Learning to Love Again (2020) - full transcript
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m(gentle guitar music)
- I just, I just don't
think I can do it this year.
I can't.
No, no, I can't.
No, no, I can't.
Daria, you just don't get it.
Daria, you just don't get it.
You have the gallery,
you have Kira.
Every year, my family
just tortures me
for still being single.
Oh, no, no, it'll be
a million times worse
with my brother getting
married in the spring.
(groans) I can't even
compete, I got nothing.
Of course I still have you.
You know I didn't mean that.
- [Daria] Are you hiding
out in a blanket fort?
- [Jane] No, I am not hiding
out in a blanket fort.
What am I, five?
- You've left a whole telephone
cord of evidence, Jane.
Are you gonna come out, or do
I have to follow this travesty
to the source?
- Daria, I would like to be
the first person to tell you,
I'm hiding out in
a blanket fort.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay, scoot over,
I'm comin' in.
Okay.
Now, tell me what's going on.
- (sighs) I just,
I just feel like everyone I know
is just making these
huge steps forward,
and I just keep
falling backwards.
I used to have my job to
sort of deflect focus,
but then the tech
company laid me off,
and then, you know.
It's just bleak. It's just bad.
- Honey, the holidays
are always bleak.
But that's what family's for.
- To cheer me up?
- Yes, yes, I think going
home for the holidays
will cheer you up.
Your folks are great.
- And still think I have
thriving career in tech support.
- Well, I mean,
it's Thanksgiving.
It's the official
holiday of family bonding
and avoiding your problems.
It's actually the perfect
time to tell them.
- No, Greg's been such
a jerk to me lately-
- Your brother is
always a jerk, okay?
He's just jealous of
everything you have.
- Oh, he is going to
love me this year.
It's gonna be-
- You know what I mean.
- Stop.
You got out to the big city,
and he's still living
in Hope Junction
on the same block
we all grew up on.
- Sometimes I think that's
not actually so bad.
- Well, you're in crisis,
so stop talking like that.
- No reminding me of
that. I don't like it.
(giggling)
I just,
no, I'm gonna cancel.
No, I can't, I can't.
- Jane!
- No, you're not doing
this again, okay?
Now come on, let's
get out of here.
It's not gonna be so bad, okay?
And if you ever feel lost,
listen to me, if
you ever feel lost,
I'm only a phone
call away, okay?
- Do you promise?
- Actually, that depends.
Are you committing to this
whole landline thing, 'cause-
- [Jane] It's very comforting.
- You and your old things.
I get it.
Remember, a phone call away.
- (sighs) Thank you.
- All right, let's get out of
here. I can't feel my legs.
(nostalgic guitar music)
- [Man On Radio] Some of
that's gonna be heavy.
I know it's a rough
Sunday in spots.
Rain and wind across the
east and the northeast.
We could get some hurricane
or near hurricane-force winds
near Long Island and
parts of the southern,
southeastern New
England on Monday.
And that storm's
also gonna bring-
(scratchy music and talking)
(upbeat music)
- Whoa, sucks to
suck roadside man.
I'm not getting ax murdered
this holiday season.
I guess I could just
roll down my window,
ask if he needs a tow
truck or something.
Okay.
All right.
- Hey, thanks.
Hey, thanks for stopping.
- I have mace.
- Okay.
Like the spiky ball thing or
like the stranger danger kind?
- Just don't do
anything funny, okay?
- Okie dokie.
You always so aggressive
with the people
you save roadside?
- Mmm, you're catching
me on a good day.
- Chris.
- Jane.
- Yeah.
- Ah, what happened here?
- Well, she started sputtering
out a few miles back,
and then she stopped
doing that altogether, so.
- Did you call anybody?
- Also my phone is dead.
- Oh, you know you
can charge those
right into the car nowadays?
- Just jam it right
into the 8-track player?
I wish I knew that.
That would've been,
it's my dad's old car.
I like old stuff.
- Yeah, me, too.
- It's comforting.
- Yeah.
- Did you want to
call a tow truck?
- Can I do that? That
would be amazing.
Please, can I?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
totally here, use my phone.
- Thank you so much.
- That's amazing, thanks.
Thank you for this.
Hey, hi, I broke
down on Highway 4.
Yeah, yeah, it's just
the exit from Steinbeck.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, old Lincoln Mark V.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, you can't miss me.
That's perfect,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just on my way
to Hope Junction.
That's perfect,
thank you so much.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Okay, great, I'll, yeah,
I'll see you soon, great.
I'm saved. You saved me.
- Great.
Did I just hear you say you're
heading to Hope Junction?
- Yeah, I've got a, um,
I've got a conference.
- Oh, small world.
I got a family there.
- You don't say.
- Yeah.
- You just heading
back for Thanksgiving?
- Yeah, I guess so.
Do you want a ride?
- Yup, yup, can I really?
- Yeah.
- Awesome, thank you.
- No, thank you, that's amazing.
Really?
- Yes, hop on in.
- It's be weird if
you said no now.
Thanks.
(lively jazzy music)
Thanks for stopping
for me back there.
- Oh.
- Mighty decent.
- Don't worry about it.
So where are you staying?
- The Bumblebee Inn.
- No way.
- Yeah, Hope Junction staple.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- Really?
- I thought you said
you had family in town.
- I do, I do.
My parents and my brother.
But there's just, um,
there's just a lot
going on right now.
So it's just easier
if I stay at a hotel.
- Sounds tumultuous.
- It's really not.
- Well, if you're
going to talk about it.
You know, far be it from me.
I mean, I'm just a
waywarding English teacher
making my way across this
great country of ours,
you know, boxcar to boxcar,
keeping a meal in my belly
every time, good time.
From a pie cooling on a
rock William windowsill,
you know, just me and my vindel,
the kindness of
strangers like yourself.
- Wow, that is mighty
decent of you, that offer,
but we just met, so, I
think I'm gonna pass.
- You know, I grew
up in Hope Junction.
- Hmm, not much to it, huh?
- I wouldn't say that.
I think some of my fondest
memories are in Hope Junction.
It's good people.
- I moved away as
soon as I could.
- But you're back.
- For Thanksgiving.
I don't think I
could ever move back.
- Right.
(lively jazz music)
- Welcome to The Bumblebee
Inn. My name is Eloise.
How can I help you?
- Hi, I'm checking in.
- Yes, of course.
And is the reservation under
your name or your boyfriend's?
- My who?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
he's not my boyfriend.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, your fiance.
- No, no, no.
- Your husband?
- We just met.
- She picked me up off the road.
- Oh.
(Jane laughs)
- I have a reservation
under Jane for myself.
- So just to confirm, these
are two separate reservations?
- Absolutely separate.
- That's right.
- Thank you very much.
- Yeah, we're like
two peas in a pod.
Two peas in a separate
pod who just met.
Two nuts, you know, like
in their own shells.
You know, like a
hazelnut and a shea nut.
- I think that a
shea nut is a berry.
- Yeah, that's
right, it is, yeah.
No nuts are just nuts
anymore, you know?
You know, like
peanuts are legumes.
Shea nuts are berries.
And then the other
day someone told me
that a cashew is a fruit.
I mean, I'm convinced that
nuts are the swindlers
of the protein world.
- Absolutely, it's a
complete conspiracy.
I mean, really, it's
propaganda being put out there
by Big Walnut to keep
the little nut down.
- I'm allergic to nuts.
- Ah.
- Oh, I'm going to
need a credit card
to hold against incidentals,
one from each each nut.
- Of course, here
we go. Thank you.
- Thank you, great,
fantastic, thank you.
Okay, here you go.
- Thank you very much.
- Here you go.
Room number two for you
and room number four.
- Thank you.
- Happy Thanksgiving
to you both.
- Thank you very much.
- Thanks so much.
- Guess we're neighbors.
- Guess so.
- Enjoy your stay. Okay.
(beeping)
- [Jane] Hey Daria, it's me.
Just calling to let you know
that despite your total lies
about the weather, I've
made it to Hope Junction
safe and sound.
I even did my seasonal good deed
and helped out this guy
whose car broke down.
Okay, this is gonna
sound really weird,
but there was something
so familiar about him,
like, I don't know,
like he was a song
I used to have
memorized or something.
You know what, I
sound ridiculous.
I'm probably just wiped.
Talk to you tomorrow, girl.
(gentle music)
(happy music)
- Joe, honey?
- Hmm?
- A little help, please.
- You know I can't cook.
- You can hold a
spoon, can't ya?
(groans)
Here, stir this.
Make sure it doesn't boil over.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay?
- The kids should be here soon.
- Took them long enough.
I thought Jane was supposed
to get here last night.
- She called earlier.
She's been delayed.
Well, Mercury is in retrograde.
- What?
- Basic astrology, love.
- So you learned
how to tell fortunes
at hairdressing school?
- Astrology, stars.
You're thinking of cosmetology.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, that must be them.
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Oh honey, it's
so good to see you!
- Hi, Mom.
- Come in, come in.
Oh, you look lovely.
So any news from the city?
- I, um, I, um, uh.
- It's always so exciting
hearing what you're up to.
I mean, I know Greg and
Angela are on their way
to giving us grandchildren.
But you, Janie, you are
setting your mark on the world.
- Ah, everything's great.
Why rush through all the
news right now, right?
We have all week.
- I suppose we do. Come on in.
I'm just fixing breakfast.
- Oh good.
- Very attentive. Look who
I found on our doorstep.
- Jane, sweetie, we're
so happy you made it.
- Hi, Dad.
- Did you get the
package I sent you?
- I did.
- Real ham radios at the
flea market for a steal.
Can you believe it?
- I loved them.
- Now you can just radio
directly with good news.
- I can't just text?
- Where's the panache?
Where's the fanfare?
What if you get a big promotion?
Ham radio says news happened.
- What have we got here?
- Oh, the usual,
bacon, juice, scones.
- How continental.
- [Mary] Yeah, something
like that, yeah.
- Mom, you are still the
best baker in this galaxy.
- Just the galaxy?
- Well, the universe
is ever-expanding.
I mean, you've gotta leave
room for the unexpected.
You never know when
things can change.
- Well, maybe you'll win
the Thanksgiving bake-off
and dethrone me this year.
- Your mother isn't competing
because it isn't fair.
But she's very excited to watch.
- You bet. Do you have
a partner yet, Jane?
- About that.
- Don't get all wrapped
up about the fact
that most of the other
teams are couples.
You don't have to pair up
with a romantic partner.
- I know that, Mom.
- I should phone Mrs. Yarrow.
- Mom!
- No, she would know
all kinds of nice men
to set you up with.
She knows everybody.
- [Greg] Bonjour!
- That must be your brother.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
- Jane, good to see you.
- Hi, Greg, long time no see.
- I'm planning a wedding,
Jane, keeps me very busy.
- Oh, you're getting married,
huh? I didn't know that.
- You haven't changed a bit.
- We were just talking about
the big Thanksgiving bake-off.
- Oh yeah? Ready to get creamed?
- I am gonna wipe
the floor with you.
- Hmm?
- Mm-hm.
- The floor is
gonna be so clean,
you're gonna be eating my
prize-winning pie off of it.
- So you would like
me to make a call?
- There's no need, Mom.
I, um, I already have a
date in mind, actually.
Will you excuse me for a second?
- What's for breakfast?
- "I already have
a date in mind."
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
how could you do that?
Why would you say that?
(muffled speaking)
- (knocking) Jane,
everything okay in there?
- I'm fine, Mom! I'll
be out in a second!
(rapid breathing)
Okay, I gotta play this
out. I gotta play this out.
I gotta play this out.
I'm gonna play this out.
How am I gonna play this out?
- Bacon's just delicious.
- Oh, everything okay, sweetie?
- Yes, of course.
I guess I'm just a little
tired from the drive, you know?
We are gonna have so
much fun this week.
(Greg chuckles)
Any other big plans?
- Oh, lots, you
know the holidays.
Never a dull moment.
But oh, I do have something
very special planned
for the two of you.
- Oh.
- Would you go
to the grocery store for me?
People will be
coming in a few hours
and I still have a
million things to do.
- I would be delighted.
Well, are you coming?
- Now?
- Yeah, there's no
time like the present.
- But my-
- Yeah, your bacon will be
here when we get back, maybe.
Let's go! Let's motor!
- And I got a promotion at work
and preparations for the wedding
have been moving
along great, too.
- Such a Renaissance man.
- Yes, you know, Angela has been
so into the wedding planning.
This has really been my year.
- Amazing.
- You know, you could show
a little more enthusiasm.
- I'm sorry. Awesome!
- It is awesome.
- Wow, you know what, is
there an off button to this?
You don't always
have to be so smug.
- Well, you don't have to
be such a bitter spinster,
but mmm.
- Excuse me?
- Well, relax, I'm just kidding.
- What did you just say?
- Well, I just called
you a bitter spinster.
- No, I know, I heard
you. It wasn't funny.
- Did that touch a
nerve or something?
- That's it, we
are splitting up.
I am gonna take care of
this, as I always do.
You just stay here,
which you're good at.
- I am not smug.
Would someone smug
look at a potato?
It is the least
pretentious food there is.
She is the smug one.
I'm talking to a vegetable.
- Greg Lane?
- Chris Lilyhammer? Whoa.
- Ah, geez, how
long has it been?
- Since college. How are you?
What are you doing home?
Hey, I heard your folks died.
- They retired.
- I heard dead.
- Oh, listen, anyway, do
you remember my sister Jane?
She's in town, too.
- You know, I do remember Jane.
- Yeah, right, 'cause
you guys had that thing.
- Yeah, last I heard,
she was conjuring Bloody
Mary at slumber parties
to put a hex on me.
- Yeah, dark times.
Listen, would you like to
come over to the house later?
My parents are having
a little cinq a sept.
- Maybe check with
your sister first,
see where she stands
with hexes these days.
- Come on, man, that
was decades ago.
You probably wouldn't
even recognize each other.
- Yeah.
You know what, yeah, yeah,
I think I will come by.
- You!
- No, you.
- You!
- Okay.
- Yo, let's go.
- Here, let me take
that for you, sis.
- Oh, that's very nice.
God, always.
- You almost done?
