Lady Bird (2017) - full transcript

In 2002, an artistically inclined seventeen-year-old girl comes of age in Sacramento, California.

Do you think I look like I'm from Sacramento?

You are from Sacramento.

You don't have to do that.

Well it's nice to make things neat and clean.

You ready to go home?

Ready.

Her hand moved behind his head and supported it.

Her fingers moved gently in his hair.

She looked up and across the barn,

and her lips came together,

and smiled mysteriously.



You've been listening to The Grapes of Wrath

by John Steinbeck. If you...

Our college trip took twenty-one hours and five minutes.

Hey, why don't- wait.
Let's just sit with what we heard.

Are you serious?

We- we don't have to be constantly
entertaining ourselves, do we?

I wish I could live through something.

Aren't you?
-Nope.

The only exciting thing about 2002
is that it's a palindrome.

Okay fine, well yours is the worst life of all, so you win.

Oh, so now you're mad? Because I wanted to listen to music?
-No, it's just you're being ridiculous because you have a great life.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect!
-No one's asking you to be perfect, just considerate will do.

I don't even wanna go to school in this
state anyway, I hate California.

I wanna go to the east coast.
-Your dad and I will barely be able to afford in-state tuition.



There are loans, scholarships!
-Your brother, your very smart brother? He can't even find a job.

He and Shelly work. They have jobs!
-They bag at the grocery store. That is not a career,

and they went to Berkeley.

Your father's company is laying off people
right and left. Did you even know that?

No, of course you don't, because you don't
think about anybody but yourself.

Immaculate Heart is already a luxury.
-Immaculate FART. You wanted that, not me.

Miguel saw someone knifed in front of him
at Sac High, is that what you want?

So you're telling me you want to see somebody knifed right in front of you?
-He barely saw that.

I wanna go where culture is, like New York or at least Connecticut or New Hampshire
-How in the world did I raise such a snob?

where writers live in the woods.
-You couldn't even get into those schools anyway.

Mom!
-You can't even pass your driver's test.

Because you would't let me practice enough!

The way that you work, or- or the way that you don't work, you're not even worth state tuition, Christine.

My name is Lady Bird.
-Uh, well actually it's not,

and it's ridiculous because your name is Christine.
-Call me Lady Bird like you said you would.

Just- you should just go to city college.

You know with your work ethic just
go to city college and then to jail,

and then back to city college, and then
maybe you'd learn to pull yourself up

and not expect everybody to do everything-

In the name of the Father, and the Son,
and the Holy spirit.

Amen.

Let the Lord be with you.
-And also with you.

Welcome all of you back to the start of a new school year,

all the Xavier boys and Immaculate Heart girls.

Hail Mary, full of grace.

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women,

Glory to you, O Lord. (...)

...of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands,

one Nation under God, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all

A vote for Amanda is a vote for boys.
Boys and healthy vending machines

because no one wants a
muffin with that many calories.

Do not ask me, "Mr. Bruno is this gonna be on the finals"

or, "Mr. Bruno is this gonna be on the midterms?"
because I'm not gonna tell ya!

That is none of your business!
Those aren't the rules, this is my house.

A reading from the letter of Saint John.

We're afraid that we will never escape our past.

and we're afraid of what the future will bring.

We’re afraid we won’t get into the college of our choice.

We're afraid we won't be loved,
we won't be liked, we won't succeed.

There are the classics: St. Augustine,
of course, Aquinas.

My favorite, Kierkegaard. Oh, wait until you hear
his love story. It will make you swoon.

And the coming of our saviour, Jesus Christ.

For the kingdom, the power and the glory
are yours, now and forever

Amen.

Some of the students were disturbed by your posters.

It's just a bird head on a lady body, or vice versa.

I think it's a little upsetting.

It’s my tradition to run for office.
Don't worry, I won't win.

That's not what I'm worried about.

This won't mess up my scholarship, will it?

No, you're okay there.

You have a performative streak, I think.

Yeah, I think that too.

Maybe you would enjoy theatre arts.

They're having auditions for the fall musical.

Do we have that here?
It's a collaborative effort with the men at Xavier.

How am I a senior and not know we have that?

Perhaps you haven't always been an
active part of this community.

They do a fall musical and a spring play,
and from what I hear it's a real blast.

What I'd really like is to be on Math Olympiad.

But math isn't something that you're terribly strong in.

That we know of, yet.

Here you go.
-Thanks.

“Julie” doesn't need to be in quotes.

But it's not my real name.

It's not the same thing.

I'm not sure you're right.

God, I love this neighborhood.

Yeah, it's so beautiful.

If I lived here I would definitely
have my wedding in the backyard.

I'd have friends over all the time
to study and eat snacks.

I'd be like “Mom, we're taking the
snacks upstairs to the TV room.”

I'd have my own bathroom.

I can't stop you dicks from hanging out here but
quit wrinkling all the magazines!

When I'm in this store, I'm not your sister.
I'm a customer, Miguel! I'm always right!

Ever since she moved in, your brother and
Shelly are becoming the same person.
-No way.

Yeah, okay, maybe.

See, why I don't look like that?
-Yeah.

Just once I'd like to have the song “New York Groove” play
and feel like it really applies to my life.

You've never even been to New York.

That's why I'm applying to New York colleges.

Do you know if Sarah Lawrence is actually in the city?

Your parents would pay for that?
-Scholarships, financial aid.

I'll figure it out. My mom thinks I can't
get in but she is sorely mistaken.

What about terrorism?
-Don't be a Republican.

Probably just gonna go to city college.

Put the magazine back!

Shit!

You doing okay, mama?
-Hi, oh, yeah, that was terrifying, wasn't it?

Thank god you were there. I guess
I can't have pencils anymore.

Yeah, gotta go back to just felt tip markers. Crayola.
-Right.

Thank you. Luis, it's for you!
Got it for the baby, I couldn't resist.

She loves pink!
-It's more for you and Andrea than it is for the baby.

And I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.
-No, it's perfect.

I'll see you tomorrow... or I mean, later.

Thank you!
-Okay.

Did you know toothpaste is basically
ineffective? It's like sucking on a mint.

