Le jeu (2018) - full transcript


Just a few hours to go

until the moment
everyone's been waiting for,

lying on lounge chairs or on the grass,

eyes glued to the sky.

Tonight, a rare phenomenon will occur.

A total lunar eclipse.

And it certainly is rare.

The next one is expected in 2033,

and one hasn't been seen in France
since 1998.

This is the first sighting
in the 21st century.

As luck would have it,
tonight's weather conditions are ideal.

Many onlookers will attempt
to capture this moment.

To do that, sophisticated equipment
is not necessary.

A regular camera or smartphone
will do the trick.

A word to the wise:
don't be superstitious.

Eclipses are not without risk.

In fact, legend has it
that during lunar eclipses

incredible things can happen.

At the precise moment
the moon is completely hidden,

time is said to stand still,

and your deepest sins are washed away...

Your soul is condemned to be trapped
in limbo for the rest of eternity.

Simply a legend, of course, but--

Enough with the eclipse already!

You look stunning.


How are you getting back?

Oh, no, not the bus. I thought
I'd walk back seeing as I don't live far.

Oh, you're staying over?

Conditions are perfect. Not a cloud…

No way!

Definitely not!

I'll call you back.

You're going out like that?

Yeah, why?

- Where are you going tonight?
- I told you, Zoé's party.

- I don't believe you.
- Don't believe me then.

What is this?

- You searched my bag?
- No.

- I can't believe you went through my bag!
- So what? What is this?

Condoms. It's written on the box.


They're not mine.

- Why are they in your bag?
- Zoé asked me to look after them.

Is that so? And why can't Zoé
keep them herself?

Because her mom is crazy.
She goes through her stuff.

She should make an appointment with you.

- Don't call again!
- I bet they're still up.

She told you she was going
to put them to bed.

Don't be silly. You'll wake them.

- Asleep?
- I can't hear anything.


What do I do?

Hold out the phone, Mom.

Hold it out? What do you mean?

- Like this?
- Exactly.

You need to put them to bed.

It takes time, Charlotte.
They're kids, you know.

Yes, I know. They are mine, you know.

Mom, not too late, please.

Yes, honey, I'll do it now.

Tell your wife I raised kids without her.

- She should watch her tone.
- Yes, I can hear you, Grandma.

Okay, my darlings. Good night!

- Goodnight, Daddy and Mommy.
- Goodnight!

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight, Mom.

Hang on. You went through her bag?


You searched her bag?

Yes... but that's not the point...

- Yes, it is.
- Vincent!

Our daughter is rejecting
the parental structure.

Yes, but that happens to be normal.

But she's 17,
and she's lucky enough to have parents

who are both doctors. We have to help her.

Listen. I totally agree with you.

She needs advice from her mother,
not from a shrink.

Was it always this high up?

How are you?

I'm okay.

- Is Ben here?
- No, not yet.

- Have you met his date?
- No.

- Tiramisu.
- Yes, as usual.

Good, because Vincent's being
creative again. Foie gras in milk...

In milk?

Hi, guys.

Oh, hi!


You made foie gras in milk?

It's a surprise.

You know I'm allergic to lactose.

But not to foie gras?


Answer it.

The dispatcher must need drivers.
But I'm off this weekend.

So don't answer. We have plans.


Dinner at my mom's.

- I'm not kidding.
- I know.

- I was thinking of other plans.
- Oh, yeah?

Show me the wine.
The label looks cheap, no?

No! It's from the wine shop
opposite the salon.

It's biodynamic. Apparently, it's great.

For 25 euros, I should hope so!

- It just needs degassing.
- What?

Shaking it releases the gas.

The wine's not expensive, the gas is.

- Yeah, right.
- What are you doing?

- Removing the price tag.
- For 25 euros, you can leave it on!

Even better, put it on the neck, watch.
Like this.

- "Hello, good evening!"
- Honey...

Stop it.

This elevator takes forever.
Let's take the stairs.

- But it's here!
- Let's race, first one to the top!

Oh, yeah.

So, what do you think?

Well, it's white.


I can't digest sulfites.

- They give me...
- What?


Does it?

It's a good Muscadet.

I totally agree.

- Are you okay? You look a little tired.
- Yes, I know.

Would you top me up?

- What are we having to start?
- It's a surprise.

Here's the surprise. Ben's new girl.

- How's it going?
- Good, yourself?


- Where's Thomas?
- On his way up.

I win.

I'll beat you on the way down.

Hi, you.

Okay, guys...

- Okay.
- How's it going?

- How are you?
- Hey.

- Is he here?
- No, he isn't here yet.

And no, I haven't met her.
Here, give me your jacket.


Do you guys know Ben's date?

- No, we thought you did.
- You look great!

- It'll be a surprise.
- Thanks.

- What?
- It's a surprise.

I like the new color.

- You think so? Thanks.
- I love it.


- Thanks.
- Sure.

- Yeah, you look it.
- Hi!

- Hi, how are you?
- Good, and yourself?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Here. It's biodynamic.
- Really?

Which means what?

- It means it costs a fortune. Look.
- Baby!

- 25.90 a bottle, look!
- No, stop it!

- Better be good then.
- How are you?

- Have some Muscadet.
- It's good.

It's good, but it gives me heartburn.

Can I help?

No, he'll yell at you. It's a surprise.

- Ah, a surprise!
- Yes.

He cooked foie gras in milk.

It's my cooking class birthday gift.

A secret starter and a main dish.

- It's a surprise.
- It smells good.

What's wrong?

You didn't have to share your gift.

It was for you.

But it's your favorite dish, with a twist.

- Are you okay? You look a bit tired.
- Yes, apparently so.

Stop by the salon. My boss is on holiday,
I'll give you a free facial.

- I'd love to, but Saturday's for the kids.
- Go on, my mother can look after them.

No. You go.


My wife isn't waxing your bikini line!

Ah, no. Marco waxes his chest.

- What?
- You wax your chest?

That's just great.

- And you let him?
- I don't have a choice!

And he uses moisturizer.

Why are you telling everyone?

Wait, we've known each other for 35 years,

and we just find out you wax your chest?

- And uses moisturizer.
- Must be so soft.

No, I don't wax.
I shave occasionally, that's it.

The moisturizer is for a hereditary
problem from my father's side.

Very dry skin.

He's all dried out!

- Many men use moisturizers.
- There's nothing wrong with it.

