Leprechaun Returns (2018) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[LOW GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Where's me gold?

[SCREAMS]

Next stop, Devil's Lake.

Hi, Katie, uh,
this is Lila Jenkins.

I'm pretty sure you said
you were gonna pick me up

but I'm-I'm here
at the bus stop,



so I guess I'll just
keep waiting.

[BARRELS TUMBLING]

Please don't come this way.

Please don't come this way.

Do you need a ride?

Uh, no.

No, I'm definitely waiting
for someone.

[CLANK]

You must be one of the girls
fixing up the old house

way out there from campus.

You know about that?

Small town.

It's hard not to know
everybody's business.

Not-not that I try to know it,



I just seem to end up
knowing it anyway.

Ok, well I should keep waiting
for my friend.

I don't mind.

I don't usually travel out
that way much anymore,

but... you look like someone
I used to know.

Ok.

[PHONE RINGING]

Ozzie's Taxi.

I need a ride.

[CHUCKLES]

Good.

Are you Irish?

No, no.

Oh.

Just a fan of the culture?

Not at all.

I... I haven't seen you before.

I'm pretty good at
remembering people.

I...

Oh, yeah, no.
It's my first year.

Well, I'm not a freshman,
it's my first year at Laramore.

I just transferred.

Am I talking too much?

I'm sorry.

I'm a little nervous.

Oh, I'm always
a little nervous.

You know, I've always wanted
to come here.

My mom used to live here.

In Devil's Lake?

Yeah.

Yeah, actually at the house
we're going to.

Her dad, well, my grandfather,
bought it for her.

But now the university owns it.

You're Tory Reding's daughter?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Did you know her?

Yeah.

Is that who you thought
I looked like?

Yes.

How is she?

She passed away last year.

I'm sorry.

She was... nice to me.

Well, if you have any stories
about her I'd like to hear them.

She didn't tell you anything

about the place
where you're going?

No.

Ah.

Well, it's probably because
everything's alright now.

What is?

Nothing.

I didn't realize the house
was so far from campus.

It's far from... everything.

Thank you.

Everything ok?

Oh... yeah.

Everything.

We made sure of it.

But if it's not,
look in the basement.

Wait, what?

[DISTANT LAUGHTER]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

[ECHOING]
Hello, hello, hello.

[GASPS]

Are you Lila?

Yeah.

What're you doing here?

I thought your bus
didn't get in until 4:00.

It did.

It's 4:00?

It's 5:30.

Oh, that means you had to spend
an hour in a truck alone

with Ozzie the weirdo.

It's probably for the best,
though.

Meredith isn't even back
with the car yet.

Ugh.

Who the hell knows
where she went?

Ok, be warned.

Hmm?

Rose has gone all Ed Begley Jr.-

Who?

Never mind.

I'm thinking of crushing up
some of my Klonopin

and spiking her clover juice.

I love clover juice.

Right?

I'm so over kale.

We found this random clover
patch in the yard a while back.

It inspired us to grow some
in the garden.

Did you pick it up yet?

Not yet!

Lila's here.

I thought she wasn't
getting in until... oh.

Well, it's good
you're here, Lila.

We need your help.

She just got here, Rosie.

Lila, do you wanna pee
outside or inside this week?

Uh, inside?

Then it's time to get to work.

Grab that wire.

Ok, Lila, this hose is gonna be
our water line

until we get the pipes in.

Then our water source will
be officially self-contained.

Step one of going off the grid.

Oh, wait, you guys weren't using
the well before?

No, they stopped using it years
ago because they said the water

was corrupted but I tested it
myself and it's totally fine.

Like, perfect.

We should have been done with
this already but it took longer

because someone decided to try
and jury-rig the solar panels

so she could use it
to get internet.

Dude, we haven't had it for,
like, three days.

Wait, there's no internet?

Yeah, no internet, no power,
and no cell service, either,

until we get these frikken'
solar panels installed.

There.

Once this juices up
we'll have water

and once Meredith gets back-

Ok, who's-who's Meredith?

She's... she's the asshole.

Yeah, but she's the only one
at the sorority

that's studying native plant
landscape architecture.

So we need her.

Yeah, well, she loves her
native plants.

Oh...

[INDISTINCT CURSING]

Think, Ozzie.

You had your phone
at the bus stop.

You had your phone in the truck.

On the way to the house.

And now you don't.

It's at Tory's.

Darnit.

As long as Meredith is focused
and booze-free she's great.

I brought refreshments.

Also, I got beer.

Katie.

