Le dindon (2019) - full transcript
A man's wife plays him for a fool.
foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
---
...that our organism
views
as an unwelcome foreign body.
THE FOOL
Madam!
Madam!
Listen to me!
Go away!
You're hurting me.
The police...
I don't mean to harm you.
Far from it.
Out!
Don't say that.
You're totally mad.
Mad for you.
One look and it was love.
You must've noticed me.
A woman notices
when she's followed.
I don't know you.
Neither do I.
Let's change that, Françoise.
Victoire.
Thank you, Victoire.
How dare you?
You told me your name.
I'm a respectable woman, sir.
I love respectable women.
My husband...
A husband?
Indeed.
Forget that fool.
My husband, a fool?
Attractive women
always marry fools.
Fine.
Let's see how the fool reacts.
René!
Nasty name.
So ugly.
René!
Yes, dear?
Damn, Vatelin!
Sorry, I was on the phone.
Vatelin!
Pontagnac!
- Sorry.
- It's nothing.
I'm so sorry.
It keeps falling.
It isn't broken.
Never mind.
Good as new.
How are you?
Very well.
What a nice surprise.
A surprise?
This is my place.
A nice surprise for you!
You know each other?
Yes.
Edouard de Pontagnac.
A tennis pal.
The old club...
Edouard, my wife, Victoire.
Delighted to meet you.
Introducing him may be unwise.
Why?
He seduces every woman he sees.
Every one.
Every one?
How upsetting to discover
one is part of a crowd.
He's exaggerating.
You must disdain us ladies.
By the way...
A man keeps following me.
Following you?
For a week.
Women think they're followed but...
No, I know her.
I believe her.
- He follows me.
- Discreetly.
Says who?
Just supposing.
Paris is full of perverts!
We're overrun by them!
How annoying.
I'd kill the rat!
So would I.
That'll be easy.
Why look at me?
You know him.
I do?
Not at all.
You do.
Brown hair, short...
Really, I don't see who.
You know him?
Very well.
What's his name?
How should I know?
You do...
His name's Pon... Pon...
Ponpon?
Ponta...
Ponta what?
Pontawhat, maybe.
Pontagnac.
Just like...
Edouard?
The same name?
It's him following me.
You?
Ok, I admit it.
It was me.
Muggins.
Don't be upset!
I knew who she was.
So I thought,
"I'll pretend to follow her
and, the day I meet her,
we'll have a laugh."
Poppycock.
You had no idea.
Let it be a lesson to you.
She's a friend's wife.
Learn from it.
Really, it's...
Fancy a drink?
Lovely.
Whisky? Martini?
Martini.
Tell me...
You're not angry?
Me? Not at all.
I have faith in my wife.
But I'd hate to look a fool.
Not at all.
But you know I know.
I know you know I know.
We know we know we know.
So, I don't look a fool.
Obviously.
If anyone should be upset,
you should.
Me?
Not at all, it's a joy to see you.
I'm glad I could help.
You have one thing to do.
What?
Apologize to my wife.
Of course.
Victoire...
I am truly
sorry.
Apology accepted.
You bachelors are all alike.
- He's married.
- No?
He is.
You're married?
Yes. A little.
Aren't you ashamed?
You know,
you end up in front of the mayor
somehow.
You answer "I do"
to be polite
and then find you're married.
For life.
Unforgivable.
Marrying?
No, behaving this way.
What does your wife say?
Frankly,
I don't keep her informed.
I pity her.
So do I.
Every time I cheat.
You must pity her a lot.
Never enough.
We should invite her over.
Well, no...
That's impossible because of...
her rheumatism.
She's crippled.
She never goes out.
When she does,
she's in a bathchair drawn by a mule.
Drawn by Emile?
No, a mule.
A mule?
How awful.
Poor woman.
We'll visit her.
Impossible.
You see, she's not in Paris.
She's currently...
pottering in the country.
With her mule.
Right.
The country air does her good.
Leave her there.
Excuse me...
An art dealer is here
to see Mr Vatelin.
My Pollock.
I've bought a Pollock.
600 francs.
Cheap. Is it signed?
Yes, it's signed Polack.
But the dealer swears
it's a fake signature.
With Polack removed,
I have a Pollock.
Show him to my office.
I'll be right back.
You'll give me your opinion
as a man of taste.
Good idea!
Mr Vatelin, hello!
Where is my wonder?
This way, please.
Yes, indeed.
Ready?
Should I step back?
A connoisseur.
Pollock
rocks.
It's such a thrill.
It's colourful.
Very.
Every colour.
I must have seemed ridiculous.
You think so?
You tease me.
What were you hoping for?
Good Lord...
What any man hopes for
following a woman.
You're frank.
If I said I wanted your views
on world peace,
you wouldn't believe me.
Very funny.
One does one's best.
What can I say?
My temperament is a curse.
I have women in my blood!
Lucky you have one.
My wife, yes.
She's charming
but has been for a while.
And it shows.
So...
when I meet
an enchanting creature...
That's enough now.
Admit it...
You love another.
What an oaf.
A woman can't be faithful?
She must love another?
I find it hard to believe
you actually love René.
How dare you?
Step back.
Do as I say.
- I'm fond of him.
- Clearly.
But he can't inspire passion.
He's my husband.
So we agree.
- Not at all.
- We do.
A woman in love
truly loves.
It's not a matter of fidelity.
Marrying is easy.
To be a lover, you need passion.
A lover is the artist of love.
A husband is its clerk.
Let me guess.
You're an artist of love, then?
Indeed I am.
I'm lucky. René is both.
- It's rare.
- It suits me.
If he doesn't play the artist...
But if he did...
That'd be different.
I'd get my revenge.
As I said recently...
Excuse me.
To whom?
Ernest.
You can help me.
Hello, Victoire.
Meet my husband's friend,
Ernest Rédiop, a music student.
Delighted.
His father was prime minister
of the Central African Republic.
René handles his business.
Ernest,
you know me...
Aren't I a model wife
who would never be unfaithful?
Why do you ask?
He wants to know.
He wants to know...
A charming topic.
I was joking.
So, you're an old,
very old friend of René's,
but we've never met.
I met him 20 minutes ago.
Even better.
Is René in?
Yes, with a Pollock.
Lost in spatters.
Wait here.
Pardon me?
Did you speak?
Not at all.
- Forgive me.
- No harm done.
I'm sorry to interrupt...
René wants you to see his Pollock.
Does he really?
Really. That way.
This gentleman too?
He's no connaisseur.
Yes, indeed...
Profusion.
Presence.
What's wrong?
You're prowling.
Is it Pontagnac?
Ponta...
As if I care.
- I'd say so.
- Not at all.
- Is he after you?
- Yes.
Bravo!
You think you're alone?
It's different with me.
I love you.
Maybe he does too.
After 10 minutes?
20.
Stop quibbling.
He's been following me
a week now.
No?
Yes.
You promised you'd be only mine.
But only if...
Why can't that slug René cheat?
You talk of love?
Absolutely!
Why not?
It's not my fault love wakes...
the animal.
It's a while since we heard of it.
Have it put down.
I can't hurt animals.
Put it on a leash at least.
I do that.
But it's strong...
