Literally, Right Before Aaron (2017) - full transcript

- Hello?
- - Adam?

- Allison?
- - Hey!

What are you doing, dummy?

I'm, uh, I'm getting married.

- You're getting what?
- - Uh, married.

Adam?

- Did I lose you?
- Uh...

I mean is this too weird?

It's not too weird, it's not
weird, it's fine. It's good,

it's good. I mean, it's a
little weird, but, you know,

- I'm okay. Uh, wow. Whoa.
- And I want you to be



there if you want to come.

I'd like you to come to
the rehearsal dinner...

I don't know about coming to the rehearsal
dinner, that might be a little weird.

That might be a
little weird, but, you know I'm,

I'm gonna be at your wedding
so you have to come to mine.

Right. Yeah. Look, I don't
want you to hate me.

I don't, I don't hate you.

Well then, come to my
wedding. Like I said I'm going

- to come to yours.
- Okay.

When it happens.

I'm, yeah, I'd like to be there.

Really?

Mhm.

That's great.



Oh my god, you
haven't even met him.

I did meet him actually.

Wait you met him? Yeah I met him last year
at that Christmas thing at

your sister's house. Right
yeah I forgot that you,

yeah you, he's a nice guy.

What was that? He, he's
really, a really nice guy,

you, you're gonna like him.

He seems great.

Yeah okay. No no no, I'm serious, I
mean that. He, he seems good.

I mean, he, he's
good, he's a good guy.

I, I just don't
want you to feel...

- Feel what?
- - I don't know. I

don't know. Never mind.
I'm glad you're coming.

Me too.

Are you sure you're okay?

Whoa.

- That's so funny!
- - Really great.

Who's the editor?

Who's the editor?

Oh, hi, oh, what?

Oh, what, what is it?

Edmonton?

- Adam.
- Adam, great stuff!

I've got my eye on you. I
love the choice of music.

Oh that, actually
that wasn't my choice.

Oh yeah that was, that was mine.

Oh, so you're the genius.

- Great job, Alan.
- Thanks man.

- Great job Alan.
- Thank you.

Great job. How's our mannequin bird
segment coming along?

It's, I'm still cutting it,
looking good but it's not

quite done yet, a little bit...

Don't dick me around, guy.

We're on a strict deadline.

Nature talks with Orson
Schwartzman waits for no man.

Yes Mr. Schwartzman.

When nature talks, you listen.

- Okay.
- Are you listening?

Um, yes.

Good.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Wanna get fucked up tonight?

Ah, I can't, I got,
I got stuff to do.

Oh, what kind of stuff?

It's like, errands
and, and dinner, and...

You okay?

What? Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah!

Okay!

That was believable. Good!

See you later.

The male red capped
mannequin bird.

Mannequin of course
derives from the Dutch

word meaning 'little man'.

The females of the species

are very picky so the
males employ a peculiar

sort of dance to impress them.

Because mammals stand a
better chance paired, or

in groups, than alone.

Their very survival
depends upon their ability

to find a partner and mate.

How long she known this guy?

A year! Or something.

- A year? A year?
- Yeah. I know. I know.

It's so sudden. Who is this guy?

Aaron.

- Aaron?
- Aaron.

Aaron.

Aaron.

- Why do you keep whispering it?
- Mark, you're up!

Listen, let me fix this for
you. This, this is real easy.

Come on, ready, don't
go. Just don't go.

- Don't go, buddy.
- Ah, I told...

What are you guys talking about?

Girl stuff?

Come on - gah!

Suck my dick, pins!

This place sucks!

Alright, it's you.

I think I broke Adam.

He's fine.

Dude.

We're at a bowling alley, bowl.

- Hey. Bowl.
- I can't.

Hey, if you're not playing,
you just look like a child

- molester wearing those shoes.
- What?

Doesn't matter. You get a ball!

You pick it up and
and give it a roll!

- I'm going home.
- Listen to me.

I'm going home, I don't wanna...

Hey! Hey! Shh, hey!

You get up there and you
bowl a strike right now,

you prove to yourself that
you're gonna beat this,

that you're gonna
be okay without her!

Because you're Adam!

You bowl strikes!

Dude, just bowl.

You're being a douche.

Okay.

It's just, it's just bowling.

Don't worry about it.

Adam!

Adam.

- Hi!
- Hey!

- Hi, ah, you look great.
- It's good to see you.

Yeah. I'm starving!
- Good!

This place is amazing! It's always booked,
how did you get these reservations?

I had to kill a guy.
Yeah. It was pretty easy.

No, no I called weeks
ago because I knew you

wanted to try it.
That's why I'm the best

- boyfriend in the world.
- So sweet! You are.

I've just been so tired
at work lately, I have to

stop staying up so late.

Which is partly
your fault, mister.

Babe are you okay?

Yeah! Yeah.

You just seem preoccupied to me.

I do? No, that's
weird, uh... hm.

I don't know, maybe work
stuff, I don't know.

Everything okay?

You ever think about marriage?

In, in general? Or...

I mean like...

Marrying me. You ever...?

I'm, I have thought about
that, you know, my friends and

I, we talk about
that stuff, why?

No but I mean,
specifically, to me.

Right.

You ever...? Am I, am I?

Are you what? Are,
what are you saying?

- Nothing, I'm sorry.
- I don't know what's happening.

No no no, I know, I'm just
thinking, thinking out loud.

Okay.

Hey, listen, happy anniversary.

- Happy anniversary.
We did it, I'm proud of us.

- Yeah. We're doing a good job.
- I think so.

- I think we are.
- Yeah.

I think we should get married.

- What?
- What?

- Yeah or no? What? Did you say we sh -
what are you saying?

Yeah! I think we
should get married!

Are you cra - what
are you talking about?

- Is that crazy?
- Yes that's crazy!

Okay, well I know that sounds
crazy but just hear me out.

