Little Giants (1994) - full transcript

COLOSSAL KEVIN O'SHEA
GOES BACK TO PASS,

SEES HIS LITTLE BROTHER
DANNY DOWN FIELD.

THE RUSH IS ON.

THE BALL IS IN THE AIR!
THE CROWD IS GOING WILD!

DANNY CATCHES THE BALL.

HE'S AT THE 10,
THE 20, THE 25.

HE COULD GO ALL THE WAY!

THE O'SHEA BROTHERS ARE ABOUT TO WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP!

AW, THERE'S A FUMBLE.
DANNY GOT IT!

HEY, KEVIN, WAIT UP.

HOW MANY TOUCHDOWNS YOU GONNA THROW ME TODAY?



I'LL BET IT'S 50,
MAYBE 100!

WHAT TIME IS MOM
GOING TO PICK YOU UP?

SHE SAID I COULD SPEND THE ENTIRE DAY WITH YOU.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

YEAH. GREAT.

WHOO!

O.K., SPACES
OR LACES?

SPACES!

COME ON, SPACES!

LACES, DADDY-O.

I'LL TAKE BUTZ.

YES! IT'S OVER!

STEIN AND RIP.

YES!



PINSKI.
YES!

McKORMICK!

YEAH!

RALPHY.

YES.

MOUSE.
YES!

UH, MORITTI.

YEAH!

LET'S PLAY SOME FOOTBALL!

HEY, DANNY, THE BALL.

GIVE ME.

I MUST BE BAD IF MY OWN BROTHER WON'T PICK ME.

LOOK AT IT MY WAY.

I STINK,
AND YOU KNOW IT.

YOU'RE PERFECT,
AND I STINK. THE END.

NO, IT'S JUST THAT
I'M SO GOOD,

IT MAKES YOU
LOOK BAD.

ARE YOU TRYING
TO CHEER ME UP?

IT'S NOT WORKING.

SEE? I STINK
AT SOMETHING, TOO.

SCORE A COUPLE
TOUCHDOWNS FOR YOU!

WE KICK OFF!
STAND BACK, BABY!

HI, DANNY.

HI, PATTY.

AREN'T YOU PLAYING TODAY?

NO. I'M ON
THE INJURED LIST.

HEY, DANNY.

YOU SEE THAT
WATER TOWER?

ONE DAY OUR NAME'S
GONNA BE UP THERE

IN BIG BOLD LETTERS--
THE O'SHEA BROTHERS.

WE'RE GONNA
OWN THIS TOWN,

YOU AND ME, BUDDY.

DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

COME ON, PEOPLE!
SHOW ME SOMETHING!

MOVE IT! MOVE IT!

ARE YOU KIDDING?
IT'S CALLED SWEAT. SHOW ME SOME!

MOVE. MOVE.

MOVE IT! MOVE IT!

COME ON, GENTLEMEN.
SUCK IT UP.

SUCK IT UP.
FASTER. FASTER!

LOOKING GOOD, COACH.

OW!

OOH, BABY!
NOW WE'RE TALKING.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY
BACK UP.

MAKE ROOM.

GIVE HIM SOME AIR.

NICE POP, ICEBOX.

THANKS, UNCLE KEV.

IS HE DEAD?

HE AIN'T MOVING.

YOU KILLED HIM, ICEBOX!

HEY, RUDY. YOU O.K.?

OH, RUDY!

EW!

PEANUT BUTTER
AND JELLY SANDWICH?

ARE YOU NUTS?

IT'S STILL GOOD.

YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE

TREATING YOUR HELMET
LIKE A LUNCHBOX.

WHAT IS THAT?

CHEETOS.

CRUNCHY OR PUFFED?

PUFFED.

WIMP. EVERYONE FROM HERE OVER,
GO WITH COACH BUTZ.

EVERYONE FROM HERE OVER,
COME WITH ME.

LET'S FIND OUT
WHO'S GONNA MAKE THIS TEAM.

MY MOM MADE THAT!

SET, GO!

LET'S GO!

LET'S GO!

OH, MAN!

COME ON, MAN.

FIFTH ONE HE'S BOOTED.

HANDS LIKE FRYING PANS.

SET, GO!

WHY YOU DOING THIS
TO ME, FELLAS?

I CUT YOUR NAILS,
WASH YOU...

PUT GLOVES ON YOU
WHEN YOU'RE COLD.

HEY, HANON, YOU EVER
CATCH ANYTHING,

EVER?

CAUGHT A COLD YESTERDAY, MURPH.
HERE. HAVE SOME!

GROSS!

GET OFFA ME,
YOU LITTLE DORK!

SPEED...

THE DISTANCE GAINED

DIVIDED BY
THE TIME OF TRAVEL.

YOU CLOWNS WANT
TO PLAY FOOTBALL,

YOU GOTTA MOVE. READY?

COME ON, TAD!

GO, TAD! DIG!

WHAT IS THIS,
A TELETHON?

READY?

NEXT.

8.5.
EXCELLENT, BRIGGS.

HOW'D I DO,
COACH?

I DON'T KNOW, SON.
I DON'T HAVE A SUNDIAL.

HEY, ICEBOX.

YOU LOOK LIKE A BOY

AND PLAY LIKE A BOY.

DO YOU PEE STANDING UP?

WHEN SHE'S HOT TO TROT,
SHE'S STILL GOTTA SQUAT.

GET HIM BEFORE
SHE PULLS HIS HEAD OFF.

I CAN'T BREATHE!

LET ME GO.

BECKY!

LET HIM GO.

LET HIM UP!

LET HIM GO!

YOU'RE LUCKY
MY DAD SHOWED UP.

HI, DANNY.

HI.

HEY, GUYS.

HI, DAN.

GUESS WHAT, UNCLE DAN.

I GOT THE WHOLE
HEADLOCK THING ON TAPE.

HERE. WANNA SEE?

NO, THAT'S O.K. THANKS.

HOW'S SHE DOING?

SHE'S THE BEST ONE
OUT THERE.

YOU KNOW,

TODAY I'M REMINDED OF
WHAT A LUCKY GUY I AM.

LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BORN
AN O'SHEA.

LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BORN
IN THIS GREAT TOWN.

AND LUCKY TO HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH ABILITIES THAT ALLOW ME

TO BRING SOMETHING BACK
HERE TO URBANIA.

MY TOWN.

LITTLE THINGS LIKE...

THREE HIGH SCHOOL
CHAMPIONSHIPS.

THREE HIGH SCHOOL
CHAMPIONSHIPS...

A NATIONAL COLLEGIATE CHAMPIONSHIP.

A NATIONAL
COLLEGIATE TITLE...

AN ALL-AMERICAN
TITLE.

AN ALL-AMERICAN TITLE.

NOT TO MENTION...
NOT TO MENTION...

A HEISMAN TROPHY.

A HEISMAN TROPHY.

WOOF! WOOF!

TODAY I'M EVEN MORE LUCKY

'CAUSE THERE'S
ONE MORE THING

I CAN BRING BACK
TO THIS TOWN--

A PEE-WEE STATE
CHAMPIONSHIP!

YEAH! WHOO!
YEAH! WHOO-HOO!

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

NOW...

WHEN YOU HEAR
YOUR NAME CALLED,

GO OVER TO COACH BUTZ
AND PICK UP YOUR JERSEY.

THOSE JERSEYS
ARE SO COOL.

DIBS ON MONTANA'S
NUMBER.

I'M GETTING MICHAEL IRVIN'S
NUMBER, THE BIG 8-8.

I JUST WANT ONE
OF THOSE SHIRTS.

BRIGGS!

GO, BRIGGS!
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

PATTERSON!

YES!

HOFFS!

LEWIS!

YEAH!

BOOKMAN!

GRABELSKI!

RIVERA!

RIVERA!
RIVERA!

SCANLON!

SCANLON, MY MAN!

PARKHURST!

WALKER!

LINDEMANN!

BEAUREGARD!

YEAH, GREAT!

GIBBS!

GREESON!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

THE BACKBONE OF THIS TEAM...

SHAWN MURPHY!

YES! I KNEW IT, BECKY!
WHOO!

YES! THANK YOU!

WHOO! I KNEW IT!

WHOO!

NOW...

FOR THE REST OF YOU...

I'D LIKE TO SAY--

WELL, I'D JUST--

I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR TRYING OUT.

AND I WANT YOU
TO REMEMBER--

HEY,

THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.

HUH?

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.

O.K.

WELL...

I THINK
THIS REALLY SUCKS.

THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN LEARN FROM THIS,
IS THERE?

YEAH. NEVER TRY OUT
FOR ANYTHING AGAIN.

TAKE HER EASY, COACH.

HEY, ROSS.

KEVIN!

WHAT THE HELL
YOU DOING?

PUTTING TOGETHER A CHAMPIONSHIP FOOTBALL TEAM,
LITTLE BROTHER.

DID YOU SEE THE FACES
ON THOSE OTHER KIDS?

FOOTBALL ISN'T FACES.
IT'S SPEED, TALENT.

I ONLY GOT THREE WEEKS
TO PUT THIS TOGETHER.

I CAN'T WASTE TIME WITH...

LOSERS.

WHO THE HELL
ARE YOU,

VINCE LOMBARDI?

THIS IS PEE-WEE
FOOTBALL, KEVIN.

EVERY KID SHOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO PLAY.

NOT ON THIS TEAM.

AND BECKY'S BETTER THAN HALF OF THOSE BOYS.

DANNY, LISTEN,
ICEBOX IS A GIRL.

MAYBE IF YOU STARTED
TREATING HER LIKE A GIRL--

DON'T TELL ME HOW
TO RAISE MY DAUGHTER.

DON'T TELL ME HOW
TO PICK MY SQUAD.

WAY TO GO, KEVIN.
YOU HURT THEIR FEELINGS.

YOU HURT THEIR FEELINGS.
DANNY...

DANNY...

WE BOTH KNOW THOSE
KIDS CAN'T CUT IT.

SHOULD I LIE TO THEM?
BUILD UP THEIR HOPES?

TRUST ME,
IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

YOU'LL THANK ME TOMORROW.

I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT
MY WAY.

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

GOD BLESS FAMILY,

FRIENDS,

FLOWERS,

NICKELODEON,

ALL THE LITTLE KITTIES,

PEZ...