It's not funny!

Lots of men do that, don't they?

- What do you think Ben's date looks like?
- No idea, but be cool.

It's his first girl since the divorce.
Don't scare her off.

Enough pistachios. There's tons of food.
You'll be full.

- I can see him with an older woman.
- Totally, that's his thing.

- Like a MIFL, but even older.
- It's MILF.

- That's what I said.
- You said MIFL.

What's that?

A MILF? Much older than you.


This wine has a weird taste.
Almost like Coke.

Darn, we didn't degas it!

I was thinking "dump it."


- 28A23.
- Is it Ben?

I've given it to you loads of times.
See you in a sec.


They're here.

- Hi.
- But...



You're alone?

Oh, that...

Stomach flu.

- Oh, no!
- So she's not coming?

Not with stomach flu.

- No MILF.
- What a shame.

- That means more food for us.
- Vincent!

It's going around.

So should I stay or...

- Of course, come in!
- Sorry, come on in.


Here, Vincent.

- What happened?
- She's sick.

- Did you have a fight?
- No.

I hope these aren't biodynamic.

They had a fight.

No, we didn't!

I'll take it.

Marie, what's on the menu?

Don't worry, you won't be disappointed.

How old did you say she was?

- I didn't.
- He didn't.

Guys, we agreed.
No jokes about Ben's new girlfriend.

It's fine. She's not here.

I'm here. What were the jokes?

We wondered what she looks like.
Tall, short...

- Brunette, blonde...
- Silver gray...

Silver gray?
You see me with an old woman?

Not necessarily.
But you do like women that are a bit...

A little what?

Silver gray.

- No.
- Don't deny it.

How old was your ex, Catherine?

Don't say "was." She's not dead.

- She could be.
- Stop teasing him.

It's your turn, my arm hurts.

Okay, so now you're making jokes
about Ben's ex?

No, it's not that...

Actually, she deserves it.

- Try the pistachio in the olive.
- Pistachios--

Stop eating! I've made lots of food.
You'll be full. It's not funny.

What did you make?

It's a surprise.

Ever wonder why you like old women?

I don't like old women!

Lots of old women like younger men.
Like Madonna.

It's true. Maybe it's her.

- Who?
- Ben's date could be Madonna.

No way.

I can't see Madonna
having the stomach flu.

Why not?

- Come for a smoke?
- I don't smoke.

So? Come on.

I can picture you guys
with the stomach flu, but not Madonna.

Thanks. Charming.

This wine's a pain. It better be good.

So who's this girl?

Is it serious?

I don't know.

- What do you mean you don't know?
- Maybe.

- So who's this girl?
- Do we know her?


- Are you in love?
- I don't know.

You are!

- Look at him!
- How can I know?

I know.

If you call her for more
than 30 minutes a day, you're in love.

And the day you stop calling,
you're married.

- Yes.
- That's not true.

What's so funny?


Girl talk.

Girl talk?

- Am I intruding?
- No, of course not.

Are going to taste this wine then?

Maybe we shook it too much.

So when do we meet her?

Some other time. I'll be back.

- So?
- I'm not sure.

- Where's he going?
- Stomach flu.

That's very tasteful.

- What's he doing?
- Did you wash your hands?

- Picture time.
- Oh, no, Ben, no pictures.


I bought this gadget.

You have tons of pictures.

Especially since third grade.
It might be our only eclipse picture.

He's right. Plus, I think it's so pretty.

I've never seen one.

Strange things can happen during eclipses.

Are you really looking
at all the pictures?

Yeah. I even made a hodge-podge.

A what?

- A "hodge-podge"?
- Yeah.

Did he say "hodge-podge"?

Do people still say that?

The last time we said "later," we forgot.

- Come on!
- It takes three seconds.

You're right.
Last time, we didn't take one.

Come on!

- One...
- We did, but in a jiffy.



Ah! Kitchen!

- Too late!
- No!

The starter is hot, guys. Hop to it.



We'll take it later.

I don't see how it's easier
to sell breast implants than shoes.

There's different shapes and sizes...

Some women want round ones,
some pear-shaped.

Flat-as-a-pancake ones...

What a liar!

So a guy wants a size 11.

But you only have a ten in stock.

- You try anyway.
- Do you manage?

It depends. Sometimes you can give him
a little stocking so it glides on.

Or if it's too big, you give him
a thick pair of socks.

I've seen guys limp out the door.

You lie to people?

I saw something hilarious.

You sell implants in pairs?

I buy them in pairs,
but I don't sell them by pair.

- I saw something hilarious.
- You buy them in pairs?

Me too, I saw something hilarious.

Yeah, but there are guys who work...

Wait a minute, Ben has a funny story.

This old guy has an attack on the bus.
He hits the deck.

They try to save him, but he's dead.

I hope the ending is funny.

It is. And... Because...

They try to reanimate him, but they can't.

What's that thing that beeps?

An electrocardiograph.

- Yeah, the electrocardiogram...
- Not "gram," "graph."

Whatever. It just beeps continuously.

- Not a good sign.
- No.

And then, suddenly, "Beep, beep, beep."

Everyone is relieved.
The wife stops crying.

But no.

It's the old guy's phone,
receiving text messages.

They start to hope.
They massage the heart again.

The wife starts crying again.


Meanwhile, the beeping continues.

The wife freaks out.

At each beep she thinks he's alive,
so she grabs the phone to switch it off.

And she looks at it.

And then... kaboom!


- Go on.
- She reads the texts.

She looks at what he was receiving.

She realizes that her husband
had a mistress

who was sexting him.

Kinky text messages.

- No idea what those are.
- Don't deny it, you send me loads.

Be quiet!

And so the old lady is widowed
and two-timed all at once.

That's it?


That's revolting.

You did say that it was going to be
a funny story.

Yeah, but... it's not funny?

Hang on, his phone wasn't locked?

I guess not.

How stupid can you be?


You have to be stupid to not lock
your phone, especially if you're cheating.

Well, that's reassuring.
You lock yours, don't you?

Of course I do...

Everybody does. Don't you?

No, not everybody does.

The guy on the bus didn't.

- No, he definitely didn't.
- That's why he's stupid.

I don't lock mine.

- Me neither.
- You don't?

No, I don't. We're a "no-lock" couple.

- We don't lock ours.
- I can see that.

So... how are the oysters?

Not bad.

