Love Before Breakfast (1936) - full transcript

Yes Mr. Miller. 5,000 Amalgamated at 24 even.

Turner and Baldwin have agreed to your
terms Mr. Miller, is that offer still open?

Mr. Miller can't see you
before 4 o'clock on Thursday.

Yes sir.

Call Miss Kay Colby, ask
her to lunch with me today.

Here are those contracts on Amalgamated Oil.

Those reporters are still waiting
for a story on the Japanese deal sir.

I can't see reporters now, I'm too busy.
You better cable Hendricks in Japan.

Tell him we bought Amalgamated and we...

expect him to look after our
interests until we get a man out there.

And see if Mason
is back with that report yet.



- Yes?
- Miss Colby is lunching with Mr. Wadsworth.

Ask her if she can dine with me tonight.
Tell her my favorite opera is on at the Met.

- What opera shall I say?
- I don't know, look it up in the paper.

- What about that report?
- I'm sorry sir but I haven't quite finished.

I've been getting the information
you asked for on William Wadsworth.

- Oh Well, let's have it.
- He's been working for Amalgamated here.

Two years as field assistant, he's
supposed to be engaged to Miss Kay Colby.

But I find that he's also rather
involved with a lady on 78th Street.

Oh, I see.

- Yes?
- Miss Colby is dining with Mr. Wadsworth.

Well, ask her for lunch tomorrow, if she
can't make that, try dinner tomorrow night.

Or lunch
or dinner the first day she has open.

Did he impress you as being very
much in love with Miss Colby?

Well, I really couldn't tell. You see, he was
with the other woman when I talked to him.



His chief concern was about his job.

- He's very anxious to stay with the company.
- All right, thanks.

Yes sir.

Yes sir?

Ted, is that assistant
manager's job in Japan still open?

I believe so sir.

Come in here, I want to talk to you a minute.

- Snap it up Jerry, we're late.
- Yes sir, giddap, Bessie.

- Where's your ticket?
- I got it.

- What about your passport?
- It's right here, I got everything.

- I bet you forgot those headache tablets.
- No, I haven't.

What's the matter with you Kay?
You think I was a baby or something.

I just wanted to be sure, I thought maybe
you couldn't get things like that in Japan.

- Come on Jerry, you can do better than this.
- We're doing the best we can Mr. Wadsworth.

You needn't look so glum, you're
acting as if the world is coming to an end.

It is for me.

Oh no Kay, stop it.

- Haven't I got enough to worry about...
- I can't help it.

Oh, what do you expect me to do?
Pass up an opportunity of a lifetime?

I'll miss that boat sure.

- Suppose you did?
- You're a great help.

I don't see why you've to go all the way to
Japan for a job, you're doing fine right here.

Listen honey, if a man wants
to get ahead in the oil business...

he has to be ready to go anyplace, anytime.

Well, there isn't any money
in oil anyway, Rockefeller took it all out.

Well, he left enough for me.

I'll never get that boat.

That's what I get for taking this busted
down old hack, of all the crazy ideas.

- You proposed to me in this hack.
- It's still a crazy idea.

Hey.

- Hey, somebody grab that horse.
- They must be drunk sir.

Come on boys, grab these bags.

- Did we do any damage?
- Well, you didn't do any good...

Why Kay, hello.

- So it's your car.
- Every splinter.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry Scott
but our horse is a little high-strung.

Look out for the black one, it's not locked.

Bill, you know Scott Miller,
my fiancee, Bill Wadsworth.

- Hello, how are you?
- How are you? That's worth congratulations.

Oh thanks old man, I'm sorry about the car.

Forget it, the joke is
on the insurance company.

- Thanks. Well...
- You're not sailing?

- No, Bill is, he's being sent to Japan.
- By Amalgamated Oil.

You don't say, good outfit.
Nice opportunity for you.

- Oh, I hope so.
- Scott...

Oh. Oh, Scott I've lost one of the
dogs, she ran after an old Airedale.

How plebeian. May I present
the Contessa Campanella?

- Miss Kay Colby.
- How do you do?

Oh, the Miss Colby I've heard
so much about from Scott.

Really? How nice of Scott.

- And Mr. George Wadsworth.
- William Wadsworth.

- Sorry, Contessa Campanella.
- How do you do?

- How do you do?
- Are you sailing with us Miss Colby?

No. I wish I were.

Oh dear, what a pity.
It's divine this time of year.

The dogs adore it, don't you baby?

Excuse us please, we've some last
minute talking to do, goodbye, bon voyage.

- Naturally, goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Very charming your Miss Colby.
- She's not my Miss Colby, she's Wadsworth's.

- Hadn't you better be getting aboard?
- Not rushing me, are you?

Of course not dear.

All ashore who's going ashore.

All ashore who's going ashore.

All ashore who's going ashore.

Oh Bill come on, be a sport, this is
our last chance, get off the boat with me.

Please honey, this is my big break.

Oh I know, but
you'll be away two whole years.

Well, that's all right, what's two years?

Anything is liable to happen to us in that
length of time, we may change, both of us.

- Why take chances?
- No Kay, don't start that all over again.

We'll get along, we don't need much.

Oh no, none of this cottage
stuff for me, I want more than that.

I've got my future to think about.

Bill, I thought it
was going to be our future.

Well sure, sure, that's what I
meant, naturally I mean both of us.

But I've got to look out for myself too.

All ashore who's going ashore.

- Come on honey, you better get started.
- Oh, Bill.

All ashore who's going ashore, last call.

- Bye.
- Goodbye, bon voyage.

Wave goodbye babies, wave goodbye.

Bye honey, take care of yourself.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

Say, when you cry, you
don't fool around, do you? You give.

Don't I? Oh, give me a hanky
quick, I got mascara in my eye.

Oh. Oh, I can't stand goodbyes, I can't
even bear to see anybody off at the subway.

- You never do that for me.
- I'm afraid I ruined your hanky.

I'll have it framed, how is it now?

Oh, my eye is all right but I
still have an awful lump in my throat.

How you like to wash
it down with a nice hot coffee?

- Coffee it's practically an inspiration.
- Swell, we stop by Dubin's.

All right.

- Coffee, black and strong.
- Make it two.

- Yes sir, anything else?
- No.

I'll have the special sandwich, just the
turkey and ham without the Magoo.

Yes sir.

Come on now, do your grieving on your own
time, you know the countess is gone too.

I think she's very
charming Scott, I admire your taste.

Thank you.

Except for those stupid little
pekes she drapes herself with.

Incidentally, what's
happened to count? Where is he?

Where are the snows of yesteryear?

- Where the woodbine twineth.
- That's where the count is.

Kay, have you really got it as bad
as you think you have? I don't think so.

What does a lady do when she
wishes to change the subject abruptly?

Give me a cigarette.

What does a gentleman do when
he wants to find out if he has a chance...