Meredith didn't tell me
you were gonna be here.

Didn't I?

Hey.

I'm Matt.

I'm Andy's friend.

It's nice to meet you all.

No, Meredith.

No, no, no.

This is not why we're here.

This is not supposed to be
a four-week party,

this is serious.

This is me being serious
with a beer in my hand.

Mmm.

Plus, you told me to find people
that are handy.

That's Matt and Andy.

That rhymed weird.

Anyway, it's like six.

We can be socially conscious
and get shit-faced.

They aren't mutually exclusive.

Well, actually the sun doesn't
go down until about 7:00,

so, you know, we could work
for a while...

Who's the party killer?

Oh, uh, hi.

I'm-

That's Lila, Meredith.

Our newest Alpha Epsilon sister.

Well, I also got pizza but
if you guys don't want any...

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Fine!

But only because I'm starving!

We're still starting
early tomorrow!

We're still starting
super early tomorrow.

Yes.

Ugh.

Of course she invited Andy.

She always has to start trouble.

Andy and I used to date.

I'm absolutely not going
to sleep with him tonight.

[DISTANT LAUGHTER]

[CHOKING ON WATER]

[GASPING]

It's just coincidence.

Just a coincidence.

[RETCHING]

Oh god, no!

[GROANS]

Leave me alone!

[VOMITS]

No!

[SCREAMING IN PAIN]

Papa?

We... we killed you...
25 years ago.

You're dead!

[CACKLES]

25 years.

You're lookin' a little worse
for wear, my boy.

If you don't take care
of your body...

[CACKLES]

It won't take care of you.

[CACKLES]

There once was a lad
they thought died,

His flesh had melted
off his whole hide,

But he escaped from the well,
alive and quite swell,

And now he'll be killing
in stride.

[CACKLING]

25 years, then?

I've got a lot of killing
to make up for.

[CACKLING]

When did I get better looking?

[CACKLING]

You guys really going off grid.

By the end of summer we'll have
moved all our electricity

to solar and all our water
to the well.

We'll have grey irrigation and-

And we're myotonic goats
for their milk

and soil aerating
because the nitrogen in their...

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's gonna be totally kick ass.

You do have a great ass.

No offence, but
you guys might win

nerdiest sorority on campus.

We are actually the only
sorority or fraternity, Maddie

since Rose petitioned
to start a chapter.

Relationships are the key
to a successful career.

If you are in a good sorority
you will have contacts

anywhere you apply for a job.

Hey, Rose?

What's this for?

The golden trowel?

I got that for building
yurts out of...

Look, can we stop talking
about work for five minutes?

I wanna learn more
about our new friend, Lila.

Yeah.

I'm sure this can't be easy
for you.

Leaving all your friends
at your other school

to hang with some strangers
in the dark.

Um, actually I lived at home
and commuted

so I didn't know
that many people.

But you had some friends.

No.

Um, I spent most of my time
taking care of my mom.

What was wrong with her?

Maybe she doesn't wanna
talk about it.

No, it's ok.

It's what people do, right?

Um, she had some
mental health issues.

She thought that monsters
were always trying to get her

so she never left the house.

And then she got cancer.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have
said all that.

Well, I think I'm gonna get
another beer.

Anyone want anything?

I'll help you.

I got it.

I'll help anyway.

Ugh.

I love how she's all pretending
she's not gonna screw him later.

Looks like I'm sleeping
in your room, ladies.

As long as they're up at 6:00
I don't care what they do.

Lila, I need you on the
rainwater barrels tomorrow.

Sure.

I can help you.

Thanks.

Careful, Matt.

Sounds like Lila's mother
was crazy

and that shit's hereditary.

She wasn't... she couldn't...
that wasn't very nice.

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm just kidding, Lila.

No, really. It's ok.

I'm just tired.

Well, goodnight.

Is it just me or is she
a little weird?

Crap.

Only you could make cleaning
look so filthy.

Stop it.

I'm trying to clean.

Being super clever
won't get you anywhere.

[LAUGHTER]

[GASPS]

[WATER RUNNING]

Hello?

Oh, no.

[GASPS]

Shit!

Oh my god!

Shit! Shit!

This is gonna set us back
half a day!

No, no, no,
it's ok, it's ok.

Um... I think I got it.

Well, it doesn't matter!

Look at all this water!

Um, ok, well if you let me have
the well pump for a couple hours

I can use it to drain
the water in here.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Thanks.

Of course.

I spent so much time taking care
of my mother

that I got pretty good
at problem solving.

