Lambada (1990) - full transcript

Kevin Laird is a Beverly Hills school teacher by day and a mystery man by night. Using his lambada dance moves to first earn the kid's respect and acceptance, Kevin then teaches them academics. But when a jealous student exposes Kevin's double life, his two worlds collide, threatening his job and reputation.

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Brewskis!

Sandy! Hey!

Hi, how are you?

I want you to meet Miranda.

- Muriel.
- Hi.

Have you seen Dean around?

He's just running on Dean Standard Time.

Nice car.

Don't screw with the car.

Yes, sir.

I never forget a face. Got that?



Got it.

Get this!

Where have you been?

I was having a little heart-to-heart
with the coach.

But I was thinking only of you.

You'd better have been.

You'll have to do something
about that car, Laird.

- It drives.
- It's driving the property values down.

Remember, we have an image to maintain
at Stonewood High.

Don't worry, Collins,
I've been buying my lottery tickets.

When I accepted the principalship
of Stonewood High

I accepted the burden
of maintaining standards here.

We are educators here, Freeman.

Miss Gallant and I have been seeing
each other for eight months.



I see.

Well, either she goes, or you do.

Jesus! Gimme a break!

I guess Stonewood could use
a new head of the Math department.

Goodbye, Mr. Freeman. You're fired.

Screw you, Singleton.

Complimentary angles,

they're like partners in a dance.

If you know one, the other one follows.

But without both, you have nothing.

Together, you have what?

- Egghead.
- A right angle.

Right. The most useful angle
in trigonometry.

Does everyone understand?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Good. Glad you're so excited about it.

Remembering that,
you get the key equation,

the basis of all measurements,
all navigation.

- Without the right angle...
- Those buns!

...Columbus would've
never discovered America

and the astronauts
would have never landed on the moon.

Okay.

How about the difference between

an adjacent and a nonadjacent
complimentary angle?

- Yes, Sandy.
- Here she goes again.

I was wondering how you would feel
about a teacher posing for a calendar?

I mean, if it was for a good cause.

Posing for calendars has no relevance
to what we're doing in class today.

Please pay attention.

I am.

See you.

So, Miss Farnsworth, the English...
Welcome, weary warrior.

Accent on the weary.

Don't let the little bastards get you down.

Thanks, Farnsworth.

It's not the little bastards
you have to worry about.

Singleton has invited Freeman
to depart these honored halls

for cause.

Kevin, can you make sure
Rudy's doing his homework?

The race is on!
Heading down the back stretch!

It's Rudy! It's Dad!
They're over the whoopdedoos!

But wait, Rudy's got mud in his eye!
He can't see. He's gonna crash. Look out!

Hey, guys, what's going on
in there? Is Rudy doing his homework?

Okay, Mom!

All right.

Back to the books, Hot Rod!

- He settled down?
- Yes. Have you?

You off?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

Just remember,
you have a family to support.

How could I forget?

- Bye.
- I'll see you later.

Yes, I know he's handsome.

No, you cannot talk to Dean.
He is my date.

No, really,
he's getting me some ice cream.

What kind?

Chocolate fudge.

Oh, my God! You have such control.

What about Dean?
Is he fooling around again?

No, things are great.
We're going to the springs this weekend.

Wait just a second.

He's talking to some ditz.

Doesn't he know my ice cream is melting?

- Who is it?
- Well, I don't know her, so...

- Details.
- What kind of details?

On a scale of 10.

Looks, four.

Breasts, nine.

Purse, bargain basement, definitely.
I can't see her tush, so don't ask.

Wait just a second.
She's giving him her phone number.

How can he do that?

I've got to go.

Okay. Here you go.

So, who's the girl?

What?

Oh, oh, oh.

Nobody.

Well, she's somebody.

I went to grade school with her.

Nobody is somebody
you went to grade school with?

Yeah.

Now, this is dripping everywhere!

- Want me to get you another one?
- I don't want another one!

How many times am I gonna put up
with your fooling around?

- No. You know what it is?
- Yeah!

- It's you!
- It's you!

- It's you, Sandy. Would you shut up?
- No! You shut up!

- Would you get back in the car, please?
- Not if you had the last Ferrari on earth.

I'm not gonna go chasing...

Look at this!

Sandy!

Hi. There's this new wild dance club
called No Man's Land. You wanna come?

Yeah.

Sandy!

Sandy, meet the Low Rider Brothers.

This is Jose Uno and Jose Dos!

Pleased to meet you!

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

Rarely do I get the chance

to let you know what I think of you

Let me take you out tonight

and show you just how much I love you

Red dress flying high

You and I burning up the night

Limousine, candlelight, French cuisine

Everything will be just right

'Cause, baby

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

- Hey, Uncle Big.
- Hey, Babe.

Big.

So, when's the man arrive?

He ain't showed yet, Funk Queen.

Hey, Blade!

- Regular as the nightly news.
- Hey, they ready?

