L'ex-femme de ma vie (2004) - full transcript
Six years after their split, a woman attempts to get her ex-husband back by unusual means.
The operation lasted 8 hours,
but we saved a life.
Cynthia is here, close to me,
so beautiful, so desirable.
My love...
I want to feel his hands,
so strong and so skilled,
on my body.
Cynthia...
Gabriel... Gabriel...
Cynthia... Cynthia...
Gabriel... Gabriel!
Don't take the piss!
I couldn't care less
if you've been grafting.
Loving Casually
is for next week.
That's Love In Casualty.
There was only half.
And that's pretty limp!
Spice it up a bit.
Put some ass in there.
It's easy as buggery!
What about a tryst
in the severe burns unit?
And the other one...
For the horror collection...
When's it ready?
THE EX-WIFE OF MY LIFE
Yes, darling.
Coming. Where are you parked?
Be right there.
So how's the novel coming along?
I've two to finish.
Belin's on my case.
I don't mean that.
I mean your novel.
You're so talented,
it'd be a waste!
You know I can help.
I'll see to the media.
I'd need time.
Stop and set to.
But what would I live on?
I'd sponsor you.
- In fact, I have to find one.
- One what?
A sponsor.
For our wedding, Tom.
We don't need a sponsor.
Are you mad?
I've at least 200 guests.
We said it'd be quiet.
Oh...
Don't sulk, darling.
Hello?
I'll hold the line.
There's a lady for you.
- Where?
- Near the bar.
No! I've no room.
No, it really is VIP!
Who? No!
Honestly...
Lolo, it's nobody.
I don't know... Look.
Good evening, miss.
- Hello, Tom.
- Make sure you find him.
That's right.
- Can I sit down?
- Be my guest.
That's what we'll do, Lolo.
Don't forget to check
the spelling of the names.
See you tomorrow.
Well, Tom,
won't you introduce us?
Of course.
Nina, my ex-wife.
Ariane, my fianc?e.
Oh, hello.
- Is it soon?
- Six weeks away.
Can I have a drink?
Please do.
There are glasses here.
Thank you.
I was thirsty.
We could tell.
Sorry to bother you.
Not at all.
I have to be going.
Where?
I absolutely must drop in
on Jean-Yves's birthday party.
If I don't, he'll go spare.
I'll call you.
Ciao.
Later.
I'll give him your best.
- Lovely to meet you.
- Same here.
I'll call you later.
What are you doing here?
I was just passing.
The concierge told me
you were in this restaurant.
How did you get my address?
You're in the book.
You could have called first.
I know, but I had no money.
No money to call?
It's rather complicated.
When I got home,
the door was locked.
Why not call a locksmith?
I only had enough for bread.
That's easy enough.
Sorry, 5 euros is all I have.
I'm dead tired.
I walked all the way
from Porte de la Villette.
I'm knackered.
- Everyone's looking.
- I don't care!
Tom! Is it far?
Nearly there.
I swear, this is a nightmare.
Take a taxi.
I can't go home, Tom.
Why not?
Because it's not my home.
It's Baxter's,
I don't have the keys.
Baxter's the...
Where is Baxter?
On a flight to Philadelphia.
He left while you
were buying bread?
Yes.
Quite the gentleman.
And it eats the bloody card!
- Was the code right?
- Don't ask silly questions.
Give it back,
you blasted machine!
Bugger!
No point getting mad at a machine.
Nina, spare me your comments,
please.
- It doesn't matter.
- Not to you!
I'll have to call in
and pick it up.
I don't fucking believe it...
Thanks very much, Tom.
I'll manage somehow.
I've some cash at home.
Coming?
Coming?
It'll take 2 minutes.
I want a wee.
- Couldn't you go at the restaurant?
- I didn't want to.
Why are you talking to me like that?
Don't try to make me
feel guilty, Nina.
You're an expert at it.
But it's a waste of time.
I'm not trying anything.
I don't want to make trouble.
Oh no?
Why seek me out, then?
When did you remember I existed?
While returning with your bread?
I'm not joking.
While checking the yellow pages?
Under "Prize Mug"?
"Steiner.
Oh, I remember him."
- The toilet?
- Eh?
The toilet.
Bedroom corridor.
There.
Fuck! Damn!
Shit!
I don't believe it!
I can't find it.
I've no cash.
- I'll write a cheque.
- I've no bank account.
Why me?
Why did you come to me?
I didn't know where to go.
You've no friends?
You always said marriage
stopped you having friends...
I do have friends,
but they live in the suburbs.
That's perfect.
Call them, they can pick you up.
Or I'll drop you off.
I can't.
They all live with friends too.
Why don't you go to your mother's?
She lives in London with a guy
who organizes dog racing.
There's a hotel nearby.
I'll walk you there.
I'll pay by cheque. Sleep there.
Thanks. That's very kind.
Coming?
What's wrong?
It hurts.
Are you OK?
I'll feel better with my legs up.
I walked for miles.
I'll be fine in 5 minutes.
Tomorrow I'll go to Lulu's,
he's the boy I work with.
We'll manage.