You're happy aren't you?

- Yeah I'm happy, yeah.
- Okay, alright.

Well what else is there? Really?

I mean people overcomplicate these things but
that's really, at its essence, that's what it is!

Right? We make each other happy!

We have the same...
Favorite movie.

Yeah.

We don't sit there on
our things and post how

much fun we're having,
we really have fun!

Yeah, no, you never
post pictures of me.

No! I think that's great.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Okay. I love you, you love me.

- Yeah...
- Let's just do it!

What are we so afraid of? I mean I don't
know if it's being afraid I think

- it's just being responsible.
You're in your head!

You're thinking. And I've
been thinking too much too.

- Get out of our heads!
- I can't believe we're

- talking about this!
- I know, I can't either!

- I just, okay.
- Shake it!

I think that we have
a good thing going.

Agreed.

Don't you think maybe
we should just,

- just what?
- Like, let it do its thing

- and see where it goes?
- No, no, no, I'm tired of

doing that. I don't want
to let it do its thing,

I don't want to think about
down the line, I want to think

about the now. I don't wanna
think! I just wanna do it!

I wanna do the now, I
want to be in the now,

and in the now, I
want to marry you!

Are you serious?

Julie, don't I look serious?

You do look pretty serious.

I just, it just hit me.
Why are we not doing this?

- Oh my god.
- Everyone around us is doing

it. And they don't have
nearly what we have.

Yeah! Yeah.

What do you think?

Oh my god.

Oh my god I'm sorry I just
don't I didn't - I don't,

I don't know exactly what
to say, because this,

- take your time!
- It feels like it's insane.

Yeah, it is.

Honey I didn't know
you felt that way.

Don't, you know, take,
as long as you need!

No I don't need time!

This sounds insane but I
think, maybe, oh my god,

- I think maybe...
- We should break up.

- What?
- I think we should break up.

And I know that seems
psychotic, I'm so sorry.

- Are you joking?
- No.

- This is a joke.
- No, uh.

As soon as I said it out
loud I started to panic

and it didn't feel
right, I'm so sorry.

What's wrong with you? I don't know, I
don't know, I'm just, um, I'm spinning out

a little bit and I'm not sure
what I'm saying but I do know

concretely that we should
not get married, I just

don't think this is working.

You don't...? God I'm so sorry.
You don't think this is working?

You just asked me to marry you.

I know, it felt right in
the moment, but as soon as

it was out in the ether, I got
really scared to live in that world.

- But why would you...?
- I don't know, I don't know,

I just can't see myself
waking up to your face

every morning, you know
for the rest of my life!

I mean, that sounds,
urgh! No offense, not your

face, not your face!
You have a great face,

a much better face
than I do, by the way,

- I should be so lucky!
- I know!

Your face is great, it's what's behind it that
I don't think I can live with for a long time.

- Oh my god.
- I mean, a couple months,

we don't have to break up,
I don't know what I'm talking

about, forget it, forget
it, what are you ordering,

what are you getting? I
just don't think I can...

You are an asshole.

An ass hole!

Wait wait wait, Julie!
Hold up, wait wait wait!

Congratulations,
you're gonna die alone!

Hi I...

I'm gonna look...

- Hi.
- Hi.

How can I help you? Oh, I
just need a room, please.

Okay is it just you
or anyone else... no?

- No it's just me.
- Wife? Girlfriend?

- Just me.
- Husband, friend, anything?

It's just me.

- Oh, hm, ah. Just one?
- Mhm.

- Staying in the room?
- Yeah.

Okay.

And would you like a
second key? For any

visitors, or friends, you know?

No, no just one's fine. Thanks.

Room for one.

Thank you, rah..

- Rohan.
- Sorry. Thanks.

Tsk.

Hello?

These long tailed
mannequin males will

actually compete with each
other for the attention of

the female and of course,
the right to mate.

The dominant male will
always attract the female

over the weaker males,
this is the law of the

jungle, and the natural
order of life! And love.

Adam?

- Hey.
- Holy shit.

- Greg!
- Yeah! I know.

- Oh my god.
- Right! Long time.

- Yeah long time no see.
- From, uh...

- Since college!
- College!

Yeah, man! Old
school, I like it!

This is great man, what
are you doing up here?

Ah well just in town
visiting friends.

Friends and family.

Mainly family.

Huh. You should
have called me, man.

I know, I thought about
it but then, um...

Hey, did you hear about Allison?

Uh...

Allison...?

Allison George, your
girlfriend of eight years?

Oh, right. Sure, yeah,
Allison. No, uh, what's up?

Allison George is
getting married.

Wow really? Great for her.

It's crazy man, you guys
were together forever!

Yeah. You guys were inseparable,
do you remember that?

It was like, I thought
you guys were never,

ever, ever gonna break
up and then you did.

- Well, yeah.
- Do you remember that?

- When you guys broke up?
- Yeah, no.

Seriously you guys had
everything, do you

remember that? Yeah well, it was
a long time ago.

Not that long ago.

It was pretty long ago.

A year and a half.

Ish.

Closer to two.

A year and a half.

It was like two.
About two years.

- I'm sure it's closer to a year and a half.
- I don't know how

- you're so sure of that.
- Because I remember it,

- it was really devastating.
- I didn't even

remember her name
when you said it, so,

you had to jog my memory, so...

So what are you reading?

Nothing, it's, I
was just looking at,

I don't even know how,
I was just browsing.

I'll talk to you later man.

Yeah, okay.

Sorry.

- Excuse me... what?
- Sorry.

- Hm. What?
- What?

Oh I thought you said something.

- I...
- What?

Um... that reminds
me, do you wanna -?

Do you wanna get
a coffee sometime?

Uh, um.

Or like a water, or
a juice? Something

- like a, whatever you...
- No, um, I'm reading my book.

- Oh, okay.
- So maybe another time.