- They're warm. It's unusual.
- Less cold.

- Is there still an oil slick in Brittany?
- For God's sake, it's squid ink.

- I thought you loved oysters.
- Yeah, but they give me mouth sores.

They're oysters!

Why didn't you say so?

- I like the capers.
- Well, next time I'll only do capers.

- Capers au gratin.
- Stop it.

You've only cooked things I can't eat.

You can't eat anything.

What do you eat?

I eat everything.

At home, my mother cooks.
I eat everything.

Yes, he eats everything mommy makes.

You like water?

Water, sure.

I don't like the taste,
but I can drink it.

Mobile phones have become
the black box of couples, don't you think?

Why do you say that?

I was thinking of Ben's story.

Imagine the number of divorces

if everybody went snooping
through their partner's phone.

If you've got nothing to hide...

Go on then, let's see yours.

My what?

Your phone. Show me.

But it's personal.

Make up your mind. You just said it's not
a problem if you've nothing to hide.


But if I show you mine, you show me yours.

Look, their hands are shaking.


So, Léa, Thomas can look
through your phone?

I don't even lock mine.

Yeah, and I'm not nosy.

And you? You'd show yours to Vincent?

I don't want to know
what's in her phone. I don't care.

You don't care?

No, I don't.

But if you want to see mine, no problem.

Just photos of fake tits
and fat liposuctioned butts.


- It's just work.
- Show me.

It's confidential.

- Come on, he saw, show me!
- It's medical privacy.

He said, "Medical privacy."

Let's play a game.

- A game?
- Since we have nothing to hide,

we could put all of our phones
on the table,

and anything received this evening,

e-mails, texts, calls...

all that social network stuff...

We look at everything together
and read everything out loud.

It'll be lots of fun.

Fun? I doubt that. It's not fun at all.

She's right, sounds like fun to me.
I'm in.


There we go.

- Come on!
- Come on!


Stop with the games. The last time
we played Trivial Pursuit, we fought.

Seriously, it'll be fun.

- Yeah!
- No, it won't be fun at all.

Why are you being so stubborn?



Should I assume you're hiding something?


I'm totally serious.


- You don't have to.
- There you go.


Once we've had enough, we can stop.

It's fun. Like a modern version

of "Truth or Dare" when we were kids.

Come on, honey.

- Honey?
- Yes!

Hell, we must be an old couple
if you're saying honey!

- If it makes you happy.
- Yes, it does.

If you're happy, I'm happy.

Personally, I think this is pretty tacky.


This is a dinner party.

Is that why you always place yours
face down?

I see.

Very well.


Face up this time.

I love it!

Me too.

- Margot!
- Hi, Margot.

- Well, I'm off.
- You'll catch cold like that.

I keep telling her that.

Can I talk to you?

- She's grown up!
- I'm right here.

Actually, can you come with me, please?

I'll be right back.

- Let's go.
- His daughter gives the orders.

She's got him wrapped around her finger.

What's up?

Could you give me some money
for tonight?

- Couldn't you have asked me in there?
- You know I hate asking in front of Mom.

- Ben, pass me your plate.
- No, hang on.

- But you like this stuff.
- Marie!

What's with these oysters?

The best is yet to come.

- Pâté in milk.
- No, it's foie gras.

Stop! Someone got a message!

It's yours.

"I want your body."

Who is it?

I don't know!

I knew this was a bad idea.
We should stop right now.

- Who is it?
- Leave it!

The number's not saved in my phone.
It's a mistake.

It's the same number!

- No.
- Answer it!

I don't know who it is!

Answer and you'll find out.

Put it on speakerphone.

Hello, who is this?

Hey, who is this?

Hello? Answer, because...
I don't care, I'm hanging up.

No, you won't!

Hang on.

I hear breathing. Someone's there.

Hey, we can hear you.

Answer, or else!


What the hell is this?

Answer, damn it.


Thomas, darling...

He's such an ass.

You're such a...

That'll teach him
to make fun of my oysters.

Oh, Thomas, I want to see you naked,
completely naked!

I knew it was him.

I knew it.

Him and his dumb-ass jokes!

No, but... This game's no good.

I already said so.

Can I have my phone back?
I need to go.

Of course. Thanks, honey.

You could say goodbye.

Sure. Bye.


She isn't always like this.

No... tonight she's being nice.

Don't worry, you'll know what to do.

- "You'll know what to do?"
- Yes.

Are you pregnant?

No, but we're working on it.

Quite actively.

Very actively.

I think kids are
a "choice of convenience."

Children, convenient?

I don't think you realize
what you're saying.

I do. Socially, it's very convenient.

You get married, you have kids.
You fit the mold.

No questions asked.

I don't want a child just to fit the mold.

I have my reasons.

Name one.

I don't know, there are lots of them.

For a couple, it's an achievement.

Sorry to tell you this,
but that's even worse.

That means that neither of you
can be truly happy

because your happiness
depends on another.

That's harsh, Ben.

Yes, I'm harsh.

I want my happiness to depend on me.


It's selfish, I know.
Then I'll die selfish.

And alone.

I know the day she tells me
I'm going to be a father, I'll...

I'll cry.

My love!

Wait until she's 17 and talks back to you.

That's when you'll cry.

No way.

It's my sister. What do I do?

Answer it!

It's the whole point of the game.

Put it on speakerphone.

You're on speakerphone!

- He's such a pain!
- Ben!

On speakerphone? Turn it off, please.

- I can't.
- Why not?

We're playing a game.

- Hello, Laurence.
- Hi, Laurence.

Hi, everyone.

Forget it, I'll call you tomorrow.

If it's about the job in Nantes,
tell your friend that I'm not interested.

We'll discuss it tomorrow. Bye.

Shit, I messed up.

- We noticed.
- Sorry.

What's this job in Nantes?

Some friend told Laurence
about a teaching job in a private school.

Why don't you want it?

It's far away.

It's not exactly Shanghai!

I'd love to live by the sea.

Is Nantes by the sea?

Yeah, more or less.

You want me to move far away?


- Yep!
- Oh, pumpkin.

Thanks for your concern,
but I've sent my CV to loads of places.

Something will crop up.

They can't fire you like that.
If you sue them, you'll win.

They didn't fire me.

They didn't renew my contract.

Did they give you a reason?

I think they want a new gym teacher.

They want someone younger, I think.

It's fine. I'll figure it out...
without having to go to Nantes.

