Lajko: Cigány az ürben (2017) - full transcript
There is a saying
it goes something like this
history is written by the victors
I don't rememberwho said it
but it's total bullshit
history is written by quiet and brave heroes
communist heroes
On January 30th, 1 934,
Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko
successfully spent seven hours
at twenty-two thousand meters.
If you want to go to space,
first you have to reach the stratosphere.
There is only one way to achieve that.
With the help of the farmers collective.
Can I jump, uncle Jenö?.
Wait!
You can come now.
What happened to the Russians?
Well, the comrades died gruesomely,
but with proper preparation
I think you can pull it off
maybe
So, little shitbags,
that's the Dagger, that's the Crown
and that one is the Lantern.
Karcsi, Sanyi and Tibci.
If you don't behave yourselves,
I'II kick you so hard in the butt
you'II get to see your constellation up close
a Iot sooner
than God intended
and me
where is my constellation
You were born on the hottest day of the year,
the 15th August,
in the month of the Star
there, that one
That's where you came from.
The belly of the sky
Like me
One day you'II go back there
One day we'll all get back there
and melt into one of the stars of our constellation.
Even as a child
Lajkó was only interested in space travel
he soon realized that the tin roof of their house
an the neighbour's fertilizer
could be turned into
perfect Iittle rockets
of course the work of the young genious
was not received too well
Mary full of grace crap on you
right between the eyes!
but a true pinoeer doesn't give up at the first obstacle
he keeps fighting until he reaches his goal
Lajkó
What the hell are you doing down there
You get shit all over your best clothes
Enough of this nonsense
It's a shitter. Not a rocket.
You are a gipsy, boy
and gypsies don't fly
Of course even Lajkó
could not prepare for anything
Antonov 2. This is the Kunmadaras
Air Force Base, come in
I order you to identify yourself and land immediately
Antonov 2 you're in military airspace
with a vaporizer plane
Lajkó you son of a bitch stop it now
Dear comrade colonel,
as you know, my son is a certified pilot
at the Red SIob collective farm 3rd Petöfi division.
What son, Karmazsin?.
All I see is a stinking gypsy!
In the eyes of comrade Lenin we are all equal.
This was not the first,
but I swear, the LAST time we met.
A stupid vaporizer pilot.
I'm better than any of your men.
I'm telling you, son
the October of '56
will make it to the history books.
Lajos Serbán,
the first communist in space!
Stratosphere.
Then the fourth communist there.
I'll be damned.
Good day to you, Lajos.
And you, uncle Jenő? Here?
Where else would I be
at this historical moment?.
We thought you were hiding somewhere.
The boys are just about to set fire
to the Red Slob granary.
They wanted to Iynch you,
but you weren't at home.
Lynch me?.
What are you talking about?
The revolution.
The people are revolting.
Why would the people want to revolt
when it's the people who rule?
Don't ask them that, uncle Jenö.
Jeeez.
We have to get out of here, son.
Only you,
I have things to do up there.
Listen to me
If we survive these horrible times
I'll find you - and I swear on our
father Lenin
I'll help you fly
all the way to Venus.
Marika, thank you for the heads up.
Lajos,
join the revolution.
I called you here for something
much more important.
I want you to take care of Ignác for me.
Of course, Lajos, but...
Thank you.
But Lajos,
I don't know much about chemistry, but
don't you need some sort of
breathing device up there?.
I'll be damned.
You are so right.
Goodbye, Lajos.
And freedom for the Hungarian people!
Lajkó only forgot one thing.
The Red Army
I hope the waterfeels nice.
Your kind can always use a good bath.
Two hundred.
What did you say?.
I was down fortwo hundred.
Are you kidding me?
Pain is the best friend of the cosmonaut.
Let's start again.
Who ordered the attack
against our friendly Soviet allies?
I was heading to the stratosphere.
Comrade Tömpe, do you know the joke
when the comrades of the Health Ministry
go to the gypsy slum?
Yes, comrade Árbocz. I know it.
How are the kids?.
The little one has colic, but...
I don't envy you.
And you? Are you still trying?.
Who ordered the attack against
ourfriendly Soviet allies?
Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko
Usishkin,
Vashenko
and Fedoshenko
And who are these comrades?.
The first communists in the stratosphere.
What?!
Forgive me for disturbing you, Comrade Árbocz.
Yes, comrade Seszták,
what is it?.
Just a bit of paperwork, comrade Árbocz.
We're filing records with comrade Bárány and...well...
I have a few questions.
Right now?.
Comrade Bárány thinks it's
most important we do this now.
Last year forty-seven pliers broke
during your interrogations, lstván.
Water consumption, electricity bills,
dental equipment, chemicals.
Comrade Árbocz,
during your work hours
our department's expenses are at least
a hundred and fifty percent
above the average.
The average?.
Are you trying to tell me my work is substandard?.
That I torture the enemies of
the state at a lower efficiency?
Not me, the documentation.
And the documentation never Iies,
dear comrade Árbocz.
What I am doing here is art!
I'm an artist. Do you get that?
An artist!
An artist!
How long was I down?
Move it
Go
Freshen up!
Lajkó?.
Virgin Mary pinch my ass,
what'you doing here?.
They'll hang me tomorrow.
We just met and they hang you?.
Tell me now,
how many grandchildren you made for me?.
I don't have any children.
And yer woman has big tits, firm bottocks?.
Don't have a wife either.
The hell is wrong with you?
Iisten
Come with me,
I go in and out of here Iike farts in a bean-eater.
This is my place.
You wanna die, son?.