Wild...
When the animal wins,
I take it for a walk.
Lovely.
Forget that.
There's only one for me.
No one but you.
René will see us.
So?
Let him.
It's a major work...
Again?
I find him on the floor every time.
I've always loved rolling on the floor.
So, rather than stand up...
I roll around.
How are you?
Not bad.
Edouard de Pontagnac,
Ernest Rédiop.
We've been introduced.
Did you like his painting?
He loved it.
He said,
"No museum has one like this."
Right?
Yes, indeed.
Thank God.
I have other paintings...
No!
Save some for next time.
Pity your wife isn't here
to see my Pollock.
Yes...
It's non-stop.
That's rheumatism for you.
The bathchair...
Ernest... Whisky? Martini?
Nothing, thanks.
Hello. Mrs Vatelin?
Yes.
Clothilde de Pontagnac.
His wife?
Yes, not his mother!
Come in.
My wife!
She's not away?
No.
She's cured.
Right. I'll explain later
but if she asks anything,
say what I say.
Say what I say.
Gentlemen...
Forgive the interruption.
Darling!
What a nice surprise!
I was just leaving.
Say goodbye to everyone
and let's go.
Certainly not.
Yes.
Really. Leave her be.
I'll leave her.
Ma'am...
Delighted.
There?
A cushion...
Thank you.
Sorry to turn up unannounced.
On the contrary.
My husband always talks about you.
How kind.
Indeed.
He loves you.
I'm almost jealous.
The same every day.
Always off
to the Vatelins'.
Every evening too.
Every day.
Darling, they know I come here.
René...
You know I come every day.
Yes.
This is where we met.
You see.
When he comes here,
every day,
we talk about you.
Really?
And, believe me,
we'd have invited you long ago
if you weren't away.
Away?
How do you mean?
Away where? Why?
What?
Who said she was away?
But...
Oh, yes...
I said away...
But it's really no way
to be away...
Anywhere.
It's no way to be away
anywhere.
Don't worry.
I know mobility isn't easy for you.
He mentioned your condition.
My condition?
Yes, your rheumatism.
No, that's you.
Me?
No, you.
You use a wheelchair.
René,
no need to be so vain with my wife.
We know you have rheumatism.
Yes, that's right.
Me too.
No, not "too".
May I see your painting again?
I missed things.
Good idea.
No!
Let me help you.
Gently...
I sat too long.
- Are you ok?
- So-so.
Don't overdo it.
It's rheumatism, not piles!
Frankly, madam,
they're making fun of me.
Frankly, yes.
A little.
Male bonding
deserves some female solidarity.
Yes, they are.
I knew it!
He'd never been here
until he followed a woman.
A woman?
His friend's wife.
Me.
After following me
in a manner I'd call...
- The pig!
- Well said.
I knew it!
I swear...
I'll have him followed.
I'll catch him in the act.
And then...
And then?
You'll see!
I'm young, pretty.
I'll snap my fingers...
Right!
I won't be picky.
The first idiot along.
You, for instance.
If you like.
Me?
Name and address.
Ernest Rédiop.
25, Rue Boyer.
Again.
Ernest Rédiop.
25, Rue Boyer.
Excellent.
Mr Rédiop,
if I catch my husband, I'm yours.
It's crazy, I could get lucky.
So, finished viewing the painting?
Happy now?
It's totally unique.
Indeed.
We've been getting acquainted.
We talked a lot about you.
This young man
has seen you often
and likes you a lot.
That's kind.
A lady is here for Mr Vatelin.
Who?
She's in your office.
Very good.
I see you're a busy man.
A social call?
She's a client.
She's not here to see the man.
But the notary.
I should hope so.
I'll soon deal with her.
Right.
We'll be going now.
Thank you so much.
I'll go with you.
- I'll be right back.
- No need.
Edouard, are you coming?
I'm coming.
Madam...
New York?
For good?
But your husband?
I haven't left him.
I left America,
crossed the ocean for you,
and you ask why I'm here?
Say you love me.
When I arrived, I wrote a letter.
But I wanted to see you.
So I threw the letter away...
I have a place for us.
48, Rue Rockerpain.
Roquépine.
I'm married.
Yes.
In New York,
you said you were sinful.
No, single.
Same difference!
No, not at all.
A single man isn't always sinful...
It's impossible.
No, Suzy.
Get out!
Quiet, my wife will hear.
I'll kill myself!
Suzy, my little Suzy...
Don't do it.
I told you I can't.
All right, I'll come.
Wayne!
Right here.
No, Mr Wayne!
Your husband's here?
Stop him.
Let me in!
Let go of me, sir!
Not great.
A cuckoo?
Not a cuckoo, a cuckold.
She's cheating on me.
It's not me.
Nothing.
"I'm in Paris.
We can love again.
My husband
has a business dinner tonight.
Meet me at 48, Rue Rockerpain."
Roquépine.
That's the name.
"I'll be waiting."
No name...
When you know the lover's name,
you imagine them.
I hired a detective.
I'll have her followed
and I'll catch them.
Her...
and her "love".
The bastard.
Bastard.
You're my notary here.
Prepare the papers.
I'm in a hurry.
Mr Wayne!
My friend. I'll see you out.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm in a hurry.
Don't mind me.
There you are.
Who's that oaf?
A New York client.
Why're you here?
I forgot my newspaper.
Just the man.
You're used to this...
Do you know a discreet hotel
where I could...
Cheat on your wife?
It's complicated.
You little devil.
Try the Ultimus.
A nice bar, sauna, jacuzzi...
In case.
Several handy exits.
- What'll you tell your wife?
- No idea.
I often travel for work.
A will reading?
Good idea.
In Cannes. A client just died.
How lucky!
I'll fetch my newspaper.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
Edouard...
You're back.
- I have to tell you...
- What?
What is it?
How can I put it?
I'm in shock.
You said you'd never cheat first
on your husband.
Yes.
Well, this evening,
at the Hotel Ultimus,
your husband will be with a woman.
Liar.
I'm a liar?
He's about to say
he has to go to Cannes
to read a will.
Impossible. Not René.
Darling...
A stroke of bad luck.
Really? What is it?
I have to leave Paris tonight.
A client just died. In Cannes.
Can't you send Jean?
No, impossible.
His wife, the widow,
insists that I should open the will.
You know...
All right.
Off you go, darling.
I'm really sorry.
Forgive me.
Believe me now?
I thought he was faithful.
He's like all the others.
Fine, let's wait for tonight.
If I have proof,
I'll get revenge in the hour!
Victoire...
See you tonight.
I've come as you asked.
Now, it's over.
Hotel Ultimus...
No kissing.
You're mean.
You move fast.
What's your name?
Ernest.
That's cute.
- Sit on my lap.
- Already?
Yes, already.
- Victoire, I want you!
- My name's Jacqueline.
I prefer Victoire.
Victoire...
You remind me of a client...
Not at all.
Victoire...
Is it you?
No, I'm Jacqueline.
You don't have to reply!
You're a chatty one.
I love to chat. I chatter away...
That tickles, you devil.
Could you...
Hold on.
Could you vacate the room?
Of course.
You're the only one.
Off you go.
Sorry, we have to change.