Is that?

Oh, of mice and men,
that's a good one.

I could just, I could
tell you how it ends.

Excuse me? Yeah I could tell you
how it ends. How it...

Lenny, he dies, he
dies. Lenny dies.

George shoots him in
the back of the head.

What? Because he's the only one
that really understands him.

It's really beautiful, but it's

heartbreaking.

Are you serious?

Yeah, seriously.
That's how it ends.

No, are you serious, are
you serious right now?

With this?

Yeah I just said I was.

You ruined this for me.
You just ruined this

book for me. I was just,

I just started reading
this book and...

Oh, well I saved you like,

what page are you on,
I saved you, like,

- a hundred and eighty pages.
- What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Who hasn't read of mice and men?

That's crazy.

- I, I,
- it's a classic.

I know, that is why, that
is why I'm reading it.

Well you should
have read it by now.

It's not my fault
you're a slow reader.

You know she hasn't
read of mice and men?

I know. Look, I'm not a
slow reader, okay?

- I just haven't...
- In fact I'm saving you from

the humiliation of having
to tell your friends and

family that you haven't
read a timeless masterpiece.

A timeless masterpiece
that you just ruined.

Do you have time
for a coffee now?

You know I can't tell if
you're charming or if

you're just an asshole.

Charming.

Charming, I hope. I'm
sorry, you're right.

That was rude.

Because it is a great book.

I'm sorry, I'm
just, I just really

want you to go out with me.

Okay so let me get this
straight, in return for,

um, ruining this perfectly
good, brand new reading

experience for me,
I should reward

you by going out with you?

Two things, it shouldn't
be brand new, we've

established that, it's
been out for a long time,

and I think it might be
more fun than reading

alone in a library.

And how would you know?

Well because a books not
gonna have sex with you

and I want to, very badly.

Oh my god.

I know this sounds crazy
but I think I love you.

I just think I'm in love
with you, and I know that

sounds crazy, and I
know, I know, okay,

what, are you gonna, what?

What is... what?

- I do.
- You don't even know me.

I know, and that's why I
want to share a cup of

coffee with you because I
think it's weird, too, that I

should love somebody that
I don't even really know.

So I thought, we'll go get
coffee, I'll ask you where

- you're from.
- Okay.

Get to know each other,

- and then, um,
- okay.

You see where I'm
going with this?

- Okay.
- Okay? Really?

That worked?

You must have a screw loose.

- Kid, who are you?
- I'm Adam.

- Hey man. I know, I know,
- ah! Jesus!

It scared me too, I almost
forgot to give you my card.

- Thank god you didn't forget.
- Uh, yeah. No, I didn't.

That's got my website on
there, okay, my Facebook,

- Linkedin's on there,
- I just need one.

No you could use all of them,
and then there's email, too

- that's right on there.
- Okay well I'll email you then.

Okay good if you ever need to talk.
Yeah.

I'll email you and I look
forward to emailing you.

Yeah but if you
ever need to talk.

Yeah I'll, I got it.

Yeah, man.

If you need to.

Okay.

- I'm still... crazy!
- Greg... Hamilton.

Hey!

Email me.

What?

- Email me. I don't know what that means.
- Email me!

Oh! Okay, oh yeah.

- Adam?
- Hey! You knew it was me.

Yes it was in my phone.

Oh right duh.

- What are you, uh...?
- Uh, I am here.

I'm here. What? Oh my god why
didn't you tell me?

Well, I am telling
you, you dum-dum.

Well, listen, this is
crazy but we're having this

dinner party tonight.

Yeah. And, I don't know,
maybe you want to come?

No but seriously, you two.
You two, if there are two

people in the whole world
that should actually be

getting married, they're
right here, it's you two.

I actually remember
when you guys met.

Aaron said, 'David, this
is the first girl I can

actually see myself
marrying.' And I was, I

actually tried to
talk you out of it

so I could ask
Allison out. I did!

Because she's, look at her! Who wouldn't
want to marry her instantly! You would be

- crazy not to marry her!
- - Down boy.

If it doesn't work out,
I'm waiting in the wings.

Text me, call me.

Whatever you need to do.

No but seriously, you guys
are actually fashioned for

each other, you were made
for one another. And I do

not know a more
intelligent, graceful

couple than you guys.

And they say that marriage
is hard work, right, that's

the thing, marriage is
hard work, but I'm not

really worried about
you guys, because

- you guys make sense.
- Thanks, Dave.

And that's a beautiful thing,
so let's drink to them!

Cheers to you guys I love
you, I love you, you, you,

and you're fine too.

Let's get really
drunk and be happy.

Mazel tov.

Can I kiss you? I've been wanting to
kiss her all night.

Are you friends with Aaron?

Allison actually.

Oh, how do you guys
know each other?

Adam and Allison used to go out.

Oh really?

Yeah.

When was that?

Literally, right before Aaron.

Oh.

- You're Adam, huh?
- Yeah.

I'm Lee, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
- Cheers.

I'm sorry.

Did she ask you to
come to this dinner?

- She, she did.
- Mister really good friend?

- Yeah...
- You're that guy.

I'm sorry man I'm just
kidding with you, I'm kidding.

- Cheers, man.
- Cheers.

To the strength of the
human spirit. To endure.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey buck up buddy.

Who knows, you might
even catch the bouquet!

Did you hear what I said
to second place over here?

Hey, dummy.

Hey!

What are you doing up here?

Just hanging out.

Come sit with me! Come here.

You always find those
little hideouts,

you're such a weirdo.

You're a weirdo, you dum dum.
How was your -?

How was the - oh sorry.

- You go.
- You go. No, you go.

- Um...
- Go ahead.

No, nah, nah I just had nothing

- really interesting to say.
- Neither did I.

Alright.

So.

How, um, I like, like,
your hair. It's different.

Oh yeah thank you! Yeah.

Good different?

