manners?

She got knocked up.
It's a blessing these days.

Let's shout.

It's not the groom's baby!

It's his baby!

Why are you doing this?

Why?

Damn it!

Shit!

Okay, okay.

This is my card.

I don't have time today.

Call me later.
I'll buy you salmon sushi.

All you can eat.

Unbelievable!
Just because of salmon sushi...

Damn it!

Crazy bitch!

YOO JEONG HOON
ADAPTED PHYS ED TEACHER

Why won't it open?

What are you doing?

What the hell?

Open the door!

No! Don't go!

What's with you?
Are you nuts?

Drunk driving is illegal.

Get in Three Dots.

What?

On your butt.

The three dots.

Close the door.

Wear your seatbelt.

Let’s go.

Three dots on your butt form a triangle.

The top dot is brown
with hair growing on it.

So Ju-yeon used to pluck it.

Because...

Your nails are too short to.

Damn!

She even said stuff like that?

What’s with women?
That's my privacy!

Just 2 months since breaking up,
who goes to an ex-girlfriend's wedding?

But me...

Thanks.

I was cool and went.

Ju yeon isn't showing much.

The baby inside her...

Jun-seok...

That son of a bitch!

It must be his, right?

The groom is a doctor?
He would know.

Right. Of course.

It's not like we did it
everyday. Shit.

On a damn day like this I...

Wanna die.

What?

Let's go to your house.

My place? Why?

Together?

Why?

Why not?

Let's have more drinks.

No. No way.

Not my place.
It's just a studio.

With just 1 blanket.
No way.

No women.
No way!

Are you a pervert?

Fine. Let's go.

Let's go to my place!

Cheers.

You drink so well.

Have some green tea.
Sure.

This tastes like booze too!

One right after another...

Open one more.
Why not?

No! No!

Hold on!

How was Ju-yeon’s wedding?

Deok-rae!
Let’s drink!

What’s the matter with you?

What's up?

My mom's here.

She is?

Then I should say hello.
Wait!

You reek of booze!

Deok-rae!

Just go.
Go where?

Now?
Yes, go!

It's not your mom!

Mrs. Yoo?

Mrs. Yoo!

Why!

Why are we doing this?
Stop it!

You Stop it!

Go! Just go!

The jerk sobered me up.

Elevator is closing.

Something smells fishy.

Why change the code now?

Who is it?

Okay, fine.

I'll tell you.

Good.
So who is it?

Go! Go! Go!

Go!

Just scram!

Go!

I'll go this time.

But I'll be back.

Elevator is closing.

I suddenly couldn't remember
my secret code...

So...

So hot.

Sorry.

You okay?

Does it hurt?

No.

Aren't my breats small?

No.

When a woman lies down
they disappear.

When she’s up, they're up.

When she bends over
they get bigger.

I can't

Oh no!

Why are you crying?

Did I do something wrong?

Son of a bitch.

Kim Jun-seok, you bastard!

Ow! My head.

I shouldn't swear.

shit!

Kim Jun-seok!

your sphincter is about to blow

And you can't find a toilet
so you shit on paper.”

Hope your legs go weak
and flop in it!"

Sick.

That’s low.

Pathetic loser.

Geeze!

Crazy!

Why is she sleeping here?

Miss?

Excuse me?

You can't sleep here.

Miss?

Wake up.

Wake up. Miss!

Please wake up!

Wake up!

Name, please.

I'm Yoo Jeong-hoon.
Not you her.

Aren't you her guardian?
Guardian?

She was at your house.

Right.

You don't know her?

Should I call the cops first?

The cops?

I'm taking it off.

What? You took it off?
Where is it?

i can't remember!

Hold on.

That means...

My spermis inside her body.

With each ejaculation,
200 million sperms are released.

Since we did it twice...

That's over 400 million sperms

400 MILLION!

400 MILLION!
Even if I deny it...

400 million of my healthy sperms
are alive inside her!

SALIVA, HAIR 2, HAIR 1, UNDERWEAR
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and...

CONDOM 2, CONDOM 1
After forensics close investigation,
they'll say I lured her in and...

HAIR 3
After forensics close investigation
they'll say I lured her in and...

SKIN FLAKES, FINGERPRINTS,
BOOZE, WATER
No!

PILLS

She’s my girlfriend.

I'm her guardian!

Those pills.

And she drank 2 big bottles
of water.

Please save her, doctor!

I'll die if you don't.

