Little Man Tate (1991) - full transcript

It's funny, because I think
I can even remember being born.

For the first two weeks of my life,
I didn't have a name.

Dede couldn't make up her mind.

Hi, kid.

She finally decided on Fred.

She said she'd never heard
of a little kid named Fred before.

When I'm dancing
at Radio City once a week,

you can have French fries
as much as you want,

but for right now, you gotta eat this shit.

-Yes, you do. Come on.
-No!

-No?
-No!



If you think you're
gonna make me say things

like "choo-choo" and "big garage"
to get you to open up your mouth,

you got another thing coming.

Koffer!

What is with you today?

No koffer, Fred.
That's food for you to eat, okay?

-Koffer, Mommy.
-No, Fred.

That's a plate, Fred. No koffer. Okay?

Koffer!

Look, all right? No koffer! It's a plate.

Jesus.

Koffer.

By the time I was in first grade,

it was pretty obvious
that I wasn't like everybody else.



Definitely not like Matt Montini.

He's the kid I admire most.

Peter.

Matt Montini
is always kickball team captain.

Let's go.

Matt Montini always has
someone to eat lunch with.

What about Fred?

Tate's a wuss.

What a dork!

Tate's a loser! He's a loser!

At first, my teacher, Miss Nimvel,
told Dede that I never paid attention,

that I was probably retarded,

and that I had a very limited future
as a citizen of the United States.

Then, a week later, she said I should
probably skip second grade,

maybe even skip
elementary school altogether.

B, Trudy.

All I want is someone to eat lunch with.

Ladies and gentlemen, who's next?

Fred Tate?

Fred Tate.

Freak.

All right. Let's all be good citizens
and be very, very quiet for Fred.

A visitor.

How lovely to see you, Miss Tate.

Fred and I are just getting ready
to do a little duet.

The kid's got an appointment.

Then we'll just make it
one quickie little verse,

if that's all right with you.

Yeah. Whatever.

Fred.

You were playing backwards again,
weren't you, kid?

It's a stupid song, Dede.

People are always asking me
who my dad is.

Dede says I don't have a dad.

She says I'm the Immaculate Conception.

That's a pretty big responsibility
for a little kid.

Dr. Brockman, 4-7-2-9.

Dr. Brockman, 4-7-2-9.

His allergies might be getting better,

but I see no improvement
in the stomach whatsoever.

Has he been following the diet?

Look, Freddie just doesn't like baby food.

He never liked it.
Even when he was a baby, he didn't like it.

Does he like having an ulcer?

Dede, if he doesn't follow the diet,
he's not gonna get better.

That's as simple as that.

Jeez! Drink a little water, will you, Freddie?

I spilled some.

So you did.

Why don't you wait for me
at the table. Okay?

We're almost through here.

I'll tell you, Dede,

I've seen cops on the bomb squad
with better stomachs than he's got.

He does worry a lot, you know.

About what?

I don't know. About the world, about me.

The only thing he should be worrying about
is a loose tooth.

He's got his whole adult life
to be miserable.

Hey, you know what day next Saturday is?

You get your period.
I spend the day alone in the park.

Very funny, lame-o. It's your birthday.

-Oh, my God.
-Come on.

Fred.

Hey, turn that up, it's a good one.

Wait a minute. Let's get your shoes on.
There you go. You're heavy.

Care to cut-a-rug dance with me?

Remember how I showed you?

This one calls himself "Joey X,"
but his real name is Joseph Zimmerman.

Twelve years old, experimental painter.

He's currently working
on a $200,000 commission

for Hiroshi Electronics'
corporate headquarters in Tokyo.

What does he call this painting?

Irony.

Write him down, please.

Cherry Reynolds,

ten years old, just published her own
volume of feminist poetry.

In the preface, she refers
to the American housewife as, and I quote,

"A pathetic slamhound
with no notion of self-worth whatsoever."

-Whatever I pay you, Garth, it's not enough.
-True.

Fred Tate, seven years old,

second-grader at
Eisenhower Elementary School.

He writes poetry,
paints in, both, oils and water,

plays the piano at competition level,

all the while maintaining
what appear to be unlimited skills

in math and physics.

I can't explain it, Jane. I mean...

It's not so much what he knows,

but what he understands.

Death. There stands death,

a bluish distillate in a cup without a saucer.

Such a strange place to find a cup,

standing on the back of a hand.

Oh, shooting star
that fell into my eyes and through my body,

not to forget you, to endure.

Has this boy been tested?

Just the Stanford-Binet.
His numbers are here.

This is extraordinary.

Where's the rest of his stuff?

Apparently, the mother
refuses to let him take any other tests.

Well, what about the father?

There's just her.
I don't know what happened to him.

She probably doesn't, either.

Did you send them our material?

Yes. But I don't know if she'll respond.

Well, keep trying.

Stupid woman.

M-A-I-T-A-I.

Mai tai.

Did I say margarita? I don't think so.

Scotch rocks, vodka tonic, and a Bud.

I don't know.
The kid's mind is just somewhere else.

Maybe he's bored or something.
I don't know.

I mean, he hasn't said anything,
but I can tell.

You heard a word I said?

Yeah, I heard you, Dede. I always hear you.

And today, your kid's bored.

Yesterday, he was having some
funny nightmares where he woke up.

He woke up inside of some
painting I never even heard of.

The day before that,
correct me if I'm wrong,

he wrote you an opera for Mother's Day.