Better let them dance a little longer.

Come on, baby

We're gonna set the night on fire

- Ramone thinks you're running out of leg.
- What else is new?

We're gonna set the night on fire

I think I can manage at least one dance.

Can't you feel the heat under your feet?

We've got this floor burning

- Are you sure this is safe?
- No problem. You're with us.

Don't expect to find
any Beverly Hills people here.

Okay. Let's check it out.

- What is that?
- The Lambada!

Can you believe they outlawed it in Brazil?

Yes, I can.

Hey! Isn't that the girl
from the party, man?

Yeah!

Hey, what are you looking at, Ramone?

Let's set the night on fire

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

Baby, we're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

On fire!

Oh, my God! That's Mr. Laird!

- You know him?
- That's my math teacher!

Oh!

- No.
- What?

- He's looking this way!
- But we just got here!

I told you you wouldn't find
any Beverly Hills people here.

All right! The old place is going good.
Hey, space!

Now, it's time to take the Galaxy trip.
You know the man and you know the place.

So, let's just pick it up and head for space.

Ramone, you gonna join us tonight?

You think you can dance your way
into my mind, too, man? You're crazy.

Jacket, Blade.

Thank you, Book.
- Have fun!

I got the goods.

Well,

let's do it.

The square of cosine theta plus

the square of sine theta,

equals one.

This establishes the relationships. Here,
the theta symbol stands for the angle.

Okay? Good.

Because remembering that,
we get the key equation.

It's simple.

And what do we know
about the symbol theta?

Theta is a Greek letter.

I like the rhythm

I like the way he moves

I like the music

Especially

Do, I do

I like the rhythm

'Cause it gives me the chance

That he might hold me

Especially

When we dance

I like the rhythm

I like the rhythm

And moving to the beat

The floor is crowded

But he is all I see

I hope someday he'll feel the same as I do

Maybe one day he'll be mine

I like the rhythm

I like the rhythm

- Sandy?
- Yes, Kevin?

I'm sorry!

What is it, Mr. Laird?

Can you give us the proof
of the Law of Sines?

What?

What's with you today, Sandy?
The proof of the Law of Sines, please.

Saved by the bell.

Don't forget, Chapter 8, Page 43.

Do problems 8 through 20.

Hey, Kevin,
Principal Singleton wants to see you.

- Did he say why?
- I don't know. Could be your car.

Give it a rest, Collins.

Seriously, Kevin, beware.

The man has something on his mind.

Miss Taylor,
did Singleton want to see me?

- He's been expecting you.
- Thank you.

Come in.

- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Yes, Mr. Laird. Please, sit down.

Your personnel file.

Yes, sir.

Not great

not bad, either.

I'll make this short. You heard we need
a new head for the math department.

Mr. Freeman's job.

Mr. Freeman has abdicated his position.

- I want you to fill in.
- I don't know, sir.

I feel like I'm wearing
a dead man's shoes here.

More money.
You could buy yourself a new car.

- Yes, but, sir, you see...
- Don't thank me, Laird.

Just don't let me down.

I hate to be let down.

I'll try not to, sir.

Aren't we a little old
to be playing Miami Vice?

Why are you avoiding me?

I'm giving you time to catch up on your
phone calls with Little Miss Drive-in.

- She's not in your class.
- That's very true. Nor are you.

Will you move your tricycle, little boy?

Rudy?

Still awake?

- Hey, champ!
- Hi.

How's that arithmetic coming?

Great, I just finished it.

All right, I'm glad to hear it.

- I'll see you in the morning, okay?
- Yeah.

- Good night, buddy.
- Okay, good night.

Dad?

All the other dads stay home at night.
How come you always have to go out?

- I have a special job, Rudy.
- Then how come you dress like a greaser?

Where'd you hear that word, Rudy?

That's what they call
the Mexican kids at school.

Rudy, when I was your age

they used to call me a greaser.

- They called you a greaser?
- Yeah.

Let me show you something.
Remember I told you I was adopted?

Yeah, they chose you special.

That's right.

These are your grandparents.

That's my mother and father.

Mexicans?

They're from Mexico.

When they came to America,
they had a little boy.

That's me.

My name was Carlos Gutierrez,
and people called me a greaser.

Jeez, Dad.

Jeez, Dad.

How about giving your dad a hug?
Come here.

Get to bed!

- You need your beauty sleep! All right?
- Okay.

- See you in the morning, okay?
- Okay.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night!

I'll be home about midnight.

God, this family does so much together.

A quick supper, if we're lucky.

You knew what you were getting
when you bought the package.

I thought I was getting this
wonderful, caring, selfless husband.

Now, I realize...

Linda, what is this?

- You know I have to be at the club.
- I think it's just an excuse!

To go down there and prove
you're still 18, still n?mero uno!

Well, you're not 18 anymore.

That's right, I'm 32 years old.
I love my wife and I love my son.