Mike Kerry died. I didn't even know he was sick again.

How old was he?

Only fifty-six.

Can Shelly and I get in there?

In a minute honey. Dad and I are still in here.

That’s too young.

Lady Bird you better be dressed.

I am dressed!

I'm gonna send them a note.

Do you think that Shelly and Miguel
have sex on the pull-out couch?

Oh, yeah.

Why can't I just make the eggs?

Because you take too long, you make a big mess
and I have to clean the whole thing up.

Eggs aren't good for the environment, anyways.
-What?

You heard her.
-Eat quickly, please.

Look at all these pictures. Every
newspaper looks like USA Today.

Shelly and I are trying to be
vegan. Hence the soy milk.

You wear leather jackets.
-But they're vintage, so they don't support the industry.

They aren't done, there's white stuff.
-You know how you love Brambles? Pigs
are smarter than him even.

I never thought Brambles was a genius, okay?

Mom, the eggs are not done.
-Fine, make your own fucking eggs.

I wanted to, you won't let me!

Your sister doesn't like me.
-I'm hungry!

She does! Baby...
-You had your chance! Going to bed.

Did you know that Alanis Morisette
wrote this song in only ten minutes?

I believe it.

So,

I'm applying to a couple of east coast schools.

I need you to help me with the financial aid
application but Mom can't know.

We... aren't they quite expensive?

First, yes. That's why financial aid.

Second, I have to get in first.

Mom won't be happy about it.

Which is why I don't want to fight about it before I have to.

Just pull over here.
-Are you sure?

I- I can drive you to the front.
-No, this is fine.

I like to walk.

Well... love you.

So, what do you think about college?

See what I can do.
-Thanks dad.

I love you too. Have a good day at work.

Hey, I'm like Keith Richards,
“I'm just happy to be anywhere”.

Hey bitch!
-Hey!

Alright girls, hope you like pickles.

Thanks, Uncle Matt.
-Sweet!

He's not your uncle.
-Just something I'm trying out.

Bye, mom.
-Bye.
-Bye, love you!

Your Mom really likes you.
-Yeah.

I just keep getting fatter.
-Me too.

Matt's awesome.

Yeah, I hope he marries my mom.
That would be so nice.

He promised me his old car when I turn eighteen.

That car should be illegal. Jenna Walton’s not doing
any off-roading. She just goes to Pavillions.

I heard Jenna Walton has a tanning bed in her house.

She is so pretty.

Her skin is luminous.

Maybe we should try tanning.
-Yeah.

In the tub I just- I scoot myself under,

just like now, like this, and then the water just...

We are so gross.

I think I figured it out when I was
like three or something.

I use, I take the shower head...

Oh my god.
-This is embarrassing! I use that.

I don't know if mine is the right kind though.

Maybe it's different when you actually
have a penis in there, like it's more intense.

Mine is pretty intense, I think.

You're not supposed to eat the wafers!

They aren’t consecrated.

♪ Being alive! ♪

Okay, Christine?

Lady Bird.

Is that your given name?

Yeah.
-Why is it in quotes?

Well I gave it to myself. It's given to me, by me.
-Okay.

Take it away, Lady Bird.

♪ Everybody says don't / Everybody says don't /
Everybody says don't it isn't right, don't it isn't nice ♪

♪ Everybody says don't / Everybody says don't /
Everybody says don't walk on the grass ♪

♪ Rolling along! ♪

♪ Make me a channel of your peace ♪

♪ Where there's despair in life let me bring hope ♪

♪ Where there is darkness only light /
and where there’s sadness ever joy ♪

♪ There are giants in the sky. ♪

♪ There are big tall terrible giants in the sky. ♪

♪ When you're way up high and you look below at the world
you've left and the things you know little more than a glance
is enough to show you just how small you are! ♪

I see the light on in your room, go to bed.

Congratulations.
-You too, we both got in.

Everyone who auditioned got in.
The part I got was basically not getting in.

I don't even know how I got cast in my part.

Me neither. I was the one who had
a dress and prepared a song.

I know.
-Now you're going to be romantic with Danny on stage.

It's probably my only shot at that, you know?

Do you have a pen?
-Yeah.

Mom?
-We don’t need to buy that.

It's only three dollars. I'm having a hard week.

Well, if you want to read it we can go down to the public library.
-I wanna read it in bed.

That's something that rich people do.
We're not rich people.

Stop. Stop it. Stop it.

Listen. Stop.

Hey.
-Hi.

Come here often?
-Excuse me?

I'm Lady Bird, we're gonna be in the musical together.

Oh, yeah, I remember you! You were wearing that dress.

Well, I just wanted to say what’s up
and I’ll see you in rehearsal.

Thanks, I'm super excited.

You- you live in the neighborhood?

No, I'm from the wrong sides of the tracks.

W- what?

Is that your family?
-Yeah.

Wow, there's so many of you.
-Irish-Catholic.

It's hard to find a girl to date that's not my cousin.

Okay. You're going to make a great Franklin.

Oh, thanks. I want my hair, orhis hair to be curly, though.

Yeah!
-Like um, like Jim Morrison. Very ’70s.

Like Jim Morrison, exactly.
-Yeah.

Danny!
-Oh, I gotta go. Bye.

Who is Jim Morrison again?

He was in a rock band, moron, The Doors.

I knew that.
-This is with your employee discount?

Yeah, it's already included.

Oh my god, okay.

Ma.
-Ma.

Mana.
-Mana. (Danny says mama he's so cute)

Manala.
-Manala.

Because it's not important to be right, it's only important to be..?
-True!

Exactly!

Purple!

Two.
-Two.

Yesterday is done, see the pretty countryside.

To get our emotions going, we're going
to play “first one to cry wins".

Starting... now.

I’m playing too. So is Miss Patty.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

I heard that before he became a priest he was married and had a
son named Etienne who died at seventeen of a drug overdose...

which was maybe a suicide but my mom says same
difference if you're that careless with your life.

Oh, that's her. Gotta go, bye guys.
-Bye!

Oh, I almost forgot, I brought you these hot rollers.