- now that your Bill is gone.
- You never give up, do you?

You know me, Miller
of the Northwest Royal Mounted.

- It's a funny world, isn't it?
- What's funny about it?

- Well, the countess wants to marry me.
- You're afraid?

You want to marry Bill
and I want to marry you.

- Quite a problem, isn't it?
- Yes, isn't it?

You know, I had quite some difficulty
getting the countess off to Honolulu.

- Oh, she isn't going to Japan?
- I thought Honolulu was far enough for her.

- But my real problem was Bill.
- Bill?

Yes. You see, I just
couldn't walk up and convince...

Bill that he was getting circles
under his eyes and needed a vacation.

So when I found out he
was working for Amalgamated Oil...

Wait a minute.

Are you trying to tell me you had
something to do with sending Bill to Japan?

Oh, buying Amalgamated wasn't a bad
investment, it's a nice little company.

I've had my eye on it for some time.

Are you serious?
You bought an oil company just to...

Well, I had to get rid of
him somehow, he had me stymied.

So you sent him away
just to have a clear field, is that it?

Isn't that marvelous?

You're loaded with money, so you think you
can push buttons and move heaven and earth.

Kay, I wouldn't put it as crudely...

You're the most contemptible,
egotistical person I've ever met in my life.

Listen Kay, I didn't realize...

- he meant so much to you.
- Let me tell you something, little Napoleon.

This is one time your button
pushing isn't going to do you any good.

Bill is going to be
closer to me in Japan than you...

can ever hope to be right here in New York.

- Kay I...
- Oh, go away.

Get me a cab.

Follow that cab and step on it.

- Good evening sir.
- Hello.

Well, well, this is a small world.

Fancy running into
the very person I'd hoped to see.

Did I catch a glimpse of you
going into a telegraph office?

You certainly did and
Bill will be back on the first boat.

- Thank you.
- I wish you hadn't done that.

Is that beautiful?

- Here's where I go to work.
- Don't you wish you could?

- How much says I can't?
- Be easy on yourself.

- Ten bucks.
- It's a bet.

- You'd better pin back your ears.
- This is going to be good.

It's an easy 10.

- It's, it's stuck.
- Thanks.

How about a little drink
for the old Alma mater?

- Oh, students?
- I should say not, we're football players.

That looks poisonous,
let me buy you a real drink.

I like this one, if you don't mind.

Oh come on toots, have a drink with me.

- I crave companionship.
- You should join a sorority.

Let me fix it for you.

Have you ever never
been hit with a slot machine?

I, I bet the fellows 10 bucks
you'd have a drink with me.

- Come on, be a good...
- Is this youngster annoying you?

Not at all.

Be good Scout sonny
and toddle back to your table.

I wish you'd stop
interfering with my affairs.

Oh? I didn't know this was an affair.

Well, whatever it is
I can do without you nicely.

- Madam, is this old gentleman annoying you?
- Yes, very decidedly.

So maybe you'd better
totter back to your table.

Don't try to be funny.

Somebody looking for trouble?

Yes, and somebody's going to get it.
Now get back to your table, all of you.

- Wait a minute, who do you think you're?
- Why, you...

♪ Old gray mare,
she ain't what she used to be ♪

♪ She ain't what she used to be,
she ain't what she used to be ♪

♪ The old gray mare,
she ain't what she used to be ♪

- ♪ Many long years ago ♪
- I thought it was pretty good as fights go.

- Your tactics are a trifle dirty.
- I picked them up in the oil fields.

But I must give you credit
for a good left hook.

- Thanks.
- I never felt anything like it.

♪ The old gray mare,
She ain't what she used to be. ♪

♪ Many long years ago ♪

Kay?

- Kay...
- Yes Mother.

- Here's a cablegram for you dear.
- Oh darling, read it to me, will you?

- What on earth you doing to that hat?
- Covering my eye, what do you think?

- But it's dreadful.
- What did he say? When is he coming back?

- Who?
- Bill, will you read that cable to me?

Oh of course, just love cables.

Well, if it's for me
I'd like to know what's in it.

You'll be crazy about it, dear.

Can't believe stuff about Scott.
Intend to make good at job anyway.

Absurd to come back now.
Take care of yourself, love, Bill.

That's about the most ardent cable I ever
saw, he must be simply crazy about you.

What did you expect him to do?
Jump off the boat and swim back?

Oh no dear, I thought
that's what you expected.

I think his going to Australia
is the nicest thing he ever did.

Isn't Australia, it's Japan.

What's the difference?
He's gone, that's what I like about him.

I suppose you like
Scott Miller for sending him away too.

I've always liked Scott.
Might a mother ask where you're going?

I'm going down to the beauty parlor
to have something done to this eye.

Charles will fix it, Charles is wonderful.

And darling, don't
you brood over Bill's cable.

Even if he's cooling off,
there are other fish in the sea.

Well, one of them is not Scott Miller.

- Bonjour mademoiselle.
- Hello Charles.

- And how is Miss Colby today?
- Look at this.

Mademoiselle, where you get this blue eye?

I got the blue one from
my mother's side of the family.

The black one is a present
from a gentleman who's crazy about me.

- Ah, c'est I'amour.
- What can you do about it?

We fix it perfect.

- Oh good.
- If Mademoiselle will sit please.

Yeah.

First of all, we put on the cold towel.

Some astringent, maybe?

Then some raw beef, just a small piece.

- The whole cow on if it'll help any.
- Yes mademoiselle.

Now, if you will kindly close your eyes.

- Too cold?
- It's all right.

Now, be sure you keep your eyes
closed, I'll come right away back.

Ok.

Hey Charles, I'm
getting a little bored with this.

- Come on with the meat course.
- Tout suite mademoiselle.

Well, come on now.

Well...

- Hello.
- What are you doing here?

- I'm the butcher boy.
- How do you get in?

The magic power of gold.

Oh, did your company
take over this beauty parlor too?

No, no, just a temporary deal with Charles.

- How I look?
- Like a street cleaner.

Come, come, come now.
You can't win me with flattery.

You get out of here or I'll call a policeman.

Go ahead, I'll buy up the police force too.

Honestly, don't you like me
better than you did last night?

- Why should I?
- Oh, I know I'm not handsome but I'm cute.

- And I'll always be by your side.
- Charles...

Don't strain your vocal cords.

- Charles.
- Charles stepped out for a minute Miss Colby.

And he won't be back till I call him.

I wish you wouldn't go,
I wanted to take you to the dog show.

They're showing the cutest
little animals you ever saw.

Pekingese you'd be mad about...

Oh, you don't like Pekingese,
that's right, I remember now.

You're definitely not the Pekingese type.

You know, the first time I saw you, I said to
myself now there's a girl who's definitely...

Not the Pekingese type.

Bulldog maybe but not Pekingese.

