Les veinards (1963) - full transcript
Every day, the newspaper reports the story of a man or woman especially in vein, who won a prize or a spectacular contest.
Each day, millions of us
buy our daily paper.
Our choice of paper depends on
our personal opinions and concerns.
This man, for instance,
is only interested in stock prices.
This lady reads women's magazines
to find clever solutions
for furnishing her apartment.
These men dream of winning on the horses.
They play their car license plate,
or their mother-in-law's birthday.
This lady reads her horoscope.
Grandma enjoys the local news items.
This young man is checking
the list of shows.
Finally, there's the type
who buys ten papers and reads none.
It's the whiz kid, the rebus freak,
the intellectual superman.
He's always hopeful, always determined.
He knows his time will come,
and he's right.
On every page of the dailies
and the weeklies,
the prizes for all the lottery games
are laid out, just within reach.
Why shouldn't he be one of the lucky ones?
Because they do exist, these lucky people!
You don't know any of them?
In that case,
let us introduce you to a few.
THE MINK
Come in.
-Good morning, sir.
-Hello, Jacqueline.
Are they really going to build that?
Quite a few of them, yes.
Is there a problem?
Two: the bathroom is too big,
and the kitchen is too small.
That's intentional. Most people eat too
much and don't wash enough.
Sir?
Do you know Mauropous' epigrams?
You read Byzantine poetry?
So it seems, sir.
-When did you start doing that?
-This morning, sir.
Well, enjoy it!
99 epigrams in iambic trimeter…
preserved in the
Vaticano greco manuscript.
Thank you very much, sir.
If she starts reading Karl Marx,
we'll have to get a new girl.
Four, five, six, seven, eight. Come in!
One, two, three…
-Hello, ma'am.
-Hello, Jacqueline. 7, 8, 9, 10…
How many mothballs would it take
to fill a fifth-century Sicilian amphora?
18, 19. Who is this a prank on?
No one, ma'am. Just curious.
Four, fix, six. Well, I'd say 2170,
if they're packed tight. One, two…
-Thank you, ma'am.
-Three, four, one, two, three, four.
All these girls have a screw loose…
One, two…
Yes?
Sir, could you tell me which monument
is 187 meters long,
135 wide, and 45 tall…
How many more questions like this
do you have?
So it's not Catholic?
Oh, no, it is indeed.
Those are the dimensions
of St. Peter's Basilica.
Thank you, sir! You're so sweet.
What's with her?
She's starting to worry me.
Come in.
Excuse me, ma'am.
A pastry with bitter almonds,
lemon zest, basil, coffee,
and baking soda…
Isn't that the recipe
for your Brazilian cake?
Yes, but you may not try making it.
But what's it called?
-Being careful.
-No, the name of the cake.
Oh! A Tumucumac.
Thank you. That was my last question!
I hope so,
or I'll have to call in a psychiatrist.
I think the maid is too far gone.
I'm not going to reel her in.
Such a thirst for knowledge.
She must have met an intellectual.
-Or a nutcase.
-Hm…
Sometimes they're one and the same.
She wants to fill an Etruscan vase
with mothballs.
I think you should keep an eye
on who she's seeing.
If she keeps being this strange,
I'll fire her.
Oh, no, please!
Now's not the time.
We might be playing host
to important people soon.
You think your houses for the Maule
factory workers will work?
I'll know in four days.
They liked the blueprints.
FURS CONTEST
WHAT ARE THE EPIGRAMS OF MAUROPOUS?
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
Take that off!
Take what off, ma'am?
What you're wearing.
It's a fur. Don't you like it?
You can wear it to bed,
but spare us the fashion show
while you're working.
Why, ma'am?
The union doesn't forbid maids
wearing furs.
I see it doesn't forbid
the ridiculous, either.
You must think it'd look better
on you, ma'am.
I hate furs. I'm allergic.
I don't want to see it again.
And if I refuse?
Then you can pack your bags.
-Try me.
-I won't say it again.
You're right. Once is enough!
Jacqueline, your spoils of victory
look great on you!
How elegant, how classy!
Take good care of it!
Darling, I have good news!
Me too. I fired the maid.
No! Seriously?
Yes, darling.
-You sure know how to pick a day!
-Why?
-We're having dinner with the Flavignys!
-Sweetie, they picked your blueprints?
Yes, almost. We were supposed
to discuss it over dinner.
-And you invited them here?
-No, no.
-He's taking us out for dinner.
-So what do we need the maid for?
-Not her. Her fur coat.
-Sorry?
Flavigny is one of the biggest
businessmen in France.
He's got money, and he doesn't hide it.
I found out he just bought his wife
a panther coat.
Lucky lady.
To keep up appearances,
I said I'd bought you a coat,
since I knew the maid had one.
Jerome! You're awful!
I'd rather die than wear the maid's coat!
Laura, don't be silly.
He doesn't need to know
we live at your mother's,
that we haven't paid off the car,
and that we haven't eaten caviar in ages.
In business, jealousy works better
than pity.
It's a good thing you didn't say
you had a stable,
or we'd have to eat on horseback.
Darling, come on!
If I build these houses, we'll be set!
And all I need is a fur coat?
If Flavigny thinks I lied to him
about this,
he might think I'm lying
about the estimates, too.
I'm going to go talk to the maid, okay?
You're lucky I love you.
I know, honey.
-May I come in?
-It's your house, sir.
Oh, no! The kitchen is your domain.
Trying to humiliate me more?
No, no, just affirming your rights,
that's all.
Don't wear yourself out. I work freelance.
My dear Jacqueline,
we've known each other long enough
to know that you shouldn't take my wife's
moods seriously.
Don't toy with my emotions.
Enough is enough.
Listen to me! I never wronged you.
No, sir. You've always been quite decent.
-Even a bit distant.
-Is that a criticism?
Oh, no. I wouldn't dare.
Just an observation.
-My God, I've hurt you.
-Oh, no, sir.
It's that serious?
Why didn't you ever tell me?
These things are rather delicate, sir.
No, they can always be worked out.
My darling Jacqueline,
I have a favor to ask of you.
-Go ahead, sir.
-Will you lend me your fur?
I don't think it would suit you.
It's not for me. It's for my wife.
Oh, no! That's horrible.
Lend my fur to her? I'd rather die!
Okay, okay, okay. Forget it.
I thought you were cool.
This really hurts me.
I'd love to, for you, but…
But what?
If she asks me herself, nicely.
Aren't you being a bit catty?
Can you swear that…
you don't like it?
Come on.
There you are.
In principle, we can work things out.
Jacqueline just wants you
to ask her nicely.
-Ask her yourself.
-I already have.
-Very nicely, in fact.
-That wasn't enough?
-No!
-Delusions of grandeur!
-What if we tried--
-Do you see how she is?
But…
Enough, the both of you.
Ask her to lend you her fur.
Lend me your fur.
I don't care for her tone.
Enough! Say "Yes, ma'am."
-Yes, sir.
-Yes, ma'am.
-No, sir.
-You see how she is?
Yes, ma'am! Come on, you little monster.
Yes, ma'am.
Bravo! Now we can all move on.
Come on, shake hands.
Forgive me, I was a little on edge.
I forgive you. It happens.
There! No reason to get so upset, eh?
It's 7:20, honey, hurry up!
Where are my collar stiffeners?
I bought some two days ago.
Jacqueline! Jacqueline!
My collar stiffeners.
-I set them aside.
-Where?
-Let me think.
-Will that take very long?
Well, yes, if you rush me!
Time doesn't wait!
I know!
In the pocket of your hunting jacket.
-I took it to the cleaners yesterday.
-You didn't empty the pockets?
-You're such a little boy.
-It helps me deal with life.
I'll use some matches.
Laura! It's nearly half past seven!
Laura!
Are you crazy?!
Do you know what time it is?!
How soon will you be ready?
-Five hours?
-Minutes.
Are you kidding?!
If you're not dressed in 15 minutes,
I'm going!
Without the fur?
Hurry up, before I sand you down
with an exfoliating glove!
Jacqueline!
Jacqueline! Are my cufflinks
in my hunting jacket as well?
One minute…
Something that women seem to like saying…
Ah! Here.
Where? No, there? I looked already.
Good thing you have me. Will that be all?
For now, yes.
I think I'd better stay within earshot.
Bastard!
The Flavignys are expecting us at 8.
It's 20 to!
Don't panic, honey,
they'll probably be late.
-Christ…
-Hello?
Oh, it's you Martine! How are you?
No, I haven't decided.
I went to a tailor at Esterel's.
Yes, the one Isabelle likes.
-No, not that one, the other one.
-Oh, no!
Goodbye, Martine! Give Georges my best!
You're so rude!
What about the Flavignys?
Where's your dress?
I don't have it. I have nothing to wear.
What about this?
And this? Which one?
None of them go with the fur.
Laura, my love, every minute counts.
Which one?
That one, I guess, just to make you happy.
-Thank you, darling, let me help you…
-Watch my hair!
But it doesn't work anyway!
I don't have any shoes.
Dear Lord, help me not to do
something unforgivable.
Which ones?!
I gave the ones that go
with this dress to the maid.
The maid's going to wind up naked!
Not that you'd mind that.
I've got my eye on you two.
How did you manage
to get the fur from her?
I just asked!
From close up.
This is not the time!
Are you getting dressed?
If you'd bought me a fur coat
instead of a sports car,
I could have bought
something to go with it!
Oh, well!
We're just going to an Italian restaurant,
-not the Tour d'Argent!
-Fine, but I'm not going barefoot.
-Jacqueline! Jacqueline!
-Sir?
-The shoes she gave you?
-These ones, sir?
-May I? I'll give them back tomorrow.
-This is an abuse of power!
-No!
-Take me to the movies?
-Yes, I promise.
-Are you kidding?
Good girls don't go to the movies alone.
Good girls, sure!
-Watch it, ma'am!
-Just put those on!
She stretched them out with her big feet.
That is too far!
Are you happy now?
Of course this was going to happen!
-This is my fault?
-Yes, it's your fault!
I refuse to dress up
for such an unfair man!
Laura, don't do this!
See how she is?
You asked for this!
Shit!
-They're late, aren't they?
-Yes.
-I'll have another cocktail.
-No.
Too bad.
I'm hungry, Elise, aren't you?
-So we're not waiting?
-We've been waiting too long!
Waiter? Bring me a menu, please.
Right away, Mr. Flavigny.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Georges! I think I see a fur.
My sincerest apologies.
We're terribly late.
Better late than never, Briselier.
Since it's customary for a pretty woman
to make a late entrance,
you have all the right in the world.
Oh, that's funny!
-May I, ma'am?
-No!
Don't touch this!
You'll be too hot, honey. Come on.
Be careful with it, it's fur!
Have a seat, honey,
and don't talk the whole time.
I bought her that little thing
just two days ago, so…
It's very pretty. Your husband spoils you.
I'm sure she deserves it, right?
You know how it is.
-Not always.
