L'enquête corse (2004) - full transcript
Rémi François is a detective who is hired to find Ange Leoni, a Corsican who apparently has inherited a 2 million euros house.
Pink Flamingo to all units.
We're 100% operational.
So are we. Have been for 1 hr!
Jupiter to Ramuncho. A-OK?
Ramuncho here.
We want Ange Leoni, no one else!
When he shows, we grab him.
They're looking for you
on the wrong side of the harbor.
lt's a grand turnout, they're all there.
The State Police in the candy truck...
Local cops: Grappa and Balducci,
at the Marseille guy's place.
- His food still as lousy?
- Worse!
He just opened a new joint,
the ''Pinocchio''.
The ''Pinocchio''?
How original!
Even the Security Branch is here!
The Ramunchos in flip-flops
and fancy shirts.
They're a disgrace.
Wasting time on disguises!
Pink Flamingo to all units.
Jag coming into the harbor.
Gotcha, strength 5, Captain.
You hear me, boys? A blue Jaguar!
You're all we hear, Balducci!
Calling all agents! A blue Jag.
You copy me?
ls that him?
Answer!
Watch this!
Go, go, go! That's him!
Stop that!
Freeze! We've got you!
Don't!
lt's not Leoni! Who summoned you?
Who told you to move in?
You did!
De Vlaminck, Security Branch!
Which idiot said ''Go!''?
Pretty funny, huh?
l'm not leaving this island yet!
THE CORSlCAN FlLE
Breche, can you hear me?
l'll e-mail the photos. l repeat.
l'll e-mail the first photos.
Breche? Did you get them?
Answer me, dammit!
- Yes, sir. They're on my screen.
- Fine.
Operation Yellow Dragon is over.
You have another call.: a notary.
- l'll put you through to Mr...
- No names over the phone.
l've told you before!
Ask what it's about. Over and out.
The espresso machine's jammed.
The Lion's club meet in North Paris.
But on the 17th, l'm in Montlucon?
Absolutely.
That notary's waiting
in your office.
Never let anyone wait
alone in my office!
lt's a fine country mansion
100 miles south of Paris.
Mr Leoni, the heir to it,
lives in Corsica.
Excuse me...
Breche, rent me a car to go to Montlucon.
The train's too slow.
Where were we?
The estate has been valued
at 2 million Euros.
lf you find Mr Leoni,
your fee will be 5% of that sum.
5%...
Got any elements? Photos, leads,
- results of previous searches?
- Not much.
Except Mr Leoni is from Rossignoli.
A mountain village
above Ajaccio.
- Do you know Corsica?
- Not at all.
A pity.
Why?
Corsicans are a touchy
and secretive people.
l wish you knew them a bit.
Their behavior codes
aren't like ours.
Mr Dargent,
l handled a tricky case
during the recent Buntu-Buntu uprising.
You know the Buntu-Buntu?
Can't say l do.
There l was dodging machetes,
so the Corsicans don't scare me.
Why the bulldog logo?
Because l never let go!
Have a nice day.
- Been to Corsica, Breche?
- Was with my hubby.
Say: ''l went there...''
l have to find a man
who inherited a tidy sum.
We never found
a decent salami there.
What's the connection?
''The gem of France'', they call it.
You Corsican?
Yes.
Are there taxis when we land?
lt's not a jungle.
We have taxis, too.
Thanks. lt's my first visit.
Taxi!
lt's locked!
lt's locked!
- The trunk...
- What about the trunk?
You'll see!
This year our team's unbeatable!
Bastia's a team of goats!
Excuse me, sir!
One second.
Where to, sir?
To Rossignoli.
lf you say so.
Bastia are bums.
Need a ride uphill?
Wait! l hired a cab, not a minibus!
We're headed for Blood River.
Just trying to lower your cabfare.
ls Rossignoli far?
Just over there.
An hour to do twenty miles?
The road's no bowling alley.
Hope you're not carsick.
l just redid the upholstery.
Not at all.
My inner ear works fine.
You're in no danger.
l'm a good sailor,
l grew up in Brittany.
l don't get it...
lt's best to eat something.
No thanks, very kind of you.
lt's weird...
ls that Rossignoli, up there?
So they say.
l'd rather do the last lap on foot.
Through the scrub is shorter,
but it's a maze.
lt's magnificent!
You know the area.
l'm looking for Mr Ange Leoni.
Name mean anything to you?
At the square rock,
left and left again.
Past the fork,
head for the eucalyptus tree.
Left, right, keep going.
You're in Rossignoli.
l have to go on my own?
Sorry, sir. l'm looking
for Mr Leoni's house.
Ange Leoni.
Thanks. Very nice of you.
Thanks.
- An ice-cold Vichy, please.
- Got none.
- An Crezza with ice cubes?
- l don't know it. What's that?
lce cubes? Little cubes
of frozen water.
The local mineral water?
Fine!
Sure, you're beautiful.
Bet he's a good guard dog, right?
He's picky.
Why spend a fortune
on a thoroughbred dog?
Nothing like a nice mongrel!
Right, boy?
One,
she's a lady.
Two, she's a Corsican bitch, sir.
Of course, we're in Corsica.
A bitch of the Corsican breed!
What breed is that?
A Corsinu.
A Corsinu...
People fight for them.
Litters are booked years ahead.
lf you say so.
Do you happen to know
Mr Ange Leoni?
We're only 5th generation here.
We don't know everyone.
Yes, of course.
The toilet, please?
Oan't a cell phone get through?
Even the bread can't get through, sir.
Things going fine, sir?
Sure, Breche. All l have to do is
tell a guy he won the sweepstakes!
- Nice weather?
- Glorious!
l'll call you. Over and out.
A local farmer
won the lottery and went mad.
Slaughtered his herd!
Right.
Right.
Tonight we must end
our fratricidal quarrels,
and unite
all Oorsican nationalist movements!
All represented here
except for those extremist pigs
of Corsica Nazionale!
We must adopt
a common position on violence.
l've thought it over
and l propose:
we condemn violence...
but not its perpetrators.
Well spoken!
l like that!
lt's good!
Adopted unanimously.
Let's get down to the agenda:
a traitor to his homeland!
l mean, Ange Leoni.
By hijacking money
for Corsican nationalism,
he dishonored our cause.
- Precisely!
- Quite!
He betrayed his people for personal gain!
Right.
This scumbag deserves
an exemplary punishment.
Let's have a vote.
OK. We want the money back!
That's right,
First the money.
Ange? What are you...?
Got a slice of salami here?
Birdie, that's my place.
You spoke of me behind my back.
No, we didn't...
What's this procedure?
Right. What's this procedure, Figoli?
- What?
- What is it?
- What is it?
- This procedure?
- Yes, this procedure...
- lt's what we were saying...
Where is he? What's he doing?
You got the answer. He's here,
and he's going to eat.
Got a glass of red?
After a month in the wilds,
you look great, Ange.
l didn't come here for a check-up.
Two things.
The money...
l didn't steal it, l borrowed it.
No need to say it.
We never doubted that.
Right, Figoli?
You nod like puppets!
ls that what you are?
No one's afraid here...
Don't squawk, Birdie.
What's your problem?
We have a right to speak up!
When will you
give us back this money?
Or won't you?
When l've refinanced
my business in Spain.
- You in a hurry?
- No...
The other evening,
all the cops on the island
were waiting for me.
Who snitched?
We want to know, too.
lf l ever catch that bastard!
l have to go.
Good luck, Ange.
Farewell, Figoli.
- What did he say?
- Farewell.
- Who to?
- To you.
Ange, l have to go.
lf you need anything.
God be with you.
- We'll ask around.
- Good luck.
Birdie!
You stay here!
l don't know who snitched on you!
lf l did, would l just sit here?
Don't call me Birdie!
l'm not a kid.
A mainlander's looking for me.
You heard?
Seems you won the lottery.
Me?
l never play!
Evening, gentlemen.
l don't mind folksongs,
but l sleep right above.
What folksongs?
They're sacred hymns, sir.
Sure, they're lovely,
but will it last long?
They tell our people's history.
That's what matters to Corsicans:
hope and freedom.
l understand, but it's 2 AM.
Pour him a glass of myrthe.
Nice of you,
but it's late for a nightcap.
So you refuse our friendship drink?
No, but with lots of ice cubes.
With tons of ice.
Thank you, gentlemen.
l'll head back to bed.
- Already?
- l'd better.
lt's rude. Not after the owner's round.
So it's my round now?
Same again.
lt's good: both sweet and strong.
Sorry, l have to hit the sack.
Don't leave when it's my round!
- Stay a bit longer.
- Sure!
l wasn't leaving,
just catching a breather.
Cheers!
Fine mood...
This time...
l was in the cafe earlier.
Yes?
We Corsicans don't like questions
from outsiders.
But your request seems legitimate...
...so l'll answer your query.
- About what?
The toilets are on the left in the yard.
The hood, Mateo. Let's go.
One second, l'll finish my cigarette.
You smoke too much. lt'll kill you.
l'll try that anti-tobacco pacht.
What ''pacht''? The word is patch!
OK, you understood me,
that's what matters.
Get going.
Thanks.
What's myrthe made with?
- What's up?
- Don't try anything!
You'll regret any senseless violence!
Hi, Fernand.
Hi, Ange.
What do we do, Captain?
Follow. But don't endanger
our men or equipment.
Ohief, Leoni just kidnapped
the gumshoe.
Follow them!
What do you want with Ange Leoni?
- lt's confidential.
- Don't talk so loud.
That wasn't loud.
So Leoni won the lottery?
- So to speak.
- Don't put me on!
Leoni never buys lottery tickets!
What's this scam?
l know that.
But it's as if he had played.
That's why l said ''So to speak''.
We have company.
Another group, Captain!
Drive on quietly.
Don't provoke them.
Drop your guns!
What's this crap? Who are you?
The Surprise Patriots!
Surprise Patriots?
From where?
We're a new splinter group.
2 days old!
We'll interrogate
that mainlander!
No way! That's ourjob.
Calm down!
l bring good news for Mr Leo...
Shut up, Frenchie!
This is a job for Corsican Nation!
You've been discredited!
What? We've been discredited?
Careful, Birdie.
Those things go off easily.
This is ours to handle.
Captain, l just escaped
a kidnap attempt.
Calm down, sir. Are you hurt?
No. But l wish to press charges.
That's what matters.
And you, gentlemen? Are you OK?
We're fine.
You caused an accident.
Come for a breathalyzer test.
- What? You must be kidding!
- Be quiet.
- lt's a joke.
- Be quiet. Follow me.
But you don't understand...