- Just about.
- Greg found an old friend
at the grocery store,
and he's just arrived.
I think you might remember
him, Chris Lilyhammer?
- He invited who?
- What, you don't remember him?
He was in primary
school with you.
I mean, I think he left
after the sixth grade, but I-
- Oh no, I remember.
I could never forget
a traitor fake.
- Ooh, that's dramatic.
- Dramatic? Dramatic?
He doused me with fruit punch
in front of the whole
entire school, Mom.
We were supposed to be partners
in the science fair thing,
and he betrayed me, for a laugh.
And then he moved away, but
that didn't stop everyone
from calling me Pinky Lane
all through middle school.
- Well, now that so
much time has passed,
don't you think it's
kind of a cute story?
- Childhood trauma
is not cute, Mom.
- Well, he's here now and
he's asking after you.
So come on out and say hello.
(clears throat)
- Fine, fine, but I
will not be gracious.
- Oh, geez.
- I will not offer him any
of the mini crab cakes.
- Oh, Jane.
- No, I won't.
- You.
- You.
- You're that Chris?
You're Chris Lilyhammer.
Ugh, I cannot
believe I gave a ride
to the Benedict Arnold of
Hope Junction Elementary.
- Oh, come on, this
is really something.
I mean, it's a
small world, right?
- Did you know it was me?
What's your angle,
Lilyhammer, huh?
Where's the con?
- No con, just a con-wincidence.
See how I did that?
- So you do remember each other.
- Unfortunately.
- Oh listen, falling into
your old banter already.
- No, that is not what
is happening, Mom.
- I really think that we
a kind of Sam and Diane
kind of dynamic.
- No, that's terrible.
- "Cheers."
- Okay, you don't
have a monopoly over
everything old, okay?
(fluttering whistling)
Pinky Lane.
- Oh. (laughs)
- Are those mini crab cakes?
- No.
- Dad, mini crab cake?
- Okay.
- Angela?
Mom?
- No, thank you, dear.
- Mom, take one.
- No.
- Take one.
I'm just gonna leave
this right here.
- [Joe] Fun afternoon, huh?
I was talking to
your friend Chris.
Did you know he builds
a mean ham radio?
- Doubt it. Can't even
jump start a car battery.
- [Joe] Is that a metaphor?
You know, your mother
and I were thinking,
wouldn't it be nice
if you invited him
to be your partner at
the baking contest?
- No.
- Come on.
Who knows, maybe
sparks will fly.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
(phone ringing)
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
- Hey.
- Daria, they're gonna try
to set me up with this guy
the whole weekend.
- Well, I thought you said
you thought he was cute.
- Uh, yeah, that was before I
knew he was Chris Lilyhammer.
- No.
- Yeah, mm-hm.
- I should have
smelt the evil on him
from the very beginning.
- Boy, do you hold a grudge.
- I do not. I do
not hold a grudge.
- Oh yeah, sure, right, 20
years is totally casual.
Hey, the Count of
Monte Cristo called.
He told you to lighten up.
- You know what, you know what,
he really embarrassed me, okay?
This is not something
you just let go of.
What do I do?
- Well, maybe you
should just try.
I mean, I'm not saying
let yourself get shoved
into an arranged
marriage, but try?
- I know you're right.
Okay, well, I guess
I'll call you later.
- Okay, bye.
- I need starches.
Hey, Eloise.
- Hi, Jane.
- Is the dining room still open?
- No, sorry, it closes at 10,
and it is currently 10:06.
- Darn.
I'm feeling kinda snacky.
- Do you need starches?
- Yes, I do.
- I hear that.
There are vending machines,
if you don't mind
something shrink-wrapped
that has a questionable
Best Before date.
- Two years and under?
- That's correct.
- Shrink-wrap sounds amazing.
- It's one of those days, huh?
- I would shrink-wrap
my brain now if I could.
- Sounds delicious.
Vending machines are down
the hall to the right.
You know what, have
a Twinkie on me.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- Or some mixed nuts.
- Thank you.
when you can be a
part of the B Team.
- B Team.
- B Team all the way.
- All the way.
- Enjoy.
(machine rattling)
- Come on.
- What has that vending
machine ever done to you?
Are you cloning yourself?
You just seem to be everywhere.
- Sounds like fate to me.
- Do you need a hand there?
- What's it to you?
- Precious time, if
you're gonna waste mine
just beating on that thing.
Can I get in there?
- Be my guest.
But I have to warn you,
that thing ate an entire cup
holder worth of quarters.
- Aw, that's a shame.
- I think it's, jammed
might be the technical term.
I'm not too sure.
- Let me take a look.
(machine beeping)
Boom!
Sounds like a bountiful harvest.
- How did you do that?
- Ah, summers in college I
used to work for a factory
that fixed these machines.
You know, kind of looked at
their programming codes a bit.
Insider tip, there's
always an override
and I kinda just found it.
- I'm impressed.
You're like Angelina
Jolie in "Hackers."
- I'm exactly like
Angelina Jolie.
- Well, there, I'm glad that
we can agree on something.
So your parents, they really
trying to set us up, huh?
- I'm sorry.
It's just my brother's
getting married in six months
and they're just on
this overdrive kick
to just pair me
off with someone.
I am not looking for
anyone, I promise,
and especially not you.
- Oh!
- That kinda came
out wrong, I'm sorry.
- No, no, I'm not looking
for anything, either.
I mean, the whole
thing's kind of,
kind of annoying, huh?
- I'm glad we can
agree on something.
- Well, I mean,
we just committed
the Great Pennsylvanian
Candy Caper.
So we're bound together
by this, really.
Thick as thieves we are.
- We should get bracelets made.
- Or (whistles) pinky rings.
- What about-
- [Chris] Hmm?
- Ah no, never mind, it's fine.
- No, what is it?
- Nothing, it was just
a stupid idea I had,
and I was just kinda-
- I don't know,
civilization was founded
on a series of stupid ideas.
I'd love to hear it.
- Really?
K, I was just
thinking, you know,
like neither of us are
looking for anything, right?
So if my parents have
anything to say about it,
the whole town's
gonna try to set us up
by the end of tomorrow.
What if we just beat them
to the punch, you know,
and we just tell everybody
that we're already going out?
You know, just for
Thanksgiving weekend,
and then we can just
take some of the pressure
off both of us, go
our separate ways and,
wow, you're terrified,
it's insane.
- That's insane, yeah, but-
- There's a but.
- Yeah, I'll do it.
- What?
- I love lying to
parents. It's hilarious.
My parents think I'm a doctor.
My grandmother
thinks I'm a priest.
Well, good night.
- Good night.
(tinkling, happy music)
- [Angela] Jane, is that you?
- Angela, hi, how's it going?
- Oh, swamped, I'm
getting married, you know.
- Oh, I heard.
- There is just so much to do.
- Well, that's-
- And then your parents are
throwing this brunch tomorrow,
which I graciously
offered to cohost.
Are you coming to brunch?
- I mean I'm-
- What am I saying,
of course you're
coming to brunch.
I'm shopping for it now.
I'm making Quiche Lorraine.
- How exotic.
- Isn't it?
How are you, darling?
I know the holidays can
get a little lonely.
- Oh, I'm fine,
really, I'm great.
- Well, we must
find you someone.
Imagine coming to your
own brother's wedding
without a date.
- Well, it's six months away,
so I'm not really
stressing about it.
- I know, so little time.
- You know, Angela, you don't
really have to worry about me.
You know, I'm actually
seeing someone right now,
and I'm seeing him right now.
Chris, honey!
- Hey, you.
- Hi.
- How you doing?
- Oh, so good.
- Weren't you Greg's friend
at the house yesterday?
- Uh huh.
- You didn't mention
anything then.
- Well, it's just so new.
- Well, you know my pookie.
I mean, she gets so nervous.
But I can assure you, we're
crazy about each other.
- Crazy.
- Well, how lovely for you.
I hope to see you
tomorrow at brunch, Chad.
- It's Chris.
- You bet.
- Okie dokie.
- Wow, you really jumped
into that one, huh?
- Well, I figure we gotta
make it real, you know?
- Yeah, it was real.
12 o'clock, 12 o'clock.
Mrs. Yarrow, you remember
Chris Lilyhammer.
Chris, this is Mrs. Yarrow, a
real pillar of our community.
- Oh, the pleasure's
all mine, then.
- Now I remember,
you're such a nice boy.
Now, where did your
parents end up?
- They retired to
Costa Rica, actually.
- Oh, how tropical.
Will I be seeing the both of you
at the Lane brunch tomorrow?
We can catch up then, and
I'll be making my mimosas.
- Oh, you know, I
don't think that will-
- Brunch? We love brunch.
- Love brunch.
- Oh, then I'll
look forward to it.
- Of course.
Have a nice day, Mrs. Yarrow.
- Oh, you, too.
- Take care.
Brunch? Fun!
How did I do?
- You kind of knocked
everyone off of their feet.
Including me.
You know, it was good, it was
decent, it was a great effort.
- Yeah, well, anything
for my pookie.
Plus I love a good mimosa, so.
- What are you even doing here?
- Small town, seasonal market.
I was being picturesque.
- You were being picturesque?
- You know, picturesque.
And charming, handsome.
- And extremely modest.
- And you're what, just
stocking up on your flour?
- Ah, no.
- You got a big papier-mache
project on the go?
- Oh no, no, no.
I just need to practice
for the upcoming
town baking competition.
- Really?
- Yeah, I really wish
I was joking, but yeah.
- Well, now who's
being picturesque?
- I believe that would be me.
- Well, maybe I could stop
by this baking contest.
- Really?
- Maybe pick up a thing or two.
- Do you bake?
- No, not at all. That's why
I can pick up a thing or two.
- Okay.
Do you need a lift?
- I'm happy to walk.
Got a few appointments.
- Okay.
- But I guess I'll
be seeing you around.
Darling.
(happy music)
- [Photographer] Can
you touch your hair?
Maybe, that's it.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Jane, how's it going?
- Is this a pity call?
- No. Okay, yes,
was it that obvious?
- You're that obvious.
I'm doing fine.
- And your long con?
- It's growing longer.
- Jane!
- I don't know, I don't
know, I don't know.
I really don't know
what's happening.
I panicked, he's
being picturesque.
- Don't tell me that
you're starting to like
like this guy or something.
- No, no, no, no,
just for one holiday,
I would like to not be the
aging spinster of Spruce Street,
neighborhood children
cautionary tale.
It's getting very old.
- Uh huh.
- It's Chris Lilyhammer.
We used to watch him burn
ants with a magnifying glass.
I can't take him seriously
as a romantic option.
I just can't.
- If you say so.
- Don't look at me like that.
- How do you know how
I'm looking at you?
- I know all your looks
through intonation.
- Well, I mean, it's a
little twisted, sister.
- I know you're right.
Well, you know what?
It's not forever.
It's just for the week.
- And when they ask about
him after this week?
- I'll break up with him on
social media or something.
- Ah, a modern Machiavelli.
- Shut up.
Thanks for calling.
- Any time, peanut.
- It's not that twisted.
(knocking on the door)
- Hello.
- Someone very wise once said
you should never
put off learning.
- Oh yeah? Who said that?
- Me. Just now.
- Oh.
- So do you feel
like baking a pie?
- You know, I've never had
this feeling before, but.
- You're into it.
- No, gentle.
- Okay.
- You must have been
great with horses.
- What?
- Well, you know, your
whole gentle approach.
- I really wouldn't know
anything about that.
The closest I've ever
gotten to a stable
was when a mystery
took Nancy Drew there.
- You better not be
knocking my girl Nancy.
Those books are cool.
- You have not read a
single Nancy Drew book.
- I have three sisters, okay?
Nancy gets chloroformed
a lot for a kid.
Can't be good for her.
- Yeah, you read them.
- Okay, so yeah, what next?
- Now we roll.
- Okay.
- And more flour, right.
- Ready to roll?
- Sure.
- Knock yourself out.
- Hey, you know what, why
don't you give me a try?
- Show you how to roll?
All right, step aside, rookie.
- Okay, I see, so.
Yeah.
- You in?
- Okay, that's nice.
- Is it? Is it working for you?
(laughing)
You want to do it properly?
- Okay.
- Okay, so I just-
- Wow.
- Go ahead.
You learn pretty quickly.
- Well,, I had a
pretty good teacher.
- Thanks.
So I was talking to
my friend Daria today.
And she thinks what we're
doing is ridiculous.
- Mm-hm?
- Mm-hm.
- What exactly is it
that we are doing?
- I don't know,
pretending to go out
to get my parents off our
backs, my back, I mean.
- Well, it would
only be ridiculous
if you quietly fell in love
with me throughout the process.
I mean, I don't
see that happening.
- I do not see that happening.
This lane is closed.
- I see what you did there.
- I'm still kind of
compartmentalizing
that science fair incident.
- I dumped fruit punch
on you 20 years ago.
Okay, you gotta get past that.
No one even calls you
Pinky Lane anymore.
- You did. Yesterday.
- Yeah, yeah I did.
- What?
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Really, I'm sorry.
But I was just a kid, all right?
And I would never leave you
in a clutch like that again.
- I don't know that.
I don't trust you.
- Okay, well, okay,
how about this?
In the interim, you
just fake trust me.
You know, 'cause I would
feel really fake bad
if you hurt you again.
So would your fake boyfriend.
- That's completely
circumstantial.
- I think the word that you're
looking for is convenient.
- I wanted to fake date
you so I wouldn't have to
real date you.
(bell dings)
The pie is done.
(bouncy piano music)
- It looks amazing.
- Yeah, it does.
- [Chris] We make
a pretty good team.
- That one was really smooth.
- It seemed a great
time to have a liar.
- Oh my God! You really are
dating Chris Lilyhammer.
- Greg? What are you doing here?
- Some greeting.
- Sorry, you just
took me by surprise.
- I was in the neighborhood.
Angela told me you said
you'd be baking all day.
I thought I'd drop by.
She told me about this, too,
but I was sure she
had to be wrong.
- Greg, can I have a word
outside with you for a minute?
- Mm-hm.
(inquisitive music)
Oh all the people to date, him?
- Uh, what is wrong with Chris?