-Shall we eat?
I'm going to have a cocktail…
-No, no, no…
-Yes, yes, yes!
Do you want a drink?
You're right, let's have ourselves
a drink.
Sound good?
She's quite lively.
Were you at Cardin's private show?
How'd it end?
Wonderfully! With a wedding dress.
For the siding, I've planned on
double-layer brick walls.
Honey, be careful!
No, it's nothing, really.
Hang on. There.
You're so nice. Isn't he nice?
He looks that way.
Yes, it's about chemistry, isn't it?
For me, it's all in the air.
To come about the foundation,
I had an idea.
-Concrete offers--
-Later, darling!
I told you the bathroom
and kitchen were wrong.
-Really? You think so?
-Yes.
No, don't listen to her.
She doesn't know anything. Eat!
Women should have their say.
And they say it.
Give me that.
Sorry, we haven't been married long.
That's right…
I know an even dirtier one!
Oh, that's enough!
No, why?
She can't hold her Chianti.
Let's get a taxi home.
What's she doing wrong?
Being an adorable little ragamuffin?
By what right
would you hinder her beautiful nature?
Aren't you being hypocritical?
You should have worn a hat, darling.
The weather's changing.
Make sure it doesn't get stormy, then.
I thought that for the entryway,
we could use a movable partition.
You can talk about that at the house!
At the house? Certainly not.
Why not? That'd be nice.
Excellent idea. Unless there's a problem?
Certainly not.
But the house is a mess.
The maid is out, and…
She thinks she can do as she pleases.
She does quite a lot for you though.
We won't look at the mess, we swear.
If you insist, I…
Please excuse me for a moment.
I…
Is he always this agitated?
The poor angel.
He worked so hard on your little shacks.
What can I do? She invited them.
Horrifying!
But she's amusing them.
That's what matters most.
You should go out to the movies.
I'll get rid of them as soon as I can.
No. Do as I say!
Laura, don't hide in your room!
You should have come, then!
This wouldn't be happening!
They're waiting for me. Bye for now.
Bye.
Excuse me.
What are you… What are you doing here?
I thought you were out.
-I changed my mind, sir.
-Come right in.
Don't just stand there!
Go make some drinks.
Hop to it! This way, darling.
Congratulations.
You sure know how to surround yourself.
Right? Please…
What are you playing at?
Seeing what the maid does in my shoes.
I gave her them, right?
This is so charming.
Very presentable for a messy house.
That was an excuse so he could
be alone with his darling wife.
-No, I swear…
-Don't blush, darling!
They can see how affectionate you are.
Excuse me! I'll knock next time.
Who?
Calm down. What do you want?
The ice tray is stuck.
Pull on the left and use a screwdriver.
-I broke it.
-Great! You're not wasting time.
I'll come, honey… Honey, I'm going to go.
No, let me do it.
I make refrigerators. After you.
Don't worry about it.
No, it's my pleasure.
Have a seat next to me.
Don't you think life is crazy?
Oh, yes, ma'am!
It's a good thing we have our
little secret lives.
Yes.
A few hours just to ourself.
Sometimes in pairs.
Oh, you know.
-There!
-You're so kind.
You don't belong in this kitchen.
It's temporary, sir.
-How much do you make here?
-Enough.
What would you say to a…
a little coat like your boss's?
-For what, sir?
-Do you like the countryside?
-Seen from a bedroom?
-A well-heated one.
-I sleep with the window open.
-Who said anything about sleeping?
You, sir, unless I misunderstood.
No. Pretty women are made to be spoiled.
Let me tear you away from this
dull life once a week.
Should I expect ice cubes today?
Serve us in my office. This way.
Why the rush?
Time is money.
You know that, you're a man of industry.
I'll show you the model.
It was a little too big
to take to the restaurant, but I figure
you'd like to see it now.
As you can see,
the proportions are such that comfort
isn't sacrificed for function, and--
It's perfect. Don't change a thing.
We'll sign the papers tomorrow.
You name the time.
Just between us, man to man,
I have to admit something.
Go ahead.
I find your maid very attractive.
-Really?
-Yes. Do you think she's available?
Oh, no. Absolutely not.
I'm sorry, but you have no chance.
I don't think that's true.
-Did she imply that--
-No, not yet.
But I think I spotted
certain promises in her eyes.
Oh, no.
Believe me, she won't keep them.
No, look elsewhere.
Come in!
Shall I put this on the desk, sir?
Well don't throw it out the window!
Don't be so harsh on her.
Look at her. Really look.
-Oh, I know her.
-No, look more closely.
The gracefulness of her movements,
the suppleness of her hips…
She must have a great little body.
That'll be all! Go to bed.
-But sir…
-Go!
You're acting strangely.
Her family entrusted her to me.
My father and her father
were in the war together,
in a tank.
It would be extremely ungrateful of you
to try to woo the daughter of a veteran.
That's no reason to sentence her
to solitude.
When you're a hero's daughter,
you're never alone.
You remember.
Excuse me. I didn't know. After all,
there are other women in Paris.
Come dance!
-Starting with yours.
-I'd prefer that!
I mean, it's different, since…
I'll be right in.
What a bastard… the nerve…
Oh, I love jade!
And exotic fruits!
You're more into Japanese stamps, right?
Oh, that's very out of fashion.
I have a delightful collection
of Swedish dolls,
a nice studio apartment
with a mute concierge…
And a blind wife?
Your philodendron is dying.
It needs water!
That's right, I forgot.
I don't let anyone else
take care of my ferns.
I love playing gardener.
There's a watering can on the balcony.
A watering can? That's nice.
She's funny!
Yes. In small doses.
What would you say to a little
sports car for running your errands?
With everything I need,
I think I'd prefer a truck.
-You're still here!
-I'm hungry.
Eat in the bedroom! Your little trick
with Flavigny went too far!
And your new wife kissing your neck?
Whose fault is that?
If you think I enjoy this…
You didn't look too upset.
Laura! I don't give a damn about the maid.
And if I see him feeling you up again,
I'll kick his ass!
Don't be silly, darling.
You love me that much?
What do you think?
Where am I?
Now I see why you don't have time
to water your flowers.
Are you coming?
-What's gotten into you?
-Come!
What's with her? Excuse me.
What's wrong?
Look in there and you'll see.
-They're a very modern couple.
-Yes.
-We shouldn't be here. Come.
-Elise, don't be so old-fashioned.
Thank you. I said, come!
You're going?
I'll come for coffee tomorrow.
I like your blueprints more and more.
I said no, Georges.
Categorically no.
Very well, honey. Sorry.
Unfortunately,
she owns 51% of the company.
-Flavigny!
-Coming, darling.
She finds your plans
a bit too revolutionary.
What a shame.
What did he mean?
I did what I could.
In fact, I think I deserve a raise.
-You'll get it!
-With what?
Don't worry, I have an idea.
Better to inspire jealousy than pity.
If the lady needs my fur…
Thank you, I'll figure it out.
Isn't that right, honey?
What does that mean?
JASSEAU FURS
Ah!
With a coat like this…
I'll win all your clients over!
And now, we attack.
Attack what, a bank?
FINE DINING
So, are you glad to have won,
Mr. Brigeton?
THE GOLDEN CHICKEN
Brigeton, the contest, the meal,
that's me!
Sir, the cloakroom!
The Poularde d'Or is pleased
and proud to welcome you, sir.
Allow me to present my compliments
and welcome you, Mr…?
Brigeton. To start, I'll have--
Yes, one moment, Mr. Proncton
-Brigeton.
-Very well.
This way, Mr. Crouton.
We've been expecting you…
If you'd take your seat.
Yes, indeed…
Here we go!
So I'll start with the--
-May I take your hat?
-I'm fighting off a cold.
The hors-d'œuvres!
The hors-d'œuvres!
Let's not waste any time.
He seems hesitant.
-Oh!
-Truffles à la royale.
That's just what I need!
It's too small! We can't see it!
Bring him a big bowl of caviar!
Caviar!
With a ladle, so it looks better!
Caviar with a ladle.
May I?
What are you waiting for?
Stop!
When we say "stop,"
you have to stop moving!
Let's try again.
One more time.
Okay, thanks. Bring the chicken…
And the lobster at the same time.
One on each side.
Service.
Okay, thanks.
Now for the desserts?
Hey!
Dessert!
Pick one! We don't have all day!
Yes, but… That one!
No, that one's too small!
Bring him a pineapple or a coconut,
something we can see!
Well…
Great! Thanks! See you Monday!
Don't you think a photo of him
shaking my hand…
If you insist. Okay, here we go.
Smile, old boy!
You're supposed to be happy!
Thank you!
Don't forget, my name is written
with two S's and an E at the end.
Like "mousse."
Stay, eat something!
No time. Liz Taylor's mother
lands at Orly in 35 minutes!
I'll walk you out.
Nice to meet you, sir.
Make yourself at home.
But without the hat.
Excuse me.
All right, take this away.
-Hurry up.
-Okay.
I'm still a bit hungry, though.
This room is reserved, sir.
but I'll have you moved.
This way.
Louis, find him a table in the back,
but get rid of him fast.
Hurry up!
My hat! My hat!
Oh…
Excuse me, I'll bring you another
right away.
Tell the chef I'm a hat size seven.
They're on dessert. Have a seat.
Bon appétit.
Hello.
Ma'am, sir…
Excuse me.
Ma'am, sir…
My big teddy bear!
My little honeybun!
Your little honeybun
loves her big teddy bear!
Big teddy bear loves his little honeybun
even more!
Does honeybun want a coffee?
Whatever my big teddy bear wants!
Sweetheart would like a piece of bread.
When I was little,
they used to call me sweetheart.
-Celery?
-À la Chambord, sir!
But…
Have you seen my celery?
Someone took my celery!
That would never have happened
before the Great War.
Here, beef tenderloin
with golden potatoes.
How's this different
from a steak with fries?
The price.
If you ever cheated on me,
I'd kill myself.
I dare you!
Don't say that. I'm a passionate woman!
Oh, please… People are watching us.
Just let me cut myself one bite.
Then you can have it back.
Don't be silly, Virginie. Give me that.
Thank you, sir. You're so kind.
And she's spirited.
-Your coffees.
-Thank you.
-Here, sweetie!
-Thanks, baby!
-Let's go the movies.
-Yes!
-We can see the latest Bardot.
-No!
You always say it's the latest one.
-I adore you.
-My legs are as nice as hers.
-Among other things.
-What do you mean?
What do you think of my legs?
Will you marry me? Brigeton.
-I forbid you to look at her legs!
-She asked me to!
-Put them away!
-You don't like them?
Save some for me!
I said hide them!
And I advise you to look at your plate!
You'll get what's coming to you, trust me!
-You would never!
-It's already done!
You won't touch a hair on her head
so long as I'm alive!
This isn't any of your business!
It is now, sir.
You little monster,
you're crushing my shoulder.
Let her go or things will get ugly!
Apple or grapes?