Chief, State Police
just arrested the sleuth.
How dumb can they get!
lntercept them and grab him.
You're out in daylight?
None of you work?
l don't believe it!
Why the ski bonnet, Birdie?
ls it carnival time?
lt's my nephew's hood.
Mine shrunk in the wash.
You don't like it?
Why did they hassle you?
You built a villa?
No, l'm looking
for a man called Ange Leoni.
Ange Leoni?
- What do you know about him?
- Nothing.
l hoped you'd fill me in.
Yes?
Leoni's cafe got blown up!
Ange Leoni?
l was in the basement.
There was a loud blast...
Are you Ange Leoni?
- Don't insult me!
- Sorry?
- Come with me.
- What did l say?
He's a distant cousin.
They're feuding
over property boundaries.
Really...
Balducci, Orime Squad.
We're taking in the suspect!
Suspect? Suspected of what?
l'm the victim!
He's ours! We saved him
from the separatists!
Saved...?
What's this?
Come on!
De Vlaminck, Security! He's mine!
Not again!
No, he's ours!
No, he's our collar!
lt's an anti-terrorist matter!
Take him away!
He's ours!
You're all crazy!
You grabbed the wrong horse!
l'm well connected! l know the Minister!
l'll call HQ.
- A bottle of red, the State Police win.
- You're on.
Two bottles on Security.
He's a new boy.
Called De Vlaminck.
That name won't work here.
lt's a mistake. Forgive us, sir.
Release the suspect.
''The suspect''... ''A mistake''...
The suspect's pretty decent.
The locals really like you!
l'm sick of Corsica.
So sick of it!
What a farce!
The cops love you.
Who knows? But they wouldn't let go.
l know you're at odds with your cousin,
but where can l find him?
Thanks.
You really bluffed those dumb cops!
l didn't.
l am well-connected in Paris.
Ange and l haven't spoken
since April, 1992.
Then, he had a small pad in Ajaccio.
Got the address?
Anyone in?
What's it about?
A pair of shoes in the window.
l'm all out.
ls this loafer calf-suede?
l don't have your size.
OK, l'll come back.
Right. Come back. Around 6 PM.
lt'll be quieter.
As you say.
- Jack Palmer Agency!
- Breche. lt's me.
- How's it going?
- Fine. l found his former address.
What's that noise?
- You in a factory?
- No, it's some idiot biker.
- Anything else?
- l saw a 300 Euro espresso machine...
Find a cheaper one.
l'm phoning!
Call you back, over and out!
- You're a pest!
- Looking for someone?
- Who might you be?
- Get on to find who you want.
Get off.
You're expected up there.
These people can't do things simply!
He's on his way.
Mateo, you snitched on me.
- You gone nuts?
- Get ready!
l'm coming down!
Get going!
l won't ticket you
for not wearing a helmet.
Ticket me! l can get 'em quashed!
Excuse me, l'm looking for a room.
- Do you have a room?
- One moment. l'm coming.
God, it's hot!
For how many nights?
l'm not sure...
Let me ask you a question,
just on the off chance...
- Do you know Ange Leoni?
- Ange Leoni!
We were classmates in school.
- Really?
- But l haven't seen him in ages.
Ask his aunt Maria Leoni.
She works for mainlanders
up the coast.
Where l can rent a car?
Taxis are weird here.
l'll lend you one.
- Yes?
- Hello, l'm...
lt's open. Please come in!
Very well...
Welcome to our home!
We love Corsica!
l won't disturb you for long.
Make yourself at home!
- Our home is your home!
- Yes, thanks.
Sandra, my wife.
Delighted.
Darling, bring out the salami
and myrthe liqueur.
No, it's hard to digest.
We love everything here.
The culture, music, local produce.
- Great!
- Have a seat!
Thanks. l'd rather stand up.
Here it is.
l'll go get the cold cuts.
No myrthe?
What is it?
The ''lnsurance premium''...
l'm not an insurer. l'm from Paris.
You weren't sent by the patriots?
No. By a notary.
You're not Corsican, then?
- l'm a detective.
- Detective?
Maria Leoni's cousin sent me.
Maria! Someone for you!
One moment!
l'm at the right place.
Where are you from here?
Put the salami away. He's a detective.
- Jack Palmer.
- Delighted.
That must be him!
Yes, l'll open up.
Oome in! We adore Corsica!
Go see Maria. The kitchen's there.
Come in.
My wife Sandra.
Delighted.
- Get a drink for Mr...?
- No need for my name.
lt's that bum, Stephane Figoli!
What do you want?
This gentleman, who we don't know,
whose name we don't know,
isn't here for you.
Then why bother me?
l can't waste time
looking at that racketeer!
You let this hag
insult me in your home?
- Wait, it's a mistake.
- Because of the detective...
A detective?
- That's me!
- Why are you in here?
l couldn't find the kitchen.
- lmplicating me in front of a witness?
- Not at all.
Sandra, kill that music!
Those tunes rattle my head!
Now you insult Corsican music?
You'll hear from us.
- We adore the Corsicans, Mr Figolo.
- Figoli!
Don't see me out.
l know my way round my country!
They'll blow up our villa.
Let them do it, so it's over!
We'll buy a place on the North Sea.
Count me out!
There, even seagulls are suicidal.
What do you want with me?
l'm looking for
one of your family: Ange Leoni.
He missed the funeral
of my great uncle's nephew...
...on my husband's sister's side.
To me, he's no longer family.
That's it! They blew us up!
Holy shit!
You OK?
Close shave!
- Drink this!
- Myrthe brandy will perk you up.
l can't digest it.
- Were they after your car?
- No, mine.
- Mr Figolu!
- Fi-go-Ll!...
Why are you up there?
This is my country.
l go where l want.
Sure...
Oh, no!
The Mini-Moke...
They flattened it.
- Mr Dargent, please.
- Yes. Who's calling?
Jack Palmer, aka Remi Francois.
- lt's him.
- l'll take it.
Hello, how are you?
All in all, poorly.
l've been kidnapped twice,
hassled by cops,
had a villa gate
hit me,
my Mini-Moke blown up...
Your what?
lt's a car. Wasn't mine,
but l'm hanging up.
- Don't hang up. We must talk.
- No.
l'm hanging up my gumshoes.
Quitting.
You're right, it's a weird place.
- You? The bulldog...?
- Listen...
My life comes first.
The bulldog says bye.
Shit, he's freaked.
The first gumshoe didn't last a day.
- l show in Grappa and Balducci?
- Not yet.
We mustn't let him leave.
We'll put that bulldog on a leash.
lt's unthinkable, Breche!
Not a seat on a plane, or a boat?
Not until next week?
Hello?
Shit! Nothing works here!
l'm coming!
Don't panic!
l'm coming! Don't panic!
Calm down! Hang on to me!
Let go! Stop hitting me!
Don't hit me, we'll both drown!
Just relax.
That's better.
- ls it there?
- lt was a cramp, l think.
l'll massage your thigh. lt'll go away.
Happened to me,
skin-diving in the Galapagos.
l made it back by myself, but only just.
lt's bit painful, but...
Now let's try to walk a bit.
- Give me your hand.
- Wait.
That's perfect.
l didn't know this beach.
l came to see some clients.
And wanted to cool off
before heading home.
l can't let you leave in this state.
What's your name?
Lea.
Palmer. Jack Palmer.
Using a patch and smoking is bad.
You're right. l'll quit the ''pacht''.
Tell me...
Your new wheels are snazzy.
Know what,
we'll set up a business.
You import them,
l'll sell them at my uncle's.
- The guy who sells lawn-mowers?
- Yes.
We'll see.
Don't shoot! lt's me! Figoli!
l found out.
The cops' lookout was the Marseille
guy's joint. He snitched on you.
You sure? This is serious!
l gave up my siesta to tell you!
Mateo, put your old wheels back on.
We don't want to stand out tonight.
Know a friendly restaurant in town?
Depends.
For romance or good food?
Thanks.
l'm sick of oldies-but-goodies...
They're kitschy, but nice.
Cigarette?
No. l quit everything. Well, almost.
l smoke now and then.
When l feel good.
So you're in the coral business.
l didn't know Corsica had coral.
There's so much beauty...
to discover here.
And not in the guidebooks.
- Must be a time-consuming job.
- lmmensely.
But l'm not married, l have no children.
l'm free.
We have that in common.
l'm free, too...
We didn't order champagne.
You're a friend of Pierrot
at Cala di Sole.
He said a short man,
with a rumpled jacket, a worried look.
And a pretty brunette. He was right.
To your health!
- This is my treat.
- Thanks, nice of you.
The suit's linen,
that's why it rumples.
- 4!
- 5!
No slow fuses left?
Thought l had some in my garage,
but it was fishing line...
You lost, Figoli.
Your turn to buy them.
Shit! l always get the job!
- You never plan ahead!
- Go on!
OK, l'm going.
Evening.
A box of tampons, please.
Regular, super, or super deluxe?
With or without applicator?
Dunno. The best.
What exactly is it for?
What do you think?
For a slow fuse, this works fine.
All right.
More, please.
Yes.
This island is strange.
You ask a simple question,
you're a mass murderer.
We're not strange.
You must learn how to take us.
- That's all.
- True.
Ever fished for squid bare-handed?
Bunny hunting around Paris
is more my style.
l loved it when l was a kid.
- Come, l'll show you.
- Now? Don't we need rubber boots?
Tomorrow morning,
clean the kitchen well.
We have a ''surprise''
sanitary control at noon.
No problem, sir.
Hoods on.
Let's go.
- Move it!
- OK.
Sorry, but l live nearby,
sudden wakeups are bad for my heart.
- What time's it for?
- Right now.
Wait... Move aside!
We can't take all night, Birdie!
Stop calling me Birdie!
Dammit, this is a job for chicks!
Here goes! Let's split!
We've got a good 3 minutes.
Let's go!
O'mon, we're off.
Shit! There's a little cat!
What cat?
Screw the cat, Ange!
lt's going to blow!
You got no heart, or no balls?
You don't like cats?
Not when l'm smoking.
Where's that goddam animal?
Kitty, kitty!
l've got it, Birdie!
Come, pussycat.
l warn you, cat!
You have one minute to live!
lt's the first time
a woman gave me a squid.
What do l do with it now?
- l don't know!
- Really?
Take it home and boil it!
Why not, if that's your thing...
- When do you leave?
- Tomorrow, if l get a seat.
What a shame.
l'd have shown you the Cliffs of Piana.
l could postpone it.
That was a close shave, pussycat.
- Ange!
- Yeah!
- l'm bleeding!
- lt's just a little blood.
