Little Men (1940) - full transcript

Ah, good morning, Stella.

Yeah, what's good about it?

Well, I'll try again.

A good, good morning, Stella.

If I were interested
in your boudoir habits,

I'd say you got up on the wrong
side of the bed this morning.

Aren't you ever happy?

Happy?

Look at that stack of mail,
and I got to answer it.

Ah, that new little
ad I wrote is working.

This is really very lovely.



Beautify your home
with a genuine steel

engraved portrait of the
father of this country.

Clip this coupon and send $1.

Get yours while they
last, complete with frame.

Get yours while they last.

That is the master
stroke, as if they'd ever

stop printing $0.03 stamps.

Any complaints from
our art lovers?

As the usual.

- Care to look at them?
- No.

File them with the others.

Let's get down to work.

Grand Falls, Nebraska.

Mrs. Doolittle.



Mrs. Doolittle, it makes me very
happy to send you a portrait

of the father of this country.

Bless his heart, and bless
yours too for contributing.

Willie.

It's me.

Hello, Major.

What are you doing here?

I thought you had left and
were working in Kansas.

Well, we were, but... how about
sending horse face out to get

a basketful of knot holes?

Well, I like you, Mister.

When you hint, you really hint.

Scat.

Lefty's dead.

Lefty?

Dead?

He didn't give no trouble
when they buried him.

Poor Lefty.

What a tragedy.

He was the soul of the earth.

He certainly was.

None better.

We both owed him a lot, Willie.

What was it, his heart?

No, it was his feet.

He couldn't outrun the bullet.

Well, wherever he
is, here's to him.

And I hope I'm looking
in the right direction.

I hope so too.

You know, he loved you.

His last words were, Willie,
take this to the Major

'cause he never let a pal down.

Take what?

Well, I'll get it.

Here it is.

Lefty sent this to me?

Nobody else.

He said you was the only
one he'd trust with it.

Angels defend me.

When did this happen?

About a year ago.

Its mother died right after.

Look out, mate.

It bites.

Willie, get
that out of here right now.

Nothing doing.

From now on, it's all yours.

Mine?

I'll wager this was your idea.

No, it wasn't.

No, I told him how
much you hated kids.

Hate them?

Willie, in all the 20
years you've known me,

have you ever caught me saying
one kind word about kids?

It even kept me out of politics.

Couldn't kiss the little brats.

Get it out of here.

- Get it out of here.
- Wait a minute.

I've done my part, and
you better do yours.

Or Lefty's going to haunt you.

Willie, here.

Here's $500.

Take the kid with you.

No, no.

That ain't the way
Lefty wanted it.

Take the money anyway.

What do you think I am, a moocher?

I'll do all right,
just as long as they

keep making those nights dark.

Now I'm going to leave
you here with your joy.

Ah, it must know that
I'm leaving for good.

Oh, that's just lovely.

Well, what do you want, honey?

Oh, gosh.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well, here you are, Major.

Give it plenty of milk, you know.

It's... well, you got to
bribe it to go to sleep,

or else it'll bawl all night.

Well, goodbye, Major.

Willie, what is
it, a boy or a girl?

Darned if I know.

$500 ought
to be enough to sustain you

until you're old enough
to wage life's battles.

Shh.

Isn't $500 enough for you,
you little blackmailer?

Your father would
turn over in his grave

if he thought you were a squealer.

Just a minute.

What are you doing here
this time of the morning?

Are you the person in charge here?

I most certainly am.

That's all I want to know.

Oh, you... you can't wear
curls forever, Danny.

You're a big man now.

Here, here.

Blow on it.

Nuh-uh.

Danny, if you want to eat the free
lunch, you'll have to buy a drink.

What'll you have?

Same as my pop.

I'll spank your pants off.

Bring him a sarsaparilla.

Yes, sir.

With a little water on the side.

Why... eat that.

Danny, play my hand out.

That stew's boiling over.

It'll cost you $4, boys.

It'll cost you all you got.

I'm raising.

Take the pot.

Let me see your hand.

He bluffed you.

He hasn't got a thing.

They thought they were
playing with a kid.

How bravely you ladies stand there

with a smile on your
faces but with your hearts

breaking because your loved
ones stagger home night

after night from dens
of iniquity like that.

Would that Burdle's Bitters
could restore this flotsam

and jetsam back to self
respect, but he's too far gone.

Nothing but a miracle
could bring back him back.

Booze.

Booze?

The curse of booze.

Look.

Look at that bleary,
red-brimmed, bloodshot eye.

Hold out your hand.

Put it down.

Stick out your tongue.

Stick out your tongue.

Get up and walk.

Would you believe this
rum-sodden wreck was once a man?

Yet he was, comes from one of
the finest families in South Carolina.

North Carolina.

Daniel, spare us any further
sight of this horrible example.

Step in a little closer, please.

Ladies, it's tasteless.

Put some in his coffee.

If he doesn't drink
coffee, put it in his tea.

If he doesn't drink
tea, put it in his milk.

If he doesn't drink milk,
put it in his water.

And if he doesn't
drink water, I wouldn't

sell you this bottle for
$100, because your loved

one is too far gone.

But I am selling
it for $1 a bottle

to those who feel there
is still a chance.

My son will pass among you with
a limited number of bottles

of this precious remedy.

Go on, Daniel.

Here you are, ladies.

Step right up while they last.

For today only, a $10 bottle of
Burdle's Bitters for only $1.

First come, first served.

Thank you, lady.

Thank you.

Another father restored to
the bosom of his family.

Sorry, lady.

Only one bottle to a customer.

But if you insist...

Not so fast there, youngster.

Here, here.

Take your hands off of my boy.

What's the meaning of this?

You know very well, Major Burdle.

You failed to heed the warning
of the State Board of Education.

So I've brought the
law here this time.

Either you're going to
put your boy in school,

or we'll do it for you.

Please be reasonable.

How can I continue my
crusade against the demon rum

if I have to stay in one place
so my boy can attend school?

My work carries me
into far flung fields.

Then you can put him in boarding school,
same as other folks do.

The best one in the state is at
Plumfield, only 20 miles from here.

You are depriving this
boy of life's most

priceless possession, the
right to his childhood,

the right to play as a
child, to think as a child,

to have the illusions
of a child and to know

the freedom and wholesomeness
of being with other children.

