L'auberge rouge (2007) - full transcript

The Red Inn

Hurry up, Violet!
We're gonna get rinsed!

What now? Don't be squeamish.
Think of the ham! The sausages!

You like that, don't you?
Then call him!

"No"...?
And your mother?

Do you want your mom to starve?

Careful, Violet!
You're a naughty boy! Bad Violet!

Loves his pigs
more than his mom.

Then do it!

Hit him hard, my boy!

Are you dizzy, Bayard?
Don't worry, daddy is here.



Come here! I'll put your cap
on, and hold your paw.

And then we cross the bridge.
Alright? Let's go.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on, you bastard!
To think of what you cost in feed!

Come on! Forward!

Martin, something bad is going on.
I drew death twice.

It can't go on like this with him.
He won't slaughter anymore.

What's wrong? You normally
like doing that, honey.

I don't want to kill pigs anymore.

You'll get your act together, boy!

Leave your mother alone!

No wonder! You told him
to slaughter "Gingerbread".

- "Gingerbread" was his friend.
- His friend?



How can you have
a pig as a friend?

- Would I befriend a pig?
- You don't have friends at all.

Try to understand him!
He is sensitive, our Violet.

And me? Am I not
sensitive too, my pet?

- Give us a kiss, love.
- He's watching us. Stop it!

- What's that?!
- Come on!

Don't worry, he's trained.

He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I let him play with children.

- Maybe, but he'll ravage our livestock!
- Exactly!

I'll pay double!
The fair was profitable.

Please. I'm injured.
I fell in the brambles.

- He has money and is injured...
- OK. But tie your buddy in the barn!

With a double knot!

It's nettle juice. My father
was a pharmacist.

You have soft hands
for a country woman.

Got them from my mother.
This will sting a bit.

Go ahead! I'm used to worse.

I warned you!

Serves him right!

Damn!

- Didn't you smell it burning?
- Did you feel him up enough?

I didn't feel him up, I treated him!
You see evil everywhere!

I saw you! He wants
to land you in his bed.

I'll gonna kill him!

Martin, he's back from the fair with
much to tell. Nobody ever visits us!

You'll kill him tomorrow.

- Like I said, he's after you! Eh?
- Stop it!

- Your jealousy will kill you.
- But I won't die alone!

- Meanwhile, make another omelet.
- No eggs left!

- Some soup will do you good.
- Thank you.

You are good to me, love.
It's pretty lonely here.

Yes, but peaceful.
One sleeps well here.

Who mentioned sleeping?

A bed can be used
for other things.

- You artists are all the same.
- The bear! He's in the kitchen.

Stay here! I'll take care of it.

He's stubborn but
obedient, my Bayard.

Daddy is here!
Quiet, my Bayard!

Quiet, my little bear!

He's at the back, I think.

That bear is not trained at all!
My God! Where's my Violet?

- In the kitchen.
- What?

Don't worry!
The bear is in the barn.

- Gonna be less cute, your fiancé.
- My fiancé...

Oh my God!
It's terrible!

I just cleaned the kitchen.
And now this!

You! You really can't
do anything properly.

That pot was brand new!

You numbskill!
Now go kill the bear!

But don't devastate the barn!

Sorry, what?

- You refuse to obey? Wait, you...!
- Stop it, Martin!

Violet. Do you want to
make mommy happy?

Then go kill the bad teddy.

You can keep the head
as a mask for carnival.

He'll look pretty stupid in that.

Beats the chicken
wig he wore last year.

Pray for us, morning star!

Stella Matutina. Stop humming.
You're getting on my nerves.

You'll attract wild animals.

- Pray for us...
- Quiet, I said!

There! What was that roar?

- A bear. A big one, Father Carnus!
- You think so?

There haven't been any
bears here for ages.

My uncle killed one last month.
On the hill over there!

Yeah? Well, come on!
It will be night soon.

Come on!

- This ride is unbearable.
- The path is full of potholes.

- Thank God a new road is coming.
- You're hurting me with that!

- So throw it out, will you?
- Throw yourself after it.

- His stink is sickening.
- Yes.

- Philippe, do something!
- We'll be there soon, mother.

You'll attract lightning
with your blade!

That's my work tool.
I am a lumberjack!

Come on!

- Does my smoke bother you?
- Beats that stink of sweat.

- It's like ammonia.
- Rather like rotten eggs.

Philippe, make the coach stop!
I need air!

Coachman!

Hurry! My lacy lingerie on the roof
won't survive bad weather!

- Funny, a man who wears lace!
- No. I sell it.

I supply all royal houses
with my petticoats.

Feeling better, Mother?

- You must feel better now that it's out.
- Nothing's out, Marie-Odile.

- I just spit bile!
- Don't talk about things you don't know.

Mother has to eat. When you
spit bile, you have to eat.

- Who has a snack?
- Just lacy panties.

I do. A scrap of bacon
and a piece of cheese.

- Get rid of that! How it stinks!
- Give me that cheese!

What a weather! My feet are bruised!

We should have taken the coach.

Damn! The heel broke off.
Just what I needed!

Take my shoes, Father.

No thanks. Mine are enough,
and yours are too small.

I have big feet. I can make them bleed.
Like our Lord when he climbed Golgotha!

Don't compare yourself to the Lord!
Arrogance is sin!

Put them back on!
And hurry up!

Forgive my impatience, Lord!
Let's go.

Is there anything left
of that excellent cake

your mom gave us
for the road?

All gone.

You gobbled it up? You indulged
in the sin of gluttony?

No I gave it to the birds.
Did I do wrong?

Yes. We must also
share with the animals.

But not all of them. Hurry!
Let us not waste time.

Oh great! What did I say?
Now my lace is drenched.

We went to Luchon for a
water cure, Mother and I.

Luchon! How boring!
Even cats will suicide!

But we were had to
shorten our stay

only because a sharecropper
lost his foot in the wine press!

A foot? The poor man!

In the middle of the harvest!

Happily, they amputated the leg
immediately to prevent gangrene!

- How fortunate!
- Yes!

Not at all. We had to throw away
wine so the rest wouldn't spoil.

5,000 liters!

How many bottles are that?

6,666 bottles, standard 75 cl size.

- Plus some left over.
- You can't read but you can count, my child!

The alphabet is for my brother.
I can read. I am 17, Count.

Speaking of bad luck, my sister
just died from the Croup virus.

Ate her up from inside.

Can you please change subject?
I am dining.

Waddya think, Countess?
That's good chow, eh?

A priest and his novice!

Dear brothers, would you kindly
make some room for us?

Thank you in advance,
dear brothers.

Philippe, make the
lumberjack get out!

Come on, get out!
Give your place to the priest.

Thank you, my son.

This rain is really wet...

- Get in! What are you waiting for?
- I don't want to!

I will continue on foot.
Like Jesus bearing the cross.

Get in! You slow us down!

How did I deserve this?

I am Father Carnus.
Confessor to Octave's mother.

His parents, from Privas,
entrusted him to me

to take him to the
monastery of Grimontier.

I also bring back a holy relic
blessed by Monsignor Soupiot.

I want to dedicate my life to God.

I heard tell that the monks
in Grimontier live in seclusion

and take a vow of silence.

And vow of chastity!

A wonderful life that will give
him great satisfaction. Right?

It takes willpower to vow
chastity at such a young age.

Here, keep it! Winters
are harsh up there.

Dear God!