I'll find something else.

Wait, they're not done.

Yes, we are!

But you haven't even started.

It was great. Thanks.

- Do you need a hand?
- No, I'm fine.

You okay?


You're drunk!

I'm not drunk!

It's pretty tense between you two.

Did something happen?

Yeah, 15 years of marriage.

We can't talk to each other
without fighting.

How do you do it?

Do what?

Get along.

Have a taste.

- No.
- Go on, taste it.

- I can't, there's milk in it.
- I made yours without milk. Taste it.

- I'll have one bite.
- Go on.

- It's hot!
- No, it isn't.


- It's hot!
- Yeah, but it's good.

- It is. Did you add capers?
- No.

You should.


Seriously, you and Marie...

what's your secret?

I play it by ear.

And sometimes I don't.

Pass me the dish.

- What's this?
- Broccoli purée.

Here it comes!

- What's that?
- Foie gras in milk.

Don't start yet.
The side dish isn't ready yet.

It's mine!

It's my father.

Hi, Dad.

How are you, sweetheart?

Good. We're having dinner with friends.

I'l be quick. I just spoke to Weiss.
He can operate on you next month.

I'll send you his number.

Thanks, Dad.

- Kiss Mom for me?
- Yes.

- Bye, sweetheart.
- Bye.

What's up?

What's this operation?

It's nothing serious.

It's an augmentation mammoplasty.

I'm having my boobs done.

I need wine.

You? A boob job?

Yes... me.

Why? You're a shrink.

So what?

She's right.

Therapists don't get boob jobs.

Yeah, it's weird.

What do they get done?



Why not, if I want to?

That's the problem.

You shouldn't want to.

You're a shrink!

Yeah, as a shrink, you should
accept your body, right?


A woman who gets her boobs done
doesn't accept herself?


Listen, I accept my entire body,
except my breasts.

Why isn't Vincent doing the operation?

I bet you have to pay the other guy.

Because Daddy wants what's best
for his precious little girl.

Dr. Weiss of Geneva, surgeon to the stars!

Not me, who sucks fat
from cashiers and hairdressers.

Her father dreamed she'd marry
a cardiologist, a neurologist...

Here we go again
with your ridiculous complex.

Am I wrong?

A husband can't operate
on his wife's breasts.

It's obvious.

You wouldn't come to me for therapy.

You don't even believe in what I do.

I don't disagree.

- Stop it.
- In fact, our jobs have a lot in common.

You fix heads, I fix asses and tits.
All to make people feel better.

Except with you, it takes years.
With me, two hours.

I agree, it's not as chic,
but it is faster.

Calm down! It's just the broccoli.

Wait... There's no more...
I'll get more wine.

Anyone want more white? Yes?

All right, I'll get it.


We're stopping at McDonald's afterwards.

Benoît, I have a small problem.

I need your help.

When you use my full name,
it's not a good sign.

No, don't worry, it's no big deal.

Well, kind of.

Okay... I have friend.
Every night, she sends me...


A photo of her.

- I see.
- No, you don't.

- I can imagine.
- No!

It's not what you think.
It's a private joke. Just for laughs.

- For laughs? Okay.
- Yeah.

I bet your wife won't laugh.

Precisely. That's where you come in.

I don't follow.

We have the same phone.

We swap them until I get the photo.

Then I'm the sleazebag. Thanks.

- What do you care? You're single.
- No, I'm not!

I'm not single anymore.

Tonight, you are.

I barely know this girl.
I've never met her.


We've been friends since third grade.

You have to help me.

Charlotte is also my friend.

Not for as long, but still...
It makes me uncomfortable.


I'm asking to help avoid a disaster
and you're uncomfortable?

A family torn apart,
kids being shunted back and forth.

Screaming and crying, thanks to who?

Mister Uncomfortable.

What kind of photo?

It's nothing... really.

Come on, Ben.

- No.
- What?


- Ben?
- No, no way.



Come back!

Let's rent a yurt.

- A yurt?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Or we could go to Normandy.

- No, I've had enough of...
- Let's do something different for once!

- Rain jackets in August, no thanks.
- What do you want me to do in a yurt?

Wait, I'll serve you.

But... staying in a yurt
is a fun activity.

We can have fun elsewhere.

How about a cruise on a canal boat?

- What the hell am I going to do there?
- Great idea!

But Marie gets seasick.

If I'm pregnant this summer, so will I.

I didn't get enough bread,
but usually you guys never eat it all.

Usually, we eat everything else.

What's up?

I don't know if I can tell you.

But Charlotte,
you know you can tell me anything.

Yeah. You're right.

Here it is.

Your husband...

Your husband is seeing a shrink!

- Vincent?
- Yes.

Don't say a word.
I swore to Marco I wouldn't tell you.

That's me!

Steve Jobs?

It's mine!

Steve Jobs.

It's okay, it's just work.

Well, answer it.

Answer it.

I told you, it's work.

It'll be boring and long, it's not...

If we start cheating, I'm out.


Somebody's suspicious.


Hello, Jean-Yves?

Mrs. Courtois?

Yes. Good evening, Jean-Yves.

Good evening, Mrs. Courtois.

I'm sorry to call so late,
but I'm on holiday tomorrow.

Your computer is ready.

- Thank you so much.
- I'll leave it at reception.

Perfect. I'll get it Monday.

- Yes.
- And...

Enjoy your holiday. Where are you going?

To the beach with my wife.
It's the honeymoon we never had.

Good luck.

Yes, thanks.

Bye now.

There you go. Happy now?

Steve Jobs?

He's the IT guy.

Zidane sounded wrong.

Speaking of football...
"Pascal: game tomorrow."

Yup. I got it too.

I got the same.

We're playing tomorrow?
I didn't get anything.

- Maybe you don't have any signal.
- Yeah, it's pretty weak here.

Who's your provider?

You kicked me off the team?

- Don't look at me.
- Of course not!

You really are assholes.

You only call me when you need
a goalkeeper. I'm the only pro here.


I'm a gym teacher, aren't I?

Of course.

Reboot the phone. That might help.

Or hold it higher.
You might pick up the network.


- "Carole Dispatcher."
- Not again!

"Call me. Super urgent!!!"

With three exclamation marks!

Who is this Carole

who you have to call back super urgently?

The taxi dispatcher.

"Car needed at the corner of St. Paul's
in ten minutes."