I'm doing something I need to do!

I thought you understood
how much this means to me.

I'm sorry.

You do what you have to do.

You're wonderful, you know that?
I know what you're going through.

I want you to keep an eye on Rudy tonight.
He might need you.

- Okay.
- See you.

- You're out of your mind!
Why, thank you.

Where did you get that thing?

Leslie, when you are going fishing,
you've got to have the right bait.

Sandy! Tall, dark, and handsome
is one thing.

Tall, dark, and handsome
and your math teacher is another!

Trust me, Leslie, all male species
have the same weaknesses.

Sure.

Face it, you're gone on him!

You better hope Dean doesn't find out.

Dean. After that stunt he pulled,

I don't even care.

You wouldn't be doing this
to get Dean jealous?

Me?

Leslie...

- You obviously don't know me very well.
- I know you.

So? How do I look?

Killer.

Dean!

This is gonna be so much fun!

- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.

- All right, don't open the door yet, okay?
- Okay!

Maria! No!
Just a minute.

Go. Coming!

- Leslie.
Go!

Coming!

Why, Dean, what are you doing here?

- How you doing, Leslie? Where's Sandy?
- Sandy who?

Don't do that to me, Leslie.
Don't play stupid. Her car's right there!

Shit!

Sandy! What did I do?

You don't need to go to school, babe.

What do you mean, Ramone?
It's a good thing what I'm doing, babe.

I love you just the way you are, baby.

Hey! Look who decided
to come slumming again.

You know, Ramone,
if you lightened up a little

you'd be surprised how far you could go.

Like a coconut? Brown on the outside

white on the inside, like you?

I'm not impressed
with your macho biker attitude, bro.

I think you're here for the girls, man.

And what'd you promise them, man?

A cycle? A job as a secretary?

What?

I promise them a chance!

What could you promise them, tough guy?

A career flipping burgers
and washing cars their whole life?

You can just save that for the chicks, man.

I think I just lost a dance partner!

You wanna dance with me, Blade?

Sure, Pink Toes. Let's get it!

- You wanna dance, Ricochet?
- Come on!

Sata

You're doing the Sata

Sata

Do the Lambada

Sata

You're doing the Sata

Sata

Do the Lambada

I'm the kind of girl
who likes to do it in the dark, yeah

I'm the type of girl
who plays with men's hearts

I'm the kind of girl
that makes your fantasies come true

All night long, gonna do it to you

Sata

Do the Lambada

I'm the kind of girl
that likes to slide and spindle

That's me

Give you satisfaction

Make you body shake and shiver

I'm the kind of girl
that likes to do the nasty dance

Like a snake on the floor

Dangerous to the glance

- Mind if I cut in?
- Hell, yeah.

Sandy! What are you doing here?

- Aren't you gonna ask me to dance?
- Sandy, you got the wrong idea.

Why, thank you. I'd love to.

Sandy.

And we'll be closer and closer

Yes, we'll be closer and closer

Why don't you get up, get up, get up

and move your feet?

Get up, get up, get up and move your feet

Say you wanna be the one

Get up, get up, get up and move your feet

Hey, Ramone, why'd you pick on him?

He's gonna pay. He's gonna pay, baby.

The kind of girl
that likes to do the nasty dance

Like a snake on the floor

Dangerous to the glance

I'll make the kind of love

you can burn in your fire

I'm temptation, sweet sensation

Every man's desire

Sata

Do the Lambada

Sata

You're doing the Sata

You want to dance? Let's dance.

So, what's this little game
you're playing with me, Sandy?

I just want to have fun.
Why can't we have fun together?

Come on. Math class is over.

Then comes Biology.

And if you're lucky,

Anatomy.

School's out!

- Where's your car?
- I didn't bring it! I took a cab!

- All right, I'm taking you home!
- I don't want to go home!

Maybe she don't wanna go with you, man.

Stay out of this, Ramone.

Are you gonna try and stop me, Professor?

Come on, baby,
you wanna have a good time?

Yeah.

Sandy.

This is the '90s, man.
A chick's got a right to choose.

And she chooses me!

You get back inside, Ramone,
before someone gets hurt.

Now, there you go again, man!
Ordering people around!

Now, why don't you go back
to Wonder Bread Land, Blade!

You don't wanna do this, Ramone!
Get in there!

Okay, sucker.

Come on, man.

Come on, man!

I don't believe it, man! You're a homey!

Everybody comes from somewhere,
Ramone.

What happened here?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Hey, where you going?

Get on!

Hope you know what you're doing.

So, here you go.

Come on. The night's just starting.

Not for you, Sandy.

Okay.

You've seen some things tonight, Sandy.

I hope I can trust you
to keep this between us.

There is nothing that I would like more.

Good night, Sandy.

What do you want, Dean?

Is it anybody that I know?

Blade.

All right, I come over here, okay,

to get things straight between us,
and you're out riding around with a biker?