My scalp's wide open!
- lt's a scratch!
- My scalp's open!
Breathe. Mind your head.
Watch out for my head!
l'm bleeding!
Get me to the hospital.
To the hospital!
Scalps piss blood!
Disinfectant'll do the trick.
Disinfectant?
Take me to my mom's.
Mom, they don't care about me!
Did you see anything or anyone?
- l think one of them...
- We saw nothing.
Let this man vacation here
in peace.
So you saw nothing?
We lost a squid, that's all.
Bye. Shall we go?
- What was that?
- Nothing.
The farm co-op.
A blast of 10 kilograms.
The town hall, 15 kilograms.
No, that was some mainlander's villa.
25 kilograms.
They're blasting everywhere!
How about going to a disco?
A disco?
You know, l have great faith in women.
That's good.
Here, like everywhere,
only women can end violence.
That's for sure...
They give life.
They're the doves of peace.
lf we listened them
in the Middle East...
What you say is true.
lt's profound, too.
Thanks.
Odd place to open a disco.
Are we there?
l changed my mind.
You're as surprising as this island.
Sure l am.
What's got into you?
Can you drive slower?
Scared in cars, Jack?
No, l've been a rally driver!
But lobster pasta
and mountain roads don't mix.
What's going on?
Get out!
That's good, you survived the shock.
Yes. 127 bends in all.
We're 30 degrees
south of the Shepherd's star.
l know exactly where we are.
Keep it to yourself.
Here, the less you know,
the better.
You, again?
- You've met?
- Yes, on the plane.
- You're mistaken.
- Sure.
What's the deal this time?
We want to see you.
''We.'' This is dumb!
Screw the ''we''!
l want to see Ange Leoni. Ange Leoni!
What do you want with me?
Oh, it's you?
You're hard to reach.
l'm here for a notary in Montargis,
Mr Dargent, to give to you in person
this deed to a property.
But how do l know you're Mr Leoni?
You have your lD?
You're cute!
Lea...
check out Mr Dargent in Montargis.
Did you touch her?
Huh? Touch who?
My wife. Did you touch her?
Don't start that again, Mateo.
We were married 3 months,
we divorced 6 years ago!
Answer!
Did he touch you, yes or no?
Stop, Mateo, that's enough.
Cover yourself, Lea. You look cheap!
Next time do your own dirty work!
He screwed your sister
and you don't act?
No way! l didn't screw anybody!
Would she sleep
with any idiot who shows up?
Why didn't she answer?
You know, Lea,
l hear what you don't say!
OK, we humped like dogs,
on Napoleon Avenue!
- Happy now?
- l mean, no...
Sorry, l wasn't speaking to you, sir.
Attorney Dargent in Montargis.
Yes, l'll wait.
What does it say, Ange?
l inherited a 2 million Euro
shack in central France.
ls that so bad?
l'll let you celebrate it
in the family. Good night.
l don't know central France.
My whole family is here.
l'm Oorsican.
Who sent you?
l told you. Mr Dargent.
- l'll string you up!
- l'll waste him!
- Really...
- He fondled her!
Stop it. Your ulcer will act up!
He said his name's Jack Palmer.
lt doesn't say that here.
He's lying. He raped her!
My real name's Remi Francois.
Jack Palmer is for my work.
Sounds a bit American. Very smart.
l mean...
l checked.
There is a Jack Palmer
detective agency.
Remi Francois.
Are you sure?
Which is your first name?
There's no Attorney Dargent
in Montargis.
What?
They misinformed you!
lt's not possible!
Don't shout! You'll upset the animals.
Animals?
But he was in my office, in Paris!
l just spoke to him...
He's a liar! They had sex!
l'm sure of it!
Mateo! Shut up!
You're kidding us,
or they're kidding you.
Either way, you're in trouble.
lt's no great improvement,
but l favor the 2nd hypothesis.
Lea, put him back in the car.
l'm coming.
l can walk.
Mateo, stay here.
Lea'll drop me in the bay.
He's got a plane ticket for tomorrow.
He knows nothing, Ange.
So did the cops manipulate
this cretin?
Why speak dialect? l know ltalian.
Corsican's no dialect.
lt's a language.
And it's not like ltalian!
But ''cretino'' means cretin in both!
Don't sulk, Sherlock Holmes.
The cops took you for a ride.
They weren't the only ones!
How's your cramp?
- lt went away, thanks.
- Good.
Mainlander, you never saw me!
You never came here.
lf l see you again,
you're in trouble.
What did he say?
Don't worry, Ange is no bandit.
He's a good imitation of one!
Shit!
Let me out!
l'm no part of this business!
- Belt, Ange!
- What belt?
Mine's jammed!
- Shit!
- What, shit?
My belt doesn't work.
Two belts on the blink is odd.
Wouldn't you say?
This is really...
- Shit!
- Run!
And you, be a man!
Go!
A man! Your brother isn't lily white!
- He never killed anyone.
- That's what you say.
What's this...?
Get out! Hands up!
What's going on?
Why are you here?
Where'd you come from?
We were just kissing.
- ls that forbidden?
- Make fun of me.
Check the trunk!
Where's your brother?
My God, if l knew...
- Did you see him? Speak up!
- Who?
You have a brother?
Really? How old is he?
OK. Wanna play dumb? We can, too!
lsn't she an only child?
Chief, we've got 'em.
lt's under control.
l'll run them in.
What's going on, Balducci?
- Nothing, Chief!
- What?
Our car got swiped.
But we're fine.
We'll be off.
Can we drop you somewhere?
Let go of me!
Later, we dined at the ''Pinocchio''.
That's where l noticed
he was charming.
What did you eat?
Lobster pasta. Too heavy for dinner.
Right... ''Mr Dargent''?
Ange? What's up?
They've arrested Lea.
She took me for a spin in the hills.
And one thing... led to another...
Of course, you didn't
cross or see anyone?
Yes. Goats.
Little Corsican goats.
You're stressed out, Mateo.
What's worrying you?
Nothing...
Well, everything...
Relax. They're only cops.
And we're returning their car.
Your story doesn't hold up.
What has Leoni done
to get you all worked up?
l see...
Here even cops are tongue-tied.
The Government paid off
the Separatist groups to get a truce.
Leoni was the middleman.
But he kept the money. How much?
Plenty.
Nice going!
Police infighting, government scheming,
taxpayer's money. A nice scandal.
You send in a sleuth.
No danger of a police fuck-up.
l take the rap.
l'm a man of my word. You get 5%.
May l phone?
Right, call him.
Set up a date with him.
The number of ''The National lnquirer''?
Don't do that!
Then quit bugging Lea and me.
My Lea. Did they harm you,
little sister?
l'm fine, Ange.
- You mustn't stay here.
- What?
Are you being watched? lf yes, cough.
No, l was going to go to bed.
They wore me out.
Shit.
Ange!
Mr Leoni, will you have a drink?
What's he doing here?
Nothing. They released us. And l...
Lea invited me in for a drink
to celebrate the occasion...
What's this?
The latest Paris fad?
- Drinking in briefs!
- No, wait...
Shame on Paris!
Ange, stop that immediately!
l invite who l want here!
l always let you see friends!
But you just met him
and he's starko!
Just my pants... lt's hot...
Put that away, Ange!
l'll screw whoever l want!
So there!
Lea, you're being excessive with...
Quiet!
Not in front of Mama!
You, with an outsider!
She'll turn in her grave!
Leave Mama out of it!
You made her cry! Not l!
He's your brother!
lt's only natural...
Shut up!
He's not to blame.
He didn't rape me, dammit!
l asked him in!
Lea, this is a matter
for men to settle!
We'll deal with this outside.
Mr Leoni, don't stay here.
You're over enough barrels!
Barrels? Don't use fancy language!
Cretino!
He saved us both.
He didn't blab!
So he didn't!
lt's not enough to win you.
Ange, please.
No...
Still, with regard to Lea,
you could have asked me.
Actually, things gathered momentum...
lt's your life, not mine.
So, celebrate.
Easy does it.
You're not piloting the plane!
We should get a move on.
Don't be a bore.
l'll call the pilot, he's a pal.
So what did you tell
the Police Chief?
l said we saw goats...
Little Corsican goats.
His face dropped!
He was speechless.
l must tell you this...
Enough. l've nothing to tell you.
Please...
He died at home. As he wanted to.
Guess they're reconciling.
Too bad, she's a nice girl.
Yeah...
Well, tell her l said good-bye.
Bye, fellas.
Your ham!
Right. Thanks.
Hardly cabin luggage...
When my parents died, he raised me.
l know. But he had a good life.
- Stop that!
- Darling...
ln that area, we always did fine.
lt'll relax you.
You're a pig!
Shit!
My contact lens!
Remi, why head back to Paris?
My cousin has land for sale.
And a stone cottage.
Stop, Doume!
Right there!
Lea?
Why did you leave so fast?
Looked like you two were making up...
Make up? With thatjerk?
He came to tell me
my grandpa just died. That's all.
l'm so sorry. My condolences.
Thanks.
Have a nice trip home.
Where are you headed?
Up to the village.
To see him one last time.
l'll get my car at the hotel.
The hotel is that way!
l grew up here.
When there's snow,
it's cut off from the world.
Now, only the old people are left.
- l'll leave you.
- Wait!
lf l don't introduce you,
they'll think l'm ashamed of them.
Well...
That's Fiorina, my cousin.
Hi, Fiorina.
l'll be in the way.
This is a family affair.
She is a bit invasive, but adorable.
Very tenacious.
Right, Fiorina,
now we've met and...
Come, Fiorina. Let go of him.
He died as he wanted to.
That's best, Grandma.
- You came with someone.
- Yes.
This is Remi. A friend.
Josepha, my grandmother.
My condolences, Madame.
Mom!
My darlings!
Sanpierro and Anna-Maria. My kids.
l gathered that. Hi, kids!
Hi, sir.
The village is being repopulated. Good!
l'm glad you found someone.
There's a misunderstanding...
Say nothing. l couldn't bring
a stranger to the funeral.
For her, we're an item.
OK, but what about
the kids' father? ls it Mateo?
No, their dad is dead.
Good.
l mean...they don't look like Mateo.
They're blond,
and Mateo's a strange color.
You may kiss him, too.
- Me?
- Yes.
lt's the custom.
He doesn't know you.
Tell him who you are.
Go on.
Tell him.
Well...
My name is Remi Francois...
l was born May 8, 1953...
at a hospital,
Saint Felicity, in Compiegne.
And...l live on...
a quiet little street...in Paris...
And your marital status?
Bachelor. No kids.