- Get lost!
- Come on! Scram!

- It's ok. He's gone.
- Thank you Lord, for sparing us!

It was just a bear
with a jingle cap.

- But we broke an axle.
- Can you fix that?

There's an inn nearby.
Maybe they have tools.

And it's a great place to eat!

Then let us kill two
birds with one stone.

- Octave hasn't eaten since this morning.
- What?!

You want to eat in a dive filled
with cockroaches? Without me!

Our house has no vermin, Countess.

- "The Crusty Inn"! Nice name.
- Not very appetizing.

The innkeeper must have scabies!
Go check, Philippe!

Yes, Mother.

- I'll go on alone to the monastery.
- With a huge bear in the forest?

My God. Young boys are fearless!

Put them on. Maybe they fit.

They stink like hell!
Burn them in the fireplace!

Hey there! Are you crusty
people around?

- You expect guests?
- No.

Violet, hide the body!

No, idiot! Take him out back!

Where should I put him?

- What do I know? Anywhere!
- Throw him to the pigs!

Hurry up!

I'm gonna burn his rags!

- Is anybody home?
- Yeah, I'm coming!

Daddy, open up! It's me!

- Rose! It's Mathilde!
- Already?

- Open up! I'm with customers.
- Yeah, hurry up! Open already!

- Is your father an idiot?
- Open, damn it!

- What a region of morons!
- Customers! Oh, I see...

Did you have a good trip?

- Quite damp, actually.
- Oh yes, damp...

No wonder with that storm.
It is raining, isn't it?

Still...

This rain is good for the yard.
I remember a year...

where all the cabbages dried up.
They were like dust!

No danger of that now, my son!
Would you kindly open the door?

- We are wet like sponges.
- Give me a minute, I'll fetch the key.

- You can open now. Who's there?
- Customers. 6 or 7 of them.

The hurdy-gurdy! Must I think
of everything myself?

Six or seven!

We never had so many at once.

- There's even a priest.
- A priest?

- What are you doing, daddy?
- Coming!

He's impossible!

- Open up!
- Yes.

- Welcome to the Crusty Inn!
- About time!

Come in!

The typical country smell!
Heady with farm cheese.

Feet, you mean!

- What a dump. I knew it.
- Warm yourself by the fire.

We were expecting you on Sunday,
and not in such good company.

We broke an axle
because of a crazy bear!

A bear? Here?

- I never heard such a thing.
- Never!

He was wearing a bell cap.
Maybe it's the neighbor's?

- We have no neighbors.
- No neighbors.

- Do you have tools for repairs?
- And a bite to eat?

My mother has the bile,
she must eat!

Don't tell my life story, Philippe!

Do you have mulled wine?
The little one might catch cold.

Don't make it too strong.
I'll try it first, he's underage.

Right... so tools, food
and mulled wine.

Get a move on!
What are you waiting for?!

He's a moron from the Alps, Marie-Odile.
Lack of iodine. Cretinous!

We were all afraid, sir! Let us be comforted
by the warm welcome of our hosts.

Never forget: God hears us.

Hurry! I need hangers
to dry my laces!

My wife will take off your
wet coats and dry them.

With pleasure, ladies and gents.

- Hand me your wet things.
- She'll put them to dry.

I thought I heard the song
"Frère Jacques" in the fireplace!

It's the wind whistling through the chimney.
Magical things happen here.

- May I bring you some bacon?
- How dare you bring fatty food!

Make her bring cooked
ham instead, Philippe.

Did you hear?

- I'll go find the tools.
- Wait, innkeeper.

Maybe it's this smell of feet,
but I have a severe headache.

I wish to lie down a while.
Do you have a room?

No! That is, yes of course.

But don't use the bedding.

We would have to charge you
an overnight stay... oh, alright...

Here you are. The privy is outside,
right at the bottom of these stairs.

I built the stairs myself.
The privy, too.

I used to travel around the
country as a carpenter.

Until I mutilated my elbow
with a saw, that is.

I'll wake you in 20 minutes.

Seems like a bad idea to open
an inn in such a desolate place.

We enjoy our tranquility.

You'll be more tranquil still
once the new road opens.

New road? There's
a new road coming?

Once the tunnel is done, everybody
will travel through the Tarpiac valley.

Tarpiac, the Tarpiac valley?
Are you sure?

Certain. As notary...

I negotiated the land sale.

We will have to sell!

How much do you think
this place would go for?

Unsellable.

Unsellable?? What will
become of us, Martin?

Such ingratitude. You bend over for the
guests, and that's how they repay you?

- Meanwhile you have customers waiting!
- You're right.

- And they have money to pay.
- That notary has me stunned.

- Easy on the booze, sweetie.
- I told you, I'm stunned.

What are you doing?

Here you are.
It melts on the tongue.

- Oooh, ham! I'm hungry!
- This is for Mother only!

Was it a mistake to entrust
them with our coats?

Never fear, Ma'am.
You are alone here.

Yes?

What's the matter, baby?

The pigs don't want to
eat the bear handler.

Poor things, they can't
stand that bear smell.

Mirabelle even threw up,
the poor dear.

Ooh, he speaks with
his hands! A mute!

We noticed, Marie-Odile!

I gained a basic knowledge
of the deaf-mute language...

to communicate with Canon Rasmussen,
who took a vow of silence.

What? You understood what he said?

I think he spoke of an animal....

You don't say, Father!

Can you repeat, my son?

Be quiet!

Your knowledge is not good enough.
He obviously doesn't understand.

Where did he come from?
He looks like a dug-up potato.

He just slaughtered
the pig for dinner.

Dinner?! We want to leave soon,
we are expected at the castle!

Philippe!

Speed up the repairs!
This driver is useless.

A spit-roasted pig! I last ate that
at the inauguration of Mgr. Soupiot.

16 years ago.

At least they started
to eat the other man.

What other man?

A bearded guy with a vest.

- What did he say, Father?
- I don't know, he speaks too fast!

Can you repeat more slowly?

He is very moved, Father.
First time he killed a pig.

Slaughtering a pig for the first
time is... very moving indeed.

I remember, I wept.

Mulled wine, Martin!
Don't keep these gents waiting.

Yes my dove, of course!
You, follow me!

Mother, have you noticed how
different brother and sister are?

- She is so graceful, whereas...
- ... the fool is hideous.

What matters is the beauty
of the soul, Ma'am.

When a child is different,
you love it even more.

How true! My father had a passion
for his three-legged spaniel.

My Violet would throw himself
into the fire for his mom.

Self-sacrifice is a beautiful thing.

See Octave, we did well to stop here.

But why "Violet"? This name?

We found him naked in the forest.

He must have been between
5 and 12 years old.

He was eating berries and was all violet.
That's why we called him Violet.

Once you know the story,
the name suits him!

Rose!

Why did you do that? Why?

What else could he do?

He was taken by surprise.
It was a reflex, eh Violet?

And why were you surprised?

He smelled of the bear.
The pigs didn't want to eat him.

Here we are! He coddled them, so
now our pigs fuss about their food!

Stop talking to them!
Got that?

Problem is, they won't
leave without the notary.

I know, thanks!

Give me another swig of booze.
I'm really stunned.

What do we do now?
We could hang for this, Martin.

- There's only one solution.
- Which is?

We must kill them all.

But we only do single travelers.
Never an entire group!

This will be our apotheosis.
Besides, I already have a plan.