And you're dressed like a slut.

Look, if you're trying to make me jealous,
you're doing a damned good job of it.

Can we forget about all this? Please?

Let's take a jog down to the Drive-In.

We'll get a soda and we'll talk.

Maybe we could, you know...

Yeah.

Afterwards...

Shit! God damn it, Sandy.

- Come on, man.
- Yes.

Give it up, kid.

Be cool, man. Let me do this, man.

Just be cool. Let me do this, man.

Check it out.

Galaxy High is now in session.

Take a book.

Tom Sawyer? Didn't he play
offensive tackle for the Raiders?

No man, that's the dude from Magnum P.I.

Blade. Can I keep this for a couple of days?

- It's supposed to be back by the morning.
- Please, just this once?

Come on, you know I got trouble
with that history stuff.

Okay. But I want it back
by the end of the week.

- Guaranteed. Thanks...
- Take a seat.

I know you've been busy
with your English assignments.

- I thought you'd like this one.
- Beats that Shakespeare.

That definitely isn't
the English language I know.

- What are we doing in six weeks?
- Taking the GED.

- Taking the GED?
- Passing the GED.

Yeah. Which means what, Ricochet?

We all get our high...

Spit it out.

...school diplomas.

Right. I'm working on a little surprise
for you, so we can take a practice test.

Yeah.

Anyway, where did we leave off last time?

Rectangular coordinate systems.

Hey, keep it down.

- I'm trying to play some pool here, man.
- Is that so?

That's right.

Looks to me
like you're gonna lose your shot.

Damn.

It's too bad you don't know
the rectangular coordinate system.

Yeah? So, you think with your degree
you can make this shot?

It's a piece of cake. If you know
the rectangular coordinate system.

Okay. Let's see you make it.

Got to set it up first.

See, first, I need to decide
which ball that I wanna hit.

What is this?
You hit the eight ball right here, man.

Where?
Right here, man? Or right here?

It's not good enough.

You need to define it
in relation to something.

To what does it relate?

It's the cue ball.

- It starts at the cue ball?
- I believe so.

- You sure about that?
- Yeah.

- How long is this stick?
- This stick? 60 inches.

60 inches.

The cue ball is halfway up the stick,
which means?

It's 30 inches.

Come on. Take the shot.

Hey, chill out, man.
I'm dealing with a system here.

Yeah?

Deal with this.
I bet you can't make the shot.

- It's covered.
- Shoot, I wanna get a piece of this.

- Drop your money in there.
- Me, too.

Pick up my stakes there,
and hold them for me...

My pleasure.

...while I try to decide
what direction this stick is.

Let's make this
the zero-degree direction, right here.

Okay.

But let's make this a three-cushion shot.

Okay. Covered.

Vertex number one, vertex number two,
and vertex number three.

Wait a minute. I need to decide
which angle that I need to use.

What the hell are you doing?
You know I don't allow gambling in here.

Gambling? This is education.

Like, how to use
a protractor to measure angles

by degrees.

37 degrees.

Gonna be tough.

44 degrees.

This is too damn good to pass up.

I got me a $100 bill here,
says you ain't gonna make it.

Grab it quick, Book, before he backs out.

Thanks, Book.

And that is
a rectangular coordinate system.

Thank you, Book.

Thank you all.

Class dismissed.

Damn. That dude walked off
with all our cash.

Blade!

Game ball.

How'd it go?

One of my students
from Stonewood showed up.

Singleton's not gonna like you
teaching down at the club.

That's right. But I'll take care of that.

You got something
you wanna take care of with me?

Did I ever show you my
rectangular coordinate system?

I love it when you talk dirty to me.

And then he said
it was up to me if I told anyone.

- Broadcast news.
- You promised.

You're squishing my octopus roll.

Okay. I said I wouldn't talk.

I just don't understand
why all men have to lie.

Pretending to be this straight teacher,
when he's really a Latin lover.

You should have seen the way...
What is it?

Sandy.

- Can I talk to you?
- Yeah.

- Alone.
- Don't mind me.

All right.

Imagine meeting you here.

I'd like to see you in my classroom,
after school.

Of course.

Just follow the directions on your screens.

And if you have any questions,
you can refer to Figure 4-2, on Page 39.

I'll be back in just a few minutes.

Egghead, you can handle any problems
until I get back.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Laird. Sure thing.
- Thank you.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Laird. "

Egghead, if you tell me what to do,
I'm gonna kick your ass.

This is some boring shit.

Computers are only as boring
as the people that use them.

You better get over yourself.

Excuse me, Egghead,
were you talking to me?

Just out of curiosity,
were you talking to me?

Like, check this out. Hit the function.

Bust a move.

- You could almost dance to that.
- Almost?

Check this out.

Yes, Superintendent?

You have only one class
with improved test scores.

Oh, yes, Laird's class.

He's been promoted
to head of the Math department.

I want to know what this teacher's doing
that's different from the others.