I mean, Jesus, Dede,
if anyone's bored, it's me.

Am I that bad? I'm sorry.

-What?
-Come here.

What?

I got a line on something.

Yeah?

Guy comes in here yesterday.

He owns this big hotel down in Orlando.

They do a show every night,
and he says he needs dancers.

Look at this place. It's beautiful.

Come on, Gina,
I ain't danced since I was 19.

And even then, I wasn't so hot.

And, of course,
there's the matter of my big fat ass, too.

Please. We're talking Orlando, honey,
not Vegas.

I mean, down there,
if you can tap your feet, you're Madonna.

Look, I say we go down there for the
summer, make a vacation out of it.

Hey, you two wanna blab,
go work for the phone company.

Why don't you take a pill, ape-shape?
All right? We're trying to talk here.

The place does look really nice.

Fred does like to swim.

Contrary to what you're saying,
Miss Montoya,

welfare is, in fact, bad for minorities.

I mean, as a social worker,

every day you must see people
who have simply given up.

And who is to blame them?

I mean, with people like yourself,
fighting for bigger and bigger handouts,

there's no incentive...

Dede.

Wake up.

What? What's wrong, kid?

Are you sick?

You feel okay to me.

This is for you.

Looks like somebody already opened it.

It's from the Grierson School.

They wanna meet us.

Yeah, yeah. I can read it, Fred.

Do me a favor. I had a bad night.
Go get your mother a Coke, okay?

Come on. I'd do it for you.

This jerk said he's got all his stuff
separated into, like,

whites, off-whites, whites with stripes,
whites with polka dots. Everything.

He's got, like, 10 dryers all to himself.
Driving me crazy.

Do you know what I do?

I go outside and I kick his car,
so that his siren goes off.

His little alarm's going off,
he comes back in screaming,

and he goes,
"Hey, what happened to my briefs?"

So you know what I do?

I start talking like I don't speak English.

Hey, I hit anybody?

I'm trying to read.

Why are you such a Crabby Appleton for?

The Mathematician. Any good?

The Mathemagician.
It's Jane Grierson's new book.

Jane Grierson again. Great.

This boy, Damon Wells,

can multiply two columns
of 20-digit numbers in five minutes.

When Jane Grierson found him,
he was living in a foster home.

Now he travels all over the place.

Really?

Dr. Grierson played the violin for the
Cleveland Philharmonic when she was 11.

The book about her or the kid?

Looks like a real bozo in that cape.

Quit it.

You got no sense of humor, you know that?

All right, you win.
Come on, let's go. Put your shoes on.

Come on.

Hi.

Garth Emmerick.
I'm Dr. Grierson's assistant.

Dede Tate.

Place is... It's nice.

You must be Fred.

All set?

Dr. Grierson likes to meet
the children by themselves.

Feel free to wander around.
The interview should take a while.

It's okay, Fred.

All right. Now, I'll meet you right back
down here when you get out, all right?

Okay? Go ahead.

Now make sure Jake
takes the full course of antibiotics.

Well, we wouldn't want him to come down
with some ear infection and miss the test.

I'm sorry.

I do realize that at some schools

letters of recommendation
carry influence, but here,

it's really test performance
that determines admission.

Now, did Garth give you a copy
of our pretest diet?

But you have to make sure
he stays on that diet.

We'll see you in two weeks.

Hello, Fred.

I'm Jane Grierson.

Do you know why you're here?

How do you feel about it?

I'm hot.

Again.

Fred, what's wrong in this picture?

This?

This?

I wake up in his paintings sometimes.

Van Gogh.

I wonder
why he only painted one iris white.

Because he was lonely.

Let's look at May.

I like Sunflowers best.

I understand you're quite a pianist.

Check.

That was lovely.

Thank you very much. I really enjoyed that.

Hey, Fred. I gotta go to work. Come on.

Miss Tate, I'm Jane Grierson.

Please come in. Sit down.

Your son is very talented.

Yeah, I know.

Every year, I take five students

to compete in what we call
Odyssey of the Mind.

It's a kind of mental Olympics, if you will.

They're going to Disney World.

Well, that's not the first thing
I would have told you, Miss Tate,

but it's true.

Actually, we stop many places
along the way,

including my ranch in Virginia.

I like to pack as much learning experience

into the three weeks as I possibly can.

Yeah, well, I gotta go.

Getting late.

Miss Tate. Miss Tate, please.

I didn't make myself clear.

I'm inviting your son to come with us.

If he enjoys himself,

then he'll be free
to enroll in my school in the fall.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Look, I don't even know you.

Now, why would I let you
take my kid on some trip,

let alone enroll him anywhere?

I see.

Well, in this case,
I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Goodbye, Fred.

You may keep this calendar
since I won't be seeing you again.

And that way, you can
look at Sunflowers anytime you want.

Come on, kid.

Come on, kiddo.

Fred, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

I was just...

You were just gonna
walk out into the God damn street!

That's what you were gonna do.

And you know better than that.
You always look first.

Who can tell me
how many of these numbers

are divisible by two?

Anybody?

Fred?

I know that you can tell me

how many of these numbers
are divisible by two?

All of them.

Hey, check it out.

Look it.
I thought we'd make our own invitations?

Invitations for what?

For your birthday party.

Why don't we just
go to McDonald's like we did last year?

That was fun.

Yeah?

Fun for who?
You threw up all over me, remember?