MR. LORENZO,
THE SCHOOL JANITOR.

HIS EARS ARE SO HAIRY.

HE'S AN UNFORTUNATE
MAN, PRISCILLA.

AND GOD BLESS DADDY'S
FAVORITE SPORT, FOOTBALL.

AMEN, BABY.
AMEN.

DIG IN.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU DIDN'T PICK BECKY.

YES, YOU DO, KAREN.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH, KEVIN.

SHE'S YOUR NIECE AND ONE OF
THE BEST PLAYERS OUT THERE.

AND SHE CAN
MAKE BOYS CRY.

HONEY, SHE'S A GIRL.

GIRLS CAN RUN COUNTRIES,

THEY CAN SIT
ON THE SUPREME COURT,

THEY CAN DISCOVER RADIUM,

BUT THEY CAN'T PLAY
PEE-WEE FOOTBALL.

CORRECT.

OH, KEVIN.

O.K., MAYBE I WENT
A LITTLE TOO FAR,

WAS A LITTLE...

PIGHEADED?

ALL RIGHT.
CHAUVINISTIC, MAYBE.

YOU'VE PROVED
YOUR POINT.

AND I THINK BECKY SHOULD BE INVOLVED WITH THE TEAM.

OR ANY GIRL WHO WANTS TO BE.
DEBBIE--

CALL YOUR FRIENDS.
TELL THEM I NEED SPIRIT.

I NEED POM-POMS.
I NEED CHEERLEADERS!

YES!

I HATE NOT BEING PICKED.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE PUT MUD TIRES ON THE GO

I DON'T WANT TO.

FORGET THE TIRES.

HOW ABOUT IF WE GO CAMPING IN THE WOODS,

MAKE MOOSE SOUNDS?

NAH.

AH, FORGET
THE MOOSE SOUNDS.

LISTEN, BECK,

REMEMBER WHEN MOM SAID

THAT SHE WAS GOING
TO HAVE TO DO

WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER?

WHEN SHE CHOSE
TO LEAVE US,

SHE WAS KIND OF MAKING
A CHOICE FOR US, TOO.

I MEAN, IN A WAY,

IT GAVE US A CHANCE
TO GET REAL CLOSE.

WHEN UNCLE KEVIN DIDN'T
PICK YOU FOR THE TEAM,

IT WAS THE SAME THING.

HE FREED YOU UP TO BE PICKED FOR SOMETHING ELSE

OR TO DO SOMETHING
TOTALLY DIFFERENT

WHERE YOU COULD
DO THE PICKING.

DAD, I JUST WANT
TO PLAY FOOTBALL.

HEY, SWEETIE, IF I HAD
A FOOTBALL TEAM,

I'D PICK YOU.

WE NEVER GET PICKED
FOR ANYTHING.

LIFE STINKS.

YEAH, THERE GOES MY SHOT
AT THE PROS.

NOW I'LL HAVE
TO BE A SENATOR.

HERE'S A KISS
FOR MURPHY

AND FOR PATTERSON
AND BRIGGS, TOO.

HA HA HA HA!

WHOO!

WHOO!

OHH!
UGH!

DAMN, ZOLFART.

WHAT ROAD KILL DID
YOUR MOM FEED YOU?

FREE-RANGE SKUNK.

THIS IS A PRIVATE
ESTABLISHMENT, GENTLEMEN.

YEAH. SCRAM!

PLEASE?

I'M HURT.

I'M REALLY HURT.

WE CAME BY TO TELL YOU

HOW INCREDIBLY
SORRY WE ARE

THAT YOU DIDN'T
MAKE THE TEAM.

NOT! NOT!
NOT!

YOW!

THE ICEBOX!
THE ICEBOX!

LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

AAH!

WHO--AH! UH! UH!

UH! AAH!

AAH!

SURE. BIG SHOT
IN THE GO-CART.

I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO GET YOU BACK ON THE FIELD.

YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE.

YEAH, SURE. REMEMBER,
YOU AND YOUR SPAZ PATROL

DIDN'T MAKE THE TEAM.

I GOT A LITTLE
NEWS FLASH FOR YOU.

WE STARTED OUR OWN TEAM,

AND WE'RE GOING TO KICK YOUR LITTLE COWBOY BUTTS.

IF YOU GOT A TEAM,
WHO'S YOUR COACH?

MY DAD.

HA HA HA HA!
YOUR DAD?

HA HA HA HA!

UH!

THERE'S A FEW TIMES
IN A MAN'S LIFE

WHEN HE CAN HOWL
AT THE MOON--

WHEN HE GETS MARRIED,

WHEN HE SCORES
THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN,

AND WHEN HE BUYS HIS FIRST CHEVY.
CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS, MR. O'SHEA.

BUTZ.

HAROLD, I'M GOING TO LUNCH.
YOU WANT TO SURPRISE ME?

YEAH.

SELL A CAR.

O.K. SURE.

WE'RE DOWN
BY SIX POINTS.

IT'S THIRD AND GOAL,
TWO SECONDS LEFT.

I'VE BEEN HIT
SO MANY TIMES,

I CAN'T EVEN
SEE STRAIGHT.

I'M SO BRUISED,
I LOOK LIKE A CODE BLUE.

TWO SECONDS?

COULD HAVE SWORN
IT WAS THREE.

FOUR.

IT WAS TWO SECONDS.

NOW THE CROWD IN THE STADIUM IS GOING NUTS.

ALL EYES ARE ON ME.

HOWDY, GENTS.

ALREADY VOTED, MAYOR.

O'SHEA, I GOT MY TAIL
IN A TRAP.

WE GOT TO TALK.

EXCUSE ME, BOYS.

LITTLE PEE-WEE
BUSINESS.

FOUR SECONDS.

THE HELL WITH THE TIME.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YEAR IT IS.

I'M, UH,

FEELING KIND OF
FOOLISH, SON.

MAYBE IT'S THE TIE.

NEVER MIND THE TIE.

NOW, WE GOT A TURD
IN THE PUNCH BOWL.

I GOT URBANIA INTO
THE POP WARNER LEAGUE

BY TELLING EVERYBODY THAT
THE GREAT KEVIN O'SHEA

WAS GOING TO COACH
OUR BOYS.

I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL.

SEEMS THERE'S TWO TEAMS
IN THIS TOWN.

WHO'S COACHING
THE OTHER ONE?

HEY, FELLAS.

MORNING, LOUISE.

HOW YOU DOING,
CHAMP?

DAD, I GOT TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.

I TOOK YOUR ADVICE.

WE'RE FORMING OUR
OWN FOOTBALL TEAM.

LOVE YOU A LOT.

YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?

WHERE DO YOU COME OFF

TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER
ANOTHER TEAM?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU
CAN COACH FOOTBALL?

KEVIN, I JUST HEARD
ABOUT THIS--

DANNY, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

YOU CAN'T COACH FOOTBALL.

HELL, YOU COULDN'T EVEN
PLAY FOOTBALL.

WHOSE FAULT WAS THAT?

WASN'T MINE.
DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

WHO SAID LIFE WAS FAIR?

SOME OF US RUN
FOR TOUCHDOWNS,

SOME RUN
THE CLASS PROJECTOR.

I RAN
THE CLASS PROJECTOR.

I'M SURE YOU WERE GREAT.

DANNY, GUYS LIKE YOU
AND KIDS LIKE THAT--

THEY CAN'T HELP IT
THEY'RE NO GOOD,

BUT THEY LEARN THINGS.

I MEAN,
THEY INVENT THINGS.

THEY WIN NOBEL PRIZES.

EINSTEIN

DID ANYBODY CARE? NO.

DANNY, LISTEN TO ME.
LISTEN TO ME. DANNY.

THESE THING THAT YOU DO
WITH THE KIDS--

I THINK THEY'RE GREAT.
I THINK THEY'RE ADMIRABLE.

YOU WANT TO START
A CHESS CLUB,

A LITTLE NATURE WALK CLASS--
THIS IS FINE.

SO LET ME GET
THIS STRAIGHT--

IT'S O.K. WITH YOU IF I DO SOMETHING WITH THE KIDS?

SURE.

BUT NOT FOOTBALL.

EXACTLY.

I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.

NO, I DON'T.

I DON'T SEE IT YOUR WAY.

I'VE REALLY NEVER
SEEN IT YOUR WAY.

I HATE YOUR WAY.

WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

YOU'VE GOTTEN INTO ME,

AND I'M SICK OF IT.

WE'RE FORMING
OUR OWN TEAM.

LEAGUE RULES CLEARLY STATE
ONE TOWN, ONE TEAM.

CAN'T HAVE TWO TEAMS.

LET'S HAVE
A PLAY-OFF.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA,
WILBUR.

HOW ABOUT IT, FELLAS?

HOW ABOUT IT?

TWO SATURDAYS FROM TODAY.
MEET ME AT HALF COURT.

IT'S THE 50-YARD LINE, DAD.

DANNY.

YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

WE JUST WANT TO PLAY.

WHOO!
YEAH!

WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND ANYBODY FOR THE TEAM?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS GOOD,
NOT LIKE IN BASKETBALL--

WHOA.
WHOA.

NOTHING BUT GLASS.

YOU WANT
TO PLAY FOOTBALL?

MR.
O'SHEA, I HAVE AN AVERSION TO PAIN AND SUFFERING.

NUBIE,
I'M NOT EVEN TALKING

ABOUT SETTING FOOT
ON THE FIELD.

I NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME COME UP WITH SOME PLAYS.

WHAT KIND OF PLAYS?

CREATIVE PLAYS.

ANYTHING GOES?

USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

I'M IN.

YOU EVER PLAYED FOOTBALL?
NO.

NO.
DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL?

YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL?
NO.

GREAT.
YOU CAN BE ON OUR TEAM.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
FLIGHT 45.

DAD!

I'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY,
SON.

YEAH. THE FLIGHT
GETS IN AT 9:00.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

HEY!

MERRY CHRISTMAS,
EVERYBODY.

WHOA! WHOA!
WHOA!

LOOK AT THIS!

O.K. THERE'S MORE STUFF OVER HERE.
GIVE ME A HAND.

ALL RIGHT. CAREFUL.