- Good heavens Yuki, what's that?
- I not know Miss Kay, just come.

What's it supposed to be? Where's the thing?

- What thing Miss Kay?
- The card Yuki. Oh, here it is.

- Morning my lamb. Why, what's that?
- Flowers darling, flowers.

What a queer basket.

Was that a bark?

Kay, look at the little angel.
You come to me, you itsy-bitsy tiny thing.

Who sent the little darling?

- Aren't you going to see?
- I know who sent it.

Get away from me, go away, go.

Introducing Junior and his own
doghouse so you'll let me out of mine, Scott.

- Isn't that cute?
- Yes, Yuki...

- What you going to do?
- Send him back, of course.

You nothing of the kind.

Dumb thing, sit up.

Look at that smart, little precious.
I won't have you send him back.

I'll keep him myself, you come to Mother.

Yes, I will. I'll just
take care of you my darling.

Think you ought to call Scott up
right away and thank him.

Which reminds me.

Couldn't possibly is been you who tell Scott
Miller I was going to the beauty parlor?

Me? Why darling, certainly not. Don't tell
me he turned up at the beauty parlor.

Whatever for?

- Hello.
- Oh hello Kay, how are you today?

Miss Kruby no come on phone now, Miss
Kruby very busy drowning nasty rittle dog.

And incidentally, how did
he get our new telephone number?

Why I, why, isn't that the strangest thing?

Yes, isn't it?

- Going out alone today Miss Colby?
- I hope so.

- Diamond.
- Diamond.

- There we are.
- Oh Dickson...

should a gentlemen come here asking for me,
a big chap in a town car with a mustache...

- be on your guard.
- On my guard Miss Colby?

- He's not quite right in the head.
- No?

No, he'll probably want
a horse so give him Daisy.

Oh but Miss Colby,
we don't send Daisy out anymore.

- You never know what she's going to wake up.
- That's the whole idea.

- But if the gentleman is balmy...
- Don't you see, Dickson?

The doctor thinks maybe
if he falls on his head...

Oh, I see, but he's not violent miss?

Oh no, not if you humor him. Just agree
to everything he says, thank you Dickson.

Come on Diamond.

Boss, she mean that?
A crazy man is coming in here?

- And we got to be very cautious.
- Yes sir.

- What's the matter boys?
- Careful, don't excite him.

- I won't.
- Where's the boss?

Hey...

Where everybody go?

What kind of a place is this?

Would you mind telling me
what's going on here?

Just the boys having a bit of fun sir.

- Is Miss Colby on the bridle path?
- Yes sir.

- Oh yes sir, yes indeed sir.
- Then get me a horse quickly.

Yes sir, we've got just
the horse for you sir. Get Daisy.

Is Daisy all right? I mean a little tired of
it all? You see, I haven't ridden in years.

I understand sir, she'll fix you up sir.

Haven't you got something
a little nearer the ground?

- Oh, you'll like this one sir.
- Give me a hand son.

What's the matter
with you fellas? You all crazy?

- Yes sir.
- No sir.

- No sir.
- Come on.

Well, he who is about to die salutes you.

Quiet down, quiet down. Come on, come on.

Oh now. Oh now.

- Hello there, what a charming coincidence.
- Yes, isn't it?

As a matter of fact the past three weeks have
been one charming coincidence after another.

- Are you actually smiling?
- No, I'm only giving my face a rest.

- How is Junior?
- Junior? Haven't the vaguest idea.

Mother doesn't allow him in my room on
account of I set mouse traps for him.

That's sweet of you, he loves mice.

Speaking of Junior,
how is the countess? Campy Nella.

Wonderful, wonderful.

I hope she and all the little pekes are well.

Very well, they're wonderful.

- What do you hear from George?
- George? Oh.

We call George Bill
for short, he's wonderful too.

- Isn't that wonderful?
- Yes, we're all wonderful, just wonderful.

Scott, are you hurt? Scott.

Sorry disappoint you,
but I'm afraid I'm all right.

- That's too bad.
- Nice horse.

- Might've broken my neck.
- That was the idea.

Fine thing.

I'm so glad you didn't break
your leg, because there's two miles...

back to the stables,
but it's a lovely day for a walk.

I'll get a hitch.

I'm sure you will with
that winning smile of yours.

- Oh, do let me help you mount.
- Oh thank you, you're so very kind.

Scott Miller, don't you get on that horse.

- You hear me? Get off my horse.
- Sorry lady, this is now our horse.

- Providing you care to hop up behind me.
- No, thank you.

- It's a long way back.
- I'll get a lift.

Oh, I'm sure you will
with that winning smile of yours.

- You better hop up.
- Get off that horse.

- I'd be seen you.
- Scott Miller.

Scott, you...

What's the matter little girl? Are you lost?

Well, well, bless my
soul if it isn't Miss Colby.

Fancy seeing you here.
Hop aboard and I'll give you a lift.

- No? Just trying to be accommodating.
- Don't waste your time.

Don't look now
but there's a snake following you.

Oh not so fast.

Hello.

For heaven's sake Kay, light somewhere.

It's like being in the
room with a restless peacock.

- Why do men always have to be late?
- It's fashionable to be late.

I hate being
fashionable, you really like this?

It's a good means of identification.

- You mean you think it's too...
- You could use another spangle or two.

What kind of a costume is Stuart wearing?

I don't know, he said something
about going as a fudge sundae.

How appealing.

There he is now.

- I'll get it Theodore.
- Very good miss.

- Good evening.
- Now what?

- I've come to take you to the ball.
- Oh, you have?

Well, I hope you can bear up on it,
but I'm going with Stuart Farnum.

- I'm sorry but you're going with me.
- I told you I was going with Stu.

Stu? How vulgar.
Is that a name or a condition?

- No, it's his name.
- Strange, it's also his condition.

He's going to take me
if he has to go on a stretcher.

I guess that's the way it'll have to be.

- Stu.
- Another scotch...

- You see? He's temporarily indisposed.
- Did I hear a...

- What's that?
- Just my escort.

You did this, you deliberately got
him drunk so he couldn't take me.

Come on Kay please, don't
say that, I ran across him at the club...

Accidentally, of course.

Of course, he was a
little nervous about his costume...

so I suggested he have a
couple of drinks to sort of bolster up.

After he had about 12, I
discovered he couldn't hold his liquor.

I can understand that.

So, naturally, the only thing I could
do was offer to take you to the party.

Stu, Stu, get up. Mother,
help me, or do something.

I'm afraid he's past help.

Scott, don't you think
this is going a little too far?

I know, I don't know
what I'm going to do with me.

I'm not going.

- What? And waste that lovely costume?
- If I go, I'm going alone.

May I offer you my car?

That's sweet of
you Scott, I'll get your wrap.

- You mind if I sit with the chauffeur?
- I'll appreciate it.

I'll just take you there and bring you
back, I promise not to spoil your evening.