I had to burn my favorite shirt
'cause of you.

Stinky!

The mail's here.

All right. Let's see if that chain letter
thing you did paid off?

What do you got? The phone bill,

-gas bill, water bill...
-Throw this one away.

Yeah, how come?

We left them a deposit,
they can just take it out of that.

Fair enough.

Here we go.

So what do you want
for your birthday this year?

Nothing.

Nothing? Oops.

How about one of those Lego things? Hey.

What's the matter with the toaster?

Nothing. I was fixing it.

Well, fixing means
to repair something that is broken,

not to break something
that works just fine the way it is.

Every little kid
should have a birthday party.

It's fun, you'll see.
Get some hot dogs, ice cream and cake?

Pin the tail on the donkey?

It's next Saturday
at 12:00 at my apartment.

Give me one.

-Give me that!
-I'll take that.

Come on, guys!

Hurry up.

Over the years, scores of gifted
youngsters have been hailed as geniuses.

Many gifted children go through some
period of existential depression.

Pain of the mind
can often be worse than pain of the body.

There's some ground for belief that
genius is touched with madness.

Dede. Dede! Dede!

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

It's okay.

Did you wake up in another painting?

Cortin.

Cortin?

I don't really know his work.

Cortin?

It's a secretion
that comes from some gland.

I forget which one.

It can turn a little kid
into an old man, Dede.

Well, you don't seem to be
secreting anything now.

I'll tell you what, though.

Tomorrow, after your birthday,

we'll go to the library
and we'll look it up, okay?

What about work?

Don't worry about work.

All right. Just try and get some sleep

'cause you ain't been
sleeping enough lately.

I can't.

You can't?

You wanna do shadows?

Okay.

All right. We'll do shadows in here.

All right.

How about that one right up there?

It's kinda pointy. You see that one?

A man and a boy on a clipper ship.

Yeah.

How about that one next to it with the
little round circle on the side?

What's that?

A whale on fire?

Let's try the other side now.

See right there in the corner?

Kind of round things all on the side?

Got three little points. What's that?

I don't want a birthday party, Dede.

Of course, you do.

Every little kid wants a birthday party.

Hello.

-Jane Grierson, please.
-Speaking.

Hi. This is Dede Tate. I'm Fred's mom.

Yes.

Yeah, I was just...

I was wondering,
you know that trip you were talking about?

Yes. What about it?

Yeah, well, it's just for
a couple weeks, right?

Miss Tate, I'm sorry,
but I've already selected my students.

Look, I don't know how much
you know about Fred, okay,

but the kid is amazing.

He writes, he paints. He does everything.

You should see
this painting that he made for me.

It's, like, incredible, so...

Just a minute here.

Why are you suddenly changing your mind?

Excuse me?

Well, I don't mean to pry,

but do you need time alone,

or have you made some plans
that don't include your son?

Look, lady, you wanna
make me work for it, that's fine. Okay?

But you and I both know
that Fred's 100 times smarter

than any of those other little
plateheads you got at that school.

Now, you want him or not?

Does he have a suitcase?

Of course, every parent would
like to think of their child

as gifted in one way or another.

Stop it!

Ti pots.

Jane, he's talking backwards again.

I got some kind of hellacious booger
hanging out of my nose or something?

I mean, what... What are you staring at?

You're the Mathemagician.

Want an autograph?
Go scrounge a pen, I'll sign your forehead.

Hey, Damon,
how about a game of Magic Digit?

Check out this magic digit, Garth.

Now, Damon.

You're being hostile.
We agreed that you would work on that.

Excusez-moi, Jenny-poo.
But I've been working on a problem all day.

I haven't slept in a week
because of that God damn frog nightmare,

and I'm hungry.
I get pissed off when I'm hungry.

Here, have a Fig Newton.

Give it back.

Well, it's official, Garth.
You've mis-navigated and now we're lost.

Sir,

perhaps you would take a few moments

and show the children
how an internal combustion engine works.

It's said that the genius learns
without study

and knows without learning

that he is eloquent without preparation,

exact without calculation,

and profound without reflection.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

it is with great pleasure
that I welcome you all

to the 13th Annual Odyssey of the Mind.

Now, you have been
captured by Polyphemus,

and you have 60 seconds

to write or draw graffiti
pertaining to your situation.

Go!

Little boy, don't touch that.

Okay, now, you have four minutes
to complete your bridge.

Today, Goldilocks is on trial.
The charge is breaking and entering.

All right, we're ready for opening remarks.

Just because I'm tired and hungry
and blond,

well, it simply doesn't mean I can
waltz onto private property

and make myself at home.

Now, our crybaby defense,

they'd like to try to turn this
into an issue on homelessness.

But we can't forget the law,

and the law clearly states,

book 3, paragraph 5-3-5-0-8-7-5,

that what Goldilocks did
was against the law.

Well, it's certainly
much quieter out here, isn't it?

Do you mind if I sit down?

Fred?

This is beautiful.

Why don't we go show the others?

Nobody's gonna laugh at you.

I'm not gonna let them.

All right. Let's begin
with another round of questions.

How many minutes are there in 48 years?

25,228,800 minutes.

151,368,000 seconds.

That's very good. Ready for another one?

How many factors are there of 3,067?

Come on, guys.

There are no factors of 3,067.

The number's prime.

Well, another correct answer
from Damon Wells.

Somebody, for God's sake, challenge me.