Listen, Martin:
hands off the priest!

You were right, Mother.

The driver is a zero!
Repairs will take forever!

I hardly dare to sit, it's so dirty.

And these innkeepers!
They look like agitators!

They should be slapped.

The stink of that fireplace will permeate
my lace. I won't be able to sell it!

Forbearance, dear brothers!
Yes, they smell. Why lie.

But these poor people have
kindness written on their faces.

Pardon my intrusion.

The hotel staff is happy to offer
their gourmet menu.

And a farandole of desserts.

Oh? Who are the hotel staff?

They are, Marie-Odile.
Who else.

What's the farandole of desserts?

Let's try again, Violet.
Say "A" like "aphid".

No! Don't imitate an aphid!
Just say "A".

Let's try another letter.

What?

Oh, that's the chimney
sweep from last month.

Well, bury him under
the big fir tree.

The cheesemonger is already there.

Oh yeah, I had forgotten him.

Take him to the barn, and
dig a hole in the straw.

I'm going to help
mom in the kitchen.

Mathilde! I love you.

I love you too, Violet.

The countess won't sit down?!
My chair is cleaner than her ass!

- Who does the old bag think she is?
- Calm down. We'll be on our way soon.

In the Revolution, nobles lost
their heads for less than that!

True.

I don't like that Marie-Odile.
So I shoved my axe into her ribs...

during the whole trip!

Bravo! You're a model citizen.

Tell you what? She would have liked
if you shoved it somewhere else!

You sure you don't
have an entire wheel?

I said part of a wheel.
And I'm not even sure.

What are you doing here?!

The bear handler.
Not buried yet. No space.

And what's that?

Huh?

That.

- What?
- That! In the barrow!

Oh, that! That's the pig.
The one for dinner.

But that's a huge pig!

- Yes, that's right.
- Yes.

Indeed, it's a big pig.

There's many acorns here. So all
pigs in the region are really big.

- Let's see it.
- NO!! I mean no, not yet!

There won't be any surprise
on the plate anymore.

Look at that!

- What a splendid specimen!
- Incredible, isn't it?

Incredible, it's a pig!
I mean, it's Gingerbread!

Gingerbread is his friend!
Gingerbread is the pig's name.

Go butcher it in the kitchen.

He is friends with Gingerbread,
with all the pigs. Come on!

That will do nicely. I'll carve it
to size, then we can continue.

- I will help you, we'll be faster.
- No, wait a minute!

Let me serve them dinner at least.
I have to make a living, you know.

You have one hour.
My girl is waiting.

At least take the time to eat.
So we didn't kill the pig in vain.

This is pretty!

And your tax collector?
Did you meet in the city?

- Yes, he's going to ask for my hand.
- Wonderful.

I don't want him.
He drinks and he stinks.

Don't tell your father! He dreams
of a tax collector in the family.

- Look, sweetie! Isn't that gorgeous!
- I knew it! That's instinct, that is.

As soon as they came in,
I knew we hit the jackpot!

My beauty! You'll have
a fairytale wedding.

We'll see.

Huh?

Oh nothing...

The driver has to go first.

He's in a hurry because he has
a little bitch waiting for him.

Why are you howling like a girl?

Come on, Martin! Violet is
cutting up Gingerbread.

He must get tougher, if he's
ever going to make it in life.

- Oh, what a fine cloth.
- This silk hides a treasure.

A piece of shin from the patron saint
of the coopers on the Isère river.

- A scrap of bone.
- From Saint Barnabas the Goitrous!

I'm taking this marvel
back to the monastery.

The gold needed welding,
only city folk know how.

That's gold?

Yes. Gold, rubies, emeralds
and also a few diamonds.

But nothing as precious
as this shinbone.

Certainly not...

Don't forget the wine,
innkeeper!

The wine! The best! Immediately!
It reminds me of Christmas Eve...

baby Jesus in the straw
and the three kings!

It's magnificent!

- Set the table, Mathilde!
- Where are you going?

To help the young
girl set the table.

Good preparation for
the monastery duties.

Oooh, it's already dry!
No wonder. Lace is full of holes!

Philippe, take care! The "Lace" is
enmeshing that airhead Marie-Odile.

Never fear, Mother.
The boy is gay as a daffodil.

I can tell.

You can try it on,
without any obligation.

I need that little church!
I've never seen such a marvel.

So what? It's a relic.
We sell it, we get caught.

Why sell? We're going to melt it.

And with the bling I'll make
you a necklace, my beautiful.

We never killed a priest.
And we're not starting now.

- It would be a good start.
- You have no faith!

- You have no faith!
- And you do?

Yes I do! I respect priests, and I hope
to have one around on my dying day!

I'll find you another.
There's loads of them!

Something's stuck!

- What's wrong?
- The plug is gone.

Maybe it fell in and
clogged the tap.

Remember the cards, earlier?
I drew death twice.

- Maybe that's for us, not them!
- Stop it! You're gonna jinx us.

What's this? It feels flabby...

A rat! What a mess!

Dead rat in the plonk.
That's a bad omen, Martin!

All right! But your priest
had better scram.

Or he's next, right after
the lumberjack!

- Smells OK.
- Perfect.

Wonderful. This bodice looks
like it was made for you.

- What are you doing?
- Pulling it up.

You have charms that
you should emphasize.

- Stop! I'll call my husband.
- Go ahead, call him.

- Do you like that?
- Stop it. Stop it!

You are a lout, monsieur!

- So what is a novice?
- A boy who wants to become a monk.

I learn the prayers and Latin.

Why don't you first wait for a
heartbreak to become a monk?

You need a girl to be lovesick.

If you give me back the plates,
they will never eat!

- Girls are easier to learn than Latin.
- I don't understand either.

Well I can't teach you Latin.

A simple country wine,
but it has character.

It tastes rancid!
That wine's corked!

It looks like there's
hair growing in it!

That is only tannin.
It's not decanted, you see.

You are unfair. I've had
worse communion wine.

What matters is the generosity of these
people who share their bread with us.

Christmas ham on the bone!

Corkscrew, one of our best boars.
He was 3 years old.

We should also get the notary.
He must be starving.

No! I talked to him. He wants to be
alone, he has a terrible headache.

Philippe, bring him down.
Headaches are like bile: he must eat!

I said no! I mean, no need for him
to come down. I'll bring him a plate.

Let's eat, then!

Do you have money, Father?

- Never on my person.
- Without money, you can't pay.

So off you go. Now!

- You are joking, dear child?
- Nope.

Grab your stuff and scram,
you and the young one.

You are kicking us out?
With that bear in the woods?

God will protect you.

Leave God out of it!
This is about wild animals.

No it's about my cash book!

I will say this: your book will
not open the door to Paradise!

- Octave, rejoice. We're leaving!
- I'm not done setting the table.

Don't question my authority!

A bowl of groats awaits
you in the monastery.

- Won't you eat with us?
- Alas no. We cannot pay our share.

Surely our hosts
will give you credit.

Sure, credit could be an option.

No, no it's not!

We'd love to but we had
a terrible winter, Martin!

Big loss of earnings.

All right, I understand.
Let's go, Octave.

The bear is waiting for us.
It is really a cruel world.

Don't go! I have an idea.
We'll take a collection.

No, Mathilde!

The youth are full of initiative!
Bravo, Brunhilde!

- Mathilde.
- Whatever.

See my daughter's generosity.
She's just like her father.