-Banana!
-A peach for the gastronome!
Sir…
You've made a huge mistake.
The owner is a friend of mine.
I'm a guest here.
I could cause a scene--
Go right ahead, sweetheart!
The competition menu! You're crazy!
Crazy for this woman here.
-Oh, honeybun!
-Oh, teddy bear!
-Oh, you…
-Oh, you…
-Here's your apricot.
-Take it back.
-Coffee?
-No, no coffee.
-Then here's the check.
-I was invited.
By whom?
The Français Malin, the…
-How much is it?
-18,260, including your friends' tab.
Oh? Because…
Well…
I have 600 francs. Keep it.
There's always a way to work things out.
But I--
THE STAR
RADIO-TELEVISION CONTEST
FIRST PRIZE:
AN EVENING WITH PATRICIA PADINGTON
Holy cow!
You're still in short pants, kid!
I'd give her the time of her life!
You seen yourself?
The contest's open to everyone!
Can you see yourself with Miss Paddington?
A candlelit dinner, romantic music?
Silk scarf, bathrobe,
with a sofa as soft as brioche?
Wow! Is that what it's like?
Don't you get it? You don't measure up!
Man, that'd give you some real hang-ups!
Do you know the winner?
Not at all, but I'm very pleased.
What will the evening consist of,
Miss Paddington?
I don't know, but it's going
to be very nice and very fun.
Like everything Mr. Sam does.
Do you have anything particular
you'd like to declare?
Oh, yes! I'm very pleased.
Everyone is so nice.
Patricia!
Excuse me.
Now Miss Paddington
heads to the private rooms
of Mr. Sam Chips,
where she will await the winner
of this evening,
sponsored by Chips, armor for the scalp.
Sir, do you have dandruff?
Ma'am, are you losing your hair?
Are your children itchy?
Chips, Chips. Cut!
What's wrong?
So, are you happy?
-Oh, yes.
-Patience is a virtue.
Give me a kiss.
Put my shoes on, honey.
-Ow!
-What a klutz!
I was so careful.
I wonder if you deserve it.
Put them on yourself, then.
I try so hard,
and what do I get in return?
Promises.
The other girls are already
on the big screen!
You're complaining?
I get you on the billboards,
I change your name
from Raymonde to Patricia,
I get you on TV and radio,
and all of France
dreams of spending an evening with you,
and you can't even put my shoes on?
Who is this Taquet who won?
What do I care?
-Miss Patricia Paddington.
-Who's asking?
I'm Taquet. For the contest.
-Have a seat.
-Thanks.
I'm Taquet.
Well, don't mind me.
Excuse me.
-Go on, show some class.
-You old cobblestone!
If I hadn't been near the gutter,
I'd never have met you!
-Smile, please!
-Smile, they said.
Thank you!
-The bedroom?
-In the back.
Thank you.
So, have you had a drink?
Any champagne?
-Hey!
-The real stuff!
Don't they know how much
this is costing me?
Sam!
Where the heck is this Taquet guy?
A guy wins an evening
with Patricia Paddington,
not to mention 12 large bottles of Chips,
and he's making us wait?
What a world! Excuse me,
but in my day, I'd have shown up early.
This Taquet's going to hear from me!
Whenever you're ready, I'm ready.
What is that I see?
Sorry?
Why?
Well, that's just as well.
Taquet. Delighted. Excuse me.
Very nice, no hang-ups at all.
Perfect. Excuse me.
I think she might just seduce me.
No sign of him. We'll just do without.
Where'd he come from?
That's Sam Chips.
-Oh! Taquet. Delighted.
-You're Taquet?
Weren't you expecting me?
He's here now, that's what matters.
Let's finish up with the thing already.
I agree entirely.
Gentlemen, you can go now.
Dear Patricia, I'm all yours!
A photo, gentlemen!
Great idea! A souvenir.
All right, a quick run-down
of the evening:
Dinner by candlelight,
very nice, very nice.
-Could you take this glass?
-Yes.
This is cheap stuff.
-Higher!
-Okay.
Higher!
Couldn't you lift the camera?
-What are your thoughts?
-Well, I'm…
-And you, Miss?
-Well…
-I'm not done.
-It doesn't matter.
I'm so happy that Mr. Catette--
Taquet.
Sorry, that's what I meant.
No problem.
…that Mr. Taquet won the contest.
He's so nice. I'm so happy.
I knew we were made for--
-Taquet, lift your leg!
-What? Why?
This guy's an idiot!
All right, let's finish up.
One last photo on the sofa.
Well, things are really getting going!
After this, you can take your 12 bottles.
Thanks for coming by.
Taquet! You call that a pose?
-A pose?
-Yeah!
Strike a voluptuous pose.
-In public?
-Just for the photo.
My God, what an ambiance.
-Poor thing!
-On your knees!
-Please!
-Please.
-How easy is that?
-The other way!
Please.
Think about it.
What's that?
-What?
-Your bathrobe. O'Cedar.
It's mine, from my last contest.
I do them all.
-And you always win?
-Always.
Take it off.
Oh, no, out of the question.
Absolutely out of the question.
You want your photos, fine, great,
but this is no orgy!
My word! Patricia, come here.
What do you think this is?
You dare ask me that, you revolting man?
Leave.
-What did they do?
-Don't be afraid, darling.
You'll understand when you're older.
Artistic nudity? What next?
One thing is certain:
we love each other.
Let's not panic.
I'll marry you. There.
I'd like to name our first child Raoul,
in memory of my uncle Antoine.
I'll introduce you to Mother tomorrow.
Am I forgetting anything? Ah!
Regarding your blood type,
are there any problems?
Positive, negative?
-Who?
-Charming.
In my case, anyway, no problems.
Iron, steel: it can do anything.
This is a weapon, ma'am!
So, are you happy?
Don't touch me! I'll jump out the window!
Where am I?
I don't understand.
-She jumped out the window.
-My bird!
Taquet, you'll pay for this! Patricia!
Raymonde, Raymonde!
Let's go, men! We'll find her!
Patricia, where are you?
-Miss Paddington!
-Don't let anyone in.
-He's a lech!.
-A lech? Where is he?
Sam, open up!
It's Patricia.
Yes, Patricia, it's me.
Look what a state she's in.
Have they no shame?
Beauty, grace, intelligence…
How do you do, pussycat?
I need to revive her.
And a sadist to boot!
He'll ruin her! I'm calling the cops!
We're alone, now. There's nothing to fear.
Those brutes are gone.
My poor thing, how could you,
so pure, so distinguished,
have fallen into their hands?
All that I love…
So romantic…
A little music couldn't hurt.
You have nothing to worry about.
I make a fine living.
These days, I get a new bicycle
twice a year.
With your income, we'll do great.
We'll live at Mother's.
With all the modern conveniences,
no more washing or ironing to do.
You'll live like a queen.
I can see it now! Stylish.
We'll change the wallpaper.
The stores are right next door,
and the bus stop right out front…
And on Sundays, the Marne!
No one's ever spoken to me that way.
Yes, I know, I take people by surprise.
Hello, police?
Can you hear me?
Sam Chips. Chips lotions,
dandruff, ever heard of me?
Anyway, a lech,
a dangerous individual,
is out attacking women.
Send everyone you've got!
-Soliciting, Vice Squad.
-Taquet. Who's this about?
-About a lech.
-Okay then.
Let me show you the voyeurs!
I see. Dirty photos?
I'll take care of them.
Officer, please, do something!
But…
Corporal? I've got the lech!
59, rue de Passy.
But I'm surrounded by peeping toms.
Send reinforcements!
It's him!
Politics. What a waste.
They should put on a contest
for the government, then I might run.
If I won…
Are you quite done?
Sleep well, Mr. Taquet!
I caught the bastards! Thank you!
At your service.
What a neighborhood!
Call me Raymonde.
THE YACHT
FIRST PRIZE: A YACHT
I won!
That's funny.
I thought I missed two questions.
Yes?
-Hello, boss.
-Hello, Philippe.
Sorry I'm late.
I was up late last night studying the
offers from the Swedish buyers.
That's great.
We'll discuss it when I get back.
-You're leaving?
-Yes.
I'm on a great lead. Confidential.
Excuse me, I need to speak to my wife.
Yes?
-Hello, Zabette.
-Hello, Riri.
Zabette, something's come up.
I have to take an urgent trip
on some tire business, in Brussels.
-In Belgium.
-Yes, I know.
-You know?
-I know that Brussels is in Belgium.
So I'm going to pack my bags
and hop on the next plane.
Don't forget your wool sweaters, then,
it gets cold up there.
I'll bet I come back tanned!
Say, I'd like to go see
Aunt Agathe while you're away.
-Wonderful idea.
-Right?
If she's shaved,
I'll give her a kiss for you.
I'm kidding!
Where's my kiss?
-Bye, Zabette.
-Bye, Riri…
-Stay warm!
-I will!
The lady is in her room, sir.
-And?
-She'd like to speak to you privately.
-What does she want?
-I do not know, sir.
Hello? Corinne?
Henri Duchemin!
Yes.
Well, in business,
as with women, I don't give up easily.
I already told you no.
A cruise in the Mediterranean?
Well, that changes everything!
You won a yacht?
How?
The contest in the paper. Read this.
The contest?
"Duchemin, 17 Avenue Kléber". It's true.
Don't tell my husband.
He thinks they're stupid.
Philippe, we're going to get this boat
and bring it back here to surprise Henri!
Ma'am, you said "we"…
-You and I, Philippe!
-Oh!
What?
You're just the man I need!
I need a captain!
You've won a dozen regattas.
Why not you?
Aren't you afraid that Mr. Duchemin…
What?
Then he might take umbrage…
About us? That'd be dreadful of him.
And not so nice on my part. Don't worry.
You're a charming boy.
My husband's face when he gets back
from Brussels and sees the yacht!
It'll be positively medieval. Oh, sorry!
So, where's this yacht?
I called the port office.
I asked them to bring it right away.
We'll see soon!
Isn't it nice here?
Capri for the lady
and Palma for the gentleman.
-Adjoining rooms?
-Yes.
-Darling!
-My big bear!
Welcome.
Two rooms, please, with an ocean view.
Very well. Antibes and Monte Carlo!
-Adjoining?
-No.
Ah. I'm having a yacht delivered.
Let me know when it arrives.
-Of course, ma'am.
-Philippe.
A yacht…
Ah…
Do you like it?
-I've seen worse.
-This way, sir.
Ah!
Thank you.
Beat it.
-Open up!
-I don't have the key.
Huh?
I don't have the key.
What…
What kind of a hotel is this?
-There you are.
-Thank you, sir.
-Philippe!
-Ma'am?
Hurry, let's go see the sea.
Right away, ma'am.
What is it?
So?
Is this lie true? There's no key?
One minute more and I'd have been naked!
I'll come back in one minute.
-Mr. Duchemin!
-Mr. Duchemin?
Call me Henri.
He's asking for Mrs. Duchemin.