Okay, how about giving me a number

that when divided
by the product of its digits,

the quotient is 3,

and if you were to add 18 to this number,

the digits would be inverted?

24.

That is correct, Damon.

What's right? I didn't say anything.

You said 24.

Well, no, I didn't.
I mean, I would have. But...

Open your mouth like that again,
diaper dick,

and I'm gonna put my foot in it.

-It was an accident.
-I don't give a damn what it was.

Don't let it happen again!

Damon! Damon, what are you doing?

Fred and I were just having a little chat.

I wouldn't call ripping his hair out chatting!

Hey, look, I was rolling in there
till the little quark stepped in.

Damon, now, contrary
to what you might think,

this is not Caesars Palace
and you are not Wayne Newton.

And you're not Freud.
So why don't you just give it a rest.

And get a life, will you?

Hey, don't cry, lepton.
You can do the math tomorrow.

I was bored anyway.

Shotgun.

Fred...

Fred, are you all right?

Why is he so mean to you?

One thousand and eight.

That's correct.

Fred, what's the cube root of 3,796,466?

One hundred and fifty-six.

Correct.

What number has the following peculiarity

that if its cube
were added to five times its square,

and from the result, 42 times the number

and 40 is subtracted,
the remainder is nothing?

Five?

Correct.

You can see all the way to Neptune.

Wow.

The telescope moves all by itself.

Yeah?

Just like the Earth does.

-And you know what else?
-What?

On Friday, we're going to Jane's ranch.

Sounds like you're having lots of fun, kid.

Miss you, though.

Miss you big.

Me, too.

Now, go back to sleep.

Okay. Good night, Dede.

Good night.

No! I won't eat it!

What are you looking at, lepton?

Jane!

All right, now, who has a song?

When I was a girl, we used to sing
Liebeslieder-Walzer on our car trips.

Come on.

My great-great grandparents
built this house right after the Civil War.

Now, who can tell me
what style of architecture this is?

Is this shaker or neoclassical?

Come on, wait for me.

Edward Solomon joins Livewire tomorrow

to answer that question
as well as talk about his current bestseller,

Family of One: Today's Career Woman.

I just wanted to put this back.

Tell me, Fred,

why won't your mother
let you take any more tests?

Well, that's wrong of her.

You must tell her that your
intelligence is nothing to hide from.

Are these your parents?

This is your father.

Yes.

Yes, he was a terrific music lover.

In fact, when I was your age,
I used to play the violin.

How come you don't play now?

Well, we decided that I would be happier
pursuing my academic career.

How come you're not in
any of these pictures?

I'm sure I'm in some of them.

No, you're not.

Well.

Both my parents were very busy people.

They were both physicians.

They both lectured a lot, traveled a lot.

Sometimes, they just needed to be alone.

If they traveled a lot, they were alone.

Well, it's time for bed.

Good night, Fred.

Damon.

What are you doing?

I'm waxing my Buick.
What the hell does it look like I'm doing?

What are you so mad at?

I notice you and Jane are getting to be
as close as a couple of fingers.

Bet back in the slum,
you got friends up the yin-yang.

Am I right, or am I right?

No.

I don't have any friends at home.

Well, then, boo-hoo, Fred.
I'm all busted up inside.

What about you?

Come on, wake up and face north, twink.

I'm an asshole. Assholes don't have friends.

But, then, I don't really care.

You don't?

The reasonable man
adapts himself to the world around him.

The unreasonable man
expects the world to adapt to him.

Therefore, all progress is made
by unreasonable men.

Jane say that?

It's George Bernard Shaw.

You like to ride horses?

I don't know how.

Well, then, today's your lucky day.

When I was a kid,

the guy would grab me by the neck,
and he'd shake me and say,

"So, shithead, you think you're
smarter than your old man?"

Well, were you?

I'm smarter than everybody.

Well, except Jane.

I don't know, guys like me,

and maybe you,

we're different.

I mean, I hate to admit it, but without Jane,
I'd be just another creep in a cape.

I don't know,
the only drag is listening to her

give those same
stupid lectures over and over.

If it weren't for the game, I'd go crazy.

The game?

Yeah, see,

sometimes instead of
actually listening to her,

I just count the words she says.

Actually, I count everything.

Buildings, dance steps,

air space, trees.

Wow.

See, Fred, it's not the size
of a guy's IQ that matters,

it's how he uses it.

I like you, Damon.

Come on. I'll race you back.

Damon?

Damon?

Damon.

Damon, how many fingers?

Orange.

You'll be fine.

Fred, here's your jacket.

Bye-bye, Fred. I hope I'll see you soon.

Bye, Fred.

-Bye, Fred!
-Bye-bye, Fred.

See you around!

Hey.

Let me take these, okay?

Come on. Let's go.

I'm gonna make your favorite dinner.

French toast and fried apples.

Hey, ta-da.

You know,
money's been kind of tight lately,

but I'll think of something.
Don't worry about it, okay, kid?

You didn't paint
the right number of keys on here, lepton.

I ran out of paint.

What'd you just call me?

-Lepton.
-What the hell's that?

You wouldn't understand.

Whoa, wait a minute.
So speak slowly, then.

Okay.

A lepton is a Z particle.

So?

Do you know what protons
and electrons are?

Yeah.

Okay. What are they?

They're those...

Those teeny, tiny things
that atoms are made out of.

Well, leptons are even smaller.

So, have you looked for a new job yet?

Hello?