Thank you, madam.

Officer, I give you
my word that tomorrow

I'll have my boy at... what
was the name of that school?

Plumfield.

Plumfield.

Gee, pop, won't you
change your mind?

Plumfield is a very nice school.

You'll like it there.

You couldn't get along without me.

You know you couldn't.

It's you I'm thinking of, pop.

Are you insinuating that
you have been supporting me?

Haven't I, pop?

You said yourself nobody could
sell the stuff to the suckers

like I can.

So you don't think I can
make a living without you?

What would you do?

I'll find someone else.

You'd have to pay him.

I'll make out all right.

Listen, pop.

If you make me go to that school,
I'll worry myself sick about you.

Never mind worrying about me.

It's high time I was
learning to depend on myself.

And if you think I can't
pursue a successful livelihood

without your help...

Gosh, pop.
You're crying.

You don't want me to
stay or something?

You've done that too often.

And I'm not crying.

I just got some soap in my eyes.

And you wash behind your ears.

If your boy's through with the tub,
Mrs. Hively wants it in 26.

Go right in.

Hello, mate.

How's the old fluff-duff?

What is this, and who are you?

And you're the one that
said you never forgot a face.

You remember me now?

Willie. It's me, the one and only.

Other people said you were dead.

I am.

You're talking to a ghost.

Would you care for a gumdrop?

But that article in the paper...

Oh, the article.

I have one right
here in my pocket.

"Police drag the river for the
body of escaped bank bandit.

Authorities today gave up all hope

of recovering from
its watery grave

the body of Willie the Fox,
who escaped from the State

Penitentiary last
Thursday and whose

clothes were found on the banks
of the Androscoggin River.

Willie the Fox, habitual criminal,
had two more years to serve."

You know, that's a swell write up.

And they're all over
the country too.

Oh, but will the cops be
sore when they find out

that I got croaked
before they got a chance

to collect this $5,000 reward.

Look.

Well, pal, old pal, here
we are back together again.

Ain't you glad to see me?

Wait a minute, Major.

Don't tear that up.

That's the best picture
they ever made of me.

A $5,000 course, huh?

How did you do it?

Oh, it was nothing.

You see, I was kind of a
favorite of the warden,

so I just waited my chance.

12 years, huh?

That's all.

Now one day, I drives his
hack into town with him.

So we're going over a
kind of a bumpy road.

You know, and the carriage is kind
of jimmying up and down like this.

Well suddenly, he hits his
jaw on my elbow like that.

Well, he goes head over
tea kettle into the road.

The horses have run away like mad.

And mind you, when I finally
stop them, I'm in Connecticut.

Well, how do you like
the outfit, Major?

Pretty good disguise, huh?

You look like an undertaker.

That's very funny.

That's where I got it.

Pretty smart of me, eh?

It was dumb, Willie, very dumb,
with only two more years to serve.

If they catch you now,
they'll throw the key away.

They ain't looking for me.

They're looking for a corpse.

I just hope so.

How about this booze
graft you're running?

Do I get to pickpocket
concessions?

You certainly don't.

You're looking at an honest man.

I thought we was
alone in this room.

It may surprise you, Willie,
and it sometimes surprises me.

But for the last 12 years, my feet

have never strayed into the tempting
and broad highways of larceny.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I did drown
and don't know it.

But you don't sound like you,
and you don't look like you.

I haven't been me, Willie,
since you brought me Danny.

Danny?

Who's Danny?

You brought him to me.

Lefty's boy.

Le... you mean you
still got that brat?

Willie, Danny's
never heard of Lefty.

And if someone tells him
I'm not really his father,

someone's going to tell the
warden that you're not really dead.

Get that?

You know me.

I ain't going to blab to nobody.

But no, I don't get it.

I'm going to lose him tomorrow.

Lose him?

Yes.

The Board of Education is
forcing me to put him in school.

You mean you're going to hang
around this Plumfield burg

and wait until they pound
some brains into that brat?

No.

I'm going to try to
carry on without him.

He boards there.

It's kind of pretty.

It looks like a farm.

It's sort of
a farm and school combined.

It's run by a Swiss
professor and his wife.

Tommy.

Coming, Mrs. Bhaer.

Shh.

Christopher Columbus.

Here you are, Asia.

What's all the excitement about?

We're just you're back, Aunt Jo.

But I only went to the
village for an hour.

You might think
I've been to China.

Take care of Annie for me.

Mommy, mommy.

What is it, Teddy?

Buttercup is in the onion patch.

Oh, dear.

Now, children, quiet.

This will never do.

You know what a fuss
Asia made the last time

the milk tasted of onions.

I told her they were
Tommy's onions, mommy.

Every time she's hungry,
she gets in our gardens.

She's always hungry.

She even ate my hollyhocks.

Well, if Buttercup is such a
nuisance to you, I can sell her.

There's someone who wants
to buy her pretty bad.

All right.

All right, then.

Then see that you take
better care of her.

Get her out of here
quickly, children.

Silas, you simply must keep
Buttercup's gate closed.

Nan, that's enough for now.

You may be excused.

Nan, is that the way
you were taught to leave

the presence of your elders?

What a perfect lady.

Tell me, Jo.

What did Mr. Reynolds say?

He was quite kind but quite firm.

And he reminded that unless we
have $5,000 to buy the house

when our lease is up, he's going
to sell it to a man who wants it.

Oh, my darling.

Now, now.

There's nothing worth your tears.

If we were to lose all this
when we've worked so hard...

But why should we lose all this?

We have $2,500 in the bank.

And Jo, we have each other.

We've been a bit conservative.

I'll make an investment with that money,
maybe speculate a little.

Speculate?

Yes.

I've asked Mr.
Reynolds to help me.

He is a smart banker.

I don't think he will, dear.

We didn't exactly part friends.

No?

Oh, I lost my temper and took
our money out of his bank.

But what made me the
maddest was when he

offered me $300 for Buttercup.

Sell Buttercup?

Why, it would break
the children's hearts.

She's one of the family.

It's all right, dear.

As much as we need the
money, I didn't sell her.

Good.

Do you know how much money
we've let people owe us?

Oh, it must be $700.

Over $3,000.