Line up!
grow a tumor in your liver as big as the city council
Come with me!
T'morrow we eat dinner at home.
Karcsi's widow makes us jacket meat with scraper.
we did not steal anything
but a nail out of Jesus' palm
we did not steal anything
but a nail out of Jesus' palm
Put this on.
Not today, Serban.
Not today.
Come, Lajkó, sit down.
Comrade Bárány wants to have a word with you.
Let me get some more Iight in here.
it seems
there has been a slight misunderstanding.
Here is the state of affairs
Comrade Árbocz spoke very highly
of comrade Serbán's endurance
that superseeds rats
both physically and mentally.
He says, and I quote:.
"even if I pulled all the teeth of this
Iittle capitalist, antirevolutionary worm
he would still stare at me with a pokerface".
Butworms don't have teeth.
What a sloppy report.
You have to excuse Iieutenant Árbocz.
He always liked mixed metaphores.
Comrade Serbán,
do you speak Russian?.
He reads and writes fluently!
Have you got a criminal record?
Have you ever committed a crime?.
Yes.
I killed my mother.
I blew her up.
Just a childhood accident.
Oh, yes. Here it is.
I guess it can happen to anyone.
And yourfather?
My father?
You haven't killed him, have you?
No.
My father is very much alive.
Well then,
comrade Serbán you seem to be the ideal candidate.
I am overjoyed to announce,
you will be the first man
to the glory of the Soviet Union and its fraternal allies
to go to Space.
SPACE?.
That's what I said, no?
PIease talk to Comrade Seszták regarding formalities
I still have to executions today
and Iunch is waiting for me at home
They would have told us if they'd found him.
If they caught him?
They take him to Recsk?
We've closed the camp there years ago.
Tiszalök?
No camp there either,
only the working class building the dam.
You should see it.
It will be magnificent.
We'II be at the border soon.
Let me in.
What are you doing here, Flórián?.
I followed you.
Jenö. Karmazsin.
director of the Red SIob farmer's collective
type 3 Petofi division
Wow
Flórián Serbán.
This boy flew right out of my weiner here.
you're wanted by the police
Oh, son, just tell me
when we get to Kecskemét, finally.
We are going to Baikonur.
Haven't heard of that.
But I've been to Bajaszentistván as a boy.
The fish soup is great there.
And pussies!
So howfar is this Bajakonur?
Two weeks.
Two weeks?
This train takes us to the future,
my dear comrades.
well
This ain't no future.
It's the middle ages here.
Tiszaalpár is New York City compared to this shithole.
Don't move!
What did you say?!
Stop!
If they find out we'II be court martialled, bitches.
Do something with this fucking siren!
You're American spies.
Wait.Wait, please.
It says two persons.
The gentleman is the father of the first
Hungarian cosmonaut.
What are you Iooking at, heh?
We expected only one escort.
What did the bush say?
You might have to sleep on the floor.
Oh, back home we slept sevensome
in a bed half this size.
We'II be fine here
If you don't snore. Orfart!
He's my dog.
Kudrjavka.
They wanted to send him to space twice already.
But I didn't Iet them.
He Iikes noone else. Only me.
Doesn't Iet anyone else touch him
Gagarin. Yuriy Gagarin.
Lajos Serbán
You shouldn't wonder off so farfrom the barracks.
Smoke is thickerthan fog
remember that
It's almost dinnertime.
Come, Kudryavka!
What is it?. Are you coming?
Come darling
Pirog!
It's worth it being a communist just for this.
What would you Iike to eat?.
Pirog will be fine, thank you.
Drink? Vodka?
Just water, if possible.
Very good choice, sir.
For God's sake, Lajkó,
relax just for once in your life!
Dessert?.
There won't be an open buffet up there.
I'd give anything to Iose my breath under such a bitch.
Hello there.
Darling!
Are you a solider?
Helga is our other candidate.
We'll know soon which one of you is going up.
There is another pilot?
One?!
There's three!
Ilmar, our Estonian counter-revolutionary.
Crafty like a wolverine.
And here's Timuzhin, from Mongolia.
Timuzhin mostly meditates.
According to the People's party of
Mongolia
we could even launch him naked
without a space capsule.
And Helga, she is our pet Nazi!
Hitlerwanted to populate the Moon with blondies.
Donkey
Donkey
I have a Donkey
named Ignác
You are very pretty
Everything ok, with you?.
I just thought now that we have to
compete with each other....
I don't compete with gypsies!
I don't compete with gypsies!
Good night.
What a Iovely creature.
She was team leader in the Hitlerjugend.
Good morning, soldiers.
I found out who is coming to rule your Iittle Olympics.
Leonid IIyich Brezhnev.
Brezhnev?.
Yes.
Did you say, Brezhnev?.
I did indeed.
The secretary of the Central Committee.
Some say he'II be Khrushchev's successor.
We are writing history, son,
history
Leonid IIyich Brezhnev.
Oh those gorgeous eyebrows!
He Ioved cars and he loved to hunt.
But the real big game was he himself.
Dear comrades, my beloved friends.
Who wrote this shit?.
AIright, come on up here, comrade.
Wider
Well! Nothing to see here.
I hereby open the tournament.
Long live Estonia!
Dismissed!
Excuse me!
What?.
Do you want to come and checkout
the rocket, sweetheart?
The rocket..
Swine
You're nothing to me but a piece of soap.
you dirty cigan
What a beautiful language!
You stole my notes, Flórián.
And what good it did to me!
Space.
Endless emptiness.