For your Jim Morrison hair.
-Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Y- you'll have to show me how to use them.

It would be my pleasure.

They look like sperms.

I- I just remembered I had a dream about you.

Really?
-Yeah.

W- What happened?
-Um...

We were- we were flying to
Disneyland on a giant carrot.

That's awesome!

I love Disneyland.
-Yeah, me too.

I think it's kind of scary but I also love it.

So everybody clear on applying rules
of exponents? You guys with me?

Don't leave me hanging. Give me a nod.

That's good. Maybe even a verbal confirmation?
-Yes.

Aha. Thank you, that's what I like to hear.

Alright, so I'm going to be passing
back your graded quizzes.

I urge you to find the problems where
you went wrong, and work them out.

Good job, Jules. I could tell from your work that
you even understood he one you missed!

Suck a dick.

I like "Jules".

I just don't get why I'm not good at math,
my Dad is really good at math.

Even Miguel has a math degree.
-Maybe it's your Mom's fault.

You lose! Point Julie.
-No, look.

Wish me luck.
-Luck.

Hey, wanna dance?
-Hell yeah.

Six inches for the Holy Spirit.

That's us.

Oh, uh no, my mom's coming.
-No she's not.

Yes, she is.
-No, the plan was to sleep over at my house.
No, it's fine.

Okay, bye.
-Bye.

Hey Matt!

Have you ever been out of the country?

When I was little.
-Hm.

M- my dad had a job that took him to
Brazil. I remember from the pictures.

My dream to- oh, sorry.
-No, no, you go.

I've never been out of the
country.

It's uh, it's my dream to go to Paris.

Paris...

It's why I'm taking French.

My mom said French wasn't useful.

It is if you wanna go to Paris.

Still don't know how to use those rollers that you gave me.
-Oh.

Oh, it's so easy.

So, it's- after they heat up you...

you take your hair and you twist
the hair like this, and...

(LADY BIRD SCREAMS)

Larry how long will this hold us?

I don't know.
-Well somebody's...

gotta know. Can the whole family go on Cobra, even Miguel?

I'm not sure.
-What happens if somebody gets in an accident?

Uh the severance package I think it expires
all at once, not within the calendar year...

Is she home?

Maybe just leave it tonight.

No she knows better. She can't sneak around like this.
-Marion...

Christine. You can't leave your room like this.

I didn't.
-None of these things were put away right.

They aren't nice. Christine, now.
-I- I put my clothes away.

My name is Lady Bird.
-Don't lie to me.

This- this uniform? This is gonna look like
trash on Monday. This isn't right.

We can't treat our clothes like this.

I don't know what your wealthy friends do.
-Why do you care what I do to my clothes?

Your father doesn't have a job.

He lost his job.

Do you need him to come in
here to explain that to you?

Of course he wouldn't do it anyway, he's Mr.
Nice Guy and I always have to be the bad guy.

Can we please just talk about this tomorrow?
-You can't look like a rag...

because that makes us look like rags. And you want to know the truth? Here's the truth:

Some of your friends fathers could employ your father
and they're not gonna do it if his family looks like trash.

You understand?

Didn't you ever go to sleep without
putting all your clothes away perfectly?

Like even once?

And don't you wish your Mom hadn't gotten angry?

My mother was an abusive alcoholic.

So I understand you're not interested
in any Catholic colleges?

No way.

Sorry, but yes, no way.

Then you'll be applying to UCs and State schools.

Yeah, but also those east coast
liberal arts schools like Yale, but...

not Yale because I probably couldn't get in.

You definitely couldn't get in.

Part of my job is to help you be realistic.

Yeah, that seems like everyone's job.

Your SAT scores are strangely very good.

I had placed some calls to local alumni
of the schools you're interested in...

but unfortunately all the interviews are taken.

So what does that mean?

It means you'll have to get in on how you look on paper.

♪ Dreams don't die / So keep an
eye on your dreams ♪

♪ 'Cause before you know /
Where you are / There you are ♪

Alright, stop, stop, stop!

Should we go home?

My mom is always mad.

Doesn't matter if I get home late,
she'd be mad at me anyway.

Your mom's hard on you.

Yeah well, she loves me a lot.

Pick a star for us.

That one.

Right there.

Next to the bright one and then
the dim one. You see it?

Yeah.

That's our star.

You know...

you can touch my boobs, right?

I know. It's just that I respect
you too much for that.

Cool. Awesome.

I totally get that, thank you.

You're welcome.

If you had boobs I wouldn't touch them either.

I respect you so much.

Because... I love you.

I love you, too.

Let's name our star Claude.

That's pretentious, don't you think?
-It's French.

What should we name it?

Bruce.

I LOVE YOU!
-I love you...

Bruce.

It's normal to not touch a penis.

I have to go to class.

But I have free period.
-I need to pass history.

I think we're done with the
learning portion of high school.

I'm gonna go.
-No!

Mhm.
-I hate being alone.

Bye, love you.

Did Danny say whether his grandmother
has a formal thanksgiving?

I don't know, there are a lot of kids,
but she lives in the fab forties.

Oh well, your dad and I went to a
dinner party once in that neighborhood,

The CEO of ISC, that was pretty formal.

You're not going to a funeral.

Well I don't know, what says
"rich people thanksgiving"?

I just think it's just such a shame that you're spending
your last Thanksgiving with family you've never met...

instead of us, but I don't know,
I guess you want it that way.

Are you tired?
-No.

Hey Marion!

Hey Joyce! How's the baby?

He's crawling.

Oh, I want to see a picture at checkout.
-Okay!

Okay.

So if you're tired we can sit down.

I'm not tired.
-Oh, okay, I just couldn't tell because
you were dragging your feet.

Well, I just couldn't tell.

Why didn't you just say “pick up your feet".
-I didn't know if you were tired.

You're being passive aggressive!
-No, I wasn't.
You are so infuriating.

Please stop yelling.
-I'm not yelling.

Oh, it's perfect.
-Honey, do you love it?

So because my grade book has disappeared...

here's what we're gonna do.

I'm going to count on you to reconstruct it, okay?

Now I know you all know your grades better than anybody.