If we had it, we
could buy Plumfield.

But that is simple.

Why do we worry?

I'll just collect it.

You're going to collect it?

Certainly.

Who owes us the most?

Tommy Bangs' father.

He was very sick, you know.

Very well.

Tomorrow, I'll visit Mr. Bangs.

He's not sick now?

I can just see you in
the guise of a collector.

Give me the money,
or I'll tear up your son.

So you think I'm not a fine
businessman when I want to be,

that I only know how
to handle children?

I think you're
wonderful with children.

And what are businessmen
but children grown up?

Mrs. Jo?

Yes, Asia?

Did y'all send for an undertaker?

Undertaker?

Yes, sir.

There's one right out in front.

Now Asia, we didn't
send for an undertaker.

But he couldn't have picked
a better time to come.

He's in that buggy with
a boy and another man.

Look yonder.

Remember now, not a word ever
that your father sells booze cure.

I don't mean that you should lie
about it, but just don't mention it.

There are always snobs
in schools like this,

and I don't want you hurt, Danny.

I made a promise, didn't I?

Well, see that you keep it.

Now you wait here, and I'll
call you when I want you.

It ain't so bad, kid.

They ain't got no
bars on the windows.

Just because you're a ghost,
you don't have to haunt me.

Get back in the buggy.

No, I'm buggy sick.

Besides, I want to see what the
inside of a school looks like.

Hey, look out for that fox.

Did you see the ears on him?

It's a fox.

You would have to tag along.

Oh, I ain't going to
make you no trouble, Maj.

You better not.

If you open your mouth just
once that much in front

of these people...

I ain't ashamed of you.

Major Burdle to
see Professor Bhaer.

Won't y'all come in?

You all?

It's just the two of us here.

Thank you.

You see, my boy has
had more than his share

of travel due to my far
flung financial interests.

Oh, uh, you are a financier?

An investment broker?

You might call me that, yes.

You see, as I was saying, what
my son needs now is cultural training.

Naturally, my first
thought was to place

him in a school in Switzerland,
where I was educated.

Switzerland, my home.

There's no finer
place to send a boy.

Except Plumfield.

Of course.

Maybe you attended the
Eidgenossische Technische

Hochschule at Zurich?

No.

No.

Pardon me, Mr. Deming.

No, my parents considered
that, but they liked

the climate in Geneva better.

You see, I was always
a very frail child.

Plumfield is more than a school.

It's a home.

The children live
here the entire here.

While the school is, first of all,

for little men like
your son, still I

take care of my
sister's daughter Daisy,

and I have two other little
girls as companions for her.

And then we have
children of our own.

So we know how much more
there is to education

than... than just book learning.

We want to fit our pupils for
a charming social life as well.

Between us, we teach them music,

arts, the appreciation of all the
finer things, as in Switzerland.

And enforcement, which
will enable them to take

their places as the
ladies and gentleman

which their backgrounds demand.

Of course, of course.

I... I feel that I can
entrust my son to your care.

Thank you, Major Burdle.

I'm sure your boy
will like it here.

Go away.

Want to wrassle?

No.

Not afraid, are you?

I don't wrassle girls.

Neither do I. I can throw
any boy in Plumfield.

Who cares?

Billy, Tommy, Nat!

Oh, the children must
be up to something.

Excuse me, please.

Christopher Columbus!

Get up off there.

Goodness gracious.

Come up off there quickly.

Out of the ground then.

Shame on you, fighting like this.

He started it.

He was fighting Nan.

He was not.

We were wrassling.

I started it, and
they got into it.

I don't care how it happened,
but Dan is a new pupil here.

And for you boys to...

Oh, don't worry about me.

I can lick a county full
of hayseeds like these.

Sure, if they were all girls.

All right.

That's enough.

Now, I want you all to be friends.

This is Dan Burdle.

And that's Nat and Tommy
and Stuffy and Nan and Jack.

Well, tell Dan that
you're glad to meet him.

You are, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What a bunch of liars.

You couldn't make me say that.

Wait, Jack.

Now shake hands.

Christopher Columbus.

How'd you like that, sucker?

Dan, help him up.

I'll fix you for this.

Stop it, Jack.

Now, Dan doesn't
know our ways yet.

He's come to learn, and he will.

Children, back to
your work quickly.

Come on, Danny.

Let's you and I get acquainted.

Major Burdle, would you
think it presumptuous of me

if I asked you to do me a favor?

What is it?

You see, my wife just brought
this money from the bank today.

And I would like
to put it to work.

To be exact, it is $2,500.

And I would like to double
it in the next few months.

Maybe you know of some investment?

I'm sure you do.

You will be kind enough not to
mention my speculating to Mrs. Bhaer?

She thinks I'm a very
poor businessman.

I... I want to surprise her.

Come this way.

Oh, Mr. Deming, your hat.

Major.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Sister, you ought to been there.

Yes, my Lord.

Hello, you all.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

Roll, Jordan, roll.

I want to go to heaven when I die.

Goodbye, Professor Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

You will see what country
life will do for Danny.

You will not recognize
your own son.

Fresh vegetables, good milk,
loving care, just like in Switzerland.

Goodbye, Mrs. Bhaer.

Goodbye, Major Burdle.

Come, dear.

Son, I envy this new life,
such a healthy environment,

fine companions, excellent
food, a perfect pastoral.

Ah, smell that clover.

No opportunity like this was
given me when I was your age.

And just think, you're going
to associate with little ladies

and gentlemen.

Doesn't that excite you?

It's no use, pop.

I don't like it here,
and you know it.

These people hate
me, and I hate them.

You'll get over that, Danny.

It's all strange to you right now.

But I'll wager that in a week,
you'll thank me for putting you here.

You don't believe that yourself.

How do you expect
me to swallow it?

Danny, whatever's left of
this battered old life of mine

is wrapped up in you.

Do you think I'd do a
thing like this if I didn't

know it was for your own good?

And don't you know
I'm going to miss

you more than I've ever missed
anything or anyone my life?

Oh, what's the use
of all this talking?

You know you're doing one
thing you always taught me

never to do, run out on a pal.

Danny, you don't mean that.

I do so mean it, every word of it.

You're throwing me down.

I don't want to
leave you like this.

We're not apart, son.

I'll see you from time to time.