Still the biggest challenge of yourtrip
will be claustrophobia.
In the first round we'd Iike to
seem who is the toughest,
who is the fittest for a trip in space.
Helga, the strong?
Laika, the calm?
Or Timuzin, the unbreakable?.
Three heroes, three coffins,
but only one place in the space capsule.
Let the race begin!
Yurka!
Who came up with this bullshit?.
Many of us, comrade party secretary.
What kind of tournament is this?
What are we watching?. Three stupid coffins?
But space and claustrophobia...
Haven't you promised the games
would be more fun this year?
I'II bet you my tooth the German cow wins.
What?.
Check again. PIease!
Maybe you were mistaken.
Maybe you see something else this time
I can only tell you the same.
Either you get rid of the kid or he'II get rid of you.
Oh, come on,
these are coming out of you like worms after rain.
So what if we Iet this one go?
You'll be happy with the next one.
But first you said it would fly like a bird.
You gave it a name?
It would fly that's true.
But you wouldn't be here to see that, girl.
Listen to me.
There are so many ways.
Yeast parsley brew,
grass palinka,
sourdough juice, castor-oil,
golden rye,
bluerock water.
All right. You don't have to drink anything
if you don't want to.
Science is so advanced these days,
Iike you wouldn't believe.
There's Iifting the dung barrow,
steaming down there with sea-grass,
stabbing with a spindle or a quill,
stuffing it with mugwart or mauveroot.
I'd rather he killed me
than stuff some roots up my places.
Well my browed friend. Which one do you choose?
What do you think?.
The middle one.
You cheated, gypsie.
You cheated!
How long was I inside, uncle Jenö?
Three days.
And the others?.
I lost?
Water!
Nazdarovje!
Goatherb vodka from the Donec-basin.
Drink, sweetheart, you came in second.
And the Mongolian?
Enough. It's over.
Are you sure he's not just meditating?
He looks the same to me.
Only Lajkó and Helga stayed in the race
but they just couldn't beat each other
One Iap on the bottom
I don't get it
I can't swim.
Let me go!
Let go!
I can't swim.
I Iike that
That's what I call entertainment!
Monkeyman,
you dine with me tonight.
If my fatherfound out I was
having dinnerwith a gipsy
he would feed me cyanide
It's been thirteen years I've been prisoner of war
I don't even know if Papa Josef
or my sisters are alive.
These russies haven't even told me
if the Third Reich still exists.
The good name Mengele
will be forgotten forever.
Papa Josef wanted breed the perfect Aryan woman.
He got to ten,
but something was always missing.
Helga 1 had telepathic abilities,
but was afraid of spiders.
Helga 2 could beat anyone at chess.
Daddy created herforthe years of hiding.
There was a Helga who could fly,
but she had bad vision
so she got caught by an electric wire.
Then there was Helga who did not feel pain,
poorthing was waiting forfather one day to come
standing on the hot stove barefoot.
Papa could not save her.
Then there was one who didn't have to eat at all.
Well just a tiny bit,
but by the time daddy figured this out,
it was already too Iate.
There was one created for childbearing,
one for diplomacy
and one made to kill.
This Iast one turned out so good,
she killed the other two
and my sisters to come.
Thankfully dad had her put down by the time
she could get to me.
And me
Papa created me to fly to the Moon.
But l...
I can't read a map.
I always get lost.
That's how the Germans found me.
I haven't seen them ever since.
Not papa Josef,
nor uncle Goebbels
orthe others.
Helga,
will you be my wife?
You better not touch me ever again!
Well, it went betterthan I expected.
Come on!
Move it!
Are you looking for something?.
Comrade Brezhnev's ring was stolen!
Laika, Helga.
Let's go!
This circus is over.
I hereby end the race.
But, comrade party secretary.
We still have a few wonderful challenges.
Find my ring first.
Who are we going to send up then?.
Alright
Dear comrades, I'm pleased to announce
The winner of the tournament is
no other than
Helga Mengele
It's alright, son
It's better this way
What are you doing, hey?.
This is my ring.
I got it in '18 in Italy when I shot a tank near lsonzo.
Hey, you got the wrong man.
Gypsy
Madgyars
madgyars
madgyars
You're a brave little nation.
Thank you very much
Right, Lajkó?.
You gave Moscow quite a fright in October, eh?
A small country
with a big dick!
And you, gypsy boy?.
Do you have a big dick, too?.
I think you've made a bad decision.
What's that, my dear?.
I said
you've made a bad decision.
I'm better than Helga.
Lajkó!
It's not easy
to loose.
Right, Volodya?
Go for a walk.
You should have chosen me!
Or shall we help you?.
You wanna say something, now?.
I...
Well, what?
We see everything that happens in the skies.
Nothing escapes us.
Your manure based engines
surprised our engineers.
Is this why I'm here?
No.
Because of this.
Are you married?
I neverfound the real one.
Relax, relax.
Or maybe our Hungarian brother
doesn't like Soviet hospitality?
It's just unusual, that's all.
But I like it a lot.
Have you ever had a Cuban?.
What?.
You have to run!
Why?
This is all just an experiment.
There is no coming back.
Whoever goes up,
dies.
You're Iying!
They've already launched five rockets.
That can't be.
Think about it.
We are all enemies of the regime.
A counter revolutionary.
A budhist monk.
A gypsy.
And a nazi!
Butthere were others too.
We are all Iab rats.
They need us,
so Gagarin can return alive.
Why are you telling me this?.
So you can escape.
It's not too late!
You can't go up.
You cannot die.
Monkeyman!