-Where is this man?
-At the bar.
I'll go get the key.
I'd like to get the key for the door
between Palma and Capri.
Of course. My apologies. Where is that?
-Hello, sailor.
-Mrs. Duchemin?
-That's right.
-The boat's here.
You mean my yacht!
It's not exactly Newfoundland.
It's cute! It sails well?
It can hold its drink, as it were.
Like me.
Always thirsty.
-Yes, okay!
-Excellent.
-Here it is, sir.
-Thank you.
Don't forget: disorganization
is the road to bankruptcy.
-Give this man something to drink.
-I'll call the barman.
-Quickly, I'm in a hurry.
-Yes.
-Ma'am?
-Ma'am.
It's silly, but the bell's not working,
and I forgot my perfume.
I'd be glad to help you out if I can.
-Really, I--
-No, please, come.
-Come in.
-Thank you.
Got it!
Corinne?
Have you seen a lady?
-Who? Mrs. Duchemin?
-No!
Where is Mrs. Duchemin?
I showed her the boat.
She bought me a drink.
-Ah! Where is it?
-I drank it.
No, the yacht! The yacht!
Oh! The boat?
I am Mr. Duchemin.
Right this way, boss.
-There it is, boss.
-Ah!
Streamlined! As elegant as a bird.
-You brought it here?
-Sure did.
Made me thirsty.
Follow me.
Say, barman.
Yes, sir?
A drink for the gentleman.
I'll be right back.
Go ahead, boss. I'll take my break.
Thank you so much, ma'am.
I'll bring it right back.
-No, keep it.
-I couldn't.
-It's my pleasure.
-Thank you!
So, princess, we're playing hide and seek?
I didn't have any perfume,
and a lady gave me hers.
That smells good.
That smells good.
Excuse me!
There's no problem.
Hi!
Philippe!
Philippe?
-Someone's asking for you.
-We weigh anchor in ten minutes.
-If I want to.
-Excuse me?
Oh, it's you, ma'am! Excuse me.
As you say.
As for you, give me back that perfume.
Meow!
Meow!
One second, sir! Have a nice vacation.
What now?
Surprise!
-What do you think?
-You're poison.
Are you done fooling around?
I hate being rushed.
Go wait for me on the boat.
-With champagne?
-That's right.
-And caviar toast?
-No butter!
Scotch!
Hey!
What…? Ah.
-Make it two!
-Two!
So, sailor, you brought the boat?
That yacht!
Yes, how's she sail?
She floats.
Yes…
Are you going to steer her?
This looks promising.
I'm going to take a look.
I'll come with you.
Oh…
A scotch!
Why don't you just leave us the bottle.
Thanks. If you don't like this,
we can switch you to beer.
Are you able to pilot?
I'd like to cast off today!
The weather's bad. Careful.
You should switch to beer.
On my tab.
On his tab.
Say, barman.
About the beer. I can't hold it.
What'd you say?
I said I can't hold my beer!
That's fine. Drink almond syrup.
Did you see anyone take my hat?
-It's right there, sir.
-It…
It's much too big for me.
Some people, alcohol makes 'em crazy.
Which do you prefer?
This one?
I'll be right up!
Hm…
That one.
Hm…
I like this one.
How about neither? That's better.
Oh!
Wait until we're at sea.
Is that so?
At sea…
-Are you all right, sir?
-I'm fine.
Just fine.
A little drink!
-It happens.
-We've seen worse.
Coming round Cape Horn. Isn't that right?
Yes!
We haven't had a storm like this
since '26.
That's my ration!
Captain! I'll fill in for you!
Tie down the cargo!
Batten down the hatches!
Make fast the mainsail!
On the double, ye idlers!
What are you going to do?
-Get changed.
-I sure hope so.
You're the elder.
I'm sorry I can't hit you,
but I have a date
with a charming young man.
I'm freezing. Do you have any perfume?
I know where we can find some.
Am I bothering you?
Don't be silly.
What are you doing here?
DO NOT DISTURB
THE JACKPOT
No one's here?
Where are the owners?
They won the lottery!
100 million!
-100 million?
-Yes!
-Good Lord!
-They went to Paris to collect it!
Hey!
Slow down!
-Shall we?
-Mhmm.
Okay then.
-Sir.
-Hello.
-Sir.
-Sir?
-Antoine Beaurepaire.
-Ah!
-De Barbezieu.
-Ah…
-My wife.
-Ah.
-My daughter.
-Ah.
Is that all you're going to say?
I'd like a room.
-A room?
-A room with beds.
I'm terribly sorry, sir,
but we only have suites available.
-A suite?
-A suite?
What kind of sweets?
A suite, sir.
It's a three-room apartment, living room,
dining room, and dressing room.
50,000 francs a day.
So?
50,000 francs, sir. Per day.
-We'll take it.
-Send the sweets!
We just won the National Lottery--
We won the jackpot!
Antoine!
We haven't got the money yet!
Give me that.
Okay, go ahead.
Come on.
I won't rest easy
till the cash is in here.
Come on.
Taxi!
Taxi!
Ta--
Oh, stop it. You're so nervous!
I won't rest easy
till the money's in here.
Sorry, Pa!
How much farther?
We're here, sir.
100 million!
-100 million!
-100 million!
NATIONAL LOTTERY GRAND PRIZE
And 500,000, which makes 100 million.
Be careful!
So? Did you get it?
-Yes!
-Can you rest easy now?
-No.
-What's wrong?
Well?
Go left!
Don't touch it!
Dad!
To the bank. 42, Avenue Brunois.
-Dad!
-Wait.
-What about us?
-Get in.
Quick, to the bank! Quick!
-Father.
-Hm?
-Do you remember you promised us presents?
-Yes, but wait. It's 2:30.
First the bank, then we'll see.
I don't feel like wandering around Paris
with…
With what?
-With birds.
-What birds?
With the birds we won.
We're going to put them in cages.
What are you talking about?
We're going to put the birds
in their cages!
So no one steals them.
Ah…
So nobody finds our birds!
I won't rest easy till we're at the bank.
Then I'll just transfer the birds
to the Limoges branch, and voila.
We'll be golden.
Ah…
Hmm…
-Do you understand?
-Yes.
But what birds are you talking about?
Ma'am, you husband means
he wants to put his money in the bank.
In the bank? But Dad, you promised us.
-You promised us!
-Hey!
-It's true!
-To the bank!
-She's right.
-Who's in charge here?
Who's in charge?
To the bank! To the bank!
Now!
Who's in charge here?
You pick, father.
You're in charge.
Two sets.
-How much?
-500,000.
-That's three sets there.
-Ah.
850.
Yowza…
This one might be prettier.
Less flashy. Perhaps?
More reasonable.
Thank you.
You'll see, it's a good investment.
I'll put it in a case for you.
That's okay. I'm going to wear it out.
But I can…
There.
Excuse me, sir.
Will you be paying by check or in cash?
In cash.
Take out the ammunition.
Where's the bathroom?
Down the hall on the left.
Thank you.
One second, sir. Mr. Charles? Mr. Louis?
Would you be so courteous
as to accompany the gentleman?
It's Dad!
500. It's all here!
-There you go.
-Dad, come see!
This is the bracelet I want.
Will you buy it? You promised!
-Father…
-It's an investment.
200.
Mr. Charles? Mr. Louis?
Hey!
Hey, I'm next.
Watch it!
Dad, a taxi!
Come on!
Taxi!
BANK CUSTOMER MUGGED BY STRANGER
IN THE HEART OF PARIS
Got a light?
Hang on.
He's gone.
Hey!
You forgot this!
Dad!
Dad!
-Where were you?
-Don't move.
Ready?
Tomorrow morning at nine.
Thank you.
What's wrong, Dad?
You're white as a sheet.
I need a drink.
Don't turn around now.
There's a girl back there.
She's dreadful.
You didn't see her smile.
Looks like a Picasso.
Why are they looking at my briefcase?
Excuse me, Dad. They're looking at me.
Why would they be looking at you?
My briefcase!
Black jackets?
So we won't recognize them.
They're disguised.
I'm going to take a closer look.
That's a nice briefcase, sir.
What do you want with it?
What's so special about it?
You think I don't see what you're up to?
Lay one hand on my briefcase,
and I'll lay you out!
Lout! Gangster! Slacker!
Go hail a taxi!
-Dad…
-Now!
A taxi! The bank closes at four!
-Honey…
-Taxi!
-A taxi…
-Taxi!
A MAN ALONE
GUNFIGHTER
THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER
THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF
PSYCHO
Don't start!
You too? Christ!
Are you trying to draw attention to me?
Jesus!
-You're being ridiculous.
-You know there's 100 million in here!
100 million?
This is all your fault!
You're doing it on purpose.
You want me to get robbed!
-You're trying to kill me!
-Dad!
Please!
Antoine, you're exaggerating.
If it's driving you crazy,
-give it to me.
-No!
-Yes!
-No!
-No!
-Let's go, Danielle.
Good riddance! Where are you going?
Shopping.
We'll meet you once you've
calmed down. At the bank.
What happened?
100 million francs in a briefcase!
So I turn around, and bam!
-100 million?
-Yeah!
That's not right!
What do we do? Let him get away?
Stop him! He didn't pay!
He owes me 400 bucks!
Thief! Catch him!
There he is!
Police!
-There he is!
-What's this?
Give me that.
What do you have in here?
Birds.
-Birds?
-Birds.
Birds?
Come here.
Excuse us, sir,
we had no idea you'd won!
The battle of nerves continues!
Tension in the Far East!
Car crash! 32 dead, zero wounded!
-The battle of nerves continues!
-The sidewalk! Asshole!
What's wrong, sir?
-What's wrong?
-I can't take it.
I can't take it.
Some days you can,
but I can't anymore.
If I didn't have this, but…
-I can't.
-Come on!
You're here, sir!
Thank you.
Let me see…
Welcome, sir.
-Let me take that.
-No.
-These ladies explained everything.
-Well, okay then.
You've got nothing to worry about.
I have some ideas for you
regarding your money.
We'll be more comfortable in my office.
We're having dinner at Maxime's tonight.
-Then supper at Lido.
-Tomorrow, Dior.
Then we'll buy the Alfa Romeo!
There he is!
Dad!
So, are you happy now?
Are you relieved?
Entirely.
He was a very nice gentleman.
He explained that with Saint-Gobain,
Cégédur, and Rio Tinto,
plus a little stainless steel
in the Bull machines,
with Treasury bonds at six percent,
which had been crashing
thanks to an influx
of liquid air in the… thingamajigs…
in the gas.
So, injection, explosion,
liquidation. He liquidated me.
Very kindly, in fact.
He's very Rhône-Poulenc,
a little anaconda.
Hang on. Five percent,
for life, on a concession…
Not a concession, but the money,
the deprecation,
five percent on the depreciable,
on the depreciable,
on the deprecations, he liquidated me.
Five percent for life on the deprecations.