I'm sorry.
Geeze!

Spit it out!

She was really determined.

She took pills like
Halcion, Zolpidem, and Valium.

A mix of all kinds of sedatives
and sleeping pills.

Will she be okay?

Well, it could easily lead to
acute heart failure.

Or even cardiac arrest.

She'll be fine.
Don't worry.

But why'd you fight?

We didn't.

Then why did she...?

I have no idea why, either!

Sounds like
a cow being slaughtered.

what did you have for dinner?

She's bringing up
a lot of food.

Sex something...

That cocktail...

Sex on the beach!
It's that color.

Luckily, the drugs kicked in slower
because of the food.

So she’s all fine?

She almost died, pal!

Let's see.

Her IV is almost done.

Insurance won't cover
an attempted suicide...

so i'll write gastrospasm

A considerate doctor, huh?

i'll prescribe pills for 3 days.

Start her off on porridge.

When she wakes up,
she can go.

Okay.

Be good to her!
Why else would she do that?

shit

Looks good.

Why my place?

Why'd you choose to die there
of all places?

How much do you remember?
Do you know my name?

How would I know?

We didn't exchange names...

But just did it!

So you remember that part.

Look.

When we did it...

You know...

Condom...
Took it off?

Hey!

why the hell!

Don't men like it better

Says who!

Man plus woman minus condom
equals baby!

I always use condoms!

Featherlight Ultra Ultra thin!

Is that the best?

The top seller.

It's 20% thinner than others.

Still, I heard it doesn't feel
as good as bare skin.

Who says shit like that?

You wanna know?

Who is it?

Kim Jun-seok.

I'm giving it to you, eat it!

KIM JUN-SEOK'S EX Girfriend
Why?

Salmon sushi
KIM JUN-SEOK'S EX-Girlfriend
Now... a crazy girl
It’s loaded with probiotics!

Don't eat it, Si hu.

MA JU-YEON, MY EX GIRLFRIEND
NOW... THAT BASTARD'S WIFE
Don't force yourself

MA JU-YEON, MY EX GIRLFRIEND
OW... THAT BASTARD'S WIF
Why are you forcing her?
You’re weird.

Yeah! It's a bit harsh

Yeah! It's a bit harsh.

Si-hu?

Would I give you
anything bad?

Kim Jun-seok
Crazy girl's EX BOYFRIEND
Now... MY EX GIRLFRIEND'S HUSBAND
Would I give you
anything bad?

Kim Jun-seok
Crazy girl's EX BOYFRIEND
Now... MY EX GIRLFRIEND'S HUSBAND
Try it.

You'll like it.

Now!

Right! Jeong Si-hu!

Kim Jun-seok's ex-girlfriend!

But why me?

Why at my place?

To get revenge.

What?

If I died at your house,
he'd know right away.

You're crazy.

Why drag me into it?

When i passed out,
did I look pretty?

What?

I wanted to die
looking pretty.

I don't know.

Who’d remember that then?

Even if I do,
I'll erase that memory!

Aren't you sorry to me at all?

You wreaked havoc in my place.

You're not over Ju yeon either!

Too bad.

That boat has sailed.
She's on her honeymoon with him.

We both lost at love.

So what if we slept together?

Don't talk like we're friends.

We were intimate in bed,
but this is different.

Watch what you say!
Is that important now?

Forget it.
We'll never meet again.

Let's be cool, not pathetic.

Pathetic?

I'm as patheticas they get.

I went to my ex's wedding and
couldn't even eat salmon, my favorite!

Slept with some jerk!
Hey, watch it!

Some jerk?

Anyway...

I'm late. I'm leaving.

You!

If you want to die, go abroad!

Places like Iceland.

Go see auroras before you .

Shit! What am I saying?

I smell a fling on you.
What the hell?

Who was it that night?

My newlywed neighbors
keep me up.

Don't agonize me.

Don’t you trust me?

If you told me,
I would've left quietly.

Damn wind.

Quietly, my ass.

Then who peeped
when Ju-yeon and I did it?

i walked in on it,
but left quietly.

No, you quietly hid.

And watched till the end,
then flew off

Yes!

1 point left.

That feels good!
Sick bastard.

Who was it that night?

I heard some moaning
and groaning.

Such a bad ethics teacher.

A big mouth with a small dick.

Sex is not about size.

It's about angling and duration.

Go round.

Right, right, right!

Left, left, left!

You know, man?
Says the small dick.

Way to go.