It's just for tonight.
Are you still painting?
I decorate with Lulu.
But he's a real painter.
He's showing in a squat in Arcueil.
You should go. It's wonderful.
- Ow!
- What is it?
It's starting again.
I don't believe this!
I'm calling a doctor.
It'll be fine in a minute.
No. I don't want any complications.
OK. Hand me the phone.
I'll call my doctor.
She's a friend.
Sorry. Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- Hold it.
Dr Sarrazin.
Psychiatric emergencies.
Hello, Shrink 24/24?
Yes, Nina.
What's going on?
But where are you?
Is there a code?
I'll be there within the hour.
Look out!
It wasn't me!
I've an emergency.
Piss off or I shoot.
Ren?, it's Marie-Pierre.
What's going on?
I'll kill you one by one.
Of course. First, let me in.
I've another appointment.
You're not the only one
with problems, Ren?.
Be careful!
Be careful!
I'm being extremely careful.
Where's Madeleine?
Madeleine? I don't know.
Madeleine?
- I'm here.
- Where?
In the cupboard.
Ren?. Ren?!
Please. Come along!
She won't get out!
I have the key!
I'm in the cupboard.
Give me the key.
No! I won't open it!
Give me the key, Ren?.
We can't leave Mum in the cupboard.
- I brought you something.
- What?
Give me the key.
Thank you.
- Alarm gun.
- OK.
Come, Madeleine.
Everything's all right now.
Sorry.
When did it happen?
While watching Countdown.
I told you: no game shows.
They make him hostile.
I went down
to take Loulou for a piss.
Loulou...
Where's my present?
Here.
I don't like him reading that.
No, it does him a lot of good.
It's badly written,
but it relaxes him.
Is that you?
- Yes.
- May I?
Sorry to bother you.
What about the book
makes you laugh?
The guy's world. He's...
He must be dead shady.
How d'you mean, shady?
Not shady slim. Shady disgusting.
Sweaty hands,
covered in warts,
feral breath...
Because... it's me.
What's you?
Er... the author.
I wrote that.
You're T?n?bric?
It's a pseudonym.
Thomas Steiner.
Sorry, I put my foot right in it!
- I didn't see you like this.
- I know.
Warts, sweaty hands...
Do you draw?
Yes. I'm at the Beaux-Arts.
And you?
Have you written another?
Yeah.
And the first victim...
He sewed up his eyelids.
Then cut his fingers lengthways.
- That must hurt!
- Lots.
The police can't see why
there are 20 fingerprints.
- There were a few of them.
- No!
That's ten fingers per hand.
Twice ten is twenty.
Great. When it's out?
Next month.
I don't know your name.
Nina.
Are you doing anything tonight?
I want to throw up.
Eh? What?
I want to throw up!
I can't get up!
Not the hair!
Stop! You're pulling my hair out.
This way.
Left.
Don't look at me!
- Tom!
- What now?
I puked on my dress.
Do you have a bathrobe?
I don't look so hot...
Here, wear that.
"...a knife slides violently
"through his bloody flesh."
Hello? I can't hear.
My battery's low.
Yes?
Hello? We've had it.
I'm Marie-Pierre.
What's going on?
She's thrown up.
Two things first:
1. Could I charge my battery?
2. Use your phone?
Thank you.
It's Marie-Pierre.
No, after a week in Sainte-Anne,
he'll be right as rain.
No, the other one's
in a strait-jacket for 3 months.
He almost ripped my thumb off.
See you.
I thought you were a gynaecologist.
Not at all.
I'm a psychiatrist.
So I studied medicine,
if that's any consolation.
How is she?
I told you, she threw up.
I mean her emotional state.
Go and see, she's down that corridor.
Hey...
Haven't we met somewhere?
It's possible.
But I don't recall.
- Is that you, Marie-Pierre?
- Coming.
Don't worry, all is well.
Huh!
I've no knickers,
not even a toothbrush.
I'm in deep shit. What can I do?
You haven't much choice.
So squat.
- With Tom?
- For now.
Never!
Hush...
He's started to bring up
old quarrels.
He's re-starting the dialogue.
I've never been so humiliated!
Calling on him after all that?
It's so shameful!
Look, Nina.
Your kid isn't his problem.
You're giving birth.
You need a nest.
Nesting is an instinctive impulse.
And here,
there's a nest...
even if it's temporary.
"When he was preparing...
"cooking up a new recipe,
"the chef was wreathed
in horrifying...
"joviality."
Where are the apprentices?
Here, chef.
Hurry!
Double dummies!
Pay great attention.
For hard-boiled skull,
there's a knack.
Watch.
You cut just here,
otherwise the skull will shatter.
You get bits of bone in your teeth.
It's most unpleasant.
Watch carefully.
- It's not great.
- What isn't?
Nina is in an advanced state
of exhaustion.
I'll prescribe treatment.
But the psychological factors
are harder to treat.
Do you know the factor
who dumped her mercilessly?
Baxter.
He makes conceptual art.
You know what that is?
Of course.
Without being pessimistic,
if Nina doesn't get complete rest...