Tell him how you met Mom.
At the beach.
She was swimming and...
She had a cramp...
Did you save her life?
ln a way...
See, Grandpa,
she met a good man.
ls she having an attack?
lt's a bit stuffy in here.
We don't need two stiffs.
Actually, l don't know
what l'm doing here.
lt's delicious!
Like veal, but more tender.
lt's rat!
No, Sanpierro.
lt's a kind of hedgehog.
l'll do the dishes.
No man ever did the dishes
in this house.
Time for a first...
My respects, Minister.
Are they mad at us?
My transfer to a dull suburb
is only hours away.
l have a scoop!
An old villager came to town
to buy a suit.
Who cares, Balducci!
Was it a two-piece? What color?
Black.
lt's for Leoni's dad's funeral.
What? He's dead?
- You knew him, Chief?
- No!
But Ange Leoni will be at the funeral.
He's a Oorsican. He has to.
Do l call Security for backup?
No way! We go it alone on this!
- You OK?
- Terrific.
l just got engaged,
l have two children,
l'm watching over a dead man
l never knew.
And to top it all,
l've eaten rat.
Thanks...
for all you're doing for me.
OK, but...
This is a bit silly.
l can't spend the night
on this chair.
What's bothering you?
Spending a night with me?
No. With him.
l'm so glad you're here.
Behave!
What are you doing here?
lt's my home.
Ready to move in!
After the ceremony.
We respect the family's grief.
Lea's right.
You can't stay here.
They'll grab you.
Not to be at his burial...
You came, that's enough.
They'll handcuff you in the cemetery!
OK.
Then let's leave now.
No, l'm staying.
Only you can drive him down.
Why? Others here have
a driver's license!
But no one'll leave today.
Except a mainie.
A what?
A mainlander.
Yesterday, l was
the white hope of the family,
today l'm just your cabdriver!
Remi, he's my brother!
Like you asked, Lea,
l got bread and cheese for them.
Let's go, boys.
Leoni! There's a roadblock!
Ange! Can you hear me?
Whatever you do, don't move!
Gentlemen.
You're still here?
So did you find Leoni?
His grandfather died.
l thought he'd be
in the village. He's not.
Whose car is this?
Lea's. Mr Leoni's sister.
Really...Lea...His sister...
Yes, l socialized with the family.
They asked me
to go get more flowers.
Flowers...
l mean wreaths.
They're grieving, l couldn't say no.
You're very considerate.
Yes, who wouldn't be right now?
Still, open up your trunk.
And tell mainlanders we do ourjob.
l always say you do a greatjob.
And here, things aren't easy for you.
One must admit...
The trunk, please.
The trunk...
Sure.
Lower your guns!
l'm Security! Leoni's ours!
Hands on the roof!
No, this witness is ours!
We nabbed him first!
OK, but what's in the trunk is ours!
Take it all.
We'll interrogate him!
Usually, the local cops get me.
Right! You may drive on.
Thanks, Captain.
l'll fasten my belt.
l'll report you, you wait and see!
Report what you want!
You don't make the laws around here!
Know where you're headed?
Directing traffic in town!
This isn't your turf!
- What?
- lt's not your turf!
Who do you think you are!
The 2.10 PM flight
is perfect, Miss Breche.
Of course, l found him.
How?
Yes, he was happy. l'll explain.
See if there's a later plane.
Over and out.
How did you get here?
l know my way round my country!
You, too!
l don't want your scams
to land me in jail.
We welcomed you,
now you insult me.
Drive!
- lt's crawling with cops!
- Don't worry.
They're checking the village.
You think everyone else is an idiot!
Drive, l said!
Leoni's with the gumshoe!
Stay on their tail!
Godammit!
Wasn't our fault!
Get as close as you can!
Balducci, go look! Grappa, get help!
lt's really high!
Weren't you a paratrooper?
Shit! They can't be far!
Get going, step on it!
Hey, how do l get back?
Where we going?
The less you know, the better!
The less l know... Shit!
You OK?
Like someone
who jumped from a moving car!
l'll take the stinky cheese.
Then l quit!
- Where'll you go?
- Home! To Paris!
Rain, parking tickets, dogshit,
l miss all that!
You sick of life, or what?
Everyone knows we're a team.
The separatists and the cops
want you! Think it over!
l'll tell the cops
l'm no part of it!
They'll throw the book at you!
You'll take the rap, not me!
You're not Corsican,
you're the ideal patsy.
They'll tan your hide, dude.
What's the solution?
Look at the landscape!
Look!
- lmpressive, right?
- OK, l saw it.
We hide a year, till it blows over.
A year? No way! l have expenses!
lt's best, you'll see.
l'll even carry the basket.
l have a company.
l run a business!
l can't pack it all in!
Come along.
What's the rush?
Does your detective agency pay?
l can't complain.
You don't look like a skirt-chaser.
But do you love Lea?
lt's only just starting.
A love story, but it's just starting.
You got 3 seconds! Yes or no?
l'd say yes.
And our cheese? lsn't it good?
l'd rather eat it than smell it.
lt's a gem, l told you.
But it needs work.
Now Papa is dead,
l inherit more of the sheepfold,
which means l can outvote
the other Leonis,
who are after the part l already had.
ls this shack so valuable?
That's not it.
lt's a matter of principle.
Yes, l'd do the same.
Please don't smoke in here.
We've been spotted.
They're smoking us out!
You see evil everywhere.
lt's an age-old practice.
Shepherds set fire to their land,
so the grass grows for their herds.
lf it's ecological, that's OK.
lt's police brutality!
What if we surrendered?
l meant me.
And dishonor our family?
Of course not.
This'll end badly.
l've had it to here!
Darling, come look.
lsn't that Leoni
in front of Borgnoli's place?
Ange!
Calm down, Santou. l'm with a friend.
We have the cops on our ass.
You stole from us! Humiliated us!
Let's leave, Ange...
Oome into my home.
Got anything to eat? We're starving.
Hand me my cell phone.
What's going on?
Never mind. Cook us pulenta.
You're the detective they all want?
Evening, Madame.
You brought a cop into my house?
Don't, he's my brother-in-law!
You're his brother-in-law?
So to speak...
Don't fight, or l won't make dinner.
That was grand!
Calls for a brandy and a cigar!
Remi, pour me more coffee.
What do we now?
We'll go to bed.
l meant, how do we get out of here?
l've had it.
Once the cops get tired,
Santou takes us to the port,
lends us his boat
and we split to Sardinia.
lt's a twin 250 hp.
Guzzles lots of gas.
Yes, but...
We'll pay you.
How much you got on you?
What?
On you!
Leoni!
Leoni!
Oome out with your hands up!
Obey, or it'll be a bloodbath!
Then let blood flow!
Did you snitch on me?
You insult me in my home?
Then, it was you.
How? l never left the table!
Finish your pulenta , Mr Remi?
Don't shoot, Leoni!
We've got your sister!
We already lost Grandpa, Ange!
Stop it! Not today!
The scum grabbed Lea!
No...?
Let a Corsican senator mediate!
Call Pruzzati!
Not a chance!
l've got a hostage!
Who?
- You, you idiot!
- No!
Then they can't say
you're my accomplice!
For once, that's not so dumb!
lt's me!
l'm the hostage!
Ange, he's not to blame!
Let him go,
or you're not my brother!
No way! You have half an hour!
Then l'll kill him!
That sounded real.
He's a hothead, Senator Pruzzati.
But l want him alive!
Don't worry,
l know the family. Just be firm.
But no Rambo stunts.
We're low on coffee.
- How are your kids, Borgnoli?
- Fine.
Learning Corsican from my dad.
A liqueur, Mr Pruzzati?
Don't mind if l do.
So Leoni, what do you want?
l want a fair trial.
l'm the victim of a plot.
l'll defend myself.
l trust our legal system.
What's all this? lf you get cute,
my boys will pick you off.
Easy, Commissioner.
l heard the voice
of a reasonable man.
Mr Leoni's request
is quite legitimate.
l agree.
Legitimate.
The money they say l took,
where was it from?
For whom? To what end?
l, too, have a right to know.
About the bomb that destroyed
your restaurant, you said:
''Leoni's behind this...''
When two burly cops beat you,
you say anything so they'll stop.
lt was the fault of Moktar, my cook.
He left a cigarette
beside the gas canister.
You stated that Mr Leoni
handed you a suitcase.
l meant Demetrius Leoni. Ange's father.
A saintly man.
lt was full of clothes
for the Red Oross.
You admitted receiving
a sum of cash from Mr Leoni.
lt was only around 200 Euros.
He bought me a sideboard
at a local flea market,
in the village where l was born.
l swear.
Kidnapped and threatened by Mr Leoni,
but you didn't press charges.
Fascination for your captor,
or Mafia-type pressure?
Neither, sir.
These events
have been over-dramatized.
l hear you married
Mr Leoni's sister last week.
You're his brother-in-law.
That's correct, Your Honor.
Who investigated this case?
Now family members have to testify?
l was told to come, so l came.
To help justice...
After a 2-day trial,
the case against Ange was dropped.
Ange always landed
on his feet... or other people's.
He got that guy's
restaurants for a song.
They needed work.
The guy's wife, it seems,
wanted a change of air.
Now l was part of the family.
Ange was 100% behind me.
l worked for him 14 hours a day.
The restaurant business
is hard work.
What is it, my love?
l need a table for eight.
For the Belgians on the big yacht.
Cousins of the Royal family.
We're full. They should've booked.
Remi, swallow your pride.
Get the staff's table
from the kitchen.
l'm the jack of all trades, here!
Please, darling.
- l can't refuse you anything.
- Thanks.
OK, you can come over. Bye.
My sister has character.
So they say.
- Runs in the family.
- True...
Look!
lsn't that Pierre Grimaldi?
Maybe. l don't know him.
lf he comes in, say we're closed.
Why closed?
l'll tell you some day...
''The Corsican File...''
lt's a movie
with Reno and Clavier.
They need...
...extras. You interested?
lt'll be a howl!
A movie about Corsica.
- ''Corsican File''.
- What file?
A secret file?
l wonder what's in it.
lt's one view of Corsica...
A bit spiced up...
lt's fun.
To make it entertaining,
you have to exaggerate...
But we are a bit like that...
OK, they made fun of us...
But you can't help laughing.
Laughter is part of life.
The best part.
lt's ''Asterix in Corsica''!
lt's a caricature but...
There's fewer Romans in it.
Hi, Mom!
One more rehearsal!
''Bastia's a team of goats!''
l can't say that!
Corsicans are like others,
but different.
- What did you say?
- Crap!
A Corsican smile?
