Les lézards (2012) - full transcript
Leon and his pal Bruno are in a Turkish bathhouse where Leon had arranged to meet a girl he met on the Internet. Our two heroes experience strange encounters and vaporous revelations as ...
My scalp is sweating.
My feet are sweating.
Even my dick is sweating.
Well, keep your towel on.
LIZARDS
What are we doing here?
- Isn't it obvious?
- What?
I'm sick of the usual tactics.
Meeting them at the zoo
or a restaurant.
I thought the zoo worked well.
What would you have done at the zoo?
Hidden, as usual.
Watched us from afar,
then given me your opinion.
In our post-date debriefing.
But modern women cheat.
Lip gloss, push-up bras and girdles.
All that stuff.
We've been fooled too many times.
At least here in the sauna,
no false advertising.
You really think she'll strip off?
At least to her bathing suit.
Maybe even topless.
Right.
It's weird she agreed to meet here.
You think?
Could that be her?
I don't know.
On the website
she only mentions her eyes.
It's so steamy.
Let me see.
Does she look like the photo?
You've got me wondering.
I can hear you.
Really?
Excuse me, did you happen
to come here for a date?
With me?
Not to my knowledge.
You're not really my type.
I prefer your friend.
Seriously?
You have the face of a whipped puppy.
- I do?
- Actually, yes.
Don't worry,
women love men who look like dogs.
You seem unaware
of your seductive power.
If I weren't married,
I'd ask you back to my stall.
Right now.
Wouldn't take much.
Nod and I'm yours.
But you're married.
I left my ring in the locker.
Wouldn't take much.
Nod and I'm yours.
Are you being serious?
What do you think?
You're just messing with me.
Yep.
Evening, gentlemen.
Mind if I plop my ass down here?
Where the fuck is she?
Don't you think
she looked like Florence?
What?
The topless chick.
Don't go there, please.
There was something about her.
Something?
Not physically,
more in the way she carried herself.
She reminded you of Florence
and you would've jumped her?
And what did I ask you?
What do you mean?
I asked you
to never mention her name around me.
I thought you'd moved on.
You thought wrong.
So...
what's the other chick's name?
Your date?
I don't know.
You don't know,
but you're meeting her in a sauna?
You know...
She's using a pseudonym.
What is it?
FoxyLady78.
FoxyLady78?
You know, 78 is her zip code.
That's common online.
Classy.
So what's yours? HornDog93?
No.
Tell me.
No, I will not.
My pseudonym is subtle.
I don't think she's coming.
Who asked you?
I have this friend who does that.
She goes on internet sites,
all that jazz.
Hits on guys. You know, losers.
Stands 'em up.
Sends someone to film 'em on the sly.
My friend totally does that.
Who asked you?
Listen to me.
She totally does that.
She signs up on websites.
Like you probably did.
- Gets 'em hot.
- This is different.
Says she'll meet 'em
at the sauna and all that.
But instead,
she sends someone else to film 'em!
Losers. Some of 'em wait for hours.
You should see it.
It's kinda long to watch,
but it's a total crack-up.
Anyway.
Have a nice night.
Later, dudes.
Later.
That guy was weird.
Yeah.
What're you doing?
Checking for cameras.
You thought she looked like her?
The topless chick?
Topless chick?
Like Florence?
Yeah.
I thought she was off-limits.
Yeah, but now I'm asking you.
Yes, she reminded me of her.
It's so bizarre.
It's harder and harder for me
to remember her.
I mean, in detail.
She's getting all fuzzy.
That's a good sign, right?
Yeah.
What was that song again?
The one she always used to sing?
By that group with the weird name...
- Belle and Sebastian.
- That's it.
- Would you sing it for me?
- No.
Help me remember.
Why remember?
Never mind.
That's the one.
That song is so great.
And...
You know the lyrics by heart, wow!
I always pick that song
for karaoke.
Karaoke, you?
Well, we got a good steam anyway.
My skin is so soft now.
Mine too.
Let me see.
Wow.
We should get going.
Yeah.
This place has a weird vibe.
You go on, I'm staying.
Don't worry.
Is my hair ok?
At least see what he looks like.
Good evening.