Ok, a new room.
I don't have long.
- What?
- 30 minutes.
- What?
- Then I'm busy.
You'll leave me high and dry?
I have an American at 11.
- Every time...
- Come to my place.
Your place?
I have a place.
What do I tell him?
Your mom's ill,
that always works.
It's mean.
Not at all.
It's not mean.
Mean, but tempting.
The hotel was renovated last year.
Fabric walls are all the rage.
Wait till you see the headboard
by a contemporary artist.
Just a second...
Sorry, Jacqueline,
this room's guests are here.
We're going. Tell Mr...
Vatelin.
René?
Your room's ready.
Holy cow, he's Congolese!
Sorry?
Could you repeat that?
Let's go.
I must compliment you, my dear.
I'd swap my wife for you.
What?
It's all right,
she's as deaf as a post.
Please...
Don't mind me.
Your husband told us.
Not at all! Him neither.
It's a matter of habit.
I'm used to it.
25 years now.
We're off to the Opera
for our anniversary.
The Opera?
She's deaf.
She enjoys the ballet,
but says it needs music.
Right, muffin?
You think ballets need music.
Much better now.
It was the train.
She has gastric problems.
Not to worry.
I'm a cavalry veterinarian.
Wonderful.
Ready, Ernest?
Sir...
Enchanted, miss.
Delighted, my boy.
Likewise.
I must tell you.
My father's best friend
is called Vatelin.
Since we're confiding in each other,
my father's best friend was called
Van Basten.
Ernest, can we go?
Sir.
Madam.
Muffin...
They're saying goodbye.
Bye, miss.
Bye, sir.
Nice couple.
Let's hurry now.
Drat, my bag.
Let me.
Thanks, kitten.
I'll be all night.
Cancel my Yank.
Say my mom's sick.
Ok.
Shall we go?
Coming.
See you later.
Hello, Victor.
The Vatelins' room?
I put them in 11.
Give me 12.
Yes, it's free.
I live nearby.
Just a second.
I'll make you dance.
I can't wait.
That's the wrong bag.
What a rump!
If I can help...
You bet you can!
Wait, not so fast.
Let go. Ma'am!
Go on, call her.
Ma'am!
- Is she deaf?
- As a post!
Calmed down now?
Yes.
Can you ask reception
to bring my bag?
That one isn't mine.
If you don't mind.
Hello, miss.
Ma'am.
Let's go, muffin.
- She's sweet.
- Very.
Very sweet!
Sir?
Looking for something?
What am I looking for?
A woman.
She isn't here.
She isn't?
She told me earlier by phone,
"Meet me at the Ultimus, room 11."
I'm sure of the room.
But the Ultimus...
Maybe she said another hotel.
Intercontinental?
Right.
But this is room 11?
And this
is room 12?
Yes.
This is 11 and she's not here.
Good night, miss.
Goodbye, sir.
The coast is clear!
This is it?
This is the place.
It's horrible.
The swine.
There we go.
You can watch?
If it's pretty.
Shut up, I can't!
It's worse with my eyes closed!
I don't want to see!
Do you want to catch him?
I'm not doing this for fun.
This is torture.
Don't worry.
I can shorten the ordeal.
What's that?
Him...
And...
Her.
One ring, we don't move.
Two rings, we've got them!
Ingenious!
No, just brilliant.
Ma'am, wait!
I explained already!
The room is occupied!
- By who?
- Mr Vatelin.
"Hotel Ultimus, room 11.
Wait for me. René Vatelin."
Here.
The bitch is here.
A crease.
Here's your room.
This is Mr and Mrs Vatelin's room.
Good, I am Mr Va...
Sorry?
I'm Mr Va... in.
What?
I'm Mr Vatelin.
But the other guests...
Reception made a mistake.
Mr and Mrs Van de Broeck.
Confusing, but clear.
Counsellor.
Their room is number 59,
but I put them in 11.
Perfect. Thank you.
I'll let them know.
Mr Vatelin...
- Looking for a woman?
- I have what I need.
I'm not offering one.
A lady was asking for you.
She's here.
Already?
Is that all?
I can't kiss you?
I've come as you asked.
I didn't want a scandal.
But it's all over between us.
I'm not sweet.
I'm angry, violent even.
- You?
- Yes, I beat women.
You're funny!
Stay back or I'll hit you.
You'd hit me?
You bet.
Just try.
You wanna hit me?
That says it all.
I'm going.
Let me out.
Fine.
I'll kilt myself.
Kilt yourself then!
What's that?
Arsenic!
Give me that!
I'll do what you want.
- I don't believe you.
- I swear.
So you me love?
Of course.
I you love.
You me love.
We us love.
You him love...
God, this hotel's noisy.
The second bell!
Sorry.
No harm done.
Just a minute.
René!
Why're you here?
I was at reception.
I heard, "Vatelin, room 11."
I came here for a girl.
Her mother's sick.
Poor thing.
The detective's coming here.
The detective?
The one tailing my wife.
She's not here.
I don't smoke.
Why are you shaking?
Are you sick?
Look, it's an arm.
I see.
Whose pretty arm is that,
you sly devil?
It's not a local arm.
Your wife's?
Your wife's... my wife's.
My wife
who's here.
It's not your wife's.
It's your mistress's.
Yes, my mistress's.
My mistress...
And she stays there, Mr Wayne!
A drink now.
Why are you here?
I took the wrong bag.
And why are you here?
I missed my flight.
I'll explain over a drink.
I don't really have time.
I insist!
- So, your flight...
- I missed it.
- And your friend...
- Mr Wayne.
Delighted.
- You met at Orly?
- He's a client.
Of course.
What do you mean?
- Nothing.
- What?
I'll say nothing.
What?
Ernest! What do you mean?
Nearly there.
Come on, muffin.
Calm down.
She's there!
Where is he?
Stop moaning, it'll pass, muffin.
Damn colic.
Good, my bag's here.
More of them.
God...
Better now?
Go to bed.
Help me.
How many are they?
Four?
Counting René.
Four at once?
Such vigour.
I'll do your medicine.
I'll do your medicine.
Yes.
Laudanum.
Laudanum.
One,
two, three...
Who's ringing bells this late?
It's getting on my nerves!
Cut it out!
It's a real pain.
Two now. Incredible!
Is it a contest?
Sir, what's going on?
- You're ringing.
- Me?
Stop ringing
or you'll wake everyone.
I'm ringing?
You see me ringing?
But, sir...
Get the hell out!
The ringing's in the bed.
Is this some joke?
I bet one's under my wife.
Muffin...
What is it? What's wrong?
Gently with your wife.
I knew it!
What kind of hotel is this?
Get out!
Give me back my wife.
Out with you!
Leave us be!
Sorry for the bother.
What a hotel!
What did they all want?
I was feeling better.
It's not even his room.
We get odd guests.
What are these bells?
No idea.
He's my client.
Not that kind of client!
A notary's client.
What's up?
Mr Rédiop, I won't tell your dad.
Stay!
- Your dad won't know.
- One for the road.
Who moved the bar?
Long live America!
It's back again.
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
What?
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
I can't understand
with the light behind you.
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
Yes, that'll help.
Be right back.
Evening.