Great different.

You look, um...

- The same.
- The same!

- Yeah.
- Yeah, kinda. Yeah.

Good same?

Great same.

Ah, so this is, uh,
pretty crazy, huh?

It really is, I mean
it is really crazy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's very overwhelming.

There are so many

- decisions to make.
- I bet, I bet.

I mean it's also so sudden.

Right, yeah, it's just, I
don't know, it just happened.

Yeah, that's how
these things go.

- Do you remember when, um...
- Allison!

Oh, hey.

It's your party come play.

- Yeah! I'm gonna, sorry, I'm gonna,
- yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.

I'll see you later though, yeah?

- Yes, okay.
- Okay.

- You come on down, too!
- Ah, yeah!

Watch your head coming down.

Oh yeah, what is... yeah.

Interesting space up here.

It's where we have a
lot of sex. Strictly.

- You're, you're the worst.
- Just kidding, just kidding.

Hey buddy!

Hey, Aaron, how you doing?

I'm good, I'm good.
Well, you know, nervous.

Yeah, psh, big day coming up.

You're telling me.

What, you uh, you want to
stand up there for me?

Sure!

I mean, not really. No.

Hey, really good
to see you though.

Mm-hmm. Allison was so glad you
could make it, you know.

You mean a lot to her.

- Aw.
- You really do.

She means a lot to me.

You know what on a
personal note, I think

it's so cool that you
came, given your history

and stuff? It's like,
it's really big of you.

So thank you.

Well thanks Aaron.
That's big of you to say.

No I mean it's big of you.

Well it's big of you too.

I guess we're both big.

I like that we're
both big. Heyoo!

No no no, I have actually
a very small penis.

- Really?
- No no no.

Oh.

So you don't. No. No, I'm very
secure in that area.

- Good.
- Yeah.

So, I'm just glad
everyone's, you know,

where they're supposed to be.

Totally. Totally.

Well hey! Good to see you.

Well, thanks for
inviting me, Aaron,

that was really
big of you, again.

- You're amazing. Alright.
- You're amazing.

Thanks, big guy.

Hey you know, we
should hang some time.

Yeah, cool!

Do you play tennis?

Do I play tennis?

What you like the game?

Ah, love the game.

Alright, well we'll go a
few rounds, will be fun.

Cool, yeah.

- Noice.
- Very noice.

Alright.

Cool.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Where you from?

Um, originally from Vermont.

Vermont?? Cool!

Great skiing there, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my god, David!
Hi, how are you?

- I miss you!
- Oh my god that

- speech was so good.
- Thank you.

- It was really good. I lost my, sorry,
- they were so happy!

- I lost my keys.
- Your keys? Ooh.

- Can you find them for me?
- Well I'm waiting on an

- Uber, just come with me.
- Can I go home with you?

- Where do you live? I... Thank you so...
- Gonna have some girls over.

I think we should hang out more.

You gotta, actually,
David you're sitting on my...

I haven't liked
anyone in like, forever!

Gwen, David, it was...

- Do you feel this too, though?
- Yes, I love that.

Have you thought about
walking down the aisle?

I'm gonna just... Oh how would we do that?
I was thinking like,

I'm actually
gonna head out, David.

Or we could hold hands.

David, I'm gonna go
ahead and head out, so...

- Hand in hand! That's it, done!
- I love holding hands.

I miss you, why don't
we hang out more?

Well come over tonight,
girls' night, it'll be fun.

- You okay man?
- I just popped outta there.

So we were, we were
just talking about...

- Sorry. You just snapped that chair.
- Jesus it's just

- a dinner party, god.
- Oh my god it's like

- a peace pipe.
- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

- That's a good bit.
- That's for you, dude,

- that's for the road.
- Take that one.

- You can have it.
- I really enjoyed your speech.

Whaaaat?

What are you doing here?

- Hi, mom.
- Oh my god!

Hi, uh, what are you wearing?

I was jogging!

Uh, since when are you jogging?

What do you mean?
I'm exercising.

I've never seen you exercise.

I'm getting in shape!

What's on your head?

- Just a jogging thing.
- What?

It's a running, you
know, sweatband.

You okay?

How long you gonna be home? I don't know,
not long, just a quickie. I'm alright.

Are you gonna stay here?

Uh, I can't.

Well where you gonna stay?

Work put me up at
this hotel nearby.

Really? Mister big shot!

- Its not the four seasons!
- Sounds good!

So how's it going,
anything interesting?

Yeah, nah, just the usual, you

know. Birds Humpin'
in the woods.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Sounds provocative.

So.

You gonna call Allison
while you're here or am I

not allowed to ask?

I don't know, I haven't
really thought about it.

Maybe. I think you should. I
still have that picture

you took when you
went down to Carmel.

Look, right there.

Mom are you insane?

It's been almost two
years you can't do that.

- This is crazy, this is nuts
- I like the pic...

- That you still have this.
- That is very immature.

What are you doing?

It's a picture of us!

It's so weird that
you have that.

What are you throwing
that away for?

You are so dramatic.

You are so dramatic.

Just call her, if you're
here, you have the time,

no big deal.

Alright maybe.

Are you happy?

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Whoa!

Aw shit!

Okay, that's alright. Hey,
keep your elbow up and

- follow through, you know?
- Yeah I know!

Yeah.

There you go, yeah
just like that!

You good?

Yeah, feel good!

Hey I'm glad we're
doing this, man.

- Me too.
- It's cool.

- My serve.
- - Yeah.

I thought you said you played?

- Yeah it's been a while!
- You know, I almost went pro.

Oh I didn't know that.

Blew my knee out in college.

- Bummer.
- Yeah.

That would have been
a different life.

Really. I mean, travel
the world, fame, glory.

No but things work out the way
they're supposed to, right?

Whose serve?

You take it!

Shit!

Good round, bud!

Thanks!