See, I'm not in costume.

Really? I thought you were
masquerading as a gentleman.

Now children, have a good time.

- Goodbye.
- Good night.

Oh Kay wait, what are
you going to do with him?

The question is darling,
what are you going to do with it?

- I don't believe it, it's too marvelous.
- May I?

- May I?
- Johnny.

- Hello Johnny.
- Hello.

How you be very busy
this evening, haven't you?

Yeah, busy trying
to duck that Southern belle.

Oh, Amy's house-guest?

Johnny, she's the most adorable
thing I ever saw in my whole life.

Oh, adorable my eye, she talks my ear off.

Oh oh, here she comes.

- Oh Johnny, she's very pretty.
- Pretty yeah, but she's a phonograph record.

- Don't let her see me.
- Oh, hide behind the plume dear.

At least it's good for something.

Oh Johnny, would you like me to
get her a boyfriend for the evening?

Would I?

- Come on, I'll save you.
- What you going to do?

Keep your eyes and ears open
and your mouth shut, come on.

Oh, yonder is Johnny
looking for me now, pardon me.

- Why Johnny, where you disappear to?
- Just waiting for you, Mary Lee.

- You've met Kay Colby.
- Well, I should say I have.

I've just been
admiring you all evening Miss Colby.

- I think that costume is the smartest thing.
- Thank you honey.

- Would you like to do me a big favor?
- Oh, I certainly would.

I'd like to have you dance
with a friend of mine, Scott Miller.

He's terribly attractive
and rich and dying to meet you.

- Well, I declare, really?
- He'd ask you himself only he's too bashful.

Oh well now, isn't that
the cutest thing? Where is he?

You wait right here
with Johnny, I'll bring him to you.

Incidentally, he's a little hard of hearing
so you'll have to yell but you don't mind.

- Of course not, the poor man.
- Yes.

Isn't that a shame?

Oh Scott...

Pard me.

- How would you like to be a Good Samaritan?
- At your service.

There's a little girl visiting here
from the South, she's awfully sweet...

but she doesn't seem
to be having a very good time.

- Be nice and dance with her, will you?
- Anything for you.

Oh thank you, I think you'll like her.
She's got an awfully cute accent.

But there's just one thing.

Oh, a little thing, she's slightly
deaf and you'll have to shout.

Oh, is that all? Shouting is easy.

Miss Jackson, this is Mr. Miller,
the gentleman I told you about.

- How do you do?
- I'm very happy to know you.

Excuse us.

- Would you like to dance?
- Oh thanks. Thanks, I'd love to.

- How do you like New York?
- Oh, I simply adore it.

Well, I've never seen so
many tall buildings in all my life.

I've been up and down
in elevators until, I'm dizzy.

Johnny they'll hear us, stop it.

How long do you expect to stay?

Well, you don't have to yell at me you
know, there's nothing wrong with my hearing.

- What's that?
- You're the one, I'm not deaf.

I can't stop, got to get out of here.

Lady, we've been victimized.

- You reckon?
- I reckon.

That was a low down dirty trick.

How did you like New York...

You have a lot of fun with me, aren't you?

Every time I think of you, you know,
you'd make a marvelous train announcer.

The worst of it is, you're probably right.

With the blue uniform and brass
buttons, it might be very becoming.

Might add that, romantic
something that I seem to lack, eh?

Big businessmen shouldn't try to be romantic.

Maybe.

That's all I mean to you, isn't it?
Just a big businessman.

- But I do take a neat fall from a horse.
- Beautiful.

Took a neat fall for a girl too.

If you're trying to get serious,
please don't. I'm having much too much fun.

Maybe I can amuse you with a funny story.

- You like funny stories?
- It all depends on the story.

I've got one about a
button pusher and a bulldog.

- Bulldog?
- Well, definitely not a Pekingese.

You see, this button pusher was a
fella who was smug and accustomed...

to having his own way
until along came a little bulldog.

Now, he chased this
little bulldog for a long time...

but he didn't seem to be getting anyplace
because she didn't like his methods.

But he couldn't change because he was
an old button pusher and set in his ways.

- And the bulldog was stubborn too.
- That's it, seems you know the story.

Well parts of it, but you seem to forget that
the bulldog was interested in someone else.

- And still is?
- And still is.

Well? Isn't there
something more to your story?

No, I guess not...

it's nothing for the button pusher to
do but pick up his marbles and go home.

Goodbye Kay, I'll leave the car for you.

- You finishing the tea please?
- Yes Yuki.

Thank you Miss Kay.

Give me the trouble department.

Hello, trouble department?

My telephone is out of order.
People can't get me, the phone doesn't ring.

I have, I know it doesn't ring.

All right, you try it.

Yes, it did that time. Well, how is
it people can't get me on the telephone?

I'm sorry madam, there's
nothing we can do about that.

- What do you see Yuki?
- Oh, you going to party.

Big party, lots of people.

Who takes me? Who am I with?

- Lots of people, many people.
- Yes, but who's next to me?

Lady, maybe fat lady.

- But what gentleman?
- No gentlemen, all ladies.

Card party. Oh, you lose money.

- Isn't there one man in that cup?
- Man? No, no see no man.

- Oh, you get present.
- Yes, from whom?

Lovely present, jewelry present.

Who gives it to me?
What is he like? Is he a big man?

I not can say for sure.
All the same I think, yes I sure.

Present come from your mother.

Yuki, you tell the dullest fortunes.

- But no see Mr. Miller in cup.
- Mr. Miller? Whatever made you think of him?

I think maybe you marry Mr. Miller sometime.

- Me marry Mr. Miller?
- Yes, I think you loving Mr. Miller.

- You think too much.
- Thank you Miss Kay.

All is the same when
Japanese girl love Japanese man...

she go to him and she
say, I love you Mr. Miller.

Then everything right away fine.

Yes, then everything right away great.

The little Japanese girl gets
shoved around the rest of her life.

- Japanese girls liking to be shoved round.
- Not this Japanese girl.

Even if I did marry him, I wouldn't let him
know I love him, my soul wouldn't be my own.

Besides, who said I did love him?

- Yes Miss Kay.
- Take these things away Yuki.

Thank you.

- Hello darling.
- Hello dear.

- What are you doing with my dog?
- Scratching his stomach.

- Oh, is there any mail for me?
- Nothing for you darling, as usual.

I should think Bill would let you
hear from him once in a while.

Well, maybe he's busy.

I don't see how you
can consider yourself engaged...

to a man who doesn't even write to you.

- My sweet, didn't you go out for lunch?
- No, I didn't feel like it.

Oh darling, you were lucky.
Colony was simply packed.

And to make it worse, your
Aunt Emma was gabbier than usual.

Her main topic today was Scott Miller and
that countess, she's just back from Honolulu.