And how is this different from
a Mexican one?.
This is
communist!
You're
queer
Relax. Relax.
it's just the two of us.
How?
How did you find out?.
Well, it is quite visible, you know.
And it was in yourfile.
I... I... thought...
Shhhh... shush...
No problem.
Come.
Let's pack.
I'm staying.
What?.
I have to go up.
You want to die?
I have business up there.
I have to apologise to someone.
Comrade party secretary
the German woman
What about her?
She... escaped.
Helga is ill
she is ill?
Probably her heart.
Like dogs, if they are overbred.
Are we going home?
I came to say goodbye.
I'm the one going up.
I was sure, you'd do something stupid.
I'm sorry.
What for?.
For everything.
Are you saying goodbye
to me or your Iife?
Nobody has returned, yet.
You know son,
I don't believe in the afterlife
and all that bullshit.
I think when you die,
you juts rot until you're wormfood.
Still...
mum's hanky?
If you happen to meet...up there...
tell her
oh Iook
Tell her...I miss her...
...her cunt.
Very much.
I'll tell her.
Dear comrades, friends.
Yesterday evening brought a change in my life,
in our life and in the Iife of the great Soviet Union,
and its fraternal ally, Hungary.
We stepped on a new, common road
with our Hungarian fraternal allies
which will open up new opportunities
forthe citizens of Earth, male
and female alike.
The Soviet Union embraces
its Hungarian ally in these historic moments
and revives an old Russian
custom from its long-long sleep.
The symbol of respect,
mututal esteem
and love.
I now ask comrade Karmazsin
to join me.
You too, comrade.
Or is there a problem?.
No, not at all!
Then go.
Comrades?!
Let's do this right!
Kiss!
Laika, come here.
I wish you a safe return.
comrade Karmazsin proceed
I'm so proud of you, son.
Thank you, uncle Jenö.
Ignition system in order.
Rocket ready for Iaunch.
Camera working.
Lairto Rabbit-6. Rabbit-6 come in!
Rabbit-6 here. Ready for launch.
Six? Why Rabbit-6?.
We've Iaunched five already.
Five?
And what happened to those?
Start!
Hello my dear!
Mother,
I'm so glad you are here.
Do not tempt the Devil, son.
What are you doing here?.
This is it?
Am I dead, too?.
Not yet.
But you're on the right track.
The cabin overheated.
Oxygen level decreasing.
If he has a pulse at Ieast we know he's alive.
My little shitbag!
What are we doing here, mother?
Father sent this.
Good.
you have no idea what it's like
to have a runny nose in ethernity
Fathertold me to tell you
he misses...
Welll....he misses...
We don't have much time.
Now we have all eternity.
There must be a cigarette here somewhere.
Thank god!
You can't stay.
You have business down there.
down?
In yourworld.
I don'twant to go back.
I don't want to Ieave you.
Don't talk back, son.
It doesn't suit you.
But...
No buts!
Give me a kiss!
A proper one!
And now
you go back.
Down there?
Down there.
It was your idea son.
You're the one that has to Iive with it.
But it's reeking in here.
Stop!
Don't worry.
I'm a Soviet cosmonaut.
Gypsy.
No other pilot has ever
returned to Earth.
That is
a great achievement.
Of course
we've always known
the first man in space
can only be a Soviet man!
Yurka!
Day by day we are getting closer
foryou to go up there.
You'll be the first gnome in Space.
Did I promise you, or not?
And then, the first gnome
on the Moon!
To Lajkó!
The first...
Gypsy in Space!
Laika!
Laika!
Laika! Laika! Laika!
You acted Iike
a real hero.
A Soviet hero.
But
you aren't Soviet!
I trust you'II take
what's coming now
Iike a hero, too.
Leonid?
What do you mean, dear Leonid?.
I just told him.
The first one in Space has to be Soviet.
Take him.
Leonid!
This is an outrageous injustice!
I will not Iet anyone hide it from the world
what Lajkó did today.
Let go!
No!
Let go!
Don't make me send you to the gulag, too.
The gulag?!
What did you think,
we'II Iet the first
communist hero in space
to be a stinking gipsy
What are you doing, you idiot?
He attacked you.
Uncle Jenö...
Lajkó
This is not the kind of decoration
one wants from the comrades, is it?.
Before I go...
I can't keep it inside anymore
So
I...
I Iove men.
I know.
How come?
Even the blind can see it, uncle Jenö.
Well...
all right then...
You have to fight,
uncle Jenö.
You have to fight!
I don'tfeel like I have to.
I've always dreamed of a strong man...
Leonid.
You opened my eyes.
That kiss...
I know what you're thinking, dear comrades.
I had the most beautiful funeral
As I Iayed there enbalmed in the ceremonial hall
of the Red Slob collective farm.
But this isn't my story
What do you want?
I'm Lajos Serbán.
The first man in Space.
I order you to open this gate
I don't care who you are
I'm sorry.
Son! You're alive!
Let's go!
Monkey Man!
Helga!
Well,
enough of the romance.
On November 3rd, 1957
the great Soviet Union became the first in history
to successfully send a Iive creature to Space
a dog named Laika
at least that's what they teach you in school
In reality there were many others too
Dogs, monkeys
people
And Lajkó?
Well, he could not have been happier.
I still don't believe you've seen her up there.
But I did.
With my two eyes.
I even gave her the hanky back.
In our crapper?.
Did you apologize to her?.
I forgot.
You forgot?.
I forgot.
Maybe you should go back!