SOME OF THESE
ARE ANTIQUES.

TIMMY, I'M NOT SURE,
BUT I DON'T THINK THAT GOES THERE.

GUYS, A LOT OF
THIS EQUIPMENT

HAS BEEN USED BEFORE.

AAH!

IT'S A MOM!

EXCUSE ME, COACH.

HI, MR. O'SHEA.
I'M CHERYL BERMAN.

I'M SORRY
JAKE'S SO LATE,

BUT I TOOK HIM
TO SEE DR. HARDING.

HE SNEEZED AND HAD ME
WORRIED SICK.

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAUTIOUS.

WE NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE
CHILDREN AFTER TRYING FOR 13 YEARS.

IT WAS ME.

WHEN I FINALLY GOT PREGNANT,

THE DOCTOR ORDERED ME
OFF TO BED--

NINE MISERABLE
MONTHS ON MY BACK.

AND THE BIRTH--
GOD ONLY KNOWS THE PAIN.

HE WEIGHED ONLY
1 POUND, 11 OUNCES.

HE SPENT HIS FIRST SIX WEEKS
IN AN INCUBATOR,

AND I THINK FOOTBALL IS JUST
THE MEDICINE FOR HIM.

MY SHRINK TOLD HER
I GOT TO GET OUT MORE.

I THINK HE'S
GOING TO BE FINE.

OH, O.K.

COOL.

THANKS.
I NEEDED THAT.

LET'S KICK SOME BUTT.

* I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I BEEN TOLD *

* BUTZ'S BUTT
IS GREEN WITH MOLD *

* YOU SAY THANK YOU,
I SAY PLEASE *

* KEVIN SITS DOWN
WHEN HE PEES *

LOOKIN' GOOD.
REAL GOOD.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S STRETCH IT OUT.

AAH!

AAH!

WHOA!

AAH!

NO!

AAH!
AAH!

HE THROWS! IT'S UP!

YEAH! TOUCHDOWN!

WHAT A THROW!

WHAT A FIND!

WHAT A HUNK!

WAIT A MINUTE!

WHAT AM I SAYING?

I'M THE ICEBOX.

THE ICEBOX
DOESN'T LIKE BOYS.

'CEPT FOR THAT ONE.

HEY, BUDDY!

CATCH THIS!

GOOD CATCH!

NICE ARM!

JUNIOR FLOYD.
I'M HANON.

ZOLTECK. WHAT'S UP?

I'M TAD.

COOL.

YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL?

YEAH. LET'S SEE
THAT ARM AGAIN.

WHERE IS HE?

HEY, YOU!

UH... HI.

DAD, DON'T TELL JOKES.

YOU CAN'T TELL JOKES.
YOU NEVER COULD TELL JOKES.

RELAX.
I'M GOING TO ASK HIS MOTHER IF HE CAN PLAY FOOTBALL.

I CAN'T GO IN THERE!
I'D LOOK LIKE A GEEK.

THIS DOESN'T
SOUND LIKE YOU.

YOU GOT A CRUSH
ON THIS GUY?

I'M THE ICEBOX.
I DON'T GET CRUSHES.

OH, MY GOD!
THERE HE IS!

HE IS SO CUTE!

RELAX.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
HIS MOTHER WAS PATTY FLOYD.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

WHEN I WAS A KID,
I KINDA HAD--

GET A GRIP!
YOU GET A GRIP!

ONE OF US HAS
TO KNOCK ON THAT DOOR!

YEAH, YOU!
YOU DO IT!

NO, YOU DO IT!

HEY!

YOU TRAITOR!

HI. CAN I--

DANNY?

HI.

DANNY O'SHEA,
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE. REALLY GOOD.

WELL, COME ON IN.

SURE.

READY...

GO!

MAN! WHAT AN ARM!

READY... GO!

YAY! YAY!
YAY!

O.K., HANON, NICE TRY.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S
GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.

USE YOUR HANDS.

READY... GO!

OH, GOOD CATCH, GUYS.
GOOD CATCH.

MY MOM SAYS THE PADS YOU GAVE ME WEREN'T ENOUGH.

HEY, THIS IS GREAT!

I DON'T FEEL A--

JAKE?

JAKE?
JAKE

HE WILL NEVER DO IT.

THEY'LL NEVER DO IT.
THEY'VE DONE IT ALREADY.

MAKE YOU A BET?

IF THESE BOYS
DON'T WIN,

I SWEEP OUT THE SHOP
FOR THREE WEEKS.

IT'S GOING TO BE
A LANDSLIDE.

IF THEY DON'T WIN,

I'LL SWEEP IT OUT
FOR A MONTH.

GOOD. YOU GOT WITNESSES,
YOU UNDERSTAND?

YEAH.
YOU REMEMBER THIS.

O.K. STAND LIKE THIS.
COME ON, COME ON.

IT'S A HUDDLE, GUYS.
HUDDLE. LATIN FOR ROUND.

ALL RIGHT. THERE YOU GO.

NOW, COMMUNICATION
IS THE KEY.

I SIGNAL THE QUARTERBACK
WITH THE PLAY.

HE RELATES IT TO YOU
IN THE HUDDLE,

THEN WE TRY IT.
LET'S DO IT.

O.K. CURL OUT TO THE FULLBACK ON 2.

HEY, HOW COME YOU NEVER
CALL A PLAY FOR ME?

YOU'RE A TACKLE,
DIP HEAD.

NOBODY CALLS ME A DIP HEAD EXCEPT MY SISTER.

HEY, GUYS, GUYS,
GUYS, GUYS,

WAIT, WAIT.
GUYS,

I'LL
RUN THE BALL.

YOU ALWAYS
RUN THE BALL.

WHY CAN'T I
RUN THE BALL?

BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW
AND NO ONE LIKES YOU.

SAYS WHO?

EVERYBODY SAYS.

I CALL THE PLAY.

WHY CAN'T I
RUN THE BALL?

YOU CAN'T GO
TO MY BIRTHDAY.

SO WHAT?

HEY! WHY DON'T I
GET TO PLAY?

O.K. THAT WAS GOOD
FOR A FIRST TIME.

READY... GO.

NICE PASS. NICE CATCH.

JUNIOR.

READY...

GO.

YES!

ALL RIGHT!

VERY NICE. O.K., GUYS,

FROM NOW ON,
WE'LL PLAY WITH THIS.

PUT THIS IN THE BATHROOM.

GOOD JOB, ICEBOX.

THANKS.

ANY TIME.

I'LL
GET THE QUARTERBACK.

HUT 1!

HUT 2!

I GOT YOU!

O.K., ICEBOX.
YOU CAN GET OFF ME.

SORRY.

GENTLEMEN,
THAT IS YOUR OPPONENT.

YOU MUST DEFEAT HER
AT ALL COSTS.

PATTERSON, BECKY
IS ALL THEY'VE GOT.

I WANT YOU TO HIT HER
LOW AND HARD.

GET IN YOUR POSITION.

HEAD UP, BUTT DOWN.

STICK AND DRIVE.

SET. GO!

OH...

SON,
IT'S A COUCH CUSHION.

IT'S A COUCH CUSHION,
SON.

I WANT YOU
TO WRAP YOUR ARMS

AND DRIVE THROUGH IT.
WRAP AND DRIVE.

STAND BACK.

GO, COACH!
COME ON, COACH!

PRISCILLA,
SHOOT THIS, HONEY.

GO FOR IT, DADDY.

BRIGGS...

COUNT IT OFF.

OH...

READY...

SET.

GO!

KEVIN!

AAH!

AAH!

OOF!

OH... DOCTOR.

COACH!

DADDY!

OH...

THAT'S RIGHT, SPORTS FANS,

IF THERE'S GOING TO BE
PEE WEE FOOTBALL IN URBANIA,

EVERYBODY'S GOING TO PLAY.

BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE
FOR THE LITTLE GIANTS!

SHE'S TOUGH. SHE'S BAD.

SHE'S BECKY
"THE ICEBOX" O'SHEA.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR RAD TAD SIMPSON.

RUDY ZOLTECK,

YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD
FRIENDLY GAS MAN.

GAS MAN?
I DON'T GET IT.

THINK ABOUT IT.

HERE'S RASHID
"HOT HANDS" HANON.

SAY HELLO TO TIMMY
"I WANT TO SCORE" MOORE.

THANKS FOR COMING.
SO LONG.

THAT WAS GREAT, COACH.

I WANT
A COPY OF THAT.

JOHNNY, THOUGHT
I'D HAVE A CHANCE

TO MEET YOUR DAD
TONIGHT.

HE'S GOT BUSINESS
AND STUFF.

SEE YOU, COACH.

I'LL SEE YOU.

BYE.

WELL, THE DIP SUCKED.

BUT BOTTOM LINE,
YOU'RE O.K., COACH.

THANKS, JUNIOR.

DO YOU THINK
YOU'D HAVE TIME

TO GET ME YOUR BROTHER'S
AUTOGRAPH?

OH, LET'S GO.

DANNY, THIS WAS
SUCH A BLAST.

AH, IT WAS NOTHING.

YOU'RE AMAZING
WITH THOSE KIDS.

ALL THAT TIME I KNEW YOU,

I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D BE LIKE THIS.

WELL, I WAS 11.

YEAH.

I GUESS I'VE CHANGED.

WELL,
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

HAVE I CHANGED?

WELL, YOU'RE TALLER,

AND YOU HAVE YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE.

AND TO BE
HONEST WITH YOU,

YOUR FACE IS EXACTLY
AS I REMEMBER IT.

COME ON, MOM!

GOOD NIGHT, DANNY.

SEE YOU, COACH.

GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.

SLEEP TIGHTLY.

TIGHT.

DUMB.

O.K.
LET'S CLEAN IT UP.

THERE HE GOES!
HA HA HA!

OH, MY GOD.
I LOVE THIS.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU
GOING TO WATCH THIS?

IT'S MAKING ME NAUSEOUS.

YOU KILL ME!

MOM, COME ON. LET'S CALM DOWN.
LET'S CALM DOWN!

I WAS ONLY TRYING
TO MAKE A POINT

THAT BECKY'S
ALL THEY'VE GOT.

OH, DAD.

TO WIN, WE'VE GOT
TO NEUTRALIZE HER.