Hello, is Derf there?

Derf? There is no Derf here.

-You got the wrong number.
-Wait.

That's Bob Yee.

Hi, Bob. What are you doing?

Hey, guess what?
I got that job at TRW this fall.

Really? Wow.

So, what are you doing?

Nothing. Just sitting around.

Think Damon will be okay?
For a second I thought he was dead.

I thought he was dead, too.
But Jane says it's just a concussion.

Jane knows CPR.

Yeah, I know, she learned it in Switzerland.

She did? I didn't know that.

She told me she was
gonna teach me sometime.

Did you know Jane speaks
five different languages?

She does.

Clipper ships by Matt Montini.

"Me and my dad make
models of clipper ships.

"I like clipper ships because they are fast.

"Clipper ships sail in the ocean.

"Clipper ships never sail on rivers or lakes.

"Clipper ships have lots of
sails and are made out of wood."

Thank you, Matt. That was very nice.

Okay, who's next?

I want to write a book about Fred.

About his formative experiences,

his life story, if you will.

Gonna be a short book.

Miss Tate, over the years

I've met many math and music prodigies,

but never one with Fred's kind of intuition.

His...

His kind of...

Sensitivity.

This summer, I've been asked to
teach a class at Fieldhurst.

And I'd like to use that time
to really observe Fred.

He would take a class and in return,
I would waive his tuition at the institute

for as long as he attends.

Wait. Wait a minute.

You wanna take Fred to college?

Just for the summer.

Why can't you just wait
and, like, observe him in the fall?

Well, I wouldn't have time.
I'll be busy running the institute.

Well, as it happens, we already got plans.

Me and a friend of mine
got really good jobs dancing

at this hotel in Orlando for the summer.

So, the place is really nice.
I mean, it's got a big pool and everything.

A pool?

Yeah. So that's that.

Miss Tate, Fred is not a leper.

Intelligence is not a disease
that you have to protect him from.

He's blessed, but he's certainly not alone.

There are many gifted children out there.

Yeah?

How many of them are blessed with ulcers?

And how many of them
go to bed every night

worrying about the ozone layer,

and the rain forest, and why innocent
people get murdered all the time?

Fred worries about everything.
He can't help himself.

You want to send him to college.

Jeez.

You hear about kids all the time
10 years older than him

who are jumping out of windows

on account of they can't
handle the pressure.

Now, let's not get hysterical.

We're talking about one class
for one summer.

I told you, we already made plans.

What I'm trying to tell you, Miss Tate,
is that right now

your son is starving
for stimulation and challenge

and for some order in his life.

Things that you don't provide,
but that I will.

I know that to deny a child's potential
is to smother his true self.

Fred doesn't give a shit about his potential.

He just wants to be a normal,
happy little kid.

Well, he's not normal. Thank God.

And he's certainly not happy.

And you underestimate him greatly,

if you think that a summer by the pool
will ever be enough for him.

Fred wants to go to college.

Don't take my word for it. Ask him.

Hey. What are you doing?

Your resume.

So, I understand that you and Jane
made some plans?

So let me get this straight.
What? You were just gonna...

Just gonna sneak off to college without
saying anything, is that right?

Fred, do you wanna go to college?

'Cause, you know, Jane says you do.

You know, it sure sounds great to me.

Sounds like a great opportunity.

You hang around here
for too long and you might...

You might smother
your potential or something,

and I'd sure feel real lousy if that happened.

Of course, you know
you gonna have to live with her.

Which means you'd also miss out on,
like, a real summer vacation.

Hey.

You want to go to college
or you want to go to Disney World?

I've already been to Disney World.
I went with Jane, remember?

You look crabby.

I'm not crabby.

I'm pensive.

This should take a couple minutes,
so why don't you just go park the car?

-Hi, Jane.
-Wait! Wait! Wait!

Just a minute, Fred.

Okay, now!

-Hi, Jane.
-Hi, Fred.

Wow!

You need a belt, kid.

No, I don't. I just need to tuck in my shirt.

You need a belt.

Hey. How about if we just say,

"See you tomorrow,"
instead of "Goodbye?"

If you send me the checkbook,
I'll balance it for you.

I think I can take care of that, Freddie.

Who's gonna water the plants?

Hey, you forget about the plants, okay?

Forget about the checkbook.

You're gonna have a great time.

So are you.

Every day that I know you,

I admire you a little bit more every day.

Every day I say to myself,

"This little kid is exactly the kind of person
I want to be."

I mean, let's face it.

You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

So don't worry so much.

Okay?

Hey. Love you big.

Go get your bag.

Dede, I know this must be difficult for you.

You might wanna keep
an extra telephone around.

-Excuse me?
-He likes to take 'em apart.

You know, he likes...

Sometimes... Sometimes...

I understand.

Listen to me, Jane.

If anything happens to him,

anything at all,

I'll kill you.

Now, I don't mean that I'll just hurt you.
I mean that I'll kill you.

Come on. Let me sit there!

-Hey.
-Okay.

I'll give you a call from Orlando, okay?

Hear all about your first day.

Bye, sweetie.

Hands on noses, guys.

See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Just go.

Bye.

Bye, Fred.

Now, Fred, these chores
are your responsibilities,

and for every week
that you do them correctly,

we'll do something fun,
like go to the symphony

or rent a nice documentary.

These are soup bowls. These are not.

These are my glasses,
and these are your glasses.

These are your pens and your pencils.