I have a general idea but...

this is all about the honour code right now.

Hi, A-.

Pretty sure it was an A.

I'm not but okay...

It was. Trust me, I know talent when I see it.

You're welcome. No- thank you.

Hey, I think B.

I thought it was more like B- maybe even C+ territory.

No, because I did really well on the last quiz.

I seem to remember you doing only slightly better.

It brought my average up to a B.

Okay. B it is.

It's your honour.

Lady Bird your lover awaits!

Hello, Danny! The famous Danny!
-Oh!

Aren't you adorable. Larry isn't he adorable?

He’s adorable.

And you're driving her and everything. Wow!

Yeah well, thank you for letting Lady Bird come to
my grandmother's thanksgiving, Mrs. McPherson.

No, no more politeness, call me Marion!

Oh, well, nice to meet you, Mr. McPherson.

Please, call me Mr. Larry McPherson.
-Larry!

Sit down, Danny. Can I get you something to drink?

Oh no, I'm fine.
-Hey.

I'm Miguel, her brother.

I think Lady Bird wants to make an entrance.
She's mad we don't have a spiral staircase.

Shelly.
-What?

Is my name.
-Oh, hi.

It's funny, on my way over here,
I went over the train tracks...

Oh, you took H street?

Right, and so just Lady Bird always says that
she lives on the wrong side of the tracks...

but I always thought that that
was, like, a metaphor.

Ah.

But there are actual train tracks.

Oh, hi. You look amazing!

What in the hell is in the duffel bag?

Don't worry about it, jeez.

My grandmother will love that dress.

Okay.

Wait.

This is your grandma's house?
-Yeah.

Oh my god.

Oh, Danny! You're late!

Well, thank you so much for having us.

This is Lady Bird.
-Hi.

Hi honey! Been anxious to meet you.

Your house is my favourite in all of East Sacramento.
-Oh, thank you.

Oh my god, is this a joke?

No.

Pull these out.
-Oh my goodness.

Almost done. Do you like it?
-Lovely. I love it!

Would you mind doing the whole table for me?
-Okay.

♪ Dreams that will explode / Waking up the countryside ♪

How do you know when it's working?

You'll know.
-It's not working.

It's not? My sister said this was premium.
-No.

I'm working.
-I'm- I'm working too.

Nope.

I can't feel my arms.

You're working!

♪ I know easy a, quiet... ♪

If Danny and I marry and then his grandma
died, I'd inherit the dream house.

Wouldn’t his parent’s get it?

Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them. And
we'd have to kill his older brothers, too.

Where's Mr. Bruno's wife?

How's it going?
-Okay.

We- we can't really talk right now.

Well, happy thanksgiving.

We missed you Lady Bird.

Bye.
-Bye Birdy!

Bye Shelly!

Why does that cigarette look so weird?

Like, not like a cigarette?

'Cause it's a clove.

Lick your lips. That's why they're sweet.

Your mom is really sad you weren't
here tonight for thanksgiving.

Yeah, well...

she hates me.

She has a big heart, your mom.

She took me in after my parents freaked out about...

whatever, pre-marital sex.

I admire her.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us!

Live Jesus in our hearts! FOREVER!

♪ Sliding through the countryside ♪

♪ Merrily we roll along / Roll along ♪

♪ Catching at dreams ♪

Stop fighting! Hey!

♪ Hey old friends / How do we stay old friends ♪

♪ It started out like a song ♪

♪ Me and you ♪

There she is. Jules, wow!
-Hi.

You were so good! I couldn't believe that.
-Thank you.

This is my wife, Becky. Becky, this is
Jules, she's one of my brightest students.

So nice to meet you.
-So nice to meet you, too.

How we doing?
-A little tired.

Okay, alright, I gotta get her home,
we've got the little one, but...

that was really great, Jules.
-Thank you.

Congratulations.

They didn't understand it.

How long do you think you all
will be, I drank so much soda.

Fuck you.
-I just got my period!

Damnit.
-Where are you going?

There's never a line in the men's room.

Oh my god.

♪ So lost, for you ♪

♪ Oh, when you come / Crash into me ♪

♪ Into me baby / And I come into you ♪

♪ Touch your lips just so I know / In your eyes ♪

They're really nice socks.

They're expensive actually. They
wick moisture away from your feet.

My feet always have moisture.

Mom, I love them.

I'm sorry it's Small Christmas. We wanted to...

it's just... well, a little small this year.
-These are nice.

Look.
-Dad!

What?

That's great.
-That's good.

I had to get it. It makes me laugh.

Dad, come in.

How'd you know it was me?

Mom doesn't knock.

No, she doesn't.

Here they are, your completed
financial aid applications.

Thank you!
-Merry Christmas.

Do you need money for the
applications? I can help with that.

No, no. I've got that.

Summer jobs covered it.

This is why we have computer shut-off time.
-Eight!

This is our room.
-Seven!

Okay, okay, just- can you drive me to the
post office on J? It should still be open.
-Six! Five! Four!

Three! Two! One!

Happy New Year!

It's really simple. Pull the nozzle out, you dip it in.

Hey.

I like your band.

Uh, with Jonah Ruiz, Lenfance New?
-L’enfance Nue.

Uh, well... I- I saw your Thanksgiving show.

My name's Lady Bird.

It's weird you shake hands.
-Yeah.

I'm friends with Jenna and she's always
talking how great your band is, so...

I wanted to check it out.

Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.
-Yeah.

Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something, huh?

Sure. See you at the Deuce.

Hey!

I'm not paying you to flirt!

I wasn't flirting.

I wish you had been.

A reading from the book of Genesis.

The Lord took Abraham outside and said,

"Look up at the sky and count the stars if you can."

"Just so," he added, "shall your descendants be."

Abraham put his faith in the Lord...

who credited it to him as an act of righteousness.

Okay, the first time we did it was
at his lake house last Summer...

It was so funny.

Oh, here you go. From Uncle Matt.

I think he and my mom are fighting,
so enjoy these lunches while you can.
-Oh, no thanks.

I'm tryna lose weight.
-Really?

Sex is not a big deal, it's just,
my mom called me during it.