Five percent
on the concessions, on a liquidation…
END
Subtitle translation by: Adam Lozier
buy our daily paper.
Our choice of paper depends on
our personal opinions and concerns.
This man, for instance,
is only interested in stock prices.
This lady reads women's magazines
to find clever solutions
for furnishing her apartment.
These men dream of winning on the horses.
They play their car license plate,
or their mother-in-law's birthday.
This lady reads her horoscope.
Grandma enjoys the local news items.
This young man is checking
the list of shows.
Finally, there's the type
who buys ten papers and reads none.
It's the whiz kid, the rebus freak,
the intellectual superman.
He's always hopeful, always determined.
He knows his time will come,
and he's right.
On every page of the dailies
and the weeklies,
the prizes for all the lottery games
are laid out, just within reach.
Why shouldn't he be one of the lucky ones?
Because they do exist, these lucky people!
You don't know any of them?
In that case,
let us introduce you to a few.
THE MINK
Come in.
-Good morning, sir.
-Hello, Jacqueline.
Are they really going to build that?
Quite a few of them, yes.
Is there a problem?
Two: the bathroom is too big,
and the kitchen is too small.
That's intentional. Most people eat too
much and don't wash enough.
Sir?
Do you know Mauropous' epigrams?
You read Byzantine poetry?
So it seems, sir.
-When did you start doing that?
-This morning, sir.
Well, enjoy it!
99 epigrams in iambic trimeter…
preserved in the
Vaticano greco manuscript.
Thank you very much, sir.
If she starts reading Karl Marx,
we'll have to get a new girl.
Four, five, six, seven, eight. Come in!
One, two, three…
-Hello, ma'am.
-Hello, Jacqueline. 7, 8, 9, 10…
How many mothballs would it take
to fill a fifth-century Sicilian amphora?
18, 19. Who is this a prank on?
No one, ma'am. Just curious.
Four, fix, six. Well, I'd say 2170,
if they're packed tight. One, two…
-Thank you, ma'am.
-Three, four, one, two, three, four.
All these girls have a screw loose…
One, two…
Yes?
Sir, could you tell me which monument
is 187 meters long,
135 wide, and 45 tall…
How many more questions like this
do you have?
So it's not Catholic?
Oh, no, it is indeed.
Those are the dimensions
of St. Peter's Basilica.
Thank you, sir! You're so sweet.
What's with her?
She's starting to worry me.
Come in.
Excuse me, ma'am.
A pastry with bitter almonds,
lemon zest, basil, coffee,
and baking soda…
Isn't that the recipe
for your Brazilian cake?
Yes, but you may not try making it.
But what's it called?
-Being careful.
-No, the name of the cake.
Oh! A Tumucumac.
Thank you. That was my last question!
I hope so,
or I'll have to call in a psychiatrist.
I think the maid is too far gone.
I'm not going to reel her in.
Such a thirst for knowledge.
She must have met an intellectual.
-Or a nutcase.
-Hm…
Sometimes they're one and the same.
She wants to fill an Etruscan vase
with mothballs.
I think you should keep an eye
on who she's seeing.
If she keeps being this strange,
I'll fire her.
Oh, no, please!
Now's not the time.
We might be playing host
to important people soon.
You think your houses for the Maule
factory workers will work?
I'll know in four days.
They liked the blueprints.
FURS CONTEST
WHAT ARE THE EPIGRAMS OF MAUROPOUS?
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
Take that off!
Take what off, ma'am?
What you're wearing.
It's a fur. Don't you like it?
You can wear it to bed,
but spare us the fashion show
while you're working.
Why, ma'am?
The union doesn't forbid maids
wearing furs.
I see it doesn't forbid
the ridiculous, either.
You must think it'd look better
on you, ma'am.
I hate furs. I'm allergic.
I don't want to see it again.
And if I refuse?
Then you can pack your bags.
-Try me.
-I won't say it again.
You're right. Once is enough!
Jacqueline, your spoils of victory
look great on you!
How elegant, how classy!
Take good care of it!
Darling, I have good news!
Me too. I fired the maid.
No! Seriously?
Yes, darling.
-You sure know how to pick a day!
-Why?
-We're having dinner with the Flavignys!
-Sweetie, they picked your blueprints?
Yes, almost. We were supposed
to discuss it over dinner.
-And you invited them here?
-No, no.
-He's taking us out for dinner.
-So what do we need the maid for?
-Not her. Her fur coat.
-Sorry?
Flavigny is one of the biggest
businessmen in France.
He's got money, and he doesn't hide it.
I found out he just bought his wife
a panther coat.
Lucky lady.
To keep up appearances,
I said I'd bought you a coat,
since I knew the maid had one.
Jerome! You're awful!
I'd rather die than wear the maid's coat!
Laura, don't be silly.
He doesn't need to know
we live at your mother's,
that we haven't paid off the car,
and that we haven't eaten caviar in ages.
In business, jealousy works better
than pity.
It's a good thing you didn't say
you had a stable,
or we'd have to eat on horseback.
Darling, come on!
If I build these houses, we'll be set!
And all I need is a fur coat?
If Flavigny thinks I lied to him
about this,
he might think I'm lying
about the estimates, too.
I'm going to go talk to the maid, okay?
You're lucky I love you.
I know, honey.
-May I come in?
-It's your house, sir.
Oh, no! The kitchen is your domain.
Trying to humiliate me more?
No, no, just affirming your rights,
that's all.
Don't wear yourself out. I work freelance.
My dear Jacqueline,
we've known each other long enough
to know that you shouldn't take my wife's
moods seriously.
Don't toy with my emotions.
Enough is enough.
Listen to me! I never wronged you.
No, sir. You've always been quite decent.
-Even a bit distant.
-Is that a criticism?
Oh, no. I wouldn't dare.
Just an observation.
-My God, I've hurt you.
-Oh, no, sir.
It's that serious?
Why didn't you ever tell me?
These things are rather delicate, sir.
No, they can always be worked out.
My darling Jacqueline,
I have a favor to ask of you.
-Go ahead, sir.
-Will you lend me your fur?
I don't think it would suit you.
It's not for me. It's for my wife.
Oh, no! That's horrible.
Lend my fur to her? I'd rather die!
Okay, okay, okay. Forget it.
I thought you were cool.
This really hurts me.
I'd love to, for you, but…
But what?
If she asks me herself, nicely.
Aren't you being a bit catty?
Can you swear that…
you don't like it?
Come on.
There you are.
In principle, we can work things out.
Jacqueline just wants you
to ask her nicely.
-Ask her yourself.
-I already have.
-Very nicely, in fact.
-That wasn't enough?
-No!
-Delusions of grandeur!
-What if we tried--
-Do you see how she is?
But…
Enough, the both of you.
Ask her to lend you her fur.
Lend me your fur.
I don't care for her tone.
Enough! Say "Yes, ma'am."
-Yes, sir.
-Yes, ma'am.
-No, sir.
-You see how she is?
Yes, ma'am! Come on, you little monster.
Yes, ma'am.
Bravo! Now we can all move on.
Come on, shake hands.
Forgive me, I was a little on edge.
I forgive you. It happens.
There! No reason to get so upset, eh?
It's 7:20, honey, hurry up!
Where are my collar stiffeners?
I bought some two days ago.
Jacqueline! Jacqueline!
My collar stiffeners.
-I set them aside.
-Where?
-Let me think.
-Will that take very long?
Well, yes, if you rush me!
Time doesn't wait!
I know!
In the pocket of your hunting jacket.
-I took it to the cleaners yesterday.
-You didn't empty the pockets?
-You're such a little boy.
-It helps me deal with life.
I'll use some matches.
Laura! It's nearly half past seven!
Laura!
Are you crazy?!
Do you know what time it is?!
How soon will you be ready?
-Five hours?
-Minutes.
Are you kidding?!
If you're not dressed in 15 minutes,
I'm going!
Without the fur?
Hurry up, before I sand you down
with an exfoliating glove!
Jacqueline!
Jacqueline! Are my cufflinks
in my hunting jacket as well?
One minute…
Something that women seem to like saying…
Ah! Here.
Where? No, there? I looked already.
Good thing you have me. Will that be all?
For now, yes.
I think I'd better stay within earshot.
Bastard!
The Flavignys are expecting us at 8.
It's 20 to!
Don't panic, honey,
they'll probably be late.
-Christ…
-Hello?
Oh, it's you Martine! How are you?
No, I haven't decided.
I went to a tailor at Esterel's.
Yes, the one Isabelle likes.
-No, not that one, the other one.
-Oh, no!
Goodbye, Martine! Give Georges my best!
You're so rude!
What about the Flavignys?
Where's your dress?
I don't have it. I have nothing to wear.
What about this?
And this? Which one?
None of them go with the fur.
Laura, my love, every minute counts.
Which one?
That one, I guess, just to make you happy.
-Thank you, darling, let me help you…
-Watch my hair!
But it doesn't work anyway!
I don't have any shoes.
Dear Lord, help me not to do
something unforgivable.
Which ones?!
I gave the ones that go
with this dress to the maid.
The maid's going to wind up naked!
Not that you'd mind that.
I've got my eye on you two.
How did you manage
to get the fur from her?
I just asked!
From close up.
This is not the time!
Are you getting dressed?
If you'd bought me a fur coat
instead of a sports car,
I could have bought
something to go with it!
Oh, well!
We're just going to an Italian restaurant,
-not the Tour d'Argent!
-Fine, but I'm not going barefoot.
-Jacqueline! Jacqueline!
-Sir?
-The shoes she gave you?
-These ones, sir?
-May I? I'll give them back tomorrow.
-This is an abuse of power!
-No!
-Take me to the movies?
-Yes, I promise.
-Are you kidding?
Good girls don't go to the movies alone.
Good girls, sure!
-Watch it, ma'am!
-Just put those on!
She stretched them out with her big feet.
That is too far!
Are you happy now?
Of course this was going to happen!
-This is my fault?
-Yes, it's your fault!
I refuse to dress up
for such an unfair man!
Laura, don't do this!
See how she is?
You asked for this!
Shit!
-They're late, aren't they?
-Yes.
-I'll have another cocktail.
-No.
Too bad.
I'm hungry, Elise, aren't you?
-So we're not waiting?
-We've been waiting too long!
Waiter? Bring me a menu, please.
Right away, Mr. Flavigny.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
Georges! I think I see a fur.
My sincerest apologies.
We're terribly late.
Better late than never, Briselier.
Since it's customary for a pretty woman
to make a late entrance,
you have all the right in the world.
Oh, that's funny!
-May I, ma'am?
-No!
Don't touch this!
You'll be too hot, honey. Come on.
Be careful with it, it's fur!
Have a seat, honey,
and don't talk the whole time.
I bought her that little thing
just two days ago, so…
It's very pretty. Your husband spoils you.
I'm sure she deserves it, right?
You know how it is.
-Not always.
-Shall we eat?
I'm going to have a cocktail…
-No, no, no…
-Yes, yes, yes!