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
In memory of my father
and all the other quiet, unknown
heroes of the world
it goes something like this
history is written by the victors
I don't rememberwho said it
but it's total bullshit
history is written by quiet and brave heroes
communist heroes
On January 30th, 1 934,
Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko
successfully spent seven hours
at twenty-two thousand meters.
If you want to go to space,
first you have to reach the stratosphere.
There is only one way to achieve that.
With the help of the farmers collective.
Can I jump, uncle Jenö?.
Wait!
You can come now.
What happened to the Russians?
Well, the comrades died gruesomely,
but with proper preparation
I think you can pull it off
maybe
So, little shitbags,
that's the Dagger, that's the Crown
and that one is the Lantern.
Karcsi, Sanyi and Tibci.
If you don't behave yourselves,
I'II kick you so hard in the butt
you'II get to see your constellation up close
a Iot sooner
than God intended
and me
where is my constellation
You were born on the hottest day of the year,
the 15th August,
in the month of the Star
there, that one
That's where you came from.
The belly of the sky
Like me
One day you'II go back there
One day we'll all get back there
and melt into one of the stars of our constellation.
Even as a child
Lajkó was only interested in space travel
he soon realized that the tin roof of their house
an the neighbour's fertilizer
could be turned into
perfect Iittle rockets
of course the work of the young genious
was not received too well
Mary full of grace crap on you
right between the eyes!
but a true pinoeer doesn't give up at the first obstacle
he keeps fighting until he reaches his goal
Lajkó
What the hell are you doing down there
You get shit all over your best clothes
Enough of this nonsense
It's a shitter. Not a rocket.
You are a gipsy, boy
and gypsies don't fly
Of course even Lajkó
could not prepare for anything
Antonov 2. This is the Kunmadaras
Air Force Base, come in
I order you to identify yourself and land immediately
Antonov 2 you're in military airspace
with a vaporizer plane
Lajkó you son of a bitch stop it now
Dear comrade colonel,
as you know, my son is a certified pilot
at the Red SIob collective farm 3rd Petöfi division.
What son, Karmazsin?.
All I see is a stinking gypsy!
In the eyes of comrade Lenin we are all equal.
This was not the first,
but I swear, the LAST time we met.
A stupid vaporizer pilot.
I'm better than any of your men.
I'm telling you, son
the October of '56
will make it to the history books.
Lajos Serbán,
the first communist in space!
Stratosphere.
Then the fourth communist there.
I'll be damned.
Good day to you, Lajos.
And you, uncle Jenő? Here?
Where else would I be
at this historical moment?.
We thought you were hiding somewhere.
The boys are just about to set fire
to the Red Slob granary.
They wanted to Iynch you,
but you weren't at home.
Lynch me?.
What are you talking about?
The revolution.
The people are revolting.
Why would the people want to revolt
when it's the people who rule?
Don't ask them that, uncle Jenö.
Jeeez.
We have to get out of here, son.
Only you,
I have things to do up there.
Listen to me
If we survive these horrible times
I'll find you - and I swear on our
father Lenin
I'll help you fly
all the way to Venus.
Marika, thank you for the heads up.
Lajos,
join the revolution.
I called you here for something
much more important.
I want you to take care of Ignác for me.
Of course, Lajos, but...
Thank you.
But Lajos,
I don't know much about chemistry, but
don't you need some sort of
breathing device up there?.
I'll be damned.
You are so right.
Goodbye, Lajos.
And freedom for the Hungarian people!
Lajkó only forgot one thing.
The Red Army
I hope the waterfeels nice.
Your kind can always use a good bath.
Two hundred.
What did you say?.
I was down fortwo hundred.
Are you kidding me?
Pain is the best friend of the cosmonaut.
Let's start again.
Who ordered the attack
against our friendly Soviet allies?
I was heading to the stratosphere.
Comrade Tömpe, do you know the joke
when the comrades of the Health Ministry
go to the gypsy slum?
Yes, comrade Árbocz. I know it.
How are the kids?.
The little one has colic, but...
I don't envy you.
And you? Are you still trying?.
Who ordered the attack against
ourfriendly Soviet allies?
Usishkin, Vashenko and Fedoshenko
Usishkin,
Vashenko
and Fedoshenko
And who are these comrades?.
The first communists in the stratosphere.
What?!
Forgive me for disturbing you, Comrade Árbocz.
Yes, comrade Seszták,
what is it?.
Just a bit of paperwork, comrade Árbocz.
We're filing records with comrade Bárány and...well...
I have a few questions.
Right now?.
Comrade Bárány thinks it's
most important we do this now.
Last year forty-seven pliers broke
during your interrogations, lstván.
Water consumption, electricity bills,
dental equipment, chemicals.
Comrade Árbocz,
during your work hours
our department's expenses are at least
a hundred and fifty percent
above the average.
The average?.
Are you trying to tell me my work is substandard?.
That I torture the enemies of
the state at a lower efficiency?
Not me, the documentation.
And the documentation never Iies,
dear comrade Árbocz.
What I am doing here is art!
I'm an artist. Do you get that?
An artist!
An artist!
How long was I down?
Move it
Go
Freshen up!
Lajkó?.
Virgin Mary pinch my ass,
what'you doing here?.
They'll hang me tomorrow.
We just met and they hang you?.
Tell me now,
how many grandchildren you made for me?.
I don't have any children.
And yer woman has big tits, firm bottocks?.
Don't have a wife either.
The hell is wrong with you?
Iisten
Come with me,
I go in and out of here Iike farts in a bean-eater.
This is my place.
You wanna die, son?.