Man you set me up
for that spike!

I know, that's uh, how so?

Well you know when you
lobbed it up and I just,

- spiked it like that.
- Oh yeah. Oh spike, yeah yeah.

That was a nice hit. I feel bad man, we
could have grabbed a beer or something.

Oh no, this is, this is great.

Oh good. Yeah, okay.

- Yeah this is great.
- Good.

Al said you're into
documentaries?

Al?

Allison. Oh yeah, um, yeah, no
I'm mostly editing now,

somebody else's stuff.

So like what kind
of stuff? Political?

No like, uh, bird stuff mostly.

- That's kinda cool.
- Yeah I kinda want to get

my own thing going soon.

So what's that gonna be about?

Birds, you're into
birds? You like birds?

No like, something like
pollution, climate,

I don't know, something
like the environment.

That's great! That's great,

can't wait to see that.
That's really cool.

- Okay my serve.
- Yeah.

Okay now remember elbow
up and try to stay on the

balls of your feet.

Elbows up, balls.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Just go side to side, let's
get loose a little bit.

Your shoulders, bring
it forward, bring

your toes forward,
bring it back.

There you
go! Keep going!

Are you sure?

No man you look like
a fucking idiot!

- C'mon!
- I know!

- Okay here we go bud you ready?
- - Yup!

There you go!

There you go, bud.
Nice and easy, buddy.

There, nice!

Spike!

Wow, almost got me there!

Almost!

My serve.

You sure?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking fuck!

Slipped!

Sweaty.

Sorry!

Good game!

Mister Shalman!

Are you enjoying your stay with us?
Oh yeah,

I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks.

Wonderful! The elevators
are to your right.

Oh they haven't moved?

No they haven't moved,
fucking asshole.

Oh my god...

Hey!

How are you buddy?

How's it going?

Come on give me the
details did you see her?

Yeah.

And?

It was, it was nice.

Is the wedding off?

Wonder if I punch the
computer screen, I wonder

if you would feel it. Do
they have that technology?

- You could try.
- What do you want?

You need a date.

What? No, I don't,
the last thing I

want to do is
go on another date.

No no, to the
wedding, to the wedding.

You can't show up stag, it's
suicide. You'll be annihilated.

- Really?
- Mmm.

Well what do you want me
to do? I can't just...

I got you!

I got you!

Who?

My cousin!

Tallulah!

Tallulah?

Tallulah!

What is she, like
a little fairy?

She's a real girl
named Tallulah!

She's your cousin?

Yeah, second cousin but yeah.

Does she look like you?

You mean is she Asian,

- are you asking?
- No, man, no!

She's white, are you
happy, Mel Gibson?

- She's white!
- Stop...

Stop it that's not what I meant!

All you do is love Asian girls,
that's what this is about.

- What?
- Yeah you do.

She's not me with boobs.

She's a date to the
wedding so you have

something standing between
you and massive amounts of

shame and self-degradation!

You just need a plus one.

Who knows, you
might even like her.

Alright, well, maybe. Thank you.

Uh, listen I'm gonna go
take a shower but, um...

Oh ho ho ho!

What?

What are, what are you wearing?

What do you mean, it's
just tennis shorts?

You look like you stole
a little boys underwear.

I was playing tennis!

You don't play tennis!

Yes I do, I do sometimes.

With who?

- Aaron.
- Aaron? What?

- Aaron, okay? Yeah.
- What are you doing?

Hey listen, listen!

You're fraternizing
with the enemy!

The enemy? Give me a break.

Grow up, mark, come on!

He's cool!

He's actually a really cool guy.

I had fun today.

You would like him
a lot, I think.

I would? I feel like the three
of us should hang out.

Why are you looking
at me like that?

Why are you doing this?

Listen, listen! Life
moves on, mark, and

some of us are moving with it!

Some of us can see your balls!

- Good bye.
- Like a wonton sized...

Bye bye!

T-Tallulah?

- Tallulah?

- Hi!
- Hi, hi, Adam.

Great.

Nice to meet you!

So how you doing?

Good.

- Sorry?
- Good.

You sure?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Nervous.

Don't worry about
it, I'm nervous too.

So you're uh, you're
mark's cousin?

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

What happened?

No no no, I was kidding
I was, mark's my friend.

It's a joke.

I don't know if it is a joke

if it's not funny.

Um, so you hungry?

Not anymore.

Did you have a chance
to look at the menu?

Yeah, um, I read it about
five times by myself but I

don't know where to look
so I just pretended that I

was reading and then I
really was reading the

menu over and over.

What do you, what do you do?

I make dolls.

You make dolls?

- And uh, doll houses.
- Huh.

And little, little
doll furniture to

go into the doll
houses. It's so tiny...

And that leads to
doll upholstery and

doll clothes and next thing I

know I'm making the
tiniest little doll bow

tie and I think it might
be affecting my vision,

I've been having a lot
of problems seeing.

Oh my god, that's terrible.

So you should maybe
stop doing that, right?

- Never.
- Wow.

That's persistent.

The dolls will leave me.

What do you do?

Uh, I'm, I'm a
documentary film maker.

Can I see one of your films?

Well no not yet but
hopefully soon.

That's cool.

Yeah?

Yeah it is, thanks,
it's pretty cool.

Well I can't wait to see it.

- Thanks, really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, alright. Well
you'll be the first.

- I'll watch anything.
- Oh.

Um. What are you gonna order?

Okay, okay.

What if I went up to that
guy, see that guy eating, uh,

it looks like tortilla soup?

Delicious. I
actually like staring at him.

- Yeah, hey, head in the game. And I,
and I go up to him - yes, and he...

And I say 'exthcuse me

thir, exthcuse me thir,
that tortilla thoup is

gonna make you
tortilla poop!'

and I just walked away.

That's not offensive
it's just odd.

It's a little offensive.

Alright what you got?