Let the basket go around.

I'm putting one franc.

Me too! I'm also
donating a franc.

Ooops, Philippe...
I only have a gold piece.

- Ma'am?
- Philippe!

My spouse already gave
for the whole family.

Here, Father. For you.

How lucky to have
such a daughter.

That collection
will cost you dearly.

Help! Somebody help me!

The wedge has slipped! Hurry!

It's unhoped-for.
God is with us.

Hold on, buddy!
We'll get you out of there.

Oh my God! I can't even help,
I've dislocated both arms!

When I rang vespers.
The bell stroke back.

- No matter, Father.
- No.

Oh dear, it's too heavy.
We'll never make it!

- Watch out!
- Oops, sorry!

- We need a lever.
- Great idea! His axe!

Where is your axe?

- De-de-de-dere!
- What's that?

Back de-de-dere!
There!

Speak up, we can't
understand you!

Back dere!
De-de-de-de-de-there!

- It's in the coach. Go, Martin.
- In the coach! Naturally!

- Not in de coach.
- Sorry, we don't understand.

Stop that! You're
gonna crush him!

- Where is that axe?
- Search everywhere!

- Come out! He's dying!
- I can't find it!

- That axe must be somewhere!
- I couldn't find it, sorry.

Stop! He's gonna die!

He's pretty strong,
your sonny!

It's a miracle.
God gave him this power.

But... but why did you
step in the coach?

Panic. Pure panic.

Martin will bring you to the monastery,
they'll take care of you. Right, Martin?

You really are an idiot.
We almost had him!

Use your brains! And improvise!
Know what that means, you ninny?

What's in your head!?
Sometimes I wonder.

The head, the ears.
Do you even use them at all?

I broke my ribs I think.
I can feel them in my lungs.

- I'd prefer to sleep in your barn.
- You are strong, aren't you!

They will help you in the monastery.
They got syrups and salves...

You will be pampered. They've been
aiding the poor since the Crusades.

I'm not poor,
I'm a lumberjack!

Whatever. Let's move on.
I must get back to my inn.

Why did you push him? We wanted
to drown him! In the acorn pool.

I improvised.

Yeah, great.

How do we pick his pockets now?

Dumbass! Nincompoop!

It's strange that you want to
sleep on boards at your age.

And get up in the middle
of the night to sing hymns.

Maybe if you were lame,
or hunchbacked, or ugly...

But you're not.

What matters is the soul.
Maybe mine is ugly?

- I doubt that.
- You don't even know me!

I could get to know you.

You won't tempt me, Satan!
I am not your servant!

After three glasses, one
gets used to that wine...

Not too much for me,
I'm not used to it.

"Moderare bibere,
corpe sana gardarem."

Moderate drinking pleasure
keeps the body healthy.

Why are you all wet?
You'll die of cold!

So will I! The door!

Father! We must
leave immediately!

Why? Did something scare you?

I wanna go to the monastery
and sleep on the boards.

Don't worry! They will still be there
tomorrow, nobody will steal them.

We have to go.
The devil is in the inn!

The devil! What does he look like?
We would all like to know.

Does he wear lace petticoats?

There's no more devil here
than... a chicken with teeth.

- Now sit down and eat!
- Not hungry!

- I'm leaving. Alone.
- You stay! That is an order!

- Shit!
- How disrespectful!

Stay or leave, but close that door!
I'm freezing.

- Help me! Stay here!
- Let me go!

Help me reason with him!

I cannnot condone any
violence against youth.

The little brat!

Perfect. Thank you sir.

Let's remove his shoes,
by precaution.

To think that obedience
is a duty for a Pompians.

Pompians? The President
of the Privas Court?

- His father.
- My God!

An old robe-wearing family.

But Octave preferred poorer
dress... a monks' robe.

Hide them well, child.
So we can eat in peace.

Don't give them to the devil!

Sausages and cheese
pies before the soup.

The sausages look delicious!
This will be a feast, my brothers!

- You don't say grace, Father?!
- I was about to...

Dominis nomine benedictum.
Et ora et labora. Dominis nomine...

Ad odie.

- Amen.
- Bon appetit, dear brothers!

Nice language, Latin! It gives the
impression of being intelligent.

Quite right, Marie-Odile.
It's only an impression.

Octave, make yourself
useful and serve us.

What is it, son?

Mom wants to see you upstairs.

I'm afraid that I do not
understand you.

Excuse me.

What?

Mom is bad.
You have to come to her room.

I don't understand a word.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

- How to tell him I don't understand?
- Ignore him and eat. He'll catch on.

- I think you should go with him.
- Not now, we're eating!

Not now! We're eating!

I think he finally got it.

Enough already!
We are hungry!

Stop pissing us off
while we're eating!

Forgive me, Lord!

I am giving in
to the sin of gluttony.

I deserve to fast.

Why are you shouting, Father?

What's going on, Violet?

Mom is sick. He only thinks of eating.
He doesn't want to go to her.

- What is he miming now?
- I don't speak to him anymore.

Your mother? What, all of a sudden?

You should have told me!

Excuse me, dear friends.
I'm needed.

Octave, keep my sausage warm.
Cold it gives me cramps.

Are you tired?

- It's not like you're dying, is it!
- Yes I am!

- You don't look sick.
- Confess me, Father!

You never know!

If it's because you were gonna
throw me out, I forgive you!

But there's more, Father!

Would you refuse to confess me?

But I can't just confess you like that!

I need a church, a confessional!
With a lattice...

A lattice? Why a lattice?

So I don't know who it is.

But you know who I am.

We either do this
properly or not at all!

Right!

You look much better!

Mathilde! Tell Violet I need
the chestnut grill!

- The chestnut grill?
- You wanted a lattice, didn't you?

Is it true that priests never tell anyone
what they heard in confession?

Confession has been going on for centuries.
God knows that makes a lot of sins.

But the Seal of Confession
has never, ever been violated.

Not once?

Saint Anselm let his tongue
be ripped out by Visigoths

with red-hot tongs, rather than
reveal what was confided in him.

Even though it wasn't important.

How did they know
it wasn't imporant?

I don't know. I don't know!

Well then.

And you? Would you let
them rip out your tongue?

Doesn't matter. It goes in one
ear and out the other anyway.

Now say your confiteor.

- I don't remember!
- When was your last confession?

Twenty years?

Twenty years!
It will take all night!

Yes, if you keep interrupting me!

We have had the inn for 20 years.

Martin was traveling the country
as a carpenter before that.

He was a handsome guy.

His masterpiece
was a spiral staircase.

The carpenters fixed it badly.
It collapsed. Two people died.

That happens.
An accident.

I once had a beadle who suffocated
before my eyes on an apple.

- He choked, turned blue and...
- Anyway.

Martin was struck from the guild.

They robbed him of his best years.

That's why we bought this inn,
and now it's worthless!

Because of the new road.

Do you know about the road?

Gentlemen, all aboard!
It's repaired!

We are at the table!
What lack of manners!

Indeed! The meal has just started.

But every hour of delay
will be docked from my pay.

Philippe, tell him we
don't care about his pay.

Right! We won't go hungry
just to enrich you.

- Have a bowl of soup in the kitchen.
- Not too much, he'll fall asleep!

Why is he getting soup before us?!
That's unfair!

It's better to steer a coach
with an empty stomach!

And then on a rainy day,
we found our little Violet.

It all started with him.