Line up!
grow a tumor in your liver as big as the city council
Come with me!
T'morrow we eat dinner at home.
Karcsi's widow makes us jacket meat with scraper.
we did not steal anything
but a nail out of Jesus' palm
we did not steal anything
but a nail out of Jesus' palm
Put this on.
Not today, Serban.
Not today.
Come, Lajkó, sit down.
Comrade Bárány wants to have a word with you.
Let me get some more Iight in here.
it seems
there has been a slight misunderstanding.
Here is the state of affairs
Comrade Árbocz spoke very highly
of comrade Serbán's endurance
that superseeds rats
both physically and mentally.
He says, and I quote:.
"even if I pulled all the teeth of this
Iittle capitalist, antirevolutionary worm
he would still stare at me with a pokerface".
Butworms don't have teeth.
What a sloppy report.
You have to excuse Iieutenant Árbocz.
He always liked mixed metaphores.
Comrade Serbán,
do you speak Russian?.
He reads and writes fluently!
Have you got a criminal record?
Have you ever committed a crime?.
Yes.
I killed my mother.
I blew her up.
Just a childhood accident.
Oh, yes. Here it is.
I guess it can happen to anyone.
And yourfather?
My father?
You haven't killed him, have you?
No.
My father is very much alive.
Well then,
comrade Serbán you seem to be the ideal candidate.
I am overjoyed to announce,
you will be the first man
to the glory of the Soviet Union and its fraternal allies
to go to Space.
SPACE?.
That's what I said, no?
PIease talk to Comrade Seszták regarding formalities
I still have to executions today
and Iunch is waiting for me at home
They would have told us if they'd found him.
If they caught him?
They take him to Recsk?
We've closed the camp there years ago.
Tiszalök?
No camp there either,
only the working class building the dam.
You should see it.
It will be magnificent.
We'II be at the border soon.
Let me in.
What are you doing here, Flórián?.
I followed you.
Jenö. Karmazsin.
director of the Red SIob farmer's collective
type 3 Petofi division
Wow
Flórián Serbán.
This boy flew right out of my weiner here.
you're wanted by the police
Oh, son, just tell me
when we get to Kecskemét, finally.
We are going to Baikonur.
Haven't heard of that.
But I've been to Bajaszentistván as a boy.
The fish soup is great there.
And pussies!
So howfar is this Bajakonur?
Two weeks.
Two weeks?
This train takes us to the future,
my dear comrades.
well
This ain't no future.
It's the middle ages here.
Tiszaalpár is New York City compared to this shithole.
Don't move!
What did you say?!
Stop!
If they find out we'II be court martialled, bitches.
Do something with this fucking siren!
You're American spies.
Wait.Wait, please.
It says two persons.
The gentleman is the father of the first
Hungarian cosmonaut.
What are you Iooking at, heh?
We expected only one escort.
What did the bush say?
You might have to sleep on the floor.
Oh, back home we slept sevensome
in a bed half this size.
We'II be fine here
If you don't snore. Orfart!
He's my dog.
Kudrjavka.
They wanted to send him to space twice already.
But I didn't Iet them.
He Iikes noone else. Only me.
Doesn't Iet anyone else touch him
Gagarin. Yuriy Gagarin.
Lajos Serbán
You shouldn't wonder off so farfrom the barracks.
Smoke is thickerthan fog
remember that
It's almost dinnertime.
Come, Kudryavka!
What is it?. Are you coming?
Come darling
Pirog!
It's worth it being a communist just for this.
What would you Iike to eat?.
Pirog will be fine, thank you.
Drink? Vodka?
Just water, if possible.
Very good choice, sir.
For God's sake, Lajkó,
relax just for once in your life!
Dessert?.
There won't be an open buffet up there.
I'd give anything to Iose my breath under such a bitch.
Hello there.
Darling!
Are you a solider?
Helga is our other candidate.
We'll know soon which one of you is going up.
There is another pilot?
One?!
There's three!
Ilmar, our Estonian counter-revolutionary.
Crafty like a wolverine.
And here's Timuzhin, from Mongolia.
Timuzhin mostly meditates.
According to the People's party of
Mongolia
we could even launch him naked
without a space capsule.
And Helga, she is our pet Nazi!
Hitlerwanted to populate the Moon with blondies.
Donkey
Donkey
I have a Donkey
named Ignác
You are very pretty
Everything ok, with you?.
I just thought now that we have to
compete with each other....
I don't compete with gypsies!
I don't compete with gypsies!
Good night.
What a Iovely creature.
She was team leader in the Hitlerjugend.
Good morning, soldiers.
I found out who is coming to rule your Iittle Olympics.
Leonid IIyich Brezhnev.
Brezhnev?.
Yes.
Did you say, Brezhnev?.
I did indeed.
The secretary of the Central Committee.
Some say he'II be Khrushchev's successor.
We are writing history, son,
history
Leonid IIyich Brezhnev.
Oh those gorgeous eyebrows!
He Ioved cars and he loved to hunt.
But the real big game was he himself.
Dear comrades, my beloved friends.
Who wrote this shit?.
AIright, come on up here, comrade.
Wider
Well! Nothing to see here.
I hereby open the tournament.
Long live Estonia!
Dismissed!
Excuse me!
What?.
Do you want to come and checkout
the rocket, sweetheart?
The rocket..
Swine
You're nothing to me but a piece of soap.
you dirty cigan
What a beautiful language!
You stole my notes, Flórián.
And what good it did to me!
Space.
Endless emptiness.
Still the biggest challenge of yourtrip
will be claustrophobia.