Forget women with women.

Think about it, Jeong-hoon.

You didn't first meet Ju-yeon
on a sworn oath.

No!

You saw her and got horny.

So you did it and it was good.

So you did it again
and wondered if it's love.

Then you did it again.

You did it here and there.

And everywhere!

Then you think it must be love.

Are you rapping?

Something's up with you.

Spill it

Tell me, man!

Forget it.

Aren’t you going to class?

He did it.

He did.

He definitely did it.

You did it.

Raise your leg slowly
and hold it.

Let your energy flow down
from head to...

It's Kim from
the Marriage Bureau.

Your mother has already
paid in full.

So I can't get a refund?

That's absurd.

It's stated in the clause.
What clause? It's not insurance.

It's more than insurance.

We guarantee
our clients' futures.

Listen.

I’m not in a state
to do this now.

I'm totally...
Dumped or testing the waters?

what?

If you're testing the waters
we'll wait for you.

But if you do it for long
you could end up 60 and single.

Trust us.

CalI us when you want
our services.

Three Dots?

PERMANENTLY DELETE ALL 17 ITEMS?

hey, look!

Shouldn't you stop them?
Leave them.

They're just like your kids.

They'll settle down soon.

What if they get hurt?
You're the teacher!

Think I came to this school
with a sense of calling?

I failed the teacher exam.

But the foundation let me teach
the deaf here.

I like regular paychecks.

Still, we're temporary teachers.

I'll make full-time
no matter what.

That’s why tonight's dinner meeting
is important.

How's that related?

Pathetic fool.
You have no idea how to move up.

Come here.

Who's Ms. Kim?

She's the only heir to
this respected school foundation.

All temporary teachers will attend.

Get the picture?

Let's play fair.

great!

Lovely steak!

Love the oily glow!

Fantastic!

Ms. Han?
Yes?

Where's the next dish?
Could you hurry it up?

Right away, sir.

Yes.

let's hurry it up!

It doesn't have to be
fully cooked.

Just get the color right.

Time's running out!

How frustrating

It's here, sir!

Next dish!
There's one more dish.

Nice! I love the look!

Over here! That's good.

Great!
So delicious looking

Fantastic!

Nice colors, right?
Nice looks!

Hold still!

Perfect!

Forgive me
if I've been neglectful.

Students in the special and
regular schools are the same.

Of course.
They're all the same to us.

It must be harder
for you temp teachers.

The teacher exams
are coming up.

This dinner is to encourage
our short term male teachers.

Thank you!

The school's breasts...

I mean, benefits...

are the best.

Historically...

Matriarchal societies
were far more peaceful.

If women go on sex strikes,
all wars will cease to exist.

Men don't know
how great women are.

That's the downside
of the ramming method.

Cramming method.

Same thing.

The meat is cooked well.

It must be AA grade beef.

But the care that goes into
cooking is more important.

This looks perfect.

Parrrdon, messeurrr, zilvouplait.

Bottoms up!

Ms. Kim?

He's not feeling well
Right?

He has an early class.

So I'll drinkit.
Mr. Yoo Jeong-hoon?

Yes.

LET'S TAKE A PISS
DEOK-RAE
It's probably best
not to remember tonight.

It's probably best
not to remember tonight.

Drink up and forget it.

It'll be hard sober.
The hell are you saying?

You've hit the jackpot, pal.

You got picked.
I accept that.

Good night and good luck!

Whatever, man.

First, kiss her right.

A kiss is the door to sex
If it opens, stick your tongue in.

The rest will follow
Got It?

I'm going.

You're over Ju-yeon, right?.

Don't call her name
while in bed with Ms. Kim.

stupid!

It's okay.

Go hard and hot!

Don't forget

First sex.

Then love.

Yes, Ms. Kim?

Come to the parking lot.

You can go
if you don’t want to.

MEN'S FIRST SEX PARTNER?
3% STRANGER (ONE-NIGHT STAND)

56%GIRLFRIEND
23% SENIOR/JUNIOR IN SCHOOL

11% HOOKER
7% OTHER

10 SIGNS YOU HAD AN ORGASM

IT FEELS ELECTRIFYING
BODY GETS HOT THEN COLD

BODY MOVES LIKE HAVING HICCUPS
IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE FLYING

ENTIRE BODY FEELS STIFF

FEELS LIKE GENITALS ARE PUMPING
AND GETTING BIGGER

HEAVY BREATHING AS IF TO COUGH
SWEATY ALL OVER AND HAVE SMOOTH SEX

PULLED PARTNER'S BODY TIGHT
AGAINST SELF

UNEXPLAINABLE CRYING

IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE FLYING
Flying. Shock.