You know how he got the name?

I know. The forest, the berries,
all naked, all violet.

- Come to the point, my child.
- I'm coming to it!

A few months later,
it was in March...

or April?

- Was it March or April?
- Let's say in spring.

Exactly. In spring.

A cheesemonger came
to us on his horse.

The little one was between,
oh, five and twelve years old.

- We never knew his age! We found him.
- I already know all that!

This is a confession! If your
conscience is troubling you...

go ahead, my child.
Relieve yourself.

I'm getting to it, Father.

The cheesemonger climbed
a ladder to pick apples.

He wanted us to try
his Brie with apples.

Apples go very well with Brie.
Did you know that?

No. You can't know everything.

The little boy wanted to talk to him.
He loves to communicate, my Violet.

But because of his disability, the
cheesemonger didn't understand him.

- It's understandable, the poor man.
- And that made Violet mad.

He shook the ladder.

Even as a child, he was very strong!

We kept the horse for a long time.

The horse? What's a horse
go to do with anything?

Because the cheesemonger fell off
the ladder! Aren't you listening?

I remember well, he was the first.
We put him under the apple tree.

Under the apple tree?
How so, under the tree?

- Well in the ground, he was dead!
- Dead?

It must have been a terrible shock.
A guest, dead...

Especially for Violet.
It changed him completely.

The next one was a bachelor from
Saint-Etienne. That was better.

- Why better?
- Few people mourn bachelors.

You mean he died too?
And how did he die?

I'd rather not tell you.
It may spoil your appetite.

- After all, he was only a beginner.
- A beginner? In what?

He had an angelic patience
with him, my Martin.

For hours he helped him practice
with rabbits, old goats, dogs...

And starting with the third,
they suffered much less.

Wait...

Are you saying that you
murdered your guests?

- It's so quiet here. It's tempting.
- Tempting?

- But... how many?
- We stopped counting.

- Surely not more than ten?
- You can add a few more!

Twenty? Thirty! But no more!

Think, Father. Thirty in twenty
years, how much would that be?

One and a half guests a year?
We should have closed shop long ago!

Of course, of course...

How many then?

True. If If I don't tell everything,
you cannot forgive me everything.

The third one was a pharmacist
with his assistant. Four.

The fifth... you're standing on it.

No! He was a carpet dealer.

Don't make me laugh,
we'll never finish!

- Really delicious, your soup!
- My Rose is a pearl.

- Can I have some more? It's so good.
- Sure! You make me happy.

- I must have the recipe for my mom.
- Stir it up. You'll be surprised.

What are you doing?!

We want soup!
We want soup!

Almost ready!

We want soup!
We want soup!

What did you do with the kitchen?!
Mom will be so angry!

Where's your mother?

- In the room with the priest.
- What are they doing?

- Roasting chestnuts.
- Spare me the details!

- Come on, he's a priest.
- With a cassock I'm one too!

- A HUNDRED AND TWO??
- Sorry, Father. 103. With the notary.

- Notary... ours?
- Well, he's a bit ours now...

Oh, and the lumberjack. 104.
We're swamped tonight.

104...

All those unfortunates, dumped in a hole.
Without a grave, without sacraments.

- This is devil's work!
- We didn't bury them all.

- Where are the others?
- Fed them to the pigs.

You fed good Christians
to your pigs?

They eat pork, don't they!
Me I don't eat much pork, anymore.

This is too much!
I cannot grant you absolution.

But that's annoying. Without
absolution, it's not a confession.

- And if it's not a confession, you could talk.
- No no no! Not necessarily.

These are my Martin's steps.

When he saw your little relic, he said:
"God or no God, he's got it coming."

- Your Martin he said that?
- He has no religion.

- You can discuss it with him.
- I'd rather not!

Then will you forgive my sins?

Right.

Well, dear child,
all this is not that bad.

So that will be eight Our Father
and twelve Ave Marias.

I forgive you your sins.

Now is not the time for piety.
There's work to do in the kitchen.

You're not hungry, Father?

Uhm... yes. I have a
sausage waiting below.

Come, Father! You must be ravenous.

No, not so much anymore.

If I miss suppertime,
my stomach retracts...

Have a large bowl of soup.
It's filled with good things.

Here comes the pastor!
Finally. What took you so long?

- He probably forgot us.
- No, I haven't forgotten you.

My God, if they knew...

We have saved your sausage
and a bowl of soup.

- Octave, please?
- No soup for me, my son.

Good decision, Father.
I found a hair in mine.

- Here, Father. A nice pork chop.
- NO!!

I don't like pork.
It gives me a rash.

- Yet these gentlemen enjoyed it!
- Yes indeed.

It's on the plate that one notices if an
animal was well fed. Bravo, innkeeper!

Thank you, sir. I must say that
we really pamper our beasts.

No more for tonight.
Dad says I spoil you too much.

You haven't eaten anything.
You only drank wine!

You're right. I'll have some
bread to soak it up.

I'm embarrassed. I didn't
confess everything earlier.

Oh?

It's not 104, it's 105.
Is my absolution still valid?

You know, one more or less...
And who was it?

- The driver.
- The driver!

Not so loud! The Seal of Confession.

- Did the pigs get him too?
- No, the crows.

Stop it, Count!
You'll wrinkle my corset.

Toinette, you have charms that
you should emphasize. Believe me!

Oh no, he keeps bothering me!

No, he's not. Don't you
want to get married?

Yes, I do want to get married.

Extraordinary, isn't it?
As if they were in front of you.

But who, who?
I don't recognize them!

Amusing. As if the voices
came from your nose.

Not at all. I pinch my tushy
and speak from my stomach.

It's ventriloquism.

- Notice that my lips don't move.
- That's not true, I saw them move!

You're right beside me, that's why!
That brat is so ill-mannered.

Philippe!

While that faggot is playing the buffoon,
give me that sausage. I have a bile rush.

Stop! That's awful!

- It's just a puppet.
- It's just a sausage.

- It's awful, I tell you!
- What's wrong, Father?

It's the crows. They're awful.
Worse than the pigs.

Why do you say that?

Because! You never know
what the pigs were fed with!

Who cares? Pigs will eat anything.

That's exactly the problem!
One never knows what they ate.

Pigs will eat anything!
Anything, absolutely anything!

... and anyone.

He's plastered! Bravo, the Vatican!

Help! Assassins!
They tried to murder my Martin!

- Who attacked you?
- The lumberjack and the driver.

- The driver, I doubt it.
- What do you know? Were you there?

They were poking in your things
when Martin startled them.

- In our things! Unbelievable!
- Oh my God!

Wait, wait, wait!

I fought like a lion and saved
everything. At least I think so.

- My ring!
- My Martin.

- So much courage is scary.
- You are really good people!

- They really messed you up, my son!
- I pulled no punches either, Father.

- They disappeared into the woods.
- The woods.

Such a shame, now we
cannot interrogate them.

- Does that hurt?
- Can't you see it's bleeding?

Octave, fetch me the red-hot poker
from the fireplace over there.

- Whatever for?
- We must cauterize the wound.

- It's ok, it will heal on its own.
- Oh no no!

Do you want to risk gangrene?
Worse, maybe even amputation...

of your head.

Never mind! I'd rather
get my head amputated.

Watch out, Father.
You're playing with fire!

What were you thinking?

You were supposed to ding me
with the pot, not massacre me!

You wanted it to look real.