He was your friend first.
- And he was supposed
to be your nemesis.
- So, things can change.
- This doesn't
have anything to do
with Mom throwing
him at you, does it?
- What? No, of course not.
Why do you even care, anyway?
I thought you'd be thrilled
that I'm seeing someone.
Just check off plus one
on the wedding invitation.
- Yeah, something
doesn't add up here.
And I'd much rather
have you no plus one
than pay for your
phony plus one.
- There is nothing
phony going on here.
- Sure.
- Honestly.
- We, we are crazy
about each other.
Mm-hm, yeah, you will
see tomorrow at brunch.
- Everything okay out here?
- Oh, it's fine.
I suppose I'll see you tomorrow.
- You're gonna have to
bring your A game tomorrow.
- Ah, and the Great Big
Boyfriend Caper continues.
Brought to you by Zappos,
chewing tobacco for children.
If you wanna be a real
Chew-Chew-Charlie,
hitch your train
to this caboose.
- Wow, you are really
enjoying yourself.
- Me? No, not at all.
Also, Zappos Turtle Wax.
Get the shell out of here lady.
- Wrap it up.
- Okay.
- Can I have a snuggle snuggle?
- Snuggle, you're too-
- You're the cutest thing
in the whole wide world.
- I know I am.
- I love you so much.
- Thank you for calling
me cute every day.
- Every single day.
- And that's what I want
you to do in our marriage.
- Oh, Jane.
- Excuse me for one second.
- Okay.
- Would you like to
try some of my quiche?
- Oh, I would love to
try some of your quiche.
- [Angela] Thank you.
- [Mrs. Yarrow] Looks delicious.
- I hope you like it.
- Oh, Jane! And Chris,
nice to see you again.
- Remember, he's
Jane's new boyfriend.
- That's right. Thanks
so much for having me.
- I just knew the two
of you would hit it off.
And you brought a pie?
- We sure did. We
brought it for the host.
- How thoughtful.
I'll take that.
- I'm just gonna
help Greg with that.
- Chris Lilyhammer.
You know, it's like
something out of a story.
Maybe it's true what
they say about kids
who pick on each other
on the playground.
- It is, Mom.
- Hey, Greggie?
- Yeah?
- Where are you going
with that pie, bud?
- Oh, I was just putting it, um,
put it on the table,
yeah just there.
- Enjoy.
- What's going on? What
are you doing with her?
- Quiche Lorraine,
isn't it glamorous?
- Hello, Mrs. Yarrow.
- Hello. Now, I just saw Chris
over at the buffet table.
You two make an adorable couple.
- Thank you very
much, Mrs. Yarrow.
- And to think you knew
each other for years.
Now, when did you realize
that things were special
between you two?
- Oh, it was, I was, I was, uh-
- It was kindergarten.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, Jane came in
with a melted typewriter
for show and tell.
And I just thought
to myself, I mean,
clearly, that's the
girl for me, right?
- You did not.
- No, it's true.
Yeah, I just thought you
were so strange and cool.
And then I lost her.
And it's probably
my biggest regret.
But now I've found her.
And I gotta say, I feel like
the luckiest guy in the world.
- Oh, how romantic.
- Yeah, it's Chris. It's
tender and full of yearning.
I cannot get enough.
- [Chris] No, she can't.
- It's great.
- Jane, oh, bisou! Bisou!
I'm so glad you came!
Have you tried the
Quiche Lorraine?
- No.
- Oh, it is to die for.
- Honestly, Angela,
kudos to the chef.
And we had better see you
compete at tomorrow's bake-off.
- Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
- I want you to meet
a couple of people.
- Jane, you naughty girl.
You were hiding
your beau from us.
Please, tell me how you met.
- Oh, you didn't hear?
It was at the zoo.
He was trapped in a cage
and I just busted him out.
- I will never understand
that wild wit of yours.
- The zoo?
- Sorry, I panicked.
- But this is your
little plan, okay?
I mean, sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one who's
committed to this relationship.
- Oh, I'm sorry,
which relationship?
The one that we just
made up? The fake one?
- Yeah, the fake one.
- What did you just say?
- Nothing.
- Jane has a very creative
relationship with the truth,
don't you agree?
- Well, she's a very
talented young woman.
- Oh, that's a funny
way of saying disaster.
- Greg, do not start.
- I'm just saying, you're
a complete disaster.
- Well, disaster is a
pretty subjective term,
don't you think?
- Well, I-
- I mean, what's the old adage?
Surgery looks like
murder halfway through?
- Where are you going with this?
- Don't knock an
unfinished product.
I mean, all of the genius
ingredients are right here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, that's
a mixed metaphor, so.
- Bye, Greg.
He's still a bit of a dork, huh?
- Yes.
- You have to try this.
- Oh, no, no, no, I'm full.
- You haven't even-
- I'm full, I'm full.
- My tummy is so full, baby,
I can't have another bite.
- Okay.
- Dad, have you
tried the quiche?
- Uh, she's saving
me some crust.
- Your family really seems-
- Invasive?
- I was gonna say that they
really seem to love you.
- Really, even Greg?
- I'm sure Greggie boy
loves you in his own way.
I mean, you're very lovable.
- It's just us right now, Chris,
you don't need to pretend.
- Who's pretending?
Oh, why, thank you.
Thank you, miss.
I mean, really, I've never
had a better fake girlfriend.
- Gee, thanks.
(sentimental music)
- [Eloise] Oh, Jane,
Jane, Jane, Jane Jane.
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
- Is everything okay?
- Could you come
with me for a moment?
- I'm a little scared.
- Don't be scared. You
look beautiful, by the way.
Follow me.
- Okay.
(gentle, romantic piano music)
- Have a great night.
- Huh?
- Ah.
- What is all this?
- I just wanted to surprise you.
- I'm surprised.
- Also, I wanted to-
- What?
- You know what, that can wait.
Why don't you take a seat, eh?
- Okay.
- I made everything myself.
- Oh, wow.
- Like an adult man.
- Wow, this is amazing.
- Thank you.
- You sure know how
to commit to a bit.
- Yeah, what?
Oh, hey, what you doing there?
- Social media. This
is a great idea.
This really adds this whole
air of authenticity, you know?
- Well, that's the idea.
- Yeah, let's get
some glasses in there.
You know, that's really cute.
(glasses clinking)
- Oh, it looks so real.
- Mmm.
- This is good.
- Yeah.
- What is this?
- Ravioli from scratch.
You wouldn't know it, but
I'm full-blooded Sicilian.
- This is beautiful.
- Thanks.
All right, shall we?
Oh yeah, that's
probably a good idea.
- That's the last
of the good ideas.
- Do you know what I
can't stop thinking about?
- What's that?
- That story that
you told at brunch.
The attention to detail.
I mean, you are
really good at this.
- That's because
it's a true story.
- No, I know, I know, but like,
the way you made it so romantic.
- Ah, it's just a true story.
- That's what I'm saying.
Like you practically made
me believe it, it was-
- Jane, you're not
really getting this.
Okay, the reason that it
sounds like a true story
is because it is a true story.
- Oh.
- Come on.
I like you, Jane.
I've always liked you.
- Oh.
- Is that all you
have to say to that?
- I, I, I don't, I
don't, I don't know yet.
- Okay, I just
thought, you know,
these past couple
days, I really thought
that there was something there,
and I thought that
you felt it, too.
- I, uh-
- But, you know,
maybe you didn't
and I completely
misread the situation,
and then I'm making
everything awkward
and I'm an idiot.
- No, you're not an idiot.
I just,
I just didn't really
see this coming.
- Well, you know,
that can happen
when you build walls
up around yourself.
- I don't build walls
up around myself.
- Yeah, you do, though.
- So why do you like me, then?
Sounds like an
awful lot of work.
- (laughs) Yeah,
it's been worth it.
You know, if maybe
you'd consider,
you know, going out
with me some time.
For real.
- The baking
competition is tomorrow.
- Okay.
- I need a partner.
- Oh no, come, no, no, no, no,
you don't want me as
your baking partner.
Come on, you've
seen me in action.
- Yeah.
- Well, I was pretty good.
- So let's just
go together, then.
- Okay.
- For real.
- I'd like that.
Okay, well, I mean,
at least I know that
if I'm there with you,
we're taking the top prize.
'Cause we're gonna
snatch up that trophy
like a pair of hot dice.
Stop beating the bricks
like they owe us money.
We'll make it to Chicago in time
to see ourselves on
the evening news.
It'll be Pinky Jane Lane
and Chris Lilyhammer
in the Great Pie Caper.
- I'm kind of starting
to regret this.
- I completely understand.
(laughing)
(quirky music)
(knocking on the door)
- Chris? Are you in there?
- Oh, Mrs. Yarrow,
where's Eloise?
- Oh, she's taking
my place as the judge
at the bake-off this year.
I have a bit of a funny tummy.
- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Yeah, you didn't
happen to have
any of that quiche, did you?
- Oh, I, I do not recall.
- Oh, you would.
- But I do remember you
said it was fantastic.
- Oh, did I?
- Have you seen
Chris by any chance?
Did he go by somewhere?
Dining room, maybe.
- No, I haven't seen him,
but I just started my shift.
Did you two have any plans?
- We did, yes.
Oh, maybe he thought
he was meeting me
at the competition hall.
- That must be what happened.
- You know what, if you see him,
could you please tell him that
I'm going to go and meet him
at the competition
hall right now.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, okay.
- Say, "Bees."
- Bees.
- Okay, you be sure to send
that to me, okay, Mary?
(microphone feedback squealing)
I'd like to thank
everyone for joining us
in this year's annual
Thanksgiving Bake-off.
My name is Eloise.
I'll be your judge
for today's event.
Mrs. Yarrow had a bit
of a funny tummy today.
And for those of you asking,
no, I did not poison her
to take her place. (laughs)
(crickets chirping)
Okay, in a few short moments,
I'll be coming around
to each of your stations
to give you your team numbers.
Um, just keep chatting
and good luck.
And please, remember
the three B's,
be safe, be alert,
and be yourself.
It's not about winning.
It's about having fun.
Okay, let the baking
begin, thank you.
(audience applauding)
- Oh Janie, Janie!
Sweetie, we're over here.
- Hey, where's your,
uh, your boyfriend?
- Hmm, where's your fiancee?
- Don't mind your brother.
He's in a nasty mood today
because Angela came
down with a nasty case
of food poisoning last night.
- Let me guess, Quiche Lorraine?
- It could have been anything.
- So where is Chris?
- He's running late.
- Running scared, more like.
- I know, why don't
you the two of you
set up as a pair
for the contest.
- What?
- No way, Mom, hard pass.
- But you two used to
love playing restaurant
when you were little.
- Yeah, Mom, when I was six.
- The food was imaginary.
Jane couldn't screw it up.
- I couldn't screw it up?
When we were in high school,
you almost burned down the house
trying to microwave lasagna
wrapped in tin foil.
- How was I supposed to know
you can't put metal
in a microwave?
- Everybody knows that.
- Everybody knows that.
- If you knew that and you
didn't say anything, Jane,
that's your fault,
that's on you.
- On me, right,
pointing, great, yeah.
Is this supposed to be teamwork?
I cannot compete under
these conditions, no.
- Excuse me, is
everything all right?
- Oh, everything is fine.
I will be competing alone today.
- Me, too.
- Oh, um, this awkward,
but we're not allowing single
participants this year.
Safety regulations.
- I'm sorry, safety regulations?
- Yes.
Mrs. Gellman burned off both
of her eyebrows last year.
- Oh, I remember. They
never grew back quite right.
- Exactly.
And maybe if she'd been
competing in a pair,
it wouldn't have happened.
Or at the very least,
her partner could've
put out the fire
in time to save her eyelashes.
- Tough break.
- Yes.
- So, pairs only.
Singles have to sit this
one out, I'm afraid.
- Story of my life.
- Listen, I know
that the two of you,
once you start baking,
you'll get along
like a house on fire.
- Cheese and crackers,
Mary, please.
A little sensitivity
in the word choice.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- So? What do you say?
- Fine.
- I am going to
make a phone call.
- She'll be right back.
- Nice one.
- Do you, um, do you know
if Chris has come back
to his room, yet?
Did he maybe leave
a message for me?
Could you, could
you please check?
Nothing.
Okay.
Thank you, thank
you, Mrs. Yarrow.
- I guess we're doing this.
- Oh, great.
- Excellent.
- Here are your team numbers.
Jane.
- Thanks, Mom.
- I believe in you, Jane.
- Thank you.
- Okay? Okay.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
- See you, Dad.
You better not
cost me that prize.
- Um, I'm not the
one whose cooking
put his fiancee in the
hospital last night.
- She baked that quiche.
- I knew it was the
Quiche Lorraine.
- Whatever, just start measuring
out the ingredients, okay?
- The measuring cups
are on your side.
- What are you, T-Rex
arms? Use your reach.
Well, at least
get the butter out
so we can start on the crust.
- Butter? No, no,
Grandma's crust uses lard.
- Yeah, that's disgusting.
- Uh, it's in the
original recipe.
- Yes, her 60-year-old recipe.
Jane, times have changed.
Childhood obesity
is on the rise.
Lard is out, butter is in.
- It is an essential ingredient.
It is the whole reason why
the crust comes out so flaky.
- Yeah, maybe the way you bake.
I am resourceful
enough to make do.
- Make do all you want.
But, uh, key ingredients are
kind of added for a reason.
Now, I know common
sense sort of skipped
this whole situation.
But you know what, since
we have to work together,
can we at least
just do it right?
- You are so stuck in
your thinking, Jane.
This is exactly why
you're in a rut.
- I am not in a rut.
I do what works, not what my
cookie cutter perfect fiance
says is healthy.
- At least I have a fiancee.
Tell me something, could
Chris really not make it?
Or is he just sick
after spending
a single afternoon with you?
- I am sure there is a
perfectly good explanation for-
- Yeah, I bet he could smell
the desperation on you.
Probably smelled like
old cats and boxed wine.
- Did Angela wake up sick,
or did she just sort
of feel it coming on
when she saw your
face this morning?
- Yeah, well, at least I
have someone to go home to,
unlike you, who has nobody,
because you're a loser, Jane.