So let me ask you:
''Can one make fun of Corsicans?''
Yes, but don't do it!
We're 100% operational.
So are we. Have been for 1 hr!
Jupiter to Ramuncho. A-OK?
Ramuncho here.
We want Ange Leoni, no one else!
When he shows, we grab him.
They're looking for you
on the wrong side of the harbor.
lt's a grand turnout, they're all there.
The State Police in the candy truck...
Local cops: Grappa and Balducci,
at the Marseille guy's place.
- His food still as lousy?
- Worse!
He just opened a new joint,
the ''Pinocchio''.
The ''Pinocchio''?
How original!
Even the Security Branch is here!
The Ramunchos in flip-flops
and fancy shirts.
They're a disgrace.
Wasting time on disguises!
Pink Flamingo to all units.
Jag coming into the harbor.
Gotcha, strength 5, Captain.
You hear me, boys? A blue Jaguar!
You're all we hear, Balducci!
Calling all agents! A blue Jag.
You copy me?
ls that him?
Answer!
Watch this!
Go, go, go! That's him!
Stop that!
Freeze! We've got you!
Don't!
lt's not Leoni! Who summoned you?
Who told you to move in?
You did!
De Vlaminck, Security Branch!
Which idiot said ''Go!''?
Pretty funny, huh?
l'm not leaving this island yet!
THE CORSlCAN FlLE
Breche, can you hear me?
l'll e-mail the photos. l repeat.
l'll e-mail the first photos.
Breche? Did you get them?
Answer me, dammit!
- Yes, sir. They're on my screen.
- Fine.
Operation Yellow Dragon is over.
You have another call.: a notary.
- l'll put you through to Mr...
- No names over the phone.
l've told you before!
Ask what it's about. Over and out.
The espresso machine's jammed.
The Lion's club meet in North Paris.
But on the 17th, l'm in Montlucon?
Absolutely.
That notary's waiting
in your office.
Never let anyone wait
alone in my office!
lt's a fine country mansion
100 miles south of Paris.
Mr Leoni, the heir to it,
lives in Corsica.
Excuse me...
Breche, rent me a car to go to Montlucon.
The train's too slow.
Where were we?
The estate has been valued
at 2 million Euros.
lf you find Mr Leoni,
your fee will be 5% of that sum.
5%...
Got any elements? Photos, leads,
- results of previous searches?
- Not much.
Except Mr Leoni is from Rossignoli.
A mountain village
above Ajaccio.
- Do you know Corsica?
- Not at all.
A pity.
Why?
Corsicans are a touchy
and secretive people.
l wish you knew them a bit.
Their behavior codes
aren't like ours.
Mr Dargent,
l handled a tricky case
during the recent Buntu-Buntu uprising.
You know the Buntu-Buntu?
Can't say l do.
There l was dodging machetes,
so the Corsicans don't scare me.
Why the bulldog logo?
Because l never let go!
Have a nice day.
- Been to Corsica, Breche?
- Was with my hubby.
Say: ''l went there...''
l have to find a man
who inherited a tidy sum.
We never found
a decent salami there.
What's the connection?
''The gem of France'', they call it.
You Corsican?
Yes.
Are there taxis when we land?
lt's not a jungle.
We have taxis, too.
Thanks. lt's my first visit.
Taxi!
lt's locked!
lt's locked!
- The trunk...
- What about the trunk?
You'll see!
This year our team's unbeatable!
Bastia's a team of goats!
Excuse me, sir!
One second.
Where to, sir?
To Rossignoli.
lf you say so.
Bastia are bums.
Need a ride uphill?
Wait! l hired a cab, not a minibus!
We're headed for Blood River.
Just trying to lower your cabfare.
ls Rossignoli far?
Just over there.
An hour to do twenty miles?
The road's no bowling alley.
Hope you're not carsick.
l just redid the upholstery.
Not at all.
My inner ear works fine.
You're in no danger.
l'm a good sailor,
l grew up in Brittany.
l don't get it...
lt's best to eat something.
No thanks, very kind of you.
lt's weird...
ls that Rossignoli, up there?
So they say.
l'd rather do the last lap on foot.
Through the scrub is shorter,
but it's a maze.
lt's magnificent!
You know the area.
l'm looking for Mr Ange Leoni.
Name mean anything to you?
At the square rock,
left and left again.
Past the fork,
head for the eucalyptus tree.
Left, right, keep going.
You're in Rossignoli.
l have to go on my own?
Sorry, sir. l'm looking
for Mr Leoni's house.
Ange Leoni.
Thanks. Very nice of you.
Thanks.
- An ice-cold Vichy, please.
- Got none.
- An Crezza with ice cubes?
- l don't know it. What's that?
lce cubes? Little cubes
of frozen water.
The local mineral water?
Fine!
Sure, you're beautiful.
Bet he's a good guard dog, right?
He's picky.
Why spend a fortune
on a thoroughbred dog?
Nothing like a nice mongrel!
Right, boy?
One,
she's a lady.
Two, she's a Corsican bitch, sir.
Of course, we're in Corsica.
A bitch of the Corsican breed!
What breed is that?
A Corsinu.
A Corsinu...
People fight for them.
Litters are booked years ahead.
lf you say so.
Do you happen to know
Mr Ange Leoni?
We're only 5th generation here.
We don't know everyone.
Yes, of course.
The toilet, please?
Oan't a cell phone get through?
Even the bread can't get through, sir.
Things going fine, sir?
Sure, Breche. All l have to do is
tell a guy he won the sweepstakes!
- Nice weather?
- Glorious!
l'll call you. Over and out.
A local farmer
won the lottery and went mad.
Slaughtered his herd!
Right.
Right.
Tonight we must end
our fratricidal quarrels,
and unite
all Oorsican nationalist movements!
All represented here
except for those extremist pigs
of Corsica Nazionale!
We must adopt
a common position on violence.
l've thought it over
and l propose:
we condemn violence...
but not its perpetrators.
Well spoken!
l like that!
lt's good!
Adopted unanimously.
Let's get down to the agenda:
a traitor to his homeland!
l mean, Ange Leoni.
By hijacking money
for Corsican nationalism,
he dishonored our cause.
- Precisely!
- Quite!
He betrayed his people for personal gain!
Right.
This scumbag deserves
an exemplary punishment.
Let's have a vote.
OK. We want the money back!
That's right,
First the money.
Ange? What are you...?
Got a slice of salami here?
Birdie, that's my place.
You spoke of me behind my back.
No, we didn't...
What's this procedure?
Right. What's this procedure, Figoli?
- What?
- What is it?
- What is it?
- This procedure?
- Yes, this procedure...
- lt's what we were saying...
Where is he? What's he doing?
You got the answer. He's here,
and he's going to eat.
Got a glass of red?
After a month in the wilds,
you look great, Ange.
l didn't come here for a check-up.
Two things.
The money...
l didn't steal it, l borrowed it.
No need to say it.
We never doubted that.
Right, Figoli?
You nod like puppets!
ls that what you are?
No one's afraid here...
Don't squawk, Birdie.
What's your problem?
We have a right to speak up!
When will you
give us back this money?
Or won't you?
When l've refinanced
my business in Spain.
- You in a hurry?
- No...
The other evening,
all the cops on the island
were waiting for me.
Who snitched?
We want to know, too.
lf l ever catch that bastard!
l have to go.
Good luck, Ange.
Farewell, Figoli.
- What did he say?
- Farewell.
- Who to?
- To you.
Ange, l have to go.
lf you need anything.
God be with you.
- We'll ask around.
- Good luck.
Birdie!
You stay here!
l don't know who snitched on you!
lf l did, would l just sit here?
Don't call me Birdie!
l'm not a kid.
A mainlander's looking for me.
You heard?
Seems you won the lottery.
Me?
l never play!
Evening, gentlemen.
l don't mind folksongs,
but l sleep right above.
What folksongs?
They're sacred hymns, sir.
Sure, they're lovely,
but will it last long?
They tell our people's history.
That's what matters to Corsicans:
hope and freedom.
l understand, but it's 2 AM.
Pour him a glass of myrthe.
Nice of you,
but it's late for a nightcap.
So you refuse our friendship drink?
No, but with lots of ice cubes.
With tons of ice.
Thank you, gentlemen.
l'll head back to bed.
- Already?
- l'd better.
lt's rude. Not after the owner's round.
So it's my round now?
Same again.
lt's good: both sweet and strong.
Sorry, l have to hit the sack.
Don't leave when it's my round!
- Stay a bit longer.
- Sure!
l wasn't leaving,
just catching a breather.
Cheers!
Fine mood...
This time...
l was in the cafe earlier.
Yes?
We Corsicans don't like questions
from outsiders.
But your request seems legitimate...
...so l'll answer your query.
- About what?
The toilets are on the left in the yard.
The hood, Mateo. Let's go.
One second, l'll finish my cigarette.
You smoke too much. lt'll kill you.
l'll try that anti-tobacco pacht.
What ''pacht''? The word is patch!
OK, you understood me,
that's what matters.
Get going.
Thanks.
What's myrthe made with?
- What's up?
- Don't try anything!
You'll regret any senseless violence!
Hi, Fernand.
Hi, Ange.
What do we do, Captain?
Follow. But don't endanger
our men or equipment.
Ohief, Leoni just kidnapped
the gumshoe.
Follow them!
What do you want with Ange Leoni?
- lt's confidential.
- Don't talk so loud.
That wasn't loud.
So Leoni won the lottery?
- So to speak.
- Don't put me on!
Leoni never buys lottery tickets!
What's this scam?
l know that.
But it's as if he had played.
That's why l said ''So to speak''.
We have company.
Another group, Captain!
Drive on quietly.
Don't provoke them.
Drop your guns!
What's this crap? Who are you?
The Surprise Patriots!
Surprise Patriots?
From where?
We're a new splinter group.
2 days old!
We'll interrogate
that mainlander!
No way! That's ourjob.
Calm down!
l bring good news for Mr Leo...
Shut up, Frenchie!
This is a job for Corsican Nation!
You've been discredited!
What? We've been discredited?
Careful, Birdie.
Those things go off easily.
This is ours to handle.
Captain, l just escaped
a kidnap attempt.
Calm down, sir. Are you hurt?
No. But l wish to press charges.
That's what matters.
And you, gentlemen? Are you OK?
We're fine.
You caused an accident.
Come for a breathalyzer test.
- What? You must be kidding!
- Be quiet.
- lt's a joke.
- Be quiet. Follow me.
But you don't understand...
Chief, State Police
just arrested the sleuth.
How dumb can they get!
lntercept them and grab him.