If you leave me here, I don't
care if I ever see you again.

So that's the way we part?

That's it.

Dan.

Son.

Come on, Maj.
Better get a move on.

Is he looking back at me.

No.

What do you care?

We've got $2,500, ain't we?

We better get out of here quick
before the professor changes

his mind and wants it back.

He's going to get it back, Willie.

What?

I'm going to deposit
his money in a bank.

In a few weeks, I'll
send him a check for it.

Are you on the level?

Dead level.

Listen, Maj, you're
heading for the booby,

and that's just as sure as
there's veal and chicken pie.

Oh, there's that fox again.

Go away, fox.

Moths.

Danny, that's the supper call.

You have five minutes to wash up.

Now we're going to do everything
to make you happy here.

We're just one big family.

I felt the same way when
my father put me in school.

But I made friends, and
you'll make friends too.

Oh, Nan.

Coming, Aunt Jo.

Nan will show you your
place at the table.

I ain't hungry.

You will be when you
smell Asia's gingerbread.

My, you're dirty.

Come on.

I'll let you share
my new piece of soap.

That's very kind, Nan.

Silas, take the
bags into the house.

Yes, sir.

All right now.

Run along.

I'm sitting next
to you at the table.

Is that supposed to be good?

Well, there's lots
that would like to.

Don't you care for vegetables?

No, that's for kids.

Me, I'm a meat and potato man.

Hmm.

All the vegetables come
from the children's gardens.

You'll have one.

I grow carrots.

What are you going to raise?

A beard.

That's very funny.

It certainly would be on him.

Maybe you'd like to
shake hands again.

Boys.

I'll bet he smokes too.

That's right, mush bags.

Cigars.

Can you inhale?

Sure and blow it out my nose.

I'll teach you sometime.

Will you really?

Would anybody else
like to learn to smoke?

Well, let's put it to a vote.

Those in favor,
put up their hands.

Not even you, Nan?

What a bunch of sissies.

Throw me an apple, would
you, Stuffy, please?

Thank you, Ned.

What do you do around here
nights to keep from going batty?

Popcorn, toast marshmallows.

Do anything else exciting?

Oh, yes.

We have gay times.

Asia sings.

Silas tells stories.

And there's always
checkers and dominoes.

Just kid stuff, huh?

Got a deck of cards?

Would you like to play
a game of old maid?

Old maid?

Got anything against
a round of stud poker?

Nothing.

Except the children wouldn't
know how to play it.

I was talking about you
and me and the professor.

We only play games that
we can all lend into.

Oh, here's Silas now.

Silas, what story are you
going to tell us tonight?

Well, let's see.

There... there... there's
an experience that I had

in the battle of Gettysburg.

I haven't told that lately.

There... that new boy
ain't heard it anyway.

Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah, I'm busting already.

Go ahead, Silas.

Well, you know, when I
first joined the army,

my feet were awful sore.

I had six bunions
on the left foot.

I told them I couldn't
do much walking,

and they put me in the infantry.

They gave me a pair of
shoes that were so big,

the first time I wore them,
I turned around three times,

and the shoes never moved.

What are they laughing at?

Don't you think it's funny?

It might have been 10 years ago.

Maybe you can amuse us, Danny.

I can do better than that.

We were down in McGinty Saloon
one night, drinking our beer and gin.

We were swapping our stories
and feeling all right, when

the travelling man walked in.

He said...

That's enough, Danny.

You can entertain
us some other time.

Come on, Silas.

What happens next?

Well, children, we marched for
three days and three nights.

Finally, the third night, we
camped in a great, big wood.

About 12 o'clock that
night, the trouble started.

The guns began to go off.

The shells started to bust.

I was shaking with.

I tried to hide behind a
tree, but there was only

enough trees for the officers.

Anyone want to get down to
the village and shoot a little pool?

Well, what are you waiting
for, Danny, the front door key?

It's right there on the table.

Well, I'll be back later.

Thank you, Silas.

All right now, children.

Time for bed.

No buts about it.

It's bedtime.

All right.

It's bedtime.

Good night.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night, Aunt Jo.

Good night.

All right. Get Stuffy.

Now then.

Now, stop that.

Not tonight, not tonight.

Go on upstairs.

He's going to be a
problem, that boy.

He has no respect for
anything or anybody.

He needs strict discipline.

I think he'll fight that, darling.

We'll just give him his
own way, as we did Nan.

And the blackbird in the
spring 'neath the willow tree.

So it's you, Danny.

You didn't stay long.

I didn't go.

Where's my room?

Upstairs at the end of the hall.

You'll share Teddy's bed.

Sleep with that little runt?

Where's the cow snooze?

In the barn.

I'll get you some blankets.

Uh, never mind.

Good night, Danny.

Sleep well.

Good night.

Aura Lee, Aura
Lee, maid with golden hair.

The sunshine came along with
thee and swallows in the air.

Wake up, young man.

You've got to go to sleep.

Come on.

Uh-oh, you haven't
said your prayers.

Come on.

God bless mommy.

God bless poppy.

God bless Nan and Jack and Stuffy.

God bless the chickens.

God bless Silas.

God bless the donkey.

God bless Buttercup.

God bless everybody.

God bless him.

Amen.

Do I have to listen
to that every night?

You sure do.

And Silas blows the bugle
for breakfast at 6 o'clock.

He can shoot off a
cannon for all I care.

I don't get up until
I'm good and ready.

That's the best way I know
how to miss your breakfast.

Good night.

Look at this rum-sodden wreck.

Would you believe
he was once a man?

Oh, a ring.

Blow me a little one, Danny.

Silas, what are you
doing with Buttercup?

I told Danny to milk her.

I don't know nothing about that.

She's been gallivanting around
in Hodge's pasture again.

Somebody left the gate open.

Now who do you suppose
did it this time?

I don't know.

But Buttercup ain't never been
able to unhook it herself.

Now I got to go back and get
my hat and Buttercup's hat.

I'll fix that bull this time.

He nearly killed me.

Christopher Columbus.

Oh, Buttercup.

Danny.

Danny Burdle.

Don't you tell, Teddy.

I'm no snitch.

Oh, there you are.

Danny, did you leave
Buttercup's gate open again?

No.Did you, Nan?

No, Aunt Jo.