Evening, Counsellor.
One, one, one, one.
Wayne sticks like glue!
Sorry.
You American women have huge feet.
Here, sir.
Beddy-byes, Suzy.
Careful, muffin,
it's really hot.
You crook!
Who are you?
Bastard!
Let go!
Darling!
He was in bed with my wife!
It's not what you think.
Where're you going?
Damn gigolo!
Victoire!
Where are you?
Fancy...
Well?
Convinced now?
If my husband asks
who I cheat with, tell him.
Why bother?
With his best client's son!
Ernest Rédiop!
The bitch!
Victoire!
Here's her "love"!
Where's my wife?
Your wife?
- Tell me!
- Me?
What's that?
My wife!
I have what I need.
Let go of me.
Good night.
It's not what you think!
That really hurts.
Help.
How can anyone get in such a state?
- What is it?
- Nothing.
Why stand there?
I hate seeing you
wear yourself out.
Get off my back.
I'm just saying what I have to say.
Your props.
Thank you.
Sorry, he's senile.
He's senile...
Kissing bothers you.
No...
I'll see you again?
Yes.
Sure.
You're all nice until morning.
Look at you. Drink this.
Drink!
What is it?
Coke, to wake him up.
Be nice to him, miss.
He's just a boy of 25.
Unlike me.
- I'll go.
- I'm out.
As if I didn't know.
I'm here to see Ernest Rédiop.
He's out.
Let me in!
- What are you doing?
- I have to go.
You can see he isn't here.
Tell him Victoire Vatelin called.
The Madam Vatelin?
Yes.
That's different.
Wait here.
I took you for a floozy.
What?
Ernest, Madam Vatelin's here!
What?
Madam Vatelin.
Get rid of the girl.
Understood.
Victoire...
- Do you know?
- No.
If I'm here, you can guess.
What?
Miss!
I'm not decent.
Perfect.
I caught my husband with a woman.
A woman? Are you sure?
Of course.
So you're here to...
I keep my word.
- Right now?
- Yes!
Of course.
There.
Thank you.
A drink?
No.
Take my card.
Call me.
Having you here beside me,
only for me...
I'm flustered.
Yes, really, it's quite...
That's all?
No, that's not all.
Victoire...
I'm in heaven.
Well, I'm certainly not.
Victoire...
- Where was I?
- "Victoire..."
Is "Victoire" all you can say?
Try to understand.
It's unexpected.
All this happiness...
It's too much.
Come back tomorrow.
It's better.
No, René's on his way.
When he gets here,
I want him to find us.
What?
Why would René come here?
I left a note:
"I can cheat too.
Find me in my lover's arms
at Ernest's at noon."
We nearly made a blunder.
Good job I resisted.
I've done nothing.
Mr Ernest Rédiop, please.
Impossible.
It is possible.
He arranged to meet here.
- It's impossible.
- Let me in!
- Enough!
- Really, ma'am.
Yes, sooner than expected.
But, Mr Rédiop, here I am.
Avenge me, I'm yours.
You too?
Sorry, but you're a little too hasty.
It was arranged with Mr Rédiop.
I was here first.
Perhaps, but I booked him yesterday.
I don't care if you did.
How about asking my opinion?
All right.
Which one of us first?
Yes, which one?
Off the top of my head...
I don't know.
Neither one.
The oaf!
Swine!
There!
- We agreed!
- No.
Ernest!
Ernest!
- Hello.
- Really, sir...
Where is she?
Why's he here?
This is perfect.
What do you mean?
I need an avenger.
Victoire!
What?
Just to fool my husband.
Ok. Where do I go?
- It's a bit...
- Go on.
I know she's here.
Let me in. Victoire!
- Alone?
- As you see.
I'm lost.
- Been here long?
- I just arrived.
Where's Rédiop?
I'm waiting for him.
- What do you want?
- To save you.
I'll snatch you from Rédiop's arms.
By what right?
By what right?
The right conferred
by a night of trouble.
I've been cited twice,
but I'm totally innocent.
Attacked by a husband I don't know
over a woman I don't know.
I even got punched in the face.
By the husband I don't know
over the wife I don't know.
A divorce
because of that scary blue woman.
A stranger.
And you run to another?
He wins and I end up a fool?
No way!
Couldn't you...
Well, yes.
It's true.
Why Rédiop?
That's right. Why?
You proved my husband was unfaithful.
Absolutely!
So you should avenge me.
Really?
Really, yes.
Victoire!
You'd make me so happy!
Am I beautiful like this?
Like it?
You're sublime!
Good. Sit down.
Sorry?
Sit down.
- I thought...
- Sit!
Take off your shirt.
I'm in a singlet...
Take it off!
And now?
Sit here next to me.
I obey.
Why wait?
Take this off.
Do I look silly?
It's ugly.
Like your hair.
Calm down!
I'm not made of stone!
- What did I say?
- Sorry.
Why wait?
Finally! René...
René?
What's he doing here?
René Vatelin?
Go on, take me!
No.
Yes!
Let me in!
No! René!
I don't believe it!
It's not what you think.
Let me explain.
I came to see Rédiop.
Dressed like that?
What's going on?
Why're you here?
I came to see you.
No, you came
to make love to me.
She admits it.
Victoire...
Clothilde? You're here?
I was with my lover too.
Your lover?
Yes.
I'll strangle him.
Where is the coward?
It's me.
The butler?
Sorry, how old are you?
I'm over 18, sir.
I guessed.
I want a divorce.
What did she say?
Edouard, how could you?
Didn't you hear?
She wants a divorce
for an old fart!
Clothilde!
Victoire...
Don't get in such a state.
What a waste.
Come on, René.
I'm suffering, my heart's broken!
I saw them there....
It'll be all right.
For you maybe, not for me.
Another man's wife,
I wouldn't care.
But having mine cheat on me
is just too...
I'll be frank.
She wrote
she'd be in her lover's arms.
You should have guessed!
A cheating wife
doesn't send an invitation.
Really?
It's to make you jealous.
She wants revenge.
This set-up proves it.
You catching her.
Even the man she chose.
Pontagnac...
You're right.
You fell for it.
You're no tactician.
I'm a notary.
True.
Please, talk to my wife.
Say I love only her,
that I'm a faithful husband.
After last night?
Last night?
You've no idea...
That woman's feet!
I never cheated.
Just once, in New York.
After a month alone.
I'm only human.
For me, it was over.
But then...
the American woman turned up.
She threatened suicide.
I gave in out of fear.
A pity Victoire can't hear.
I'm sure she'd believe me.
She'd see my regret
and the love
in my eyes.
She'd put her tiny hand in mine.
And I'd hear her say,
"René, I forgive you."
René, I forgive you.
You hurt me.
So did you.
Victoire, dear, I love you.
I love you too.
I love you both too.
Next time, let me know.
THE FOOL
My condolences, ma'am.
I'm devastated.
It's so sudden.
Heart attacks are like that.
Strolling on the Croisette...
You returned alone.
Gather all the heirs.
In Cannes? That's possible.
What?
Another marriage?
So, out of wedlock?
With the maid?
That's tricky.
Yes, he must be informed.
Done.
I haven't informed him.
Madam...
It's the circle of life.