And nobody wants to
come home to a loser.
Oh yeah, real mature, Jane,
just run away from
your problems.
Oh, man.
(melancholy music)
(melancholy music)
- Jane, what happened?
- Greg's just being a jerk.
- Greg's always being a jerk.
It's how he shows affection.
- You really think that?
- Of course, he's your
brother. He loves you.
- I don't think he does.
I think he thinks
I'm a waste of space
and an embarrassment
to the family.
- No.
- And I think he's
right, you know?
Somehow he's always
right about everything.
- Is this about Chris?
Come on.
- He didn't even show, Dad.
He knew this was important
to me. He didn't even show.
- Jane, guys are just-
- Dad.
- I'm so sorry he
disappointed you.
- Dad.
- What?
- Chris was never my boyfriend.
I just talked him
into saying that
to just get you guys
to leave me alone.
- What?
- For a second there, I know,
I thought there was
something there.
But nope, um, I just,
it turns out I'm
just an idiot, so.
- Janie, you shouldn't be
twisting yourself up like this.
No one's worth it.
And I think you've
made the right choice
and you had the right idea
focusing on your career.
- Dad.
- It's always something
you've been so proud of,
having a job, working with
computers in the big city.
- I was laid off,
Dad, three weeks ago.
Cutbacks.
- Oh, Janie, Janie,
I'm so sorry, oh.
Oh, you've been having such
a hard time, my little girl.
I just wish I'd known sooner.
- It's just, I just didn't
know how to tell you guys.
Everyone is so proud
of Greg and Angela
just moving their lives forward,
and I just, I just,
I feel so lost, Dad.
- Everybody feels
lost sometimes.
- No, I feel lost all the time.
- Everybody feels like
that sometimes, too.
And you know, you know, it
may not be the big city,
but your mother and I
could help you find a job.
We might know someone.
And you could stay at
home for a little while.
- Dad, no, Dad.
- Janie, it could
be good for you.
Come home, have a peaceful
place, figure out what you want.
- I will think about it.
- I hope you do.
Ready to get back in there?
- No.
- Come on, you're getting
back in there. Come on.
- Is that, uh,
lard in the crust?
- Butter, actually.
- Butter, okay.
- Oh, back from putting
up lost posters?
Maybe your boyfriend
doesn't wanna be found.
- Look-
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
- Cards on the table,
Chris isn't my boyfriend.
- I knew it, I knew
you made that up.
- Why do you think I did?
Why are you always looking
for ways to tear me down?
- Me? All you ever do
is take shots at me.
You know, it's one thing
to be jealous, but-
- Jealous? You think
I'm jealous of you?
Mind blown.
- Oh see, there
you go, more shots.
- Okay, how do you expect
me to be nice to you
when all you do is just,
just be a jerk to me?
- How do you expect
me not to be a jerk
when all you ever do is
just tear down my success?
- That's gonna come out
hard if you keep doing that.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
- Mmm, Jane, good evening.
- What's so good about it?
- Who spat in your cranberries?
- Sorry.
It's just been a
really rough day.
- Weren't you and Chris
competing in the bake-off today?
Oh, I guess it didn't
go that well, did it?
- Nope, it did not.
And we didn't win, either.
Um, hey, were there any
calls or messages for me?
- Sorry, no.
- Okay, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.
Well, if there are
any messages or calls,
no, you know what?
No, no messages, no calls,
the do not disturb sign
is on my door.
- You got it.
(phone ringing)
- Hey girl, how are
things in Hope Junction?
- Terrible. Do you
have time to talk?
- For you, always.
Just a minute.
- So Chris blew me off.
- Huh.
- Yeah, you don't
sound surprised.
- Well, what did you expect?
You've always known he sucks.
He's changed.
- Mm-mm, people don't
change, not really.
- Oh, girl, the way my
life's been going lately,
I really need to
believe that's not true.
So my dad told me I should
move back home today.
I'm thinking about it.
- And what, leave me behind?
You wouldn't dare.
- I'm not like you.
You're flourishing in the city,
and I'm just floundering.
Maybe it's time I do something
different and recharge.
- Well, if that's what
you think is best.
I just want you to be happy.
- Why does everyone
keep saying that?
- Well, because,
everybody loves you.
- I really don't feel like it.
- Oh, honey.
- Oh man, I'm sorry,
I'm being such a sap.
Um-
(knocking on the door)
I gotta go, someone's
at the door.
- All right, bye, sweetie.
- Jane? Can I come in?
- No.
- Wait!
- Wow.
- Jane, Jane, please,
just let me explain myself.
- No way.
- Jane, come on.
- Sure, go ahead, explain.
Explain how you stood me up.
- I wasn't trying
to stand you up.
- In front of my family. In
front of everyone in town.
I knew you weren't
to be trusted.
- Okay-
- You know what-
- I know that this looks bad.
But, look, I really,
really had to-
- Do something better, right?
- Well, kind of.
No, not like that!
Come on, no, no, no, I
don't mean it like that.
- Go away!
You suck, Chris Lilyhammer!
- Jane, just let me talk to
you for a little bit, okay?
- I am gonna count to five.
And if by the time I'm
finished, you are still there,
I am gonna call the front
desk, and I'm gonna complain.
- [Chris] Jane, don't do that.
- One, two, three!
- [Chris] I had to be someplace.
- [Jane] Four!
- All right, fine, if
that's what you want.
- Five!
(groaning and sobbing)
(phone ringing and vibrating)
- [Chris] Jane, please, give
me a chance here. Listen.
- (sighs) I gotta
get outta here.
(melancholy string music)
(phone ringing)
- [Mary] Hello, you've
reached the Lane residence.
If you want to leave
us a message, do so.
(machine beeps)
- Hey, Mom, it's me.
Um, I was just, um, I was
talking to Dad earlier, and, um,
you know, I was really thinking
about what he was saying,
and I think he's right, and um,
I'm really tired.
And um, it's been a really
long last couple days.
And I, I think I'm ready
to come home for a bit
and recharge.
So I will see you guys later.
(melancholy music)
(shop door bells ringing)
- Son of a-
- Can I sit?
- What are you doing here?
- I've been stalking you, haha.
It's the only place that's open.
Everywhere else is
closed for the holidays.
Think I can explain myself now?
- Go ahead.
- I'm not actually in
town for a conference.
I'm here for a job interview.
- Okay?
- I was let go six months ago,
and it's been really rough
out there trying to find work.
So when I had the
opportunity to interview
for the school system out here,
I mean, I jumped at the chance.
- So, today-
- I got the call this morning.
And I promise, I
really didn't think
that it was gonna
take that long.
But the guy, Frank,
the superintendent,
he kept me there
for like four hours.
But I think it went really well.
I mean, he basically
showed me my classroom.
- So, why didn't
you just say that?
- I don't know, I
was embarrassed.
I didn't think that you'd
go with some unemployed bum.
- I'm unemployed.
- Oh. Well, good.
I mean, now I'll have
someone to share my chips
on my couch with
who isn't my dog.
Yeah, it's been kind of bleak.
But I'm here now.
Do you think that
you could forgive me?
- Of course I forgive you.
I get it.
You did what you had to do.
You did you. And I did me.
So where does that leave us?
- Jane, this is us.
- Yeah, I know, that's
a, that's a problem.
Do you know, we were kids
and you embarrassed me.
That sucked.
But you know what
sucked even more
was that you abandoned me,
and it made me feel very small.
And it made me feel
very worthless.
- I know, but Jane,
that was 20 years ago.
I mean, we talked about this.
- Yeah, but you did
it again to me. Today.
And I'm not a kid anymore.
I've been through enough
to know what I want.
And what I want is a true
partner who shows up,
who sees all the
walls that I put up,
and who convinces me
to tear them down,
and who doesn't crush my
exposed heart within 24 hours.
- No, no, I wanna be that guy.
I can be that guy. I'm the guy!
- You say that.
You talk a really
good game, Lilyhammer.
And then, this is all pretend.
I'm done pretending.
- No, I'm done pretending.
I'm pretty sure
pretending is killing me.
- I'm pretty sure
pretending is all we have.
- Oh.
- I think you should go.
(phone ringing and buzzing)
- Hello?
Jane, um, it's Greg,
it's your brother.
He's been in an accident.
- What? Whoa, whoa,
slow down what?
What do you mean? Is he okay?
- Well, he was raking leaves
off the roof and he fell.
- Is he okay, though?
- Yes, but I think you should
come home as soon as you can.
- Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Yes, yes, I need a cab.
Two hours? No, no.
I am aware it's Thanksgiving.
This is an emergency, I need,
are you hearing me?
This is an emergency.
Great, well, thank
you very much.
Thank you for nothing.
Happy holidays.
(Chris honks)
- Jane! Do you need a ride?
Is Greg going to be okay?
- I, I don't know.
How did you just show up?
- Show up?
- Showing up and stalking
are kind of different things.
- I was not stalking.
I was just watching
you from my car
from a distance
like a stalker.
- Are you being funny right now?
- No.
- Do you think that-
- You are deep in
the red, Lilyhammer.
- You looked like
you needed help.
- And, and you had nothing
better to do, so just-
- Look, if it was my choice,
I never would have left.
Ever.
(melancholy, romantic music)
- This doesn't let you
off the hook, you know.
I really don't trust you.
- I'm painfully aware of that.
But you know, there's a lot
worse things in the world
to distrust than a guy
who teaches English
to eighth graders
who's been in love with
you since kindergarten.
- You have not been
in love with me since-
- Jane, that's the one
thing right now, Jane,
that's just really
not up to you.
Why wouldn't I be?
You're Jane Lane.
- Oh, there they are.
- Mom, is he okay?
- He's fine.
- He has a mild concussion
and a broken wrist.
But he's resting in there.
- How did this happen?
He was on a wobbly ladder
holding a rake in one hand.
These things happen.
- No, they don't happen.
Not on Thanksgiving.
You know, the last thing
I did was fight with him.
(Chris sneezes)
- Oh, you brought Chris.
- Hey.
- He was my ride.
- Your ride?
- Yeah, it was the
weirdest thing.
We were both at
the um, the thing.
- [Jane] Greg, where is Greg?
- He's in the other room.
Go ahead and just let
him know you're here.
- Okay.
- I'll stay and
keep Chris company.
(chuckles)
- How are you feeling?
Did you get anything to eat?
Does your wrist hurt?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow
down, one question at a time.
I banged my coconut pretty good.
- Sorry.
What happened?
- Well, you know that
step on the ladder
that isn't really a step?
- Oh my God.
You could've died.
- But I didn't.
- You could've died.
And the last thing that
I would have said to you
was that you were a jerk
who manhandled pastry dough,
and I couldn't live with myself
if that happened, you know?
- Yeah, that would
be awful for you.
- Is that all you wanna say?
- Oh, I'm a little concussed.
I get to say whatever I want.
- Wow, you're the worst.
- Hey, hey, I'm kidding, okay?
I was a jerk who horribly
manhandled that pastry dough.
I'm sorry.
- Wow.
- And if you're serious, I've
had a lot of time to think,
lying here, and I think
I know
that I've been a
little hard on you.
- Oh, Greg. Thank you.
That really means a lot to me.
- Oh, we're family.
We should at least get along
during the holidays, right?
- We should.
So, friends?
- Friends.
On one condition.
- Hmm?
- I get to be the first
one to sign your cast.
(Greg laughs)
We should put this down.
I'm gonna get you
that food, yeah.
Be right back.
- [Chris] Yeah, so my
dog always has her head
stuck out the window
when I'm driving.
- [Mary] Right.
- Which is a compromise, because
she knows I don't like it when
she smokes.
(laughing)
- You two look cozy.
- Chris and I were
having a nice chat.
- Where's Dad?
- Oh, he went to get
us something to eat.
Chris, would you mind calling
and seeing what's keeping him?
Speed dial one.
- Yup, I can do that.
- I like him.
- Yeah, I do, too.
- Is he maybe the
reason you're thinking
of staying in town?
- Mom, no.
I wanna come home.
You were right.
- Oh, oh yeah, that
can be the worst.
- But it doesn't hurt that
Chris is also staying in town.
- Hey, he said he's
just around the corner.
- Oh, did he?
- What's going on in here?
- Oh, come on in.
Here they are.
- Hey!
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Muah, muah, wow,
quite the color.
- It's salmon.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You sticking around this time?
- Trying to.
- I can work with that.
- Guys, I'm standing right here.
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Oh.
Who could this be?
- Well, answer it.
- Hello?
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Why does your
voice sound so weird?
Oh my God, you're here.
How are you here?
- I flew in last night.
You're not the only one
with family in town.
- Oh, now it really is
a happy Thanksgiving.
- That's Chris? Wow.
He grew up good.
- Uh, sitting right here, guys.
- I got something for you.
- Why? You shouldn't have.
- It's Thanksgiving.
- Oh, it's a bus ticket.
- Okay, I know you drive.
It's more symbolic
than anything.
My way of saying that I get
that this is where
you need to be now.
But I'll always be
a bus ride away.
- I love you. Thank you, Daria.
- That works both
ways, you know, Daria.
You know you're
always welcome here.
- Thanks, Mary.
- Let's have a drink.
- Yes, let's do it!
- [Daria] Oh, this is
so good, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Hi, Daria.
- Cheers.
- [All] Cheers! Cheers!
(gentle piano music)
- And what are you thankful
for this year, Jane?
- Oh, my great hair and
killer wit, naturally.
- Oh, you're a geek.
- I'm thankful that my
car broke down last week.
Changed my life, really.
- Aw, you're a sap.
- Yeah, I am.
But it brought me to you.
Plus I got to learn some
wicked vending machine tricks.
So, I got that going for me.
- I guess I'm also thankful
that you were there for me.
- Oh.
- I really don't know how
I could have gotten
through today without you.
- Well, maybe you
wouldn't have to
if you just let me in a little.
- Well, maybe I'd think about it
if you're serious
about sticking around.
- I'm serious.
- You are serious.
(happy music)
- [Chris] Happy
Thanksgiving, Jane.
- [Jane] Happy
Thanksgiving, Chris.
mature subject matter.