Well, call her back then.

That's the game, isn't it?
I had to answer Steve Jobs.

Time-out. Really...

No, there is no time-out!

- She'll ruin our weekend. Seriously.
- Yeah, exactly.

- You're all cheating. I'm done.
- Hey!

Come on, Marco.

If she needs me to work,
I'll have to leave right now.

- You see?
- Okay, time-out.

Too bad. We wanted to meet Carole.

With three exclamation marks.
Pass the bread?

Honestly, you'd all have been

She's really trashy.

Horrible tattoos with fake boobs.

Thanks a lot!

What I mean is...

Shit, sorry. I...

They're not just fake...

I mean, they're fake,

but they're...

Hers are...

they're too fake.

What's wrong with him?

Stomach flu?

Are you ready? Go! One two, one two...

What are you doing?

It's a new app. "Fizz Up."

A 20-week training program.

Twenty seconds whenever it beeps.

Do you lose 20 kilos?

No, eight.

That's a rip off!

Twenty weeks? When did you start?


Sorry, I have no choice. Every beep.

Even at night?

If it beeps, yes.

Just turn it off. Who will know?

See you later.

No, I can't.

I don't cheat.

- I would, if I were you.
- Me too.

Twenty weeks, day and night,
what a nightmare.

You know, with liposuction,
you can sleep at night.

I don't like needles.

I want to be a credible gym teacher.

And then maybe the football texts
won't get lost anymore.

Does your app know
how much foie gras you ate?

Quality food isn't fattening.

Well, in that case, help yourself!

I'm such an idiot!

At least it's not biodynamic.
It would burn a hole.

Come to the kitchen.

Don't worry about it.

- No, it'll stain.
- I'll just change shirts.

Come on. It'll stain if I don't wet it.

- Okay.
- Come on.

She's so clumsy.

Bye-bye, tailor-made shirt!

It's done.


No! I said no.

Too late.

I said no!

Hey! This summer...

white water rafting in Ardèche.

- Don't be silly, Marco. You can't swim.
- True.

I'm so clumsy.

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you tell me?

About what?

About the shrink.

Who is it? Do I know them?


How long have you been going?

Six months.

Are you mad?


Yes, a little.

What made you decide?

I don't know...

Lots of things.

We can't become like Ken and Barbie.

You, with plastic tits,
and me, with no balls.

I'll go and get changed.

Kiss me before you eat that.

It's good. Taste it.

- It's good.
- No, it smells weird.


- It's heavy and fatty.
- It's fatty?

Oh, yeah, very fatty.
Really hard to digest.

- Everything okay, Marie?
- Yeah, he's just changing his shirt.

- Is it good?
- Yeah, it's great.

It's good, but it's a little...

It's a bit too fatty for me.

- Whose is it?
- It's yours, Ben.

- A photo!
- "X"?

Who's "X"?

- How mysterious.
- Yeah, who is this "X"?

Just a work colleague
from St. Genevieve's.

She's not a teacher, she's a...

She works in admin,
but she's not tenured.

I think she's in training.

And... she sends me photos... sometimes.

Not... not very often.

Let's see.

No, they're boring. I never open them.

Come on. Play the game, Ben.
Show us the picture.

- Show us the picture!
- We all want to see the photo!

Even he doesn't look at them.

Yeah, but we can look at it all together.

- Show us!
- It's the rules!

Show us!

- Show us the picture.
- Show us!

Holy shit!

- Oh, wow!
- You'll break it.

Show us what's on your phone!

Oh, boy!

- What?
- Way to go, "X"!

Show us!

You naughty boy!

Look, how flexible she is!

Show us!

- Look how flexible she is!
- Yeah, I saw.

Show me!


No, it's not for girls.

Don't look. Vincent, come here!

It's your specialty. Vincent!

Let me see!

- I want your opinion, what do you think?
- Holy cow!

Come on, show us!

I don't even know which way up it goes.

- Let us see!
- It's not for girls!

- Charlotte!
- They're going wild. Take it!

They're insane!

Oh, my goodness!

- This girl was your date tonight?
- No, that's not her.

That's disgusting.

Show Marco!

I saw it, Charlotte.

How do you even do that?

That's impossible to do
with the stomach flu.

I can't even do it.

Definitely risky, in my medical opinion.

Who is this "X"?

- Isn't this fun?
- Nice.

Who is this "X"?

It's a private joke. For laughs.

I just love your sense of humor.

- To "X"!
- To X-Woman!

I don't know her, but I like her.


- Will you try that for me?
- Come on, Marco!


To "X."

Whose is it?


- What's with that ridiculous ringtone?
- I don't know.

The kids must have been playing with it.

It's... Julien. How nice.
He's asking how I am.

Not very interesting.

But nice.


But who is Julien?

Julien is a work colleague,
like your Jean-Yves.

He's in the legal department.
A really nice guy.

You met at the office party.

You even spoke to him.

You did!

I don't remember.

That's the problem.

You never remember. It's not easy.

And why does he want to know
how you are?

At this hour?


we argued this afternoon
over a stupid accounting issue.

Which is it?

Stupid or nice?

Nice and stupid. Okay?

It can be both, you know.

I'll tell him I'm at dinner with friends
and we'll talk on Monday.

- No big deal.
- Hang on...

Why tell him where you are? Who cares?

He's a guy from work you barely know.

Just tell him you're sleeping.

If you want to make up, don't lie.

Especially when it's only 9:30 p.m.
It sounds fishy.

Very odd.

Who cares? He can tell the truth.

Yeah, I'll tell the truth.


- Ben!
- This guy's insane!

What happened to privacy?

It used to be, "Hi, how are you?"

Now it's, "Hi, where are you?"
Who cares where we are?

Leave us alone!

Ben's right. He just asked how I was.


Where you are is your business.

Those things are the death of privacy.

We're willing victims,
losing our free will little by little.

I totally agree with you.

In fact, I won't answer him.

- There.
- No, you won't answer!

Because you are free!

Whose is that?

It's Vincent's.

Vincent. SMS.

I have an e-mail!

Okay, but Vincent goes first.




There's 30% off at the garden store
and I can't go.

What an idiot.

Your turn, Charlotte.

No, wait!

- Chill out!
- He's crazy.

"Cyril says, 'Read last e-mail.'"

It's Siri, not Cyril.

I found one e-mail at 9:39 p.m.