The circle of life, Jean.
---
...that our organism
views
as an unwelcome foreign body.
THE FOOL
Madam!
Madam!
Listen to me!
Go away!
You're hurting me.
The police...
I don't mean to harm you.
Far from it.
Out!
Don't say that.
You're totally mad.
Mad for you.
One look and it was love.
You must've noticed me.
A woman notices
when she's followed.
I don't know you.
Neither do I.
Let's change that, Françoise.
Victoire.
Thank you, Victoire.
How dare you?
You told me your name.
I'm a respectable woman, sir.
I love respectable women.
My husband...
A husband?
Indeed.
Forget that fool.
My husband, a fool?
Attractive women
always marry fools.
Fine.
Let's see how the fool reacts.
René!
Nasty name.
So ugly.
René!
Yes, dear?
Damn, Vatelin!
Sorry, I was on the phone.
Vatelin!
Pontagnac!
- Sorry.
- It's nothing.
I'm so sorry.
It keeps falling.
It isn't broken.
Never mind.
Good as new.
How are you?
Very well.
What a nice surprise.
A surprise?
This is my place.
A nice surprise for you!
You know each other?
Yes.
Edouard de Pontagnac.
A tennis pal.
The old club...
Edouard, my wife, Victoire.
Delighted to meet you.
Introducing him may be unwise.
Why?
He seduces every woman he sees.
Every one.
Every one?
How upsetting to discover
one is part of a crowd.
He's exaggerating.
You must disdain us ladies.
By the way...
A man keeps following me.
Following you?
For a week.
Women think they're followed but...
No, I know her.
I believe her.
- He follows me.
- Discreetly.
Says who?
Just supposing.
Paris is full of perverts!
We're overrun by them!
How annoying.
I'd kill the rat!
So would I.
That'll be easy.
Why look at me?
You know him.
I do?
Not at all.
You do.
Brown hair, short...
Really, I don't see who.
You know him?
Very well.
What's his name?
How should I know?
You do...
His name's Pon... Pon...
Ponpon?
Ponta...
Ponta what?
Pontawhat, maybe.
Pontagnac.
Just like...
Edouard?
The same name?
It's him following me.
You?
Ok, I admit it.
It was me.
Muggins.
Don't be upset!
I knew who she was.
So I thought,
"I'll pretend to follow her
and, the day I meet her,
we'll have a laugh."
Poppycock.
You had no idea.
Let it be a lesson to you.
She's a friend's wife.
Learn from it.
Really, it's...
Fancy a drink?
Lovely.
Whisky? Martini?
Martini.
Tell me...
You're not angry?
Me? Not at all.
I have faith in my wife.
But I'd hate to look a fool.
Not at all.
But you know I know.
I know you know I know.
We know we know we know.
So, I don't look a fool.
Obviously.
If anyone should be upset,
you should.
Me?
Not at all, it's a joy to see you.
I'm glad I could help.
You have one thing to do.
What?
Apologize to my wife.
Of course.
Victoire...
I am truly
sorry.
Apology accepted.
You bachelors are all alike.
- He's married.
- No?
He is.
You're married?
Yes. A little.
Aren't you ashamed?
You know,
you end up in front of the mayor
somehow.
You answer "I do"
to be polite
and then find you're married.
For life.
Unforgivable.
Marrying?
No, behaving this way.
What does your wife say?
Frankly,
I don't keep her informed.
I pity her.
So do I.
Every time I cheat.
You must pity her a lot.
Never enough.
We should invite her over.
Well, no...
That's impossible because of...
her rheumatism.
She's crippled.
She never goes out.
When she does,
she's in a bathchair drawn by a mule.
Drawn by Emile?
No, a mule.
A mule?
How awful.
Poor woman.
We'll visit her.
Impossible.
You see, she's not in Paris.
She's currently...
pottering in the country.
With her mule.
Right.
The country air does her good.
Leave her there.
Excuse me...
An art dealer is here
to see Mr Vatelin.
My Pollock.
I've bought a Pollock.
600 francs.
Cheap. Is it signed?
Yes, it's signed Polack.
But the dealer swears
it's a fake signature.
With Polack removed,
I have a Pollock.
Show him to my office.
I'll be right back.
You'll give me your opinion
as a man of taste.
Good idea!
Mr Vatelin, hello!
Where is my wonder?
This way, please.
Yes, indeed.
Ready?
Should I step back?
A connoisseur.
Pollock
rocks.
It's such a thrill.
It's colourful.
Very.
Every colour.
I must have seemed ridiculous.
You think so?
You tease me.
What were you hoping for?
Good Lord...
What any man hopes for
following a woman.
You're frank.
If I said I wanted your views
on world peace,
you wouldn't believe me.
Very funny.
One does one's best.
What can I say?
My temperament is a curse.
I have women in my blood!
Lucky you have one.
My wife, yes.
She's charming
but has been for a while.
And it shows.
So...
when I meet
an enchanting creature...
That's enough now.
Admit it...
You love another.
What an oaf.
A woman can't be faithful?
She must love another?
I find it hard to believe
you actually love René.
How dare you?
Step back.
Do as I say.
- I'm fond of him.
- Clearly.
But he can't inspire passion.
He's my husband.
So we agree.
- Not at all.
- We do.
A woman in love
truly loves.
It's not a matter of fidelity.
Marrying is easy.
To be a lover, you need passion.
A lover is the artist of love.
A husband is its clerk.
Let me guess.
You're an artist of love, then?
Indeed I am.
I'm lucky. René is both.
- It's rare.
- It suits me.
If he doesn't play the artist...
But if he did...
That'd be different.
I'd get my revenge.
As I said recently...
Excuse me.
To whom?
Ernest.
You can help me.
Hello, Victoire.
Meet my husband's friend,
Ernest Rédiop, a music student.
Delighted.
His father was prime minister
of the Central African Republic.
René handles his business.
Ernest,
you know me...
Aren't I a model wife
who would never be unfaithful?
Why do you ask?
He wants to know.
He wants to know...
A charming topic.
I was joking.
So, you're an old,
very old friend of René's,
but we've never met.
I met him 20 minutes ago.
Even better.
Is René in?
Yes, with a Pollock.
Lost in spatters.
Wait here.
Pardon me?
Did you speak?
Not at all.
- Forgive me.
- No harm done.
I'm sorry to interrupt...
René wants you to see his Pollock.
Does he really?
Really. That way.
This gentleman too?
He's no connaisseur.
Yes, indeed...
Profusion.
Presence.
What's wrong?
You're prowling.
Is it Pontagnac?
Ponta...
As if I care.
- I'd say so.
- Not at all.
- Is he after you?
- Yes.
Bravo!
You think you're alone?
It's different with me.
I love you.
Maybe he does too.
After 10 minutes?
20.
Stop quibbling.
He's been following me
a week now.
No?
Yes.
You promised you'd be only mine.
But only if...
Why can't that slug René cheat?
You talk of love?
Absolutely!
Why not?
It's not my fault love wakes...
the animal.
It's a while since we heard of it.
Have it put down.
I can't hurt animals.
Put it on a leash at least.
I do that.
But it's strong...
Wild...
When the animal wins,
I take it for a walk.