Viewer discretion
is advised.
and may contain
m(gentle guitar music)
- I just, I just don't
think I can do it this year.
I can't.
No, no, I can't.
No, no, I can't.
Daria, you just don't get it.
Daria, you just don't get it.
You have the gallery,
you have Kira.
Every year, my family
just tortures me
for still being single.
Oh, no, no, it'll be
a million times worse
with my brother getting
married in the spring.
(groans) I can't even
compete, I got nothing.
Of course I still have you.
You know I didn't mean that.
- [Daria] Are you hiding
out in a blanket fort?
- [Jane] No, I am not hiding
out in a blanket fort.
What am I, five?
- You've left a whole telephone
cord of evidence, Jane.
Are you gonna come out, or do
I have to follow this travesty
to the source?
- Daria, I would like to be
the first person to tell you,
I'm hiding out in
a blanket fort.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay, scoot over,
I'm comin' in.
Okay.
Now, tell me what's going on.
- (sighs) I just,
I just feel like everyone I know
is just making these
huge steps forward,
and I just keep
falling backwards.
I used to have my job to
sort of deflect focus,
but then the tech
company laid me off,
and then, you know.
It's just bleak. It's just bad.
- Honey, the holidays
are always bleak.
But that's what family's for.
- To cheer me up?
- Yes, yes, I think going
home for the holidays
will cheer you up.
Your folks are great.
- And still think I have
thriving career in tech support.
- Well, I mean,
it's Thanksgiving.
It's the official
holiday of family bonding
and avoiding your problems.
It's actually the perfect
time to tell them.
- No, Greg's been such
a jerk to me lately-
- Your brother is
always a jerk, okay?
He's just jealous of
everything you have.
- Oh, he is going to
love me this year.
It's gonna be-
- You know what I mean.
- Stop.
You got out to the big city,
and he's still living
in Hope Junction
on the same block
we all grew up on.
- Sometimes I think that's
not actually so bad.
- Well, you're in crisis,
so stop talking like that.
- No reminding me of
that. I don't like it.
(giggling)
I just,
no, I'm gonna cancel.
No, I can't, I can't.
- Jane!
- No, you're not doing
this again, okay?
Now come on, let's
get out of here.
It's not gonna be so bad, okay?
And if you ever feel lost,
listen to me, if
you ever feel lost,
I'm only a phone
call away, okay?
- Do you promise?
- Actually, that depends.
Are you committing to this
whole landline thing, 'cause-
- [Jane] It's very comforting.
- You and your old things.
I get it.
Remember, a phone call away.
- (sighs) Thank you.
- All right, let's get out of
here. I can't feel my legs.
(nostalgic guitar music)
- [Man On Radio] Some of
that's gonna be heavy.
I know it's a rough
Sunday in spots.
Rain and wind across the
east and the northeast.
We could get some hurricane
or near hurricane-force winds
near Long Island and
parts of the southern,
southeastern New
England on Monday.
And that storm's
also gonna bring-
(scratchy music and talking)
(upbeat music)
- Whoa, sucks to
suck roadside man.
I'm not getting ax murdered
this holiday season.
I guess I could just
roll down my window,
ask if he needs a tow
truck or something.
Okay.
All right.
- Hey, thanks.
Hey, thanks for stopping.
- I have mace.
- Okay.
Like the spiky ball thing or
like the stranger danger kind?
- Just don't do
anything funny, okay?
- Okie dokie.
You always so aggressive
with the people
you save roadside?
- Mmm, you're catching
me on a good day.
- Chris.
- Jane.
- Yeah.
- Ah, what happened here?
- Well, she started sputtering
out a few miles back,
and then she stopped
doing that altogether, so.
- Did you call anybody?
- Also my phone is dead.
- Oh, you know you
can charge those
right into the car nowadays?
- Just jam it right
into the 8-track player?
I wish I knew that.
That would've been,
it's my dad's old car.
I like old stuff.
- Yeah, me, too.
- It's comforting.
- Yeah.
- Did you want to
call a tow truck?
- Can I do that? That
would be amazing.
Please, can I?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
totally here, use my phone.
- Thank you so much.
- That's amazing, thanks.
Thank you for this.
Hey, hi, I broke
down on Highway 4.
Yeah, yeah, it's just
the exit from Steinbeck.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, old Lincoln Mark V.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, you can't miss me.
That's perfect,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just on my way
to Hope Junction.
That's perfect,
thank you so much.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Okay, great, I'll, yeah,
I'll see you soon, great.
I'm saved. You saved me.
- Great.
Did I just hear you say you're
heading to Hope Junction?
- Yeah, I've got a, um,
I've got a conference.
- Oh, small world.
I got a family there.
- You don't say.
- Yeah.
- You just heading
back for Thanksgiving?
- Yeah, I guess so.
Do you want a ride?
- Yup, yup, can I really?
- Yeah.
- Awesome, thank you.
- No, thank you, that's amazing.
Really?
- Yes, hop on in.
- It's be weird if
you said no now.
Thanks.
(lively jazzy music)
Thanks for stopping
for me back there.
- Oh.
- Mighty decent.
- Don't worry about it.
So where are you staying?
- The Bumblebee Inn.
- No way.
- Yeah, Hope Junction staple.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- Really?
- I thought you said
you had family in town.
- I do, I do.
My parents and my brother.
But there's just, um,
there's just a lot
going on right now.
So it's just easier
if I stay at a hotel.
- Sounds tumultuous.
- It's really not.
- Well, if you're
going to talk about it.
You know, far be it from me.
I mean, I'm just a
waywarding English teacher
making my way across this
great country of ours,
you know, boxcar to boxcar,
keeping a meal in my belly
every time, good time.
From a pie cooling on a
rock William windowsill,
you know, just me and my vindel,
the kindness of
strangers like yourself.
- Wow, that is mighty
decent of you, that offer,
but we just met, so, I
think I'm gonna pass.
- You know, I grew
up in Hope Junction.
- Hmm, not much to it, huh?
- I wouldn't say that.
I think some of my fondest
memories are in Hope Junction.
It's good people.
- I moved away as
soon as I could.
- But you're back.
- For Thanksgiving.
I don't think I
could ever move back.
- Right.
(lively jazz music)
- Welcome to The Bumblebee
Inn. My name is Eloise.
How can I help you?
- Hi, I'm checking in.
- Yes, of course.
And is the reservation under
your name or your boyfriend's?
- My who?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
he's not my boyfriend.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, your fiance.
- No, no, no.
- Your husband?
- We just met.
- She picked me up off the road.
- Oh.
(Jane laughs)
- I have a reservation
under Jane for myself.
- So just to confirm, these
are two separate reservations?
- Absolutely separate.
- That's right.
- Thank you very much.
- Yeah, we're like
two peas in a pod.
Two peas in a separate
pod who just met.
Two nuts, you know, like
in their own shells.
You know, like a
hazelnut and a shea nut.
- I think that a
shea nut is a berry.
- Yeah, that's
right, it is, yeah.
No nuts are just nuts
anymore, you know?
You know, like
peanuts are legumes.
Shea nuts are berries.
And then the other
day someone told me
that a cashew is a fruit.
I mean, I'm convinced that
nuts are the swindlers
of the protein world.
- Absolutely, it's a
complete conspiracy.
I mean, really, it's
propaganda being put out there
by Big Walnut to keep
the little nut down.
- I'm allergic to nuts.
- Ah.
- Oh, I'm going to
need a credit card
to hold against incidentals,
one from each each nut.
- Of course, here
we go. Thank you.
- Thank you, great,
fantastic, thank you.
Okay, here you go.
- Thank you very much.
- Here you go.
Room number two for you
and room number four.
- Thank you.
- Happy Thanksgiving
to you both.
- Thank you very much.
- Thanks so much.
- Guess we're neighbors.
- Guess so.
- Enjoy your stay. Okay.
(beeping)
- [Jane] Hey Daria, it's me.
Just calling to let you know
that despite your total lies
about the weather, I've
made it to Hope Junction
safe and sound.
I even did my seasonal good deed
and helped out this guy
whose car broke down.
Okay, this is gonna
sound really weird,
but there was something
so familiar about him,
like, I don't know,
like he was a song
I used to have
memorized or something.
You know what, I
sound ridiculous.
I'm probably just wiped.
Talk to you tomorrow, girl.
(gentle music)
(happy music)
- Joe, honey?
- Hmm?
- A little help, please.
- You know I can't cook.
- You can hold a
spoon, can't ya?
(groans)
Here, stir this.
Make sure it doesn't boil over.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay?
- The kids should be here soon.
- Took them long enough.
I thought Jane was supposed
to get here last night.
- She called earlier.
She's been delayed.
Well, Mercury is in retrograde.
- What?
- Basic astrology, love.
- So you learned
how to tell fortunes
at hairdressing school?
- Astrology, stars.
You're thinking of cosmetology.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, that must be them.
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Oh honey, it's
so good to see you!
- Hi, Mom.
- Come in, come in.
Oh, you look lovely.
So any news from the city?
- I, um, I, um, uh.
- It's always so exciting
hearing what you're up to.
I mean, I know Greg and
Angela are on their way
to giving us grandchildren.
But you, Janie, you are
setting your mark on the world.
- Ah, everything's great.
Why rush through all the
news right now, right?
We have all week.
- I suppose we do. Come on in.
I'm just fixing breakfast.
- Oh good.
- Very attentive. Look who
I found on our doorstep.
- Jane, sweetie, we're
so happy you made it.
- Hi, Dad.
- Did you get the
package I sent you?
- I did.
- Real ham radios at the
flea market for a steal.
Can you believe it?
- I loved them.
- Now you can just radio
directly with good news.
- I can't just text?
- Where's the panache?
Where's the fanfare?
What if you get a big promotion?
Ham radio says news happened.
- What have we got here?
- Oh, the usual,
bacon, juice, scones.
- How continental.
- [Mary] Yeah, something
like that, yeah.
- Mom, you are still the
best baker in this galaxy.
- Just the galaxy?
- Well, the universe
is ever-expanding.
I mean, you've gotta leave
room for the unexpected.
You never know when
things can change.
- Well, maybe you'll win
the Thanksgiving bake-off
and dethrone me this year.
- Your mother isn't competing
because it isn't fair.
But she's very excited to watch.
- You bet. Do you have
a partner yet, Jane?
- About that.
- Don't get all wrapped
up about the fact
that most of the other
teams are couples.
You don't have to pair up
with a romantic partner.
- I know that, Mom.
- I should phone Mrs. Yarrow.
- Mom!
- No, she would know
all kinds of nice men
to set you up with.
She knows everybody.
- [Greg] Bonjour!
- That must be your brother.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
- Jane, good to see you.
- Hi, Greg, long time no see.
- I'm planning a wedding,
Jane, keeps me very busy.
- Oh, you're getting married,
huh? I didn't know that.
- You haven't changed a bit.
- We were just talking about
the big Thanksgiving bake-off.
- Oh yeah? Ready to get creamed?
- I am gonna wipe
the floor with you.
- Hmm?
- Mm-hm.
- The floor is
gonna be so clean,
you're gonna be eating my
prize-winning pie off of it.
- So you would like
me to make a call?
- There's no need, Mom.
I, um, I already have a
date in mind, actually.
Will you excuse me for a second?
- What's for breakfast?
- "I already have
a date in mind."
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
how could you do that?
Why would you say that?
(muffled speaking)
- (knocking) Jane,
everything okay in there?
- I'm fine, Mom! I'll
be out in a second!
(rapid breathing)
Okay, I gotta play this
out. I gotta play this out.
I gotta play this out.
I'm gonna play this out.
How am I gonna play this out?
- Bacon's just delicious.
- Oh, everything okay, sweetie?
- Yes, of course.
I guess I'm just a little
tired from the drive, you know?
We are gonna have so
much fun this week.
(Greg chuckles)
Any other big plans?
- Oh, lots, you
know the holidays.
Never a dull moment.
But oh, I do have something
very special planned
for the two of you.
- Oh.
- Would you go
to the grocery store for me?
People will be
coming in a few hours
and I still have a
million things to do.
- I would be delighted.
Well, are you coming?
- Now?
- Yeah, there's no
time like the present.
- But my-
- Yeah, your bacon will be
here when we get back, maybe.
Let's go! Let's motor!
- And I got a promotion at work
and preparations for the wedding
have been moving
along great, too.
- Such a Renaissance man.
- Yes, you know, Angela has been
so into the wedding planning.
This has really been my year.
- Amazing.
- You know, you could show
a little more enthusiasm.
- I'm sorry. Awesome!
- It is awesome.
- Wow, you know what, is
there an off button to this?
You don't always
have to be so smug.
- Well, you don't have to
be such a bitter spinster,
but mmm.
- Excuse me?
- Well, relax, I'm just kidding.
- What did you just say?
- Well, I just called
you a bitter spinster.
- No, I know, I heard
you. It wasn't funny.
- Did that touch a
nerve or something?
- That's it, we
are splitting up.
I am gonna take care of
this, as I always do.
You just stay here,
which you're good at.
- I am not smug.
Would someone smug
look at a potato?
It is the least
pretentious food there is.
She is the smug one.
I'm talking to a vegetable.
- Greg Lane?
- Chris Lilyhammer? Whoa.
- Ah, geez, how
long has it been?
- Since college. How are you?
What are you doing home?
Hey, I heard your folks died.
- They retired.
- I heard dead.
- Oh, listen, anyway, do
you remember my sister Jane?
She's in town, too.
- You know, I do remember Jane.
- Yeah, right, 'cause
you guys had that thing.
- Yeah, last I heard,
she was conjuring Bloody
Mary at slumber parties
to put a hex on me.
- Yeah, dark times.
Listen, would you like to
come over to the house later?
My parents are having
a little cinq a sept.
- Maybe check with
your sister first,
see where she stands
with hexes these days.
- Come on, man, that
was decades ago.
You probably wouldn't
even recognize each other.
- Yeah.
You know what, yeah, yeah,
I think I will come by.
- You!
- No, you.
- You!
- Okay.
- Yo, let's go.
- Here, let me take
that for you, sis.
- Oh, that's very nice.
God, always.
- You almost done?
- Just about.