Do you want a drink?
You're right, let's have ourselves
a drink.
Sound good?
She's quite lively.
Were you at Cardin's private show?
How'd it end?
Wonderfully! With a wedding dress.
For the siding, I've planned on
double-layer brick walls.
Honey, be careful!
No, it's nothing, really.
Hang on. There.
You're so nice. Isn't he nice?
He looks that way.
Yes, it's about chemistry, isn't it?
For me, it's all in the air.
To come about the foundation,
I had an idea.
-Concrete offers--
-Later, darling!
I told you the bathroom
and kitchen were wrong.
-Really? You think so?
-Yes.
No, don't listen to her.
She doesn't know anything. Eat!
Women should have their say.
And they say it.
Give me that.
Sorry, we haven't been married long.
That's right…
I know an even dirtier one!
Oh, that's enough!
No, why?
She can't hold her Chianti.
Let's get a taxi home.
What's she doing wrong?
Being an adorable little ragamuffin?
By what right
would you hinder her beautiful nature?
Aren't you being hypocritical?
You should have worn a hat, darling.
The weather's changing.
Make sure it doesn't get stormy, then.
I thought that for the entryway,
we could use a movable partition.
You can talk about that at the house!
At the house? Certainly not.
Why not? That'd be nice.
Excellent idea. Unless there's a problem?
Certainly not.
But the house is a mess.
The maid is out, and…
She thinks she can do as she pleases.
She does quite a lot for you though.
We won't look at the mess, we swear.
If you insist, I…
Please excuse me for a moment.
I…
Is he always this agitated?
The poor angel.
He worked so hard on your little shacks.
What can I do? She invited them.
Horrifying!
But she's amusing them.
That's what matters most.
You should go out to the movies.
I'll get rid of them as soon as I can.
No. Do as I say!
Laura, don't hide in your room!
You should have come, then!
This wouldn't be happening!
They're waiting for me. Bye for now.
Bye.
Excuse me.
What are you… What are you doing here?
I thought you were out.
-I changed my mind, sir.
-Come right in.
Don't just stand there!
Go make some drinks.
Hop to it! This way, darling.
Congratulations.
You sure know how to surround yourself.
Right? Please…
What are you playing at?
Seeing what the maid does in my shoes.
I gave her them, right?
This is so charming.
Very presentable for a messy house.
That was an excuse so he could
be alone with his darling wife.
-No, I swear…
-Don't blush, darling!
They can see how affectionate you are.
Excuse me! I'll knock next time.
Who?
Calm down. What do you want?
The ice tray is stuck.
Pull on the left and use a screwdriver.
-I broke it.
-Great! You're not wasting time.
I'll come, honey… Honey, I'm going to go.
No, let me do it.
I make refrigerators. After you.
Don't worry about it.
No, it's my pleasure.
Have a seat next to me.
Don't you think life is crazy?
Oh, yes, ma'am!
It's a good thing we have our
little secret lives.
Yes.
A few hours just to ourself.
Sometimes in pairs.
Oh, you know.
-There!
-You're so kind.
You don't belong in this kitchen.
It's temporary, sir.
-How much do you make here?
-Enough.
What would you say to a…
a little coat like your boss's?
-For what, sir?
-Do you like the countryside?
-Seen from a bedroom?
-A well-heated one.
-I sleep with the window open.
-Who said anything about sleeping?
You, sir, unless I misunderstood.
No. Pretty women are made to be spoiled.
Let me tear you away from this
dull life once a week.
Should I expect ice cubes today?
Serve us in my office. This way.
Why the rush?
Time is money.
You know that, you're a man of industry.
I'll show you the model.
It was a little too big
to take to the restaurant, but I figure
you'd like to see it now.
As you can see,
the proportions are such that comfort
isn't sacrificed for function, and--
It's perfect. Don't change a thing.
We'll sign the papers tomorrow.
You name the time.
Just between us, man to man,
I have to admit something.
Go ahead.
I find your maid very attractive.
-Really?
-Yes. Do you think she's available?
Oh, no. Absolutely not.
I'm sorry, but you have no chance.
I don't think that's true.
-Did she imply that--
-No, not yet.
But I think I spotted
certain promises in her eyes.
Oh, no.
Believe me, she won't keep them.
No, look elsewhere.
Come in!
Shall I put this on the desk, sir?
Well don't throw it out the window!
Don't be so harsh on her.
Look at her. Really look.
-Oh, I know her.
-No, look more closely.
The gracefulness of her movements,
the suppleness of her hips…
She must have a great little body.
That'll be all! Go to bed.
-But sir…
-Go!
You're acting strangely.
Her family entrusted her to me.
My father and her father
were in the war together,
in a tank.
It would be extremely ungrateful of you
to try to woo the daughter of a veteran.
That's no reason to sentence her
to solitude.
When you're a hero's daughter,
you're never alone.
You remember.
Excuse me. I didn't know. After all,
there are other women in Paris.
Come dance!
-Starting with yours.
-I'd prefer that!
I mean, it's different, since…
I'll be right in.
What a bastard… the nerve…
Oh, I love jade!
And exotic fruits!
You're more into Japanese stamps, right?
Oh, that's very out of fashion.
I have a delightful collection
of Swedish dolls,
a nice studio apartment
with a mute concierge…
And a blind wife?
Your philodendron is dying.
It needs water!
That's right, I forgot.
I don't let anyone else
take care of my ferns.
I love playing gardener.
There's a watering can on the balcony.
A watering can? That's nice.
She's funny!
Yes. In small doses.
What would you say to a little
sports car for running your errands?
With everything I need,
I think I'd prefer a truck.
-You're still here!
-I'm hungry.
Eat in the bedroom! Your little trick
with Flavigny went too far!
And your new wife kissing your neck?
Whose fault is that?
If you think I enjoy this…
You didn't look too upset.
Laura! I don't give a damn about the maid.
And if I see him feeling you up again,
I'll kick his ass!
Don't be silly, darling.
You love me that much?
What do you think?
Where am I?
Now I see why you don't have time
to water your flowers.
Are you coming?
-What's gotten into you?
-Come!
What's with her? Excuse me.
What's wrong?
Look in there and you'll see.
-They're a very modern couple.
-Yes.
-We shouldn't be here. Come.
-Elise, don't be so old-fashioned.
Thank you. I said, come!
You're going?
I'll come for coffee tomorrow.
I like your blueprints more and more.
I said no, Georges.
Categorically no.
Very well, honey. Sorry.
Unfortunately,
she owns 51% of the company.
-Flavigny!
-Coming, darling.
She finds your plans
a bit too revolutionary.
What a shame.
What did he mean?
I did what I could.
In fact, I think I deserve a raise.
-You'll get it!
-With what?
Don't worry, I have an idea.
Better to inspire jealousy than pity.
If the lady needs my fur…
Thank you, I'll figure it out.
Isn't that right, honey?
What does that mean?
JASSEAU FURS
Ah!
With a coat like this…
I'll win all your clients over!
And now, we attack.
Attack what, a bank?
FINE DINING
So, are you glad to have won,
Mr. Brigeton?
THE GOLDEN CHICKEN
Brigeton, the contest, the meal,
that's me!
Sir, the cloakroom!
The Poularde d'Or is pleased
and proud to welcome you, sir.
Allow me to present my compliments
and welcome you, Mr…?
Brigeton. To start, I'll have--
Yes, one moment, Mr. Proncton
-Brigeton.
-Very well.
This way, Mr. Crouton.
We've been expecting you…
If you'd take your seat.
Yes, indeed…
Here we go!
So I'll start with the--
-May I take your hat?
-I'm fighting off a cold.
The hors-d'œuvres!
The hors-d'œuvres!
Let's not waste any time.
He seems hesitant.
-Oh!
-Truffles à la royale.
That's just what I need!
It's too small! We can't see it!
Bring him a big bowl of caviar!
Caviar!
With a ladle, so it looks better!
Caviar with a ladle.
May I?
What are you waiting for?
Stop!
When we say "stop,"
you have to stop moving!
Let's try again.
One more time.
Okay, thanks. Bring the chicken…
And the lobster at the same time.
One on each side.
Service.
Okay, thanks.
Now for the desserts?
Hey!
Dessert!
Pick one! We don't have all day!
Yes, but… That one!
No, that one's too small!
Bring him a pineapple or a coconut,
something we can see!
Well…
Great! Thanks! See you Monday!
Don't you think a photo of him
shaking my hand…
If you insist. Okay, here we go.
Smile, old boy!
You're supposed to be happy!
Thank you!
Don't forget, my name is written
with two S's and an E at the end.
Like "mousse."
Stay, eat something!
No time. Liz Taylor's mother
lands at Orly in 35 minutes!
I'll walk you out.
Nice to meet you, sir.
Make yourself at home.
But without the hat.
Excuse me.
All right, take this away.
-Hurry up.
-Okay.
I'm still a bit hungry, though.
This room is reserved, sir.
but I'll have you moved.
This way.
Louis, find him a table in the back,
but get rid of him fast.
Hurry up!
My hat! My hat!
Oh…
Excuse me, I'll bring you another
right away.
Tell the chef I'm a hat size seven.
They're on dessert. Have a seat.
Bon appétit.
Hello.
Ma'am, sir…
Excuse me.
Ma'am, sir…
My big teddy bear!
My little honeybun!
Your little honeybun
loves her big teddy bear!
Big teddy bear loves his little honeybun
even more!
Does honeybun want a coffee?
Whatever my big teddy bear wants!
Sweetheart would like a piece of bread.
When I was little,
they used to call me sweetheart.
-Celery?
-À la Chambord, sir!
But…
Have you seen my celery?
Someone took my celery!
That would never have happened
before the Great War.
Here, beef tenderloin
with golden potatoes.
How's this different
from a steak with fries?
The price.
If you ever cheated on me,
I'd kill myself.
I dare you!
Don't say that. I'm a passionate woman!
Oh, please… People are watching us.
Just let me cut myself one bite.
Then you can have it back.
Don't be silly, Virginie. Give me that.
Thank you, sir. You're so kind.
And she's spirited.
-Your coffees.
-Thank you.
-Here, sweetie!
-Thanks, baby!
-Let's go the movies.
-Yes!
-We can see the latest Bardot.
-No!
You always say it's the latest one.
-I adore you.
-My legs are as nice as hers.
-Among other things.
-What do you mean?
What do you think of my legs?
Will you marry me? Brigeton.
-I forbid you to look at her legs!
-She asked me to!
-Put them away!
-You don't like them?
Save some for me!
I said hide them!
And I advise you to look at your plate!
You'll get what's coming to you, trust me!
-You would never!
-It's already done!
You won't touch a hair on her head
so long as I'm alive!
This isn't any of your business!
It is now, sir.
You little monster,
you're crushing my shoulder.
Let her go or things will get ugly!
Apple or grapes?
-Banana!
-A peach for the gastronome!
Sir…
You've made a huge mistake.