You're out in daylight?
None of you work?
l don't believe it!
Why the ski bonnet, Birdie?
ls it carnival time?
lt's my nephew's hood.
Mine shrunk in the wash.
You don't like it?
Why did they hassle you?
You built a villa?
No, l'm looking
for a man called Ange Leoni.
Ange Leoni?
- What do you know about him?
- Nothing.
l hoped you'd fill me in.
Yes?
Leoni's cafe got blown up!
Ange Leoni?
l was in the basement.
There was a loud blast...
Are you Ange Leoni?
- Don't insult me!
- Sorry?
- Come with me.
- What did l say?
He's a distant cousin.
They're feuding
over property boundaries.
Really...
Balducci, Orime Squad.
We're taking in the suspect!
Suspect? Suspected of what?
l'm the victim!
He's ours! We saved him
from the separatists!
Saved...?
What's this?
Come on!
De Vlaminck, Security! He's mine!
Not again!
No, he's ours!
No, he's our collar!
lt's an anti-terrorist matter!
Take him away!
He's ours!
You're all crazy!
You grabbed the wrong horse!
l'm well connected! l know the Minister!
l'll call HQ.
- A bottle of red, the State Police win.
- You're on.
Two bottles on Security.
He's a new boy.
Called De Vlaminck.
That name won't work here.
lt's a mistake. Forgive us, sir.
Release the suspect.
''The suspect''... ''A mistake''...
The suspect's pretty decent.
The locals really like you!
l'm sick of Corsica.
So sick of it!
What a farce!
The cops love you.
Who knows? But they wouldn't let go.
l know you're at odds with your cousin,
but where can l find him?
Thanks.
You really bluffed those dumb cops!
l didn't.
l am well-connected in Paris.
Ange and l haven't spoken
since April, 1992.
Then, he had a small pad in Ajaccio.
Got the address?
Anyone in?
What's it about?
A pair of shoes in the window.
l'm all out.
ls this loafer calf-suede?
l don't have your size.
OK, l'll come back.
Right. Come back. Around 6 PM.
lt'll be quieter.
As you say.
- Jack Palmer Agency!
- Breche. lt's me.
- How's it going?
- Fine. l found his former address.
What's that noise?
- You in a factory?
- No, it's some idiot biker.
- Anything else?
- l saw a 300 Euro espresso machine...
Find a cheaper one.
l'm phoning!
Call you back, over and out!
- You're a pest!
- Looking for someone?
- Who might you be?
- Get on to find who you want.
Get off.
You're expected up there.
These people can't do things simply!
He's on his way.
Mateo, you snitched on me.
- You gone nuts?
- Get ready!
l'm coming down!
Get going!
l won't ticket you
for not wearing a helmet.
Ticket me! l can get 'em quashed!
Excuse me, l'm looking for a room.
- Do you have a room?
- One moment. l'm coming.
God, it's hot!
For how many nights?
l'm not sure...
Let me ask you a question,
just on the off chance...
- Do you know Ange Leoni?
- Ange Leoni!
We were classmates in school.
- Really?
- But l haven't seen him in ages.
Ask his aunt Maria Leoni.
She works for mainlanders
up the coast.
Where l can rent a car?
Taxis are weird here.
l'll lend you one.
- Yes?
- Hello, l'm...
lt's open. Please come in!
Very well...
Welcome to our home!
We love Corsica!
l won't disturb you for long.
Make yourself at home!
- Our home is your home!
- Yes, thanks.
Sandra, my wife.
Delighted.
Darling, bring out the salami
and myrthe liqueur.
No, it's hard to digest.
We love everything here.
The culture, music, local produce.
- Great!
- Have a seat!
Thanks. l'd rather stand up.
Here it is.
l'll go get the cold cuts.
No myrthe?
What is it?
The ''lnsurance premium''...
l'm not an insurer. l'm from Paris.
You weren't sent by the patriots?
No. By a notary.
You're not Corsican, then?
- l'm a detective.
- Detective?
Maria Leoni's cousin sent me.
Maria! Someone for you!
One moment!
l'm at the right place.
Where are you from here?
Put the salami away. He's a detective.
- Jack Palmer.
- Delighted.
That must be him!
Yes, l'll open up.
Oome in! We adore Corsica!
Go see Maria. The kitchen's there.
Come in.
My wife Sandra.
Delighted.
- Get a drink for Mr...?
- No need for my name.
lt's that bum, Stephane Figoli!
What do you want?
This gentleman, who we don't know,
whose name we don't know,
isn't here for you.
Then why bother me?
l can't waste time
looking at that racketeer!
You let this hag
insult me in your home?
- Wait, it's a mistake.
- Because of the detective...
A detective?
- That's me!
- Why are you in here?
l couldn't find the kitchen.
- lmplicating me in front of a witness?
- Not at all.
Sandra, kill that music!
Those tunes rattle my head!
Now you insult Corsican music?
You'll hear from us.
- We adore the Corsicans, Mr Figolo.
- Figoli!
Don't see me out.
l know my way round my country!
They'll blow up our villa.
Let them do it, so it's over!
We'll buy a place on the North Sea.
Count me out!
There, even seagulls are suicidal.
What do you want with me?
l'm looking for
one of your family: Ange Leoni.
He missed the funeral
of my great uncle's nephew...
...on my husband's sister's side.
To me, he's no longer family.
That's it! They blew us up!
Holy shit!
You OK?
Close shave!
- Drink this!
- Myrthe brandy will perk you up.
l can't digest it.
- Were they after your car?
- No, mine.
- Mr Figolu!
- Fi-go-Ll!...
Why are you up there?
This is my country.
l go where l want.
Sure...
Oh, no!
The Mini-Moke...
They flattened it.
- Mr Dargent, please.
- Yes. Who's calling?
Jack Palmer, aka Remi Francois.
- lt's him.
- l'll take it.
Hello, how are you?
All in all, poorly.
l've been kidnapped twice,
hassled by cops,
had a villa gate
hit me,
my Mini-Moke blown up...
Your what?
lt's a car. Wasn't mine,
but l'm hanging up.
- Don't hang up. We must talk.
- No.
l'm hanging up my gumshoes.
Quitting.
You're right, it's a weird place.
- You? The bulldog...?
- Listen...
My life comes first.
The bulldog says bye.
Shit, he's freaked.
The first gumshoe didn't last a day.
- l show in Grappa and Balducci?
- Not yet.
We mustn't let him leave.
We'll put that bulldog on a leash.
lt's unthinkable, Breche!
Not a seat on a plane, or a boat?
Not until next week?
Hello?
Shit! Nothing works here!
l'm coming!
Don't panic!
l'm coming! Don't panic!
Calm down! Hang on to me!
Let go! Stop hitting me!
Don't hit me, we'll both drown!
Just relax.
That's better.
- ls it there?
- lt was a cramp, l think.
l'll massage your thigh. lt'll go away.
Happened to me,
skin-diving in the Galapagos.
l made it back by myself, but only just.
lt's bit painful, but...
Now let's try to walk a bit.
- Give me your hand.
- Wait.
That's perfect.
l didn't know this beach.
l came to see some clients.
And wanted to cool off
before heading home.
l can't let you leave in this state.
What's your name?
Lea.
Palmer. Jack Palmer.
Using a patch and smoking is bad.
You're right. l'll quit the ''pacht''.
Tell me...
Your new wheels are snazzy.
Know what,
we'll set up a business.
You import them,
l'll sell them at my uncle's.
- The guy who sells lawn-mowers?
- Yes.
We'll see.
Don't shoot! lt's me! Figoli!
l found out.
The cops' lookout was the Marseille
guy's joint. He snitched on you.
You sure? This is serious!
l gave up my siesta to tell you!
Mateo, put your old wheels back on.
We don't want to stand out tonight.
Know a friendly restaurant in town?
Depends.
For romance or good food?
Thanks.
l'm sick of oldies-but-goodies...
They're kitschy, but nice.
Cigarette?
No. l quit everything. Well, almost.
l smoke now and then.
When l feel good.
So you're in the coral business.
l didn't know Corsica had coral.
There's so much beauty...
to discover here.
And not in the guidebooks.
- Must be a time-consuming job.
- lmmensely.
But l'm not married, l have no children.
l'm free.
We have that in common.
l'm free, too...
We didn't order champagne.
You're a friend of Pierrot
at Cala di Sole.
He said a short man,
with a rumpled jacket, a worried look.
And a pretty brunette. He was right.
To your health!
- This is my treat.
- Thanks, nice of you.
The suit's linen,
that's why it rumples.
- 4!
- 5!
No slow fuses left?
Thought l had some in my garage,
but it was fishing line...
You lost, Figoli.
Your turn to buy them.
Shit! l always get the job!
- You never plan ahead!
- Go on!
OK, l'm going.
Evening.
A box of tampons, please.
Regular, super, or super deluxe?
With or without applicator?
Dunno. The best.
What exactly is it for?
What do you think?
For a slow fuse, this works fine.
All right.
More, please.
Yes.
This island is strange.
You ask a simple question,
you're a mass murderer.
We're not strange.
You must learn how to take us.
- That's all.
- True.
Ever fished for squid bare-handed?
Bunny hunting around Paris
is more my style.
l loved it when l was a kid.
- Come, l'll show you.
- Now? Don't we need rubber boots?
Tomorrow morning,
clean the kitchen well.
We have a ''surprise''
sanitary control at noon.
No problem, sir.
Hoods on.
Let's go.
- Move it!
- OK.
Sorry, but l live nearby,
sudden wakeups are bad for my heart.
- What time's it for?
- Right now.
Wait... Move aside!
We can't take all night, Birdie!
Stop calling me Birdie!
Dammit, this is a job for chicks!
Here goes! Let's split!
We've got a good 3 minutes.
Let's go!
O'mon, we're off.
Shit! There's a little cat!
What cat?
Screw the cat, Ange!
lt's going to blow!
You got no heart, or no balls?
You don't like cats?
Not when l'm smoking.
Where's that goddam animal?
Kitty, kitty!
l've got it, Birdie!
Come, pussycat.
l warn you, cat!
You have one minute to live!
lt's the first time
a woman gave me a squid.
What do l do with it now?
- l don't know!
- Really?
Take it home and boil it!
Why not, if that's your thing...
- When do you leave?
- Tomorrow, if l get a seat.
What a shame.
l'd have shown you the Cliffs of Piana.
l could postpone it.
That was a close shave, pussycat.
- Ange!
- Yeah!
- l'm bleeding!
- lt's just a little blood.
My scalp's wide open!
- lt's a scratch!
- My scalp's open!