Certainly, no problem.

I'll arrange a dinner with Laird at my club.

I don't want to see how he eats.
I want to see how he teaches.

Yes, of course. Come with me.

Singleton!

This is Laird's classroom.

Egghead!

- Where is your super teacher?
- Where's Laird?

I think he's in the bathroom.

This is interesting.
Where did you get this program?

Mr. Laird designed it, sir.

- Laird.
- Principal Singleton.

Superintendent Leland, Kevin Laird.

Mr. Laird.

Well, welcome, Superintendent.

I guess, we'll have to be on our
special behavior today, class.

Nothing special required, Mr. Laird.

We're just interested in seeing
how you teach here.

Great. Class, why are we studying
double angle identities?

Well, imagine, we finally get the big one.

Stonewood High is hit. Result?

A crack opens
down the middle of the classroom.

Make it Rodeo Drive, and Sandy is
trapped at Gucci's, which is now on fire.

- Why me?
- Don't worry.

Dean's on his way to the rescue,
and all he has is a protractor.

What are you gonna do?

- I'll build a bridge.
- Good.

How long does the bridge have to be?

- I don't know.
- Use your protractor. And what else?

- Telephone pole?
- Excellent.

Now, what is the angle of the pole
to the street?

The angle?
The angle of the pole to the street.

That'd be...

90!

90 degrees.

Exactly. Very good.

Tomorrow, we'll explore
how to derive an unknown solution

from a known angle.

Class dismissed.

They actually stayed after the bell.
I don't believe it.

- You wanted to talk to me?
- Yes, Sandy. Come in.

What about?

I need to explain something to you.

Should I be taking notes?

You're not the first student
to ever have a crush on her teacher.

It's not exactly the teacher
that I have a crush on.

That's actually what I want to
talk to you about.

You see, you don't really know what it is
that I'm doing down there in that barrio.

You don't give up, do you?

I guess I'm just spoiled.
I'm not used to being told "No. "

I'm telling you now.

All right, tell me one other thing.
No teacher-student bullshit.

Okay.

Do you find me attractive?

Sandy, this is going nowhere.

Wait just a second.

Hey, Senor Kevin.

- You didn't forget about...
- No. I know. The usual.

Hi.

Sandy!

What are you doing in my car?

I just thought maybe you could take me
for another ride.

This isn't funny.
Are you trying to ruin my life?

- No.
- Then please, just get out of my car.

I don't want to get out of your car.

Get out of my car now,
or I'm gonna throw you out.

I'll scream.

- No, you wont.
- Try me.

Wait. What is it you want from me?

Blade,

and your body, the way you moved,

you were so sexy:

- Come on, nobody's here. We can...
- I'm a married man. Okay?

But you're perspiring.

I'm perspiring because it's hot in here.
I'm wearing a tie, and...

Uh-oh!

Shit.

Principal Singleton.

Superintendent Leland
was very impressed today.

Yeah.

You must get really close to your students

to generate that kind of enthusiasm.

- No, not really, sir.
- No?

Don't be modest. You really had them
eating out of your hand.

You all right?

It's the cafeteria food.

- Yes, well, I won't keep you. Good night.
- Good night, sir.

- That was fun, wasn't it?
- No, that's not fun.

I've been very fair with you.
I want you out of my car, right now.

You know, I wish you would decide
who you really are.

None of us are perfect,
but I come close

And for the next few minutes

I'll be your host

Talkin'about the men's
perpetratin'attempts

So, listen up, ladies, I'm gonna fill you in

The men, they come
just steppin'in the club

Lookin' so fly, they don't wanna budge

Break no sweat, I said, never, ever

Check this out
'cause I'm about to get clever

I like that leather sweater

There's nobody lookin'better
Why don't you let me get a dance?

Your disposition puts me in a trance

What's the matter?
The old Blade seems a little dull tonight.

My Galaxy program's about to get busted.

If this whole thing blows up in your face,

you should know
you did something good for the kids.

Something better
than anyone's ever done before.

Got good news.

You know that bus you wanted?

I got it.

- You never let me down, do you?
- Be okay.

Thanks, buddy.

Hello.
Sandy, it's Dean. How's it going?

Fine.

I was just thinking to myself,

I'm in my car and you're in your car.
I thought maybe we could get together.

- What do you say? Where are you?
- I'm headed east.

East?

Well, I could join up with you later.
What do you say?

You're gonna have to do
better than that. Goodbye.

Sandy! Sandy!

Hello.

Leslie. It's Dean. How's it going?

Fine.

Yeah, I was thinking to myself here,
hey, I'm driving around in my car

and, you're at your house, I just broke
the whole thing off with Sandy.

- I thought maybe we could get together.
- When?

The least you can do is dance with me.

The least you could do is
to stay out of my life, Sandy.

You wanna dance?

Yeah.

The deal is

the Lambada groove has arrived.

That ain't no Beverly Hills dance.