IT FEELS ELECTRIFYING
Crying. Hiccups.

Elec...

Electrifying?

Si-hu, it's Jun-seok
I miss you.

KIM JUN-SEOK

You wanna die?

Call a driver if you're drunk!

Silly.

Driving is an excuse.

I missed you so much

Si-hu?

We had it good.

I'm a doctor.
You're a chef.

We had happy dreams.

How did I end up
marrying Ju-yeon?

For my own hospital?
Shit

I gotta go.

Si-hu.

i'll pay you back soon.

30 grand is a lot for you.

Pay me back soon.

and...

Don't call me from now on.

Si hu.

This marriage won't last long.

Actually...

My mom was really sick.

So I rushed the wedding
before she passed away.

I regret it now.

Please Si-hu...

Just once...

Could you suck me?

Are you crazy?!

You're insane!

Go ask your wife to do it!

Crazy bastard!

Three Dots?

Came to see Ju-yeon

Hey, Yoo Jeong-hoon!

Condom man!

Let's go eat.

You look different today.

Maybe it's your hair.

I spent a lot on my hairdo
that day.

It looks much better now.

Think taking pills
will bring him back?

Just hurting yourself.

Why'd you sleep with me?

It was a one-night stand.
You know.

Let's be cool about it.

Why is being cool
so important to you?

Since you were cool
breaking up with Ju-yeon...

I lost Jun-seok.

Look.

Your mission in life is not revenge,
but to live happily.

I can be happier without you!

That’s true revenge.

People only live once.

Live life to the fullest.

Don't get crazy thoughts.

You're crying?

I'm sorry.

I must've lost my mind.
It tastes different!

What?

It's different from before.

No way.

I had dinner after class.

Is it the pork soup?

Unbelievable.

This...

Makes no sense.

Did you like it too?

Not bad.

Well...

you like the most?
What

When you...

Wentin slowly at the top...

Then went in hard to the side and...

What are you doing?
Sorry.

So when I touched your...

Cli...

Cli...

Clitoris?

Right.

The cli...

It's hard to say It out loud
to a girl.

Let's call it Christmas then.

Christmas?

Christmas! Good idea.
Like it?

Isn’t It cute?

Right. Christmas.

All done.

Okay.

You left out the egg?
Yup.

I do that too.

Can I ask you something?

Sure. What?

I‘ve been curious.

Why did you cry then?

You want the truth?

Yes, of course.

I was really surprised.

By what?

It usually hurts a lot doing it,
but it felt good that night

I was surprised.

It did?

So it wasn't good with Jun-seok?

Jun-seok was my first.

I thought it'd get better
with time.

And I didn't think
that was important.

It's important!

Anyway...

I've never talked about this
with men before.

Its embarrassing.

What now?

If the bus doesn't come,
we'll call a cab.

No.

I mean, us.

Us...

Should we fill it?

what?

Just sex, that's all.

Get all 10 stamps, then split.
How about it?

Great

Good.

We can do that.

Nice.

It's cold. See ya.

Bye.

See you tomorrow.

It’s time for hot coffee!

Coffee!

Americano!

Here you are.

Wait.

Just 1 stamp, please.

What?
Just 1 stamp.

Sure.

Brain freeze!

I'm done!

Let's go!

No complimentary condoms!

Okay! Wait!

Eat it all!
No way!

Hello, chief.

Here
Thanks.

Proceed as planned
Yes, chief.

Great! One more shot!
Wait, please.

The flowers don't suit
the table.

Any other flowers?
It looks messy.

Yes, chief.

Messy!

Match the colors.

Throw these out.

Work on that instead.
Don't be messy, got it?

Yes.

Jeong Si-hu?

Come with me.
Okay.

All this fuss over food, huh?

For good pictures, I guess.

Still, it's a job.

Though it may not suit you.

How about making
real food for people?

Catering for
Jun-seok's hospital opening.

It pays $5,000 for 15 people.

It shouldn’t be hard.

Why me?

You know lots of chefs.

Well...

I loved the side dishes
you made.

And...

Your dream is to be a chef.

Make your best dishes.

I'll give you honest feedback.

It'll help you get started.

Jeong Si-hu?

Look at me.

you avoid me for life?