Yeah, well done! I almost
caught gangrene on my head.

You think that's funny?
Watch it, or I'll belt you!

My brothers, we must leave!

The two scoundrels smelled
the gold and the gems.

They will come back armed,
and then blood will flow!

- You think so?
- Yes. Octave!

The priest is snatching them away!

Because you blabbed!
I should have offed him first.

He's a smart cookie.
Why did you give everything back?

To win their trust.
We'll plunder them afterwards.

And now they leave with full pockets!
Really great, that plan.

- My God, we forgot the notary!
- His loss. We don't have time.

- Philippe, tell the notary we're leaving.
- I go. Don't leave without me!

- Are you leaving already?
- These thieves will be back.

Here, keep the change!
We're already too late.

Yes! Octave, we're leaving!
No time to dawdle!

And who's driving the coach?

True! We don't have a driver anymore!

I advise you not to venture out at night.
You don't even know the road!

It's very narrow after the bridge.
You would end up in the ravine!

- Three gold pieces if you drive us.
- It's not a question of money, Countess.

But I have to protect my yard
if they come back. And my family.

Well, how about your son?
The friendly simpleton?

I wouldn't recommend that.
The horses don't like him.

No matter. The sky is clear.
We'll walk in the moonlight...

Wait! The notary has disappeared!

Where did he go?

No idea. All the rooms are empty.

What could've happened to him?

That's a good question,
what could have happened?

- Do you have any idea?
- Yes...

- It's very simple. Very simple.
- Then tell us!

We all want to know.

It doesn't take a genius
to understand.

- He belongs to the gang!
- He's probably their leader!

- The others were boobs.
- Especially the lumberjack!

He wasn't a real notary?

So many horrible sins are begging
for forgiveness in this world.

Let's go! The monastery is
only a stone's throw away.

With these scoundrels in the woods?
You won't make it alive. Guaranteed!

We are three men
of strong faith. Not them.

Does faith help against bears?

The bear!
I had completely forgotten it.

I suggest we barricade ourselves.
I will personally keep watch all night.

Then let them come!
The bear or the rascals!

Wait! Will ye not trust in the Lord?

Hath thou so little faith?

Walk behind me! Faith will lead
us safely to the monastery.

This test will make you strong. You will
emerge as better men and better women.

Sorry, Father.
I prefer to stay the way I am.

Yes, so do we.

- Come in!
- Good decision.

Octave! Put on your clods,
we are leaving!

- The priest is looking for you.
- Octave!

I'm not going to the monastery.
I'd rather go to hell with you.

Octave, answer! I implore you.

I think it's irresponsible
to let the priest go alone.

It's so dangerous outside.

Especially with the young
Pompians with him.

He's stuborn as a mule.
But we can't tie him up.

Sometimes one must save
fools from themselves.

Didn't you hear me calling?

- I don't want to be a monk anymore.
- We'll discuss en route. Goodbye, miss.

Right. I will act like your father.
Maybe you'll obey me then.

Stop it! You're hurting me!
Ouch! Ouch, it hurts!

Damn it!
You fucking son of a bitch!

Forgive me, Lord!
But it hurts like Hell.

As penance, you will cut the toenails
of all the monks in the monastery!

He doesn't care!
He's not yours. He's mine.

- Wretched boy...!
- I love her.

It's a passing weakness.
God will forgive you.

- No more talk, we're leaving.
- No! Leave him here.

Can you guarantee young lady,
that if he stays here...

no harm will come to him?
Can you?

At least she's reasonable. Remember,
your parents entrusted you to me.

- My pouch is in the dining room.
- Come on now!

What are your clogs made of?
I think I've broken my shin.

I think there is not one righteous
person in this house other than us.

They locked everything!

Octave, stay behind me!

Bravo!

Trapped like a rat, Father!

Give me the key!

Father, we have decided
to save your life.

- And Octave's.
- You're staying with us!

- Willingly or not. For your own good.
- At least let Octave go!

- Octave!
- I'm staying with them.

Smart boy. You will be safe with us.

Give me Octave or I'll shoot!

- Watch out, it's a two-shot rifle.
- Octave, over here!

No I won't!

Do as he says!
Stop annoying him!

The key.

The key!

- The key, give it to him!
- What are you waiting for?!

Violet! Give him the key.

The key!

You scum of the priesthood!

- God be with you!
- Thief! He's stealing my gun!

My poor heart!

He's mad! A true madman!
I'm sure he's not a real priest!

Philippe, you think
he is a real priest?

What do I know? He's gone.
So I don't give a damn, Marie-Odile!

He may come back, and he's armed!
Who knows with such maniacs.

To think that he confessed you.
He had something else in mind, believe me!

I don't realize what
effect I have on men.

We neither.

Violet, come with me.
We'll barricade ourselves.

- Why are you trembling, are you cold?
- You scare me.

One day, the Lord will enlighten
you about my attitude.

You will live in peace in the monastery!
Canon Rasmussen is a holy man.

Christians flock to him to learn
his interpretation of the Genesis.

Not interested!

That will change after a couple
of years of silence and prayer.

Octave!

Octave! Come back, Octave!

Take the shortcut.
Wait for them at the acorn pool.

And do it. Above all, bring
back the little church.

What should I do with the little boy?

What little boy?

Didn't you see him stare
at your sister? He's vicious!

And not a word to mom.

- More, honey. Don't be stingy!
- Have no fear, sweetie.

I put in more than enough,
they will sleep like marmots.

Once they're asleep, Violet
will put them in the coach...

and hop, in the ravine.

An accident. We will be rich.
I thought of everything.

Martin, with the money I want to
open a flower shop in the city.

Careful, Rose, careful.

Flowers are beautiful,
but they are hard work...

- A hot herbal tea before sleep!
- Good idea! After that excitement.

- This one has a calming effect.
- It's a mix of local herbs.

- Only the finest!
- Yes.

Dear friends, good night.

I'll be in bed, Marie-Odile.

Philippe, I'm not tired.
Sit down and play cards with me.

- A card game? Now?
- It's time for bed, Countess.

Mother-in-law is an insomniac.
She sleeps in winter. Sometimes.

Do not tell my life, even if it is more
interesting than yours. Go to sleep!

- Philippe, you deal!
- Yes, Mother.

Try the herbal tea. It works
rigorously against insomnia.

Mother has tried every drug.

Philippe, I'm going upstairs.
Where is our room?

- Follow me.
- I'll drink it in my room. Good night.

We play for the small estate, Philippe.

Ask the innkeeper for a schnapps.
It will keep you awake.

That is something for you.
I prefer the herbal tea.

- Innkeeper!
- Coming!

- It's good, isn't it? For you, Countess?
- No thanks.

The old hag will ruin our plan!

Fucking aristocrats.

What'cha doing?

I'm grating poppy roots
into her schnapps.

Plus laudanum, from the notary.

Can it explode?

- Pull yourself together, Philippe!
- Mountain air makes you tired.

- Mother! My hands are all wobbly!
- Like your father.

This is plum brandy.
We distill it ourselves, Countess.

A bit rough, but quite fruity.
Now I will prune you, Philippe!

Yes?

Coming, Philippe.

I'm coming, already...

- You? What do you want?
- You!

You! I want you!

Your breasts, your mouth.
I won't leave until we make love.

You are crazy!
My husband is below.

He's busy. Leave the door open,
so we can hear him coming.