Some sexy moves

Let's dance to the music

Dance

Let your body move

Let the music flow

I'm telling you I choke over you

All you gotta do is work your body

Get up on your feet

Let me hold you, babe
and feel me up tight

Work your body

Get up on your feet

I wanna work your body day and night

Come on, Funk Queen, get on the bus,
babe. It's time. Get on the bus.

Pink Toes, babe,
time to get on the bus. Come on.

Get on the bus. Let's go.

Give 'em hell, Blade.

- Where's Kevin?
- Who, Lover Boy? Blade?

Yeah.

My belly aches,
my belt too tight

My booty shaking from left to right
I said ooh oomgawa

Guess who's got the power

Everybody say ooh oomgawa

Guess who's got the power

Go left, go left, go left, right, left

My belly aches, my belt too tight

My booty shaking from left to right

Forget about Sandy.
There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I don't know what happened.
I mean, we were getting along fine.

Everything was smooth.

That was until she got into that
weird club trip down in East LA.

East LA?

She goes to this club there,
No Man's Land.

- But I'm not done yet.
- Get out of the car.

- How will I get home?
- Out!

You dickhead.

Okay, hold it down.

Stick together and keep it quiet.

- Right on time.
- You ready for the second shift?

- I don't see anybody.
- Thanks, amigo.

My pleasure.

Qu? pasa, Uncle?

You rotten kid.

Come on.

Take a seat,

quietly.

Okay.

Tonight we're gonna take
a simulated GED exam.

Are you sure we're ready for this?

I don't even know how to work
one of these things.

They're supposed to be idiot-proof.

If I wasn't convinced that you're ready,
I wouldn't have brought you in here.

These computers are your friends.
They work for you.

Book, come here.

Pass these out, please.

- And one more thing.
- What now, Blade?

Something I bought with the money
that you all bet against me, last night.

- Thanks, Blade.
- Check it out.

"Galaxy High. "

And when I tell you that
you're gonna pass your GED,

you're gonna pass.

All of you.

Nothing.

- I smell Polo.
- There goes the neighborhood.

Nice wheels, man.

Keep your eye on the car. Here's $5.

$5?

Five whole dollars.

That's a whole $1.60 for me, right?

And $1.65 for me.

You get more than me? How come?

What are you guys, comedians?

Funny stuff.

Just don't touch the car!

'Cause I never forget a face.

Got it,

Paco?

Yeah. We'll take real good care
of your car, man.

Can I help you?

It's all right, I'm just looking for a girl.

My girlfriend.

What's her name?

Sandy.

She has short hair?

Yes, she has short hair. Okay?

Yeah? Well, she's gone.

Wait a second! You know another guy?

A guy named Blade? Drives a bike?

Hey, visiting time's over, kid.
Your girlfriend ain't here.

Thanks a lot, buddy!

Hey!

You interested in Blade, man?

You interested in Blade?

Maybe.

He just took this cute,
fine piece to Stonewood, bro.

- Stonewood High School?
- Yeah!

- You sure?
- Yeah!

- Thanks.
- Cool!

Cool.

Just trying to help.

"Don't

"touch

"this car. "

Oh, my God.

Eric? It's Dean!

Get Clay and the others and meet me
at the high school as soon as you can.

Look out for Sandy and Mr. Laird!

Here's your dollar, vato.

Hey, Uncle Big! I heard Ramone
telling that gringo where Blade is.

What?

Ramone!

You need your butt kicked!

If you wanna screw up your life,
that's fine!

But you start messing
with other's dreams, that sucks!

I see you studying on the side.
Who do you think you're kidding?

You're not a bad kid, Ramone.

But you're not the brightest candle
on the cake!

Why do you think Blade tries
so hard with you?

He thinks you got potential.

College potential.

He never said that.

I don't even know why
he tries with your worthless ass.

Get the hell out of here!

Get out!

Make something of your life.

Right triangle, what is it?

What do you think, Double J?

Don't you think this is a waste, man?

It's only a waste if you don't try.

If you don't,
it'll be the same old mopping floors.

And burning yourself on a French-fry
machine for the next 50 years.

That's right.

Look, if you screw up

you just go back to the basics,

the old pass, dribble, shoot!

Right triangle, what is it?

Any triangle
with a right angle.

Which is?

Ninety degrees, homey!

Right! Which means?

The other two angles
add up to 90 degrees.

Hey, look!

Hey, look. There's that girl.

Uh-oh.

Would you like to join us?

So where were we?

The other two angles
add up to 90 degrees.

Right! Which means what?

Acute angles.

Acute angles,
right triangle, sine, cosine,

what are all of these?

Tools.

To do what?

Build a bridge.

Go to the moon!

All right!

Let's go to school, boys!

It's just really amazing what you've done.

I'm glad you understand.

Dean.

You wanna know what we think
of teachers that hit on their students?

Assholes...

What do you want with him, Opie?