Lovely.
Forget that.
There's only one for me.
No one but you.
René will see us.
So?
Let him.
It's a major work...
Again?
I find him on the floor every time.
I've always loved rolling on the floor.
So, rather than stand up...
I roll around.
How are you?
Not bad.
Edouard de Pontagnac,
Ernest Rédiop.
We've been introduced.
Did you like his painting?
He loved it.
He said,
"No museum has one like this."
Right?
Yes, indeed.
Thank God.
I have other paintings...
No!
Save some for next time.
Pity your wife isn't here
to see my Pollock.
Yes...
It's non-stop.
That's rheumatism for you.
The bathchair...
Ernest... Whisky? Martini?
Nothing, thanks.
Hello. Mrs Vatelin?
Yes.
Clothilde de Pontagnac.
His wife?
Yes, not his mother!
Come in.
My wife!
She's not away?
No.
She's cured.
Right. I'll explain later
but if she asks anything,
say what I say.
Say what I say.
Gentlemen...
Forgive the interruption.
Darling!
What a nice surprise!
I was just leaving.
Say goodbye to everyone
and let's go.
Certainly not.
Yes.
Really. Leave her be.
I'll leave her.
Ma'am...
Delighted.
There?
A cushion...
Thank you.
Sorry to turn up unannounced.
On the contrary.
My husband always talks about you.
How kind.
Indeed.
He loves you.
I'm almost jealous.
The same every day.
Always off
to the Vatelins'.
Every evening too.
Every day.
Darling, they know I come here.
René...
You know I come every day.
Yes.
This is where we met.
You see.
When he comes here,
every day,
we talk about you.
Really?
And, believe me,
we'd have invited you long ago
if you weren't away.
Away?
How do you mean?
Away where? Why?
What?
Who said she was away?
But...
Oh, yes...
I said away...
But it's really no way
to be away...
Anywhere.
It's no way to be away
anywhere.
Don't worry.
I know mobility isn't easy for you.
He mentioned your condition.
My condition?
Yes, your rheumatism.
No, that's you.
Me?
No, you.
You use a wheelchair.
René,
no need to be so vain with my wife.
We know you have rheumatism.
Yes, that's right.
Me too.
No, not "too".
May I see your painting again?
I missed things.
Good idea.
No!
Let me help you.
Gently...
I sat too long.
- Are you ok?
- So-so.
Don't overdo it.
It's rheumatism, not piles!
Frankly, madam,
they're making fun of me.
Frankly, yes.
A little.
Male bonding
deserves some female solidarity.
Yes, they are.
I knew it!
He'd never been here
until he followed a woman.
A woman?
His friend's wife.
Me.
After following me
in a manner I'd call...
- The pig!
- Well said.
I knew it!
I swear...
I'll have him followed.
I'll catch him in the act.
And then...
And then?
You'll see!
I'm young, pretty.
I'll snap my fingers...
Right!
I won't be picky.
The first idiot along.
You, for instance.
If you like.
Me?
Name and address.
Ernest Rédiop.
25, Rue Boyer.
Again.
Ernest Rédiop.
25, Rue Boyer.
Excellent.
Mr Rédiop,
if I catch my husband, I'm yours.
It's crazy, I could get lucky.
So, finished viewing the painting?
Happy now?
It's totally unique.
Indeed.
We've been getting acquainted.
We talked a lot about you.
This young man
has seen you often
and likes you a lot.
That's kind.
A lady is here for Mr Vatelin.
Who?
She's in your office.
Very good.
I see you're a busy man.
A social call?
She's a client.
She's not here to see the man.
But the notary.
I should hope so.
I'll soon deal with her.
Right.
We'll be going now.
Thank you so much.
I'll go with you.
- I'll be right back.
- No need.
Edouard, are you coming?
I'm coming.
Madam...
New York?
For good?
But your husband?
I haven't left him.
I left America,
crossed the ocean for you,
and you ask why I'm here?
Say you love me.
When I arrived, I wrote a letter.
But I wanted to see you.
So I threw the letter away...
I have a place for us.
48, Rue Rockerpain.
Roquépine.
I'm married.
Yes.
In New York,
you said you were sinful.
No, single.
Same difference!
No, not at all.
A single man isn't always sinful...
It's impossible.
No, Suzy.
Get out!
Quiet, my wife will hear.
I'll kill myself!
Suzy, my little Suzy...
Don't do it.
I told you I can't.
All right, I'll come.
Wayne!
Right here.
No, Mr Wayne!
Your husband's here?
Stop him.
Let me in!
Let go of me, sir!
Not great.
A cuckoo?
Not a cuckoo, a cuckold.
She's cheating on me.
It's not me.
Nothing.
"I'm in Paris.
We can love again.
My husband
has a business dinner tonight.
Meet me at 48, Rue Rockerpain."
Roquépine.
That's the name.
"I'll be waiting."
No name...
When you know the lover's name,
you imagine them.
I hired a detective.
I'll have her followed
and I'll catch them.
Her...
and her "love".
The bastard.
Bastard.
You're my notary here.
Prepare the papers.
I'm in a hurry.
Mr Wayne!
My friend. I'll see you out.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm in a hurry.
Don't mind me.
There you are.
Who's that oaf?
A New York client.
Why're you here?
I forgot my newspaper.
Just the man.
You're used to this...
Do you know a discreet hotel
where I could...
Cheat on your wife?
It's complicated.
You little devil.
Try the Ultimus.
A nice bar, sauna, jacuzzi...
In case.
Several handy exits.
- What'll you tell your wife?
- No idea.
I often travel for work.
A will reading?
Good idea.
In Cannes. A client just died.
How lucky!
I'll fetch my newspaper.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
Edouard...
You're back.
- I have to tell you...
- What?
What is it?
How can I put it?
I'm in shock.
You said you'd never cheat first
on your husband.
Yes.
Well, this evening,
at the Hotel Ultimus,
your husband will be with a woman.
Liar.
I'm a liar?
He's about to say
he has to go to Cannes
to read a will.
Impossible. Not René.
Darling...
A stroke of bad luck.
Really? What is it?
I have to leave Paris tonight.
A client just died. In Cannes.
Can't you send Jean?
No, impossible.
His wife, the widow,
insists that I should open the will.
You know...
All right.
Off you go, darling.
I'm really sorry.
Forgive me.
Believe me now?
I thought he was faithful.
He's like all the others.
Fine, let's wait for tonight.
If I have proof,
I'll get revenge in the hour!
Victoire...
See you tonight.
I've come as you asked.
Now, it's over.
Hotel Ultimus...
No kissing.
You're mean.
You move fast.
What's your name?
Ernest.
That's cute.
- Sit on my lap.
- Already?
Yes, already.
- Victoire, I want you!
- My name's Jacqueline.
I prefer Victoire.
Victoire...
You remind me of a client...
Not at all.
Victoire...
Is it you?
No, I'm Jacqueline.
You don't have to reply!
You're a chatty one.
I love to chat. I chatter away...
That tickles, you devil.
Could you...
Hold on.
Could you vacate the room?
Of course.
You're the only one.
Off you go.
Sorry, we have to change.
Ok, a new room.
I don't have long.
- What?
- 30 minutes.