Having a first child at 36
is rather tricky.
- That's not my fault!
I've not heard a peep
since the divorce.
Not one call, not one card
in seven years.
She shows up in my life
as if it were still hers.
- No contact in seven years?
- Nothing!
Last time we met was in court.
Then not a word till tonight.
It feels weird.
Like a blow to the head.
And she's not the same woman.
I remember someone positive,
with lots of energy.
Then this poor thing shows up.
Still a pain, in fact.
Say if I'm boring you.
No. Go on, I'm used to it.
What?
I'm used to listening to people.
Hey!
I'm not talking to the shrink.
In my state, I'd confide in a door.
Don't worry,
I never analyse anyone
without warning.
That's 45 euros.
- Pardon?
- Is that too much?
She said you came free.
But if someone can pay my fee,
then I apply it.
It's logical.
Logical!
By the way...
you're Nina's friend,
why don't you put her up?
It's impossible,
though I regret it.
Why?
You live in a garret?
No, but I've reasons
I don't have to go into with you.
It's good to count on friends.
Steiner...
Sarrazin...
Funny, that name rings a bell.
Sarrazin...
A supervisor at school
had that name.
A bastard.
I dreamt of beating him up.
A relative, maybe?
Maybe. I'm not into family.
- It's that way.
- Thank you. Goodnight.
One last thing...
Don't throw Nina out tonight.
- Till she's better.
- Who do you think I am?
Someone who never forgave his wife
for leaving him.
Fat tart!
I'm sure Sarrazin was a relative.
Yes.
"He... tied up...
"the fat lady..."
Don't be scared, madam.
It's nothing.
I'll graft the pig's haunch
and give the pig your pretty legs.
You take the pig,
I'll take the fat one.
Well, my love?
Deep in creation?
- Didn't you hear me come in?
- Forgive me, darling.
I think...
that I've found the man...
for the job.
What are you on about?
Bourdin. Saint-Eloi Publishing.
I saw him at Jean-Yves'.
He's interested.
He's dying to meet you.
- Isn't that great?
- Yes.
- But I have to work.
- Oh, no!
Let's celebrate.
Ariane, I've a small problem.
No matter.
You'll finish later.
It's not that. I'm not alone.
What?
My ex-wife is asleep in the bedroom.
What a business!
She's broke.
I couldn't get rid of her.
No matter.
I'll see to it tomorrow.
I'll call an association.
No call for panic.
I want to make love.
OK.
She might wake up, just to annoy us.
We'll be like teenagers
who live with their parents.
Still got that new-age CD?
No, no music.
It'll wake her.
It's made for insomniacs.
What's going on?
I'm with friends.
Honestly, Nina.
I do understand, but...
it's not that tragic.
Can't you try
grinning and bearing it?
You know that
if I could put you up...
You see the problem.
Don't panic. Calm down.
We'll find a solution.
Where are you, darling?
I'm here.
I don't believe it...
I don't believe it!
What?
A small problem
I'll soon iron out.
There's your bloody bag.
And now, sod off.
I'm sorry. I'm going.
Don't apologise, it's done.
Shit!
Don't get upset!
Tom said you were homeless,
that can be fixed.
Not at all, miss.
I was tired
but now I'm going home.
Goodbye. Sorry again
to have bothered you.
What did you tell me?
It's true.
She's a hanger-on.
Hanging on?
Do you like humiliating me?
You haven't changed.
You take advantage of the situation
to push my head under water.
That's really rotten!
Is it my fault you're pregnant
by some bastard?
Tom, stop it! It's unbearable.
I hate these situations.
Ariane, let me explain.
- You're being hateful.
- It's not my fault.
I was coming down.
I'm dying for a piss.
Marie-Pierre...
- What are you doing here?
- An urgent need.
It's taken.
No, it's free.
I'd best leave you all together.
Ariane...
I don't want us to row.
It was silly of me.
I admit that.
I've the multiplex party tomorrow
and work's mental.
So sort out your problems
and we'll talk.
Call me.
I've lots of contacts
in real estate.
- Thank you.
- They're almost gone.
This kind of situation
is very stressful.
I'm going to bed.
Tom...
- Shut up!
- What a shame!
Dialogue is blocked.
I asked you to leave.
No problem. We're leaving.
But having your mistress come
wasn't very smart.
Pardon?
Rather childish, I'd say.
She's my fianc?e.
The love of my life.
We're marrying in 2 months.
I have to justify her presence
to this whale
when I asked for none of this?
Don't worry.
I won't ruin your life for long.
- Where are you going?
- To piss!
The whale's watermelon-sized womb
is pressing on her bladder. OK?
It's like living
in the public toilets.
I can stay here and wait, or...
You...
You've reached Tom Steiner,
Leonard Grey and Vic Mortus
but I'm not here.
Leave a message.
It's Belin.
I hope you're hard at it.
I won't let you off.
Next week, got it?
So you're Vic Mortus?
What's it to you?
Nothing. But some of my patients
appreciate you.
I didn't know Leonard Grey.
In therapy terms.
Put the book down.
Let's go, Marie-Pierre.
I've had enough.