- Greg found an old friend
at the grocery store,
and he's just arrived.
I think you might remember
him, Chris Lilyhammer?
- He invited who?
- What, you don't remember him?
He was in primary
school with you.
I mean, I think he left
after the sixth grade, but I-
- Oh no, I remember.
I could never forget
a traitor fake.
- Ooh, that's dramatic.
- Dramatic? Dramatic?
He doused me with fruit punch
in front of the whole
entire school, Mom.
We were supposed to be partners
in the science fair thing,
and he betrayed me, for a laugh.
And then he moved away, but
that didn't stop everyone
from calling me Pinky Lane
all through middle school.
- Well, now that so
much time has passed,
don't you think it's
kind of a cute story?
- Childhood trauma
is not cute, Mom.
- Well, he's here now and
he's asking after you.
So come on out and say hello.
(clears throat)
- Fine, fine, but I
will not be gracious.
- Oh, geez.
- I will not offer him any
of the mini crab cakes.
- Oh, Jane.
- No, I won't.
- You.
- You.
- You're that Chris?
You're Chris Lilyhammer.
Ugh, I cannot
believe I gave a ride
to the Benedict Arnold of
Hope Junction Elementary.
- Oh, come on, this
is really something.
I mean, it's a
small world, right?
- Did you know it was me?
What's your angle,
Lilyhammer, huh?
Where's the con?
- No con, just a con-wincidence.
See how I did that?
- So you do remember each other.
- Unfortunately.
- Oh listen, falling into
your old banter already.
- No, that is not what
is happening, Mom.
- I really think that we
a kind of Sam and Diane
kind of dynamic.
- No, that's terrible.
- "Cheers."
- Okay, you don't
have a monopoly over
everything old, okay?
(fluttering whistling)
Pinky Lane.
- Oh. (laughs)
- Are those mini crab cakes?
- No.
- Dad, mini crab cake?
- Okay.
- Angela?
Mom?
- No, thank you, dear.
- Mom, take one.
- No.
- Take one.
I'm just gonna leave
this right here.
- [Joe] Fun afternoon, huh?
I was talking to
your friend Chris.
Did you know he builds
a mean ham radio?
- Doubt it. Can't even
jump start a car battery.
- [Joe] Is that a metaphor?
You know, your mother
and I were thinking,
wouldn't it be nice
if you invited him
to be your partner at
the baking contest?
- No.
- Come on.
Who knows, maybe
sparks will fly.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
(phone ringing)
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
- Hey.
- Daria, they're gonna try
to set me up with this guy
the whole weekend.
- Well, I thought you said
you thought he was cute.
- Uh, yeah, that was before I
knew he was Chris Lilyhammer.
- No.
- Yeah, mm-hm.
- I should have
smelt the evil on him
from the very beginning.
- Boy, do you hold a grudge.
- I do not. I do
not hold a grudge.
- Oh yeah, sure, right, 20
years is totally casual.
Hey, the Count of
Monte Cristo called.
He told you to lighten up.
- You know what, you know what,
he really embarrassed me, okay?
This is not something
you just let go of.
What do I do?
- Well, maybe you
should just try.
I mean, I'm not saying
let yourself get shoved
into an arranged
marriage, but try?
- I know you're right.
Okay, well, I guess
I'll call you later.
- Okay, bye.
- I need starches.
Hey, Eloise.
- Hi, Jane.
- Is the dining room still open?
- No, sorry, it closes at 10,
and it is currently 10:06.
- Darn.
I'm feeling kinda snacky.
- Do you need starches?
- Yes, I do.
- I hear that.
There are vending machines,
if you don't mind
something shrink-wrapped
that has a questionable
Best Before date.
- Two years and under?
- That's correct.
- Shrink-wrap sounds amazing.
- It's one of those days, huh?
- I would shrink-wrap
my brain now if I could.
- Sounds delicious.
Vending machines are down
the hall to the right.
You know what, have
a Twinkie on me.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- Or some mixed nuts.
- Thank you.
when you can be a
part of the B Team.
- B Team.
- B Team all the way.
- All the way.
- Enjoy.
(machine rattling)
- Come on.
- What has that vending
machine ever done to you?
Are you cloning yourself?
You just seem to be everywhere.
- Sounds like fate to me.
- Do you need a hand there?
- What's it to you?
- Precious time, if
you're gonna waste mine
just beating on that thing.
Can I get in there?
- Be my guest.
But I have to warn you,
that thing ate an entire cup
holder worth of quarters.
- Aw, that's a shame.
- I think it's, jammed
might be the technical term.
I'm not too sure.
- Let me take a look.
(machine beeping)
Boom!
Sounds like a bountiful harvest.
- How did you do that?
- Ah, summers in college I
used to work for a factory
that fixed these machines.
You know, kind of looked at
their programming codes a bit.
Insider tip, there's
always an override
and I kinda just found it.
- I'm impressed.
You're like Angelina
Jolie in "Hackers."
- I'm exactly like
Angelina Jolie.
- Well, there, I'm glad that
we can agree on something.
So your parents, they really
trying to set us up, huh?
- I'm sorry.
It's just my brother's
getting married in six months
and they're just on
this overdrive kick
to just pair me
off with someone.
I am not looking for
anyone, I promise,
and especially not you.
- Oh!
- That kinda came
out wrong, I'm sorry.
- No, no, I'm not looking
for anything, either.
I mean, the whole
thing's kind of,
kind of annoying, huh?
- I'm glad we can
agree on something.
- Well, I mean,
we just committed
the Great Pennsylvanian
Candy Caper.
So we're bound together
by this, really.
Thick as thieves we are.
- We should get bracelets made.
- Or (whistles) pinky rings.
- What about-
- [Chris] Hmm?
- Ah no, never mind, it's fine.
- No, what is it?
- Nothing, it was just
a stupid idea I had,
and I was just kinda-
- I don't know,
civilization was founded
on a series of stupid ideas.
I'd love to hear it.
- Really?
K, I was just
thinking, you know,
like neither of us are
looking for anything, right?
So if my parents have
anything to say about it,
the whole town's
gonna try to set us up
by the end of tomorrow.
What if we just beat them
to the punch, you know,
and we just tell everybody
that we're already going out?
You know, just for
Thanksgiving weekend,
and then we can just
take some of the pressure
off both of us, go
our separate ways and,
wow, you're terrified,
it's insane.
- That's insane, yeah, but-
- There's a but.
- Yeah, I'll do it.
- What?
- I love lying to
parents. It's hilarious.
My parents think I'm a doctor.
My grandmother
thinks I'm a priest.
Well, good night.
- Good night.
(tinkling, happy music)
- [Angela] Jane, is that you?
- Angela, hi, how's it going?
- Oh, swamped, I'm
getting married, you know.
- Oh, I heard.
- There is just so much to do.
- Well, that's-
- And then your parents are
throwing this brunch tomorrow,
which I graciously
offered to cohost.
Are you coming to brunch?
- I mean I'm-
- What am I saying,
of course you're
coming to brunch.
I'm shopping for it now.
I'm making Quiche Lorraine.
- How exotic.
- Isn't it?
How are you, darling?
I know the holidays can
get a little lonely.
- Oh, I'm fine,
really, I'm great.
- Well, we must
find you someone.
Imagine coming to your
own brother's wedding
without a date.
- Well, it's six months away,
so I'm not really
stressing about it.
- I know, so little time.
- You know, Angela, you don't
really have to worry about me.
You know, I'm actually
seeing someone right now,
and I'm seeing him right now.
Chris, honey!
- Hey, you.
- Hi.
- How you doing?
- Oh, so good.
- Weren't you Greg's friend
at the house yesterday?
- Uh huh.
- You didn't mention
anything then.
- Well, it's just so new.
- Well, you know my pookie.
I mean, she gets so nervous.
But I can assure you, we're
crazy about each other.
- Crazy.
- Well, how lovely for you.
I hope to see you
tomorrow at brunch, Chad.
- It's Chris.
- You bet.
- Okie dokie.
- Wow, you really jumped
into that one, huh?
- Well, I figure we gotta
make it real, you know?
- Yeah, it was real.
12 o'clock, 12 o'clock.
Mrs. Yarrow, you remember
Chris Lilyhammer.
Chris, this is Mrs. Yarrow, a
real pillar of our community.
- Oh, the pleasure's
all mine, then.
- Now I remember,
you're such a nice boy.
Now, where did your
parents end up?
- They retired to
Costa Rica, actually.
- Oh, how tropical.
Will I be seeing the both of you
at the Lane brunch tomorrow?
We can catch up then, and
I'll be making my mimosas.
- Oh, you know, I
don't think that will-
- Brunch? We love brunch.
- Love brunch.
- Oh, then I'll
look forward to it.
- Of course.
Have a nice day, Mrs. Yarrow.
- Oh, you, too.
- Take care.
Brunch? Fun!
How did I do?
- You kind of knocked
everyone off of their feet.
Including me.
You know, it was good, it was
decent, it was a great effort.
- Yeah, well, anything
for my pookie.
Plus I love a good mimosa, so.
- What are you even doing here?
- Small town, seasonal market.
I was being picturesque.
- You were being picturesque?
- You know, picturesque.
And charming, handsome.
- And extremely modest.
- And you're what, just
stocking up on your flour?
- Ah, no.
- You got a big papier-mache
project on the go?
- Oh no, no, no.
I just need to practice
for the upcoming
town baking competition.
- Really?
- Yeah, I really wish
I was joking, but yeah.
- Well, now who's
being picturesque?
- I believe that would be me.
- Well, maybe I could stop
by this baking contest.
- Really?
- Maybe pick up a thing or two.
- Do you bake?
- No, not at all. That's why
I can pick up a thing or two.
- Okay.
Do you need a lift?
- I'm happy to walk.
Got a few appointments.
- Okay.
- But I guess I'll
be seeing you around.
Darling.
(happy music)
- [Photographer] Can
you touch your hair?
Maybe, that's it.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Jane, how's it going?
- Is this a pity call?
- No. Okay, yes,
was it that obvious?
- You're that obvious.
I'm doing fine.
- And your long con?
- It's growing longer.
- Jane!
- I don't know, I don't
know, I don't know.
I really don't know
what's happening.
I panicked, he's
being picturesque.
- Don't tell me that
you're starting to like
like this guy or something.
- No, no, no, no,
just for one holiday,
I would like to not be the
aging spinster of Spruce Street,
neighborhood children
cautionary tale.
It's getting very old.
- Uh huh.
- It's Chris Lilyhammer.
We used to watch him burn
ants with a magnifying glass.
I can't take him seriously
as a romantic option.
I just can't.
- If you say so.
- Don't look at me like that.
- How do you know how
I'm looking at you?
- I know all your looks
through intonation.
- Well, I mean, it's a
little twisted, sister.
- I know you're right.
Well, you know what?
It's not forever.
It's just for the week.
- And when they ask about
him after this week?
- I'll break up with him on
social media or something.
- Ah, a modern Machiavelli.
- Shut up.
Thanks for calling.
- Any time, peanut.
- It's not that twisted.
(knocking on the door)
- Hello.
- Someone very wise once said
you should never
put off learning.
- Oh yeah? Who said that?
- Me. Just now.
- Oh.
- So do you feel
like baking a pie?
- You know, I've never had
this feeling before, but.
- You're into it.
- No, gentle.
- Okay.
- You must have been
great with horses.
- What?
- Well, you know, your
whole gentle approach.
- I really wouldn't know
anything about that.
The closest I've ever
gotten to a stable
was when a mystery
took Nancy Drew there.
- You better not be
knocking my girl Nancy.
Those books are cool.
- You have not read a
single Nancy Drew book.
- I have three sisters, okay?
Nancy gets chloroformed
a lot for a kid.
Can't be good for her.
- Yeah, you read them.
- Okay, so yeah, what next?
- Now we roll.
- Okay.
- And more flour, right.
- Ready to roll?
- Sure.
- Knock yourself out.
- Hey, you know what, why
don't you give me a try?
- Show you how to roll?
All right, step aside, rookie.
- Okay, I see, so.
Yeah.
- You in?
- Okay, that's nice.
- Is it? Is it working for you?
(laughing)
You want to do it properly?
- Okay.
- Okay, so I just-
- Wow.
- Go ahead.
You learn pretty quickly.
- Well,, I had a
pretty good teacher.
- Thanks.
So I was talking to
my friend Daria today.
And she thinks what we're
doing is ridiculous.
- Mm-hm?
- Mm-hm.
- What exactly is it
that we are doing?
- I don't know,
pretending to go out
to get my parents off our
backs, my back, I mean.
- Well, it would
only be ridiculous
if you quietly fell in love
with me throughout the process.
I mean, I don't
see that happening.
- I do not see that happening.
This lane is closed.
- I see what you did there.
- I'm still kind of
compartmentalizing
that science fair incident.
- I dumped fruit punch
on you 20 years ago.
Okay, you gotta get past that.
No one even calls you
Pinky Lane anymore.
- You did. Yesterday.
- Yeah, yeah I did.
- What?
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Really, I'm sorry.
But I was just a kid, all right?
And I would never leave you
in a clutch like that again.
- I don't know that.
I don't trust you.
- Okay, well, okay,
how about this?
In the interim, you
just fake trust me.
You know, 'cause I would
feel really fake bad
if you hurt you again.
So would your fake boyfriend.
- That's completely
circumstantial.
- I think the word that you're
looking for is convenient.
- I wanted to fake date
you so I wouldn't have to
real date you.
(bell dings)
The pie is done.
(bouncy piano music)
- It looks amazing.
- Yeah, it does.
- [Chris] We make
a pretty good team.
- That one was really smooth.
- It seemed a great
time to have a liar.
- Oh my God! You really are
dating Chris Lilyhammer.
- Greg? What are you doing here?
- Some greeting.
- Sorry, you just
took me by surprise.
- I was in the neighborhood.
Angela told me you said
you'd be baking all day.
I thought I'd drop by.
She told me about this, too,
but I was sure she
had to be wrong.
- Greg, can I have a word
outside with you for a minute?
- Mm-hm.
(inquisitive music)
Oh all the people to date, him?
- Uh, what is wrong with Chris?