Senior Residence retirement home
sent you an e-mail

regarding your application.

It reads: "Madam, we confirm receipt
of your application

to the Les Lilas residence for seniors.

We will contact you shortly

so you can take advantage
of the first free month

upon confirmation of becoming a resident.

Caroline Agranier,
Director of Les Lilas Senior Residence."

Would you like to reply?

- Would you like to reply?
- No.


A senior residence?

Who are these crazy people?

Sending e-mails at this hour.

What is it?

A nursing home?

I don't know.

Yes, I do!

Not last weekend, but last week,
I went there with a friend,

a work colleague,
who wanted to move her mother there.

So, I took a look around,

and it was... so beautiful.

I guess I asked for information.


Because they mentioned an application.

You'd send my mother to a home?

- It's not a home, okay?
- I don't care.

- It's a residence.
- Stop it!

This woman adores you.

She manages everything, despite her hip.

The house, the kids...

- Yeah.
- Everything.

And in return, she gets room and board.

So what?
You want me to ask my mother to pay rent?

Well, it's...

- Yes.
- Thomas!

And why not?

She gets a pension.

You know what we save each year
on babysitters thanks to her?

You have no idea. But if you want,
we can do things differently.

But in that case, no more ski holidays.

Shoot, not the ski holiday!

At least admit it's not the same
with her living at home!

"Not the same"? In what way?

In what way?

Let me see...

I can think of one in particular.

Great! Go ahead.

Stop this.

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.


- Yes.
- No!

Yes, you do.

I don't get it.

- You do!
- I don't.




Okay, I get it.

You think because my mother
is living with us,

that's the reason
we don't do that anymore?

Yes, indeed I do.

It's true, that subconsciously,
the proximity of the mother...

can have a castrating effect.

- It's common knowledge.
- Castrating.

I can confirm. Castrating...

Yeah, but, you know...

I, for example, love my mother-in-law,
but I could never live with her.

Same here.

Even if my mother paid rent,
no way.

Those modern nursing homes are great.

It's not a nursing home!

Yes, I know. Sorry.



Be honest. Your mother is a little...

I mean, she isn't very...

I mean...

- You know her, she's your mother.
- Yes, but I'm not following you.

Marco, when I was a kid, she scared me.

- Exactly.
- She hit me harder than my own father.

Those hands... That beard...

I adore her. Everyone does.

But you have to admit
she's a champion ball-buster.

You too?

No, but honestly...

You say it yourself.

She does have her temper...

There we go.

Amen! Thank you.

Picture time?

Oh, yeah, the photo!

No, only Ben gets to take his phone.
The others stay on the table.


You told me you didn't have any space.
You take too many pictures.

Léa, can we use your phone?


You take too many pictures.

- Will it fit on your stick?
- Yeah.

A spot opens up and you get an e-mail!
A new resident!

- Exactly, it's always full!
- They've got it down.


Old people are the future.

Squeeze together so we see the eclipse.





- What does he want at this hour?
- I don't know.

- Who is it?
- It's her ex. Léa, what does he want?

I don't know, he just said, "Hi."

- Come on, let's take this picture!
- Her ex?

One, two...

Thomas, smile!

Calm down.
I don't give a shit about that guy.

- Okay, let's go.
- It's her ex?

- Yes, it's her ex.
- Come on.


two, three...

Why did you save him
by his first name, Yvan?"

That's his name.
How else would I save him?

First name, last name,
like everybody else.

Oh, baby...

You saved my brother as Pascal Auclair.

You didn't put "brother-in-law" or Paco.

Let it go. It's her ex.
What does "ex" mean?

It means "ex."

- Yeah.
- Or "sex."

- He's unbelievable.
- Come on!

In my opinion, exes are... dangerous.

- Let's take the picture.
- Let's go.

Especially if you dumped him.
It's his ego talking, not his heart.

Okay... one...

Who dumped who?

I dumped him. There.

So, it's his ego. He won't give up.

Stop it. I know what you're up to.

- Are we taking this picture or not?
- It's up to Ben.

Ben, are you ready?

He's kidding, right?

Let's go. One, two...

Smile, Thomas!

I'm cool. The guy's harmless.


Are we taking this picture?

One, two, three...


Son of a bitch!

I swear, I'll kill him.

I don't care. He's dead.

- My love...
- I'll kill him!

It's not what you think.

What is this text?

It's not me he wants to...

So what is it? A group text?

So what is it?

Stop laughing, damn it!

- He's right, it's not very nice.
- Okay, I'm listening.

Yvan has been seeing this girl
for a few months.

It's just sex for her.
So he pretends it's the same for him.

- So what? I don't get it.
- Well...

He pretends he doesn't care,
but the truth is he's crazy about her.

He doesn't know how to tell her.
It's making him sick as a dog.

He should call a vet, not my wife.

Marco, stop laughing!

Honestly... baby...

Come back here, we're taking the picture!

We'll do it later.

A vet!

What's wrong with you?

Why are you losing it over Yvan?

What about the picture?

We'll never take it.

I'll call him now.

You don't have to. I don't give a shit.

- I do.
- If you think I'm jealous, then you're...

Less than an hour before the moon
completely disappears.

Many are getting ready…

Thanks for calling. Sorry to bother you,
but it was urgent.

- Did she call?
- She invited me over.

Don't go. It'll be worse.

It can't be any worse. I'm obsessed.

It's making me sick, physically sick.

I think I'll go.

Why did you call me
if you've already decided to go?

Who else can I call?

Okay, well...
I don't know what to tell you, Yvan.

Well... enjoy your evening.


Okay. Bye.


Does he call often?

- Occasionally.
- Meaning?

- Whenever he's in the mood to...
- I get it. Thanks.

When he calls me in tears,
what should I do? Hang up on him?

I don't give a shit.
Give him Marie's number.

He needs a shrink, not his ex.

Here's the cheese platter.
Come sit down.


You're really a pain.

I thought you were allergic to milk?

I know medically it's weird,
but I'm not allergic to cheese.

Maybe it's the fermentation process or...

Medically speaking,
the diagnosis is simple.

You're annoying.

You're wrong.

- Yes, you are.
- That's not it.

- Charlotte, what are you... I'll do it.
- What?

- I'll do it, sit down.
- I'm fine.

I'll clear the dishes.

Sit down.

- Honestly.
- I'm fine!