You hate me to death?

No.

Smiling brightly and working
at a place you hate...

That's a professional.

Honestly, I’m not sorry at all.

I just need you as a chef.

I'm over her.

She's gone forever.

Good!
Now meet other gals.

You're drinking fine at a bar
you always came with Ju-yeon.

You're so over her!
That's cool!

I'm over her!
Of course!

Strip off all memory of her!

Her scent, her habits,
her breasts...

Oops.

What?

Forget it all
Even her moaning.

She was so cool.

She never asked you
to get married.

She just wanted a baby.

Who knew it'd be
Jun-seok's baby?

Shut up.

See?

Erase this picture first!

hey!

Cant?

Just erase it!

Be cool and forget
the cool gal.

Be a real man!

Forget her!
Erase them all!

SALMON SUSHI

Salmon Sushi?

Hey.

Is it that girl?

Answer it.
It's 2 AM now.

Don't you get It?

An ex-girlfriend will call
for no reason.

But this is a booty call!

She's not calling
to go fishing for salmon!

Forget it.

That’s just wrong.

I‘m not dating her.

What?
No strings attached?

Just doing it?

She says that's okay?

The strange thing is...

Animal instincts come out
with her and it's great.

My confidence goes up and...

Sex partners?

Bastard!
How'd you do that?

I'm so proud!
That's not it!

Listen.

Don't be scared.
Go to her.

And do it!

Sex is all in the mouth.

Watch.

Loosen your tongue
before oral sex. Like this.

You sick bastard.

Sick.

I'm trying to teach you, man.

I gotta go.

Why?

My mom's here.

What?
Is something wrong?

She's waiting outside.

You dragged me here

She brought food.
I'll give you some.

Go to that girl!
Tongue first, got it?

Hey! Come back!

Crazy fool.

It's my turn this time.

Something happened?

Yes.

But I don't know
if it's good or bad.

No idea.

You needed this coupon
to decide?

You want coffee or not?

You’re heavy!

You're almost there!

You can’t do It?
You can't either.

I'll do it

I must do it!

Why are you obsessed?
Don’t push yourself.

This is the last step.

If I can do It for 1 minute,
it'll clear up my head.

Says who?
You believe that?

You’ll go with me
to Jun-seok's party, right?

Come on.

No way!
Why would I go there?

why you!

It's done?

The salmon is cooked well.

A forest?

What's next?

Stairway.

In a movie theater.

Forest, elevator,
movie theater stairway.

They're dull.
Really?

How about you?

You've got one.

So where is it?

So when you came with Jun seok,
you wanted to do it here?

up

But you couldn't tell him that

Nope.

Now you’re here with me.
Yup.

Asshole.

Did you just curse?

nope

Damn.

Are you being jealous of him?

No, I'm not!

You cursed, didn't you?

Yes, I did.

I said, Kim Jun-seok!
You bastard!

That feels good.

You try.

No way.

I had a proper upbringing.

Don't use sign language
in front of me.

What if you're cursing me?

Just learn it off the Internet.

Fine.

Why can't you curse at
that bastard?

He was still there for me
when Dad passed away.

He led the funeral.

Mom and I were amazed.

He's still a bastard.

He married your best friend.

You heard
days before the wedding.

And at nights he forced you to

That son of a bitch!

Swearing is a form of healing.

Try it!

Kim Jun seok, you bastard

good!

You sick son of a bitch
who still comes asking

That's why I'm learning yoga,
you asshole!

I'll twist off your dick
and kill you

That's why you do yoga?
Yeah.

Go with me.

Fine!

Hell, I'll go!

We're going
You're dead!

You bastard!
We re coming

You'll regret it!
Hell, yeah

Take one each.

What's this?

Here, Seung-chul.
What's this?

Look.

Before you sleep,
roll it like this...

and put it on your wiener.

If it's not ripped off by morning,
come and see me.

Jeong-hoon?

Have some wine.

Don't be embarrassed.

Are you uncomfortable?
For men over 30,

Just enjoy.
seeing a urologist is a must!

Hey, Jeong-hoon.
You have to come.

I'll give you a big discount.

Son of a bitch.

Let's drink.
Congratulations, pal.

It's not over,
why pay me now?

It’s not for that.

Sorry It's late.

It's what Jun-seok borrowed.

30 grand.

Why would you pay?

Men are babies or dogs.

I don’t know
how we ended up getting married.

But he's still my husband.