She wanted to go.
Damn it.
Of course.
They all say that. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Where will I go?
My place.
I'll talk to Genevi?ve.
You're sure it'll be all right?
Don't worry, Nina.
I don't believe it...
Girls, come and see!
Oh, no!
I've a problem with my car.
If you could drop us off...
I could call the cops.
You'd be within your rights.
Sorry to insist,
but Nina isn't well.
There are no taxis.
I can't make her walk.
Could you move before I hit you?
She may have to go to hospital.
- Not my problem.
- It could become so.
If anything happened...
What will it take?
Two hours at most.
Better than 50 analyses.
Thanks.
It's very good of you.
You're a darling.
I'll call.
Where were you?
The show's starting
in five minutes. Hurry!
You're very kind.
Shut it or I'll kick you out.
May I talk to you?
What?
There may be a slight problem
with Nina staying with me.
You agreed!
She'll agree to the idea
but may refuse on principle.
Isn't it your home?
Yes. It is.
But the person I live with
is rather rigid.
Oh. Right.
Right.
Does that have
any particular connotations?
Not at all. Just thinking aloud.
I'll only be a minute.
Just look at her.
Is your friend a dyke?
Not at all.
Why do you say that?
She can't take people home.
No.
Very temporarily.
She can have the far room.
I said no.
No. Smoke in your room.
Not here.
With age, Genevi?ve,
your neuroses are ossifying.
It's not terminal, but almost.
You've no room to talk,
Jean-Eus?be.
Bitch...
Dickhead!
What a crazy business.
Stuff happens.
Yeah, right.
That's dead common.
Lots of my friends change sex.
Most carry on living
with their ex-wives.
We didn't have that problem,
as we had nothing.
Imagine we'd had
a big apartment.
What happens?
We flog it in a hurry?
They prefer to live
in a big apartment.
Fair enough.
Marie-Pierre...
Mind you, it's well done.
He can't have been
very virile, because...
The body's rather unprepossessing,
but...
Marie-Pierre Sarrazin...
That's it!
She's that supervisor I hated!
It's him!
I knew I'd seen her before.
He had some swanky first name.
I did what I could.
Jean-Zob!
Jean-Zob.
That's what we called him.
Come on...
That was 30 years ago.
Jean-Eus?be Sarrazin.
OK, Jean-Zob?
I've changed, Tom.
He's still a pain.
She! I fought a battle to be female.
Stop quarrelling!
It's unbearable.
An hour ago,
it was miscarriage time.
For some hackneyed excuse,
I'm providing the taxi.
That's not funny.
Get out.
What?
Terminus. Everyone alight.
Don't.
I say that for you, too.
Don't come too close.
Leave it, Marie-Pierre.
There.
- Thank you, Tom.
- It's nothing.
Don't worry, Tom.
I get out tomorrow.
It'll be all right.
It's not too late.
You can still change your mind.
We'll have a baby
when we can raise one properly.
I love you, Nina. I love you.
I can feel it in my belly.
We'll have loads.
Three, four, if you want.
Twelve, even.
We'll be all right, Tom.
We love each other.
That's the main thing.
Tom?
What now?
I'm hungry.
Can I make myself something?
I won't bother you.
I don't believe it...
Excuse me.
I'll come back for the rest
in the week.
I'd rather it'd happened
differently, but...
It's better this way.
We can't spend our lives
arguing over nothing,
hurting each other.
You said it!
That's not why you're leaving me.
The taxi's downstairs.
- Goodbye, Tom.
- Please... No.
What are you doing?
Nina!
What are you doing?
I'm vacuuming, as you can see.
No need. The cleaning lady
is coming later.
Do your eyes hurt?
I looked like a frog.
Nerves. Work hard?
Yes, thanks.
Put the glasses back.
They're Ariane's.
I borrowed a few things.
I put my clothes to wash.
Do you mind?
- I'll do bacon and eggs.
- Definitely not!
No more eggs for breakfast?
I stopped eating them
the day I realised
I didn't like them.
Why did you eat them, then?
To please you.
The bathrobe, please.
To please me?
You were convinced
that being a good wife
boiled down
to frying eggs for me.
- The reason's simpler.
- Oh?
You stopped when you had
no one to fry them.
It'd be a potential argument
if you could actually fry eggs.
Unfortunately
you never mastered eggs.
Back then, anyway.
Shall we go?
Where?
Get my card from the bank.
You still need money?
Don't mock me, please.
Sorry for offering
to lend you money.
Let's go.
Can I wait here?
I'll make a coffee.
No.
And French toast.
I make good French toast now.
We'll have coffee downstairs.
And give me back my glasses.
I didn't slept a wink.
Turning it all over in my head,
crying into my pillow,
so as not to wake you.
Keep them.
Have I time to put on my shoes?
I understand you.
It's rotten.
Maybe it'll sort itself out.
Call him.
If he left last night,
he should be there.
What will that change?
I'll get his wife.
It'll create problems.
Sorry?
I know what you'll say:
I'm a fool.
I'm saying nothing.
Children?
Was it an accident?
What?
Your kid.