In the first round we'd Iike to
seem who is the toughest,
who is the fittest for a trip in space.
Helga, the strong?
Laika, the calm?
Or Timuzin, the unbreakable?.
Three heroes, three coffins,
but only one place in the space capsule.
Let the race begin!
Yurka!
Who came up with this bullshit?.
Many of us, comrade party secretary.
What kind of tournament is this?
What are we watching?. Three stupid coffins?
But space and claustrophobia...
Haven't you promised the games
would be more fun this year?
I'II bet you my tooth the German cow wins.
What?.
Check again. PIease!
Maybe you were mistaken.
Maybe you see something else this time
I can only tell you the same.
Either you get rid of the kid or he'II get rid of you.
Oh, come on,
these are coming out of you like worms after rain.
So what if we Iet this one go?
You'll be happy with the next one.
But first you said it would fly like a bird.
You gave it a name?
It would fly that's true.
But you wouldn't be here to see that, girl.
Listen to me.
There are so many ways.
Yeast parsley brew,
grass palinka,
sourdough juice, castor-oil,
golden rye,
bluerock water.
All right. You don't have to drink anything
if you don't want to.
Science is so advanced these days,
Iike you wouldn't believe.
There's Iifting the dung barrow,
steaming down there with sea-grass,
stabbing with a spindle or a quill,
stuffing it with mugwart or mauveroot.
I'd rather he killed me
than stuff some roots up my places.
Well my browed friend. Which one do you choose?
What do you think?.
The middle one.
You cheated, gypsie.
You cheated!
How long was I inside, uncle Jenö?
Three days.
And the others?.
I lost?
Water!
Nazdarovje!
Goatherb vodka from the Donec-basin.
Drink, sweetheart, you came in second.
And the Mongolian?
Enough. It's over.
Are you sure he's not just meditating?
He looks the same to me.
Only Lajkó and Helga stayed in the race
but they just couldn't beat each other
One Iap on the bottom
I don't get it
I can't swim.
Let me go!
Let go!
I can't swim.
I Iike that
That's what I call entertainment!
Monkeyman,
you dine with me tonight.
If my fatherfound out I was
having dinnerwith a gipsy
he would feed me cyanide
It's been thirteen years I've been prisoner of war
I don't even know if Papa Josef
or my sisters are alive.
These russies haven't even told me
if the Third Reich still exists.
The good name Mengele
will be forgotten forever.
Papa Josef wanted breed the perfect Aryan woman.
He got to ten,
but something was always missing.
Helga 1 had telepathic abilities,
but was afraid of spiders.
Helga 2 could beat anyone at chess.
Daddy created herforthe years of hiding.
There was a Helga who could fly,
but she had bad vision
so she got caught by an electric wire.
Then there was Helga who did not feel pain,
poorthing was waiting forfather one day to come
standing on the hot stove barefoot.
Papa could not save her.
Then there was one who didn't have to eat at all.
Well just a tiny bit,
but by the time daddy figured this out,
it was already too Iate.
There was one created for childbearing,
one for diplomacy
and one made to kill.
This Iast one turned out so good,
she killed the other two
and my sisters to come.
Thankfully dad had her put down by the time
she could get to me.
And me
Papa created me to fly to the Moon.
But l...
I can't read a map.
I always get lost.
That's how the Germans found me.
I haven't seen them ever since.
Not papa Josef,
nor uncle Goebbels
orthe others.
Helga,
will you be my wife?
You better not touch me ever again!
Well, it went betterthan I expected.
Come on!
Move it!
Are you looking for something?.
Comrade Brezhnev's ring was stolen!
Laika, Helga.
Let's go!
This circus is over.
I hereby end the race.
But, comrade party secretary.
We still have a few wonderful challenges.
Find my ring first.
Who are we going to send up then?.
Alright
Dear comrades, I'm pleased to announce
The winner of the tournament is
no other than
Helga Mengele
It's alright, son
It's better this way
What are you doing, hey?.
This is my ring.
I got it in '18 in Italy when I shot a tank near lsonzo.
Hey, you got the wrong man.
Gypsy
Madgyars
madgyars
madgyars
You're a brave little nation.
Thank you very much
Right, Lajkó?.
You gave Moscow quite a fright in October, eh?
A small country
with a big dick!
And you, gypsy boy?.
Do you have a big dick, too?.
I think you've made a bad decision.
What's that, my dear?.
I said
you've made a bad decision.
I'm better than Helga.
Lajkó!
It's not easy
to loose.
Right, Volodya?
Go for a walk.
You should have chosen me!
Or shall we help you?.
You wanna say something, now?.
I...
Well, what?
We see everything that happens in the skies.
Nothing escapes us.
Your manure based engines
surprised our engineers.
Is this why I'm here?
No.
Because of this.
Are you married?
I neverfound the real one.
Relax, relax.
Or maybe our Hungarian brother
doesn't like Soviet hospitality?
It's just unusual, that's all.
But I like it a lot.
Have you ever had a Cuban?.
What?.
You have to run!
Why?
This is all just an experiment.
There is no coming back.
Whoever goes up,
dies.
You're Iying!
They've already launched five rockets.
That can't be.
Think about it.
We are all enemies of the regime.
A counter revolutionary.
A budhist monk.
A gypsy.
And a nazi!
Butthere were others too.
We are all Iab rats.
They need us,
so Gagarin can return alive.
Why are you telling me this?.
So you can escape.
It's not too late!
You can't go up.
You cannot die.
Monkeyman!
And how is this different from
a Mexican one?.