What difference does it make?

The difference... I won't have
Buttercup wandering about.

Ever since you've been here,
Nan, you've heard me say that.

I'm surprised at how
thoughtless you children can be.

Yeah, I never saw so much
fuss made over an old cow.

Buttercup's state
champion, I'll let you know.

And she's not an old cow either.

She's almost a human being.

Isn't she, Aunt Jo?

Yes, Nan.

Why haven't you milked her?

I can't get the hang of it.

Danny.

Besides, she won't
let me touch her.

Get me that stool.

There, Buttercup.

Quickly, Danny.

Thank you.

Now watch closely.

It's the last time
I'm going to show you.

You're the only one in school
who's been shirking their farm duties.

Pay attention, please.

You see?

There's a knack to it.

You try it.

Gee whiz.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, who's afraid?

No, no, no, Danny.

Come back and do it on this side.

Why?

Silly.

You can't milk Buttercup
from that side.

She's a right handed cow.

Who you joshing?

Which one's for cream?

Danny.

Now you see. You wouldn't listen.

Come back and try it on this side.

Not me.

Run along, Nan.

Take Teddy with you.

Danny, this has gone far enough.

I thought by letting you
do whatever you wish,

you'd see the error of your ways.

But you haven't.

You're still petulant,
strong headed, and bitter.

Worst of all, you have
no respect for anyone.

Pick up that switch.

We don't punish people here.

We let them punish themselves.

You want me to spank myself?

No.

In Plumfield, we do it this way.

We never hurt the other fellow.

You mean you want me to hit you?

Yes.

Pick it up.

Now do as you're told.

Give me six good strokes.

I can't.

Daniel Burdle, do as you're told.

Harder.

I'll hurt you.

I want you to hurt me.

Go ahead.

Again.

Again.

I can't.I can't hurt you.

You see, Danny?

You never must hurt anyone.

You'll only hurt yourself more.

I'm sorry, Aunt Jo.

I'll try not to cause you
any more trouble again.

I don't know what's
the matter with me.

There's nothing
the matter with you.

You're just a boy.

That's all.

And to think, he was once
an innocent babe in arms,

looking up into his
mother's smiling face.

Attention, children.

I want you to name the principal
products of these countries.

Holland.

You, Tommy.

Tulips.

Right.

Belgium, Nan.

Lace.

Yes.

Denmark.

What about Denmark?

May I speak to you a
moment, please, dear?

Uh, you can take a
recess now, children.

Recess!

Come on, Danny, recess.

These bills have to be paid.

The money's not in the safe.

Where did you put it?

I put it to work.

I gave it to Major
Burdle to invest.

You... you gave our
money to Major Burdle?

Oh, I had to make him take it.

But why?

Will you please tell me why you
did an idiotic thing like that?

It wasn't idiotic.

It was very clever.

Oh.

Now look here, Jo.

You have only thought of me as a
musician, an artist, a dreamer.

But you have never
considered me a businessman.

A businessman.

Now sit down.

I'll explain everything.

Go ahead.

Now this Major Burdle... I sensed

right away that he was a good
hearted man as well as a financier.

Investments are very
precarious today, he said.

But I trapped him.

You make investments for yourself.

Yes, he answered.

You are successful?

He couldn't deny that.

His whole appearance
was one of prosperity.

Of course, I... I didn't tell him
why I wanted to double our money.

He might not have left his son
in a school that was shaky.

Now you see?

You've been swindled.

Swindled?

Jo, please.

Where is your faith in people?

You entrusted every single
penny we have in the world

to a perfect stranger.

We were perfect strangers to him,
and he trusted us with his son.

Great heavens.

Every time I turn my back...
oh, how could you do such

a thing without consulting me?

I always felt that
man was dishonest.

Now, come, come, dear.

I can think of a million reasons
why we haven't heard from the Major.

But not one good one.

He could be travelling
in India, China, Russia.

You've heard him say his
business took him everywhere.

He didn't mention one
place it might take him.

Where?

Jail.

Now I won't listen to such talk.

I begged the man to help
us, and you malign him.

If he's not travelling,
he's somewhere.

And wherever he is,
he's trying to help us.

I know that.

I feel that.

But why have you
kept this a secret?

Why didn't you tell
me at the time?

I wanted to surprise you.

Oh, Christopher Columbus.

Jo, I know the Major
will not fail us.

Well, I hope not.

I sincerely hope not.

Ladies, ladies, how would you like

to have a man like this for
the father of your children?

So Major, when we get through
mixing up this chowder,

I'd like to go into the stockyards
and get a whiff of fresh air.

You know a guy would have to
be as drunk as a hooty owl

to get this stuff past his nose.

Willie, you'll have
to be more careful.

How did that get in there, Major?

I don't know.

Come in.

Fumigating?

No, no.

Just brewing.

Cover it up, Willie.

Oh, sure.

This is terrible.

You're absolutely right, lady.

Please.

Please don't open that window.

I have neighbors.

To what do we owe the
honor of this visit?

Major Burdle, you must
pay me cash for the rent.

This check is no good now.

What's this? What's this?

No good?

Refused payment, insolvent.

Preposterous.

That's the biggest bank in Omaha.

There must be some mistake.

No mistake.

It failed.

It says so right
there on the back.

Closed by order of the court.

The dirty crooks.

I told you so.

You wouldn't trust
yourself with that cash,

but you go ahead and trust a bank.

You may pay me the rent
when you're able, Major.

You're my star boarder, you know.

Thanks.

What will Danny think?

I won't be able to go
back to Plumfield now.

I can't even write him.

The Bhaers would
find out and wonder.

Why did I ever take that money?

Don't worry about it, Major.

You got a pal here
in little Willie.

I'll... I'll get
that dough for you.

All I need is my little black bag.

Willie, stay away from
those burglar tools.

Oh, no.

You kept me under
wraps long enough.

Besides, you've never let
me down when I needed help.

I don't want that kind of help.

Well, you're going to get it
whether you want it or not.

Willie, if you leave this room,
I'm finished with you for life.

Now listen, Major.

That brat means more
to you than I do.

Throw you a glimpse
of that timepiece.

I'll be back here in one hour.

You know this guy?

What's he done?

Him? Nothing.

Certainly I know him.

He lives here.