- No! No!
- Yes! Yes, you want it!

That's good! That's wonderful!

What can I do to you? Tell me!

Oh, you're asleep!

You're... asleep...?

First time this happens to me.

Just one more, Countess.
On the house.

Philippe...

Philippe...?
My room...

We will help you, Countess!

- Philippe... I plucked him.
- That's right.

The small estate is now mine!

- She's evil, that one.
- We're gonna pluck you too, don't worry.

Octave!

Octave! Octave?

Octave, I've really had enough.
I can see you. Come out of that tree!

Alright. I will count to three.

If you come out, I will pardon you
and consider the incident closed.

One... two... three.

Give me your hand. Two Ave Maria
and five Our Father, and you're forgiven.

Give me your hand. Give me your...

Octave! Wait for me in the barn!

Lord, I hear Thy summons. Thou
bringest me back to save their life.

I... I am not afraid.

But I very much count
on Thy support.

I thought I'd never make it.
Ain't no featherweight, the Countess.

They're all asleep now.
Send Violet up.

- As soon as he's back.
- Back from where?

- From... his rounds.
- His rounds?

- Yes!
- What rounds?

- Stop it, Martin!
- What?

You sent him after the priest!

I can't take that Bible thumper anymore!

Violet will wring his neck
and bring back the relic.

I said, not under my roof!

He's not under your roof,
he's outside! Free for all.

We are locked up!

The courtyard door is also locked.

- Is anybody there?
- Nobody! Pray for your salvation!

Your priest!
I should never have listened to you!

And Violet? Where's my Violet?!

That bastard must have shot him!

You monster!
You killed my son!

What are you talking about?
I'm not a murderer!

My little one!
He took my little one from me!

Don't get upset, good woman!

I never even saw
your deaf lunatic!

How dare you attack
a disabled person!

Innkeeper, any tea left?
I can't sleep.

Mister "Lace", help me!

Somebody help!
The false priest is back!

- Oh no! Not my Martin!
- Don't move!

I heard screams!

It's nothing, it's just the pigs.
They brawl. Do not worry.

Your hands are ice-cold!

Warm me up, my darling!

My Violet!
He was my all, my Violet!

Priests always screw you!

I swear, I didn't touch your retard!

You deserve the scaffold. And I'll be
there to watch your head fall in the basket!

My head in the basket? In your dreams!
It's the world turned upside-down.

Mathilde! Mathilde!
Mathilde! Mathilde!

- Leave me alone, you devil!
- Help me! In the name of the Lord!

No, God never asks anything! I don't
believe in him! He doesn't exist!

You are wrong.
And you're about to face him!

- Wake up!
- Mother! I'm sleeping!

Madame de Marcillac!
Wake up! Wake up!

Pull yourself together!
I didn't see anything!

Give me more,
"Lace", more!

- More...!
- I didn't hear anything.

- Be quiet. Be quiet!
- I want more...!

- More...!
- No! Please be quiet!

Wake up!
Wake up already!

Madame!
Countess!

Oh my God.

There you go.
Perfect.

Let's go.
Come on, Countess!

You're no featherweight, Countess!

Come in!

Come in.

Come in!

Come in!

Help!

Come in!

Come in...

Come in!

Come in! You either let them in,
Philippe, or let me sleep!

Help...!

Help me! She weighs a ton!

It's you, Violet!
How is it going?

Man! Man! A man!

He speaks. Did you hear that?
Violet, you're talking?

Bravo, Violet!
Wonderful!

Violet, no!

Hang on, I'll be back!

Help!

My God, Octave!

Ouch. Come in.

Daddy! Mommy!

- What are you doing here?
- Untie us!

- The priest! He's a murderer.
- We must kill him!

- Violet is trying to kill Octave.
- Violet! He is alive?

Do something!

Hurry!

Thank God!
Look at how strong he is.

- He's gonna kill them!
- All the better. Two less.

You're monsters!

I'm warning you.
If Octave dies, I'll report you!

Blackmailing your parents.
That's not nice.

Stop, you moron!

Are you ok?

Thilde, man!

He speaks!

He speaks.

Yes, I heard something too.
Repeat, you!

Man! Thilde!

It's a miracle.
He has been touched by God.

- Why him, Lord?
- Since when has he been talking?

- Well.. he just started.
- Man! Thilde!

He's calling his sister!
His first word.

No!

Man! Thilde! Man!

Of course, idiot! Your sister
is called Mathilde! Mathilde!

How quickly he realizes.
He will have to go to school.

We'll see.

Tatave angry with Thilde!

What's that gibberish! Talk like
before, I don't understand a word!

Who is "Tatave"?

What? No.

Tatave raped your sister?

- My poor darling!
- He didn't rape me, I agreed!

- What?
- You agreed? You slut!

- Is that true, "Tatave"?
- Yes!

I'm proud of it.
I want to marry her!

No way! My daughter is engaged.

- Violet! Take the scythe and kill him!
- Wait, wait, wait!

True, the youngster gave in
to the sin of the flesh. Here!

But they truly love each other.
That saves them.

Foolish talk!

Don't touch him!
His father will have your head.

- Who's your father?
- Honoré Pompians.

The President of the Privas Court.

Your daughter is right. The President
decides if someone is to be beheaded.

Well but then, I mean, in that case...

We need to calm down. When you're
upset, at the end you talk nonsense.

Still, she committed irreparable sin.
We must repair it!

But how?

If they really love each other...
they must marry.

- I agree!
- Me too!

No way! I cannot marry
them just like that, here!

- We need witnesses!
- The rooms are full of 'em.

Marriage is a sacrament.
I refuse.

- You have no choice, Father.
- Violet!

Stop! Alright, on one condition.

After the wedding, I'm taking everyone.
And I'll drive the coach myself.

Out of the question!

Think of your daughter, sweetie.
Such a good catch. It would be a crime.

♪ Little Jeannie takes her sickle ♪

♪ And goes out to cut the reeds ♪
♪ And goes out to cut the reeds ♪

♪ On her way there she encounters ♪
♪ What a laugh, oh, such a laugh ♪

♪ On her way there she encounters ♪
♪ Four good-looking, handsome boys ♪

♪ Four good-looking... ♪

Stop!

Help! Murderers!

Simon Barbeuf, lace dealer
from Calais! Help me!

Hurry!

This one is for the President's son.

And the one with the pretty
stone is for your sister.

There's all sizes.
That took years of labor.

La--bor!
La--bor!

That's right. Labor.
The problem is the pastor.

He only keeps quiet
because he's scared.

But it won't last. Holy Joes are the
biggest chatterboxes, am I right?

- La--bor! La--bor!
- Shut up, moron.

You're distracting me.

Let's say I let everyone go.

They could still have a
coach accident, can't they?

Yep. Ye--es!

I am completely swollen.
My hat doesn't fit anymore.

I must have been stung.
You got hornets under the roof?

No we don't. And your head
is the same as yesterday.

Here we are. The last witness
has arrived, let's begin!

Octave, you can't make a lifetime
commitment like that. Think!

Philippe, I don't get it.
Is he a real priest or not?

I have no idea. But the two love
each other. And that's very nice.

Do you remember,
Marie-Odile and me?

- When?
- Huh?

When?

Your two families...
it will never work out!

- Octave, I'm talking to you!
- Too late for that.

- Is everybody here? Let's start then.
- Where's Violet?

He's pouting. He went to
saw wood in the forest.