Your Aunt Emma tells me that she heard...

for a positive fact that this
time they're going to be married.

I don't care what Aunt Emma heard.

Darling, if you don't care, I'm sure I don't.

But naturally I hate to see
you lose the finest man you ever knew.

I'm going to lie down
for a little while dear.

Hello. Oh, hello, Scott.

Oh, I'm fine.
I never felt so well in all my life.

Oh. Yes, I have been busy, you know
how it is during Horse Show week.

Well, what about lunch with me tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I wish I
could, but I haven't a free moment, honestly.

Oh, that's too bad.
Well, I'll see you around sometime.

But...

Not at all, not at all. I tell you gentlemen.

If we lower the price of gasoline
even one cent, we're headed for ruin.

Mr. Brinkerhoff,
will you please stick to the point?

But what's the good of having a board
of directors if nobody will listen?

- We are listening.
- Gentlemen, gentlemen..

Now, I've never overridden this
board and I'm not going to start now.

Anything I do will be
with your unanimous approval.

But you're going to approve if I have
to sit here until a week from Tuesday.

Now take your time, because I've got
all today, all tomorrow and all the next day.

In fact, I can sit here for weeks.

She's here?

Boys, I've been thinking this thing over.

I don't know a more levelheaded bunch
of men in the country than you fellas.

Now, I've decided that whatever you decide
is all right with me. Goodbye, goodbye.

What's the matter? Is he sick?

- Well, this is a surprise.
- I hope I didn't disturb you.

Not at all, I wasn't doing anything.
Just fooling around with the boys.

We never do any work.

I thought you told me you
were going to be so busy today.

Oh, I am. As a matter of fact, I'm
practically at four other places right now...

trying to get rid of these milk fund tickets.

- Is that all that brought you here?
- Is that all? I have 200 left.

- How much are they?
- Only 10 dollars a piece.

Yes sir?

Make out a check
for 2,000 dollars and mail it to...

- Metropolitan Charities.
- You hear that?

- Yes sir.
- Your calling last night was an inspiration.

I don't know why I didn't think of you
before, it's very sweet of you Scott.

Leaves me the rest
of the day with nothing to do.

Fine, would you be interested in
seeing how big business is conducted?

How little Napoleon works?

- I'd love it.
- Private office?

Monsieur.

So this is where
you do your serious thinking?

- Right.
- Now I understand your success.

- What it'll be?
- A small glass of sherry.

That's very cute.

- Is that dry?
- Oui madame, very dry.

Here's to you and the countess.

Thanks, but why the countess?

- Well, isn't it impending?
- Nobody consulted me.

I've heard rumors.

You'd be sorry to hear my feelings haven't
changed, I'm still going to marry you.

You better be careful, one of
these days I might take you up on that.

- Couldn't make it today, could you?
- If I did, it would only be for your money.

I never look a gift horse in the mouth.

- You want me anyway?
- Definitely.

All right, but this isn't going to be
any Taming of the Shrew, you know.

I'm not going to come crawling
after you've broken my spirit.

- I'll take my chance.
- It's a long one.

- I like them that way.
- Well, I guess that settles it.

Oh no, there should
be a kiss to seal the bargain.

- Is that necessary?
- It's pretty standard.

- All right.
- Can you spare it?

I think so.

- Well, goodbye.
- Oh no, there's one more detail.

- What happens now?
- Come on, I'll show you.

I warn you I won't sign
anything without a lawyer.

Oh, you won't have
to sign a thing, just one minute.

- What's this?
- The customary engagement ring.

- Oh, you were all prepared.
- Oh yes, yes indeed, well prepared.

- When did you get these?
- The day after you turned me down.

- Sure of yourself, weren't you?
- Just a gambler.

A gambler who knew he'd win.

The fact that I don't love
you doesn't spoil your victory.

Well, I'm glad we understand each other.

Which one of these little knickknacks
would you like to have me wear?

Oh, they're all for you,
I thought you might like to change off.

How romantic.

Now that we're engaged I hope
we'll see each other occasionally.

Whatever is customary Mr. Miller.

Let me see you.

Oh, careful Mother, now be careful.

Do be quiet, how can I
do this if you talk? Scott...

Hurry up with the cocktails.
I need something to steady my hand.

Coming right up.

Oh, hurry up Mother, I only
have one match left, left.

- So have I, we'll split the pot.
- Shut up.

Easy, easy.

Brinkie...

It's the gardenias my dear,
they always bring on my hay fever.

Oh, I see a swell place.

- Kay, your tongue, you'll bite it off.
- Shut, shut.

- I win, I win.
- Not yet, I can still tie you.

Oh Brinkie, don't you
put that match on, I want to win.

Hold your hats kids, hold your hats.

Fool you.

- Brinkie.
- I win all the money, I win all the money.

- Goody, goody, goody.
- Who won?

- Brinkie's hay fever.
- That'll teach you to gamble with women.

Wasn't fair, she only
won by a nose. What's that?

- A Bronx and a good one.
- A Bronx? Take it away.

Last time I drank one of those
things they had to send me to...

Carlsbad to have my liver overhauled.

How do you like this fellow?
After mixing them myself.

- Ungrateful I calls it.
- Don't touch it Kay, it'll poison you.

Let me mix you one of my famous packeroos.

- What's a packeroo?
- It's a secret formula I picked up in Cuba.

- From a horse doctor.
- Yes, from a horse, no.

The man never did appreciate my artistry.

Brinkie, I trust you, I'll try one.

- I promise you you'll never forget it.
- That's what I'm afraid of.

- How about you Mrs. Colby?
- I'll try one too.

One is all you need.

Come on, you old
rebel, I'll show you the stuff.

Be back in a moment ladies, we'll
whip this evening into something yet.

By the way, what is a packeroo?

I don't know, I never heard the word
before but I'll mix up something potent.

May as well cancel dinner now.

Heaven's sake Kay, aren't you ever
going to stop playing that stupid game?

- I'm busy.
- Pure waste of time, that's what it is.

- How about one here?
- No, no, go away, I'm trying something new.

You know too much about it now, poor Scott.

- You beat him every night.
- I'm the champion.

Well, anyway you're being pleasant
to him lately, that's something.

That's because he's
stopped trying to rule the roost.

- Anything settled yet?
- About what?

The wedding.

Oh, Scott wants to hold off
till he hears about that Russian deal.

- Russian deal? What Russian deal?
- He's working on a contract with Russia...

and if the deal is made we'll
go there on our honeymoon.

Good heavens, you have to wait
for the Russians to get married?

Well, Brinkie is off on one of his short
stories again, probably last an hour.

He doesn't even
know I left him, still talking.

- That's cruel Scott.
- He doesn't care.

The other day while he was
spinning his favorite yarn at the...

club his audience changed three times.

- He never knew the difference.
- You stay here, I'll take care of him.