Clearly.

But, helpful, friendly hint:

maybe don't mention
your mother so much.

What are those?

Meredith likes to juice
the fruit and vegetables

from the garden.

Wow.

I had no idea she was
so health conscious.

Please.

She infuses them all with vodka.

[LAUGHS]

I love the smell of me gold
in the morning.

[CACKLES]

Oh, actually you're supposed
to drill it straight down,

otherwise it might get loose.

It's fine to do it this way.

I've done it before.

Me too, and I'm telling you
if you-

I knew you were gonna get weird
if we had sex again.

Woah!

Woah.

First of all, you hit on me,
remember?

And second of all,
this is so not about that.

You're literally just putting
it in wrong.

Or...

you're being weird.

You know what,
you ruined it.

We're not having sex again.

God.

[WHIRRING]

[BLEATS]

Boo!

[LAUGHS]

Mer?

Yeah?

Are you ok?

Yep. Peachy.

Are you still in your pyjamas?

Yep.

Jesus, Mer!

What is the point
of you being here

if you're not gonna participate?

Do you even care about
what we're doing here?

Yes, I care.

I care more about these plants
than any of the a-holes

around here.

Really?

A plant has one job, Rose.

It does it really well.

The right plant in the right
place won't only thrive

for itself it helps the world
around it thrive.

That was kind of lovely.

Also, you can ferment almost
any plant to make alcohol.

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[RETCHES]

[BLEATS]

Hello?

Ok guys, very funny.

Joke's on the new girl.

[SCREAMS]

Uh, sorry, I uh, I-I came
to see if you needed help.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

Were you just banging
on the cistern?

I don't even know
what that means.

Cis...

Right, uh, sorry.

The-this thing.

The water barrel.

Uh, no.

Hold on, I got an idea.

[CLANK]

With no gold these 25 years.

I've lost me knack.

But time and a fresh killing
should help bring it back!

[CACKLING]

I'm the least handy person.

I am good with a camera, but
don't ask me to fix your sink.

That's ok, I can fix
my own sink.

So is that why you wanted to be
a camera person?

Whoa, filmmaker,
way different but uh...

yeah, you know, these days
you have to do it all like

Cassevetes or Rodriguez.

Maybe I can film an interview
with you later

for the documentary

No, no, I don't have anything
interesting left to say.

You pretty much heard it
all last night.

Friendly shut-in.

So you know, my mom
actually used to live...

Ahhhh!!!!

Why are you here?

Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have
to do the interview if...

No, no sorry, I just thought
I saw the taxi guy, but dead.

I don't know why
I just said that.

It's fine.

I should probably get some
last-minute footage

before it gets too dark.

Way to go, Lila.

Anything?

It's working!

We have power!

Well, then it's time
to celebrate.

Yes!

Katie, come on!

Ahhhh!!!!

Meow!

Meow!

[SCREAMING]

Help!

Help me!!!!

[CACKLING]

[CACKLING]

[CACKLING]

Neither snow, nor rain,
nor heat,

nor bloom of light can stop
a leprechaun from a kill.

What is this?

All better.

Hee hee hee!

Killing is the key to my health

and helps me in finding
my wealth.

[GASPING]

Oh, that is awful!

That is so awful!

Are you ok?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

The hot water just ran out.

Don't tell Rose,
she's gonna flip.

Eh, for SnapChat!

I love having internet again!

See, visually I was going
for like,

a David Lean thing here, making
the landscape the protagonist.

Oh, whatever.

All that moving is making
me nauseous.

Babe, I think the shots you did
are making you nauseous.

Andy, is that you peeing
in the back yard?

What?

I thought the john
wasn't working.

Ugh, you're such an idiot.

Wow, Matt, this looks so cool.

Oh, thanks.

Weird? What is that, a rabbit?

God.

Rabbits will eat through
the garden in an hour.

This is literally the worst
thing that can happen right now.

[IRISH JIG MUSIC PLAYING]

What is this?

This wasn't on my play list.

I should put a temporary fence
around the garden.

Matt, we should pull up
our mattresses.

Sure thing, man.

Mmm, no.

I don't know.

I didn't have the right sized
fuses for the circuit box.

I don't think it can handle
that much power at once.

If you want me to sleep
with you again

you don't have to
make up excuses, ok?

Just say so.

God, I hate you.

Ugh.

She wants me.

Ok, well, um, I actually have
portable speakers

that we could just plug
my phone into, no problem.

Ugh.

I hate it when people
try too hard.