Breathe. Mind your head.
Watch out for my head!
l'm bleeding!
Get me to the hospital.
To the hospital!
Scalps piss blood!
Disinfectant'll do the trick.
Disinfectant?
Take me to my mom's.
Mom, they don't care about me!
Did you see anything or anyone?
- l think one of them...
- We saw nothing.
Let this man vacation here
in peace.
So you saw nothing?
We lost a squid, that's all.
Bye. Shall we go?
- What was that?
- Nothing.
The farm co-op.
A blast of 10 kilograms.
The town hall, 15 kilograms.
No, that was some mainlander's villa.
25 kilograms.
They're blasting everywhere!
How about going to a disco?
A disco?
You know, l have great faith in women.
That's good.
Here, like everywhere,
only women can end violence.
That's for sure...
They give life.
They're the doves of peace.
lf we listened them
in the Middle East...
What you say is true.
lt's profound, too.
Thanks.
Odd place to open a disco.
Are we there?
l changed my mind.
You're as surprising as this island.
Sure l am.
What's got into you?
Can you drive slower?
Scared in cars, Jack?
No, l've been a rally driver!
But lobster pasta
and mountain roads don't mix.
What's going on?
Get out!
That's good, you survived the shock.
Yes. 127 bends in all.
We're 30 degrees
south of the Shepherd's star.
l know exactly where we are.
Keep it to yourself.
Here, the less you know,
the better.
You, again?
- You've met?
- Yes, on the plane.
- You're mistaken.
- Sure.
What's the deal this time?
We want to see you.
''We.'' This is dumb!
Screw the ''we''!
l want to see Ange Leoni. Ange Leoni!
What do you want with me?
Oh, it's you?
You're hard to reach.
l'm here for a notary in Montargis,
Mr Dargent, to give to you in person
this deed to a property.
But how do l know you're Mr Leoni?
You have your lD?
You're cute!
Lea...
check out Mr Dargent in Montargis.
Did you touch her?
Huh? Touch who?
My wife. Did you touch her?
Don't start that again, Mateo.
We were married 3 months,
we divorced 6 years ago!
Answer!
Did he touch you, yes or no?
Stop, Mateo, that's enough.
Cover yourself, Lea. You look cheap!
Next time do your own dirty work!
He screwed your sister
and you don't act?
No way! l didn't screw anybody!
Would she sleep
with any idiot who shows up?
Why didn't she answer?
You know, Lea,
l hear what you don't say!
OK, we humped like dogs,
on Napoleon Avenue!
- Happy now?
- l mean, no...
Sorry, l wasn't speaking to you, sir.
Attorney Dargent in Montargis.
Yes, l'll wait.
What does it say, Ange?
l inherited a 2 million Euro
shack in central France.
ls that so bad?
l'll let you celebrate it
in the family. Good night.
l don't know central France.
My whole family is here.
l'm Oorsican.
Who sent you?
l told you. Mr Dargent.
- l'll string you up!
- l'll waste him!
- Really...
- He fondled her!
Stop it. Your ulcer will act up!
He said his name's Jack Palmer.
lt doesn't say that here.
He's lying. He raped her!
My real name's Remi Francois.
Jack Palmer is for my work.
Sounds a bit American. Very smart.
l mean...
l checked.
There is a Jack Palmer
detective agency.
Remi Francois.
Are you sure?
Which is your first name?
There's no Attorney Dargent
in Montargis.
What?
They misinformed you!
lt's not possible!
Don't shout! You'll upset the animals.
Animals?
But he was in my office, in Paris!
l just spoke to him...
He's a liar! They had sex!
l'm sure of it!
Mateo! Shut up!
You're kidding us,
or they're kidding you.
Either way, you're in trouble.
lt's no great improvement,
but l favor the 2nd hypothesis.
Lea, put him back in the car.
l'm coming.
l can walk.
Mateo, stay here.
Lea'll drop me in the bay.
He's got a plane ticket for tomorrow.
He knows nothing, Ange.
So did the cops manipulate
this cretin?
Why speak dialect? l know ltalian.
Corsican's no dialect.
lt's a language.
And it's not like ltalian!
But ''cretino'' means cretin in both!
Don't sulk, Sherlock Holmes.
The cops took you for a ride.
They weren't the only ones!
How's your cramp?
- lt went away, thanks.
- Good.
Mainlander, you never saw me!
You never came here.
lf l see you again,
you're in trouble.
What did he say?
Don't worry, Ange is no bandit.
He's a good imitation of one!
Shit!
Let me out!
l'm no part of this business!
- Belt, Ange!
- What belt?
Mine's jammed!
- Shit!
- What, shit?
My belt doesn't work.
Two belts on the blink is odd.
Wouldn't you say?
This is really...
- Shit!
- Run!
And you, be a man!
Go!
A man! Your brother isn't lily white!
- He never killed anyone.
- That's what you say.
What's this...?
Get out! Hands up!
What's going on?
Why are you here?
Where'd you come from?
We were just kissing.
- ls that forbidden?
- Make fun of me.
Check the trunk!
Where's your brother?
My God, if l knew...
- Did you see him? Speak up!
- Who?
You have a brother?
Really? How old is he?
OK. Wanna play dumb? We can, too!
lsn't she an only child?
Chief, we've got 'em.
lt's under control.
l'll run them in.
What's going on, Balducci?
- Nothing, Chief!
- What?
Our car got swiped.
But we're fine.
We'll be off.
Can we drop you somewhere?
Let go of me!
Later, we dined at the ''Pinocchio''.
That's where l noticed
he was charming.
What did you eat?
Lobster pasta. Too heavy for dinner.
Right... ''Mr Dargent''?
Ange? What's up?
They've arrested Lea.
She took me for a spin in the hills.
And one thing... led to another...
Of course, you didn't
cross or see anyone?
Yes. Goats.
Little Corsican goats.
You're stressed out, Mateo.
What's worrying you?
Nothing...
Well, everything...
Relax. They're only cops.
And we're returning their car.
Your story doesn't hold up.
What has Leoni done
to get you all worked up?
l see...
Here even cops are tongue-tied.
The Government paid off
the Separatist groups to get a truce.
Leoni was the middleman.
But he kept the money. How much?
Plenty.
Nice going!
Police infighting, government scheming,
taxpayer's money. A nice scandal.
You send in a sleuth.
No danger of a police fuck-up.
l take the rap.
l'm a man of my word. You get 5%.
May l phone?
Right, call him.
Set up a date with him.
The number of ''The National lnquirer''?
Don't do that!
Then quit bugging Lea and me.
My Lea. Did they harm you,
little sister?
l'm fine, Ange.
- You mustn't stay here.
- What?
Are you being watched? lf yes, cough.
No, l was going to go to bed.
They wore me out.
Shit.
Ange!
Mr Leoni, will you have a drink?
What's he doing here?
Nothing. They released us. And l...
Lea invited me in for a drink
to celebrate the occasion...
What's this?
The latest Paris fad?
- Drinking in briefs!
- No, wait...
Shame on Paris!
Ange, stop that immediately!
l invite who l want here!
l always let you see friends!
But you just met him
and he's starko!
Just my pants... lt's hot...
Put that away, Ange!
l'll screw whoever l want!
So there!
Lea, you're being excessive with...
Quiet!
Not in front of Mama!
You, with an outsider!
She'll turn in her grave!
Leave Mama out of it!
You made her cry! Not l!
He's your brother!
lt's only natural...
Shut up!
He's not to blame.
He didn't rape me, dammit!
l asked him in!
Lea, this is a matter
for men to settle!
We'll deal with this outside.
Mr Leoni, don't stay here.
You're over enough barrels!
Barrels? Don't use fancy language!
Cretino!
He saved us both.
He didn't blab!
So he didn't!
lt's not enough to win you.
Ange, please.
No...
Still, with regard to Lea,
you could have asked me.
Actually, things gathered momentum...
lt's your life, not mine.
So, celebrate.
Easy does it.
You're not piloting the plane!
We should get a move on.
Don't be a bore.
l'll call the pilot, he's a pal.
So what did you tell
the Police Chief?
l said we saw goats...
Little Corsican goats.
His face dropped!
He was speechless.
l must tell you this...
Enough. l've nothing to tell you.
Please...
He died at home. As he wanted to.
Guess they're reconciling.
Too bad, she's a nice girl.
Yeah...
Well, tell her l said good-bye.
Bye, fellas.
Your ham!
Right. Thanks.
Hardly cabin luggage...
When my parents died, he raised me.
l know. But he had a good life.
- Stop that!
- Darling...
ln that area, we always did fine.
lt'll relax you.
You're a pig!
Shit!
My contact lens!
Remi, why head back to Paris?
My cousin has land for sale.
And a stone cottage.
Stop, Doume!
Right there!
Lea?
Why did you leave so fast?
Looked like you two were making up...
Make up? With thatjerk?
He came to tell me
my grandpa just died. That's all.
l'm so sorry. My condolences.
Thanks.
Have a nice trip home.
Where are you headed?
Up to the village.
To see him one last time.
l'll get my car at the hotel.
The hotel is that way!
l grew up here.
When there's snow,
it's cut off from the world.
Now, only the old people are left.
- l'll leave you.
- Wait!
lf l don't introduce you,
they'll think l'm ashamed of them.
Well...
That's Fiorina, my cousin.
Hi, Fiorina.
l'll be in the way.
This is a family affair.
She is a bit invasive, but adorable.
Very tenacious.
Right, Fiorina,
now we've met and...
Come, Fiorina. Let go of him.
He died as he wanted to.
That's best, Grandma.
- You came with someone.
- Yes.
This is Remi. A friend.
Josepha, my grandmother.
My condolences, Madame.
Mom!
My darlings!
Sanpierro and Anna-Maria. My kids.
l gathered that. Hi, kids!
Hi, sir.
The village is being repopulated. Good!
l'm glad you found someone.
There's a misunderstanding...
Say nothing. l couldn't bring
a stranger to the funeral.
For her, we're an item.
OK, but what about
the kids' father? ls it Mateo?
No, their dad is dead.
Good.
l mean...they don't look like Mateo.
They're blond,
and Mateo's a strange color.
You may kiss him, too.
- Me?
- Yes.
lt's the custom.
He doesn't know you.
Tell him who you are.
Go on.
Tell him.
Well...
My name is Remi Francois...
l was born May 8, 1953...
at a hospital,
Saint Felicity, in Compiegne.
And...l live on...
a quiet little street...in Paris...
And your marital status?
Bachelor. No kids.
Tell him how you met Mom.
At the beach.
She was swimming and...
She had a cramp...
Did you save her life?
ln a way...