Skirt check!
-It was on my cell phone, the
one she got it for emergencies.

Did you pick up?

Yeah, I was like, "uh, Mom, I can't really talk right now."
-Skirt check.

Wait, what was the emergency?

What?

Uh, what was the emergency?

Oh, my great aunt died.
-I'm so sorry.

She kinda did it to herself.

Yeah. I don't know why do that if you're already so old.

Ladies. Skirts.

I'm going to write you a citation Miss Walton.

No more short skirts.

Sarah-Joan is all up in my jock.

She's a cunt.

Birdy, you like her.

Yeah but, she's a cunt.

I have an idea of how to get Sarah-Joan back.

How?

You'll see. This afternoon?

No, we have auditions this afternoon.

Oh, right. I mean...

I don't think I wanna do the play.

Meet me in the teacher's parking
lot at three. I'll have the materials.

Okay.

Wait what was your name?

Lady Bird.

Weird.
-Ladies!

We have a decision to make: prom themes.

Top options so far: Cities of the World,

Eternal Flame, and Movies!

Where is Father Leviatch?

Alright let's have everyone take a knee.
-Huh? What?

Cozy sit.

Now, I know you all miss Father Leviatch.

I can tell you that the brothers do too.

But I am going to give this my best shot.

Uh, now, usually I'm the J.V. football coach...

But from what I can see, a play is a play.

Where's Lady Bird.

She's with her new best friend she
thinks she's too cool for theatre.

Uh, if you can pull out your scripts.

I've assigned a number to each of your roles.

And uh, I'm gonna put the blocking
on this board, and then if-

if you guys can transcribe that back
into your playbooks, that'd be great.

Who's playing what part?

Uh, I had Miss Patty here assign
roles since she knows you all.

So uh, call 'em out Miss Patty.

Okay uh, Prospero, Danny.

Danny! Nice! That's role one.

Wait, where do you live?

Oh, um...

The fourties.

That's where our starter house was.

Which street?

Um, forty-fourth?

It's the three story blue one...

with the white shutters and
the American flag in the front.

Yeah, I know that one.

Do you wanna go over there now and eat?

I live in Granite Bay otherwise I'd say lets go there.

Actually, I was thinking maybe
we should go to the Deuce?

I was talking to Kyle about it and he was like
“whatever it's lame but maybe I'll see you there".

How do you know Kyle?

Oh, my mom made me get a job at
New Helvetia to learn responsibility.

Anyway, we hang out there?

Yeah, Kyle's awesome.

Let's Deuce it up.

Okay guys, now look. Role one, right?

You're gonna run kind of a skinny post, right up front.
I want you to look straight at the audience, okay?

Don't be looking around and blabbing
at anybody if they walk by ya.

Eight, nine, ten! You're coming in hard, right here.

'Cause these guys are gonna love it.
Don't talk amongst yourselves.

Now, coming in slow, we're singing.

This is singing. White- white lines are singing.

We're singing.

Danny's not singing yet, he's all alone.

Singing... eight, nine, ten,

YOU COME IN HOT!

This is the Deuce?

Yeah.

It's a parking lot?

Yeah.

We were in one parking lot and
we went to another parking lot?

Hey Kyle!

Lady Bird and I just decorated the
nun-mobile like “just married to Jesus".

That's hella tight.

What you did was very baller.
You're very anarchist.

Yeah, fuck ‘em.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.

Well I hope not 'cause I'd fucking kill your family.

What?
-Sorry, I-

That- that was an exaggeration.
-It's okay.

My Dad has cancer. So I guess God's doing that for us.

Oh... I'm sorry.

You work at New Helvetia, right?
-Right.

Can I get your number? We're looking
to set up more gigs down there.
-Definitely.

It’s my parents’ number.

You don't have a cell phone?

Nah.
-Good girl.

Government didn't have to put tracking devices
on us. We bought them and put 'em on ourselves.

I don't own a tracking device.

No... the cell phones.

See?
-Wow.
Yeah, I know.

I mean you'll have one eventually.
Everyone's gonna have one. And then...

it'll be a matter of time.

Before what?

Before they put them in our brains.

What do you want from me?

Yes?

My- my grandma wanted me to tell
you that she missed you at Christmas.

Yeah well I couldn't have gone anyway
my mom was pissed about Thanksgiving.

Your mom is crazy, I'm scared of her.

She's not crazy, she's just- you know,
she has a big heart. She's very warm.

I don't find your mother warm.
-You don't?

No well- no she's warm but she's also kinda scary.

Well you can't be scary and warm.

I think you can, your mom is.

You're gay!

Fuck me.

Can you not tell anyone please?

I'm so sorry about everything.

I'm so ashamed of all of it.

It's just, it's going to be bad and I need a little bit of

time before I figure out how to tell my mom and dad and...
-Don't worry.

I won't tell.

It's okay.

And do you have a support system?

What do you mean?

Who do you turn to when you feel this way?

No one I guess.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be sorry. There's no wrong answer.

Please don't tell your daughter.
-No, of course not.

Of course not.

Remember that you are dust and to dust you will return.

It's a new system you just enter your social security number and...

Davis?
-Davis is good. Maybe you should have looked at it.

It's only half an hour away. Less if you're driving fast.

I went to graduate school there.
-Lots of smart people go to Davis.

I thought Berkeley had to accept me.
You and Miguel went there. I'm a legacy.

Uh, not if we don't give money.

And you get bad grades.

Oh what do you know about it?
-Meaning?

Nothing.

No, what are you implying?
-Nothing!

You fucking racist.
-I didn't say anything.

I didn't put down my race.
-Oh, yeah, I'm sure they had no idea, MIGUEL.

You're actually fucking evil.

What is wrong with you?
-Go. Go to your room.

I'm not five.
-I didn't raise you like this.

I don't have to go anywhere. I'm not going to a fucking
university that's famous for its fucking agricultural school.

And Miguel and Shelly, you'll never get
jobs with all that shit on your face.

♪ Cry me a river ♪

Hey.
-Hi.

Um, help yourself to anything in the fridge.

My parents are upstairs but they don't care if you drink.
-Okay, cool.