The owner is a friend of mine.
I'm a guest here.
I could cause a scene--
Go right ahead, sweetheart!
The competition menu! You're crazy!
Crazy for this woman here.
-Oh, honeybun!
-Oh, teddy bear!
-Oh, you…
-Oh, you…
-Here's your apricot.
-Take it back.
-Coffee?
-No, no coffee.
-Then here's the check.
-I was invited.
By whom?
The Français Malin, the…
-How much is it?
-18,260, including your friends' tab.
Oh? Because…
Well…
I have 600 francs. Keep it.
There's always a way to work things out.
But I--
THE STAR
RADIO-TELEVISION CONTEST
FIRST PRIZE:
AN EVENING WITH PATRICIA PADINGTON
Holy cow!
You're still in short pants, kid!
I'd give her the time of her life!
You seen yourself?
The contest's open to everyone!
Can you see yourself with Miss Paddington?
A candlelit dinner, romantic music?
Silk scarf, bathrobe,
with a sofa as soft as brioche?
Wow! Is that what it's like?
Don't you get it? You don't measure up!
Man, that'd give you some real hang-ups!
Do you know the winner?
Not at all, but I'm very pleased.
What will the evening consist of,
Miss Paddington?
I don't know, but it's going
to be very nice and very fun.
Like everything Mr. Sam does.
Do you have anything particular
you'd like to declare?
Oh, yes! I'm very pleased.
Everyone is so nice.
Patricia!
Excuse me.
Now Miss Paddington
heads to the private rooms
of Mr. Sam Chips,
where she will await the winner
of this evening,
sponsored by Chips, armor for the scalp.
Sir, do you have dandruff?
Ma'am, are you losing your hair?
Are your children itchy?
Chips, Chips. Cut!
What's wrong?
So, are you happy?
-Oh, yes.
-Patience is a virtue.
Give me a kiss.
Put my shoes on, honey.
-Ow!
-What a klutz!
I was so careful.
I wonder if you deserve it.
Put them on yourself, then.
I try so hard,
and what do I get in return?
Promises.
The other girls are already
on the big screen!
You're complaining?
I get you on the billboards,
I change your name
from Raymonde to Patricia,
I get you on TV and radio,
and all of France
dreams of spending an evening with you,
and you can't even put my shoes on?
Who is this Taquet who won?
What do I care?
-Miss Patricia Paddington.
-Who's asking?
I'm Taquet. For the contest.
-Have a seat.
-Thanks.
I'm Taquet.
Well, don't mind me.
Excuse me.
-Go on, show some class.
-You old cobblestone!
If I hadn't been near the gutter,
I'd never have met you!
-Smile, please!
-Smile, they said.
Thank you!
-The bedroom?
-In the back.
Thank you.
So, have you had a drink?
Any champagne?
-Hey!
-The real stuff!
Don't they know how much
this is costing me?
Sam!
Where the heck is this Taquet guy?
A guy wins an evening
with Patricia Paddington,
not to mention 12 large bottles of Chips,
and he's making us wait?
What a world! Excuse me,
but in my day, I'd have shown up early.
This Taquet's going to hear from me!
Whenever you're ready, I'm ready.
What is that I see?
Sorry?
Why?
Well, that's just as well.
Taquet. Delighted. Excuse me.
Very nice, no hang-ups at all.
Perfect. Excuse me.
I think she might just seduce me.
No sign of him. We'll just do without.
Where'd he come from?
That's Sam Chips.
-Oh! Taquet. Delighted.
-You're Taquet?
Weren't you expecting me?
He's here now, that's what matters.
Let's finish up with the thing already.
I agree entirely.
Gentlemen, you can go now.
Dear Patricia, I'm all yours!
A photo, gentlemen!
Great idea! A souvenir.
All right, a quick run-down
of the evening:
Dinner by candlelight,
very nice, very nice.
-Could you take this glass?
-Yes.
This is cheap stuff.
-Higher!
-Okay.
Higher!
Couldn't you lift the camera?
-What are your thoughts?
-Well, I'm…
-And you, Miss?
-Well…
-I'm not done.
-It doesn't matter.
I'm so happy that Mr. Catette--
Taquet.
Sorry, that's what I meant.
No problem.
…that Mr. Taquet won the contest.
He's so nice. I'm so happy.
I knew we were made for--
-Taquet, lift your leg!
-What? Why?
This guy's an idiot!
All right, let's finish up.
One last photo on the sofa.
Well, things are really getting going!
After this, you can take your 12 bottles.
Thanks for coming by.
Taquet! You call that a pose?
-A pose?
-Yeah!
Strike a voluptuous pose.
-In public?
-Just for the photo.
My God, what an ambiance.
-Poor thing!
-On your knees!
-Please!
-Please.
-How easy is that?
-The other way!
Please.
Think about it.
What's that?
-What?
-Your bathrobe. O'Cedar.
It's mine, from my last contest.
I do them all.
-And you always win?
-Always.
Take it off.
Oh, no, out of the question.
Absolutely out of the question.
You want your photos, fine, great,
but this is no orgy!
My word! Patricia, come here.
What do you think this is?
You dare ask me that, you revolting man?
Leave.
-What did they do?
-Don't be afraid, darling.
You'll understand when you're older.
Artistic nudity? What next?
One thing is certain:
we love each other.
Let's not panic.
I'll marry you. There.
I'd like to name our first child Raoul,
in memory of my uncle Antoine.
I'll introduce you to Mother tomorrow.
Am I forgetting anything? Ah!
Regarding your blood type,
are there any problems?
Positive, negative?
-Who?
-Charming.
In my case, anyway, no problems.
Iron, steel: it can do anything.
This is a weapon, ma'am!
So, are you happy?
Don't touch me! I'll jump out the window!
Where am I?
I don't understand.
-She jumped out the window.
-My bird!
Taquet, you'll pay for this! Patricia!
Raymonde, Raymonde!
Let's go, men! We'll find her!
Patricia, where are you?
-Miss Paddington!
-Don't let anyone in.
-He's a lech!.
-A lech? Where is he?
Sam, open up!
It's Patricia.
Yes, Patricia, it's me.
Look what a state she's in.
Have they no shame?
Beauty, grace, intelligence…
How do you do, pussycat?
I need to revive her.
And a sadist to boot!
He'll ruin her! I'm calling the cops!
We're alone, now. There's nothing to fear.
Those brutes are gone.
My poor thing, how could you,
so pure, so distinguished,
have fallen into their hands?
All that I love…
So romantic…
A little music couldn't hurt.
You have nothing to worry about.
I make a fine living.
These days, I get a new bicycle
twice a year.
With your income, we'll do great.
We'll live at Mother's.
With all the modern conveniences,
no more washing or ironing to do.
You'll live like a queen.
I can see it now! Stylish.
We'll change the wallpaper.
The stores are right next door,
and the bus stop right out front…
And on Sundays, the Marne!
No one's ever spoken to me that way.
Yes, I know, I take people by surprise.
Hello, police?
Can you hear me?
Sam Chips. Chips lotions,
dandruff, ever heard of me?
Anyway, a lech,
a dangerous individual,
is out attacking women.
Send everyone you've got!
-Soliciting, Vice Squad.
-Taquet. Who's this about?
-About a lech.
-Okay then.
Let me show you the voyeurs!
I see. Dirty photos?
I'll take care of them.
Officer, please, do something!
But…
Corporal? I've got the lech!
59, rue de Passy.
But I'm surrounded by peeping toms.
Send reinforcements!
It's him!
Politics. What a waste.
They should put on a contest
for the government, then I might run.
If I won…
Are you quite done?
Sleep well, Mr. Taquet!
I caught the bastards! Thank you!
At your service.
What a neighborhood!
Call me Raymonde.
THE YACHT
FIRST PRIZE: A YACHT
I won!
That's funny.
I thought I missed two questions.
Yes?
-Hello, boss.
-Hello, Philippe.
Sorry I'm late.
I was up late last night studying the
offers from the Swedish buyers.
That's great.
We'll discuss it when I get back.
-You're leaving?
-Yes.
I'm on a great lead. Confidential.
Excuse me, I need to speak to my wife.
Yes?
-Hello, Zabette.
-Hello, Riri.
Zabette, something's come up.
I have to take an urgent trip
on some tire business, in Brussels.
-In Belgium.
-Yes, I know.
-You know?
-I know that Brussels is in Belgium.
So I'm going to pack my bags
and hop on the next plane.
Don't forget your wool sweaters, then,
it gets cold up there.
I'll bet I come back tanned!
Say, I'd like to go see
Aunt Agathe while you're away.
-Wonderful idea.
-Right?
If she's shaved,
I'll give her a kiss for you.
I'm kidding!
Where's my kiss?
-Bye, Zabette.
-Bye, Riri…
-Stay warm!
-I will!
The lady is in her room, sir.
-And?
-She'd like to speak to you privately.
-What does she want?
-I do not know, sir.
Hello? Corinne?
Henri Duchemin!
Yes.
Well, in business,
as with women, I don't give up easily.
I already told you no.
A cruise in the Mediterranean?
Well, that changes everything!
You won a yacht?
How?
The contest in the paper. Read this.
The contest?
"Duchemin, 17 Avenue Kléber". It's true.
Don't tell my husband.
He thinks they're stupid.
Philippe, we're going to get this boat
and bring it back here to surprise Henri!
Ma'am, you said "we"…
-You and I, Philippe!
-Oh!
What?
You're just the man I need!
I need a captain!
You've won a dozen regattas.
Why not you?
Aren't you afraid that Mr. Duchemin…
What?
Then he might take umbrage…
About us? That'd be dreadful of him.
And not so nice on my part. Don't worry.
You're a charming boy.
My husband's face when he gets back
from Brussels and sees the yacht!
It'll be positively medieval. Oh, sorry!
So, where's this yacht?
I called the port office.
I asked them to bring it right away.
We'll see soon!
Isn't it nice here?
Capri for the lady
and Palma for the gentleman.
-Adjoining rooms?
-Yes.
-Darling!
-My big bear!
Welcome.
Two rooms, please, with an ocean view.
Very well. Antibes and Monte Carlo!
-Adjoining?
-No.
Ah. I'm having a yacht delivered.
Let me know when it arrives.
-Of course, ma'am.
-Philippe.
A yacht…
Ah…
Do you like it?
-I've seen worse.
-This way, sir.
Ah!
Thank you.
Beat it.
-Open up!
-I don't have the key.
Huh?
I don't have the key.
What…
What kind of a hotel is this?
-There you are.
-Thank you, sir.
-Philippe!
-Ma'am?
Hurry, let's go see the sea.
Right away, ma'am.
What is it?
So?
Is this lie true? There's no key?
One minute more and I'd have been naked!
I'll come back in one minute.
-Mr. Duchemin!
-Mr. Duchemin?
Call me Henri.
He's asking for Mrs. Duchemin.
-Where is this man?
-At the bar.
I'll go get the key.