When you can have me?

He's not worth it.

Come on, mother.

All right!
Come on man!

Come on, man!

You broke my nail!

Get off me.

Let's get them!

Mom!

They make them so cheap these days.

I didn't know you know that move, man!

Theft of school property.

Gang war on the front lawn.

Possible relations with a minor.

And worst of all,
all of it on the 11:00 news!

You have my resignation.

Resignation?

You're fired.

Well, old fellow,

when you let yourself care too much

they always get you.

They got me.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

This used to be a really fine school

thirty years ago.

Take care of yourself, boyo.

You too, Farnsworth.

- You were one of the good ones.
- Thanks.

So watch those nice buns of yours, Laird.

Farnsworth, I didn't know you cared.

I guess we'll just pick it up
at the sines and the cosines.

If you'll turn to Page 52, please.

- Mr. Collins?
- You're late.

I'm here to talk to the class.

I have a petition to bring back Mr. Laird.

Oh, my God! You've gotta be kidding.

- Miss Thomas.
- Listen.

There's been a big misunderstanding here,
and I was a large part of that.

And, Mr. Laird, he was just trying

to teach some kids that needed a break.

And I think that we're all just
a little spoiled

and we don't realize that
there are people who need help.

Very touching. If you want
to save the world, do it on your time.

If you don't mind,
I'm teaching a class here.

Please take a seat, Miss Thomas.

Take a seat.

Miss Thomas...

I blew it.

Must be great being a hero

but it doesn't exactly pay the rent.

Right now, we're looking at about
$114 in the bank.

It doesn't tide us over.

I'm sorry, Linda.

When I look at those beautiful kids

I remember what it was like in the barrio.

On the outside, always looking in.

It'll be all right.

You're my hero.

They fired Kevin.

Yeah, I figured something
like that'd happen.

We've got to make
them give him his job back.

How're you gonna do that?

- He's got to have friends.
- Sure, he's got friends.

Honey, Kevin's got more friends
than he knows about.

It's hit the fan this time.

Under control.

You call this "under control"?

I've already fired Laird.

Laird, your best teacher?

I think it's going to be time
to face the music.

Wait a minute!

You can't come in here.

- What the hell is going on here?
- I'm sorry, I couldn't stop them.

Just listen to us.

Absolutely not.

Excuse me.

What do you want to talk about?

- We're here to talk about Mr. Laird.
- Yeah, Blade.

You can just as well talk to the police.

Hold on there, Singleton.

They've come all this way.

- Let's hear them out.
- I think that would be a big mistake.

What would you like to tell us?
And what is this

"Laird, Blade" business?

It's a nickname, for God's sake!

So, Mr. Laird is Blade?

Yeah, that's right.

Blade, he got these kids learning again!

He opened up Galaxy High,
and he made it the place to be!

Oh, nothing but bull... Manure.

You have to admit,
it's a pretty big stretch.

See? They don't believe nothing, man.

If you don't believe it,
why don't you test them?

Why don't you just let them prove
that's what he was doing?

We don't have to prove anything.

Why not?

Why don't you put these kids up against
those snotty Stonewood students?

Make it a contest.

Are you scared?

We don't want to humiliate your kids.

Try us.

I like it.

- On one condition.
- Name it.

A Superquiz

with exactly the same kids
who fought last night.

Only this time,

we'll have them duke it out
with their brains.

Laird is a math teacher.

Why not let him prove himself
in his own field?

Great!

And the wonderful thing is, Singleton,

you'll be proving that Mr. Laird's
methods don't work.

Because if they do,

he has his job back.

May I have your attention, please.

I would like to welcome you to this
special Stonewood High Superquiz.

Let's try and keep it down.

I would also like to introduce
the chief executive of our school system,

Superintendent Leland.

We need to come up with something
to get them psyched.

Let's do a chant!
Like, Stonewood, Stonewood.

- Stonewood. Stonewood...
- Rocks.

Rocks!

May we have the contestants
on stage, please.

So, anyway...

Let's kick some butt! Come on, let's go.

Show them who's boss!

Now, then, the rules are quite simple.

The Superquiz format
used by the Academic Decathlon.

Two contestants per question.

Point goes to the first team
that answers correctly.

And the first team
to reach eight points, wins.

May I have
the first two contestants, please?

Fagan, get up there.

All right, Fagan.

So what do you wanna know?

First question.

You plotted the position of a star

in relation to the background stars
six months ago, and again last night.

The angle of shift of the star's
position is eight-tenths of a second.

How would you determine the distance
of this star from the Earth?

Galaxy High. Go ahead.

With a big tape measure.

Geek!

Okay!

If I couldn't find no tape measure, I guess
I'd have to use the trigonometric parallax.

I'd start with a right triangle formed
by the sun,

the stars,
and the position of the Earth last night.

My angle of interest is
0.4 seconds, and the far side

is the distance from the Earth to the sun,
or one astronomical unit.