Now we'll probably
be stuck listening

to the Wicked soundtrack
all night.

Ok...

[SCREAMS]

Your bear isn't the only animal
on the endangered list, love.

This can't be real.

Do I look like a figment
of imagination to you?

Ahhhh!!!!

Fruity.

And full-bodied.

With hints of your mother.

You're the thing my mom always
said was real.

She wasn't crazy.

Crazy to think she could get rid
of me forever.

Her and her friends tried.

They watched me melt and
threw me down the well to rot!

But if you leave a piece
of a leprechaun intact,

you haven't killed
the leprechaun.

And thanks to this piece of gold
taken from my friend's bowels

I was able to reform
at my discretion.

Now, I want the rest of it.

Give it to me.

I don't know anything
about your gold.

Then what's hanging around
that pretty neck of yours-

Ahhhhh!!!!!

What kind of trick is this?!

It's not a trick.

My mom gave it to me.

She said it would protect me.

It looks as real as me gold.

Now what did you do with it?

Andy!

Katie's never gonna let me hear
the end of this.

I told you this was
gonna happen.

I got the fuses
you told me to.

But...

[SIGHS]

You know what?

I don't care.

Well, this party sucks.

Way to go, dude.

Oh, go film the damn stars,
Scorsese.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to...

Lila!

I'm here for you, lass.

Or am I here?

[CACKLING]

MATT: Lila, are you ok?

Matt!

Forget that hack.

I saw you in the shower.

You've got boobs of tal...
I mean, oodles of talent.

I'll get all your best angles.

Oh, you're disgusting.

But in a sexy way, right?

Oh, gross.

You give great head.

Lila? You ok?

IN LILA'S VOICE: I'll be
right there, Matty.

Wait, no!

[GROANS]

Are you ok?

Yeah.

Wait, wait.

Did you see it?

Something ran past me
and knocked me down.

Like an animal or something.

I caught it on my camera.

No, that wasn't an animal, ok?

It was-it was...

look, we need to get
out of the house.

I'm sure we can set traps
in the morning.

It's not exactly
the end of the world-

No, it is kind of the end.

We seriously need to go!

Um...

Look, I'm not crazy, ok?

[LAUGHS] But how would
you know that?

You don't know me.

None of you know me so of course
you think that I'm crazy

just like everyone thought
my mother was crazy

and Rose told me not to talk
about my mom too much.

We are all so screwed.

Where is everyone?

I don't know.

We need to find them.

God. What an asshole.

[GROWLS]

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

Your face.

God!

Why do you have to be
such a jerk all the time?

What's wrong?

Hmm?

I think there's another box
of fuses in the barn.

If we don't turn
everything on at once

I think we can get the lights
working again.

Aren't you the smarty pants?

Stop it.

Hmm?

I am not.

I'm not gonna keep doing this.

There once was a lass
in college,

Who studied the spirits
for knowledge,

She laid hard with the devil,
To rise up a great level,

But no one begrudged her
the mileage.

[SPITS]

A golden shower.

I don't care what the others say
about you.

You're a keeper.

What do they say?

You know... I got a glad eye
for a fellow tosspot.

I think I'm having
alcohol hallucinations.

Don't be selling yourself short.

Short?

A walkman and a camera
all in one.

Impressive.

What's a walkman?

Forget it.

I'm looking for something
and if you tell me where it is

I won't rip you to shreds.

What're you looking for?

Come a little closer
and I'll tell you.

Katie?

Oh, Rose.

Do not tell me something else
is wrong.

I filmed an animal in the house.

It's inside?

Everyone needs to close
the doors when they go.

Ok, it is not an animal.

It's a leprechaun.

So, no animal?

Ok, I am going to try
to explain this calmly

so that you both can see
that this is real.

I went to get my speakers
and the leprechaun was wearing

my bear's head and it-

it attacked me
and then it ran off

when all the lights went out.

Thank god.

Not for you, Lila,
for the house.

Oh, for you that sounds...

mental illness is a really
unfortunate problem.

Maybe she hit her head.

There is a deranged dwarf
obsessed with money

in the kitchen!

[TOGETHER] What?

Yeah, I got away before
he could do anything.

See? That's him.

I told you.

It could be a crackhead who
got a hold of the wrong stuff.

[ALL] It's a leprechaun!

How did you get that?

Guys, I always thought
that my mom was sick, ok?

I mean, the strange things
that she used to say.

That he would murder anyone
for his gold.

Yeah, well, maybe we shouldn't
take stock

in the rantings
of a crazy person.

She wasn't.