He was your friend first.
- And he was supposed
to be your nemesis.
- So, things can change.
- This doesn't
have anything to do
with Mom throwing
him at you, does it?
- What? No, of course not.
Why do you even care, anyway?
I thought you'd be thrilled
that I'm seeing someone.
Just check off plus one
on the wedding invitation.
- Yeah, something
doesn't add up here.
And I'd much rather
have you no plus one
than pay for your
phony plus one.
- There is nothing
phony going on here.
- Sure.
- Honestly.
- We, we are crazy
about each other.
Mm-hm, yeah, you will
see tomorrow at brunch.
- Everything okay out here?
- Oh, it's fine.
I suppose I'll see you tomorrow.
- You're gonna have to
bring your A game tomorrow.
- Ah, and the Great Big
Boyfriend Caper continues.
Brought to you by Zappos,
chewing tobacco for children.
If you wanna be a real
Chew-Chew-Charlie,
hitch your train
to this caboose.
- Wow, you are really
enjoying yourself.
- Me? No, not at all.
Also, Zappos Turtle Wax.
Get the shell out of here lady.
- Wrap it up.
- Okay.
- Can I have a snuggle snuggle?
- Snuggle, you're too-
- You're the cutest thing
in the whole wide world.
- I know I am.
- I love you so much.
- Thank you for calling
me cute every day.
- Every single day.
- And that's what I want
you to do in our marriage.
- Oh, Jane.
- Excuse me for one second.
- Okay.
- Would you like to
try some of my quiche?
- Oh, I would love to
try some of your quiche.
- [Angela] Thank you.
- [Mrs. Yarrow] Looks delicious.
- I hope you like it.
- Oh, Jane! And Chris,
nice to see you again.
- Remember, he's
Jane's new boyfriend.
- That's right. Thanks
so much for having me.
- I just knew the two
of you would hit it off.
And you brought a pie?
- We sure did. We
brought it for the host.
- How thoughtful.
I'll take that.
- I'm just gonna
help Greg with that.
- Chris Lilyhammer.
You know, it's like
something out of a story.
Maybe it's true what
they say about kids
who pick on each other
on the playground.
- It is, Mom.
- Hey, Greggie?
- Yeah?
- Where are you going
with that pie, bud?
- Oh, I was just putting it, um,
put it on the table,
yeah just there.
- Enjoy.
- What's going on? What
are you doing with her?
- Quiche Lorraine,
isn't it glamorous?
- Hello, Mrs. Yarrow.
- Hello. Now, I just saw Chris
over at the buffet table.
You two make an adorable couple.
- Thank you very
much, Mrs. Yarrow.
- And to think you knew
each other for years.
Now, when did you realize
that things were special
between you two?
- Oh, it was, I was, I was, uh-
- It was kindergarten.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, Jane came in
with a melted typewriter
for show and tell.
And I just thought
to myself, I mean,
clearly, that's the
girl for me, right?
- You did not.
- No, it's true.
Yeah, I just thought you
were so strange and cool.
And then I lost her.
And it's probably
my biggest regret.
But now I've found her.
And I gotta say, I feel like
the luckiest guy in the world.
- Oh, how romantic.
- Yeah, it's Chris. It's
tender and full of yearning.
I cannot get enough.
- [Chris] No, she can't.
- It's great.
- Jane, oh, bisou! Bisou!
I'm so glad you came!
Have you tried the
Quiche Lorraine?
- No.
- Oh, it is to die for.
- Honestly, Angela,
kudos to the chef.
And we had better see you
compete at tomorrow's bake-off.
- Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
- I want you to meet
a couple of people.
- Jane, you naughty girl.
You were hiding
your beau from us.
Please, tell me how you met.
- Oh, you didn't hear?
It was at the zoo.
He was trapped in a cage
and I just busted him out.
- I will never understand
that wild wit of yours.
- The zoo?
- Sorry, I panicked.
- But this is your
little plan, okay?
I mean, sometimes I feel like
I'm the only one who's
committed to this relationship.
- Oh, I'm sorry,
which relationship?
The one that we just
made up? The fake one?
- Yeah, the fake one.
- What did you just say?
- Nothing.
- Jane has a very creative
relationship with the truth,
don't you agree?
- Well, she's a very
talented young woman.
- Oh, that's a funny
way of saying disaster.
- Greg, do not start.
- I'm just saying, you're
a complete disaster.
- Well, disaster is a
pretty subjective term,
don't you think?
- Well, I-
- I mean, what's the old adage?
Surgery looks like
murder halfway through?
- Where are you going with this?
- Don't knock an
unfinished product.
I mean, all of the genius
ingredients are right here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, that's
a mixed metaphor, so.
- Bye, Greg.
He's still a bit of a dork, huh?
- Yes.
- You have to try this.
- Oh, no, no, no, I'm full.
- You haven't even-
- I'm full, I'm full.
- My tummy is so full, baby,
I can't have another bite.
- Okay.
- Dad, have you
tried the quiche?
- Uh, she's saving
me some crust.
- Your family really seems-
- Invasive?
- I was gonna say that they
really seem to love you.
- Really, even Greg?
- I'm sure Greggie boy
loves you in his own way.
I mean, you're very lovable.
- It's just us right now, Chris,
you don't need to pretend.
- Who's pretending?
Oh, why, thank you.
Thank you, miss.
I mean, really, I've never
had a better fake girlfriend.
- Gee, thanks.
(sentimental music)
- [Eloise] Oh, Jane,
Jane, Jane, Jane Jane.
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
- Is everything okay?
- Could you come
with me for a moment?
- I'm a little scared.
- Don't be scared. You
look beautiful, by the way.
Follow me.
- Okay.
(gentle, romantic piano music)
- Have a great night.
- Huh?
- Ah.
- What is all this?
- I just wanted to surprise you.
- I'm surprised.
- Also, I wanted to-
- What?
- You know what, that can wait.
Why don't you take a seat, eh?
- Okay.
- I made everything myself.
- Oh, wow.
- Like an adult man.
- Wow, this is amazing.
- Thank you.
- You sure know how
to commit to a bit.
- Yeah, what?
Oh, hey, what you doing there?
- Social media. This
is a great idea.
This really adds this whole
air of authenticity, you know?
- Well, that's the idea.
- Yeah, let's get
some glasses in there.
You know, that's really cute.
(glasses clinking)
- Oh, it looks so real.
- Mmm.
- This is good.
- Yeah.
- What is this?
- Ravioli from scratch.
You wouldn't know it, but
I'm full-blooded Sicilian.
- This is beautiful.
- Thanks.
All right, shall we?
Oh yeah, that's
probably a good idea.
- That's the last
of the good ideas.
- Do you know what I
can't stop thinking about?
- What's that?
- That story that
you told at brunch.
The attention to detail.
I mean, you are
really good at this.
- That's because
it's a true story.
- No, I know, I know, but like,
the way you made it so romantic.
- Ah, it's just a true story.
- That's what I'm saying.
Like you practically made
me believe it, it was-
- Jane, you're not
really getting this.
Okay, the reason that it
sounds like a true story
is because it is a true story.
- Oh.
- Come on.
I like you, Jane.
I've always liked you.
- Oh.
- Is that all you
have to say to that?
- I, I, I don't, I
don't, I don't know yet.
- Okay, I just
thought, you know,
these past couple
days, I really thought
that there was something there,
and I thought that
you felt it, too.
- I, uh-
- But, you know,
maybe you didn't
and I completely
misread the situation,
and then I'm making
everything awkward
and I'm an idiot.
- No, you're not an idiot.
I just,
I just didn't really
see this coming.
- Well, you know,
that can happen
when you build walls
up around yourself.
- I don't build walls
up around myself.
- Yeah, you do, though.
- So why do you like me, then?
Sounds like an
awful lot of work.
- (laughs) Yeah,
it's been worth it.
You know, if maybe
you'd consider,
you know, going out
with me some time.
For real.
- The baking
competition is tomorrow.
- Okay.
- I need a partner.
- Oh no, come, no, no, no, no,
you don't want me as
your baking partner.
Come on, you've
seen me in action.
- Yeah.
- Well, I was pretty good.
- So let's just
go together, then.
- Okay.
- For real.
- I'd like that.
Okay, well, I mean,
at least I know that
if I'm there with you,
we're taking the top prize.
'Cause we're gonna
snatch up that trophy
like a pair of hot dice.
Stop beating the bricks
like they owe us money.
We'll make it to Chicago in time
to see ourselves on
the evening news.
It'll be Pinky Jane Lane
and Chris Lilyhammer
in the Great Pie Caper.
- I'm kind of starting
to regret this.
- I completely understand.
(laughing)
(quirky music)
(knocking on the door)
- Chris? Are you in there?
- Oh, Mrs. Yarrow,
where's Eloise?
- Oh, she's taking
my place as the judge
at the bake-off this year.
I have a bit of a funny tummy.
- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Yeah, you didn't
happen to have
any of that quiche, did you?
- Oh, I, I do not recall.
- Oh, you would.
- But I do remember you
said it was fantastic.
- Oh, did I?
- Have you seen
Chris by any chance?
Did he go by somewhere?
Dining room, maybe.
- No, I haven't seen him,
but I just started my shift.
Did you two have any plans?
- We did, yes.
Oh, maybe he thought
he was meeting me
at the competition hall.
- That must be what happened.
- You know what, if you see him,
could you please tell him that
I'm going to go and meet him
at the competition
hall right now.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, okay.
- Say, "Bees."
- Bees.
- Okay, you be sure to send
that to me, okay, Mary?
(microphone feedback squealing)
I'd like to thank
everyone for joining us
in this year's annual
Thanksgiving Bake-off.
My name is Eloise.
I'll be your judge
for today's event.
Mrs. Yarrow had a bit
of a funny tummy today.
And for those of you asking,
no, I did not poison her
to take her place. (laughs)
(crickets chirping)
Okay, in a few short moments,
I'll be coming around
to each of your stations
to give you your team numbers.
Um, just keep chatting
and good luck.
And please, remember
the three B's,
be safe, be alert,
and be yourself.
It's not about winning.
It's about having fun.
Okay, let the baking
begin, thank you.
(audience applauding)
- Oh Janie, Janie!
Sweetie, we're over here.
- Hey, where's your,
uh, your boyfriend?
- Hmm, where's your fiancee?
- Don't mind your brother.
He's in a nasty mood today
because Angela came
down with a nasty case
of food poisoning last night.
- Let me guess, Quiche Lorraine?
- It could have been anything.
- So where is Chris?
- He's running late.
- Running scared, more like.
- I know, why don't
you the two of you
set up as a pair
for the contest.
- What?
- No way, Mom, hard pass.
- But you two used to
love playing restaurant
when you were little.
- Yeah, Mom, when I was six.
- The food was imaginary.
Jane couldn't screw it up.
- I couldn't screw it up?
When we were in high school,
you almost burned down the house
trying to microwave lasagna
wrapped in tin foil.
- How was I supposed to know
you can't put metal
in a microwave?
- Everybody knows that.
- Everybody knows that.
- If you knew that and you
didn't say anything, Jane,
that's your fault,
that's on you.
- On me, right,
pointing, great, yeah.
Is this supposed to be teamwork?
I cannot compete under
these conditions, no.
- Excuse me, is
everything all right?
- Oh, everything is fine.
I will be competing alone today.
- Me, too.
- Oh, um, this awkward,
but we're not allowing single
participants this year.
Safety regulations.
- I'm sorry, safety regulations?
- Yes.
Mrs. Gellman burned off both
of her eyebrows last year.
- Oh, I remember. They
never grew back quite right.
- Exactly.
And maybe if she'd been
competing in a pair,
it wouldn't have happened.
Or at the very least,
her partner could've
put out the fire
in time to save her eyelashes.
- Tough break.
- Yes.
- So, pairs only.
Singles have to sit this
one out, I'm afraid.
- Story of my life.
- Listen, I know
that the two of you,
once you start baking,
you'll get along
like a house on fire.
- Cheese and crackers,
Mary, please.
A little sensitivity
in the word choice.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- So? What do you say?
- Fine.
- I am going to
make a phone call.
- She'll be right back.
- Nice one.
- Do you, um, do you know
if Chris has come back
to his room, yet?
Did he maybe leave
a message for me?
Could you, could
you please check?
Nothing.
Okay.
Thank you, thank
you, Mrs. Yarrow.
- I guess we're doing this.
- Oh, great.
- Excellent.
- Here are your team numbers.
Jane.
- Thanks, Mom.
- I believe in you, Jane.
- Thank you.
- Okay? Okay.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
- See you, Dad.
You better not
cost me that prize.
- Um, I'm not the
one whose cooking
put his fiancee in the
hospital last night.
- She baked that quiche.
- I knew it was the
Quiche Lorraine.
- Whatever, just start measuring
out the ingredients, okay?
- The measuring cups
are on your side.
- What are you, T-Rex
arms? Use your reach.
Well, at least
get the butter out
so we can start on the crust.
- Butter? No, no,
Grandma's crust uses lard.
- Yeah, that's disgusting.
- Uh, it's in the
original recipe.
- Yes, her 60-year-old recipe.
Jane, times have changed.
Childhood obesity
is on the rise.
Lard is out, butter is in.
- It is an essential ingredient.
It is the whole reason why
the crust comes out so flaky.
- Yeah, maybe the way you bake.
I am resourceful
enough to make do.
- Make do all you want.
But, uh, key ingredients are
kind of added for a reason.
Now, I know common
sense sort of skipped
this whole situation.
But you know what, since
we have to work together,
can we at least
just do it right?
- You are so stuck in
your thinking, Jane.
This is exactly why
you're in a rut.
- I am not in a rut.
I do what works, not what my
cookie cutter perfect fiance
says is healthy.
- At least I have a fiancee.
Tell me something, could
Chris really not make it?
Or is he just sick
after spending
a single afternoon with you?
- I am sure there is a
perfectly good explanation for-
- Yeah, I bet he could smell
the desperation on you.
Probably smelled like
old cats and boxed wine.
- Did Angela wake up sick,
or did she just sort
of feel it coming on
when she saw your
face this morning?