- What?
- Then I'm busy.
You'll leave me high and dry?
I have an American at 11.
- Every time...
- Come to my place.
Your place?
I have a place.
What do I tell him?
Your mom's ill,
that always works.
It's mean.
Not at all.
It's not mean.
Mean, but tempting.
The hotel was renovated last year.
Fabric walls are all the rage.
Wait till you see the headboard
by a contemporary artist.
Just a second...
Sorry, Jacqueline,
this room's guests are here.
We're going. Tell Mr...
Vatelin.
René?
Your room's ready.
Holy cow, he's Congolese!
Sorry?
Could you repeat that?
Let's go.
I must compliment you, my dear.
I'd swap my wife for you.
What?
It's all right,
she's as deaf as a post.
Please...
Don't mind me.
Your husband told us.
Not at all! Him neither.
It's a matter of habit.
I'm used to it.
25 years now.
We're off to the Opera
for our anniversary.
The Opera?
She's deaf.
She enjoys the ballet,
but says it needs music.
Right, muffin?
You think ballets need music.
Much better now.
It was the train.
She has gastric problems.
Not to worry.
I'm a cavalry veterinarian.
Wonderful.
Ready, Ernest?
Sir...
Enchanted, miss.
Delighted, my boy.
Likewise.
I must tell you.
My father's best friend
is called Vatelin.
Since we're confiding in each other,
my father's best friend was called
Van Basten.
Ernest, can we go?
Sir.
Madam.
Muffin...
They're saying goodbye.
Bye, miss.
Bye, sir.
Nice couple.
Let's hurry now.
Drat, my bag.
Let me.
Thanks, kitten.
I'll be all night.
Cancel my Yank.
Say my mom's sick.
Ok.
Shall we go?
Coming.
See you later.
Hello, Victor.
The Vatelins' room?
I put them in 11.
Give me 12.
Yes, it's free.
I live nearby.
Just a second.
I'll make you dance.
I can't wait.
That's the wrong bag.
What a rump!
If I can help...
You bet you can!
Wait, not so fast.
Let go. Ma'am!
Go on, call her.
Ma'am!
- Is she deaf?
- As a post!
Calmed down now?
Yes.
Can you ask reception
to bring my bag?
That one isn't mine.
If you don't mind.
Hello, miss.
Ma'am.
Let's go, muffin.
- She's sweet.
- Very.
Very sweet!
Sir?
Looking for something?
What am I looking for?
A woman.
She isn't here.
She isn't?
She told me earlier by phone,
"Meet me at the Ultimus, room 11."
I'm sure of the room.
But the Ultimus...
Maybe she said another hotel.
Intercontinental?
Right.
But this is room 11?
And this
is room 12?
Yes.
This is 11 and she's not here.
Good night, miss.
Goodbye, sir.
The coast is clear!
This is it?
This is the place.
It's horrible.
The swine.
There we go.
You can watch?
If it's pretty.
Shut up, I can't!
It's worse with my eyes closed!
I don't want to see!
Do you want to catch him?
I'm not doing this for fun.
This is torture.
Don't worry.
I can shorten the ordeal.
What's that?
Him...
And...
Her.
One ring, we don't move.
Two rings, we've got them!
Ingenious!
No, just brilliant.
Ma'am, wait!
I explained already!
The room is occupied!
- By who?
- Mr Vatelin.
"Hotel Ultimus, room 11.
Wait for me. René Vatelin."
Here.
The bitch is here.
A crease.
Here's your room.
This is Mr and Mrs Vatelin's room.
Good, I am Mr Va...
Sorry?
I'm Mr Va... in.
What?
I'm Mr Vatelin.
But the other guests...
Reception made a mistake.
Mr and Mrs Van de Broeck.
Confusing, but clear.
Counsellor.
Their room is number 59,
but I put them in 11.
Perfect. Thank you.
I'll let them know.
Mr Vatelin...
- Looking for a woman?
- I have what I need.
I'm not offering one.
A lady was asking for you.
She's here.
Already?
Is that all?
I can't kiss you?
I've come as you asked.
I didn't want a scandal.
But it's all over between us.
I'm not sweet.
I'm angry, violent even.
- You?
- Yes, I beat women.
You're funny!
Stay back or I'll hit you.
You'd hit me?
You bet.
Just try.
You wanna hit me?
That says it all.
I'm going.
Let me out.
Fine.
I'll kilt myself.
Kilt yourself then!
What's that?
Arsenic!
Give me that!
I'll do what you want.
- I don't believe you.
- I swear.
So you me love?
Of course.
I you love.
You me love.
We us love.
You him love...
God, this hotel's noisy.
The second bell!
Sorry.
No harm done.
Just a minute.
René!
Why're you here?
I was at reception.
I heard, "Vatelin, room 11."
I came here for a girl.
Her mother's sick.
Poor thing.
The detective's coming here.
The detective?
The one tailing my wife.
She's not here.
I don't smoke.
Why are you shaking?
Are you sick?
Look, it's an arm.
I see.
Whose pretty arm is that,
you sly devil?
It's not a local arm.
Your wife's?
Your wife's... my wife's.
My wife
who's here.
It's not your wife's.
It's your mistress's.
Yes, my mistress's.
My mistress...
And she stays there, Mr Wayne!
A drink now.
Why are you here?
I took the wrong bag.
And why are you here?
I missed my flight.
I'll explain over a drink.
I don't really have time.
I insist!
- So, your flight...
- I missed it.
- And your friend...
- Mr Wayne.
Delighted.
- You met at Orly?
- He's a client.
Of course.
What do you mean?
- Nothing.
- What?
I'll say nothing.
What?
Ernest! What do you mean?
Nearly there.
Come on, muffin.
Calm down.
She's there!
Where is he?
Stop moaning, it'll pass, muffin.
Damn colic.
Good, my bag's here.
More of them.
God...
Better now?
Go to bed.
Help me.
How many are they?
Four?
Counting René.
Four at once?
Such vigour.
I'll do your medicine.
I'll do your medicine.
Yes.
Laudanum.
Laudanum.
One,
two, three...
Who's ringing bells this late?
It's getting on my nerves!
Cut it out!
It's a real pain.
Two now. Incredible!
Is it a contest?
Sir, what's going on?
- You're ringing.
- Me?
Stop ringing
or you'll wake everyone.
I'm ringing?
You see me ringing?
But, sir...
Get the hell out!
The ringing's in the bed.
Is this some joke?
I bet one's under my wife.
Muffin...
What is it? What's wrong?
Gently with your wife.
I knew it!
What kind of hotel is this?
Get out!
Give me back my wife.
Out with you!
Leave us be!
Sorry for the bother.
What a hotel!
What did they all want?
I was feeling better.
It's not even his room.
We get odd guests.
What are these bells?
No idea.
He's my client.
Not that kind of client!
A notary's client.
What's up?
Mr Rédiop, I won't tell your dad.
Stay!
- Your dad won't know.
- One for the road.
Who moved the bar?
Long live America!
It's back again.
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
What?
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
I can't understand
with the light behind you.
I'll get a hot-water bottle.
Yes, that'll help.
Be right back.
Evening.
Evening, Counsellor.