Ok?

I mean, I always thought, but...
you know, she wasn't.

Katie and Andy are out back.

We can't leave them.

Guys.

Guys, I really don't think
this is a good-

I gotta go take a leak.

No, no, no, no, that's latex
which isn't biodegrade...

I make such bad choices.

Come on, Katie.

I don't wanna have another talk
right now, ok?

My sentiments exactly.

The ladies always want to
ruin the moment.

That's why I'm fond of
tearing out their tongues.

What the hell are you?

I'm a leprechaun and I've come
to get me gold back.

You wouldn't know anything
about that now, would you?

Dude.

You and me.

[LAUGHING]

I've given you something.

Now I want what
was stolen of mine.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Let me put it in a way
you'll understand.

Tit for tat!

[CACKLING]

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

It got me!

[SCREAMING]

My bad, it was just a piece
of hemp grass from the...

Shit.

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

[CACKLING]

What's happening?

[CACKLING]

It's him.

He's shorter in person.

Is that all you got,
you micro freak?

I'll admit, without me gold
I'm not in top form,

but I, unlike you, still know
how to perform.

[CACKLING]

I'll stomp your ass!

Andy, just let it go!

Get out of here!

Shut up, Katie, I know
what I'm doing!

Ahhhhh!!!!!

[CACKLING]

One for Andy.

Actually it's one for me
and two of...

[SCREAMING]

[CACKLING]

[CACKLING]

I don't have the key
on me!

It must be in my room!

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure!

Do you think Andy's dead?

I mean, I don't think
he was split

down the cardinal plane
but he...

Oh my god,
he's dead!

Oh my god!

Why can't we just run?

We-we can get as far away
as possible.

Wait, did we lose Rose?

[WHISPERS] Hello?

Ah!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[CACKLING]

Heel! Heel! Heel!

That's not exactly what I meant.

You vile troll!

Troll? Now, that's
just offensive.

Now why would she go
and do that?

You can't leave perfectly good
shoes just lying about

without a care!

Maybe he ate her.

No, no, no, no.

I- I don't think
that he's a cannibal.

Well, he could be a cannibal,
I mean...

No one cares, Matt!

No, he seems a little
too refined, though.

I mean, he wears
that frikken' jaunty hat!

We have to go back for her!

What?

Ok.

Babe, don't be mad, ok?

It's the right thing to do.

It's just, it's a little
surprising coming from you.

So we're just gonna go in
like it-like it's nothing?

Look.

We are a bunch of smart women.

Matt, you seem smart, too.

Ok, we can do this.

We can totally figure this out,
right?

Right?

Probably doing fashion a favour
killing that one.

They should be on my desk.

He's gone.

Come on.

Do you see a mouse?

Ok.

Shh.

[GASPS]

Shh!

[MUFFLED GROANS]

Shh!

Why would you do that?

I was trying to quietly get
your attention!

Mission not accomplished!

What're you doing here, anyway?

I needed something.

Where's the lawn gnome?

We lost him, but we gotta get
to the car.

But the house?

Everything I've...
we've worked for,

we can't just leave it!

It's time to start making
some smart choices, Rose!

You can't save the world
if you're dead, ok?

Come on, let's get to the car.

Meredith will have
to get the keys.

Shit!

He's coming through the back.

Wait, what?

No, no, no.

Are you sure?

Yeah, look.

He's too close, we're not gonna
make it without him seeing us.

We should hide in the basement,
wait 'til he passes,

then book it to the car.

Wait, what?

No, no, no.

Meredith, I think this could be
a really bad idea, ok?

I mean, I mean, we could
get trapped in there.

Will you trust me?

We're sorority sisters.

And friends.

No, no, no.

Meredith?

Meredith!

Come on, what're you doing?

Let me out!

He just wants his gold, Lila.

Give it to him and I'm sure
you'll be fine.

No, no, no, Meredith, Meredith,

I don't think that's how
he works, ok?

I mean, you-you saw what he did
to Andy, alright?

You can't trust him.

Come on, you don't know him.

I don't know you, either.

None of us do.

No, no, no!

Come on!

Meredith, come on!

Let me out!

[BANGING]

Woah, woah, woah, where's Lila?

She didn't make it.

What do you mean?

She's dead!

He killed her!

What?

We have to go!

We should get out of here.

He's probably really close
by now.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[CACKLING]

That's the car of the future?

Sad.

[SCREAMS]

No, no, no, no,
get away from me!

What is going on right now?

Are you here to hurt me?