A baby is better, right?

You're looking good.

I'm in a good mood today.
It's delicious.

Bastard.

You're an embarrassment, pal.

Do you even know
what you're eating?

It's good.

It's a great cheesy side dish
for wine.

Helps you stay sober.

Rot in Hell!

Rotini?!

Watch it, pal.

First time trying it?

No.

I eat it often.

Or was it everyday?

What the hell?

How can you eat
this expensive dish everyday?

The frozen kind?

Loaded with preservatives?

Shit.

You Devil's Dung!

It's the name of this herb.

Try it.

It enhances the taste.

It does.

It tastes good.

Si-hu.

My dear, Si-hu.

You were too busy cooking
to eat, right?

So I'll give you something
Try it.

Here.

If you don't want it...

Don't eat it.

I'm going to eat it!

Is It good?
Yes!

It's so good!
It is!

The best in the world!
Because I made it.

That’s why it tastes
even better.

Stop staring!

It's so good.

What if...

They think we're dating?

We're not.
Who cares?

Right. We're not.

Jun-seok probably has no clue.

About what?

Us sleeping together.

Not dating.
out just sleeping together.

Hungry?
Yeah.

Wanna get something?
Yes.

What do you want?

Coffee.
Coffee?

Coffee.
Coffee?

Coffee!

Careful! Its hot.

What?

Nothing.

10 stamps fill up last.

I guess.

You were pretty.
What?

When you passed out...

You asked if you looked pretty.,

Right.

You were.

Unbelievably beautiful.

So don't think about
dying again.

Okay.

Here.

You take it.

It's a souvenir.

Thanks for everything.

So cool!

Wait.

Si-hu?

Who's that?

I'm not expecting anyone.

Si-hu? Open up.

it's me Jun-seok

I saw your lights on.
Open up!

I miss you so much

Si-hu...

I'll go.
No. Stay here.

Si-hu.
You bastard!

Are you insane?

Why were you in there?

Shit. I knew it.

Did you move in with her?

You’re married. Why come here?
You son of a bitch!

What's it to you, bastard!

Si-hu!

Get lost!

Hey!

Think I stole Ju yeon from you?

Don't kid yourself.

You knew your place and ran!

What did you say?

Why would Ju-yeon marry you?

Think she’d marry
a temporary gym teacher?

Si-hu too.

Rather than date you...

She'd be better off
being my mistress.

Move, you bastard!

Si-hu!

What the hell!

What's happening?

Stay inside or else!

Bastard!

Did you know?

What? Asshole!

Si-hu drove for me
just like when we were dating.

So what!

Think she only drove?

Take a drag, asshole.

I quit, bastard.

Son of a bitch.

You broke a good girl's heart
with no sense of responsibility.

Loser.

Can you be responsible?

Try not to run away, bastard.

Maybe, that's better?

Son of a bitch.

Don't come back here.

Don't torment her.

I'm asking you.

This is the only thing
that's mine here?

Please don't misunderstand.

I don't.

It doesn't matter now.

I'm going.

Take care.

Easy...

Now here's your final mission.

What is it?

Finding my G-spot.

Your G-spot?

The spot that's different
for every woman.

I'll do my best

Get the pantyhose!
What?

My pantyhose.
Look in my purse.

go!

Mr. Ha? I need you!

I'm not sure
if this is ethically right.

What are you doing?

I put on the pantyhose.

Why is that on your head?

I wear it and you rip it?

I knew that.

Damn. Stupid.
Should’ve known.

What are you doing?

Jeong-hoon!

My place is flooded.
Why are you here?

This is my house, fool!

Hello, Ms. Kim.

Bonne soiree.

They'll renew your contract.
Why quit?

Forget it, man.

Wait!

You've got it all wrong.

It’s not because of that

The world is full of
misunderstandings.

That's the basis of philosophy!

It's not a misunderstanding
I wanted to quit long before.

Jeong-hoon!

Damn.

Sorry, man. You okay?

Want help?

Shit!

Brother!

What the hell?

I've decided!

You'll be my older brother!

Your birthday is even earlier!

And you slept with
Ms. Kim first!

So I've accepted you
as my older brother!

You bastard!

I'm not like you!

I didn't sleep with her!

We didn't do it!

I thought you did!

Congrats on making full-time.

I'm sorry, man.

No need Don't be.

You passed the exam
and got it fairly.

How embarrassing.
Taking my shit out on you.

It's okay.
I'm sorry too.