You're sure he's a priest?

I'm a cloth dealer,
I know what a cassock is!

I'm asking because we are
looking for a bear guide.

He plunders travelers
with his trained animal.

A certain Bayard.

Children, the holy sacrament
of marriage is indissoluble.

So if you marry,
it lasts forever!

Having said that, many couples
never marry and are still happy.

- Happier than if they were married.
- We don't want to live in sin.

Of course not, but I must
be honest with you.

It takes a whole lot of love
to get married!

And you won't stay young
and beautiful forever!

Where you go if you say yes,
and it's not a nicer word than no,

you are headed for a land
that is gray as ash.

It's called the land of the married.

What is he talking about?
Is he still drunk?

Shut up, Marie-Odile!
I got a bell in my head.

And in this land you will watch as
you grow old, and get sick, and ugly...

And you'll wonder, who will be
first to go? Is it him, or her?

He speaks so true.

- Change your tune! This is not a funeral!
- Yes.

Duflot, search the buildings.
Quentin, Martier, cover me.

Right. I now declare you bound
by the holy covenant of marriage.

In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

You asked for it!

Long live the bride and groom!
Bravo!

- Long live the bride!
- Bravo!

Hands up!

- Who is it now?
- It's the "Lace"! He's back!

- Where's the carnage?
- There! He dragged corpses all night!

- What corpses?
- The corpses of all these people here!

I saw it! I swear!

If you wanted to
mess with us, you did!

Captain!
There's a body in the barn!

He'd been working here
for six months.

He was almost
part of the family!

He was poor and impoverished.
We took care of him.

We adored him.
Why did you kill him?!

Captain, I am a man of the cloth!
I help the poor. I don't kill them!

- I never met this man!
- But you pointed a gun at us last night?

You know that I know
the truth and cannot speak it!

Oh? Why not?

Lord, how you torture me!

Never would a real priest
threaten us with a weapon. Never!

Threatened? He shot at us!
He's a murderer in a stolen robe!

- The shot went off by itself!
- The classic excuse of the guilty.

- But it was to protect the little one!
- Protect him from whom? From us?

No, he wanted to take him to the woods.
Be alone with him. And to what end?

- I'd rather not think about it.
- How dare you?!

- That's a vile slander!
- Quiet, you false priest!

Speak without fear, little one.
Did he lay hands on you?

Or try to undress you?

He never asked me to take off
my clothes. Except my shoes.

- To undress, you must take off your shoes!
- I agree!

The case is clear! Attempted rape,
impersonation of a clergyman and murder.

If it were up to me,
I would shoot him on the spot!

- I didn't do anything! I swear to God!
- Enough!

- Take the wrong priest away!
- This is a travesty of justice!

I was ordinated by Mgr. Soupiot!
Ask him! Monsignor Soupiot!

- To think that he confessed me.
- Yes, my Rose.

Good thing we brought the cage.
It was for the bear, but you are worse!

A nightmare.

Lord, give me the strength
to keep the Seal of Confession!

Do not abandon me!
Help me carry my cross.

You did well with your scarecrow.
It looks like a real guy!

It's from Violet, our big one.
Scarecrows are his hobbyhorse.

There he is!
Speaking of the devil.

He loves to tinker with his father.
They built it only yesterday.

And they certainly
serve their purpose.

You know, preventing the birds
from eating our fruit. Am I right?

Anyway, safe travels!
And many thanks to the gendarmerie!

- Forward!
- Captain!

You think it normal, a scarecrow
that attracts the birds?

He's right. Normally, it should
scare them away!

That's right,
how is that possible?

Happens sometimes.
Here's the proof!

They figured out that they're safe,
it's not a real person. Crows are clever.

Indeed they are! We once had
a butcher pass through...

- Molard?
- Roger Molard.

He said if crows were just a bit
heavier, they would rule the world.

A butcher! He knows a thing or two.

Clever or not, these
nasty birds stink of death!

You almost crippled me, Captain!

Chief... the scarecrow's bleeding.

Thank you Lord!

We are innocent, general!
This is a miscarriage of justice!

- We are good people! It's shameful!
- This is a miscarriage of justice!

It was the false priest!
He has that on his conscience!

He attacked us!

Allow me to join your coach
until the turnoff to the monastery.

Don't you want to go
into the city with us?

- Oh yes, we could dine together!
- In the inn "The Golden Hand".

- Their calf's head is sinfully good!
- No.

Humor us, Father Carnus.
We have so much to make up for.

- Without you we would be dead.
- That's true.

Thanks to you, they've been arrested.
Or they would keep playing their game!

I forgave you all, but I won't be
staying at an inn any time soon!

Why not?

Let's go.

Sellouts! You are all sellouts!

It's a disgrace!
We are all innocent!

This is police terror!
The Reign of Terror is back!

Robespierre!
You are all Robespierres!

Terr--or! Terr--or!

- Shut up!
- He's right! Keep your mouth shut!

Trust in our daughter, Martin.
She will testify before the judge.

He is her father-in-law now.
We get mitigating circumstances.

- You're right. He's family!
- Yes.

- Watch it! We're an influential family!
- Very highly ranked!

- Shut up! Or I clap you in irons!
- Scumbag.

Bidge!

Bidge!

- Bidge! Bidge!
- How dare you shake your mother!

- My God, the bridge! The bridge! Stop!
- What is it?

Don't drive over the bridge!
Not over the bridge!

Octave. Had they but touched you,
I would've reported them on the spot.

Stop!

Octave, I'll ask Mgr. Soupiot to intervene
with the Pope to annul this marriage.

- It might be better for you.
- No.

We will stay married until we die.

So be it. Go with the grace of God,
my children.

Love, Lord! Love!

Well, are you coming?
We're leaving!

Let the coach go first!
Bring up the coach!

Bring up the coach!

Me saw bidge.

- Me saw bidge!
- What, "saw bidge"?

Me saw bidge!

- He sawed the bridge?
- Well, yes!

Forward!

Not! Let the others go first!
Not over the bridge! Stop!

- What did you do?
- Farewell, my Rose. I only loved you!

Thank God I confessed!

Mommy!

- My Violet! We will all go together!
- Idiot!

- I never...!
- Bidge! Bidge! Bidge!

We passed it. We passed it.

My God! We passed it! We passed it!

- Go on, driver!
- Forward!

- Goodbye, Father!
- Pray for us!

I will! Go in peace, my children.

Help, pastor!

Stop! Stop!

What now again?

Our lumberjack! It's a miracle!

I went through a lot!
What a night.

He is hurt. You must take
him to a doctor, at once!

He should go on foot!
He's slowing us down.

He'll dirty the whole coach!
Look at the state of him.

And he smells badly.

You egotists! How dare you! The Lord
just saved you from a horrible death!

Take good care of this man.
AND SHUT UP!

Get in, my son.

I'll drink a big mug of beer
to your health, Father!

Well, not too big.

"Moderare bibere,
corpe sana gardarem."

Yeah right.

My God!

How far the path that
leads to Thee, my Lord.

- What was that noise?
- A thunderstorm.

No, bidge! Me saw bidge!
Crack crack!

Nothing crack crack! You didn't saw it!
We got over it safely, didn't we?

That boy can't do anything right.
Wonder who he takes after.

We did what we could.
But he kept following his instincts.

Yes, he's to blame for everything!
God knows how you tried, my Rose.

No! Me saw bidge!