Let me tell you something.
Your Yvan...

wants to fuck you.

But... that's ridiculous.

I'm not in contact with any of my exes.

They don't want to talk to you.

Stop. I'm being serious.

If it bothers you this much, I'll tell him
to stop calling. Is that better?

Yes, it would be.

Oh... I think it's absurd

you can't talk to a friend
because your husband doesn't trust you.

What? That has nothing to do with it!
I trust her.

I don't trust him.

I know these kinds of guys.
I can sniff them out.

- He's a horndog.
- Why do you say that?

- He seems perfectly nice.
- He is.

Is he the one who lives in Nantes?

Isn't that where you dream of living?

He's right!

You said so when we dicussed Ben's job.

You said you'd love to live there,
that Nantes was a great city. Explain!

Fine, but it may be painful for you.

Are you sure you want the truth?

Yes, I'm sure.

Your two best friends
are just messing with you.

No, he doesn't live in Nantes, baby!

You assholes.

You're such a jerk.

Oh, no! That's full of germs!

- I'm sorry, my love.
- Have some cheese.

Yes! Cheese!

The guy says, "I started a business."

His friend says, "What kind?
You suck at everything."

He says, "I invented this thing
that turns shit into butter."

That's not it!

Let me finish!

- Stop it!
- There's no punchline.

- It's a joke.
- Phone!

It's Margot.

So answer.

Hi, honey. Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Can I talk to you?

Sure, I'm listening.

I don't know how to say this,
but Tristan's parents are out tonight.

He wants me to leave the party
and go home with him.

Just the two of us.


Well, you...

You get it?


And how do you feel?

I don't know what to do.

Because I wasn't expecting it.

Well, not tonight, in any case.

And... the thing is, if I say no,
it'll make it awkward between us.

What do I do?

If you're only going to avoid
making things awkward...

then don't go.

You have to be sure.

I... don't know what to do.

Because this morning,
when you gave me the box of condoms,

I was really uncomfortable.

You don't necessarily
have to use them tonight.

I think that you sensed it.

And Mom totally missed it, as usual.


Yes, honey.

What do I do?

You know...

it's not easy for a father
to advise his daughter on...

on something so important.

If it was just about me, I'd say,

"Don't do it.

Don't ever do it.

Stay my little girl forever."

But that's impossible.

So, you need to decide for yourself.

You'll never forget that moment.

So make sure it's a good memory.

It may sound corny, but...

there's only one first time.

So if deep down,

you're not sure,

don't do it.

There will be other moments, believe me.


Thanks for being there.

Mom would have just yelled at me.

She never understands anything.

She never listens to me anyway.

Of course she listens to you, but...

You know, it's not easy for her either.

She sometimes feels like
you don't understand her either.

I think you love her too much
to see how annoying she really is.

Okay, he's here. I'm hanging up.

- Margot.
- Thanks.

You did really well.

Your shrink seems to be helping.

It's okay.

I know you all know.

It's true, you did really well.

Oh, yeah, it's yours.

Oh, yeah.


He's pretty insistent.

What did he say?

He said, "Answer me!"

So answer. Let's get it over with.


Marco, answer him.

- We agreed not to.
- Enough, Ben.

You made your point.

Marco, answer him. Period.

I am. "I'm out with friends.
See you Monday."

When I was little, my mother would...

- You prick.
- What?

He's calling you a prick.

Why is he being so agressive?

I have no idea. How should I know?

He's the prick.

What can I say?


Go on then, ask him. He's calling.

Go on, answer.

No, he's a pain in the ass.



You can drop the fake laryngitis.

If you were really sick,
you wouldn't be out.

I get it. Don't answer.

You want to know what your problem is?
You're not sure you're into men.

So fuck off.

You don't actually think...

Guys, this is crazy!

You're scaring me.

He's gay and he took a liking to me.

I can't help it. It's awkward,
but there's nothing I can do.

Did something happen with this guy?

Did something happen?

- Yes or no?
- Enough of this bullshit.

Charlotte. I told you,
this guy is fantasizing.

Help me out, guys, please.

- Tell her.
- Yeah, it is true that fags--

I mean, gays, always think straight guys
are a little gay, without knowing it.

And... so...

They try their luck.

That's a pretty homophobic statement.

You don't just suddenly wake up gay.
There are precursory signs.

That's what I meant.

I remember, when he was a kid,
he often wore a dress to school.

Cut it out.

Ben, aren't I right?


Did something happen with this guy?

Charlotte, we've been married
for 15 years. It's me, your husband.

Don't you recognize me?

Charlotte, look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me, Charlotte!

Seriously, can you see me with a guy?

Can you? Yes or no?

Nothing's going on with this guy.

I swear on our children's lives.



He says he misses your lips.

He swore on my children's lives.

I married a monster.

A monster!

I'm at a loss for words.

Don't say anything. It's better.

Excuse me?

What's with the tone?

- Are you going to start too?
- Nope.

Ben, pass the salad.

You have a problem?

No. I don't have a problem.

The cheese was very good.

Stop it, Thomas.

He's still the same guy,
your buddy you share everything with.

No, not everything, thank goodness!

Cut the crap, Thomas.

It's fine with me.
I have nothing against it.

He's a free man.

- You have nothing against it?
- Relax.

What's the real issue?

That you didn't know,
or that I might be a fag?

Stop saying "gay". It doesn't work
in your meathead mouth.

- In my what mouth?
- Meathead.

Say that again.

- In my what mouth?
- Thomas, calm down!

- You want me to apologize?
- Yes, calm down.

I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

He's lied to us for 35 years
and no one cares but me?

If that makes me a meathead,
fine with me.

...the earth's shadow is covering it.

A rare phenomenon, where the moon
is at its closest point to the earth,

perfectly aligned with the sun.

Fag, fag, fag...

I'm allowed to say it. He's my husband.

Maybe he's telling the truth.
Maybe his colleague is fantasizing.

Lots of my patients have those fantasies.

Just because he waxes his chest
doesn't mean...

How stupid are you?

He misses his lips!

It couldn't be clearer.

How long has it been going on?

- You're being ridiculous.
- How long has it been going on?

Tell me.

Not long.

Okay, please...


And before him?

- What?
- How many before him?


Thanks for dinner.

Why now?

Come on, we're leaving.

Good idea.

We can check on the kids,

since you swore on their lives.

Charlotte, please, come with me.


You can go home.