Okay.

- The couple next to us?
- Yes.

What if I took off my panties?

Oh I like it already.

And I slipped them
into his coat pocket?

And when they get home
tonight she finds the

underpants and they get
in this huge fight about

whether or not he's
cheating on her and the

more he denies it the more
she thinks he's a liar so

they break up and all their
friends side with her and

he's left wondering 'how
the fuck, how the fuck did

these underpants get
in my coat pocket?'

and he still insists years
later when he calls her,

'they weren't mine I don't
know where they came from, '

and he slowly goes insane
and he becomes an alcoholic?

And all of his friends and
family just completely

desert him and he dies alone.

Of aids.

That has gone way too far.

You have veered into a
level of depravity that is

upsetting to say the least.

I feel like I don't know
you, I don't want to play

- this game anymore.
- These are one of the things

that I'm very good at.

That was incredible you
just broke the game.

- You win? I guess.
- I win.

You my friend are the winner.

Whoo!

Wow! Congratulations,
you're officially

the worse person I know.

Aw, that's sweet, thank you.

Let's get you some
ice cream, kiddo.

Don't mess with me.

Oh I won't, I won't, because
then you'll come up with some

perverted scheme to ruin
my life and then I won't

even know it for years to come.

You won't even see it coming.

- It's...
- It's very good, I feel...

I feel terrified, and impressed.
It's a mix of emotions.

Hi.

Oh sorry, uh.

What are you thinking?

Oh nothing sorry.

Are you on drugs?

No, no.

Do you wanna be?

No.

I happen to have a bunch
of Adderall in my purse.

Did you say you have a
whole bag of Adderall?

Yeah.

What, why?

I mean, I'm an artist, so...

- That makes sense.
- Yeah, long nights.

Would you like to be my date
to my ex girlfriends wedding?

- Okay.
- Yeah? Great.

For the north American
jumping spider, mating can

be a dangerous game.

In this delicate moment,
the male must woo the

female spider or she will
kill him and eat him.

If the male fails to woo
the female, she will stab

him with her poison fangs
and suck out his insides.

Adam? Adam!

Allison?

What are... what
are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

That is so funny
running into you.

Well I work here.

Oh yeah Ella moss, crazy.

Yeah for seven years.

- That's right,
- right.

I forgot it was on this block.

Hm.

- Good to see you!
- Good to see you.

Were you jogging?

Oh yeah, yeah, just
got into jogging.

You're into jogging now? Yeah ever
since I quit smoking I figured...

You did not quit smoking.

I did! I did.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Wow thought you'd never quit.

A lot's changed
since we went out.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Like what else? Oh man, I gave up
kind of everything.

I got really into raw,
not raw foods totally, but

- more raw foods,
- okay.

I still cook a little
bit. I'm still a cook.

Too moist to my liking.

- Ugh I hate that word!
- I know, sorry.

Moist always brings everything
to a standstill, yeah.

It does I've always said that.

Aw man.

Hey you know I'm
the manager now.

- Are you serious? That's great!
- I am! I know!

- Wow, good for you!
- Yeah I get free trips

- to Paris once a year.
- What?

- What's cooler than that?
- Not much, could be worse.

Come on, you're practically
running the fashion industry.

Yeah I don't know
about that but it's,

- it's pretty cool.
- It's cool.

What about you, y'know?
What are you up to?

Uh, I'm actually prepping
my first documentary.

- What? What??
- Yeah, yeah.

Well it's early, I mean it's,
yeah, very early stages.

That's amazing, that's
what you've always wanted.

It's pretty cool, I
think it will be good.

- Yeah, uh, we'll see.
- What is it about?

Well it's, I don't wanna
it's love, really about love.

How so?

I know this sounds lame
but I don't want to say

too much, I don't really
know how it's gonna end

but I'll invite you
to the premiere.

Oh that's very kind of you.

Can I ask you something?

You can ask me anything.

Are you happy?

Why does everyone
keep asking me that?

Well, maybe there's a reason.

Jesus!

You know what, I take that
back, you can't ask me anything.

Oh my god.

Come on, it's just a question.

Okay happy, uh, I don't
know, I guess so.

I mean what does that
mean? Am I smiling all day,

- am I laughing?
- No, no.

I don't know. Are you happy?

Yeah I think I am.

That's great. That is great.

So you're really coming?

Would you...? Yeah I
am, I'm really coming.

I'm here. Why?

You know I almost
didn't invite you.

Why?

Well, I don't know.

You're...

You.

Then I thought it would be
weirder if I didn't invite

you like I was trying to
cut you out of my life or something.

Are you crazy, I gotta
be there. Your big day.

Don't wanna miss that.
I want to be there.

I know, I know, I just figured
I would invite you and it

- would be fine, or,
- it's gonna be fine.

I'd never see you again, y'know?

Never see me again?

Yeah, I mean probably, right?

You're a monster what
are you talking about?

That's crazy. Well I mean that's how life
is, isn't it? If you're not a part of

- these moments, it just...
- Alright hey, I'm coming, okay?

- I'm coming to the wedding.
- Good.

Can't do that, can't leave
an Adam sized hole here.

Never see you again, Jesus.

I, you know what I mean right?

Look I'm happy

- for you, really am.
- Yeah?

I am, I'm really happy for you!

I mean, I'm on a lot
of antidepressants but,

they're working, so.

You know I do miss you.

From time to time.

Me too.

Listen I should get going,
I'm gonna hop on a car

and head home, but I'll see you.

Yeah... uh, you know
what I'm headed that way

myself so I'll just join you.

- Yeah? Which way is that?
- Yeah.

Which, which way
are you going again?

What?

Guess I'd better get going.

So long.

I'll sell Lassie for
a hundred dollars.

- Deal.
- Lassie you're mine now!

And so it is with blessed hearts

that we have
gathered here today.

To join this man and this
woman in holy matrimony.