Not at all. I wanted it.
Only natural at 36.
I wanted to do one positive thing
in my life.
How will you raise it?
- I'll manage.
- OK.
Amazing!
What happened to you, Nina?
I remember an intelligent,
level-headed woman.
Now I see an old hippie
having a child without a clue
as to how to raise it.
You're not even capable of...
- What?
- Nothing.
- What?
- Let go of me.
Sorry.
Not even capable of having a kid
because of mumps?
- You still blame me?
- I never said that.
Life's stupid.
Your godson was a dumb carrier
of germs that ruined my life.
It's definitely not Dimitri's fault.
Right, it's nobody's fault.
But you blamed me.
It's even why you left.
- That's not true.
- Huh!
You made me pay big bucks
for your abortion.
That's not true!
I reassured you.
We even talked of adoption.
Remember?
I wanted my own!
He has them at the drop of a hat!
He doesn't care,
he doesn't raise them.
And I should comfort
the abandoned mother?
I'd like my Carte Bleue back,
it was swallowed last night.
One moment, Mr Steiner.
I loved Tropical Passions.
Thank you.
Yes, Ariane.
Yes. Fine.
I can't on Friday.
You can't miss it, Tom.
Bourdin will be there.
- It's...
- Which one?
It's really important for you.
What's the problem?
It sounds difficult.
It's all arranged.
Tickets, everything.
I'll send a taxi on Saturday.
It'll be great, you'll see.
A mini-honeymoon.
Could you possibly
spare me five euros?
For the train.
Five?
Thank you.
There she is.
So near yet so far.
Fighting for life together.
Compress.
This situation can't go on.
It's too painful.
There's no way out.
I could never leave Anne-Marie.
I'm all she has.
Her days are numbered.
I'll stay with her till the end.
I'm leaving you, Gabriel.
Yes!
Spectre Publishing.
Letter from Mrs Belin.
You've reached Tom Steiner,
Leonard Grey and Vic Mortus.
Leave me a message.
Tom, it's Marie-Pierre.
Pick up, it's an emergency.
It's Nina.
Please pick up.
Nina's done something silly.
What's going on?
She's fine.
It's nothing like that.
She called from the police station.
I can't go, I've a committal.
I have to take a patient
to Sainte-Anne.
Yes, but...
I can see, but...
Mr Alvarez...
Please, let go of me.
Wait. I've a problem.
I can't go into details.
Let go now.
Mr Alvarez, leave the coat.
She bit the nose of
one of my auxiliaries.
She doesn't seem
her normal self.
You are...
family?
I was.
You should have seen them! Brutes!
They trashed everything.
Lulu had done
this wonderful installation...
I don't care. I'm knackered.
Want a lift?
It's sorted out.
Baxter left the keys with some girl
who gave them to Lulu...
And I've a metro ticket.
Terrific.
I wanted to thank you
for what you've done.
Good luck.
Tom!
Wait!
I wanted to say...
I'm sorry for what I said
the other day.
It was very unfair.
No. You were right.
You told me why you left me.
After 7 years.
I couldn't do it before.
I felt guilty.
He didn't want me to tidy up.
It blocked his inspiration.
Yeah, but leaving crap around...
It's a sculpture.
Sorry.
Yes. An installation.
On the degradation
of consumable objects.
Right. Good.
It's pretty degraded.
Right.
I have to tidy up.
I just don't know where to start.
I'll make a coffee.
You want one?
No.
Why did you stop painting?
It was trivial alongside
what Baxter was doing.
He doesn't deserve your tears.
It's not that.
But you were right, Tom.
I won't be able to raise this kid.
I said that when I was angry.
You were right.
I'll never manage.
I'm scared.
If you only knew how much.
There's no reason to be scared.
I'm sure you'll be
a very good mother.
That's just to reassure me.
I'll be crap.
You're talking nonsense.
Remember...
When Bernard left us Justin...
you looked after him well.
That was a dog.
Yes, but still.
How is he, by the way?
Fine. Still in insurance.
I mean the dog.
Justin?
He died last year.
Oh, no!
That's awful!
You mustn't cry!
He was very old.
He died in his sleep.
He didn't suffer.
He was so cute.
Remember when he'd do that
with his ears?
It was lethal when he farted.
Prodigious, for such a small dog.
I'll be all right.
I just have to get organised.
Thanks.
Stay at my place this weekend.
I'm back Sunday night.
Wash your things if you like.
You're really kind, Tom.
We're adults now.
Maybe we can begin
to get along normally.
Ariane!
When's the big party?
In two months.
The invites go out in a week.
I'm relying on you.
You can't invite her!
She's adorable.
Everything OK?
- Perfect.
- Wonderful.
It'll mean we're invited
to her house in Tuscany.
Hello. Nice to see you.
You might have made an effort.
Oh?
Thank you.
- Bourdin. Saint-Eloi Publishing.
- Where?
Behind.
I'll introduce you.
With Dietetics and Religion,
we're doing 8000.
Good.
Gentlemen...
- See you in Paris.
- No problem.
Jean-Henri,
this is Thomas Steiner.