The one on the right.
Look how he's staring at you.
Subtitles by Sionann O'Neill
Subtitling TITRA FILM Paris
My feet are sweating.
Even my dick is sweating.
Well, keep your towel on.
LIZARDS
What are we doing here?
- Isn't it obvious?
- What?
I'm sick of the usual tactics.
Meeting them at the zoo
or a restaurant.
I thought the zoo worked well.
What would you have done at the zoo?
Hidden, as usual.
Watched us from afar,
then given me your opinion.
In our post-date debriefing.
But modern women cheat.
Lip gloss, push-up bras and girdles.
All that stuff.
We've been fooled too many times.
At least here in the sauna,
no false advertising.
You really think she'll strip off?
At least to her bathing suit.
Maybe even topless.
Right.
It's weird she agreed to meet here.
You think?
Could that be her?
I don't know.
On the website
she only mentions her eyes.
It's so steamy.
Let me see.
Does she look like the photo?
You've got me wondering.
I can hear you.
Really?
Excuse me, did you happen
to come here for a date?
With me?
Not to my knowledge.
You're not really my type.
I prefer your friend.
Seriously?
You have the face of a whipped puppy.
- I do?
- Actually, yes.
Don't worry,
women love men who look like dogs.
You seem unaware
of your seductive power.
If I weren't married,
I'd ask you back to my stall.
Right now.
Wouldn't take much.
Nod and I'm yours.
But you're married.
I left my ring in the locker.
Wouldn't take much.
Nod and I'm yours.
Are you being serious?
What do you think?
You're just messing with me.
Yep.
Evening, gentlemen.
Mind if I plop my ass down here?
Where the fuck is she?
Don't you think
she looked like Florence?
What?
The topless chick.
Don't go there, please.
There was something about her.
Something?
Not physically,
more in the way she carried herself.
She reminded you of Florence
and you would've jumped her?
And what did I ask you?
What do you mean?
I asked you
to never mention her name around me.
I thought you'd moved on.
You thought wrong.
So...
what's the other chick's name?
Your date?
I don't know.
You don't know,
but you're meeting her in a sauna?
You know...
She's using a pseudonym.
What is it?
FoxyLady78.
FoxyLady78?
You know, 78 is her zip code.
That's common online.
Classy.
So what's yours? HornDog93?
No.
Tell me.
No, I will not.
My pseudonym is subtle.
I don't think she's coming.
Who asked you?
I have this friend who does that.
She goes on internet sites,
all that jazz.
Hits on guys. You know, losers.
Stands 'em up.
Sends someone to film 'em on the sly.
My friend totally does that.
Who asked you?
Listen to me.
She totally does that.
She signs up on websites.
Like you probably did.
- Gets 'em hot.
- This is different.
Says she'll meet 'em
at the sauna and all that.
But instead,
she sends someone else to film 'em!
Losers. Some of 'em wait for hours.
You should see it.
It's kinda long to watch,
but it's a total crack-up.
Anyway.
Have a nice night.
Later, dudes.
Later.
That guy was weird.
Yeah.
What're you doing?
Checking for cameras.
You thought she looked like her?
The topless chick?
Topless chick?
Like Florence?
Yeah.
I thought she was off-limits.
Yeah, but now I'm asking you.
Yes, she reminded me of her.
It's so bizarre.
It's harder and harder for me
to remember her.
I mean, in detail.
She's getting all fuzzy.
That's a good sign, right?
Yeah.
What was that song again?
The one she always used to sing?
By that group with the weird name...
- Belle and Sebastian.
- That's it.
- Would you sing it for me?
- No.
Help me remember.
Why remember?
Never mind.
That's the one.
That song is so great.
And...
You know the lyrics by heart, wow!
I always pick that song
for karaoke.
Karaoke, you?
Well, we got a good steam anyway.
My skin is so soft now.
Mine too.
Let me see.
Wow.
We should get going.
Yeah.
This place has a weird vibe.
You go on, I'm staying.
Don't worry.
Is my hair ok?
At least see what he looks like.
Good evening.
The one on the right.
Look how he's staring at you.
Subtitles by Sionann O'Neill
Subtitling TITRA FILM Paris