WAIT. WAIT, WAIT.
WHAT ABOUT JUNIOR?

WHO?

HUT-1! HUT-2!
HUT-3!

LOOK AT THE CANNON
ON THAT KID.

HE'S PLAYING
FOR THE WRONG TEAM.

HUT-1! HUT-2! HUT-3!

YEAH!

THAT'S THE WAY.
COME ON BACK.

THAT'S GOOD, JOHNNY.
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

SPIES.

WHERE?

IN THE WEEDS.

SOMEBODY'S
A LITTLE SCARED, HUH?

O.K., GUYS.
TAKE A LITTLE BREAK.

THEN WE'LL START RUNNING
THE SUPER-SECRET PLAY.

I'M JUST GOING TO GET
THE DIAGRAM.

COACH, THEY'RE GOING TO DO THE SUPER-SECRET PLAY.

STATE POLICE? OH, THANK GOD.

THIS IS THELMA MAY ROGERS.

I'M 86 YEARS OLD.
I LIVE IN URBANIA.

THERE ARE TWO MEN

DOWN THE BRIDGE
FROM THE SHELL STATION

SPYING ON SOME KIDS.

WE'RE ALL SO UPSET.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S RIGHT

FOR MEN THEIR AGE PARADING AROUND IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.

PLEASE HURRY.

OH!

NICE GOING.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

THEY GOT THE GUARDS
IN THE BACKFIELD.

THEY GOT THE CENTER
TO THE RIGHT, AND--

AND THE QUARTERBACK
ISN'T EVEN THERE.

THEY'RE STANDING AROUND,
BUTZ.

OH, YEAH.

FREEZE!

I'M ON A ROLL,
HUH?

YOUR SANDWICH,
O DANGEROUS ONE.

FUNNY. LAST NIGHT
I GO OUT THE WINDOW.

TODAY I'M ARRESTED,

HANDCUFFED,
HUMILIATED.

MY OWN BROTHER.

IMAGINE HOW I FEEL
MARRIED TO A PEEPING TOM.

THAT WAS
A BRILLIANT MOVE--

CALLING
THE STATE COPS

INSTEAD
OF THE LOCAL COPS.

I DIDN'T THINK
DANNY HAD IT IN HIM.

I'LL GET HIM BACK,
THOUGH.

THIS COULD HAVE
ALL BEEN AVOIDED

IF YOU'D
FORMED ONE TEAM.

THE PEOPLE
IN THIS TOWN

EXPECT KEVIN O'SHEA
TO WIN.

NOBODY BUYS A CHEVY
FROM A LOSER.

HONEY, THIS IS PEE WEE FOOTBALL, REMEMBER?

THIS IS
SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

ALL THE FUN IS GONE NOW.

SEE, NOW... IT'S WAR.

COME ON. LET'S GO.
KEEP MOVING.

COME ON. COME ON.
MAKE THE CUT.

COME ON. PROTECT THE BALL.

GOOD. GOOD.

LIFT THEM.
LIFT THOSE LEGS.

ATTA BOY.

DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!
COME ON!

UNLOAD
IN THIS THING!

VERY NICE. LOOKING GOOD,
LOOKING GOOD.

THAT'S RIGHT, GUYS.
MAKE 'EM POP.

YES!

YEAH!

JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! JAKE!

WHOA!

UH-OH.
UH-OH.

* WORKIN'
AT THE CAR WASH *

* WORKIN'
AT THE CAR WASH, YEAH *

* COME ON
AND SING IT WITH ME *

* CAR WASH *

HEY!

HEY!

PUT THE TOP UP

IF YOU
WANT IT WASHED.

I DIDN'T COME
FOR A CAR WASH.

YOU'RE WASTING OUR TIME
WITH THIS GAME.

WE SHOULD BE CONCENTRATING
ON SUTTERVILLE.

YOU DON'T BELONG ON THE SAME FIELD AS YOUR BROTHER.

$1.00 FOR THE WASH,
BUTZ.

YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF

WITH THEM
LITTLE DIRT BALLS.

IF I WAS A MAMA HEN

AND THEY WAS MY CHICKS,

I'D LEAD THEM TO WATER
AND LET THEM DROWN.

IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME,

YOU'RE THE TENTH CAR
THAT'S COME IN HERE.

YOU'RE ENTITLED
TO A FREE WASH.

O.K., GUYS, WASH IT.

* WORKIN'
AT THE CAR WASH *

* TALKIN'
ABOUT THE CAR WASH *

* CAR WASH, YEAH *

* COME ON, Y'ALL,
LET'S SING IT WITH ME *

* CAR WASH *

* SING IT
WITH FEELING, Y'ALL *

* CAR WASH, YEAH *

* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA *

* CAR WASH *

OH!

HEY, JUNIOR.

* CAR WASH *

* WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA *

* TALKIN'
ABOUT THE CAR WASH *

* COME ON, Y'ALL *

TRUCE.

AAH!

NO!

* CAR WASH, YEAH *

AH-CHOO!

HEY, DAN,
WE'RE NEXT.

HEY, UNCLE DAN.

HI, DEB.

HI, JUNIOR.

HEY, BECKY,
CHECK IT OUT.

MOM GOT US UNIFORMS
FOR THE GAME.

COOL.

I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU,

IN THE HUDDLE
WITH JUNIOR FLOYD!

EVEN 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS
THINK HE'S A FOX.

YEAH, WELL I
REALLY DON'T NOTICE.

WELL, SEE YOU.

YEAH.

HEY, HI, JUNIOR.

WHAT'S UP?

I'M GOING TO BE
AT THE GAME SATURDAY.

HEY, ICEBOX,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BECOME A CHEERLEADER.

BUBBLES AND STUFF.

HEY.

AAH!

HA HA! JUNIOR!

HA HA HA!

HEY! DON'T!

THERE YOU GO.

GIVE ME A "J,"

GIVE ME A "U,"

GIVE ME A "N--"

BECKY!

I GOT AN IDEA
FOR A NEW DEFENSE.

I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THIS MONSTER BACK THING.

YOU RUN AROUND THE FIELD CAUSING GREAT DESTRUCTION.

ARE YOU
WEARING LIPSTICK?

UH...

NO...

IT'S A CHERRY
TOOTSIE POP.

OH.

HA HA HA HA.

O'SHEA CHEVROLET.

I GOT A HOT TIP
FOR YOU.

HA HA HA HA.

BUTZ!

GO AHEAD, ORVILLE,
I'M LISTENING.

THERE'S A NEW FAMILY IN TOWN.
CAPICE?

THEY GOT A TOUGH 10-YEAR-OLD.
HE'S A MONSTER.

I'M TALKING
REAL BIG.

OH, YEAH, HOW BIG?

PUT IT THIS WAY--

IF HE WAS A TROUT,
YOU WOULDN'T THROW HIM BACK.

THANKS A LOT, BUDDY.
I OWE YOU ONE.

THANKS.

HA HA HA.
HA HA HA.

HI, BIG JIM.

HEY, THERE, KEVIN.

KEV, WHERE YOU GOING?

JUST OUT FOR
A LITTLE SPIN, DANNY.

WHAT'S WITH THE GO

AW, BECKY ASKED ME TO
CHECK THE COMPRESSION.

YOU FOLLOWING ME?

NO.

YOU FOLLOWING ME?

NO.

ARE YOU LYING TO ME?

NO.

HE'S MINE, DANNY!
DAMN IT!

HERE THEY COME!
DANNY'S IN THE GO-CART.

THIS WHOLE TOWN
MAY LOVE YOU,

BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW SICK YOU ARE.

I TREATED YOU
LIKE A PRINCE.

YOU IGNORED ME!

I TOOK YOU TO SEE
THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.

YOU LEFT ME
IN THE STADIUM.

DAMN IT!

OHH!

EXCUSE ME.

ARE YOU, UH...

HEY, DON'T TELL ME.
YOU'RE COACH O'SHEA.

YEAH, I'M COACH O'SHEA.

HA! YOU'RE
COACH O'SHEA!

WHO AM I?
LOOK AT THIS. HUH

WHO AM I?

OH, YOU'RE REMEMBERING
MY OLD PLAYING DAYS.

REMEMBERING THEM?
I TREASURE THEM.

YOU'RE THE REASON
WE MOVED TO THIS TOWN,

YOU AND THAT POP WARNER
FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

YOU, UH,
YOU LOOK KIND OF SMALL FOR A FOOTBALL STAR.

THAT'S WHAT
THEY ALL THOUGHT.

YEAH.

SO WHERE IS YOUR--

HIS NAME'S SPIKE.

HE'S RIGHT HERE.

HANG ON A SECOND.
SPIKE!

COME ON DOWN HERE.

I WANT YOU TO
MEET COACH O'SHEA.

LOOK AT THE BOY.

HE WAS BRED FOR
FOOTBALL GLORY.

THE FIRST SKIN HE TOUCHED WAS A PIGSKIN.

PUSHING A FOOTBALL ACROSS THE LIVING WITH HIS HEAD

AT 4 MONTHS.

DID HIS FIRST PULL-UP AT 18 MONTHS.

GIVE ME 10!

RUNS A 40
IN 6.5 FLAT,

BENCH PRESSES TWICE
HIS OWN WEIGHT.

WON THE 8-YEAR-OLD DIVISION OF THE PASS, PUNT,
AND RUN

WHEN HE WAS 5.

O'SHEA, I'VE BEEN
CULTIVATING HIM,

GROOMING HIM.

EVERY NIGHT, BEFORE
HE GOES TO BED,

I MASSAGE HIS HAMSTRINGS
WITH EVAPORATED MILK.

YEAH.

HE'S QUITE A BOY.

OH.

PLAY TO DIE!

KNEES HIGH!
KNEES HIGH!

GUYS, I GOT GREAT NEWS.

WE GOT A NEW PLAYER.

MAMA!
WHOA!

WHO'S THAT?

LOOKS LIKE
A SIDE OF BEEF.

OR A GENETICS EXPERIMENT
GONE TERRIBLY WRONG.

WHERE'S
HIS SOCKS?

WHERE'S HIS NECK?

HE'S BIGGER
THAN MY DAD.

SPIKE'S IN HELL.

SPIKE'S
IN PEE-WEE HELL.

GUYS, SPIKE'S
OUR NEW TAILBACK.