Well, I found him in the alley
behind the First National Bank.

He's been assaulted and robbed.

Oh.

You better take care of him.

He ain't in his right mind.

Thanks.

Chief, my compliments.

Oh, tha...

Willie, what happened?

Oh, I'm walking down
an alley, and a fella

bunks into me so polite like.

He tips his hat to me.

Well, I just tipped
my hat back to him.

Bopple.

When I come to, I'm looking
that cop right in the star.

My pockets are empty,
and my tools are gone.

Oh, Major, if this gets
out, I tell you, I'm ruined.

Here.

This will perk you up.

Major!

I'm on fire!

Major, do something.

I can't... Major.

The mail's here!

Now then, a letter for Daisy.

Oh, thank you, Aunt Jo.

Now, now, children.

Please, don't be so impatient.

Just give me time
to sort the mail,

and I'm sure we'll find a
letter here for each one of you.

Now the package is Ned's.

A letter for Tommy Bangs.

Thanks, Aunt Jo.

Oh, Stuffy, here's a
stomachache for you.

Goodie.

A chocolate cake from grandma.

Where's my letter, mommy?

Oh, Teddy, I forgot to mail it.

Here it is.

Now then, Silas, blow the bugle.

A letter for Teddy Bhaer.

Thank you, mommy.

One for Nat.

Oh, thanks, Aunt Jo.

Read my letter for
me, will you, Dan?

Why, you wrote this yourself.

Well, what did I say?

I can't make it out.

It looks like a lot
of chicken scratches.

No, it isn't.

It's my own handwriting.

You want me to write to you?

You never get any letters.

Oh, who wants to get letters?

Any word from Danny's father?

No.

But here's one from
Bank of Reynolds.

I hate to open it.

I ain't going.

I belongs here.

Money makes no never mind to me.

Long as this school's
here, I'm here.

You're the dearest
people I've ever known,

but I can't let you
work here for nothing.

Unless a miracle happens,
you'll have to leave

at the end of the month.

Who was paying me before the
war when I was picking cotton?

I'm free now, free to work
for Bhaer for nothing,

free to work for people that's
kind to me for nothing, ma'am.

Thank god.

I fought all through
the Battle of Bull Run,

didn't see a penny,
but I didn't quit.

And I ain't quitting
now, pay or no pay.

No, siree.

You got to have
somebody to help you.

You can't take care of all
these children by yourself.

Well, you've got your hands
full with just the professor.

No, no, Mrs. Jo.

I couldn't leave.

You must make me.

Please, Asia.

It looked bad at
Vicksburg, very dark.

But we held the fort
until we lost it.

You ain't lost Plumfield.

Yet.

Dear god, make us a miracle.

Send Mrs. Jo some money.

Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo!

Aunt Jo, come quick.

Something's the
matter with Buttercup.

She's lying in her stall,
moaning and mooing.

Come along, quickly.

Poor Buttercup.

Do something for her, Aunt Jo.

Don't let Buttercup die.

I won't, Teddy.

Is Buttercup going to get well?

Buttercup's going
to be all right now.

Don't you worry.

Now you children have
all got to get out

of here because the
stork's going to bring

Buttercup a new little calf.

Goodie, goodie, Teddy.

Now go on.
Get out.

All of you, get outside.

Get outside.

Don't worry.

Oh, dear.

There's always something
to worry about.

Now it's Buttercup.

Danny, will the stork
fly over the barn?

He certainly will.

You just keep your
eyes peeled, Teddy.

He'll be showing up soon.

Isn't she pretty?

Christopher Columbus.

The stork must be awful strong
to carry a big baby like that.

That's right, Bobby.

Now you've seen the new baby calf.

Let's all go to bed.

I'll bring you some coffee, Silas.

Thank you.

Well, what's this?

Come here, my little sweetheart.

What are you doing here, hmm?

Mommy, the stork didn't come.

I was watching.

You must have missed him,
Teddy, when you were asleep.

No, I was watching awful close.

Would you like to see
the little new baby?

Yeah.

Silas.

Yes, ma'am?

Silas, bring out the little
new calf for Teddy to see.

There she is.

Isn't she pretty?

Look at her.

Did I look like that
when the stork brought me?

Well, your ears
weren't quite so big.

Now then, off to bed for you.

Darling, say good night to Silas.

Good night, Silas.

Good night.

Immediate sacrifice.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I

am forced to make a painful
sacrifice of the assets,

chattels, livestock, et cetera
of Major II Burdle's Bitters

for Inebriates.

To wit, international patent
rights, copyright, labels

and wrappers, a pure
Arabian stallion, a wagon,

pine beamed, a national goodwill,
a formula unknown to science.

A $50,000 proposition for $2,500.

Only spot cash will be considered.

You have no case.

But Judge, I paid
the swindler $100.

This court's advice
is to sell the horse

for glue and the wagon
for kindling wood.

But what can I
do with these bitters?

You know what you
can do with them.

Drink them.

Next case.

I refuse to write another letter.

We still have two weeks.

But darling, the
children's parents

must be notified so they
can make other plans.

I'll finish them myself.

I won't believe we have lost
Plumfield until men come in

and move us out.

I'm trying to save
us that day, dear.

The children too.

What about Danny?

He can't reach his
father, so what can we do?

Wait until his father comes.

As if that thief would ever
show his face around here.

Down as a dollar.

Well, there's no use in
prolonging the agony.

I know how you both must feel.

How about the calf?

I think you ought to include
her in the transaction.

It would be very heartless of you

to separate the
mother and her child.

You talking of heartlessness.

If it weren't for Asia
and Silas and our debts,

do you think we'd even talk to
you about selling Buttercup?

Now, now, I think my offer's a
very generous one, even for her.

Now I've drawn up a bill of sale.

Why you're looking it over, you
can have your man tie Buttercup

and her calf to my buggy.

Call Silas, dear.

Silas.

Silas, come here.

My Buttercup.

Right pretty little calf,
isn't she, Mr. Reynolds?

They don't come any prettier.

She's going to be the
pride of my dairy.

Your dairy?

Silas, we're selling Buttercup
and her calf to Mr. Reynolds.

Tie them both to
his buggy, please.

Silas, do you hear me?

Buttercup, you've
been a lot of trouble.