What are you going to do now?

Something will turn up.

Hey, Deok-rae.

Do you really like Ms. Kim?

I never thought
she'd be my first.

When I actually did it,
it was awesome.

She's amazing.

She does everything I saw
in porn.

It's unbelievable!

I never thought
I'd be doing it 10 times a day.

I wonder if this is love.

Deok-rae?
hmm?

She was your first?

Yup

You crazy jerk!

Sorry.

Don't laugh.

I said, don't laugh!

I'm sorry.

THREE DOTS

BUSY? HOW ARE YOU?
TAKE CARE

3 DAYS AGO, UNREAD, 2 DAYS AGO, UNREAD
1 DAY AGO, UNREAD

HI, Mom.

Sweetie!
You were in my dream last night.

What dream?

I was sitting on the porch...

when you and your husband
came bearing lots of gifts.

i was so happy I could die!

When will you go on blind dates?

I won’t.

You'll grow old in no time.

There is a time for everything.

Grab the chance when you can.

You hear me?

It got disconnected?

THREE DOTS' BIRTHDAY

Finished!

i'm done

Who else would congratulate
your birthday, but me?

No candles on a cake.
It’s embarrassing.

I'm not your girlfriend.

Isn't Salmon Sushi coming?

It’s over between us.

Got dumped again?

How can I date anyone?

I knew my place and left.

Why you...

Fine. Good!

Know why you and Ju-yeon
broke up?

Fuck!
Why bring her up now!

Can't you be nicer to me?

Don't yell.

It's your birthday.

I'll tell you a story.
Come on, man.

Listen.

There's this first rate man.

Who will he end up marrying?

Another first rate woman?

No way.

A second rate woman.

That's the case with Jun-seok
and Ju yeon.

And they even got pregnant
together.

They're getting older and such,
so they got together.

That's life, man.

Then a second rate man
meets a third rate woman?

That's right!

So what's left at the end
of the chain?

The lowest rated man...

and the first rate woman.

That's the perfect match.
Like me.

I'm a jobless loser
with loans galore.

I'm the slipper.

As low as they get!

Not again.

What does Salmon Sushi do?

She's an assistant food stylist.
How old?

Twenty-seven.

An assistant at that age?
She's hopeless.

Some women are managers
at that age.

Forget her!

I'll ask my top rate baby
to find you a first rate gal.

Hey, what's this?

Planning on going on a picnic
for your birthday?

What's wrong?

Si-hu.
Si-hu?

The sex partner?

I'm his bosom buddy.

Did you bake the cake yourself?

It looks delicious.

i'll be going.

See ya.

Don't get mad.

That’s just guy talk.

I wanted to make things work
between us.

For what?

It's not like we were dating.

So you're running away again?

Yeah.

Because I quit my job
and have no money or ego!

So I got dumped again.

There.

Happy now?
No.

I'm not happy at all.

What's your job
got to do with me?

Don’t mix work with love.

Love?

Do you love me?

Weren’t we just sex partners?

Too bad.

I'm no doctor like Jun-seok.

I'm just a gym teacher!

Nope, I'm not even that.

I'm just a jobless nobody.

I know that, stupid!

Did I ask you to marry me?

Let’s date! Shit!
Can't we even date?

Fuck! I'm worth shit!

I have nothing!

My life's a tunnel!

A jammed up tunnel
with no way out!

So how can I love anyone?

Being alone suits me.

Let's just drop it.
Stop.

Aren't you sorry to yourself?

You told me to live life!

You told me to be happy!

Fuck!
I hate being me!

I can't stand it!
Fuck!

Fine.

If you hate yourself...

I do too.

I'm a loser for coming here.

Mr. Yoo must be heartbroken.

I've never seen him
drunk.

He says he isn't.

Says it's too big and deep
to understand.

Don't mind him.

No matter whom you date later...

You must pass on the techniques
you learned from me.

But...

After breaking up with me,
you must date a younger woman.

Why?

So she can learn from you.

And when she's my age,
she can teach younger men.

Isn't that great?

Tre bien!

You'll really break up with me?

Marriage is not for me.
A coffin is made for one.

But Ms. Kim?

How about a coffin for 2?

Or get cremated
and buried under the same tree?

Be together forever.

Can you handle a gal like me?

Of course I can.

I love you.

Truly.

Mom?

The kimchi soup you made
when I got sick...

Yes?

How do you make it?
I can't remember.