And, Fred, these are my pens
and my pencils.

It's not your mother's fault.

Most parents are ignorant
to the benefits of macrobiotics.

You know, if your mother
had started you on a diet like this sooner,

you might never have gotten an ulcer.

Can I have a Coke?

Absolutely not.

Sorry.

It's all right.

Everything that comes
from the body is natural.

Now can I have a Coke?

In the fridge.

Fred, I'll meet you outside
on the steps, right after class.

All right?

Well, good luck.

Come on. We'll sit you down in front.

Okay.

Would you mind sitting over there, please?

All right, let's all calm down and shut up

so we can start getting
dad's money's worth.

Now, for those of you who may be lost,

the name of this class is PHYS 105,

Quantum Physics, not Physical Education.

All right. Everybody in the right place?

God damn, college kids.

Good morning.

Used to be, young people
had respect for other people's property.

You didn't have to watch 'em all the time.
You could trust 'em.

Now, they come down here on
vacation and they trash the place.

What do they care?
It's not their house. Damn brats.

Then on top of that,
I got five undercover ABC guys circulating.

-The network?
-Alcoholic Beverage Control, Gina.

I mean, half my clientele
on this particular evening is underage.

How am I supposed to have known this?

Anyway, my liquor license
is now toilet paper.

Wait a second.

You're saying you not gonna do the show?

Don't tell me you're telling me we came
all the way down here for nothing?

Oh, boy.

You two got any waitressing experience?

Wow! Come on...

Fenton, don't dive in the shallow end!

At least they got water in the pool.

Very funny. You know, I could murder you.

Look it, this here is only temporary.

Well, he said his lawyers
were working on it.

Look, we're still getting the rooms for free.

You know, we can still
make a vacation out of it.

Dede, they say when life gives you lemons,
you make lemonade.

Hey, this ain't lemons, Gina!

This is dog shit!

I mean, if I wanted to wait tables,
I could've stayed in the city!

Did you lose your mommy, sweetie?

Yo, kid! A little help with the Frisbee?

-Whoa! Watch it, kid.
-Sorry.

I have $40. Do I hear a $50?

$50.

I have $50. Now, come on, people.
Can I hear $60?

$60.

I have $60. All right, can I hear $70?

Come on, people. This is for charity.

-$70.
-Do I hear $70?

-$1,000!
-All right, I have $70.

-Do I hear $80?
-I said $1,000,

you racist frat-head!

Come on, mister, this is for charity.

Which charity is that?
The intergeek recreation center?

That should change a few lives?

Get out of my face, you jughead.

Yeah!

Hey, wait a minute.

Heads!

-Oh, no.
-No.

Excuse me, fellas.

It's a little boy.

Look. Check it out.

-Jesus. Eddie, you killed him.
-I wasn't even aiming for him.

Besides, what's a kid
doing out here, anyway?

He's not a kid! Get away from him.

Oh, God, not again.

Fred?

Fred?

Oh, Fred.

This is called a sphygmomanometer.

It is?

Hello?

Hey, Jane, let me talk to Fred.

Dede, how are you?

Just peachy. Now, where's Freddie?

-How many fingers?
-Two.

He can't talk right now.

No? How come?

He's taking a nap.

So wake him up.
I wanna hear about his first day.

He's very tired, Dede.

Cut the shit, Jane.
Put the kid on the God damn phone.

Here he is.

Now, Fred,

you don't wanna get your mother
all upset over nothing.

Okay.

Hi, Dede.

Jane was late picking me up
and I got hit on the head with a globe.

How's Florida?

Oh, no. Bicycle. Bicycle. Oh, no.

The spin angular momentum

of the beta particle of one half must be

balanced by a particle

having a spin angular momentum

in the opposite direction.

The right-handed antineutrino...

Fenton, go get it!

Did you get it?

Who's that kid over there?

He looks like a little bookworm.

He's studying real hard.

He must be all of 10.

Yo, muffy! What the hell you looking at?

Get out of here, you punk.

Hey, how's your head?

Remember me?

I'm the guy that
took your lights out the other day.

Well, look, I brought you a present.

Remember this?

It's got a little blood on it
right there on El Salvador.

I think that's pretty cool.

It's for you. I brought it for you.

-Thanks.
-You're welcome.

-My name's Eddie.
-Fred.

Nice to meet you, Fred.

What's your major?

What's my major?

Damn. Who have you been
hanging out with?

Jane. What's your major?

Well, let's see, Russian Lit,

Afro-Am, Poli Sci,

French, Swahili, oogily-boogily,

toilet training, eating dirt, nose picking.

One of those. I don't know.

So who's Jane? That's your girlfriend?

-The lady I live with.
-The lady you live with.

Say, what are you doing this afternoon?

Just bringing in the mail.

That was swinging.
Was that swinging or what?

-Yeah.
-We're gonna go on the road together.

I can see it now.

But, see, I can't play the classical stuff.
You have to handle that.

By the way, you know
what the funniest thing about Mozart was?

His hair. If I saw Mozart, I'd say,

"That's the ugliest hairdo I've ever seen."

I think Mozart should have
a big afro or a mohawk

or something like that.

We'll both get Mohawks for the tour.
Big tour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Swing along!

Yeah, man.

Swing it.

Well?

Looks good.

It's funny, Garth.

I'm experiencing a whole new side of me
I've never felt before.

It's just a meatloaf, Jane.