I'm staying here.

- Charlotte.
- Charlotte's staying right here.


- Who knows a Max Jewelry?
- It's mine. Leave it, Chacha.

Leave it.

Hello, Tom?

Yup, I'll pass you over.

No, don't do that! Don't!

She's crazy.

Yeah, Max?

Don't you listen to your messages?
I've left you at least ten.

Yeah, I know, but it's a bit complicated
tonight. I'll call you back.

I was getting paranoid.
I thought it was about the necklace.

Did she like it?

Yeah, she loved it.

I love it.

- I told you to trust me.
- Yeah.

It's not gold, but...

Yeah, listen, can I call you later?
This isn't a good time.

- Bye.
- Oh, okay.

What about the earrings?
Did she like the earrings?

Can I call you later?

- You don't sound too sure.
- Listen, I'll call you back. Bye.

Who liked the earrings?

No one.

What do you mean, "no one"?
Who were they for?

For you.

Where are they?

I don't even have pierced ears.

Yeah, I know.
That's why I never gave them to you.

We should stop this game.



She never gives up.

Are the earrings for her?
Miss Dispatcher?

Sweetheart, she wants me to work.

That's it.

No, give me that.

Give me the phone, Léa!

Put it down.

- Are the earrings for her?
- Put it down.

Come here. Give it to me.

- Hello, Tom?
- Give it to me!



My love, I need to see you soon.

I'm freaking out. I bought a test
from the pharmacy and I got a blue X.

The box says that it's "positive."

"Positive" means we're pregnant, right?

Oh, no.


Darling? Tom?

Can you hear me? Hello?

My love!


Okay, go ahead.

It's okay, let it out.

- Forgive me, sweetheart, I...
- Fuck off! Asshole!

Chacha, don't close the door!

Open up, Chacha!

My love. Léa!

Get lost, Thomas!

I'm sorry, my love.

That bitch is pregnant
and I'm the one vomiting.

Léa, please, open the door. Léa.

But why?


We just got married.
We have sex every day.

We're happy.

- Why?
- I don't know why.

I told you to get lost!

I didn't want to get married.

You told me we'd be happy. I trusted you.

Why the hell is Carole involved
with her big tits?

Go away, Thomas!

It's me, Charlotte. Open up.

You can get lost too!

Open it.

I told you to fuck off.

You got a Facebook message.

Someone wants to know
if you're wearing panties.

I don't know him.

We've never met.

I've never met him, Marco!


I swear.

On our children's lives?

It's a game.
We send each other occasional messages.

Games must be in fashion.

I told you, I don't know him.
We've never even spoken.

Call him. It seems like a good time.

I can't call him.

I can't call him here, right now.

He has a life, a family...

And you don't?

I told you, it's nothing... really!

Well... It's virtual.

If it's nothing, just call him.

He gave you his number.

In March, for God's sake.
That's over six months ago.

We've never called each other.

Well, now you can finally meet.

- You're a jackass.
- Hello?

- Charlotte?
- Speak.

- No.
- Is that you?

- No.
- I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have messaged you.


Yes, it's me.

What a surprise.

I want to meet you.

We had decided against it.

But if you've changed your mind, we could.

No, you're right.
I don't think it's a good idea.

It's better that we don't meet.

Sorry, but I have to hang up.

Just one more second.

You have a lovely voice.

Just so I know...

are you?

Am I what?

- Are you wearing panties or not?
- Marco...

Why the hell do you care?

If you're a fag.

That doesn't stop me being curious.

- Panties or no panties?
- Stop it.

- Yes or no?
- Stop it, Marco!

- Stop.
- Stop it.


Now you know.

If you don't love me anymore,
why don't you leave me?

Why don't you leave me?

I'm the fag.


The fag.

It's me.

With a capital F.


I'm allowed to say it. It's me.

I told you it wasn't a good idea
to swap phones.

By the way, I'm sorry, Doctor,
but I never had any precursory signs.

There were never any dresses
that fit me.

Don't say it. You don't have to.


Is that why they fired you?

What do you think?

They can't do that.

You can't let them.

Look at how you reacted tonight.

Now imagine my colleagues
at St. Genevieve's.

Not to mention my parents.

It would be nice...

It would be nice to meet Julien.

I don't think so.

I've gotten used to your jokes
since third grade.

But I'm afraid he'll feel uneasy
at the first funny look.

And I don't want him to feel uneasy.

When you love someone, you protect them.


Open up.

Léa, answer me.

My love!

Léa, answer! Open the door!

Help me out.
She locked herself in and won't answer.

- Léa, open the door. Answer!
- What's going on?


- Move aside.
- Wait...

Shit, my capsulitis!


- Sweetheart, answer me, please.
- Stand aside.


Are you okay, my love?

Léa, please answer me.


Your mom called.
I told her you're going to be a dad.

She's overjoyed.


You're right.
Keep your Julien to yourself.

Go after her.



If you swapped phones,

"X" sent that picture to you.

Who is she?

No one.

She's virtual, like your Facebook guy.

What's happened to us?



I win.

- I told you I'd beat you on the way down.
- Congratulations, my love.

Don't call my mother at this hour.

She didn't take them clubbing!

Put that phone away.

Couldn't you wait to get home?


That's it. The eclipse is over.

It was pretty though.

It was pretty, but the food was awful.

Foie gras in milk. He's crazy.

- The eclipse was nice, wasn't it?
- Yeah.

We don't need a taxi.
Will you drop us off, Thomas?

Why didn't I buy a Smart, like Ben?

Smarts don't make good taxis.

I'll send you the photo.

Oh, yeah. Like you always do.

We want to meet your new girl.

Right, what's her name again?

- Julie.
- Say hi for us.

Let's go. The meter's on.

Let me know if we play tomorrow.

I didn't get a text, so I doubt it.

But I'll let you know.


She never gives up!

- The dispatcher?
- Yeah!

She wants me to work weekends.

She's out of her mind.

Oh, shit, a parking ticket.

- I told you.
- It's a disabled spot.

Why? There are no disabled people here.
It's a myth.


Too bad we didn't play that phone game.

It could have been fun.


I doubt that.

I don't care what's in your phone.

In love, as in friendship,
some things are best kept secret.

These stickers never come off!

Oh, I just want to get home.

Thomas, the kids!

Shit. I can't get it off.

Damn it!


Are you ready? Go!

One, two. One, two...