- Hello.
- Charmed.
I'll leave you.
I have to check the tables.
He's all yours.
Ariane told me about your career.
- Original.
- Oh, yes.
This experience
of pulp literature,
this voluntary dip
into a minor pool...
You're a kind of
Alain Bombard of writing.
Dead right.
I'm all at sea, too.
Your project may interest me.
- We'll discuss it.
- My project?
Of course, your project.
Yes, of course. My project.
Of course.
Of course. Excuse me.
We've 120 tonight,
but cater for 20 extra.
Everything's fine...
Champagne!
Very cold,
it goes very, very quickly.
What did you say?
- What's up?
- To the publisher.
The truth.
Leonard Grey and Vic Mortus.
What about my project?
You know before I do.
It wasn't a lie.
We all have projects.
Did you get an appointment?
No. Why?
I'll see to that.
I've a briefing
with journalists.
I'm relying on you. Your toque!
I'm off.
My great-grandfather edited
The Life of Saints.
I plugged the business
directly into contemporary life.
For example, last year,
we published Father Roger's book,
The Cross and the Lottery.
You read it?
No. I haven't had the chance.
Well...
Tell me about your project, Steiner.
My project.
How can I put it... it's...
It's very personal.
I don't think
you'd be interested.
But... we're very open.
I was thinking...
You know the S&M scene?
Pardon?
Sadomasochism.
Oh... No, not at all.
It's the subject of my book.
I don't know...
On the contrary.
I refused Diary of a Bitch.
It sold 150,000.
I kicked myself.
I was...
a grand master of sadomasochism.
My word!
Without boasting, I was among...
the top three experts in Europe.
Fascinating. Do go on.
My parties were very popular
in the milieu.
The most gorgeous women in Paris
would come to be
stabbed with a fork.
"With a fork"?
You don't know what it entails.
I had everything.
I had... whips...
handcuffs...
hooks.
I had...
I even had a big 18th-century roller
with a dildo mechanism.
I stopped it all.
Excuse me. It's the emotion.
What prompted your decision
to stop?
I'll talk about it,
but I count on your discretion
till the book's release.
It'll remain between us,
Mr Steiner.
Right.
It's not easy.
I allowed myself to...
slip into deviancy.
One day I...
I wanted to sodomise a zebra
and it died of fright.
The SPA were after me.
It was tough, because...
the beast was a minor.
Deeply distressing.
Going to sulk for long?
It's unspeakable.
You queered my pitch.
It wasn't nasty.
It just came to me.
Stop laughing!
I did that for you.
To get you out of this mediocrity.
I'd managed to sell you.
You ruined your chance.
You don't have to sell me, Ariane.
Writing this kind of stuff
at 30 is one thing.
But at your age, I don't get it.
There's a misunderstanding.
Yes. Thanks for putting that right.
Ariane!
I'll never get the Prix Goncourt.
And I don't give a damn.
The man you're marrying
writes little books.
You don't seem to get that.
I didn't, but now I do.
You can take a cab.
Don't react that way.
We don't have the same values.
I can't see why we're together.
Are you serious?
I'm disappointed... disappointed...
But at least I didn't
send out the invites!
What invites?
To our wedding!
The bastard...
"In memory of a loving weekend."
Yes. Coming!
Yes.
Got a beer?
What happened?
A clarification with Genevi?ve.
I'm selling the apartment.
We had an extremely sharp discussion.
It became heated.
She punched me.
I kicked her in the stomach.
But you're OK?
OK.
Excuse me. I must piss.
I piss every 5 minutes
at the moment.
With all the beer you drink...
It's not that. Since the operation,
my bladder's too small.
"A loving weekend.
Summer 96. Carole." Of course.
What a nerve!
Marie-Pierre?
Marie-Pierre?
- Why did you do that?
- I'm just a shit.
Why not see a colleague?
And give him a laugh?
I don't want everyone to know.
And confidentiality?
Yeah, right!
I hope that'll hold.
Nina?
Are you there?
Coming.
Why didn't you say?
Don't worry.
I'll calm that bastard down.
Have a nice weekend?
Not really.
- Problems?
- Ariane and I split up.
Why? She found out
you were cheating on her?
- Pardon?
- Like you did me!
What are you on about?
Play the innocent!
You're rotten.
I cheated on you?
Is that what you're saying?
Why?
So what's this?
Summer 96.
How will you explain that away?
How dare you rummage
through my papers!
I'm stupid enough to put you up
and you rummage.
I didn't rummage, I tidied.
- You're a real pain.
- Don't change the subject!
Who is this Carole?
A very good lay,
for your information.
How can you be so mean?
Look, Nina.
It was July 96.
We'd been apart 3 months.
You've no reason to be upset.
You cheated on me
while my back was turned.
It was seven years ago!
It's past its sell-by date.
You're not my wife.
It took me a year to get over it.
And all the chances I could have had!
Missed chances.
Amazing chances.
I was so stupid.
With Leduc, for instance.
Who?
Herv? Leduc.
He was intelligent, refined.
So kind...
Oh, yes. Leduc.