No. To me it's a lot more than a meatloaf.

It's a milestone.

I mean, who would have thought
that I'd ever cook anything?

Well,

maybe you're turning over a new loaf.

So what do you want me
to do about Livewire?

Do we have to discuss that now?

If Buckner wants to do
an hour on gifted children...

What does Winston Buckner
know about gifted children?

Why doesn't he do a talk show on
petulant talk show hosts instead?

I've gotta make the salad.

That's why he needs you.

And he wants to bring Fred on, too.

Maybe you could bring
a few examples of his work.

He'd like that.

What time is it?

See, Fred, the object of the game
is to bank the ball

so that you hit the other one
right where the shadow is.

You want to try to hit the ball nice and low.

See? That way, you get
a lot of backspin on it.

Pow!

-Like that.
-Eddie.

Hey, where the hell you all been?

Anna fainted in the parking lot.

Say, everybody,

this is my son, Fred.

-Fred.
-How are you doing, Fred?

Fred.

Hey, kid, what you doing with the world?

It was a present.

Never mind, Officer. He's back.

Yes, just now. Thank you.

Fred.

Sorry I'm late.

Fred, where have you been?

Fred, you smell like a brewery.

And have you been smoking?

I was in a pool hall.
I'm learning how to play pool.

Good game.

Shut up, Garth.

Do you know what time it is?

7:03.

Do you remember what time
I asked you to be home?

5:00.

Fred, if I tell you to be home at 5:00,
you're to be home at 5:00,

not 6:00, not 7:00, not 7:01, not 7:02,

and certainly not 7:03.

I can't eat this.

No, of course you can't. It's cold.

No. My stomach.

Oh, my God. That's right.

Now, Fred, let's not whine.

There must be something
for you to eat around here.

I could go pick something up.

That's okay. I already ate.

What?

You ate without me?

We could have dessert.

No. We cannot.

A rule has been broken.
We don't reward that kind of behavior.

Now, Fred,

I'm sure if we thought about it, we'd decide

that pool halls are no place
for someone your age.

If you want to play something,
come and talk to me.

And, Fred, when I scold you,

it doesn't mean I don't care about you.

It only means I'm trying
to correct your mistakes.

Now, how about a nice game of Scrabble?

And...

Go.

Done.

Isn't this fun?

Damn it.

-Fred.
-I'll go get the other phone.

Fred.

Hello?

Hey! What's up?

Nothing. What's up with you?

I'm getting a tan.

Actually, you know, it's more of a burn.

So?

So?

So listen.

What are you doing next weekend?

Come on. It's Fourth of July.
What are you doing?

How about a barbecue in the beach?
Fireworks.

I'm gonna be on TV.

Let me speak to her.

Hi, Dede.

It's Jane. We were gonna call you.

Fred and I have been invited
to appear on Livewire.

Well, isn't that exciting?

And I thought, if it's okay with you,

we'd stay overnight
to see the big fireworks in the park.

Yeah, sure. You know,
Freddie would love that. He would.

Great.

Don't forget to watch.
It's Saturday at 12:30. Here's Fred.

Don't talk too long.
This is costing your mother a fortune.

Hi.

Hey. Everything's good?

Everything's perfect.

I'm learning how to play pool.

Pool?

Yeah. My friend Eddie is teaching me.

Wow. Eddie.

Don't put down too many bets,
okay, kiddo?

Look, I gotta go.

Jane's giving me this test.

Yeah, okay. I'll tell you what.

I'll call you in a couple of days, okay?

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Hey, somebody get the door, would you?

Is Eddie here?

Yeah. He's in the back.

Oh, man. What time is it?

Too early for visitors.

Dave, where is he going?

Two.

Two? Hey, hey.

What's going on here?

-Hey, girl.
-Sorry. I didn't mean that.

-You didn't?
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

-Hi, Eddie.
-Fred!

Fred, what are you doing here?

You said we could...

Fred. Would you get out of here, man?

Go on. Get out of here. Damn.

Very nice, fellas!

Very nice.

Fred.

Come on, Fred. Wait up, man.

Fred, wait up. Freddie.

Wait up, Freddie.

Freddie. Freddie, wait up, man.

Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you,

but you can't
walk in on people like that, man.

You said we were gonna play pool.

I did?

You said so.

Man, people say that kind
of stuff to each other all the time, buddy.

That don't really mean
that they mean it, you know?

Look, you're a kid

and I'm a grownup.

And I love doing stuff with you

but I can't do stuff
with you all day, every day

'cause I gotta do stuff
with other grownups, you know?

What I'm trying to say is that we can't
hang out together all the time.

I'm not your baby-sitter, Freddie.

I just can't take that kind of responsibility.

But, hey, it's no big deal, is it?

Hi.

Hi.

Fred.

Fred, what was the name of that computer
that you raced in Dr. Ellis' class?

-Mike.
-Mike. That's it.

Fred, it's 2:00 in the morning.
What are you doing up so late?

I had a bad dream.

Well, why don't you get a drink of water?

What for?

Don't you want a drink of water?

I'm not thirsty.

Well, why don't you leave the light on

or turn on the radio?

Something. It's really late
and we've got a big day tomorrow.

-Hello.
-Is Dede there?

I can't hear you.

Hey, is that you, Fred? How are you doing?

Boy, are you missing
a good party down here.

Is Dede there?

We're celebrating Fourth of July early.

Me and Valerie woke up
and everyone's in the pool.