Okay, how do I look?

Like you're going to a funeral.

- Wish me luck.
- Yeah good luck.

A moment like this only
comes around once in a lifetime.

And indeed it is a rare
and beautiful thing when

two people find in each other
such a perfect match, and

decide to share a
lifetime together.

Wanna hold hands?

No.

- Too soon?
- Yeah.

Allison and Aaron have
shown their love to be true.

If there is anyone amongst
us that believes that

these two should not be
wed, speak now or forever

hold your peace.

Yeah I have something to say.

If there is anyone
amongst us that believes that

these two should not
be wed, speak now or

forever hold your peace.

Sorry, sorry.

- Do we have the ring?
- Yeah.

- You okay?
- Yeah I'm fine.

- You look nice.
- Thanks, thank you, you too.

- Aaron, do you take
- just cut a little...

- That's alright, it's okay.
- Allison as your wife

- oh look at that.
- In sickness and health

thank you. For as long as you
both shall live?

I do.

So beautiful.

Shhh. Yeah. And Allison, do you take
Aaron to be your husband

in sickness and in health
in good times and bad for

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Then by the power vested
in me, I now pronounce you

husband and wife and you
may now kiss the bride.

- Here, let me pour this.
- You wanna do the honors here?

Nice, okay! Oh, sorry.

You haven't touched your food.

Huh?

Your food.

Oh yeah. Not hungry I guess.

Isn't young love
a beautiful thing?

- What's that?
- Young love.

Young love! Yes, uh,
it's great. It's great.

Is this your girlfriend?

No, her? No
she's not my girlfriend.

I just met her a few days ago.

She makes dolls for a living.

- Oh that's nice.
- Yeah.

That is nice. It's nice.

Everything is nice at a wedding.

Have you noticed that?

Everything at a wedding's
nice, the food's nice,

the ceremony's nice,
it's just nice.

Can't all be that
nice, am I right?

Is it hot in here, are you
guys... it's hot, right?

You know what I mean, is it hot?

- I feel fine.
- I'm fine.

Of course you feel fine.

Everything's fine to you.

What?

Nothing, I'm sorry,
I'm... sorry.

Thank you for coming.

Alright, alright, it's
that time we invite our bride

and groom down for their
very first dance as

Mr. and Mrs.
Aaron Stoller!

Come on give it up for them!

Look at this beautiful couple!

And now, for the
song that played

the very first time they met.

Here it is.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going -?

'Sup man?

Oh hey, hey, what's up?

You look white as a ghost.
Somebody kill your cat?

My girlfriend's getting
married in there.

Your girlfriend's
getting married??

Well, ex-girlfriend.

Oh shit.

That's messed up.

Why not. Thanks.

Gotcha.

- Better?
- Little bit.

- What's your name?
- Federico.

- Fredico?
- Federico.

- Federico.
- Yeah.

- Adam.
- Adam, what's up.

What are you doing here if

your girlfriend's
getting married?

Oh, uh, she's not
my girl anymore,

and um, I'm happy for her.

- No I am.
- Yeah okay.

- I am.
- Uh huh.

I believe you. I'm good.

You know I used to
have this goldfish.

His name was tom petty.

You named your
goldfish tom petty?

Yeah.

Pretty cool name for a goldfish.

Yeah well he was
a cool goldfish.

I bet.

Had tom petty for nine years.

Whoa. Yeah and one day I'm
cleaning out my sock

drawer, I turn, I look...

He's gone.

Gone like someone stole him?

Gone like he died.

Oh, yeah okay. Sorry.

So you know what I did then?

I ran down the block to
the pet store, got me

another fish.

- Just like that?
- Just like that, man,

just like that. I
loved tom petty.

Who doesn't?

Heartbreakers.

The best!

Yeah.

'Lotta fish out there.

I see where you're
going with this.

All due respect Frederico,
I think people are a

little harder than goldfish.

Yeah maybe.

Tell you what
though, never gonna

have another tom petty again.

I do have a Bob Dylan though.

I really appreciate what
you're trying to do.

You're a good man.

- You're a wise man.
- Want to get high?

- Oh...
- Oh yeah.

- No I probably shouldn't.
- You sure?

Yeah it might get a little
weird in there. But thank you.

Alright, cool. That's alright. I
should go back inside, actually.

Yeah. You can do this.

You think?

You don't have to live
your life like a refugee.

Fuckin' tom petty.

Tom petty.

You mind if I get another

- little sip? Thanks.
- Bro, take two, take two.

Okay.

Okay? You good?

Thank you, really. Thanks.

Go for it.

Into the great wide open.

My man.

He's fucked.

I'll see if he's over there!

- Smile!
- No thanks. Fuckin'... okay.

Thank you.

Oh shit.

Excuse me.

Adam.

Wendy.

What?

I wasn't sure you'd make it.

Oh well here I am.

Honestly thought
you were a goner.

Totally thought you'd bail.

What?

No, no.

You got balls.

Thanks!

And you look really handsome!

Thanks. I was just thinking
how pretty you looked.

Ah yes, always the charmer.

Apparently not charming enough.

I'm kidding.

This is, this is great,
it's really nice.

Yeah it's very nice,
everything is just so

nice.

- I was just saying that.
- Mm.

You know, how many people
can say that they're close

enough to go to each others'
weddings no matter what?

That's rare! You guys
have something special.

Yeah, yeah.

You guys are always
gonna be friends.

Friends is, friends is good.

What's better than that?

You know, I was
always in your corner.

Get outta here.

No really you were
always so sweet.

Aaron, is, he's just so
perfect, you know?

Right, who wants that?

- Sounds awful!
- You know what I mean!

No Aaron's good he's great
but you were just a little

rough around the edges.
It's endearing really.

Thanks, no I miss you guys.
I do. She looks beautiful,

- by the way.
- Yes she does.