Why all of a sudden?
You didn't even eat it much.

It won't taste the same
if I don't make it for you.

Are you hurt?

Yes.

Where?
Does it hurt a lot?

It hurts.

Pull yourself together.

Don't you have a man
to buy you some medicine?

Living differently is nothing much
Look at me.

Happiness is just living a normal life
like everyone else.

Okay.

We can't have
everything we want.

Cater to others and give up a little
like everyone else.

No! No! No!

I can't believe it!

Espresso must be...

At once.

It's okay.
You didn't know.

Come here!

Waiter!

One more, please.

You don't trade stocks?

It's too difficult.

Stocks
aren't that hard

Buy when they're low
and sell when they’re hot.

What kind of car do you like?

Coupes? Sedans? Convertibles?
Sports cars?

I did my MBA at Harvard.

I'm a frontrunner to lead
the future of Korea's economy.

I have many offers from...

Two 3-star ratings out of 5.

Five 4-stars and you got 3 call backs.
Why quit now?

Don't think too hard.

Why not meet a well-rated man
and live comfortably?

Do you think ratings feed you?
Yes.

They do.

Don't you know by now?

I'm no doctor like Jun-seok.

Because i have no money or ego
So i got dumped again.

Love?

Do you love me?

Weren't we just sex partners?

You son of a bitch!

How can you do that to me!
You bastard!

screw you, shithead!

You...

Stupid...

Bastard.

Let’s see.

Your liver is okay.

But I think you have depression.

And a lot of stress.

I'll give you an IV
for your hangover.

Next time, go to a psychiatrist,
not here to the ER.

Doctor?

I can see a psychiatrist...

But we've talked before.

It's because of her.

At first, I was curious.

Her collarbone got me.

She was a little strange then.
Kept asking to go to my place.

We had drinks together.
Then...

We did it.

We slept together that night.

It was unbelievable.

So we decided to be
sex partners.

Console each other
to get over our ex lovers.

When we ended things...

I felt incredibly empty inside.

And the coupon is all filled up!

Doctor?

Can sexual attraction be love?

Sexual attraction?

Did we have sex
because we're in love?

Or did we fall in love
because of sex?

why is it so complicated?

Who cares if the chicken
or the egg came first?

Just eat the chicken
and the egg.

If your body
moved your heart...

Let your heart
move your body and go.

There are two types of people
in the world.

Those who know the taste of raw skate
and those who don't

Those who don't know
don't know love either.

But my baby eats it well.

She knows how to love!

She's so lovely.

Great.

MA JU-YEON

How's the baby?

Its fine.

Drunk driving was his hobby.

I warned him so many times.

He was really something.

He just left behind
a cell phone

Filled with women's numbers.

I hate him.

i'm sad

I feel sorry for him.

Why!

What's wrong?

Daddy!

I want to play!

Ju-yeon is in labor.

What? Really?

Anyway did she come?
Who?

Jeong Si-hu.

Honey? How's this place?

I'm hanging up.

What's he talking about?

Si hu.

I ate the whole cake.

What?

I ate the cake that night.

And...

I could die.

Wait!

I mean...

Hold on.

Stay right there.

What are you doing?

Seriously, I could die.

Like Jun-seok, no one knows
when he or she will die.

That’s life.

So I'm...

I'm seizing today.

The last step.

there!

I did it!

Everything's cleared up now!

Stop.
Your face will explode.

Okay.

I wasn't being honest.

I just acted cool.

Why're you doing this now?

Because I can't run away.

I'm a loser
who always ran away.

But I cant run away from you.

I like everything about you.

I can't forget you.

There is no way..

I can run from you.

We may have started off
in a weird way...

And so I'm a bit late.

But I ..

I love you.

5 seconds left!

Focus till the end!

Pass the ball!

Pass it!

Way to go, Jeong-hoon!

With 7 billion people on earth
there must be 7 billion ways to love.

Like love at first sight
it was love at first sex for us.

Finished?

Yes.

Here I come.

Merry Christmas.

No.

Merry Clitoris-mas.

Merry Clitoris-mas.

At first you wonder if its right
if there's an answer, it's not love.

We could break up tomorrow.

But we could also die
before tomorrow comes.

Seize today.

Not yesterday or tomorrow
but today.

ONE-NIGHT SALMON MEAL

Good!

Delicious, right?

if you're not happy now,
it'll be the same anywhere else.

Being with you now
I'm happy.

The one by my side now...

I love you.