But... but I'm going to miss
you something terrible.

Come back here!

Come back here!

Come back here!

I got her, Silas.

Let her go!

Let her go!

I got to pretend I'm
going to catch her.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn.

He's going to take
Buttercup and the baby away.

They're selling them!

Hurry, maybe the children can
get them to change their minds.

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Nan, Stuffy, Jack, everybody.

Come here.

- What's the matter, Danny?
- What's happened?

- What's wrong?
- Something awful's happened.

Banker Reynolds is in the barn
with Aunt Jo and the professor.

They selling them
Buttercup and the calf.

No, they couldn't
need money that bad.

I happen to know they do
because someone stole their money.

Don't look at me.

I didn't steal it.

No, but your father did.

My father?

Yes, your father.

I heard a sit Aunt Jo say so.

I was standing right at
the top of the stairs.

I could have told long
ago if I'd have wanted to.

Liar.

You take that back.

I won't take it back.

It's the truth.

Why, you.

I'll kill you for that.

Aunt Jo!

Get up.

Jack, get up.

Both of you.

Now what's all this about?

He said my father
stole your money,

and that's why you're
selling Buttercup.

Jack, please.

We're selling Buttercup
because we have bills to pay.

Now I want no more fighting.

Get back to work in your
garden, Jack, quickly.

Yeah, run away, you coward.

I'll get you later.

What's the matter with right now?

Why, you...

Danny!

Jack!

Oh, boys, stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, Danny, how could you?

Jack.
Jack, get up.

Silas.

Silas, won't you?

Is he all right, dear?

Children, time to go to doctor's.

Yes, Aunt Jo.

Wait.

Have you got him there, Silas?

Is he OK?

Now, I... I hope the
boy's not badly hurt.

But this bill of sale.

You haven't signed...

Get out of here.

But... But I...

Bet that'll show him.

He's responding much better now.

Oh, thank goodness, doctor.

Another compress please.

They were punching each
other something terrible.

First Dan was on top, then Jack.

Now wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

The boy Jack called
his father a thief,

and the little rival went after
him, said he'd kill him for it.

- And he meant it too.
- Yeah.

And then this Daniel...
uh, how do you spell

that last name again, please?

B-U-R-D-L-E.

Is that him?

Yeah, that's him.

Oh, thanks.

Now listen, kid,
tell me everything.

You know these city papers
eat up stuff like this.

Now beginning to beginning
and make it fast.

I've got to get this on the wire.

Now your father...

It's awful, Willie, awful.

I'd rather lose my right arm than
have his faith in me destroyed.

You can't go back to Plumfield
till you get that mazuma.

I ought to get an answer to
one of those telegrams I sent.

I helped the old gang
plenty in my day.

People can do a lot of
forgetting in 15 years,

especially mugs
that owe you money.

We just got a report
on your Albany telegram.

Good.
Let's see it.

They say the party doesn't live
there anymore, moved to Leavenworth.

Shall I forward it?

Yeah, in about 20 years.

Are you sure the other telegrams
reached the people I sent them to?

Yes, sir. They were all delivered.

All delivered, huh?

That's gratitude for you.

Well, here we are, right
back where we started.

Wait a minute.

I got the solution.

It's a wonder I didn't
think of it before.

Why don't you tell the professor
and his old lady the truth?

That the bank failed?

Well, it's a cinch to prove.

Don't be a fool.

They'd start an investigation.

Do you think I can stand the
cops digging into my past?

You ain't got no record.

What are they going to find out?

Everything, including the
fact that I was never married.

I don't see what that
got to do with it.

It'd have plenty to do
with it if Danny ever heard

that his father wasn't married.

Oh.

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

I'd be forced to tell him about Lefty,
that I've been living a lie.

I won't lose his love and respect,

not even if I have to steal the
money to prove that I'm honest.

Oh, well, now I can
give you some help.

What about stamp business
you was grifting the yokels

with when I brung you the brat?

Too much time, Willie.

The stamp racket takes weeks.

Well, you could sell a
couple of gold bricks.

That was always a fast skid game.

Suckers would laugh
in your face today.

I got the idea.

The money maker machine.

You know, we used to put in
the fives and grind out 50s.

We always made a mint on that one.

I've got to get that
money today, now.

The train will be leaving soon.

You was always good at
selling to City Hall.

Oh, shut up, Willie,
and let me think.

Give me that cane, Major.

What for?

Just keep your eyes
grinned around you.

I'll go in there and tap that
telegraph operator on the noggin.

There's always cash in those
safes, and he's got a big one.

Thanks, Willie, but I think
I've got an easier way.

You looking at that bank?

I certainly am.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

- You got the cash?
- Yes.

Cool.

Tell me, how much did
you clip them for?

2,500.

Hey, listen, you ain't a forger.

You're a hypnotist.

Let's get out of here
quick before they

start looking for their money.

Yes, Willie, but they'll be
looking for a Mr. Arn Brewster,

not for Major II Burdle.

Mm-hmm.

Well, let's start
running, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Want a walnut?

Danny, do you want
to know something?

What?

Mommy and poppy are
scolding everybody.

None of us can be
mad at you anymore.

Have you been mad
at me too, Teddy?

Yes, awful mad.

Do you know why?

Nobody will tell me why.

Look.

Pop!

Danny, my son.

Oh, pop.

Oh, pop.

There, there, son.

I feel the same as you do.

Oh, pop, they've been saying
terrible things about you.

I know all about it.

I had to fight with
a kid and nearly...

I know about that too.

It's been awful.

I was gonna run away.

Run away?

You never believed
those things, did you?

I couldn't stand
to listen anymore.

Danny, did you
believe what they said?

No, no.

I knew you'd come back someday.

But I just couldn't stand it.

Well, I'm back now.

And how sorry they're
going to be for it.

Gosh, I'm crying like a kid.

Better get that weeping
over fast there, Major.

You know we haven't got much time.

Are the Bhaers at home?

Yes, sir.

I told you all not to sleep there.

Get out.

I got a notion we didn't fool
anybody by getting over Claytonville.

Shh.

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo!

Mrs. Jo, professor!

My prayer's been answered.

That man that stole your money,
Dan's father... he's here.

What did I tell you?

What did I tell you?

I... I can't believe it.