GREAT.
NOW WE CAN RUN THE ANNEXATION OF PUERTO RICO.

WHAT'S THE ANNEXATION
OF PUERTO RICO?

I DON'T KNOW IF
WE'RE READY FOR THAT.

WHAT FORMATION
DO YOU LIKE TO RUN?

POWER "I."
WHO'S SPIKE'S LEAD BLOCKER?

THE ICEBOX.

WHERE'S HE AT?

RIGHT HERE.

IS SPIKE MISTAKEN?
AREN'T YOU A GIRL?

GEE, GOOD EYE.

SPIKE DON'T
PLAY WITH GIRLS.

SHE'S PRETTY GOOD,
SPIKE.

SPIKE DON'T CARE.
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?

SPIKE
DON'T PLAY WITH--

I CAN TACKLE ANYTHING,
ANY TIME, ANYWHERE. GOT THAT?

LOOK, YOU BERSERKO
BARBIE DOLL,

WHEN YOU MESS WITH SPIKE,
YOU MESS WITH DEATH.

CAN YOU WALK THE WALK?

I WILL!
TRY ME!

LET'S GO!

RIGHT NOW!

SOMEBODY CALL 911!

ALL RIGHT,
O.K., O.K., HOLD IT.

BECKY, GET
THAT CAR, PLEASE.

WHY ME? SO YOU CAN
PLAY WITH THIS APE?

CAN I HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU, PLEASE?

YOUR LEG'S BIGGER
THAN MY BODY.

WITH THIS GUY,
WE GOT AN ACTUAL SHOT AT WINNING.

GIVE ME A MINUTE

TO GET HIM USED TO THE IDEA OF PLAYING WITH A GIRL.

YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN TAKE HIM.

THIS IS
A BUNCH OF CRAP.

SHIRLEY.

HI, KEVIN.

ICEBOX NOT HUNGRY?

ALERT THE MEDIA.

HOW YOU DOING,
HOT SHOT?

HEY, LOUISE.
THANK YOU, DEAR.

GOOD SHOT.

YOU STILL MAD AT ME FOR
NOT PICKING YOU, HUH?

NO.

I GUESS YOU GOT
YOUR OWN TEAM NOW.

IT'S NOT MY TEAM.

IT'S SPIKE'S TEAM.

DAD'S GOT
A BIG CRUSH ON HIM.

AH, DON'T BE SO HARD
ON THE OLD MAN.

CAN'T BE EASY ON HIM
HAVING ME AS A BROTHER,

OR YOU AS A DAUGHTER.

HA HA. VERY FUNNY.

HA HA HA.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME,
WE'RE STUBBORN.

WE DON'T GET
OUR OWN WAY, WATCH OUT.

YOU MEAN, WHEN YOU
WERE PLAYING FOOTBALL,

YOU WANTED TO
KILL YOUR COACH, TOO?

BECKY, YOU CAN'T FAULT THE GUY FOR TRYING TO WIN.

HE DOESN'T
WANT TO WIN.

HE JUST WANTS TO SHOW EVERYONE HE'S NOT SCARED OF YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I THOUGHT
I WANTED TO PLAY,

BUT NOW THERE'S
ALL THIS OTHER STUFF.

WHAT OTHER STUFF?

NOT FOOTBALL STUFF.

AHH.

MM-HMM.

DEBBIE LIKES JUNIOR,
DOESN'T SHE?

DOES VERONICA
LIKE ARCHIE?

SHE'S GOING TO GET HIM.
I KNOW IT.

SHE'D PROBABLY KILL ME IF SHE KNEW I TOLD YOU THIS,

BUT, UH, YOU
WANT TO FIND A BOY,

YOU GOT TO FIGURE OUT
HOW BOYS THINK.

AND IF THIS BOY'S
A QUARTERBACK,

HE'S PROBABLY GOING
TO WANT SOME CUTE GIRL,

NOT SOME TEAMMATE.

BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
BEING A CUTE GIRL.

I'M GOOD AT SPORTS.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.
YOU'RE AN O'SHEA.

LISTEN TO UNCLE KEVIN.

YOU GOT MORE TO OFFER
THAN FOOTBALL.

A LOT MORE.

YOU THINK SO?

I KNOW SO.

HEY, UNCLE KEVIN...

DO YOU
THINK I'M PRETTY?

NO.

I THINK
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

O.K., GUYS, LET'S MAKE THIS
POWER "I" FORMATION WORK.

READY? BREAK!

READY...

SET...

HUT-1, HUT-2!

UHH!

WHOA!

YOU CALL THIS A TEAM?

UHH!

HEY, YOU, PRETTY BOY,

NEXT TIME YOU HAND OFF
TO SPIKE, PUT IT HERE.

BOOM! AND YOU, FAT LINEMAN.

YOU RANG?

GET YOUR JELLY ROLLS
OUT OF SPIKE'S WAY

UNLESS YOU
WANT CLEAT MARKS

UP YOUR FAT BACK.

SPIKE!

GET IN THE CAR, SON.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, NO.

YOU'RE A COWBOY NOW.

THANK YOU, FOOTBALL GOD.

WHERE'S
HE GOING?

SO YOU'RE A HEISMAN
TROPHY WINNER, HUH?

I SAID I WAS COACH O'SHEA,
NOT KEVIN.

YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE
PRETTY SLICK, HUH?

I CAN'T WAIT
TILL TOMORROW.

ONE MORE DAY, BABY!

ONE MORE DAY.

GREAT. THE OTHER
GUYS HAVE SPIKE.

AND WE GOT NOTHIN'.

WE GOT US.

WE STINK.

YOU CAN'T CATCH,
HOT HANDS.

AT LEAST HE CAN WALK,
CRUSH JERK.

HAVE ANOTHER
POP TART.

YEAH, FART BOY,

OR CAN'T YOU OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH WIDE ENOUGH?

COME ON. THAT'S ENOUGH.

COACH IS RIGHT.
BREAK IT UP.

SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO GOOD
IT MAKES US SICK!

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO PLAY?

NO PROBLEMO.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

NICE WORK. IF
IT WASN'T FOR HIM,

WE WOULDN'T
EVEN HAVE A TEAM.

IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM,

MAYBE YOU'D STOP DROOLING AND PLAY FOOTBALL.

YEAH,
HE'S RIGHT.

WHY CAN'T WE JUST
ALL PLAY TOGETHER?

OH, SHUT UP, DIPSTICK.

YOU'RE PROBABLY
THE MAIN REASON SPIKE QUIT.

QUIT BAWLING,
YOU BIG BABY.

I CAN CRY IF I WANT.
IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

I CAN EVEN DO THIS.

OW! OW!

NICE KICK.

HEY, GUYS, PRACTICE
ISN'T OVER YET.

WHO CARES?
WHO CARES?

WHAT'S THE USE?
I AM A DIPSTICK.

I'LL NEVER GET TO PLAY.

HEY, KID,
YOU GOT A SECOND?

WE HAVE TO GET
TO A BANQUET,

WHERE THE HALL
OF FAME IS,

WE TOOK A WRONG TURN
SOMEWHERE.

WE STARTED OUT HERE
ON I-70,

COMING ACROSS HERE,
WE WENT UP 104,

TOOK THE 49, THEN
WE TOOK SHORTCUTS.

WE GO 10,
12, 48, HUT.

WE HAVE TO
HIT CANTON HARD.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE ARE.

UH, GUYS?

NOW, WHAT?

LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.

OH! WHOA!

WHOA! OH!

EMTMAN.

TIM BROWN.

BRUCE SMITH.

EMMITT SMITH.

WHOA!

TAKE A SHOT.
JUST BLOCK ME.

UH-UH.

COME ON.
YOU CAN DO IT.

NO WAY.

COME ON. DON'T BE SCARED.

RUN THROUGH ME.
RUN THROUGH ME.

COME ON. GET THE FEAR
OUT OF YOUR EYES!

LET'S GO! COME ON!

UHH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT
NOW. GOOD JOB.

JUST REMEMBER.

FOOTBALL'S 80 % MENTAL,
40 % PHYSICAL.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

WHAT?

I WASN'T ALWAYS THE BIGGEST.

I WASN'T ALWAYS THE FASTEST.

I WASN'T
ALWAYS THE SMARTEST,

BUT I BELIEVED WITHIN MYSELF
THAT I WAS A GIANT.

THEN HE PIVOTS, FAKES,

CHUCKS THE BIG BOMB
HALFWAY DOWN THE FIELD

TO OUR, HOPEFULLY,
STILL WIDE-OPEN TAILBACK.

I CALL IT THE ANNEXATION
OF PUERTO RICO.

NOT BAD.

REALLY?

I KIND OF STOLE IT
FROM YOU--

RAIDERS/VIKINGS--
SUPER BOWL 11.

HEY, YOU ARE A GENIUS.

THANKS.

PROBLEM IS...

WE DON'T HAVE A TAILBACK.

HMM. LISTEN, WHAT
IF YOU TRIED THIS?

KNOW WHAT
THIS IS CALLED?

WOW! WHOA!

INTIMIDATION.

COOL. WHOA.

NOW, TOMORROW WHEN
YOU GO TO THE GAME,

YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE INTIMIDATED.

LET ME SEE YOUR GAME FACES.

GRR! GRR! GRR!

NO, NO. YOU CAN
DO BETTER THAN THAT.

LET ME SEE YOUR GAME FACES.

GRR! GRR! GRR!

TRY THIS.

GRR! GRR!
GRR! GRR!

THAT'S IT, GUYS.
NOW COME AND GET ME.

GRR! GRR! GRR!

ARRR!

AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!

HEY, COACH, MIND
IF I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

YEAH.

I GOT A BIG GAME COMING UP.
YOU GOT ANY ADVICE?

GOOD LUCK.

WAIT. THAT'S IT?

LATER.

SEE YA, STEVE.

BYE, EMMITT.

HAVE
A GOOD TRIP.

THERE'S NO BIG SECRET
TO WINNING FOOTBALL.

IT'S JUST DOING WHAT
THESE GUYS DO EVERY GAME.

JUST GO OUT
AND GIVE IT YOUR BEST.

I TOOK A TEAM
TO A SUPER BOWL,

AND WE WON.