♪ It wasn't like you only talked to him / And you
know it / Don't act like you don't know it ♪

♪ All of these things people told me / Keep messing with my head ♪

I hate that shit.

But you smoke?
-I smoke hand-rolled cigarettes.

Never industrially produced, never cloves.

What's wrong with cloves?
-You can't inhale cloves. What's the point?

Oh...
-You're not supposed to.

Well, cloves were when i first smoked when I
was young. So, you know, it's a force of habit.

It has fiberglass.

Really?
-Yeah.

Yeah, rolling your own is best. Also, like...

I'm trying as much as possible, not
participate in our economy.

I don't like money.

So, Im tryna live by bartering alone.

But doesn't Catholic school cost money?

Yeah the diocese were not super into it.

It mattered to my dad that...

I go to Xavier so, just... tryna make him happy.

♪ Cry me a river / Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, the damage is done so I guess I be leaving ♪

I don't wanna have sex yet.
-Yeah, no.

I haven't had sex yet with another person.
-Me neither.

Really?
-Yeah.

♪ ...don't have to say, what you did / I already know,
I found out from him / Now there's just no chance ♪

Oh my god! It's the tanning bed.

Julie will love this.
-♪ Cry me a river ♪

Who's Julie?
-♪ You can go on and just ♪

Lady Bird, you can't lock the door we have one bathroom.
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's just this is the only place I can get any privacy.
-You really need to use two towels?

Uh, no.

I guess, no.
-If you need two towels you just have to say
because this affects my whole day.

Because I have to do laundry before work and I need
to know if there are more towels I need to wash.
-I just need one, sorry.

When do you think is a normal time to have sex?

Okay, well let me get to the mirror, I gotta get going.

When do you think is a normal time to have sex?

You're having sex?
-No.

Um, college is good I think college and...

use protection like we talked about.
-Okay.

Is dad depressed?

Why do you ask that?

The pills, they have dad's name on them.

Dad's been struggling with depression for years.

I didn't know that.

Money is not life’s report card.

He’s depressed about money?

Being successful doesn't mean anything in
and of itself it just means you're successful.

Yeah, but then you're successful.

But it doesn't mean you're happy.

But he's not happy.

I have to get out of Sacramento.

Why?

Because it's soul-killing.

It's the mid-west of California.

Isn't there a thing like:

“think globally, act locally”

I feel that the person who said that
didn't live in Sacramento.

I love it here. I want to send my
daughters to Immaculate Heart.

I wanna, you know I wanna be a mom.

At least go to San Francisco.

I don't like hills.

Start simple with x plus three times x plus two.

Now if we use FOIL, where do we start?
-Julie?

Julie?

Julie?
-Hey.

What do you want from Julie?

Darlene can you excuse us?
-Darlene, stay.

Why aren't you in Algebra II?
-I switched sections.
Why?

Aren't Jenna and Kyle enough?

I’m sorry that you’re jealous.

Jenna is a moron, you know.

She's not. She's in AP Calculus.
-She’s a moron in a deeper sense.

You don't even know her.

Miss Patty assigned you a role, by the way.
You just never showed up to claim it.
-What role?

The Tempest.

There is no role of The Tempest!
-It’s the titular role!

No, it's a made up thing so we all can participate.

You can't do anything unless you're the centre of attention, can you?

Yeah, well, you know your mom's
tits? They're fake, totally fake!

She made one bad decision at nineteen!
-Two bad decisions!

And at fifteen, this girl was pregnant.

She decided that she was going to get an abortion.

It made sense. It was the right thing to do.

She was sitting there waiting for the doctor to come in...
-Let me guess, she didn't get it.

and something deep inside of her said "no".
-Bingo.

Anyone wanna guess who this young lady was?

The young lady right here.
-You?

No, it was not me.
-Um...

your friend?
-No.

The girl in the story was...

my mother.

I am that baby that she decided not to abort.

That could've been me. That could've been my fate.

Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean it's morally wrong.
-What did you say, ma’am?

Nothing.
-Please share.

I said...

Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.

You think dead children aren't morally wrong?

No. I'm just saying that...

if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my
period it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.

Excuse me?

Listen, if your mother had had the abortion we
wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly.

Suspended? How does this happen?

Everything we do is for you. Everything.

Do you think I like driving that car around. Do you?
-No.

You think I like working double shifts at the psych hospital?
-No.

You needed to go to the Catholic school because
your brother saw someone knifed in front of him
at the public school, is that what you want?

Larry what are you doing on the computer?
-Nothing.

You think Dad and I don't know how ashamed that you are of us?

Your dad knows. Your dad knows why you ask us
to drop you a block away from school every day.

Dad I didn't mean to.
-You made him feel horrible! Horrible.
I'm sorry.

You know that?
-Marion you didn't have to bring that up.
No, Larry, you can't just be the nice guy.

She has to know! She has to know how you feel otherwise she's just
gonna think she can say anything at all and nobody ever gets hurt.

”Wrong side of the tracks”.

I didn't mean it that way, it was a joke.
-Yeah, yeah, it's just a joke: "mom and dad, they don't care".

We didn't think we'd be in this house for twenty-five years, we thought we'd move somewhere better.

Whatever we give you it's never enough.
-It is enough!

Do you have any idea how what it cost to raise you?
And how much you're just throwing away every day?

Give me a number.

What?

Give me a number.

I don't understand.

You give me a number for how much it cost to raise me and I'm
gonna get older and make a lot of money and write you a check
for what I owe you so that I never have to speak to you again.

Well I highly doubt that you will get a job good enough to do that.

...of the attack on Baghdad last night, it was absolutely unbelievable.
-That's right, yeah, the likes of which uh, many US milit-

Hello?
-Hey, it's me, Jenna.

Hey! Are you calling me from school?

No, we got out early because all the Irish girls got totally sloshed by noon.

Oh right, happy St. Patrick's Day.

Yeah, I guess they'd been stock-piling mini liquor bottles in the tampon machines, and now they're all throwing up.

Everyone else got out early.

So, guess where I am?

I don’t know, where?

Ding dong, I'm outside.

What?
-I'm standing outside.