- Yeah, well, at least I
have someone to go home to,
unlike you, who has nobody,
because you're a loser, Jane.
And nobody wants to
come home to a loser.
Oh yeah, real mature, Jane,
just run away from
your problems.
Oh, man.
(melancholy music)
(melancholy music)
- Jane, what happened?
- Greg's just being a jerk.
- Greg's always being a jerk.
It's how he shows affection.
- You really think that?
- Of course, he's your
brother. He loves you.
- I don't think he does.
I think he thinks
I'm a waste of space
and an embarrassment
to the family.
- No.
- And I think he's
right, you know?
Somehow he's always
right about everything.
- Is this about Chris?
Come on.
- He didn't even show, Dad.
He knew this was important
to me. He didn't even show.
- Jane, guys are just-
- Dad.
- I'm so sorry he
disappointed you.
- Dad.
- What?
- Chris was never my boyfriend.
I just talked him
into saying that
to just get you guys
to leave me alone.
- What?
- For a second there, I know,
I thought there was
something there.
But nope, um, I just,
it turns out I'm
just an idiot, so.
- Janie, you shouldn't be
twisting yourself up like this.
No one's worth it.
And I think you've
made the right choice
and you had the right idea
focusing on your career.
- Dad.
- It's always something
you've been so proud of,
having a job, working with
computers in the big city.
- I was laid off,
Dad, three weeks ago.
Cutbacks.
- Oh, Janie, Janie,
I'm so sorry, oh.
Oh, you've been having such
a hard time, my little girl.
I just wish I'd known sooner.
- It's just, I just didn't
know how to tell you guys.
Everyone is so proud
of Greg and Angela
just moving their lives forward,
and I just, I just,
I feel so lost, Dad.
- Everybody feels
lost sometimes.
- No, I feel lost all the time.
- Everybody feels like
that sometimes, too.
And you know, you know, it
may not be the big city,
but your mother and I
could help you find a job.
We might know someone.
And you could stay at
home for a little while.
- Dad, no, Dad.
- Janie, it could
be good for you.
Come home, have a peaceful
place, figure out what you want.
- I will think about it.
- I hope you do.
Ready to get back in there?
- No.
- Come on, you're getting
back in there. Come on.
- Is that, uh,
lard in the crust?
- Butter, actually.
- Butter, okay.
- Oh, back from putting
up lost posters?
Maybe your boyfriend
doesn't wanna be found.
- Look-
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
- Cards on the table,
Chris isn't my boyfriend.
- I knew it, I knew
you made that up.
- Why do you think I did?
Why are you always looking
for ways to tear me down?
- Me? All you ever do
is take shots at me.
You know, it's one thing
to be jealous, but-
- Jealous? You think
I'm jealous of you?
Mind blown.
- Oh see, there
you go, more shots.
- Okay, how do you expect
me to be nice to you
when all you do is just,
just be a jerk to me?
- How do you expect
me not to be a jerk
when all you ever do is
just tear down my success?
- That's gonna come out
hard if you keep doing that.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, I'm such an idiot.
- Mmm, Jane, good evening.
- What's so good about it?
- Who spat in your cranberries?
- Sorry.
It's just been a
really rough day.
- Weren't you and Chris
competing in the bake-off today?
Oh, I guess it didn't
go that well, did it?
- Nope, it did not.
And we didn't win, either.
Um, hey, were there any
calls or messages for me?
- Sorry, no.
- Okay, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.
Well, if there are
any messages or calls,
no, you know what?
No, no messages, no calls,
the do not disturb sign
is on my door.
- You got it.
(phone ringing)
- Hey girl, how are
things in Hope Junction?
- Terrible. Do you
have time to talk?
- For you, always.
Just a minute.
- So Chris blew me off.
- Huh.
- Yeah, you don't
sound surprised.
- Well, what did you expect?
You've always known he sucks.
He's changed.
- Mm-mm, people don't
change, not really.
- Oh, girl, the way my
life's been going lately,
I really need to
believe that's not true.
So my dad told me I should
move back home today.
I'm thinking about it.
- And what, leave me behind?
You wouldn't dare.
- I'm not like you.
You're flourishing in the city,
and I'm just floundering.
Maybe it's time I do something
different and recharge.
- Well, if that's what
you think is best.
I just want you to be happy.
- Why does everyone
keep saying that?
- Well, because,
everybody loves you.
- I really don't feel like it.
- Oh, honey.
- Oh man, I'm sorry,
I'm being such a sap.
Um-
(knocking on the door)
I gotta go, someone's
at the door.
- All right, bye, sweetie.
- Jane? Can I come in?
- No.
- Wait!
- Wow.
- Jane, Jane, please,
just let me explain myself.
- No way.
- Jane, come on.
- Sure, go ahead, explain.
Explain how you stood me up.
- I wasn't trying
to stand you up.
- In front of my family. In
front of everyone in town.
I knew you weren't
to be trusted.
- Okay-
- You know what-
- I know that this looks bad.
But, look, I really,
really had to-
- Do something better, right?
- Well, kind of.
No, not like that!
Come on, no, no, no, I
don't mean it like that.
- Go away!
You suck, Chris Lilyhammer!
- Jane, just let me talk to
you for a little bit, okay?
- I am gonna count to five.
And if by the time I'm
finished, you are still there,
I am gonna call the front
desk, and I'm gonna complain.
- [Chris] Jane, don't do that.
- One, two, three!
- [Chris] I had to be someplace.
- [Jane] Four!
- All right, fine, if
that's what you want.
- Five!
(groaning and sobbing)
(phone ringing and vibrating)
- [Chris] Jane, please, give
me a chance here. Listen.
- (sighs) I gotta
get outta here.
(melancholy string music)
(phone ringing)
- [Mary] Hello, you've
reached the Lane residence.
If you want to leave
us a message, do so.
(machine beeps)
- Hey, Mom, it's me.
Um, I was just, um, I was
talking to Dad earlier, and, um,
you know, I was really thinking
about what he was saying,
and I think he's right, and um,
I'm really tired.
And um, it's been a really
long last couple days.
And I, I think I'm ready
to come home for a bit
and recharge.
So I will see you guys later.
(melancholy music)
(shop door bells ringing)
- Son of a-
- Can I sit?
- What are you doing here?
- I've been stalking you, haha.
It's the only place that's open.
Everywhere else is
closed for the holidays.
Think I can explain myself now?
- Go ahead.
- I'm not actually in
town for a conference.
I'm here for a job interview.
- Okay?
- I was let go six months ago,
and it's been really rough
out there trying to find work.
So when I had the
opportunity to interview
for the school system out here,
I mean, I jumped at the chance.
- So, today-
- I got the call this morning.
And I promise, I
really didn't think
that it was gonna
take that long.
But the guy, Frank,
the superintendent,
he kept me there
for like four hours.
But I think it went really well.
I mean, he basically
showed me my classroom.
- So, why didn't
you just say that?
- I don't know, I
was embarrassed.
I didn't think that you'd
go with some unemployed bum.
- I'm unemployed.
- Oh. Well, good.
I mean, now I'll have
someone to share my chips
on my couch with
who isn't my dog.
Yeah, it's been kind of bleak.
But I'm here now.
Do you think that
you could forgive me?
- Of course I forgive you.
I get it.
You did what you had to do.
You did you. And I did me.
So where does that leave us?
- Jane, this is us.
- Yeah, I know, that's
a, that's a problem.
Do you know, we were kids
and you embarrassed me.
That sucked.
But you know what
sucked even more
was that you abandoned me,
and it made me feel very small.
And it made me feel
very worthless.
- I know, but Jane,
that was 20 years ago.
I mean, we talked about this.
- Yeah, but you did
it again to me. Today.
And I'm not a kid anymore.
I've been through enough
to know what I want.
And what I want is a true
partner who shows up,
who sees all the
walls that I put up,
and who convinces me
to tear them down,
and who doesn't crush my
exposed heart within 24 hours.
- No, no, I wanna be that guy.
I can be that guy. I'm the guy!
- You say that.
You talk a really
good game, Lilyhammer.
And then, this is all pretend.
I'm done pretending.
- No, I'm done pretending.
I'm pretty sure
pretending is killing me.
- I'm pretty sure
pretending is all we have.
- Oh.
- I think you should go.
(phone ringing and buzzing)
- Hello?
Jane, um, it's Greg,
it's your brother.
He's been in an accident.
- What? Whoa, whoa,
slow down what?
What do you mean? Is he okay?
- Well, he was raking leaves
off the roof and he fell.
- Is he okay, though?
- Yes, but I think you should
come home as soon as you can.
- Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Yes, yes, I need a cab.
Two hours? No, no.
I am aware it's Thanksgiving.
This is an emergency, I need,
are you hearing me?
This is an emergency.
Great, well, thank
you very much.
Thank you for nothing.
Happy holidays.
(Chris honks)
- Jane! Do you need a ride?
Is Greg going to be okay?
- I, I don't know.
How did you just show up?
- Show up?
- Showing up and stalking
are kind of different things.
- I was not stalking.
I was just watching
you from my car
from a distance
like a stalker.
- Are you being funny right now?
- No.
- Do you think that-
- You are deep in
the red, Lilyhammer.
- You looked like
you needed help.
- And, and you had nothing
better to do, so just-
- Look, if it was my choice,
I never would have left.
Ever.
(melancholy, romantic music)
- This doesn't let you
off the hook, you know.
I really don't trust you.
- I'm painfully aware of that.
But you know, there's a lot
worse things in the world
to distrust than a guy
who teaches English
to eighth graders
who's been in love with
you since kindergarten.
- You have not been
in love with me since-
- Jane, that's the one
thing right now, Jane,
that's just really
not up to you.
Why wouldn't I be?
You're Jane Lane.
- Oh, there they are.
- Mom, is he okay?
- He's fine.
- He has a mild concussion
and a broken wrist.
But he's resting in there.
- How did this happen?
He was on a wobbly ladder
holding a rake in one hand.
These things happen.
- No, they don't happen.
Not on Thanksgiving.
You know, the last thing
I did was fight with him.
(Chris sneezes)
- Oh, you brought Chris.
- Hey.
- He was my ride.
- Your ride?
- Yeah, it was the
weirdest thing.
We were both at
the um, the thing.
- [Jane] Greg, where is Greg?
- He's in the other room.
Go ahead and just let
him know you're here.
- Okay.
- I'll stay and
keep Chris company.
(chuckles)
- How are you feeling?
Did you get anything to eat?
Does your wrist hurt?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow
down, one question at a time.
I banged my coconut pretty good.
- Sorry.
What happened?
- Well, you know that
step on the ladder
that isn't really a step?
- Oh my God.
You could've died.
- But I didn't.
- You could've died.
And the last thing that
I would have said to you
was that you were a jerk
who manhandled pastry dough,
and I couldn't live with myself
if that happened, you know?
- Yeah, that would
be awful for you.
- Is that all you wanna say?
- Oh, I'm a little concussed.
I get to say whatever I want.
- Wow, you're the worst.
- Hey, hey, I'm kidding, okay?
I was a jerk who horribly
manhandled that pastry dough.
I'm sorry.
- Wow.
- And if you're serious, I've
had a lot of time to think,
lying here, and I think
I know
that I've been a
little hard on you.
- Oh, Greg. Thank you.
That really means a lot to me.
- Oh, we're family.
We should at least get along
during the holidays, right?
- We should.
So, friends?
- Friends.
On one condition.
- Hmm?
- I get to be the first
one to sign your cast.
(Greg laughs)
We should put this down.
I'm gonna get you
that food, yeah.
Be right back.
- [Chris] Yeah, so my
dog always has her head
stuck out the window
when I'm driving.
- [Mary] Right.
- Which is a compromise, because
she knows I don't like it when
she smokes.
(laughing)
- You two look cozy.
- Chris and I were
having a nice chat.
- Where's Dad?
- Oh, he went to get
us something to eat.
Chris, would you mind calling
and seeing what's keeping him?
Speed dial one.
- Yup, I can do that.
- I like him.
- Yeah, I do, too.
- Is he maybe the
reason you're thinking
of staying in town?
- Mom, no.
I wanna come home.
You were right.
- Oh, oh yeah, that
can be the worst.
- But it doesn't hurt that
Chris is also staying in town.
- Hey, he said he's
just around the corner.
- Oh, did he?
- What's going on in here?
- Oh, come on in.
Here they are.
- Hey!
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Muah, muah, wow,
quite the color.
- It's salmon.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You sticking around this time?
- Trying to.
- I can work with that.
- Guys, I'm standing right here.
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Oh.
Who could this be?
- Well, answer it.
- Hello?
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Why does your
voice sound so weird?
Oh my God, you're here.
How are you here?
- I flew in last night.
You're not the only one
with family in town.
- Oh, now it really is
a happy Thanksgiving.
- That's Chris? Wow.
He grew up good.
- Uh, sitting right here, guys.
- I got something for you.
- Why? You shouldn't have.
- It's Thanksgiving.
- Oh, it's a bus ticket.
- Okay, I know you drive.
It's more symbolic
than anything.
My way of saying that I get
that this is where
you need to be now.
But I'll always be
a bus ride away.
- I love you. Thank you, Daria.
- That works both
ways, you know, Daria.
You know you're
always welcome here.
- Thanks, Mary.
- Let's have a drink.
- Yes, let's do it!
- [Daria] Oh, this is
so good, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Hi, Daria.
- Cheers.
- [All] Cheers! Cheers!
(gentle piano music)
- And what are you thankful
for this year, Jane?
- Oh, my great hair and
killer wit, naturally.
- Oh, you're a geek.
- I'm thankful that my
car broke down last week.
Changed my life, really.
- Aw, you're a sap.
- Yeah, I am.
But it brought me to you.
Plus I got to learn some
wicked vending machine tricks.
So, I got that going for me.
- I guess I'm also thankful
that you were there for me.
- Oh.
- I really don't know how
I could have gotten
through today without you.
- Well, maybe you
wouldn't have to
if you just let me in a little.
- Well, maybe I'd think about it
if you're serious
about sticking around.
- I'm serious.
- You are serious.
(happy music)
- [Chris] Happy
Thanksgiving, Jane.
- [Jane] Happy
Thanksgiving, Chris.