I EVEN HAD SOME GUYS ON
THAT TEAM NOBODY WANTED,

BUT WE WERE A TEAM,

THAT'S WHAT YOU GUYS ARE.
YOU'RE A FOOTBALL TEAM.

THAT'S LIKE A FAMILY, EXCEPT
YOU GET TO HIT EACH OTHER,

BUT YOU HAVE
TO STICK TOGETHER.

DO THAT, AND YOU'LL BE FINE.

THANKS, MR. MADDEN.

THANKS, MR. MADDEN!

SEE YA!

LET ME TELL
YOU PEOPLE SOMETHING.

THIS AIN'T JUST A FOOTBALL.

THIS IS YOUR HOPES,
YOUR DREAMS, YOUR AMBITIONS.

YOUR SOUL ON A ROLL.

IT'S YOUR LIFE.

TOMORROW ON THAT FIELD,
IT'S DO OR DIE...

WIN OR CRY!

GO, BABY! GO!

MEN, TONIGHT
WHEN YOU GO HOME,

I WANT YOU TO BRUSH
YOUR LITTLE TEETH.

I WANT YOU TO WASH
YOUR LITTLE FACES

AND DREAM THE SWEET DREAMS
OF FOOTBALL GLORY.

'CAUSE TOMORROW,

WE'RE CRUSHING THE LITTLE
GIANTS INTO SMITHEREENS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, MEN?

YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH!

YEAH!

GUESS WHO?

WHO?

ME.

HEY, JUNIOR.

HEY. EW,
THAT'S DISGUSTING.

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO SWALLOW EACH OTHER'S HEADS.

THEY'RE DOING IT WRONG.

YOU HAVE TO MOVE
YOUR HEAD DRAMATICALLY,

LIKE KEVIN COSTNER DID
IN ROBIN HOOD, LIKE THIS.

NO. IN MOVIES, THEY DO THAT CHICKEN-PECKING,
MOUTH HALF-OPEN THING,

LIKE THIS, "HEY, BABY."

NO.

UH-UH.

CHECK THIS OUT.

MY COUSIN TOLD ME THAT HER AND
HER BOYFRIEND USE THEIR TONGUES.

EW, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

I KNOW. SPIT SWAPPERS.

YEAH. KIND OF LIKE THEM.

TONSIL HOCKEY.

HA HA HA.

YOU KNOW,
THE ONLY PROBLEM

WITH KISSING
YOUR OWN HAND IS...

WHAT?

IT DOESN'T KISS BACK.

YOU WANT TO LEARN
HOW TO KISS?

NO. WHY, DO YOU?

NO.
OOH, I JUST GOT THAT VOMIT TASTE IN MY MOUTH.

WE'LL HAVE TO LEARN
HOW EVENTUALLY

IF YOU WANT KIDS
AND A JOB.

YOU CAN HAVE KIDS
WITHOUT KISSING.

BUT YOU CAN'T GET A JOB.

WELL, I'LL
BECOME A TEACHER.

BUT WHAT IF YOU
WERE FORCED TO?

WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD TO
LEARN WITH A FRIEND?

YOU KNOW,
FOR SCIENTIFIC PURPOSES.

UHH.

NO WAY.

LOOK, IF I HAD
TO LEARN HOW TO KISS,

AND I MEAN
ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY

NO WAY OUT OF IT
NO MATTER WHAT,

I HAD TO LEARN
HOW TO KISS...

WELL, THEN I THINK I'D
WANT TO LEARN WITH...

LET ME GUESS.

DEBBIE.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT IF NOT HER,

DEFINITELY ANOTHER
CHEERLEADER

MAYBE.

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.

HEY, JUNIOR...

IF I WAS MORE
LIKE THOSE CHEERLEADERS,

YOU'D WANT
TO LEARN WITH ME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE COOL.
YOU'RE THE ICEBOX.

YOU'RE PROBABLY
THE ONLY GIRL I'VE MET

THAT CAN BEAT UP MY DAD.

HEH.

ANYWAYS,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

HEY.

HEY, UNCLE KEV.

IS, UH...

AUNT KAREN HOME?

COME ON IN, BUDDY.

NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU CAN'T.

THIS TEAM HAS COME TOO FAR
TO LOSE BY A LOUSY CALL.

WATCH THE GRABBING, ZEBRA.

THEY'RE GIVING HIM
THE BUSINESS OUT THERE.

WHAT? YOU'RE
THROWING ME OUT?

I'LL THROW YOU OUT.

I'LL THROW
YOUR MOTHER OUT.

HI, DAD.

HEY.

BYE, DAD.

WHAT DO YOU GOT,
A VICTORY CAKE?

HALF THAT TEAM'S
ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.

IT'S NOT A CAKE.

YOU CAN'T SNEAK AWAY

WITHOUT TELLING YOUR COACH
WHAT'S IN THE BOX.

IT'S NOTHING.

O.K. IF MY LITTLE FULLBACK
WANTS TO SURPRISE ME,

THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

LITTLE FULLBACK?

YOUR LITTLE
F

THAT'S ALL I AM TO YOU,
ISN'T IT?

YOUR LITTLE FULLBACK,

YOUR TICKET
TO BEATING KEVIN

AND WINNING
THE BIG GAME.

BECKY, WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT'S WRONG?
EVERYTHING'S WRONG.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT MOM
USED TO CALL ME?

HER LITTLE PRINCESS.

WHEN SHE TUCKED ME IN,
SHE'D GO,

"GOOD NIGHT,
LITTLE PRINCESS."

THEN SHE'D KISS ME
ON MY CHEEKS,

THEN PULL THE COVERS
ALL AROUND ME.

AND YOU REMEMBER THAT?

YEAH.

SHE WOULDN'T
LET ME PLAY FOOTBALL.

SHE WOULDN'T CALL ME HER LITTLE FULLBACK, EITHER.

BECKY, LOOK...

MOM'S NOT HERE ANYMORE.
SHE LEFT US.

SHE QUIT.

NO. SHE DIDN'T QUIT.

SHE JUST
FOUND A BETTER TEAM.

I'M NOT PLAYING
TOMORROW.

THIS WAS YOUR IDEA.

THIS GAME WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO YOU.

NO, DAD.

THIS GAME MEANS EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO YOU.

COME ON, DAD.

THROW IT IN HERE.

MM!

UH!

UH!

COME ON, FELLAS.
TOMORROW'S THE BIG ONE.

DON'T LET ME DOWN.

YOU WANT INTIMIDATION?

I'LL SHOW YOU
INTIMIDATION.

ARGH!

I'LL BE BACK
IN A FEW DAYS.

BE GOOD.

YOU GET
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP NOW.

AND DON'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT FOOTBALL.

I WON'T, DADDY.

3...

4...

5...

6...

7...

8...

I WANT TO PUMP...

YOU UP.

GOOD NIGHT, URBANIA,

AND A SPECIAL GOOD LUCK TO
ALL OF TOMORROW'S PLAYERS.

WELL, HELLO AGAIN,
EVERYBODY.

THIS IS CLIFF PARSON,
YOUR PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER.

WHAT A DAY IT IS.

WE'RE HERE
AT KEVIN O'SHEA STADIUM

LOCATED IN PASTORAL
URBANIA, OHIO,

SCENE OF WHAT'S
BECOME KNOWN AS

THE MANIA IN URBANIA.

YEAH, LET'S GO, GUYS!

SHAKE IT OUT.
FEEL GOOD?

GUYS, QUIET DOWN! HOLD IT.

FATHER KELLY
HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH

TO SAY A PRAYER
FOR OUR VICTORY TODAY.

YEAH!
YEAH!

PIPE DOWN!

ALL RIGHT.

QUIET DOWN
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

HEY! SHUT UP!

GO AHEAD, FATHER.

AS WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK

ON THIS JOURNEY
OF ATHLETIC COMPETITION,

WE PAUSE TO REFLECT...

GIANTS! GIANTS!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

WHAT THE HELL?

GIANTS!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

LET'S KILL 'EM!

THEY DON'T RESPECT YOU!

HEY, BRIGGS,
YOU BIG SNOT-BALL,

I'M GOING TO EAT YOU
FOR LUNCH!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.

GUYS, COOL IT.

ONE SEC, COACH.

PAGING SPIKE
THE PUTZ!

HOLD IT, SON.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THAT'S RIGHT, SPIKE!
THE ICEBOX IS GOING TO DEFROST YOU!

YOU'RE GETTING FIRED UP?

YEAH, THERE YOU GO, SON.

SAVE THAT RAGE
FOR THE FIELD.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH OF THAT.

RELAX, COACH.
WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE!

YEAH!
YEAH!

HI, GUYS.

BECKY?

I JUST CAME BY
TO WISH YOU GOOD LUCK

AND HAVE A GREAT GAME.

I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE O.K.

LET'S TALK
A LITTLE STRATEGY.

WITHOUT BECKY,
WE'RE GOING TO BE CREAM OF WHEAT.

WITHOUT ICEBOX,
SPIKE'S GOING TO RIP OFF MY FACE

AND WEAR IT ON HALLOWEEN.

I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY.
I'M GOING TO NEW MEXICO.

GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, WAIT.

I GOT SOMETHING
TO SHOW YOU.

WHAT?
WHAT IS IT?

DEATH SHROUDS.

IT'S GOT YOUR NAME
ON THE BACK.

SO THE GUYS AT THE MORGUE
CAN IDENTIFY THE BODIES.

ALL RIGHT! HOLD IT!

GENTLEMEN...

THIS AIN'T JUST
A FOOTBALL...

IT'S OUR LIVES!

SHOW 'EM WHAT YOU HAVE!

WHOA! HERE COME
THE COWBOYS!

LET'S GO, GUYS.
COME ON.

O.K.? HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT!

O.K., REMEMBER, GUYS.

THIS IS JUST A FOOTBALL.

JUST AIR AND PIG INTESTINES.

EW!
EW!

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

LET'S GO.

I CAN'T SEE
WITH THIS THING ON!

UH!

IS THIS ON?

IS THIS--

GREAT TO SEE YOU, FOLKS.
WELCOME TO THE PARK.

TODAY, KEVIN'S
PEE-WEE COWBOYS

WILL TEST THEIR
MINIMUSCLES

AGAINST DANNY'S
LITTLE GIANTS.