Oh, I wish you hadn't taught me this silly
game, I never worked so hard in my life.

- Was probably started by the match industry.
- I'm all worn out.

Oh, I meant to ask you. How is
that Russian deal getting along?

So so.

I guess you must be terribly
anxious to get it settled.

Not particularly,
bad business rushing that sort of thing.

Heard anything from Bill lately?

Bill, any news?

Why no, nothing unusual.
I finally got that letter off to him though.

What letter?

I've been trying to write him
for days, telling him about us.

I wrote and rewrote it a dozen times, it's
the most difficult thing I ever had to do.

You think he'll take it badly?

Well naturally, getting a letter
like that isn't very pleasant.

- Feel horrible about it.
- Well, you needn't.

Bill is not going to get that letter Kay.

- He's on his way home.
- He's on his way home? He's coming back?

Yes. I sent for him.

I've wanted to talk to you
about it for several days.

What happened Scott?
Bill hasn't done anything, has he?

No, no, as a matter of fact
he's going to work for us here.

- Well, why bring him home now?
- I'm giving him back to you Kay.

Strange, isn't it?
Particularly after the battle I put up.

It's amazing how little a
man really knows about himself.

I wanted you so badly that I thought the
fact you didn't love me wouldn't matter.

- But I was wrong, it does matter.
- What are you driving at Scott?

I once had an idea
I was a pretty tough hombre.

Ride roughshod over anything
or anybody to get what I wanted.

Well, I got it, but it's no go.

I discovered I was, well, just plain human.

My vanity is been hurt Kay,
it's screaming its head off.

I don't want to marry a woman
who's in love with someone else.

It's something wrong here, Scott.

I can't believe you're just
handing me back to Bill.

- You're not given to gestures like that.
- You're right, I'm not. Just gambling again.

Gambling on what?

That in time you'll
get Bill out of your system.

Oh, I see.

I may be wrong Kay, but I've always...

had a notion
that you're not really in love with Bill.

That it was just an
idea you were clinging to.

- So I thought that if I brought him back...
- I'd get tired of him, is that it?

I'd realize I'm a stupid brat
who doesn't know her own mind.

- Oh no Kay, don't take that...
- Meet Kay Colby, the human guinea pig.

- That's silly.
- Still pushing buttons, aren't you?

Still running the world.

It never occurred to
you to consult me, did it?

You toy around with a
man's career as if he were a puppet.

- But I haven't hurt him.
- Now you're doing the same to me.

That's a big mistake Scott, because
I refuse to be a puppet in your show.

I'll see Bill, I'll see plenty of him.
Thank you for sending him back to me.

Wait a minute Kay, will you listen to me?

Kay, Kay...

Kay? What's happened Scott?

Come in Brinkie.

You want to see me Scott?

Brinkie, do you think you could
run this office for a month or so?

Why certainly, anyone could
run this, I mean, yes of course, why?

Oh, I think I'll get away for a while,
Europe, the Orient, anywhere.

You can't get her off your mind by running
away. Look, I'll tell you what to do.

You've already told me what to do, I
brought Wadsworth back at your suggestion.

I still think it's a good idea.

Yes, swell. He arrived this morning,
and look, right back in my lap.

- And now she's right back in his, eh?
- Exactly.

Perfect feminine psychology.

She'll fight you every step
of the way, she's that kind of a girl.

And now that we're on the
subject, you're that kind of a fellow.

Neither one of you will give an inch.

Well, we've certainly
made a fine mess of things.

Not at all, you're going great.

Now all you got to do is follow up.

I tell you the girl loves you.

You don't think she cares anything
about this Wadsworth, do you?

Now the smart thing to do
is just what she doesn't expect.

Instead of being sore
about him, take the opposite tack.

Make him your pal,
build him up, give him a better job.

Take every obstacle out of their way...

so she can't have the
slightest excuse not to marry him.

- And then watch her squirm.
- How do you know so much about women?

I'm a bachelor.

Oh, this is all too complicated
Bill, let's just have scotch and soda.

Cordon Rouge, 1926.

You can't celebrate
the return of the prodigal...

with scotch and soda,
it's got to be champagne.

- All right Prodigal.
- Mr. Prodigal to you.

- You are glad I'm back, aren't you honey?
- Of course I'm glad.

You remember me, I'm the gal you left behind.

- Well, then let's celebrate right.
- All right.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.
They doubled my salary today.

Doubled your salary? Oh, that's marvel...

What do you mean they
doubled your salary? For what?

- Don't you think I'm worth it or something?
- When did this happen?

- They told me about it this afternoon.
- Oh he did, you didn't accept it, of course.

Accept it? Say, what's the matter with you?

Do you mean to tell me
you'd take anything from Scott Miller?

Why not? He's my boss, isn't he?

Just because you got tight one night...

- and promised to marry him...
- I wasn't tight.

Well, it's all over anyway, there's no reason
why I shouldn't accept the raise from him.

Come on, let's dance.

Gosh honey, I thought you were
going to be tickled to death I got a raise.

Now we can plan on
getting married right away.

Yes, I suppose we can but I still wish
you were working for somebody else.

Why are you so sore at
Scott Miller? He's been swell to me.

Oh Bill you're mad,
you're such a glorious maniac.

- Oh, there's Scott Miller and the countess.
- Really? Where?

- Hello.
- Hello there Kay, how are you?

- Fine.
- You remember the contessa.

- Yes, of course.
- Hello, and Billy lamb, how are you darling?

- Swell Janey, I'm glad to see you again.
- Isn't fun here tonight?

- Yes, isn't it?
- Let's have a drink together.

- We'd love to.
- Fine, see you later.

All right.

Billy lamb, you do all
right on boats, don't you?

Ok, you can't play deck tennis
all the time, you got to mix.

Well, then maybe
you better stay off the water.

All right honey, anything you say, from
now on, I'm off water, nothing but champagne.

- To us darling, my joys will be your joys.
- And your troubles will be my troubles.

- Oh, but I haven't any troubles.
- Wait till you marry me.

- Oh waiter, another bottle.
- Right away sir.

Come on honey, drink up, let's get under way.

Yes, way under.

What's the matter honey? We're out to
be happy and laugh and enjoy ourselves.

- Yes, I know.
- Well then let's do it, this is our reunion.

We don't seem to be having
as much fun as we used to.

- I am, I'm having a lot of fun.
- And I got a swell idea for the weekend too.

- Bob Metcalf wants us to go out on his boat.
- I don't like boats.

Oh, but you know the
Metcalf, they're a million laughs.

- I still don't like boats.
- Yet...

With Mr. Miller's compliments.

- Well.
- Is that so?

Well, you can send it back
to Mr. Miller with our compliments.

No, wait. We can't do that, Kay.

- He's my boss.
- Well, he's not my boss.

We're not going to
get anywhere by insulting him.

So I found out over a period of months.