No, I- just leave. Leave.

Fuck.

Hello.
-Hi.

So this is your house?

Yeah.

That lady in the other house was totally freaked out.

That's my friend's grandma. That's her house.

Why did you say it was your house.

I wished I lived in that house.

I don't even sort of understand
why somebody would lie about that.

I- I didn't lie.

You lied. You're a liar.

I hate dishonesty.

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted I guess.

Are we still friends?

I mean, if you're still Kyle's girlfriend
then yeah, I guess I'll see you around.

Mortar rounds fired at the camp that would fly over them
if they are down below the surface of the grounds, and
that is hard work, believe me, if we had to do it our-

I'm ready.

What?

I'm ready to have sex.

Oh, okay.

Great.

You're so dexterous with that.

Thanks.

Oh.

You okay?
-Yeah.

Are you-

Are you done?
-Yeah, yes.

Sorry, I was confused.

You have like...
-What?

You have some sort of like- blood.
-What?

Oh, shit!

I get nosebleeds.

Here.
-Thanks. I'm sorry.

No, I'm good.

Remember when tie-dye was an activity?

Oh, I didn't make that shirt, my
parents got it for me at Sea Ranch.

You can read “Sea Ranch” if you look close.

Cut to "ten years later".

What?

Like how 10 years ago you were
in first grade, and now we cut to.

What does "cut to" mean to you.

Or like "little did he know..."

Nothing you're saying makes sense.
-How we're not virgins now.

We deflowered each other.
We have each other's flowers.

Sorry.

I'm just happy.

I didn't lose my virginity to you.

Wait...

What?

I lost my virginity to Cassie Duval.

Excuse me?

You said you were a virgin.
-No I didn't.

'Cause I'm not.

And I haven't lied in two years.
-Oh Jesus.

Yeah, I've probably slept with like, six people?

You don't even know if it's six people?

I don’t keep a list.

Why wouldn't you keep a list? We're in high school.

Woah, why- what's- why are you getting so moody?

You did say you were a virgin.

I think you might have made an assumption.

I just had a whole experience that was wrong.

Look, you're deciding to be upset.
-No, I am upset.
Because you're deciding to be.

Don't be mad at me for this. That's stupid. You can't
be mad at me for something I have no control over.

I just wanted it to be special.

Why? You're going to have so
much un-special sex in your life.

I was on top! Who the fuck is on top their first time?

Do you have any like, awareness about how many civilians we've killed since invasion in Iraq started?

Shut up! Shut up.

Different things can be sad. It's not all war.

Are we still going to prom together?

Sure.

I thought Miguel was gonna pick me up.

Well, I was just arriving from
work, and it was easier.

You okay?

Oh, honey.

Oh, oh it's okay!

It's okay.

What's this sweater?

My friend Jenna gave it to me.
-Who's Jenna?

My friend.

You wanna do our favourite Sunday
activity? I don't have a second shift.

Yeah.

Lady Bird, a bunch of things arrived for you.

Holy shit!

Since when do you get mail?
-I get mail.

Whatever you're up to, it's not gonna end well.

Yes!

AAAH!

The programmers nowadays are like, kids, man.
-I know.

But that's why with me you'll find something different.

Yeah, but they're like babies.

I hear you, it's wild. Which is why...

I went back to school and got my MBA at
UC Davis while still working at ISC.
-Oh.

Wow that must've been a lot of work.
-It was.

I heard ISC is closing now, though.

I heard, yes.

So the assholes who fired you are now closing up shop.

Feels good.
-Haha, yeah.

What else is supposed to happen?

Oh, I thought we'd...

talk about the position.

How'd it go?

Let's go buy a big bag of Doritos
and eat them in the car...

to celebrate your waitlist.
-Okay.

Don't tell mom about the Doritos or the waitlist!

Hey.
-Hi son.

Wait, what are you doing here?

Well um...

I guess we're uh, going for the same job then.

Looks like it.

Go get em.
-Thanks.

This- this way?
-Yeah, yeah.

I know it was you who did the just married thing.
-It wasn't me.

I'm not going to punish you.
-Oh.

Why not?

It was funny.

Sister Gina and I drove all the way home
before we noticed people were honking.
-Really?

To be fair, I wasn't just married
to Jesus. It's been fourty years.

Well he's a lucky guy.

I read your college essay.

You clearly love Sacramento.

I do?

You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.

Well, I was just describing it.

Well, it comes across as love.

Sure, I guess I pay attention.

Don't you think maybe they are the same thing?

Love and attention?

I guess you won't be going to any
dances in college. This is our last one.

You know Davis has a terrific theatre.
If you're still interested in theatre. Are you?

I’m probably no good at acting.

Why don't I look like the girls in magazines?

It's too bad I can't meet this Kyle before prom.

He’s not my boyfriend anymore.

I mean, maybe he never even was.
-I'd still like to meet him.

It's too tight. Fuck!

Well I suggested you didn't have
that second helping of pasta.
-Mom!

Honey, you seem upset about it, and I'm trying to help.
-You're giving me an eating disorder.

I wish I could get an eating disorder.

I love it.

Is it too pink?

What?

Why can't you say I look nice?

I thought you didn't even care what I think.
-I still want you to think I look good.

Okay, I'm sorry, I was telling you
the truth. You want me to lie?

No, I mean. I just wish...

I just-

I wish that you liked me.

Of course I love you.

But do you like me?

I want you to be the very best
version of yourself that you can be.

What if this is the best version?

You look really pretty.

Really?
-Yeah, you look like a badass girl in a band.

Thanks.

Um,

I guess that's my date.

You aren't gonna get in a car
with a guy who honks, are ya?

I think, yes, I am.

Let me get your picture.

Mom's pissed she had to work a double.

Even you deserve better than this.

Have a good time!
-Yeah, good luck!

See ya.
-See ya.

I think she's weird.
-She is weird.

Hey guys, I guess I'll just sit shotgun.

You look really nice, Kyle.
-You look good.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.
-Hey.

Hey, what's going on, man?

Hey, yeah, okay, that sounds great.

Okay.

Hey, do you guys want to ditch
prom and just go to Mike's instead?