I'd like to get the key for the door
between Palma and Capri.
Of course. My apologies. Where is that?
-Hello, sailor.
-Mrs. Duchemin?
-That's right.
-The boat's here.
You mean my yacht!
It's not exactly Newfoundland.
It's cute! It sails well?
It can hold its drink, as it were.
Like me.
Always thirsty.
-Yes, okay!
-Excellent.
-Here it is, sir.
-Thank you.
Don't forget: disorganization
is the road to bankruptcy.
-Give this man something to drink.
-I'll call the barman.
-Quickly, I'm in a hurry.
-Yes.
-Ma'am?
-Ma'am.
It's silly, but the bell's not working,
and I forgot my perfume.
I'd be glad to help you out if I can.
-Really, I--
-No, please, come.
-Come in.
-Thank you.
Got it!
Corinne?
Have you seen a lady?
-Who? Mrs. Duchemin?
-No!
Where is Mrs. Duchemin?
I showed her the boat.
She bought me a drink.
-Ah! Where is it?
-I drank it.
No, the yacht! The yacht!
Oh! The boat?
I am Mr. Duchemin.
Right this way, boss.
-There it is, boss.
-Ah!
Streamlined! As elegant as a bird.
-You brought it here?
-Sure did.
Made me thirsty.
Follow me.
Say, barman.
Yes, sir?
A drink for the gentleman.
I'll be right back.
Go ahead, boss. I'll take my break.
Thank you so much, ma'am.
I'll bring it right back.
-No, keep it.
-I couldn't.
-It's my pleasure.
-Thank you!
So, princess, we're playing hide and seek?
I didn't have any perfume,
and a lady gave me hers.
That smells good.
That smells good.
Excuse me!
There's no problem.
Hi!
Philippe!
Philippe?
-Someone's asking for you.
-We weigh anchor in ten minutes.
-If I want to.
-Excuse me?
Oh, it's you, ma'am! Excuse me.
As you say.
As for you, give me back that perfume.
Meow!
Meow!
One second, sir! Have a nice vacation.
What now?
Surprise!
-What do you think?
-You're poison.
Are you done fooling around?
I hate being rushed.
Go wait for me on the boat.
-With champagne?
-That's right.
-And caviar toast?
-No butter!
Scotch!
Hey!
What…? Ah.
-Make it two!
-Two!
So, sailor, you brought the boat?
That yacht!
Yes, how's she sail?
She floats.
Yes…
Are you going to steer her?
This looks promising.
I'm going to take a look.
I'll come with you.
Oh…
A scotch!
Why don't you just leave us the bottle.
Thanks. If you don't like this,
we can switch you to beer.
Are you able to pilot?
I'd like to cast off today!
The weather's bad. Careful.
You should switch to beer.
On my tab.
On his tab.
Say, barman.
About the beer. I can't hold it.
What'd you say?
I said I can't hold my beer!
That's fine. Drink almond syrup.
Did you see anyone take my hat?
-It's right there, sir.
-It…
It's much too big for me.
Some people, alcohol makes 'em crazy.
Which do you prefer?
This one?
I'll be right up!
Hm…
That one.
Hm…
I like this one.
How about neither? That's better.
Oh!
Wait until we're at sea.
Is that so?
At sea…
-Are you all right, sir?
-I'm fine.
Just fine.
A little drink!
-It happens.
-We've seen worse.
Coming round Cape Horn. Isn't that right?
Yes!
We haven't had a storm like this
since '26.
That's my ration!
Captain! I'll fill in for you!
Tie down the cargo!
Batten down the hatches!
Make fast the mainsail!
On the double, ye idlers!
What are you going to do?
-Get changed.
-I sure hope so.
You're the elder.
I'm sorry I can't hit you,
but I have a date
with a charming young man.
I'm freezing. Do you have any perfume?
I know where we can find some.
Am I bothering you?
Don't be silly.
What are you doing here?
DO NOT DISTURB
THE JACKPOT
No one's here?
Where are the owners?
They won the lottery!
100 million!
-100 million?
-Yes!
-Good Lord!
-They went to Paris to collect it!
Hey!
Slow down!
-Shall we?
-Mhmm.
Okay then.
-Sir.
-Hello.
-Sir.
-Sir?
-Antoine Beaurepaire.
-Ah!
-De Barbezieu.
-Ah…
-My wife.
-Ah.
-My daughter.
-Ah.
Is that all you're going to say?
I'd like a room.
-A room?
-A room with beds.
I'm terribly sorry, sir,
but we only have suites available.
-A suite?
-A suite?
What kind of sweets?
A suite, sir.
It's a three-room apartment, living room,
dining room, and dressing room.
50,000 francs a day.
So?
50,000 francs, sir. Per day.
-We'll take it.
-Send the sweets!
We just won the National Lottery--
We won the jackpot!
Antoine!
We haven't got the money yet!
Give me that.
Okay, go ahead.
Come on.
I won't rest easy
till the cash is in here.
Come on.
Taxi!
Taxi!
Ta--
Oh, stop it. You're so nervous!
I won't rest easy
till the money's in here.
Sorry, Pa!
How much farther?
We're here, sir.
100 million!
-100 million!
-100 million!
NATIONAL LOTTERY GRAND PRIZE
And 500,000, which makes 100 million.
Be careful!
So? Did you get it?
-Yes!
-Can you rest easy now?
-No.
-What's wrong?
Well?
Go left!
Don't touch it!
Dad!
To the bank. 42, Avenue Brunois.
-Dad!
-Wait.
-What about us?
-Get in.
Quick, to the bank! Quick!
-Father.
-Hm?
-Do you remember you promised us presents?
-Yes, but wait. It's 2:30.
First the bank, then we'll see.
I don't feel like wandering around Paris
with…
With what?
-With birds.
-What birds?
With the birds we won.
We're going to put them in cages.
What are you talking about?
We're going to put the birds
in their cages!
So no one steals them.
Ah…
So nobody finds our birds!
I won't rest easy till we're at the bank.
Then I'll just transfer the birds
to the Limoges branch, and voila.
We'll be golden.
Ah…
Hmm…
-Do you understand?
-Yes.
But what birds are you talking about?
Ma'am, you husband means
he wants to put his money in the bank.
In the bank? But Dad, you promised us.
-You promised us!
-Hey!
-It's true!
-To the bank!
-She's right.
-Who's in charge here?
Who's in charge?
To the bank! To the bank!
Now!
Who's in charge here?
You pick, father.
You're in charge.
Two sets.
-How much?
-500,000.
-That's three sets there.
-Ah.
850.
Yowza…
This one might be prettier.
Less flashy. Perhaps?
More reasonable.
Thank you.
You'll see, it's a good investment.
I'll put it in a case for you.
That's okay. I'm going to wear it out.
But I can…
There.
Excuse me, sir.
Will you be paying by check or in cash?
In cash.
Take out the ammunition.
Where's the bathroom?
Down the hall on the left.
Thank you.
One second, sir. Mr. Charles? Mr. Louis?
Would you be so courteous
as to accompany the gentleman?
It's Dad!
500. It's all here!
-There you go.
-Dad, come see!
This is the bracelet I want.
Will you buy it? You promised!
-Father…
-It's an investment.
200.
Mr. Charles? Mr. Louis?
Hey!
Hey, I'm next.
Watch it!
Dad, a taxi!
Come on!
Taxi!
BANK CUSTOMER MUGGED BY STRANGER
IN THE HEART OF PARIS
Got a light?
Hang on.
He's gone.
Hey!
You forgot this!
Dad!
Dad!
-Where were you?
-Don't move.
Ready?
Tomorrow morning at nine.
Thank you.
What's wrong, Dad?
You're white as a sheet.
I need a drink.
Don't turn around now.
There's a girl back there.
She's dreadful.
You didn't see her smile.
Looks like a Picasso.
Why are they looking at my briefcase?
Excuse me, Dad. They're looking at me.
Why would they be looking at you?
My briefcase!
Black jackets?
So we won't recognize them.
They're disguised.
I'm going to take a closer look.
That's a nice briefcase, sir.
What do you want with it?
What's so special about it?
You think I don't see what you're up to?
Lay one hand on my briefcase,
and I'll lay you out!
Lout! Gangster! Slacker!
Go hail a taxi!
-Dad…
-Now!
A taxi! The bank closes at four!
-Honey…
-Taxi!
-A taxi…
-Taxi!
A MAN ALONE
GUNFIGHTER
THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER
THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF
PSYCHO
Don't start!
You too? Christ!
Are you trying to draw attention to me?
Jesus!
-You're being ridiculous.
-You know there's 100 million in here!
100 million?
This is all your fault!
You're doing it on purpose.
You want me to get robbed!
-You're trying to kill me!
-Dad!
Please!
Antoine, you're exaggerating.
If it's driving you crazy,
-give it to me.
-No!
-Yes!
-No!
-No!
-Let's go, Danielle.
Good riddance! Where are you going?
Shopping.
We'll meet you once you've
calmed down. At the bank.
What happened?
100 million francs in a briefcase!
So I turn around, and bam!
-100 million?
-Yeah!
That's not right!
What do we do? Let him get away?
Stop him! He didn't pay!
He owes me 400 bucks!
Thief! Catch him!
There he is!
Police!
-There he is!
-What's this?
Give me that.
What do you have in here?
Birds.
-Birds?
-Birds.
Birds?
Come here.
Excuse us, sir,
we had no idea you'd won!
The battle of nerves continues!
Tension in the Far East!
Car crash! 32 dead, zero wounded!
-The battle of nerves continues!
-The sidewalk! Asshole!
What's wrong, sir?
-What's wrong?
-I can't take it.
I can't take it.
Some days you can,
but I can't anymore.
If I didn't have this, but…
-I can't.
-Come on!
You're here, sir!
Thank you.
Let me see…
Welcome, sir.
-Let me take that.
-No.
-These ladies explained everything.
-Well, okay then.
You've got nothing to worry about.
I have some ideas for you
regarding your money.
We'll be more comfortable in my office.
We're having dinner at Maxime's tonight.
-Then supper at Lido.
-Tomorrow, Dior.
Then we'll buy the Alfa Romeo!
There he is!
Dad!
So, are you happy now?
Are you relieved?
Entirely.
He was a very nice gentleman.
He explained that with Saint-Gobain,
Cégédur, and Rio Tinto,
plus a little stainless steel
in the Bull machines,
with Treasury bonds at six percent,
which had been crashing
thanks to an influx
of liquid air in the… thingamajigs…
in the gas.
So, injection, explosion,
liquidation. He liquidated me.
Very kindly, in fact.
He's very Rhône-Poulenc,
a little anaconda.
Hang on. Five percent,
for life, on a concession…
Not a concession, but the money,
the deprecation,
five percent on the depreciable,
on the depreciable,
on the deprecations, he liquidated me.
Five percent for life on the deprecations.
Five percent
on the concessions, on a liquidation…
END
Subtitle translation by: Adam Lozier