- What I'll do sir?
- Leave it, we'll open it later.

Waiter, will you see if they can
stop this thingamajig from going around?

I'm getting dizzy.

- Yes miss.
- I think that was darn nice of Scott Miller.

Oh, there they are.
Thanks a lot, that was swell.

Oh, not at all, was a great pleasure.

Bill really is a dear,
he kept me amused the whole trip.

Well, was all I could do to keep him from
getting off the boat with me at Honolulu.

Too bad he didn't.

It is wiser to be friendly to him...

- after all, he is my boss...
- If you tell me he's your boss again...

- I'll scream.
- Well, we should.

Ought to be nice to both
of them, they're going to be married.

Yes, and I
suppose nice to all their children too.

- I'm glad this thing stopped.
- Get the check, I want to go home.

Go home? What for? It's early, besides,
we got to knock off this bottle first.

- You've had enough, and I want to go.
- Don't be silly, we haven't even started.

Hey, what's this?
You're not going home, are you?

It's a shame darling, we promised the
Larrimore we'd drop in on their party.

But we were waiting for you to join
us before we opened your bottle.

- We'll make it another time.
- Soon, I hope.

Scott, why don't you ask them
up to the country for the weekend?

- We're having some divine people.
- I'd love to, if I thought they'd come.

Of course we'll come.

But Bill you're forgetting about the
Metcalf, we promised to go out on their boat.

- Honey but...
- But is this weekend, dear.

Don't you remember? I'm terribly sorry
Scott, but you will ask us another time.

- Maybe next week, good night.
- Good night.

- And good night.
- Good night.

- Good night Billy.
- Good night Janey.

You're certainly hasty
about accepting invitations.

- Yes, but honey...
- Yes, I know he's your boss.

But you said you didn't like boats.

I don't but rather than spend a weekend
with them I even take the comical Metcalf.

Well, it's all too much for me.
Maybe you're right, we'd better go home.

Go home? What for? It's early.

But I thought...

I'm going to get drunk, then maybe
I'll know what's going on around here.

You're not planning on
coming with me, by any chance?

Certainly not, I've better ways to
spend my declining weekends dear.

- Where are you going? To Scott's?
- Why should that interest you?

Doesn't.

- You can send my bag down now Yuki.
- Yes Mrs. Colby.

How you can spend a weekend
with those dull Metcalf is beyond me.

But of course Bill be a big help.

I don't know why I have to consult you
about my friends, I'm free, white and 21.

- At least Scott's party will be amusing.
- I hope you enjoy it.

Hello dear.

Oh, what are you doing here?
I thought you were going to Scott Miller's.

I didn't say so.

From the way you spoke, I
naturally assumed you were going there.

- Can't help what you assume darling.
- Whose boat are you going on?

- Friends dear, friends.
- What friends?

I don't see why I've to tell you everything.
I'm free, white and in my early 40s.

Well, if I'd only known,
we could have saved a taxi fare.

- What yacht madam?
- I'm Mrs. Colby.

Oh, yes indeed Mrs. Colby.

- Right this way Mrs. Colby.
- And I'm Miss Colby.

I'm looking for the
Gargantuan, the Metcalf boat.

I believe there is a young man
waiting for you down by the float.

- Be careful of your footing Mrs. Colby.
- Thank you so much young man.

- This is the tender for you Mrs. Colby.
- Thank you.

- Think you were royalty or something.
- Goodbye dear.

Kay, come on.

Hurry up.

So that's the Gargantuan,
did you bring your seasick remedy?

I don't get seasick.

It's cunning Kay,
you get into it or put it on?

Well, goodbye dear, have a
good time, I'm sure you will in that.

Don't fall overboard.

Kay, where have you been?
I've been waiting here for an hour.

Will you please tell me
what you're doing in this thing?

Don't you like it?

Like it? Where are the Metcalf?

Bob can't get away till 6 o'clock,
he'll pick us up in the big boat later.

- Pick is up where?
- Over in the cove.

Thanks son, I'll take the bags.

Holy smoke, what have you got in these bags?

- Where do you think we're going?
- Well, I didn't know we were going canoeing.

What are you talking about?
This is a sweet little jag, come on, get in.

I hope you know something
about running this sweet little jag.

Running it? Listen, that's all
I did when I was a kid.

Untie the bow line.

Why can't we wait for the Metcalf
and go on their regular boat?

Because we'll have a lot of fun
sailing around this afternoon.

Go below, see how cute it is.

Well.

- Cozy, isn't it?
- Compact, that's what I like about it.

Say, what are you doing to those eggs?

Well, they started to
scramble themselves so I finished.

I don't want to be rude honey,
but they don't look very appetizing.

Well, they're all I can find, they'll have
to hold you till the Metcalf get here.

Aren't you going to have any?

Just going to have coffee,
not going to spoil my appetite.

Be kind of fun if they
didn't show up, wouldn't it?

- Then we could be alone sort of.
- What do you mean sort of?

Well, you know, we're
engaged, aren't we? Come on, sit down.

Wait till I pour my coffee.

- Float ahoy.
- There they are now.

It's about time.

Mr. Miller's compliments Miss Colby and will
you and your party join him aboard for dinner?

Mr. Miller? Is he in this cove?

Just ahead madam, we're
laying off your starboard bow.

- Tell Mr. Miller we'd be delighted.
- We'd be nothing of the sort.

Yoohoo Billy...

Hurry up, we're holding dinner for you.

Come as you are, don't wait
to change, Scott won't mind.

- But what shall I say to Mr. Miller?
- That we'll be over.

That we will not be over.

Mr. Miller anticipated a little
disagreement on the matter.

So Mr. Miller hopes you'll accept this
hamper with Mr. Miller's compliments.

- Well, we certainly...
- Miss Colby's compliments to Mr. Miller.

And Miss Colby says that Mr. Miller
can take his hamper and his invitation...

- and his yacht and go...
- I will without fail madam.

No need to be insulting Kay, I'll take that.

- You don't Kay...
- You leave it.

Any other message miss?

Yes, tell Mr. Miller we're having a perfectly
fine time and do not wish to be annoyed.

I will indeed miss.

Oh we're expecting a bit of a blow Mr. Miller
suggests you make sure of your ground tackle.

- Tell him to make sure of his own.
- Yes miss.

Cast off, full speed ahead.

- Well, thanks just the same.
- Oh, don't mention it.

- Well, she's not coming over.
- Don't weaken, give her time.

And be plenty tough with her.

Is that the way you handled
the women you couldn't get?

Certainly, whenever...

Let that pass, will you please?

Start this boat,
I want to get out of this cove.

What are you talking about?
We got to wait for the Metcalf.

If we're not here, they'll
look around for us.

Are you so crazy about that guy you can't
stand being in the same cove with him?

I'm not crazy about him.

I hate the sight of him.