See, Grandpa,
she met a good man.
ls she having an attack?
lt's a bit stuffy in here.
We don't need two stiffs.
Actually, l don't know
what l'm doing here.
lt's delicious!
Like veal, but more tender.
lt's rat!
No, Sanpierro.
lt's a kind of hedgehog.
l'll do the dishes.
No man ever did the dishes
in this house.
Time for a first...
My respects, Minister.
Are they mad at us?
My transfer to a dull suburb
is only hours away.
l have a scoop!
An old villager came to town
to buy a suit.
Who cares, Balducci!
Was it a two-piece? What color?
Black.
lt's for Leoni's dad's funeral.
What? He's dead?
- You knew him, Chief?
- No!
But Ange Leoni will be at the funeral.
He's a Oorsican. He has to.
Do l call Security for backup?
No way! We go it alone on this!
- You OK?
- Terrific.
l just got engaged,
l have two children,
l'm watching over a dead man
l never knew.
And to top it all,
l've eaten rat.
Thanks...
for all you're doing for me.
OK, but...
This is a bit silly.
l can't spend the night
on this chair.
What's bothering you?
Spending a night with me?
No. With him.
l'm so glad you're here.
Behave!
What are you doing here?
lt's my home.
Ready to move in!
After the ceremony.
We respect the family's grief.
Lea's right.
You can't stay here.
They'll grab you.
Not to be at his burial...
You came, that's enough.
They'll handcuff you in the cemetery!
OK.
Then let's leave now.
No, l'm staying.
Only you can drive him down.
Why? Others here have
a driver's license!
But no one'll leave today.
Except a mainie.
A what?
A mainlander.
Yesterday, l was
the white hope of the family,
today l'm just your cabdriver!
Remi, he's my brother!
Like you asked, Lea,
l got bread and cheese for them.
Let's go, boys.
Leoni! There's a roadblock!
Ange! Can you hear me?
Whatever you do, don't move!
Gentlemen.
You're still here?
So did you find Leoni?
His grandfather died.
l thought he'd be
in the village. He's not.
Whose car is this?
Lea's. Mr Leoni's sister.
Really...Lea...His sister...
Yes, l socialized with the family.
They asked me
to go get more flowers.
Flowers...
l mean wreaths.
They're grieving, l couldn't say no.
You're very considerate.
Yes, who wouldn't be right now?
Still, open up your trunk.
And tell mainlanders we do ourjob.
l always say you do a greatjob.
And here, things aren't easy for you.
One must admit...
The trunk, please.
The trunk...
Sure.
Lower your guns!
l'm Security! Leoni's ours!
Hands on the roof!
No, this witness is ours!
We nabbed him first!
OK, but what's in the trunk is ours!
Take it all.
We'll interrogate him!
Usually, the local cops get me.
Right! You may drive on.
Thanks, Captain.
l'll fasten my belt.
l'll report you, you wait and see!
Report what you want!
You don't make the laws around here!
Know where you're headed?
Directing traffic in town!
This isn't your turf!
- What?
- lt's not your turf!
Who do you think you are!
The 2.10 PM flight
is perfect, Miss Breche.
Of course, l found him.
How?
Yes, he was happy. l'll explain.
See if there's a later plane.
Over and out.
How did you get here?
l know my way round my country!
You, too!
l don't want your scams
to land me in jail.
We welcomed you,
now you insult me.
Drive!
- lt's crawling with cops!
- Don't worry.
They're checking the village.
You think everyone else is an idiot!
Drive, l said!
Leoni's with the gumshoe!
Stay on their tail!
Godammit!
Wasn't our fault!
Get as close as you can!
Balducci, go look! Grappa, get help!
lt's really high!
Weren't you a paratrooper?
Shit! They can't be far!
Get going, step on it!
Hey, how do l get back?
Where we going?
The less you know, the better!
The less l know... Shit!
You OK?
Like someone
who jumped from a moving car!
l'll take the stinky cheese.
Then l quit!
- Where'll you go?
- Home! To Paris!
Rain, parking tickets, dogshit,
l miss all that!
You sick of life, or what?
Everyone knows we're a team.
The separatists and the cops
want you! Think it over!
l'll tell the cops
l'm no part of it!
They'll throw the book at you!
You'll take the rap, not me!
You're not Corsican,
you're the ideal patsy.
They'll tan your hide, dude.
What's the solution?
Look at the landscape!
Look!
- lmpressive, right?
- OK, l saw it.
We hide a year, till it blows over.
A year? No way! l have expenses!
lt's best, you'll see.
l'll even carry the basket.
l have a company.
l run a business!
l can't pack it all in!
Come along.
What's the rush?
Does your detective agency pay?
l can't complain.
You don't look like a skirt-chaser.
But do you love Lea?
lt's only just starting.
A love story, but it's just starting.
You got 3 seconds! Yes or no?
l'd say yes.
And our cheese? lsn't it good?
l'd rather eat it than smell it.
lt's a gem, l told you.
But it needs work.
Now Papa is dead,
l inherit more of the sheepfold,
which means l can outvote
the other Leonis,
who are after the part l already had.
ls this shack so valuable?
That's not it.
lt's a matter of principle.
Yes, l'd do the same.
Please don't smoke in here.
We've been spotted.
They're smoking us out!
You see evil everywhere.
lt's an age-old practice.
Shepherds set fire to their land,
so the grass grows for their herds.
lf it's ecological, that's OK.
lt's police brutality!
What if we surrendered?
l meant me.
And dishonor our family?
Of course not.
This'll end badly.
l've had it to here!
Darling, come look.
lsn't that Leoni
in front of Borgnoli's place?
Ange!
Calm down, Santou. l'm with a friend.
We have the cops on our ass.
You stole from us! Humiliated us!
Let's leave, Ange...
Oome into my home.
Got anything to eat? We're starving.
Hand me my cell phone.
What's going on?
Never mind. Cook us pulenta.
You're the detective they all want?
Evening, Madame.
You brought a cop into my house?
Don't, he's my brother-in-law!
You're his brother-in-law?
So to speak...
Don't fight, or l won't make dinner.
That was grand!
Calls for a brandy and a cigar!
Remi, pour me more coffee.
What do we now?
We'll go to bed.
l meant, how do we get out of here?
l've had it.
Once the cops get tired,
Santou takes us to the port,
lends us his boat
and we split to Sardinia.
lt's a twin 250 hp.
Guzzles lots of gas.
Yes, but...
We'll pay you.
How much you got on you?
What?
On you!
Leoni!
Leoni!
Oome out with your hands up!
Obey, or it'll be a bloodbath!
Then let blood flow!
Did you snitch on me?
You insult me in my home?
Then, it was you.
How? l never left the table!
Finish your pulenta , Mr Remi?
Don't shoot, Leoni!
We've got your sister!
We already lost Grandpa, Ange!
Stop it! Not today!
The scum grabbed Lea!
No...?
Let a Corsican senator mediate!
Call Pruzzati!
Not a chance!
l've got a hostage!
Who?
- You, you idiot!
- No!
Then they can't say
you're my accomplice!
For once, that's not so dumb!
lt's me!
l'm the hostage!
Ange, he's not to blame!
Let him go,
or you're not my brother!
No way! You have half an hour!
Then l'll kill him!
That sounded real.
He's a hothead, Senator Pruzzati.
But l want him alive!
Don't worry,
l know the family. Just be firm.
But no Rambo stunts.
We're low on coffee.
- How are your kids, Borgnoli?
- Fine.
Learning Corsican from my dad.
A liqueur, Mr Pruzzati?
Don't mind if l do.
So Leoni, what do you want?
l want a fair trial.
l'm the victim of a plot.
l'll defend myself.
l trust our legal system.
What's all this? lf you get cute,
my boys will pick you off.
Easy, Commissioner.
l heard the voice
of a reasonable man.
Mr Leoni's request
is quite legitimate.
l agree.
Legitimate.
The money they say l took,
where was it from?
For whom? To what end?
l, too, have a right to know.
About the bomb that destroyed
your restaurant, you said:
''Leoni's behind this...''
When two burly cops beat you,
you say anything so they'll stop.
lt was the fault of Moktar, my cook.
He left a cigarette
beside the gas canister.
You stated that Mr Leoni
handed you a suitcase.
l meant Demetrius Leoni. Ange's father.
A saintly man.
lt was full of clothes
for the Red Oross.
You admitted receiving
a sum of cash from Mr Leoni.
lt was only around 200 Euros.
He bought me a sideboard
at a local flea market,
in the village where l was born.
l swear.
Kidnapped and threatened by Mr Leoni,
but you didn't press charges.
Fascination for your captor,
or Mafia-type pressure?
Neither, sir.
These events
have been over-dramatized.
l hear you married
Mr Leoni's sister last week.
You're his brother-in-law.
That's correct, Your Honor.
Who investigated this case?
Now family members have to testify?
l was told to come, so l came.
To help justice...
After a 2-day trial,
the case against Ange was dropped.
Ange always landed
on his feet... or other people's.
He got that guy's
restaurants for a song.
They needed work.
The guy's wife, it seems,
wanted a change of air.
Now l was part of the family.
Ange was 100% behind me.
l worked for him 14 hours a day.
The restaurant business
is hard work.
What is it, my love?
l need a table for eight.
For the Belgians on the big yacht.
Cousins of the Royal family.
We're full. They should've booked.
Remi, swallow your pride.
Get the staff's table
from the kitchen.
l'm the jack of all trades, here!
Please, darling.
- l can't refuse you anything.
- Thanks.
OK, you can come over. Bye.
My sister has character.
So they say.
- Runs in the family.
- True...
Look!
lsn't that Pierre Grimaldi?
Maybe. l don't know him.
lf he comes in, say we're closed.
Why closed?
l'll tell you some day...
''The Corsican File...''
lt's a movie
with Reno and Clavier.
They need...
...extras. You interested?
lt'll be a howl!
A movie about Corsica.
- ''Corsican File''.
- What file?
A secret file?
l wonder what's in it.
lt's one view of Corsica...
A bit spiced up...
lt's fun.
To make it entertaining,
you have to exaggerate...
But we are a bit like that...
OK, they made fun of us...
But you can't help laughing.
Laughter is part of life.
The best part.
lt's ''Asterix in Corsica''!
lt's a caricature but...
There's fewer Romans in it.
Hi, Mom!
One more rehearsal!
''Bastia's a team of goats!''
l can't say that!
Corsicans are like others,
but different.
- What did you say?
- Crap!
A Corsican smile?
So let me ask you:
''Can one make fun of Corsicans?''
Yes, but don't do it!