This is
communist!
You're
queer
Relax. Relax.
it's just the two of us.
How?
How did you find out?.
Well, it is quite visible, you know.
And it was in yourfile.
I... I... thought...
Shhhh... shush...
No problem.
Come.
Let's pack.
I'm staying.
What?.
I have to go up.
You want to die?
I have business up there.
I have to apologise to someone.
Comrade party secretary
the German woman
What about her?
She... escaped.
Helga is ill
she is ill?
Probably her heart.
Like dogs, if they are overbred.
Are we going home?
I came to say goodbye.
I'm the one going up.
I was sure, you'd do something stupid.
I'm sorry.
What for?.
For everything.
Are you saying goodbye
to me or your Iife?
Nobody has returned, yet.
You know son,
I don't believe in the afterlife
and all that bullshit.
I think when you die,
you juts rot until you're wormfood.
Still...
mum's hanky?
If you happen to meet...up there...
tell her
oh Iook
Tell her...I miss her...
...her cunt.
Very much.
I'll tell her.
Dear comrades, friends.
Yesterday evening brought a change in my life,
in our life and in the Iife of the great Soviet Union,
and its fraternal ally, Hungary.
We stepped on a new, common road
with our Hungarian fraternal allies
which will open up new opportunities
forthe citizens of Earth, male
and female alike.
The Soviet Union embraces
its Hungarian ally in these historic moments
and revives an old Russian
custom from its long-long sleep.
The symbol of respect,
mututal esteem
and love.
I now ask comrade Karmazsin
to join me.
You too, comrade.
Or is there a problem?.
No, not at all!
Then go.
Comrades?!
Let's do this right!
Kiss!
Laika, come here.
I wish you a safe return.
comrade Karmazsin proceed
I'm so proud of you, son.
Thank you, uncle Jenö.
Ignition system in order.
Rocket ready for Iaunch.
Camera working.
Lairto Rabbit-6. Rabbit-6 come in!
Rabbit-6 here. Ready for launch.
Six? Why Rabbit-6?.
We've Iaunched five already.
Five?
And what happened to those?
Start!
Hello my dear!
Mother,
I'm so glad you are here.
Do not tempt the Devil, son.
What are you doing here?.
This is it?
Am I dead, too?.
Not yet.
But you're on the right track.
The cabin overheated.
Oxygen level decreasing.
If he has a pulse at Ieast we know he's alive.
My little shitbag!
What are we doing here, mother?
Father sent this.
Good.
you have no idea what it's like
to have a runny nose in ethernity
Fathertold me to tell you
he misses...
Welll....he misses...
We don't have much time.
Now we have all eternity.
There must be a cigarette here somewhere.
Thank god!
You can't stay.
You have business down there.
down?
In yourworld.
I don'twant to go back.
I don't want to Ieave you.
Don't talk back, son.
It doesn't suit you.
But...
No buts!
Give me a kiss!
A proper one!
And now
you go back.
Down there?
Down there.
It was your idea son.
You're the one that has to Iive with it.
But it's reeking in here.
Stop!
Don't worry.
I'm a Soviet cosmonaut.
Gypsy.
No other pilot has ever
returned to Earth.
That is
a great achievement.
Of course
we've always known
the first man in space
can only be a Soviet man!
Yurka!
Day by day we are getting closer
foryou to go up there.
You'll be the first gnome in Space.
Did I promise you, or not?
And then, the first gnome
on the Moon!
To Lajkó!
The first...
Gypsy in Space!
Laika!
Laika!
Laika! Laika! Laika!
You acted Iike
a real hero.
A Soviet hero.
But
you aren't Soviet!
I trust you'II take
what's coming now
Iike a hero, too.
Leonid?
What do you mean, dear Leonid?.
I just told him.
The first one in Space has to be Soviet.
Take him.
Leonid!
This is an outrageous injustice!
I will not Iet anyone hide it from the world
what Lajkó did today.
Let go!
No!
Let go!
Don't make me send you to the gulag, too.
The gulag?!
What did you think,
we'II Iet the first
communist hero in space
to be a stinking gipsy
What are you doing, you idiot?
He attacked you.
Uncle Jenö...
Lajkó
This is not the kind of decoration
one wants from the comrades, is it?.
Before I go...
I can't keep it inside anymore
So
I...
I Iove men.
I know.
How come?
Even the blind can see it, uncle Jenö.
Well...
all right then...
You have to fight,
uncle Jenö.
You have to fight!
I don'tfeel like I have to.
I've always dreamed of a strong man...
Leonid.
You opened my eyes.
That kiss...
I know what you're thinking, dear comrades.
I had the most beautiful funeral
As I Iayed there enbalmed in the ceremonial hall
of the Red Slob collective farm.
But this isn't my story
What do you want?
I'm Lajos Serbán.
The first man in Space.
I order you to open this gate
I don't care who you are
I'm sorry.
Son! You're alive!
Let's go!
Monkey Man!
Helga!
Well,
enough of the romance.
On November 3rd, 1957
the great Soviet Union became the first in history
to successfully send a Iive creature to Space
a dog named Laika
at least that's what they teach you in school
In reality there were many others too
Dogs, monkeys
people
And Lajkó?
Well, he could not have been happier.
I still don't believe you've seen her up there.
But I did.
With my two eyes.
I even gave her the hanky back.
In our crapper?.
Did you apologize to her?.
I forgot.
You forgot?.
I forgot.
Maybe you should go back!
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
I forgot.
In memory of my father
and all the other quiet, unknown
heroes of the world