The near side is the distance
from our solar system to the star.

You measure the ratio, far side over
near side, for a right triangle

when the angle of interest is 0.4 seconds.

Something like that.

Yes.

Correct.

Point, Galaxy High.

Man, they're trying to burn us
with tough ones.

Next pair.

Who do you wanna go?
You wanna go next?

You're going.

- You need a vacation, big guy.
- Yeah, yourself.

Your shoes are untied.

Thanks.

Describe the Cartesian
Coordinate System.

Wait a minute. Hold up!

Go ahead, Rod.

It's a system where points
on a plane are identified

by pairs of numbers
that represent distances

from two perpendicular lines.

Point, Stonewood High.

- They cheated!
- Stonewood rocks!

Come on, let's hurry up
and get this shit out of here.

If point number one
on a map of Stonewood

is Fieldstone A venue at Taft Boulevard

and point number two
is Beverly Drive at Choate Boulevard

and point number three
forms an equilateral triangle,

where is that third point?

How do you expect these kids to know
Beverly Hills geography?

Mr. Laird, you are not involved
in this contest.

I must remind you to remain quiet.

Clay?

Point number three
of the equilateral triangle

would be Stonewood High.

Correct.
Point, Stonewood High.

Come on, Eric.

We trashed you before,
we'll trash you again.

- Come on!
- Yeah, right now!

Wait. Hold it!

- Please!
- Sit down!

You are disqualified, young man,
for ungentlemanly behavior!

Now, step down!

Point, Stonewood High.

- Next.
- Randy, come on.

So, how about you and me get together
in the parking lot when this is over?

May we have the question, please?

The next question is,

the abscissa of a point in a plane
is the distance

of the point from the x-axis.

The ordinate is the distance of the
point from the y-axis.

Given an equation 2x plus 3y equals 12,

what are the coordinates of the solution?

You got the question wrong.

Young lady, if you can't answer
the question, leave the microphone.

No, see, you reversed them.
The abscissa is the vertical line,

from the point in the plane
from the y-axis.

Anyway, it don't matter. The answer is

the abscissa of the point is - 3

and the ordinate is 6.

Singleton,

she's right.

Correct. Point, Galaxy High.

She never raised her hand, man!

Tie score.

Remember that the first team
to reach eight, wins.

Which means that this next question
is the final deciding question.

Yeah!

Okay, I'll go.

I believe you are
the only team member left.

Ramone, you got to do this.

Is this a forfeit? I think it is!

We win. Thank you.

Just a moment, please.

Is this a forfeit?

Last question.

Describe for me
the rectangular coordinate system.

Galaxy High?

The rectangular coordinated system...

The what?

...or whatever you call it...

Say you wanna hit the eight ball?

What?

You wanna figure out where
the eight ball is on the pool table...

I fail to see what this has
to do with the question.

Go on, son.

The exact position of the eight ball

can be spotted if you measure
how far it is from the cue ball

which you can do with the cue stick.

But I don't have one,
so you have to pick a direction

straight to the right of the cue ball.

And that you call the zero direction,
the zero-degree direction.

And, you measure the angle
between the zero-degree direction

and the line from the cue ball
to the eight ball.

That's it!

What's it?

The Rectangular Coordinate System.

I'm afraid I cannot consider
this a correct answer.

Singleton,

you'd better consider that
a correct answer!

The winner is Galaxy High.

Hey, hey, hey.

Blade, come on up. Give us a speech, man.

Let them have it, bro.

You guys surprised me.

I'm really proud of you guys.

I was born Carlos Gutierrez

in East LA.

And I fought my way all through life.

When I was 14,

my parents died.

I dropped out of school

and then I was adopted
by my mom and dad.

And I became Kevin Laird.

The guy you all know me as now.

Through a little of their encouragement,

they made me get an education

and that's what made
the difference in my life.

And whether I'm Laird or Gutierrez,

I'm the same man

because of education.

You have the desire,

the willingness to grow.

That's what's important.

It's not your name,

your accent

or your color.

And it's certainly not
the neighborhood that you live in.

'Cause we're all human.

I want you guys to remember that.

And just for once,

I'd love to see my two worlds
come together.

What do you say?

Let's do it.

All right! Let's party!

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

Rarely do I get the chance

to let you know what I think of you

Let me take you out tonight

and show you just how much I love you

Red dress flying high

You and I burning up the night

Limousine, candlelight, French cuisine

Everything will be just right

'Cause, baby

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

We're gonna set the night on fire

Lambada

On fire!

Lambada

Let's burn it up now

Lambada

On fire!

Lambada

Let's burn it up now

Lambada

Whatever it takes tonight

I'll make it right
The sky ain't no limit

Oh, no

A genie at your command

Clap your hands and I'll get it

On fire!

Lambada

Let's Lambada, baby!

Let's burn and burn and burn
and burn and burn and burn and burn

the floor down