One, one, one, one.
Wayne sticks like glue!
Sorry.
You American women have huge feet.
Here, sir.
Beddy-byes, Suzy.
Careful, muffin,
it's really hot.
You crook!
Who are you?
Bastard!
Let go!
Darling!
He was in bed with my wife!
It's not what you think.
Where're you going?
Damn gigolo!
Victoire!
Where are you?
Fancy...
Well?
Convinced now?
If my husband asks
who I cheat with, tell him.
Why bother?
With his best client's son!
Ernest Rédiop!
The bitch!
Victoire!
Here's her "love"!
Where's my wife?
Your wife?
- Tell me!
- Me?
What's that?
My wife!
I have what I need.
Let go of me.
Good night.
It's not what you think!
That really hurts.
Help.
How can anyone get in such a state?
- What is it?
- Nothing.
Why stand there?
I hate seeing you
wear yourself out.
Get off my back.
I'm just saying what I have to say.
Your props.
Thank you.
Sorry, he's senile.
He's senile...
Kissing bothers you.
No...
I'll see you again?
Yes.
Sure.
You're all nice until morning.
Look at you. Drink this.
Drink!
What is it?
Coke, to wake him up.
Be nice to him, miss.
He's just a boy of 25.
Unlike me.
- I'll go.
- I'm out.
As if I didn't know.
I'm here to see Ernest Rédiop.
He's out.
Let me in!
- What are you doing?
- I have to go.
You can see he isn't here.
Tell him Victoire Vatelin called.
The Madam Vatelin?
Yes.
That's different.
Wait here.
I took you for a floozy.
What?
Ernest, Madam Vatelin's here!
What?
Madam Vatelin.
Get rid of the girl.
Understood.
Victoire...
- Do you know?
- No.
If I'm here, you can guess.
What?
Miss!
I'm not decent.
Perfect.
I caught my husband with a woman.
A woman? Are you sure?
Of course.
So you're here to...
I keep my word.
- Right now?
- Yes!
Of course.
There.
Thank you.
A drink?
No.
Take my card.
Call me.
Having you here beside me,
only for me...
I'm flustered.
Yes, really, it's quite...
That's all?
No, that's not all.
Victoire...
I'm in heaven.
Well, I'm certainly not.
Victoire...
- Where was I?
- "Victoire..."
Is "Victoire" all you can say?
Try to understand.
It's unexpected.
All this happiness...
It's too much.
Come back tomorrow.
It's better.
No, René's on his way.
When he gets here,
I want him to find us.
What?
Why would René come here?
I left a note:
"I can cheat too.
Find me in my lover's arms
at Ernest's at noon."
We nearly made a blunder.
Good job I resisted.
I've done nothing.
Mr Ernest Rédiop, please.
Impossible.
It is possible.
He arranged to meet here.
- It's impossible.
- Let me in!
- Enough!
- Really, ma'am.
Yes, sooner than expected.
But, Mr Rédiop, here I am.
Avenge me, I'm yours.
You too?
Sorry, but you're a little too hasty.
It was arranged with Mr Rédiop.
I was here first.
Perhaps, but I booked him yesterday.
I don't care if you did.
How about asking my opinion?
All right.
Which one of us first?
Yes, which one?
Off the top of my head...
I don't know.
Neither one.
The oaf!
Swine!
There!
- We agreed!
- No.
Ernest!
Ernest!
- Hello.
- Really, sir...
Where is she?
Why's he here?
This is perfect.
What do you mean?
I need an avenger.
Victoire!
What?
Just to fool my husband.
Ok. Where do I go?
- It's a bit...
- Go on.
I know she's here.
Let me in. Victoire!
- Alone?
- As you see.
I'm lost.
- Been here long?
- I just arrived.
Where's Rédiop?
I'm waiting for him.
- What do you want?
- To save you.
I'll snatch you from Rédiop's arms.
By what right?
By what right?
The right conferred
by a night of trouble.
I've been cited twice,
but I'm totally innocent.
Attacked by a husband I don't know
over a woman I don't know.
I even got punched in the face.
By the husband I don't know
over the wife I don't know.
A divorce
because of that scary blue woman.
A stranger.
And you run to another?
He wins and I end up a fool?
No way!
Couldn't you...
Well, yes.
It's true.
Why Rédiop?
That's right. Why?
You proved my husband was unfaithful.
Absolutely!
So you should avenge me.
Really?
Really, yes.
Victoire!
You'd make me so happy!
Am I beautiful like this?
Like it?
You're sublime!
Good. Sit down.
Sorry?
Sit down.
- I thought...
- Sit!
Take off your shirt.
I'm in a singlet...
Take it off!
And now?
Sit here next to me.
I obey.
Why wait?
Take this off.
Do I look silly?
It's ugly.
Like your hair.
Calm down!
I'm not made of stone!
- What did I say?
- Sorry.
Why wait?
Finally! René...
René?
What's he doing here?
René Vatelin?
Go on, take me!
No.
Yes!
Let me in!
No! René!
I don't believe it!
It's not what you think.
Let me explain.
I came to see Rédiop.
Dressed like that?
What's going on?
Why're you here?
I came to see you.
No, you came
to make love to me.
She admits it.
Victoire...
Clothilde? You're here?
I was with my lover too.
Your lover?
Yes.
I'll strangle him.
Where is the coward?
It's me.
The butler?
Sorry, how old are you?
I'm over 18, sir.
I guessed.
I want a divorce.
What did she say?
Edouard, how could you?
Didn't you hear?
She wants a divorce
for an old fart!
Clothilde!
Victoire...
Don't get in such a state.
What a waste.
Come on, René.
I'm suffering, my heart's broken!
I saw them there....
It'll be all right.
For you maybe, not for me.
Another man's wife,
I wouldn't care.
But having mine cheat on me
is just too...
I'll be frank.
She wrote
she'd be in her lover's arms.
You should have guessed!
A cheating wife
doesn't send an invitation.
Really?
It's to make you jealous.
She wants revenge.
This set-up proves it.
You catching her.
Even the man she chose.
Pontagnac...
You're right.
You fell for it.
You're no tactician.
I'm a notary.
True.
Please, talk to my wife.
Say I love only her,
that I'm a faithful husband.
After last night?
Last night?
You've no idea...
That woman's feet!
I never cheated.
Just once, in New York.
After a month alone.
I'm only human.
For me, it was over.
But then...
the American woman turned up.
She threatened suicide.
I gave in out of fear.
A pity Victoire can't hear.
I'm sure she'd believe me.
She'd see my regret
and the love
in my eyes.
She'd put her tiny hand in mine.
And I'd hear her say,
"René, I forgive you."
René, I forgive you.
You hurt me.
So did you.
Victoire, dear, I love you.
I love you too.
I love you both too.
Next time, let me know.
THE FOOL
My condolences, ma'am.
I'm devastated.
It's so sudden.
Heart attacks are like that.
Strolling on the Croisette...
You returned alone.
Gather all the heirs.
In Cannes? That's possible.
What?
Another marriage?
So, out of wedlock?
With the maid?
That's tricky.
Yes, he must be informed.
Done.
I haven't informed him.
Madam...
It's the circle of life.
The circle of life, Jean.