The jerk who did Beaux-Arts
with you,
thought he was Andr? Breton.
He wrote extraordinary
lettrist poems.
I remember.
"A, a, a, b, b, b, b, d, d, e, e, e."
You should have married him.
You wouldn't be bored.
He was so charming.
Those little blotches
along his spine...
You slept with Leduc?
With that limp asparagus?
What's it to you?
It was seven years ago.
Yes?
Don't shout, I can hear you.
You'll have it in two days, at 3pm.
Right.
You, clear off.
A lively exchange.
Not all scores are settled.
What's this business with Leduc?
Nothing happened.
I said that to piss him off.
An interesting ploy.
Have I time for a beer before we go?
Shit!
It didn't hold.
Good.
I hope that hurt him.
What the fuck have you done?
I pulled a bit hard in the shower.
- It's so old.
- It almost knocked me out!
You can't stop yourself
screwing up.
It was me.
I assume full responsibility.
I'll send my plumber round.
What's she doing here?
She was just passing.
So she showered
and ruined my plumbing?
Such a fuss over a little pipe...
If you don't go,
I won't be able to control myself.
Personally, I think
that's a great shame.
What?
We could have talked.
About what?
Your libido?
Or yours, for example.
What?
- Forget it. Let's go.
- Wait.
I'm a psychiatrist.
I can interpret certain signs.
Stop it, Tom.
Let him express himself.
How do you interpret this?
The unconscious desire
for your ex-wife is resurfacing.
Wrong! It's the desire to punch you
that dates back to 1973.
- It's linked.
- Let her go. You'll hurt her.
You're totally mad!
- OK?
- I'm used to it.
I want both of you to forget me.
What you want is to forget Nina.
- You can't do that!
- I just did.
I waited 30 years for that.
Did he hurt you?
It's amazing how relaxed I feel
all of a sudden.
This is from Jean-Zob.
Stop it, please!
You've gone mad!
What are you after?
There's nothing!
You irritable arsehole!
Stop it!
Move, Nina!
You'll catch a stray punch.
I'll shut your trap, Sarrazin!
Strangling me
won't suffocate your thoughts!
My God! It hurts!
Nina! Did I hurt you?
It's my contractions.
Marie-Pierre!
Don't panic. I'm here.
Come and lie down.
It's nothing.
Come on.
It'll be all right.
Lie down here.
There we are.
It's nothing. It's all right.
Do something.
Are you a doctor or what?
Where's my bag?
I don't know, moron!
Oh, here it is.
Call an ambulance,
for Christ's sake!
Don't stand there!
Everything's all right.
Where's the telephone?
- It's all right.
- I've got it.
It's all right.
Hello?
Music. I don't believe it!
We could be dying!
Hang up, chum.
It's too late.
- Gosh!
- Ow!
Ever been a midwife?
I've not done this since school.
Let's go.
Be reassuring.
Smile.
Coffee?
Thanks. Black, no sugar.
You did pretty well for a beginner.
I almost fainted three times.
I didn't honestly notice.
Thank you.
I hadn't done that for 15 years.
But you remember.
Like riding a bike.
Sorry about what I said last night.
I misjudged you.
Don't worry. Me too.
I thought you were a poser.
You thought I was a phoney.
We're quits.
The day is breaking.
I'm visiting a flat this afternoon.
If it suits, I'll move in
in a week.
Peace at last!
It'll make life simpler!
It'll mainly simplify yours!
Why?
I'll have room for Nina and the baby.
Terrific.
I love watching the day break.
It puts me on top form...
Not you?
No.
Last night.
I wanted you to know.
In a month?
She'll know where we are.
That was Baxter.
He's back in a month.
You see...
It's all sorted out.
I don't know. We'll see.
She's beautiful.
- What's her name?
- Chlo?. Like in...
Foam of the Daze.
I'll let you rest.
Are you interested in sex?
Sorry?
I mean books about sex.
We're doing a new collection.
It's not my thing.
Been there, done that.
You're wrong.
It's quickly written
and quickly snapped up.
I'm on another project.
Oh? Tell me about it.
It's personal.
It's not your type at all.
That must be Louis-Adrien.
Could you hold her?
Yes.
There.
Parking was extremely convoluted.
I parked by the church.
I don't know if I can stay long.
- I'll take your bags.
- Coming.
See you soon.
- Shall I put her in?
- Yes, please.
There.
Here, my love.
- Shall I take her down?
- No, I'll be OK.
Right, then...
Goodbye.
Don't I get a kiss?
I'm not very demonstrative.
We can kiss each other, though.
Sorry, couldn't help it.
You shouldn't have.
I didn't think it'd traumatise you.
It's just that there was no point.
I had the feeling
you wanted to, too.
What rubbish!
Swear on your baby's life.
Let go, please.
You didn't answer.
Look, Tom.
We can't live together
without rowing.
- So what's the use?
- Who mentioned living together?
You've a hell of a nerve.
Kiss me. Come here.
I feel quite able
to raise this child alone.
Right...
Kiss me
or I'll get down on my knees.
I do want to,
but it's not practical.
OK.