Ok, I'm just gonna go ahead

and I'm gonna guess
that you're dead.

Did the leprechaun do it?

I'm sorry.

Are you a zombie?

A ghost?

This should help a little.

Is the leprechaun
how you know my mom?

You guys stopped it together?

I didn't get any of that.

Ok, well uh, what would be
really helpful is

if you knew where
his gold was.

It's in one of these boxes?

There's nothing in here.

Tory, Nathan, Alex, Ozzie.

A map of gold?

Ozzie, this is amazing!

Wow.

Super strength, telekinesis,
really good impressions.

He's like an awful David Blaine.

Or just David Blaine.

Wait, clovers can stop him?

Ok, ok, ok.

We just have to find a way
out of here now.

Uh, Ghost Ozzie,
I can't do that.

Ozzie?

Ghost Ozzie, a little help here.

Alright, time to go
for the gold.

Yeah, this would have been
a better first option.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Sorry!

I'm super drunk.

Did we get away?

Did we just get away?

I don't see him anywhere.

[LAUGHING]

We did it!

I feel super bad about Lila.

She's getting what she deserved.

What do you mean "getting"?

Is she still alive?

Did you lie?

What?

But she's the reason all of this
happened in the first place.

The leprechaun said
if I gave her to him

he would let us leave.

Us?

Fine, me.

We are sorority sisters!

We stick together!

You think I wanted to be
in a sorority?

No.

We need to go back for her.

We aren't even a real sorority,

you literally set it up
like a month ago!

Woah!

[GASPS]

Woah, woah, woah.

[WHIRRING]

[CACKLING]

Go faster!

Go faster!

I think we've established
it's not going to happen!

Here!

Turn here to the right,
to the right!

To the right! To the right!

[SCREAMING]

I think you got him.

Stop!

No!

[SCREAMS]

Come on!

Do you see the keys?

No.

Ozzie?

[GASPS]

Katie, look for the keys.

Oh my god.

[GROANS OF DISGUST]

Looks like you've hit
a dead end.

[SCREAMS]

Katie!

Me gold must be close by

'cause I'm starting to feel like
me old self again.

A few more kills should do
the trick.

I did what you wanted.

I left Lila for you.

You said you wouldn't lay
a hand on me.

I suppose I did.

And a leprechaun always
keeps his word.

What the hell are you doing?

Meredith!

I made a deal with him.

You wanna make your own deal,
go ahead.

I'm getting the hell outta here.

Let's go.

I won't lay a hand on you.

Really?

We're friends.

Meredith, 1.

All of you assholes, 0.

Woohoo!

You promised!

Why are you doing this?

I promised I wouldn't lay
a hand on you.

I didn't say I wouldn't
kill you.

Now she's one with nature.

[CACKLES]
Ashes to ashes!

Blood and guts!

[CACKLING]

[DISTANT GIGGLING]

[GASPS]

Do you think she's ok?

Uh, no.

Is everything alright?

Yeah, I think I can get this
working with my phone.

You guys keep going.

Maybe I can slow him down.

You can find Lila, get the power
on and call the police.

Are you sure?

Not really.

But a great filmmaker is like
the captain of a ship.

If Werner Herzog can do it
so can I.

Werner Hertzcock would be proud.

Thanks.

Who's Werner Hertzcock?

How the hell should I know?

[DISTANT GIGGLING]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]
Oh!

Ok. Ok, just keep it together,
Lila.

[WHIRRING]

Pied piper this, douche bag.

I see you little birdie.

Where the hell are we?

I was hoping that you knew.

Nope.

Ok.

What're you doing?

I'm looking for the north star
on my star-gazing app.

Do you see it?

Yeah, look.

See? It's that one.

So we're supposed to go north?

Well, technically the sorority
house is south east but...

I don't know.

Without the proper coordinates

I don't know exactly
where we are, so...

You have no idea?

No.

[RUSTLING]

Shh! Shh!

It's him!

We are so dead!

Be quiet!

[SCREAMING]

You're not dead!

Good for you!

Thank you.

What're you doing out here?

I'm looking for his gold.

I thought you said you didn't
know where it was.

Well, I didn't.

But now I do.

Almost.

Ok.

Alright.

Alright.

Oh, shit.

[CACKLING]

Lights, camera, decapitation.

Work goddamit!

Why do you look so sore?

Audiences love lots of gore.

Help!

[SCREAMING]

As long as you don't let it
get to your head.

I tried to warn you.

And now you're dead.

[CHUCKLING]

Ok, so my mom and her friends
hid the gold.