Yeah, I hate dances.
-Yes.

Yeah, okay. No prom.

♪ baby / And I come into you ♪

I fucking hate this song.

I love it.

I actually wanna go to prom.

Okay, yeah. I mean...

I don't really wanna do that.

Can you-

Can you take me to my friend
Julie's house, please?

Sure.

Who's Julie?

She's my best friend.

♪ Close to me / And you come / Crash into me ♪

♪ Baby ♪

Julie? Honey?

There's someone here to see you.

Hey.
-Hi.

Are you okay?
-I- I'm fine.

What happened?
-Nothing really, nothing.

Why are you crying?

I'm just crying.

Some people aren't built happy, you know?

Oh my god, we ate all the cheese!

It's okay. Blocks of cheese vary in size.

This one was a small one.
-It's so small!

Tiny! I mean, what were we to do?

Fuck it! Let's just go to prom.

Doesn't your mom have a dress?

Let's be honest I've had a dress for months.

It's purple.
-It is?
Mhm you're really gonna like it. Come see it!

Cracker time! Dress time!
-I hope it fits.

♪ You've got your ball, you got your chain ♪

♪ Tied up to me tight, tie me up again ♪

♪ Who's got their claws in you my friend ♪

♪ Into your heart I'll beat again ♪

♪ Sweet like candy to my soul ♪

♪ Sweet you rock, and sweet you roll ♪

♪ Lost for you I'm so lost for you ♪

People make so much noise in the movies but...

it's really not a big thing you can totally be quiet during it.

Was it amazing, though?

I wanted it so badly but then...

I found that when it happened,

I- I really like dry humping much more.

You're not a virgin.

I can't wait for State Fair.
-Oh, I know.

Log ride!

Shit.
-What?

I'm not gonna be here like all summer, basically.

Why not?

My dad, my real dad, resurfaced in Yellowstone...

and he wants me to come out there for the summer before I start SCC.

Oh.

I'm not going anywhere to college
so it seemed like a good opportunity.
-Yeah.

I'm going to miss the fuck out of you.

Probably won't get in, so...

I'll go to Davis and visit you every day.

...now I want
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair,

Unless I be relieved by prayer,
which pierces so that it assaults
mercy itself and frees all faults.

As you from crimes would
pardoned be, let your indulgence
set me free.

Yeah!

Christine "Lady Bird" McPherson.

Yay!
-To Miguel and his new job.

Here, here, yes.
-To Lady Bird going to Davis.
-To Davis.

Congratulations!
-Good school.

Hey, so I talked to my manager and um,
you can totally take over my job.

Great, thanks Miguel!

I’m so proud of you, Lady Bird. You walked
weird across the stage, but you did it.

I didn't walk weird!
-It seemed a little weird, the way you walked.

Mom!
-Hey, hey everyone!

Oh, I miss you guys.

Did you find out about the waitlist?

Oh, fuck.

What?

I'm not even in yet so this
might not even be a problem.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone behind your back, I just-

It's not like I'm definitely going to New York.

Mom.

Mom.

Aren't you sort of proud that I'm
so close to getting in? Just a little?

I mean, yes, I know it was probably
easier because 9/11 and less people
applying with terrorism and all that, but...

Still though, I'm sorry. I know I can lie and not be a good person but...

Please mom, please?

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you

I- I appreciate everything you've done for me.

I'm ungrateful and I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry I wanted more.

Just please talk to me.

I know, I'm- I'm so bad, I know I am.

But please just talk to me mom.
Mom, please talk to me.

That'll be three dollars.

You passed.

Seriously?

Thanks.

It's not a thanking situation, you
either pass or you don't pass.

Yay.

Come in.

♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

You remembered.

You're my only daughter.

Well, Shelly too, kind of.

Thanks.

Make a wish.

Are you and mom gonna get a divorce over this?
-No.

We can't afford to!
-Dad.

I'm kidding, no. I love your mom.

Does mom hate me?

You both have such strong personalities.

She doesn't know how to help you and that frustrates her.

I wish she'd talk to me.
-She will.

I know.

Happy eighteen.

Thanks.

Do you want some?

Yes.

One pack of camel lights, please. And a scratcher.

And a playgirl.

ID?

That'll be ten eighty seven.

Oh, um...

It's my birthday today. I'm eighteen, which
is why all these things. I can buy them.

Okay, happy birthday.

Thanks.

So with her scholarships and then if we
re-finance the house... then where are we?

You're only supposed to use it for emergencies.

It's my tracking device.

Thank you for driving.
-You're welcome.

You're not coming?

You can't walk up to the gates anymore, anyway.

Yeah, but, I'm going to college.
-Well, dad will walk you to security.

Parking's too expensive here.

It's okay.

She'll be back.

She'll come back.

She was worried that there would be errors, or...

or mistakes or something, that you
would judge her writing abilities.

I wouldn't do that.

I thought you should have them.

I want you to know how much she loves you
but also don't tell her I salvaged them, okay?

Okay.

Hey.
-Hey.

Do you believe in God?
-Uh, no.

Why not?

Uh, it's ridiculous?

People call each other the names
their parents made up for them,

But they won't believe in God.

What's your name?

Christine. My name is Christine.

I’m David. You shake.

I shake.
-Yay.

W- where you from?
-Sacramento.

Sorry, where?

San Francisco.
-Oh, cool, yeah. San Francisco's a great city.

Bruce! BRUCE!
-No, my name is David.

Jesus Christ you have bad
music. They're all Greatest Hits.

But they're the greatest,
what's wrong with that?

Oh, God!
-I'm sorry.

What do you want us to do, she's drunk.

Excuse me, what day is it?
-Sunday.

Thank you.

Hi, you've reached the McPherson family.
Please leave a message. Thank you.

Hi, mom and dad.

It's me, Christine.

It's the name you gave me. It's a good one.

Dad, this is more for mom.

Hey Mom,

did you feel emotional the first
time that you drove in Sacramento?

I did, and...

I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened.

All those bends I've known my whole
life, and stores, and the whole thing.

But I wanted to tell you.

I love you.

Thank you, I'm...

thank you.