Bottle rockets!

Fenton, will you just tell...

A man waving goodbye.

Two cats fighting.

A capsized boat.

A dead body.

See how this tastes.

Well,

we can stop on the way
to the city and get something to eat.

Now, where's your tie?

I need a belt, Jane.

I need a belt.

Just tuck in your shirt. You'll be fine.

Seems to me
you had a midterm the other day.

How do you think you did?

-Fine.
-I'm sure you did splendidly.

You think you can tell me

Beaton's refraction formula for the sun?

Mr. Buckner might ask you that.

Energy plus parallax equals...

How come you always ask me
about school?

How come you always talk
like you're reading a book?

How come you... Nobody ever comes over?

And how come you don't
have any kids of your own?

What's wrong with you?

Now, remember, sweet face,
zillions of people

all over the world
are gonna be watching you.

And that means no farting,

no picking your nose,

and no playing with little Mr. Peabody.

Close your eyes.

Knock it off, Evan.

Fred.

You look very handsome.

Is she your mom or what?

She's my...

I don't know.

I'll go see if they're ready for you.

Do you like old pinball machines?

I don't know.

We have one in the basement.
You can come play with me.

Zoom!

-Marco.
-Polo.

Hey, you guys, keep it down!

Welcome to Livewire.
I'm Winston F. Buckner.

Today we're going to
be asking the question,

"Is your child gifted?"

With me here to answer that

are two distinguished academics
and several bright kids

from the best schools around the country.

Welcome, everybody.

Now, children...

-Marco!
-Do you read books

or watch television like normal kids?

I'm working on experiments

involving lasers,
sulfuric acid, and butterflies.

I'm designing a summer house
for my parents.

I bring in the mail.

You bring in the mail?

God, you look like hell, kid.

Well,

Fred, we do many things together.

We go to museums.

We go to the opera.

He writes letters to his Romanian pen pal.

These books are fake.

Fred, as I understand it,

you're a poet, a painter,

-a musician...
-Marco!

-Polo!
-...and what I guess one would call

-a Mathlete.
-Marco!

Polo.

Now, with all that under that
tiny little belt of yours,

what would you like to be
when you grow up?

A fireman.

A fireman.
Well, that's a pretty normal profession

for such a... How shall I put it?

An unusual boy like yourself.

Now, when I was a boy, our mothers all
wanted us to grow up to be doctors.

My mother is dead.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Well, enough small talk, Fred.

What shall we do for our audience?

I thought maybe you could
play the piano for us

then do a few quick calculations.

-No.
-No?

Mr. Buckner...

I'd like to recite a poem.

A poem

by Fred Tate when we come back

right after this.

Promotional funding for this program

is provided through a grant
from the 3,400 worldwide...

Hey.

Hey, you guys?

Mommy!

Mommy!

Clipper Ships, by Fred Tate.

Go get your mother!

Me and my dad make
models of clipper ships.

Clipper ships sail in the ocean.

Clipper ships never sail on rivers or lakes.

I like clipper ships because they are fast.

My God! Fenton!

You okay?

Clipper ships have lots of sails
and are made of wood.

All right standby.
We'll be back in 30 seconds.

Fred.

Yes. Is Dede Tate there, please?

Where is she?

Gone where?

Nice to meet you, too, Fenton.

Which flight is she on, Fenton?

Yeah, which flight?

Thank you.

She's on her way.

What have I done?

Hey, kid.

Come here.

I figured you'd be here.

I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

You didn't do anything.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

I missed my dance partner.

Jane's mad at me.

No.

She ain't mad at you.

She was just worried, that's all.

We're all gonna work it out. You'll see.

From now on, I'm gonna
take care of everything.

You, me.

Even Jane, okay?

Listen, Freddie.

The day you were born,

the first minute I saw you,
you know what I said?

I said, "This kid's special.

"This kid's gonna be different,
and I'm not gonna blow it."

But...

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I don't know
what I'm doing, you know?

Sometimes, I just wing it.

I figure that...

I figure, I love this kid so much,

it's gonna be okay.

And it will.

You'll see.

I love you, Mom.

I love you, too, kiddo.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late,

but the cake took me longer
than I thought to make.

Happy birthday!

Well, that pretty much
sums up my life story.

Come here, birthday boy.

And incredible as it sounds,

when I turned eight,
I had the best birthday party ever.

At least, that's the way I remember it.

Happy birthday, Fred.

Look at that.

Even Jane had a good time.

-Thanks, Jane.
-You're welcome.

Care to cut the rug with me?

No, thank you.

Come on, dance with the kid, Jane.

I remember we laughed
and played stupid games

and danced to old records.

Nobody seemed to worry about anything.

-Hey, yaks, wanna play a game?
-Yeah.

You two hold your breath until I say stop.

I once got this fortune cookie that said,

"Only when all who surround you
are different

"will you truly belong."

-Thanks for the dance, Fred.
-Hey.

It's a party.
You gotta wear your party hat, Jane.

Well, we're all different, that's for sure.

Hey, Fred, look at this.

I'd see Jane every day at the Institute,

and once in a while, Dede would let her
take us out to fancy restaurants.

Sometimes, we even had fun.

Ready?

For a while, I was
the most famous kid at Jane's school.

But then a year later,
a 6-year-old boy named Roy Yamaguchi

got into law school and suddenly,
I wasn't such a big deal anymore.

But I didn't care

because I was happy.