I guess they didn't want
anything to do with it

but they hid it here
in case it came back.

Which, obviously, he did.

Where'd you find the map?

Oz.

Look, what if the gold
isn't there?

It has to be.

Look. There.

That seems like a big enough
marker, don't you think?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ok.

Um, ok.

Look, we found it!

Yeah!

[SQUEALING]

Oh.

What?

That's what he's trying
to kill us for?

That seems a little
anticlimactic.

Well, yeah, but if that's what
he wants then we just-

we have to give it to him.

No.

You can't give that to him.

That isn't all of it.

How do you know that?

Because I found it
months ago, ok?

I didn't know who's it was,
it was just here,

just... hidden here.

You stole it?

I only took what I needed
for the house project.

I- I kept a record of it

so I would know how much
to buy back

once I could afford it
after everyone saw what I-

what we did with
the house project.

So much for the sorority code.

This is something you should
have mentioned before, Rose!

My god-we're so screwed!

I thought we were gonna
get away.

I- I don't understand, though.

I thought you had a successful
GoFundMe page.

Please.

No one really gives a shit
about saving the environment.

The only people that gave money
were my stepmother out of guilt

and some dude from Albuquerque
who asked if I would send

a naked picture of myself
in return for 20 bucks,

which I did, by the way.

So I funded it all myself.

But I only took as much
as I needed.

I planned on buying it all back
and returning it

from the Cash for Gold place.

Ok, ok.

How much more was in there
when you first found it?

Not much more.

Well, what does
your notebook say?

I guess like...

Oh my god.

So overflowing?

Ok, look.

We can just take it back
to the Cash for Gold place

and get it back.

It's all the way in Bismarck.

God!

What have you done, Rose?

Now we have nothing
to offer him!

Oh my god, oh my god,
he's gonna kill us all.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ok, ok. Look.

If we can't give him
his gold then...

then there's only one thing
left to do.

Run forever?

No.

We use his strengths
against him.

And we kill him.

Where are you going?

Ok, I don't know, actually.

That just seemed like
the right thing to do

but we should probably make
a plan first.

Yeah.

Ok, well, we know his strengths.

I mean, that's something.

Yeah, but we don't know
what his weaknesses are

and we can't just Google
how to kill a leprechaun.

Wait, can we?

If we had power, yeah.

We could just reboot the
internet and call the police.

Wait, is there a way to turn
the power back on?

I just have to change the fuse.

[LOUD SCREECH]

Lila, why didn't he take
the coin around your neck?

Well, he tried but it burned
his hand when he grabbed it.

Let me see it.

I think it's fool's gold.

How can you tell?

Andy tried to pass off
this bracelet he got

for my birthday as real gold.

It wasn't.

Lila, fool's good
is iron pyrite.

Iron.

That's a thing, right?

That sounds like a thing
we can stop him with.

Oh, yeah.

And four-leaf clovers.

How do you know that?

I just do.

Where are we gonna get
that much iron?

Guys, I have an idea.

[SCREAM]

We are so not going to pull
this off?

We can do this.

We can do this.

Well, we have to give it to him.

That's easy for you, you have
protection around your neck.

Ok, I thought we said that we
were all gonna stick together?

We have been, and look
where that got us!

If we give it to him
we're as good as dead.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Neither do you, Lila.

Just because your mother
dealt with this

doesn't mean you're gonna
walk out of it, too.

You're gonna get us all killed.

Well, fine.

Then I'll just give
it to him myself.

- Fine.
- Fine.

Fine.

A bunch of chirping birds
make for easy pickin's.

[CACKLING]

[CACKLING]

Two pretty sights in one.

Me gold and a girl
who's fate is undone.

You want it?

It's yours.

Looks like your friends
didn't agree with your plan.

They didn't want me
to give it to you.

But if I didn't
you'd just kill us.

Ok?

So it's yours, just-
just take it and leave.

Very wise of you.

One, two, three...

Not so fast, lass.

With more gold I have
more power.

Have a seat.

If you disturb me counting
me gold.

I'll give you a beheading
like times of old.

Or like a few hours ago,
for that matter.

Turns out Matt's greatest
achievement was a snuff film.

[CACKLING]

You're a monster.

Four, five, six...

I guess it's your time
of the month.

I want me gold.

Now!

You'll find it in Bismarck,
douche bag!

[GROANS]

Ok, go!

[SCREAMING]

What have you done?!

It's iron.

[SCREAMING]

Let me out!

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

Ok, ok.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

We are broken up!