LITTLE GIANTS.

NICE TOUCH.

I THOUGHT
YOU'D LIKE THAT.

KEVIN,
YOU CALL IT.

HEADS.

HOW COME HE CALLS IT?

WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?

YOU KICK OFF,
WE RAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.

WE KICK OFF,
WE TAKE IT FROM YOU

THEN RAM IT DOWN
YOUR THROAT.

YOU'VE BEEN BOSSING ME AROUND SINCE WE WERE KIDS.

YOU DON'T ASK FOR THINGS.
YOU TAKE THEM.

LIKE YOU TOOK MY TICKET
TO THAT WORLD'S SERIES?

GUYS, CUT IT OUT.
YOU'RE BROTHERS.

NOT BY CHOICE.

I DON'T HAVE
TO TAKE THAT

FROM A GUY WHO SUNK
HIS LAST DIME

INTO A GAS STATION.

IT'S BEEN SERVICING THIS COMMUNITY FOR OVER 40 YEARS.

IT'S A LANDMARK.

OUGHT TO BE A LANDFILL.

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT LOYALTY,

ANYTHING ABOUT HEART.

I WOULD PUT THAT
GAS STATION

AGAINST ANY BUSINESS
IN THIS TOWN.

YOU SURE?

YES, I AM.

O.K., FINE.

O.K., FINE.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

MY CAR DEALERSHIP AGAINST YOUR GAS STATION.

WINNER OF THIS
TAKES IT ALL.

YOU'RE ON.
FINE.

I'LL LET YOU CALL IT.
OPEN YOUR FIST.

HEADS.

TAILS. HA HA.

THIS WILL BE THE LONGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

WHAT AM I DOING?

COWBOYS, COWBOYS!

WIN! WIN! WIN!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

HELP US, GOD!

LET'S MAKE
SOMETHING HAPPEN.

GIANTS KICKING OFF.
THEY'LL BE DEFENDING THE WESTERN GOAL

TO MY RIGHT, YOUR LEFT,
AS YOU'RE LISTENING.

OOH.
OOH.

OOH.
OOH.

GO!

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
ALL RIGHT.

KICKING'S THE KEY
TO THIS GAME.

UH!

SOMEBODY'S HOLDING A POUND
OF AUNT BETTY'S NUT BUTTER.

THAT'S A LIVE BALL!
THE COWBOYS RECOVER.

YEAH!
LIVE BALL!

THAT WAS EASY.
HA HA HA.

"I" FORMATION, RIGHT.
32 DIAMOND ON GO.

READY, BREAK!

WHEN I GET FINISHED
WITH YOU,

YOU'LL BE FARTING
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH,

TALKING OUT OF YOUR BUTT.

IS THAT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE?

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

OH!

THAT'S MY BOY!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I THINK SO.

HUH. I GUESS
IT IS POSSIBLE.

GO!

WAY TO HOLD HIM.

DEAD MEAT.

GO!

AAH!

OHH!

TOUCHDOWN! COWBOYS.

WHOO!

YEAH!

REF, THIS ISN'T
AMERICAN GLADIATORS.

THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT.

NO PENALTY.
NO PENALTY.

DID I PASS
THE SPELLING TEST,

MRS. GREELY?

WOW. SPIKE KNOCKED HIM

ALL THE WAY BACK
TO SECOND GRADE.

YAY!

O.K., GUYS, THREE
LITTLE PIGS ON GO.

WAIT. WHAT'S
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS?

HERE.

O.K. WE'RE LINED UP
STRONG LEFT.

ZOLTECK, WATCH MURPHY
COMING THROUGH THE HOLE.

READY? BREAK!

DOWN!

SET?

GO!

UGH! UGH!

BLOW THE WHISTLE!
BLOW THE WHISTLE!

BLOW THE WHISTLE!

BLOW--BLOW IT!
BLOW IT!

TAD! TAD, YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY.

BLOW THE WHISTLE!
COME ON! BLOW THE WHISTLE!

BLOW IT!

OHH.

HA HA HA!

ALL RIGHT!

DOWN!

SET!

HUH!

HUT!

I SHOULD HAVE GONE
TO SUMMER SCHOOL.

HAAAA!

HAN, I WANT YOU
TO RUN A BEAR TRAP CURL

AND TRY TO CATCH
THE BALL.

NO PROBLEM.

O.K., GUYS, ON TWO.

READY?

BREAK! BREAK!

UH-OH.

DOWN!

HUT!

GO!

GO! GO!

UH!

HEY, HOT HANDS,

YOU'RE THE BEST PLAYER
ON OUR TEAM.

READY? BREAK!

I'M GONNA RIP
YOUR HEAD OFF.

DOWN!

SET!

GO! GO!

GO!

GRR!

HAMMERSMITH DIVES ON THE BALL
IN THE END ZONE.

TOUCHDOWN COWBOYS!

I CAN'T SEE
WITH THIS THING ON.

THAT'S THE END
OF YOUR FIRST HALF

WITH THE SCORE COWBOYS-21,
GIANTS-NOTHING.

I'M NOT FINISHED
WITH YOU, ZOLTFART.

HAVE A NICE HALF-TIME,
GIRLS.

IS MY SPINE STICKING OUT
THROUGH MY UNIFORM?

IT'S HARD TO TELL.

I'VE LOST FEELING
IN THE BACK OF MY LEG.

MAYBE IT'S ASLEEP.

NOBODY WAKE IT.

HANON, CALL 911.

I CAN'T. MY FINGERS
ARE STUCK TOGETHER.

HEY, DANNY, THIS THING'S
GONE FAR ENOUGH.

LET'S CALL IT OFF, HUH?

IT'S NOT OVER.

YOU'RE SURE?

IT'S HALF-TIME.

O.K., KID.

THERE'LL ALWAYS BE
A JOB FOR YOU

AT THE
FULL SERVICE PUMPS.

O.K., GUYS, LISTEN UP.

WE STILL GOT
A SHOT OUT THERE.

COUPLE THINGS
GO DIFFERENTLY FOR US,

WE'RE IN IT.

WE REALLY CREAMED THEM
BY SHOWING UP.

WE QUIT.

CALL US IF YOU DECIDE
TO COACH SOFTBALL.

WHAT ABOUT
THE SECOND HALF?

TELL THEM WE CAN'T
COME OUT.

YEAH.

PUT US
ON THE INJURED LIST.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW.

WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

I PUT MYSELF
ON THE INJURED LIST.

I NEVER GOT OFF.

WHY?

'CAUSE I DIDN'T
GET PICKED A FEW TIMES,

SO I STARTED HIDING
UNDER THE BLEACHERS.

THAT'S WHERE
WE BELONG,

UNDER THE BLEACHERS.

NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU GUYS BELONG
OUT THERE WITH THOSE COWBOYS.

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW?

BECAUSE I BELONG OUT THERE
WITH MY BROTHER.

COACH, YOU COULD NEVER BEAT KEVIN O'SHEA

AT ANYTHING.

NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I DID BEAT HIM ONCE.

WHEN?

WHEN WE WERE KIDS.

WE USED TO RACE OUR BIKES

DOWN CHERRY HILL
AFTER SCHOOL.

WE RACED EVERY DAY,
AND HE ALWAYS WON,

BUT ONE TIME,
I BEAT HIM.

YOU BEAT KEVIN
DOWN CHERRY HILL?

YES, I DID.

HE ATE MY DUST.

BIG DEAL.

ONE TIME.

YOU KNOW,
ONE TIME AT RANDY COOPER'S SWIM PARTY,

I DID A BACK FLIP
OFF THE HIGH DIVE,

AND MY BROTHER
CHICKENED OUT.

ROGER CHICKENED OUT?
HE'S A MARINE.

OH, THAT'S NOTHING.

ONE TIME, IN SPRING
CARNIVAL,

I BEAT BOTH MY BROTHERS
IN THE COW DUNG TOSS.

YOU BEAT MATT AND BRAD
IN THE TURD TOSS?

ONE TIME I WENT FISHING
WITH MY ENTIRE FAMILY,

AND I WAS THE ONLY
ONE THAT DIDN'T THROW UP.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE US GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYERS.

WHO SAID YOU HAD
TO BE GOOD TO PLAY FOOTBALL?

YOU PLAY FOOTBALL
'CAUSE YOU WANT TO,

AND 'CAUSE IT'S FUN.

YOU PLAY FOOTBALL
SO YOU CAN PRETEND

YOU'RE JOE MONTANA
THROWING A TOUCHDOWN PASS

OR EMMITT SMITH
GOING FOR A LONG RUN.

EVEN IF THOSE COWBOYS
ARE BETTER THAN YOU GUYS,

EVEN IF THEY BEAT YOU
99 TIMES OUT OF 100,

THAT STILL LEAVES--

ONE TIME.

ONE TIME.

YEAH. ONE TIME.

YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH!

WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO!

STOP! WHO ARE WE?

THE GIANTS!

I JUST TOLD THE MAYOR
YOU FORFEITED.

WELL, YOU BETTER TELL
THE MAYOR

NOT TO BET ON THE COWBOYS
IN THE SECOND HALF.

YOU FORGET
THAT'S MY FIELD.

YEAH, WELL,
WE GOT THE BALL.

COME ON!

ALL RIGHT!

WHOA!

UGH!

O.K., GUYS,
HERE WE GO!

GO, SPIKE! ALL RIGHT!

LET'S HIT SOMEBODY.

BREAK!

GRR!

THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOU IN A BODY BAG.

PREPARE TO EAT GRASS.

PIG BREATH, YOU'RE
IN BIG TROUBLE.

HOW COME?

'CAUSE FOOTBALL'S
80 % MENTAL,

AND 40 % PHYSICAL.

WHAT?

GO!

GRR!

YEAH!

HEY, GUYS, LOOK!

2nd AND 9.

THEY GAINED
A YARD!

YEAH!

WE GOT ONE YARD!

ONE YARD.

DON'T MEAN NOTHING.

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

HUH!

FLEA-FLICKER TO FLOYD.
HE'S GOT ROOM UP THE SIDELINE.

1st DOWN GIANTS,

ON THEIR LONGEST GAIN
OF THE AFTERNOON.

WHAT THE HELL
KIND OF DEFENSE IS THAT?