We don't know each other very well.
I've some good points
and some bad ones.
Your mother and I may well
throw plates at each other.
But we'll only use plastic ones.
Your parents might just
throw themselves on each other
and kiss passionately.
In front of you, sometimes.
At Christmas, if you're good,
your American dad will send
sculptures that we'll sell
and place the money
in your savings account.
So...
You know her better than me.
What does she think?
She's weighing the pros and cons.
She'll have an awful mother
who's a total mess...
If her parents can stand each other,
she's ready to make concessions.
"She thinks that if her parents
can stand each other,
"she's ready to make concessions."
Very good. Terrific.
- There.
- Thank you. It's so romantic.
Who for?
Jean-Zob.
Nice of you to come. Is that...
It's Chlo?. The little darling.
I'm babysitting.
An enriching experience.
Have you read it?
Yes. Very good.
Slightly less interesting
in therapy terms...
There's no fixation point.
Very well-structured, though.
And the shrink, Louis-Adrien,
was well done.
If a little forced.
Why did you never call?
This isn't the time to discuss it.
You're right.
We'll be seeing each other.
Who for?
Tom?
We're here, waiting for you.
I sent the book,
she didn't answer.
Nobody's accusing you.
I deduced that
she didn't need me any more.
Smell that aroma?
She's just been.
It's odd how such wonderful things
can emit such nauseating odours.
There, darling.
We'll change you.
Why didn't she come?
She thought it was crap?
What a big poo!
No. I think she was shocked.
Shocked? By what?
Wait. Here.
There.
By the use of her private life.
I spoke about my life.
She was just part of it.
All the names are changed.
Does she want to sue me?
Be aware that the nappy
is leaking on your pants.
Shit!
It brings good luck.
Want some help?
No, thanks. It's OK.
If you want Nina's opinion
of your book,
just call her.
It's logical!
Here.
We're going.
We're going.
Luckily I work nights.
Excuse me.
There's a full moon.
I'll have my hands full.
There we are, my darling.
Congratulations on your success.
It just shows...
What just shows?
Oh, nothing.
Here we go!
Hello?
- Hello?
- Yes?
- I called for Nina.
- She's not back.
Are you in a hurry?
Let's say I've things to do.
Why doesn't she take her mobile?
We share it. It's mine today.
Of course.
Tell her Tom called.
She's got my number.
Are you the ex?
Yes. And you can sod off.
Ah...
You, here?
I'd like a word.
Will you help me?
Could you take
those two pots of paint?
Yes.
Thanks.
- Not too heavy?
- No, it's OK.
- Is your ex always like that?
- What?
A dickhead.
Tell your mate
to fetch his own paint.
What's going on, Lulu?
Ask him.
Ah! The famous Lulu!
The artist.
I should have known.
What's with the attitude?
Insulting my friends?
I apologise profoundly
to your friends.
What's that on your thigh?
A shit stain!
Sorry. I got upset.
Forgive me, Nina.
You too, Lulu.
It's OK. No harm done.
Right.
I'll buy a sandwich.
Anyone want one?
How did you find me?
Marie-Pierre came to my signing
with Chlo?. She's adorable.
What signing?
My book.
We should talk about that.
I don't understand.
What book?
The one I sent you.
Not Vic Mortus or Leonard Grey.
I wrote as objectively as possible.
You signed your own book?
That's great!
Could you pass me the rag, please?
What's it about?
You didn't get it?
I sent it to Marie-Pierre's.
It must have got lost.
She never mentioned it.
The bitch... The bitch...
Pardon?
No. Nothing.
You could have called.
You could have called too.
I had three months of problems.
Baxter came home.
I realised it was a mistake.
I got rid of him.
You threw Baxter out?
I started painting again,
not just decorating.
That's good news.
What about you? Tell me!
Is your book selling?
Pretty well.
Good reviews.
That's great, Tom.
I'm really glad for you.
When can I read it?
Er...
I don't know if you'll like it.
Why?
Now there's no misunderstanding.
The Ex-wife Of My Life?
It's about us.
Right. I have to change.
My leg stinks.
Chlo? has a leak.
How does it end?
Well. It ends well.
It's a novel.
Not like real life.
Right. See you around.
Let's keep in touch!
You have reached Thomas Steiner.
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
Tom? It's Nina.
Are you there?
Hello?
Is anyone at home?
I'll call back...
Hello. Nina?
Not at all.
I was cooking...
some cereal.
You've read it?
That was quick.
You want to chat about it?
When you like.
Are you free for lunch?
See, Chlo?.
The situation has eased.
I know you don't always agree
with my methods.
You can't make omelettes
without breaking eggs,
as Freud would say.
Subtitles - Henry Moon
for TELETOTA
THE HOUSE
-Here?
-Yeah, right here.
I'll go open the shutters.
I'll give you a hand,
I'll do these.
What a magnificent view!
-Just like you remember?
-What?
-It's like you remember?
-Yes, just a little colder.
Yes. I wanted to come earlier
to start a fire,
-make it a little cozier, but...
-Does the fireplace work?
Of course.
Isn't this place great?