Get over it!

[SCREAMS]

So gross, so gross, so gross!

Ok.

Ok.

If you let me free
I'll grant you a wish.

You can have anything you want.

I don't want anything from you.

LILA'S MOTHER'S VOICE:
Are you sure?

Do what he says, sweetheart.

Mom?

LILA'S MOTHER'S VOICE: I told
you, all of this is real.

You have to believe me,
what I tell you.

And if you let him go
you could wish me back.

These people aren't
your friends.

You don't need them.

Not when you have me.

I love you, Lila.

I could really have my mom back?

Just set me free.

That's it.

I wish...

I wish you'd just die already.

One shamrock shake coming up.

I really wish someone
heard that one.

[GROANING]

[EXPLOSION]

Hey.

Hey, did it work?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it did.

[SQUEALING]

So... now what?

Ok, ok.

Now we have to burn
the rest of him,

because he said if you leave
a piece of a leprechaun

you haven't killed a leprechaun

so we have to get rid
of all of him.

Like a funeral pyre?

Yeah, I guess so.

We can get a fire started
in the front yard

because I never wanna see that
shitty lilliputian ever again.

No Rose, we don't wanna hear
how fire releases carbon dioxide

into the air, ok?

Ok.

Fine.

I'll sweep him up.

Scream if anything happens.

What more could possibly happen?

Well, this has been the weirdest
day of my life.

Yeah.

After everything I went through
with my mother

I didn't think I'd have
a weirder day.

Then again, I also never thought
I'd have any friends.

You do have a hard time
keeping them, though.

You're...

Oh, no?

[MUMBLING]
Stupid leprechaun.

[CACKLING]

Are you kidding?

I'll never get a job
at ICF now.

You missed a spot.

[CACKLING]

Oh, no!

[SCREAMS]

Guess you're gonna foot
the bill.

Not cool.

[SCREAMS]

[CACKLING]

Stop, hammer time!

I'll give you geriatrics
some hammer time.

[SCREAM]

[SCREAMING]

I know something
you don't nose.

[CACKLING]

[SCREAMING]

Rose!

I spent last summer
stopping poachers

from killing sea turtles
in Costa Rica.

I can handle a bunch
of pocket-sized pixies!

[SCREAMS]

[CACKLING]

Rose?

[DOOR SLAMS]

No!

Guess she couldn't dig herself
out of that one.

Wha...?

You know what really helps
the environment?

Population control.

[CACKLES]

Please tell me you have
a solution for this.

Um... uh, gold's-gold's
a conductor, right?

Yeah, but they don't...

[CACKLES]

Yeah.

Yeah, it is!

Looks like I really
pulled it together.

[CRIES OUT]
Ahhhhhh!!!!!!

[COUGHING]

Now give me me gold.

Well, you're the one who
can't keep track of his gold.

Maybe you need to be
more fiscally responsible.

Maybe you...

need to liquidate!

[CHOKING]

It's a little too little,
a little too late.

The best you can hope for
is a painful fate.

[CACKLING]

Hey, you minuscule monster.

It's time to cash out.

Oh, shite!

How is that for energy
efficient?

[SCREAMING]

We need to go!

Come on, come on!

[CONTINUES TO SCREAM]

How do we get out?

[CACKLING]

Are you shitting me?!

Eco fibre glass!

And they say there's
no global warming.

[CACKLING]

Wait!

Dying in the basement
is your best idea?

Ok, Katie, we are not going
to die!

[THUD]

Hopefully!

Ok. Ok, come on.

[STRUGGLING GRUNTS]

LILA'S MOTHER'S VOICE:
Please don't leave me, Lila.

[SCREAMS]

I've got a limerick for you.

Eat a dick, Ass Baggins.

Come on, come on!

[EXPLOSION]

Ow!

[COUGHING]

Oh my god.

Ow, I think it punctured
my trapezius.

What?

It's ok, I'll be ok.

Ok, ok.

Um, come on, come on.

We gotta go.

[EXPLOSION]

[COUGHING]

Why are you doing that?

What?

You don't see...

See what?

See what?

Nothing. Nothing.

I don't see anything, either.

Thank you.

What the hell happened here?!

Are you girls ok?

Yeah.

We just learned that sometimes
the best green footprint...

is no footprint.

Actually, we're probably
gonna need a ride

'cause I'm losing a lot
of blood, so...

Ok, yep.

[HONKING]

Back's open.

[CHICKEN'S CLUCKING]

[LOW GROWL]

Subtitles by explosiveskull