ALL RIGHT! GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT STUFF!

GIANTS! GIANTS!
1st AND 10!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

GUYS, LISTEN UP.
WHAT WOULD BE THE LAST THING

THEY'D EXPECT US
TO DO?

A REVERSE
TO ME?

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

I'M GONNA DIE.
I'M GONNA DIE.

COME ON, TAD!

I'M GONNA DIE!

TAD! GO! GO!
RUN OUT OF BOUNDS!

GRR!

YIKES!

TAD! RUN!

HUH?

AAH!

GO!

GO!

WE SCORED!

WE SCORED A TOUCHDOWN!

TOUCHDOWN, GIANTS!

YEAH!

OH, MY GOD! MY SON
SCORED A TOUCHDOWN.

ALL RIGHT!

YEAH!

WHOO!

YEAH!

AAH!

YEAH!

DOWN.

SET.

GO!

YES.

I'VE DONE IT.

YEAH! YEAH!

WE'RE NOT TAKING
ANY CHANCES.

EITHER YOU TAKE JUNIOR FLOYD OUT OF THIS GAME,

OR YOU'LL BE DONATING
A KIDNEY TO AUNT RUTH.

YES, SIR!

O.K. GET GOING.

UGH!

GRR!

BOO!

PERSONAL FOUL.
NUMBER 32. WHITE.

ARE YOU CRAZY?
WHAT KIND OF CALL IS THAT?

THAT WASN'T NICE,
YOU BIG BULLY.

IF YOUR KID PULLS
ANOTHER STUNT LIKE THAT,

YOU'RE BOTH OUT
OF HERE.

HEY, I THOUGHT
YOU WANTED TO WIN.

NOT LIKE THAT.

HI.

SURE YOU WANT
TO DO THIS, BECKY?

CALL ME ICEBOX.

HEY, ICEBOX,
KICK SOME BUTT.

CALL ME BECKY.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT'S THAT CHEERLEADER
DOING WITH THE HELMET ON?

THAT'S MY NIECE BECKY.
AND SHE'S PISSED.

BREAK!

KEEP CLEAR, ICE CHEST.

OR I'LL HAVE TO MESS UP
YOUR FACE.

DOWN, 56!

DOWN, 56!

DOWN, 56!

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

WHAT A HIT BY BECKY O'SHEA.

THE BALL IS LOOSE.
HANON COVERS IT UP TIGHT.

YES!

ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S MY GIRL!

YEAH!

OW.

NO!

LET IT GO, MAN.

I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

I GOT IT! HA HA!

ZOLTECK! COME HERE!

YOU RANG?

ALL RIGHT.
CHICKEN LITTLE FLEA-FLICKER ON 2.

TAKE IT IN.

O.K. CHICKEN LITTLE
FLEA-FLICKER ON 2.

WHAT'S THAT?

A PITCH TO JOHNNY.

A PITCH TO JOHNNY?

YOU CAN'T PITCH
TO JOHNNY.

I'M JOHNNY!

ZOLTECK, HE'S GONNA NEED SOME RUNNING ROOM.

GOTCHA.

BREAK!
BREAK!

EXCUSE ME, GUYS!
GUYS, COME ON!

EXCUSE ME.

MAYBE YOU CAN
HELP ME.

I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER
WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH.

HOW CAN WE DO THAT?

BY TAKING A WHIFF
OF THIS.

HUT 2!

NOW WHAT?

JUST RUN TO HIM.

DAD?

DAD!

DAD!

DAD!

DAD!

DAD!

TOUCHDOWN!

THE GIANTS DEFICIT
IS CUT IN HALF

ON A BRILLIANT PIECE OF
RUNNING BY JOHNNY VENNARO.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. LINE UP.

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

CLEAR IT UP.
LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
LET'S GO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
FOUR

OW!

WANT YOUR MAMA?

DON'T BE TALKING
ABOUT MY MAMA.

WATCHING JAKE
PLAY FOOTBALL

HAS REALLY BEEN GREAT FOR MY FAMILY.

YEAH.

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

RIP THEIR FILTHY HEADS OFF, JAKESTER!

WOO, WOO, WOO,
WOO, WOO, YES!

YES!

I USE THESE
FOR ACID INDIGESTION.

SO WHAT ARE WE
GONNA USE THESE FOR?

INTIMIDATION.

GRRR! GRRR!

BREAK!

GRRR...

GRR...

GRR...

GRRR...

GO!

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

YOU'RE GONNA PLAY
OR WHAT?

O.K.
I'VE GOT THE PLAY.

SILVER STREAK
TO HANON ON 2.

ARE YOU SURE?

READY?

BREAK! BREAK!

OH, CRUD.

COME ON. COME ON.

SET!

GO!

PASS! PASS! PASS!

YEAH! THAT'S MY BOY!

YEAH!

ALL RIGHT, HANON!
YEAH!

TOUCHDOWN!

IT'S THE WRONG DEFENSE!
I DIDN'T CALL THE BLITZ.

SO, WITH 1:45 LEFT
AND THE SCORE TIED 21-21,

IT LOOKS LIKE MR. MO-MENTUM
MAY BE CHANGING ITS ADDRESS.

ALL RIGHT, MEN,
LET'S GO.

DOWN!

SET!

GO!

GET OFF!
YOU'RE MINE!

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

GOOD!

WITH LESS THAN
A MINUTE TO PLAY,

THE COWBOYS ARE HEADING
FOR THAT END ZONE.

SET! GO!

THEY'RE DONE, BABY!

EASY!
WHOO!

ONE MORE!
EASY!

COME HERE, SON. 38 TOSS.
YOU UNDERSTAND?

38 TOSS.

DANNY, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AT SUTTERVILLE?

THE ONE WHERE KEVIN SCORED
THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN?

TIME OUT.

THE GIANTS HAVE CALLED
A TIME OUT,

WITH 10 SECONDS LEFT

AND THE BALL
ON THE 1-YARD LINE.

HUDDLE UP!

LOOK, NO ONE THOUGHT
WE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR,

BUT NOW IT'S TIME
TO REALLY DIG IN.

THEY'RE GONNA GIVE
THE BALL TO SPIKE.

WE'VE GOTTA STOP HIM.

HE'S TOO STRONG.

WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER.

READY?

BREAK! BREAK!

HOLD THAT LINE!
HOLD THAT LINE!

DOWN!

SHIFT!

HOLD THAT LINE!
HOLD THAT LINE!

THEY KNOW THE PLAY.

THEY KNOW THE PLAY!

DOWN!

GO!

TURN IT UP!

YES! WE'RE IN!
TOUCHDOWN! YEAH!

HE WAS OVER!
NO, WE STOPPED HIM.

HE WAS IN.
NO WAY.

MOVE IT BACK.

EVERYBODY OFF THE BALL.

MOVE BACK.

GIANTS' BALL!

NO! NO!

GIANTS' BALL!

YEAH! YEAH!

TOLD YA.

TIME OUT.

YOU DID IT.
YOU STOPPED HIM.

I'M REAL PROUD OF YOU.

COACH, THERE'S STILL
4 SECONDS LEFT.

WE CAN BEAT THESE GUYS.

YEAH!
YEAH!

PUT ME IN.
I WANNA KICK SOME BUTT!

NUBE, WHAT KIND OF PLAY YOU GOT FOR THIS SITUATION?

HOW ABOUT "THE ANNEXATION
OF PUERTO RICO?"

WITH 4 SECONDS LEFT,
THE GIANTS GET SET

FOR WHAT FIGURES TO BE
THE FINAL PLAY OF THE GAME.

READY?

ONE TIME.
ONE TIME.

READY?
BREAK!

YOU'RE MINE, POMPOM.

ALL RIGHT!
ONE MORE PLAY, BABY!

WATCH THE WINGMAN.

DOWN!

DON'T LET ANYBODY
BEHIND YA!

SET!

HOO!

GRRR!

GO!

REVERSE! REVERSE!

SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE BALL.
FUMBLEROOSKI! FUMBLEROOSKI!

YEAH! NO MERCY!

NO BALL.

YAA!

GET HIM!

HE'S GOT THE BALL!

I GOT IT.

I GOT IT!

COME ON!
COME ON!

I'M GONNA SCORE
A TOUCHDOWN!

I'M GONNA SCORE
A TOUCHDOWN!

OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YEAH!

HA HA HA!

WE WON!
WE WON!

WE DID IT!
WE WON!

WE DID IT!
WE WON!

WE WON! WE WON!

WE DONE IT! WE DONE IT!

WE WON! WE WON!
WE WON! WE WON!

WE WON! HA HA!

PATTY FLOYD...

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D BE
INTERESTED IN HAVING DINNER WITH ME.

FINE, IF YOU'D LIKE
TO THINK ABOUT IT.

GET A GRIP, DAD.

WHOO! YEAH!
OH, YEAH!

YES!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

GIANTS! GIANTS!

CONGRATULATIONS,
DANNY.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
THE NEW HEAD COACH.

IF YOU'RE STILL PISSED
AT ME, DON'T BE.

IF I WASN'T TOUGH ON
YOU WHEN WE WERE KIDS,

YOU NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN
ABLE TO BEAT ME TODAY.

O.K. LISTEN, MY GUYS
ARE WONDERING--

IF THEY CAN TAR
AND FEATHER ME?

NO. THEY WONDERING IF YOUR TEAM WANTS
TO JOIN UP WITH THE LITTLE GIANTS.

ONE TOWN, ONE TEAM?

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL MY BOYS.

IS THERE SUCH THING
AS HAVING TWO HEAD COACHES?

NO.

IN CASE THE HEAD COACH DOESN'T KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT FOOTBALL

AS THE OTHER COACH?

LET ME THINK ABOUT IT,
ALL RIGHT?

DEAL.

DANNY.
THAT STUPID BET WE MADE,

YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ME
TO IT, ARE YOU?

KEVIN,

WOULD I THROW MY OWN
BROTHER OUT ON THE STREET?

NO.

THERE'S ALWAYS
GONNA BE A JOB FOR YOU

AT DANNY O'SHEA'S CHEVROLET.

I'LL START YOU
ON COMMISSION--

COME ON! DANNY, LOOK,

THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMEWAY
WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WELL, THERE IS ONE THING.

WHAT?