Asia, open the door for him.

And keep the children out.

Come, let's give
him a royal welcome.

Welcome, Major.

Welcome back to Plumfield.

You'll never know how
happy we are to see you.

The feeling is not mutual.

How dare you ruin my
reputation, disgrace my boy?

Won't you come in
and sit down, please?

Do.

We can explain everything.

Then explain to my attorneys.

I intend to sue for
defamation of character.

Here.

Jo, our money.

Danny, go pack your things.

We're leaving here at once.

But pop, it's not their
fault. It's the kids.

Aunt Jo and the professor
are not to blame.

I... I honestly don't
know what to say.

Enough has been said already.

Hurry, son.

Help Danny gather his
things, will you, dear?

Come, Willie.

We'll wait outside.

Major Burdle.

My I appeal to you as a gentleman?

Listen to me, please.

It's entirely my
fault this happened.

The professor never
doubted you for a moment.

It was I who had
fears and voiced them.

Unfortunately, one of
our pupils overheard me.

Most unfortunate
and most inexcusable.

Hello, Teddy.

Hello, Constable.

Hello, Constable.

Hello, Constable.

Hello.

Nobody home.

Hey, haven't I seen your
face somewhere before?

I go to school here.

That's a good one.

Major Burdle, won't you please let

me call the children together
and tell them the truth?

You and Danny must be
vindicated before them.

Go away, fox.

Move.

Very well.

Since Danny wishes it.

Thank you. I'll get them at once.

Oh, how do you do, Josephine?

Good afternoon, Tom.

Are you running a
college here now?

- No, why?
- It's the law.

I just passed a man that
says he goes to school here.

Oh, I guess he's been
touched in the head.

He's a friend of the Major's.

This is Constable Thorpe,
one of our neighbors.

How do you do?

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Didn't think you could get
here so soon from Claytonville,

thought I'd have to wait
for you, Mr. Arn Brewster.

Arn Brewster?

I believe, sir, that you
have the advantage of me.

I'm afraid I have.

Black hair, carries
a gold-headed cane,

checked trousers, height
about six feet three,

wears a beaver hat, deep voice.

The telegraph's a
mighty handy gadget when

it comes to catching crooks.

But this gentleman
is Major Burdle.

Then Burdle should be more
careful about signing Mr.

Arn Brewster's name to checks.

- You're under arrest...
- What?

...for forgery.

Forgery?

Then... then you mean this
$2,500 you gave us isn't ours?

Not now.

I'm sorry.

May I have the money please?

It must be impounded for the bank.

And what did you
do with our money?

I lost it in a bank failure.

You expect me to believe that?

Aw, he's telling the truth, lady?

Say, who are you?

Never mind me.

I'm talking about him.

Listen, he ain't
gypped nobody in years.

The only reason he
forged that check

was because he wanted to prove
to the brat that he was honest.

Oh, well, I can understand
your stealing our money.

I always thought you had.

But I can't understand
what you've done to Danny.

What kind of a man are you?

What kind of a father to break a
child's heart who worships you?

It's the law here that's
breaking the brat's heart.

Him and Danny could
have been on their way,

and the brat would have
been none the wiser.

But how could you be so stupid
to think that no one would find out?

Everything you say is true.

But I beg of you to
keep this from my boy.

You must.

You must.

There isn't any way.

The school is closing.

Even that $2,500 wouldn't help.

We need $5,000 to
keep Plumfield open.

Willie, you'll have to
take care of Danny for me.

You've got to carry on,
keep him from knowing.

You'll find some excuse.

I'm sure Mrs. Bhaer will be
merciful enough to help you.

I'm ready, Constable.

Let's spare the boy this parting.

Wait a minute.

Lady, did I hear you say
something about closing this school?

Yes, you did.

Hey, Maj, come here.

The brat wouldn't know
you was in the clink

if we could keep this place open.

He'd go right on living
here and think that you

was out selling them bitters.

Don't you get it?

I got the whole thing right
in the palm of my hands.

And I got it in my
pocket here too.

Willie, stop.

Shut up.

I know what I'm doing.

Here you are, lady.

Here's your $5,000.

Willie, I won't let you.

And what's this? WILLIE: That's me.

Willie the Fox.

So that's who you are.

My office is full
of your pictures.

Put them up.

Put that thing back
in your pocket, rube.

The lady's turning me in.

She's getting the reward.

No wonder they
didn't find your body.

Well, they dragged the river.

They didn't drag the streets.

Christopher Columbus.

Hooray, hooray, hooray.

Not only has Major Burdle
made it possible for Plumfield

to remain open.

He's going to let Danny stay
with us and finish his schooling.

Now isn't that splendid?

Three cheers for Danny Burdle.

Tom, I'll never be
able to thank you.

The professor would've been as
heartbroken as Danny if he'd

ever found out the truth.

If we can teach you to
follow in the footsteps

of your father, we'll
consider our work well done.

Children, there's someone else
who has also helped the school.

Let's give a great, big
cheer for... for Mr. Fox.

Hooray.

Mr. Fox?

Speech, please.

Oh, yes.

Why, children, it was nothing.

You know, what's a
couple of years...

Uh, uh.

Allow me to express
your feelings, Mr. Fox.

I... I'm afraid
you'll be too modest.

But first, let me
thank you, Constable,

for being so kind as to
drop in and officially

represent the mayor on
this auspicious occasion.

It's been a great
day, a great day.

Yes, we've all been rewarded.

What time is it, Mr. Fox?

Oh, yes.

We'll have to hurry if we
want to catch our train.

I'd be glad to give you
gentlemen a lift into town.

Oh, we don't want to
bother you, Constable.

Oh, it's no bother.

Fair enough.

Come on, Major.

Step aside, children.

Goodbye, you all.

Goodbye, Major what's-your-name.

How long do you think I'll get?

Well, since the bank's
getting its money back,

I don't think it should
be more than two years.

Two years?

That's just what I owe them.

It'll all come out even.

Maj, we could serve that kind
of time standing on our heads.

Say, Constable,
where you taking us?

The State Penitentiary.

You hear that, Maj?

Are we lucky.

The State Pen.

That's me alma mater.

The warden'll be so happy
to get his ticker back,

he'll probably get give
us the bridal suite.

Oh, there's that fox again.