She takes after her mother.

She does.

Uh oh. Wendy is there anything your
new son in law can't do?

Um, Susan, this is Adam.

Get your camera! Get your
camera, you gotta see this!

Needless to say I wanted
to do something special

for the big day,
something personal.

But those of you who know
me, and I think a lot of

you do, you know that I'm
into learning new things.

He's good at everything.

Can't help it.

So I flew to Paris and I
studied at Jean Pierre's

culinary school Le petit
parodie for six weeks, five hours a day.

Hey, Allison loves all
things Paris, am I right?

But I want to thank you
Jean-Pierre, for teaching

me that French baking is
an art, and it's an art

form and I know that now.

- You are a natural.
- You're amazing.

You're amazing Aaron!

Come on Robbie!

Stop! What a dick.

I'm just kidding.

Nice, Aaron,
nice. Good one!

Without further ado, Allison,
baby, this is for you.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Hope you all like cake.

Everybody have fun.

Cheers!

Oh ha ha. You're doing me?
Is that supposed to be me?

Yeah? Why don't you
finger my dickhole, pal?

Whoa.

Oh boy.

Do you want to dance?

Ugh.

- Are you okay?
- Not really, Tallulah.

I just thought maybe
you'd want to dance.

- Why would we do that?
- Because it could be fun.

You know what?

Fuck it.

Let's boogie.

Sorry.

Come on.

It'll all work out.

You think so?

Yeah.

Every setback in life's
an opportunity to grow.

That's stupid.

What are you like nine?

Call me when you get
some hair on your balls.

I'm gonna tell you
something about love.

Love is shitty, shitty shit.

It's shitty.

I'm not supposed
to say that word.

Yeah, well, you better start
'cause that's what love is.

Shit.

There you go.

Whoa whoa whoa
that's too much, baby!

Come on, man!

Fuck yeah!

You're coming with me, baby.

This thing
is so hard to walk in!

Oh, god.

Have you seen your grandmother?

Yeah, I know.

She's had a few to drink.

Just a little.

Okay girl, I'll
see you out there.

Yeah, I just need a minute.

I'm sorry.

Thank you!

Jesus!

What are, what are
you doing in here?

What are you doing in here?

You're wasted.

No I'm not.

I'm a little drunk.

Scale of one to ten
how happy are you? Go!

- Whoa...
- Don't even think about it!

Is it the best day of your life?

- Pretty close.
- Whaaat?

That's so, that's good.

That's really good.

Can I, can I ask you something?

Maybe.

- Maybe don't.
- Why didn't we do this?

- Adam...
- No really why didn't,

why didn't it work?

We could have done this.

You know what, I
can't answer that.

We should have done this.

You know they were playing
that John Mayer song and I

was thinking about that
day that I had my molar

removed and I was all hopped
up on Vicodin, and I was

jumping on your bed singing
'my body is a wonderland.'

- I remember, yeah.
- And I started singing

songs about like,
the fate of my tooth.

Remember that? The,
like what was going

to happen to him after
he was out of my mouth.

- Timmy.
- Timmy the tooth.

And you kept taking
pictures of me on that

Polaroid camera.

I remember you looking at
one and you said 'i can't

believe this is the
man I'm gonna marry.'

'i can't believe this is
the man I'm gonna marry.'

you said it.

Yeah I remember that. I
still have the picture.

You do?

Well, um...

Adam, I can't do this right now.

Please.

If not now, when? When, so...?

Okay, um...

- It wasn't just one thing.
- How many things was it?

Okay you were there, it was
a combination of different

things and it...

What are you doing?
What is this?

- What is, wait...
- Are you okay?

You're just gonna ambush
me in the bathroom?

Ambush? Yeah you're ambushing. Oh, get
outta here this is not an ambush.

You know I knew you were
gonna do this, I knew it.

Then why did you
invite me if you

knew I was gonna do this? Because Adam I
thought that I could invite you and...

No I know, because,
because, there's

a part of you that wanted me to.

I think some part of you,
some part of you wanted me

to save you from making the
biggest mistake of your life.

Because some part of
you knows what I know.

And what is that?

That you're an alien
from another planet.

- Oh my god.
- You are.

And the only other alien from

your planet on this earth...

Is me.

Adam, you romanticize the past.

I mean it wasn't, it
wasn't all perfect.

I know, I know.

But it was, it was
pretty damn good.

It was pretty good.

It was alright.

- We used to laugh so much.
- We did used to laugh a lot.

You dummy.

You dumb.

Adam.

What?

I'm sorry.

Why'd you do that?

I thought, I was trying
to, I'm getting you back.

No! You're not!

Why not?

I, is he, we were good, is
he that much better than me?

- Adam...
- No really, really!

He plays tennis, he's great
at tennis! Is it because

- I don't play tennis??
- Keep your voice down please!

You know I asked you here...

Maybe, maybe I shouldn't have.

I asked you here because I
thought you could be my friend.

I really didn't want to
hurt you, I, I don't know,

I just, I just wanted
you to be here.

And I wanted you
to be part of this.

You just don't
change, Adam, and...

I, I did.

And I'm sorry. So sorry.

I'm...

I just want you to know that...

Oh.

Hey. Hey, your dad wants
to give a toast.

- Yeah.
- Aaron's looking for you.

- Wait, wait! Just one...
- No.

Hey hey look at you!

It couldn't get any
better than this!

I don't think there's
another man in the whole

wide world as suited for
my daughter as Aaron.

Aaron!

You've become like a son to me.

You're not so much
of a fisherman!

But I think there's time.

Because I know today is
just the first in many

happy days to come, and
so let us raise a glass!

Here's to the rest of your life!

Wow.

Way to go dipshit.

Whoa.

Whoa whoa whoa, easy does it.

Wait wait wait wait!

Shhhh.

Oh!

Aaron.

Actually really good.

I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

Bye.