Yes, you do, you fall all over yourself
every time his name is mentioned.

- Don't be a fool.
- I don't intend to be.

I've been a sap long enough.
What do you think I am? Blind?

You're not fooling me, you're
just using me to burn him up.

And after several more rude
remarks, she threw the hamper at me.

- She didn't miss either.
- Well...

Because the others objected to their leaving?

- There were no others madam, just the two.
- Weren't the Metcalf with them?

No madam.

- That'll do.
- Scott, did you hear that?

- Yes, I heard, what about it?
- I've got to get over there.

We can't leave them unchaperoned all night.

- Why not? That's what she wants, isn't it?
- Don't you care?

Not a bit. She can do whatever
she likes as far as I'm concerned.

Well, not as far as I'm concerned.
Get me a boat, I'm going right over.

You'll do nothing of the kind.

It was your idea to change my party to
the yacht and you're going to stay here.

- But if there's a storm coming up.
- Let her sit in it, it'll do her good.

Bill, will you stop drinking
that wine and get this boat started.

We can't stay here with the storm coming up.

Oh, but we are.

We're staying right here where you
can be near the man you love so much.

I'm giving you both a break.

After all, he is my boss,
I've got to be nice to him.

Fine romance, I come all the way from Japan,
sacrifice my whole future, just for you.

Oh, you came back only because of me.

Certainly I did.
What you think I came back for?

I don't know, I had
an idea your boss sent for you.

Well, whatever it was, I was crazy.

- Float ahoy.
- Hey Bob, come on in.

Beg pardon miss, Mr. Miller instructed
me to tell you not to be idiots.

The storm is going to be very heavy.

You can tell Mr. Miller that the idiots can
take care of themselves, storm or no storm.

Tell the old boy to come
on over and have a drink...

his girl is crying her eyes out about him.

- You won't come miss?
- No, I won't and get out of here.

Oh Bill, please get up from
there, let's get out of this cove.

- I'm afraid the boat is going to turn over.
- That suits me fine.

Bill, I'm scared.

Scott, you've got to do something, they're
in danger, you can't leave her over there.

- I offered to help her, that's all I can do.
- You're cruel.

- I'll see the captain myself.
- Afraid it won't do you any good.

Oh Bill, come on, we
can't stay in here, we'll drown.

No.
Oh help me please, now come.

Come on.

- We don't want any help.
- Go on, grab the gentleman.

Don't you get on this boat, I don't
want you to get on this boat, you hear?

- Take your hands off me.
- No, we don't want any trouble.

- I'm not going to get on that boat.
- Come on, get her aboard.

No. I don't want...

Keep your foot in there.

What if you were drowned?

- It's too hot.
- That's the way it should be.

I'm going down to get you a hot toddy.

If you see Scott Miller,
you better warn him to stay away from me.

I doubt if he'll have any time to see
you Dearie, he's in a big bridge game.

Keep your feet in there till I get
back. Why hello Scott, come in.

I'm just going down to get something
to ward off her cold, I'll be right back.

Are you all right?

A lot you care, what do you mean by
sending those thugs over to manhandle me?

You didn't expect me to leave my guests...

just to rush over and pick up a couple
of water soaked half-wits, did you?

Certainly not, how could I? Beside, think of
the duchess or countess or whatever she is.

- Shouldn't you be getting back to her?
- Yes, as a matter of fact, I should.

Well, don't let me detain you and I'm getting
off this boat as soon as possible too.

You're getting into that bed as soon
as you get out of that mustard bath.

Who do you think you're talking to?

You heard what I said,
you get into that bed and stay there.

I don't want any more annoyance from you.

I'll show him, where's the thing?

Well, who do you think you're looking at?

Oh, I'm dying.

- Oh.
- Oh, poor darling.

- This'll fix you up.
- Oh Janey, my head is killing me.

Yes I know, now you drink this rock
and rye, best thing in the world for cold.

Drink it all.

- Oh, that's strong.
- No, it isn't. Poor lamb, I know it hurts.

- Be careful honey, you'll take my cold.
- I'll take anything from you darling.

My mother used to say, you'll
never get poor from taking.

There, there.

Ah, but that was nothing to
what happened to me in Calcutta.

I had the fiercest battle
with two polar bears.

- They were quarreling over a seal.
- Hello everybody.

- Hi Kay, how are you feeling honey?
- Never felt better in my...

Brinkie darling, is this
going to be our dance?

Oh good, isn't it marvelous
that everybody is so gay?

- How do you like my new coiffure?
- Parfait.

I thought I told you to get into bed.

I'll do whatever I please.

You will, eh?
We'll see about that young lady.

Scott, put me down,
put me down, you big walrus.

Walrus, that reminds me.
Once I was chasing a flock of walri.

- Put me down.
- I'll put you down.

Now stay there, when I give an order
on this boat it's usually carried out.

Get out of here.

You were a man,
I'd poke you right in the nose.

- Wouldn't that be repeating yourself?
- I should've hit you harder.

You have a disposition like a
you're a schizophreniac, that's what you are.

- A what?
- A schizophreniac.

And if you don't know
what it means, you can look it up.

I know the meaning
of any word you can think up.

Kay, put your feet right back into that
mustard, you want to catch pneumonia?

- I don't care what I catch.
- Do I have to tie you in this tub?

Put you feet in there.
Now, where's Junior? Junior...

Junior, I bet he's with
that countess's dogs again.

Junior, Junior...

Schizo, schizophreniac...

Delusions of grandeur predominate.
Most insane killers are of this class.

And on top of everything
else, you're a hyperthyroid.

If you don't stop following
me around, I'll put you in irons.

- That's a job for a full-grown man.
- That's a laugh.

You talk about full grown men with that case
of arrested development you're engaged with.

- You'll never be half the man Bill is.
- I hope not.

You two should be
very happy, you're equally intelligent.

- You deserve each other.
- And we adore each other.

- What do you think of that?
- That's great.

You can spend the rest of your lives sinking
boats, falling off cliffs or anything...

- else your feeble minds can concoct.
- You stop yelling at me, you, you...

- button pusher.
- You bet I'm a button pusher,

and I'm going to keep on
being a button pusher until the...

day I die and what's
more you're going to like it.

I'm getting sick of this.

Oh, who do you think you're
going to push around now?

I'm pushing for the
captain, he's going to marry us.

Marry us? I wouldn't marry you
if you were the last man alive.

- That's fine.
- Oh, do you think he heard you?

For richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health.

And do you promise to love...

- honor and obey this man until...
- Just a minute.

- There be no obeying in my life.
- Oh, yes, there is.

There's going to be a whole lot of obeying,

as a matter of fact, there's
going to be nothing but obeying.

- If you think you're going to...
- Yes, I do.

Yes.

Then with the power vested
in me as the master of this ship...

I now pronounce you man and wife.

And may I wish you a
happy, peaceful married life.